Speaker 1: Welcome to Worst Year Ever, a production of I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio Together Everything, So don't don't ah, it's the Worst
Speaker 1: Year Ever, the only podcast whose title was just plagiarized
Speaker 1: by Radio Lab. We are in the process, I promise you,
Speaker 1: of of pursuing legally. Um. I feel confident saying their
Speaker 1: offices will be nothing but a bloody crater in the ground.
Speaker 1: When wait, did they plagiarized us for their sure duke,
Speaker 1: they have a series or at least an episode called
Speaker 1: Worst Year Ever? They know the worst year to be
Speaker 1: alive on planet Earth, and I have never been angrier. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they just did. They just take um clips from our
Speaker 1: show over the past few years. It's just our show,
Speaker 1: is as I understand it. It's it's just our a show, um.
Speaker 1: But but cutting it and editing it very carefully to
Speaker 1: have Cody admit to being the UNI bomber. Well, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: it's not a hard well that sounds like good journalism,
Speaker 1: capustrated stitch together. That's my assumption. I've said it before
Speaker 1: and I'll say it again. No, they put periods in
Speaker 1: between the words. Oh yeah, yeah, that's just trying to
Speaker 1: trick the algorithms so they don't get a d m
Speaker 1: C A motherfucker's I'm going to burn radio Lab to
Speaker 1: the ground. Yeah, I think it's a real lab, right,
Speaker 1: It's like, oh yeah, it's it's a laboratory. So there's
Speaker 1: a lot of flammable things in there. They should not
Speaker 1: tried us. Yeah, they'll be they'll be too busy being
Speaker 1: on fire, on fire a d O lab people collab.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the worst year we've been reading books.
Speaker 1: Good we have been. Has there been news? I don't
Speaker 1: think so. It doesn't seem likely, does not seem like
Speaker 1: a thing there's been. The only news I care about
Speaker 1: is what's going to happen to this tiny little guy
Speaker 1: inside of another guy. That's what matters to me. The
Speaker 1: emotion allegory we discovered this was this week. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know there's people in the reddit who are frustrated who
Speaker 1: say that the story What's Fair had a point and
Speaker 1: we didn't get it. I think we got it. They're like,
Speaker 1: you doing an iron rand allegory. We got it, it's
Speaker 1: just incompetently done. So there's not actually a point because
Speaker 1: it's not really established whether or not um like, what's
Speaker 1: his name? The murderer brother is any Like, we just
Speaker 1: hear from his perspective that his physical labor is what's
Speaker 1: saving the farm, and we never actually get a reveal
Speaker 1: to show that his brother was actually doing anything that
Speaker 1: kept the farm going or the family going. So again,
Speaker 1: yeah's that's what Ben is trying to do, but there's
Speaker 1: no message because he didn't do it competent do it.
Speaker 1: That's my argument with reddit. Well, also the other brother. Uh,
Speaker 1: not only did he not demonstrate that he was actually
Speaker 1: doing uh uh, it did demonstrate that the work he
Speaker 1: did do was build a tractor that did not work,
Speaker 1: that did not work, that that was not effective. Didn't
Speaker 1: it didn't work when you press the button should have
Speaker 1: been easy. Uh. Yeah. If the messages that like, there's
Speaker 1: uberman inventors and laborers and laborers need to know their place.
Speaker 1: We never established that the Uberman's is in fact good
Speaker 1: at anything. It's not actually shown by anything that happens
Speaker 1: in the story. Yeah, one could argue that it demonstrated
Speaker 1: that he was bad at it. Yeah, that that just
Speaker 1: that the messages that sometimes two people who are bad
Speaker 1: at things have a murder. Yeah, sometimes, and sometimes a
Speaker 1: murder happens between two people with very fewer teeming qualities
Speaker 1: or qualities at all, oh qualities whatsoever, because they're not
Speaker 1: really characters in any meaningful way. Yeah, well, important thing,
Speaker 1: are we? Where did we leave off on this other
Speaker 1: this other book, I think the one that we haven't
Speaker 1: gotten wrong yet. The pictures of the mechanical might have
Speaker 1: been breaking through tearing the halo apart. I think we
Speaker 1: created a cliffhanger um and two listeners to eagle eared listeners.
Speaker 1: We may be repeating ourselves, and that's okay, because it
Speaker 1: was so good that we had to read it twice.
Speaker 1: The story is so nice we read it twice because
Speaker 1: we forgot exactly where the story so forgettable that we're
Speaker 1: gonna read. We may repeat ourselves. So I think the
Speaker 1: mites are coming, dozens of them, hundreds of them. I pull,
Speaker 1: I tug, I yank. Finally, I pry the damn thing open.
Speaker 1: I think he's talking about the halo here halo. I
Speaker 1: I skipped. I skipped some important bit. Okay, So first
Speaker 1: of yeah, so he's climbing, all right, A climb through
Speaker 1: the hole in the halo, grab the stomach, lining and
Speaker 1: climb toward what looks like a closed ring above me.
Speaker 1: I have to get out. I have to get the
Speaker 1: hell out now. It takes me a second to realize
Speaker 1: that the stomach acid is burning away layers of skin.
Speaker 1: I'd scream, but I need the air instead. I grit
Speaker 1: my teeth, breaking a moler as my shoulder muscle is exposed.
Speaker 1: I do remember this. The mites are gaining. The liquid
Speaker 1: is gluing me to the walls too, like a fly
Speaker 1: stuck in a web. Yes, this is where. It's just
Speaker 1: above me is the ring of the esophagus. Hand over hand,
Speaker 1: I grab my legs, hang free. Wait, how did you
Speaker 1: I thought you were stuck. I thought he was climbing
Speaker 1: hand over hand. He was climbing hand over hand on
Speaker 1: the walls. But he was stuck because of the liquid
Speaker 1: that they said. It doesn't matter. My legs hang free though.
Speaker 1: As I am hand over hand grabbing, I'm upside down.
Speaker 1: A drop of stomach gas bathes my face, a drop
Speaker 1: burning off the skin. I don't think almost fast. Okay,
Speaker 1: all right, too late? Yeah, sure, sandwich goes in, Robert,
Speaker 1: that's fine, that's fine. This is what might do. And
Speaker 1: this is also the esophagus works. You PLoP it down
Speaker 1: and it just Stomach acid is basically the acid from
Speaker 1: alien exactly excellent. Yeah, yeah, we all know this. We
Speaker 1: all learned this, we're all learning it now maybe, But
Speaker 1: the important thing is learning is important. I'm upside down now.
Speaker 1: A drop of stomach acid baits my face, burning off
Speaker 1: the skin. But I'm almost there. I feel the jerk
Speaker 1: before I see it. A mechanical might has my leg
Speaker 1: claws at it frantically. Not a good sentence. Ken might
Speaker 1: has my leg and claws at it frantically. But who
Speaker 1: has the time to write the word? And I kick again,
Speaker 1: But my leg feels slow, unresponsive. Then I feel warm.
Speaker 1: When I look down. The mechanical might is gone, so
Speaker 1: is my right leg. Below the knee. The bone hangs
Speaker 1: out in shards. I bite right through my bottom lip.
Speaker 1: Bone hangs out in shards. It would fall away in shards.
Speaker 1: If it's in shards, it's not, it's others right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: he doesn't hang out in shards. It hangs out right
Speaker 1: like splintered. Maybe you know Ben's wife is a doctor.
