WEBVTT - Kids shouldn't see this on the internet 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:15.000 When I was twelve, I was not exposed to the 0:00:15.040 --> 0:00:19.040 amount of options of what my life could be like 0:00:19.920 --> 0:00:23.520 that Joe has been exposed to just because because of 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:25.680 the era that we live in. It's a good point 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:31.320 and because of that, like this generation, starting the millennials 0:00:31.360 --> 0:00:38.040 gen Z, the amount of anxiety, depression, suicide has gone up. 0:00:38.720 --> 0:00:41.360 Do you think that there's correlation of like a twelve 0:00:41.440 --> 0:00:43.320 year old asking us, how do I get all of 0:00:43.360 --> 0:00:45.840 this stuff that I've seen? I didn't think about that. 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:48.519 I didn't think about that. But he's all available. So 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:52.239 he's going to spend his whole life with all of 0:00:52.280 --> 0:00:54.240 these options and think like, how do I get that? 0:00:54.280 --> 0:01:31.600 How do I get that? Did chidel tires? And so? 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:40.240 Long line of filefo of husband down on back's rangy 0:01:40.360 --> 0:01:56.240 col w Evage. Yeah, you're got your favorite Bernie got 0:01:56.360 --> 0:02:00.680 on the podcast. I've got a good rotation of people. Yeah, 0:02:00.920 --> 0:02:04.360 like you and Parker are probably my two most regular people, 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:08.959 and it's it's just exciting to see us this podcast grows. 0:02:09.240 --> 0:02:11.440 People get more and more familiar with you and start 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:14.720 craving you and your advice as we answered these questions. Yeah, 0:02:14.840 --> 0:02:17.320 that's awesome. Well, thank you guys. It's a privilege to 0:02:17.400 --> 0:02:20.600 be here. I hope that anything we discussed, anything we 0:02:20.680 --> 0:02:22.280 might say, may help you in some little way. So 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:25.120 thanks for having me, Griz. Its pleasure always helps me. 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.400 We've been talking for you. Got here an hour and 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:32.400 four minutes ago. We did an hour. Ante starts the 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:34.640 camera when I walk in. We've been talking and talking 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.600 and talking deep, deep conversations, and I'm like, man, we 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:41.320 could have done an entire podcast over this conversation. A 0:02:41.400 --> 0:02:45.359 lot of it, actually is was revolving around the fact 0:02:45.400 --> 0:02:49.640 that I went back on tour last week and started 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:54.480 a Bible study with the band and crew, open and 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:59.120 open Bible study to anyone that wanted to attend. And 0:02:59.600 --> 0:03:02.560 it was just just short. It would like open with prayer, 0:03:02.600 --> 0:03:06.360 and then we would read together some scripture and discuss 0:03:06.440 --> 0:03:08.440 the word and and then discuss kind of a little 0:03:08.520 --> 0:03:13.359 concept that I had built about either leadership at home 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:20.440 or spiritual manhood or tithing your time. Is what we 0:03:20.520 --> 0:03:28.120 did yesterday, and it was. It was interesting and fulfilling 0:03:29.120 --> 0:03:34.560 and frustrating and a test for me in all kinds 0:03:34.600 --> 0:03:38.240 of ways. And then we would close with a prairie 0:03:38.280 --> 0:03:40.960 quest from the band, and in me, I'm just thinking. Man, 0:03:40.960 --> 0:03:43.560 We're sitting in a bus in a bar parking lot 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:48.760 doing this and it was it was special. And then 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:51.960 Bernie comes in and just tells me some really good 0:03:52.000 --> 0:03:57.040 advice on how to how to continue to be patient 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:02.040 and uh in that kind of environment. So I'm if you, 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:05.160 if anyone's at