1
00:00:01,920 --> 00:00:06,000
Speaker 1: Wind Down with Janet Kramer and I'm Heart Radio podcast.

2
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:09,719
Speaker 2: Rachel Dealto It's going to be on this week's Whine

3
00:00:09,760 --> 00:00:15,560
Speaker 2: About It Thursday episode. She is a communication and relatability expert,

4
00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:20,000
Speaker 2: media personality keynote speaker MC and the author of Relatable

5
00:00:20,160 --> 00:00:23,720
Speaker 2: How to Connect with Anyone Anywhere Even if It scares You.

6
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:24,599
Speaker 3: Let's get her on.

7
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,400
Speaker 4: I barely brush my hair today.

8
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,880
Speaker 2: Girlfriend, I have no makeup on. I don't think I

9
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,279
Speaker 2: brushed my hair either. You're good, awesome, O, you are

10
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:36,840
Speaker 2: so good.

11
00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:39,960
Speaker 4: I'm a mess. We've got so much noise, so hopefully

12
00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:40,920
Speaker 4: you can't hear anything.

13
00:00:41,120 --> 00:00:42,880
Speaker 3: Rachel, Where do you Where do you live?

14
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:44,560
Speaker 4: I'm in New Jersey?

15
00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:48,360
Speaker 3: Okay? Is that where you're born and raised?

16
00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:49,000
Speaker 1: Yeah?

17
00:00:49,080 --> 00:00:49,360
Speaker 4: I was.

18
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,840
Speaker 1: Actually I was born and raised like ten minutes from here,

19
00:00:53,200 --> 00:00:56,640
Speaker 1: and I went away from Hot Minute, almost went to

20
00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:59,760
Speaker 1: La like ten years ago, and then I ended up

21
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,760
Speaker 1: falling in love and ruined my life because I have

22
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:02,680
Speaker 1: to stay here in New Jersey.

23
00:01:02,720 --> 00:01:06,920
Speaker 3: Now, So your husband was from New Jersey.

24
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:10,400
Speaker 1: He's in New Jersey. Actually we're getting married in about

25
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:16,440
Speaker 1: a month. Oh yeah, And so he lives here and

26
00:01:16,600 --> 00:01:21,000
Speaker 1: had kids and so kind of like firmly planted.

27
00:01:21,000 --> 00:01:21,880
Speaker 4: Which is fine.

28
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,120
Speaker 3: How long were you guys dating for?

29
00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:29,000
Speaker 1: We've been dating for so Actually the la move started,

30
00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:30,680
Speaker 1: The idea started like ten years ago, and I was

31
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:31,200
Speaker 1: going to do it.

32
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:32,759
Speaker 4: We got together six years ago.

33
00:01:33,120 --> 00:01:36,360
Speaker 1: Okay, so right around there where I was, I was

34
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,000
Speaker 1: looking at places and then I met him.

35
00:01:38,360 --> 00:01:40,919
Speaker 3: Oh I love that, and then he said he's got kids.

36
00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:43,760
Speaker 4: He's got kids. I've got kids.

37
00:01:43,800 --> 00:01:48,440
Speaker 1: We have a lot of kids, so it's it is

38
00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,240
Speaker 1: a busy household, but they're they're a little bit older,

39
00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,760
Speaker 1: so it's not that kind of crazy, you know, like

40
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,520
Speaker 1: there's no toddlers running around anymore.

41
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:58,040
Speaker 4: People like my daughter.

42
00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:01,880
Speaker 1: My youngest is thirteen, and so she's pretty self sufficient.

43
00:02:02,440 --> 00:02:05,520
Speaker 3: How is that thirteen girl who?

44
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:08,000
Speaker 4: It depends on the day. I have to say she

45
00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:11,320
Speaker 4: was much crazier as a young child than she is

46
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,120
Speaker 4: as a thirteen year old.

47
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:17,640
Speaker 1: She's actually really kind and kind of quieter and just

48
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,840
Speaker 1: not She's not a jerk yet, so that's cool.

