1 00:00:17,560 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 1: Hey, I do Part two. Happy Valentine's Day. It's Golden 2 00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:27,479 Speaker 1: Bachelor's Cindy Colors taken over. I'm here in gorgeous Carmel, 3 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:31,319 Speaker 1: California for the Pebble Beach Pro Am golf tournament. First 4 00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:33,480 Speaker 1: of all, this is one of the most stunning places 5 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 1: on the planet Earth. You have the gorgeous cliffs that 6 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: lead to the ocean. The trees are just stunning. They 7 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,519 Speaker 1: go all the way to the coast, rocky shore. Some 8 00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:45,040 Speaker 1: of the best golfing that you can find. And when 9 00:00:45,040 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 1: you have good golf, guess what, You've got a great crowd. 10 00:00:48,159 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: You have great athletes, you have people who golf may 11 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: be socially and for their business. And so it's a 12 00:00:54,760 --> 00:00:58,400 Speaker 1: really fun, exciting crowd. And of course being here for 13 00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 1: the pro am is such a treat. We were at 14 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,919 Speaker 1: the airport last night just kind of vibing with the crowd. 15 00:01:04,920 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: Everyone's getting excited. Some had clubs, they have clubs, they're 16 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:12,039 Speaker 1: probably playing. I like to get to know them. It's 17 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: a really fun place. So later today we'll be in downtown. 18 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: We're going to go take a little shopping tour and 19 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,560 Speaker 1: then go to a fantastic dinner. So the vibe here 20 00:01:20,600 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 1: has been absolutely fantastic. I'm not really a golfer, so 21 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,320 Speaker 1: I dated a golfer after I graduated college. He got 22 00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 1: me my own clubs. I'm left handed, so I'm really 23 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,800 Speaker 1: not even sure if I'm left golf or right golf. 24 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,000 Speaker 1: So I'm going to get back into it, but I 25 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:40,440 Speaker 1: have to start there. I have two son in laws 26 00:01:40,440 --> 00:01:43,920 Speaker 1: who play, and I'm determined to kick their asses on 27 00:01:43,959 --> 00:01:47,640 Speaker 1: the golf course. Determined, so I would like to find 28 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:49,400 Speaker 1: a man who's a golfer, so I better learn how 29 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:54,120 Speaker 1: to golf too. So today we are really excited because 30 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 1: the listeners have all been sending in questions for me 31 00:01:57,760 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 1: to answer. There's a lot of I haven't seen them yet. 32 00:02:02,920 --> 00:02:05,000 Speaker 1: I bet some of them are juicy. Let's just get 33 00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:07,560 Speaker 1: into it, see what we find. Okay, First of all, 34 00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: Jamie at forty eight, Her question is I'm going to 35 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,840 Speaker 1: be single on Valentine's Day. I don't want to sit 36 00:02:13,880 --> 00:02:17,919 Speaker 1: at home and be upset. What should I do? Jamie? 37 00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day is not reserved for just couples, So I 38 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: will say, if you go out, you will feel self 39 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: conscious that you were alone. But most everybody else is 40 00:02:27,800 --> 00:02:30,640 Speaker 1: going to be into their partner, into their date, and 41 00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: you never know what you're going to find. So I 42 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:34,800 Speaker 1: find that when I go out alone, and I do 43 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: that often, I always meet the nicest people next to me, 44 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,560 Speaker 1: and the wait staff will be very attentive to you. 45 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:45,880 Speaker 1: So go out and have some fun. Grab a friend, 46 00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:48,080 Speaker 1: grab a guy who's a friend, or a girl who's 47 00:02:48,080 --> 00:02:50,680 Speaker 1: a friend. It doesn't matter. Valentine's Day doesn't mean you 48 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: have to stay home. Also, it could be a self 49 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,240 Speaker 1: care day for you. So if you want to just 50 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:59,120 Speaker 1: take that time for yourself, there's no reason not to 51 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: stay at home. If you want to go out, go out. 52 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:05,400 Speaker 1: Valentine's Day doesn't restrict us just because we don't have 53 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:09,440 Speaker 1: a current partner. Love is love, That's what I say. Jamie. 54 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 1: I hope that helps, and I hope you have a 55 00:03:11,200 --> 00:03:13,639 Speaker 1: great day. Will you respond and let me know what 56 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:17,040 Speaker 1: you ended up doing. I just hope it's super fun 57 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,520 Speaker 1: for you. Life is too short, all right, Sherry sixty two, 58 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,560 Speaker 1: I can relate. I'll be sixty one in March. Cindy. 