Speaker 1: Oh you're right, I'm sorry, Yeah, sure, she's the one
Speaker 1: who said that if you if you wind up vomiting,
Speaker 1: you have to get clear immediately because the stomach acid
Speaker 1: will eat a hole in your floor. Oh yeah, whenever
Speaker 1: you know, whenever you like throw up. Yeah, it goes
Speaker 1: right through the toilet, is coated with stomach acid, and
Speaker 1: you never speak again. Yeah. That's why everyone dies when
Speaker 1: they throw up a single time. It's the leading cause
Speaker 1: of death. Throwing up once. It's a real problem. Yeah yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: you know we'll get through it h with collective action
Speaker 1: together and not a rugged individualism. That will Oh god,
Speaker 1: it's trying to get away from the news. When I
Speaker 1: look down, the mechanical might is gone. So is my
Speaker 1: right leg below the knee. The bone hangs out in shards.
Speaker 1: I bite right through my bottom lip and the acid
Speaker 1: gets in. I don't know. The adrenaline is coming. I
Speaker 1: know to fight the pain, but I use it instead
Speaker 1: to pull myself up, push myself through the ring, do both.
Speaker 1: It won't give way. The mites are coming, dozens of them,
Speaker 1: hundreds of them, So many fucking commas in this Uh,
Speaker 1: it won't give It won't give way. Semi cool, and
Speaker 1: the mites are coming. Comma, dozens of them, Comma, hundreds
Speaker 1: of them. Period. I pull tug yank. Finally I pry
Speaker 1: the damn thing open, pull myself halfway through formatting her
Speaker 1: and it closes around my waist. I'm trapped. The clicking
Speaker 1: sounds of the mites closer and closer. I'm dead and
Speaker 1: I know it. I'm going to die down here in
Speaker 1: the gut of the whale. Amy will never know what
Speaker 1: happened to me. She might she knew you were, she
Speaker 1: knew what you signed up for. You didn't tell her
Speaker 1: that you were going to do this for three years. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that does seem like something you would chat about, because,
Speaker 1: like mentioned, I don't know what the risks are. Love.
Speaker 1: Love is a powerful force. But also most people whose
Speaker 1: partners abandoned them without explanation for three years will return
Speaker 1: to find that person has moved on. Yeah, maybe don't
Speaker 1: expect her to care happened to you if you just
Speaker 1: sort of disappeared, So maybe expect her to be like livid,
Speaker 1: because that's incredibly not okay. You should have told me
Speaker 1: you were going to shrink down to a tiny guy
Speaker 1: and go go help kill dust mites that are apparently bloodthirsty.
Speaker 1: And I have been with some very forgiving people, um
Speaker 1: but but I don't think anybody would forgive that really
Speaker 1: really unacceptable. Love you, babe, but I just gotta do
Speaker 1: it for me, you know, but even sign there, you
Speaker 1: just like left right, just left, just out God, assuming
Speaker 1: she's waiting, sitting at the door every day like a
Speaker 1: that dog in the Futurama episode the Sad One, but
Speaker 1: less sad because but less sad because no one competent
Speaker 1: wrote this. Take a stomach acid for you, babe, drop
Speaker 1: h Amy will never know what happened to me because
Speaker 1: I didn't tell her. They'll they'll tell her some fiction
Speaker 1: about dying, a huge plot hole, Like you're just assuming
Speaker 1: she's going to be around and fine, yeah, waiting to
Speaker 1: hear the news about the secret this is a secret company.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, again, we know nothing about this world about
Speaker 1: because Ben is terrified of actually telling the story. We
Speaker 1: know basically nothing about. Like is this a normal thing?
Speaker 1: Do like all crazy rich people now do versions of this?
Speaker 1: Is this guy famous for shrinking people down then to
Speaker 1: shrinking technology, so you would think he'd be famous for that.
Speaker 1: Like what is the extent to which any of this
Speaker 1: is commonly known? Or like what is the actual cultural
Speaker 1: relevance of all of this? How has it changed life? These?
Speaker 1: These are the questions that a science fiction writer would Yeah,
Speaker 1: I heard a great quote the other day, Cody Katie. Um.
Speaker 1: I didn't come up with it. I don't know who
Speaker 1: came up with it, but it's. Um, science fiction is
Speaker 1: not anticipating the internal combustion engine. It's anticipating traffic, right,
Speaker 1: Like that's like, what's actually interesting science fiction? And look
Speaker 1: at this cool thing? It's how does this How how
Speaker 1: would this cool thing impact people? Um, generally in ways
Speaker 1: that are not obvious or would not be based on
Speaker 1: the intent. Um. Yeah, it's great. Yeah, it says it's
Speaker 1: it's it says everything. UM. And I guess Ben is
Speaker 1: telling us that the unintended consequence of shrinking technology would
Speaker 1: be that tiny people fight dust mites on cigarettes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he really thought it through. I think that the primary
Speaker 1: problem with Ben in general is that I think that
Speaker 1: he can't be bothered. You know, we've danced around this,
Speaker 1: but not just with you know, his works of fiction,
Speaker 1: but with his tweets, with his articles, with just anything.
Speaker 1: He can't be bothered to do the work of sitting
Speaker 1: and thinking through and answering some of the questions he poses.
Speaker 1: Otherwise it wouldn't make sense and he wouldn't have an answer.
Speaker 1: But that's like across the board. So I guess it's
Speaker 1: not surprising that that's how he shows up. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: but it is just, of course a fucking course. Yeah.
Speaker 1: If this, then what is not a sentence or question here? No? No,
Speaker 1: If this, then that's the fact. No. Bill has never
Speaker 1: asked a question, like a real question where you actually
Speaker 1: are hoping to learn something that might inform or alter
Speaker 1: the way that you see the world, because that would
Speaker 1: that would imply that his view of the world could
Speaker 1: possibly change. Yeah. No, he asks uh quote like rhetorical
Speaker 1: questions that like he has his prepared answer for. But
Speaker 1: he was never He's not a curious mind at all. Yeah, absolutely,
Speaker 1: he can't be. It's immortal to be a curious A
Speaker 1: movie about Ben, A movie about Ben would be an
Speaker 1: incurious mind. I'm curious mind. Curious someone write it, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it would. I'm imagining it it being like, um, what's
Speaker 1: that Ben Affle? Like Matt Damon movie where there's like
Speaker 1: there's like a math problem on a chalkboard and he
Speaker 1: just erases it in writes in sex is I don't
Speaker 1: know penises or shouldn't do anything. That's something something terrible.
Speaker 1: I didn't have together, don't have sex, don't be married yeah,
Speaker 1: or like and like, don't be married unless you're straight. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my wife is a doctor. Normalized straight marriage, normally straight
Speaker 1: marriage and swallowing stuff and having whatever you eat go
Speaker 1: plink plink plink against the walls of your esophagus machine
Speaker 1: like a fuck it, it's amazing. Okay, please continue, all right.
Speaker 1: So he's dead and he knows it, and he's gonna
Speaker 1: die down there in the gut of the whale capitalized
Speaker 1: T capitalized w Amy will never know what happened to me.
