1 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:21,280 Speaker 1: If it doesn't work, you're just not using enough. You're 2 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 1: listening to Software Radio Special Operations, military news and straight 3 00:00:26,920 --> 00:00:41,760 Speaker 1: talk with the guys and the community. Hey everyone, it's 4 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,240 Speaker 1: me Steve Blastruri, host a Software a Radio. I want 5 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,360 Speaker 1: you to know about this new app to how we 6 00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:51,560 Speaker 1: reach Coaching Tool downloaded and learn how to reach out 7 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,200 Speaker 1: to friends going through a really hard time. Thanks to 8 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,560 Speaker 1: the app, you can now get helpful information on how 9 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 1: to talk to friends who are really struggling and can 10 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,880 Speaker 1: help them fine and the help that they deserve. We 11 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,959 Speaker 1: all need help and support sometimes. Go to reach dot 12 00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:10,600 Speaker 1: gov that's r E A c H dot gov to 13 00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:14,520 Speaker 1: learn the steps everyone can take to prevent suicide. Check 14 00:01:14,560 --> 00:01:17,960 Speaker 1: out to how we Reach Coaching Tool today. Thank you 15 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:23,040 Speaker 1: very much. Hello again everyone, Welcome back to softwareup Radio, 16 00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:27,199 Speaker 1: softwareup Radio, on time on Target. We have a very 17 00:01:27,240 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: special guest with this on this week's podcast. UM we 18 00:01:31,600 --> 00:01:35,840 Speaker 1: have Dr Chloe Carmichael, who's the author of a new 19 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:40,839 Speaker 1: book that's out Nervous Energy Harness The Power of Your Anxiety. 20 00:01:41,440 --> 00:01:47,040 Speaker 1: Dr Carmichael graduated with honors from Columbia University. She also 21 00:01:47,120 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 1: holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from Long Island University 22 00:01:51,760 --> 00:01:54,560 Speaker 1: and she runs a private practice I believe out of 23 00:01:54,600 --> 00:02:00,000 Speaker 1: New York City. UM, and she was our believe she's 24 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:05,600 Speaker 1: still is an adjective college professor. So she's been on 25 00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:10,760 Speaker 1: VH one Inside Edition, ABC Nightline Nancy Grace, which uh 26 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:16,480 Speaker 1: is a popular show in this household. So UM. But 27 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 1: before we get into and uh the podcast today and 28 00:02:20,440 --> 00:02:24,359 Speaker 1: welcome Dr Carmichael, I just wanted to talk about the 29 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:28,320 Speaker 1: issue we're gonna be talking about today is anxiety and stress. 30 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:31,600 Speaker 1: And you know that's kind of a dirty word for 31 00:02:31,639 --> 00:02:34,440 Speaker 1: a lot of our population in the United States, but 32 00:02:34,840 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: you know, Special Operations UH veterans and a lot of 33 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:42,080 Speaker 1: our readers and listeners are you know, from the Special 34 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 1: operations community. We kind of welcome stress into our environment 35 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 1: because we always try to aim higher than we perceive 36 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 1: our limits are. And that's one of the things that 37 00:02:51,919 --> 00:02:54,360 Speaker 1: you know, one of the tenants of Special Operations. But 38 00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 1: you know, sometimes even the higher up you get and 39 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:03,320 Speaker 1: the more ranks that you achieve, you know, the more 40 00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 1: you kind of put your emotions aside, so that can 41 00:03:07,560 --> 00:03:10,639 Speaker 1: lead to issues. So with that in mind, I want 42 00:03:10,639 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 1: to welcome Dr car Michael to our podcast. Dr Carl Michael, 43 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,240 Speaker 1: thank you very much for taking the time with us today. 44 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:21,880 Speaker 1: Thank you, Steve. And I also just really want to 45 00:03:21,919 --> 00:03:26,840 Speaker 1: start by thinking your audience, because you know, I wouldn't 46 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,400 Speaker 1: have the freedom to just you know, write books like 47 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,600 Speaker 1: this if it weren't for strong men and women like 48 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,640 Speaker 1: your audience that are fighting for our freedoms. And so 49 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 1: I just want to thank everybody for for your service 50 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 1: and for making it possible for me to be able 51 00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 1: to just sit in a comfortable office and write books. 52 00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,280 Speaker 1: So I really appreciate that well, and we appreciate the 53 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 1: work that professionals like you do because you you're in 54 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: the business of helping people. So um, you know, with 55 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:02,440 Speaker 1: that in mind, um, let's get into a brief you know, biography, 56 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 1: tell our listeners about you and a little bit about 57 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: yourself and how you get into you know, becoming a psychologist. Sure, 58 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 1: so I don't want to totally lose your audience here, 59 00:04:13,760 --> 00:04:16,800 Speaker 1: but okay, I started off as a yoga teacher, and 60 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,040 Speaker 1: I joke about losing your audience because I imagine that 61 00:04:20,120 --> 00:04:22,559 Speaker 1: you know, you guys are all, you know, super tough 62 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: and everything. But um, you know, I'm coming from a 63 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:29,120 Speaker 1: different walk of life here. But I do think that 64 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:32,720 Speaker 1: there's some overlaps, right. So I started as a yoga teacher, 65 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:35,719 Speaker 1: and I think we all know it's good to keep ourselves, 66 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: you know, fit and limber and all those things. And 67 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:43,359 Speaker 1: as we all know, yoga also has a big meditation component. 68 00:04:43,480 --> 00:04:48,679 Speaker 1: And I know that your audience totally understands, as you said, 69 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: the mental game of stress, right, And so that part 70 00:04:52,640 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 1: actually got more interesting for me than the yoga. And 71 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,280 Speaker 1: so that's why I ended up going to get a 72 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:05,880 Speaker 1: PhD in clinical psychology and open my office in New York. Never, 73 00:05:06,240 --> 00:05:08,440 Speaker 1: you know, I thought I was going to write a book, 74 00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 1: or I thought I was going to hire people or anything. 75 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,360 Speaker 1: I thought I was just going to be a regular therapist. 76 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:17,760 Speaker 1: And I started, um really attracting more clients than I 77 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 1: could even potentially really take care of because I was 78 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,680 Speaker 1: doing something a little different. A lot of therapists will 79 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:26,320 Speaker 1: just ask you, how do you feel about that, tell 80 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:29,120 Speaker 1: me about your mother, you know, blah blah blah, Whereas 81 00:05:29,120 --> 00:05:31,400 Speaker 1: what I was doing was I was really saying, look, 82 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:36,279 Speaker 1: you know, it almost doesn't matter why we're quote messed 83 00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 1: up or struggling. What matters is how to fix it, 84 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 1: you know, And yes, we need to understand the origins 85 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:46,240 Speaker 1: in order to have a good fix. But let's keep 86 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:49,800 Speaker 1: the emphasis on the actual fix, right. And so I 87 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,800 Speaker 1: was getting a lot of very good results and getting 88 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 1: you know, referrals over referrals. I had to hire um 89 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: a bunch of therapists as well, just to take the overflow. 