59 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:26,360 Speaker 1: I loved watching you on The Golden Bachelor. Wow, thank you, 60 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:30,280 Speaker 1: thank you so much, And how confident you Wereugh here's 61 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: the question, what has dating been like since the show ended? Sheery, 62 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:40,320 Speaker 1: That's a great question. The show ended for me. We 63 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,160 Speaker 1: stopped filming in August, and I had to wait until 64 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,160 Speaker 1: I was off of this show to start dating again 65 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 1: because if I started dating, then all of you guys 66 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: would have known what the outcome was and that's just 67 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 1: not fair to the show. So I did not begin 68 00:03:54,600 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 1: dating until obviously I was off the show. And almost 69 00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:01,760 Speaker 1: immediately I had some people roll up into my dms 70 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:04,400 Speaker 1: and sliding into my dms, you know, like everybody thought 71 00:04:04,440 --> 00:04:07,280 Speaker 1: would happen, and a couple did. And I had some 72 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 1: local people reach out who had seen me on the 73 00:04:10,240 --> 00:04:13,360 Speaker 1: show and they had a friend that wanted to meet me. 74 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,159 Speaker 1: For those, I was kind of like, wh why didn't 75 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,400 Speaker 1: you share them with me before the show? But that's 76 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:22,360 Speaker 1: another question. But how has it been for me dating? 77 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:26,640 Speaker 1: So it's been a little odd. I've started dating maybe 78 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,719 Speaker 1: after the holidays, and I'm just I'm just trying to 79 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 1: figure it out. So yeah, I'm just trying to figure 80 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 1: it out. I do have a rule of thumb for 81 00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:40,400 Speaker 1: how to test compatibility if you're not going to go 82 00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,040 Speaker 1: on the Golden Bachelor. If you're not going to go 83 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: on The Bachelor. Here's a way to do it in 84 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,360 Speaker 1: real life, and I learned this from a million dollar matchmaker. 85 00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 1: Step one, you have three dates. Step one is you 86 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 1: meet them for twenty to forty minutes. Could be a 87 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:57,280 Speaker 1: coffee date, meet for drinks, but make it short. You're 88 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,040 Speaker 1: really just testing to see if there's chemistry between the 89 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:02,640 Speaker 1: two of you and if you're interested in one another, 90 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,320 Speaker 1: because I promise you after that, your Olympic system takes over. 91 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,839 Speaker 1: You don't remember anything. You're not going to remember where 92 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,920 Speaker 1: his kids live, you know what really he does for work, 93 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:15,120 Speaker 1: So all of those details go in one ear out 94 00:05:15,160 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 1: the other. So twenty to forty minutes. If that goes 95 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:20,640 Speaker 1: well and you want to meet for a second date. 96 00:05:21,040 --> 00:05:24,480 Speaker 1: The second date, my suggestion is to go on an 97 00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:28,360 Speaker 1: activity date. So stand a paddle board, go to a 98 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,919 Speaker 1: farmer's market, if he was introduced by a friend, have 99 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 1: him help you move your couch, make up something. But 100 00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,760 Speaker 1: do an activity because you'll learn a lot about someone 101 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,480 Speaker 1: to see them in the wild, to see how they 102 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,200 Speaker 1: interact with other people, see if they're protective of you. 103 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 1: I like a man who walks between the curb and 104 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:48,039 Speaker 1: me to protect me from traffic. I'd just like to 105 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:52,480 Speaker 1: see those protective behaviors from someone in the wild. And 106 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,640 Speaker 1: if that goes well, and make that short, make it 107 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 1: an hour, if you can hour and a half. If 108 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,640 Speaker 1: that goes well, then your third date can be the 109 00:06:01,680 --> 00:06:04,920 Speaker 1: traditional meat at dinner date and let's see where this goes. 110 00:06:05,120 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: So that is my experience with dating, and I've kind 111 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:10,800 Speaker 1: of tried it. I couldn't do it on The Bachelor, 112 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: obviously there was a different path for that for finding compatibility. 113 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,120 Speaker 1: But in the wild, those are the three steps that 114 00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 1: I've found. Hope that helps. All right, what do we 115 00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:26,520 Speaker 1: have here? Oh? At fab fit Carla? This is my Carla. 