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Speaker 1: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 2: What we learn we can unlearn, and what we want

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Speaker 2: to learn we can unlearn. And so you know, when

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Speaker 2: you think about traumatic events, whether on a singular level

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Speaker 2: or on a collective level, you know it does. Trauma

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Speaker 2: can change the brain. But soda is healing.

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Speaker 3: Hey, lady, have you ever felt like the world just

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Speaker 3: doesn't get you? Well we do.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, the podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: and empowering women like you.

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Speaker 3: We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Brussard, and educator and psychologists.

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Speaker 1: And Terry Lomax, a techie and transformational speaker.

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Speaker 3: Join us every week for authentic conversations about everything from

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Speaker 3: fibroids to fake friends as we create space for black

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Speaker 3: women to just be.

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Speaker 1: Before we dive in, make sure you hit that follow

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Speaker 1: button and leave us a quick five star review. Lady,

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Speaker 1: we are black founded and black owned, and your support

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Speaker 1: will help us reach even more women like you.

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Speaker 3: Now, let's get into this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 1: If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or unsure of your next steps,

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Speaker 1: this is for you. Hey, lady, is tea here and

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Speaker 1: I just want to invite you to my free goal

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Speaker 1: map like a pro coaching workshop, where I'll share the

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Speaker 1: five proven steps to get unstuck and achieve your goals.

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Speaker 1: Whether you're feeling overwhelmed by all your ideas, juggling scattered ideas,

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Speaker 1: or maybe you just need confidence to start, this workshop

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Speaker 1: will give you the clarity, tools and the motivation to

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Speaker 1: take back control. Reserve your spot for free by visiting

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Speaker 1: her spacepodcast dot com and clicking on the goal map

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Speaker 1: like a pro webinar link. Lady, don't miss this chance

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Speaker 1: to build a roadmap that fits your life and set

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Speaker 1: you up for success. I hope to see you there, ladies.

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Speaker 1: Today we have an incredibly inspiring guest and we are

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Speaker 1: so excited for this conversation. So I'm just going to

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Speaker 1: jump right on into the bio and we're going to

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Speaker 1: jump into this conversation. Darrier Burke is an American writer, speaker,

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Speaker 1: and possibility strategist. A marketer by trade and a secret heart.

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Speaker 1: Daria is a storyteller and since maker, weaving together personal

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Speaker 1: experience and the science of healing and transformation, who explore

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Speaker 1: new ways of understanding how we choose who we become.

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Speaker 1: As a Chief Marketing Officer. Daria was named a twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty ad Age Woman to Watch whose creativity and impact

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Speaker 1: have been recognized by Women's Wear Daily, Forbes, Vogue Teen,

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Speaker 1: Vogue a Week, The List Goes On, and all of

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Speaker 1: y'all in the New York magazines The Cut. She has

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Speaker 1: written for Fast Company, The Huffington Post, Black Enterprise, and

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Speaker 1: has appeared on The Melissa Harris Perry Show on MSNBC.

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Speaker 1: A distinguished alumna of NYU Stern School of Business NBA

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Speaker 1: and the University of Michigan BA, Daria was born in

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Speaker 1: Detroit and now calls East Hampton in Los Angeles home. Daria,

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Speaker 1: welcome to cultivating her space.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much for having me. It's so cool

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Speaker 2: to hear my bio right like that. You are so welcome,

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Speaker 2: We're so excited.

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Speaker 3: Yes, we are definitely looking forward to this conversation. And

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Speaker 3: so we will start with our quote of the day,

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Speaker 3: which Daria, will sound very familiar to you because these

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Speaker 3: are your words. We are not defined by our origin stories.

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Speaker 3: We choose who we become. I'm going to say that

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Speaker 3: one more time for the folks in the back to

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Speaker 3: make sure that everyone heard. We are not defined by

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Speaker 3: our origin stories. We choose who we become. Now I

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Speaker 3: know that that is the quote that we chose, but

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Speaker 3: we have to know, we have.

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Speaker 2: To set the framework. We have to really understand.

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Speaker 3: The foundation for this conversation. And so, Dariel, what is

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Speaker 3: your origin story? How did you become the person we

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Speaker 3: see sitting with us today?

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Speaker 2: Oh, my book really seeks to answer that exact question.

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Speaker 2: So I'm going to try to be brief, because I

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Speaker 2: did it at about two hundred and eighty eight pages. You know,

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Speaker 2: my origin story takes place in Detroit, as you've all mentioned.

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Speaker 2: As Terry mentioned in my introduction, I was born there

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Speaker 2: in nineteen eighty and I grew up with parents who

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Speaker 2: both struggled with I would say, pretty debilitating addiction. And

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Speaker 2: my parents weren't together, but I, you know, had come

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Speaker 2: to later understand some of the challenges my father faced,

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Speaker 2: whereas with my mom, I had a front row seat

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Speaker 2: to her crack addiction and just all the ways in

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Speaker 2: which she was sort of crippled by it. She didn't work.

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Speaker 2: We had lost my grandmother quite early in our lives.

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Speaker 2: My mom and her mom were very very close, and

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Speaker 2: as a result of not having that structure, with my

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Speaker 2: grandmother's presence around and my mom not working. You know,

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Speaker 2: we grew up in an extreme poverty. And when I

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Speaker 2: say that, you know a lot of times people will

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Speaker 2: sort of go, Okay, well what does that mean? And

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Speaker 2: I'll give you just a glimpse into what that means.

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Speaker 2: We often didn't have a working telephone in the house.

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Speaker 2: We often didn't have running water, the gas might get

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Speaker 2: turned off, the electricity was out, and food was scarce,

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Speaker 2: and so for me, so much of those early years

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Speaker 2: really focused on survival by way of I would say,

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Speaker 2: silencing and sort of hiding my family life and going

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Speaker 2: to school and really just putting my head down. I

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Speaker 2: got a lot of praise as a good student. I

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Speaker 2: did really well in school, and it was I would say,

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Speaker 2: I was clear really early on that that was going

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Speaker 2: to be a way out. If I had a way out,

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Speaker 2: it was going to be by you know, being a

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Speaker 2: good student and then you know, getting out and going

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Speaker 2: to college and sort of the rest, you know, as

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Speaker 2: my story goes, sort of has become history. You know,

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Speaker 2: I think there are so many ways to answer the

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Speaker 2: question of how I became this person. And I'll tell

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Speaker 2: you both that Initially, when I would share my story

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Speaker 2: my background with people, they would, you know, they would

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Speaker 2: ask me a version of that question, and I didn't

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Speaker 2: know exactly how I wanted to answer it, and I

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Speaker 2: would just say, well, I think there was this other

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Speaker 2: life waiting for me, and I manifested the life that

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Speaker 2: I have now, and I think those are both true.

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Speaker 2: And I believe so deeply that so much of the

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Speaker 2: rewiring that I did early on in those years was

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Speaker 2: through the stories that I told myself. It was I

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Speaker 2: did believe that there was another life waiting for me,

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Speaker 2: that those circumstances that I grew up in weren't mine

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Speaker 2: because I hadn't chosen them, and that you know, there

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Speaker 2: was this other path that I could take to get

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Speaker 2: to the life that I was meant to live. I

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Speaker 2: would say today, my understand better understanding neuroplasticity, better understanding epigenetics,

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Speaker 2: better understanding post traumatic growth. I harnessed the power of

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Speaker 2: the stories that I told myself. I summoned the resilience

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Speaker 2: that you know was deep within me and could anchor

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Speaker 2: into a sense of possibility to be pulled into something

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Speaker 2: greater than where you know, my beginnings would have left me.

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Speaker 2: I would say I've become a person who understands that

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Speaker 2: healing is a practice. You know it's ongoing, but that

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Speaker 2: I very much feel a sense of wholeness despite the

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Speaker 2: ongoing effort to you know, continue to focus on my

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Speaker 2: own growth and hearing. That was so beautiful and there

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Speaker 2: was so much there.

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Speaker 1: We're going to come back to those terms, yeah, thereye,

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Speaker 1: because we would make sure that we can kind of

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Speaker 1: get everyone on the same level seen playing field there

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Speaker 1: when it comes to our conversation. But I'm taking notes.

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Speaker 1: If you see me, look down, I'm taking notes. I

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Speaker 1: love that you said you summoned resilience. Yes, okay, so

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Speaker 1: let's get into this book. Your book of my own

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Speaker 1: making is incredibly inspiring and insightful, and I know I

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Speaker 1: had some ugly tears over here reading through the book,

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Speaker 1: but also being deeply inspired by your story. And so

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Speaker 1: when you think about the structure of your book, Roots,

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Speaker 1: Reckoning and Reclamation, it creates such a powerful framework for

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Speaker 1: transformation and healing. What inspired you to organize it in

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Speaker 1: that way?