90 00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 1: I ended up joining Entrepreneurs Organization. I mentioned that because 91 00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:07,600 Speaker 1: your founder, Brandon Webb. Of course, that's that's where I met. 92 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: Brandon is add Entrepreneurs Organization, and his you know stuff 93 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:17,440 Speaker 1: about mastering fear actually really clicked with what I was 94 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:22,039 Speaker 1: doing with nervous energy. This idea that, um, we have 95 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:25,080 Speaker 1: a little stress, we have a little anxiety, but that 96 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 1: actually stimulates us to give us energy, to keep us 97 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,360 Speaker 1: on point, to bring our a game. And my book 98 00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 1: really just teaches people how to optimize that and how 99 00:06:36,360 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: to make sure we get all the benefits of that 100 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,960 Speaker 1: without burning ourselves out, so that we can do it 101 00:06:42,040 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 1: the smart way. And that's that's where we are now, 102 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,400 Speaker 1: right and and in your book. And I didn't mean 103 00:06:48,400 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: to chuckle earlier when you when you mentioned psycholo, because 104 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:56,599 Speaker 1: my my analysts with the that's the first question she 105 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 1: asked me every time we have a meeting, So how 106 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:04,520 Speaker 1: are we failing today? So you know that's uh, that's 107 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:09,320 Speaker 1: a familiar one, but you know it's um, it's it's uh. 108 00:07:09,320 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 1: It's definitely reading your book. You have some different techniques, 109 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:17,280 Speaker 1: and I guess they're all well not all, but some 110 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:23,440 Speaker 1: of them come from that yoga almost Buddhist uh lifestyle, 111 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:27,040 Speaker 1: it doesn't it. Yeah, So a big thing as we 112 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: you know you may know in Buddhism is mindfulness. And 113 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:32,920 Speaker 1: again before everybody tunes out and things, that's just a 114 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 1: bunch of new age wou stuff, let me say that 115 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: another word for mindfulness, in my opinion, is meta cognition. 116 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:45,480 Speaker 1: Meta cognition that's where we're thinking about our thoughts. That's 117 00:07:45,480 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 1: where we have that thirty thousand foot view of our brain, 118 00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,720 Speaker 1: and that's when we start to realize like, oh I 119 00:07:52,760 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 1: am you know, starting to go off into a self 120 00:07:55,920 --> 00:07:59,840 Speaker 1: sabotaging you know thought line here. And when we have 121 00:08:00,040 --> 00:08:03,280 Speaker 1: good medic cognition skills, that's when we have the awareness 122 00:08:03,320 --> 00:08:06,360 Speaker 1: of how to kind of nudge our brain and guide 123 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,400 Speaker 1: ourselves and use the right techniques so that we just 124 00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:12,480 Speaker 1: have to deal with a spark instead of a fire. 125 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:19,120 Speaker 1: In terms of over anxious stress reactions exactly. And you know, 126 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:24,920 Speaker 1: when I was reading your your chapter on medic cognition again, 127 00:08:25,440 --> 00:08:27,880 Speaker 1: I think you know are I don't think you're losing 128 00:08:27,880 --> 00:08:32,480 Speaker 1: our listeners at all because the v A now they 129 00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 1: teach a mindfulness class now for guys with PTSD, and 130 00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:41,800 Speaker 1: it's called mind and Body and it it's not exactly 131 00:08:41,840 --> 00:08:44,640 Speaker 1: the same as as how you mapped it out, but 132 00:08:44,800 --> 00:08:48,080 Speaker 1: it's very similar. So I don't think you're losing anybody 133 00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: at all. But I wanted to jump backwards a little 134 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:53,679 Speaker 1: bit because you know the book Nervous Energy. Can you 135 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: explain to our our listeners what nervous energy is? Yes, 136 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:05,280 Speaker 1: So the healthy function of anxiety is actually to stimulate 137 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:09,199 Speaker 1: preparation behaviors. Right, So when we get a little anxious, 138 00:09:09,320 --> 00:09:12,319 Speaker 1: you know in Caveman times, maybe because we saw some 139 00:09:12,360 --> 00:09:15,960 Speaker 1: tiger tracks and realize that there's a tiger around or whatever, 140 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,680 Speaker 1: and so that little kind of zing that we get, 141 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:22,320 Speaker 1: like oh um, that actually triggers a little bit of 142 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 1: adrenaline and even actually some studies have shown actually makes 143 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,800 Speaker 1: our field of vision even become a little bit more 144 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: narrow because from evolutionary times, we were literally just blocking 145 00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:38,680 Speaker 1: out the noise and training our gaze upon whatever we 146 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:42,599 Speaker 1: really needed to focus on. So when we do get anxiety, 147 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 1: we do get a little energy and our our body 148 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:50,360 Speaker 1: and mind go into a slightly different mode. Now that's 149 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:55,160 Speaker 1: what I call nervous energy. Emphasis on the word energy, 150 00:09:55,200 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 1: because a lot of people they just register those early 151 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,520 Speaker 1: signs of anxiety and you say, oh, oh no, I'm 152 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: gonna you know, I'm getting anxious. This is week. I'm 153 00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 1: going to block that out, whereas in fact it is 154 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:13,240 Speaker 1: actually a springboard for more energy. It says zing, it's 155 00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 1: a boost, it's a gift from Mother Nature that teaches us, 156 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 1: gives us the tools to be a hundred and on 157 00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: point with that little extra go time energy. And that's 158 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: what I call nervous energy. And then the subtitle is 159 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:35,240 Speaker 1: harness the power of your anxiety, because once we recognize 160 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: we've got that little go time blue light special of 161 00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:41,240 Speaker 1: energy happening, the next step is just to make sure 162 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 1: we point it in the right direction and we don't 163 00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 1: waste it. We use it. Yeah, and can you explain 164 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 1: to our listeners just a little bit of how we 165 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:55,520 Speaker 1: can harness that into instead of being a negative like, 166 00:10:55,640 --> 00:10:57,960 Speaker 1: oh my god, you know, now I have all this 167 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,320 Speaker 1: falling on my head, we can harness send it into 168 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 1: a positive m sure. So I've got nine techniques in 169 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,800 Speaker 1: the book, and you know, just to to pick one. 170 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:12,520 Speaker 1: For example, we'll call it the mental shortlist. There's a 171 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:15,360 Speaker 1: mental shortlist technique in the book, and we use the 172 00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: mental shortlist when suppose that you're getting those zings of 173 00:11:20,559 --> 00:11:25,839 Speaker 1: energy and nervous energy about stuff that is no longer relevant, right, 174 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: So that can happen to even people in regular civilian life, 175 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,240 Speaker 1: for you know, for those of your audience that are 176 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:35,800 Speaker 1: no longer you know, an active service, but you know, 177 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:38,199 Speaker 1: maybe apply for a job and you've got a lot 178 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,360 Speaker 1: of nervous energy about it, which is helping you while 179 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: you're in the job interview process. But then once you 180 00:11:44,120 --> 00:11:48,000 Speaker 1: press apply and it's done, then you're just sitting here 181 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,360 Speaker 1: with all this extra nervous energy and not really anywhere 182 00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,280 Speaker 1: good to point it, right, because you already submitted the 183 00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: job application. And then our brains can almost be auto 184 00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: tracking out of habit onto that old topic of the 185 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,200 Speaker 1: job application, just out of habit. So what we do 186 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:08,800 Speaker 1: with the mental short list when we recognize through our 187 00:12:08,840 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: good meta cognition skills that that's what's up, that's what's 188 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 1: happening here. Then what we do is we pull out 189 00:12:14,640 