1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:03,800 Speaker 1: This is the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcast 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:04,640 Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. 3 00:00:06,320 --> 00:00:08,960 Speaker 2: Hello, everyone, welcome to the Almost in his podcast. It's 4 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 2: Ashley and Ben and today we are talking to the 5 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:15,280 Speaker 2: original Golden Bachelor, Gary Turner. He has a new book, 6 00:00:15,360 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 2: The Golden Years What I've Learned from Love, Loss and 7 00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:21,799 Speaker 2: Reality TV. Ben got a little shout out in his 8 00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,439 Speaker 2: book where so I had talked to him about that. 9 00:00:24,120 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 2: His dancing skills are praise. Gary also just got engaged, 10 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:30,480 Speaker 2: so we're gonna check in on that, get the latest 11 00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:34,320 Speaker 2: on his health. Everyone welcome Gary Turner to the podcast. 12 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:36,160 Speaker 3: Good morning, how are you? 13 00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 2: Good morning? We are good. So we've got we've heard 14 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 2: that you are not at your home in Indiana. You're 15 00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 2: in somebody else's home. Is that Lana's home, your new. 16 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,199 Speaker 3: Fiance Bela's home? Yes, indeed. 17 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 2: Okay, Well, congratulations on your engagement. 18 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:58,840 Speaker 3: Thanks. Yeah, thanks, It's been wonderful. 19 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:03,360 Speaker 4: Gary really smiling. Is this just like for camera or 20 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 4: is this just like a life thing for you? 21 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 3: Now? 22 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,240 Speaker 5: Is where you're just walking around with the big old glow? 23 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 3: Ben, I'm a pretty happy guy. You know. I found 24 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:17,800 Speaker 3: someone that has constant positive energy. Landa never stopped smiling. 25 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:19,880 Speaker 3: I have to up my game a little bit. 26 00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 2: How did you guys meet? 27 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:26,840 Speaker 3: Actually it was online. I fumbled through some friend requests 28 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 3: when I had a bunch of them, and I hit 29 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,960 Speaker 3: a friend request from her, and then on her end, 30 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:37,039 Speaker 3: she saw it and responded and I didn't answer to it, 31 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 3: and finally we got to the point where we hooked up, 32 00:01:40,880 --> 00:01:44,160 Speaker 3: had a brief online conversation, decided to meet. 33 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 4: Now there is a lot to catch up with you on. 34 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 4: Obviously you've been busy. We're going to talk about the book. 35 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 4: We're going to talk about this new recent engagement Gary, 36 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 4: before we kind of dig into the details and asks 37 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:04,120 Speaker 4: more direct questions everything. This last year, if you look 38 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 4: at the timeline, has been a whirlwind for you. If 39 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,880 Speaker 4: I mean, I would I don't know your life before 40 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:12,120 Speaker 4: the show, but I would imagine this has been one 41 00:02:12,160 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 4: of the most active years just in terms of romance 42 00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:22,919 Speaker 4: and projects that you've ever had, Right, I mean kind 43 00:02:22,960 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 4: of starting, you're about a year away from the divorce 44 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:31,120 Speaker 4: and then now you are engaged. Can you just to 45 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:35,200 Speaker 4: kind of set the scene here, tell us about this 46 00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:37,840 Speaker 4: last year, give us an insight into everything that's been 47 00:02:37,880 --> 00:02:38,240 Speaker 4: going on. 48 00:02:39,240 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 3: Sure, I'll do the best I can, because that is 49 00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 3: a mouthful, But you know, I've kind of tried to 50 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:49,080 Speaker 3: take it one day at a time. I really would 51 00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 3: say that the watershed moment was in March when I 52 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 3: met Atlanta. Up until that point, it was grunt work, 53 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:02,800 Speaker 3: just trying to get by, trying to decide what I 54 00:03:02,840 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 3: wanted to do moving forward, whether or not I wanted 55 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,720 Speaker 3: to sell the lake House and all of that. And 56 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:13,720 Speaker 3: then you know, once I'm Atlanta, gears really changed. We 57 00:03:14,040 --> 00:03:19,240 Speaker 3: traveled extensively. I think the biggest plus has been that 58 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:25,760 Speaker 3: I really committed to saying no to nothing. You know, 59 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 3: wherever we want to travel to. We've been to London, 60 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:30,520 Speaker 3: We've been to Paris, We've been to Myrtle Beach, We've 61 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 3: been to Niagara Falls a number of other places, and 62 00:03:34,440 --> 00:03:37,160 Speaker 3: so I'm not going to say no. I don't know 63 00:03:37,520 --> 00:03:39,960 Speaker 3: how long I'm going to be on this earth, and 64 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:42,560 Speaker 3: I'm going to make use of every single day and 65 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:45,920 Speaker 3: have a good time with every single day. So then 66 00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 3: you know, the whole procedure with the book comes