Speaker 1: Are you leave in I you wanna way back home?
Speaker 2: Either way, we want to be there.
Speaker 3: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 3: time and a terminol and gay a.
Speaker 1: We want to send you off InStyle. We want to
Speaker 1: welcome you back home.
Speaker 3: Tell us all about it.
Speaker 1: We scared her? Was it fine?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: Porn? Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need.
Speaker 2: With Karen and Chris welcome to Do you need a ride?
Speaker 2: This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Kilgariff. We are in our respective
Speaker 1: apartments and respectable apartments.
Speaker 2: I am. I have nothing but the utmost respect for
Speaker 2: my apartment and Karen's, which is why we are in
Speaker 2: them respectively.
Speaker 1: My body, my apartment, my choice.
Speaker 2: If I live somewhere, stay somewhere, stay somewhere. If you
Speaker 2: live somewhere, stay.
Speaker 1: S You'll be home white by now.
Speaker 2: Oh I love that's my favorite banner. Every condo that
Speaker 2: opens up feels like they're being so clever when they
Speaker 2: have that. Yeah, if you lived here, you'd be home
Speaker 2: right now banner.
Speaker 1: I remember we're seeing one It was a billboard on
Speaker 1: the side of the road out by Castaic, like when
Speaker 1: you're taking the five out of La to go up
Speaker 1: to northern California, and it was like basically you'd I
Speaker 1: think it was right before the Grapevine or right after
Speaker 1: I can't remember. I think it's right before. And there's
Speaker 1: just a bunch of condos that they had just stuck
Speaker 1: up on a hill. And then just like this tiny
Speaker 1: town and it said if you lived here to you
Speaker 1: be home right now. And then I just went into
Speaker 1: like I have to live here now, Like what would
Speaker 1: that be if I had to live there right the
Speaker 1: second and become like a mortgage broker's assistant and work
Speaker 1: like a nine to six job and live in those
Speaker 1: condos and eat a line cuisine every night? What would
Speaker 1: that be?
Speaker 2: And it's you making that decision based on a banner
Speaker 2: that they're hoping will happen. It's ridiculous advertising. But what
Speaker 2: if hover immediately you can live here?
Speaker 1: Yes, in fact, that banner's law. You have to pull
Speaker 1: over right now and live here or you go to prison.
Speaker 1: You'll go to federal prison.
Speaker 2: Those communities. When I lived in Venice, there was I
Speaker 2: would go to this doctor that was within the Plia
Speaker 2: del Rey, like when you did that YouTube stand up
Speaker 2: thing a long time ago. It's where those people that
Speaker 2: work at YouTube and at Google and they all live
Speaker 2: in this community and it is Pleasantville creepy. Yeah, it
Speaker 2: is like a gated Even my doctors seemed like he
Speaker 2: was from Mayberry. It was like time travel.
Speaker 1: Like almost like their throwback fifties people or Midwestern people.
Speaker 2: And everyone's like waving and they have matching baby carriages
Speaker 2: and then they'd like hi. But then they'd watch me
Speaker 2: drive to the doctor, knowing that, oh I didn't live there.
Speaker 2: We have an outsider check, the gate check that everyone
Speaker 2: has a little microphone on their lapel.
Speaker 1: What if they knew what you were going to the
Speaker 1: doctor for, like, oh, it's mister footfungusack, here's no.
Speaker 2: Left leg lamp, left leg lamp coming through again.
Speaker 1: Privacy issue is that the one are you talking about?
Speaker 1: That one that's on the other side of the marshland
Speaker 1: at the coast. Yes, that place you're so right, Like
Speaker 1: you drive through the marshland and it's almost like you're
Speaker 1: you go through some kind of portal and you end
Speaker 1: up in this little in a bustling little town with
Speaker 1: an Italian restaurant anchor restaurants, and then like it's a
Speaker 1: split in the mountains and you can see the ocean.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it.
Speaker 1: Feels like this is the place to go to get
Speaker 1: away from Los Angeles. But what you're really doing is
Speaker 1: going into the dark heart of Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like cutting yourself off from Los Angeles into
Speaker 2: this underbelly of deception and Google industry, job happening.
Speaker 1: And search engines.
Speaker 2: And oddly that marshland across the street is some government
Speaker 2: protected bird estuary. Oh, there's like supposed to be. If
Speaker 2: you walk on those trails, which no one does, you
Speaker 2: can find you can find bird species that like they're like,
Speaker 2: do you need to see a purple bellied pelican swan
Speaker 2: or whatever. They all are supposed to live there, And
Speaker 2: I've seen may a bird.
Speaker 1: Do you think it's actually a nuclear test site and
Speaker 1: they're just using birds as a front?
Speaker 2: No, I just go No, that's how good I am
Speaker 2: at improv No, I don't. But here's my suggestion. It
Speaker 2: is all of that is the same dirt quality with
Speaker 2: water percolating underneath. That is all of Venice on the
Speaker 2: other side of that Harbor. None of it should be
Speaker 2: built there, Venice when I the first syndication being when
Speaker 2: I would go to the beach from Levey, you know,
Speaker 2: I lived like four blocks away. I would go uphill
Speaker 2: to the ocean. That's so bad, you know, like if
Speaker 2: if a scary tsunami wave came in, it would reach
Speaker 2: it would go wash over the high point that is
Speaker 2: the sand, and then just go down to where.
Speaker 1: These to fill up the pond.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, it's so scary. And there's there's water underneath,
Speaker 2: like they weren't. I bet all those buildings are slowly sinking.
Speaker 1: Yes, for sure.
Speaker 2: I'm so glad I got out of there.
Speaker 1: I'm I am too, Chris. Those houses that are in
Speaker 1: Malibu that are right like it's almost like a glass
Speaker 1: box that's hanging out over the ocean, which I'm actually
Speaker 1: personally obsessed with and would kill to at least spend
Speaker 1: the weekend in with someone.
Speaker 2: Older or who's the old street gentleman.
Speaker 1: And kind of he's very together and he has like
Speaker 1: a silver fox and he has like so much money
Speaker 1: that this is his fourth house. But those houses are
Speaker 1: going to go into the ocean like in our lifetime
Speaker 1: because their water is rising. Did you your fucking story?
Speaker 1: There was that one part of I think it's Siberia
Speaker 1: or like you know, northern Siberia, that all the snow
Speaker 1: went away melted and now it's on fire. Did you
Speaker 1: hear about that? Oh no, Yeah, should we have saved
Speaker 1: that for the end.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's our closer. You never open with your best spit.
Speaker 2: You do the second, the best bit. You fill in
Speaker 2: the middle with jibber jabber, and end with a strong one.
Speaker 1: You take you joke. You order your jokes one to ten.
Speaker 1: You take number ten, You put it number two, You
Speaker 1: take number one, put it number ten. I told you that.
Speaker 1: There's a comic that told me that when I very
Speaker 1: first started right, he too, I got the mathematical Who.
Speaker 2: Matt Sadler in Austin. I met he said, look me
Speaker 2: up when you get here. I met with him at
Speaker 2: the Bari worked at and that's what he said. He said,
Speaker 2: open with your strongest I had no jokes yet, Open
Speaker 2: with your second strongest bit. Yeah, and then all the
Speaker 2: is this algorithm for the middle. But I remember the end.
Speaker 2: It's your strongest joke.
Speaker 1: Yep. You go from like number it goes like it
Speaker 1: goes two. Uh, two, four, seven, six, eight, nine five
Speaker 1: one were real.
Speaker 2: Your guy like gave you a ranking system and said.
Speaker 1: Literally told me the numerical set list I should have.
Speaker 1: You take your first, you order your jokes number one
Speaker 1: best to worse than. You take number one, you put
Speaker 1: it number ten. You take number ten, you put it
Speaker 1: number two. You take number two, you put it number one.
Speaker 1: Three goes to four. I mean literally, And I was
Speaker 1: just sitting there going like, I get I love the
Speaker 1: vibe of this, which is that you think there's a
Speaker 1: secret and you're going to share it with me. That's
Speaker 1: very generous. But also this is not the kind of
Speaker 1: comedy I'm in any way interested in doing at all.
Speaker 2: There is no doubt in my mind though, that it's
Speaker 2: probably not an accurate thing that I should have been
Speaker 2: following this whole time, because even when I think of
Speaker 2: your second best joke first, and with your best joke,
Speaker 2: I forgot about that until until I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I have a TV taping. What jokes do I do?
Speaker 2: I'm like, I naturally conjured what was told to me
Speaker 2: that I had neared nor years ago. Do you know
Speaker 2: what I'm saying?
Speaker 1: Yes, Because when you're doing stand up like night after
Speaker 1: night you start getting into the weeds on your own
Speaker 1: ideas and you cannot order. If you can order your
Speaker 1: own ideas one to ten, God bless you and your
Speaker 1: fucked up weird right brain or left brain, whichever one
Speaker 1: of these, because I don't know all of them seem
Speaker 1: bad to me. Yeah, the whole thing seems like a
Speaker 1: bad idea. So number one is not going to save
Speaker 1: me in the number ten position because it's all some
Speaker 1: dumb shit I thought of like three days ago.
Speaker 2: Totally. Yeah, if you're giving them these positions, you're giving
Speaker 2: your jokes such permanence that you don't plan on. It's like,
Speaker 2: here's my ten bits, I'm fine, done, I'm hit the
Speaker 2: road for twenty years and develop a drinking problem.
Speaker 3: Yep.