Speaker 1: This is where this is where we keep getting stopped
Speaker 1: up right, a tiny note, right, a tiny note, and
Speaker 1: then then grow it. That's a perfect plan. Uh, They'll
Speaker 1: they'll tell her some fiction about dying hero against the mites,
Speaker 1: doing my job, the whole routine. My skeleton will be
Speaker 1: digested by the whale. He'll outlive me. You can put
Speaker 1: like a butt my skeleton with whatever is in sheer despair.
Speaker 1: I slam my fist against the ring and miraculously it
Speaker 1: loosens for an instant. I pull myself up and it
Speaker 1: snaps closed, locking out the mites. This is like, like,
Speaker 1: I know what he's going for here. It's just like happens.
Speaker 1: So like quickly amidst like all this other bullshit that like,
Speaker 1: like what he's doing is like the like the Sienna
Speaker 1: Jones hat grabbing a hat right when the door closes,
Speaker 1: Like he wants a suspensiful moment where's like getting through
Speaker 1: a doorway and it snaps shut and the horde of
Speaker 1: mites get like slams into it and he's safe. But
Speaker 1: it's just like too much work to describe that. Nope, yea,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden works and the mites are trapped
Speaker 1: up way Okay, it's like incredibly boring, like and she's yeah,
Speaker 1: just gets a ring miraculusly it loosens for an instant
Speaker 1: and put myself up and it snaps close, locking at
Speaker 1: the mites. Okay that and I know, I'm sure Again
Speaker 1: Ben's intention is that the actual bad guy here is
Speaker 1: the whale um. But he's also not a character um
Speaker 1: not not really and uh there's no all of the
Speaker 1: actual like action tension is between him and these very
Speaker 1: boring enemies that that aren't exciting or cool, And that
Speaker 1: would be fine if the focus of the story was
Speaker 1: anything other than him fighting them, but that's all Ben
Speaker 1: seems to want to right, Is this guy struggling against mites,
Speaker 1: which is again the least interesting part of the story. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's the facials, horde of mechanical mtes that couldn't do
Speaker 1: the job that he's hiring. He's tiny people to do. Yeah,
Speaker 1: program to kill the other mites. It's like in an
Speaker 1: alien the the alien is not the thing that is
Speaker 1: like the most interesting. Like, that's not the bulk of
Speaker 1: of the movie. The bulk of the movie is how
Speaker 1: like these individual human beings react in the choices that
Speaker 1: they make, and like the alien is important as to
Speaker 1: how it pushes them to make choices and reveals things
Speaker 1: about the characters and causes conflicts for them. But like,
Speaker 1: the movie is always centered on the people and the
Speaker 1: things that they are doing and what it reveals about
Speaker 1: like them and and the world that they're in. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of like commentary and one not in that movie,
Speaker 1: and a number of things. Um then appears to think
Speaker 1: that the thing people actually want is just a I
Speaker 1: for no real reason, fighting weird hero. Yeah, it's like,
Speaker 1: um another example, you kept saying the thing that people
Speaker 1: want or whatever, like the thing. If Ben made the thing,
Speaker 1: it would be like a bunch of battles with the
Speaker 1: monster instead of a movie about like the isolation and
Speaker 1: mistrust and all these characters and how they deal with that.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, I was gonna say, to be fair, we
Speaker 1: are referencing a lot of like much longer works than
Speaker 1: a short story. But to be even more fair, doesn't
Speaker 1: matter the principles of storytelling pertain to a short story.
Speaker 1: I just felt like it's good to acknowledge, like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we're talking about larger pieces of writing, but there's lots
Speaker 1: of people that have written brilliant, beautiful, concise short stories
Speaker 1: while also following these same kind of Right, you could
Speaker 1: write a short story version of Alien and still get
Speaker 1: all of that across us. A good writer would be
Speaker 1: able to do that. A competent right, I'll go step
Speaker 1: for further forward farther. Just a writer, a writer Philip K.
Speaker 1: Dick could have taken this story and and thrown in
Speaker 1: a giant head screaming at him from the sky. And
Speaker 1: you know, with with just a couple of pounds of amphetamines,
Speaker 1: we would we we might have something you could make
Speaker 1: and do a Paul Verhoeven movie. Oh, this would be
Speaker 1: a This would not be a good movie, no matter
Speaker 1: who makes it sorry now, Like, wait, maybe no, you
Speaker 1: would need that extra bit of Philip K. Dick being
Speaker 1: on amphetamines listening to a giant head screaming at him
Speaker 1: from the sky. Maybe it's like a sequel to the
Speaker 1: Honey I Shrunk the Kids franchise. You can take a
Speaker 1: nugget of it somehow, But yeah, honey, we gave we
Speaker 1: resurrected Philip K. Dick, gave him or meth amphetamine and
Speaker 1: handed him a bit Shapiro short story and he made
Speaker 1: it like, Okay, it's family friendly, you give it back.
Speaker 1: It's very erotic and erotic, family friendly foot a lot
Speaker 1: of extra scenes with the mites, if you know what,
Speaker 1: Philip K. Dick really focused in on the mites, really
Speaker 1: focused on the mites. Yeah wait, wait, wait before we continue,
Speaker 1: I think he's starting to take a quick ad break.
Speaker 1: Oh but before we do a quick ad break, I
Speaker 1: have one more paragraph to get through before they break
Speaker 1: that pen makes So we got a cliffhanger coming up, surely,
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be exciting because in Sheer Despair, I
Speaker 1: slam my fist against the ring and miracuously it loosens
Speaker 1: for an instant I pull myself up and it snaps close,
Speaker 1: locking out the mites. The adrenaline is wearing off now
Speaker 1: and I can feel myself losing consciousness. I shoved the
Speaker 1: stump of my lower leg onto the ring. Let the
Speaker 1: remnants of stomach acid on the ring caught aize the wound.
Speaker 1: The blood turns, the flesh burns into darkness, just like
Speaker 1: sign ends we'll be back. That's how it works. That's
Speaker 1: how stomach acid works. That's why if you both puke
Speaker 1: and cut open an artery at the same time, you
Speaker 1: just jam some of that puke in the wound and
Speaker 1: you're good to go. Baby. If you ever, if you
Speaker 1: ever get cut, puke on yourself. Yeah, if somebody ever
Speaker 1: gets an arterial injury where and you're around, just stick
Speaker 1: your fingers down your throat and vomit on their open wound,
Speaker 1: and you will save their life. That's actually what military
Speaker 1: medics are trained to do in combat. They just puke
Speaker 1: right on the gunshot wound. Star Wars was accurate, just
Speaker 1: to be like a bunch of people puking on each
Speaker 1: other's vomiting on each other's laser birds. And on that note,
Speaker 1: here's a word from together everything. Don't don't and we're
Speaker 1: back from Yeah, I care what happens. What happens? What
Speaker 1: where did we leave? Where did we leave off our
Speaker 1: hero anyone? Where do we leave off our heroes? I
Speaker 1: already can't remember conscience. He slipped into darkness after losing
Speaker 1: like a couple of his limbs. Yeah, he lost his
Speaker 1: leg and he caught herrized it with stomach acid. So
Speaker 1: we're good. He's fine. Yah. Yeah, thank god for stomach acid.
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. Nature's turniquet. At least utilize natural remedy for wounds.
Speaker 1: Get on a healthcare system. Okay, September. I've lost all
Speaker 1: sense of time, But you just said what day it was.
