WEBVTT - Heavyweight Short: Returns and Reformers 0:00:15.210 --> 0:00:15.730 Pushkin. 0:00:20.170 --> 0:00:27.410 Hello, Hello, Hi, Hi Khalila Holt Steve E. Layin, senior 0:00:27.410 --> 0:00:28.570 producer of Heavyweight. 0:00:29.970 --> 0:00:32.690 You're managing producer. Is that your title? 0:00:32.810 --> 0:00:33.690 Yeah, something like that. 0:00:35.970 --> 0:00:38.690 We have some stories for the people today. 0:00:38.890 --> 0:00:42.850 We do. We each have a story for the people who. 0:00:42.690 --> 0:00:47.930 Should go first? Great question, Thank you. I'm an interviewer. 0:00:48.330 --> 0:00:52.409 I think we should rock paper scissors for it? 0:00:52.849 --> 0:00:54.410 Okay on? Shoot? 0:00:54.810 --> 0:00:56.209 Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah. 0:00:56.250 --> 0:00:57.170 Are we going to say it? 0:00:57.330 --> 0:00:57.530 Well? 0:00:57.530 --> 0:00:59.530 I think we have to say it for this audio, 0:01:00.170 --> 0:01:01.930 so it'll be like rock paper scissor shooting. 0:01:01.970 --> 0:01:05.089 Then you say either rock paper or scissors. 0:01:05.250 --> 0:01:07.890 You don't say rock paper scissors said, shoot. 0:01:08.209 --> 0:01:11.850 No, why wet rock on a paper and scissors can't talk? 0:01:12.090 --> 0:01:13.850 This is the way though we grew up doing it 0:01:14.010 --> 0:01:17.370 rock papers or says, shoot, just it just sounds better. 0:01:18.130 --> 0:01:21.090 I think it's weird. Rock paper scissors. Shoot, it's just 0:01:21.330 --> 0:01:22.370 an easy beat. 0:01:24.130 --> 0:01:33.050 Okay, rock papers shoot paper? Oh oh wow, oh my god, 0:01:33.050 --> 0:01:34.170 we're so line. 0:01:34.810 --> 0:01:39.330 All right, I guess we have to do it again, rock. 0:01:38.810 --> 0:01:45.090 Paper sister, shoot rock Are you kidding? 0:01:46.930 --> 0:01:49.130 This is going terribly okay? 0:01:49.170 --> 0:01:52.250 Okay, okay, come on, come on, all right, rock rock 0:01:52.690 --> 0:01:57.250 paper sister, shoot paper? 0:01:58.930 --> 0:01:59.370 Come on? 0:01:59.970 --> 0:02:03.010 Also, I feel like we're doing the rock paper scissors 0:02:03.010 --> 0:02:05.210 part so slow it's like a funeral dird. 0:02:08.169 --> 0:02:09.250 Okay, let's try. 0:02:09.690 --> 0:02:16.010 Here we go, raw paper sisters, shoes. 0:02:17.970 --> 0:02:19.570 Are there? We go? 0:02:20.090 --> 0:02:23.130 All right, I guess I'm up first, All right, take 0:02:23.170 --> 0:02:36.929 it away. A few years ago, my family all got 0:02:36.930 --> 0:02:41.130 together at my grandma's house, and as always, she insisted 0:02:41.130 --> 0:02:43.810 on feeding us, even though we had dinner reservations in 0:02:43.890 --> 0:02:47.370 like an hour. So along with the nuts and crackers 0:02:47.410 --> 0:02:50.810 and lukewarm spanakopaa bites, my grandma had gotten this fruit 0:02:50.810 --> 0:02:53.530 salad from Whole Foods, one of those pre made ones 0:02:53.570 --> 0:02:56.650 in the big plastic tubs. So we're all eating it, 0:02:56.850 --> 0:02:59.530 and about two thirds of the way through it, someone 0:02:59.570 --> 0:03:01.970 notices that a little bit of the fruit at the bottom, 0:03:02.290 --> 0:03:05.930 just like a strawberrier two, had gone bad. And we 0:03:05.930 --> 0:03:08.650 were like, you know whatever, we can just pick around it, 0:03:09.330 --> 0:03:13.370 but my grandma was like, no, stop, don't touch it. 0:03:14.010 --> 0:03:19.810 I'll return it. And we were all like, Grandma, what 0:03:19.850 --> 0:03:22.770 are you talking about. We've already eaten most of it, 0:03:22.890 --> 0:03:25.490 like they're not going to take it back now, but 0:03:25.530 --> 0:03:29.770 my grandma was like, no, it's rotten. It was expensive, 0:03:30.570 --> 0:03:34.530 I'm returning it. So the next day, my grandma marches 0:03:34.570 --> 