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Speaker 2: Thank you for that question. You know it took me

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Speaker 2: a long time actually to nail it. I knew that

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Speaker 2: I wanted a three perch structure, which is pretty common

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Speaker 2: in a lot of books. And I already had the

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Speaker 2: rough outline for the book, and so the first third

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Speaker 2: of it is really centered around those early years. I'm

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Speaker 2: laying the foundation for the story that I'm going to

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Speaker 2: take you on. I'm giving you the background and the

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Speaker 2: backdrop for my childhood. I'm also exploring early childhood development

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Speaker 2: and you know, my early understanding of these some of

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Speaker 2: these concepts that I've mentioned that you know, we'll get

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Speaker 2: more into. And so roots felt so obvious to me.

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Speaker 2: But also when you think about I loved a garden.

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Speaker 2: I loved to plant and do yard work, and so

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Speaker 2: you know, the roots also give us so much information

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Speaker 2: and insight into the health of a plant. And so

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Speaker 2: if you repot an orchid, for example, the roots will

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Speaker 2: tell you where maybe part of the plant isn't so healthy,

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Speaker 2: where to cut, where to nurture, what's a clean And

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Speaker 2: so that felt to me like such a strong and

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Speaker 2: powerful way to really start reckoning. Is you know, it's disorienting,

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Speaker 2: it's disruptive. We sort of when we are we were

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Speaker 2: faced with a reckoning in our lives, we're sort of,

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Speaker 2: you know, turned around and jostled around. And that's sort

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Speaker 2: of what it felt like when I started the healing

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Speaker 2: journey that you know I talk about and write about

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Speaker 2: in the book. It was. It was disruptive and to

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Speaker 2: some extent it felt chaotic and kind of caught me

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Speaker 2: off guard. And I think that's what happens. You know,

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Speaker 2: we're usually invited to heal. We don't like walk into

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Speaker 2: a room and sit down and say, okay, it's time.

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Speaker 2: You know, it's like no, no, no. Something happens and

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Speaker 2: it awakens something in you that invites you to look

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Speaker 2: further in or go deeper into something, or you know,

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Speaker 2: tend to some whom that's being activated. And that's what

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Speaker 2: a reckoning often is. And it asks us to really

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Speaker 2: do to look at and confront the thing that maybe

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Speaker 2: we haven't you know, we weren't aware of, or we

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Speaker 2: haven't wanted to look at. And then finally, reclamation is

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Speaker 2: is just that, you know, it's an active agency. For me,

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Speaker 2: I think so much much about the work that I

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Speaker 2: did and healing and in writing this book was was

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Speaker 2: an active reassembly, you know of sort of taking knitting

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Speaker 2: together these various parts of myself that I had shed

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Speaker 2: on the way to survival. Trying to survive, you sort

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Speaker 2: of have to say goodbye to an innocence, you know,

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Speaker 2: in some cases, the sensitivity, the versions of yourself that

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Speaker 2: maybe are too fragile to go forward as you're you know,

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Speaker 2: trying to move through really hard parts of your life.

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Speaker 2: So I saw so much of the reclamation for me

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Speaker 2: as knitting those pieces back together, you know, kind of

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Speaker 2: if my whole self is my home, then finding rooms

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Speaker 2: for all those parts in that home and reclaiming them

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Speaker 2: and owning them, and you know, understanding that even the

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Speaker 2: painful ones have a role, even fear as a role.

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Speaker 2: It may not have the biggest room, it's not the

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Speaker 2: best decorated room. It might be in a you know,

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Speaker 2: a closet in the basement, but you know I've made

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Speaker 2: I've made a home for all of it. And so

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Speaker 2: reclaiming those parts of myself in a way to I

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Speaker 2: don't know, feel whole and embodied. I think, Okay, I

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Speaker 2: love that.

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Speaker 3: That was a beautiful explanation and journey into your book.

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Speaker 3: But before we dig a little deeper, I want us

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Speaker 3: to rewind a bit and understand a couple of words

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Speaker 3: that have been tossed out here. So far so that

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Speaker 3: our audience is full, like we're on the same page.

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Speaker 3: I like to often say that I need I need

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Speaker 3: to operationalize the definition of the words so that we

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Speaker 3: all are clear on what we're speaking of. Yes, and

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Speaker 3: so two words that I think we don't often hear about,

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Speaker 3: or maybe we've heard of and we're not quite sure

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Speaker 3: what it truly means, neuroplasticity and epigenetics.

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Speaker 2: Yes. Yes, and those two ideas that I'll walk us

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Speaker 2: through honestly set the tone for me when I decided

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Speaker 2: to write this book, and so yes, I'm excited to

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Speaker 2: get into them. So neuroplasticity is really simple. It's a

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Speaker 2: complicated sounding word with a really simple definition. It's just

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Speaker 2: our brain's ability to grow and to reorganize itself by

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Speaker 2: forming new neural connections throughout our lives. And so it's

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Speaker 2: not finite. It doesn't stop when you know your prefrontal

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Speaker 2: cortex is developed at around the age of twenty six.

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Speaker 2: It's an ongoing allowance that our brain has for us

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Speaker 2: to adapt and to learn and to recover from experiences

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Speaker 2: as we have them. So if you, for example, study

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Speaker 2: a language, or are you know, practicing learning an instrument,

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Speaker 2: or sport or anything like that. That repeated action starts

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Speaker 2: to create new neural connections that allows your brain to

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Speaker 2: grow and to adapt and ultimately for you to find

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Speaker 2: you know, in a perfect world. You do it long

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Speaker 2: enough some mastery of that. That's also true for the

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Speaker 2: stories we tell ourselves. You give your brain enough information

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Speaker 2: or the same kind of information over and over again,

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Speaker 2: it will adapt and adjust to it. Now, epigenetics explains

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Speaker 2: the study of the ways in which our environment, as

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Speaker 2: well as inherited potentially trauma or experiences from our genetic line,

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Speaker 2: ultimately manifest in the way our genes express themselves. So

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Speaker 2: I heard this definition of epigenetics that I really love.

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Speaker 2: So if you think about the epidermis right, the skin, right,

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Speaker 2: the dermis is the skin, and epi means on top.

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Speaker 2: So the genes. You know, we're born with the genes

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Speaker 2: that we have, and ePIE is all the things that

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Speaker 2: happen on top that might impact their expression. And so

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Speaker 2: that is who you spend time with, where you live,

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Speaker 2: the environment that you're around. Again, you know, even the

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Speaker 2: stories that you're hearing and telling yourselves. All of that

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Speaker 2: you know, as is it manifests in a propensity towards

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Speaker 2: maybe healing in a particular way, or getting staying stuck

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Speaker 2: in a wound, maybe in succumbing to addiction. All of

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Speaker 2: those are manifestations of epigenetics as a result of a

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Speaker 2: number of different factors. It can be tricky, but I

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Speaker 2: found both of them to be so empowering because what

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Speaker 2: they ultimately say to me, in combination is that what

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Speaker 2: we learn we can unlearn, and what we want to learn,

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Speaker 2: we can unlearn. And so you know, when you think

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Speaker 2: about traumatic events, whether on a singular level or on

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Speaker 2: a collective level, you know it does. Trauma can change

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Speaker 2: the brain, but so does healing. Okay, there was a

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Speaker 2: bar right there. Trauma can change the brain the silk

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Speaker 2: of healing. And I'm like, I love the way you

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Speaker 2: broke that down as well. All right, Professor Darius.

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Speaker 1: I love how you broke it down because I now

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Speaker 1: it makes it more approachable for silly I've heard genetics

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Speaker 1: but didn't know how to explain it. So I love

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Speaker 1: the way you kind of broke that down with a

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Speaker 1: visual component. But one thing we want to talk about

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Speaker 1: now is I think it was in chapter seventeen where

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Speaker 1: you met with doctor Bush, and this was so fascinating

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Speaker 1: to me. I feel like it was like a I

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Speaker 1: don't know, it was I like to nerd out about

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Speaker 1: stuff about the brain. And so this particular section was

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Speaker 1: about how you had brain scans and you were able

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Speaker 1: to learn how the trauma impacted your brain and what

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Speaker 1: it did in certain parts. And there was a sentence

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Speaker 1: from the book that I just want to call out

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Speaker 1: and if you can maybe describe this experience to the listeners.

