1 00:00:06,480 --> 00:00:09,680 Speaker 1: Hi, everyone, thank you for tuning in to this very 2 00:00:09,720 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: personal episode of Cheeky's and Chill. I mean, all my 3 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:17,239 Speaker 1: episodes are pretty personal, but this one is especially intimate 4 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: because it's about my mom. It's actually a love letter 5 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 1: to my mom. I love her more than I ever have. 6 00:00:25,640 --> 00:00:27,720 Speaker 1: I feel like I should have some tishes around for 7 00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:31,120 Speaker 1: this episode because I'm probably going to get emotional. But anyway, 8 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:34,680 Speaker 1: this whole thing came up because I was on a 9 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:40,040 Speaker 1: podcast called a Toast to Life and a little piece 10 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,800 Speaker 1: of actually a couple pieces of that episode went viral, 11 00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:48,080 Speaker 1: and one of them was the fact that I was 12 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:51,120 Speaker 1: honest and I said I barely forgave my mom this 13 00:00:51,280 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: year a couple months ago, and some people understood it. 14 00:00:54,960 --> 00:01:00,280 Speaker 1: Other people judged it, and that's okay. Everyone's in title 15 00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: to their opinion. And I just thought it would be 16 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 1: nice to explain to you guys, the people that I 17 00:01:05,959 --> 00:01:10,479 Speaker 1: care about, what I mean. So we're going to dig deep, 18 00:01:10,800 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: and I want to start with this letter I wrote 19 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: for my mom and we will go from there. Mama, 20 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,400 Speaker 1: now that I'm older, I see you with new eyes, 21 00:01:22,240 --> 00:01:26,240 Speaker 1: eyes no longer clouded by judgment, but softened by understanding. 22 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 1: For a long time I carried anger. We weren't speaking 23 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:33,760 Speaker 1: when you left, and the silence between us felt like 24 00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 1: a thorn buried deep. There are words, there are lies, 25 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:41,600 Speaker 1: shadows we never had the chance to clear away. I 26 00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,240 Speaker 1: was angry at that. I was angry at how hard 27 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: you could be on me, how heavy your love felt sometimes. 28 00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:52,760 Speaker 1: But life has taught me, time has softened me. Now 29 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:55,440 Speaker 1: I see the woman behind the mother, the battles you 30 00:01:55,520 --> 00:02:00,160 Speaker 1: fought in silence, the divine spirit you always were. And 31 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: so I let go. I forgive you from the root, 32 00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:08,840 Speaker 1: with purity, with truth, because forgiveness blooms where pain once grew, 33 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:14,800 Speaker 1: and love, real love makes everything new. Our relationship was complicated, 34 00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 1: but it doesn't have to remain that way. What once 35 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 1: was thorn now blossoms into flowers. What once was anger 36 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:27,239 Speaker 1: now grows into peace. So here I am your daughter 37 00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:31,520 Speaker 1: with an open heart, choosing you again, choosing us again. 38 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 1: You are my mother, my teacher, my eternal garden of light. 39 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: I love you in this life and beyond. And I 40 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 1: wrote that for her because it's a long story. Some 41 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,320 Speaker 1: of you may know, some of you may not. But 42 00:02:48,680 --> 00:02:55,200 Speaker 1: I went on this journey with medicine. I think we 43 00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:58,959 Speaker 1: have briefly spoken about it here. But because I wanted 44 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 1: to become a mother, I wanted to prepare my mind, body, 45 00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:07,560 Speaker 1: and soul. And this medicine basically detoxes your body. It's 46 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:13,160 Speaker 1: indigenous medicine, and it opens your heart and it detoxes 47 00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 1: you on a physical, emotional, and spiritual level. And I 48 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:21,360 Speaker 1: thought that I had forgiven my mom and I felt 49 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:26,760 Speaker 1: like I wasn't angry anymore. But when I did this medicine, 50 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:32,040 Speaker 1: I was faced with that situation again with my mom, 51 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:37,840 Speaker 1: and I realized that there was still a little bit left, 52 00:03:38,240 --> 00:03:43,040 Speaker 1: that the root had to just be uprooted. And I 53 00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: saw and felt a different side of my mom. I 54 00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 1: can't tell you that she appeared. It's nothing like that. 55 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: It's just I felt her. I felt the pain that 56 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: she was in right before she I felt the pain 57 00:04:02,120 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: of a mother, being a single mother. I felt the 58 00:04:06,760 --> 00:04:10,400 Speaker 1: pain of being a daughter of a mother that was 59 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: very hard on her. And then I just understood and 60 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:17,160 Speaker 1: it all made sense, and I understood that I was 61 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 1: chosen to break these generational cycles and even in some 62 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 1: cases curses from our ancestors, and that's what this medicine does. 63 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: And I didn't even know this was going to happen. 