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Speaker 1: Hello the Internet, and welcome to this episode of Sir

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Speaker 1: Carl Trentkins, a name that we all know and floors

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Speaker 1: at this point, Sir Carl Jenkins, I am Jack. That

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Speaker 1: is Miles, and we are all just getting over our

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Speaker 1: coronation hangovers from the you know, getting up at three

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Speaker 1: am on Sunday, Saturday, but Saturday.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, because we saw it, Yeah, Saturday.

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Speaker 1: It's all a blur man, you know this weekend.

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Speaker 2: The best part was the media obscuring the amount of

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Speaker 2: protests there were over there. Yeah, that was one thing

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Speaker 2: I felt like was not there. And when you I mean,

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Speaker 2: we might have to talk about it because the way

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Speaker 2: the people they were talking about how they got arrested,

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Speaker 2: it was basically they're like, yeah, we knew what they

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Speaker 2: were intending to do. Like we're saying the how the

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Speaker 2: police have powers to round you up if they think

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Speaker 2: you have the intent, but they're like saying that they

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Speaker 2: intended to disrupt the ceremony and just the the disruptions

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Speaker 2: or thought of disruptions, yes, yes, yes, yes, disruptive thoughts.

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Speaker 1: But anyway, Minority report without the pre cogs, with just

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Speaker 1: police gut gut into a bunch of causers, which is

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Speaker 1: usually pretty good. Police usually have a pretty strong guy. Truly.

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Speaker 1: The only piece of coronation content I consumed was the

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Speaker 1: tweet from the Great Christy Amagucci Mane at Wapple House,

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Speaker 1: who did side by side of King Charles with his

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Speaker 1: like crown and cloak and golden neck garland and two scepters,

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Speaker 1: And he just tweeted that next to the scene from

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Speaker 1: I think you should leave with Carl Carl Havoc then

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Speaker 1: there's too much fucking ship on me, which yeah, he

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Speaker 1: doesn't give off. He gives off the vibes of I

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Speaker 1: just don't want to be here anymore type. Could you?

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Speaker 2: Could you imagine, Now this is a little abstract, but

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Speaker 2: if you could reduce every jewel and diamond and piece

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Speaker 2: of gold and give it a human scream value, number

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Speaker 2: of screams, number of screams now fain that has.

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Speaker 1: Been caused by Yeah, yeah, yeah, accumulation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the kind of that's the kind of math

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Speaker 2: I'm into.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, one glove on, one glove off. But so he

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Speaker 1: was letting us see his meaty little fingers and then

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Speaker 1: left our rule with a sausage fist, soft sausage fist

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Speaker 1: there's also so this was not an actual conspiracy theory

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Speaker 1: that went around, but it was one the media was

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Speaker 1: reporting on because it's fun. It was basically a joke

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Speaker 1: someone tweeted, So Megan did not attend. Megan was back

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Speaker 1: west in the us SR Oh California. Yeah, might as

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Speaker 1: well be the USSR, if you know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: celebrating her child's birthday and just not getting caught up

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Speaker 1: in the in the messiness and the you're actually not

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Speaker 1: allowed to walk on the red carp it, so we're

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Speaker 1: gonna need you to kind of stand over here. So

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Speaker 1: she stayed home. But conspiracy theorists aka one person on

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Speaker 1: Twitter joked that Megan secretly attended the coronation in disguise

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Speaker 1: because there was a person at the coronation who couldn't

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Speaker 1: have looked more like somebody in disguise. Like he has

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Speaker 1: the most wig like real hair that I think I've

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Speaker 1: ever seen, big kind of bottle cap sunglasses in yours.

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Speaker 2: At the aviator type eyeglasses almost that you could see

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Speaker 2: like Estelle Getty wearing in like Golden Girls.

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Speaker 1: Yes, massive massive mustache just like Wilford Brimley mixed with

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Speaker 1: Ed Sharon Ed sheeron, Yeah, I think great or a.

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Speaker 2: My initial thought I was like Lemmy's uncle, he's his uncle.

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Speaker 1: Is also very good because the.

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Speaker 2: Mustache is very Lemmy esque and the hair is like, yeah, man,

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Speaker 2: I was there in the seventies, but I ain't changing

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Speaker 2: my dude.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, kind of still looks good.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it does. It does seem like a

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Speaker 2: potentially even a Tim Robinson character for sure.