49
00:02:21,360 --> 00:02:24,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's usually that happens. We'll gets.

50
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,720
Speaker 2: It's like I think I was fifteen when I went

51
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:28,760
Speaker 2: to the jerk. I don't like it or like the

52
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,960
Speaker 2: but I've heard that it gets now, like you know,

53
00:02:32,040 --> 00:02:33,359
Speaker 2: thirteen fourteen is.

54
00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:38,120
Speaker 4: Like age, but I'm prepared, Like I I'm prepared. I

55
00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:41,120
Speaker 4: just I like wine, so that's helpful.

56
00:02:41,440 --> 00:02:45,960
Speaker 1: And I feel like it's gonna be okay, right, And

57
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:49,120
Speaker 1: she is like she's the youngest of everyone, So I

58
00:02:49,160 --> 00:02:52,239
Speaker 1: feel like, what's your oldest twenty two?

59
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:53,440
Speaker 4: You like?

60
00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:54,000
Speaker 3: From you?

61
00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:55,000
Speaker 4: From me?

62
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:56,880
Speaker 1: Okay? Me?

63
00:02:57,320 --> 00:02:59,800
Speaker 2: I mean you look like you're like in your early thirties.

64
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:02,120
Speaker 4: Oh you're my new best friend.

65
00:03:02,480 --> 00:03:04,440
Speaker 3: No, but I'm serious, Like, how how old are you?

66
00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:06,200
Speaker 4: I'm forty three?

67
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't so then okay, So then you started

68
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,160
Speaker 2: young having kids then I was.

69
00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was still super young, but yeah, so I

70
00:03:13,040 --> 00:03:15,960
Speaker 1: had him when I was twenty one. And he is

71
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,920
Speaker 1: actually graduating from college in two weeks and he's in

72
00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:22,919
Speaker 1: the background me trying to get an apartment because he

73
00:03:23,080 --> 00:03:25,320
Speaker 1: found a job, and he's like going to become a

74
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:26,400
Speaker 1: member of society.

75
00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:28,760
Speaker 4: And I feel very proud that I have not raised

76
00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:32,200
Speaker 4: a degenerate yet. But there's still time.

77
00:03:32,720 --> 00:03:38,080
Speaker 2: So so your book, though, I'm it's called relatable, and

78
00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:41,720
Speaker 2: I was reading the breakdown of it and was there

79
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:45,120
Speaker 2: something like in your life where you're like, were you

80
00:03:45,240 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 2: socially awkward? Like how did you get into this, uh,

81
00:03:48,920 --> 00:03:50,560
Speaker 2: like with your with your book.

82
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:56,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's it's definitely spawned from my own journey. I

83
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:59,720
Speaker 1: definitely was very socially awkward when I was younger. I

84
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:02,800
Speaker 1: was actually part of the opening story in the book

85
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:04,880
Speaker 1: as I talk about kind of how desperate I was

86
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,560
Speaker 1: for friendship, because by fifth grade, I was eating lunch

87
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,840
Speaker 1: with my teacher and it just was, you know, it

88
00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,680
Speaker 1: was kind of a bummer, but it was just one

89
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,920
Speaker 1: of those experiences where I realized how important it was

90
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:20,440
Speaker 1: to develop those social skills and put yourself into positions

91
00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:23,560
Speaker 1: where you could find people and find friends. And so

92
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:27,040
Speaker 1: as I got older, and you know, things started to

93
00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,680
Speaker 1: shift in seventh eighth grade, and then by the time

94
00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:30,080
Speaker 1: I got.

95
00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,960
Speaker 4: To high school, I felt like I was kind.

96
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:35,359
Speaker 1: Of doing okay, and then it definitely my skills continued

97
00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,360
Speaker 1: to grow. But then I always saw where people who

98
00:04:38,480 --> 00:04:41,680
Speaker 1: had that social anxiety or social awkwardness would have such

99
00:04:41,720 --> 00:04:45,760
Speaker 1: troubles and it was just really difficult to connect with people,

100
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,799
Speaker 1: and it has such an impact on our lives.

