Speaker 1: You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2: Miname is John Sir.
Speaker 3: The second presidential debate has just wrapped up. We are live,
Speaker 3: well technically technically, I guess this is the second president
Speaker 3: will be the first presidential debate of this matchup. I
Speaker 3: can't wait to see who the winner will take on next.
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 3: We'll come to your live, ladies and gentlemen. The stakes
Speaker 3: couldn't be higher as we all try and figure out
Speaker 3: who will be the next president of Paul winev.
Speaker 1: MIAs Gang.
Speaker 3: It's an exciting night for citizens of that esteemed nation
Speaker 3: as the rest of us watch with great interest from
Speaker 3: the neighboring country of no one.
Speaker 1: Gives a shit. A stand by the way, if you have.
Speaker 3: Any friends in Paul, would be as again. Can you
Speaker 3: see if they can do anything about congestion pricing? All right,
Speaker 3: forget it, but so far it seems like this presidential
Speaker 3: race is going to be a tight one.
Speaker 4: The election now a dead heat, separated by razor thin margins.
Speaker 5: Neck and neck.
Speaker 1: Feels like a jump all race right now for.
Speaker 6: All intensive purposes, horseshoes and angrenades.
Speaker 7: It's a coin fla, the tightest race in a generation.
Speaker 8: As tight as it can get as tight as a tick, as.
Speaker 9: Tight as a two tight bathing suit and a too
Speaker 9: long car ride home from the beach.
Speaker 1: That seems very tight.
Speaker 3: It's as tight as a teenage boys pants during a.
Speaker 2: Sydney sweeney Film festival.
Speaker 3: That oh, it's tighter than Sydney's Sweeney's scheduling windows, given
Speaker 3: how busy she is with projects in demand as a producer,
Speaker 3: to say nothing of the anyway, she's very talented. Of course,
Speaker 3: with an election this tight, it is important to build
Speaker 3: out a more diverse coalition, and recently Donald Trump has
Speaker 3: picked up the unexpected support of former Democrats RFK Junior
Speaker 3: and Telsey Gabbert, and might even have picked up one
Speaker 3: of Jeffrey Epstein's most esteemed former lawyers.
Speaker 10: I am no longer a Democrat.
Speaker 11: I am no longer a member of the Democratic Party.
Speaker 7: This was not my party.
Speaker 5: I just felt appalled when I watched the Democratic National Convention.
Speaker 7: I can't associate myself with the party itself.
Speaker 3: No, wait, don't go, oh, you're no longer the Democratic Party,
Speaker 3: Alan Derschwitz.
Speaker 1: Guess what.
Speaker 2: Democrats don't want you anyway, because the.
Speaker 3: Democratic Party has standards.
Speaker 9: Okay, we don't week former Vice President Dick Cheney endorsed
Speaker 9: Vice President Harris.
Speaker 1: Would you excuse me?
Speaker 12: What's mhmm?
Speaker 3: I don't know what came over me anyway, Going into
Speaker 3: the debate, one thing was I'm sorry, you know what,
Speaker 3: Dick Cheney, can you meet me over by camera?
Speaker 2: One?
Speaker 7: Fuck off?
Speaker 12: Sarah thought, fuck off.
Speaker 2: You gave this close to destroying the entire world.
Speaker 3: We were this close, closer than a teenage boy's pants.
Speaker 2: And now I'm not gonna have any fun with this.
Speaker 2: And by the way, who in God's name is that endorsement?
Speaker 1: Gonna? Sway?
Speaker 3: Well, I like the Democrats policy on child tax credits,
Speaker 3: but are they bombing enough Middle Eastern countries. There's still
Speaker 3: some buildings standing. Someone should really do something. I'm fine,
Speaker 3: it's fine. Seriously though, fuck that guy now, obviously, oh please,
Speaker 3: But in aero dyte takedown. Obviously, each candidate was going
Speaker 3: to have their goals and strategies. For Kamala Harris, it
Speaker 3: was going to be quite a needle to thread.
