WEBVTT - From Grief to Relief 0:00:01.880 --> 0:00:05.359 Wine Down with Janne Kramer and I Heart Radio podcast. 0:00:07.160 --> 0:00:08.840 You know, I think it's funny about last week is 0:00:08.840 --> 0:00:14.000 that when I had posted about one of like someone 0:00:14.080 --> 0:00:17.759 leaving the Queendom, you guys immediately went to It was 0:00:17.800 --> 0:00:23.160 one of y'all, well, you said Kristen Brust and tagged 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:26.840 me at Kristen dot Brust wants someone to leave the 0:00:26.880 --> 0:00:29.760 Queendom chat and I got sweaty. I'm like, there's no way. 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:32.680 I felt like I had this like duped moment where 0:00:32.680 --> 0:00:34.960 I was like, did they edit something and it's going 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:39.080 to make me sound like I'm breaking up. That's what 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:41.040 I felt. I was here and I still was worried 0:00:41.040 --> 0:00:43.440 it was me. I wasn't sure. I don't even I 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:48.520 couldn't remember the great news that person has exited the chat. Yeah, 0:00:48.560 --> 0:00:52.320 exited the chat. She just not see No, no, I 0:00:52.400 --> 0:00:55.240 was totally exited. And it's really funny because funny Jewish guy. 0:00:55.280 --> 0:00:57.880 I was like, you should listen to the podcast because 0:00:59.120 --> 0:01:02.640 I kind of mentioned and he was like, I'm never 0:01:02.720 --> 0:01:04.880 listening to wind Down ever again because you talked about 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:09.679 a dude for like the person another dude, because he 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:14.360 was like, oh no, he goes um he said, because 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:15.800 he's like I thought you were going to be like 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:17.680 he was amazed, like I said, you were He's like 0:01:17.720 --> 0:01:19.080 all he said was like he's a cool dude. But 0:01:19.160 --> 0:01:22.399 the other guy and he goes So I have to 0:01:22.520 --> 0:01:25.920 be um, do I have to you know, play hard 0:01:25.959 --> 0:01:28.280 to get? But we had a conversation too, and that 0:01:28.360 --> 0:01:30.880 was a bummer because we we realized we're just going 0:01:30.959 --> 0:01:33.520 to be friends. It's funny Jewish guy, gonna listen to 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:35.119 this one. Should we talk about him for a second 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:37.080 so you can feel the love. Well, I mean now 0:01:37.080 --> 0:01:41.479 that we're just friends, because he's he still deserves now 0:01:41.520 --> 0:01:46.479 that we're just Yeah, so he's gone, all right by 0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:55.120 funny Jewish. It's too fast. It's hard. It's hard, but 0:01:55.800 --> 0:01:57.280 I really because it was one of those things where 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:00.200 like we could be like he could have been that 0:02:00.280 --> 0:02:02.600 stayed along well for a very long time in a 0:02:02.680 --> 0:02:05.920 chap But the reality is he lives in l A 0:02:06.080 --> 0:02:08.800 And I'm not moving and he's not moving, and so 0:02:08.880 --> 0:02:11.240 there's no point. By your face, is it really over 0:02:11.400 --> 0:02:13.520 or do we just create some sort of boundary. No, 0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:15.880 it's it's like I have to like put up the 0:02:15.960 --> 0:02:17.679 like I even was like, hey, I have this great 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:18.960 girl in l A. I'm going to set you up 0:02:18.960 --> 0:02:21.520 with because he's a great freaking guy. It's a very 0:02:21.760 --> 0:02:24.080 you have. It's interesting because we're from the same place, 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:27.480 but you go very l A with that. Like the 0:02:27.520 --> 0:02:31.519 swapping of boyfriends and girlfriends is like so West Coast 0:02:31.520 --> 0:02:35.280 to me where I'm like like, I'm just like, no, 0:02:35.320 --> 0:02:37.080 that's girl coulde No, that's bro code And then I 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:41.520 played together. We just mayed out. M M no, ma'am, 0:02:42.200 --> 0:02:47.320 you can't wait. I'm sorry in your thirties nearing forties, 0:02:47.800 --> 0:02:50.919 so like me, Caitlin and Elizabeth, and I'm gonna do 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:52.440 just to you now to Kavin, now that you're part 0:02:52.440 --> 0:02:55.600 of the single crew. But like, for example, Eliza, because 0:02:55.600 --> 0:02:58.040 I'm the dating app that we're all on, She's like, oh, yeah, 0:02:58.040 --> 0:02:59.480 I went out with him. He's great. He's like really 0:02:59.480 --> 0:03:01.240 like dad, but he's all here is He's not my person. 