along, 67 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:55,920 Speaker 3: and that was an added layer of distraction. Almost where 68 00:03:56,160 --> 00:03:58,920 Speaker 3: I'd written it, felt good about writing it, but then 69 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,920 Speaker 3: it kind of went for a while. ABC had to 70 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:05,560 Speaker 3: approve everything in the book, and that took an extended 71 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 3: period of time, and so once I got it back, 72 00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 3: you know, then everything started happening pretty quickly. And so 73 00:04:15,680 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 3: with that said, you know, that pretty much leads us 74 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:21,039 Speaker 3: up to, you know, where we're at now. I decided 75 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:24,640 Speaker 3: Atlanta was the absolutely right person for me, and you know, 76 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:28,520 Speaker 3: asked her to marry me on the recent trip to 77 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 3: Myrtle Beach. She happily accepted. 78 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:33,520 Speaker 5: I think we. 79 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,000 Speaker 3: Both knew we were the person for each other long 80 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:40,280 Speaker 3: before that, long before that, but that kind of made 81 00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 3: it official. I kind of wanted to make that statement. 82 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,799 Speaker 2: You went from one very quick engagement to another's pretty 83 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,719 Speaker 2: quick engagement six months. Why did you decide to do 84 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,760 Speaker 2: it so fast the second time? 85 00:04:53,440 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 3: Well, you know, I'm not sure it was. It's a 86 00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,320 Speaker 3: good comparison because on the show, the amount of time 87 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 3: time that I got to spend with any of the 88 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 3: women was really quite brief. You know, you guys have 89 00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 3: been through it, so you know, the amount of time 90 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,600 Speaker 3: where you're actually with someone and trying to get to 91 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 3: know someone is really condensed. Whereas with Lana, you know, 92 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,520 Speaker 3: after about the first two or three weekends where we 93 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 3: spent weekends together. We went from two days together to 94 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 3: three to four, and then all of a sudden it 95 00:05:28,839 --> 00:05:32,279 Speaker 3: was like, Okay, we were really feeling lonely and those 96 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:36,680 Speaker 3: three or four mid days that we weren't together, and 97 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 3: it just rapidly built. So we have spent a bunch 98 00:05:40,839 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 3: of time together, and so the comparison is really a disconnect. 99 00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:46,760 Speaker 5: Obviously. 100 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:50,120 Speaker 4: This year also you came out publicly and told the 101 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 4: world that you had a cancer diagnosis. It is slow growing. 102 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 4: From what we understand and what we can kind of 103 00:05:57,240 --> 00:06:00,640 Speaker 4: read and what you've been able to talk about. Has 104 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:05,000 Speaker 4: that played it all into kind of this next chapter. 105 00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 4: How often do you think about it, just you know, 106 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,320 Speaker 4: kind of talk to us about your journey with cancer 107 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 4: so far. 108 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:19,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, the my condition hasn't changed, but mentally it has 109 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:24,240 Speaker 3: reinforced or really pushed that feeling of not wanting to 110 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:29,120 Speaker 3: waste a moment, you know. Just a small side story. 111 00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:32,119 Speaker 3: The very first night, the very first date with Lana. 112 00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,640 Speaker 3: She came well prepared. But one of the things that 113 00:06:36,880 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 3: most impressed me is about halfway through the entree, I said, Lana, 114 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:43,760 Speaker 3: you know I have something I have to share with you. 115 00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:47,159 Speaker 3: I go I don't want to, you know, start off 116 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 3: and then have to tell you this story a month 117 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,919 Speaker 3: from now after we've started investing in each other. And 118 00:06:52,960 --> 00:06:55,760 Speaker 3: I told her I had this cancer and I spelled 119 00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:58,719 Speaker 3: it out. Man, she is right off the bat, She goes, Gary, 120 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:01,839 Speaker 3: I know about it. I've read about it. I'm okay 121 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 3: with it. We'll get through it together if that's the 122 00:07:03,760 --> 00:07:06,000 Speaker 3: way it works. It was like, oh my god, my 123 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 3: heart was bursting with joy and happiness when she said that, 124 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:15,640 Speaker 3: because she came prepared in a way that I don't 125 00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 3: think anyone else would. 126 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,120 Speaker 2: That's kind of one of the perks of being a 127 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 2: public figure going into dating. I found it to be 128 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,320 Speaker 2: comforting knowing that the whole Internet could tell you about 129 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:33,040 Speaker 2: my virginity dating after the Bachelor. It was like something 130 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 2: that I didn't have to really bring up. If you 131 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,000 Speaker 2: googled me, you saw it. And I think that you 132 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 2: probably googled me before going on a date with me, 133 00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:43,520 Speaker 2: did you kind of like the fact that Lenna knew 134 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 2: a bit about you and you didn't have to explain 135 00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:50,320 Speaker 2: some hard things before getting on the date with her, 136 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 2: like maybe, hey, I got married and divorced within two months. 