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Speaker 1: It says the primary difference between the person who experienced

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Speaker 1: this tragedy but does not have a trauma response and

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Speaker 1: the one who does comes down to resilience. And I

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Speaker 1: believe doctor Brush said resilience and perspective. So can you

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Speaker 1: just tell us about that whole experience and describe it

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Speaker 1: to the listener if they don't know already.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, of course. I mean I think this idea a

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Speaker 2: lot of times we have about trauma is we sort

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Speaker 2: of assign trauma to the event itself, and you know,

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Speaker 2: whether it's a car accident or the death of a

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Speaker 2: family member or an assault, you know, it's some of

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Speaker 2: the most horrific things any of us can experience, and

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Speaker 2: so you know, those events are called traumatic. But the

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Speaker 2: truth is it's really our response to that event. The

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Speaker 2: ways in which we become destabilized as a result of

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Speaker 2: that event are lack of connection to our ability to

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Speaker 2: stay calm, to you know, quiet, our nervous system. That's

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Speaker 2: that's where the trauma is coming forward. That event was

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Speaker 2: the catalyst for the expression of these manifestations of you know,

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Speaker 2: traumatic I was going to say stresses, but traumatic behaviors

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Speaker 2: or awakenings, triggers that might be affected or sort of

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Speaker 2: awakened that were maybe lying dormant as a result of

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Speaker 2: that event. And the more, you know, when it comes

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Speaker 2: to resilience and to perspective, you know, the idea is

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Speaker 2: pretty straightforward. Our ability to people would say bounce back,

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Speaker 2: I would say, to withstand and have tools to navigate

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Speaker 2: difficult experiences is really how I think about resilience. And

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Speaker 2: so it's not to say that something difficult might you know,

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Speaker 2: happen to me and I just bounce back and I'm fine.

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Speaker 2: I mean that is not only not I I was

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Speaker 2: gonna say, not normal, Doctor Donald, looking at you, you know,

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Speaker 2: that is not a normal reaction to have, you know,

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Speaker 2: experienced a deeply traumatic event or an event that could

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Speaker 2: be deeply traumatic and just be fine. But your ability

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Speaker 2: to recover from those experiences rooted in you know, both

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Speaker 2: the perspective that this this thing happened, but it is

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Speaker 2: not happening currently, and what are the tools that you're

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Speaker 2: using to maintain that sense of perspective, that way of

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Speaker 2: sort of resilience building over a period of time. And

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Speaker 2: so that might be a number of different modality. It

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Speaker 2: could be that you you tap into breath work, or

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Speaker 2: you journal, or you have to move your body, you know,

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Speaker 2: and you have more of a need for somatic healing,

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Speaker 2: and so really thinking a lot about that combination of

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Speaker 2: using those tools. And then for me, I you know,

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Speaker 2: one of the things that we talk about in that

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Speaker 2: chapter and through the work that I did with doctor

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Speaker 2: Brush in learning that you know what my sort of

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Speaker 2: resilience level is. I tend to be somebody for whom

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Speaker 2: negative experiences aren't very sticky, and we all have a

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Speaker 2: different baseline for that, and you know, your ability to

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Speaker 2: leverage these different tools ultimately might help increase your tolerance

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Speaker 2: for you know, having less of those negative experiences be

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Speaker 2: quite sticky. So I have a really i would say

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Speaker 2: high negative bias and that you know, I am not

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Speaker 2: easily biased by negative events, so that certainly helps. But

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Speaker 2: I think, you know, if I may also offer kind

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Speaker 2: of what I'm dancing around ultimately, is this third idea

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Speaker 2: that I'd mentioned, which is post traumatic growth and people

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Speaker 2: who experience post who experience gives me traumatic events. Often

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Speaker 2: we hear a lot about PTSD post traumatic stress disorder,

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Speaker 2: and the ways in which that, you know, people are

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Speaker 2: essentially haunted by and unable to move move forward through

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Speaker 2: the waves in which their body and their minds are

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Speaker 2: reacting to these traumatic events, and so it's showing up

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Speaker 2: as a chronic stress disorder over a long period of time.

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Speaker 2: Potentially post traumatic growth, though, is a positive phenomenon, right,

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Speaker 2: a psychological change that can occur after a person experiences

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Speaker 2: a traumatic event as well. But in this event, people

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Speaker 2: find themselves actually having grown beyond maybe who they were before.

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Speaker 2: They've gained new perspective, they find a deeper sense of resilience,

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Speaker 2: they have a greater appreciation for life, maybe their relationship

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Speaker 2: are stronger, they have a stronger sense of personal strength,

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Speaker 2: they have a greater spiritual you know, footing or grounding,

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Speaker 2: and they have, you know, just an overall sense of

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Speaker 2: more possibility and that is is you know, likely, and

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Speaker 2: we can talk a little bit more about who's who

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Speaker 2: the ingredients sort of that that need for post traumatic

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Speaker 2: growth and who's more likely to experience it, But ultimately

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Speaker 2: that's also a possible outcome, and so having a sense

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Speaker 2: of resilience and having those tools and having a great

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Speaker 2: perspective often underpin and might help support someone going through

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Speaker 2: adversity and actually reporting post traumatic growth on the other

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Speaker 2: side instead of stress.

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Speaker 3: Okay, so you gave us a lot in that in

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Speaker 3: that response, and so I know as I'm as I'm

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Speaker 3: sitting and I'm processing, I know our listener probably will

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Speaker 3: need to rewind and and hear your response a few

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Speaker 3: times because there's lots of information in there and lots

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Speaker 3: of nuggets and wisdom from your own experience. So can

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Speaker 3: you talk to us about how you got connected with

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Speaker 3: doctor Brush and for the person who so doctor Brush, well, yes,

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Speaker 3: I'll let you tell us. So doctor Brush, is how

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Speaker 3: you got connected with doctor Brush and what made your

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Speaker 3: work with them so transformational for you.

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Speaker 2: So I without you know, going too far through the book, essentially,

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Speaker 2: you know, as I was learning about neuroplasticity and epigenetics,

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Speaker 2: I just became obsessed with understanding the role in which

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Speaker 2: these ideas, these scientific concepts rooted in neuroscience and psychology

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Speaker 2: were potentially a gateway to healing, to growth, to just

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Speaker 2: explaining to some extent also how somebody could come from

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Speaker 2: a really tragic set of circumstances and choose to become

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Speaker 2: someone who is healthy and whole. And you know, I'm

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Speaker 2: going to say in air quotes successful because I think

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Speaker 2: there's a lot of performance and success and I'm victim

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Speaker 2: to that too. But I think these concepts were really

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Speaker 2: so exciting for me, and it led me on a

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Speaker 2: four year journey that actually I sort of end with

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Speaker 2: towards the book where I got a brain scan at

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Speaker 2: aim in Clinics. Now, doctor Amen is a. Daniel Aman

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Speaker 2: is a pediatrician actually and psychiatrist and brain researcher who

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Speaker 2: over over decades now has done tens of thousands of

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Speaker 2: brain scans. He started doing a lot of work with

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Speaker 2: professional athletes around the field of CTE and looking at

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Speaker 2: traumatic brain injuries and head trauma and the impact of

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Speaker 2: those head injuries and trauma on the brain and all

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Speaker 2: the ways in which that was showing up, whether it

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Speaker 2: was in cognitive decline, in short term memory loss, in anxiety,

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Speaker 2: you know, showing up in a lot of different ways.

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Speaker 2: He also has a pretty significant area of study with

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Speaker 2: children who suffer from ADHD and add and you know,

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Speaker 2: different forms of neurodiversity in that regard. So I learned

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Speaker 2: about his brain scan work in the midst of my

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Speaker 2: own sort of self study over those four years, and

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Speaker 2: I was just curious. I'm like, what would my brain

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Speaker 2: say about me about my mental health? You know, I'm

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Speaker 2: a healthy person at the time, I was forty, you know,

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Speaker 2: as a result of my childhood, I don't have a

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Speaker 2: lot of information about my family background and health history,

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Speaker 2: and I was just curious. So I signed up to

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Speaker 2: get a brain scan at aim And Clinics, and I

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Speaker 2: had an opportunity to work with doctor Brush, doctor Julie Brush,

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Speaker 2: who has a really incredible background, particularly working with people

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Speaker 2: who suffered from addiction. Now, obviously I don't I don't

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Speaker 2: have that challenge, but it's in my family background. You know,

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Speaker 2: both of my grandfathers suffered from alcoholism. Both of my parents,

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Speaker 2: as I've shared, you know, are in forms of recovery

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Speaker 2: from drug addiction. And I also just wanted to understand like,

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Speaker 2: was there anything that the scan would show towards my

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Speaker 2: own propensity towards these things. Again, I wasn't even at risk.