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:03.480 So I'm like, you sure, cool? So I heard him. 0:03:03.639 --> 0:03:06.360 I can't. This is like a fantasy and I can't. 0:03:06.880 --> 0:03:10.520 But why I just can't. I couldn't. But like even 0:03:10.560 --> 0:03:12.640 if like I mean Elizabeth, like I think they just 0:03:12.760 --> 0:03:16.840 kissed too, It's like it's not with my husband. Do 0:03:16.919 --> 0:03:18.480 we need to have a deep dive? Do we need 0:03:18.520 --> 0:03:22.720 to pause the recording? Maybe not in the queendom. Maybe 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:31.960 we just wouldn't like sorry forgot your oh anyway, that's 0:03:32.120 --> 0:03:36.600 very West Coast to me. I'm just saying wouldn't. So, 0:03:36.680 --> 0:03:41.360 for example, this guy Adam said, that's fine, that's fine. 0:03:41.400 --> 0:03:44.960 It's like he's cool, he deserves it. He got a name. 0:03:45.440 --> 0:03:49.120 Yeah you know what, honey, Jewish guy, boring Jewish guy, 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:53.160 never got his name mentioned you matters. But like he's 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:56.080 a great guy. So I'm like I even DMed one 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:59.840 of my girlfriends and was like, hey, um, you know 0:04:00.400 --> 0:04:01.960 this is a great guy. I would She said, well, 0:04:01.960 --> 0:04:03.000 why don't you want to be with him? I was 0:04:03.000 --> 0:04:05.240 like I would in a heartbeat, But like he's got 0:04:05.240 --> 0:04:08.360 a daughter, he'll never leave, and I'm not gonna, you know, 0:04:08.720 --> 0:04:10.720 I'm not going to move either, because I'd be unfair 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:14.800 for my co parenting situation and the kids and so 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:18.719 and to the queendom and to the queendom. So I'm like, hey, 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.560 I'm gonna, you know, you should y'all shouldn't meet. And 0:04:21.600 --> 0:04:24.160 I don't think that's weird because it's like yeah, because 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:26.039 then when they get married. She you're going to be 0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:28.200 in the match. And I think that if you'll had 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:31.880 like a serious relationship for a long time, that seems 0:04:31.880 --> 0:04:33.839 a little weirder. But not you've been on wet two 0:04:33.920 --> 0:04:35.920 dates with the guy. Yeah, I don't think it's that weird. 0:04:36.120 --> 0:04:43.120 But she kissed him passionately. Now your new friend's gonna 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:46.760 listen to this episode and she's going to But again, 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:49.600 it's he's not my person. So like, for example, if 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:52.080 I meet someone, I'm like, oh, I think actually, like 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:53.640 I know, I was just talking about this to one 0:04:53.640 --> 0:04:57.000 of my other girlfriends too. He where she was like, 0:04:57.320 --> 0:04:58.880 I don't think he's my person. Like if I see 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:01.479 someone on on RYE or whatever, I'd be like, oh, Catherine, Like, 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:03.520 I think he'd be a good match for you. I'm 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.200 gonna send him Catherine's way. Even if no, I like 0:05:07.400 --> 0:05:10.640 the idea. I think I love what you're saying, and 0:05:10.680 --> 0:05:12.479 I like the vetting now, And I also think it 0:05:12.520 --> 0:05:14.480 takes a great deal maturity to know it's not your 0:05:14.520 --> 0:05:17.599 person and to go you'd be better suited with this person. 