64 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,279 Speaker 1: I just knew I am going to lean in. I'm 65 00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:39,799 Speaker 1: going to just surrender to this medicine and let God 66 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,000 Speaker 1: do what he needs to do. And he definitely did. 67 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,960 Speaker 1: And that was in March, and I see my mom 68 00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 1: with completely different eyes, Guys, Like, it's crazy. I think 69 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: of even the bad moments and it doesn't hurt me, 70 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:57,720 Speaker 1: it doesn't anger me the way it used to, Like 71 00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:02,159 Speaker 1: it just all makes sense now, like everything literally did 72 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,160 Speaker 1: have to happen the way it happened, even the bad stuff, 73 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 1: because I wasn't Maybe the easiest child to raise is 74 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:12,440 Speaker 1: she didn't understand me because I was so different from her, 75 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: And if she hadn't been so hard on me, then 76 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: maybe I would have been a different person, a different woman. 77 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,640 Speaker 1: And I'm okay with that, Like I'm okay with how 78 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,760 Speaker 1: she decided to discipline me. Do I want to discipline 79 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:32,360 Speaker 1: my child that way? No, But I'm not judging her 80 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: for it. She was young and I needed it. And 81 00:05:38,040 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: now what I could do is learn from that experience 82 00:05:40,680 --> 00:05:44,240 Speaker 1: and learn from my mother and learn from our relationship, 83 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:48,520 Speaker 1: and hopefully when I have my child, use all of 84 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:52,720 Speaker 1: these things that I've learned to correct it because I 85 00:05:52,720 --> 00:05:55,479 Speaker 1: don't want this to keep going. And I just thought 86 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:58,679 Speaker 1: about that. I remember my mom telling me about things 87 00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:01,000 Speaker 1: that my grandmother did and how she was with her, 88 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:04,040 Speaker 1: and I think that just kept on going until it 89 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:06,479 Speaker 1: got to us and affected not only me, my sisters 90 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 1: as well. But I can't speak for them because they're 91 00:06:09,080 --> 00:06:12,320 Speaker 1: not here obviously, but how it affected us in different ways. 92 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:15,840 Speaker 1: But I think the important thing here is really just 93 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 1: seeing the person at their core. And now I see 94 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:26,080 Speaker 1: my mom for that divine being that she is and 95 00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 1: that she always was. It's just life happens, and life 96 00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:35,279 Speaker 1: causes us to go about our life in a certain way, 97 00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:39,360 Speaker 1: and it changes us if we allow it. And I 98 00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:42,760 Speaker 1: think my moms didn't have the chance to. She was 99 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:47,080 Speaker 1: so young when she passed to realize, hey, I could 100 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:51,279 Speaker 1: do this differently. I could say things differently, I could 101 00:06:51,320 --> 00:06:56,920 Speaker 1: react differently, and she didn't get to go through therapy 102 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 1: the way I have. But this is why I'm here, 103 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,360 Speaker 1: and this is why I'm here to change things now, 104 00:07:03,360 --> 00:07:07,680 Speaker 1: going back to my mom what I have forgiven her 105 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:13,880 Speaker 1: for because some of the comments I saw when that 106 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:18,920 Speaker 1: piece of the podcast went viral were I think you 107 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 1: got it confused, your mom has to forgive you because 108 00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:26,680 Speaker 1: some people still have this idea that I slept with 109 00:07:26,680 --> 00:07:31,320 Speaker 1: my mom's husband, which is not true. Never happened. Ever, 110 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,800 Speaker 1: it was just hearsay, and I know my mom and 111 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,160 Speaker 1: I were going to be fine, but I had to 112 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:42,120 Speaker 1: forgive her because and granted I wasn't the perfect daughter. 