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Speaker 2: I think it was just the curiosity. So I went in,

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Speaker 2: I had the brain scan, I did a lot of testing,

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Speaker 2: and so, yeah, where I'm in the chapter, I'm really

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Speaker 2: talking about the findings and what I learned through her,

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Speaker 2: and you know, so much of what I learned I

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Speaker 2: think that in that session, or those series of sessions,

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Speaker 2: was what an anxious brain looks like. I had never

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Speaker 2: been diagnosed with anxiety. I had many years prior to

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Speaker 2: been diagnosed with complex PTSD, but I had largely felt

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00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:10,320
Speaker 2: like I had gotten that under control through all of

434
00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:13,600
Speaker 2: the work that I had been doing from a decade

435
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 2: after getting that diagnosis. And so for her to say, well,

436
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:19,720
Speaker 2: you have an anxious brain. You know, if I were

437
00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:21,879
Speaker 2: to look at your scans, I'm seeing a lot of

438
00:26:21,920 --> 00:26:26,080
Speaker 2: activity on this resting brain scan. We're even at a

439
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:31,600
Speaker 2: resting state. Your brain is just like firing. And it

440
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,840
Speaker 2: was it sort of, you know, caught me off guard

441
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:36,560
Speaker 2: a little because it wasn't a label that I would

442
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,960
Speaker 2: have ever attached to myself. But one of the things

443
00:26:39,960 --> 00:26:42,399
Speaker 2: that She said that was also I think such a

444
00:26:42,440 --> 00:26:46,000
Speaker 2: gift to me was that my brain was an example

445
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:50,479
Speaker 2: of someone who had taken a lot of trauma, a

446
00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 2: lot of difficult experiences, a lot of sort of moving

447
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,960
Speaker 2: through the world with this question of is this a

448
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 2: safe place and being able to really convert that energy

449
00:27:01,840 --> 00:27:08,640
Speaker 2: into motivation and into self reliance and independence, but doing

450
00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:12,560
Speaker 2: it in a way with that perspective that I'm not,

451
00:27:12,760 --> 00:27:14,879
Speaker 2: you know, the world is a safe space. I'm not

452
00:27:15,040 --> 00:27:18,639
Speaker 2: at risk anymore, and that I can ultimately decide to,

453
00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 2: you know, use that energy to actually ground myself, to

454
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:27,359
Speaker 2: feel more calm and sure that I've built the life

455
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,600
Speaker 2: that's you know, that's stable and one that's secure. I've

456
00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:34,840
Speaker 2: created friendships and relationships with people who are safe and secure,

457
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,480
Speaker 2: and they're like family, and you know, I think the

458
00:27:37,560 --> 00:27:39,960
Speaker 2: interesting last little bit that she shared with me that

459
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,600
Speaker 2: I'll share here is that when they've done a lot

460
00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:46,000
Speaker 2: of brain scans over the years, as I mentioned, they've

461
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:48,800
Speaker 2: done tens of thousands at Aman clinics, and they've found

462
00:27:48,840 --> 00:27:53,119
Speaker 2: that a lot of CEOs and successful entrepreneurs tend to

463
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:55,359
Speaker 2: have a little bit of that anxiety in the brain,

464
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,360
Speaker 2: and they've been able to really convert that into more

465
00:27:58,400 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 2: of a motivating, igniting energy that you know is oriented

466
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 2: around you know, doing something good with their lives, doing

467
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,960
Speaker 2: something meaningful with you know, what they've been given. And

468
00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 2: that's certainly been you know the way I've tried to

469
00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 2: look at the world, and hopefully this book is you know,

470
00:28:16,720 --> 00:28:21,639
Speaker 2: one of the ways in which that that shows up. Lady.

471
00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:25,560
Speaker 3: It's twenty twenty five, and we deserve a space where

472
00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:29,320
Speaker 3: we can show up just as we are, ready to

473
00:28:29,400 --> 00:28:33,480
Speaker 3: meet others just as they are. But does that space

474
00:28:33,520 --> 00:28:34,200
Speaker 3: even exist?

475
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:36,200
Speaker 2: It sure does.

476
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,680
Speaker 1: I just created a Field account to build my community

477
00:28:39,720 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 1: dom and as a newly single woman who's dating, I'm

478
00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 1: looking for great dating experiences, but I also want to

479
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,080
Speaker 1: create deeper connections. Let's tell it out about Field. Okay,

480
00:28:48,480 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 1: Field is not just a dating app. It's a space

481
00:28:50,400 --> 00:28:55,600
Speaker 1: where you can explore your desires, whether that's open relationships, alliamory, cuddling,

482
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:58,400
Speaker 1: or just finding people who share your vibe. So think

483
00:28:58,560 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 1: brunch dates, wine or even a pottery class crew.

484
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 3: Ooh girl, okay, I think you might have had me

485
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:11,280
Speaker 3: at brunch and wine tasting. But okay, wait, wait, wait, wait,

486
00:29:12,560 --> 00:29:16,200
Speaker 3: how does Field make it different from the usual dating

487
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:19,320
Speaker 3: apps like what's the Energy Girl.

488
00:29:19,480 --> 00:29:21,000
Speaker 1: First of all, you don't have to worry about that

489
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:24,160
Speaker 1: algorithm nonsense. You are in full control of your experience

490
00:29:24,520 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: and there's no pressure to swipe. Oh you know what

491
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:29,600
Speaker 1: else I love too. You can actually go back if

492
00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,040
Speaker 1: you change your mind about someone, and I know on

493
00:29:32,120 --> 00:29:34,360
Speaker 1: some of these other apps, you swipe and you're like,

494
00:29:34,400 --> 00:29:37,480
Speaker 1: oh wait, I wanted to go I want to so yeah,

495
00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 1: you can go back. Plus, they have this constellation feature

496
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:42,720
Speaker 1: that lets you link up with your friends or partners,

497
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 1: so it's really like meeting people with your community already

498
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:48,480
Speaker 1: in mind. And also, Dom you're gonna love this part. Okay,

499
00:29:48,480 --> 00:29:52,760
Speaker 1: come in close for this, y'all. Transparency is key. This

500
00:29:52,840 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 1: is a space where people are upfront about their relationship

501
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:58,600
Speaker 1: styles and what they're looking for. So no more guessing games,

502
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,120
Speaker 1: because y'all know how it is. You're going app you

503
00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 1: meet somebody who started liking them and you find out

504
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 1: they got fifty eleven baby mamas and this relationship over here.

505
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,120
Speaker 1: Transparency is key over here.

506
00:30:10,600 --> 00:30:12,560
Speaker 2: Listen. I like that.

507
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 3: Okay, transparency I love that. So no weird swiping games,

508
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:23,960
Speaker 3: no worrying about being catfished. It's a space where people

509
00:30:24,200 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 3: actually like communicate, use their big people words like this

510
00:30:28,840 --> 00:30:29,720
Speaker 3: sounds refreshing.

511
00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:33,080
Speaker 1: Okay, exactly. And you know what else I love too.

512
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:36,360
Speaker 1: It's not just about dating. You can literally use Field

513
00:30:36,360 --> 00:30:41,160
Speaker 1: to find friendships, travel buddies, or even creative collaborators. And

514
00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:45,200
Speaker 1: the thing is too dom If your desires or identity evolved,

515
00:30:45,600 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: it's not a big deal. What I read is that

516
00:30:47,600 --> 00:30:50,520
Speaker 1: sixty two percent of members actually shift their interests in

517
00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:51,680
Speaker 1: their first year on the app.

518
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 3: What okay, lady, I mean you had me at brunch

519
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 3: and wine tasting, but I think now I'm convinced. So

520
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 3: I know if I'm convinced, other people want to know,

521
00:31:05,040 --> 00:31:06,880
Speaker 3: where can they check this out?

522
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 1: I got y'all go download Field spelled fe e l

523
00:31:11,720 --> 00:31:15,120
Speaker 1: d and it's pronounced like soccer field. Okay, on the

524
00:31:15,160 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: App store or on Google Play. Get into it. And

525
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,680
Speaker 1: if y'all see me on Field, stop by and say hello, Okay,

526
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:24,280
Speaker 1: because I'm on there. I'm building our community.

527
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 3: All right, y'all, So go check out Field and let

528
00:31:26,920 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 3: us know what you think.

529
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,920
Speaker 2: That is so fascinating.

530
00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I feel like we could talk to

531
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:36,840
Speaker 1: you forever about your book and about the experiences you've had,

532
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:38,160
Speaker 1: and now you make me want to get a brain

533
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:41,600
Speaker 1: skin too, Like, how do I sign up? I want it?