this podcast trying to hear something or 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:08.960 learn something, just know that I'm constantly learning as well, 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:13.360 and constantly trying to evolve and become better. Yeah, we 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:16.920 all are, man. Yeah, So I'm gonna steal the first 0:04:16.960 --> 0:04:23.200 two questions for you. Okay, first question, who would you 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:27.520 want to have on this podcast? Present company excluded? Like 0:04:27.600 --> 0:04:29.320 if you could pick, like, man, I would love to 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:33.800 like get this person in uh and kind of go 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:37.720 not just like interview them, but like the questions that 0:04:38.040 --> 0:04:39.760 you know, these guys are sending into you. I would 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:44.000 love to like chop up these questions with this person. Honestly, 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:46.680 and this is probably gonna be an unpopular answer, but honestly, 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.720 Jordan Peterson I think about that a lot because I've 0:04:50.080 --> 0:04:53.880 tell me to Jordan Peters, Jordan, you're familiar Toard, right, 0:04:54.720 --> 0:05:00.600 Oh you're not? No, okay, Uh, Jordan is a clinical 0:05:00.680 --> 0:05:04.760 psychiatrist from Toronto, Canada, and he has written a lot 0:05:04.800 --> 0:05:10.240 of books, one particularly that became very very popular bestseller 0:05:10.839 --> 0:05:14.360 called Twelve Rules for Life. I started following him. I 0:05:14.440 --> 0:05:17.880 read the book first, and then I started following him 0:05:17.920 --> 0:05:21.080 on different YouTube platforms that he did, and then I 0:05:21.120 --> 0:05:22.800 saw him a couple of times on Joe Rogan. I 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:26.520 think he's actually done that several times. And he is 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:34.119 super deep, and he is a very very heavy thinker, 0:05:34.520 --> 0:05:38.560 and he could he's so smart. He could just dissect 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:44.480 questions and life's problems. He's not a Christian, so I 0:05:44.520 --> 0:05:47.400 could imagine him sitting here in this stool and us 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:50.400 just going, you know, having these discussions for about an hour. 0:05:50.440 --> 0:05:53.360 And I always have anytime I hear him in a 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:56.120 podcast or an interview, I wish that they would have 0:05:56.200 --> 0:05:58.640 asked it a different way for him, to challenge him 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:02.039 a little bit more so. It's like I said, unpopular answer, 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:06.040 but no, I think that's great. Jordan Peterson, all right, 0:06:06.040 --> 0:06:08.000 I'm gonna check him out. And we've mentioned it made 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:11.640 him many times on here. Okay, so Jordan, if you're 0:06:11.839 --> 0:06:15.520 watching open Invitation, I get to just sit in the 0:06:15.560 --> 0:06:17.480 corner and listen. Though if you have people like that 0:06:17.600 --> 0:06:20.520 on right, absolutely? Okay, yeah, all right. So second question, 0:06:22.360 --> 0:06:25.720 the pandemic has been terrible in a lot of ways. Right, 0:06:25.920 --> 0:06:28.840 There's been a lot of people lost their jobs, a 0:06:28.880 --> 0:06:31.240 lot of people have died. We recognize that this has 0:06:31.360 --> 0:06:35.560 not been a fun experience for a lot of folks, 0:06:37.160 --> 0:06:42.400 but there have been things through this that have been 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:50.160 produced that would not have made their way into our lives, habits, people, whatever, 0:06:50.960 --> 0:06:54.960 if the pandemic had not have hit. So my question 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:58.840 is what is the best thing for you that's come 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:05.400 out of the pandem in it? Well, first and foremost, 0:07:05.920 --> 0:07:11.240 little baby growing in Amber's belly right now? Would that 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.680 