WEBVTT - Whine About It: The Power of Connection

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<v Speaker 1>Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.

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<v Speaker 2>Rachel Dealto It's going to be on this week's Whine

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<v Speaker 2>About It Thursday episode. She is a communication and relatability expert,

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<v Speaker 2>media personality keynote speaker MC and the author of Relatable

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<v Speaker 2>How to Connect with Anyone Anywhere Even if It scares You.

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<v Speaker 3>Let's get her on.

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<v Speaker 4>I barely brush my hair today.

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<v Speaker 2>Girlfriend, I have no makeup on. I don't think I

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<v Speaker 2>brushed my hair either. You're good, awesome, O, you are

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<v Speaker 2>so good.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm a mess. We've got so much noise, so hopefully

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<v Speaker 4>you can't hear anything.

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<v Speaker 3>Rachel, Where do you Where do you live?

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<v Speaker 4>I'm in New Jersey?

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<v Speaker 3>Okay? Is that where you're born and raised?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 4>I was.

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<v Speaker 1>Actually I was born and raised like ten minutes from here,

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<v Speaker 1>and I went away from Hot Minute, almost went to

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<v Speaker 1>La like ten years ago, and then I ended up

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<v Speaker 1>falling in love and ruined my life because I have

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<v Speaker 1>to stay here in New Jersey.

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<v Speaker 3>Now, So your husband was from New Jersey.

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<v Speaker 1>He's in New Jersey. Actually we're getting married in about

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<v Speaker 1>a month. Oh yeah, And so he lives here and

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<v Speaker 1>had kids and so kind of like firmly planted.

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<v Speaker 4>Which is fine.

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<v Speaker 3>How long were you guys dating for?

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<v Speaker 1>We've been dating for so Actually the la move started,

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<v Speaker 1>The idea started like ten years ago, and I was

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<v Speaker 1>going to do it.

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<v Speaker 4>We got together six years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, so right around there where I was, I was

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<v Speaker 1>looking at places and then I met him.

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<v Speaker 3>Oh I love that, and then he said he's got kids.

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<v Speaker 4>He's got kids. I've got kids.

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<v Speaker 1>We have a lot of kids, so it's it is

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<v Speaker 1>a busy household, but they're they're a little bit older,

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<v Speaker 1>so it's not that kind of crazy, you know, like

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<v Speaker 1>there's no toddlers running around anymore.

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<v Speaker 4>People like my daughter.

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<v Speaker 1>My youngest is thirteen, and so she's pretty self sufficient.

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<v Speaker 3>How is that thirteen girl who?

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<v Speaker 4>It depends on the day. I have to say she

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<v Speaker 4>was much crazier as a young child than she is

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<v Speaker 4>as a thirteen year old.

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<v Speaker 1>She's actually really kind and kind of quieter and just

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<v Speaker 1>not She's not a jerk yet, so that's cool.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's usually that happens. We'll gets.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like I think I was fifteen when I went

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<v Speaker 2>to the jerk. I don't like it or like the

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<v Speaker 2>but I've heard that it gets now, like you know,

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<v Speaker 2>thirteen fourteen is.

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<v Speaker 4>Like age, but I'm prepared, Like I I'm prepared. I

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<v Speaker 4>just I like wine, so that's helpful.

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<v Speaker 1>And I feel like it's gonna be okay, right, And

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<v Speaker 1>she is like she's the youngest of everyone, So I

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<v Speaker 1>feel like, what's your oldest twenty two?

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<v Speaker 4>You like?

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<v Speaker 3>From you?

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<v Speaker 4>From me?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? Me?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean you look like you're like in your early thirties.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh you're my new best friend.

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<v Speaker 3>No, but I'm serious, Like, how how old are you?

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<v Speaker 4>I'm forty three?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, you don't so then okay, So then you started

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<v Speaker 2>young having kids then I was.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I was still super young, but yeah, so I

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<v Speaker 1>had him when I was twenty one. And he is

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<v Speaker 1>actually graduating from college in two weeks and he's in

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<v Speaker 1>the background me trying to get an apartment because he

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<v Speaker 1>found a job, and he's like going to become a

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<v Speaker 1>member of society.

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<v Speaker 4>And I feel very proud that I have not raised

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<v Speaker 4>a degenerate yet. But there's still time.