534
00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:44,240
Speaker 1: I want to ask you another question, Darien, and it's

535
00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:47,240
Speaker 1: just about I'm thinking about the person who may be

536
00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:48,880
Speaker 1: in the midst of their traumacs. I know, when you're

537
00:31:48,920 --> 00:31:51,320
Speaker 1: in the midst of something, it can be it can

538
00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 1: be really challenging to adopt a victor mindset, right, especially

539
00:31:55,240 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: if people around you are not in that space. And

540
00:31:57,680 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 1: so how would you say, maybe in the beginning is

541
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:03,560
Speaker 1: before you started doing the work, Oh, have you found

542
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:06,160
Speaker 1: ways to cope with the things that you experienced that

543
00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,960
Speaker 1: were not your fault? So I think so many people

544
00:32:09,000 --> 00:32:11,640
Speaker 1: get stuck in the trauma and like it foughts how

545
00:32:11,640 --> 00:32:12,200
Speaker 1: far they go?

546
00:32:12,520 --> 00:32:14,480
Speaker 2: So what helped you move forward when it came to that,

547
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 2: if I'm honest. Dissociation in those early years. You know,

548
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 2: as a young person, as a child, the brain doesn't

549
00:32:24,200 --> 00:32:28,760
Speaker 2: have the capacity to handle everything that it's you know,

550
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 2: it's sort of threatening your well being and often we

551
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:36,840
Speaker 2: sort of respond in one of a couple of ways.

552
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:40,240
Speaker 2: In my case, I dissociated and sort of blocked a

553
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,480
Speaker 2: lot out, and I think it allowed me to have

554
00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,800
Speaker 2: a bit of a tunnel vision. Now, when I got

555
00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:50,720
Speaker 2: to a place where I wasn't food wasn't scarce, you know,

556
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 2: my basic needs were met, my bills were paid, That's

557
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,400
Speaker 2: when stuff starts to come up, you know, because now

558
00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,680
Speaker 2: the brain can rest a little bit, and things started

559
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:04,440
Speaker 2: to merge. And that for me showed up in I mean, gosh,

560
00:33:04,480 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 2: all sorts of ways, but ruminating on things, you know,

561
00:33:09,080 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 2: hearing a lot of negative self talk, feeling like I

562
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:16,160
Speaker 2: needed to outrun the feelings that were coming up, or

563
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 2: some of the ways that it showed up in my life,

564
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,719
Speaker 2: and it sent me to therapy. I was twenty six

565
00:33:20,840 --> 00:33:23,200
Speaker 2: years old the first time I went to see a therapist,

566
00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 2: and that was the beginning of a journey of really

567
00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 2: naming what was going on in my life and healing it.

568
00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:33,520
Speaker 2: And so I would say, whether you're a listener who

569
00:33:33,640 --> 00:33:37,120
Speaker 2: has the ability to go to therapy or not, I

570
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:41,400
Speaker 2: think naming what you're feeling is so powerful. And that

571
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 2: might be that you share it with a friend that

572
00:33:43,840 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 2: you trust. It might be that you write it down

573
00:33:46,520 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 2: in a journal. It might be that you just say

574
00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:53,280
Speaker 2: it out loud to yourself. But naming and acknowledging that

575
00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:57,480
Speaker 2: I feel stuck in this wound is the first step

576
00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:01,080
Speaker 2: I think to creating a little bit the distance from it,

577
00:34:01,440 --> 00:34:04,560
Speaker 2: stepping a little bit outside of it. I will say,

578
00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 2: oftentimes I think we feel like we have to stay

579
00:34:07,880 --> 00:34:11,600
Speaker 2: in the wound to understand it, and would I would

580
00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,480
Speaker 2: argue that it is the exact opposite. You actually need

581
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:16,759
Speaker 2: to get out of the wound to understand it, to

582
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:20,799
Speaker 2: extertilize it, to understand it. It's so much easier said

583
00:34:20,840 --> 00:34:23,919
Speaker 2: than done now, and I think there are so many

584
00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,080
Speaker 2: different ways for you to figure out, you know, what's

585
00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 2: coming up in this moment. You know, I tend to

586
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 2: think a lot about triggers as information, and when something

587
00:34:34,960 --> 00:34:38,759
Speaker 2: awakens something in you, or activate something in you that

588
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:42,400
Speaker 2: you can't explain, or you suddenly feel it in your body,

589
00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:45,160
Speaker 2: you feel sick, or you feel upset, you want to

590
00:34:45,239 --> 00:34:50,279
Speaker 2: lash out, you feel inconsolable, you don't have language, you know,

591
00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:54,080
Speaker 2: whatever that might be, I think is such a powerful

592
00:34:54,480 --> 00:34:59,480
Speaker 2: indication of true a wound that's being triggered or activated

593
00:34:59,520 --> 00:35:02,600
Speaker 2: in some kind of a way. And I think the fast,

594
00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:04,400
Speaker 2: you know, the fastest way to sort of get to

595
00:35:04,440 --> 00:35:07,160
Speaker 2: that is just sit for a moment and say out

596
00:35:07,200 --> 00:35:10,360
Speaker 2: loud or in some capacity again writing it down, whatever

597
00:35:10,400 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 2: the case may be, that works for you to say, Okay,

598
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:15,680
Speaker 2: this just came up, this is where I feel it,

599
00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 2: or this is how it showed up for me, and

600
00:35:18,239 --> 00:35:20,880
Speaker 2: this is where I think it's coming from, or this

601
00:35:21,040 --> 00:35:24,480
Speaker 2: was the event that caused it, and you'd be shocked

602
00:35:24,880 --> 00:35:28,439
Speaker 2: at what happens when that happens. I also let myself cry.

603
00:35:28,760 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 2: Now you know, I am not ever. You know, I

604
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:35,000
Speaker 2: don't hold it in, and so I don't apologize when

605
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,719
Speaker 2: I cry. You know, if I start, you know, if

606
00:35:37,719 --> 00:35:39,920
Speaker 2: I'm in conversation with somebody, I'll tell you. Guys. You know,

607
00:35:40,000 --> 00:35:42,480
Speaker 2: with this process of the book coming out, it's been

608
00:35:42,520 --> 00:35:47,520
Speaker 2: extremely emotional. I was such a private person. I've always

609
00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:50,640
Speaker 2: been quite private about my life and sharing just what

610
00:35:50,680 --> 00:35:53,919
Speaker 2: I want people to know and having those boundaries, and

611
00:35:54,520 --> 00:35:57,720
Speaker 2: this is you know, a very real, I think active

612
00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,520
Speaker 2: courage to sort of put something out in the world

613
00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 2: that's like, you know, as full frontally honest as I

614
00:36:04,680 --> 00:36:08,680
Speaker 2: can be, and to say like this is these are

615
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 2: all the things that I thought I may not survive

616
00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:14,520
Speaker 2: at one point in my life, and these are all

617
00:36:14,560 --> 00:36:17,399
Speaker 2: the ways I've tried to sort of pull myself knit

618
00:36:17,480 --> 00:36:20,480
Speaker 2: myself back together and find all these versions of myself

619
00:36:20,520 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 2: and pull them back together. But I'm laying a lot

620
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:26,759
Speaker 2: out there and to do that being seen, which is

621
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 2: that's hard for me. You know, not being on stage,

622
00:36:31,480 --> 00:36:34,880
Speaker 2: not performing, that's very easy, but like being seen is

623
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:38,200
Speaker 2: really hard. And I had, I kid you not on

624
00:36:38,239 --> 00:36:40,399
Speaker 2: Saturday alone, I was on Poe with two different friends

625
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,000
Speaker 2: at different points and throughout the day and I broke

626
00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:46,960
Speaker 2: just broke down in tears. I was just like, it's.

627
00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 4: So much, you know, I don't know what's happening, and

628
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:52,400
Speaker 4: I'm scared, and all the feelings are coming up, and

629
00:36:52,480 --> 00:36:55,560
Speaker 4: I think, you know, there's whatever purge. It's sort of

630
00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:58,080
Speaker 4: happening for me as I get ready for the book

631
00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,640
Speaker 4: to be out into the world. That's real and I

632
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:04,360
Speaker 4: think being able to acknowledge that and let whatever is

633
00:37:04,400 --> 00:37:06,040
Speaker 4: coming up come up, you know.

634
00:37:06,200 --> 00:37:08,840
Speaker 2: And so it might be tears, it might you might vomit.

635
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,920
Speaker 2: You might need to shake it out of your body,

636
00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:15,759
Speaker 2: you know. I mean, your body will tell you you know,

637
00:37:16,200 --> 00:37:19,320
Speaker 2: whatever that is, but you have to let it. And

638
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:22,920
Speaker 2: that might be the first step in this process. That

639
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 2: might be the first step in externalizing or creating a

640
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:28,360
Speaker 2: little bit more distance from that wound.