Speaker 1: I'm going to get it so that I can cite
Speaker 1: these and think about a book I read one time.
Speaker 1: At the same time, like, what is the point of
Speaker 1: any of that? Like I get the it's good for
Speaker 1: beginners because you have to acknowledge their structure in the
Speaker 1: same way that it's like if you pick the word
Speaker 1: that ends with a K, you're going to get a
Speaker 1: harder laugh than if you do some soft thing. If
Speaker 1: you you know, put the noun on the wrong spot. Whatever.
Speaker 1: Those are all the truth because that's like human cadence
Speaker 1: and what people like, right, but within your own material, well,
Speaker 1: I mean I just did never have. I did never
Speaker 1: have like the top four jokes. Yeah, yeah, they were
Speaker 1: all they were all sixes.
Speaker 2: And who would you might a joke with plans to
Speaker 2: ultimately have it end with a strong cuss sound. You know.
Speaker 2: It's like, but if I took one of those actor
Speaker 2: or stand up classes right now, I'd probably learn a lot.
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I should I've been doing this twenty
Speaker 2: years and I just realized that's why that joke works
Speaker 2: or whatever. Yes, I should take a stand up class.
Speaker 1: I don't know, I believe in it.
Speaker 2: I think take an online zoom stand.
Speaker 1: Up seminar and then you just keep interrupting the teacher
Speaker 1: over just be like, wait a second, I have a
Speaker 1: really good idea about that thing you just said. I
Speaker 1: have the perfect example.
Speaker 2: That's the zoom timing.
Speaker 1: That actually would be very well. I always find it
Speaker 1: so interesting that people who have who suddenly decided they
Speaker 1: can teach a class because there's no in this realm,
Speaker 1: which is stand up comedy and comedy writing. You don't
Speaker 1: always have to have any qualifications to run a tutorial
Speaker 1: or a webinar. I am surprising as that sound.
Speaker 2: I'm amazed at the misplaced confidence of I mean, I'm
Speaker 2: going to offend anyone that's teaching a comedy class, but
Speaker 2: they aren't listening right now, they're working on next season syllabus. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's just I would. I don't think I'm ready to
Speaker 2: tell people how to do stand up. No, and I've
Speaker 2: done it for a living, but that doesn't mean I
Speaker 2: know how to tell other people how to do it
Speaker 2: for a living.
Speaker 1: I have to say. One time, Paige Herwitz, it was
Speaker 1: it was the All Jill No Jack Comedy Festival in Portland. Stacy.
Speaker 1: You know Stacy, she's the best.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she Staisy.
Speaker 1: I owe her about three texts. But Paige Herwitz and
Speaker 1: I went up there and did it. And Paige was like,
Speaker 1: his page at the time was the executive producer of
Speaker 1: Last Comic Standing. So she's like, they're making me host
Speaker 1: like a class or whatever, you know, like a what
Speaker 1: is this called?
Speaker 2: Oh, I just put a seminar.
Speaker 1: Motion in my eye. A seminar, yeah, said.
Speaker 2: Lotion or hand sanitizer.
Speaker 1: You know what it is. I picked this thing up
Speaker 1: and I thought it was body oil and I rubbed
Speaker 1: it all in my hands because I just got out
Speaker 1: of the shower and then realized it's bath oil, which
Speaker 1: I I don't think it's not really the same. I
Speaker 1: don't think you're just supposed to put it all slathered.
Speaker 2: All directly on your body.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure. But then I just put it in
Speaker 1: my eye, and I can tell I'm not supposed to
Speaker 1: put it in my eye for sure.
Speaker 2: It's the best way to find that.
Speaker 1: This is how I this is my test for everything.
Speaker 1: Put it in my eye, see if I like it.
Speaker 1: So Page is holding this seminar and she was like,
Speaker 1: please do it with me. I'm so embarrassed or whatever.
Speaker 1: And then it actually turned out to be super fun
Speaker 1: because it was it wasn't like we were telling these
Speaker 1: women how to do comedy or whatever. It was just
Speaker 1: like they would do their set and then I would
Speaker 1: just be like, Yeah, you don't need to worry about
Speaker 1: that thing. I think you're really worried about X, and
Speaker 1: you don't need to worry about it at all, right, Like,
Speaker 1: just do the thing that's funny about you. Because I
Speaker 1: think there's you know, all of comedy is you just
Speaker 1: copying the person you think is funny and kind of
Speaker 1: mimicking for a while and wanting to be like that person,
Speaker 1: and then at a certain point it's like you use
Speaker 1: those crutches and then you can stand on your own.
Speaker 1: So like that's usually the point where people are at
Speaker 1: a festival like that, Yeah, where it's like you've done,
Speaker 1: you know how to do a solid fifteen minute set,
Speaker 1: so don't you don't have to wear that beret. It's
Speaker 1: that kind of is that kind of thing, you know.
Speaker 2: I could do that. I could go to a class
Speaker 2: and say, oh, you don't need to do that. But
Speaker 2: I can't go to a class and say here's what
Speaker 2: you need to do. That's like who I say, well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well it's there, that's their homework. But you but
Speaker 1: I feel like you can go you don't have to
Speaker 1: You don't have to apologize with a hat while you're
Speaker 1: standing on stage, which I think is a sometimes women
Speaker 1: get led down that direction like they have to be
Speaker 1: a very pigeonhole able type.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, where you.
Speaker 1: Know, like you've seen all those There's been lots of
Speaker 1: comics as I've done sets over the years where It's
Speaker 1: like I'm wearing my bridle gown because hell, I paid
Speaker 1: enough for it. There's all those kinds of comics, you know,
Speaker 1: where it's like I'm the com I'm the girl that
Speaker 1: wears my purse on stage. It's like, just fucking say
Speaker 1: some jokes like you belong somewhere?
Speaker 2: Please? Yeah? Yeah, not the not the kind of kind
Speaker 2: you'd wear it a second hand store beret.
Speaker 1: No, a blueberry beret? Please? But was the point of
Speaker 1: the bo are you trying to.
Speaker 2: The point is I don't know how to do stand
Speaker 2: up anymore?
Speaker 1: How could you? I? This is we're past the point.
Speaker 2: I did a show the other night. Did we talk
Speaker 2: about the show I did with dogs everywhere?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I shouldn't have maybe, but it was an outdoor show,
Speaker 2: which was a big selling point. It was on the
Speaker 2: patio at el said, there was hand sanitizer everywhere, everyone
Speaker 2: had a mask, all the comics were supposed to bring
Speaker 2: their own microphone, and everyone's temperature was taken like, which
Speaker 2: is all they did in that Chappelle thing to make
Speaker 2: it seem like it was okay. But the minute I
Speaker 2: got there, I was like, I shouldn't be here. I
Speaker 2: asked too many people, and there are walls in that
Speaker 2: outdoor area. People weren't distanced enough. But there was puppies there.
Speaker 2: It was a fundraiser for a dog rescue place, all
Speaker 2: the more reason that I was like, it's for a
Speaker 2: good cause, but it I right when I was there,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I was more nervous about that than doing
Speaker 2: stand up. And then the puppies were kind of squeally
Speaker 2: and heckly, they were adorable, but and I don't think
Speaker 2: they were thinking about this. People that worked for the
Speaker 2: service were handing these dogs off to people, which is
Speaker 2: we learned early on. Don't pet people's dogs. They I mean,
Speaker 2: if you hand me a puppy, it better be wet
Speaker 2: and soapy because that's a virus carrying doggie.
Speaker 1: Yoh yeah sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So it's very nervous and I did very poorly,
Speaker 2: and I forgot all of my jokes, like taking this
Speaker 2: much time off even if we're practicing with zoom shows.
Speaker 2: I was ended terribly. It was so weird how quickly
Speaker 2: I got rusty.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think anyone would. It's not the same, Like
Speaker 1: anything that's still in your house has nothing to do
Speaker 1: with live performance. Live performance is entirely its own beast,
Speaker 1: and you have to like, it's not like riding a bike.
Speaker 1: It's like riding a bull or something where you if
Speaker 1: you don't know how to do it from yesterday, you're fucked.
Speaker 1: Like truly, truly, I've done it enough times. I've tried
Speaker 1: to get back into it casually enough times and had
Speaker 1: these sets where it was like, oh, I don't even
Speaker 1: think I should have done this when I first started
Speaker 1: doing like this seems like I've gone the wrong direction
Speaker 1: in life. Yeah, it's like soul crushing when you fucking
Speaker 1: eat it. After like twenty years of doing it.
Speaker 2: You're right. Because I was like, oh, I'll I'll definitely
Speaker 2: get them with this joke that works ninety percent at
Speaker 2: the time, and it got nothing. And I'm like, wow,
Speaker 2: even the stuff that I liked in my act, I
Speaker 2: now don't like this. It's so much damage.
Speaker 1: Can I ask a question?
Speaker 2: Yes? Please?
Speaker 1: Did you yell about the dogs being heckly? Were you
Speaker 1: mean about the dogs? That's why they didn't laugh attack
Speaker 1: the wrong audience that mistake.
Speaker 2: I talked about how much I prefer cats, which even
Speaker 2: the dogs could hear that. They're like, did he just
Speaker 2: say the word cat?
Speaker 1: They're like no, he did not.
Speaker 2: And I brought up the fact that they possibly had.
Speaker 2: They shouldn't be handing them over to each other without
Speaker 2: sanitizing them. So then the audience was like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: he's right, and then they got nervous. He did so
Speaker 2: many things wrong when talking about these dogs. I should
Speaker 2: have ignored them. I was worried about one. There was
Speaker 2: one in the middle of the room that kept disappearing.