0:03:37.450 into Whole Foods head straight for customer service, and she 0:03:37.450 --> 0:03:39.930 proceeds to make up this whole story about how she 0:03:40.090 --> 0:03:42.530 and my grandpa had my grandpa's boss and his wife 0:03:42.610 --> 0:03:45.170 over for a luncheon, like as though it's the nineteen 0:03:45.210 --> 0:03:48.130 fifties or something when people invited their bosses over on 0:03:48.210 --> 0:03:52.370 Sundays for luncheons. Also, my grandma is ninety years old, Like, 0:03:52.410 --> 0:03:55.410 there's no way this woman's husband still works. What is 0:03:55.450 --> 0:03:59.050 he a lamplighter? But anyway, she says, you know, her 0:03:59.130 --> 0:04:01.570 husband's boss came over for lunch and she served the 0:04:01.570 --> 0:04:04.690 fruit basket and the boss's wife noticed that the fruit 0:04:04.730 --> 0:04:08.490 was moldy, and my grandma was so embarrassed, just like mortified. 0:04:09.090 --> 0:04:11.010 I ended up taking the boss and his wife out 0:04:11.050 --> 0:04:13.930 for lunch instead spent fifty dollars on a whole meal 0:04:13.970 --> 0:04:17.610 for them. And she's like, I am a loyal customer. 0:04:18.010 --> 0:04:20.210 I come here every week to buy these little biscotti 0:04:20.250 --> 0:04:23.450 crackers you carry that my husband just loves. They're not cheap, 0:04:23.490 --> 0:04:27.689 by the way, but this fruit incident absolutely spoiled our afternoon, 0:04:28.089 --> 0:04:31.729 and I really think you ought to make it right. Okay, 0:04:32.409 --> 0:04:34.610 Here's what my grandma walked out of Whole Foods with 0:04:35.529 --> 0:04:39.169 a full refund for the original fruit basket, a new 0:04:39.210 --> 0:04:41.729 fruit basket to replace the one that had gone bad, 0:04:42.570 --> 0:04:45.490 a fifty dollars gift card to help cover the cost 0:04:45.529 --> 0:04:50.089 of the imaginary luncheon, and a whole case of those 0:04:50.130 --> 0:04:59.129 little biscotti crackers absolutely free. I have a theory that 0:04:59.169 --> 0:05:03.210 there are two kinds of people in this world, returners 0:05:03.849 --> 0:05:09.770 and non returners. Grandma Ruth returner. Whatever g carries a 0:05:09.810 --> 0:05:12.569 strong sense of justice paired with a distinct lack of 0:05:12.609 --> 0:05:17.690 shame and love of say dramaturgy. She's got it, and 0:05:17.729 --> 0:05:21.729 it's a gene she's passed down to me. I'm also 0:05:21.890 --> 0:05:25.569 a returner. I think I feel about customer service issues 0:05:25.690 --> 0:05:28.330 the way some people must feel about hunting for sport. 0:05:28.969 --> 0:05:32.450 It's a challenge, it's a thrill. How can I prove 0:05:32.489 --> 0:05:35.369 I purchased it here when I've lost my receipt? What 0:05:35.409 --> 0:05:37.609 buttons do I press to get a live representative on 0:05:37.650 --> 0:05:40.210 the line, climbing my way through the phone tree like 0:05:40.250 --> 0:05:44.130 some kind of frantic phone monkey. Sure it's not always 0:05:44.169 --> 0:05:47.169 the most logical use of my time. I'm still fighting 0:05:47.210 --> 0:05:49.969 a year's long battle with a Spanish railroad company for 0:05:50.010 --> 0:05:52.329 a refund on a train that was four hours delayed. 0:05:53.010 --> 0:05:55.449 At this point, I've probably spent more time on the 0:05:55.489 --> 0:05:57.570 phone with them than I spent waiting for the train 0:05:57.650 --> 0:06:01.089 in the first place. But it's the principle of the thing, 0:06:01.690 --> 0:06:09.570 the thing being the money, the principle of the money. 