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 1: our good mental shortlist. The mental shortlist is where we 190 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,560 Speaker 1: come up with five things in advance that we know 191 00:12:21,679 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 1: are going to be really good, productive, constructive uses of 192 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: our time and energy. That can be anything from you know, 193 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:32,280 Speaker 1: thinking about your holiday, birthday, anniversary, gift shopping list and 194 00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: getting all that knocked out ahead of time. It can 195 00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:38,160 Speaker 1: be you know, thinking about your week implans. It can 196 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,440 Speaker 1: be you know, going to the gym. I mean, it 197 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:43,960 Speaker 1: can be whatever you know is a good thing for 198 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,560 Speaker 1: you and your brain embody to be focused on. And 199 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:50,600 Speaker 1: the important thing is that you actually have to write 200 00:12:50,640 --> 00:12:54,120 Speaker 1: it down because, as we all know, especially your audience 201 00:12:54,160 --> 00:12:58,440 Speaker 1: more than anybody, when life gets really crazy and really hectic, 202 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:01,160 Speaker 1: we can lose sight of what are some of actually 203 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:05,480 Speaker 1: the most important pieces, right, And so having that mental 204 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 1: short list actually written down. While it might seem obvious 205 00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: that those are good things to think about in our 206 00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:15,040 Speaker 1: calm state, when we get into that you know, kind 207 00:13:15,080 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 1: of rattled nervous energy space, and our vision is more narrow, 208 00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,439 Speaker 1: not only our physical vision but maybe even our mental vision, 209 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:26,840 Speaker 1: and all we can see in our mind's eye is 210 00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,840 Speaker 1: that job application, even though focusing on it is a 211 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:34,120 Speaker 1: waste of time because it's already submitted. Then all we 212 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 1: have to do is just literally focus our eyeballs upon 213 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,600 Speaker 1: our mental short list and we say to ourselves, let's 214 00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 1: think about this instead. It's so much easier to think 215 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:47,439 Speaker 1: to pivot off of a topic like pink elephants. Don't 216 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:50,680 Speaker 1: think about pink elephants. It's so much easier to pivot 217 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,120 Speaker 1: off of a topic when you give yourself something else 218 00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,280 Speaker 1: that's good and better and interesting to think about than 219 00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,280 Speaker 1: if you just say, don't think about pink elephants, because 220 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:04,800 Speaker 1: then all you're doing is reinforcing that topic in your mind. Yes, 221 00:14:05,120 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: and uh, you know you're you're nine different uh techniques. 222 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,680 Speaker 1: The one I like is the very first one. And 223 00:14:13,720 --> 00:14:17,719 Speaker 1: again it's something that it's not exactly the same as 224 00:14:17,880 --> 00:14:21,000 Speaker 1: as you portray it in the book, but I've done 225 00:14:21,040 --> 00:14:24,320 Speaker 1: something like this through different types of therapy. And that's 226 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:28,400 Speaker 1: the three part breath. And can was this part of 227 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,840 Speaker 1: your yoga training that you came up with this? Yes? 228 00:14:32,960 --> 00:14:37,040 Speaker 1: Can you explain a little bit about that to our listeners? Yeah, definitely. 229 00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,560 Speaker 1: So the three part breath is something you know, I 230 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: didn't make it up myself. It is something I learned 231 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 1: in yoga training. So the three part breath is that 232 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 1: Eve implies, Um, it is a breath that takes you know, 233 00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:50,960 Speaker 1: three parts, and you locate the three parts in your 234 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 1: body as you do the breath, and it it Actually 235 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,680 Speaker 1: it does require a little bit of mental effort to 236 00:14:58,800 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: just even remember what the steps are. But that's actually 237 00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:07,120 Speaker 1: a blessing in disguise, because we can use the three 238 00:15:07,120 --> 00:15:09,840 Speaker 1: part breath when we're starting to get a little bit panicked. 239 00:15:09,920 --> 00:15:11,920 Speaker 1: We can use the three part breath for all kinds 240 00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:16,040 Speaker 1: of situations. But I personally used it even when I 241 00:15:16,080 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: was having a panic attack. Actually on the Nancy Grace Show. 242 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,800 Speaker 1: I started to have a panic attack literally on the 243 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 1: Nancy Grace Show because I mispronounced a word. And I, 244 00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 1: you know, for me, for psychologists PhDs, mispronouncing a word, 245 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 1: you know, that's like, you know, the end of the world, right, 246 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,120 Speaker 1: So for me, because I was thinking, oh, no, I'm 247 00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:37,640 Speaker 1: supposed to look smart, I'm supposed to have a PhD, 248 00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,160 Speaker 1: and you know, I can't even pronounce a word, and 249 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,120 Speaker 1: I started to have this like as you can see 250 00:15:42,160 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: this you know, whole mental monologue, and I started to 251 00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,680 Speaker 1: have this little panic attack. So I had to do 252 00:15:47,720 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: the three part breath to reset my body out of 253 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 1: that panic attack. And then the mental energy of even 254 00:15:54,720 --> 00:15:59,120 Speaker 1: just thinking the three part breath, just thinking those words 255 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: and then remembering the steps and putting my body through them, 256 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:08,320 Speaker 1: that actually stopped me from having those anxious thoughts about saying, 257 00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,960 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, I'm a psychologist, I look like an idiot. 258 00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 1: Why can't I even talk? Blah blah blah, Like I 259 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:18,760 Speaker 1: wasn't able to have too monologues going in my mind 260 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 1: at once. So that's, you know, kind of a benefit 261 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:24,840 Speaker 1: of the three part breath is that it actually forces 262 00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:28,920 Speaker 1: your brain to focus on something neutral or constructive, like 263 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,760 Speaker 1: doing the steps of the three part breath. But then 264 00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:35,600 Speaker 1: what it also does is it forces some oxygen into 265 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:37,880 Speaker 1: your body, which is always a good thing if you're, 266 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 1: you know, feeling stressed. A lot of people tell me 267 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,360 Speaker 1: that they've done deep breathing before and it didn't work. 268 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: But when I learned more, I discovered that they actually 269 00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,360 Speaker 1: just did it like a gaping breath where they're like, 270 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,120 Speaker 1: you know, and it's almost like breathing into a paper 271 00:16:53,120 --> 00:16:56,360 Speaker 1: bag type of a thing, right, like just gasping for breath, 272 00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 1: And so the three part breath guys you to go 273 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:01,800 Speaker 1: deep with your breath, but also in a very slow, 274 00:17:01,880 --> 00:17:05,680 Speaker 1: controlled way. One final benefit about that good old three 275 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 1: part breath is it actually has been shown to build 276 00:17:10,520 --> 00:17:14,840 Speaker 1: metacognition skills. So what is so amazing with anything of 277 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 1: this mindfulness stuff, which is what the three part breath 278 00:17:17,680 --> 00:17:20,560 Speaker 1: is, is is, in addition to all those other benefits I named, 279 00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:25,080 Speaker 1: it's a mindfulness exercise. You you you actually observe your breath. 