Speaker 2: I'm like, did that dog get taken by an alien ship?
Speaker 2: And they're like aliens? What are you talking about? Like
Speaker 2: they just thought I was crazy? And then that hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were just like this fucking guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they didn't like me rooting for me. I think
Speaker 2: they did like me. They're just like even though they
Speaker 2: don't they aren't comics. They were like, he's making so
Speaker 2: many bad decisions on stage.
Speaker 1: Even I can tell. And I work at El Poyo Loco.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was giving them a comedy class in a
Speaker 2: weird way where I just show them unannounced. I showed
Speaker 2: them what not to do, and now they're all going
Speaker 2: to start doing stand up because.
Speaker 1: That's when I'm tired. I think that's when I decided
Speaker 1: to stop doing stand up. Is every time I would
Speaker 1: get on stage, I would do whatever my first tiresome
Speaker 1: opening joke was, and then I would start talking about
Speaker 1: how comedy was over, and I wouldn't. I would always
Speaker 1: go into comedy being dead for like two minutes, and
Speaker 1: then expect that the audience would just still be waiting
Speaker 1: on the other side of me, ruining their night and
Speaker 1: the money they spent and the show they're trying to watch. Like,
Speaker 1: I cannot learn that lesson because I think stand up
Speaker 1: comedy is the most self indulgent thing, and then on
Speaker 1: top top of that, you can actually wrench a little
Speaker 1: more self indulgence out of it if you ruin it
Speaker 1: for everyone else while you're doing it. And I think
Speaker 1: that's what I love.
Speaker 2: I don't think you ever ever went as poorly as
Speaker 2: you think it did. I've never not seen you be
Speaker 2: funny doing stand up.
Speaker 1: It just always feels fucking terrible. Oh yeah, and it's great.
Speaker 2: Even when it's great, it can feel terrible because it's like,
Speaker 2: why doesn't that always feel that great? I can't even
Speaker 2: enjoy the good shows. That's how I feel.
Speaker 1: Why does it feel better than great?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why can't I have moments that no one's ever having.
Speaker 2: You. I have you noticed recently that there's been a
Speaker 2: surge in your life at the bootleg album purchases?
Speaker 1: Why did you buy a couple?
Speaker 2: I did? Did you see that to purchase Spike? No?
Speaker 2: People posting about it. I feel like, oh, really discovering it.
Speaker 2: People that already liked you, that didn't know about it.
Speaker 1: It's a I'm calling it the third wave.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, like skat.
Speaker 1: We don't ruin my third wave with SCA music references. No,
Speaker 1: I mean I don't.
Speaker 2: I don't. People.
Speaker 1: It is nice that people like it. And I was
Speaker 1: thinking the other day just how grateful I was that
Speaker 1: I ended up I am how grateful I am currently
Speaker 1: that I decided to do it, even though at the
Speaker 1: time I really didn't think I should be doing it.
Speaker 1: I was just like, this is ludicrous and almost borderline pathetic.
Speaker 1: And now that I did it, I was like, oh, good.
Speaker 2: You've been the recording of that album, and well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because just because it's I don't know how to
Speaker 1: play the guitar really, and I just made those songs
Speaker 1: up to kind of like have something to do, and
Speaker 1: it's all very It's very like at the time I'm saying,
Speaker 1: now I'm thrilled that I have that album, but at
Speaker 1: the time it was just like, this is just this
Speaker 1: weird way I'm trying to stay tell myself what I
Speaker 1: do for a living or like what I like, even
Speaker 1: though it's like kind of apropos of nothing.
Speaker 2: Well, that makes it even more impressive that you just
Speaker 2: did it as an experiment because and so you haven't
Speaker 2: been playing guitar at all lately.
Speaker 1: I mean I do it at home. Yeah, that's usually
Speaker 1: around between eleven am and one pm. I'll have a
Speaker 1: nice concert hour, okay, and do some covers in the
Speaker 1: front room. Real good acoustics in here for that.
Speaker 2: I hope it's called concert hour, and I hope you
Speaker 2: have a reminder to have it on a dry race
Speaker 2: board somewhere in your house in the laundry room three
Speaker 2: to four concert hour on the.
Speaker 1: Concert hour, and make the dogs sit in front of me.
Speaker 1: Yeah we're not allowed to move.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I tell jokes to my plants.
Speaker 1: I actually like the idea. I'm of that. A living
Speaker 1: room concert is my favorite, you know, almost like the
Speaker 1: Playboy whatever, Hugh Hefner's after Dark or whatever, Playboy after Dark.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you see that show. I vaguely remember it.
Speaker 1: It'd be like a bunch of people is super fake
Speaker 1: setup of like a fake party, cocktail party, but that
Speaker 1: idea of people standing around at a party and then
Speaker 1: some goalt like leans up against a piano. I was
Speaker 1: like blue Moon, like I love that.
Speaker 2: I love that.
Speaker 1: Idea, like kind of up close entertainment, cocktail hour type
Speaker 1: of concert.
Speaker 2: I will, I don't know. There's like Tig and Martha
Speaker 2: and there was like a comedy crackpot comedy tour thing
Speaker 2: that they did as a pilot, and they did. There
Speaker 2: are people that regularly have concerts, usually folk music I think,
Speaker 2: or acoustic music of some kind, in their kitchen or
Speaker 2: sometimes they'll rent out a small theater or whatever. And
Speaker 2: Tig and Martha did this tour in those venues, so
Speaker 2: they'd be performing in someone's kitchen or in a in
Speaker 2: a living room, and they said it was so great,
Speaker 2: but at the time it horrified me. The idea of
Speaker 2: being in a in a house with strangers and you
Speaker 2: stand up in their kitchen. I think it still horrifies me.
Speaker 1: It's pretty it is pretty horrifying, because I'm sure you've
Speaker 1: done those. There's those backyard shows that sometimes get moved
Speaker 1: into the house for whatever reason.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I've done a couple of those where And
Speaker 1: that was when I first started doing comedy music again.
Speaker 1: And I was like, it was so like my cheeks
Speaker 1: would get so hot and red from being I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just singing at these people that are like two
Speaker 1: feet away from me. It's not like you're at a show, right,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: It's a guy. You're the guy at a campfire that
Speaker 2: pulls out a guitar. Yeah, and no one knew it
Speaker 2: was coming.
Speaker 1: And he's like, comey, there's so many dudes when I
Speaker 1: person moved to La, so many drunk dudes with acoustic
Speaker 1: guitars playing fucking hits off of never Mind, where he
Speaker 1: just like, please stop it, please stop it. We've all
Speaker 1: heard every one of these songs three hundred times. I'm
Speaker 1: begging you.
Speaker 2: That is so Yeah, there's always a singer. Oh that
Speaker 2: sounds awful. I remember vag visiting I was visiting La
Speaker 2: and I don't know if it was one of the
Speaker 2: nights after Lucy Lucy's Laundry Matter or whatever, but I
Speaker 2: went to a house party and everyone I think that
Speaker 2: Tenacious D album had just come out, so that was
Speaker 2: just playing on a loop. And you were at the
Speaker 2: party and I was, yeah, it was a long and
Speaker 2: Jay Johnson and uh Zach all Machis was sitting in
Speaker 2: the corner, and I was, I didn't talk to anyone.
Speaker 2: I didn't. I just listened to Tenacious D and nervously
Speaker 2: didn't talk to anyone. I was so intimidated. It's just
Speaker 2: so funny because it.
Speaker 1: Were you with Howard.
Speaker 2: I was with Howard. Yeah, he brought me to that party.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I loved those Lucy Laundry. Lucy's Laundry bout days
Speaker 1: were the most fun. It was just insanity.
Speaker 2: We'll talk about a show that didn't the most unlikely,
Speaker 2: unsuspecting audience of people actually doing laundry. Yes, in a
Speaker 2: lot of cases, like people that work that were washing
Speaker 2: clothes for someone else, and maybe they didn't even speak
Speaker 2: English or under or they didn't want us talking. And
Speaker 2: the bathroom is right behind you. It was just everything.
Speaker 2: I remember the men's bathroom was right behind the stage.
Speaker 2: People are just going in woo, and I just tried
Speaker 2: to talk, So what do you wash and underwear? Like
Speaker 2: I I It was horrifying.
Speaker 1: It was. It also was the kind of thing where
Speaker 1: it made me start to realize I need to write
Speaker 1: good enough material that if I say it in the
Speaker 1: middle of a room, even if I don't like, even
Speaker 1: if there aren't audible laughs, that I don't feel bad, right,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean that I have to like
Speaker 1: the thing that's coming out of my mouth and I
Speaker 1: have to stand behind it and not because every time
Speaker 1: I would just like at that stage, especially, you just couldn't.
Speaker 1: You couldn't get anyone to like you. No one did
Speaker 1: material there because everyone was immediately in this psychotic panic,
Speaker 1: and like.
Speaker 2: What you're describing is exactly how it feels to do
Speaker 2: these online comedy shows. There's no reaction, and I've been
Speaker 2: doing them so I I don't waste my one liners
Speaker 2: because if there's no reaction, it's like, oh, that felt terrible.
Speaker 2: So I've just become this online storyteller comic because I
Speaker 2: have control over that, and it doesn't matter if there's
Speaker 2: laughs during that. I don't know, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: It does matter, though, Yeah, comedy, that's all that matters.
