Speaker 1: I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear.
Speaker 1: But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come
Speaker 1: to me empty, And.
Speaker 2: I said, no guests.
Speaker 1: Your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff,
Speaker 1: So how did you dad to surbey me?
Speaker 3: Very quickly? The live show sold out. It's June twenty sixth.
Speaker 3: If you still want to watch it, you can buy
Speaker 3: a livestream at Dynasty typewriter dot com. And so you know,
Speaker 3: if you you know, failed to buy a ticket, or
Speaker 3: if your plane is canceled because of a blizzard or something,
Speaker 3: you can still watch it on the internet Dynasty typewriter
Speaker 3: dot com. Okay, now, podcast, welcome to I said no gifts.
Speaker 3: I'm Bridger Wineger. We're in the backyard. Night is falling.
Speaker 3: I took the rarely successful six point fifteen nap and
Speaker 3: it worked out. I feel okay. The dishwasher is broken
Speaker 3: beyond repair, but I do have I did get enough
Speaker 3: points for a free chicken sandwich. So you know, when
Speaker 3: you reach those highs, you have to accept some of
Speaker 3: these lows, and everything kind of evens out into kind
Speaker 3: of a dull, muted numbness. And that's fine. Let's get
Speaker 3: into the podcast. I adore today's guest. I think they're
Speaker 3: so fantastic. It's Erfi Master. Welcome to I said no gifts.
Speaker 2: Hello. Oh, I'm so excited to be hearing your beautiful backyard.
Speaker 3: I'm so thrilled to have you. And apparently you live
Speaker 3: pretty nearby. We're neighbors. I can walk to you and
Speaker 3: you're going to all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've been walking to you saying please put
Speaker 2: me on the pod, please please.
Speaker 3: Just the middle of the night. Pebble's being thrown against
Speaker 3: the window.
Speaker 2: Me again? Are you up.
Speaker 3: To say me again?
Speaker 2: In the middle of the night to someone's frightening fierce.
Speaker 2: I think any anything that starts in that cadence is
Speaker 2: going to be disturbing. Hey me again.
Speaker 3: So sorry, I'm your burden. No, it's been an interesting
Speaker 3: day for me. I woke up at five am. Why
Speaker 3: I woke up hungry at five What is my body
Speaker 3: doing in the middle of the night to make me hungry?
Speaker 2: Well, you're shredded. You're shredded, so it's probably making more muscles.
Speaker 3: It must absolutely just I'm getting ripped in the middle
Speaker 3: of the night.
Speaker 2: What do I do for a workout? Because you are shredded.
Speaker 3: I appreciate that. What's it?
Speaker 2: Does everyone know this about you?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Are you one of those workout people where they're like,
Speaker 2: oh my god.
Speaker 3: I'm not. I didn't start working out until twenty nineteen,
Speaker 3: and I go to a husband and wife team and
Speaker 3: no shit. Yeah, it's like a small gym that like
Speaker 3: it's not personal training, but they keep an eye on you.
Speaker 3: I love that you go for half an hour afterwards,
Speaker 3: you dry heath or I do once I threw up
Speaker 3: in the gutter. Wow, If you're not throwing up after
Speaker 3: the gym, you've got to find a new gym to
Speaker 3: go to.
Speaker 2: So it's hit you're doing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's is that what it's called?
Speaker 2: It has to be. See, I don't even know if
Speaker 2: you're throwing up afterwards.
Speaker 3: Sure, I just go there and they tell me what
Speaker 3: to do. Wow, And I'm a good student. I love that,
Speaker 3: and I just it's horrible, awful feeling. But I get
Speaker 3: It's the only time I've ever committed to working out
Speaker 3: because it's working out awful.
Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with working out, and I'm kind of obsessed
Speaker 2: with everybody's like pathway.
Speaker 3: What do you what's your situation.
Speaker 2: I I'll do whatever I need to, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like if I'm like prepping for a show,
Speaker 2: I change my whole like workout, or if I'm like
Speaker 2: right now, I'm about to go on tour and so
Speaker 2: I'm like doing a lot of like joint focused stuff.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, Like what is joint focused stuff?
Speaker 2: A lot more like I'm doing pliometrics, but I'm focusing
Speaker 2: on the landing for my knees.
Speaker 3: What You've just said means nothing to me.
Speaker 2: I'm jumping onto boxes and I'm jumping off of them
Speaker 2: instead of lifting heavyweights right to be to so I
Speaker 2: can brace for like the impact of my own body weight.
Speaker 2: Because when you're on tour, you're just kind of like
Speaker 2: constantly uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: Are you a van, a bus?
Speaker 2: Everything we're doing vans and planes and then you know,
Speaker 2: you stand for an hour and fifteen minutes with like
Speaker 2: an instrum on you, and everything just starts like to crumble,
Speaker 2: everything starts to go away.
Speaker 3: I can I go on a plane for five hours
Speaker 3: and I'm done for a week, feel awful, hospitalized, absolutely hospitalized.
Speaker 3: Every time they have the ambulance waiting for me on
Speaker 3: the tar mat. No here he comes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't even charge me anymore.
Speaker 3: Your stage presence, what is what's your general thing? Are
Speaker 3: you jumping around?
Speaker 1: Are?
Speaker 3: Because your music is very it lends itself to jumping
Speaker 3: around and thrashing.
Speaker 2: I would say, you know, I think the I get
Speaker 2: this really beautiful wave of calm actually when I'm up there,
Speaker 2: so like the first few songs there's like a real
Speaker 2: nervous energy, and then at some point during a show,
Speaker 2: I just feel like this, like you know, to get
Speaker 2: kind of fruity about it. I feel this like truly
Speaker 2: beam of like light that just centers me. And so
Speaker 2: I don't think I actually get like hyper, I get really.