101
00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you think some of the social skills

102
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:58,719
Speaker 2: that people suffer or deal with in conversations and social settings.

103
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, well, there's a couple of things.

104
00:05:02,440 --> 00:05:05,680
Speaker 1: I think the initial conversation is always difficult for people.

105
00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,720
Speaker 1: I hear so often whether we're talking about it from

106
00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,200
Speaker 1: a dating standpoint, and it's trying to, you know, start

107
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:15,480
Speaker 1: a conversation with someone they're interested romantically, to even making friends.

108
00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,320
Speaker 1: I have a friend who just moved to Florida and

109
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:20,800
Speaker 1: she's trying to meet new people and she calls me,

110
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,840
Speaker 1: She's like, Rachel, it's so difficult to start a conversation

111
00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:27,920
Speaker 1: with someone and not feel weird and uncomfortable. And I

112
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:31,719
Speaker 1: think above all, we're just afraid. We're afraid of being rejected,

113
00:05:31,760 --> 00:05:34,839
Speaker 1: We're afraid of being judged, and so instead of putting

114
00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:39,240
Speaker 1: ourselves out there and beginning those conversations, we just, you know,

115
00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:42,160
Speaker 1: we don't do it. And then it becomes harder when

116
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,960
Speaker 1: you're not doing it, because I think social skills are

117
00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:46,760
Speaker 1: like a muscle, and the more that you do it

118
00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:49,200
Speaker 1: and the more conversations you have, the easier it becomes.

119
00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,560
Speaker 1: But it's kind of jumping off that led to the

120
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:53,040
Speaker 1: people that have the initial.

121
00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:56,400
Speaker 2: Trouble with Yeah, it's interesting because you'll have conversations with

122
00:05:56,440 --> 00:06:00,799
Speaker 2: my brother and you know, he's a very, very opposite.

123
00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:04,880
Speaker 2: He's one of my closest friends. But he's he's very introverted,

124
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:08,719
Speaker 2: he's very quiet. He's also the funniest person in a

125
00:06:08,800 --> 00:06:11,080
Speaker 2: room if he can open up, and when he really

126
00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:14,040
Speaker 2: gets to know someone, like that's when he really opens up.

127
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,720
Speaker 2: But we were saying something and you know, I could

128
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:19,960
Speaker 2: just tell that he was a little bit down, and like, Steve,

129
00:06:19,960 --> 00:06:21,120
Speaker 2: why don't you go out with you know, some of

130
00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,120
Speaker 2: your friends, like I don't have any friends. And I'm like, well,

131
00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:26,000
Speaker 2: because you're choosing that, like you're not putting yourself out

132
00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,760
Speaker 2: there to do it. And it's like I know that

133
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,040
Speaker 2: it's it, like you know, your friend said, like it is,

134
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:34,080
Speaker 2: it's so hard. But like if you don't then you

135
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:37,800
Speaker 2: have no friends. So I'm like both, Like both options

136
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,680
Speaker 2: don't look good to me, but I'd rather try than

137
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,919
Speaker 2: like not, you know, so I'm like, all you have

138
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:44,360
Speaker 2: to do is He's like, well, we'm I supposed to say?

139
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:45,680
Speaker 2: And I'm like, well, just be like, hey, do you

140
00:06:45,680 --> 00:06:47,880
Speaker 2: want to go grab a beer? He's like, well, you know,

141
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:50,960
Speaker 2: I'm just like, oh my gosh, Like come.

142
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:54,760
Speaker 1: On, yeah, well we overthink it, right, Everything comes down

143
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,520
Speaker 1: to overthinking, Oh my gosh, why what'll they think if

144
00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,040
Speaker 1: I say this?

145
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,440
Speaker 4: Or what'll they think if I say that?