113 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 1: I'm sure there are things that you know I would 114 00:07:44,240 --> 00:07:46,520 Speaker 1: have to if she was here, ask for forgiveness, but 115 00:07:46,920 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 1: that definitely did not happen. And I don't have to 116 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:55,240 Speaker 1: apologize for that because it never happened, but it caused 117 00:07:55,280 --> 00:08:05,880 Speaker 1: a lot of problems in the world. And I was 118 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:09,160 Speaker 1: very angry about that for a long long time, and 119 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: it would go on and off, and I never understood 120 00:08:15,120 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 1: why it happened. Well maybe then now I guess it 121 00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:22,040 Speaker 1: makes a little bit more sense. But I was just upset. 122 00:08:22,160 --> 00:08:24,440 Speaker 1: I was upset at her, and I'm like, how in 123 00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:27,080 Speaker 1: the hell could you do this? How could you not 124 00:08:27,160 --> 00:08:29,720 Speaker 1: give me the time of day to hear me out. 125 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 1: She would just shut down and just completely erase you, 126 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 1: and then she would come back whenever she felt like it, 127 00:08:38,120 --> 00:08:43,200 Speaker 1: and and that it really upset me, and I didn't 128 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,480 Speaker 1: want to carry that and I thought I had forgiven it, 129 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 1: but now I really truly feel like I've let it go, 130 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:52,400 Speaker 1: Like it's it's fine. I'm not going to let that 131 00:08:52,520 --> 00:08:57,040 Speaker 1: determine my relationship with her from here on out. And 132 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:01,560 Speaker 1: it happened. We're over it. I'm still alive. I'm here. 133 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,720 Speaker 1: God ha really showed up and showed off in my life. 134 00:09:06,760 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 1: And I do feel that it's also her, you know, 135 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,959 Speaker 1: from where she is, she's helping me. It's her way 136 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:15,120 Speaker 1: of saying, hey, I'm sorry, I'm going to help you, 137 00:09:15,480 --> 00:09:18,600 Speaker 1: and I'm going to help open doors for you, and 138 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,280 Speaker 1: here are some opportunities. And I do feel a lot 139 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 1: of everything that's happened in my life has been heaven 140 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: sent and she has a lot to do with it. 141 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:30,040 Speaker 1: So that's what I felt I needed to forgive my 142 00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:34,640 Speaker 1: mom for mainly other things like being so hard on me. 143 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:40,200 Speaker 1: I never understood why I was treated differently than my 144 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:45,079 Speaker 1: sister Jackie, you know, who is the second child. And 145 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:50,200 Speaker 1: I felt like Jackie could get away with murder for real, 146 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,719 Speaker 1: Like my mom once said, She's like, it's because she's 147 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 1: she's like me, you know, it's revele, you know, and 148 00:09:54,920 --> 00:09:58,600 Speaker 1: she's a rebel, and I'm like that, and I'm like, dude, here, 149 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: I am trying to do everything perfec and I always 150 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 1: get the short end of the stick. So I kind 151 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 1: of always resented my mom for that and I didn't 152 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:09,360 Speaker 1: understand it. And now I'm like, it is what it is. 153 00:10:09,960 --> 00:10:14,240 Speaker 1: I am so happy with how I turned out, and 154 00:10:14,320 --> 00:10:16,320 Speaker 1: I owe it to my mom, Like she was tough 155 00:10:16,320 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 1: on me and that's the way she had to be 156 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 1: and that was her decision and I'm grateful for it. 157 00:10:21,360 --> 00:10:23,040 Speaker 1: So I just kind of turned it around and said, 158 00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 1: you know what, I'm glad that she was able to 159 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 1: give my sister that love and that attention and that 160 00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:35,160 Speaker 1: like praise because my sister needed that. I didn't know 161 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 1: for a long time that my sister felt like she 162 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:39,960 Speaker 1: was in my shadow. She felt like my mom didn't 163 00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: really like pay much attention to her and it was 164 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,920 Speaker 1: more about me. So I think we were feeling that 165 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,839 Speaker 1: at the same time, not knowing that, like, well, I 166 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:49,959 Speaker 1: felt the same way about you, you know, so things 167 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:59,800 Speaker 1: like that, And again I thought I had gotten over 168 00:10:59,840 --> 00:11:02,840 Speaker 1: all of these things. But when I did this medicine 169 00:11:02,840 --> 00:11:07,160 Speaker 1: in my time of prayer, I realized that it all 170 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 1: happened the way it was supposed to happen and that 171 00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,920 Speaker 1: I need to like let it go fully. And again 172 00:11:13,120 --> 00:11:15,200 Speaker 1: I didn't even realize it, Like I didn't realize it 173 00:11:15,280 --> 00:11:19,920 Speaker 1: until I I was out of this retreat and I 174 00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:23,120 Speaker 1: had written down in my journal all my feelings and 175 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, my goodness, Like I love my mother. 