don't would that have happened? I don't know. I know 0:07:13.720 --> 0:07:16.800 you're gonna ask that. I don't know. I don't know 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:22.000 if if that is a product of the pandemic, probably not, 0:07:22.520 --> 0:07:27.680 But because but I had so much time to dedicate 0:07:27.800 --> 0:07:32.040 to Amber through the process, and you know, we're having 0:07:32.080 --> 0:07:38.440 this baby through IVF, which was a tedious, long, medically 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:45.640 involved process with many meetings, many appointments, many heartbreaks, and 0:07:45.760 --> 0:07:47.800 if I was on a normal year, normal schedule, it 0:07:47.800 --> 0:07:51.360 would been very difficult to not be there for Amber 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:54.160 in every step of the process and comfort her through 0:07:54.360 --> 0:07:57.200 like the miscarriage and and the bigger days and some 0:07:57.320 --> 0:07:59.640 of the disappointing news and some of the exciting news. 0:08:00.560 --> 0:08:02.880 There was a time when she was going like every week, 0:08:03.320 --> 0:08:05.680 she would go into a different appointment every week during 0:08:05.720 --> 0:08:08.920 the week during the day, I would have inevitably had 0:08:08.960 --> 0:08:15.400 to miss many of those. So that's been a blessing 0:08:15.760 --> 0:08:20.120 that me and the kids will never forget this time 0:08:20.480 --> 0:08:24.000 that we've had every morning together, Like every morning they 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:26.280 wake up and I'm in there and they come and 0:08:26.920 --> 0:08:29.480 we have this special time in the afternoons and in 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:33.439 the morning when they get off school. During the pandemic, 0:08:33.520 --> 0:08:35.200 when they weren't in school there was it was all 0:08:35.320 --> 0:08:38.360 virtual and with them every day, every single day. For 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.760 a traveling dad with a traveling career, that's been a 0:08:41.880 --> 0:08:47.599 special thing. It's also it's taught me so much and 0:08:47.920 --> 0:08:52.240 I'm still learning what it has taught me. For instance, 0:08:52.320 --> 0:08:55.000 I just learned recently this last week when we took 0:08:55.040 --> 0:08:57.760 our first tour. We were gone for six days, played 0:08:57.800 --> 0:09:01.360 four shows, and I learned for the first time ever 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:06.440 that I debunked a myth that we have to play 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:08.920 a certain amount of shows in a row. To get 0:09:08.960 --> 0:09:13.040 our chops up, to start sounding good. We went into 0:09:13.120 --> 0:09:15.800 this with no rehearsal. We went in day one and 0:09:15.920 --> 0:09:19.199 we nailed the show, and we were high fiving and 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:24.560 so excited, and I just thought, Man, I always thought, 0:09:24.760 --> 0:09:26.920 if we book a big festival, so we booked some 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.760 massive festival in Michigan. I always thought that we got 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:31.599 to book three small dates right in front of it, 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:35.000 like club dates, to just get our chops up. But 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:38.679 we went in and what I think happened was the 0:09:38.840 --> 0:09:41.959 crowd was normal for the first time in thirteen months. 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:45.959 And because the crowd was normally, it was triggering us 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:50.400 to dig into a memory bank of our mind to 0:09:50.600 --> 0:09:54.840 access a full habit of a show. And so they 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:58.240 would trigger. The fans would trigger by doing a sing 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:01.160 along or a cheer and trigger back. And we'd played. 0:10:01.160 --> 0:10:05.000 And we went through these shows and played like twenty eighteen, 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:09.640 made mistakes like twenty eighteen, made really good moments as 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:11.560 good as it would have been in twenty eighteen nineteen. 