Speaker 1: He's done this a couple of times where he said
Speaker 1: the date and he's like, I don't know how long
Speaker 1: it's been, nonsense. I can tell by my size. I'm
Speaker 1: now about three inches tall. That has been another thirty
Speaker 1: six hours. So you haven't lost all sense of time.
Speaker 1: You have a sense of time. I love saying something
Speaker 1: and then immediately contradicting myself, like even the thing that
Speaker 1: I've written and have the ability to edit, like if
Speaker 1: I'm if you're in the woods and you don't have
Speaker 1: a watch and you don't know how long it's been,
Speaker 1: and you look at the sun and you can determine
Speaker 1: how long it's been. That is a sense of time.
Speaker 1: It's a it's an external you have, like you're like
Speaker 1: using your environment. But like, Cody, do you remember we
Speaker 1: just opened a part of this with him listing the
Speaker 1: date and then saying, I don't know what day it is,
Speaker 1: like I've lost all sense of time. So actually you haven't.
Speaker 1: And I can tell by my size how how much
Speaker 1: time there's gone by. It's very funny in the same sentence.
Speaker 1: It's the sandwich of like contradictory, like it's so been
Speaker 1: Try it a little harder, just like read read what
Speaker 1: you wrote once. No, Cody, No, okay, anyway, it's been
Speaker 1: another thirty six hours despite me having no sense of time.
Speaker 1: The acceleration will be fast now, all acceleration is. It's fine.
Speaker 1: It's fine. I'm fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine,
Speaker 1: doesn't it doesn't matter, it's fine. There's no room to expand.
Speaker 1: I'm standing in the whales esophagus. Actually there would be
Speaker 1: a little room to expand. It's fine, discussed the esophagus. Okay,
Speaker 1: it's fine. Sign sign I'm standing in the whales esophagus
Speaker 1: on my one good leg. How are you wait, it's
Speaker 1: fine standing, I know I'm curious about that too. What
Speaker 1: are you standing on? How are you standing? I don't
Speaker 1: want him to explain, because then that would be more words.
Speaker 1: But also, yeah, you need to explain, like even just
Speaker 1: like if you're in like as he's imagining a pipe,
Speaker 1: then you're like your leg is against one side and
Speaker 1: your hands are like pushing against this, either to hold
Speaker 1: yourself up or something. It doesn't matter anyway, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: I'm standing the whales's esophagus. Wait you have I mean,
Speaker 1: what was the thing that snap clothes beneath him or whatever?
Speaker 1: The halo the halo so theoretically, but like the edge
Speaker 1: of the esophagus or something. Yeah, just say that. Actually,
Speaker 1: you're right, that's where he's standing. He's standing at the
Speaker 1: bottom where the little hole is closed. All right, there's
Speaker 1: barely any air, Okay. I breathed slowly, laboriously, trying not
Speaker 1: to use up all the oxygen the whale has swallowed.
Speaker 1: The whale will realize I'm alive soon. I'm large enough
Speaker 1: that he should be able to feel me. It's only
Speaker 1: a matter of time before they try something else, right, Like,
Speaker 1: isn't he like isn't the whale? Like wouldn't he be choking?
Speaker 1: Right now? You're standing in his esophagus. There's a three
Speaker 1: man's that's a really big thing to have on your vomiting.
Speaker 1: I would think there's like that's huge. Yeah, that's like
Speaker 1: that's like the size of an iPod or at least
Speaker 1: an iPod nano stuck in your esophagus. This is nonsense.
Speaker 1: Now now I'm upset because I'm sorry. It's only a
Speaker 1: matter of time before they try something else, like I
Speaker 1: don't know, the himlick or something, because sucking iPod nanos
Speaker 1: in your throat, which gives me just a little while
Speaker 1: to climb my way out. Uh huh, I've made up
Speaker 1: my mind. I'm going to go out the way I
Speaker 1: came in. Yeah, you have to. You didn't go the
Speaker 1: other The esophagus will lead up into the throat and
Speaker 1: then I'll force my way out. But before I can
Speaker 1: try it, the water comes pouring down. It comes down
Speaker 1: in great gushes. Bad, it comes down own like the
Speaker 1: water comes pouring down period new paragraph formatting air. It
Speaker 1: comes down in great gushes, washing over me, refreshing me.
Speaker 1: But then the stream becomes too strong. The ring opens again,
Speaker 1: sucking the water into the stomach. I grabbed the wall
Speaker 1: of the esophagus and hold on for dear life. I'm
Speaker 1: not going back in there with those metal mites, says
Speaker 1: the iPod nano in the throat. The water stops, and
Speaker 1: the whale takes a deep breath, swelling his belly out,
Speaker 1: swelling out his belly. Now that I'm in the esophagus,
Speaker 1: I can hear everything better. And now that I'm bigger,
Speaker 1: the voices don't seem quite so distorted, which means I
Speaker 1: can hear that the doctor is back. Too many new
Speaker 1: paragraphs for so little to say. Sir, he's saying, I
Speaker 1: cannot imagine how we survived. But oh I can't demadge,
Speaker 1: and how you botched it, says the whale. But you'd
Speaker 1: better fix it. I feel the pressure in my chist.
Speaker 1: I know it is, and it's growing worse all the time.
Speaker 1: How are you talking so well with an iPod nano throat? Yeah,
Speaker 1: not quite throat, not quite throat yet, and the esophagus,
Speaker 1: but like what it seems like it would make it
Speaker 1: difficult to talk, difficult I've never shoved an iPod nano
Speaker 1: into my esophagus, but I don't think I would be
Speaker 1: able to speak the way I normally speak, especially if
Speaker 1: it's like got little hands and it's grabbing. It seems
Speaker 1: like it would be a problem, be a problem. I
Speaker 1: don't know. We can ask Ben Shapiro's doctor wife. Perhaps
Speaker 1: she will say, no, the esophagus actually does fine with
Speaker 1: an iPod nano in it. We do it all the
Speaker 1: time in our family. We eat I pod nanos, but
Speaker 1: not all the way. We keep them in our throats,
Speaker 1: keep them stuck. That's called medicine. Esopha. Guys that he
Speaker 1: should started. Esophagus is a good band. It's okay band.
Speaker 1: I've listened to them. Yeah, Esophagus rock rock joke on
Speaker 1: hip hop fans out there radio in radio land. I smile.
Speaker 1: At least I'm giving the bastard a little pain. But
Speaker 1: you're clearly all right. He seems very actually notice at all.
Speaker 1: Then I punch his esophagus from the Yeah, he flinches.
Speaker 1: I feel it now, he says, I feel it now,
Speaker 1: he says, kind of, because he's got the thing in
Speaker 1: his throat. We tried the mice, says the doctor, how
Speaker 1: about a metic smart, very smart. They know I must
Speaker 1: be out of the halo one way or another. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you punched his esophagus and then and they know that
Speaker 1: I haven't been killed by the stomach acid because you
Speaker 1: punched the esophagus. Wounds. It helps you. So if they
Speaker 1: can't bring me to the acid, they'll have to bring
Speaker 1: the acid to me. If he vomits, he'll bring up everything,
Speaker 1: including the acid. I'll be burned beyond recognition. Or he'll
Speaker 1: throw you up, and then you'll be outside of his
Speaker 1: body in a very shallow pool of puke that you'll
Speaker 1: get out of quickly, because puke doesn't dissolve, doesn't dissolve
Speaker 1: skin particularly quickly. Guys his world, his rules, his world,
Speaker 1: his rules, his dream. These facts don't care about your
Speaker 1: feelings of how the world, But my facts do care. Ah,
Speaker 1: I can't, says the whale. My ulcer. It'll start beating again.