176 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 1: And my mom once told me, she says, you're just 177 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 1: like I don't know, you're just like in love with me, 178 00:11:30,840 --> 00:11:32,679 Speaker 1: because I was kind of like I guess, low key 179 00:11:32,720 --> 00:11:35,680 Speaker 1: obsessed with her, like I just wanted her approval for everything, 180 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:39,160 Speaker 1: and I did anything I could to make her proud, 181 00:11:39,440 --> 00:11:41,720 Speaker 1: and maybe it was too much for her. She didn't 182 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:45,040 Speaker 1: understand it. And I remember feeling when she told me that, 183 00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:47,280 Speaker 1: I felt offended. I'm like, what is she talking about it? 184 00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:48,959 Speaker 1: She'd think I love her like in a lesbian way 185 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:54,000 Speaker 1: or something. And then through therapy, my life coach was like, yeah, 186 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,439 Speaker 1: of course, of course you were in love with her. 187 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 1: That was like your first love, your parents are your 188 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:02,720 Speaker 1: first love. And I was like yeah, but like she 189 00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:05,120 Speaker 1: meant it in a negative way and she helped me 190 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 1: like walk through it. And now after the medicine, now 191 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:10,960 Speaker 1: I'm like, yeah, I'm in love with my mother. Hell yeah, 192 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,559 Speaker 1: like I am, Like I am now more in love 193 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:19,000 Speaker 1: with her than ever. I see her for the beautiful, wonderful, 194 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:23,360 Speaker 1: like badass woman that she is. And I felt for 195 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:28,440 Speaker 1: so long that I was in her shadow because the 196 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:33,680 Speaker 1: world put that on me. And I'm kind of upset 197 00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,560 Speaker 1: at myself for allowing so many people's opinion to even 198 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:41,320 Speaker 1: hinder my relationship with my mom even further. Some of 199 00:12:41,360 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 1: her family, some of her fans like saying, you know, 200 00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: you just want to be like your mom, like you 201 00:12:47,280 --> 00:12:49,080 Speaker 1: want to take her place, and I'm like no, And 202 00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:51,920 Speaker 1: I did everything that I could to do the complete 203 00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: opposite so people could see me. And now I'm like, 204 00:12:57,480 --> 00:13:00,640 Speaker 1: f that, dude, this is my mom. If I want 205 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:02,559 Speaker 1: to be like my mom, what's wrong with it? If 206 00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:04,600 Speaker 1: I want to sing like my mom, what's wrong with it? 207 00:13:04,960 --> 00:13:08,679 Speaker 1: If I want to sing her songs, what's wrong with it? 208 00:13:08,679 --> 00:13:11,800 Speaker 1: It's my mom Like she's she's my mother, my father, 209 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:16,360 Speaker 1: my friend. We did everything together, and it sucks that 210 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,320 Speaker 1: at the end of her life people that were jealous 211 00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: of our relationship got between it, and I have forgiven 212 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:29,600 Speaker 1: those people. But I did get upset with myself because 213 00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,439 Speaker 1: I'm like, why did I allow this, Like, how is 214 00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:35,720 Speaker 1: it that I'm barely feeling this now, like it's going 215 00:13:35,760 --> 00:13:39,400 Speaker 1: to be thirteen years. But I'm like, no, it's okay, 216 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,119 Speaker 1: Like it was a process, like grieving forgiveness is a process. 217 00:13:43,960 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 1: And it wasn't that I faked forgave her because I 218 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 1: felt it. I thought I had really forgiven her, but 219 00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 1: it would come up sometimes, and now I just feel 220 00:13:52,080 --> 00:13:54,559 Speaker 1: like it hasn't come up, Like it just doesn't. Now 221 00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:59,440 Speaker 1: I'm embracing her. Now I want to do anything and 222 00:13:59,480 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: everything to exalt her, to exalt her name, to keep 223 00:14:02,520 --> 00:14:07,719 Speaker 1: her alive. And before I was like running away from it, 224 00:14:08,679 --> 00:14:11,199 Speaker 1: and now I'm not. I don't care what anyone says. 225 00:14:11,760 --> 00:14:15,280 Speaker 1: I don't care if my management, I don't care if 226 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,880 Speaker 1: my team thinks it's not a good idea, Like, I 227 00:14:18,880 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 1: don't care. I want to praise the woman that raised me, 228 00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,960 Speaker 1: even if she was hard on me. It's okay. I 229 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,560 Speaker 1: needed it. She was the perfect mother for me. She 230 00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:33,720 Speaker 1: wasn't the perfect mother, but she was a perfect mother 231 00:14:33,760 --> 00:14:36,320 Speaker 1: for me for the type of child that I was, 232 00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:41,920 Speaker 1: and I needed it. And now I'm grateful. I have 233 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:45,560 Speaker 1: so many ideas and so many plans, and before I 234 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,760 Speaker 1: wanted nothing to do with my mom's stuff. I wanted 235 