137 00:07:54,480 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 2: She just kind of knew was that she was okay. 138 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,000 Speaker 2: She accepted that because she accepted a date with you. 139 00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:04,160 Speaker 3: I don't know that she was okay with it instantly. 140 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:07,800 Speaker 3: You know, she told me she watched the entire season. 141 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 3: She always felt like she'd be a better match for 142 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 3: me than any of the women on the show. She 143 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:19,720 Speaker 3: was very optimistic, so she came well informed and understood. 144 00:08:20,440 --> 00:08:25,320 Speaker 3: I think the difficult moments for her was when I 145 00:08:25,520 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 3: gave her the manuscript to the book, and again, I 146 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:33,200 Speaker 3: wanted to be transparent. I wanted to make sure she 147 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:38,640 Speaker 3: didn't have any surprises, so early on in the relationship, 148 00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:41,679 Speaker 3: I gave her the transcript, and you know there was 149 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,680 Speaker 3: a couple of days of pause in there, when you know, 150 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 3: she came back and she said, Gary, I had to 151 00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 3: do a little processing there. I had to make sure 152 00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 3: that I could comfortably accept everything I was reading in 153 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:57,080 Speaker 3: that book. And you know she did. She was happy 154 00:08:57,120 --> 00:09:00,520 Speaker 3: with it, comfortable with it, and we've moved on without 155 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:01,719 Speaker 3: any consequence to that. 156 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:02,640 Speaker 5: Yeah. 157 00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:05,560 Speaker 4: And I think that's an interesting thing, Gary, because you know, 158 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,560 Speaker 4: I wrote a book alone in Plain Sight a few 159 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 4: years ago now and just re released it. And you know, 160 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 4: I don't talk too much about the show in it, 161 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:19,040 Speaker 4: there's some small snippets about my life and how that 162 00:09:19,120 --> 00:09:23,560 Speaker 4: impacted me. I was personally. I remember when I presented 163 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,320 Speaker 4: it to Jessica for the first time. I was I 164 00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:31,440 Speaker 4: was nervous and cautious. And I also wrote the book 165 00:09:32,720 --> 00:09:34,920 Speaker 4: with an intention of at that time knowing I was 166 00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 4: going to marry Jessica, So I was very nervous about you, 167 00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:39,400 Speaker 4: kind of cautious of what I was putting in there 168 00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 4: and what I wasn't. So when she comes to you 169 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:46,360 Speaker 4: and says, hey, there's things I'm processing, how do you 170 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:49,680 Speaker 4: personally walk through that with her? Were you willing to 171 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 4: change the book for her? 172 00:09:52,760 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 1: You know? 173 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 5: Was that difficult? There was? 174 00:09:55,200 --> 00:10:02,960 Speaker 3: There wasn't any changes. What happened was Lenna displayed a 175 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,720 Speaker 3: very good ability to be a good communicator. She's a 176 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 3: good proactive communicator. She would ask good questions. You know, 177 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 3: I could read her face and see that she was 178 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 3: processing an answer and maybe looking for a follow up question. 179 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:22,720 Speaker 3: But you know, I give her the credit here. She 180 00:10:22,840 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 3: has accepted my history and I've done the same with her. 181 00:10:29,040 --> 00:10:32,080 Speaker 3: So we kind of understand that by the time you 182 00:10:32,120 --> 00:10:36,400 Speaker 3: get to our age, no one doesn't have a history. 183 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,560 Speaker 3: You have to be willing to accept it, and I 184 00:10:38,600 --> 00:10:40,400 Speaker 3: think we both are very comfortable with that. 185 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 4: When I also wrote Alone in Plain Sight, a mentor 186 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:59,360 Speaker 4: of mine said, write this book not because you want to, 187 00:10:59,440 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 4: but because you have to. Was there ever a moment 188 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:07,280 Speaker 4: for you, Gary where you thought, Hey, with land in 189 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 4: my life, with all these things kind of happening, this 190 00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:15,000 Speaker 4: book just should stay in a manuscript on my shelf. 