Speaker 1: Good point. So that's what that red spot was in
Speaker 1: the stomach. He already knew this. Hold on, yes, hold on,
Speaker 1: I gotta word. Just banged my head on the table.
Speaker 1: What do you I feel like He's already noticed this
Speaker 1: and guessed it was an ulcer but whatever. Uh, maybe
Speaker 1: I'm just making it up because he should have. So
Speaker 1: that's what that red spot was in the stomach. Well,
Speaker 1: bless God for the whale's coffee and stress addiction. Okay, no,
Speaker 1: it won't, she said. No, he's the doctor speaking. No
Speaker 1: one won't, says the doctor. That medicine you talk earlier.
Speaker 1: Here we go. No one won't, says the doctor. That
Speaker 1: medicine you took earlier. Couded your stomach lining the acer
Speaker 1: should be closed temporarily. The whale leans forward. I can
Speaker 1: feel him do it, Yes, he says, I see your
Speaker 1: point like it's like c W dialogue. No, the ced
Speaker 1: the c W dialogue is always better written than this. Yes,
Speaker 1: I see your point like it talks like that. All right,
Speaker 1: I prepare myself to die, amy, if only I could
Speaker 1: say goodbye. Also formatting error on that paragraph, of course,
Speaker 1: it doesn't doesn't matter. The doctor pads out of the room.
Speaker 1: The doctor pads out of the room. That is the
Speaker 1: ridiculous pads out of the room. Is um a phrase
Speaker 1: that you see when you're describing sleepy little children up
Speaker 1: going back. Maybe he's like, he's just like being careful
Speaker 1: not to upset the whale. You know. Ah, the doctor
Speaker 1: pads out of the room, or at least it sounds
Speaker 1: like it. A few minutes later he's back. See this
Speaker 1: is where we get like earlier, when he's literally in
Speaker 1: the person's stomach and he's describing like what the people
Speaker 1: are doing with utter like complete, like omnipresent confidence, and
Speaker 1: here he is, the doctor pads out of him, or
Speaker 1: at least it sounds like it. Yeah, so just from
Speaker 1: the beginning, describe what things sound like, not what is
Speaker 1: literally happening. And then five pages later be like, well,
Speaker 1: I mean it sounds like that's going on. It's like
Speaker 1: it sounds like the doctor leaves and comes back five
Speaker 1: minutes later. Yeah, Like it's like I hear I hear footsteps.
Speaker 1: It sounds like having a thing the size of a
Speaker 1: smartphone jammed in your esophagus is not a problem enough
Speaker 1: that they need to like rush a ton. Also, the
Speaker 1: doctor pads out of the room, or at least it
Speaker 1: sounds like it, and a few months later he's back.
Speaker 1: So here's the thing, Ben, Your character has resigned himself
Speaker 1: to die. He's gonna die, and he wants to say
Speaker 1: goodbye to Amy, whoever that fucking is but you've already
Speaker 1: established it. Like he can grab onto the esophagus from
Speaker 1: the inside, and like you're like standing in there and
Speaker 1: you just like hanging out for a few minutes knowing
Speaker 1: that he's gonna puke you up. So just like climb
Speaker 1: use those few minutes to climb the esophagus. Right, he's
Speaker 1: just like chilling down there. It's just like a wasted
Speaker 1: seems like wasted time. Anyway. A few minutes later, nothing happens,
Speaker 1: and now he's back. Follow he orders, and here comes
Speaker 1: the shower again. Not water in a pill. No, they're
Speaker 1: too smart for that. They know I'd grabbed the pill
Speaker 1: prevented from hitting the stomach. Now you wouldn't it were
Speaker 1: like knock. It's like it'd be like half your son. Whatever. No,
Speaker 1: this shower is of epicac slime all over me. Too
Speaker 1: many commas. You need to right, sens is better, very
Speaker 1: apparent right now, No comma. This showers of epicac comma
Speaker 1: slime all over me. The ring opens, sucking it in
Speaker 1: just a few seconds now before the guys are of
Speaker 1: acidic vomit comes up, finishing me. I rubbed my right
Speaker 1: leg what's left of it, and looked down through the ring.
Speaker 1: The epicac is washing through the stomach. The mechanical mites
Speaker 1: are swimming around in it. Soon they'll be joining me
Speaker 1: along with the acid. Okay, so the acid doesn't affect
Speaker 1: the mechanical mines. Oh yeah, no, they're fine. It burns
Speaker 1: through than very quickly. Yeah. The mites, well, obviously, that's
Speaker 1: why there are so many mites in our stomachs. That's
Speaker 1: why we got the mites. Soon they'll be joining me
Speaker 1: along with the acid. New paragraph, unless I joined them first,
Speaker 1: the script, the ulcer. New paragraph. It's the only chance.
Speaker 1: New paragraph. All of these new paragraphs are designed to
Speaker 1: be like dramatic and it's just dumb. Well, it's because
Speaker 1: each of them is expressing a completely distinct thought. M
Speaker 1: So you gotta switch, you gotta switch. Well, yeah, because
Speaker 1: like it's like he wants the suspense of like timing
Speaker 1: and space, um and like drawing it out, but he
Speaker 1: can't write enough words, so he's got to make two
Speaker 1: word paragraphs and like it's the illusion of suspense, right, Um,
Speaker 1: but I'm full of suspense, so let's find out what happens.
Speaker 1: I can't make it up the esophagus in time. You
Speaker 1: had a few minutes while the doctor was gone. Buddy,
Speaker 1: this is like, yeah, you could have been climbing up
Speaker 1: by that. I can't make it up the esophagus in time.
Speaker 1: You could have when the doctor was gone. I did,
Speaker 1: all right, Not with this time bomb below me. Well
Speaker 1: you had time. It wasn't a time bomb when the
Speaker 1: doctor was gone. But I can make it down. I
Speaker 1: hold my breath and dive down through the ring. The
Speaker 1: fall seems endless. I feel like I'm skydiving through noxious air.
Speaker 1: I briefly wonder if I'll survive the fall at all,
Speaker 1: but then I'm on the side of the stomach. I
Speaker 1: claw at the wall, grabbing a handhold, plastering myself as
Speaker 1: the acid swirls below me. The mites haven't noticed me yet,
Speaker 1: covered as I am, and the sticky gou that coated
Speaker 1: the stomach just a few body lengths away. As the ulcer.
Speaker 1: It's covered in that same coup, but not for long.
Speaker 1: If I can keep holding my breath, I edged my
Speaker 1: way down toward it. It's raised and throbbing, but yes, right,
Speaker 1: but not obvious to the mites. I fall to my
Speaker 1: knees and begin scraping away the now hardened black coating,
Speaker 1: chunk by chunk, I rip it away. The mites turn
Speaker 1: and see me, but they see something else, the red,
Speaker 1: ugly flesh of the ulcer, bleeding, inviting them because they
Speaker 1: love blood, love to as much as they love tobacco.
Speaker 1: Mechanical mites. Um, yeah right, these are the mechanical mites too,
Speaker 1: So they don't they eat, No, they're they've been programmed
Speaker 1: to chase attack ulcers, to crave blood like normal mtes
Speaker 1: also crave, apparently because the normal whites were also bloodthirsty. Correct.