Speaker 10: She really wants to make sure that Americans know her backstory,
Speaker 10: walk away understanding her policy stances, to make sure she
Speaker 10: needles Donald Trump him to lash out, explose the flaws
Speaker 10: that she sees in him to states calm.
Speaker 1: Be ready for all attack. She's god like two minutes.
Speaker 1: Is there anything else?
Speaker 10: There are some people who are worried that she might
Speaker 10: be over prepared.
Speaker 3: Really after doing all that, you know, Trump was encouraged
Speaker 3: to take a simpler approach. They expect some goading remarks
Speaker 3: from Harris. They have stressed to him over and over again,
Speaker 3: do not respond, if you're going to respond at all,
Speaker 3: to use facial expressions, not to actually go out there
Speaker 3: and say anything.
Speaker 1: Kamala say everything, some say nothing.
Speaker 3: But here's what you do, mister former president. If Kamala
Speaker 3: says something that surprises you, you just go. And if
Speaker 3: Kamala says something that makes you angry, you just go.
Speaker 3: And if Kamala says something that makes you feel sexy, time,
Speaker 3: you go. Oh yeah, So those were the goals.
Speaker 2: Both candidates have now entered the arena.
Speaker 3: Biden and Trump did not greet each other, and Kamala,
Speaker 3: oh wait, did you go?
Speaker 2: She went for the handshake. Ladies and gentlemen, What.
Speaker 3: An incredible display of the awkward tension happens when your
Speaker 3: son is dating a biracial girl and you meet her
Speaker 3: parents for the first time, do I.
Speaker 12: Whoda you are?
Speaker 3: As per tradition in American politics, the first question is
Speaker 3: always asked by the most handsome person in a ten
Speaker 3: to fifteen mile radius.
Speaker 6: When it comes to the economy, do you believe Americans
Speaker 6: are better off than they were four years ago?
Speaker 1: Ooh?
Speaker 11: First, Yausa, Hey yeah.
Speaker 1: Second answer the question.
Speaker 13: As vice president, I imagine and have actually a plan to
Speaker 13: build what I call an opportunity economy. My plan is
Speaker 13: to give a fifty thousand dollars tax deduction to start
Speaker 13: up small businesses. I intend on extending a tax cut
Speaker 13: for those families of six thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Holy shit, we're one question and we're all millionaires. Oh
Speaker 2: my god, Donald, your response to.
Speaker 3: The question, is the economy better now than it was
Speaker 3: four years ago?
Speaker 9: We have millions of people pouring into our country from
Speaker 9: prisons and jails, from mental institutions and insane asylums. They're dangerous,
Speaker 9: They're at the highest level of criminality. They are taking
Speaker 9: over the towns, they're taking over buildings, They're going in violently.
Speaker 3: Ladies and gentlemen, I just want to say, after surviving
Speaker 3: the PTSD of the last presidential debate.
Speaker 1: How unbelievably refreshing.
Speaker 3: It is to go back to the same old nobody's
Speaker 3: gonna answer any fucking question.
Speaker 2: This is unbelievable.
Speaker 12: We're back, America comes back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's gonna question. They just turned the time
Speaker 2: and answer whatever they want to answer.
Speaker 3: And now that we're returning to the cliches the standards
Speaker 3: of American political theater, I think it's only fair if
Speaker 3: someone would do the honors of the first baseless at hominem.
Speaker 9: She's a Marxist. Everybody knows she's a Marxist. Her father's
Speaker 9: a Marxist professor in economics, and he taught her well.
Speaker 9: But when you look at what she's done to our country.
Speaker 3: Oh shit, she's about to be like, motherfucker, let's just
Speaker 3: do this.
Speaker 8: I'm gonna she's about up a Marxist. She's about to
Speaker 8: open up a can of ass capital on Donald Trump.
Speaker 8: Lindsay Davis, you better change the subject before the fingers
Speaker 8: on Kamala's hand.