0:05:18.600 --> 0:05:22.160 The passionate makeout is where I'm like, well, maybe leave 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:23.800 that part. Do you want to mention that Leo, your 0:05:23.800 --> 0:05:25.800 dog is here. It sounds like I just bet you. 0:05:27.720 --> 0:05:30.320 For those of them not watching, Yeah, no, Leo just 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:33.960 totally bit me. Um okay, Leo's evidendency to do that. 0:05:37.720 --> 0:05:41.440 So this is where I go to um, which I'm 0:05:41.440 --> 0:05:43.200 going to talk about another topic later, but I want 0:05:43.200 --> 0:05:46.960 to get to Catherine's topic about she wants to bring 0:05:47.000 --> 0:05:49.200 something up. Well, I have a question, okay, answer okay, 0:05:49.360 --> 0:05:52.280 And I legitimately want to know, commitate Leo over on 0:05:52.360 --> 0:05:53.920 that couch or he's going to have to go on 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.200 his great because he's fighting the chords in this episode 0:05:56.200 --> 0:06:00.839 will un very surely if that keeps happening. Okay. If 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:07.040 you have a problem with someone, okay, okay, someone, if 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:09.960 the person is on this couch, we need to discontinue. Okay, 0:06:10.000 --> 0:06:12.800 don't worry, not even like a great not even a 0:06:12.839 --> 0:06:15.120 friend really, But if you have a problem with someone, 0:06:15.680 --> 0:06:19.680 do you address it, do you let it go, or 0:06:19.680 --> 0:06:23.839 do you let it fester? It depends on the depth 0:06:23.880 --> 0:06:29.760 of the relationship. Okay, not that deep. Can we go 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:33.080 a little bit more. I'm gonna go mark here on here, Okay, 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:35.440 can you give us a little more detail because I 0:06:35.440 --> 0:06:39.360 think that depends. I need more on what, So which 0:06:39.360 --> 0:06:43.200 one I would do? Okay? So not a friend, someone 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:45.440 that came into your life in a situation that you 0:06:45.440 --> 0:06:49.839 wouldn't have loved to have it have happened, but it did. Um, 0:06:49.880 --> 0:06:52.039 So you try to be the person's friend. You actually 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:56.039 like the person, seems like a nice person, um, but 0:06:56.200 --> 0:07:01.800 you have a problem with something that that person has done. Okay. 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:04.120 So I'm an eight, right, let me just let me 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:06.719 answer my own question. Okay, let me answer. That's a 0:07:06.839 --> 0:07:10.160 very thing to do as a two. I want to 0:07:10.200 --> 0:07:12.080 hold you as an eight. You'd like to confront yourself. 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:15.560 This seems a very unbrand Absolutely, Okay, I'm the person 0:07:15.800 --> 0:07:18.200 I like to confront it. Like, here's what you've done. 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:25.200 I don't like it. Let's address it and theoretically move on. Okay, 0:07:25.760 --> 0:07:29.280 moving not part, It's part for person. No, it is. 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:31.880 That's what I'm learning about me. So I think that's 0:07:31.960 --> 0:07:34.040 the thing. So like, so you let it faster and 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:37.160 you don't move on? I do all three? Should I should? 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:39.080 I rewrote us. Back to the last episode. We talked 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:41.960 to Lisa in her book Forgiving what You Can't Forget. Yeah, 0:07:42.040 --> 0:07:44.200 I ordered it, Okay, and realized I was already reading 0:07:44.200 --> 0:07:46.880 one of her books. Um, but this is this is 0:07:46.920 --> 0:07:50.239 the part that I struggle with. Okay, So I'm learning 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:54.280 that this is one of the get biggest struggles, well 0:07:54.320 --> 0:07:56.920 all of it. So I think I think God's working 0:07:56.920 --> 0:07:58.440 on me a lot in a lot of ways. This 