0:06:10.529 --> 0:06:13.210 Come on, kascuocha a little closer, huh. 0:06:13.289 --> 0:06:16.290 I just had some egg salad. I don't know how 0:06:16.330 --> 0:06:17.210 close you want me to be. 0:06:18.570 --> 0:06:24.010 This is Hand, my partner, a staunch non returner. Hand's 0:06:24.010 --> 0:06:26.890 the sort of good natured, mild mannered person who might 0:06:26.969 --> 0:06:29.810 order their egg salad without the celery, then get an 0:06:29.810 --> 0:06:32.929 egg salad just stuffed with celery and not say anything, 0:06:33.770 --> 0:06:35.809 or see that they were charged for an extra beer 0:06:35.849 --> 0:06:37.890 on a busy night at a bar, but pay the 0:06:37.890 --> 0:06:41.849 whole tab plus the strangers just to be nice. Or 0:06:42.489 --> 0:06:46.169 get wrongfully charged by Amazon for hair cream and do 0:06:46.330 --> 0:06:53.689 nothing about it. Oh no, are we doing this. Here's 0:06:53.690 --> 0:06:57.770 what happened. Hand ordered two containers of their favorite hairstyling 0:06:57.810 --> 0:07:02.210 cream from Amazon, but when the package arrived, it was empty, sealed, 0:07:02.409 --> 0:07:07.010 untampered with, but empty. Instead of contacting Amazon, though to say, 0:07:07.089 --> 0:07:10.689 you know, like, hey, you sent me nothing. They just 0:07:10.730 --> 0:07:13.730 went ahead and ordered two more hair creams, and. 0:07:13.690 --> 0:07:17.249 So the second to arrive and they're like all dried up, 0:07:17.770 --> 0:07:20.370 like the way that peanut butter gets like halfway through 0:07:20.410 --> 0:07:22.250 and it's lost a lot of the oil. 0:07:22.410 --> 0:07:23.129 That's what it was like. 0:07:24.170 --> 0:07:27.290 So hand threw those hair creams away, ordered two more, 0:07:27.970 --> 0:07:30.170 and for those of you keeping count, were up to 0:07:30.290 --> 0:07:33.009 four hair creams that they paid for but did not 0:07:33.130 --> 0:07:38.370 get or could not use. How expensive is this hair goop? 0:07:40.210 --> 0:07:41.770 Five each per. 0:07:41.570 --> 0:07:44.690 Goop per goop? I think, yeah, so that's. 0:07:44.530 --> 0:07:48.130 Like eighty four more dollars than you were supposed to 0:07:48.170 --> 0:07:50.050 spend on this stuff. 0:07:51.010 --> 0:07:56.009 Yeah, and you didn't like call No, I don't know 0:07:56.010 --> 0:07:57.450 how to get in contact with them. 0:07:58.250 --> 0:08:01.450 Here's how to get in contact with them. Simply google 0:08:01.690 --> 0:08:06.929 Amazon Customer Service phone and dial the number. So what's 0:08:06.970 --> 0:08:08.050 the real issue here? 0:08:08.650 --> 0:08:10.370 I mean, I I think it comes down to like 0:08:10.450 --> 0:08:13.610 wanting to be liked by everybody, and like being a 0:08:13.610 --> 0:08:18.130 people pleaser because of that, and sticking up for yourself 0:08:18.810 --> 0:08:21.050 is definitely at odds with pleasing people. 0:08:22.130 --> 0:08:25.689 That's true. To be a returner, sometimes you have to 0:08:25.690 --> 0:08:29.530 be the bad guy for people, like hand good, well 0:08:29.690 --> 0:08:33.970 liked people. Pleasing people. That's hard to swallow. But I 0:08:34.010 --> 0:08:36.650 want Hand to learn to stick up for themselves. I 0:08:36.690 --> 0:08:39.290 want to show them how easy and satisfying it is. 0:08:39.970 --> 0:08:42.370 I want to teach hand how to be a returner, 0:08:43.090 --> 0:08:46.810 and returning the hair goops is the ideal tutorial. There's 0:08:46.890 --> 0:08:48.449 just one potential obstacle. 0:08:48.730 --> 0:08:50.170 Do I mean to tell you when it was placed? 0:08:50.330 --> 0:08:51.290 I can pull it up really. 0:08:51.130 --> 0:09:02.770 Eazy Amazon's thirty day return policy. Hmm, you're scrolling very 0:09:02.810 --> 0:09:06.770 far right now. It was a really old order, as 0:09:06.850 --> 0:09:10.850 in ten months old, almost a year past the return window. 0:09:11.370 --> 0:09:15.890 Yeah, it's it's a little late to be a you know, 0:09:16.810 --> 0:09:18.730 there's like a lot of things working against you on 0:09:18.770 --> 0:09:19.170 this one. 0:09:26.650 --> 0:09:28.290 Thank you for contacting Amazon. 