Speaker 3: Still okay, really in it, right, lost, absolutely lost. The
Speaker 3: audience is worried.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the audience is like where are they? I can't
Speaker 2: get back to the stage. I can't find the bathroom.
Speaker 2: I said I was gonna get water fifteen minutes ago.
Speaker 3: The music stopped.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we barely even started.
Speaker 3: Give me my refund. How many cities you're going to?
Speaker 2: We're doing nine cities. Oh wow, Yeah, we're doing nine
Speaker 2: cities and it's only like a three week tour. So
Speaker 2: it's it's pretty lush. Actually, it's only ten ten shows
Speaker 2: over three weeks, which is great. We're all decrepit, so
Speaker 2: it's it's better that way. Like if I was twenty two,
Speaker 2: I'd be like, we need to fit more in here,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, ten shows, Jesus Christ. So I'm excited.
Speaker 3: I'm so curious about the touring life of a musician.
Speaker 3: It's just I mean, it seems relentless.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm only toured comedy before.
Speaker 3: So is this your first music tour?
Speaker 2: This is our first tour.
Speaker 3: God, this could really be something.
Speaker 2: Yes, I mean it could be an absolute disaster. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you're you will I will text you.
Speaker 3: I just had a huge meltdown on stage. Everything we
Speaker 3: talked about was true.
Speaker 2: I did get lost. Yeah, it's this is the first.
Speaker 2: You know, we've been playing a bunch of shows at
Speaker 2: the band. This band is only it's less than a
Speaker 2: year old, so we've been playing a bunch of shows
Speaker 2: and we've done New York and LA but this is
Speaker 2: our first. We're going coast to coast and yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: really excited.
Speaker 3: And the band, I mean, it's your last name, hm,
Speaker 3: so it's kind of you. It is it is me
Speaker 3: and is the rest of the band rotating are they
Speaker 3: aware they could go at any time?
Speaker 2: That's so funny because when I started picking them, I
Speaker 2: actually basically said, like, I want you to know that
Speaker 2: you could go at any time?
Speaker 3: Is that true?
Speaker 2: That is true? And I and I said it to
Speaker 2: them because I was like, I want you to feel
Speaker 2: really excited about being here, because if you're not excited,
Speaker 2: I don't want you to feel like you like the
Speaker 2: It's not in a negative way, but nobody's irreplaceable, right that.
Speaker 2: They're all integral. I love everything that they do. That's
Speaker 2: why they're there. But if they don't want to be there,
Speaker 2: they're gone, right, And that and I've but and I've
Speaker 2: you know, like we're we're both in the entertainment industry,
Speaker 2: Like we're both you become your own business. This is
Speaker 2: like kind of just how I like kind boss.
Speaker 3: Energy, Right, that makes perfect sense. And I mean, who
Speaker 3: wants to be on tour if they're not happy anyway?
Speaker 2: And you you think about it like it's my last
Speaker 2: name and these are my songs, But what it really
Speaker 2: is is it's it's I spend the money to do
Speaker 2: this thing, you know what I mean? You always spend
Speaker 2: money to make the art, and they I make sure
Speaker 2: that they're paid the best absolute that I can, all
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: So that's the benefit of being able to be a
Speaker 2: plug and play person, right. I'm not if they were
Speaker 2: if we were all brothers and their last name is
Speaker 2: fat Master too, I would expect them to give me
Speaker 2: money to help pay for this tour, right, But that's
Speaker 2: not how it is.
Speaker 3: They're just coming along and getting paid.
Speaker 2: Yes, and they're proud of what they do, and I
Speaker 2: love that. In the minute they don't feel that way,
Speaker 2: they get to leave and then there's no hard feelings.
Speaker 2: But it's easier that way.
Speaker 3: What is the job interview aspect of bringing in a
Speaker 3: band member.
Speaker 2: It's a great question. I so the the guy who
Speaker 2: plays my drums, Riley Gears, also co produces The Right
Speaker 2: and so that was a no brainer. And he has
Speaker 2: played for other bands that I'm in love with. He
Speaker 2: plays for Caroline Rose who Oh my God, Incredible and
Speaker 2: Unknown Mortal Orchestra, and so I just gauged his interests
Speaker 2: and he was so excited about this project that he
Speaker 2: immediately wanted to be on board. So that was easy.
Speaker 2: And then my best friend who toured with me, Nick Gage,
Speaker 2: he is my synth player, and he toured comedy with.
Speaker 3: Me for Okay, so he's kind of proven and he's
Speaker 3: not annoying.
Speaker 2: He's the opposite of annoying. He can take a punch
Speaker 2: to the nose and smile through it. He's like just
Speaker 2: constantly good energy. And then the guitarist I found. I
Speaker 2: was watching his videos online during COVID, and once COVID
Speaker 2: kind of cleared, he texted me out of the blue
Speaker 2: to be like, hey, would you ever want to get
Speaker 2: a coffee? And I was like blown away because he's
Speaker 2: such a shredder. We went out for coffee. He's, first
Speaker 2: of all, he's like six five, which to me very high.
Speaker 3: Oh of course, I mean, who is that not hot too?
Speaker 2: I don't know anybody that says otherwise is lying, and
Speaker 2: it's like absolutely bullshit. It's bullshit. And he was. He
Speaker 2: was so nice and so like eager to be a
Speaker 2: part of something. And so I guess the thing that
Speaker 2: I realized I was looking for is people that were
Speaker 2: eager to be there right right, And that's the thing.
Speaker 3: And did you say, you know, like play something for me? No,
Speaker 3: that seems insane.
Speaker 2: That's the nice part about social media is you can
Speaker 2: go and look at the course.
Speaker 3: Yeah, what did people used to do that? I guess
Speaker 3: they'd have to sit down and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 3: Alas just fired a gun at that Happy Birthday. It's
Speaker 3: fireworks season, that's right, it is until Christmas.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I love them to la buckle up. I do
Speaker 2: love it.