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Speaker 1: Turns out it as a legendary composer. Sir Carl Jenkins nah,

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Speaker 1: which explains why he was sitting next to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

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Speaker 1: That would be very strange if Megan Markle came in

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Speaker 1: disguise and decided to sit next to Andrew Lloyd Webber.

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Speaker 2: Why do I always think Andrew Lloyd Weber is not alive.

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Speaker 1: Because he's one hundred years old?

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Speaker 2: Is it? Probably because like all like is their like

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Speaker 2: contribution to like music is so like just huge. You're like,

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Speaker 2: that person can't still be around.

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Speaker 1: He might be the person, the still living person most

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Speaker 1: likely to evoke a Mandela effect when he dies. I

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Speaker 1: feel like you're right that a lot of people are like, wait,

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Speaker 1: he died back in ninety three.

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Speaker 2: I thought, yeah, and You're like, he's seventy five like that,

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Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like, oh damn, because in

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Speaker 2: my mind I'm like, yeah, man, all those classics he

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Speaker 2: did from the eighteen hundreds, no right cats? Yeah, someone

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Speaker 2: with no perspective on musical theater.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so new King. Everybody's excited New king hoodas Trump

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Speaker 1: will not be testifying in his rape trial, probably because

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Speaker 1: of all the horrible things he would say under oath.

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Speaker 1: Somebody tweeted out the front page of a German newspaper

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Speaker 1: and said, any of you speak German, who can translate

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Speaker 1: this for me? And the headline is ist Donald Trump

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Speaker 1: ein sex monster? Which, yeah, news at eleven. I think

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Speaker 1: we think we have the answer to that. He will officially,

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Speaker 1: like he said he wasn't going to, but he had

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Speaker 1: until five pm on Sunday to decide. Also, the court

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Speaker 1: released video footage of Trump's deposition, which might also shed

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Speaker 1: some light onto why he didn't testify. So during the deposition,

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Speaker 1: he mistakenly identifies Egene Carroll, his victim in this case,

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Speaker 1: as his ex wife Marla Maples, which is a pretty

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Speaker 1: big fuck up because like, was that e g And

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Speaker 1: Carroll isn't his type, which is a crazy defense and

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Speaker 1: just like it's like him being like, I'm, you know,

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Speaker 1: using sexism to defend his horrible, monstrous behavior like in court.

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Speaker 1: But the yeah, he specifically like it is like if

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Speaker 1: you saw it in a movie, you'd be like, that.

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Speaker 2: Is too easy. Yeah, that's a scene where like they

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Speaker 2: got him.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, just completely shoots himself directly in the foot and

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Speaker 1: then reloads and keeps shooting himself in the foot, which

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Speaker 1: is wild that he has made his career of doing

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Speaker 1: that and might be our past end next president if

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Speaker 1: you believe the polling. But yeah, he's shown an old

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Speaker 1: photo of him with his first wife, Evanna Miss Carroll,

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Speaker 1: and her then husband John Johnson, and he says it's Marla. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's Marlae. Yeah, that's my wife, before his lawyer correct him.

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Speaker 1: And the people, I mean, it's sorry because.

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Speaker 2: Even the attorneys on the other side who are like

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Speaker 2: asking questions, they can't even believe that this guy went

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Speaker 2: from like, I mean, why would I get near her?

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Speaker 2: She's not my type? And also you you're you're not,

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Speaker 2: he even said the fucking lawyer. He's like, you know,

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Speaker 2: you're not, and that's it. And it's like, bro, this

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Speaker 2: is why he can never take the stand because he

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Speaker 2: doesn't understand anything. Uh but yeah, this is this is

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Speaker 2: the clip of him insisting. He's like, I don't even

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Speaker 2: know who that is. I don't know is that my

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Speaker 2: ex wife? Let's say I don't know who it's Marla?

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Speaker 2: Mar's this photo? That's Marla? Yeah, it's it's my wife.

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Speaker 2: Which woman here, Carroll?

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Speaker 1: And the person the woman on the right is your

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Speaker 1: then wife. Know this was the picture?

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Speaker 2: I assume that's John Johnson?

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Speaker 1: Is that?

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Speaker 2: Wow?

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Speaker 1: I don't know this was the picture?