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:51,280 Speaker 1: to just stay far away from it because it brought 236 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:55,880 Speaker 1: up old memories, painful memories. And now I want to 237 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: lean into it. Now I'm like, no, how can I help? 238 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 1: How can I help my sister Jack hopefully? You know, 239 00:15:01,760 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 1: she has a lot on her plate, and I just 240 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:08,280 Speaker 1: want to help her and hopefully help my mom's legacy 241 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,240 Speaker 1: stay alive. And if people compare me to her, that's fine. 242 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: I don't care. Compare me all you want, Like that's 243 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,480 Speaker 1: my mother and it is what it is. And if 244 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 1: it bothers people, then that's your problem, not my problem. 245 00:15:22,640 --> 00:15:25,160 Speaker 1: Like I've gotten to that place of just peace with it. 246 00:15:26,120 --> 00:15:27,880 Speaker 1: Now I do. I'm going to sing her songs. I 247 00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,640 Speaker 1: have so many plans, Like I said, I don't want 248 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:32,840 Speaker 1: to say what yet because right now we're like in 249 00:15:32,880 --> 00:15:35,080 Speaker 1: this mode of floor to sent Miatama, which is the 250 00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,280 Speaker 1: name of my EP. Which that's why in the letter 251 00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:40,680 Speaker 1: that I wrote her, it has to do with her, 252 00:15:40,920 --> 00:15:46,240 Speaker 1: Like I just finally let my soul bloom. And I 253 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:50,320 Speaker 1: felt like half of my light was dimmed because I 254 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 1: wasn't embracing this side. And now I feel like my music, 255 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:57,760 Speaker 1: everything that I'm doing is going to radiate in a 256 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:02,040 Speaker 1: different way because I'm turning on the other side and 257 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,320 Speaker 1: I'm proud. I'm very proud in a different way to 258 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 1: say that that's my mom and that I'm not ashamed 259 00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:13,640 Speaker 1: of anything that happened between us, and I'm not upset anymore, 260 00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:18,120 Speaker 1: and I completely forgive her and I'm accepting her in 261 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:22,280 Speaker 1: my life in every way, and I'm excited because I 262 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 1: feel her so much, and I feel like she communicates 263 00:16:24,640 --> 00:16:27,960 Speaker 1: with me through music, and not just like songs that 264 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,280 Speaker 1: I write, but through songs that we liked, the songs 265 00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,480 Speaker 1: that she liked, or even if like I'm thinking about her, 266 00:16:33,520 --> 00:16:35,640 Speaker 1: I'm sad, Like a song comes on and I'm like, 267 00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 1: this is my mom speaking to me through music. And 268 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:41,240 Speaker 1: now it's happening a lot more, and I think it's 269 00:16:41,280 --> 00:16:47,920 Speaker 1: because I'm accepting it. I'm opening my heart to it. 270 00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 1: And I just want to say, like, I know, mother 271 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:54,840 Speaker 1: and daughter relationships are hard, especially with the first daughter. 272 00:16:54,880 --> 00:16:57,840 Speaker 1: I don't know what it is, but I've seen there's 273 00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: something there. There's a pattern there that mothers and daughters 274 00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:05,520 Speaker 1: like have this thing like with each other. And I 275 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:10,320 Speaker 1: wanted to heal that because when I do have a daughter, 276 00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 1: I want to start off on the right foot, and 277 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:18,000 Speaker 1: I want to tell her about her grandma and how 278 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:21,399 Speaker 1: wonderful she was, because that that's another thing that I 279 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 1: could be honest with you guys about that. For a 280 00:17:23,720 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 1: long time, Like you know, I didn't want to have 281 00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,440 Speaker 1: kids because my mom wasn't going to be in the 282 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,120 Speaker 1: room with me. I saw her holding my sister's hand 283 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:35,200 Speaker 1: when she had Jayla, and she was such a great coach, 284 00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:40,040 Speaker 1: and I just felt jealous of that, and I didn't 285 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,680 Speaker 1: want to have kids because I was afraid of having 286 00:17:43,720 --> 00:17:46,960 Speaker 1: the same type of relationship. Although we had a beautiful relationship. 