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<v Speaker 2>So so your book, though, I'm it's called relatable, and

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<v Speaker 2>I was reading the breakdown of it and was there

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<v Speaker 2>something like in your life where you're like, were you

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<v Speaker 2>socially awkward? Like how did you get into this, uh,

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<v Speaker 2>like with your with your book.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's it's definitely spawned from my own journey. I

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<v Speaker 1>definitely was very socially awkward when I was younger. I

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<v Speaker 1>was actually part of the opening story in the book

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<v Speaker 1>as I talk about kind of how desperate I was

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<v Speaker 1>for friendship, because by fifth grade, I was eating lunch

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<v Speaker 1>with my teacher and it just was, you know, it

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<v Speaker 1>was kind of a bummer, but it was just one

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<v Speaker 1>of those experiences where I realized how important it was

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<v Speaker 1>to develop those social skills and put yourself into positions

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<v Speaker 1>where you could find people and find friends. And so

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<v Speaker 1>as I got older, and you know, things started to

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<v Speaker 1>shift in seventh eighth grade, and then by the time

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<v Speaker 1>I got.

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<v Speaker 4>To high school, I felt like I was kind.

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<v Speaker 1>Of doing okay, and then it definitely my skills continued

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<v Speaker 1>to grow. But then I always saw where people who

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<v Speaker 1>had that social anxiety or social awkwardness would have such

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<v Speaker 1>troubles and it was just really difficult to connect with people,

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<v Speaker 1>and it has such an impact on our lives.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what do you think some of the social skills

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<v Speaker 2>that people suffer or deal with in conversations and social settings.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I think, well, there's a couple of things.

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<v Speaker 1>I think the initial conversation is always difficult for people.

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<v Speaker 1>I hear so often whether we're talking about it from

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<v Speaker 1>a dating standpoint, and it's trying to, you know, start

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<v Speaker 1>a conversation with someone they're interested romantically, to even making friends.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a friend who just moved to Florida and

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<v Speaker 1>she's trying to meet new people and she calls me,

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<v Speaker 1>She's like, Rachel, it's so difficult to start a conversation

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<v Speaker 1>with someone and not feel weird and uncomfortable. And I

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<v Speaker 1>think above all, we're just afraid. We're afraid of being rejected,

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<v Speaker 1>We're afraid of being judged, and so instead of putting

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves out there and beginning those conversations, we just, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>we don't do it. And then it becomes harder when

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<v Speaker 1>you're not doing it, because I think social skills are

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<v Speaker 1>like a muscle, and the more that you do it

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<v Speaker 1>and the more conversations you have, the easier it becomes.

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<v Speaker 1>But it's kind of jumping off that led to the

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<v Speaker 1>people that have the initial.

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<v Speaker 2>Trouble with Yeah, it's interesting because you'll have conversations with

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<v Speaker 2>my brother and you know, he's a very, very opposite.

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<v Speaker 2>He's one of my closest friends. But he's he's very introverted,

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<v Speaker 2>he's very quiet. He's also the funniest person in a

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<v Speaker 2>room if he can open up, and when he really

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<v Speaker 2>gets to know someone, like that's when he really opens up.

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<v Speaker 2>But we were saying something and you know, I could

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<v Speaker 2>just tell that he was a little bit down, and like, Steve,

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<v Speaker 2>why don't you go out with you know, some of

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<v Speaker 2>your friends, like I don't have any friends. And I'm like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>because you're choosing that, like you're not putting yourself out

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<v Speaker 2>there to do it. And it's like I know that

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<v Speaker 2>it's it, like you know, your friend said, like it is,

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<v Speaker 2>it's so hard. But like if you don't then you

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<v Speaker 2>have no friends. So I'm like both, Like both options

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<v Speaker 2>don't look good to me, but I'd rather try than

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<v Speaker 2>like not, you know, so I'm like, all you have

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<v Speaker 2>to do is He's like, well, we'm I supposed to say?

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<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, well, just be like, hey, do you

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<v Speaker 2>want to go grab a beer? He's like, well, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just like, oh my gosh, Like come.

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<v Speaker 1>On, yeah, well we overthink it, right, Everything comes down

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<v Speaker 1>to overthinking, Oh my gosh, why what'll they think if

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<v Speaker 1>I say this?

