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Speaker 1: Today effed up by being a coward and not being

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Speaker 1: truthful to my parents about dropping out of university.

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Speaker 2: Hey ta get like a man, Yeah that's right, and

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Speaker 2: freaking tell them you drop that ship because right, college

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Speaker 2: is FORMI just be.

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Speaker 1: Like, mom, Dad, I dropped out of school like my nuts.

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Speaker 3: So take that. It's exactly how I did it. By

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Speaker 3: the way, actually, how did you do it? Uh?

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Speaker 1: Well, initially I was thinking about it and my dad

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Speaker 1: he's like, I'm going to make a contract where you

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Speaker 1: have to you have to stay, just like we talked about,

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Speaker 1: sweep the room, make a contract all.

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Speaker 3: My dad used to do the contracting too.

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Speaker 1: I think it was because it was this was after

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Speaker 1: the ab Family. Yeah I was. I was on the

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Speaker 1: show on ABC Family called Startup U.

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Speaker 3: So after that.

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Speaker 1: They're like, okay, maybe there's something just discover. Go okay,

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Speaker 1: cigure it out. So my grandma passed away and fall

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Speaker 1: of last year.

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Speaker 3: Sorry to hear that rough.

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Speaker 1: I female twenty five, have been on a continuous downward

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Speaker 1: spiral due to my mental health failing. Hence why I

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Speaker 1: also dropped out of university earlier this year.

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Speaker 3: Damn that's that. This is quite the two sentence opener.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but instead of actually getting help, I just festered

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Speaker 1: in my misery in hopes I could find a way

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Speaker 1: to resolve everything without getting anyone else involved and becoming

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Speaker 1: a burden on anyone else. Oh okay, let me just

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Speaker 1: say you deserve help, like everyone that is in a

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Speaker 1: position like.

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Speaker 3: This, everyone deserves mental health. Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Obviously I didn't find a way because that's not how

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Speaker 1: this stuff works, and instead it just got worse and worse,

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Speaker 1: and I just withdrew from all my social circles that

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Speaker 1: could have helped me out. The thing is, I'm a

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Speaker 1: child of very strict parents that pride themselves on having

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Speaker 1: such a well performing and absolutely not mentally ill, self.

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Speaker 3: Sustaining daughter I wish.

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Speaker 1: In parentheses, she says, we actually got into a huge

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Speaker 1: fight in the past when I didn't perform that well

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Speaker 1: in school. So in my delusional mind, I thought I

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Speaker 1: could just ride the depressive phase out and just re

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Speaker 1: enroll and everything would be all right, and my parents

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Speaker 1: would still be proud of me and never be the wiser.

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Speaker 3: So I guess, ops, like I just I'm gonna stop school, stop.

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Speaker 1: School, and so I don't get back and right, Oh man, well,

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Speaker 1: that didn't happen either. And since my parents are claiming

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Speaker 1: some financial benefits because of me being a university student,

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Speaker 1: they asked for a certificate of enrollment a few weeks

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Speaker 1: back to keep on getting those benefits. Oh man, this

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Speaker 1: is turning off crumbling down sticky web very quickly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, the lies so catching up.

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Speaker 1: I always talked myself out of having to present it,

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Speaker 1: like blaming some survery issues or something like that, despite

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Speaker 1: those moments being the perfect opportunities where I could have

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Speaker 1: come clean. However, today is the deadline of my lies.

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Speaker 1: Oh that is poetic way of saying it. You should

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Speaker 1: op become a writer.

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Speaker 3: A future reading it.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, it's true, and a good chunk of my

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Speaker 1: cowardice kept me from cleaning up my mess while also

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Speaker 1: robbing me of my sleep. I actually haven't slept in

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Speaker 1: the past few days.

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Speaker 3: Oh shit.

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Speaker 1: And what happens if your mental health is already terrible

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Speaker 1: and you don't get any sleep exactly, you do something

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Speaker 1: very stupid, says Opie. And the stupid thing I did

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Speaker 1: was actually sitting down with a brain fueled by pure

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Speaker 1: fear and owning up, started up photoshop and committing forgery,

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Speaker 1: actually sending it to my father's email. Yo, that doesn't

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Speaker 1: sound like owning up. Wow, my goodness. Okay, literally everything

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Speaker 1: butted up. The lies continue. Yeah, I committed a crime

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Speaker 1: just because I was too afraid to tell my parents

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Speaker 1: that I'm not okay anyway. My only hope is that

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Speaker 1: my father doesn't read his emails before the evening so

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Speaker 1: I can numb myself out enough to actually go to

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Speaker 1: them and confess everything. Man, I mean, this is tough.

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Speaker 3: Want.

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Speaker 2: I feel like like OP should confess because maybe her

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Speaker 2: parents can help her get that help.

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Speaker 1: Maybe maybe like I could see how it could be

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Speaker 1: really hard and Ops kind of like already, so like.

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Speaker 3: It gets harder and harder for her to like confess.

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Speaker 1: Maybe go to like a friend first, just like to

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Speaker 1: tell it to somebody, Yeah, and like maybe ask them

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Speaker 1: some advice or or even friends on the internet or

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Speaker 1: like you know, somebody to I mean, this is maybe

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Speaker 1: one way of like getting it out.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I feel like, hey, you're telling the truth on this forum. Yes,

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Speaker 2: you have the willpower and you have it in use

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Speaker 2: to just tell it to your parents and ultimately, like

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Speaker 2: most parents, sounds like your parents want the best for you,

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Speaker 2: So they're good, They're they're they're going to try to help.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And also like just again on that note of like

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Speaker 1: not wanting to be a burden to somebody, like the

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Speaker 1: people and you like like your parents, like all.

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Speaker 3: These people who care about you.

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Speaker 1: They they want you to be better, not to be like,

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Speaker 1: you know, quote unquote burdened, which it really isn't. And

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Speaker 1: every everyone, everyone deserves that help. And and look there's

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Speaker 1: always your parents, your friends, like people the internet, Internet

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Speaker 1: friend like you know, there's always resources obviously, therapists as well,

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Speaker 1: suicide hotline, there's there's lots of things that that you

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Speaker 1: could go to. And you you deserve that, like you don't.

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Speaker 1: You don't deserve to feel that you're a burden