Speaker 1: That's fucking great, Ben, very good, and it's so good,
Speaker 1: in fact, that I think this is a wonderful time
Speaker 1: first suspense cliffhanger time. We'll be back. I promised that
Speaker 1: this story is over in a couple of pages. I
Speaker 1: don't promise ship because it's been Shapiro. There could be
Speaker 1: a whole another version of this story that he's producing
Speaker 1: with his new film team. Oh god, yeah, I hope
Speaker 1: he is. I was gonna say that he is. I
Speaker 1: bet he's not, because and hear what's some what's a
Speaker 1: failed actor who turned into a right? I mean Kevin
Speaker 1: Sorbos as guy fighting mites, Kevin Sorbo Dean Kane is
Speaker 1: probably the whale or the doctor. Yeah, Dean Cane will
Speaker 1: be the whale. Get like kid Rock in there or something. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Kid Rock could be his friend who dies tragically to
Speaker 1: the mites. Man, I'm already wow, perfect casting. Maybe could
Speaker 1: be a throw Kirsty Alley in there. I know we
Speaker 1: have a winner. M I'd watch it. I would too,
Speaker 1: I absolutely would. Of course, will be right back together.
Speaker 1: Oh we're back. I'm thinking of Kirstie Ali waiting at
Speaker 1: home for Kevin Sorbo to finish his three years fighting,
Speaker 1: having no idea where he went, having no idea where
Speaker 1: he went, but waiting faithfully reading all these news stories
Speaker 1: about the one guy who invented shrinking technology and exclusively
Speaker 1: uses it to shrink down people to kill the mites
Speaker 1: that he fears are drinking his blood. Yes, that's why
Speaker 1: he made mechanical mites to drink his one. Exactly. You
Speaker 1: gotta get those. It's more sterile, right because they're mechanical.
Speaker 1: Oh absolutely, yeah, that makes sense to me. M M,
Speaker 1: all right, what happens he's been Oh we're gonna get you,
Speaker 1: We're gonna get you up from that cliff. The ulcers
Speaker 1: bleeding and inviting the mites. They rush at it, pincers,
Speaker 1: scraping together with twisted glee. The first mite virtually leaps
Speaker 1: over me, and it's eagerness to be flesh. Oh yeah, firstually,
Speaker 1: I didn't read it fairly. The first mite virtue. Man, No,
Speaker 1: that's bad. That's not that's not that's not my fault.
Speaker 1: Correct that the first mite virtually leaps over me, is eager.
Speaker 1: It leaps over you. It leapt. It either leapt over
Speaker 1: you or it did not. Yah, did it? Like? What
Speaker 1: are you saying? Are you saying it like leapt and
Speaker 1: then hit you in the head because it didn't get
Speaker 1: above you? Are you saying that it it jumped up
Speaker 1: and then like walked around you? Or yeah? At this bad?
Speaker 1: At this? It plunges deep into the ulcer, dig blood
Speaker 1: oozing from the interesting that the stomach acid is not
Speaker 1: caught aizing the ulcer wound that he's describing. I thought
Speaker 1: that that's what the stomach acid did to all wounds.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just if you're tiny. The whale screams convulsive. Sorry, Katie,
Speaker 1: I cut you off with no, I did. I had
Speaker 1: nothing to say. Really, screams gonna keep coming. I grab
Speaker 1: another chunk, pull it off the ulcer, throw it away.
Speaker 1: How big is this ulcer? Now the blood of the
Speaker 1: whale is around my knees, and the mites are coming.
Speaker 1: Oh they're coming. Yeah, sorry, and we're sure these are
Speaker 1: still the robot mites which which he has programmed to
Speaker 1: be insatiably attracted to his blood. To blood apparently, and
Speaker 1: not just mites or one guy, but the blood of
Speaker 1: the man who invent to them and is deploying them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's a classic story of hubrists, the hubris of a
Speaker 1: man who made mites that don't need to eat, but
Speaker 1: somehow are again insatiably attracted to his blood. A little
Speaker 1: to the sun, um a great, what happens? A little
Speaker 1: too close to the halo? Mistic All right, oh what happens?
Speaker 1: They're coming by the tens, the dozens, the hundreds, drawn
Speaker 1: by the blood, and they follow the first much Where
Speaker 1: are they coming from? All over? He is now the
Speaker 1: size of like an iPod. Those mites will be almost
Speaker 1: microscopically small. Tom shouldn't he be able to stomp on
Speaker 1: him or something? Anyway? Also than this ulcer by now?
Speaker 1: Yeah he's yeah, I was just thinking that too, But
Speaker 1: they're coming by the ends. The dozens the drawn by
Speaker 1: the blood, and they follow the first mite, tearing into
Speaker 1: the open flesh, the first mite, which virtually leapt over me.
Speaker 1: That's not included in this. It's fine. The whale screams again.
Speaker 1: Then I'm horizontal, Comma flat. The whale has been pushed
Speaker 1: to the ground. The acid drips towards me slowly. I
Speaker 1: climb for higher ground. But something is going on above me.
Speaker 1: A scraping, a cutting, too many commas. They're cutting open
Speaker 1: the whale. They're gutting him. My breath is running out,
Speaker 1: but the sawing is growing nearer. Then I see it,
Speaker 1: a sliver of light. They're almost at the stomach. Then
Speaker 1: they're through. I see the point of the scalpel sliced
Speaker 1: through the tissue. An enormous hand reaches down towards the ulcer,
Speaker 1: airrying an enormous piece of gauze. Is he gauzing the ulcer?
Speaker 1: That that is what he's doing? Wait, I'm sorry? Is
Speaker 1: that is that a treatment for ulcers? I don't think
Speaker 1: cutting someone open is? I mean, I guess there's sometimes
Speaker 1: you do. Sometimes there are surgeries for ulcers, And I
Speaker 1: don't think you just like cut them open and shove
Speaker 1: gauze on it. Not a doctor pretty sure that's not
Speaker 1: the treatment. Is also pretty sure, like we have their
Speaker 1: right and if he's like, if it was a bleeding
Speaker 1: situation bad enough that they needed to do an immediate intervention.
Speaker 1: We have stuff like cellocks today that like stops bleeding
Speaker 1: extremely quickly, and I imagine in this future where they
Speaker 1: can shrink things, maybe they have other options, but no,
Speaker 1: they're just jamming gauze onto an ulcers. Just wanted to
Speaker 1: make sure. Um, yeah, science has progressed to the point
Speaker 1: of shrinking technology, but literally nothing else. So this is
Speaker 1: my chance, and I take it. I leap as far
Speaker 1: as I can grasp the hand so like quite a bit.