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:01.440 is the one thing that's just like killing me lately. Okay, 0:08:01.480 --> 0:08:06.840 So it'll fester a lot. So then I'm like, no, 0:08:06.840 --> 0:08:08.800 I shouldn't address No, don't be an eight, don't do it, 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:10.520 don't be an unhealthy, don't do it. And then I 0:08:10.600 --> 0:08:13.440 go and I attack you go hard? Yeah, I go 0:08:13.520 --> 0:08:16.920 hard and not very nice. I read the messages. You 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:20.840 weren't not nice, you direct, very direct. I think it 0:08:20.880 --> 0:08:25.280 was an emotional situation that it was too premature for 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:28.440 anybody to be a part of. Yes, I'd agree with that. 0:08:28.840 --> 0:08:32.000 And so your emotions were more heightened because of the 0:08:32.040 --> 0:08:35.720 situation that you were in, and it bothered you and 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:38.840 your like your emotions were part of it. And that's okay. 0:08:39.000 --> 0:08:41.600 And I'm assuming that this is a situation you didn't 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:45.080 you're you weren't asking to be a part was not 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:46.920 asking to be a part of it, or wasn't aware 0:08:46.960 --> 0:08:48.880 you were a part of maybe even yeah, not at 0:08:48.880 --> 0:08:53.000 the beginning. Okay, So I try, but my emotions are 0:08:53.000 --> 0:08:56.320 all over the place. Okay, so again I try not 0:08:56.400 --> 0:08:58.640 to be the eight, but I did. I was here 0:08:58.640 --> 0:09:00.920 and there like I was mean and eight and whoever's 0:09:00.960 --> 0:09:02.599 just like super nice, We're awesome. I don't know what 0:09:02.679 --> 0:09:06.600 number that is, you know, just like a two that's you. Yeah, yeah, 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:08.600 so you know you go back and forth. But here's 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:14.040 the thing. So now I'm gonna point where I went 0:09:14.080 --> 0:09:18.559 after but also apologized. I'm very much an apologizer, like 0:09:18.600 --> 0:09:21.760 I'm a like, let's be direct, let's address it. I'll 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:24.800 apologize for what I did wrong. You apologize for what 0:09:24.880 --> 0:09:27.480 you did wrong, and we can move on. Problem is 0:09:27.559 --> 0:09:29.640 is the other person was an eight and two eights 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:33.280 going after each other didn't go very well. Um, and 0:09:33.360 --> 0:09:37.679 so now I'm in a situation I cannot let it go. 0:09:37.960 --> 0:09:43.920 She got unfollowed and blocked, blocked, unfollowed, all of the above. Now, 0:09:44.520 --> 0:09:47.240 I will be honest, I did block at some point too, 0:09:47.320 --> 0:09:50.679 but I am blocked, but I am forever blocked. You 0:09:50.800 --> 0:09:53.400 block someone and you're like, yes, kidding, that happened to 0:09:53.400 --> 0:09:56.680 me with actually a friend of ours that I was like, 0:09:56.880 --> 0:09:59.400 by the way, I'm unblocking you. By the way I 0:09:59.800 --> 0:10:02.800 to top I'm blacky. I already had to do that once. 0:10:02.800 --> 0:10:04.079 So it's like, by the way, I blocked you and 0:10:04.120 --> 0:10:06.680 I'm blocking them now, I'm like forever blocked. So are we? 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:11.360 I want to say one thing, please, I'm a I 0:10:11.400 --> 0:10:14.959 am a direct communicator, but I'm a soft communicator. Okay. 0:10:15.480 --> 0:10:20.120 I don't feel like you should apologize ever, in part 0:10:20.160 --> 0:10:24.800 of that was me, not lea part of me. I really, 0:10:24.960 --> 0:10:27.800 I do strongly believe that when you're apologizing to someone, 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:30.920 it needs to be for no other reason than to 0:10:31.080 --> 0:10:36.080 just clear your own air and not expect an apology 0:10:36.120 --> 0:10:39.439 and return. Oh so I know, and I know I 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:41.240 knew it was going to hit somewhere with you because 0:10:41.280 --> 0:10:43.160 I you were like, so I apologize, and then I 0:10:43.520 --> 0:10:45.120 wanted her to apologize, and then we were just going 