WEBVTT - This is Motherly w/ Jill Koziol 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.040 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shonda Land Audio 0:00:03.160 --> 0:00:10.280 in partnership with I Heart Radio. This generation, today's modern parents, 0:00:10.320 --> 0:00:13.760 have been trying to parent and create families that look 0:00:13.840 --> 0:00:17.160 a lot different than what we were raised. And kudos 0:00:17.200 --> 0:00:19.200 to us for trying to do that and defined trying 0:00:19.239 --> 0:00:23.280 to create and be intentional about creating families where mothers 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:25.600 can be in the workforce and can work and don't 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:36.000 have to sacrifice having a family to do it. Hello, everybody, 0:00:36.000 --> 0:00:40.720 Welcome back to Katie's Crib. I don't think I've ever 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:45.280 seen more is the word memes. When you keep looking 0:00:45.280 --> 0:00:49.200 on Instagram and you see quotes that moms repost a lot, 0:00:49.840 --> 0:00:53.200 you will see that a lot of them are from Motherly, 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.640 a lot of them. And I have on Katie's Crib 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:05.600 today the person behind Motherly and behind those brilliant self affirming, 0:01:05.760 --> 0:01:11.360 life affirming, mama affirming um quotes and phrases and things 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:13.440 that I see and I'm always like, holy crup, that's 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:15.800 so right on, and they're always by Motherly. UM. To 0:01:15.920 --> 0:01:19.640 know a little bit about Jill cozi Il, she is, 0:01:19.680 --> 0:01:21.920 like I said, the co founder and CEO of Motherly, 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:24.319 which if you don't know, let me tell you. It's 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:28.880 a well being destination, empowering mothers to thrive with incredibly 0:01:28.959 --> 0:01:34.120 expert content, innovative product solutions, and a supportive community which 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:38.160 we all need. We cannot do this alone. Motherly engages 0:01:38.200 --> 0:01:41.640 an audience of forty million plus readers and viewers a 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:45.040 month with on demand parent education classes, Webby Award winning videos, 0:01:45.200 --> 0:01:49.920 the Motherly Podcast, essays, articles, and a highly engaged social 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:53.720 media community. That's what I'm talking about with all those posts. 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:57.760 So good. Jill is also the co author of The 0:01:57.920 --> 0:02:02.080 Motherly Guide to Becoming Mama, Redefining the Pregnancy, Birth, and 0:02:02.160 --> 0:02:06.720 Postpartum Journey and This is Motherhood, a motherly collection of 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:11.120 reflections and practices. Jill is passionate about serving and empowering 0:02:11.120 --> 0:02:15.320 women and mothers because when momas are successful, everyone wins. 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:18.639 She is an advocate for families, female founders, and how 0:02:18.639 --> 0:02:23.200 to thrive with multiple sclerosis. Jill lives in Park City, Utah, 0:02:23.240 --> 0:02:27.840 with her husband and her two daughters. Jill, Welcome to 0:02:27.919 --> 0:02:34.240 Katie's crib. Hi Jill, Hi, Katie, thank you so much 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:37.320 for taking the time. I'm so excited to be talking 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.760 to you today. So let's start here, did you always 0:02:40.360 --> 0:02:44.760 want to be a career working mom? Oh wow? Well, first, 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:49.840 thank you so much for having me, and great question. Um, 0:02:49.120 --> 0:02:51.880 I had a lot of different models. You know, if 0:02:51.880 --> 0:02:53.000 you see it, you can be it. I had a 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:55.400 lot of different models in my life, stay at home moms, 0:02:55.520 --> 0:03:01.760 part time working moms, of of entrepreneuring women, and I, yeah, 0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:04.120 I think I did. I My father was an entrepreneur, 0:03:04.120 --> 0:03:06.960 and I think I always saw myself with the vision 0:03:07.280 --> 0:03:12.360 of contributing beyond my own small world in a