Speaker 3: When did you start playing music?
Speaker 2: I've been playing music since, like instruments, since I was
Speaker 2: like six.
Speaker 3: What was your first instrument?
Speaker 2: Piano?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 3: Me too?
Speaker 2: Yeah, how long have you been playing?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: I took piano lessons for at least a decade and
Speaker 3: learned virtually nothing.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I can read the right hand what is the treble cleft?
Speaker 3: I can form chords, but I cannot put those things
Speaker 3: together to make music.
Speaker 2: I can only write music. I can't read it at all.
Speaker 3: Oh wow, and you've been I mean I can't read
Speaker 3: that at all.
Speaker 2: No, and I and I barely know what's going on
Speaker 2: on like the neck of my guitar. I'm like, it's
Speaker 2: I don't know what to tell you, guys, it's due,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean? Like they're like no that
Speaker 2: he says that's an F sharp and I'm.
Speaker 3: Like, sure, you're just doing it tonally.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Oh I'm so jealous of that to be able to
Speaker 3: just do it by feeling rather than what do I have? What?
Speaker 3: What do I have to show? Bothering my boyfriend on
Speaker 3: the piano? Just yes, clanking around.
Speaker 2: That's what piano's for, is for hurting others.
Speaker 3: It's ultimately a weapon, is the piano percussion? It should
Speaker 3: be holys is nodding, Yes, Yeah, it's fascinating percussion.
Speaker 2: It's really cool.
Speaker 3: I need to get more like drums with that make
Speaker 3: piano noises. Piano noises ultimate, I'll figure it out. This
Speaker 3: is kind of your ultimate goal. I think sometimes about
Speaker 3: other planets. Certainly there are other people there. I mean,
Speaker 3: what is an alien instrument? That's all. That's the only
Speaker 3: thing I care about on other planets is to find
Speaker 3: out what sort of instruments they're.
Speaker 2: Using one hundred percent and can they also fuck with them? Yes,
Speaker 2: because I'm looking at a lot of these instruments that
Speaker 2: we have and I'm like, we're supposed to want to
Speaker 2: fuck that for sure, We're supposed to be finding ways.
Speaker 2: I know, maybe maybe not everyone agrees with me. I
Speaker 2: don't know. I look at a lot of these instruments
Speaker 2: and I'm like, they're begging for it. That's part of it, absolutely,
Speaker 2: of course.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've wondered Alien certainly at least some of their instruments. Yeah,
Speaker 3: what's your face? Do you have a least favorite.
Speaker 2: Song on our set list?
Speaker 3: No, of all time? I like to ask musicians this.
Speaker 2: Oh my fucking god. You know, it's maybe not my
Speaker 2: least favorite song of all time, but I don't like
Speaker 2: to be too negative. But it's seeping out of me
Speaker 2: because I heard it today. I hate Dave Matthews band. Sure,
Speaker 2: I hate it so much, like it comes on and
Speaker 2: I get so fucking mad. I just can't even under Dan.
Speaker 2: And you know when people like hate Scott just like
Speaker 2: to hate it. I don't feel that way. I like
Speaker 2: try to like everything, and I don't know what the
Speaker 2: fuck is going on with that, and it's such like
Speaker 2: I don't know, God damn it. It's like all straight
Speaker 2: people have like that moment where like they'll hear like
Speaker 2: Byron and a room full of straight people be like
Speaker 2: ah and point to like some non existent speaker Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3: So I guess that I'm I mean, I'm on the
Speaker 3: same page. And Dave Matthew's bend is kind of interesting.
Speaker 3: I don't know that much of the Dave Matthews band music,
Speaker 3: but it's like, it's funny how greating it is considering
Speaker 3: how mellow. It's like, ah, turn that off.
Speaker 2: I remember when they shot on those people.
Speaker 3: Oh of course, yeah, one of the most famous. I mean,
Speaker 3: that's a huge part of the twentieth century is then
Speaker 3: dumping sewage all over before? Was that the twentieth century
Speaker 3: or was that?
Speaker 2: Yes? What is the allowed to be mad at them?
Speaker 3: I mean they really did like this. It's such a
Speaker 3: metaphor for what they've been doing musically for decades.
Speaker 2: But the metaphor would only be like good if the
Speaker 2: people on the boat were like, yum shit, Because that's true.
Speaker 2: That's what the concerts feel like to me.
Speaker 3: They're all opening their mouths.
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sorry, but it's too many concerts where people
Speaker 2: are being blankets. Like if every concert youth throw somebody
Speaker 2: can bring a blanket, it's probably not pleasant. Yeah enough Jesus.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like the blankets probably should come into
Speaker 3: like your third chapter of your musical career.
Speaker 2: Yeah, third and final, when your.
Speaker 3: Fan base's age were all ready to be at the
Speaker 3: park on a blank they it.
Speaker 2: Feels like to me, they started as blanket band.
Speaker 3: There was never a standing no no no. They were
Speaker 3: never at the will Turn. They were permanently in Red Rocks.
Speaker 3: Kind of just appeared there and been there forever. I'm
Speaker 3: on the same page Dave Matthews bandwise with you for sure.
Speaker 2: Okay when I have another one, and I think this
Speaker 2: is like, this is gonna upset more people of my generation.
Speaker 2: But Red Hot Chili Peppers there is one. My mom
Speaker 2: played one of the songs while she was pregnant with me,
Speaker 2: oh boy, and I like, it's a oh my god,
Speaker 2: Like just so many of those songs. I think it's
Speaker 2: because she played them that I just want to like,
Speaker 2: I want to end it like I want to end it.
Speaker 2: I want it to stop. I want my life to stop.
Speaker 2: So but those are the kind of the only two
Speaker 2: bands that I really feel that way.