146
00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:03,080
Speaker 1: And then especially for introverts too, because it's so much

147
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:06,720
Speaker 1: energy expended. So then it's then they start thinking, am

148
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,960
Speaker 1: I going to waste my energy on this person? And

149
00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:11,760
Speaker 1: so it becomes this cycle and then they end up

150
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:14,679
Speaker 1: not connecting with anyone and that doesn't work for them either.

151
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:16,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then what about for the people because I

152
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:19,760
Speaker 2: used to do this, like I would I try too hard, right,

153
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,800
Speaker 2: so I would like insert myself in conversations, and like,

154
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,800
Speaker 2: now if someone does that, it it actually drives me

155
00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,680
Speaker 2: crazy because I'm like, this person's trying too hard to

156
00:07:27,720 --> 00:07:29,840
Speaker 2: like be in this conversation and now I'm actually now

157
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,600
Speaker 2: I'm annoyed, and now I'm gonna you know, and I

158
00:07:31,640 --> 00:07:35,600
Speaker 2: have a really hard time like hiding that. So I'm like,

159
00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,360
Speaker 2: but I'm also have empathy too to go. I used

160
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,800
Speaker 2: to be that person as well, trying to insert myself

161
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,000
Speaker 2: because I wanted, you know, I wanted a friend, or

162
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:46,440
Speaker 2: I wanted someone to like me, or I wanted and

163
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,680
Speaker 2: so it's like you want to be a part of it.

164
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:51,840
Speaker 2: But also if you insert yourself too much, then you're

165
00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:53,800
Speaker 2: just looked as this annoying person.

166
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,320
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And that's the challenge with that is, you know,

167
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,320
Speaker 1: it's using that skill and it's finding those situations where

168
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:06,600
Speaker 1: you're accepted in them and then constantly adjusting to read

169
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:10,040
Speaker 1: the room. And I think that's something that grows with

170
00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:13,120
Speaker 1: more emotional intelligence. But you have to keep doing it

171
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,800
Speaker 1: even if you are in those beginning stages. That person

172
00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:18,240
Speaker 1: that people might find a little bit annoying.

173
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:21,240
Speaker 4: That's okay. Those just probably aren't your people to start

174
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:22,160
Speaker 4: talking to initially.

175
00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:24,560
Speaker 1: You're going to have to find, you know, some people

176
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:26,760
Speaker 1: who are probably a little bit more like you and

177
00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,920
Speaker 1: just allow yourself the ability to work on them.

178
00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:33,400
Speaker 4: But I get it too, because I see.

179
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,840
Speaker 1: That, you know, we all have kind of different radars,

180
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,640
Speaker 1: and you know that pick me energy can be kind

181
00:08:39,679 --> 00:08:40,600
Speaker 1: of a turn off.

182
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:43,920
Speaker 4: So self awareness around that can be kind of good.

183
00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:45,319
Speaker 4: But also I'd.

184
00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,280
Speaker 1: Rather people do something and do it wrong than do

185
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:51,240
Speaker 1: nothing and not have a possibility of you know, at

186
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,840
Speaker 1: least throwing speakt against the wall and seeing what sticks, right.

187
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, Because I'm like, I don't want anyone to like,

188
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:59,040
Speaker 2: I don't want rather to not have friends or you know,

189
00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:01,520
Speaker 2: it's like I want people to there's certain people that

190
00:09:01,559 --> 00:09:03,760
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, I'd love to be you know, closer

191
00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:07,480
Speaker 2: with them or in that mom group or but at

192
00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:09,880
Speaker 2: the same time, I'm also like, I'm very happy with

193
00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:14,360
Speaker 2: my queendom of friends and the tribes because it is

194
00:09:14,480 --> 00:09:17,080
Speaker 2: it's not so much rejection now, it's the time that

195
00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:20,439
Speaker 2: I do have that I'm like, yes, I've got kids,

196
00:09:20,520 --> 00:09:24,040
Speaker 2: I'm a single mom. Like I'm like, I'm already spread

197
00:09:24,040 --> 00:09:27,040
Speaker 2: so thin, and I feel like, you know, there's people

198
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:29,520
Speaker 2: that like invite me to places and like I want

199
00:09:29,559 --> 00:09:32,240
Speaker 2: to go, like because I'm like I see them trying,

200
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:34,800
Speaker 2: and like I also want to, but I'm just physically

201
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:38,920
Speaker 2: don't like have the time or the capacity to like

202
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,720
Speaker 2: fit other people into like my space, and so like

203
00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:43,760
Speaker 2: trying to figure that piece out too has been you

204
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,120
Speaker 2: know interesting in this age.