Speaker 1: Unite.
Speaker 13: I want to turn to the issue of abortion.
Speaker 3: Oh boy, I'm not superstitious, but this is where the
Speaker 3: wheels fell off for Biden. He was asked about abortion,
Speaker 3: then he somehow spun it into wire, immigrants, raping people,
Speaker 3: and he ended with the classic phrase, We'll never forget.
Speaker 3: And that's when we finally beat Medicare. They're feeling it too,
Speaker 3: ladies and gentlemen. As before President Trump, you have the
Speaker 3: first crack at answering why you killed Rov Wade.
Speaker 7: We've gotten what everybody wanted.
Speaker 9: Democrats, Republicans, and everybody else, and every legal scholar wanted
Speaker 9: it to be brought back into the States, and the
Speaker 9: States are voting, and I did something that nobody thought
Speaker 9: was possible.
Speaker 3: John Stewart from me, I was watching this live timespicking
Speaker 3: what you just said. Yeah, that's actually insanely false. The
Speaker 3: majority of people. You know what, Kamala Harris, Kamala Harris,
Speaker 3: can you address this with a bit more eloquence.
Speaker 13: I have talked with women around our country. You want
Speaker 13: to talk about. This is what people wanted. Pregnant women
Speaker 13: who want to carry a pregnancy to term, suffering from
Speaker 13: a miscarriage, being denied care in an emergency room because
Speaker 13: the healthcare providers are afraid they might go to jail.
Speaker 13: And she's bleeding out in a car in the parking lot.
Speaker 13: She didn't want that, Oh, she crashed that.
Speaker 2: This is like this is like.
Speaker 3: What this is like one of those crowdhog Day movies
Speaker 3: where you get to go back and fix the bad
Speaker 3: way that something happened earlier to the good way. And
Speaker 3: then you learn Italian and the piano, and then you
Speaker 3: get sad and then despondent, and then you learn how
Speaker 3: to love yourself. Trump will now finally have to answer
Speaker 3: to his abortion policy.
Speaker 9: You know what, it reminds me of when they said
Speaker 9: they're going to get student loans terminated and it ended
Speaker 9: up being a total catastrophe.
Speaker 3: Ah, you don't have student loan smoke bomb. But we're
Speaker 3: suddenly into a rhythm here, nice back and forth. I
Speaker 3: got to give it to Trump. He's sticking to his
Speaker 3: guns and he's not letting Kamala Harris get under his skin.
Speaker 3: I actually think she's not going to be able to
Speaker 3: need a them.
Speaker 13: I'm going to invite you to attend one of Donald
Speaker 13: Trump's rallies. He will talk about win mills cause cancer.
Speaker 13: And what you will also notice is that people start
Speaker 13: leaving his rallies early out of exhaustion and boredom.
Speaker 3: Old shit, He's just gonna start taking off his ear
Speaker 3: okayle id sake, motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Let's go, folks. The eagle has landed. She has attacked.
Speaker 3: What is Donald Trump's most cherished family member is rally crowds.
Speaker 1: Donald, remember your training.
Speaker 3: The question is about why you killed the bipartisan immigration bill.
Speaker 1: You don't need to think.
Speaker 7: About you prisoner.
Speaker 9: Myresponders to the rallies, she said, people start leaving.
Speaker 7: People don't go to.
Speaker 1: Her rallies, Son of the pits.
Speaker 7: People don't leave my rallies.
Speaker 9: We have the biggest rallies, the most incredible rallies in
Speaker 9: the history of politics. Our country is being lost. We're
Speaker 9: a failing nation. In Springfield, they're eating the dogs the
Speaker 9: people that came in. They're eating the cats, they're eating
Speaker 9: they're eating the pets of the people that live there.
Speaker 12: What the fuck just happened?
Speaker 2: Because these unbelievable around if people.
Speaker 10: Don't leave them eating dogs, the string feel the immigrants
Speaker 10: are eating people's dogs.