116 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:29,640 Speaker 1: This is my Carla from the show. Do you think 117 00:06:29,720 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 1: passion feels different or even better beyond fifty five? Carla? 118 00:06:34,560 --> 00:06:37,920 Speaker 1: First of all, honeybunch, I love you. We just spent 119 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 1: some fabulous time in Vegas together and I just can't 120 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,640 Speaker 1: wait to have more time with you. You are such 121 00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:49,920 Speaker 1: a special soul and I love this question. Do I 122 00:06:49,920 --> 00:06:53,279 Speaker 1: think passion feels different? I do think it feels different. 123 00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 1: Ladies and gentlemen, as you gain experience in your life, 124 00:06:57,120 --> 00:07:01,160 Speaker 1: the texture of life changes. It just fills in. So 125 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:03,960 Speaker 1: imagine if you were in a coloring book and you 126 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:07,039 Speaker 1: were coloring with crayons, and then you change to a pencil, 127 00:07:07,480 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 1: and then the pencil you can now shade. So as 128 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:14,120 Speaker 1: I get older and as I have more experience, the 129 00:07:14,240 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 1: shades of passion, the shades of love get more diversified, 130 00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 1: and it's absolutely fantastic. So I think it gets better 131 00:07:24,920 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 1: as you get older. You have to keep the flames lit. 132 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:32,400 Speaker 1: So I think that sometimes as you get older, the 133 00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:34,920 Speaker 1: flame can completely go out and you have to be 134 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 1: cautious of that. But if you can keep the flame lit, 135 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:40,520 Speaker 1: start shading in. So yeah, I do think it's better. 136 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:42,440 Speaker 1: I'll be I can't wait to call you and find 137 00:07:42,440 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: out what you think. What's your answer to this? I 138 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 1: love you, Carla? All right? Stephanie fifty three, I'm going 139 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: through menopause. Welcome system. I am single. Help. Does it 140 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 1: ever get better? The hot flashes and brain fog make 141 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:02,080 Speaker 1: me feel like I'm trapped in my body. I get 142 00:08:02,120 --> 00:08:04,440 Speaker 1: to this is a normal phase. This is how the 143 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:08,960 Speaker 1: body shifts into a different stage of life in order 144 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:11,800 Speaker 1: to keep us alive. Our body can't run at the 145 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 1: same magnitude as it did when it's younger, we would 146 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:17,560 Speaker 1: wear out sooner. So going through metapause means that we're 147 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,880 Speaker 1: all going to live longer, so that's the benefit of it. 148 00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: Get with a physician, have them help you over the humps, 149 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:28,720 Speaker 1: because the brain fog and the hot flashes can be helped. 150 00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,400 Speaker 1: I'm not a prescriber, I'm not your provider. I don't 151 00:08:31,440 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 1: know all your health issues. But find a physician to 152 00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,720 Speaker 1: help you. Help you through this phase because once you 153 00:08:37,760 --> 00:08:41,320 Speaker 1: get on the other side, it's fabulous. And remember, all 154 00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:42,920 Speaker 1: of this is for a purpose so that we can 155 00:08:42,960 --> 00:08:46,959 Speaker 1: live longer. So go through it and just get help. 156 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:50,520 Speaker 1: We've all been at. Now that I'm on the other side, 157 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:53,200 Speaker 1: it's just so much better. Might happen pretty quick. I 158 00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,840 Speaker 1: went through hell for a shorter period of time and 159 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: just because I had help, So I have found that 160 00:09:00,160 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 1: getting through it sometimes. Hormone replacement therapy HRT is something 161 00:09:05,040 --> 00:09:08,480 Speaker 1: to investigate. You could find a provider in your local area. 162 00:09:08,559 --> 00:09:11,959 Speaker 1: Just google it, look for somebody who has high ratings 163 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,600 Speaker 1: and talk to a couple of providers before you take action. 164 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: Make sure you're extremely honest about your health condition, because 165 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: if they don't know what your body, you know how 166 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,720 Speaker 1: your body is set, then they can't help you. So 167 00:09:24,840 --> 00:09:28,640 Speaker 1: be super honest and upfront with them about your physical 168 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:33,080 Speaker 1: capabilities and what you want on the other side. So 169 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:37,840 Speaker 1: I ended up doing hormone replacement and it has helped 170 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: me significantly. I don't have mine dialed up real high. 171 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 1: I have other friends who are, and they're libido is crazy. 