205
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:48,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's tough. I mean I've been there. Obviously.

206
00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:50,640
Speaker 1: We're just saying, I know I was a single mom

207
00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:53,920
Speaker 1: and trying to figure out who's kind of energy worthy,

208
00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,960
Speaker 1: whose babysit are worthy was my question, you know, whether

209
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:59,760
Speaker 1: it was a friend data I thought, you know, I

210
00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,040
Speaker 1: really like my couch, but I want to make sure

211
00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,600
Speaker 1: that the use of my time is well spent. And

212
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:07,760
Speaker 1: the beauty of it is, though, is that you have

213
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,560
Speaker 1: those people in your world that fill you up. You

214
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:14,280
Speaker 1: have your kids who you know, that's a socialization right

215
00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:15,439
Speaker 1: there that a.

216
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,240
Speaker 4: Lot of people don't have.

217
00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:18,360
Speaker 1: And you sound like you have a group of friends

218
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,960
Speaker 1: and all it takes is one. I think that's something

219
00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,319
Speaker 1: I would love people to understand is you don't have

220
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:26,520
Speaker 1: to have this monster group of people. You don't have

221
00:10:26,559 --> 00:10:29,240
Speaker 1: to feel bad because you only have one really good friend.

222
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,200
Speaker 1: You just need to find that person that kind of

223
00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:35,040
Speaker 1: gets you and supports you and gives you that access

224
00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:40,800
Speaker 1: to socialization to really offset so many negative consequences of loneliness.

225
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:44,080
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I know I love that, Like I feel

226
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:48,520
Speaker 2: like I have like my my I say, like I

227
00:10:48,520 --> 00:10:51,880
Speaker 2: got like five right because it's like they're But I

228
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,120
Speaker 2: agree with you, like you only truly do need one.

229
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,839
Speaker 2: But I love the small group that I do have

230
00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:01,240
Speaker 2: that it's because different a p So sometimes we can

231
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,520
Speaker 2: fall Like I remember when I just had one there,

232
00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:10,679
Speaker 2: I probably wasn't like I needed someone to combat me

233
00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:12,600
Speaker 2: a little bit more instead of stay in my misery

234
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:12,840
Speaker 2: with me.

235
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:13,600
Speaker 3: Does that make sense?

236
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,800
Speaker 4: Yeah? Absolutely, So, like.

237
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,760
Speaker 2: That probably wasn't the best one that I had, but

238
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:21,920
Speaker 2: I think I almost attracted the one just because like

239
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:26,680
Speaker 2: I wanted that, like, yeah, you're totally right kind of person.

240
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:29,480
Speaker 2: And but that's just in this day and age is

241
00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,200
Speaker 2: not the healthiest thing to have. So it's like, you know,

242
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:36,360
Speaker 2: realizing that, like, okay, you need maybe a well rounded

243
00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:38,440
Speaker 2: group of like people that will kind of either a

244
00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:40,080
Speaker 2: call you on your stuff, be there for you, support

245
00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 2: you all of it.