287 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:50,040 Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. It wasn't all bad. But when 288 00:17:50,040 --> 00:17:52,360 Speaker 1: it was bad, it was bad. But when it was good, 289 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 1: it was great. Like I know, my mom loved me, 290 00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,439 Speaker 1: and she showed me in so many different ways. She 291 00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:03,480 Speaker 1: was just her way of showing love was providing and 292 00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:07,880 Speaker 1: I just sometimes needed a hug. But I know she 293 00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:11,959 Speaker 1: loved me very much, and from what I hear from 294 00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,119 Speaker 1: other people, you know, she would express how much she 295 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:16,879 Speaker 1: loved me to other people, and I think it was 296 00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:18,560 Speaker 1: probably just hard for her to express it to me 297 00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:22,600 Speaker 1: for whatever reason. But going back to the baby thing, 298 00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,680 Speaker 1: like I could admit that it was. I was jealous 299 00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:26,040 Speaker 1: of that, and I was like, I'm not even going 300 00:18:26,119 --> 00:18:28,040 Speaker 1: to have kids because my mom's not going to be 301 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,720 Speaker 1: there with me. But now I'll have her in my 302 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,720 Speaker 1: heart and I'll remember that time and how she was 303 00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: coaching my sister through her labor, and that's what it is. 304 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:44,639 Speaker 1: And I know she's with me, you know. And you 305 00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:50,280 Speaker 1: know what's crazy. I feel like as I'm getting older, 306 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:56,840 Speaker 1: I'm becoming my mother. It's so crazy, Like just what 307 00:18:56,880 --> 00:18:58,560 Speaker 1: did I do the other day. I did something the 308 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,359 Speaker 1: other day that I was like, oh my gosh, that 309 00:19:00,440 --> 00:19:03,359 Speaker 1: is so my mom, Like I'm catching myself like making 310 00:19:03,440 --> 00:19:06,439 Speaker 1: certain faces that she would make. Johnny just told me 311 00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,959 Speaker 1: the other day, actually yesterday, He's like, keep doing your 312 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,560 Speaker 1: hair this way, like it reminds me a lot of 313 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 1: your mother. You look like your mother. And I thought 314 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 1: it when I was doing my hair and I saw 315 00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:18,320 Speaker 1: a video. But then when he said it, I was like, 316 00:19:18,359 --> 00:19:20,280 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, this is crazy, Like I feel like 317 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:23,439 Speaker 1: it was my mom telling me through Johnny that she 318 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,919 Speaker 1: likes this look. I don't know, it was crazy. I 319 00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:27,439 Speaker 1: was like, this is so crazy. I thought it and 320 00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:31,600 Speaker 1: tell anyone and then Johnny confirmed it. But I do 321 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:36,440 Speaker 1: feel like I'm becoming my mom, and I have her 322 00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,520 Speaker 1: work ethic and I do my best to not be 323 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:44,040 Speaker 1: a workaholic because my mother was a workaholic. But I 324 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 1: realized that now with this year, that's a little slower. 325 00:19:47,480 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 1: I realize that I am a workaholic. Guys that I'd 326 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:54,639 Speaker 1: rather be busy. I'd rather be on tour. I think, 327 00:19:55,480 --> 00:19:58,399 Speaker 1: I think I'm still trying to figure it out. But 328 00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,240 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh my goodnes, Maybe I was so busy 329 00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 1: because I'm feeling so many different things. I mean, granted, 330 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:08,680 Speaker 1: so much is happening in the world right, a lot 331 00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,080 Speaker 1: of things that I'm an impath, so I feel everything 332 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:16,120 Speaker 1: and it breaks my heart. And I've thought a lot 333 00:20:16,119 --> 00:20:19,800 Speaker 1: about my mom during this time as well, because just 334 00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:23,639 Speaker 1: in my recent video Bami Hinte, I put in a 335 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:26,960 Speaker 1: little part of her voice when she was out at 336 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:30,760 Speaker 1: a march and this is like in two thousand and eight, 337 00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 1: and she was out there with her people, and that's 338 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,480 Speaker 1: something I learned from her. I was like, hell, yeah, 339 00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 1: like I need to be with my people, and it's 340 00:20:38,280 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: something that I feel in my heart. It could be 341 00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,600 Speaker 1: because I learned it from her. It that's just who 342 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:46,359 Speaker 1: I am. But even in that, like there were people 343 00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: that told me on my team to remove it, and 344 00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:52,520 Speaker 1: I said, no, I'm not going to do it. This 345 00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:55,199 Speaker 1: is my mom and this is what's happening and this 346 00:20:55,280 --> 00:20:57,119 Speaker 1: is very real and if she was here, she would 347 00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: be doing this as well, and this is my way 348 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:02,640 Speaker 1: of honoring her. And before I would have been like, yeah, 349 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,040 Speaker 1: you're right, like you