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:50.320 to move forward. So I get stuck in this place 0:10:50.320 --> 0:10:53.200 that I feel like I apologize a lot. Well, you 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:57.560 own things I do like I want. I love to 0:10:57.559 --> 0:11:00.120 own too. But what I've learned in all my ownership 0:11:00.000 --> 0:11:03.080 it is not everybody. Not everybody likes to own, and 0:11:03.120 --> 0:11:06.600 not everybody can own. They're on a different path they 0:11:06.600 --> 0:11:08.640 could be. It's not a lesser path or a shorter 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:10.840 path or a slower path, which is different. And I 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:15.560 think we cannot expect the ownership from the other person, 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:18.760 and we can't apologize to have them own. We can 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.200 only apologize to own and know that we've done what 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:25.760 we can do in this situation. Yes, which in theory 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:28.160 I agree with. I know and can know what we 0:11:28.200 --> 0:11:31.560 all say. I mean, listen, also me, I had similar 0:11:31.559 --> 0:11:35.080 situations where I'm like, okay, so I'm sorry, and then 0:11:35.120 --> 0:11:37.640 I just give that dramatic pause and tea up like no, 0:11:37.679 --> 0:11:39.880 go ahead, go ahead. I just feel like there was 0:11:40.040 --> 0:11:43.440 nothing that. The only thing that I will say to 0:11:43.480 --> 0:11:45.960 this is I didn't feel like you really truly had 0:11:46.000 --> 0:11:49.520 to apologize as many times as you did. Yeah, I 0:11:49.520 --> 0:11:53.160 know I apologized a lot, like I think because my 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:56.400 emotions were so up and down. That's why I felt 0:11:56.440 --> 0:12:00.280 like I had to apologize. I mean enough. That person 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.800 even said but that's the thing, and that's not fair 0:12:03.840 --> 0:12:06.760 because she's oversepped a boundary too. Yes, I mean, we 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:09.120 both over stepped boundaries for sure, But like, you don't 0:12:09.120 --> 0:12:14.319 apologize for your emotions, like if I'm acting irrational, mean, 0:12:14.640 --> 0:12:17.920 bitchy whatever. I can say I'm sorry for that, but 0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:21.920 then don't apologize again and again to say I'm sorry again. True, 0:12:22.240 --> 0:12:24.920 But what happens is when the emotions are up and down, 0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:29.880 you go from yes, I agree with you. The problem 0:12:29.920 --> 0:12:33.680 is now is the last thing that I sent, which 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:37.480 was nice, I was blocked. So it's like out there 0:12:37.480 --> 0:12:41.040 in the air with like the meanest things ending between 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:45.160 both of us, and I cannot let it go because 0:12:45.520 --> 0:12:51.120 you okay, can you not let it go because some 0:12:51.320 --> 0:12:53.839 she doesn't like you now? Or do you feel like 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.560 you did something wrong, or because you just like what 0:12:56.559 --> 0:12:59.040 what part of it? Do not? Can you not let 0:12:59.040 --> 0:13:01.040 go because for me, you like I don't I don't 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:04.400 like to have Like I'm trying to think of a 0:13:04.440 --> 0:13:07.480 situation where it's like I don't like the energy and 0:13:07.520 --> 0:13:09.120 I don't like to know that, like I'm a the 0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:10.600 new but I'm not bad, you know what I mean? 0:13:10.600 --> 0:13:13.520 Like I didn't I didn't do anything wrong, Like I apologize, 0:13:13.600 --> 0:13:16.880 like come on, let's all like it. So here's the 0:13:16.880 --> 0:13:18.920 other side of that. Like I live in a small town, 0:13:19.240 --> 0:13:22.400 the woman lives in my town. We have a lot 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:25.640 of similar things that we do I have to see 0:13:25.640 --> 0:13:29.840 her so it is on let me devil's advocate for 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:32.640 her for four seconds, even though I'm definitely on your team. 0:13:32.679 --> 0:13:34.640 That's fine, I'm here for that, I know, but you 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:37.400 know I'm like a team team. I'm just wondering because 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:40.480 I've gotten to a point before where sometimes the blocking 0:13:41.320 --> 0:13:43.920 is just a boundary of like, no more noise for 0:13:43.960 --> 0:13:47.200 a second. Why sort this out and take the pieces 0:13:47.240 --> 0:13:49.600 that I can take, own the pieces that I can take. 