0:10:12.040 --> 0:10:14.880 So there was that one more thing I learned this weekend. 0:10:15.360 --> 0:10:18.520 I also learned through the band and crew. You know, 0:10:19.000 --> 0:10:20.719 when you have a bunch of men traveling like that, 0:10:21.360 --> 0:10:24.560 you inevitably have these men go through ups and downs. 0:10:24.760 --> 0:10:29.760 They go through isolation moments, they go through exciting moments, 0:10:29.840 --> 0:10:33.240 they go through fits of what we do call moments 0:10:33.280 --> 0:10:35.400 of depression. You know, you see guys kind of roaming 0:10:35.400 --> 0:10:38.640 around on a bus and you're you're in a parking lot. 0:10:38.760 --> 0:10:41.000 We have to have these off days to get way 0:10:41.040 --> 0:10:43.320 out to these states we're playing, so we'll be sitting 0:10:43.360 --> 0:10:45.440 in a parking lot all day while the drivers sleep. 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:48.719 So you have to occupy your mind in some way 0:10:49.360 --> 0:10:51.719 at it, like yesterday where it sat all day in 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:54.839 Oklahoma City at Bass Pro Shops parking lot. You have 0:10:54.920 --> 0:10:58.120 to occupy your mind. What we noticed was what I 0:10:58.240 --> 0:11:01.360 noticed was that thing that we used to blame on 0:11:02.080 --> 0:11:08.480 a long tour. Now we're looking at this the same 0:11:09.800 --> 0:11:16.080 loneliness and isolation and overcome by boredom and missing home. 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:20.679 We're seeing those same things from guys that have only 0:11:20.720 --> 0:11:22.959 been gone three days and they're home the whole year 0:11:23.040 --> 0:11:26.160 before that. And so it's like, wait a minute, maybe 0:11:26.200 --> 0:11:29.120 it wasn't we need a break from touring. Maybe it's 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:32.719 something deeper, right, Yeah, Maybe it's way deeper than just 0:11:33.120 --> 0:11:38.760 we've been gone for too long guys, Right, and that's 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:41.920 just two things I learned this last week from the pandemic. 0:11:43.000 --> 0:11:45.480 But there's Yeah, I know that's a long way to 0:11:45.520 --> 0:11:49.640 answer your question. But how about you, what could you say? Well, 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:51.839 the reason I asked you is because somebody asked me, 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:53.480 and it made me have to stop and think for 0:11:53.520 --> 0:11:57.120 a second. And I think for me, I used to 0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:00.680 wake up at five point thirty right and get into 0:12:00.720 --> 0:12:06.360 my routine. And because I work downtown, I would and 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:08.280 I didn't want to sit in any traffic. I would 0:12:08.320 --> 0:12:11.120 basically get up, get my workout clothes on, and go 0:12:11.240 --> 0:12:14.520 downtown and then I would either like run town Lake 0:12:14.559 --> 0:12:15.920 and then shout out my office and then I would 0:12:15.960 --> 0:12:18.800 be there, which means that I didn't see my kids 0:12:19.640 --> 0:12:23.080 from basically the night before, you know, until I got 0:12:23.120 --> 0:12:28.160 home from work. And part of the question is kind 0:12:28.200 --> 0:12:30.839 of like, you know, what did you benefit from it? 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:36.640 That's like continuing and now I've kind of gotten in 0:12:36.720 --> 0:12:40.920 this habit of or you know, reshape my routine to 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:44.280 where I do everything at home like I do my 0:12:44.640 --> 0:12:48.920 you know, my quiet time, prayer, meditation, journal, exercise, everything 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:51.480 at the house and then I come and I get 0:12:51.520 --> 0:12:54.640 to spend you know, thirty or forty minutes before the 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:57.760 kids leave to school, making breakfast, like joking around with them, 0:12:58.440 --> 0:13:01.280 and my wife, you know, said the other day, like 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:05.720 having you here in the morning has like changed the dynamic, 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:10.960 and it's like I actually love being there and getting 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:14.240 to like, you know, my little three year