280 00:17:25,480 --> 00:17:28,639 Speaker 1: And I know it sounds like insane, but it's true 281 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:34,280 Speaker 1: that by learning to observe your breath, you learn to 282 00:17:34,440 --> 00:17:38,000 Speaker 1: observe your thoughts. And a lot of people might say, well, 283 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,959 Speaker 1: why do I need to observe my thoughts? I know 284 00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:44,439 Speaker 1: what I'm thinking? Right? However, um, if anyone here has 285 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 1: ever had the experience, say of like, you know, being 286 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:49,040 Speaker 1: at a deli in New York like I have, and 287 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:53,200 Speaker 1: finally like discovering yourself yelling or snapping at like a 288 00:17:53,280 --> 00:17:55,680 Speaker 1: deli person and then saying, Wow, what the heck is 289 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:58,480 Speaker 1: wrong with me? I must and then you realize like, oh, gee, 290 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 1: I'm really stressed, or gee I I'm really upset about 291 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,520 Speaker 1: something that happened earlier today, And so that's a case 292 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:07,800 Speaker 1: of not actually really fully knowing what was on your 293 00:18:07,840 --> 00:18:11,520 Speaker 1: mind until some kind of a telltale sign slipped out, 294 00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:16,359 Speaker 1: and the mindfulness and the meta cognition actually gives you 295 00:18:16,920 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 1: the jump on what's going on in your mind, which 296 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 1: is a pretty valuable tool in my opinion. Absolutely, And again, 297 00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 1: like I said, I I've I'm far from an expert 298 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:34,640 Speaker 1: at that, but I have used that and it does 299 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:37,000 Speaker 1: kind of clear your mind when you your mind is 300 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:40,840 Speaker 1: kind of jumbled and you're looking for that answer I 301 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,880 Speaker 1: guess that you're searching for at the time. That kind 302 00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:47,239 Speaker 1: of slows down everything and it clears your head a 303 00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:50,439 Speaker 1: little bit. I'm a firm believer in that. But before 304 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,560 Speaker 1: we go on, I just needed to read a a 305 00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,800 Speaker 1: quick note from the Veterans Administration, So excuse me for 306 00:18:57,880 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 1: one second. Hello everyone, Steve Balistoria here from software dot Com. 307 00:19:03,880 --> 00:19:06,159 Speaker 1: I wanted to tell you about a new app that 308 00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:10,480 Speaker 1: we've discovered, how we Reach coaching tool and gives simple 309 00:19:10,520 --> 00:19:12,959 Speaker 1: tips that help us reach to our friends and family 310 00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 1: who need help during difficult times. We all need that support. 311 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,639 Speaker 1: Sometimes some of us need even more of that. It 312 00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: can help you start a conversation with a friend who 313 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,440 Speaker 1: may be going through a hard time and encourage them 314 00:19:25,480 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 1: to find some support options to get the help that 315 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,920 Speaker 1: they that they need and deserve. How We Reach coaching 316 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: tool has five simple steps the word reach. Reach, reach 317 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:42,080 Speaker 1: out and ask how how are you really? Engage them 318 00:19:42,119 --> 00:19:46,160 Speaker 1: about possible risk factors, Attend to their safety and surroundings, 319 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,120 Speaker 1: connect them with resources, and help them make a plan 320 00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:52,600 Speaker 1: to stay safe. You can do your part to help 321 00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:55,159 Speaker 1: someone who is hurting. Find out more about these simple 322 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 1: steps when you download the how We Reach coaching tool 323 00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:02,840 Speaker 1: on reach dot co. Together, we could prevent veterans suicide, 324 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,920 Speaker 1: as we all know that is a very very big issue, 325 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,119 Speaker 1: especially with all of us from the veterans community. Go 326 00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:13,800 Speaker 1: to reach dot gov check it out downloaded to your 327 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:16,520 Speaker 1: phone so that you have it when you need. With 328 00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:19,440 Speaker 1: that in mind, that kind of plays into what we're 329 00:20:19,440 --> 00:20:24,160 Speaker 1: talking about today, stress. Dr Chloe, thanks again for joining us. 330 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:29,560 Speaker 1: We're talking about stress. Um I'm wanted to switch it 331 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:33,240 Speaker 1: up just a little bit. I know, um, you know 332 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:37,680 Speaker 1: in special operations where myself and a lot of our 333 00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:41,240 Speaker 1: listeners come from, including Brandon who you know quite well, 334 00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 1: we know what causes our stress. But um, for the 335 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,880 Speaker 1: most part, I guess, but what are the causes you 336 00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:54,359 Speaker 1: see and your clients and are they kind of comparable 337 00:20:55,400 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 1: in a manner of speaking to what military people go through? Wow? So, Steve, 338 00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:03,959 Speaker 1: I think that's a very generous question, and I just 339 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,760 Speaker 1: want to start by saying, I frankly don't think anything 340 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:11,439 Speaker 1: really could compare to really to what military uh people 341 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,840 Speaker 1: go through. I actually in my training did work at 342 00:21:14,880 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 1: some veterans hospitals as well, UM, And I just I 343 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:24,159 Speaker 1: really believe that there's there's really no you know, greater sacrifice. UM. 344 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,560 Speaker 1: So I would never compare like the stress of what 345 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:31,440 Speaker 1: civilians go through, you know, compared to what military people 346 00:21:31,440 --> 00:21:34,480 Speaker 1: go through. But that said, I think that a lot 347 00:21:34,520 --> 00:21:38,119 Speaker 1: of you know, civilians or you know, even ex military people, 348 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,920 Speaker 1: we still, um, we still have a part of ourselves 349 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:46,800 Speaker 1: that can falsely register uh, certain situations as life and death. 350 00:21:47,040 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 1: And so even though military people have been through actual 351 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,920 Speaker 1: life and death. And that's why I would never compare, um, 352 00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,919 Speaker 1: you know, our stressors, my stressors to those, uh, but 353 00:21:56,920 --> 00:22:01,080 Speaker 1: in our minds it can feel like life and death, um. 354 00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,200 Speaker 1: And and a lot of it especially for high achieving people, 355 00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:07,720 Speaker 1: which I know a lot of your audience is special operations, 356 00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 1: right and you know we we you know, on a 357 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:15,520 Speaker 1: mission on point type A. Gotta make it work like clockwork, right, Um. 358 00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:18,200 Speaker 1: And so we do tend to get a little bit 359 00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:22,080 Speaker 1: more stress sometimes because we want everything to go so well, 360 00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:25,240 Speaker 1: we want things to be perfect. Mistakes are always high 361 00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: in our hearts and minds, and our very identity as 362 00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:32,880 Speaker 1: a successful intelligent person can sometimes feel like it's on 363 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:35,920 Speaker 1: the line, you know, with each and every mission we run, 364 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:40,159 Speaker 1: whether it be a military mission or you know, um, 365 00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,560 Speaker 1: a parenting mission you know, or just like whatever type 366 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:45,720 Speaker 1: of you know mission you know that we're on in 367 00:22:45,760 --> 00:22:48,760 Speaker 1: the day to day. Um. But like you said, Steve, 368 00:22:48,840 --> 00:22:52,159 Speaker 1: also people in the military I know have to be 369 00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,360 Speaker 1: very good at, as you said, being able to put 370 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:58,840 Speaker 1: their emotions aside and even outside of that in success. 