bigger way. 0:03:13.360 --> 0:03:15.280 I already described it a little bit, but let's hear 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:18.799 it in your words. What is motherly and how did 0:03:18.800 --> 0:03:22.079 you and Liz develop it? So we'll start with how 0:03:22.080 --> 0:03:24.840 we developed it, because we developed motherly because it didn't 0:03:24.919 --> 0:03:27.760 exist and we needed it. We were millennial mothers. We 0:03:27.760 --> 0:03:31.000 are millennial mothers, and we felt as though media and 0:03:31.040 --> 0:03:34.800 the world were treating motherhood as almost cartoonish um and 0:03:34.840 --> 0:03:38.080 really building and creating these mommy wars that just didn't 0:03:38.080 --> 0:03:42.000 really reflect our lived experiences. We looked around us and 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:46.000 saw women that were becoming mothers that were incredibly educated, 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:49.880 incredibly supportive, kind of a you do you generation, and 0:03:49.920 --> 0:03:52.240 we found that as digital natives. What was out there 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:55.360 in the world, UM when we became moms you know, 0:03:55.520 --> 0:03:58.480 ten years ago, just didn't really align with our expectations. 0:03:58.640 --> 0:04:01.240 And so we launched Motherly really to be a next 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:04.960 generation brand UM that that showed women that motherhood could 0:04:04.960 --> 0:04:08.760 be an opportunity to nurture not lose yourself. And so 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:12.760 we launched Motherly as woman centered, not baby centered, to 0:04:12.840 --> 0:04:17.080 be evidence based, an expert driven, not user generated content, 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.719 which sadly can often be a race to race to 0:04:19.720 --> 0:04:23.240 the bottom or a last And we also launched it 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:26.800 to be empowering and non judgmental and not scary. UM. 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:29.760 And so Motherly is a well being destination, as you said, 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:33.040 that is for our forty million plus moms that kind 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:35.880 of gathered together too to find a way to live 0:04:35.880 --> 0:04:38.919 their best life as women and as mothers. And what 0:04:39.040 --> 0:04:44.200 does Motherly offer for its forty million participants. So we 0:04:44.320 --> 0:04:48.160 are a destination and a hub of content around motherhood 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:51.400 from planning a pregnancy through elementary and we're kind of 0:04:51.400 --> 0:04:53.920 growing with the millennial generation and meeting her where they're at. 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:57.279 So I've got elementary age children myself, they're you know, 0:04:57.320 --> 0:05:00.279 we're kind of moving into that space UM. We provide 0:05:00.000 --> 0:05:05.000 expert content UM guides shop from everything from shopping guides 0:05:05.520 --> 0:05:09.840 on tested and reviewed products to also like the how 0:05:09.960 --> 0:05:13.440 twos of things like from a sleep progression to weaning 0:05:13.480 --> 0:05:16.479 from breastpeing and all in very empowering ways. We also 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:20.680 have just like millions and millions of views on video 0:05:20.960 --> 0:05:23.159 UM and so video is a really big place for 0:05:23.240 --> 0:05:26.920 us as well. Social media very large on Facebook, Instagram, 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:31.480 growing on TikTok. Now look at you, I know, trying 0:05:31.600 --> 0:05:35.440 trying to keep up with everyone, uy me myself getting 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:39.000 a little bit older, but need to get yet. We 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:41.680 have the Motherly podcast, we have books, and we've just 0:05:41.800 --> 0:05:45.200 launched a digital education platform. So we are the place 0:05:45.279 --> 0:05:50.920 to go as a hub for digital online classes from parenting, Wow, 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:53.719 what kind of classes are you going to offer? Tell 0:05:53.800 --> 0:05:55.839 us a little bit about this. Well everything, So we 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:58.760 stand really tall and in that kind of pregnancy and 0:05:58.800 --> 0:06:01.840 new mom space and we've got lots of classes around that. 