172 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:51,040 Speaker 1: They're out missile seeking men. I think that causes some problems. 173 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:56,040 Speaker 1: So just be cautious and know yourself, know thyself, but 174 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 1: have a provider close by. Jackie fifty three Golden Bachelor. 175 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:14,200 Speaker 1: Mel said after you exited from the show that you 176 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: said keep in touch. Oh, this is a hot one. 177 00:10:17,600 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 1: Set the record straight. Did you say that. If you 178 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,960 Speaker 1: did say that, what was the intention. Okay, I'm going 179 00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:27,280 Speaker 1: to set the record straight. I did say let's keep 180 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 1: in touch. It was an awkward moment. I'm walking off 181 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,640 Speaker 1: of the doc with a man that I thought in 182 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,840 Speaker 1: another two days I would be engaged with, and he 183 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: is no longer my guy, and I'm having to say 184 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,640 Speaker 1: goodbye to him, and I didn't want to hurt his 185 00:10:43,679 --> 00:10:46,240 Speaker 1: feelings and I said it, but it was in conjunction 186 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: with another sentence. I said, let's keep in touch. I'd 187 00:10:49,880 --> 00:10:52,560 Speaker 1: like to be a part of your book club. And 188 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: it's important because one part of my relationship with Mel 189 00:10:55,760 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: that wasn't really explored too much on the show was 190 00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:03,080 Speaker 1: our intellectual match and the books that Mel was reading 191 00:11:03,440 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 1: I was actually interested in, and I believe that the 192 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,880 Speaker 1: books that I read Mel would have been interested in. 193 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 1: It would be completely inappropriate to have a social engagement 194 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:15,319 Speaker 1: with Mel, but a book club and sharing book ideas 195 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:18,160 Speaker 1: I felt would be a safe thing. I didn't think 196 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: too much about the comment. Part of it was just 197 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,880 Speaker 1: like a casual, oh my gosh, what do I say now, 198 00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: just trying to get out of there and be polite. 199 00:11:26,880 --> 00:11:29,720 Speaker 1: So that's where my heart was. That's what the intent was, 200 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: and that was the full sentence, is keep in touch. 201 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,800 Speaker 1: By the way, for those people who get upset with 202 00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 1: me saying let's keep in touch, were you also upset 203 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,800 Speaker 1: when Nicole said call me when it doesn't work out. 204 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: So I wonder why this was a flashpoint for some 205 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:54,560 Speaker 1: people out there, And it was a very innocent Let me, okay, 206 00:11:54,679 --> 00:11:57,280 Speaker 1: let's go back to this. If I wanted to keep 207 00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 1: in touch with Mel, why would I have walked off? 208 00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:04,200 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have I would have stayed, wouldn't I. So 209 00:12:04,640 --> 00:12:08,600 Speaker 1: my intent is to we shared something very special. I 210 00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 1: was just trying to make a gracious exit, and that 211 00:12:12,040 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 1: is what came out. I mean, what do you write 212 00:12:14,320 --> 00:12:17,839 Speaker 1: in the yearbook keep in touch and there's nothing to it. 213 00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,199 Speaker 1: I have not kept in touch. I wrote him a 214 00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:23,760 Speaker 1: m on his birthday, just said happy birthday. Guess what. 215 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 1: I say that to everybody else that I know and 216 00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,720 Speaker 1: I care about, and I did. I cared about mel, 217 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,080 Speaker 1: I cared about all the women on the show. I 218 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 1: care about a lot of people. So yeah, keep in 219 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 1: touch or don't. I mean, at some point, what do 220 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:43,120 Speaker 1: you do? I just can't. I just can't anymore like 221 00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:48,280 Speaker 1: trying to twist my intentions, I just can't. All right Lydia, 222 00:12:48,400 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 1: forty eight. I got divorced last year, and one of 223 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: the hardest parts has been that all my married couple 224 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:57,880 Speaker 1: friends don't really invite me out like they did when 225 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:00,439 Speaker 1: I was married. Where should I go or which should 226 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: I do? If I want to make new friends? It's 227 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:07,080 Speaker 1: hard when you're older, Oh girl, Lydia. I live in 228 00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:11,319 