246
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:45,040
Speaker 1: You know absolutely well, even talking about romantic relationships, obviously

247
00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:46,920
Speaker 1: you don't want your you don't want to put all

248
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:50,160
Speaker 1: of your expectations for every facet of your personality in

249
00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,600
Speaker 1: your life on one person, on your partner, and so

250
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,280
Speaker 1: having a group of people where it's like I know,

251
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:57,480
Speaker 1: for me, I have the friend that I call if

252
00:11:57,480 --> 00:11:59,240
Speaker 1: I need to cry. I have the friend that I

253
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,000
Speaker 1: call if I need to have my butt kicked. I

254
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,719
Speaker 1: have the friend you know that probably isn't listening when

255
00:12:03,720 --> 00:12:06,880
Speaker 1: I call right right people for.

256
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,600
Speaker 4: Different aspects of our lives.

257
00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:12,120
Speaker 1: And you know, acknowledging that and being aware of it

258
00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:13,440
Speaker 1: can actually really benefit you.

259
00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's that's so true. I definitely could like.

260
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:20,680
Speaker 2: Label each one like which one I would call for

261
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:26,040
Speaker 2: or you know, yeah, truly what is your biggest piece

262
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:29,800
Speaker 2: of advice for the person that is uncomfortable like starting

263
00:12:29,960 --> 00:12:32,840
Speaker 2: that conversation. Like I know you said, well it's better

264
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,480
Speaker 2: to try, but like, is there something that can like

265
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:41,000
Speaker 2: if there's socially awkward but also just you know, not

266
00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:43,880
Speaker 2: comfortable in opening up as well, Because for me, it's

267
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,320
Speaker 2: like I can go in and I'll tell you my

268
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,640
Speaker 2: whole life story when I meet you. Other people it's

269
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,560
Speaker 2: and when people when people don't, I'm like, oh, they're

270
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,280
Speaker 2: they're too closed off for me. But it's like that

271
00:12:52,320 --> 00:12:54,559
Speaker 2: is actually not true. They just need a minute to

272
00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,679
Speaker 2: warm up, right, or you know, some people just aren't

273
00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:01,560
Speaker 2: as willing to share certain things with leap fran strangers.

274
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:04,800
Speaker 2: But like what would you say for the people that

275
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,160
Speaker 2: like are just like they want they want to, they're

276
00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:09,280
Speaker 2: just shy.

277
00:13:10,080 --> 00:13:12,640
Speaker 1: I think the baby steps is where it is, you know,

278
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:17,280
Speaker 1: and it's really about finding certain situations where you're more

279
00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:20,800
Speaker 1: comfortable than others and not judging yourself if you're you know,

280
00:13:20,880 --> 00:13:24,000
Speaker 1: choosing kind of an easier path or or finding people

281
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:28,199
Speaker 1: who feel more friendly and really just choosing where you're

282
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,000
Speaker 1: going to take that initial step in a space that

283
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:34,320
Speaker 1: feels more nurturing. And for some people, and I know

284
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,160
Speaker 1: this is probably going to be I don't know if

285
00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:40,080
Speaker 1: the word controversial is really it, but you know, it

286
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:43,079
Speaker 1: is a controversial when we think about online offline and

287
00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,160
Speaker 1: if someone's super shy and they want to start those

288
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,440
Speaker 1: connections and they want to start connecting with people, maybe

289
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:50,880
Speaker 1: it's someone that they knew in school, or maybe it's

290
00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:52,760
Speaker 1: somebody they've been connected with online that they want to

291
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:56,000
Speaker 1: get to know better. Start online, send messages, you know,

292
00:13:56,360 --> 00:14:00,400
Speaker 1: start commenting on their Instagram or their tiktoks and starting

293
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,640
Speaker 1: to have a conversation that way, so it feels more

294
00:14:02,679 --> 00:14:04,440
Speaker 1: comfortable in real.

295
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,400
Speaker 4: Life, you know. And so that's kind of like a.