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:05.000 Like basically, you know they always say motherhood doesn't come 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:07.760 with the guide, Well now it does. You've got mother 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:13.040 So we're there for everything from hypno birth thing and um, 0:06:13.080 --> 0:06:16.400 you know, trying to conceive UM two then sleep classes 0:06:16.440 --> 0:06:19.720 and breastfeeding classes and birth classes and the such, and 0:06:19.760 --> 0:06:23.039 then we're also doing classes around you know, how to 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:27.640 raise capable adults, conscious and mindful parenting. UM. Leaning into 0:06:27.680 --> 0:06:30.000 Grandparents one oh one is a class that we're developing 0:06:30.120 --> 0:06:33.640 right now to like give your grand to be grandparents 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:37.880 to take about what's changed since they were parents. Um. WHOA, 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:41.880 that's brilliant. I don't think any that definitely, I've never 0:06:41.920 --> 0:06:45.600 heard of that before. That's brilliant. Well, we're so committed 0:06:45.600 --> 0:06:48.680 and obsessed to knowing what our user and audience wants, 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:51.679 and like I'm running a business run four moms by moms, 0:06:51.800 --> 0:06:55.039 so we've got a great cadre of ideas every day 0:06:55.160 --> 0:06:58.599 of what we need. Um. And again, if mothers are 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.760 you know, great innovators now actual innovators, and so we 0:07:01.880 --> 0:07:03.680 just find a problem in a gap in the market 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:06.160 and we're here to fill it. This is a big 0:07:06.240 --> 0:07:08.880 question that we've talked a lot about on this podcast, 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:10.920 and I would love to hear you speak on it. 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:18.120 Why did COVID nineteen just break open the impossible way 0:07:18.160 --> 0:07:21.880 in which mothers can effectively be in the workforce? Very 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:24.800 big load of question. Um, something that we have been 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:28.240 really looking at for the last couple of years and 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:31.560 living through and carrying this with our team of working 0:07:31.640 --> 0:07:34.840 mothers as well as our entire audience. We have this 0:07:34.960 --> 0:07:38.280 year released our fifth annual State of Motherhood Survey results 0:07:38.360 --> 0:07:42.520 and it's the largest statistically significant study on moms. And 0:07:42.600 --> 0:07:45.920 so um we wait everything to the US Census data. 0:07:46.360 --> 0:07:49.960 Like so we we pull together this data to give 0:07:50.080 --> 0:07:53.240 voice to who this woman is into the struggles and 0:07:53.280 --> 0:07:55.920 we've so we have data now from the last you know, 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:58.760 two plus years on COVID specifically and how it's changed. 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:01.040 And this is what I have found. This is a 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:04.400 mix of quind of qualitative and quantitative data. What I 0:08:04.480 --> 0:08:09.720 believe is that this generation, today's modern parents, have been 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:13.280 trying to parent and create families that look a lot 0:08:13.400 --> 0:08:16.360 different than what we were raised And and kudos to 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:18.400 us for trying to do that and defined trying to 0:08:18.480 --> 0:08:22.560 create and be intentional about creating families where mothers can 0:08:22.600 --> 0:08:24.840 be in the workforce and can work and don't have 0:08:24.920 --> 0:08:27.560 to sacrifice having a family to do it. And so 0:08:27.600 --> 0:08:29.920 I think you find partners that are much more engaged 0:08:30.080 --> 0:08:32.240 these days than in the past. And I think we've 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:34.920 we've made a lot of progress towards that, but but 0:08:35.000 --> 0:08:38.800 it's outside of everyone's comfort zone. Then COVID comes along, 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:42.040 and what we get with COVID is this thing that 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:44.959 throws everyone