Speaker 1: a neighborhood where I would say ninety plus percent of 229 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,959 Speaker 1: my friends are married and I've been in this neighborhood 230 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:18,640 Speaker 1: for twenty five thirty years, and I face this too. 231 00:13:18,720 --> 00:13:22,920 Speaker 1: I get it. It's no bad intent part of it. 232 00:13:23,240 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 1: Some of the people will be afraid that you're poaching 233 00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:29,839 Speaker 1: their relationship, so be cautious of that. Be cautious of 234 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:33,600 Speaker 1: flirting with anybody who is married. We should be cautious 235 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,520 Speaker 1: of that anyway. But I would let them know, like, hey, 236 00:13:36,960 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: I miss seeing you. I notice that you and I 237 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:41,680 Speaker 1: get together, but when you're with your husband, you don't 238 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: want to invite me. I totally get it. But I'm 239 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: a really good third wheel. I'm even a better fifth wheel. 240 00:13:48,520 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: So I found when we go out, I go out 241 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 1: with two sets of couples and I'm solo the five 242 00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 1: of us, it's a better dynamic than when I'm just 243 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: the third wheel. When I'm the third wheel, I become 244 00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: the topic of all the conversations. They just want to 245 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:07,600 Speaker 1: ask me. By the way married couples love hearing about 246 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 1: our dating life. I will say that it becomes I'm 247 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:13,000 Speaker 1: the most popular girl at the table when we get 248 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 1: together and we start talking about dating because it's fascinating 249 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: to them. They just cannot relate to it, and they 250 00:14:19,080 --> 00:14:23,000 Speaker 1: find it so interesting, so don't let it stop. You 251 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 1: find single people who you can go out with and 252 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 1: have fun with and do things with as a partner, 253 00:14:29,240 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: but don't hesitate to reach out to those close friends 254 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: that you have who are married and express kind of 255 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:37,720 Speaker 1: how you're feeling that you're feeling left out. I have 256 00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,760 Speaker 1: a very good One of my favorite places in Austin 257 00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:44,360 Speaker 1: to eat is Jay Carver. Oh my gosh, John Carver, 258 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:47,640 Speaker 1: I love you. Jesse is their bar manager and I 259 00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:50,640 Speaker 1: met her years ago and she knows my situation. I 260 00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:53,680 Speaker 1: moved to downtown Austin, I had three daughters, and I 261 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:57,040 Speaker 1: would show up at the bar with my daughters, table 262 00:14:57,080 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 1: service at the bar, and I would show up at 263 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 1: the bar with usually one of my daughters who was 264 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,880 Speaker 1: in town, and we would go to this great place 265 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: and red ash. And then she moved to Jake Harver's, 266 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,600 Speaker 1: so she knew me as single. She knew that I 267 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,640 Speaker 1: struggled with being with somebody else, and so she made 268 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:15,120 Speaker 1: a drink for me at her new restaurant and it's 269 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,080 Speaker 1: called Extra Baggage. It's my favorite drink. I'm the only 270 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,680 Speaker 1: one who ever ever orders it. And so they took 271 00:15:21,680 --> 00:15:23,400 Speaker 1: it off the menu, but they kept the bottles for 272 00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,400 Speaker 1: me to make. And it's such an homage to me 273 00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,120 Speaker 1: that they made this drink for me called extra Baggage 274 00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:31,520 Speaker 1: because that's how I was feeling. So I get it. 275 00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,960 Speaker 1: They opened a new restaurant and they named another drink 276 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: after me. Guess what this one is? Called love and Lust. 277 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:42,960 Speaker 1: Because I'm manifesting something different. I'm no longer extra baggage. 