641
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:34,239
Speaker 3: Thank you for sharing that, and thank you for being

642
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:39,160
Speaker 3: so raw and honest in your response to this question,

643
00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:44,000
Speaker 3: and so you know, it made me think about how

644
00:37:44,040 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 3: you noted how hard it really is.

645
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:47,080
Speaker 2: Right.

646
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:55,120
Speaker 3: And so knowing that, what motivated you to write the

647
00:37:55,160 --> 00:37:58,279
Speaker 3: book to say, Okay, I know this is going to

648
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:02,799
Speaker 3: be hard, but I need to tell my story. What

649
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:07,839
Speaker 3: motivated you to tell your story? And as you were

650
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:12,279
Speaker 3: putting the pieces together, what were the experiences that you

651
00:38:12,360 --> 00:38:14,480
Speaker 3: were having during that process.

652
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:22,600
Speaker 2: I think a few things motivated me. I think realizing

653
00:38:23,040 --> 00:38:29,400
Speaker 2: that there's so much power in speaking. There's so much reclamation,

654
00:38:29,520 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 2: as we talked about earlier in the telling, and it

655
00:38:35,480 --> 00:38:39,480
Speaker 2: had been a secret for so long. It in my

656
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:43,520
Speaker 2: early years in early adulthood, created so much disconnection from

657
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:45,920
Speaker 2: people that I wanted to feel a greater sense of

658
00:38:45,920 --> 00:38:48,600
Speaker 2: connection too. That's actually how I started telling my story

659
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:50,719
Speaker 2: in the first place. That it was one friend here

660
00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 2: and one friend there, you know, and it was slowly

661
00:38:53,640 --> 00:38:56,759
Speaker 2: and surely doing it as a way of I think,

662
00:38:57,160 --> 00:38:59,439
Speaker 2: testing if I could trust that person, but also trying

663
00:38:59,480 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 2: to build connect and I just there's so much power

664
00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 2: in that, and it's there's so much power in being

665
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:09,520
Speaker 2: seen and having somebody else be an enlightened witness, because

666
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 2: when you go through childhood trauma, or you go through

667
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:17,520
Speaker 2: I mean, gosh, any kind of traumatic event, it can

668
00:39:17,560 --> 00:39:21,279
Speaker 2: be so isolating when you're around people who either don't

669
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:24,120
Speaker 2: understand or you haven't been able to tell them. And

670
00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:26,719
Speaker 2: so just to be able to offer in my own

671
00:39:26,800 --> 00:39:30,800
Speaker 2: story some witness to somebody else, you know, for somebody

672
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:33,719
Speaker 2: to maybe read my story and see theirs in it,

673
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:36,960
Speaker 2: that was important to me. And you know, there's a

674
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:41,839
Speaker 2: poem called why Bother. It's written by a guy named

675
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 2: Sean Thomas Doherty, and it's a very short poem where

676
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 2: he's basically answering this question of like why bother? And

677
00:39:48,920 --> 00:39:52,200
Speaker 2: it says, because right now there is someone out there

678
00:39:52,200 --> 00:39:54,839
Speaker 2: with a wound in the exact shape of your words.

679
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 2: I remember reading that and being like, Yes, that is it,

680
00:39:58,719 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 2: that is why. And it's kind of that simple, you know.

681
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,680
Speaker 2: I think a lot of times we think that our

682
00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 2: suffering is so unique, so special, and there's such a

683
00:40:14,400 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 2: relief I think in a release when you can say

684
00:40:17,160 --> 00:40:19,239
Speaker 2: I'm not alone in thats.

685
00:40:21,160 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 1: So beautiful. We are so grateful that you have decided

686
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,319
Speaker 1: to share your story, and I have a couple I

687
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:28,239
Speaker 1: want to ask you a two parter. Okay, so I'm

688
00:40:28,239 --> 00:40:29,839
Speaker 1: going to try to I'm going to write this down

689
00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 1: in case we forget it. The first part is, I know,

690
00:40:32,920 --> 00:40:34,919
Speaker 1: when it comes to sharing your story, a lot of people,

691
00:40:35,000 --> 00:40:38,280
Speaker 1: especially when your family's involved, and fearful about what people

692
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:41,080
Speaker 1: would think. You know, the family name, how we're going

693
00:40:41,120 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 1: to make the family look. Many of us grew up

694
00:40:42,760 --> 00:40:45,000
Speaker 1: with what happens in this house stays in this house.

695
00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,239
Speaker 1: So I want to ask you about writing your book

696
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 1: and going through that process. And then I also want

697
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,759
Speaker 1: to get to the life changing car accident that you

698
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,279
Speaker 1: mentioned in the book, so we can maybe dive into

699
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:55,960
Speaker 1: both of those. And when it comes to the car accident,

700
00:40:55,960 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: we just want to learn more about how that photograph

701
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:00,760
Speaker 1: set you on a course towards you're healing.

702
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:04,240
Speaker 2: And so can we answer those two questions? Yeah, of course,

703
00:41:04,360 --> 00:41:06,560
Speaker 2: I mean, gosh, I'll start with the first one. So

704
00:41:07,000 --> 00:41:09,080
Speaker 2: I think the process of writing. First of all, the

705
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 2: process of writing itself was hard. I think you know,

706
00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,000
Speaker 2: people have asked me if it was cathartic, and I'm like, no,

707
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:16,160
Speaker 2: it wasn't cathartic. And I felt like I was drowning.

708
00:41:16,239 --> 00:41:19,200
Speaker 2: You know, you sort of kind of lose yourself in

709
00:41:19,320 --> 00:41:22,520
Speaker 2: it because you're going back to and coming in contact

710
00:41:22,560 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 2: with the version of versions of yourself that maybe you

711
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:28,400
Speaker 2: had sort of like said goodbye to, or you know,

712
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:32,600
Speaker 2: you felt like you had nurtured enough, and I needed

713
00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:36,160
Speaker 2: to bring those all those versions back in order to

714
00:41:36,200 --> 00:41:40,279
Speaker 2: tell this story and to I think be reacquainted with them.

715
00:41:40,880 --> 00:41:43,640
Speaker 2: Made me fragile, you know, it made me quite raw.

716
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 2: There were moments where I there were a couple points

717
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:49,279
Speaker 2: where I stopped writing and for like a week it

718
00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,759
Speaker 2: which is like binge watch TV. You know, it was

719
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:55,400
Speaker 2: like I just needed to completely detach from it for

720
00:41:55,440 --> 00:42:00,200
Speaker 2: a minute and restore, find some sense of restoration. And

721
00:42:00,280 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 2: with the tools that I had, I do believe that

722
00:42:03,960 --> 00:42:07,439
Speaker 2: I was sort of ready in a sense to write

723
00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 2: this book because of all the work that I had done.

724
00:42:10,200 --> 00:42:12,799
Speaker 2: I think that I knew how to get through it,

725
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:15,520
Speaker 2: even if it was going to be really hard. The

726
00:42:15,520 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 2: family piece is interesting. I've been a strange from both

727
00:42:18,800 --> 00:42:24,439
Speaker 2: of my parents for over twenty years, so while there

728
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 2: wasn't the immediate concern about how they would individually react,

729
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:35,600
Speaker 2: I was so careful and so thoughtful about telling my

730
00:42:35,719 --> 00:42:39,240
Speaker 2: story and not telling theirs, and obviously there are facts

731
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 2: that I'm illuminating that's part of their story but also

732
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:47,320
Speaker 2: part of mine, and wanting to just be as careful

733
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 2: as I could and compassionate as I could. And that's

734
00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 2: true for how I talk about the city of Detroit

735
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,000
Speaker 2: where I grew up, that's true for how I reflect

736
00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 2: on some of the most painful experiences that I had,

737
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:04,040
Speaker 2: particularly with my mom, and the ways in which I

738
00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:06,520
Speaker 2: was able to come to a place of acceptance that

739
00:43:07,400 --> 00:43:11,360
Speaker 2: I didn't get what I maybe felt like I wanted,

740
00:43:11,360 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 2: the kind of childhood that I wanted, I didn't have

741
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 2: the kind of family that you know, I wanted to have,

742
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 2: and they also perhaps weren't the parents that they wanted

743
00:43:18,920 --> 00:43:21,320
Speaker 2: to be. Maybe they didn't get to have the lives

744
00:43:21,320 --> 00:43:25,160
Speaker 2: that they wanted to live either, and really grieving all

745
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:29,760
Speaker 2: of those things. I did use aliases, so the names

746
00:43:30,080 --> 00:43:34,600
Speaker 2: have been changed, even if people are hard to find

747
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 2: and they don't have digital footprints. It was just important

748
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:42,280
Speaker 2: to do that and respect and create some boundaries there

749
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 2: and then ultimately deciding what not to tell, what not

750
00:43:46,560 --> 00:43:50,239
Speaker 2: to talk about. You know, that was also really important

751
00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,239
Speaker 2: to me for my own sense of well being. And

752
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:56,360
Speaker 2: then you know, I didn't tell any story that didn't

753
00:43:56,400 --> 00:43:59,879
Speaker 2: have a role in the book. I didn't want to

754
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:03,800
Speaker 2: be talking about things gratuitously. So that's how I handled it.