know, they're going to think that 350 00:21:05,080 --> 00:21:09,440 Speaker 1: I'm trying to Golgarmente Sufama, like you know, I'm trying 351 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 1: to take advantage. And I was like, no, no, I don't 352 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,400 Speaker 1: want people to like tie me to that or now 353 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:16,679 Speaker 1: I don't give a I don't care, Like I'm like, 354 00:21:17,119 --> 00:21:19,719 Speaker 1: think whatever you want. This is my mom. I'm proud 355 00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,160 Speaker 1: of her. I'm proud of what she's done and what 356 00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 1: she would be doing that a lot of people aren't 357 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:27,840 Speaker 1: doing if she were here. That is what I'm talking 358 00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,080 Speaker 1: about when I mean like I want to represent her 359 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,080 Speaker 1: her legacy. That is her legacy, that is who she 360 00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: was as a woman music aside, she'd be out here 361 00:21:39,280 --> 00:21:41,520 Speaker 1: fighting with her people and not fighting but you know 362 00:21:41,560 --> 00:21:44,159 Speaker 1: what I mean, like raising her voice for her people, 363 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:47,040 Speaker 1: and that is how I choose to honor my mother 364 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:51,320 Speaker 1: and her legacy, and so I didn't remove it and 365 00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:56,199 Speaker 1: I'm not going to and we'll see what happens. I'm like, 366 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,359 Speaker 1: this is part of the story. This is part of 367 00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:01,640 Speaker 1: what like I want to tell through this music, and 368 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,840 Speaker 1: this is my way of honoring her. And that's a 369 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,600 Speaker 1: promise that I made her on her birthday post this year, 370 00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:10,200 Speaker 1: I said, I promised to exalt your name and everything 371 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: that I do, because for so long I was scared 372 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:22,199 Speaker 1: because other people would tell me that I needed to 373 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:25,399 Speaker 1: move away from my mom in a way so that 374 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 1: people could see me. And maybe I needed to do 375 00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 1: that then so that people could see Cheeky's because yes, 376 00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,320 Speaker 1: I want people to know me for me, not just 377 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,119 Speaker 1: Jenny's daughter. I'm always going to be her daughter and 378 00:22:37,119 --> 00:22:41,360 Speaker 1: it's an honor. But for that time, it was Hey, guys, 379 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,120 Speaker 1: I want you to hear me and hear my stories. 380 00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:48,240 Speaker 1: And I'm fine with that. But now now I feel 381 00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:50,040 Speaker 1: like I did what I needed to do in that 382 00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:52,600 Speaker 1: side of the world and with that music, and now 383 00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:54,720 Speaker 1: with this music, I'm going to do whatever I want, 384 00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:58,320 Speaker 1: and that means I'm going to honor her in whatever 385 00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,000 Speaker 1: way feels natural to me and feels real, and I'm 386 00:23:02,000 --> 00:23:07,800 Speaker 1: gonna love her purely, and whoever can't accept that, then 387 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: they're not meant to be in this season of my life. 388 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,280 Speaker 1: And I'm okay with that, and I'm not scared anymore. 389 00:23:14,240 --> 00:23:17,080 Speaker 1: And I was saying something else, and I forgot because 390 00:23:17,080 --> 00:23:19,159 Speaker 1: there was something that brought me to this, but I 391 00:23:19,200 --> 00:23:22,119 Speaker 1: was saying something initially, and since I can't remember what 392 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:23,960 Speaker 1: I was saying, We'll go back to the baby thing, 393 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,480 Speaker 1: because that's very prominent right now in my life. And 394 00:23:27,720 --> 00:23:31,520 Speaker 1: I'm no longer scared for those reasons to have a baby. 395 00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,840 Speaker 1: I mean, obviously there are still fears there because I'm 396 00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,760 Speaker 1: a woman and because I'm in the industry, and there 397 00:23:36,800 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 1: are things that worry me a tiny bit. I think 398 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:43,640 Speaker 1: you're never fully prepared to have a child. But when 399 00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 1: I have my child, I definitely want to tell my 400 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:55,840 Speaker 1: daughter or my son that had an amazing grandma. And 401 00:23:55,880 --> 00:23:57,720 Speaker 1: I'm going to show them all the videos on I 402 00:23:57,800 --> 00:24:03,240 Speaker 1: Love Jenny, because thank god, we have those that I 403 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 1: can go back to and they can hear their grandma's 404 00:24:06,760 --> 00:24:09,200 Speaker 1: voice and hear her laugh because I love her laugh. 