278 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: I am the highlight of the party when I go 279 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 1: out with my friends. And so now yourself back up. 280 00:15:48,920 --> 00:15:53,240 Speaker 1: Don't be the fifth wheel, the third wheel. Become enough 281 00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:55,680 Speaker 1: that you don't need a second person to add to 282 00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 1: the group. We're not all couples. We're just a group 283 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:01,960 Speaker 1: of individuals getting together. So maybe shift your mind point 284 00:16:01,960 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 1: to your mindset a little bit and be that person 285 00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:17,600 Speaker 1: at the party, at the gathering, all right? Helen sixty, 286 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:21,640 Speaker 1: I've been divorced nine years and finally spending a lot 287 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,440 Speaker 1: of time dating now that my kids are adults and 288 00:16:24,480 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 1: moved out. I've been dating a man for six months, 289 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 1: but my kids have not really warmed up to him. 290 00:16:30,840 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 1: I really enjoy being with him, but if my kids 291 00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:37,400 Speaker 1: aren't fans, doesn't mean I need to break up. With him. Ooh, 292 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: this is a complicated one, Helen. So first of all, 293 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: you got to dive into why your kids don't like him. 294 00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,480 Speaker 1: So my kids have gone through an evolution. And I 295 00:16:45,520 --> 00:16:48,400 Speaker 1: hope it's okay that I talk about this kiddos, but 296 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:52,560 Speaker 1: I think it's really important. My kids, when I first 297 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:57,239 Speaker 1: divorced and when I first started dating, were exceptionally protective 298 00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:00,200 Speaker 1: of me. Nobody was going to be good enough. They 299 00:17:00,240 --> 00:17:03,960 Speaker 1: did not want to see mom hurt. They saw me 300 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,320 Speaker 1: go through the divorce where I was really hurt, curled 301 00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,040 Speaker 1: up in a ball, hurt, and so they did not 302 00:17:10,119 --> 00:17:11,959 Speaker 1: want to see mom go back to that. So they 303 00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,879 Speaker 1: were overprotective. So what you might be seeing is, Helen, 304 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:18,119 Speaker 1: you might just be seeing that your kids are not 305 00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 1: warmed up to him because are being overprotective of you. 306 00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:26,080 Speaker 1: So the option, since it sounds like you haven't been dating, 307 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:31,119 Speaker 1: is to continue to slow contact with them, have him around, 308 00:17:31,280 --> 00:17:33,280 Speaker 1: have the kids get to know him, see how he 309 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:37,679 Speaker 1: treats you, and have them build confidence that he is 310 00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:40,879 Speaker 1: a good support for you. But first and foremost, it 311 00:17:40,920 --> 00:17:44,080 Speaker 1: starts with is he somebody that you want to see around? 312 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 1: I think there's ways to kind of integrate that I 313 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:49,639 Speaker 1: had a stepdad who came into my life and I 314 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:52,399 Speaker 1: was not a fan of his. Really had nothing to 315 00:17:52,440 --> 00:17:55,639 Speaker 1: do with him, had everything to do with my wanting 316 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: to be protective of my mom. And fast forward to 317 00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:02,439 Speaker 1: years later, he walks me down the aisle at my wedding. 318 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 1: He becomes grandpa to my kids, and he is my everything. 319 00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:11,000 Speaker 1: So that's what I'm looking for. I hope you find 320 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,159 Speaker 1: that too. Picking the right person is the start, and 321 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,080 Speaker 1: if he is the right person for you and your 322 00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:20,040 Speaker 1: kids love you, they will soften to him. I will 323 00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:23,680 Speaker 1: say that my kids had They had a similar reaction 324 00:18:24,359 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 1: while they met Mel at hometowns. It wasn't that they 325 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 1: didn't like him. They just didn't think he was aligned 326 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:34,119 Speaker 1: with me, and it would have been a challenge for 327 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,920 Speaker 1: me to integrate him into my life. But I also 328 00:18:37,080 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: knew that there were a lot of things about Mel 329 00:18:38,800 --> 00:18:42,280 Speaker 1: they did not know. Probably the same for your kids. 330 00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 1: They may not know everything about this man that you know, 331 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:48,560 Speaker 1: so just start shedding the light on it. Go slow, 332 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,520 Speaker 1: be patient with them too. Paul fifty nine, Ooh got 333 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:54,920 Speaker 1: a guy, Cindy. You were so elegant on the show. 334 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,160 Speaker 1: Thank you, Paul. I really like how you carried yourself. 