Speaker 3: But are they're very strong feelings.
Speaker 2: They're soup. I mean, it's guttural.
Speaker 3: I mean the Chili Peppers, I would say, are irritating,
Speaker 3: Unlike Dave Matthews, Like when you turn on Red Hot
Speaker 3: Chili Peppers, it's frantic, it's obnoxious.
Speaker 2: They want to irritate you. So I don't even feel
Speaker 2: bad about it, right, And I can still look at
Speaker 2: like what both of these bands are doing and like
Speaker 2: understand the beautiful musical feats like Flee that you know
Speaker 2: the bass player is doing absolutely insane shit and like
Speaker 2: if you play that to me in a cell, I
Speaker 2: would talk, I would confess to things. Yeah, yeah, yes.
Speaker 3: I think it was Julie Klausner who said the Red
Speaker 3: Hot Chili Peppers are the funky Doors oh yeah, which
Speaker 3: was like, yes, that is exactly what's happening. They all
Speaker 3: seem like nice guys.
Speaker 2: Sure, I'm sure, yeah, but I just.
Speaker 3: Don't need them playing music for me. I just don't
Speaker 3: need them.
Speaker 2: And there's plenty of people who disagree, and those are
Speaker 2: the people. Those are the people that they get to
Speaker 2: play music for.
Speaker 3: And I you know, I support anybody doing anything as
Speaker 3: long as it's not anywhere near.
Speaker 2: Me one hundred percent. That's called tolerance. Do you have
Speaker 2: a favorite Ish band right now? I'm on a real
Speaker 2: Heart kick?
Speaker 3: Oh wow? Yeah, see, I mean, I know, like the
Speaker 3: two big Heart singles, and then I would. I've never
Speaker 3: really dipped into it.
Speaker 2: I kind of visit bands like like chapters, and it's
Speaker 2: usually because I'm writing music or I'm like trying to
Speaker 2: learn any thing and then I'll just you know, hyper
Speaker 2: focus on them for a long time. And what I've
Speaker 2: been enjoying about listening to Heart is there's so many
Speaker 2: iconic sounds, like when everybody knows the beginning of Barrakuda,
Speaker 2: and she's kind of like Billie Holliday where she's choosing
Speaker 2: notes that are not obvious and she's beating her players
Speaker 2: to the key change. Like, so she's doing all these
Speaker 2: things as a vocalist where you're listening to it and
Speaker 2: it's you have to study it to replicate it right, right,
Speaker 2: And I don't know, I find but when you're listening
Speaker 2: to it outside of music, you're like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: it seems effortless, right, So I don't know, there's something
Speaker 2: really creative about what she's doing. And that's that's my
Speaker 2: hyper focus right now.
Speaker 3: How would I've never really thought about Heart within genre?
Speaker 3: They're not like a hair metal band? Are they just
Speaker 3: a rock band? Is that what we would say?
Speaker 2: They're a rock band, But they're kind of like Fleetwood
Speaker 2: in that sense that they can do kind of that like, well,
Speaker 2: they're maybe a bit more expansive than Fleeva could Fleeva
Speaker 2: gets into like.
Speaker 3: That folky territory.
Speaker 2: But Heart had a really big period where they were
Speaker 2: doing like like kind of like Cynthia eighties, right, you
Speaker 2: know what I mean, right, almost new wavy but not Yes,
Speaker 2: and then they have like a Crazy on You which
Speaker 2: starts with that like incredible like beautiful acoustic guitar solo.
Speaker 2: And then they have something like Barracuda, which is like
Speaker 2: kind of timeless. Right, So there's just a really expansive
Speaker 2: rock band.
Speaker 3: Undefinable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, like Dave Matthews, like like the all time great
Speaker 2: Dave Matthew. Do you have a favorite band.
Speaker 3: I don't think I have a favorite band. I A
Speaker 3: friend texted me recently, like, what are your favorite albums?
Speaker 3: I couldn't even really. I was like, he said ten.
Speaker 3: I was like, well, I just can't give you ten.
Speaker 3: So I ended up sending him this way over long
Speaker 3: text favorite, I mean my favorite band in high school.
Speaker 3: This is kind of horrifying, is in some ways we
Speaker 3: ser oh, yeah, fun because I have two good albums
Speaker 3: and then it's just nonstopping.
Speaker 2: But they're solid good.
Speaker 3: I mean they're so good to Yes, I mean one
Speaker 3: thing I'll say that Kanye West has done for me,
Speaker 3: is be more embarrassing than we ser so people who
Speaker 3: are fans of him. I'm like, well, at least my
Speaker 3: favorite band didn't get to you know, yes, confusing white supremacy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. He's kind of like
Speaker 2: they went and bought homes, right, This is an honorable
Speaker 2: thing to do when you're a band is make money
Speaker 2: and then go buy home and be quiet for a while.
Speaker 3: Quiet, and then vet all of your ideas.
Speaker 2: Yes, a bunch of bunch of people before they ever
Speaker 2: make it out of the internet.
Speaker 3: Yes, get so many safeguards that you're guaranteed it won't
Speaker 3: be a problem that.
Speaker 2: Goes for most of us. I think I want us
Speaker 2: all to do our creative pursuits until we become unpleasant.
Speaker 2: Then buy a house and just be quiet.
Speaker 3: Silently makes your sing your song for yourself. Yes, but yeah,
Speaker 3: Weezer was the band.
Speaker 2: I like a lot of loud music. I like when
Speaker 2: you work out, what's that? What do you work out to?
Speaker 3: Whatever they have on at the gym, which is actually
Speaker 3: a pretty decent mix of like garage rock and new
Speaker 3: wave and like synthpop. There was a period though, when
Speaker 3: they were playing like hardcore or like death metal covers
Speaker 3: of like Lady Gaga and there was like screaming monster voice,
Speaker 3: and it put me in the absolute worst mood. Possibly
Speaker 3: I'm already mad when I'm there, I'm already like truly
Speaker 3: angry that I'm doing and then to have like this
Speaker 3: insane cover of Lady it.