191 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:18,040 Speaker 4: Or I guess another way to ask it is why 192 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:19,720 Speaker 4: did you have to write this book? 193 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,719 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a good question, and and you know, I've 194 00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:26,840 Speaker 3: thought about that a lot. I think the best answer 195 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 3: is to say that through the show, America didn't see 196 00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 3: the entire Gary Turner. They didn't see everything about me 197 00:11:36,280 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 3: that I wanted people to know. They saw what other 198 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 3: people wanted to present. And you know, I have character 199 00:11:45,280 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 3: and I have morals and values that maybe weren't at 200 00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:52,440 Speaker 3: the forefront of the show. And now I feel like 201 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,480 Speaker 3: I've done a good job with that. I think the 202 00:11:55,520 --> 00:11:58,520 Speaker 3: other part of it is I wanted everyone to know 203 00:11:58,679 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 3: how oneful it is to have a support system that 204 00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:06,800 Speaker 3: I have, my daughters and my friends. I really don't 205 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,680 Speaker 3: think I would be in the place I am right 206 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:14,280 Speaker 3: now had it not been for those friends back in Kendallville, 207 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:18,040 Speaker 3: Indiana that I developed a couple of years ago, and 208 00:12:18,120 --> 00:12:20,640 Speaker 3: my daughters. I don't think i'd be here Gary. 209 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:24,120 Speaker 2: From my perspective, I felt like you came across so 210 00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 2: well on the show. I think that when you know 211 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:29,600 Speaker 2: the cover of US Weekly this week or last week 212 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,680 Speaker 2: said they made me out to be the villain. 213 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:32,839 Speaker 6: I felt like. 214 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:36,679 Speaker 2: More of those storylines where you could have possibly been 215 00:12:36,679 --> 00:12:39,839 Speaker 2: interpreted as the villain sort of came after the show. 216 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 2: So was it what happened on the show or what 217 00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 2: happened in the aftermath of the show that you felt 218 00:12:44,720 --> 00:12:46,079 Speaker 2: like you needed to clarify more. 219 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,520 Speaker 3: Oh, that's a good question, and I would say, really, 220 00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:53,400 Speaker 3: it's more what happened in the aftermath of the show. 221 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:59,920 Speaker 3: You know, things didn't really go the way I thought 222 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 3: they should have, and you know, I wanted to set 223 00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 3: the record straight. 224 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:08,240 Speaker 4: The aftermath of the show is hard. You really don't 225 00:13:08,280 --> 00:13:12,480 Speaker 4: have control or you really can't speak to the narratives 226 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 4: that are being put that out there about you. This 227 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:19,360 Speaker 4: this book is an opportunity to do that. But you've 228 00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 4: also real like stayed recently quiet since the show. You 229 00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:26,720 Speaker 4: haven't gone on much of a media tour. You haven't 230 00:13:26,760 --> 00:13:30,680 Speaker 4: spoken publicly about maybe some of the comments shared about 231 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:35,320 Speaker 4: you from past contestants or your you know. 232 00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:39,600 Speaker 5: Ex wife. Why have you stayed quiet until now? 233 00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 3: So that's a really good observation, Ben, It's really a 234 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:50,280 Speaker 3: simple matter of desire. I feel like I had my moment, 235 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:55,480 Speaker 3: you know, that brief snippet of celebrity. I enjoyed it. 236 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 3: But I think I'm realistic in thinking that it's time 237 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,080 Speaker 3: to go back to a normal life. It's time to 238 00:14:03,120 --> 00:14:08,440 Speaker 3: try and find normalcy. It's also time to value every 239 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 3: minute I have. You know, for instance, to me, this 240 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 3: week is a work week. I haven't had a work 241 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:18,440 Speaker 3: week in years. But you know, we have podcasts and 242 00:14:18,480 --> 00:14:21,120 Speaker 3: we have interviews, and we have all this stuff planned. 243 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:25,200 Speaker 3: I would really rather be riding a bike with Lana, 244 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 3: or going to play pickleball, or you know, my daughter 245 00:14:28,320 --> 00:14:31,000 Speaker 3: is now twenty minutes away from where I am, and 246 00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:34,560 Speaker 3: she's starting to play golf, which is hilarious, and I'd 247 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 3: really rather go and play golf with her. But I'm 248 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 3: having a work week because it's a value to the book. 249 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:43,360 Speaker 3: But I don't want a lot of work weeks. I 250 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 3: love being retired and I still want to be retired. 251 00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:49,560 Speaker 2: But you still feel like you need to get it 252 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,600 Speaker 2: off your chest through writing the book. 253 00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, sure, yes, okay, we. 254 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,480 Speaker 2: Have to get into the t of the book because 255 00:14:58,080 --> 00:15:03,040 Speaker 2: we got advanced copy. There is something in there that 256 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 2: says that you felt trapped the day before your wedding day, 257 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 2: and that you even confided in your top three woman, Faith, 258 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,920 Speaker 2: saying that you do feel trapped going into this, and 259 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,600 Speaker 2: she said, you don't have to do this, you can 260 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,240 Speaker 2: get out of it. Please take us back to that 261 00:15:19,320 --> 00:15:20,160 Speaker 2: moment in that day. 262 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:26,360 Speaker 3: So I do remember pretty clearly. Faith is someone that 263 00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 3: I still have a strong level of