Speaker 1: Which reminds me, if I may, for just a quick moment,
Speaker 1: a quick.
Speaker 3: Reminder of all the pet owners out there, always remember
Speaker 3: to leash your dogs. It's an important way to keep
Speaker 3: your dogs from fighting other dogs, or being hit by
Speaker 3: a car, or being eaten by your immigrant neighbors. Oh,
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. Also, fuck off, Dick Cheney.
Speaker 7: I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: You were saying.
Speaker 6: I just want to clarify here. You bring up Springfield, Ohio,
Speaker 6: and ABCDWS did reach out to the city manager there.
Speaker 6: He told us there have been no credible reports of
Speaker 6: specific claims of pets being harmed, injured, or abused by
Speaker 6: individuals within the immigrant community.
Speaker 7: All I've seen.
Speaker 9: People intelligen let me just say, this is the people
Speaker 9: on television.
Speaker 7: So my dog was taken and used for food.
Speaker 9: So maybe he said that, and maybe that's a good
Speaker 9: thing to say for a city manager.
Speaker 6: I'm not taking this from people on television.
Speaker 7: Dog was eaten by the people that went there.
Speaker 6: Again, the Springfield city manager says there's no evidence of that.
Speaker 3: Having spent some time in Springfield myself, I believe I
Speaker 3: know what's happening here. I believe Trump himself may be
Speaker 3: becoming one of Springfield's most famous residents.
Speaker 1: And I believe we have some footage.
Speaker 7: It's right and being all, no one listens to.
Speaker 1: Someone ain't my dad.
Speaker 3: I Finally, no debate with the former president would be
Speaker 3: complete without addressing the former president's closing number of the
Speaker 3: Trump Show's first.
Speaker 6: Term, mister president, on January sixth, you told your supporters
Speaker 6: to march to the Capitol. You said you would be
Speaker 6: right there with them. Is there anything you regret about
Speaker 6: what you did on that day?
Speaker 9: It wasn't done by me. It was done by others.
Speaker 9: It would have never happened if Nancy Pelosi and the
Speaker 9: mayor of Washington did the jobs. I wasn't responsible for security.
Speaker 9: Nancy Pelosi was responsible. She didn't do her job. I
Speaker 9: had nothing to do with that other than they asked
Speaker 9: me to make a speech.
Speaker 7: I showed up for a speech.
Speaker 3: You spent two months riling up your base that our
Speaker 3: country had literally been stolen from them through fraudulent means
Speaker 3: that you could never even get a whiff of in
Speaker 3: a court of law, and let yourself just abuse them.
Speaker 3: You pressed on, you abused their trust. You showed up
Speaker 3: for a speech. You fucking tweeted, join me on January sixth,
Speaker 3: it will be wild.
Speaker 2: But suddenly now I would use the hired magician.
Speaker 7: Did it, Bay Midside?
Speaker 2: I didn't do anything. I showed up with a hat
Speaker 2: and a rabbit. And then the whole party went out
Speaker 2: of control.
Speaker 3: And this is it, Ladies and gentlemen, I don't know
Speaker 3: if this debate is going to change anything.
Speaker 1: I really don't.
Speaker 3: People are awfully set in the manner that they view
Speaker 3: these proceedings. What I think is a home run answer
Speaker 3: for one candidate, someone else views as a dodge or
Speaker 3: a lie or any of those other things. In some ways,
Speaker 3: it doesn't matter what they say anymore. But one thing
Speaker 3: will always be true, and it is the quality of
Speaker 3: the former president.
Speaker 1: I respect the least.
Speaker 3: Whenever he is cornered and forced to face even the
Speaker 3: smallest of consequences for his own mendacity and scheming, he
Speaker 3: reverts to the greatest refuge of scoundrels.
Speaker 1: As Shaggy would say, it wasn't me. I did nothing wrong.
Speaker 2: I just showed up. They're the ones who went crazy.