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<v Speaker 4>Or what'll they think if I say that?

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<v Speaker 1>And then especially for introverts too, because it's so much

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<v Speaker 1>energy expended. So then it's then they start thinking, am

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<v Speaker 1>I going to waste my energy on this person? And

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<v Speaker 1>so it becomes this cycle and then they end up

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<v Speaker 1>not connecting with anyone and that doesn't work for them either.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and then what about for the people because I

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<v Speaker 2>used to do this, like I would I try too hard, right,

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<v Speaker 2>so I would like insert myself in conversations, and like,

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<v Speaker 2>now if someone does that, it it actually drives me

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<v Speaker 2>crazy because I'm like, this person's trying too hard to

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<v Speaker 2>like be in this conversation and now I'm actually now

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<v Speaker 2>I'm annoyed, and now I'm gonna you know, and I

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<v Speaker 2>have a really hard time like hiding that. So I'm like,

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<v Speaker 2>but I'm also have empathy too to go. I used

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<v Speaker 2>to be that person as well, trying to insert myself

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<v Speaker 2>because I wanted, you know, I wanted a friend, or

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<v Speaker 2>I wanted someone to like me, or I wanted and

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<v Speaker 2>so it's like you want to be a part of it.

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<v Speaker 2>But also if you insert yourself too much, then you're

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<v Speaker 2>just looked as this annoying person.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, And that's the challenge with that is, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>it's using that skill and it's finding those situations where

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<v Speaker 1>you're accepted in them and then constantly adjusting to read

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<v Speaker 1>the room. And I think that's something that grows with

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<v Speaker 1>more emotional intelligence. But you have to keep doing it

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<v Speaker 1>even if you are in those beginning stages. That person

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<v Speaker 1>that people might find a little bit annoying.

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<v Speaker 4>That's okay. Those just probably aren't your people to start

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<v Speaker 4>talking to initially.

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<v Speaker 1>You're going to have to find, you know, some people

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<v Speaker 1>who are probably a little bit more like you and

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<v Speaker 1>just allow yourself the ability to work on them.

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<v Speaker 4>But I get it too, because I see.

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<v Speaker 1>That, you know, we all have kind of different radars,

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<v Speaker 1>and you know that pick me energy can be kind

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<v Speaker 1>of a turn off.

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<v Speaker 4>So self awareness around that can be kind of good.

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<v Speaker 4>But also I'd.

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<v Speaker 1>Rather people do something and do it wrong than do

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<v Speaker 1>nothing and not have a possibility of you know, at

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<v Speaker 1>least throwing speakt against the wall and seeing what sticks, right.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Because I'm like, I don't want anyone to like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want rather to not have friends or you know,

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<v Speaker 2>it's like I want people to there's certain people that

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<v Speaker 2>I'm like, oh, I'd love to be you know, closer

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<v Speaker 2>with them or in that mom group or but at

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<v Speaker 2>the same time, I'm also like, I'm very happy with

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<v Speaker 2>my queendom of friends and the tribes because it is

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<v Speaker 2>it's not so much rejection now, it's the time that

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<v Speaker 2>I do have that I'm like, yes, I've got kids,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm a single mom. Like I'm like, I'm already spread

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<v Speaker 2>so thin, and I feel like, you know, there's people

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<v Speaker 2>that like invite me to places and like I want

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<v Speaker 2>to go, like because I'm like I see them trying,

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<v Speaker 2>and like I also want to, but I'm just physically

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<v Speaker 2>don't like have the time or the capacity to like

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<v Speaker 2>fit other people into like my space, and so like

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<v Speaker 2>trying to figure that piece out too has been you

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<v Speaker 2>know interesting in this age.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, that's tough. I mean I've been there. Obviously.

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<v Speaker 1>We're just saying, I know I was a single mom

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<v Speaker 1>and trying to figure out who's kind of energy worthy,

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<v Speaker 1>whose babysit are worthy was my question, you know, whether

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<v Speaker 1>it was a friend data I thought, you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>really like my couch, but I want to make sure

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<v Speaker 1>that the use of my time is well spent. And

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<v Speaker 1>the beauty of it is, though, is that you have

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<v Speaker 1>those people in your world that fill you up. You

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<v Speaker 1>have your kids who you know, that's a socialization right

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<v Speaker 1>there that a.