affection for. She's 264 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 3: like a sister figure, best friend kind of person, and 265 00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,680 Speaker 3: I trusted being able to talk to her. And so 266 00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:41,320 Speaker 3: that night in the bar, you know, we got off 267 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,160 Speaker 3: into this side conversation and I expressed that I was 268 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:47,640 Speaker 3: having cold feet, that I wasn't sure things were right, 269 00:15:47,760 --> 00:15:51,360 Speaker 3: and I did indeed feel like I was at a 270 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:54,200 Speaker 3: situation where there were no good choices for me at 271 00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:58,360 Speaker 3: that moment. And so you know, she talked me through it. 272 00:15:58,480 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 3: She kept telling me I didn't have to, but I 273 00:16:00,480 --> 00:16:06,080 Speaker 3: felt like I did. You know, you don't spend forty 274 00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:11,040 Speaker 3: three years being committed to one person and learning that 275 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 3: commitment sometimes is difficult to turn your back on that. 276 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,840 Speaker 3: And so I was at a point where I had 277 00:16:18,880 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 3: committed to something. My family knew I had committed to it. 278 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:26,240 Speaker 3: Teresa's family knew that she and I both had committed 279 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:31,560 Speaker 3: to it, and there was only one path forward. That 280 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:36,520 Speaker 3: didn't mean that I wasn't uncomfortable with it, unsure and 281 00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 3: so forth. But you know that's the way it. 282 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:41,600 Speaker 5: Is, Okay. I want to sit on that for a second. 283 00:16:42,120 --> 00:16:45,640 Speaker 4: I think mostly not just for your scenario, but for 284 00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:50,000 Speaker 4: anybody in your season of life looking for their lifetime partner, 285 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 4: forever partner. The way I'm hearing that, Gary and I 286 00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,920 Speaker 4: think it's just interesting and something I could probably learn 287 00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,840 Speaker 4: from us. You went through life for forty three years 288 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:03,200 Speaker 4: of partner, you go on this show, you find yourself 289 00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:07,360 Speaker 4: in a position to find somebody again. I don't want 290 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 4: to put words in your mouth, but the way I'm 291 00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,360 Speaker 4: hearing that is you almost said, Hey, I committed to this, 292 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:14,400 Speaker 4: so I'm going to go through with it instead of 293 00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:17,560 Speaker 4: the maybe how it would have been like you know, 294 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,719 Speaker 4: in my when I was thirty and I got engaged, 295 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:22,240 Speaker 4: where I said Hey, i'm dating. I want to find 296 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 4: the partner for me. If this one doesn't work out, 297 00:17:24,240 --> 00:17:27,480 Speaker 4: I'm hoping I can date again. I don't feel any pressure. 298 00:17:27,840 --> 00:17:29,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounded like a job the way you were 299 00:17:29,720 --> 00:17:31,400 Speaker 2: at it, unless of romance. 300 00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:35,040 Speaker 3: Well, let me let me clarify a little bit. And 301 00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:39,120 Speaker 3: I think this might help one of the fundamental mistakes 302 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 3: mentally that I made going on that show. And maybe 303 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 3: it wasn't a mistake, but I went into that show 304 00:17:47,080 --> 00:17:51,040 Speaker 3: one hundred percent believing that I would find my partner. 305 00:17:51,720 --> 00:17:55,600 Speaker 3: It never was an option that I would come out 306 00:17:55,600 --> 00:17:59,240 Speaker 3: of that show alone, and with that mentality as I 307 00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 3: marched for through all those progressions of things that happened, 308 00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:07,639 Speaker 3: it was always the underlying belief that I was there 309 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:12,520 Speaker 3: and that my partner was there. And you know, so 310 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:17,239 Speaker 3: that kind of adds to the feeling of entrapment in 311 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,720 Speaker 3: one way, but it was it was self generated. I 312 00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:24,640 Speaker 3: should have been open to the possibility that no one 313 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,800 Speaker 3: was my perfect match there. 314 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 4: You should have called past bachelor's and asked, Hey, how 315 00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:32,600 Speaker 4: do I do this? 316 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:34,600 Speaker 5: What is the mindset here? 317 00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,440 Speaker 3: You are so right. 318 00:18:37,359 --> 00:18:40,199 Speaker 4: It was helpful for me because I do think that 319 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 4: in traffmic can happen if you feel like, oh my goodness, 320 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,600 Speaker 4: I'm going to let myself, my family and the world 321 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:48,840 Speaker 4: that's watching down if I don't end up in a 322 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 4: love story after this, Gary, I have to ask. Though 323 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:56,159 Speaker 4: you know Joan was obviously a part of your seasons. 324 00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,919 Speaker 4: She becomes the next Golden Bachelorette, she leaves because of 325 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:06,040 Speaker 4: a family emergency midway through the season. I don't I 326 00:19:06,040 --> 00:19:07,720 Speaker 4: don't know how you feel about this, but I'll just 327 00:19:07,800 --> 00:19:09,639 Speaker 4: ask it. If she would have been around, do you 328 00:19:09,680 --> 00:19:13,480 Speaker 4: think that would have been a better choice for you? 329 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,200 Speaker 5: Different choice? 