Speaker 3: This man who constantly professes to be your champion, who
Speaker 3: says they're going to have to go through him to
Speaker 3: get to you, will always when the boat is going down,
Speaker 3: be the first into the lifeboats, because in that moment
Speaker 3: he will always say the same thing.
Speaker 1: I didn't know anything about it.
Speaker 3: I was just told to show up for a cruise,
Speaker 3: even though everybody knows he was the fucking captain of
Speaker 3: the ship in any other country, that lad in any
Speaker 3: other country, in any other country, that lack of accountability
Speaker 3: would be disqualifying.
Speaker 14: Last night, Kamala Harris and Donald Trump took to the
Speaker 14: debate stage to make their cases to Taylor, Allison Swift
Speaker 14: and whoever else happened to be watching. It was not
Speaker 14: a good night for Trump in terms of personal tragedies
Speaker 14: for him. I'd put it somewhere between losing the twenty
Speaker 14: twenty election and the day fox Knews started letting female
Speaker 14: anchors wear paints, somewhere in there. And there was one
Speaker 14: moment that was probably the best example of just how
Speaker 14: badly Trump did at the debate in Springfield.
Speaker 7: They're eating the dogs the people that came in.
Speaker 9: They're eating the cats, They're eating they're eating the pets
Speaker 9: of the people that lived there.
Speaker 7: Sir.
Speaker 12: The question was state your name.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 14: If you were one of the many people last night
Speaker 14: wondering why Trump was shouting.
Speaker 12: They're eating the dogs, let me explain.
Speaker 14: It started with a random Facebook post where someone accused
Speaker 14: a Haitian immigrant of stealing and eating their neighbor's daughter's
Speaker 14: friend's cat. And if there's one thing we know about
Speaker 14: Facebook posts, it's that they're always rigorously fact checked. But
Speaker 14: as with any unfounded rumor on Facebook, obviously this got
Speaker 14: picked up by the right wing establishment and spread across
Speaker 14: the Internet.
Speaker 12: Even jd.
Speaker 14: Vance promoted it while simultaneously acknowledging it was completely unfounded.
Speaker 14: You might say he jumped in the misinformation pool but
Speaker 14: kept his shirt on, which brings us to last night.
Speaker 14: If there's one thing we know about a racist conspiracy theory,
Speaker 14: it's that Donald Trump's brain will swallow it whole, like
Speaker 14: a hungry immigrant at pat Co's. And that's how a
Speaker 14: random Facebook post turn into Donald Trump's campaign slogan.
Speaker 12: They're eating kats of dogs.
Speaker 14: So it seemed like Trump had a rough performance, But
Speaker 14: you know what, that's just my opinion. You can also
Speaker 14: tell that Donald Trump was the loser because he did
Speaker 14: all the things losers do when they lose. Number one,
Speaker 14: complaining about the refs.
Speaker 9: I thought they were very unfair, the moderators, everybody did.
Speaker 5: I thought it was terrible. From the standpoint of ABC,
Speaker 5: it was three to one. It was a rigged deal,
Speaker 5: as I assumed it would be, because when you looked
Speaker 5: at the fact that they were correcting everything and not
Speaker 5: correcting with her yeah.
Speaker 14: Man, they were correcting you because of the things you
Speaker 14: were saying.
Speaker 12: That's barely fact checking.
Speaker 14: The moderators were reacting like normal human beings react when
Speaker 14: you hear the craziest shit you've ever heard. Like if
Speaker 14: you were at a cocktail party and your friend said
Speaker 14: trans immigrants are eating dogs in Ohio, you would say,
Speaker 14: what there you talking about, Stu, No, they aren't. You
Speaker 14: wouldn't be like, Okay, thank you for that. Let's move
Speaker 14: on to foreign policy. You know what, it wasn't just
Speaker 14: blaming the refs. Another way you know Trump lost is
Speaker 14: that he was accusing his opponent of cheating.
Speaker 5: They had a rig show with somebody that maybe even
Speaker 5: had the answers. I mean, I'll be honest.