Speaker 1: It's comedy. It's stand up comedy live.
Speaker 2: I mean, it doesn't matter that I'm not hearing them
Speaker 2: as much if it's not joke here's the end of
Speaker 2: a joke. Yeah yeah, I oh man, it's.
Speaker 1: Just I would never be able to do one of
Speaker 1: those shows. It just seems like torch.
Speaker 2: Well, one time they the audience was involved, so it's
Speaker 2: like we're doing right now, but every there was like
Speaker 2: thirty squares of well behaved audience people also in the
Speaker 2: room quote unquote, and they I can't believe. I just
Speaker 2: went quote unquote and did hand quotes as I Jesus anyway,
Speaker 2: and it was working great. You could hear them all
Speaker 2: laughing until someone's blender went off and a dog started barking,
Speaker 2: and then the whole show went to shit. But it
Speaker 2: was fun up till that point.
Speaker 1: Uh, that's a really well it should be required muted,
Speaker 1: Oh because you want to be able to hear people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Usually it's required muted, but this one was
Speaker 2: being experimental.
Speaker 1: Well see, because that makes sense though, because you I
Speaker 1: can't imagine there aren't more stories that this story isn't
Speaker 1: isn't that the blender went off, but it was like
Speaker 1: and then this guy just stood up and started jerking off.
Speaker 1: It just all feels like it's waiting for like a
Speaker 1: chat roulette style right of.
Speaker 2: It was trusted repeat people to the actual live show.
Speaker 2: So it's like this guy always goes to the show
Speaker 2: in Boulder, Colorado, like this, it's this show in Boulder.
Speaker 2: And so they were fifteen people that they trusted in
Speaker 2: the room, and so they were well behaved and wanted
Speaker 2: to be there for comedy. But they can't control their
Speaker 2: dogs and their garbage disposals.
Speaker 1: Who can who they can? There can?
Speaker 2: I have a fair old garbage disposal.
Speaker 1: Do not put your hand in there.
Speaker 2: I started feeding a kitty cat in my neighborhood book
Speaker 2: color gray gray because it's got dirt on its white
Speaker 2: spots but orange and orange and white, oh, and very
Speaker 2: skinny and meows so loudly that it sounds like it's
Speaker 2: either pregnant or in pain. But has a call or
Speaker 2: with the tags on it, so.
Speaker 1: With a phone number, it's just an it's probably a
Speaker 1: neighbor's cat. Is cats, Any cat that goes outside does
Speaker 1: goes wherever it wants.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is a cat that it's like they just
Speaker 2: leave it outside, but the cat wants something and will
Speaker 2: come in my apartment and walk around but won't let
Speaker 2: me pat him. But it's the boastest thing I've had
Speaker 2: to companionship.
Speaker 1: You better get some some of those silver bags of tuna,
Speaker 1: or some of your right some kibbles and bits or whatever.
Speaker 2: What about just an over oversized fish skeleton half Heathcliff,
Speaker 2: thank you.
Speaker 1: Are what's the name on the coller?
Speaker 2: I haven't gotten that close kid. He won't let me
Speaker 2: pet it just comes in my house and then when
Speaker 2: I go to pet him, he runs out. Yeah, but
Speaker 2: he hangs out in my living room and just looks
Speaker 2: at me with a kind face, but keeps me at
Speaker 2: a distance.
Speaker 1: Listen, I'm going to tell you what I tell all
Speaker 1: the girls, which is it's it's about what he does,
Speaker 1: not about what he says. So it's about action.
Speaker 2: So you're saying, this cat just isn't that into me.
Speaker 1: That cat's using you for tuna.
Speaker 2: I have been. I have tuna that I have purchased
Speaker 2: just for this cat that doesn't work me.
Speaker 1: That's right, that's how they do it.
Speaker 2: God, I've learned so much about myself and past relate.
Speaker 1: Please read my book.
Speaker 2: Have you been? Have you been laying outside and swimming
Speaker 2: and things?
Speaker 1: I have very much, So I've these last couple of
Speaker 1: weeks have been a little crazy. So I've done a
Speaker 1: lot of I'm about to go swimming, and I like
Speaker 1: put on my suit and I'm already and then I
Speaker 1: just pace around for a long time until it gets it. Like,
Speaker 1: it wasn't that warm down here for the last couple
Speaker 1: of days, so like, you know, I wanted to make
Speaker 1: sure I was hot enough to get in or whatever. Yeah,
Speaker 1: then today I finally went outside. It's boiling hot outside
Speaker 1: today today. It's crazy. I think it's over one hundred.
Speaker 2: Do you have air conditioning in your place?
Speaker 1: Like, oh, hell yes, all day and night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like goes through the walls and stuff, right,
Speaker 2: got to Yeah, yeah, I have like a unit like
Speaker 2: a robot that I keep in the corner of my
Speaker 2: room and I just stand next to it. But I yeah,
Speaker 2: it is unbearable. It's time for me. I got my
Speaker 2: COVID test yesterday. Negative results.
Speaker 1: Hey that's worth clapping for.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right. So I'm safe and ready to drive
Speaker 2: up to Montana. So I'm gonna just for the air
Speaker 2: conditioning in my car. Hit the road.
Speaker 1: When are you get to go?
Speaker 2: As soon as I have a friend that I grew
Speaker 2: up with that lives in Santa Barbara, and we're going
Speaker 2: to kind of drive next to each other, if that
Speaker 2: like a caravan in case one of our cars explodes. Uh.
Speaker 2: And I'm waiting for him to be done with a
Speaker 2: house he's doing carpenter work on, and then we're gonna
Speaker 2: go so like in a week. I can't wait.
Speaker 1: Uh. Yeah, that's really good. It's nice. It's always nice
Speaker 1: to get out of town when you've been in Los
Speaker 1: Angeles for months at a time. Yes, change peace and
Speaker 1: any I guess all the shows, any shows you would do,
Speaker 1: you could do on your computer. It's not like you're
Speaker 1: going there to do shows.
Speaker 2: Well, most importantly this show. I'm like this thing. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I'll I'll not do other ones. Although I've been doing
Speaker 2: a lot of podcasts lately and listening to some, and
Speaker 2: We're ours is good. I like cars.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's good too.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're good at it.
Speaker 1: I think we're gonna talking. Yeah, and comedy.
Speaker 2: The Gift of Gab is a gift for you from us.
Speaker 2: I just did speaking of other Puck, I just I
Speaker 2: just did Bridgeard's Gift podcast and it was so fun.
Speaker 2: How did you do on the exactly Right Network? Good?
Speaker 1: Exactly right now?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Yeah, can you give us a hint. Oh wait, it
Speaker 1: hasn't come out yet, so don't tell us.
Speaker 2: I can't. I know I was about to too. I
Speaker 2: would have spoiled it.
Speaker 1: Have you signed an NDA? Yeah, you can't say.
Speaker 2: I'm glad. I didn't know about the different uh you know,
Speaker 2: sections or not sections. What's the word segments? Thank you?
Speaker 2: You know, like the sections of a of a earthworm segments.
Speaker 2: But so they were sprung on me and it was
Speaker 2: kind of fun. Like when we played Quiplash. It's like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's a game. I need to react and and and
Speaker 2: be a human being.
Speaker 1: I know. Yeah, I love that Quiplash game. I tell you.
Speaker 1: We played it the other night with my friends, just
Speaker 1: casual game night. Oh it makes me laugh. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: we That's how I first found out about it was
Speaker 1: it's the game night that Bridger does. I do with
Speaker 1: Bridger and carry O'Donnell. But there's a bunch of people.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we played Quiblash and the first couple of
Speaker 1: times I was like, this is the weirdest game. And
Speaker 1: suddenly it's like it's so hilarious because if you play
Speaker 1: it with the right group of people that are like minded. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's really funny and like the people that when you
Speaker 1: do a fake answer or just do the answer of
Speaker 1: like I got one and the question was about what
Speaker 1: would Sonic the hedgehog do if he didn't get a
Speaker 1: certain ring or some shit like that, and I went,
Speaker 1: I don't know, I'm fifty, what are you fucking asking
Speaker 1: these two questions for? And those it's like those kind
Speaker 1: of things are my favorite.
Speaker 2: Yeah. And the other version that most people, even my
Speaker 2: own family has fun with, is Cards against Humanity, and
Speaker 2: it's like I don't want to have to read a
Speaker 2: thing that isn't funny or crude. It's so fun because
Speaker 2: you're actually writing the things and making other people read them.
Speaker 2: It's the best. It's it's I love it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Instead you mean, instead of having someone's edgy comedy forced onto.
Speaker 2: You, that's like trying so hard every one of those cards.
Speaker 1: And it is that thing of like the people that
Speaker 1: like it, and that's everyone gets to like what they like,
Speaker 1: and yah're popular and that's fine. But when you write
Speaker 1: jokes for living and then you see that ship where
Speaker 1: you were just like this is this is like seventh
Speaker 1: grade playground stuff, but other people are like can you
Speaker 1: belie it? And we had a bunch of drinks and
Speaker 1: people told the truth and it's like, yeah, you could
Speaker 1: do that anytime you want.
Speaker 2: They are every other card mentions Hitler like these. The
Speaker 2: jokes are trying so fucking hard to be Eddy. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's and I don't Hitler. It's not funny. I'll tell
Speaker 2: you that right now. I'm gonna go. You know what, Yeah, not.
Speaker 1: One thing he did was funny. God damn it.