330 00:19:15,680 --> 00:19:20,160 Speaker 3: You know, how will we ever know? Really? I can't 331 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,840 Speaker 3: say yes or I can't say no, because you know, 332 00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 3: I know Joan. I know how well she handles things, 333 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:31,560 Speaker 3: how level headed she is, wonderful, merit and characteristic she 334 00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 3: brings to any relationship, it's going to be awesome, but 335 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 3: better or worse, it's hypothetical. I can't answer it. 336 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 2: You talking about some juicy stuff when it comes to 337 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 2: your relationship with the reason while you were married, you 338 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:50,280 Speaker 2: talk about how she'd like schedule phone calls and it 339 00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:52,280 Speaker 2: was like hard to get in touch with your wife, 340 00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:55,919 Speaker 2: and then you talk about how she had do you 341 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:59,680 Speaker 2: sleep on the couch when you would make visits. Can 342 00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:00,880 Speaker 2: you tell us these stories? 343 00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 6: Well, it's in the book, I know, I know, but 344 00:20:04,720 --> 00:20:06,840 Speaker 6: just give us a little context, like why are you 345 00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:10,840 Speaker 6: sleaving on the couch. Why would she schedule you know, 346 00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:14,440 Speaker 6: talking times, Yeah, conjugal visits. 347 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, well so there was there was really there was 348 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:21,919 Speaker 3: only one visit that I made to her house. It 349 00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:24,320 Speaker 3: was like pulling teeth. And you know, this is like 350 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 3: a month and a half later, if I remember correctly, 351 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,320 Speaker 3: after the marriage. Then I finally said, hey, you know, 352 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:34,280 Speaker 3: we're married. We need to be together. We need to 353 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 3: begin the process of getting to know each other better 354 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,639 Speaker 3: and to bond and so forth. And you know, my 355 00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:44,960 Speaker 3: level of excitement was really quite hot. I put my 356 00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:47,720 Speaker 3: best friend dog Cody, in the car and we took 357 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:52,919 Speaker 3: off to New Jersey. And when I got there, we 358 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:58,720 Speaker 3: had dinner and nice conversation. I fully expected that indeed, 359 00:20:58,880 --> 00:21:04,480 Speaker 3: we would, you know, have those quiet bedtime pillow talk moments, 360 00:21:04,560 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 3: and that things would really flourish from that point. And 361 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,480 Speaker 3: you know, I remember the very first night, she goes, hey, 362 00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:13,960 Speaker 3: I have a really tough day at work tomorrow. Do 363 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,520 Speaker 3: you mind if you sleep on the sofa? 364 00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,879 Speaker 5: That's wild you know. 365 00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 3: So I was trying to be agreeable. Seriously, I you know, 366 00:21:21,119 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 3: we hadn't been together enough. I'm married to this person. 367 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:27,879 Speaker 3: I don't want to create a battlefield over that, and 368 00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:31,159 Speaker 3: so I agreed. The problem was when it happened the 369 00:21:31,160 --> 00:21:33,320 Speaker 3: second night and the next night and the next night. 370 00:21:33,880 --> 00:21:36,680 Speaker 3: That's when I really should have manned up and said, hey, 371 00:21:37,640 --> 00:21:40,840 Speaker 3: what's going on here? Probably the second night, not the 372 00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,959 Speaker 3: third or the fourth, but the second night, and I 373 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:47,000 Speaker 3: didn't quite Honestly, I don't know why. I don't know why, 374 00:21:47,240 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 3: whether whether I was trying to be agreeable or whether 375 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 3: I didn't care enough, I don't know. 376 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:07,840 Speaker 5: You don't talk about this in the book. I just 377 00:22:08,400 --> 00:22:09,199 Speaker 5: gary want to know. 378 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:12,000 Speaker 4: I mean, Jessica and I have had like some of 379 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:17,199 Speaker 4: our worst arguments right before bed. Still, you know, not 380 00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:20,119 Speaker 4: that going to bed together is not an optic, like 381 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,280 Speaker 4: we're going to lay in the same bed even if 382 00:22:22,359 --> 00:22:25,919 Speaker 4: like we're fuming, because at some point, you know, obviously 383 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,440 Speaker 4: we're going to roll over and be like, I love 384 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:30,920 Speaker 4: you and I love you too. Let's talk about this tomorrow. 385 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 4: But I want to know what was going through your mind. 386 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,560 Speaker 4: Let's say night two or three, when you're asked to 387 00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:41,280 Speaker 4: sleep on the couch. You're laying on a couch looking 388 00:22:41,280 --> 00:22:44,080 Speaker 4: at the ceiling, probably not able to stretch out all 389 00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 4: the way because you're not a short man. 390 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 5: What was just going through your head? 391 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:56,160 Speaker 3: Quite honestly, I think back, and I do remember thinking, Okay, 392 00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:01,960 Speaker 3: this kind of confirms my suspicions that I had always 393 00:23:02,080 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 3: suspected that maybe the genuine bond wasn't there, and those 394 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 3: actions manifested what I believed were the feelings, and it 395 00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:19,359 Speaker 3: was quite empty, and it was that feeling all night too. 396 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 3: That kind of allowed me to just let it go 397 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:25,560 Speaker 3: for the additional nights, because I don't think you can 398 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:29,640 Speaker 3: change someone's heart. If it's not there, it's not there. 