0:09:28.810 --> 0:09:31.410 When I call Amazon a few days later, I spend 0:09:31.410 --> 0:09:33.370 the first ten minutes or so trying to get a 0:09:33.410 --> 0:09:34.930 real live person on the line. 0:09:35.090 --> 0:09:37.370 Would you allow me to try again and help you today? 0:09:38.090 --> 0:09:41.170 My usual hack where I just keep hitting zero like 0:09:41.210 --> 0:09:44.450 a labrat demanding cocaine doesn't work. 0:09:44.770 --> 0:09:46.530 I'm sorry I didn't get that. 0:09:47.330 --> 0:09:49.650 But finally, the seven magic. 0:09:49.410 --> 0:09:51.770 Words, I'll get someone to help with this. 0:09:52.890 --> 0:09:55.530 The problem with someone when she comes on the phone 0:09:55.970 --> 0:09:58.410 is that she can't find hands order in the system. 0:09:59.010 --> 0:10:00.730 She tells me it must be a glitch on her 0:10:00.850 --> 0:10:03.650 end and that I should hang up and call back. 0:10:04.250 --> 0:10:06.850 But if I call back, well I do, I have 0:10:06.890 --> 0:10:12.610 to wait on hold again and everything. Oh no, will 0:10:12.650 --> 0:10:13.010 it be you. 0:10:15.530 --> 0:10:18.130 I'll just provide the order number right away. 0:10:18.770 --> 0:10:20.490 Uh, but are you going to pick up the phone 0:10:20.570 --> 0:10:36.810 or will it be the robot? Huh? 0:10:36.850 --> 0:10:38.770 Welcome to Amazon Customer Service. 0:10:39.450 --> 0:10:43.250 It's the robot. But eventually, Hi, I thank you for 0:10:43.290 --> 0:10:47.930 calling Amazon Customer Service. This is I explained to my 0:10:48.050 --> 0:10:51.970 new customer service Rep Danica about the dried up creams. 0:10:52.730 --> 0:10:56.850 Fifteen minutes later, she's processed a replacement. It's that easy. 0:10:58.010 --> 0:11:00.010 Then I tell her about the first two creams that 0:11:00.130 --> 0:11:02.850 never arrived, which I'd like to be refunded for. 0:11:03.010 --> 0:11:06.530 Also, our system here is not allowing anymore to. 0:11:06.530 --> 0:11:11.250 Process the refund because it's less already being fast return windows, 0:11:11.490 --> 0:11:15.210 so we didn't have any options here. A thought flashes 0:11:15.250 --> 0:11:19.970 through my mind. W W g D, what would grandma? 0:11:20.050 --> 0:11:20.130 Do? 0:11:22.810 --> 0:11:23.010 You know? 0:11:23.770 --> 0:11:29.290 Just because I'm a loyal customer, you know, and I've 0:11:29.290 --> 0:11:31.530 been with you guys for so long, is there any 0:11:31.530 --> 0:11:34.810 way that like we can get a refund for the 0:11:34.810 --> 0:11:37.610 amount as like a credit on my Amazon account. 0:11:39.450 --> 0:11:41.810 Okay, lets me just double check it out. 0:11:42.010 --> 0:12:09.890 I'm sorry second, sure. 0:11:59.290 --> 0:12:03.410 Okay, yes, I successfully your brotherss this to ask a 0:12:03.530 --> 0:12:05.530 promotional credit for the full amount. 0:12:05.810 --> 0:12:09.090 Oh, thank you, I really, I really appreciate yours really 0:12:09.210 --> 0:12:10.050 helpful today. 0:12:10.450 --> 0:12:13.130 Hurry I would greet be ahead and. 0:12:13.610 --> 0:12:16.530 Now okay, yeah you too. Bye. 0:12:16.970 --> 0:12:18.090 I can't thank you so much. 0:12:24.690 --> 0:12:27.570 Off the phone, I start fantasizing about telling Hannd what 0:12:27.610 --> 0:12:30.170 I've done. They didn't think I could do it, and 0:12:30.210 --> 0:12:32.450 I have. They're going to be so happy with me. 0:12:32.890 --> 0:12:34.570 I've really done a good thing here today. 