outside of their comfort zone even more. And 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.080 when you're faced with the crisis, you try to go 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:50.480 back to what's comfortable, what worked, what have I seen 0:08:50.520 --> 0:08:52.720 in the past. And I think what we found is 0:08:52.720 --> 0:08:57.040 that mothers were disproportionately impacted by COVID because all of 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.520 that effort towards trying to create a different type of 0:08:59.559 --> 0:09:02.679 family got put on the back burner. All this progress 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:06.839 got put back and we went back to default parenting expectations, 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:09.599 which is, you know, the man's out in the workforce 0:09:09.679 --> 0:09:11.800 working and the mom's taking home. We went back to 0:09:11.880 --> 0:09:16.040 what felt comfortable, and it has set us back. Sometimes 0:09:16.280 --> 0:09:18.720 in my negative moments, it feels like it's set us 0:09:18.720 --> 0:09:21.960 back a generation. Frankly, when you look at the Great Resignation, 0:09:22.000 --> 0:09:25.920 it is not a surprise that the Great Resignation happened 0:09:26.280 --> 0:09:29.319 when schools were supposed to start back up and didn't. 0:09:29.679 --> 0:09:33.640 When you lose the backstop of government support for things 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:36.559 like this, mothers are the ones that carry that unequal burden. 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:39.640 Oh my god, it makes me, honestly, like I feel 0:09:39.679 --> 0:09:42.000 emotional about it, Like I'm just like you should we 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:48.680 need to be angry. It's so setting uh as running Motherly, 0:09:48.880 --> 0:09:51.160 I mean, I find it can be really hard to 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:53.600 practice what you preach. I really do, like I a 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:56.920 lot and oftentimes think that this podcast is the greatest gift. 0:09:56.960 --> 0:09:59.439 And then sometimes I'm like, I know exactly what I 0:09:59.480 --> 0:10:01.640 should be doing in this parenting moment, and watch me 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:03.199 not do it? Do you know what I mean? Like? 0:10:03.760 --> 0:10:06.520 How do you manage it all? How do you manage 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:10.679 motherly being a mother of two? Also you're living with MS? 0:10:10.840 --> 0:10:13.160 Like how I mean, We're gonna get into that later, 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:16.920 but how do you manage being a working mother in 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:22.880 a pandemic world? So loaded loaded question. We can spend 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:26.160 an entire episode probably talking about that. UM. I think 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:30.000 it's important to note that, just like parenting evolves and 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:33.560 changes as your children age and you enter these different stages, 0:10:33.559 --> 0:10:35.040 like just when you think you've got it figured out, 0:10:35.120 --> 0:10:37.880 you don't write, things change. For me, being a working 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:40.760 mother has been that way too. When we first launched Motherly, 0:10:40.880 --> 0:10:43.559 before we had any funding or any staff, like it 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:48.560 was working without childcare during nap times like very young children. Um, 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:51.040 and on weekends you know, with a supportive partner, supportive 0:10:51.080 --> 0:10:53.559 husband who would take them on saturdays, and I would 0:10:53.559 --> 0:10:57.000 like power through and now and it has evolved and change, 0:10:57.280 --> 0:10:59.760 you know through the years with Motherly, where we have 0:10:59.800 --> 0:11:03.920 a staff now that create you know, helps facilitate enable 0:11:04.000 --> 0:11:07.480 me to have better integration in my work, work in life. 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:10.400 And um, now like we've got to no pair, I 0:11:10.440 --> 0:11:12.520 who just started on Friday. Um, this is a new 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:14.199 phase for us. Our kids are going to be going 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.520 a bit further away for school and we need additional 0:11:16.760 --> 0:11:19.240 like we need driver's support at this point to make 0:11:19.280 --> 0:11:23.400 it work. And so um, it's our childcare evolving and changing. 