755
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:07,960
Speaker 2: It's so imperfect and it's so difficult, and you just

756
00:44:08,080 --> 00:44:12,440
Speaker 2: hope that people understand that you really are trying to

757
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: reflect your experiences. And I say, you know, you'll for

758
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 2: anyone reading the book, they will say they will see

759
00:44:19,239 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 2: me say, you know, I remember the way I remember it.

760
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:24,480
Speaker 2: You ask my sister, she might tell you this, but

761
00:44:24,560 --> 00:44:28,080
Speaker 2: this is how I saw it, because that's the truth.

762
00:44:28,200 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 2: You know, you're there are the facts and then there's

763
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,400
Speaker 2: the truth, and the truth is different for everybody. The

764
00:44:34,440 --> 00:44:36,720
Speaker 2: facts can be the same, but the truth isn't always

765
00:44:36,719 --> 00:44:38,879
Speaker 2: the same. And I think the last thing I'll stand

766
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:44,280
Speaker 2: the family piece. You know, it's it does feel both

767
00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:49,080
Speaker 2: risky in the broader sense, particularly in the black community.

768
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:52,040
Speaker 2: You know, you know, Terry, you said it, we don't

769
00:44:52,080 --> 00:44:54,840
Speaker 2: talk about our business. You know, you keep family business

770
00:44:54,840 --> 00:44:57,799
Speaker 2: to yourself. And more than that, you know, I think

771
00:44:57,840 --> 00:45:02,040
Speaker 2: in the black community, we method pologize black motherhood so

772
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 2: much that you dare not say anything bad about your mom,

773
00:45:06,160 --> 00:45:08,640
Speaker 2: your grandmother. You know, you can't go there. We're not

774
00:45:08,680 --> 00:45:10,800
Speaker 2: allowed to go there, and if you do go there,

775
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,879
Speaker 2: you quickly caveat. But this was happening in her life,

776
00:45:14,920 --> 00:45:17,040
Speaker 2: but this was going on, you know. But these were

777
00:45:17,040 --> 00:45:19,440
Speaker 2: her own circumstances, and this is why she was, you know,

778
00:45:19,640 --> 00:45:21,680
Speaker 2: like this, and it's like, but that doesn't change the

779
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 2: fact that she caused you harm. And I wanted to

780
00:45:25,239 --> 00:45:27,879
Speaker 2: give people permission to say out loud or at least

781
00:45:27,920 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 2: acknowledge for themselves and maybe you had a parent or

782
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 2: a mother who caused you harm. That is real. And

783
00:45:36,680 --> 00:45:40,040
Speaker 2: I don't believe in allowing people to live in an

784
00:45:40,040 --> 00:45:45,040
Speaker 2: alternate reality where that didn't happen. And so I know

785
00:45:45,160 --> 00:45:47,560
Speaker 2: that it's hard and our culture, you know, there's a

786
00:45:47,719 --> 00:45:53,280
Speaker 2: cultural expectation that we don't do it. And I believe

787
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:57,680
Speaker 2: in living fully and holy and honestly, and you know,

788
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,360
Speaker 2: you can't do that without telling the truth to yourself,

789
00:46:00,719 --> 00:46:03,520
Speaker 2: let alone to other people. So that's my whole take

790
00:46:03,560 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 2: on that. The car accident that I talk about kind

791
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:12,920
Speaker 2: of related to that. My grandma, who it really was,

792
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:16,680
Speaker 2: the maternal figure, the central figure in our family. I

793
00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:20,960
Speaker 2: think she kept our family together I imagine that she

794
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:25,239
Speaker 2: was probably a buffer between a lot of things and

795
00:46:25,239 --> 00:46:28,439
Speaker 2: behaviors that my mom likely engaged in that I wasn't

796
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:31,240
Speaker 2: aware of one because I was too young and don't remember.

797
00:46:31,800 --> 00:46:34,240
Speaker 2: And also my grandma, you know, was probably a shield.

798
00:46:34,920 --> 00:46:37,520
Speaker 2: And she was taken from us in a really tragic

799
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:41,400
Speaker 2: car accident when I was seven years old, and for

800
00:46:41,520 --> 00:46:47,200
Speaker 2: many years that's it's an interesting sort of event in

801
00:46:47,239 --> 00:46:50,560
Speaker 2: my life for two reasons. One is because she was

802
00:46:50,560 --> 00:46:53,239
Speaker 2: on her way to church when the accident happened. She

803
00:46:53,320 --> 00:46:55,760
Speaker 2: was supposed to pick us up. She did every Sunday,

804
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:57,600
Speaker 2: she would pick us up for church and you know,

805
00:46:57,840 --> 00:47:01,000
Speaker 2: take us, take us on to to church with her.

806
00:47:01,719 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 2: And where she was on the highway when the accident happened,

807
00:47:05,480 --> 00:47:08,960
Speaker 2: she was already past the exit for our house. And

808
00:47:09,440 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 2: you know sometimes when you're driving, you're on autopilot and

809
00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,879
Speaker 2: you sort of like just keep going and you miss

810
00:47:14,880 --> 00:47:17,279
Speaker 2: a turn, or you forget that you were whatever. And

811
00:47:17,719 --> 00:47:20,439
Speaker 2: so I've wondered, you know, was it something like that

812
00:47:20,480 --> 00:47:22,600
Speaker 2: where she just was kind of so zoned out that

813
00:47:22,680 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 2: she just kept driving and missed the turn to go

814
00:47:24,560 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 2: to our house, or was there some intuitive hit that

815
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,879
Speaker 2: she got or some pain that she got that said,

816
00:47:30,960 --> 00:47:32,560
Speaker 2: I'm not going to you know, I'm not going to

817
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:35,120
Speaker 2: pick them up. I mean, we're talking about the late eighties.

818
00:47:35,160 --> 00:47:38,279
Speaker 2: In nineteen eighty seven, we didn't have we didn't even have,

819
00:47:38,520 --> 00:47:40,439
Speaker 2: you know, a working telephone at our house. I don't

820
00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 2: think at the time. I think the call may have

821
00:47:42,120 --> 00:47:45,480
Speaker 2: come through a neighbor if it didn't come at our house,

822
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 2: and it certainly not cell phones, and so there was

823
00:47:48,400 --> 00:47:50,799
Speaker 2: no way for her to reach out and let us know.

824
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:55,000
Speaker 2: And so I always felt spared, you know, for some reason,

825
00:47:55,400 --> 00:47:57,480
Speaker 2: because we should have been in the car when that happened,

826
00:47:57,520 --> 00:47:59,799
Speaker 2: or we were supposed to be in the car when

827
00:47:59,800 --> 00:48:03,120
Speaker 2: that accident happened. And so I always saw that as

828
00:48:03,160 --> 00:48:06,160
Speaker 2: maybe one of the ways in which I could validate

829
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:10,520
Speaker 2: telling this story, because I was meant to the Other

830
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:15,600
Speaker 2: thing that was really really powerful about her passing was

831
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 2: that I always told myself that it was after her

832
00:48:18,360 --> 00:48:20,759
Speaker 2: death that my mother became a drug addict, that it

833
00:48:20,840 --> 00:48:26,520
Speaker 2: was after she died that everything fell apart. And I

834
00:48:26,680 --> 00:48:30,680
Speaker 2: found the photo thirty years after it had happened. I

835
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 2: was just looking for, you know, whether it was her obituary.

836
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:36,319
Speaker 2: You know, you just kind of Google people sometimes and

837
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,839
Speaker 2: you're like, I wonder if there's anything online about her.

838
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,560
Speaker 2: And I found the article from the Detroit pre Press

839
00:48:42,600 --> 00:48:45,360
Speaker 2: that actually showed the photo of the car accident. And

840
00:48:45,360 --> 00:48:48,320
Speaker 2: I'd always heard the story about the accident. We knew

841
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:51,759
Speaker 2: that she was pretty much dead on arrival at the hospital.