Speaker 2: Was like the stuff they played at.
Speaker 3: Yes, it was one hundred percent.
Speaker 2: That's literally what they played for them is like scream metal.
Speaker 3: Yes, not for me in any situation, let alone when
Speaker 3: I'm like throwing like one hundred pounds over my hand.
Speaker 2: No, oh yeah, I don't think it's supposed to be listenable, right,
Speaker 2: that's not the intent.
Speaker 3: What is the intent?
Speaker 2: It's the intent is to say you're in a screen band.
Speaker 3: That's the intent by these tattoos. You've got to do
Speaker 3: something like yes, yeah. I feel like someone must have
Speaker 3: complained because I was about to complain and then they
Speaker 3: stopped playing the music. So but every day I'm like,
Speaker 3: what if it's today's the day, and then I'm going
Speaker 3: to be trapped in here and my life will be ruined.
Speaker 2: If you if you were going to run a marathon
Speaker 2: and you had to listen to one song on repeat,
Speaker 2: what would it be oh, I would.
Speaker 3: See. When people have started asking me music questions, I'm
Speaker 3: trying not to just panic an answer. I say, I'm
Speaker 3: going to think about this. I think there's a song
Speaker 3: by the Oss called The Dream. It's about seven minutes long,
Speaker 3: and it's got a nice rhythm. It's it's I think
Speaker 3: it would be a perfect running song. It has a
Speaker 3: mo in it that there's like a burst in the
Speaker 3: middle of the song that I almost drive off the
Speaker 3: road every time that comes song. I'm so excited for
Speaker 3: it to happen because it like kind of slows down
Speaker 3: and then erupts in this way and it's like, oh,
Speaker 3: my entire body has become the cosmost really, but ultimately
Speaker 3: I wouldn't be running because I hate running.
Speaker 2: Oh well, it's it's a sin.
Speaker 3: What song would you do? You know what?
Speaker 2: Right now? It would maybe be a Chapel Rowan song.
Speaker 3: Oh Chapel is really I mean just blown up in
Speaker 3: the craziest way.
Speaker 2: And she's you know, she's been doing this shit since
Speaker 2: she's like fifteen.
Speaker 3: That's got to be so satisfying, so sad, I mean
Speaker 3: to be.
Speaker 2: Doing it since you're fifteen and then be twenty five
Speaker 2: and like now finally getting attention, Like most of us
Speaker 2: start out the thing that we're gonna happen. We're twenty five,
Speaker 2: and then remember thirty five, we are retired.
Speaker 3: Wow, twenty I didn't realize she was that young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a baby.
Speaker 3: I just assume everyone's successful is older than me, I
Speaker 3: would hope. So, yeah, I know, it's just what I hope.
Speaker 3: So I get.
Speaker 2: It's so mad when I find out otherwise.
Speaker 3: When I'm watching the NBA now, it's always like I
Speaker 3: have to just constantly remind myself these people are in
Speaker 3: their twenties and like very early maybe early thirties.
Speaker 2: Well, and the ones that look really old, early thirties.
Speaker 3: Right, some of them do look aged.
Speaker 2: Yes, they're like graying and they're thirty four. I guess
Speaker 2: that's the stress of the big place. Yes, did you
Speaker 2: play any sports in high school?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I played volleyball and basketball, and I played a little
Speaker 2: volleyball in college.
Speaker 3: Oh, in college, so you must be decent.
Speaker 2: I was decent.
Speaker 3: Volleyball is my number one most feared sport. Why I'm
Speaker 3: horrified fun and playing.
Speaker 2: You are built like a setter.
Speaker 3: Great, Yes, are the ball coming at me? I'm screaming.
Speaker 3: I feel like it's going to hit me.
Speaker 2: You're not athletic at all.
Speaker 3: I don't play any sports. I played badminton, okay, and
Speaker 3: I played basketball in middle school and simply never scored
Speaker 3: a point. That the pause was me trying to remember
Speaker 3: what badminton was. Oh, badminton is lovely of like tennis,
Speaker 3: the long long one. Yeah, it's like a long Uh,
Speaker 3: it's thin. It's kind of like uh. I would say,
Speaker 3: it's like the Virginia slim of tennis.
Speaker 2: That makes an Is it the birdie or what I mean?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a birdie or a shuttlecock I think is
Speaker 3: probably what they call it in the Olympics. Do they
Speaker 3: play badminton in the Olympics on the app too? I hope,
Speaker 3: So give me something to watch. No, it's it's a
Speaker 3: great sport because there's no heavy object that you're afraid
Speaker 3: is going to hit you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and if you did make a big fuss about
Speaker 2: that little thing hitting you, you shouldn't be playing anyway.
Speaker 3: Right, And also everyone would get to enjoy you freaking
Speaker 3: out about that. They should make a Challengers for badminton. Now,
Speaker 3: that would be sexy, that would be probably That's probably
Speaker 3: why they chose tennis. It was too erotic if they
Speaker 3: had badminton.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, badminton has been an official Olympics sport since
Speaker 4: nineteen ninety two.
Speaker 3: Ninety two.
Speaker 2: Wow interest sting, Wow thirty one thirty two solid years.
Speaker 3: Ninety two feels late for badminton to be entering. It
Speaker 3: feels like something that would have been like nineteen hundreds
Speaker 3: or eighteen hundred or ancient Greece.
Speaker 2: This was one of the first sports, for sure.