Speaker 1: I hear a gasp. Remarkable for only having one leg, truly, yeah,
Speaker 1: really pretty good jump for a one legged man. This
Speaker 1: is where we find he's got some like moon boots
Speaker 1: onto that. Yeah, like grappling sort of gutten type of thing,
Speaker 1: or much like the actual left over him. He leaps
Speaker 1: as far as he can, but literally I hear a
Speaker 1: gasp from above, and suddenly I'm flying through the air
Speaker 1: clear of the whale in the bright artificial light of
Speaker 1: the office. I'm on the carpet, screaming, laughing, all at once,
Speaker 1: covered in the whale's blood, covered in his filth, crying
Speaker 1: for air and crying for joy. I'm alive. I got
Speaker 1: to read the sentence again. I'm on the carpet. Comma screaming,
Speaker 1: Comma laughing all at once, Comma covered in the whale blood,
Speaker 1: Comma covered in his filth, Comma crying for air and
Speaker 1: crying for joy. What a bad sentence. I'm alive. Period,
Speaker 1: That's a complete sentence. No, Katie, you are right, and
Speaker 1: I did it again. That's what this is for. We
Speaker 1: can't just read all the way through. How is that
Speaker 1: a way to enjoy this piece of art? Uh? Then
Speaker 1: I look up into the eyes of the whale. He
Speaker 1: sees me, his eyes widened. Kill him. Sherihspers and the
Speaker 1: doctor turns, but he falls to his knees. Job second,
Speaker 1: kill him, Step on him, whale, step will kill him.
Speaker 1: He whispers, and the doctor turns. Period new paragraph. But
Speaker 1: he falls to his knees, bleeding. I look up and
Speaker 1: there's Jensen Giant in the light, sweating, holding a scissors.
Speaker 1: My name is that the guy that was supposed to die?
Speaker 1: Uh is the guy who's like on the calm, right, Okay,
Speaker 1: I do my casting. This guy's kid Rock. Absolutely, this
Speaker 1: is kid Rock. Uh yeah, with the my name. Okay,
Speaker 1: to explained the thing I just did. I look up
Speaker 1: and there's Jensen Giant in the light, sweating holding a scissors.
Speaker 1: They're dripping blood to the blood of the doctor. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, then we know it's the blood of the doctor.
Speaker 1: But wait, just a point of clarification. Did he say
Speaker 1: holding us scissors? He did, thank you. I kind of
Speaker 1: glossed over that holding scissors, holding scissors, scissors, holding a
Speaker 1: pair of scissors. Tiny, But that's important, nobody. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: think in general, writing is important in a story. Yes,
Speaker 1: I entirely agree. It's just like, it's just how like
Speaker 1: a six year old would say it scissors. He pads
Speaker 1: to his bedroom. His pads to his bedroom holding a scissors.
Speaker 1: A thank you for because I thought I was putting
Speaker 1: enough sauce on that that part to really to really
Speaker 1: highlight I feel like, but I feel like it sort
Speaker 1: of passed us by. Um, this is a team effort,
Speaker 1: you know, what are the things passed us by? So
Speaker 1: the doctor turns, he falls to his knees bleeding. I
Speaker 1: look up and there's Jensen, giant in the light, sweating,
Speaker 1: holding a scissors. They're dripping blood to the blood of
Speaker 1: the doctor. Again, they're dripping bloods too. He did say
Speaker 1: the words correctly or write them down correctly, but like
Speaker 1: it's just it's bad. It's bad. This is this is
Speaker 1: the this is the c W stuff where it's like, oh, oh, oh, okay,
Speaker 1: now I get it. Now I've been explained enough to
Speaker 1: understand this like dramatic thing you're trying to create where
Speaker 1: we really realize Jensen has stabbed the doctor. I know
Speaker 1: he stabbed the doctor. He doesn't explain the things he
Speaker 1: needs to explain, and over explains the things that are obvious. Yes, anyway,
Speaker 1: she over explained. He's she said, explaining Lee their whole
Speaker 1: They're dripping blood the scissors or us is or is
Speaker 1: dripping bloods the bloods of the doctor. He slumps beside me,
Speaker 1: his dead eyes staring through me. Yeah, you know he's dead, Jensen.
Speaker 1: I squeak. Oh sorry, I squeak camp, he says. The
Speaker 1: whale's eyes turned to Jensen. You bastard, you betrayed me. Kemp,
Speaker 1: whose name is Kemp his name is kemp Ah. You
Speaker 1: you bastard. You betrayed me. No, says Jensen, you betrayed yourself. Okay.
Speaker 1: Jensen sits down next to the whale, and the whale
Speaker 1: bleeds period. He bleeds period. Yeah. Down by my feet.
Speaker 1: I can see the dust mites feeding on his blood
Speaker 1: as they do. Sure, that's what dust mites love. Also,
Speaker 1: you can still see them, m I can see the
Speaker 1: dust mites feeding on his blood. Dust mites are visible
Speaker 1: easily by the naked eye. I laugh. I laughed for myself.
Speaker 1: I laugh for Phillips, and I laugh for Amy, mostly Amy,
Speaker 1: who has no idea where you been for three Oh? No,
Speaker 1: oh no. I laughed for her. When she's gonna she's
Speaker 1: gonna laugh at this story when she finds out what
Speaker 1: I've done and why I didn't explain where I was
Speaker 1: going and where contact or where my leg went, why
Speaker 1: my entire body is burned. Sorry. Protagonist Amy is busy
Speaker 1: fucking a guy who works for being there that invented
Speaker 1: an enlargening ray, so she always knows where he is
Speaker 1: because he's so big. He's so big, how can you disappeared?
Speaker 1: She wanted a man who was so gigantic, she could
Speaker 1: never not know where he was. This the sequel to this,
Speaker 1: as he goes home and Amy hasn't been faithful and
Speaker 1: he becomes some sort of in cell. Yeah yeah, he
Speaker 1: like becomes an anti small game. Yeah yeah. He comes
Speaker 1: home and Amy is living in the shoe with her
Speaker 1: gigantic boyfriend. The tiny man got cut like but like
Speaker 1: like if Amy did get together with like an enlarged guy,
Speaker 1: like that would make this story just good, like I
Speaker 1: would like every favorite an amazing Ah. Well, fingers crossed.
Speaker 1: We still have a couple of sentences left, we do.
Speaker 1: I laugh. I laughed for myself. I laughed for Phillips,
Speaker 1: and I laughed for Amy. Mostly I laughed because I'm alive.
Speaker 1: End of story. That's the conclusion. Um. So like, well,
Speaker 1: I want to come back to like what the the
Speaker 1: allegory was supposed to be about abortion, as he made
Speaker 1: very clear two times within like two paragraphs and then
Speaker 1: never again. I feel like nothing else in this story
Speaker 1: does that. He didn't even like come back to it,
Speaker 1: Like I guess technically the actions of like, oh, the
Speaker 1: doctor and then like his friend the abortion doctor, right,
Speaker 1: like that's what he's advocating for. I guess, unless do
Speaker 1: you think that he doesn't he has to be conscious
Speaker 1: that he was doing an abortion allegory. Oh, he definitely was.
Speaker 1: He like there are so many uh sentences about like
Speaker 1: choice and like it's my body, my purview. He was
Speaker 1: very obviously an abortion, but then it wasn't. But then
Speaker 1: it wasn't. So maybe he's just saying, um, yeah, you're
Speaker 1: justified in killing people if they're trying to do abortions.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I guess, yeah, sure, that's the message.
Speaker 1: I just I guess we're giving him too much credit.
Speaker 1: If there is a message, Well, I think the message
Speaker 1: that people who are fans of him would get from
Speaker 1: this if you read it was like, oh, I agree,
Speaker 1: abortion is bad, Like that's what he like. It's so
Speaker 1: empty and lazy that like all he needs to do
Speaker 1: is those two sentences and then and someone like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I get it, but it's not really what you're doing.