0:12:34.770 --> 0:12:36.490 And hello, you can now end the call. 0:12:36.730 --> 0:12:40.050 Oh oh I have to end it. Oh oh you 0:12:40.090 --> 0:12:43.090 can't do it. Oh yeah, sorry about that? All right, 0:12:43.210 --> 0:12:44.850 thank you so much? Bye? 0:12:50.930 --> 0:12:53.010 Hey, how's it gone? How did it go? 0:12:53.890 --> 0:12:56.410 I tell Hann how easy it was, how all I 0:12:56.450 --> 0:12:59.010 had to do was call and wait and talk to 0:12:59.010 --> 0:13:02.010 a first representative, then call back and wait, then talk 0:13:02.050 --> 0:13:04.930 to someone else, then get the first refund, then negotiate 0:13:04.970 --> 0:13:07.810 for the promotional credit, which was a pretty baller move 0:13:07.850 --> 0:13:10.730 on my part, I think. But Hann is not as 0:13:10.810 --> 0:13:13.330 jazzed about it as I thought they'd be. All they 0:13:13.330 --> 0:13:17.450 can really muster is a somewhat forced Damn Steve, good job, 0:13:17.850 --> 0:13:19.930 and then a much more genuine. 0:13:19.770 --> 0:13:22.250 Sounds like Amazon has some very good customer service. 0:13:24.970 --> 0:13:33.010 Yeah, do you feel good about Is there like a 0:13:33.010 --> 0:13:34.370 feeling of relief about it? 0:13:37.330 --> 0:13:42.370 I already got over it, you know, I got over 0:13:42.410 --> 0:13:44.450 it many many months ago. 0:13:51.250 --> 0:13:55.250 The tutorial was a complete failure. I'd wanted to show 0:13:55.290 --> 0:13:57.970 hannd that it's worth it to be a returner. I'd 0:13:58.010 --> 0:14:00.970 wanted them to feel how gratifying it is. I'd wanted 0:14:01.010 --> 0:14:04.530 them to share in my delight simply. I'd wanted them 0:14:04.530 --> 0:14:11.330 to care. Hello, Grandma, Yes, So instead I call someone 0:14:11.370 --> 0:14:16.010 who will care pretty good, right, absolutely? 0:14:16.090 --> 0:14:17.170 I just sh you'd have gotten more. 0:14:26.690 --> 0:14:29.770 I told hand and they were sort of like, I 0:14:29.770 --> 0:14:32.650 don't really care. I think this is a bigger deal 0:14:32.730 --> 0:14:35.690 to you than to me. And it made me think, like, 0:14:36.650 --> 0:14:40.130 what do you think it is about us that makes 0:14:40.210 --> 0:14:42.250 us care about this more than other people do? 0:14:43.690 --> 0:14:43.930 Well? 0:14:44.010 --> 0:14:44.570 I don't know. 0:14:45.250 --> 0:14:48.610 I think it's not an unusual feeling to want to 0:14:48.810 --> 0:14:52.690 be reimbursed the harm done, but not everyone has to 0:14:52.730 --> 0:14:55.210 feel the same way about things. 0:14:55.810 --> 0:15:00.370 Did Grandpa care about this stuff as much as you? No? 0:15:00.370 --> 0:15:03.730 No, I did it. It was not usually involved. He 0:15:03.850 --> 0:15:05.650 let me take care of it. He I don't think 0:15:05.690 --> 0:15:06.610 he really cared. 0:15:07.770 --> 0:15:10.010 My grandfather passed away a few years ago. 0:15:10.690 --> 0:15:15.210 You know, Grandpa and I were very different generally. I 0:15:15.250 --> 0:15:18.170 think he took things a little easier than I h 0:15:19.010 --> 0:15:21.890 but it worked. 0:15:21.610 --> 0:15:23.090 We kind of gave. 0:15:23.610 --> 0:15:26.810 Well, you have to give and take in relationship, Stevie, 0:15:26.890 --> 0:15:27.970 you have to give and take. 0:15:29.370 --> 0:15:32.930 There are two kinds of people in this world, returners 0:15:33.530 --> 0:15:38.410 and non returners, and sometimes, if they're lucky, they find 0:15:38.450 --> 0:15:38.890 each other. 0:15:39.890 --> 0:15:46.530 Absolutely, Yes, yes, we had We had a very a 0:15:46.650 --> 0:15:50.650 very unusual relationship because look how long it lasted. Yeah, 0:15:50.850 --> 0:15:56.010 seventy four years. Those guys together seventy four years. 0:15:56.570 --> 0:15:59.410 Hanna and I have not been together seventy four years, 0:16:00.010 --> 0:16:02.890 but I hope that we are. And I know it 0:16:02.970 --> 0:16:05.450 means I'll be the one who is bothering the waiter. 