old. I 0:13:14.440 --> 0:13:16.840 just like we leave at the same time, and Leslie 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:18.400 walks him to school and I just like ride my 0:13:18.480 --> 0:13:20.560 truck along next to him as he rides his little 0:13:20.559 --> 0:13:25.120 strider bike and we yell at each other and yeah, 0:13:25.160 --> 0:13:27.160 I'm a little bit later getting to the office than 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:29.240 if I went down and I was like, Okay, I'm there, 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:32.880 But the fifteen to twenty minutes that I give up 0:13:33.040 --> 0:13:36.160 is like, no, man, I'm I'm gonna keep I'm gonna 0:13:36.200 --> 0:13:39.319 keep this. This is a special gift for me, but 0:13:39.600 --> 0:13:41.640 also I think for them and for Leslie just to 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:44.079 have me get us to be together in the morning. 0:13:44.160 --> 0:13:48.920 So absolutely, man, it's been awesome, I think, and I 0:13:49.000 --> 0:13:52.880 kind of I've said this before, but that's where journaling 0:13:53.280 --> 0:13:58.319 has come in so clutch for me is and I 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:00.680 use a I know me and you're very differ on journaling. 0:14:00.960 --> 0:14:04.160 You go to a spiral notebook and I do a digital, 0:14:05.280 --> 0:14:09.439 And I started digital three years ago because I didn't 0:14:09.480 --> 0:14:11.040 always know where I was going to be that day, 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:13.319 and I didn't want to always remember to pack my 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:15.599 journal wherever I was going because I would forget it. 0:14:16.360 --> 0:14:18.000 And after I tried a journal for a while in 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:20.000 a notebook, I would be like, I forgot it. Well, 0:14:20.000 --> 0:14:23.320 I guess I'm not journaling today. So I started an 0:14:23.320 --> 0:14:26.440 app called day one. So I started journaling on this app, 0:14:27.320 --> 0:14:29.640 and I started it three years ago. And it's been 0:14:29.800 --> 0:14:35.400 so clutch now because every morning I'll see what happened 0:14:35.440 --> 0:14:38.960 in twenty nineteen and what happened in twenty twenty on 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:42.680 this day. Oh cool, And those two years are a 0:14:43.000 --> 0:14:49.080 massive contrast for me. This is April, so April twenty 0:14:49.200 --> 0:14:54.480 nineteen and April twenty twenty. In April twenty twenty one, 0:14:55.560 --> 0:15:00.400 I had In April nineteen, River was still around touring. 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.480 Things were looking great. We were living in a completely 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:08.360 different house. In April twenty twenty, we'd lost River, the 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:11.240 pandemic had hit. We were living in a new house 0:15:11.280 --> 0:15:14.880 that we had on the market. We're selling, trying to 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:18.400 close on the land where we are now with a 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:21.560 lot of unknowns, a lot of fear, a lot of worry, 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:25.240 and then here I am journaling in April twenty twenty one, 0:15:26.240 --> 0:15:30.440 with the fulfillment of that whole move and real estate 0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:32.800 debacle and getting rid of the house and getting into 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:34.400 where we are now in the RV and the barn. 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:39.680 And it's such good therapy to look back on those 0:15:39.720 --> 0:15:44.200 two years and see what mattered, what didn't matter, the 0:15:44.320 --> 0:15:46.400 state of mind I was in the contrast of twenty 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.680 nineteen and twenty twenty, which I think most people could 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:52.680 probably contrast those two years in a similar way and 0:15:54.200 --> 0:15:58.160 remind myself of gratefulness, what I'm thankful for. What I 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:00.240 might have thought I was grateful for that really didn't 0:16:00.240 --> 0:16:04.320 really even matter that much. Sure, did you say, did 