371 00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:00,919 Speaker 1: To be successful in if we do have to be 372 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,439 Speaker 1: able to put our emotions aside. But the trick is 373 00:23:04,600 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 1: to be able to get back in touch with your 374 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:11,120 Speaker 1: emotions later. Um. And I know some people might say, well, 375 00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,000 Speaker 1: why bother right, we already put them to the side. 376 00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,399 Speaker 1: We're done, We've moved on. Why take out all that 377 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:21,280 Speaker 1: little dirty laundry. Um. And sometimes it's true, sometimes there's 378 00:23:21,320 --> 00:23:23,800 Speaker 1: no need for that. But on the other hand, as 379 00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,000 Speaker 1: we all know, if you stuff too much dirty laundry 380 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 1: into the back of your closet, um, it will come 381 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:35,320 Speaker 1: cascading out at the worst possible moment um and and 382 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 1: read more havoc. You know then if we just dealt 383 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:43,199 Speaker 1: with it in a normal way, right, So it's actually 384 00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 1: a blessing and a curse to be able to put 385 00:23:46,000 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 1: your emotions aside. And I share a lot in the book, 386 00:23:48,720 --> 00:23:52,359 Speaker 1: even about a surgeon. Actually, I know you've read the book, Steve. 387 00:23:52,400 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 1: I appreciate that, so you might know the part I 388 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:57,360 Speaker 1: mean that there I share about a surgeon, and they 389 00:23:57,359 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 1: have to be very good at putting their emotions aside 390 00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,399 Speaker 1: to be able to cut into somebody's body. Um. You know, 391 00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:05,399 Speaker 1: in order to heal them, you have to really be 392 00:24:05,440 --> 00:24:09,040 Speaker 1: able to control your emotions. Um. And and what what 393 00:24:09,080 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: we need to do to make sure we get back 394 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:14,480 Speaker 1: in touch with those emotions and deal with them before 395 00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,160 Speaker 1: they come crashing out on us at the worst possible time. Um. 396 00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:21,040 Speaker 1: There's a technique I like in the book called mind mapping, 397 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,439 Speaker 1: which again I'm you know, maybe a little bit of 398 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:26,160 Speaker 1: a stereotyper here, but I'm thinking of all your special 399 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:30,000 Speaker 1: operations people and imagining them, you know, with their maps 400 00:24:30,119 --> 00:24:32,840 Speaker 1: and you know, all that military stuff, and I bet 401 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,480 Speaker 1: that they could make a really, really hot mind map. 402 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:38,640 Speaker 1: So if anybody listening does decide to get the book 403 00:24:38,680 --> 00:24:41,760 Speaker 1: and make a mind map, and you know you're not shy, 404 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,600 Speaker 1: share a picture of your mind map on social media 405 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 1: with me, I would. I would absolutely love to see it. 406 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,880 Speaker 1: And one more thing I just wanted to share, see, 407 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,679 Speaker 1: by the way, speaking of social media, I wanted to 408 00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,840 Speaker 1: offer just a gift to your audience just because I 409 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,760 Speaker 1: again have such a deep appreciation, um for for what 410 00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:00,960 Speaker 1: they're doing. So I'm not not able to give away 411 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,120 Speaker 1: the book because it's actually not mine, it's the publishers. 412 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,520 Speaker 1: But I do have you know, like a some you know, 413 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,919 Speaker 1: video courses and all that kind of good stuff that 414 00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:14,359 Speaker 1: I would love to give your audience for free. And 415 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,760 Speaker 1: so if they want to direct message me on social 416 00:25:16,800 --> 00:25:20,200 Speaker 1: media or anything, um, I would be glad to send them, 417 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 1: you know, just some videos like coupons for some of 418 00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: my videos and stuff. But I do hope that they'll 419 00:25:25,320 --> 00:25:27,119 Speaker 1: get the book too, because I do think there's some 420 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 1: good stuff and I would love to hear, you know what, 421 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:32,720 Speaker 1: what actual military people say. I think that would be 422 00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,640 Speaker 1: my true testifier would be to get some comments from 423 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:39,439 Speaker 1: your group. Well, you know, the the area in the 424 00:25:39,440 --> 00:25:44,960 Speaker 1: book about mind mapping, um, I found fascinating because one 425 00:25:45,040 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 1: of your clients are patients. Uh. And again I'm not 426 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,600 Speaker 1: sure if there's the true names, but to Maka, I've 427 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:58,200 Speaker 1: had similar kind of I guess episodes where somebody says 428 00:25:58,240 --> 00:26:02,679 Speaker 1: something that triggered unconscious association and all of a sudden 429 00:26:02,720 --> 00:26:07,280 Speaker 1: her mind went in fifteen different directions. And I don't 430 00:26:07,280 --> 00:26:09,920 Speaker 1: know what costs of stuff like that, but I've had 431 00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:12,679 Speaker 1: that happen to be on occasion. And then afterwards you 432 00:26:12,760 --> 00:26:16,679 Speaker 1: wonder like, where did this come from? Because somebody in 433 00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:20,400 Speaker 1: the book you talk about, well, um, you know Tamka, 434 00:26:20,920 --> 00:26:23,640 Speaker 1: somebody mentioned, oh, there was a waiter, and then it 435 00:26:23,680 --> 00:26:27,679 Speaker 1: turned into her sister and then she was worrying about 436 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:30,760 Speaker 1: different things. And I think we've all had that. I 437 00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 1: don't know if it's it's that a common issue. Yeah, 438 00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 1: And what's really amazing is that sometimes the more intelligent 439 00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,080 Speaker 1: we are and the faster our minds think and work. 440 00:26:40,680 --> 00:26:43,800 Speaker 1: The more vulnerable we are to kind of taking a 441 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 1: mental detour that that can take us off track. Right. 442 00:26:47,920 --> 00:26:50,800 Speaker 1: So the book, the example you mentioned is a woman 443 00:26:50,840 --> 00:26:54,119 Speaker 1: goes out for lunch and the waiter looks like a 444 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:57,920 Speaker 1: man who cheated on her sister once. But she doesn't 445 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:01,800 Speaker 1: even realize that. Consciously, she suddenly finds herself thinking about 446 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:04,240 Speaker 1: her sister and being jealous of her sister and all 447 00:27:04,240 --> 00:27:06,919 Speaker 1: these you know, mind goes out from there. Um. And 448 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:08,920 Speaker 1: so then she showed up at my office. And by 449 00:27:08,920 --> 00:27:11,840 Speaker 1: the way, just to confirm the names are anonymized, you know, 450 00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,040 Speaker 1: just due to confidentiality, I have to change a couple 451 00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,359 Speaker 1: of identifying details. But so she came to my office 452 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 1: just saying, I will understand why, but I'm just feeling 453 00:27:21,800 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 1: insecure and jealous and like worked up. I'm supposed to 454 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:27,919 Speaker 1: be having a great day, Like why the hell do 455 00:27:28,000 --> 00:27:31,440 Speaker 1: I feel so upset? Um? And so, you know, we 456 00:27:31,440 --> 00:27:34,199 Speaker 1: we started to do the mind map, and you know, 457 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,359 Speaker 1: realize that it's a very interesting thing. In our brain. 458 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:41,560 Speaker 1: We have neurons. Those are the brain cells. There are neurons, 459 00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:46,920 Speaker 1: and um, the neurons they connect to each other, right, 460 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,919 Speaker 1: and so there's literal connections, and so it's almost like 461 00:27:49,960 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 1: a domino effect where for reasons of two, things like 462 00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:58,240 Speaker 1: the look of a waiter and you know, thoughts about 463 00:27:58,359 --> 00:28:00,919 Speaker 1: this lead to a memory of that, and you know, 464 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,280 Speaker 1: next thing, you know, your mind is off to the races. 