0:11:23.800 --> 0:11:27.360 It's frankly as my means, as our family have improved, 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:30.840 you know, outsourcing things like this is there's privilege involved 0:11:30.840 --> 0:11:32.920 in this, for sure. There's the fact that I have 0:11:33.080 --> 0:11:36.120 healthy meals delivered as an example, UM, and I do 0:11:36.200 --> 0:11:37.679 have the O pair. We have a home that can 0:11:37.720 --> 0:11:40.640 facilitate that and have someone live with us for it. 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:45.560 But it also it's it's hard, no matter what, It's 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:50.520 very hard. Motherly is not a personality driven brand because 0:11:51.160 --> 0:11:54.560 I don't want people thinking I think I'm the perfect parent. Uh, 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:57.640 that is definitely not the case. Like I'm reading and 0:11:57.760 --> 0:12:00.680 learning from motherly and our experts every single day also 0:12:00.920 --> 0:12:03.760 and um, just like everyone else, Like I'm kind of 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:08.959 making it up as I go along to how keeping 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:12.400 it personal at the moment. Is this the first time 0:12:12.440 --> 0:12:17.080 you've ever had live in care? Um? I know you said, 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:19.880 it's sort of organically shifted from when you were doing 0:12:19.960 --> 0:12:23.160 everything when they were little little and fitting in being 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:26.080 a working mother during naps and during weekends, which I 0:12:26.120 --> 0:12:29.719 have a ton of friends that do that, and my god, um, 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:34.280 it's insane, it's really insane. Um, and doing work, like 0:12:34.320 --> 0:12:36.560 you get the kids down at seven, eight o'clock at 0:12:36.640 --> 0:12:39.440 night and then you're working from till eleven thirty and 0:12:39.440 --> 0:12:42.480 then you're up at six doing it all over again. Um, 0:12:42.960 --> 0:12:46.040 I'm getting PTSD reminding me. Yeah, you know, it's funny. 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.800 I remember when my brother got My brother is a 0:12:48.960 --> 0:12:54.960 very very very involved dad and even still his wife 0:12:55.040 --> 0:12:59.400 got COVID and had to quarantine. This was in the 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:02.720 beginning arantine somewhere else and they had a very young 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:06.959 baby and he was getting up at four am, working 0:13:07.000 --> 0:13:10.600 from four to seven on his work, being with her 0:13:10.880 --> 0:13:13.160 from seven to ten, she'd take her first nap, then 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:14.880 he would do work like he was and he was like, 0:13:14.960 --> 0:13:17.480 that was the hardest week of my life. Like he 0:13:17.559 --> 0:13:20.320 was like existing on fort I was like, that's what 0:13:20.400 --> 0:13:25.040 moms do it. It's fucked up. It is so fucked up. 0:13:25.280 --> 0:13:28.000 So how's your mom guilt? Talk to me about that, Jill. 0:13:28.640 --> 0:13:31.400 It's it's real. Um. So well, and one thing you men, 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:33.200 you mentioned COVID And I didn't answer that first part 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:35.720 of that other question, but I moved and moved my 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.840 whole family because of COVID. Schools were going to be 0:13:38.840 --> 0:13:41.040 closed in California, and my husband and I, who was 0:13:41.080 --> 0:13:44.280 also a very you know, stressed out business person, UM 0:13:44.559 --> 0:13:46.440 was like, this is not going to work for our family. 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.800 Were far from family. We need these kids in school, 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:53.080 Like this does not work. And that is where I 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.160 started to really feel a lot of mom guilt then, 0:13:55.280 --> 0:13:58.199 because I wasn't showing up as my best self right. 