Speaker 1: These tech people not trustworthy. Maybe there's something I don't know. Um,
Speaker 1: and like the idea that the law the law is
Speaker 1: that like if you have a little guy inside you,
Speaker 1: like some adult man shrunk down to kill your mites,
Speaker 1: then you have the right to kill him, which again,
Speaker 1: I feel like it's not the law unless he's again,
Speaker 1: unless he signed a contract it said. Even then, I'm
Speaker 1: not sure you can sign a contract to let somebody
Speaker 1: murder you in this way. I don't know. Maybe I'm
Speaker 1: sure you can sign a contract that like, if I die,
Speaker 1: it's not his fault, but I don't know that it
Speaker 1: would apply in this instance. Liability waiver, sure, but not murder,
Speaker 1: not active murder. Yeah, I mean, I'm sure he could
Speaker 1: hide I accidentally swallowed you and like you're gonna be
Speaker 1: the benefit of the doubt on that m That was
Speaker 1: a great short story that changed my feelings about all
Speaker 1: of society. Also, I have a quick question about society.
Speaker 1: Um how is it? No? Um? So the because the
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just because we've stretched this out over three
Speaker 1: different episodes. Why did the whale want to kill him
Speaker 1: once he was inside him? Um? Oh, because he'd seen
Speaker 1: that the whale had cancer and was going to die
Speaker 1: and could tell people and that would be bad for that.
Speaker 1: Wait and why Yeah, that's that's why the way I
Speaker 1: wanted to get him. You know, part of the reason
Speaker 1: why you forgot Cody is because it didn't get mentioned
Speaker 1: ever again. Ever, again, and you would speak, You would
Speaker 1: think that that would factor in somehow, in some way,
Speaker 1: body invented shrinking technology, business will be fine. But he
Speaker 1: only uses it to have tiny men fight, never monet down.
Speaker 1: Like it's like it's like sometimes as an artist, you
Speaker 1: write something, or you you put together a song or whatever,
Speaker 1: and you you just you don't want to sell it.
Speaker 1: You just want to put it out there because you
Speaker 1: didn't make it for the money, and you want just
Speaker 1: one thing that's pure and disconnected from capitalism. That's shrinking technology.
Speaker 1: For this billionaire, we all have our things I'd forgotten
Speaker 1: that is so fucking stupid. Stop him from ruining his
Speaker 1: company's stocks or something right, stop him from ruining his
Speaker 1: company's stocks by like revealing information that like his technology
Speaker 1: can fix. But also like if you just got him out,
Speaker 1: he wouldn't like be trying to ruin your life. They
Speaker 1: saved him and didn't try to kill him. Be like, man,
Speaker 1: can we not talk about what you saw? I'm really
Speaker 1: struggling to deal with my cancer diagnosis. Of course, of
Speaker 1: course you saved my life. Also as like your employee
Speaker 1: money suggests using this amazing shrinking technology to shrink the
Speaker 1: tumor down to nothing. But yeah, maybe we could use
Speaker 1: this miracle technology you invented to stop this, Like, don't
Speaker 1: even you have, like, don't even tell anybody that you
Speaker 1: used it for that if you don't want to use
Speaker 1: like obviously you should, but like you can keep it
Speaker 1: to yourself. Man. Also speaking of keeping things to yourself,
Speaker 1: So maybe this guy signed a contract that said, if
Speaker 1: I get stuck in your stomach, you can kill me.
Speaker 1: But almost definitely if you have tiny humans in your
Speaker 1: office killing the mites for years, because there's no other
Speaker 1: way to kill the mites. If you have that, you
Speaker 1: definitely have them. Like sign an n d A for
Speaker 1: this exact reason. Yeah, the first time you overheard a
Speaker 1: phone call in all your being a tiny guy in
Speaker 1: this guy's office like this the last minute, I finally
Speaker 1: heard a phone call, and I'm gonna tell everybody because
Speaker 1: I didn't sign an n d A, which is utter nonsense. Um.
Speaker 1: Bad job, Ben, bad job, no benefit of the doubt. Um.
Speaker 1: So we're at the time. I guess that's that's all
Speaker 1: we need. There is one more short story left and
Speaker 1: before we go for listeners for you all, I think
Speaker 1: we can play a little game a quick guess of
Speaker 1: what you think this is called. Keep in mind, this
Speaker 1: is a Ben Shapiro short story that is a very
Speaker 1: poorly veiled allegory for something about how like I don't
Speaker 1: know equality is wrong or fairness is whatever it is.
Speaker 1: This one was I believe, sorry me, I believe this
Speaker 1: was called in the in the Depths or something or
Speaker 1: like in the whole. Yeah, it's from the Jonah and
Speaker 1: the Whale. But I was gonna say it's real meaning,
Speaker 1: like actual message again Jonah and want to read it. Yes,
Speaker 1: I'm aware he had a message. He just did not
Speaker 1: succeed in getting it across to absolutely obviously has a message.
Speaker 1: It's bad, it's just incompetent. Mean when we say that
Speaker 1: is that there's no actual message because of how badly
Speaker 1: he wrote the episode. Complete nonsense. Yeah, and fair sex.
Speaker 1: Oh interesting? Um, I guess I'm excited for Amy to
Speaker 1: realize where her lover has been for three years. I
Speaker 1: don't think she cares. She's got that big guy. She's
Speaker 1: dating that giant guy. She got the enlargening array inventor
Speaker 1: who weirdly makes tumors bigger. Yeah, it makes them so
Speaker 1: big they can't hurt you. Yeah, you just live inside
Speaker 1: your tumor. You get a free flesh house. That's the
Speaker 1: trips um an answer to the housing crisis. Really, yeah, Robert,
Speaker 1: what's your guest for the next chapter. I clearly guessed wrong.
Speaker 1: That's the title of the story. Yeah, we're guessing um
Speaker 1: why liberals um are bad. You're both wrong, but you're
Speaker 1: both very close. Uh. The next one, and I cannot
Speaker 1: wait to read this is called utopia. Oh my god. Okay,
Speaker 1: a little nauseous because it's been I'm gonna guess it's
Speaker 1: like some sort of leftist utopia that is uh nine
Speaker 1: four but written by an idiot. I guarantee that that's
Speaker 1: what it is. Okay, I'm very excited. I'm extremely excited dystopia.
Speaker 1: In fact, I'm so excited for this I am going
Speaker 1: to read the first sentence of this story out loud.
Speaker 1: Oh Cody, what an embarrassment of riches for our listeners.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you are so lucky, you greedy listener.
Speaker 1: Whip your dicks out, listening. Is it's time for happy,
Speaker 1: It's time for the mites to come all right, in
Speaker 1: all caps, it's a quotation in all caps, all men
Speaker 1: are created equal, excellent fantastic. Yeah, yeah, Oh my god, utopia,
Speaker 1: that's what I likes to hear. Well, we're all gonna
Speaker 1: wait with bated breath for this next installment. This has
Speaker 1: been a delight, the most excited I have of course.
Speaker 1: All Right, all right, we'll be back next week. Check
Speaker 1: us out, check in next week, Brohems and other teams. Oh,
Speaker 1: there's so many words that he's capitalized for no reason.
Speaker 1: Every Daniel Worst Year Ever is a production of I
Speaker 1: Heart Radio. For more podcasts from my heart Radio, visit
Speaker 1: the i heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you
Speaker 1: listen to your favorite shows.