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<v Speaker 4>Lot of people don't have.

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<v Speaker 1>And you sound like you have a group of friends

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<v Speaker 1>and all it takes is one. I think that's something

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<v Speaker 1>I would love people to understand is you don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to have this monster group of people. You don't have

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<v Speaker 1>to feel bad because you only have one really good friend.

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<v Speaker 1>You just need to find that person that kind of

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<v Speaker 1>gets you and supports you and gives you that access

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<v Speaker 1>to socialization to really offset so many negative consequences of loneliness.

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<v Speaker 2>Right, Yeah, I know I love that, Like I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like I have like my my I say, like I

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<v Speaker 2>got like five right because it's like they're But I

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<v Speaker 2>agree with you, like you only truly do need one.

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<v Speaker 2>But I love the small group that I do have

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<v Speaker 2>that it's because different a p So sometimes we can

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<v Speaker 2>fall Like I remember when I just had one there,

0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:10.679
<v Speaker 2>I probably wasn't like I needed someone to combat me

0:11:10.720 --> 0:11:12.600
<v Speaker 2>a little bit more instead of stay in my misery

0:11:12.600 --> 0:11:12.840
<v Speaker 2>with me.

0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:13.600
<v Speaker 3>Does that make sense?

0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:15.800
<v Speaker 4>Yeah? Absolutely, So, like.

0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:18.760
<v Speaker 2>That probably wasn't the best one that I had, but

0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.920
<v Speaker 2>I think I almost attracted the one just because like

0:11:21.960 --> 0:11:26.680
<v Speaker 2>I wanted that, like, yeah, you're totally right kind of person.

0:11:26.920 --> 0:11:29.480
<v Speaker 2>And but that's just in this day and age is

0:11:29.559 --> 0:11:32.200
<v Speaker 2>not the healthiest thing to have. So it's like, you know,

0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:36.360
<v Speaker 2>realizing that, like, okay, you need maybe a well rounded

0:11:36.480 --> 0:11:38.440
<v Speaker 2>group of like people that will kind of either a

0:11:38.559 --> 0:11:40.080
<v Speaker 2>call you on your stuff, be there for you, support

0:11:40.120 --> 0:11:40.640
<v Speaker 2>you all of it.

0:11:40.679 --> 0:11:45.040
<v Speaker 1>You know absolutely well, even talking about romantic relationships, obviously

0:11:45.040 --> 0:11:46.920
<v Speaker 1>you don't want your you don't want to put all

0:11:46.960 --> 0:11:50.160
<v Speaker 1>of your expectations for every facet of your personality in

0:11:50.240 --> 0:11:52.600
<v Speaker 1>your life on one person, on your partner, and so

0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:55.280
<v Speaker 1>having a group of people where it's like I know,

0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:57.480
<v Speaker 1>for me, I have the friend that I call if

0:11:57.480 --> 0:11:59.240
<v Speaker 1>I need to cry. I have the friend that I

0:11:59.280 --> 0:12:01.000
<v Speaker 1>call if I need to have my butt kicked. I

0:12:01.000 --> 0:12:03.719
<v Speaker 1>have the friend you know that probably isn't listening when

0:12:03.720 --> 0:12:06.880
<v Speaker 1>I call right right people for.

0:12:07.040 --> 0:12:08.600
<v Speaker 4>Different aspects of our lives.

0:12:08.679 --> 0:12:12.120
<v Speaker 1>And you know, acknowledging that and being aware of it

0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:13.440
<v Speaker 1>can actually really benefit you.

0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:16.360
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that's that's so true. I definitely could like.