399 00:23:30,560 --> 00:23:33,880 Speaker 3: And you know then, I'm really entertained by how you 400 00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:38,200 Speaker 3: asked that question. It warmed my heart, quite honestly, because 401 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,160 Speaker 3: at the same time I'm listening to you, I'm thinking 402 00:23:41,240 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 3: about Lana, and I'm thinking how different it is when 403 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:48,240 Speaker 3: she and I have had some skirmishes and yeah, we 404 00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:50,520 Speaker 3: know one hundred percent we're going to land in bed 405 00:23:50,560 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 3: at the same time, we're gonna snuggle and we're going 406 00:23:53,760 --> 00:23:55,800 Speaker 3: to say, We're still going to say the I Love 407 00:23:55,840 --> 00:23:59,960 Speaker 3: you is even if there's still a niggling of discontent 408 00:24:00,280 --> 00:24:05,640 Speaker 3: there that that happens, and it's such a contrast. 409 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:09,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, it feels like you guys got yourselves into like 410 00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:15,640 Speaker 2: a very uncomfortable, awkward relationship. I feel bad for both 411 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:20,080 Speaker 2: of you because we've interviewed Teresa before and just listening 412 00:24:20,119 --> 00:24:23,560 Speaker 2: to you and her, it just feels like both of 413 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:26,480 Speaker 2: you ended up getting married and you're like, oh, man, 414 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,960 Speaker 2: like there's a lack of intimacy here, is this correct? 415 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:30,960 Speaker 3: Yeah? 416 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:36,119 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, but I don't know. I mean, I've been 417 00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:37,720 Speaker 4: a part of the show, Gary, you know that. 418 00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:38,600 Speaker 5: Yep. 419 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,159 Speaker 4: I've been in a relationship from the show that definitely 420 00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:46,880 Speaker 4: didn't feel great all the time. It didn't It wasn't 421 00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:50,400 Speaker 4: good obviously, like being with Jessica today. It's even hard 422 00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 4: for me to compare because it feels like dirty and weird. 423 00:24:52,800 --> 00:24:56,119 Speaker 4: But you know, it's just completely different. The level of 424 00:24:56,680 --> 00:25:00,440 Speaker 4: intimacy and relationship and connection and comfort and all those 425 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:02,359 Speaker 4: things are different. I think that's just because we're a 426 00:25:02,400 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 4: better match, and obviously Lauren's a better match with her husband. 427 00:25:05,520 --> 00:25:10,120 Speaker 4: It worked out great in the end, but I have 428 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:17,200 Speaker 4: a hard time, I guess, understanding how you end up 429 00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:20,520 Speaker 4: with somebody from the show you get you say yes 430 00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:22,440 Speaker 4: to a marriage, because Laura and I were asked to 431 00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:25,440 Speaker 4: get married on television and we said no to it. 432 00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 4: Because of the things you're talking about, like how did 433 00:25:30,119 --> 00:25:33,720 Speaker 4: you get that far? And then once you did get 434 00:25:33,720 --> 00:25:36,400 Speaker 4: that far, how was there just such a disconnect? 435 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:39,159 Speaker 3: Yeah, gee, I really wish I had a good answer 436 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 3: to that one. But Ben, I don't know that I do. 437 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,600 Speaker 3: I just know that I'm getting carried away. And the 438 00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:51,159 Speaker 3: excitement of the circumstance and the show and everything, you know, 439 00:25:51,320 --> 00:25:55,480 Speaker 3: kind of created its own flow, and you know, the 440 00:25:55,600 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 3: velocity of that show, it just became greater and great 441 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,440 Speaker 3: to the point where we were swept away, and and 442 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:07,800 Speaker 3: really I wish I had a better reflection on it, 443 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:11,000 Speaker 3: but I can't say. I don't know. 444 00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, you truly just like got swept away. I remember 445 00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,720 Speaker 2: before your wedding, I was like I was on here 446 00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 2: all the time, being like. 447 00:26:18,280 --> 00:26:21,119 Speaker 6: These people have known each other for two months. 448 00:26:21,119 --> 00:26:24,639 Speaker 2: This is different than other bachelor weddings because other bachelor weddings, 449 00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:26,280 Speaker 2: you know, like in Ben's case, it would have been 450 00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,639 Speaker 2: over a year of them having a real life relationship. 451 00:26:28,640 --> 00:26:31,320 Speaker 2: If it would have happened with Jaden Tanner and that 452 00:26:31,560 --> 00:26:34,040 Speaker 2: that was the quickest one there was in there, and 453 00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 2: they were together for six months in the real world. 