465 00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: And the mind map I encourage in the book even 466 00:28:06,600 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 1: some people just like to do one every day. They're 467 00:28:09,320 --> 00:28:12,119 Speaker 1: especially good for people that don't like to write in 468 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,920 Speaker 1: a journal. Right, So if you just think about writing 469 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,440 Speaker 1: sentences in a journal and you're like, I feel like 470 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:20,040 Speaker 1: I'm writing an essay, I hate this. Can I just 471 00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 1: do the key words? Um? You know, the mind map, 472 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,200 Speaker 1: I think is a really good way to just get 473 00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,280 Speaker 1: a quick snapshot of what all those connections are. Because 474 00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:33,280 Speaker 1: the more insight and knowledge we have about our own 475 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,640 Speaker 1: damn self, the better off we are in life. Right. 476 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,520 Speaker 1: It's I always kind of think of it almost as 477 00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 1: like a user's manual for your brain. You want to 478 00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:45,360 Speaker 1: know about it, right, absolutely? And because when I was 479 00:28:45,400 --> 00:28:48,720 Speaker 1: reading that, you know, I've always been embarrassed to mention 480 00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 1: that because sometimes we've fallen into that where you know, 481 00:28:53,080 --> 00:28:57,000 Speaker 1: you go somewhere not exactly the same as hers played out, 482 00:28:57,040 --> 00:29:00,080 Speaker 1: but you know, somebody will say something or there is 483 00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 1: a smell in a room, and and it takes you 484 00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,680 Speaker 1: in fifteen different directions and then you wonder how did 485 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:09,960 Speaker 1: I heck did I get here? Yeah? Where the heck 486 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:13,280 Speaker 1: did I even get? You? Know? Um, so, Steve, it's 487 00:29:13,320 --> 00:29:16,000 Speaker 1: it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Because again I want 488 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,440 Speaker 1: to say it again because I think this is important. 489 00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:23,000 Speaker 1: The faster your mind works, the more likely this is 490 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,400 Speaker 1: to happen to you. So if you're a smart guy, Steve, 491 00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:29,880 Speaker 1: then that that this may be nothing to be ashamed of. 492 00:29:29,960 --> 00:29:32,240 Speaker 1: It's just your it's just your big smart brain. No, 493 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 1: no worries on that. Well, I think you can get 494 00:29:34,760 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 1: odds on that part about me being a smart guy. 495 00:29:37,240 --> 00:29:40,040 Speaker 1: But yeah, you know, but I thank you for that. 496 00:29:40,040 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: I thank My wife would appreciate you here. But to 497 00:29:47,000 --> 00:29:50,680 Speaker 1: go back, I wanted to ask you about there's a 498 00:29:50,720 --> 00:29:57,120 Speaker 1: certain mindset in special operations and um, it's and you 499 00:29:57,240 --> 00:30:00,120 Speaker 1: kind of touched on this a little bit in in 500 00:30:00,160 --> 00:30:04,320 Speaker 1: the book. And you know our special ops guys, you know, 501 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:07,200 Speaker 1: we have like a and I'm going to mispronounce the 502 00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,360 Speaker 1: word here, so I hope I don't get a panic 503 00:30:09,400 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 1: attack A Sisiphian complex. I guess you know, we're always 504 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,640 Speaker 1: searching for that, and that's I mean, that's what special 505 00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:21,840 Speaker 1: ops guys are. They're always searching for perfection and you're 506 00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:27,280 Speaker 1: never going to attain that. But sometimes I wonder, and 507 00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:29,960 Speaker 1: and you may find this and as you call high 508 00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:36,440 Speaker 1: functioning people in the civilian world, that that you know, 509 00:30:36,520 --> 00:30:39,840 Speaker 1: search for perfection in whatever it is that you pick 510 00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:45,160 Speaker 1: to do. Does that eventually cause the stress that a 511 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:48,880 Speaker 1: lot of people come under. So I'm going to go 512 00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,680 Speaker 1: out on a limb here, Steve and and just see 513 00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,720 Speaker 1: something that's like really non PC right, which is that 514 00:30:54,880 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 1: I believe there's actually nothing wrong with perfectionism. Okay, So, yes, 515 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:03,800 Speaker 1: this search for perfection can be stressful. But those of 516 00:31:03,880 --> 00:31:07,560 Speaker 1: us who can't handle a little stress, I mean, I'm sorry, okay, 517 00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,480 Speaker 1: but um, in order to accomplish some of the best 518 00:31:10,520 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: things in life that have ever been accomplished, people had 519 00:31:13,960 --> 00:31:17,400 Speaker 1: to be willing to endure some stress. Right, So does 520 00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:22,240 Speaker 1: perfectionism cause stress? Yes? Um? Does that mean that it's 521 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:25,120 Speaker 1: you know, terrible and we should all drop our standards? 522 00:31:25,520 --> 00:31:29,520 Speaker 1: I actually don't necessarily think so, So I guess it 523 00:31:29,600 --> 00:31:33,040 Speaker 1: kind of depends on how you define perfectionism, but the 524 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: way I think of it, and again this may not 525 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:38,720 Speaker 1: be the correct PC way to think of it. Um. 526 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:40,960 Speaker 1: I know most psychologists just have kind of a knee 527 00:31:41,040 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 1: jerk reaction like perfectionism is bad. But I actually personally 528 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:48,840 Speaker 1: like to think of it, Steve the way that you 529 00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:52,600 Speaker 1: put it, which is it's just a striving for excellence. 530 00:31:53,120 --> 00:31:56,680 Speaker 1: It's just having a goal of saying I would like 531 00:31:56,800 --> 00:32:00,200 Speaker 1: to be able to do this error free, right, So 532 00:32:00,320 --> 00:32:03,880 Speaker 1: I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I do think, however, 533 00:32:04,320 --> 00:32:08,960 Speaker 1: that ironically, the search in the pursuit of perfectionism is 534 00:32:09,080 --> 00:32:13,719 Speaker 1: what keeps people from being as close to perfect as 535 00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 1: they can. So the irony is that if you, you know, again, 536 00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:21,920 Speaker 1: suppose that job application example I gave with the mental shortlist, 537 00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: Suppose that you hit send on the application. Ten minutes later, 538 00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,720 Speaker 1: you discover a typo in your application, and of course 539 00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:33,400 Speaker 1: it's very triggering for the perfectionist side of you. What 540 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:39,160 Speaker 1: somebody might do is spend them three hours beating themselves 541 00:32:39,240 --> 00:32:45,640 Speaker 1: up over that TYPEO total waste of energy. Right, that's 542 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:51,040 Speaker 1: actually keeping them from then executing perfectly on whatever is 543 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 1: actually next in their plate because they're so focused on 544 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:57,680 Speaker 1: that mistake from the past, that there's nothing that they 545 00:32:57,680 --> 00:33:01,840 Speaker 1: can even do anything about. So I do like the 546 00:33:01,880 --> 00:33:06,200 Speaker 1: idea of perfectionism, and I give everybody permission to try 547 00:33:06,240 --> 00:33:08,960 Speaker 1: to be as as as as perfect as they want 548 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,800 Speaker 1: to be. I don't think that we should try to 549 00:33:10,840 --> 00:33:14,200 Speaker 1: put those expectations on other people. But I would never 550 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,960 Speaker 1: try to tell somebody that they don't have it in them. 551 00:33:18,040 --> 00:33:20,480 Speaker 1: You know that if they want to strive to perfectionism, 552 00:33:20,480 --> 00:33:23,760 Speaker 1: which frankly I do. That doesn't mean I am perfect, 553 00:33:23,880 --> 00:33:26,400 Speaker 1: far from it, but what I like to be, what 554 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,840 Speaker 1: I like to try for that of course. Um. And 555 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,520 Speaker 1: So when I do make a mistake, which happens more 556 00:33:32,560 --> 00:33:35,800 Speaker 1: often than I like to admit, UM, I am tempted 557 00:33:35,880 --> 00:33:39,120 Speaker 1: to waste a bunch of my nervous energy around that 558 00:33:39,200 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 1: mistake by just beating myself up about it. But a 559 00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:47,520 Speaker 1: good technique instead, like say, the mental shortlist, is where 560 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:51,080 Speaker 1: I can then say to myself, Okay, that typo has 561 00:33:51,280 --> 00:33:54,920 Speaker 1: you know, hit the stands already. So at this point 562 00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:58,960 Speaker 1: I've just got all this adrenaline and energy from noticing 563 00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:02,120 Speaker 1: that mistake, and I'm all riled up about it. Why 564 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:04,520 Speaker 1: don't I point my energy here now on something I 565 00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:07,520 Speaker 1: can actually do something about. Why don't I take that 566 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:10,399 Speaker 1: energy and apply it for five more jobs since I'm 567 00:34:10,400 --> 00:34:14,359 Speaker 1: feeling so riled up here? Right, So again, I think 568 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,640 Speaker 1: there's actually nothing wrong with wanting to be perfect, but 569 00:34:17,760 --> 00:34:21,760 Speaker 1: we just have to take the drive to be perfect 570 00:34:22,160 --> 00:34:26,759 Speaker 1: and make sure we actually use it towards excellence rather 571 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,600 Speaker 1: than wasting it. I'm picking ourselves apart in ways that 572 00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:33,719 Speaker 1: are actually not even going to move any closer towards perfection. 