Speaker 2: I mean he has a physical humor early and just kidding,
Speaker 2: you're thinking of Charlie Chaplin's You've got the Mustache.
Speaker 1: It's Sarah when he is in those silent movies like no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was him. He was young. Robert Downey Junior
Speaker 2: played Hitler in I'm pretty sure I'm not.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're right about Hitler. No one.
Speaker 4: I'm thinking about the right guy. I don't think you
Speaker 4: of it.
Speaker 2: See you gotta do another album. That was the taste
Speaker 2: of karen upcoming album Live at the boot Leg Part Deuce.
Speaker 1: I don't think you're right about Hitler, and that song
Speaker 1: takes a surprising turn after the bridge everything.
Speaker 2: It becomes a table slapping rap.
Speaker 1: Table. This is a real table slapper.
Speaker 2: Oh that's a sign that you're listening to bad music.
Speaker 2: If it's a table slapper.
Speaker 1: That's some Dave Matthews reactions right there.
Speaker 2: Oh God, I don't know why, but I listened to
Speaker 2: Dave Matthews. I've been trying to give everyone a chance again.
Speaker 2: I've been in quarantine and I listened to Dave Matthews.
Speaker 2: I don't know why. It's just for some reason. And
Speaker 2: I listen to some old songs and they're good musicians.
Speaker 2: Of course, it's a bunch of it's thirty people in
Speaker 2: a band.
Speaker 1: Right, I think they're all the best musicians. It seems
Speaker 1: like that's so. There's Dave Matthews whole thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, jammer and I didn't like it, But amazingly I
Speaker 2: listened to whatever Spotify will give you the best, the
Speaker 2: most popular songs. I listened to some Grateful Dead, a
Speaker 2: band I've been passionate about not liking for a long time,
Speaker 2: to where it's maybe the only argument I ever had
Speaker 2: was sweet Harris Whittles. But I I really liked it
Speaker 2: this time. I found really Grateful Dead songs that are
Speaker 2: that really were pretty and like the Harp, it was
Speaker 2: like good instrumentation, right.
Speaker 1: I mean, look here in Quarantine, anything can happen. You're
Speaker 1: absolutely allowed to revisit some old hates and turn them
Speaker 1: into loves.
Speaker 2: Yeah I do. Yeah. I never even gave it enough
Speaker 2: of a listen to hate it. Legitimately, I had never
Speaker 2: listened to it.
Speaker 1: I this morning listened to because my friend, my friend
Speaker 1: Alison Augusti, who's very hilarious, sent me the divorce notification
Speaker 1: of a celebrity and in their announcement it was like
Speaker 1: they're ready to go on with their relationship and turn
Speaker 1: the page. And then I immediately sent her Bob Seeger's
Speaker 1: turn the page. But then I sent it and then
Speaker 1: I really wanted her to listen to it. But then
Speaker 1: I was like, well I should listen to it too.
Speaker 1: And that song is so fucking hilarious and dramatic. Bob's
Speaker 1: Heeger and that kind of that. It's like weep rock,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, where they're just like telling
Speaker 1: you a was doll. It's so hilariously dramatic, long haired,
Speaker 1: it's like, aren't you a biker? Oh no, you're weeping openly. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you're tough for the softest.
Speaker 2: It says a recording before his silver bullet band sponsored
Speaker 2: by Cores. I gotta listen to.
Speaker 1: I don't know a lot about Simultanees. I think it
Speaker 1: is a silver bullet band. He's it's like an eighties
Speaker 1: hit you've never heard, Turned the page. It's about how
Speaker 1: rockers can't keep love.
Speaker 2: Can you sing just a sample? You know? Oh yeah?
Speaker 2: And then when it gets real heavy, what's it sound like, Karen?
Speaker 2: I haven't heard that part the page?
Speaker 1: You've never heard that where someone's like gets shot in
Speaker 1: the guts and then falls over and sings.
Speaker 4: I make a Turniquet call it calin page book to
Speaker 4: one out dialut have to turn.
Speaker 2: Put me in a journey. Uh yeah, I remember that song. Now, yeah,
Speaker 2: I gotta, I gotta, I gotta listen to more Bob Seeker.
Speaker 2: It's funny that you I there's that the uh the
Speaker 2: pressure to uh send a gift for a sample or
Speaker 2: a YouTube video like that, to tag someone's joke like
Speaker 2: you did. It's like so exciting and it's so nerve
Speaker 2: wracking when for whatever reason it doesn't send, and then
Speaker 2: it's like, well, now it's too late.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's too late. You have to do it. The
Speaker 1: timing of when the gift appears is just as important
Speaker 1: as the gift itself. Yeah, and I've done a I've
Speaker 1: mismanaged a couple where I tried to get them in
Speaker 1: too fast. And then I pick gifts and you have
Speaker 1: to be very careful about this, and Stephen you'll get
Speaker 1: to weigh in. Don't worry because Steven's the gift master.
Speaker 2: But gifts, but if.
Speaker 1: You pick one that's too short in its loop, it
Speaker 1: ends up being like this crazy, it's like or or
Speaker 1: too dark. Where I tried to send one one time
Speaker 1: that was like it was a Game of Thrones gift
Speaker 1: and I was so excited to like send this message
Speaker 1: and then when it actually came up, it didn't make sense.
Speaker 1: It just looked like I sent a weird like image
Speaker 1: moving image.
Speaker 2: The half the show Game of Thrones, it's just a
Speaker 2: black screen and you're squinting.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like someone in there's like a gleam of
Speaker 1: a sword, and I was like, this is a great
Speaker 1: choice to make, you know, not cool. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: the whole moment you've blown a moment. Not only have
Speaker 1: you not been funny and timely, but you like it's
Speaker 1: almost like you kind of like you know when you
Speaker 1: take one of those weird steps and you trip even
Speaker 1: though there's nothing in front of you. It's like that,
Speaker 1: but the gift version of it.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a it's a huge misstep,
Speaker 2: and you will you will do it when you see
Speaker 2: that the other person their bubbles show up and they're
Speaker 2: trying to tag their own joke already, and it's like
Speaker 2: you got to beat the bubbles, and so you got
Speaker 2: to get in them the wrong gift gift. Yep, yeah, sorry,
Speaker 2: what were you saying?
Speaker 5: Oh, I just want to say, there's nothing worse than
Speaker 5: sending a gift and then just no response and then
Speaker 5: you just have to text them later like something for
Speaker 5: something unrelated. But it's just like sitting.
Speaker 1: There, just sitting there.
Speaker 5: Yeah, You're like, I'm just going to delete it on
Speaker 5: my end.
Speaker 2: Is yeah, yeah, because then you know, by the time
Speaker 2: they by the time they look at it, it's like,
Speaker 2: why the hell did you send me this? It's like, well,
Speaker 2: you weren't in the moment, it was great. I'm a
Speaker 2: I'm a curator of gifts. I know what to send.
Speaker 2: Don't get mad at me because your timing is off.
Speaker 1: You weren't your eyes weren't where they were supposed to be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you had to go and feed a baby or something.
Speaker 2: I have gifts to send or just.
Speaker 1: You know, that's all. It's gifts.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's also the frustrating thing is I cannot learn to
Speaker 1: let the other person have the last word. I can't.
Speaker 1: It's like, I get so excited if I'm riffing with
Speaker 1: someone in a text thread and they say something funny,
Speaker 1: it will make me think of something else funny, and
Speaker 1: I have to fucking answer it. I can't ever just
Speaker 1: be like you can have and boom, we're done. Put
Speaker 1: a button.
Speaker 2: You and I have that in common. Even when we
Speaker 2: read commercials together and you go thank you and I go,
Speaker 2: you're welcome. I want to go thank you again. I
Speaker 2: want to be the last one to say the thing,
Speaker 2: even though you already are. Thank you, you're welcome, and
Speaker 2: thank you again, and thank you you're welcome again. We
Speaker 2: could just I have.
Speaker 1: Ultimate control over all of this. It's so sad.
Speaker 2: It's okay, though, it's all right. And when we just
Speaker 2: and when we just did that, it was so hard
Speaker 2: for me. When we did that cartoon thing together the
Speaker 2: other day. Yeah, because you say you have the last word.
Speaker 2: Literally in that scene, and I just supposed to say
Speaker 2: stay quiet, and I wanted so badly. They have the
Speaker 2: last word I wanted. I just wanted to say something,
Speaker 2: but I think I had the restraint I never did.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, you did good. I keep thinking about the
Speaker 1: part where I was supposed to just be there, like
Speaker 1: you're just passing a time and having a good time
Speaker 1: and working or whatever. So I'm like, put that there.
Speaker 1: I was like, there are people who do this for
Speaker 1: a living who would have thought of a good line
Speaker 1: that would have contributed to the project. Like I kept
Speaker 1: thinking of all the people that do Frozen or whatever.
Speaker 1: How good there. I was like, I'm doing work and
Speaker 1: I felt like absolutely nothing. I just took what they
Speaker 1: said and did it. Put a tune behind it somewhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they said, so you're just working on something, so
Speaker 2: maybe you're just humming or maybe singing, and so you
Speaker 2: just went directly to singing a song about working. I'm
Speaker 2: doing work. I'm humming a song, hum, hum hum, work work,
Speaker 2: work all by myself. But I'm focused on work, sing
Speaker 2: and Hamman'm working a lot. How was that? How was that? Everyone? Guys?
Speaker 1: Did I do it? Did I do literally exactly? What
Speaker 1: you asked me to do and nothing more.