Speaker 3: Well, there's something else we need to talk about. Unfortunately. Look,
Speaker 3: I was really excited to have you here today. I
Speaker 3: was looking forward to it.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: I took a nap before so I would have the
Speaker 3: energy to, you know, just have a great time with you. Thought,
Speaker 3: er will come over, nothing will go wrong, my night
Speaker 3: won't be ruined. So I was a little surprised. My
Speaker 3: heart was pounding when I saw you walking up into
Speaker 3: my backyard holding this gorgeous gift bag. Yes, the podcast
Speaker 3: is called I said, no gifts right.
Speaker 2: Well, I didn't read that.
Speaker 3: You you just got into the rest of the email
Speaker 3: left over there.
Speaker 2: I never read the title of an email. I kind
Speaker 2: of don't, you know.
Speaker 3: I famously don't use subject lines.
Speaker 2: No the titles for the person sending it. Yes, it's
Speaker 2: for their it's their a little art projector itself.
Speaker 3: Get creative, it's for you. Do the subject line you
Speaker 3: would love to read.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's certainly not for anybody else.
Speaker 3: Okay, well that's a perfect excuse. Uh should I open
Speaker 3: this yere on the podcast?
Speaker 2: Yeah? I like to watch people open their guess.
Speaker 3: Like everyone, Yeah, Okay, we're gonna dip into this kind
Speaker 3: of crispy brown bag and I'm pulling it.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm thrilled about this. I'm actually thrilled. It's a
Speaker 2: disposable camera. Yeah, and let me explain.
Speaker 3: I explain.
Speaker 2: On your Instagram.
Speaker 3: Okay, and I saw that.
Speaker 2: You take all these incredibly compelling photos of trash, thank
Speaker 2: you so much. And I thought we have to elevate
Speaker 2: these onto film, and I just I kind of want
Speaker 2: to see what you're capable of when you're doing it.
Speaker 2: And you know, photography's rare, you know, the.
Speaker 3: Raw form, they're lacking that texture, they're lacking a little
Speaker 3: bit of grain. Yeah, this is a I feel like
Speaker 3: it is like a recently trendy thing to get a
Speaker 3: disposal camera. But I received one. Someone gave me one
Speaker 3: on this podcast pre pandemic. We recorded sixteen episodes before
Speaker 3: the pandemic crushed us, and someone gave me one and
Speaker 3: I took a picture probably once every four months during
Speaker 3: the pandemic, and then a month ago got them developed. Finally.
Speaker 2: Are they incredible? I know they they're awesome.
Speaker 3: Oh this is going to sound so stupid, but there's
Speaker 3: something about them that feels more like the memory to
Speaker 3: me than a digital like an iPhone camera.
Speaker 2: Well, I think that's honest. I think that's true. Like
Speaker 2: I think with like these, this is like a twenty
Speaker 2: three milimeter like, oh, sure, it's like closer to what
Speaker 2: the human eye is than your iPhone lens.
Speaker 3: Oh is that true?
Speaker 2: Yes? And so when you're looking at these things like it,
Speaker 2: Actually when I don't take fucking photos on my phone
Speaker 2: anymore because they drive me nuts, they don't ever look
Speaker 2: like the thing, and they don't have any nostalgia attached.
Speaker 2: And I think that because there I don't know what
Speaker 2: the hell it is, but everything feels either long or
Speaker 2: wide or distorted in some way. And I like how
Speaker 2: flat film is.
Speaker 3: It looks so beautiful.
Speaker 2: It's like you blinked, And that is the memory you
Speaker 2: get to keep.
Speaker 3: Well that makes perfect sense. Yeah, I looked at those
Speaker 3: and I thought, these is like twenty four photos are
Speaker 3: more valuable than the last truly twelve thousand photos I took.
Speaker 2: Yes, And then you take less photos, which I actually
Speaker 2: like because I have one of these on me at
Speaker 2: all times now, and you take way less photos. But
Speaker 2: and it just takes up less. I'm not like now
Speaker 2: I get to be pretentious about being the like when
Speaker 2: people like take out their photo to look at something,
Speaker 2: it's ridiculous soft they don't understand, and I'll bring out
Speaker 2: my little I mean, I feel like a Duevus in
Speaker 2: my own right, like having a little disposable with me.
Speaker 2: But it always looks fucking cool, and I don't spend
Speaker 2: it like fifteen minutes like opening my camera looking at
Speaker 2: a photo of my fucking dog and then like zooming in,
Speaker 2: zooming in, accidentally flipping it to portrait mode, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean, Like there's something elegant about it, and
Speaker 2: you really have to just think about the photo and
Speaker 2: then it's gone. You don't have to get to you
Speaker 2: don't get a thousand chances to take it, and if
Speaker 2: you fuck it up, you fuck it up.
Speaker 3: And that feels good. Yeah, you get a nice messy
Speaker 3: picture and who cares?
Speaker 2: Who cares?
Speaker 3: Where do you get yours? Developed?
Speaker 1: Uh?
Speaker 2: Fromax?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: What's that?
Speaker 2: Fromax? Is this place? What's it?
Speaker 1: Not?
Speaker 2: Is it? Maybe Alta Dina?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 2: But you have to go to the places in the
Speaker 2: city that are like you know, I would not get
Speaker 2: my stuff developed at Walgreen because the Walgreen's or CBS
Speaker 2: or anything, because I actually think they like fuck it
Speaker 2: up somehow. I mean, I just think they do. But
Speaker 2: these these folks, they they they not only develop the photos,
Speaker 2: but then they digitize them for you and they send
Speaker 2: them to you. So it's actually really relatively easy. Now
Speaker 2: it feels like a.
Speaker 3: Ritual, right. I go to a place like that in Glendale,
Speaker 3: near some sort of salad store, perfect Salad to Go
Speaker 3: or something. I cannot remember the name of the photo
Speaker 3: place sandwiched between an eye hop and a Salad to Go.
Speaker 2: Salad to Go.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know that that's the name, but something
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: But if it is the name, what a passionless project?