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:53.080 So maybe the blocking and the un following is just 0:13:53.520 --> 0:13:56.000 her way of going. I just need like a four 0:13:56.000 --> 0:13:58.640 minute break. This has gotten heated and I want to 0:13:58.720 --> 0:14:00.480 be able to have a different conversation astion with you, 0:14:00.520 --> 0:14:04.280 but just not right now. Probably I could see that 0:14:04.280 --> 0:14:08.320 that's that's the healthy version of her, the other this person. 0:14:08.400 --> 0:14:11.520 So I don't know if she's healthy enough to healthy 0:14:11.520 --> 0:14:15.520 and unhealthy, But everything the unhealthy is because of who 0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:20.160 it's connected with. And I think again, I what I 0:14:20.200 --> 0:14:22.520 would love to see in this situation for you is 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:24.440 for you to stand in your truth and go, yeah, 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:26.440 you were emotional, you were a little up and down, 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:29.520 but it was also a very unfair that happened to you, 0:14:30.120 --> 0:14:32.880 a very unfair thing that happened to you, the timing 0:14:32.880 --> 0:14:34.840 of it all, it was not cool. And then what 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:38.160 she followed up with was not great. So the fact 0:14:38.200 --> 0:14:40.720 that you're dealing with that emotion on top of other 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.760 emotional stuff you're going through in your life, like stand 0:14:43.800 --> 0:14:45.080 in your truth and go you know what, I'm like, 0:14:45.160 --> 0:14:47.360 I'm not the bad person in this and like, yeah, 0:14:47.520 --> 0:14:51.000 I owned you, already owned you owned your stuff. That's amazing. 0:14:51.800 --> 0:14:54.320 And now that's on her to not, you know, to 0:14:54.320 --> 0:14:57.640 to maybe do what Christ and saying, or she doesn't 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:02.120 have the like too much for her emotionally too so 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:03.760 once she may have to do the same thing. I 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:06.360 get that, but God, that drives me crazy. I hate 0:15:06.440 --> 0:15:08.440 having Oh I hate I want to be very clear. 0:15:08.520 --> 0:15:10.520 I don't like the feeling you're having. And I know 0:15:10.560 --> 0:15:15.320 that we have a lot of mutual friends ish and 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.520 it literally kills me. All I think about is like, well, 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:20.040 what did she say to so and so? Because I 0:15:20.080 --> 0:15:22.320 know that she has said things not nice to pet, 0:15:22.360 --> 0:15:25.240 you know, and so it's like I probably have too though, 0:15:25.320 --> 0:15:27.640 you know. So It's just like that drives me crazy. 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:29.720 You just have to let a little time, in a 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:32.280 little space, in a little air I think, yeah, because 0:15:32.840 --> 0:15:34.720 something very similar, and what are you going to do 0:15:34.760 --> 0:15:38.880 with well today, y'all gonna make you shut out on 0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:41.720 that you did not email her? Well, I'm blocked, and 0:15:41.840 --> 0:15:45.960 she didn't need high stuff. All of the things I 0:15:46.000 --> 0:15:47.600 would have been by the way, all of them. I 0:15:47.600 --> 0:15:51.640 sent a little message. There was not an apology through 0:15:51.680 --> 0:15:53.920 a window. It was not an apology, but it was 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:55.680 kind of wrapping it up in a bow like, look, 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:57.960 we have to see each other kind of thing. And 0:15:58.000 --> 0:16:00.600 it was kind and it was ever. But I'm still blocked. 