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Speaker 2: Uh? You guys, uh, that's your Okay, that's your ass.

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Speaker 1: I would think, ye who knows? This truly reminds me

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Speaker 1: like anytime there's something like this in a movie, I'm

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Speaker 1: reminded of that Brady Bunch episode where they get taken

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Speaker 1: to court by a guy who claims they like broke

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Speaker 1: his neck and he comes in a neck brace, and

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Speaker 1: then mister Brady drops a book and like the guy

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Speaker 1: jerks his head to the side to see what made

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Speaker 1: the loud boys and the judges like case closed. That

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Speaker 1: guy's neck isn't actually hurt.

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Speaker 2: Funny, our legal system was that simple, because yeah, that

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Speaker 2: would get his as he got sure.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Unfortunately, we have no clue if this is going

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Speaker 1: to do anything or have any impact on the case.

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Speaker 1: But truly a monster. New polling saying that he's leading

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Speaker 1: Joe Biden by seven points. So yep, fucking terrifying. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's take a quick break. We'll be right back, and

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Speaker 1: we're back. And the MTV Movie Awards were weird.

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Speaker 2: Oh they happened.

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Speaker 1: They still did it. So there's the WGA strike. Drew

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Speaker 1: Barrymore dropped out as host in solidarity with the writers.

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Speaker 1: She had, I guess pre recorded several bits and then

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Speaker 1: was like, I'm out. So in addition to the pre

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Speaker 1: recorded segments, winners pre taped their speeches and the rest

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Speaker 1: was made up of flashback clips from past awards show.

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Speaker 2: That's tough, tough, that's tough.

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Speaker 1: From previous award shows. At an award show, for like.

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Speaker 2: Were they just running the clip of like Tom Cruise

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Speaker 2: and Ben Stiller. Yeah, that was over a moment and

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Speaker 2: that was the only thing I can remember like being

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Speaker 2: a thing where I was like, uh, that was kind

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Speaker 2: of funny.

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Speaker 1: We always at each other's sandwiches. I was going to

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Speaker 1: say sentences, sentences, but yeah, the most actually speaking of

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Speaker 1: the most notable tape speech came from attention vampire Tom Cruise,

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Speaker 1: who accepted his Golden Popcorn trophy for top gum ever

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Speaker 1: while flying a goddamn jet. No, you, I think he

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Speaker 1: just can't Tom Cruise at this point, Like the way

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Speaker 1: he still looks pretty good is he did something that

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Speaker 1: operates by speed bomb logic, like the logic of the

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Speaker 1: bomb that's on the bus and speed, and if he

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Speaker 1: goes below three hundred miles per.

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Speaker 2: Hour, gravity will catch up to his face.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so he just lives in a perpetually moving plane.

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Speaker 1: He can't drop below mock one.

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Speaker 2: Do you think he's in a remember like and even

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Speaker 2: in Contact. Do you remember the Jody Foxter film Contact? Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like the mysterious science guy like that was like funding everything,

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Speaker 2: Like he moved to space because it said he was

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Speaker 2: slowing down the progress of his cancer. Like, and so

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Speaker 2: that guy lived, Like I feel like Tom Cruise is

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Speaker 2: like we're pretty close and being like, yeah, I actually

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Speaker 2: have to live in a zero gravity environment in order

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Speaker 2: to live this long. I don't care about my bone density.

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Speaker 2: I just want to live forever.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, Howard Hughes spent a lot of the

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Speaker 1: end of his life just in a plane flying around

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Speaker 1: the globe. So there's something to it, folks. Add that

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Speaker 1: to the carnivore diet of things to aspire to.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, did you see his new Tom Cruise sneakers that

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Speaker 2: just dropped empty tissue boxes?

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Speaker 1: Uh? Super producer Brian is saying, So he's basically Jason

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Speaker 1: Stathum and crank actually crank. He had to keep his

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Speaker 1: heart rate up, I believe, Yeah, was his thing. Tom

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Speaker 1: Cruise is the similars to do with gravitation and the

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Speaker 1: time continuum.

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Speaker 2: I like, I'm actually.

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Speaker 1: This theory that I just made up on the spot.

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Speaker 1: It's incorrect.