0:16:06.050 --> 0:16:08.770 I'll have to point out the extra charges on checks, 0:16:09.490 --> 0:16:13.450 but it's a small price to pay. Hann calls me there, 0:16:13.770 --> 0:16:16.930 send it back, girlfriend, And though they say it in jest, 0:16:17.290 --> 0:16:21.330 it actually makes me feel proud. I love them. I'd 0:16:21.330 --> 0:16:31.010 send a thousand egg salads back for them. My grandparents 0:16:31.050 --> 0:16:34.170 aren't all that religious. Didn't belong to a temple, But 0:16:34.250 --> 0:16:37.730 when my grandfather died, my grandma wanted a service, so 0:16:37.850 --> 0:16:40.890 my family found a rabbi and a local synagogue. My 0:16:40.970 --> 0:16:44.650 grandma paid to reserve the synagogue's main sanctuary, a room 0:16:44.690 --> 0:16:47.810 with big windows and a beautiful view where the proceedings 0:16:47.850 --> 0:16:50.850 were to be held. But the night before the service, 0:16:51.050 --> 0:16:54.890 a pipe burst and the main sanctuary flooded. When we arrived, 0:16:55.050 --> 0:16:57.210 we found out we would be in the synagogue's library 0:16:57.290 --> 0:17:01.050 room instead, which, though perfectly fine, was more of an 0:17:01.050 --> 0:17:04.530 all purpose room lined with bookshelves. The one window I 0:17:04.570 --> 0:17:06.929 remember looked out onto the parking lot. 0:17:07.250 --> 0:17:10.250 I was expecting this nice room, and that's what I wanted, 0:17:10.250 --> 0:17:14.969 so I was disappointed. I wanted the funeral to be 0:17:17.209 --> 0:17:20.050 and I was special because study was special. 0:17:21.290 --> 0:17:24.130 So as we all filed in for my grandfather's service, 0:17:24.649 --> 0:17:28.009 my grandmother refused to step one foot over the threshold. 0:17:28.970 --> 0:17:32.809 She crossed her arms and raised her chin. She asked 0:17:32.850 --> 0:17:36.609 to speak to someone in charge, and then, in what 0:17:36.689 --> 0:17:39.330 I see as her final act of love for my grandfather, 0:17:40.090 --> 0:17:58.210 my grandmother got his eight hundred dollars funeral absolutely free. 0:18:04.449 --> 0:18:07.290 After the break, Khalila takes a risk. 0:18:23.409 --> 0:18:27.449 In high school, I, like many children across our dilapidated nation, 0:18:28.129 --> 0:18:31.689 was forced to take the Presidential Fitness Test. It was 0:18:31.730 --> 0:18:34.890 actually a series of tests dating back to the Eisenhower 0:18:34.889 --> 0:18:38.609 administration and possibly designed by Dwight d himself during breaks 0:18:38.649 --> 0:18:41.929 from the space race. We took the Presidential Fitness Test, 0:18:42.090 --> 0:18:44.169 once at the beginning of the year and then again 0:18:44.209 --> 0:18:47.210 at the end, the idea being that after nine months 0:18:47.250 --> 0:18:51.290 of school sponsored exercise, school sponsored lunches, and backpacks weighed 0:18:51.330 --> 0:18:55.409 down with school sponsored textbooks, we'd be stronger. There was 0:18:55.449 --> 0:18:57.810 a test to count your situps and another to count 0:18:57.850 --> 0:19:01.090 your push ups. My number of push ups was always zero. 0:19:01.889 --> 0:19:03.969 At the end of my sophomore year, I begged my 0:19:04.050 --> 0:19:07.330 gym partner to write down one, just. 0:19:07.369 --> 0:19:08.210 One push up. 0:19:09.169 --> 0:19:12.009 That would be dishonest, she said, thinking a big zero 0:19:12.129 --> 0:19:19.809 on the page. But the worst was a waking nightmare 0:19:19.850 --> 0:19:23.129 called the Pacer test. The gym teacher would put on 0:19:23.169 --> 0:19:27.249 this recording a series of progressively faster beeps, and we 0:19:27.290 --> 0:19:29.250 all had to run across the gym in one big 0:19:29.290 --> 0:19:32.369 herd before the next beap sounded. When you couldn't do 0:19:32.409 --> 0:19:34.850 it anymore, you peeled away from the pack and you 0:19:34.889 --> 0:19:39.290 sat down I'd get tired almost immediately, but the idea 0:19:39.409 --> 0:19:41.930 of singling myself out as the worst in the class, 0:19:42.129 --> 0:19:45.570 with everyone watching and smirking, was more than I could take. 0:19:46.409 --> 0:19:49.409 It was a feeling that persisted throughout my youth, this 0:19:49.570 --> 0:19:53.409 fear of being exposed as the weakest one in the room. 0:19:53.889 --> 0:19:56.570 I really wanted to be sporty. I went through a 0:19:56.609 --> 0:20:00.650 whole tomboy phase for me. This just meant reading historical 0:20:00.730 --> 0:20:04.529 baseball novels, deciding I liked teams named after birds, and 0:20:04.570 --> 0:20:08.169 circulating a petition called get Shoeless Joe Jackson into the 0:20:08.169 --> 0:20:11.969 Hall of Fame. I simply was an athletic. During my 0:20:12.010 --> 0:20:14.970 short lived career in youth softball, someone hit a pop 0:20:15.010 --> 0:20:17.970 fly right at me. I watched as the ball arcs 0:20:18.010 --> 0:20:20.690 through the air, and then I just stood there, stocks 0:20:20.689 --> 0:20:24.730 still as it landed at my feet with a PLoP. Okay, 0:20:24.929 --> 0:20:29.209 the coach side. When the ball comes, try to, you know, 0:20:29.970 --> 0:20:34.090 catch it. It wasn't until my adulthood that I realized 0:20:34.129 --> 0:20:38.609 I actually like exercising. I just don't like being perceived exercising, 0:20:38.889 --> 0:20:41.489 And throughout my childhood the two wet hand in hand. 0:20:42.129 --> 0:20:45.290 Both a little privacy and moving is fun. I realized 0:20:45.330 --> 0:20:48.570 that I like hiking when I'm alone and not panting. Sorry, 0:20:48.689 --> 0:20:51.570 go ahead, guys, I'm gonna stop and check out this moss. 0:20:52.169 --> 0:20:54.009 I like yoga and I'm in the back row and 0:20:54.050 --> 0:20:56.730 the teacher doesn't look at me. I like dance cardio 0:20:56.770 --> 0:20:58.169 when I pull it up on a video in my 0:20:58.209 --> 0:21:01.410 bedroom and tell my partner, under no circumstances enter this bedroom. 0:21:01.409 --> 0:21:04.009 If the house is on fire, let me burn. But 0:21:04.090 --> 0:21:06.530 I'm only able to do these things because. 0:21:06.169 --> 0:21:07.050 I'm not visible. 0:21:07.730 --> 0:21:10.530 There's this whole other realm of fitness, but I continue 0:21:10.570 --> 0:21:14.010 to avoid these classes that seem all about being visible. 0:21:14.649 --> 0:21:15.529 They're taken by. 0:21:15.369 --> 0:21:17.730 Toned women with blown out hair and the right kind 0:21:17.730 --> 0:21:20.770 of trendy water bottle. Women who would truly wrinkle their 0:21:20.770 --> 0:21:23.530 noses at me, smelling my weakness like one of those 0:21:23.530 --> 0:21:29.770 animals Gerbils, but devour their runtiest children their spin There's 0:21:29.850 --> 0:21:33.489 bar and at the top of this glamorous, impossible seeming 0:21:33.530 --> 0:21:46.129 pyramid of exercise is pilates. Charlene starts posting all these 0:21:46.129 --> 0:21:50.369 Instagram stories about plates. Charlene is my friend from high school, 0:21:50.530 --> 0:21:53.369 and we're very different people. She works a high paying 0:21:53.409 --> 0:21:56.969 finance job and is constantly taking videos in nightclubs, whereas 0:21:56.970 --> 0:21:59.210 I was just laid off from an industry and collapse 0:21:59.250 --> 0:22:01.570 and only take videos of cats and fish. 0:22:01.850 --> 0:22:03.009 Even so, we're close. 0:22:03.730 --> 0:22:06.810 I'm curious about pilates, I respond to our recent story, 0:22:07.290 --> 0:22:10.009 but it terrifies me. She says, we have to go 0:22:10.050 --> 0:22:12.889 to a class together. On the one hand, it feels 0:22:12.929 --> 0:22:15.170 safer to go with Charlene. I'll be able to look 0:22:15.209 --> 0:22:17.810 at her to know what to do. On the other hand, 0:22:18.010 --> 0:22:20.209 she'll be able to look at me and judge me 0:22:20.770 --> 0:22:23.210 and think with pity in her heart about me. Wow, 0:22:23.290 --> 0:22:26.689 that's sad. We pick a day I am locked in. 0:22:27.970 --> 0:22:30.850 It turns out I know nothing about pilates. I've been 0:22:30.889 --> 0:22:33.810 thinking about it as harder yoga for hot people, but 0:22:33.850 --> 0:22:36.889 pilates is actually done on a large device called a reformer. 