0:12:17.840 --> 0:12:20.680
<v Speaker 2>Label each one like which one I would call for

0:12:21.040 --> 0:12:26.040
<v Speaker 2>or you know, yeah, truly what is your biggest piece

0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.800
<v Speaker 2>of advice for the person that is uncomfortable like starting

0:12:29.960 --> 0:12:32.840
<v Speaker 2>that conversation. Like I know you said, well it's better

0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:35.480
<v Speaker 2>to try, but like, is there something that can like

0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:41.000
<v Speaker 2>if there's socially awkward but also just you know, not

0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:43.880
<v Speaker 2>comfortable in opening up as well, Because for me, it's

0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:45.320
<v Speaker 2>like I can go in and I'll tell you my

0:12:45.360 --> 0:12:47.640
<v Speaker 2>whole life story when I meet you. Other people it's

0:12:47.800 --> 0:12:50.560
<v Speaker 2>and when people when people don't, I'm like, oh, they're

0:12:50.840 --> 0:12:52.280
<v Speaker 2>they're too closed off for me. But it's like that

0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:54.559
<v Speaker 2>is actually not true. They just need a minute to

0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:57.679
<v Speaker 2>warm up, right, or you know, some people just aren't

0:12:57.720 --> 0:13:01.560
<v Speaker 2>as willing to share certain things with leap fran strangers.

0:13:02.720 --> 0:13:04.800
<v Speaker 2>But like what would you say for the people that

0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:07.160
<v Speaker 2>like are just like they want they want to, they're

0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:09.280
<v Speaker 2>just shy.

0:13:10.080 --> 0:13:12.640
<v Speaker 1>I think the baby steps is where it is, you know,

0:13:12.720 --> 0:13:17.280
<v Speaker 1>and it's really about finding certain situations where you're more

0:13:17.360 --> 0:13:20.800
<v Speaker 1>comfortable than others and not judging yourself if you're you know,

0:13:20.880 --> 0:13:24.000
<v Speaker 1>choosing kind of an easier path or or finding people

0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:28.199
<v Speaker 1>who feel more friendly and really just choosing where you're

0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:31.000
<v Speaker 1>going to take that initial step in a space that

0:13:31.080 --> 0:13:34.320
<v Speaker 1>feels more nurturing. And for some people, and I know

0:13:34.400 --> 0:13:37.160
<v Speaker 1>this is probably going to be I don't know if

0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:40.080
<v Speaker 1>the word controversial is really it, but you know, it

0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:43.079
<v Speaker 1>is a controversial when we think about online offline and

0:13:43.320 --> 0:13:46.160
<v Speaker 1>if someone's super shy and they want to start those

0:13:46.160 --> 0:13:48.440
<v Speaker 1>connections and they want to start connecting with people, maybe

0:13:48.480 --> 0:13:50.880
<v Speaker 1>it's someone that they knew in school, or maybe it's

0:13:50.880 --> 0:13:52.760
<v Speaker 1>somebody they've been connected with online that they want to

0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.000
<v Speaker 1>get to know better. Start online, send messages, you know,

0:13:56.360 --> 0:14:00.400
<v Speaker 1>start commenting on their Instagram or their tiktoks and starting

0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:02.640
<v Speaker 1>to have a conversation that way, so it feels more

0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:04.440
<v Speaker 1>comfortable in real.

0:14:04.240 --> 0:14:06.400
<v Speaker 4>Life, you know. And so that's kind of like a.

0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:08.800
<v Speaker 1>Really super baby step where people feel a lot more

0:14:09.679 --> 0:14:11.920
<v Speaker 1>confident in who they are because they're able to very

0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:16.480
<v Speaker 1>curate their what they say. And then it's really just

0:14:16.559 --> 0:14:21.200
<v Speaker 1>finding people I think that you have commonality with is

0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:25.360
<v Speaker 1>something that always to me creates this opportunity to have

0:14:25.480 --> 0:14:29.040
<v Speaker 1>a good reception. So if you know, maybe your brother

0:14:29.120 --> 0:14:32.320
<v Speaker 1>is a musician and he finds, you know, some music

0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:37.000
<v Speaker 1>related group or some music related event where it's smaller

0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:40.240
<v Speaker 1>and intimate and people are having conversations, being able to

0:14:40.280 --> 0:14:43.080
<v Speaker 1>talk about something that you're passionate about or interested in

0:14:43.320 --> 0:14:46.440
<v Speaker 1>is so much easier than talking about yourself. So really

0:14:46.560 --> 0:14:50.360
<v Speaker 1>finding kind of those those segues into something that could

0:14:50.400 --> 0:14:53.560
<v Speaker 1>turn into a vulnerable conversation but starts off as like,

0:14:53.640 --> 0:14:56.080
<v Speaker 1>oh my gosh, you know I just took this crazy

0:14:56.160 --> 0:15:00.160
<v Speaker 1>kickboxing class versus I'm going to tell you my deep

0:15:00.240 --> 0:15:01.240
<v Speaker 1>dark secrets. Right.