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Speaker 2: This is more of a the Boss theory that I

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Speaker 2: have from the speed.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. The Daily Mail is reporting the Jill Biden doctor

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Speaker 1: Joe Biden wants Joe Biden to ditch the ice cream

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Speaker 1: and stop eating like a child.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's an it's a nice, like very light touch

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Speaker 2: hit piece, like on Joe Biden because I've got his

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Speaker 2: daily mail. Daily Mail, the Daily Fail, you know as

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Speaker 2: a conservative like nonsense rag with just like the most

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Speaker 2: salacious gossip too, So it gives you a little bit

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Speaker 2: of everything. But I like on this and they're like,

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Speaker 2: all right, how do we how do we hit Joe Biden?

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Speaker 1: Oh right, Jill?

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Speaker 2: How Jill Biden wants him to eat better because he's

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Speaker 2: so old and could collapse at any second because of

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Speaker 2: his diet. I mean, I think that's true of most

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Speaker 2: American men of a certain age. But his favorite foods

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Speaker 2: are pretty relatable. I'd say you might want to run

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Speaker 2: on this as your campaign.

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Speaker 1: This is the most relatable thing about him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, his favorite foods a bacon, egg and cheese croissant.

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Speaker 2: I love a chrissangwich. Of course, love a crissangwich. You can't, okay, joke,

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Speaker 2: chocolach ice cream whatever, it's pretty down the middle. Chocolate

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Speaker 2: chip cookies.

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Speaker 1: Man, I actually really don't fuck with chocolate chip ice cream.

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Speaker 1: I feel like it's just chocolate chips are best when

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Speaker 1: they're not super cold, and.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because they just they're like they don't melt right.

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Speaker 1: It feels like the take of somebody who was like, oh,

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Speaker 1: you can put shit in ice cream, like the first

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Speaker 1: time somebody did that in nineteen eighty two, and he

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Speaker 1: just like stopped at that, right, you know, he doesn't

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Speaker 1: know that there are other flavors.

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Speaker 2: So Chris sang, which chocolate chip, ice cream, chocolate chip cookies, pizza, peanut,

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Speaker 2: butter and jelly ketchup is listed is its own item

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Speaker 2: angel hair pasta with red sauce. This is where I'm thinking,

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Speaker 2: did somebody from England just be like write some like

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Speaker 2: juvenile shit American people eat? Does he know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: His hot dog? Like that? Would that? That's I need

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Speaker 1: to know what this ketchup devotion looks like? Yeah, is

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Speaker 1: he just straight ketchup on a hot dog? No?

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Speaker 2: Spaghetti with butter and red soace is more specifically what

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Speaker 2: they're saying, like that's.

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Speaker 1: Okay butter, Wait butter and red sauce.

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Speaker 2: I don't look. This is why I'm like, I'm a

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Speaker 2: little dubious.

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Speaker 1: Yeah at this point, though, I'm also like, you don't

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Speaker 1: want to like change this man's diet at this well,

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Speaker 1: like this has kept him alive for this long, right right,

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Speaker 1: Not that he's like operating at top function, but I

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Speaker 1: don't know. I just feel like when you got an

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Speaker 1: old car, you don't want to be like, let's, uh, yeah,

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Speaker 1: let's change the air filter one piece of the dungeon.

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Speaker 2: Like m it's working like this, it's working like it.

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Speaker 1: Is just let Joe cook, you know god that I mean,

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Speaker 1: just do nothing.

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Speaker 2: And no, actually, don't let him cook because you're going

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Speaker 2: to make a bunch of unhealthy stuff for himself.

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Speaker 1: Let Joe cook, but like, don't let him literally cook.

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Speaker 1: That would be really bad, uh, and would burn the

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Speaker 1: White House down. And then the Wall Street Journal has

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Speaker 1: an article about tipping at self checkouts and and you know,

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Speaker 1: has customers crying. Emotional blackmail is the headline. And then

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Speaker 1: they like, in the course of the article they get

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Speaker 1: into the fact that it is companies basically putting the

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Speaker 1: onus yeah, for paying employees onto customers, rather than you know,

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Speaker 1: the raising the wages themselves. Yeah, but the headline makes

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Speaker 1: it be like, look, guys, everybody's mad about this. You

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Speaker 1: don't have to tip anymore, you know, almost like the

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Speaker 1: Wall Street Journal editorial board is fucked up and weird

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Speaker 1: and gone.