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:07.360 you say that You've also started like talking to your 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:10.520 future self and your interests, like asking questions. Okay, so 0:16:10.880 --> 0:16:12.880 I think I started that in twenty twenty A couple 0:16:12.920 --> 0:16:18.240 of times I would say, people are coming to look 0:16:18.280 --> 0:16:20.440 at the house today, and keep in mind, we're selling 0:16:20.520 --> 0:16:23.000 our house. We were trying to get out because my 0:16:23.160 --> 0:16:26.360 job was unstable, and we were selling in a market 0:16:26.440 --> 0:16:32.120 where like Travis County had shut down all real estate viewings. Oh, 0:16:32.480 --> 0:16:35.600 I was in Williamson County, and they were still doing 0:16:35.960 --> 0:16:38.440 some viewings, but it was like had to sanitize the house, 0:16:38.520 --> 0:16:40.360 have to wear a mask, have to wear gloves when 0:16:40.360 --> 0:16:44.520 you come in. So the viewings were very rare. So 0:16:44.800 --> 0:16:48.360 I was looking at that and just going, hey, future self, 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:51.000 how does this work? How does this look? You know, like, 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:53.040 do I end up getting out of this house? Am 0:16:53.080 --> 0:16:54.920 I going to? Because we had we were contingent on 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:57.360 we had just got this new land and we're contingent 0:16:57.440 --> 0:17:00.760 on building if we sold, And so I'm like asking. 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.520 I started asking my twenty twenty one self. So then 0:17:03.560 --> 0:17:06.240 in twenty twenty one, I started answering myself cool and 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.440 most of the answers are chill out, buddy, Ye're fine, 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:13.560 You're just fine, It's all gonna be fine. And now 0:17:13.640 --> 0:17:17.639 I started asking my twenty twenty two self questions, you know, 0:17:17.840 --> 0:17:20.800 and not that there's a lot of value in that, 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:24.760 because your answer is typically going to be one of 0:17:24.800 --> 0:17:26.920 two things. It's going to be it's all gonna be fine, 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:29.119 or it's going to be hold on to what you 0:17:29.200 --> 0:17:31.359 got and be grateful for what you have right now. 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.520 It's gonna be one of those two answers. You're right. 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:39.480 It's good man. If you want to answer some questions 0:17:39.520 --> 0:17:42.000 here from other people, even though we could answer each 0:17:42.000 --> 0:17:44.000 other's questions. See here we go again, Bernie is talking. 0:17:45.040 --> 0:17:47.760 So if you want to ask me anything, email Grangersmith 0:17:47.840 --> 0:17:51.000 podcast at gmail dot com. Could be about any subject. 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:54.760 As this podcast grows, so are your questions, and so 0:17:54.960 --> 0:17:57.280 are the categories of your questions. So there's really no 0:17:57.520 --> 0:17:59.800 limit to what you could ask, and the age limit 0:17:59.880 --> 0:18:02.600 on this podcast, as we've seen, it's kind of limitless. 0:18:02.680 --> 0:18:06.080 I have I have people in elementary school and people 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:09.080 in nursing homes, all emailing and everything in between. I'm 0:18:09.080 --> 0:18:10.440 going to leave it up to you Burns on some 0:18:10.560 --> 0:18:13.920 of these titles. We have a how do I treat 0:18:14.000 --> 0:18:17.359 how do I treat my wife better? Have new father Advice? 0:18:17.400 --> 0:18:20.200 I have urgent relationship advice. I have what is it 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:24.399 to Be a Man? I have Life as a Journey. 