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:03.200 Where did you send it? I texted her and it's great, 0:16:03.320 --> 0:16:08.880 it's still blocked. Oh she didn't get it? Can friend? Well, 0:16:08.880 --> 0:16:10.520 here's can't you just do it at one of the 0:16:10.720 --> 0:16:16.120 kids practices that you might be at? Yeah, nothing like 0:16:16.160 --> 0:16:20.440 a juice box of soccer practice and confrontation, which is like, yeah, 0:16:20.480 --> 0:16:22.480 I don't know, so yeah, I might have to do 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:27.120 in person. I don't know. I haven't decided. Um, okay, 0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.000 I want to put a pin in this conversation, okay, 0:16:31.400 --> 0:16:33.840 because I think we need to sit with it for 0:16:34.080 --> 0:16:36.280 a hot minute. I'm going to block it and I'm 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:41.240 gonna follow it, and I'm gonna childish we've all done it. 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:44.880 We've all done it. I can't even echo enough how 0:16:44.880 --> 0:16:48.400 I've had this exact the very similar situation. It's like 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:49.840 one of my friends was like, I can't believe she 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.080 blocked it, and followed I was like, well, I kind 0:16:52.080 --> 0:16:55.320 of did it first. I don't think that's childish that 0:16:55.440 --> 0:16:58.920 were all done it. We get emotional, we get that's 0:16:58.960 --> 0:17:01.120 the first reaction, be like I'm I'm blocking you know 0:17:01.120 --> 0:17:03.000 what I mean, Like I'm blocking them. It's like it's 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:06.600 the first emotional reaction that we have, and it's really 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:08.960 our first line of defense in the social media and 0:17:09.359 --> 0:17:11.040 life we live in to get this person like out 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:12.600 of your orbit for a minute, right, I mean it 0:17:12.680 --> 0:17:14.679 is a boundary, Like I get that, Like I did 0:17:14.720 --> 0:17:19.400 it so I don't have to see her stuff, right right, Okay, 0:17:19.400 --> 0:17:20.800 we're gonna put a little pin in it and we're 0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:23.600 gonna we're gonna come back because and talk about that. 0:17:23.640 --> 0:17:26.560 But first we're gonna get an incredible guest on. Her 0:17:26.600 --> 0:17:29.399 name is Rebecca Wolf and she actually um, she's a 0:17:29.400 --> 0:17:33.240 freelance writer, UM since she was sixteen. She actually helped 0:17:33.280 --> 0:17:35.320 write some of the Chicken Suit for The Teenage Soul, 0:17:35.359 --> 0:17:37.960 which if you're our age, I know, it was like 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:41.160 one of the iconic, iconic. Um. She's got a new 0:17:41.160 --> 0:17:43.119 memoir out right now. It's called All of This, a 0:17:43.200 --> 0:17:48.840 Memoir of Death and Desire um, and it's basically about well, 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:52.600 we'll have her talk about it. But she she asked 0:17:52.600 --> 0:17:54.600 for a divorce and then her then her husband got 0:17:54.680 --> 0:17:57.240 pancreatic stage four cancer, so she end up staying with them. 0:17:57.280 --> 0:18:00.000 And anyways, we're gonna get her on blizz first, let's 0:18:00.000 --> 0:18:15.320 take a break. So, Rebecca, we are so excited to 0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:19.880 have you on Wine Down. UM. I mean the girls were, um, 0:18:19.920 --> 0:18:25.360 just kind of debriefing before we started recording. And first 0:18:25.400 --> 0:18:30.199 of all, the soup books, Oh my goodness, I mean 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:34.480 that was like our childhood. Yes, I love that. I 0:18:36.240 --> 0:18:42.160 like literally iconic pieces of literature of them at home, 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:46.879 and I like them like so many copies for the teacher, Soul, 0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:49.840 for my heart, soul, for my soul soul. I was like, 0:18:50.800 --> 0:18:56.400 sup me up, animal vegetarian, very ironic. Yeah, same same. Um. 0:18:56.560 --> 0:18:59.879 How did you start writing on those books? Um? I 0:19:00.720 --> 0:19:03.000 So when the first book came out, which I believe 0:19:03.119 --> 0:19:07.200 was like around nine four, I was in middle school. 