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Speaker 2: They've gone beyond what is normal. Yeah, I mean, yeah,

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Speaker 2: I always tip as much as I can. The one

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Speaker 2: thing is whenever you have to check out and they're like,

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Speaker 2: you want to donate to a homeless pet, Oh no,

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Speaker 2: you don't. Don't worry about that because they've already paid

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Speaker 2: and they're trying to pay themselves back with giving them

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Speaker 2: the money they've already paid.

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Speaker 1: And when the option goes between like typing it in

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Speaker 1: or you know, adding the twenty percent or whatever, or

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Speaker 1: giving them cash, always give cash for sure, because because

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Speaker 1: there are it's not enough to say don't tip, because

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Speaker 1: like this only happens sometimes, but sometimes the tips that

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Speaker 1: you put into like the machine, like the checkout register,

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Speaker 1: like don't make it. Most of them do, and there

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Speaker 1: are laws in place to say they have to. But

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Speaker 1: obviously when it comes to enforcing those laws, it's corporations

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Speaker 1: versus employees, and America is stacked heavily in the direction

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Speaker 1: of the corporations.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, and I think finally, just this is a

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Speaker 2: terrible violent weekend, especially in the state of Texas, whereas

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Speaker 2: people there's another one incident where I think eight people

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Speaker 2: died after someone drove through a bunch of people at

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Speaker 2: a bus stop, and then a shooting at an outlet

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Speaker 2: mall that I believe left eight or nine dead, and

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Speaker 2: the response from the officials in Texas have base They've

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Speaker 2: all just said to pray. Meanwhile, there's two Democrats in

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Speaker 2: the Texas House. They've co sponsored a bill just because

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Speaker 2: this is how far we've gone. That would require third

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Speaker 2: graders in public schools to have access to bleeding control

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Speaker 2: stations and turniquits that are part of battlefield trauma kits

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Speaker 2: the military uses. And with all this, it's like, it's

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Speaker 2: really I don't it's just so difficult to keep watching

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Speaker 2: this thing play out over and over and hear this

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Speaker 2: like asinine suggestion of like, well, you know, I have

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Speaker 2: my faith in God and so we're just gonna pray

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Speaker 2: about it. I'm like, you know what, how about we

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Speaker 2: do this rather than legislating people's like trans people's rights

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Speaker 2: away and body autonomy away, why don't y'all pray on

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Speaker 2: that shit and then use your legislative you know, might

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Speaker 2: or will to legislate the gun thing, because you clearly

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Speaker 2: have clearly have the will to legislate something, and then

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Speaker 2: pray for others. Soone just swap them shits out real quick.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And the coverage has been like kind of weird

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Speaker 1: and quiet on this, like the Texas small shooter had

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Speaker 1: like Nazi tattoos and just seems like they're they're just

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Speaker 1: trying to make it normal.

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Speaker 2: Their rhetoric of this driver too, you're saying all this

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Speaker 2: anti immigration shit when they're like trying to apprehend him,

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Speaker 2: it's yeah, my god, I mean, as much as they

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Speaker 2: want to be. Like, It's the thing that blows my

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Speaker 2: mind is when they report on these shootings and things,

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Speaker 2: and like investigators are trying to figure out where he

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Speaker 2: obtained those weapons fucking anywhere? Fucking what?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, why is that even a thing?

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Speaker 2: You say?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, they're always like he actually got them legally, folks.

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Speaker 1: So so nothing to see here, I mean, this cycle,

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Speaker 1: it's I don't I mean yeah, I mean, Joe Biden

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Speaker 1: is now like, yeah, you guys need to do something.

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Speaker 2: But.

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Speaker 1: He's talking to us specifically.

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Speaker 2: Yeah shit, I mean maybe the people out It's true.

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Speaker 2: It seems like the people who aren't elected officials have

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Speaker 2: the will to want to see something done differently.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But anyway, all that and plenty more are happening this weekend.

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Speaker 1: All right, Well, those are the things that are trending

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Speaker 1: on this Monday afternoon. We are back tomorrow with the

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Speaker 1: whole ast episode of the show. Until then, be kind

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Speaker 1: to each other, be kind to yourself, get the vaccine,

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Speaker 1: don't do nothing thing about white supremacy, and we will

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Speaker 1: talk to you all Tomorrow fight bite

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Speaker 2: H