454 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 2: With you guys, it was like eight weeks max in 455 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:45,480 Speaker 2: the real world, maybe not even because your finale was 456 00:26:45,560 --> 00:26:48,119 Speaker 2: right around Thanksgiving, so that's when you were able to 457 00:26:48,119 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 2: be public, like just the month of December, and uh yeah, 458 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 2: so you guys, really you were on a true whirlwind 459 00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 2: anyway when it comes to the breakup, but it's a 460 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,760 Speaker 2: little convoluted in the public and through both of your stories, 461 00:27:06,960 --> 00:27:10,119 Speaker 2: we have the we didn't figure out where we wanted 462 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:12,920 Speaker 2: to move, we couldn't agree on that. And then there 463 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:18,320 Speaker 2: was the rumor that she was weird about your cancer diagnosis. 464 00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 2: Can you straighten this out for us for the final time? 465 00:27:22,280 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 3: Well, I to address the second part of that. I 466 00:27:25,119 --> 00:27:29,159 Speaker 3: don't think she was weird about it. I don't know 467 00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,359 Speaker 3: what kind of label to put on it, but I 468 00:27:31,920 --> 00:27:33,879 Speaker 3: think by the time I had told her about it, 469 00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:39,840 Speaker 3: there was enough distance between us that she didn't care much. 470 00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,760 Speaker 3: So I told her about the diagnosis. And then really 471 00:27:43,800 --> 00:27:48,479 Speaker 3: what bothered me tremendously over you know, quite a bit 472 00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:51,480 Speaker 3: of a time was I never heard back from her 473 00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 3: to check in, you know, by comparison Leslie, who you know, 474 00:27:59,040 --> 00:28:02,679 Speaker 3: she and I left on terms that were much less happy. 475 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,880 Speaker 3: Leslie would check in, Hey, Gary, how you feeling, how's 476 00:28:05,920 --> 00:28:10,159 Speaker 3: it going? And so it was. It was I felt 477 00:28:10,240 --> 00:28:14,159 Speaker 3: very bad that I never heard from Teresa checking in 478 00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:18,439 Speaker 3: on my health. So that probably is, you know, the 479 00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:19,320 Speaker 3: biggest part of it. 480 00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,320 Speaker 4: You know, there's Saint Johnathan cross As this comment that 481 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,320 Speaker 4: always popped up in my life when I think about 482 00:28:24,320 --> 00:28:31,920 Speaker 4: these moments, the dark knights of the soul, Gary, I mean, goodness, 483 00:28:31,960 --> 00:28:34,040 Speaker 4: I know there's two sides to every story, and then 484 00:28:34,040 --> 00:28:37,040 Speaker 4: there's the truth that sits in between, but it does 485 00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 4: feel like there are probably moments I'm assuming that you 486 00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 4: were your heart felt pretty ripped apart, especially with a 487 00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:51,920 Speaker 4: cancer diagnosis. You know, I would say my worst enemy. 488 00:28:52,760 --> 00:28:54,600 Speaker 4: I can't think of who that would be right now, 489 00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,600 Speaker 4: but if I had one called me and said, hey, 490 00:28:57,640 --> 00:29:02,640 Speaker 4: I have cancer, I would imagine or hope that that 491 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:05,440 Speaker 4: would be a trigger inside of me to follow up, 492 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:10,920 Speaker 4: check in, to show care. So just to confirm, to 493 00:29:10,960 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 4: make sense of this, you and Teresa had filed for 494 00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,800 Speaker 4: divorce already when you let her know about your cancer. 495 00:29:15,840 --> 00:29:20,320 Speaker 3: Correct, I believe so oh, I would have to check dates. 496 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 5: So it was close, like it was reasonably close. 497 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, the conversation of at least being split up 498 00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:33,920 Speaker 2: was happening. Yes okay, but that wasn't the reason for 499 00:29:34,040 --> 00:29:37,560 Speaker 2: you guys splitting up. The reason was not also not 500 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,040 Speaker 2: a living situation, was it. It was just a full 501 00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:43,080 Speaker 2: blown incompatibility. 502 00:29:43,520 --> 00:29:47,080 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, so yeah, let's put some clarity to that. 503 00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,640 Speaker 3: A cancer diagnosis I do not believe was a contributing 504 00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:58,560 Speaker 3: factor to to our splitting up. I also do not 505 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:05,720 Speaker 3: believe that the place where we were going to live 506 00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:11,120 Speaker 3: was a contributing factor. Perhaps the attitude towards that search was, 507 00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 3: but not that actual element itself. I mean, plain and simple. 508 00:30:17,680 --> 00:30:22,840 Speaker 3: You know, I'll speak only for myself. We found that 509 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:27,640 Speaker 3: we were not compatible, and I think the biggest area 510 00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 3: of incompatibility was when on the show The Final Dinner 511 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 3: with Teresa, when she told me that she would leave 512 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 3: her job when she found the right guy, only to 513 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:44,560 Speaker 3: have her tell me a short time later that she 514 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:49,440 Speaker 3: wanted to work another year. And as I've shown, I 515 00:30:49,520 --> 00:30:51,360 Speaker 3: really want to travel, I want to see the world, 516 00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 3: I want to experience things, and those two things became 517 00:30:54,720 --> 00:31:00,880 Speaker 3: mutually exclusive and that was really the nexuside think of 518 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:02,640 Speaker 3: the problems. 519 00:31:02,880 --> 00:31:05,080 Speaker 2: Well, we have even more to talk with Gary about, 520 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:09,320 Speaker 2: so we're gonna break this into a second episode. You 521 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:12,320 Speaker 2: can stay tuned see that on your feed pop up 522 00:31:12,680 --> 00:31:14,840 Speaker 2: and until then, we'll see you next time. 523 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,680 Speaker 1: Follow the Ben and Ashley I Almost Famous podcasts on 524 00:31:18,720 --> 00:31:21,959 Speaker 1: iHeartRadio or subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts.