WEBVTT - Monica Lewinsky CHOOSES to Emerge Stronger Than Ever

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Welcome

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<v Speaker 1>to I Choose Me, the podcast about choices. My guest

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<v Speaker 1>has made some incredibly bold choices, and I'm really excited

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<v Speaker 1>to share her with you. After being launched into an

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<v Speaker 1>extremely traumatic spotlight, Monica Lewinsky could have easily disappeared into

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<v Speaker 1>a quiet life, but instead she chose to come back

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<v Speaker 1>on her own terms with her own podcast, to reclaim

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<v Speaker 1>her name and fight against public shaming and cyberbullying. Please

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<v Speaker 1>welcome Monica Lewinsky.

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<v Speaker 2>Hi.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm really happy you're here because you are pretty remarkable.

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<v Speaker 2>Ah.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, I look at you and what you've been

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<v Speaker 1>doing lately, and I wonder to myself, where did you

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<v Speaker 1>find this drink to choose to do this, this reclaiming

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<v Speaker 1>of your name and narrative and public persona. Because yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you could have lived under a rock for the rest

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<v Speaker 1>of your life after, you know, having open season hunting

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<v Speaker 1>on you, but you decided to come up better than ever,

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<v Speaker 1>stronger than ever, and you didn't hide what drove you

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<v Speaker 1>to the surface.

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<v Speaker 2>I did hide for a while. I think that, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it really felt like it was one of those situations

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<v Speaker 2>where you literally do or die, and you just keep

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<v Speaker 2>doing and doing and doing over and over again. And

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<v Speaker 2>I feel incredibly lucky. Jenny, like to first of all,

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<v Speaker 2>and thank you for having me. It was so wonderful

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<v Speaker 2>having you on reclaiming, and I heard so many incredible

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<v Speaker 2>things from people, so I think, yeah, I think for me,

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<v Speaker 2>there were just so many moments where I could have

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<v Speaker 2>given up, and I think it was really this combination

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<v Speaker 2>of things of like being able to I think I

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<v Speaker 2>had always been resilient. But one of the things that's

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<v Speaker 2>so important I'm sure you've learned this too, is thank God,

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<v Speaker 2>resilience is a muscle that we can build, and so

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<v Speaker 2>it's not one of those things. It's not like height,

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<v Speaker 2>where we're sort of genetically determined to be a certain

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<v Speaker 2>way and that's it. I think that we can work

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<v Speaker 2>to build those muscles. I was resilient going into ninety

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<v Speaker 2>eight and had to be resilient coming out of it

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<v Speaker 2>many many times. And I think that's the part that

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<v Speaker 2>interests me so much about reclaiming, is the round and

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<v Speaker 2>round that we go and it's sort of not over

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<v Speaker 2>until we try I am, and I love that part. Right.

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<v Speaker 1>We keep getting another chance, another chance, another chance, and

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<v Speaker 1>I love the thought of like you get to create

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<v Speaker 1>your own destiny, you get to decide what do you

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<v Speaker 1>want to focus on. And you've clearly made a decision

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<v Speaker 1>to not focus on what happened. That's been talked about enough,

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<v Speaker 1>but to talk about what happens after something like that

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<v Speaker 1>happens in your life and how you come back from it.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's what's so inspirational. And I think that's why

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<v Speaker 1>so many people are like intrigued and want to know,

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<v Speaker 1>like how, because what happened was blonkers terrible, all the

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<v Speaker 1>fruits and it was like I remember watching it and thinking,

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<v Speaker 1>what this is? This is absolutely dreadful the way they

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<v Speaker 1>are treating this girl. And because I was on set,

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<v Speaker 1>I was watching it, you know, everybody was talking about it,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, and it was you know. And also then

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<v Speaker 1>I remember, after, you know, the news of breaking. I

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<v Speaker 1>remember conversations on set and jokes being made and just

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<v Speaker 1>how uncomfortable that whole feeling was for me. But I

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<v Speaker 1>could have quite articulated at that age, and I didn't

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<v Speaker 1>know how to like stand up for someone else or

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<v Speaker 1>myself at that time.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, well, and I'm sure you had a really interesting

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<v Speaker 2>perspective because from your young age of becoming famous and

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<v Speaker 2>being on this set where there was so much demanded

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<v Speaker 2>of you at such a young age, and you're learning

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<v Speaker 2>all of these life lessons and trying to navigate how

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<v Speaker 2>people treat each other, but particularly women, and even more

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<v Speaker 2>particularly young women.

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<v Speaker 1>And we were young women. We were You're a year

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<v Speaker 1>younger than me, so we were the same age when

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<v Speaker 1>this was happening.

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<v Speaker 2>Practically, and it's you know, I think that it's one

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<v Speaker 2>of those things I remember being that age and my

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<v Speaker 2>mom or other adults in my life, or my dad

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<v Speaker 2>or my stepmom sort of saying like, you'll see when

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<v Speaker 2>you're older. And internally I was like, what are you

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<v Speaker 2>talking about? I am, I'm an adult. I'm over eighteen,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm twenty one, I can drink, I can vote. I'm

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<v Speaker 2>an adult right and is now at almost fifty three.

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<v Speaker 2>I really I look at my friend's kids this age,

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<v Speaker 2>or I look at I speak at colleges a lot,

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<v Speaker 2>and the young people that I'm meeting, and yeah, just

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<v Speaker 2>like you're a.

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<v Speaker 1>Baby, I know, you know what. I actually say that

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<v Speaker 1>to my daughters. When you're older, you'll see it differently

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<v Speaker 1>or you'll understand. And I and now you're just reminded

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<v Speaker 1>me that I am my mom.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah it is. It's an interesting it's really interesting. And

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<v Speaker 2>I also I think too with my situation story, however

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<v Speaker 2>we want to label it one of the things that's

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<v Speaker 2>always been nightmare.

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<v Speaker 1>That's better.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Interesting is that so much is tied to the collective,

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<v Speaker 2>and so that's it's not always been just about what

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<v Speaker 2>I want to try to do, how I try to

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<v Speaker 2>gather my strengths or make plans. It was this dance

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<v Speaker 2>with the collective around. You know, we're people going to

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<v Speaker 2>be ready for someone who is normally there's a reason

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<v Speaker 2>fallen woman. It's like you know that I've fallen in.

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<v Speaker 2>I can't get up, lady, except it's archetypical, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>And so I think in that way too. That's where

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<v Speaker 2>the sort of social psychologists and me is always fascinated.

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<v Speaker 1>Monica's strength and determination to choose herself are exactly what

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<v Speaker 1>this podcast is all about. I was thinking, even when

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<v Speaker 1>it comes to choosing how we want to look in

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<v Speaker 1>our lives, what we want to wear, how do we

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<v Speaker 1>want to present ourselves? And that is exactly why I

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<v Speaker 1>created me by Jenny Garth with QVC. It is a

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<v Speaker 1>feel great in them, and I think you will too.

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<v Speaker 1>Did you want to go into psychology when you were

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<v Speaker 1>younger before all of this?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, my undergraduate was in psychology, and my masters, which

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<v Speaker 2>I got after everything happened, was social psychology. So I

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<v Speaker 2>had been interested in college. I was really interested in

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<v Speaker 2>forensic psychology, so I took a class that was about

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<v Speaker 2>designing psychological instruments, so the tests we take, and I

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<v Speaker 2>remember this sort of this the module that was kind

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<v Speaker 2>of around jury selection, and I was really fascinated by

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<v Speaker 2>the kinds of tests that were used to uncover bias.

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<v Speaker 2>And then I was also fascinated by the test that

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<v Speaker 2>would sort of you know, tease apart someone's personality and

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<v Speaker 2>were they you know, a version of a monster or not?

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<v Speaker 2>Oh god, that was you know. That was also the

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<v Speaker 2>time this was. This was in the world of silence

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<v Speaker 2>of the lambs. So I was like, I am going

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<v Speaker 2>to go work for the.

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<v Speaker 1>FBI, Jodie Foster exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>Cover monsters, and as I like to joke, instead it

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<v Speaker 2>was like the political monsters. And I got investigated by

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<v Speaker 2>the FBI wrong verb, you know, not working for or with,

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<v Speaker 2>but investigated by. So yeah, but I think that that

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<v Speaker 2>understanding of the complexity of people and the complexity you know,

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<v Speaker 2>of myself, which I sort of already felt was a

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<v Speaker 2>burden before everything happened.

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<v Speaker 1>Why did you feel like your complexity was a burden?

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<v Speaker 1>Were you a layered young person as a teenager?

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, I think even I think even as a little

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<v Speaker 2>kid that there there's certain photos of me that there's

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<v Speaker 2>a pensiveness unlike me at three years old that I

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<v Speaker 2>just think that's not normal. You know, where where did

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<v Speaker 2>that heaviness come from? Or you just see this heaviness.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think I was sensitive from a long time.

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<v Speaker 2>And also you know it's having had this late stage

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<v Speaker 2>diagnosis for women, which often happens in perimenopauseitive ADHD. I

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<v Speaker 2>now understand that a lot of my sensitivity was rejection

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<v Speaker 2>dysphoria and so that's also interesting. You know, it feels like,

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<v Speaker 2>I think for many of us, a little like Memento,

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<v Speaker 2>where we're sort of going, oh, that's why this happened,

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<v Speaker 2>and this happened, and I felt this way and I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't know how to when.

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<v Speaker 1>You like look back at my life knowing what's what's

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<v Speaker 1>rejection dysphoria.

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<v Speaker 2>It is a part. Not everybody with ADHD has it,

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<v Speaker 2>but it's a part where you experience normal rejection as

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<v Speaker 2>physically intense as like physical pain it is. It is

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<v Speaker 2>close to unbearable, and its rise.

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<v Speaker 1>Rough to walk around with.

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<v Speaker 2>And especially I think as a young woman trying to navigate.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean it happens for men too, but you know,

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<v Speaker 2>a young woman trying to navigate relationships and you know

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<v Speaker 2>all of those things. And so it helped me understand

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<v Speaker 2>why I I stayed stuck on certain people or in

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<v Speaker 2>certain situations, you know, because the rejection felt unbearable, and

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<v Speaker 2>so I think I kept at it of like nope,

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<v Speaker 2>I can fix it. I can fix this. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I know a lot of people that I've been

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<v Speaker 1>like that. I feel like I've gone through that era

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<v Speaker 1>for sure. Do you feel like you're you're past that

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<v Speaker 1>you're not susceptible to this.

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<v Speaker 2>No. I think that it's more I have a lot

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<v Speaker 2>more tools to understand stand it, right. And so much

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<v Speaker 2>of the work my therapist, who's a trauma psychiatrist, has

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<v Speaker 2>done with me, which kind of annoyed me at first

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<v Speaker 2>because I thought I was like, well, this is never

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<v Speaker 2>going to fix me, Like we have to hurry up.

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<v Speaker 2>I've lost all this time, like fix me, fix me,

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<v Speaker 2>fix me. And really so much of it was about

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<v Speaker 2>finding self acceptance and you know, those moments where it

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<v Speaker 2>would be, you know, like this mantra of like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>sometimes when I'm feeling X, Y and Z, I do ABC,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, and that's what I do, right, and really

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<v Speaker 2>trying to excuse me sit in not judging myself and

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<v Speaker 2>blaming myself, right, which is that first layer. So I

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<v Speaker 2>think for me, where that intersex here is around recognizing

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<v Speaker 2>that that I'm like, okay, I am rejection sensitive and

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<v Speaker 2>so and I had a therapist tell me that a

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<v Speaker 2>long time ago, but it never came under the rubric

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<v Speaker 2>of ADHD, you know, or I don't even know that

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<v Speaker 2>they had a name for it at that point. And

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<v Speaker 2>so I think that knowing that that happens to me

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<v Speaker 2>allows me to to just be a little gentler, and

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<v Speaker 2>then the gentleness allows me to maybe step out of

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<v Speaker 2>it faster, not it not hurt quite as much.

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<v Speaker 1>So true, Yes, I've found that, like once you can

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<v Speaker 1>take the time to sort of self examine where where

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<v Speaker 1>you went wrong in life? Where what were the painful moments?

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<v Speaker 1>Where did you experience suffering?

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<v Speaker 2>Where did you beautifully in your book?

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<v Speaker 1>Like, once you step back and you look at it,

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<v Speaker 1>then you're able to like accept it in a different

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<v Speaker 1>way and take accountability for your parts and things. I

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<v Speaker 1>can totally relate to that. And how Yes, now you

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<v Speaker 1>have the perception the ability to step back and even

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<v Speaker 1>in those trigger moments when you want to go back

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<v Speaker 1>to that automatic thinking of what your survival technique was

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<v Speaker 1>in your case being sensitive to rejection, you have the

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<v Speaker 1>ability of the clarity to think, hmm, I have a

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<v Speaker 1>choice right now, I can choose differently.

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<v Speaker 2>Sometimes it's still hard. You know, I've had like a

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<v Speaker 2>difficult work situation in the last few weeks, and so

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<v Speaker 2>every time I get an email on this thing, I

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<v Speaker 2>notice in my body, you know it, my heart rate

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<v Speaker 2>is going, my anxiety is up, my armor is coming

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<v Speaker 2>on and you know it's just I think sometimes even

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<v Speaker 2>just the ability to recognize that's not something I would

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<v Speaker 2>have been able to do a long time.

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<v Speaker 1>Ago, Right, you would just take and run.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you know sometimes that still happens. But you

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<v Speaker 2>know that's zero to sixty pause, rage, We're trying.

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<v Speaker 1>Yes, this work that you've done with your trauma therapist

0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:26.200
<v Speaker 1>is incredible. I can see the impact that it's had

0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:30.960
<v Speaker 1>on you. And thank goodness you sawt therapy because you

0:15:31.080 --> 0:15:35.320
<v Speaker 1>needed to. I mean, that was huge and unlike anyone

0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:37.760
<v Speaker 1>else has ever experienced. So I'm very happy for that.

0:15:37.800 --> 0:15:40.360
<v Speaker 1>Would you call that you've talked about it before your

0:15:40.440 --> 0:15:41.040
<v Speaker 1>dark decade?

0:15:42.120 --> 0:15:45.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you know, I think that there was. My My

0:15:45.720 --> 0:15:53.360
<v Speaker 2>dark decade was this mix of this sort of aftermath

0:15:53.480 --> 0:15:57.520
<v Speaker 2>plan falling apart over and over and over again. And

0:15:57.800 --> 0:16:00.720
<v Speaker 2>on the one hand, and what that forced me to

0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:06.080
<v Speaker 2>do was, you know, to have to work on different

0:16:06.120 --> 0:16:10.240
<v Speaker 2>aspects of myself, most of which I did in that

0:16:10.400 --> 0:16:18.040
<v Speaker 2>period through less traditional therapies. But I did, you know,

0:16:18.160 --> 0:16:22.960
<v Speaker 2>I started working with my current trauma psychiatrist in two

0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:28.360
<v Speaker 2>thousand and thirteen or fourteen, so that was sort of

0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:33.320
<v Speaker 2>almost she held my hand as I re emerged in

0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:37.120
<v Speaker 2>many ways versus enduring that period.

0:16:38.480 --> 0:16:42.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm wondering this because I experienced this recently. I was

0:16:42.200 --> 0:16:45.440
<v Speaker 1>doing an interview a podcast with someone. They showed me

0:16:45.480 --> 0:16:49.960
<v Speaker 1>a clip of an interview that I had done in

0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:55.320
<v Speaker 1>the nineties, and it was I didn't, I hadn't, I

0:16:55.320 --> 0:16:56.880
<v Speaker 1>had forgotten about it. And it was an interview with

0:16:57.000 --> 0:17:01.400
<v Speaker 1>Arsenio Hall and he basically said you're a slut, You're

0:17:01.440 --> 0:17:05.959
<v Speaker 1>a whore on national television and young me Jenny sitting

0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:09.600
<v Speaker 1>there trying to smile through it and not in my

0:17:09.720 --> 0:17:12.280
<v Speaker 1>mind thinking how what is happening? And how do I

0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:14.560
<v Speaker 1>get out of that? And now, as a grown woman,

0:17:14.680 --> 0:17:18.720
<v Speaker 1>watching that is heartbreaking to see. And I wondered if

0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.720
<v Speaker 1>you felt that way, especially when I rewatched the Barbara

0:17:22.800 --> 0:17:23.880
<v Speaker 1>Walters interview.

0:17:24.960 --> 0:17:28.560
<v Speaker 2>Well, I'll say this, I have not rewatched it. I

0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:33.639
<v Speaker 2>had to watch a few a handful of clips for

0:17:33.840 --> 0:17:37.359
<v Speaker 2>something the other year, and just even watching a few

0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:41.440
<v Speaker 2>clips was really hard. And some of what I think

0:17:41.520 --> 0:17:47.440
<v Speaker 2>is complicated is teasing out for myself what was hard,

0:17:47.560 --> 0:17:49.680
<v Speaker 2>what was going to be hard no matter what because

0:17:49.720 --> 0:17:53.040
<v Speaker 2>of the time, like my personal life, where it was

0:17:53.080 --> 0:17:55.320
<v Speaker 2>going to be hard no matter what because of how

0:17:55.320 --> 0:17:59.280
<v Speaker 2>we treated young women back then, and even as much

0:17:59.320 --> 0:18:02.239
<v Speaker 2>as we wanted hope and think that women are going

0:18:02.320 --> 0:18:06.879
<v Speaker 2>to be are portive and supportive and our best champions.

0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:13.720
<v Speaker 2>I you know, I think that Barbara thought she was

0:18:13.800 --> 0:18:17.040
<v Speaker 2>doing a good job. Barbara thought she was setting me

0:18:17.280 --> 0:18:21.240
<v Speaker 2>up for success. And it's complicated, you know, And she's

0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:26.160
<v Speaker 2>not here anymore. So I you know, I imagine at

0:18:26.160 --> 0:18:29.439
<v Speaker 2>some point I will need to sit down and watch that.

0:18:29.640 --> 0:18:36.080
<v Speaker 1>But I just saw this young woman smiling as I

0:18:36.119 --> 0:18:39.240
<v Speaker 1>did in that embarrassing moment, and not knowing any other

0:18:39.280 --> 0:18:41.920
<v Speaker 1>way to do it but to be yourself and smile

0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:45.800
<v Speaker 1>and try to make everybody happy even though you're so uncomfortable.

0:18:46.480 --> 0:18:49.480
<v Speaker 2>Well, I think too. I think for me, there were

0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:52.239
<v Speaker 2>these two other layers to it. Also. One is I

0:18:52.280 --> 0:18:57.440
<v Speaker 2>have this horrible habit of laughing and smiling when I'm nervous.

0:18:57.920 --> 0:19:01.479
<v Speaker 2>So even as a kid like I'd get in trouble

0:19:01.560 --> 0:19:03.080
<v Speaker 2>for shit because I'd laugh.

0:19:03.440 --> 0:19:06.760
<v Speaker 1>I have a kid like that and all. Yeah, And so.

0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:08.640
<v Speaker 2>It was my parents and be like, well you wouldn't

0:19:08.640 --> 0:19:11.119
<v Speaker 2>be laughing. This is no laughing matter, you know. And

0:19:11.160 --> 0:19:13.800
<v Speaker 2>it's like it is to me because I can't help it,

0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:18.960
<v Speaker 2>you know. So I think my younger brother benefited from

0:19:19.000 --> 0:19:21.520
<v Speaker 2>that quite a bit. But I got blamed for shit.

0:19:21.720 --> 0:19:28.639
<v Speaker 2>But I think also the other is I was so naive.

0:19:28.760 --> 0:19:31.359
<v Speaker 2>I talked a bit about this in the documentary that

0:19:31.480 --> 0:19:35.560
<v Speaker 2>was done on Barbara a few years ago. Of I

0:19:36.800 --> 0:19:42.199
<v Speaker 2>so naively thought like, oh, okay, people hate me because

0:19:42.200 --> 0:19:45.040
<v Speaker 2>they don't know me yet, and I haven't been able

0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:48.440
<v Speaker 2>to speak for myself legally, and all anybody knows is

0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.960
<v Speaker 2>sort of the worst things about me, the gossip about me,

0:19:52.240 --> 0:19:56.960
<v Speaker 2>these horrible tapes, like twenty hours of recorded phone calls

0:19:57.000 --> 0:20:00.639
<v Speaker 2>that you know, none of us realizes how hattie and

0:20:00.680 --> 0:20:05.720
<v Speaker 2>horrible we are in these loose, sort of free flowing moments.

0:20:05.840 --> 0:20:10.640
<v Speaker 2>But I just I really thought, Okay, now people are

0:20:10.640 --> 0:20:13.199
<v Speaker 2>going to get to know me, and they're not hate me.

0:20:13.840 --> 0:20:16.040
<v Speaker 1>I didn't hate you when I watched it. I felt

0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:18.960
<v Speaker 1>it felt for you, and I felt like, God, bless

0:20:18.960 --> 0:20:22.359
<v Speaker 1>her little heart. She's smiling and trying to make the

0:20:22.400 --> 0:20:23.639
<v Speaker 1>best of this mess.

0:20:23.920 --> 0:20:29.159
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, but it was, you know, and they're they're you know,

0:20:29.240 --> 0:20:31.639
<v Speaker 2>you might have had an experience like this. They're not

0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:38.919
<v Speaker 2>many people for whom they're their very first television interview

0:20:39.480 --> 0:20:44.439
<v Speaker 2>is someone like a Barbara Walters or Ante correct, and

0:20:44.520 --> 0:20:49.919
<v Speaker 2>so it wasn't even I had had the experience of

0:20:49.960 --> 0:20:53.679
<v Speaker 2>being interviewed and then watching it back, you know, like

0:20:54.040 --> 0:20:58.320
<v Speaker 2>you probably know this now too. I learned the hard way. Oh,

0:20:58.640 --> 0:21:04.320
<v Speaker 2>sarcasm doesn't work print interview. Like you could be sarcastic

0:21:04.560 --> 0:21:07.760
<v Speaker 2>in a TV interview or a podcast radio and people

0:21:07.800 --> 0:21:11.720
<v Speaker 2>hear it in your voice, but a print interview, it's

0:21:12.119 --> 0:21:16.400
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't necessarily translate, right, But so we learn those things.

0:21:16.480 --> 0:21:19.800
<v Speaker 2>And I think even if the Barbara Walters interview had

0:21:19.840 --> 0:21:22.400
<v Speaker 2>been maybe my third or fifth, you know, the only

0:21:22.440 --> 0:21:25.880
<v Speaker 2>other interviews I'd had were with a you know, independent

0:21:25.920 --> 0:21:30.280
<v Speaker 2>counsel's office and Congress, and so you know, that was

0:21:30.320 --> 0:21:34.679
<v Speaker 2>a little different than the lights. And you know, so

0:21:35.680 --> 0:21:40.000
<v Speaker 2>there's so many I guess for me, there's so many

0:21:40.119 --> 0:21:43.560
<v Speaker 2>moments from that wide time period of my life that

0:21:43.640 --> 0:21:46.960
<v Speaker 2>I regret that It's like, I don't know, the ones

0:21:46.960 --> 0:21:49.520
<v Speaker 2>in that interview are sort of lower on the list,

0:21:50.040 --> 0:21:51.119
<v Speaker 2>if that makes sense.