573 00:34:35,080 --> 00:34:38,440 Speaker 1: And another area I wanted to touch on from the 574 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,920 Speaker 1: book was the zone of control because I think a 575 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,799 Speaker 1: lot of people that's where a lot of us lose 576 00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:48,000 Speaker 1: our focus. And um, can you talk a little bit 577 00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:51,480 Speaker 1: about that? Yeah, So the zone of control, I think 578 00:34:51,600 --> 00:34:54,320 Speaker 1: is is such a good one. So in the zone 579 00:34:54,320 --> 00:34:57,719 Speaker 1: of control, what we do is it's basically like guiding 580 00:34:57,760 --> 00:35:00,279 Speaker 1: you step by step of how to apply I the 581 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:03,360 Speaker 1: Serenity prayer in your life. Right, So, God, grant me 582 00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,080 Speaker 1: the serenity to accept the things that cannot change, courage 583 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:08,480 Speaker 1: to change the things I can, and wisdom to know 584 00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 1: the difference. Right. So the wisdom part. Um, I love God, 585 00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:15,600 Speaker 1: but I'm going to go out a limb and say, 586 00:35:15,640 --> 00:35:17,960 Speaker 1: maybe it's not something that God just has to grant us. 587 00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:21,000 Speaker 1: It's actually something that we can get for ourselves. So 588 00:35:21,160 --> 00:35:24,680 Speaker 1: by doing that zone of control, we take some kind 589 00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,120 Speaker 1: of a challenge that we're having in our life. I'll 590 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:29,560 Speaker 1: just take the job example, just to keep it simple. 591 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:32,960 Speaker 1: And you want to get a new job, and you 592 00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:35,400 Speaker 1: think about all the things that are in your control 593 00:35:35,719 --> 00:35:38,600 Speaker 1: around that, like you know, all the places that you 594 00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:41,560 Speaker 1: could apply, getting a resume review, like all this stuff 595 00:35:41,600 --> 00:35:43,919 Speaker 1: you could do, and then you think about the things 596 00:35:43,920 --> 00:35:47,200 Speaker 1: that are not in your control, like maybe like perhaps 597 00:35:47,239 --> 00:35:50,000 Speaker 1: your job history doesn't have the exact experience that you 598 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:54,960 Speaker 1: think would be most applicable, or you know, uh, whatever 599 00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:57,680 Speaker 1: it is that's in the challenge side that you actually 600 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:02,440 Speaker 1: cannot control, and having very clear about what's not in 601 00:36:02,520 --> 00:36:05,440 Speaker 1: control versus what is in control, and having it written 602 00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:08,400 Speaker 1: down again because it sounds so calm when we're just 603 00:36:08,480 --> 00:36:11,600 Speaker 1: thinking about it normally, but when we get all into 604 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:15,560 Speaker 1: a worked up space, um, it can be very difficult. 605 00:36:15,680 --> 00:36:18,920 Speaker 1: So I actually worked with a wonderful client who was 606 00:36:18,960 --> 00:36:22,080 Speaker 1: an ex military and he taught me a term that 607 00:36:22,120 --> 00:36:25,239 Speaker 1: I might even misuse, called the fog of war. And 608 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,760 Speaker 1: he said, in the fog of war. He actually shared 609 00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:30,799 Speaker 1: this with me Um when I was teaching him some 610 00:36:30,840 --> 00:36:33,640 Speaker 1: techniques that I you know, that he liked, that he 611 00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,359 Speaker 1: found very helpful, and he said it reminded him of 612 00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,800 Speaker 1: the fog of war. That when you're in the fog 613 00:36:39,840 --> 00:36:42,759 Speaker 1: of war, he said, everything can seem upside down. You 614 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,000 Speaker 1: don't know which way you're going, Things don't make sense, 615 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,480 Speaker 1: You might make decisions that could even be irrational because 616 00:36:48,560 --> 00:36:51,640 Speaker 1: you're in like this fog of war. Um. And so 617 00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:55,080 Speaker 1: by writing things down in the zone of control and 618 00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,280 Speaker 1: what's not in the zone of control, then when life 619 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:01,960 Speaker 1: puts you in that fog of war, it's very simple 620 00:37:02,320 --> 00:37:05,880 Speaker 1: to just know exactly where you're pointing your eyeballs. The 621 00:37:06,000 --> 00:37:09,319 Speaker 1: zone of control is your north star, and you know 622 00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:13,040 Speaker 1: that if you literally just physically point your eyeballs at 623 00:37:13,080 --> 00:37:15,440 Speaker 1: what's in the zone of control. And part of the 624 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:18,520 Speaker 1: exercise in the book is you not only identify the 625 00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,719 Speaker 1: zone of control, you jot down one or two actions 626 00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:25,080 Speaker 1: you can take around those items, because by definition, that's 627 00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:27,000 Speaker 1: what puts them in the zone of control, is that 628 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:30,000 Speaker 1: there's something you can do to control them, to affect them. 629 00:37:30,239 --> 00:37:31,839 Speaker 1: So you not only put us there in the zone 630 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,960 Speaker 1: of control, and then you also put the actions you 631 00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,040 Speaker 1: can take. And then when you're just feeling anxious about 632 00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:42,000 Speaker 1: oh job search jitters, instead of just sitting there with 633 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:45,440 Speaker 1: those jitters, you say, oh, thank God for that little 634 00:37:45,560 --> 00:37:48,440 Speaker 1: zinge of nervous energy I've got going here. Let me 635 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:51,600 Speaker 1: point my eyeballs at my zone of control, see what 636 00:37:51,719 --> 00:37:54,879 Speaker 1: action steps I can take right now. And then when 637 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:58,600 Speaker 1: anything from that zone and non control starts gnawing at you, 638 00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,040 Speaker 1: you just know very clear, lee like that is off limits. 639 00:38:02,080 --> 00:38:04,480 Speaker 1: That's not on the menu for me. That's just a 640 00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:07,000 Speaker 1: waste of my time. And then you just track your 641 00:38:07,000 --> 00:38:09,680 Speaker 1: eyeballs one inch to the left over to your zone 642 00:38:09,719 --> 00:38:13,719 Speaker 1: of control, and that's where you knock it out. Well, 643 00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:18,720 Speaker 1: we're talking here with Dr Chloe Carmichael, whose book Nervous Energy, 644 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:23,080 Speaker 1: How Harnessed the Power of Your Anxiety and her nine 645 00:38:23,120 --> 00:38:28,000 Speaker 1: Techniques of Harnessing your power really really good. I've I've 646 00:38:28,040 --> 00:38:30,279 Speaker 1: just finished, like I said, over the weekend, I just 647 00:38:30,320 --> 00:38:34,359 Speaker 1: finished reading the book. It was I think it's it's 648 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:39,279 Speaker 1: very very helpful. I wanted to ask you, because of 649 00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:42,120 Speaker 1: the COVID that's going on now, are you doing more 650 00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:46,080 Speaker 1: and more like virtual appointments? With video, are you still 651 00:38:46,120 --> 00:38:49,600 Speaker 1: seeing a lot of your patients in person? Well, my 652 00:38:49,760 --> 00:38:52,640 Speaker 1: office has done video visits for a long time, and 653 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:56,719 Speaker 1: I personally am on sabbatical from individual visits because I'm 654 00:38:56,760 --> 00:39:00,240 Speaker 1: really putting all my time and attention into this book 655 00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:04,480 Speaker 1: and into programs in classes and you know, time like this, 656 00:39:04,640 --> 00:39:06,440 Speaker 1: I I want to get the word out, you know, 657 00:39:06,480 --> 00:39:08,840 Speaker 1: to people about the book, so whether they want to 658 00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:11,560 Speaker 1: read with their eyes or whether they want to listen 659 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:14,280 Speaker 1: with their ears. We got the audio books, we got everything. 