0:18:25.520 --> 0:18:29.800 I have promotion. Any of those stand out for you. 0:18:29.920 --> 0:18:33.520 We could start with I'm going to go with first one, 0:18:33.600 --> 0:18:37.600 how do I treat my wife better? I'm a little 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:39.800 scared of this one. Let's get into it. It says 0:18:41.119 --> 0:18:42.760 I had grantres, so my wife and I have been 0:18:42.800 --> 0:18:46.560 married almost three years, been together for seven. We have 0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.960 known each other and been friends for eighteen. I have 0:18:50.080 --> 0:18:54.280 a major temper issue. Sometimes it spills out onto my wife. 0:18:54.880 --> 0:18:57.840 How do I change this? I've been to prison three times, 0:18:58.200 --> 0:19:02.240 been to jail twenty times, never for hitting my wife, 0:19:02.920 --> 0:19:06.280 but all drug related. I have one. I am one 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:10.200 year clean. Now how do I treat her better? I 0:19:10.280 --> 0:19:12.520 get really short with her? Any advice you have would 0:19:12.560 --> 0:19:15.920 be great. Thank you. I'm not going to read the name, 0:19:17.240 --> 0:19:20.080 but yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not laughing or smart or 0:19:20.080 --> 0:19:24.440 smirking or anything at the situation. At I guess the 0:19:24.720 --> 0:19:27.280 title of the question. I was expecting a different situation. 0:19:27.840 --> 0:19:30.000 Expect a little bit more loaded. That's a little bit 0:19:30.040 --> 0:19:34.800 more loaded of a situation than I was expecting. Hey, like, 0:19:34.960 --> 0:19:37.400 we have young kids. I mean putting, you know, thinking 0:19:37.440 --> 0:19:39.800 about myself, Like I'm hoping this guy has an answer 0:19:39.840 --> 0:19:41.800 for the question because it's like, hey, we you know, 0:19:41.960 --> 0:19:44.800 I'm a business owner, I have small kids, and my 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:47.119 mom and I love each other, but we're just trying to, 0:19:47.560 --> 0:19:50.600 you know, how do we do life and do It's like, okay, bro, 0:19:50.800 --> 0:19:55.359 let's let's talk about this because I feel this this 0:19:55.600 --> 0:20:03.399 is uh I would venture to say, unique situation and 0:20:03.640 --> 0:20:07.639 in another situation where I feel like having the dialogue 0:20:10.280 --> 0:20:13.120 with this guy. Yeah, in person would be it's like, okay, 0:20:13.240 --> 0:20:15.200 the twenty times you've been to jail, have those been 0:20:15.680 --> 0:20:19.240 like recently? Well? He okay, let's say this first. We 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:21.920 have to say congratulations on one year clean. He says, 0:20:21.920 --> 0:20:24.359 I'm one year clean now and all the all the 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:27.640 jail time has been drug related now is one year clean. 0:20:27.800 --> 0:20:29.600 So you would think he's on this is this dude's 0:20:29.640 --> 0:20:32.720 on a path now. Yep, that's it's a really good path. 0:20:33.119 --> 0:20:36.760 And so I got to say congratulations on that, and 0:20:38.119 --> 0:20:40.840 that is that is the most valuable thing you could 0:20:40.840 --> 0:20:44.680 have right now, is being clean with yourself. Yep. It's 0:20:44.760 --> 0:20:47.320 more valuable than being nice to your wife, because one 0:20:47.400 --> 0:20:49.920 has to come before the other, right, and being clean 0:20:50.040 --> 0:20:52.639 has to come before you're gonna be you're gonna be 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:57.600 cool to your wife. I would go journaling first. We 0:20:57.760 --> 0:21:00.680 could because we just mentioned it. I would say, what 0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:08.159 helps me with individual relationships sometimes is making a daily 0:21:08.359 --> 0:21:11.600 challenge for yourself. It has to be, it has to 0:21:11.680 --> 0:21:15.320 be renewed every single morning. It's because look at it 0:21:15.400 --> 0:21:17.440 this way, when you wake up in the morning. You've 0:21:17.480 --> 0:21:20.000 got a clean slate for the day. You have no 0:21:20.119 --> 0:21:23.080 offenses yet you have you have not been harsh with her. 0:21:23.680 --> 0:21:25.240 When the sun comes up, you open your eyes, you 0:21:25.280 --> 0:21:28.280 start a new day. So I would do a quick 0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:30.920 journal to yourself. This might not even sounds silly, but 0:21:31.600 --> 0:21:34.159 your your question said, any advice would be great. So 0:21:34.240 --> 0:21:41.280 here you go. Just say, it's uh, it's Monday. I 0:21:42.320 --> 0:21:45.600 I'm going to I'm going to start clean today with 0:21:45.720 --> 0:21:48.280 my wife, just like you you went clean with the drugs. 0:21:48.400 --> 0:21:50.200 I'm gonna start today and I'm not going to be 0:21:50.240 --> 0:21:53.200 harsh with her at all, and then go through the 0:21:53.280 --> 0:21:56.720 day and then the next morning reevaluate how you did yesterday. 