Speaker 2: I cool, there were I felt awkward during that too,
Speaker 2: there are. It's clearly after we did that, it was obvious. Uh.
Speaker 2: Doing voiceover for commercial for cartoons is a skill and
Speaker 2: people are good at it, and I am not yet
Speaker 2: that person, but I am very excited to see what
Speaker 2: they make.
Speaker 1: Just the idea that, like, yeah, that isn't that kind
Speaker 1: of the point of trying to be good at podcasting
Speaker 1: is then you could also maybe be seen as being
Speaker 1: good in other voiceover realms where it's like, yeah, this
Speaker 1: is the job everybody wants.
Speaker 2: Maybe for you, But I just want this to be
Speaker 2: a road that leads right to terrestrial morning am radio.
Speaker 1: Oh God, should we do some some CU's in some a's.
Speaker 2: Let's do it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's do it right. Yeah? I think so that's
Speaker 1: a perfect time, Steven, what you got by the way.
Speaker 5: I watched Back to the Future last night, and I
Speaker 5: didn't realize the whole movie is about him trying to
Speaker 5: get his parents to have sex. It's such a like
Speaker 5: I didn't really quite I mean because it's such a
Speaker 5: classic huh, And I was like, and I feel like
Speaker 5: the movie is really about like getting to know your
Speaker 5: parents as people. And I'm like, if they rebooted it,
Speaker 5: I feel like they could find a different way to
Speaker 5: do that same story.
Speaker 2: Have you seen John Mulaney's joke about the pitch meeting
Speaker 2: it back at the future. No, no, Hey, he's a
Speaker 2: high school kid, okay, but his best friend is a
Speaker 2: crazy seventy year old scientist, grown man. Like he just
Speaker 2: goes through all the but he talks about and he
Speaker 2: has to go back in time to have sex with
Speaker 2: his own mother, or like, he's just pitching the whole show,
Speaker 2: and it's so funny. That guy's really good at stand up.
Speaker 1: He's very good at stand up comedy. Yep, I wonder
Speaker 1: how his zoom shows have been going.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wonder that too. Everyone's doing them. Nobody has
Speaker 2: anything better. We're all doing zoom shows.
Speaker 1: That's right, that's all. That's the only option right now.
Speaker 1: All right, Steven, ask us a question, a good.
Speaker 2: One, Steven, and make sure it's a good one, Steven, do.
Speaker 5: It all right. This is from Cretesol. If you could
Speaker 5: dispense a condiment from your belly button, which condiment would god?
Speaker 2: Dad, no, gross and mustard?
Speaker 1: Fine? Relish?
Speaker 2: Wait wait, I want to change mine cream cheese because
Speaker 2: then my belly button's like the middle of a bagel.
Speaker 1: Oh God, I don't want to know what other people
Speaker 1: think about anymore.
Speaker 5: Oh okay, I'll I'll get a real question. People really
Speaker 5: love these gross questions they do. I think this could
Speaker 5: apply to just any car. But it says like from
Speaker 5: the Red Melt asked what features would you would be
Speaker 5: included in the perfect dinar Taurus? But I think, like,
Speaker 5: what are the perfect features of any car?
Speaker 2: Really? Oh well, if it's if you, if you, if
Speaker 2: you don't mind, I'll go first. Please do my favorite
Speaker 2: part of the Taurus commercial, and it's right around the
Speaker 2: lyric uh Ford it knows where we're going when that's
Speaker 2: right when they show the digital spaedometer. Now that that
Speaker 2: car didn't have a lot of uh sporty lines or
Speaker 2: a nice interior, but that spedometer is straight out of
Speaker 2: kit the transam from Night Rider, like it had no
Speaker 2: business and it only goes to eighty five. You can
Speaker 2: see that it only goes eighty five in the commercial,
Speaker 2: it's just has no place. But you can see a
Speaker 2: car salesman sitting someone down. Wait till you get a
Speaker 2: load of this and then they showed the speedometer and
Speaker 2: just cash register sound effects in the background.
Speaker 1: They're like, please do not export this to Germany or
Speaker 1: anywhere near the Autobahn because it would absolutely be run
Speaker 1: over immediately. It can't handle.
Speaker 2: It just on the side of the road, stalled out,
Speaker 2: trying to flag other cars down to look at the speedometer.
Speaker 2: No I belong here, look at my speedometers for the future.
Speaker 1: You're gonna love this, so digital spinometer for you. And
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna say and a lot of times, like
Speaker 1: during the summer, this isn't gonna sound like it makes
Speaker 1: sense because you forget in the winter, and especially if
Speaker 1: you are from California. Heated seats that when it's cold
Speaker 1: at night and you can stick on a little button
Speaker 1: and suddenly, in like four minutes you're warm. That's the
Speaker 1: best thing ever, it really is. Heated seats are the greatest.
Speaker 1: But I think I've told you this. My friend Karen
Speaker 1: Anderson had heated seats in her Vovo station wagon, and
Speaker 1: every time I'd ride with her, she would turn my
Speaker 1: she would turn my seat on as high as it
Speaker 1: could go the seat heater, but not tell me, so
Speaker 1: I would start to get really bitchy, and I would
Speaker 1: be like, I don't know who cares if we go there,
Speaker 1: and I would like get crabby, yeah, and then she
Speaker 1: would start laughing, and then I would realize she had
Speaker 1: turned my seat heat that's funny.
Speaker 2: Without you knowing, it's like she gave you all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, you have this swamp ass attitude.
Speaker 1: Real It was like being turned into a toddler, where
Speaker 1: it's like I don't know what I want, and then
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, god, damn it, you turn my seat heater.
Speaker 2: Now this is kind of disgusting, but it is an
Speaker 2: interesting experiment, and so I'm going to talk about it.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: One time I met up with some friends after the bar.
Speaker 2: They had been drinking. I had something to do. I
Speaker 2: went there like at midnight. This is in Missoula, you know.
Speaker 2: We were all in our early twenties. And I was
Speaker 2: talking to my friend Matt, like pretty close, and he
Speaker 2: was being weird. He was talking really close to me,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, why are you Are you trying to
Speaker 2: be funny? What are you doing? And he's like, all right,
Speaker 2: I guess I'll see you later and he walked away
Speaker 2: and he made it all the way down the block,
Speaker 2: and it wasn't until then because it had cooled off.
Speaker 2: I realized the whole time he was talking to me,
Speaker 2: he was peeing on my leg, like he just had
Speaker 2: his penis out, and I was wearing jeans. And if
Speaker 2: you think about urine, it's just a body temperature, it's
Speaker 2: just a body temperature. His body temperature on mine undetectable.
Speaker 2: He was so stealthy about it that I couldn't hear it.
Speaker 2: And it was the perfect bomb to drop because he
Speaker 2: was gone by the time. I was like, oh, my
Speaker 2: pant has urine on it. My pant to go home now.
Speaker 2: I was just inside the bar, no, right outside, so
Speaker 2: it was either I mean it was outdoors.
Speaker 1: Sorry. His name's Matt, Yeah, Matt yeah, And I'm sorry
Speaker 1: I'm writing Matt and then I'm putting that name in
Speaker 1: a heart right now because that's the best thing I've
Speaker 1: ever heard.
Speaker 2: I exactly, I've thought about it. I went from anger
Speaker 2: to like, oh, you're a child genius that he had it.
Speaker 2: He knew that's that I wouldn't know. That's so that's
Speaker 2: what I yelled. As he has a block away, I'm like,
Speaker 2: how did you know that I wouldn't I wouldn't feel it.
Speaker 1: Wait, that reminds me of and Pete may have told
Speaker 1: you the story, but he was at some horrible hotel
Speaker 1: pool in Las Vegas that had a lazy river, uh huh,
Speaker 1: and there was a kid there was like him and
Speaker 1: his friends were all super shit faces during the day.
Speaker 1: I think they were there for a bachelor party and
Speaker 1: they were going down the lazy river and some kid
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, upriver, like behind them a little bit,
Speaker 1: and they were talking about something. I think this is
Speaker 1: how it went. Like they were talking about maybe something
Speaker 1: dirty or inappropriate. So and then they turned around and
Speaker 1: this kid was like three feet away from them, and
Speaker 1: so his drunken friend was like, hey, kid, get the
Speaker 1: buck out of here. Whatever, just said something like that,
Speaker 1: and the kid just smiled at them and they were
Speaker 1: then they're like, what's he doing? And then the kid goes,
Speaker 1: I'm peeing on you, and he was just peeing into
Speaker 1: the water down river on them. And that's my favorite story.
Speaker 1: It's like, do not fuck with little kids, Yeah, do not,
Speaker 1: Like you don't know what people are capable of it,
Speaker 1: You just don't, right.
Speaker 2: I just couldn't see that kid right now. Yeah, Yeah,
Speaker 2: the little kid from Richie rich or something.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a little kid who had like mean older
Speaker 1: brothers or older cousins. So he knew how to defend himself. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he knew, he knew the perfect play in a situation
Speaker 1: like that.
Speaker 2: God, I love a sinister, rich little kid.
Speaker 1: Yes, he gets out, he walks up to the bar
Speaker 1: and orders whatever he wants. This kid runs this casino.
Speaker 2: And it's all based in attitude. He has so much attitude.
Speaker 2: No one's carding I'm and realizing it's not twenty one.
Speaker 1: They're like, he can pull it off. He's eight, But
Speaker 1: who gives a shit? He's a baller. Okay, Stephen, let's
Speaker 1: let's move on, Stephen.