660 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:17,239 Speaker 1: So I've been putting my effort into that. But the therapists, 661 00:39:17,280 --> 00:39:20,279 Speaker 1: God bless them that work for me at my office, Uh, 662 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:23,680 Speaker 1: they have been um, they've been doing everything virtually for 663 00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,640 Speaker 1: over a year now, and to be honest, it's actually 664 00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,359 Speaker 1: been kind of a breath of fresh air to drop that, 665 00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:32,239 Speaker 1: you know, Park Avenue Office rent. So I haven't really 666 00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:34,960 Speaker 1: minded that at all. Like igin my heart goes out 667 00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:37,520 Speaker 1: to people who have suffered tragedy due to COVID, and 668 00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:39,880 Speaker 1: I don't mean to make light of it, but I'm 669 00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,719 Speaker 1: just to answer your question. You know, we were still 670 00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:46,359 Speaker 1: doing things virtually even though I personally am full time 671 00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:49,239 Speaker 1: focused on the book. Okay, Yeah, I just didn't know 672 00:39:49,280 --> 00:39:53,200 Speaker 1: if if virtual was it's that kind of the wave 673 00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:56,640 Speaker 1: of the future. I mean, even after COVID's over, where 674 00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,840 Speaker 1: you can you know, reach some of your your patients, 675 00:40:01,160 --> 00:40:03,920 Speaker 1: you know, if they're traveling, especially you know, you're talking 676 00:40:03,920 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 1: about some high functioning people, high high level people in 677 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:11,600 Speaker 1: the in the business world, where they can reach you 678 00:40:11,680 --> 00:40:14,640 Speaker 1: if they have an issue and or is is their 679 00:40:14,760 --> 00:40:18,080 Speaker 1: drawbacks to that? Yeah, I mean I think that there's 680 00:40:18,080 --> 00:40:22,040 Speaker 1: always pluses and minuses. So as I said, like, I've 681 00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:25,440 Speaker 1: been doing virtual, like literally for years. Like I actually 682 00:40:25,440 --> 00:40:28,240 Speaker 1: wrote an article in US News and World Report about 683 00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:31,000 Speaker 1: how to even find a good online therapist because the 684 00:40:31,040 --> 00:40:33,000 Speaker 1: game is a little different when you're trying to let 685 00:40:33,080 --> 00:40:37,600 Speaker 1: people online. Um, so I I do think that, you know, 686 00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:39,920 Speaker 1: it's important to make sure you get a good virtual therapist. 687 00:40:40,000 --> 00:40:42,560 Speaker 1: And I've been doing virtual for a long time. So 688 00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,640 Speaker 1: but I've loved like the virtual thing. Even in terms 689 00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:50,840 Speaker 1: of this book, we're actually organizing like master classes and 690 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:54,640 Speaker 1: things like that. So you know, again I I, I 691 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,120 Speaker 1: don't own the book, so I can't you know, give 692 00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,319 Speaker 1: the book away. But you know, if I but he 693 00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:02,880 Speaker 1: does buy the book and you know, share their receipt 694 00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,719 Speaker 1: with me over social media or whatever. I will put 695 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,480 Speaker 1: you into one of the master classes for free, because again, 696 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:13,879 Speaker 1: I just have like the deepest soft spot in my heart. Um, 697 00:41:13,920 --> 00:41:16,000 Speaker 1: you know, in my heart and my mind. I mean, 698 00:41:16,160 --> 00:41:19,080 Speaker 1: it's really not lost on me that we would not 699 00:41:19,200 --> 00:41:21,360 Speaker 1: be here if it were not for you know, people 700 00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,480 Speaker 1: like like you and your audience. So I want to 701 00:41:23,520 --> 00:41:26,799 Speaker 1: thank you all again for that. Well, thank you, dr. 702 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:31,160 Speaker 1: You know, we appreciate your you taking the time today, 703 00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:34,200 Speaker 1: and you know, tell our listeners a little bit more 704 00:41:34,239 --> 00:41:36,200 Speaker 1: about the book where they can find it. I know 705 00:41:36,280 --> 00:41:39,080 Speaker 1: it's on Amazon, but you also sell it off of 706 00:41:39,160 --> 00:41:43,120 Speaker 1: your website, so uh tell them where they can find it, 707 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:45,799 Speaker 1: and uh, you know, if you want to add any 708 00:41:45,800 --> 00:41:49,080 Speaker 1: more details about the book. Yeah, sure, So the book 709 00:41:49,160 --> 00:41:52,399 Speaker 1: is on Amazon, which, to be honest, I would love 710 00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:55,400 Speaker 1: it if you all bought it there because if you 711 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,920 Speaker 1: buy it on Amazon and then you leave a review, um, 712 00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,759 Speaker 1: which will help me so much because it will help 713 00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:05,239 Speaker 1: me to get another book deal with my publisher. Um. Like, 714 00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,000 Speaker 1: if you get Amazon reviews, it's kind of worth its 715 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:11,120 Speaker 1: weight in gold. And Amazon is really good at knowing. 716 00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,560 Speaker 1: If I just get my own friends and family to 717 00:42:13,600 --> 00:42:16,440 Speaker 1: do the reviews, they have like alcorithms that will check that. 718 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:20,840 Speaker 1: So if your listeners that don't know me, um, you know, 719 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:24,680 Speaker 1: did get the book on Amazon and leave a nice review, Um, 720 00:42:24,719 --> 00:42:26,719 Speaker 1: I would, you know, it would just be like it 721 00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,879 Speaker 1: would it would like rock my world in the biggest way. UM. 722 00:42:30,120 --> 00:42:32,200 Speaker 1: So the best thing to do, I think is to 723 00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:33,799 Speaker 1: go to Amazon and get the book. If for some 724 00:42:33,880 --> 00:42:36,600 Speaker 1: reason you just don't like Amazon, um, you can get 725 00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:39,600 Speaker 1: it Barnes and Noble or Nervous Energy, book dot com 726 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,120 Speaker 1: wherever books are sold. But really, Amazon is kind of 727 00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:45,800 Speaker 1: the powerhouse these days, even though I've got mixed feelings 728 00:42:45,840 --> 00:42:48,120 Speaker 1: about some of the things the Amazon's up to sometimes, 729 00:42:48,120 --> 00:42:50,279 Speaker 1: but I just have to go with what they're doing 730 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,279 Speaker 1: right now, and that's where my book and that's what 731 00:42:52,360 --> 00:42:55,840 Speaker 1: I need to happen. That's my mission right now. Excellent, 732 00:42:56,200 --> 00:43:00,200 Speaker 1: and it was. It was a very interesting book. And uh, 733 00:43:00,400 --> 00:43:02,520 Speaker 1: I was glad you were able to share with us 734 00:43:02,520 --> 00:43:06,160 Speaker 1: here at software dot com. Uh. And you know, I 735 00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,200 Speaker 1: got a lot out of it. And I've underlined some 736 00:43:09,280 --> 00:43:12,120 Speaker 1: of the the highlights of the book because I think 737 00:43:12,880 --> 00:43:14,759 Speaker 1: these are gonna be some of the things that I 738 00:43:14,840 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 1: use in a daily basis, and I encourage all of 739 00:43:17,520 --> 00:43:20,160 Speaker 1: our listeners out there and our readers to do the same. 740 00:43:20,640 --> 00:43:23,040 Speaker 1: I think it will help you a lot. Before we 741 00:43:23,080 --> 00:43:25,840 Speaker 1: wrap this up, I just wanted to say, if you 742 00:43:25,880 --> 00:43:28,120 Speaker 1: want to get soft Reap on your phone, download our 743 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:31,960 Speaker 1: free mobile app and get easy access to our articles, podcasting, 744 00:43:32,040 --> 00:43:36,800 Speaker 1: gear reviews, all perfectly formatted to your device. Please subscribe 745 00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,960 Speaker 1: to softwarep dot com to get access to all of 746 00:43:38,960 --> 00:43:43,080 Speaker 1: our library and e books and our exclusive team room content, 747 00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:50,040 Speaker 1: forums and um our podcast as well. So available on 748 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:55,560 Speaker 1: all your Apple and Android devices. Dr Chloe Carmichael, thanks 749 00:43:55,600 --> 00:43:57,600 Speaker 1: again for joining us. It's been a lot of fun. 750 00:43:58,040 --> 00:44:02,040 Speaker 1: I apologize for our technical glitch before we get started today, 751 00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:04,359 Speaker 1: but it was a lot of fun and we look 752 00:44:04,440 --> 00:44:07,760 Speaker 1: forward to the next book and um you know where. 753 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,760 Speaker 1: We wish you all the best for that. Thank you, Steve, 754 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:13,120 Speaker 1: I really appreciate it with a pleasure to share with you. 755 00:44:13,200 --> 00:44:16,640 Speaker 1: Thanks again. Oh, thank you, and we'll be back with 756 00:44:16,680 --> 00:44:21,440 Speaker 1: another podcast real soon. But for myself, Steve Balistrari, all 757 00:44:21,480 --> 00:44:24,960 Speaker 1: of us here at soft dot com and our guests 758 00:44:25,080 --> 00:44:28,959 Speaker 1: this morning, Dr Chloe Carmichael, thanks for listening. Folks. Don't 759 00:44:29,000 --> 00:44:31,919 Speaker 1: turn that dial Software dot com on time on tome. 760 00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:49,960 Speaker 1: You've been listening to self reply