842
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,000
Speaker 2: We knew it stalled in the center lane of the

843
00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:58,160
Speaker 2: freeway and a guy hit her and essentially sent the

844
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 2: back of her car compressed into the front and pushed

845
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 2: her through the windshield. I knew that story, but I

846
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:08,160
Speaker 2: had never seen anything. And I found this article and

847
00:49:08,200 --> 00:49:10,600
Speaker 2: I saw the photo, and I think it just broke

848
00:49:10,680 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 2: something open in me. I opened the book with that

849
00:49:13,719 --> 00:49:17,520
Speaker 2: story because it really was this breaking point for me.

850
00:49:17,960 --> 00:49:21,160
Speaker 2: It was a very clear sign that I had a

851
00:49:21,200 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 2: lot of healing to do, and it wasn't going to

852
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:28,040
Speaker 2: be intellectual. It was physical. And it also invited me

853
00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:30,760
Speaker 2: to really revisit the stories that I had told myself

854
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:34,479
Speaker 2: about my childhood as a result of that accident. And yeah,

855
00:49:34,840 --> 00:49:38,840
Speaker 2: it just was such a meaningful breaking point for me

856
00:49:39,000 --> 00:49:41,279
Speaker 2: in so many different ways in my life. When I

857
00:49:41,320 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 2: was seven and then again at thirty seven when I

858
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:50,520
Speaker 2: found it. Wow, thank you so much.

859
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:54,840
Speaker 3: For sharing that, especially because I know that sharing family

860
00:49:54,920 --> 00:50:01,560
Speaker 3: stories and sharing painful memories can be in incredibly difficult.

861
00:50:02,719 --> 00:50:03,160
Speaker 2: And so.

862
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:08,920
Speaker 3: As we you mentioned that you open your book with

863
00:50:09,080 --> 00:50:14,359
Speaker 3: this story, and we've been talking so much about your

864
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:19,920
Speaker 3: book throughout this interview, So can you tell us where,

865
00:50:20,600 --> 00:50:23,280
Speaker 3: so where can we find this book? And then after

866
00:50:23,400 --> 00:50:29,640
Speaker 3: reading the book and we're we're inspired, how can we

867
00:50:30,239 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 3: connect with you? How can we work with you in

868
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:33,919
Speaker 3: some way?

869
00:50:34,719 --> 00:50:37,799
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you so much for that. If I can

870
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:41,000
Speaker 2: leave you with one thing where I in the book

871
00:50:41,280 --> 00:50:45,480
Speaker 2: being up before I before I share my details, because

872
00:50:45,480 --> 00:50:48,239
Speaker 2: I think it's so important for this audience, and it

873
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:50,200
Speaker 2: was right. I kind of alluded to it earlier with

874
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:52,680
Speaker 2: post traumatic growth, and there were two things that I

875
00:50:52,800 --> 00:50:57,520
Speaker 2: learned in the research around post traumatic growth that honestly

876
00:50:57,760 --> 00:51:02,200
Speaker 2: inspire the work that I do going forward. The first

877
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:06,000
Speaker 2: those ingredients, if you will, the people who actually experienced

878
00:51:06,080 --> 00:51:08,400
Speaker 2: a traumatic event and come out on the other side

879
00:51:08,920 --> 00:51:11,719
Speaker 2: reporting having grown as a result of it, you know,

880
00:51:11,840 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 2: having more of that positive experience. And I want to

881
00:51:15,480 --> 00:51:19,520
Speaker 2: say not in the spiritual bypass kind of toxic positivity

882
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:23,840
Speaker 2: kind of way, but as we process the events of

883
00:51:23,880 --> 00:51:28,520
Speaker 2: our lives, they found themselves better for it, and those

884
00:51:28,640 --> 00:51:31,520
Speaker 2: ingredients were number one that they had and they knew

885
00:51:31,520 --> 00:51:35,040
Speaker 2: that they had a supportive community around them. Number Two,

886
00:51:35,480 --> 00:51:37,840
Speaker 2: they found meaning in what happened. They were able to

887
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:40,839
Speaker 2: make meaning out of the event. And the third, which

888
00:51:40,960 --> 00:51:47,040
Speaker 2: is really hard, but I think such a gateway, such

889
00:51:47,040 --> 00:51:50,600
Speaker 2: a portal to growth, is that they found the benefit

890
00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,799
Speaker 2: of what happened. And so that's really so powerful to

891
00:51:54,880 --> 00:51:57,080
Speaker 2: me because when we start to think about, well, how

892
00:51:57,120 --> 00:52:00,680
Speaker 2: do I move through this difficult time, you know, sit

893
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,200
Speaker 2: with that and say, you know, do I have people

894
00:52:03,239 --> 00:52:07,080
Speaker 2: around me? What meaning can I make from this? And

895
00:52:07,160 --> 00:52:10,759
Speaker 2: perhaps what good came from it? And then it's the

896
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 2: who was most likely to report experiencing post traumatic growth.

897
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 2: It was people from impoverished backgrounds, It was non white people,

898
00:52:22,600 --> 00:52:26,720
Speaker 2: and it was women. And as somebody who grew up poor,

899
00:52:26,800 --> 00:52:33,560
Speaker 2: black and female told that I shouldn't have anything, you know,

900
00:52:33,600 --> 00:52:37,600
Speaker 2: that I shouldn't believe that I deserve the best of life,

901
00:52:37,680 --> 00:52:41,080
Speaker 2: and that I, you know, have the capacity to create

902
00:52:41,120 --> 00:52:46,000
Speaker 2: a life that's rich and loving and healthy and whole.

903
00:52:46,640 --> 00:52:51,279
Speaker 2: To know that we have inherited the generational wisdom and

904
00:52:51,360 --> 00:52:55,719
Speaker 2: resilience and fortitude to have a life you know of

905
00:52:56,680 --> 00:53:00,399
Speaker 2: growth and wonder I just it's so important for for

906
00:53:00,920 --> 00:53:04,080
Speaker 2: black women in particular to know that, and it's why

907
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:07,120
Speaker 2: in the book there and so you can find me

908
00:53:08,160 --> 00:53:11,560
Speaker 2: and learn more about my ideas around these things at

909
00:53:11,640 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 2: Dariaburk dot com and mostly on Instagram at Daria Burke

910
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:20,400
Speaker 2: and then you can follow me on LinkedIn, where I

911
00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:24,680
Speaker 2: publish a newsletter called the Power of Possibility and you

912
00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:29,120
Speaker 2: can find me Daria Burke there as well. Thank you

913
00:53:29,200 --> 00:53:29,920
Speaker 2: so much, Darien.

914
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 1: We appreciate you and your work and your insights and wisdom,

915
00:53:33,600 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 1: and lady, we'll be sure to put a link to

916
00:53:36,480 --> 00:53:39,319
Speaker 1: darius links or her resources in the show notes that

917
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:40,040
Speaker 1: you can tap in.

918
00:53:40,320 --> 00:53:43,799
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. We really appreciate you. Thank you,

919
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,360
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. This is wonderful.

920
00:53:47,880 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 3: Hey, lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

921
00:53:50,760 --> 00:53:54,759
Speaker 3: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

922
00:53:54,800 --> 00:54:00,239
Speaker 3: of California in contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

923
00:54:01,040 --> 00:54:05,280
Speaker 3: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

924
00:54:05,719 --> 00:54:10,600
Speaker 3: That's d R D O M I n I q

925
00:54:10,920 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 3: U E b r O U ss ar D dot

926
00:54:16,320 --> 00:54:21,279
Speaker 3: com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

927
00:54:21,320 --> 00:54:26,279
Speaker 3: forward to hearing from you. Thanks for tuning into Cultivating

928
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 3: her Space. Remember that while this podcast is all about healing, empowerment,

929
00:54:32,000 --> 00:54:36,600
Speaker 3: and resilience, it's not a substitute for therapy. If you

930
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:40,719
Speaker 3: or someone you know needs support, check out resources like

931
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:44,839
Speaker 3: Therapy for Black Girls or Psychology Today. If you love

932
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,840
Speaker 3: today's episode, do us a favor and share it with

933
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:51,759
Speaker 3: a friend who needs some inspiration, or leave us a

934
00:54:51,800 --> 00:54:55,319
Speaker 3: quick five star review. Your support means the world to

935
00:54:55,440 --> 00:54:57,800
Speaker 3: us and helps keeps this space thriving.

936
00:54:58,360 --> 00:55:03,200
Speaker 1: And before we meet again, repeat after me. My actions

937
00:55:03,320 --> 00:55:10,960
Speaker 1: are aligned with purpose leading to continuous transformation. Keep thriving, lady,

938
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:15,160
Speaker 1: and tune in next Friday for more inspiration from Cultivating

939
00:55:15,200 --> 00:55:18,239
Speaker 1: her Space. In the meantime, be sure to connect with

940
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 1: us on Instagram at her Space Podcast