Speaker 9: I watched her talk and I said, you know, she
Speaker 9: seems awfully familiar with the questions.
Speaker 14: Okay, you think she was cheating because she seemed familiar
Speaker 14: with the questions. It's a presidential debate. They always asked
Speaker 14: the same questions. It's like being suspicious that someone knows
Speaker 14: all the words to take me out to the ballgame.
Speaker 14: How will you fix the economy? What's your stance on abortion?
Speaker 14: Do you promise not to overthrow the government standard.
Speaker 12: Boilerplate debate questions.
Speaker 14: Meanwhile, Trump seemed awfully familiar with the questions that nobody asked,
Speaker 14: like who's eating all the cats in Springfield, Ohio? But
Speaker 14: maybe the best way you know Trump lost the debate
Speaker 14: is that he repeatedly insisted he won.
Speaker 9: I think it was the best debate I've ever personalated
Speaker 9: that I had.
Speaker 7: We're getting polls that showed ninety two to six, eighty
Speaker 7: eight to eleven.
Speaker 5: Every single poll last night had me winning, like ninety
Speaker 5: to ten. We had c spand at one point was
Speaker 5: it eighty to twenty.
Speaker 9: And we looked at one pole it was ninety two
Speaker 9: to seven.
Speaker 7: We had a ninety two percent rating.
Speaker 9: In one pole we had an eighty six percent rating,
Speaker 9: and another we had seventy seven percent, ninety percent, sixty percent,
Speaker 9: seventy two percent, seventy one.
Speaker 14: Wow, those certainly were numbers. Is this what Trump did
Speaker 14: during his debate prep memorize all the numbers between seventy
Speaker 14: and ninety eight. In fact, every moment since the debate
Speaker 14: ended last night, Trump has.
Speaker 12: Been spinning and spinning and spinning.
Speaker 14: I mean, just listen to his response after Taylor Swift
Speaker 14: announced she is endorsing Kamala Harris.
Speaker 5: Well, I actually like missus. I actually like Missus Mahomes
Speaker 5: much better if you want at home the trip. She's
Speaker 5: a big Trump fan. I was not a Taylor Swift fan.
Speaker 14: Really, really, Donald, you prefer Britney Mahomes. What's your top
Speaker 14: five Britney Mahomes songs? This is really his angle.
Speaker 12: Well, I don't.
Speaker 14: Care, Taylor, because I like your boyfriend's coworker's wife better.
Speaker 14: This has just been a day of pathetic, desperate spinning.
Speaker 14: I mean, imagine if Donald Trump spent all that energy
Speaker 14: on doing things correctly instead of pretending he did things correctly.
Speaker 14: I mean, if he had worked harder preparing for the debate,
Speaker 14: maybe he wouldn't have had to pretend he won the debate.
Speaker 14: If he had worked harder to win in twenty twenty,
Speaker 14: maybe he wouldn't have to pretend the election was rigged.
Speaker 14: And if he had worked harder on January sixth, maybe
Speaker 14: he could have overthrown the government and wouldn't have to
Speaker 14: be debating in the first place. It's called work ethic, Donald,
Speaker 14: Come on. Of course, Donald Trump wasn't the only one
Speaker 14: spinning his performance last night. As aforementioned Vice President jd
Speaker 14: Vance was asked about why Donald Trump ranted about illegal
Speaker 14: immigrants eating pets, and his response was illuminating.
Speaker 12: Why push something that's not true.
Speaker 4: Well, first of all, city officials have not said it's
Speaker 4: not true. They said they don't have all the evidence,
Speaker 4: no evidence. We've heard from a number of constituents on
Speaker 4: the ground, Caitlin, who both first hand and second hand
Speaker 4: reports saying this stuff is happening. So they very clearly
Speaker 4: meaning the people on the ground dealing with this, think
Speaker 4: that it is happening.
Speaker 12: And I think that it's important.
Speaker 4: For journalists to actually get on the ground and uncover
Speaker 4: this stuff for themselves.