335 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:01,600 Speaker 1: What have you learned about yourself this experience? Oooh, this 336 00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,920 Speaker 1: is a good question, Paul. I learned that I was 337 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:12,440 Speaker 1: dating avoidant men who avoided relationships, and I would date 338 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,760 Speaker 1: men who were slightly more avoidant than me. And going 339 00:19:15,800 --> 00:19:19,119 Speaker 1: through the show was the first time that I recognized 340 00:19:19,160 --> 00:19:24,040 Speaker 1: that I too was avoiding letting someone get close to me. 341 00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:27,240 Speaker 1: And during the show, I really let down that guard 342 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:29,760 Speaker 1: and I really had a chance to I didn't have 343 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,800 Speaker 1: my kids around. I usually put my kids or my 344 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 1: job between me and a guy, and I didn't have 345 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,960 Speaker 1: that crutch so to be super open and walk into this, 346 00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:42,480 Speaker 1: So I yeah, it was something that I learned about myself, 347 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:44,400 Speaker 1: and I was kind of surprised. I've done a lot 348 00:19:44,440 --> 00:19:48,440 Speaker 1: of work, a lot of therapy, a lot of self reflection, 349 00:19:48,560 --> 00:19:50,600 Speaker 1: a lot of journaling, a lot of talking to friends 350 00:19:50,680 --> 00:19:54,080 Speaker 1: and family, and I did not realize I knew I 351 00:19:54,119 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: dated avoidant men. I did not realize how avoidant I was. 352 00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:03,160 Speaker 1: Truth Jade, forty seven. I was cheated on in my marriage. 353 00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 1: It's really taken a toll on my confidence and how 354 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 1: I feel about myself. I'm starting to feel like I'm 355 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:12,159 Speaker 1: ready to date again. But I'm scared I'm going to 356 00:20:12,359 --> 00:20:16,280 Speaker 1: get lied to again. What are the subtle red flags 357 00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,760 Speaker 1: I shouldn't ignore when dating? Oh, Jade, I'm so sorry. 358 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: The first thing I want you to know is this 359 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 1: happened to you. This wasn't you typically cheating. As I 360 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: have learned, it is less about the person like in 361 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,200 Speaker 1: your situation, that was cheated on and more about the cheater. 362 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: And sorry for all of those who cheated, I hope. 363 00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,439 Speaker 1: I don't know if this brings true. I'm sure I 364 00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:44,600 Speaker 1: might get some hate for this, but I believe that 365 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:51,159 Speaker 1: cheating usually happens because of some insecurity and unfortunately it 366 00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: comes with a cost, and there are people left in 367 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,359 Speaker 1: the wake, and Jade, you were one of those, and 368 00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,760 Speaker 1: I'm very sorry. So if you're afraid of being lied 369 00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:03,800 Speaker 1: to and you're looking for red flags that you shouldn't ignore, 370 00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:08,359 Speaker 1: I would ask the question what happened to your previous relationships? 371 00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:12,080 Speaker 1: Were you cheated on? Did you cheat? And there's a 372 00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:18,320 Speaker 1: saying once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't wholeheartedly agree 373 00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:21,320 Speaker 1: with that, but it is something that has been around 374 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,639 Speaker 1: for decades, so it's something we can't ignore. If people 375 00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,719 Speaker 1: have cheated before, there has to be some type of 376 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,400 Speaker 1: reckoning in their lives that they have come to Jesus 377 00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:34,640 Speaker 1: and said, this is a big change. I'm not going 378 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,520 Speaker 1: to be the same person if they haven't had that. 379 00:21:37,560 --> 00:21:40,159 Speaker 1: I would be cautious of people who have cheated or 380 00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,479 Speaker 1: have a history of lying and deceit because you know 381 00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,320 Speaker 1: that just those are character situations that don't necessarily go away. 382 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:53,639 Speaker 1: But first, I'm very sorry, and you need to you 383 00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:56,119 Speaker 1: say in your question that it's taken a toll on 384 00:21:56,160 --> 00:22:01,119 Speaker 1: your confidence. Dial that back up, girl. There's a reason 385 00:22:01,160 --> 00:22:03,280 Speaker 1: that somebody else fell in love with you even if 386 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:07,120 Speaker 1: he cheated. Dial that back up. You are still that 387 00:22:07,240 --> 00:22:11,439 Speaker 1: same woman. Go be better. And it doesn't mean that 388 00:22:11,480 --> 00:22:14,520 Speaker 1: you won't be lied to and cheated on again, but 389 00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,520 Speaker 1: just go be better. Thank you for all of your 390 00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:21,160 Speaker 1: listener questions. Are you in the chapter two and need 391 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:24,800 Speaker 1: some advice? Call or email us. All the info in 392 00:22:24,840 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 1: the show is in the show notes. Follow us on socials. 393 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:30,480 Speaker 1: Make sure you rate and review the podcasts super important 394 00:22:30,480 --> 00:22:33,160 Speaker 1: so that we know you're listening. Let us hear from you. 395 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:37,280 Speaker 1: I Do Part two and iHeartRadio podcast where falling in 396 00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:39,640 Speaker 1: love is the main objective