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:00.360 I mean, we had a we had a white board 0:14:00.400 --> 0:14:03.040 where we were outlining what things I needed to do 0:14:03.480 --> 0:14:05.160 my husband I need to do for our our own 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:08.920 physical selves, for our family, for a household, and for work. 0:14:09.080 --> 0:14:11.960 And we were putting showering on like to make sure 0:14:12.000 --> 0:14:14.000 we did those things at that time, and it just 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:17.400 we were not showing up as our best selves. I was, 0:14:17.600 --> 0:14:19.080 you know, I had a kindergartener at the time who 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:20.960 could not do the zooms and do all of that 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:24.320 on our own. It was insanity. And so we we 0:14:24.480 --> 0:14:26.560 like a boarded ship. I mean, we literally got in 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.200 a car and drove to Park City, Utah, because we 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.760 heard the schools were going to be open, and we 0:14:31.840 --> 0:14:34.240 thought we were only going to stay here for four months, 0:14:34.320 --> 0:14:36.680 because you know, we thought the world would return to normal, 0:14:37.040 --> 0:14:38.720 and it didn't. And we ended up buying a house. 0:14:38.760 --> 0:14:40.680 And so I've in a place that I had never 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:43.480 known about our moved into before. And so I feel 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:46.680 guilt because I like ripped my family out of like 0:14:46.800 --> 0:14:50.240 their home right to make this work during COVID. But 0:14:50.280 --> 0:14:53.520 I also again that concept of mom guilt. Like I'm 0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:57.200 Catholic too, so like I get I get the guilt, right, yeah, yeah, 0:14:57.480 --> 0:15:01.160 but it doesn't serve anyone honestly. And so I am 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:04.200 constantly like my children asked me about working, and they're 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:07.320 old enough now they're eight in ten, they understand that, 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.240 like I am doing something that I enjoy doing because 0:15:10.280 --> 0:15:12.680 I think it's important they see that moms enjoy work, 0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:15.400 that I enjoy what I'm doing, that it is contributing 0:15:15.440 --> 0:15:18.480 to our family. Um, I'm blessed that it's serving the 0:15:18.560 --> 0:15:21.240 world in a bigger way, like they're proud of me, 0:15:21.600 --> 0:15:24.880 um and I and I think that helps. But I'm 0:15:24.920 --> 0:15:27.240 also always open to the fact that, like, we can 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.360 change how we're doing this. We're not setting our ways, 0:15:29.400 --> 0:15:31.000 And I think COVID has kind of taught us that, 0:15:31.040 --> 0:15:33.000 like the whole world can change in an instant. And 0:15:33.080 --> 0:15:36.120 so if something's not working and not serving my family, 0:15:36.240 --> 0:15:38.120 were making me feel guilty, like I will find a 0:15:38.120 --> 0:15:50.640 way to shift. Didn't change. Great. You were included in 0:15:50.680 --> 0:15:54.480 a documentary releaser by the E W Scripts Company earlier 0:15:54.560 --> 0:15:58.760 this year. The documentary titled Motherhood in America is all 0:15:58.840 --> 0:16:01.840 about moms and it acknowledges all the work mothers do 0:16:02.000 --> 0:16:03.760 and the challenges they face. And you mentioned in the 0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:06.680 documentary that family planning is on the top of your 0:16:06.680 --> 0:16:10.000 agenda and that you really you actually did, really want 0:16:10.040 --> 0:16:13.000 to do it by yourself. Is that true? Yeah, I 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:15.600 mean we've been taught as women to try to do 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:18.960 it all ourselves, um, and so in the very beginning, 0:16:19.000 --> 0:16:21.400 I mean, I when we first had our daughter, our 0:16:21.400 --> 0:16:25.000 first daughter, Claire, I remember, I was adamant. I didn't 0:16:25.000 --> 0:16:27.840 want people visiting us the first two weeks. I wanted, 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:30.320 like me and my husband to do it a bubble. Yeah, 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.200 I wanted like a little bubble for us to figure 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:35.440 it out. And I, you know, I didn't want childcare help. 