Speaker 14: Okay, I'm sorry, this is not my main takeaway from
Speaker 14: the story. But someone's cat went missing, so they called
Speaker 14: their senator. I mean, were they like, Hm, should I
Speaker 14: go right to the President of the United States or should.
Speaker 12: I start with my senator?
Speaker 14: You gotta update those emergency numbers on your fridge, Berry,
Speaker 14: come on.
Speaker 12: But perhaps perhaps jd Vance has a point. If a story.
Speaker 14: Bubbles up from the right wing sewer, and it's our obligation, nay,
Speaker 14: our duty in the mainstream media to investigate it the cost,
Speaker 14: and that is exactly we have done here at the
Speaker 14: Daily Show, I sent Ronnie Chang undercover to Springfields to
Speaker 14: find out if the legal migrants are really gobbling up
Speaker 14: our small town cats. Let's go live to him now, Ronnie, Ronnie, Ronnie,
Speaker 14: how's the investigation going?
Speaker 15: Well, Jordan, I mean, Ohio in a cat costume, trying
Speaker 15: to get migrants to eat me.
Speaker 7: So it's not great.
Speaker 15: Also, it's not working, Okay. I even tender toize myself
Speaker 15: with a jerk rob and whent arou I'm saying now meow,
Speaker 15: I'm so tasty nothing, okay.
Speaker 14: Yeah, well, obviously you're not going to fool anyone with
Speaker 14: a half assed meal like that.
Speaker 12: You need to commit to the role. Ronnie.
Speaker 7: Hey, hey, don't tell me how to commit.
Speaker 12: All right. How many Marvel movies are you in? Okay?
Speaker 7: Trust me? Trust me?
Speaker 15: Okay, I've tried everything. Shit in a box, I batter
Speaker 15: around some yard, I play for dead mouse. I found nothing.
Speaker 12: Have you been licking your butthole?
Speaker 7: I can't reach my butthole.
Speaker 12: Did try to reach my butthole?
Speaker 7: Okay, I can't.
Speaker 15: It's impossible, which I already knew for reasons I don't
Speaker 15: want to discuss.
Speaker 14: Okay, Well, then what are we gonna do about these allegations?
Speaker 15: I don't know, Jordan, how about we ignore them? Good
Speaker 15: journalism doesn't mean we have to take every insane, racist
Speaker 15: conspiracy theory at face value. Okay, let's just shit on
Speaker 15: it and move on like I did in a box earlier.
Speaker 14: Wow, well, you know what, you know what, Roddie, Maybe
Speaker 14: you're right. I appreciate you taking journalistic principles. So seriously,
Speaker 14: you really following in the footsteps of Edward R.
Speaker 12: Meauro Roddy, did you hear what I said? I said,
Speaker 12: Edward R.
Speaker 2: Wish you were dead?
Speaker 1: All right?
Speaker 7: Anyway?
Speaker 1: Oh wait, oh oh.
Speaker 12: Wait, wait, someone's coming.
Speaker 15: Someone's going. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, they're getting
Speaker 15: gay ouf dot con.
Speaker 2: They're coming for me.
Speaker 12: They're coming.
Speaker 2: Hey, right right there, right there, Hello, buddy, Yes, I
Speaker 2: mean oh.
Speaker 12: Oh, thank god. Okay, what happened? Were you were you?
Speaker 12: Were you kidnapped by a hungry immigrants?
Speaker 7: No?
Speaker 15: No, no, I think I was adopted by a childless
Speaker 15: cat lady.
Speaker 14: Oh all right, okay, hang time, Ronny, hay tight.
Speaker 12: We're sending someone to bring you back.
Speaker 5: Oh.
Speaker 15: Actually, you know what, I'll hold off. She's in the kitchen.
Speaker 12: Cooking me some organic chicken right now.
Speaker 15: I want to see how this plays out.
Speaker 12: How awesome I love these things? Okay, I have fun
Speaker 12: running Running Chang. Everyone.
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