Speaker 3: Can you imagine? Your life's stream is salad to Go.
Speaker 2: You get married to some guy named Chris and he
Speaker 2: owns a salad to Go franchise. Jesus Christ.
Speaker 3: God, Now that's my goal. I'm going to get all
Speaker 3: of my money into Salad to Go to Go.
Speaker 2: If it was named like Crispy Greens, I could respect it.
Speaker 3: Sure you're at least thinking about the vegetable.
Speaker 2: Yeah, is there any opportunity to eat it in the store?
Speaker 3: And I don't think so. Oh No, Salad to Go
Speaker 3: is my business concept. Sharks. In front of you is
Speaker 3: a bowl of salad. Imagine being able to take that
Speaker 3: wherever you go.
Speaker 2: I want one hundred percent equity for one hundred dollars.
Speaker 3: Please take this from get this out of everyone in
Speaker 3: my life. It's kind of like, what's the tape that
Speaker 3: you pass along and it kills people?
Speaker 2: Tape worm?
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's pass along by kissing as we all know. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you kissing cooked mouth, you will get a tape worm?
Speaker 2: Or are you talking about the one from the Ring?
Speaker 3: The Ring? I keep I kept thinking the View, the curse,
Speaker 3: the tape view.
Speaker 2: Hard.
Speaker 3: I want you very heart to get the ring.
Speaker 2: Oh man. I would watch an entire like spin off
Speaker 2: where it's the ladies from the View watch the ring
Speaker 2: and pass it around.
Speaker 3: To each other, just kind of around in her.
Speaker 2: They keep surviving because they just they keep passing.
Speaker 3: It brought a tape in to work for.
Speaker 2: You, one haunted tape.
Speaker 3: You know this is a different tape.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't do that to you four times.
Speaker 3: You know how many tapes I have at home? The Ring.
Speaker 2: That's right, it's the scariest movie of all times.
Speaker 3: I might watch it in the last five years. No shit,
Speaker 3: it was pretty scary.
Speaker 2: You're lucky you watched it in the last five years.
Speaker 2: I watched it as a child at room in my life.
Speaker 3: Oh, that would have been a rough experience.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I it scared me as an adult, and I'm hard
Speaker 3: to scare as an adult at this point. I'm pretty
Speaker 3: numb to most horror films.
Speaker 2: So it's terrifying.
Speaker 3: That's got the little girl.
Speaker 2: All you need is a little girl with the Japanese
Speaker 2: water ghost. That's all you need to put in any
Speaker 2: story for me. And I'm gonna be afraid.
Speaker 3: Where is she coming from?
Speaker 2: Why and why?
Speaker 3: What's her agenda?
Speaker 2: And of course, like we find out you know that
Speaker 2: she gets like pushed in the well or whatever, but
Speaker 2: we also.
Speaker 3: Find out that evil right, so she kind of deserved her.
Speaker 2: Her parents had to kill her because she was being
Speaker 2: a bitch.
Speaker 3: Get out of our lives.
Speaker 2: Also a crazy part of that story now that I'm
Speaker 2: thinking about that, that like, remember I think it's Nami Watts, Yes,
Speaker 2: Nami Wats is like like finding out that the little
Speaker 2: girl is like has been killed by somebody close to
Speaker 2: her whatever, and then she like is doing more research
Speaker 2: and she realizes it's because the little girl's a bitch.
Speaker 2: And that's when we're supposed to be like, oh, good, good, good,
Speaker 2: Like I'm glad she was killed. We gotta put the
Speaker 2: fucking cover on the hot tub or the well?
Speaker 3: Is there a hot tub in the movie?
Speaker 2: To me, I'm realizing that wells look like hot.
Speaker 3: If she doesn't crawl out of a hot tub at
Speaker 3: some point, what were they doing?
Speaker 2: Missed opportunity. When we reboot this for the women from
Speaker 2: the view, it.
Speaker 3: Will be a hot tub and she will be so
Speaker 3: relaxed crawling out of it, and.
Speaker 2: She'll have combed her hair.
Speaker 3: God, isn't there something to do with a horse in
Speaker 3: that movie? Does a horse jump off a boat?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, Oh it kills itself.
Speaker 3: It kills it stuff? Did it? Watch the tape?
Speaker 2: It had to Yes, a fairy there's a horse on
Speaker 2: the fair fairy and it jumps off and it like
Speaker 2: throws itself into the blades.
Speaker 3: Oh, another shot from on, only you have one more chance.
Speaker 4: I brought one with exactly three bullets, which is a
Speaker 4: frantic horse because I just saw this recently too, But
Speaker 4: I forgot a frantic horse breaks out of its trailer
Speaker 4: when Rachel approaches and throws itself off of a fairy where.
Speaker 4: Oh I don't want to say this, so it's after
Speaker 4: where it's promptly shredded by the propellers to.
Speaker 3: Be shredded by.
Speaker 2: But we want to know why.
Speaker 3: It's just a frantic horse. It's just to set the
Speaker 3: mood problem.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was off.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was mad. It had a bad day at work,
Speaker 3: and it was like, I can't do another fairy ride.
Speaker 2: Fuck shred me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely take me through a propeller. Have you ever
Speaker 3: water skied?
Speaker 2: Oh? My god, First of all, unbelievable transition. Unbelievable. My
Speaker 2: girlfriend in high school, her dad had a boat and
Speaker 2: he would take us out to water ski and I
Speaker 2: would watch him try to kill her.
Speaker 3: But she's a little girl. From the ring.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. That was the energy. It is like
Speaker 2: she deserved it, but I but when I watched it
Speaker 2: then they would always try to get me on the
Speaker 2: skis and I was like, no, I do it. I
Speaker 2: see the bit. The bit is like you want people
Speaker 2: to wipe out. I'm never going to do this. I'm
Speaker 2: not going to do something where I'm not in control,
Speaker 2: is what I'm learning. Of Course, if I was driving
Speaker 2: the boat and I was the one on the skis,
Speaker 2: sure right.