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:12.160 I submitted a story to the like you could submit 0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:14.919 them in those days. So I submitted a story that 0:19:14.960 --> 0:19:16.919 I wrote like in my ninth grade English class to 0:19:17.520 --> 0:19:21.080 the second Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul Too, and 0:19:21.119 --> 0:19:25.560 it was published and then the woman who ran it 0:19:25.640 --> 0:19:26.879 kind of reached out to me and she's like, do 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:28.520 you have anything else? And I was like, are you 0:19:28.600 --> 0:19:31.200 kidding me? I'd like, you know, I've been writing my whole, 0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:34.679 you know, fourteen years of being a person. So I 0:19:34.720 --> 0:19:38.000 sent like a bunch of other stories and poems and 0:19:38.600 --> 0:19:41.800 she ended up hiring me. So I wrote. I wrote 0:19:42.040 --> 0:19:44.159 for the book series through high school and then I 0:19:44.160 --> 0:19:46.960 didn't even go to college. I went straight to work 0:19:47.600 --> 0:19:49.840 for the book and then I toured on Their Behalf 0:19:49.840 --> 0:19:52.640 and like spoke about writing through trauma like two teens, 0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:56.240 and um, you know, it's kind of like a spokesperson 0:19:56.320 --> 0:19:59.440 for the for the Teenage Soul books and the Team 0:19:59.480 --> 0:20:02.960 Love series books which came out afterwards. And yeah, it 0:20:03.080 --> 0:20:04.720 was just like kind of a flukey thing, like I 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.440 submitted a story for extra credit and it turned into 0:20:08.119 --> 0:20:11.920 like a career. I deferred my college admission and never 0:20:12.080 --> 0:20:16.720 went to college. Very fulfilling, though it has to be right. 0:20:16.760 --> 0:20:19.720 I mean I'm assuming that's not just normal work, that's 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:22.760 really powerful work. Yeah. And I was, you know, I 0:20:22.840 --> 0:20:25.200 was eighteen, so I had like an adult job at eighteen, 0:20:25.240 --> 0:20:26.879 Like I went to work every day in an office 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.800 and I edited. I I also go strow and edited too, 0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:32.320 So I was doing way more than just you know, 0:20:32.480 --> 0:20:35.000 writing you know, a few stories, like I was actually 0:20:35.160 --> 0:20:38.240 working full time. Um, and then I and then I 0:20:38.280 --> 0:20:41.080 went from there into freelancing. And I moved to London 0:20:41.080 --> 0:20:44.240 for a year and wrote wrote you know, travel stuff 0:20:44.280 --> 0:20:48.640 and music stuff, and I just sort of kept going. Um. 0:20:48.680 --> 0:20:51.440 So yeah, so I've been I've been writing about my 0:20:51.520 --> 0:20:56.560 life for you know, twenty five years, and now you 0:20:56.600 --> 0:21:00.760 have your new memoir out, which that out in August, 0:21:01.000 --> 0:21:04.640 and um it's called All of This And was that 0:21:05.000 --> 0:21:08.200 I mean, first of all, I'm so excited to get 0:21:08.240 --> 0:21:11.400 that book because I just I love, um the fact 0:21:11.480 --> 0:21:14.119 that you know, you were speaking in your life and 0:21:14.160 --> 0:21:18.159 you're being vulnerable and and is the book mostly like 0:21:18.680 --> 0:21:22.040 give me like the elevator pitch of the book for sure? Um. 0:21:22.280 --> 0:21:25.800 So I have been I've been writing on the internet 0:21:26.440 --> 0:21:28.360 my whole through my whole twenties. I had a blog 0:21:28.400 --> 0:21:30.520 called Girls Gun Child that I started in two thousand 0:21:30.640 --> 0:21:34.080 five when I had my first child, a son, UM. 0:21:34.119 --> 0:21:38.639 I got pregnant with him really young, didn't have a community, 0:21:38.800 --> 0:21:41.040