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.800 I didn't want to help with like housekeeping. Like I 0:16:37.840 --> 0:16:41.320 felt this like sense of like identity, like this need 0:16:41.440 --> 0:16:46.000 to do every single thing myself. And it, I mean, 0:16:46.760 --> 0:16:49.720 it nearly killed me. I mean that was impossible, especially 0:16:49.760 --> 0:16:51.800 when I went back to work sooner than you know, 0:16:51.880 --> 0:16:54.520 like most American women, UM, sooner than my body and 0:16:54.560 --> 0:16:56.920 like my emotions were ready for me. And it nearly 0:16:57.000 --> 0:16:59.800 killed me. And I remember talking to my mother in law, 0:17:00.040 --> 0:17:03.040 who is a dentist and has always had elither had 0:17:03.040 --> 0:17:06.600 her own practice or worked and she sees that I'm 0:17:06.640 --> 0:17:10.520 okay asking for help and and frankly demanding that we 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:13.240 have help in our family. And she says that she's 0:17:13.320 --> 0:17:16.240 almost like, not in a negative way, but like envious 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:20.040 of the fact that I have come to terms with 0:17:20.080 --> 0:17:22.040 the fact that I can't do it all. Finally it 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:25.040 took years uh in my MS diagnosis, but that it 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:27.240 come to terms of like I'm okay accepting the help 0:17:27.400 --> 0:17:30.200 because as a woman, you know, raising children in the eighties, 0:17:30.240 --> 0:17:33.600 like she didn't have that. She didn't have she couldn't 0:17:33.600 --> 0:17:36.640 give herself that permission. And she sees like, how much 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:39.120 more present I can be with my children because I'm 0:17:39.160 --> 0:17:41.600 not scrubbing the floor at the same time, right, Like 0:17:41.640 --> 0:17:44.080 I'm able to find Again, there's privilege involved in that, 0:17:44.160 --> 0:17:47.240 but like we trade off other things, right, Like right, 0:17:47.359 --> 0:17:49.960 I prioritize those things so that I can make it 0:17:50.000 --> 0:17:55.160 work for both my mental and physical health. M hm um. 0:17:55.200 --> 0:17:58.000 What were some of the moments in your life where 0:17:58.040 --> 0:18:04.200 you recognized at someone else could do something faster, cheaper better. 0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:07.399 For example, like you said, maybe you need help cleaning 0:18:07.400 --> 0:18:10.080 your house, Maybe you need help you know as a driver, 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:13.480 Like that's something that like you can outsource that might 0:18:13.560 --> 0:18:16.520 actually make it so that you can earn more money 0:18:16.560 --> 0:18:19.480 in that time. Uh, in another way, can you give 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.960 me some examples of moments like that. It was definitely 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:28.879 Motherly as we started to scaling grow and realizing that 0:18:28.960 --> 0:18:31.720 I had to hire people at Motherly to do more 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:34.240 things right. Like that was the starting point for me 0:18:34.280 --> 0:18:36.600 that made me realize that, like, maybe I can do 0:18:36.640 --> 0:18:39.680 this thing, but I'm not the only person that can 0:18:39.720 --> 0:18:41.520 do this thing, and by me trying to do all 0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:45.360 the things, I'm actually holding back this business and our potential, right. 0:18:45.440 --> 0:18:48.600 And so I started getting more comfortable hiring people for Motherly, 0:18:48.920 --> 0:18:51.680 and then I started realizing, oh, whoa, that person can 0:18:51.720 --> 0:18:53.760 do that better than I did it, right, And so 0:18:53.800 --> 0:18:56.040 I got past that mental block of it, and then 0:18:56.080 --> 0:18:59.080 I started realizing I started understanding what it was like 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:01.359 to scale right. And then I said, well, if I 0:19:01.359 --> 0:19:03.920 can scale in my business life, then I can probably 0:19:04.000 --> 0:19:07.639 scale and better optimize in my personal life too. And 0:19:07.680 --> 0:19:11.240 it was definitely a really important moment when we raised 0:19:11.280 --> 0:19:14.720 our first outside funding, so Motherly's venture backed, which means 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:17.800 we have investors. This is um so we're meant to 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:21.000 