0:15:13.960 --> 0:15:16.200
<v Speaker 2>Was there a chapter in the book where you had

0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:19.000
<v Speaker 2>a difficult time writing because it's something that you personally

0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:19.800
<v Speaker 2>struggle with.

0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.640
<v Speaker 1>I think sharing about my first marriage was the hardest one,

0:15:25.440 --> 0:15:28.760
<v Speaker 1>just because one, I you know, you've been there. It's

0:15:28.840 --> 0:15:32.040
<v Speaker 1>kind of hard to write about those things. And it's

0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:35.000
<v Speaker 1>also I was very protective with my kids because I

0:15:35.040 --> 0:15:36.160
<v Speaker 1>knew at some point not.

0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:37.960
<v Speaker 4>That they'll ever pick up my book. I think they've

0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:38.440
<v Speaker 4>picked it up.

0:15:38.480 --> 0:15:41.640
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if they've opened it, but you know,

0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:44.080
<v Speaker 1>I want to make sure that I'm respectful of the

0:15:44.120 --> 0:15:46.640
<v Speaker 1>fact that I'm talking about things that are part of

0:15:46.680 --> 0:15:47.440
<v Speaker 1>their life too.

0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:50.040
<v Speaker 4>And so that was the hardest part.

0:15:49.880 --> 0:15:52.360
<v Speaker 1>Is and that for me, is an interesting thing to

0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:55.520
<v Speaker 1>think about because I'm all about vulnerability and I'm all

0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:57.920
<v Speaker 1>about sharing the parts of us that aren't so pretty.

0:15:58.160 --> 0:16:02.200
<v Speaker 4>And that was a and a very very important.

0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:04.640
<v Speaker 1>Part of my life that was not the prettiest and

0:16:04.840 --> 0:16:06.480
<v Speaker 1>was probably the most difficult and.

0:16:08.000 --> 0:16:10.000
<v Speaker 4>The most growth associated with it.

0:16:11.240 --> 0:16:12.960
<v Speaker 3>Do you think you found a good balance with it?

0:16:13.960 --> 0:16:15.840
<v Speaker 4>I do. I made a lot of people.

0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:20.080
<v Speaker 1>Read it, Yeah, because I trust myself, and you know,

0:16:20.400 --> 0:16:22.840
<v Speaker 1>probably the version that I wrote for this book would

0:16:22.840 --> 0:16:25.680
<v Speaker 1>have been different ten years ago. You know, the book

0:16:25.720 --> 0:16:28.560
<v Speaker 1>that I wrote today is very different than the book

0:16:28.560 --> 0:16:31.120
<v Speaker 1>that I would have written five years ago.

0:16:31.240 --> 0:16:33.240
<v Speaker 4>So I think that changed.

0:16:33.600 --> 0:16:36.960
<v Speaker 1>So a lot of times when we're sharing personal information

0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:39.440
<v Speaker 1>or vulnerable stories, we have to make sure that.

0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:42.960
<v Speaker 4>Edge is off. So that's been filed down quite a

0:16:42.960 --> 0:16:43.640
<v Speaker 4>bit over the years.

0:16:43.720 --> 0:16:45.720
<v Speaker 2>I hear I'm kind of working on something and I've

0:16:45.760 --> 0:16:48.120
<v Speaker 2>had to go back now countless times to go, Okay,

0:16:48.720 --> 0:16:50.600
<v Speaker 2>that's hurt. Right now, I'm going to take this. And

0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:53.280
<v Speaker 2>there's also protection of kids, and it's also you know,

0:16:53.320 --> 0:16:57.040
<v Speaker 2>but also telling the truth and you know my version and.

0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:58.160
<v Speaker 3>You know, so it's like it's.

0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:02.440
<v Speaker 2>It's interesting though, when I have like gone back to

0:17:02.560 --> 0:17:05.080
<v Speaker 2>kind of like relook at things, and like you see

0:17:05.119 --> 0:17:07.280
<v Speaker 2>your growth in that too, the things that you want

0:17:07.280 --> 0:17:10.000
<v Speaker 2>to take away because you're like, well, does that really

0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:12.480
<v Speaker 2>need to be in there because like, who is that really?