405 00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:13,040 Speaker 1: Her laugh is so contagious and hear all the crazy 406 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:18,000 Speaker 1: things that she would say. And also tell them, Mom, 407 00:24:18,280 --> 00:24:20,919 Speaker 1: your grandma probably would be canceled, but she wouldn't care, 408 00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 1: and she'd come back and bounce right back and tell 409 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:28,920 Speaker 1: her that and tell I keep saying her. So maybe 410 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:30,879 Speaker 1: I'm would have a girl. Huh. I don't know. But 411 00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,280 Speaker 1: tell my baby and my daughter and my son that 412 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:41,560 Speaker 1: they had a grandmother that really set the tone for 413 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:47,680 Speaker 1: a lot of people, especially in music, and how she 414 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:50,160 Speaker 1: always did what she wanted and what felt real to her, 415 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:54,200 Speaker 1: and how she was always a woman before an artist. 416 00:24:54,240 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 1: And I really respect that. I admire that so much 417 00:24:57,320 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 1: because especially then, it was hard and she did it 418 00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,640 Speaker 1: and she always stay true to herself. And I want 419 00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:09,600 Speaker 1: them to know all of these things. And I'm going 420 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 1: to talk to my child as much as I can 421 00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 1: about their grandma. Thank God they haven't Melio's mom. She's 422 00:25:18,320 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 1: going to be amazing. But I know my mom would. 423 00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:25,840 Speaker 1: I have loved to see one of my children, and 424 00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:30,280 Speaker 1: God willing it happened. You know, if I could tell 425 00:25:30,280 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 1: my mom anything right now, I would just say thank you, 426 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:41,040 Speaker 1: thank you for being an amazing mom, for doing your 427 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 1: best with what you had for not giving up, because 428 00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:51,920 Speaker 1: even though I felt like you gave up on me sometimes, 429 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:56,399 Speaker 1: especially towards the end, I know that you were going 430 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:59,639 Speaker 1: through a lot of pain the way I was, because 431 00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,760 Speaker 1: I love is real and it's true, and I know 432 00:26:02,840 --> 00:26:04,560 Speaker 1: that you love me now. I know you loved me. 433 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: For a long time, I doubted it, but now I 434 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:13,680 Speaker 1: feel it. I feel the love that you have for me, Mom, 435 00:26:14,040 --> 00:26:15,840 Speaker 1: and I just want to say thank you, and I'm 436 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:18,919 Speaker 1: sorry that I was hard on you, and I'm sorry 437 00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:23,520 Speaker 1: that I felt you didn't love me, because you showed 438 00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 1: me in so many different ways and I think I 439 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,880 Speaker 1: just didn't want to see it because I was so angry. 440 00:26:30,920 --> 00:26:35,800 Speaker 1: But I'm not angry anymore and I love you. That's 441 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,880 Speaker 1: what I would tell her if she was right here. 442 00:26:39,520 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: And that's it, guys. I'm a mess right now. I 443 00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,840 Speaker 1: just want to let you guys know that if you 444 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:52,120 Speaker 1: are having a difficult time with your mom, do your 445 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:57,560 Speaker 1: best to try to mend that relationship while they're here. 446 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:04,400 Speaker 1: Some moms can be very toxic, so if they do 447 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,119 Speaker 1: more harm to you they're good then you guys know 448 00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:09,359 Speaker 1: how I feel about that, But do your best to 449 00:27:09,440 --> 00:27:14,480 Speaker 1: mend it. Write them a letter, send them flowers. Try 450 00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:19,800 Speaker 1: until trying is no longer an option, but try, and 451 00:27:19,840 --> 00:27:21,680 Speaker 1: that is the best advice that I can give you. 452 00:27:22,760 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 1: That's it, guys, Thank you so much for listening to 453 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:29,600 Speaker 1: this episode. Thank you for allowing me to open my 454 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:34,440 Speaker 1: heart like this. I don't think I talk to anyone 455 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 1: as deeply as intensely as I talk to you, guys, 456 00:27:39,880 --> 00:27:42,560 Speaker 1: So thank you for allowing me to have this space. 457 00:27:42,680 --> 00:27:44,880 Speaker 1: And you, guys always come back to listen, and I'm 458 00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:50,640 Speaker 1: so grateful and hopefully this episode is also healing for you. 459 00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:54,280 Speaker 1: I love you, and I will catch you on the 460 00:27:54,280 --> 00:28:00,000 Speaker 1: next episode of your favorite podcast, Cheez and Chill. Love you. 461 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,680 Speaker 1: This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Micaela podcast Network. 462 00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:10,040 Speaker 1: Follow us on Instagram at Michael Doura Podcasts, then follow 463 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:12,840 Speaker 1: me Chicky's That's c h I q U I s. 464 00:28:13,280 --> 00:28:17,760 Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 465 00:28:17,840 --> 00:28:20,040 Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.