Speaker 5: This is from McKenna Kaiser McKenna underscore Kaiser or dot Kaiser.
Speaker 1: Love your hospital?
Speaker 5: If you if you could create a law and have
Speaker 5: it be named after you, what would it be?
Speaker 2: You just were, Daria, if you love your hospital.
Speaker 1: Love your hospital. I need to get it in there,
Speaker 1: but I didn't want to ruin everything.
Speaker 2: I was gonna say, love your permanente, but it was
Speaker 2: the timing was wrong. I'm sorry everyone. I'm sorry Stephen.
Speaker 2: What was the question? Sure? Well, mine would be the
Speaker 2: fairbanks law. Okay, and it would be based on the
Speaker 2: actions of Wells Fargo. Banks can't do unfair things anymore.
Speaker 2: It's a very vague law.
Speaker 1: Nice, No, this is good.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I've been pushing for it to be in Congress,
Speaker 2: in the Senate.
Speaker 1: I feel like Liz Warren would get behind this law
Speaker 1: one hundred percent because.
Speaker 2: Weren't they What were they doing? Do you remember what
Speaker 2: Wells Fargo was doing. They were like taking pennies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they were like charging feet percentage fees. And then
Speaker 1: basically there was it the one where they would get
Speaker 1: you down below in amount. They would charge you and
Speaker 1: get you down below an amount and then penalize you
Speaker 1: for being below the amount. But all of that was
Speaker 1: just happening independently.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, okay, yeah, that I guess I'd never had
Speaker 2: it described me. That sounds pretty sinister.
Speaker 1: I could have just made it up.
Speaker 2: I mean, nothing is more evil than charging people thirty
Speaker 2: dollars for not having money. That's like, yeah, that is
Speaker 2: a like Oliver Twist level or what I'm trying to
Speaker 2: think of someone that's mean to poor people. Oh current, Yeah,
Speaker 2: that's like some are current president.
Speaker 1: Will do well. Also, that's the thing that when like
Speaker 1: when when you if you have very bad credit card
Speaker 1: debt and you're trying to get out of it, you
Speaker 1: it's sometimes very good to hire a debt or whatever
Speaker 1: they're called attorney, yeah, because most of the charges that
Speaker 1: credit cards charge you for are illegal, and they just
Speaker 1: do it and then they raise your percentage, they raise
Speaker 1: your what you call it, see, yeah, your interest. And
Speaker 1: so that's how people get into such terrible debt. And
Speaker 1: so if you could, you could owe the credit card
Speaker 1: company fifty grand, but take it to a debt lawyer
Speaker 1: and they could get it down to like four thousand
Speaker 1: dollars because actually those I saw this whole. It was
Speaker 1: an Errol Morris documentary and this one guy was this
Speaker 1: is what he did for a living, and he's like,
Speaker 1: these credit card companies aren't allowed to do this, but
Speaker 1: you won't ever stop them because you feel guilty because
Speaker 1: you are the one that spent all that. So people
Speaker 1: feel so guilty about using credit cards that they'll accept
Speaker 1: any charge because they know that they didn't have the
Speaker 1: money to pay for it.
Speaker 2: I know that's happened to me. I know that I
Speaker 2: had a normal credit card and I oh, say George
Speaker 2: Cotton a will.
Speaker 1: Oh, it's just yeah. Basically, if you sue for credit
Speaker 1: card debt, all those charges are illegal. Yeah, and so
Speaker 1: you'll never get that you actually don't have to pay
Speaker 1: that amount of money.
Speaker 2: And stupidly crazy that happened. When I moved here. I
Speaker 2: had no debt and I had a normal credit card,
Speaker 2: and I paid my rent with a No one told
Speaker 2: me not to do this. I just stupidly was like,
Speaker 2: I need money now. I don't want to borrow money
Speaker 2: from my parents. I got to cash withdrawal with my
Speaker 2: credit card, and it took my normal interest to like
Speaker 2: twenty nine percent, and I never looked. It was at
Speaker 2: a time where you didn't go online and see how
Speaker 2: your credit card was doing. I was just it was.
Speaker 2: It ballooned into like thousands and thousands of dollars just
Speaker 2: so I could pay my rent one time.
Speaker 1: Yep.
Speaker 2: And it's all in the past and everything's great, except
Speaker 2: for the world.
Speaker 1: My law would be the Kilgarath law, and it would
Speaker 1: be that you're not allowed to talk loud in like restaurants,
Speaker 1: like loud talkers get removed from any area where like
Speaker 1: performative speakers in an otherwise genteel and calm atmosphere, but
Speaker 1: they just ceased to exist on their own energy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that uh people have the right
Speaker 2: to do a citizen's removal of them.
Speaker 1: Also, yes, so you know, there's nothing I can't take it,
Speaker 1: like like genuinely loud talkers and there everywhere in lawsuits.
Speaker 2: That is your your laws better than mine. I'm just
Speaker 2: going to say that, not that it was a competition, uh,
Speaker 2: just everything. I was in a car driving to uh
Speaker 2: deliver my gift to Bridger and I I heard someone
Speaker 2: loud talking. I'm in a car. I had the window cracked.
Speaker 2: There was a guy on a ladder on the phone
Speaker 2: with one of those walkie talkies setting like a next
Speaker 2: Tell phone, screaming like arguing with someone about something. He
Speaker 2: was smiling, but he's such a loud, brassy ass voice,
Speaker 2: and he was outside. I was in a car, and
Speaker 2: I was like, that guy is ruining my peace and
Speaker 2: quiet right now. He was, Yeah, he was. He was
Speaker 2: breaking the kil Gariff law.
Speaker 1: Yes, that's right. It's just you can have a good time,
Speaker 1: but just like and you can have like spikes of sound,
Speaker 1: that's totally Fine're like, oh my god, a happy birthday
Speaker 1: or whatever. But it's there are people's in this town especially,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure in like two months, i'll i'll wish
Speaker 1: I was around them so badly i'll weep. But yeah,
Speaker 1: there are people in this time wherever. You have to
Speaker 1: listen to everything they'd say because they just demand the
Speaker 1: full fucking I mean, it makes me insane.
Speaker 2: One time I confronted a guy though at a show.
Speaker 2: He wouldn't stop talking loud and had no shame about it.
Speaker 2: And there was a show, granted it was a show
Speaker 2: in a restaurant, and he was coming in to get food,
Speaker 2: but he was kind of watching and just talking at
Speaker 2: full volume. I went up and asked him to be quiet.
Speaker 2: He then said, thank you, thank you for telling me.
Speaker 2: I appreciate it when people tell me that. And then
Speaker 2: he shook my hand and squeezed the hell out of
Speaker 2: my hand to where it really hurt, and I kind
Speaker 2: of pushed him. My mom had just died, by the way,
Speaker 2: I was not in a good mood. I pushed this man,
Speaker 2: and then I noticed he was deaf and he had
Speaker 2: a hearing aid, and that's why he was talking loud,
Speaker 2: and that's why he said, I appreciate you telling me.
Speaker 2: He meant it I don't know why he squeezed the
Speaker 2: hell out of my hand. Take over for other senses
Speaker 2: when they're He became very strong because he couldn't hear,
Speaker 2: and he and I was like pretty much hugged him.
Speaker 2: After that, I'm like, I'm so sorry I did not
Speaker 2: I didn't know what he meant when he said thank you.
Speaker 2: It was so awkward, and I just admitted that I
Speaker 2: was a bad person that night.
Speaker 1: But well, I mean that's the the problem with because wait,
Speaker 1: were you going to do? Is set? Were you to god?
Speaker 2: I was about to go up? Yeah, yeah, So.
Speaker 1: You're basically like, I'm not fucking dealing with you while
Speaker 1: I'm up there trying to deal with myself and he
Speaker 1: so you shut up.
Speaker 2: I have ar threatic. He really hurt my hand, and
Speaker 2: I think he did that on purpose. Oh yeah, it
Speaker 2: was a big He was a big guy that worked
Speaker 2: at the gas station across the street. He was like
Speaker 2: a But the reason he was talking loud is he
Speaker 2: was deaf. So that's what I was focused on, like,
Speaker 2: oh my god, this is embarrassing.
Speaker 1: Well, it's it's the thing that you have to consider
Speaker 1: when before you go over or if you're going to
Speaker 1: go over to tell someone something, you have to keep
Speaker 1: in mind that there are still reasons that would be
Speaker 1: acceptable to you, so you don't have to already be mad.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: But the handshaking thing, I'm telling you, I've had that
Speaker 1: happened a couple of times. People when they meet you
Speaker 1: and they shake your hands so hard they crush it.
Speaker 1: There was that happened to me one time, and I left.
Speaker 1: I was like, that was one of the most aggressive,
Speaker 1: bizarre and passive aggressive things where it's like, if you're
Speaker 1: somehow mount me, then say it. But we're shaking hands.
Speaker 1: It's like you tricked me.
Speaker 2: There is It's really something that someone told them when
Speaker 2: they're a kid by their dad. A firm handshake is
Speaker 2: what sells cars and gets Yeah. And so there's man
Speaker 2: and Donald then Trump. Not to keep talking about Trump,
Speaker 2: but he you know that. You can watch mega edits
Speaker 2: of him grabbing hands and Yankee people towards him. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and it's people that that are being hurt, but he
Speaker 2: thinks it's like, oh, it shows that you're a man
Speaker 2: if you squeeze the hell out of someone's hand.