0:22:37.689 --> 0:22:39.570 When I go to the website for the studio will 0:22:39.570 --> 0:22:43.129 be attending, I'm excited to see a tab called new Timers, 0:22:43.530 --> 0:22:46.929 which isn't the expression first timers, but it just tells 0:22:46.970 --> 0:22:50.009 me I will need gripsocks available for purchase fifteen to 0:22:50.010 --> 0:22:53.889 twenty dollars. We push up to become better. The site 0:22:53.929 --> 0:22:58.290 tells me we plank to become stronger, we lunge deeper 0:22:58.490 --> 0:23:01.010 so we can climb over the steepest hill to see 0:23:01.010 --> 0:23:06.209 the beauty on the other side. When I go to 0:23:06.250 --> 0:23:08.850 book my spot, I realize with horror that there is 0:23:08.889 --> 0:23:11.249 no back row for me to hide in. There is 0:23:11.290 --> 0:23:16.650 only one long first row. Also, pilateus is expensive to take. 0:23:16.689 --> 0:23:19.570 A single class costs more than a movie ticket, while 0:23:19.570 --> 0:23:22.970 also being shorter and more painful than a movie. Plus, 0:23:23.209 --> 0:23:25.090 no one ever tells you to buy grip socks to 0:23:25.090 --> 0:23:28.929 see a movie. When I'm texting Charlene, I notice that 0:23:28.970 --> 0:23:31.729 my phone keeps auto correcting pilates so that the P 0:23:32.090 --> 0:23:36.369 is capitalized. This, I discover, is because Pilates is named 0:23:36.409 --> 0:23:40.689 after a man. Joseph hubertis Pilates in the black and 0:23:40.730 --> 0:23:43.969 white pictures I find online. He's a compact fellow with 0:23:44.010 --> 0:23:46.369 a tuft of white hair and a twinkle in his eye, 0:23:46.649 --> 0:23:50.609 kind of like a really ripped Trumpelstiltskin. He invented Pilates 0:23:50.609 --> 0:23:53.169 while in an internment camp on the Isle of Man. 0:23:53.970 --> 0:23:56.330 This is so shocking to me that I start bringing 0:23:56.369 --> 0:23:59.209 it up to everyone I meet. I'm suddenly obsessed with 0:23:59.250 --> 0:24:10.649 talking about Pilates, and I haven't even taken the class yet, Hi, 0:24:11.010 --> 0:24:11.449 I need. 0:24:11.330 --> 0:24:12.210 To Khalila Holt. 0:24:12.290 --> 0:24:13.490 I've never been here before. 0:24:14.050 --> 0:24:17.809 Yeah, the studio staff welcome me warmly, but well, I'm 0:24:17.889 --> 0:24:20.530 checking in. I noticed that the picture on their brochure 0:24:20.570 --> 0:24:22.609 is a bunch of people holding a plank over a 0:24:22.689 --> 0:24:26.289 chasm of empty space. When I find my machine, it 0:24:26.330 --> 0:24:29.690 looks like something between a guynecologist's table and a printing press, 0:24:29.929 --> 0:24:32.889 if either of those things had about five times more knobs. 0:24:33.649 --> 0:24:37.169 The instructor comes over and starts pointing, this is the carriage. 0:24:37.209 --> 0:24:39.050 This is the back kickpad. When I say two red, 0:24:39.050 --> 0:24:40.889 one gray, pull on these springs. When I say Toes 0:24:40.929 --> 0:24:43.570 five six, you put your feet here, I nod like 0:24:43.609 --> 0:24:47.929 I'm following. Other women begin to arrive. They all seem 0:24:47.970 --> 0:24:49.650 to have gotten the memo that you're meant to come 0:24:49.689 --> 0:24:53.049 to pilates in a tasteful athleisure set where your sage 0:24:53.090 --> 0:24:57.569 toned sportspra matches your sage toned leggings. I meanwhile, I'm 0:24:57.570 --> 0:24:59.810 wearing a T shirt stained with fake blood from an 0:24:59.810 --> 0:25:03.649