296
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:08,800
Speaker 1: Really super baby step where people feel a lot more

297
00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:11,920
Speaker 1: confident in who they are because they're able to very

298
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:16,480
Speaker 1: curate their what they say. And then it's really just

299
00:14:16,559 --> 00:14:21,200
Speaker 1: finding people I think that you have commonality with is

300
00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:25,360
Speaker 1: something that always to me creates this opportunity to have

301
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:29,040
Speaker 1: a good reception. So if you know, maybe your brother

302
00:14:29,120 --> 00:14:32,320
Speaker 1: is a musician and he finds, you know, some music

303
00:14:32,480 --> 00:14:37,000
Speaker 1: related group or some music related event where it's smaller

304
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:40,240
Speaker 1: and intimate and people are having conversations, being able to

305
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,080
Speaker 1: talk about something that you're passionate about or interested in

306
00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:46,440
Speaker 1: is so much easier than talking about yourself. So really

307
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:50,360
Speaker 1: finding kind of those those segues into something that could

308
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,560
Speaker 1: turn into a vulnerable conversation but starts off as like,

309
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:56,080
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, you know I just took this crazy

310
00:14:56,160 --> 00:15:00,160
Speaker 1: kickboxing class versus I'm going to tell you my deep

311
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:01,240
Speaker 1: dark secrets. Right.

312
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,200
Speaker 2: Was there a chapter in the book where you had

313
00:15:16,320 --> 00:15:19,000
Speaker 2: a difficult time writing because it's something that you personally

314
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:19,800
Speaker 2: struggle with.

315
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:24,640
Speaker 1: I think sharing about my first marriage was the hardest one,

316
00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,760
Speaker 1: just because one, I you know, you've been there. It's

317
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,040
Speaker 1: kind of hard to write about those things. And it's

318
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:35,000
Speaker 1: also I was very protective with my kids because I

319
00:15:35,040 --> 00:15:36,160
Speaker 1: knew at some point not.

320
00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:37,960
Speaker 4: That they'll ever pick up my book. I think they've

321
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:38,440
Speaker 4: picked it up.

322
00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:41,640
Speaker 1: I don't know if they've opened it, but you know,

323
00:15:41,720 --> 00:15:44,080
Speaker 1: I want to make sure that I'm respectful of the

324
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,640
Speaker 1: fact that I'm talking about things that are part of

325
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:47,440
Speaker 1: their life too.

326
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,040
Speaker 4: And so that was the hardest part.

327
00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,360
Speaker 1: Is and that for me, is an interesting thing to

328
00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,520
Speaker 1: think about because I'm all about vulnerability and I'm all

329
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,920
Speaker 1: about sharing the parts of us that aren't so pretty.

330
00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:02,200
Speaker 4: And that was a and a very very important.

331
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:04,640
Speaker 1: Part of my life that was not the prettiest and

332
00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:06,480
Speaker 1: was probably the most difficult and.

333
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:10,000
Speaker 4: The most growth associated with it.

334
00:16:11,240 --> 00:16:12,960
Speaker 3: Do you think you found a good balance with it?

335
00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:15,840
Speaker 4: I do. I made a lot of people.

336
00:16:15,600 --> 00:16:20,080
Speaker 1: Read it, Yeah, because I trust myself, and you know,

337
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:22,840
Speaker 1: probably the version that I wrote for this book would

338
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,680
Speaker 1: have been different ten years ago. You know, the book

339
00:16:25,720 --> 00:16:28,560
Speaker 1: that I wrote today is very different than the book

340
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:31,120
Speaker 1: that I would have written five years ago.

341
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,240
Speaker 4: So I think that changed.

342
00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:36,960
Speaker 1: So a lot of times when we're sharing personal information

343
00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,440
Speaker 1: or vulnerable stories, we have to make sure that.

344
00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,960
Speaker 4: Edge is off. So that's been filed down quite a

345
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 4: bit over the years.

346
00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:45,720
Speaker 2: I hear I'm kind of working on something and I've

347
00:16:45,760 --> 00:16:48,120
Speaker 2: had to go back now countless times to go, Okay,

348
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,600
Speaker 2: that's hurt. Right now, I'm going to take this. And

349
00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,280
Speaker 2: there's also protection of kids, and it's also you know,

350
00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:57,040
Speaker 2: but also telling the truth and you know my version and.