0:17:12.520 --> 0:17:17.080
<v Speaker 2>It's like, it's all you know, divorce is tough, it's itchy,

0:17:17.160 --> 0:17:19.919
<v Speaker 2>it's hard, we all have feelings and stuff with it.

0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.040
<v Speaker 2>It's like, but if you can be proud of what

0:17:22.200 --> 0:17:25.159
<v Speaker 2>comes out and go, you know, I walked away with this.

0:17:25.640 --> 0:17:28.480
<v Speaker 2>Here's my story, wasn't It's not easy to tell and

0:17:28.520 --> 0:17:30.359
<v Speaker 2>I did it the best I could, you know, So

0:17:30.480 --> 0:17:32.919
<v Speaker 2>I think that's that's great that you did that.

0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.040
<v Speaker 1>That's such an important filter to push it through. Of like,

0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.680
<v Speaker 1>and also just realizing what is the service here? Yeah,

0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:42.160
<v Speaker 1>what does the story serve? And and figuring out what

0:17:42.240 --> 0:17:45.560
<v Speaker 1>elements serve the purpose of actually putting it out there?

0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:48.840
<v Speaker 2>Sure, exactly what do you want people to walk away

0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:50.480
<v Speaker 2>from the most with your book?

0:17:51.840 --> 0:17:54.399
<v Speaker 1>I want them to walk away with hope. And it

0:17:54.480 --> 0:17:56.280
<v Speaker 1>sounds so Pollyanna when I say that out.

0:17:56.400 --> 0:17:57.280
<v Speaker 4>I don't think I've ever.

0:17:57.200 --> 0:18:01.159
<v Speaker 1>Said that like that before, but that's really what I

0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:05.159
<v Speaker 1>want because it really does upset me how lonely this

0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:08.720
<v Speaker 1>world is, and I know how horrible that feels because

0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:12.200
<v Speaker 1>I've been there. And so if I could allow people

0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:16.159
<v Speaker 1>to walk away with hope of actually curing some of

0:18:16.160 --> 0:18:19.720
<v Speaker 1>that loneliness and connecting with people and then utilizing it.

0:18:20.119 --> 0:18:22.080
<v Speaker 1>Part of the reason why I wrote the book the

0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:24.400
<v Speaker 1>way I did is because there's so many different facets

0:18:24.640 --> 0:18:27.720
<v Speaker 1>of connection. There's so many different facets of relationships, whether

0:18:27.760 --> 0:18:31.680
<v Speaker 1>it's friendship, whether it's workplace relationships, or if it's romantic.

0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:34.520
<v Speaker 1>I want people to be better in all of those

0:18:34.640 --> 0:18:37.280
<v Speaker 1>because I know that when you have good relationships in

0:18:37.320 --> 0:18:39.480
<v Speaker 1>all of those areas, you're better, You.

0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:41.360
<v Speaker 4>Feel better, your life is better, you're happier.

0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:42.600
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:18:42.640 --> 0:18:46.679
<v Speaker 2>Absolutely, well, everybody go get Rachel Dialto's book Relatable How

0:18:46.680 --> 0:18:49.600
<v Speaker 2>to Connect with anyone anywhere, even if it scares you

0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.320
<v Speaker 2>and it's all scary, So it is fine, it's all scary,

0:18:53.320 --> 0:18:55.840
<v Speaker 2>but books like that will help you get to the

0:18:55.840 --> 0:18:58.000
<v Speaker 2>first step. So thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

0:18:58.000 --> 0:19:01.199
<v Speaker 2>And good luck with all the construction, because you know,

0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.440
<v Speaker 2>we're all sorry, no, we're all on the journey in construction.

0:19:04.560 --> 0:19:06.720
<v Speaker 2>You know, it's just life like we're all we're all

0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:07.879
<v Speaker 2>constructing as we go.

0:19:08.680 --> 0:19:10.840
<v Speaker 4>So just right outside my window.

0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:12.840
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I love it. But thank you and congrats on

0:19:12.880 --> 0:19:13.240
<v Speaker 3>your book.

0:19:13.840 --> 0:19:17.240
<v Speaker 4>Thank you so much, honey. All right bye,