0:21:52.119 --> 0:21:55.919
<v Speaker 1>But you know, I mean I found myself, you know,

0:21:56.000 --> 0:22:01.600
<v Speaker 1>really feeling for that young girl. Thank you, jeez, what

0:22:01.640 --> 0:22:05.360
<v Speaker 1>you've been put through. But what you're doing now, this

0:22:06.640 --> 0:22:14.280
<v Speaker 1>determination to advocate out loud for public shaming, cyberbullying, and resilience.

0:22:15.119 --> 0:22:15.520
<v Speaker 2>Thank you.

0:22:16.000 --> 0:22:18.720
<v Speaker 1>These are bold moves that you're making. How did you

0:22:18.720 --> 0:22:20.760
<v Speaker 1>get to choosing this path?

0:22:22.000 --> 0:22:29.280
<v Speaker 2>You know? It was it really was unexpected in many ways,

0:22:29.320 --> 0:22:32.320
<v Speaker 2>and it stemmed I talk a little about this in

0:22:32.359 --> 0:22:35.600
<v Speaker 2>my TED talk, but it stemmed from this experience I

0:22:35.640 --> 0:22:40.479
<v Speaker 2>had with my mom around Tyler Clemente, who was a

0:22:40.520 --> 0:22:44.480
<v Speaker 2>young eighteen year old freshman in college who had been

0:22:45.119 --> 0:22:50.760
<v Speaker 2>publicly shamed and he died by suicide jumping off the

0:22:50.800 --> 0:22:54.280
<v Speaker 2>George Washington Bridge. And I had been away for the

0:22:54.320 --> 0:22:58.080
<v Speaker 2>weekend when the news hit, and so I knew nothing

0:22:58.119 --> 0:23:00.400
<v Speaker 2>and was like on the phone with my momving home

0:23:00.400 --> 0:23:03.360
<v Speaker 2>from Davis, California, having seen my best friend from college

0:23:03.800 --> 0:23:07.479
<v Speaker 2>for the weekend, and as you know, my mom just

0:23:07.560 --> 0:23:10.479
<v Speaker 2>started she was like, Oh, there's that poor family and

0:23:10.480 --> 0:23:14.760
<v Speaker 2>that poor boy, and she just started to get so upset.

0:23:14.800 --> 0:23:18.320
<v Speaker 2>And as she's explaining to me what happened, you know,

0:23:18.720 --> 0:23:23.880
<v Speaker 2>I just I realized later that I was seeing this

0:23:24.920 --> 0:23:28.520
<v Speaker 2>her reliving what I hadn't been able to see in

0:23:28.640 --> 0:23:34.960
<v Speaker 2>ninety eight because I was so consumed by my own experiences, right,

0:23:35.040 --> 0:23:40.719
<v Speaker 2>and also the narcissism of youth, and so what really

0:23:40.760 --> 0:23:43.439
<v Speaker 2>transpired for me is I thought about it more and

0:23:43.840 --> 0:23:47.719
<v Speaker 2>Brene Brown had started to talk about shaming, public shaming.

0:23:47.760 --> 0:23:52.880
<v Speaker 2>She really opened that conversation, and then I just started

0:23:52.880 --> 0:23:56.639
<v Speaker 2>to think, Okay, well, I'm still here, and maybe there's

0:23:56.680 --> 0:24:03.120
<v Speaker 2>a way that some people might be able to get

0:24:03.200 --> 0:24:04.600
<v Speaker 2>something that I can help.

0:24:04.720 --> 0:24:07.560
<v Speaker 1>Okay, this conversation is so good. We will come back

0:24:07.600 --> 0:24:10.880
<v Speaker 1>for more with Monica Lewinsky. Please watch for part two

0:24:11.160 --> 0:24:11.400
<v Speaker 1>soon