0:21:57.200 --> 0:22:01.360 So yesterday I did pretty good until like three o'clock 0:22:02.000 --> 0:22:05.159 and then she was saying something and I kind of 0:22:05.200 --> 0:22:09.760 snapped at her. And recognize that and catch catch yourself 0:22:10.080 --> 0:22:13.919 and label it and give yourself a time that three 0:22:14.119 --> 0:22:19.480 fifteen I did this. And so today on Tuesday, I'm 0:22:19.480 --> 0:22:21.240 gonna start clean again, and I'm gonna see if I 0:22:21.240 --> 0:22:23.360 can get all the way through the day. I'm gonna 0:22:23.400 --> 0:22:26.320 get all the way to sundown without being harsh with her. 0:22:27.480 --> 0:22:35.000 What'd you got burns? Did he say there hasn't been 0:22:35.119 --> 0:22:41.119 any abuse? Or yes, oh he said never? Where did 0:22:41.160 --> 0:22:45.639 you say that? Never for hitting her? Never for hitting her? Okay, 0:22:45.920 --> 0:22:55.480 So man, there's just there's so much here one. Your wife, 0:22:55.640 --> 0:22:58.639 maybe she's listening to I think that there has to 0:22:58.720 --> 0:23:04.639 be just kind of some respect and kind of shout 0:23:04.680 --> 0:23:09.960 out to her for sticking with this guy through what's 0:23:10.040 --> 0:23:14.119 been a pretty wild up and down journey, and that 0:23:14.560 --> 0:23:19.080 she if she's listening, and husband, you need to go 0:23:19.560 --> 0:23:22.040 and tell her if you haven't, that you have not 0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:26.480 deserved any of that, because abuse can be you know, 0:23:26.640 --> 0:23:29.119 not just physical, but verbal in the way that you 0:23:29.119 --> 0:23:30.960 you know, have talked to her and yelled at her, 0:23:31.040 --> 0:23:33.480 or what you say, you lose your temper, the way 0:23:33.480 --> 0:23:36.080 you've treated her. There's been some hurt and pains done there. 0:23:40.000 --> 0:23:43.280 I think that there's a mindset and maybe what you're 0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:47.240 saying is like the these are kind of practical things 0:23:47.320 --> 0:23:52.000 that can help shift the mindset. But I don't know 0:23:52.359 --> 0:23:54.639 if you're a Christian, if you read the Bible, if 0:23:54.720 --> 0:23:57.560 you know where you at or where where you are 0:23:57.640 --> 0:24:01.800 on the faith spectrum, but the way that you view 0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:06.879 your wife and and that kind of mindset may need 0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:11.680 to be something that shifts and viewing her as more 0:24:11.720 --> 0:24:15.680 important than yourself and someone that you are called to 0:24:15.800 --> 0:24:18.280 lay down your life for and to give yourself up 0:24:18.320 --> 0:24:21.520 for in all things. Right, we've heard that line before. 0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:26.560 Peter says to love your wife as if that's your 0:24:26.680 --> 0:24:31.240 own flesh. Right, what does that mean to you? Right? Yeah, 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:38.840 so there could still be some just neurological habits that 0:24:38.920 --> 0:24:43.280 are kind of like kicking in that great point. Yeah, 0:24:43.320 --> 0:24:47.240 hopefully you are. You have support, you have sponsors, you 0:24:47.320 --> 0:24:53.320 have help, you have a friend. Honestly, community can do 0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:57.600 a lot for your relationship. Get a band of brothers 0:24:57.640 --> 0:25:00.480 that can hold you accountable, that can encourage you, that 0:25:00.600 --> 0:25:03.159 you can talk about like really deep stuff with and 0:25:03.280 --> 0:25:07.320 be vulnerable with. And because guys, I know the culture 0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:11.760 tells us the opposite, but that is where your strength 0:25:11.880 --> 0:25:14.080 is shown, and that's where your strength is renewed, is 0:25:14.119 --> 0:25:16.199 when you find a band of brothers that you can 0:25:16.280 --> 0:25:19.359 be vulnerable with and they come to the table and say, hey, man, 0:25:19.400 --> 0:25:21.239 this is a place that you can let down your 0:25:21.240 --> 0:25:25.200 guard and you're going to show us that you have 0:25:25.440 --> 0:25:28.760 courage and that you're you're strong by the amount you're 0:25:28.800 --> 0:25:31.520 willing to share with us, and I guarantee you if 0:25:31.520 --> 0:25:33.960