351
00:16:57,040 --> 00:16:58,160
Speaker 3: You know, so it's like it's.

352
00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:02,440
Speaker 2: It's interesting though, when I have like gone back to

353
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,080
Speaker 2: kind of like relook at things, and like you see

354
00:17:05,119 --> 00:17:07,280
Speaker 2: your growth in that too, the things that you want

355
00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:10,000
Speaker 2: to take away because you're like, well, does that really

356
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,480
Speaker 2: need to be in there because like, who is that really?

357
00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:17,080
Speaker 2: It's like, it's all you know, divorce is tough, it's itchy,

358
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,919
Speaker 2: it's hard, we all have feelings and stuff with it.

359
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,040
Speaker 2: It's like, but if you can be proud of what

360
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:25,159
Speaker 2: comes out and go, you know, I walked away with this.

361
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:28,480
Speaker 2: Here's my story, wasn't It's not easy to tell and

362
00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:30,359
Speaker 2: I did it the best I could, you know, So

363
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:32,919
Speaker 2: I think that's that's great that you did that.

364
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:35,040
Speaker 1: That's such an important filter to push it through. Of like,

365
00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:37,680
Speaker 1: and also just realizing what is the service here? Yeah,

366
00:17:37,760 --> 00:17:42,160
Speaker 1: what does the story serve? And and figuring out what

367
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,560
Speaker 1: elements serve the purpose of actually putting it out there?

368
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,840
Speaker 2: Sure, exactly what do you want people to walk away

369
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:50,480
Speaker 2: from the most with your book?

370
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,399
Speaker 1: I want them to walk away with hope. And it

371
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 1: sounds so Pollyanna when I say that out.

372
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,280
Speaker 4: I don't think I've ever.

373
00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:01,159
Speaker 1: Said that like that before, but that's really what I

374
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,159
Speaker 1: want because it really does upset me how lonely this

375
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:08,720
Speaker 1: world is, and I know how horrible that feels because

376
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,200
Speaker 1: I've been there. And so if I could allow people

377
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:16,159
Speaker 1: to walk away with hope of actually curing some of

378
00:18:16,160 --> 00:18:19,720
Speaker 1: that loneliness and connecting with people and then utilizing it.

379
00:18:20,119 --> 00:18:22,080
Speaker 1: Part of the reason why I wrote the book the

380
00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:24,400
Speaker 1: way I did is because there's so many different facets

381
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,720
Speaker 1: of connection. There's so many different facets of relationships, whether

382
00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:31,680
Speaker 1: it's friendship, whether it's workplace relationships, or if it's romantic.

383
00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:34,520
Speaker 1: I want people to be better in all of those

384
00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:37,280
Speaker 1: because I know that when you have good relationships in

385
00:18:37,320 --> 00:18:39,480
Speaker 1: all of those areas, you're better, You.

386
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:41,360
Speaker 4: Feel better, your life is better, you're happier.

387
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:42,600
Speaker 1: Yeah.

388
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:46,679
Speaker 2: Absolutely, well, everybody go get Rachel Dialto's book Relatable How

389
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:49,600
Speaker 2: to Connect with anyone anywhere, even if it scares you

390
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,320
Speaker 2: and it's all scary, So it is fine, it's all scary,

391
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:55,840
Speaker 2: but books like that will help you get to the

392
00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:58,000
Speaker 2: first step. So thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

393
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,199
Speaker 2: And good luck with all the construction, because you know,

394
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,440
Speaker 2: we're all sorry, no, we're all on the journey in construction.

395
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:06,720
Speaker 2: You know, it's just life like we're all we're all

396
00:19:06,760 --> 00:19:07,879
Speaker 2: constructing as we go.

397
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:10,840
Speaker 4: So just right outside my window.

398
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:12,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it. But thank you and congrats on

399
00:19:12,880 --> 00:19:13,240
Speaker 3: your book.

400
00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:17,240
Speaker 4: Thank you so much, honey. All right bye,