Speaker 1: And my favorite is the one where Trump is walking
Speaker 1: and it's like some it's the G eight or whatever
Speaker 1: someone of those big global meetings and he just pulls
Speaker 1: the guy back by the shoulder and gets ahead of him.
Speaker 1: That's like and that was or that was year one,
Speaker 1: and I just was like, oh my god, he's the
Speaker 1: worst person.
Speaker 2: That was incredible.
Speaker 1: I remember that too, so embarrassing. He yanked like president
Speaker 1: of France. Yeah, it wasn't Marcn. It was like so
Speaker 1: so unbelievable. Okay, one last question, Stephen, and then we'll
Speaker 1: wrap it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like a blanket baby.
Speaker 5: This is from Doughnutty, if you could witness or participate.
Speaker 5: I like the part about participating because it always feels
Speaker 5: like these questions are like if you could go back
Speaker 5: in time and look at something. But Doughnutty says, if
Speaker 5: you could witness, but if you could participate in any
Speaker 5: event in history, what would it be?
Speaker 2: Wow?
Speaker 1: I mean history is so long.
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 2: I just keep thinking of scenes from that terrible Forrest
Speaker 2: Gump movie, The First Jog.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what, I have my answer because this
Speaker 1: is I am very strangely and deeply obsessed with Victorian
Speaker 1: England and if I could go back and walk around
Speaker 1: on the streets of London Town it just streets of
Speaker 1: old blady and foggy London down and see all of
Speaker 1: the abject poverty and the terrible coal burning. Like the
Speaker 1: there's very ornate, kind of like I would love to
Speaker 1: go back to Victorian England and then go into a
Speaker 1: place like Charles Dickens's Old Curiosity Shop, which was basically
Speaker 1: like a vintage store but in England, so it was
Speaker 1: even older stuff. Like how insane would that be where
Speaker 1: you could go look at like antiques from Victorian time,
Speaker 1: So that would be stuff from the seventeen hundreds or
Speaker 1: the sixteen hundreds or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that would be. Or they are artwork like paintings.
Speaker 1: Or like it used to just have big cinder piles
Speaker 1: in the middle of town, like a big cinder pile.
Speaker 1: That's that's my one of my favorite. It's bleakhouse. I
Speaker 1: think I think it's blatant, mmm whatever, But it's one
Speaker 1: of those stories that I love that's on like BBC,
Speaker 1: and it just like this husband and wife and their job.
Speaker 1: Their whole business is just big piles of cinder. People
Speaker 1: come and dump the cinderette in front of their house
Speaker 1: and then they have people that pick through it in
Speaker 1: case there's anything in there that's worth anything. God, I
Speaker 1: mean insane, Like I would love to see that shit.
Speaker 5: Or like the gin during the gin craze, there'd be
Speaker 5: men with wheelbarrows filled with gin and you could pay
Speaker 5: a shilling and bring your cup and just go in
Speaker 5: and take a swig of gin that was probably laced
Speaker 5: with like arsenic or turpentine.
Speaker 1: It's just made with paint.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I guess speaking of arsenic, mine would be
Speaker 2: I would go I would go to Butte, Montana during
Speaker 2: the mining boon, the Berkeley Pit. It's filled with arsenic.
Speaker 2: That's why I said that. And it kind of like
Speaker 2: it would be really cool to like strike it rich
Speaker 2: in Montana and be one of the people that, wait,
Speaker 2: do we know it's our going back in time knowing
Speaker 2: what we know now.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm sure it's like you can have. It's like
Speaker 5: a like you're almost like it's like Westworld. You're like
Speaker 5: like you get to just participate in you just get
Speaker 5: to see.
Speaker 1: What that time was like. Yeah, but still be yourself.
Speaker 2: It sounds selfish and along the way I would help people,
Speaker 2: and but I would also make it to where I
Speaker 2: found gold in Montana.
Speaker 1: Nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, also, I would want to go
Speaker 1: back to when there was still witchcraft.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like ladies.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well no, like no, no, no, but not like
Speaker 1: where there was actual magic. Like the whole premise of
Speaker 1: the book Jonathan and Norella mister Strange. It's like there
Speaker 1: used to be magic in the world, and basically just
Speaker 1: government and church types bought up all the books with
Speaker 1: the spells in them so that you couldn't look at
Speaker 1: them and no one could learn the spells, and they
Speaker 1: basically hoard that it's not true. No, no, this is a novel,
Speaker 1: it's a Bokay, it's the But isn't it the best premise? Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's very believable. It's like, yes, there was a time
Speaker 1: where it was like I have newt and those were
Speaker 1: in books, and like those books began to be hoarded
Speaker 1: by rich people and saved, and then no one it
Speaker 1: was like what do they call that esoteric knowledge or whatever?
Speaker 1: Like secret knowledge, you can't you have to be in
Speaker 1: a certain club to know about it.
Speaker 2: But instead those get burned or thrown away, and then
Speaker 2: everyone just believes in the Bible that has no usable
Speaker 2: spells in it.
Speaker 1: The only one is turning water to wine, which I
Speaker 1: can't do as a non priest.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it doesn't. It's the cause of most alcoholism. It's
Speaker 2: the worst part of the Bible.
Speaker 1: It's not even funny.
Speaker 2: Everyone's druck. It's not even funny.
Speaker 1: It's not even that funny. All right, So we wrap
Speaker 1: it down.
Speaker 2: Sure, let's get one. Let's ship it out. Let's wrap
Speaker 2: it up, rub it down, Oh, rap it and ship
Speaker 2: it and stamp it signed, sealed delivered, Come on yours. Sorry.
Speaker 1: That makes me think of when I used to work
Speaker 1: at a children's clothing company and natural diaper company in
Speaker 1: between plunking out of In between flunking out of college
Speaker 1: and moving to San Francisco to start stand up, I
Speaker 1: moved back to Pedaluma for a year and then worked
Speaker 1: at this place, Biobottoms, which is a children's like natural
Speaker 1: fiber clothing company and reusable diaper. It was like hippie
Speaker 1: hippie stuff that was also for very rich ladies.
Speaker 2: But Biobottoms is a great name.
Speaker 1: I know, right, And it was like two ladies started
Speaker 1: it and became millionaires. It was very cool like story,
Speaker 1: but the shipping department used to come and show us
Speaker 1: stuff that they accidentally got in their return packages and
Speaker 1: it was insane and one of some people sent back
Speaker 1: sturdy diapers.
Speaker 2: Shit. Yes, I'd like to get my money back. And
Speaker 2: it's just a box of baby shit.
Speaker 1: And here's why, here's why you didn't catch it.
Speaker 2: You didn't. The last thing you want to get as
Speaker 2: a diaper manufacturer is a return. This diaper fails satisfaction guaranteed.
Speaker 2: Are your money back? Return diaper that had a leaky
Speaker 2: leg hole? And here's the proof.
Speaker 1: Oh, here's the proof, you guys. Deal with it.
Speaker 2: I hate poop.
Speaker 1: I think this podcast is getting better every every episode.
Speaker 1: Unless we do further away we get from the original promise.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, we'll. We'll be back in the car again
Speaker 2: with guests.
Speaker 1: Yes we will.
Speaker 2: We will one day.
Speaker 1: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: For now you're stuck with us.
Speaker 1: But for now, deal with it. Yeah all right, Well
Speaker 1: anything to plug.
Speaker 2: Chris just my comedy special is still out there on
Speaker 2: Vimeo on demand and at We're Narley dot com.
Speaker 1: We're gnarly dot com, w E R.
Speaker 2: E n A r l y dot com and now.
Speaker 1: Narley, are you sure it's not the G?
Speaker 2: Yeah, for some reason, there's no G in it. I know.
Speaker 2: They made it as confusing as possible but it is.
Speaker 2: You know, you have to go to a website for
Speaker 2: a lot of these things. This is just a new
Speaker 2: website and you can also get mugs, fancy mugs and
Speaker 2: fancy posters.
Speaker 1: Fancy mugs, e mugsies and posties.
Speaker 2: Anyone, how about support it?
Speaker 1: Support Chris's Victorian English merch Please please, thank you. He's
Speaker 1: into it.
Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1: That's it right?
Speaker 2: How about you? What are you plugging, my friend?
Speaker 1: Nothing, I'm plugging. I'm plugging people wearing masks and uh
Speaker 1: adhering to the quarantine even though they don't feel like
Speaker 1: doing it anymore. No one does. You're not alone, no
Speaker 1: one does. Yeah, but you can't pretend it away as
Speaker 1: all of your relatives become ill and it.
Speaker 2: It's not a slight against your freedom.
Speaker 1: Your freedom is all in your mind anyway.
Speaker 2: Friend. Hey, man, you thought you were free, you're a prisoner.
Speaker 6: Man, You're you're fucking lemming if you think you're free. Man,
Speaker 6: look look me in all right.
Speaker 2: Man, you've been listening. Do you need a ride? Man?
Speaker 1: Do you I in man like a orr man?
Speaker 2: Hong Kong?
Speaker 1: Man? Are you leaving on? You wanna way back home?
Speaker 1: Either way?
Speaker 3: We want to be there doesn't matter how much baggage
Speaker 3: you claim. Give us time and they turnman on and gay.
Speaker 1: We want to send you.
Speaker 3: Off instat We want to welcome you back home. Tell
Speaker 3: us all about it.
Speaker 1: Rescared her? Was it fine? Melbourne? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 2: Do you need to ride? Do you need with Karen
Speaker 2: and Chriss