be a high growth company. And you can't do that 0:19:21.080 --> 0:19:23.920 if you're constantly distracted by the mental list of things 0:19:23.920 --> 0:19:25.840 that you need to be doing for your home and 0:19:25.880 --> 0:19:28.280 your household too. And so I knew that I was 0:19:28.320 --> 0:19:30.439 going to let those investors down and that frankly, I 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:33.879 had a fiduciary responsibility um to find a way to 0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:39.200 make this work better. It reminds me Carrie Washington, who's 0:19:39.240 --> 0:19:42.680 one of my dear dear friends. You know, she's such 0:19:42.720 --> 0:19:46.600 a titan in in all in all ways, but she's 0:19:47.040 --> 0:19:50.840 you know, such so career driven, an excellent mother of three, 0:19:51.320 --> 0:19:56.399 she you know, runs businesses as a production company, a 0:19:56.480 --> 0:20:00.200 million things going on. And she used to say to me, 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:05.480 if you're always just maintaining, you'll never be able to grow. Absolutely, 0:20:05.560 --> 0:20:08.960 And so if you just spend your days in reaction 0:20:09.040 --> 0:20:12.199 to everything going on, whether that's in the with the 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:16.479 kids or in your business, you'll never be able to 0:20:16.560 --> 0:20:19.680 like have the brain space to actually do something better 0:20:19.880 --> 0:20:22.440 or figure out what it is exactly that you want. 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:26.840 And it's and it's releasing yourself from these self limiting 0:20:26.880 --> 0:20:29.080 models that you have of who and what you are 0:20:29.359 --> 0:20:31.840 right and and again this gets back to like I 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:34.120 do think our generation has been trying to be very 0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:36.760 intentional about creating a different type of family and dynamic 0:20:37.240 --> 0:20:39.800 then maybe we were raised in and I am just 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:42.640 I think that's such an amazing thing. But it takes intentionality, 0:20:42.960 --> 0:20:47.280 and it's uncomfortable, and it is um it's always like, 0:20:47.320 --> 0:20:49.560 you know, two steps forward, one step back right and 0:20:49.600 --> 0:20:52.320 making those kinds of changes. But you have to break 0:20:52.400 --> 0:20:54.800 things apart and go outside of what feels comfortable in 0:20:54.880 --> 0:20:58.320 order to have that growth. Is being a mom harder 0:20:58.440 --> 0:21:03.000 or easier than you imagine. New motherhood was so much harder. 0:21:03.680 --> 0:21:07.560 I don't know what I was thinking. Um, I, I know, 0:21:07.640 --> 0:21:09.920 you really don't know until you get there, right. I'm 0:21:09.960 --> 0:21:12.359 convinced every person is like, I think I'll be okay, 0:21:12.400 --> 0:21:13.760 Like I think I'll be okay, and then you get 0:21:13.760 --> 0:21:17.679 there and you're like, I am not okay. Oh I didn't. 0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:23.000 I did not appreciate the physicality of motherhood. Breastfeeding was 0:21:23.040 --> 0:21:25.719 incredibly hard for me, And then I had all that 0:21:25.760 --> 0:21:29.200 guilt around, like you know, switching to formula, and now 0:21:29.240 --> 0:21:31.320 I'm piste off that I understand so much more about 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:34.560 formula that there weren't better choices in formula than um. 0:21:34.600 --> 0:21:38.800 But like I had, I had no idea how my 0:21:38.840 --> 0:21:41.160 body was going to be rocked, and that it wasn't 0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:44.680 just this like postpartum period, that it was really like 0:21:45.119 --> 0:21:49.440 reclaiming My body took really really long time to feel 0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:51.320 like it was my own. And I mean there are 0:21:51.320 --> 0:21:53.119 still times with an eight and ten year old that 0:21:53.200 --> 0:21:56.160 I'm like, mommy needs a little personal space, Like I 0:21:56.200 --> 0:21:58.720 need you a little further away from me right now 0:21:58.800 --> 0:22:02.320 because I'm feeling touched out. Oh yeah, I said that 0:22:02.359 --> 0:22:04.320 to my son this morning. He kept like I was 0:22:04.359 --> 0:22:06.959 having conversations with other people and he kept grabbing my 0:22:07.000 --> 0:22:08.840 face to look at him and pay attention to him. 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:10.439