Speaker 3: If your doppelganger was driving the boat.
Speaker 2: If it was my twin and I could trust some
Speaker 2: we had the same brain. But there's kind of no
Speaker 2: fucking way I'm letting a human being do that to me. Impossible.
Speaker 3: So you never got up on the skis.
Speaker 2: Not a single fucking time. Fuck that shit. I've got
Speaker 2: to get you out on the boat like a true prank.
Speaker 2: Is that sport to me?
Speaker 3: Oh, I haven't been since I was a kid, but
Speaker 3: want to go so bad. I don't know that it's
Speaker 3: athletic rope.
Speaker 2: No, it's athletic. You have to get up, you have
Speaker 2: to get You just have to be able to be dragged.
Speaker 2: And I can be dragged through anything.
Speaker 3: I really do think this is kind of a thing
Speaker 3: I've recently realized that my life feels like when you
Speaker 3: first learn to water ski, they tell you to let
Speaker 3: go of the rope because if you follow, you should
Speaker 3: go of the rope because you'll just get dragged through
Speaker 3: the water. And I feel like my entire life is
Speaker 3: just holding onto the rope and getting dragged through the water,
Speaker 3: just blasted in the face over and over. Please let
Speaker 3: me get on the ski.
Speaker 2: I'm hearing persistence, I'm hearing resilience. I'm gonna turn those
Speaker 2: self a steak. No, you can say that, I'm gonna
Speaker 2: say persistence, resilience.
Speaker 3: I wish you'd go water ski. I just wish it.
Speaker 2: Will never happen for me. There are things that I
Speaker 2: understand that thatga of outcome far outweighs me having the best.
Speaker 3: Time of my life being in a devilment gum commercial.
Speaker 2: Yeah no, I'm absolutely impossibility.
Speaker 3: The thing for me that I won't get on ever
Speaker 3: again is did you ever see the tube behind the boat?
Speaker 2: Fuck that that too?
Speaker 3: No, thank you, because that anytime anytime someone's in that,
Speaker 3: they're trying to get you off of it exact you're
Speaker 3: gonna get your head ripped off. Yes, yes, yes, no,
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I don't want to live in fear.
Speaker 3: And you you really have no control when you're on
Speaker 3: the tube. At least with the skis you can let go.
Speaker 2: No, I heard an awful story about girl who went
Speaker 2: water skiing and she fell in such a way that
Speaker 2: she had a full prolapse because of a jet of water. Oh,
Speaker 2: and I'm I'm not like like that for me. As
Speaker 2: you hear that story and you go and thank you
Speaker 2: and thank you very much. You know you don't hear that.
Speaker 2: You go, But I'm I'm I'm going to take my chances,
Speaker 2: but I might as well give it a shot. Yeah, No,
Speaker 2: I'm good. Everything I have I want tucked neatly inside
Speaker 2: still for.
Speaker 3: Now, for now, you may have a change of heart. Yeah,
Speaker 3: our high school bully got his hand ripped off.
Speaker 2: Jesus God.
Speaker 3: Yeah, on a fucking jet like a rope got wrapped.
Speaker 3: I mean I should have you know, I should have
Speaker 3: warned the listener.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's too late. You suck it up, enough, suck
Speaker 2: it up, But.
Speaker 3: These things happen. We need to know because I'm tempting
Speaker 3: you to water ski And now I need to reveal
Speaker 3: that I know someone got their hand ripped off.
Speaker 2: It was it was the high school bully.
Speaker 3: The high school bully, which is you know, it's a
Speaker 3: hard thing to hear because you know, what, what feeling
Speaker 3: do you have? I'm trying to have a generous heart.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 3: But at the time, you know, it was interesting. That
Speaker 3: can happen.
Speaker 2: I'm going to think about it forever.
Speaker 3: And it happens to people who aren't high school bullies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, those people have not so interesting a story. But
Speaker 2: high school bully.
Speaker 3: Jesus, do not let things get wrapped around your hand.
Speaker 2: That's how you don't make fun of people. That's why
Speaker 2: someday you might have a little nub from a skiing accident.
Speaker 2: And now now who's gonna get bullied?
Speaker 3: And now everyone's feelings are complicated? Me. Yeah, that's why
Speaker 3: I don't wear a metal ring to the gym, because
Speaker 3: I to anywhere, because I know someone And again, graphics story,
Speaker 3: I know someone who got their ring caught on a
Speaker 3: fence and ripped their fingers.
Speaker 2: What are these people doing?
Speaker 3: What's happening in my life?
Speaker 2: Why were they climbing?
Speaker 3: The factbeah, I'm the ring.
Speaker 4: Ah.
Speaker 3: I think it was like in mid elementary school or something,
Speaker 3: you know, climbing fences in elementary school and what And
Speaker 3: then I was wearing a metal ring once putting the
Speaker 3: dishes away, and a fork got caught in the metal
Speaker 3: ring and I said, never again. Yeah, no, thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, imagine you've got the disposal. You imagine horror.
Speaker 3: Have you ever been to the hospital?
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I got. I got a really bad concussion
Speaker 2: when I was like thirteen. I fell like ten feet
Speaker 2: straight onto my head on cement. I heard from what
Speaker 2: everything I was standing on like the back of a chair,
Speaker 2: balancing on the back of a chair, and my friend
Speaker 2: H kicked it out because that would be funny. You know,
Speaker 2: when your friend of lopes not developed, You're like, that
Speaker 2: would be funny. And I found and I didn't catch
Speaker 2: myself with my hands or my back or anything because
Speaker 2: I fell so fast and I split from the back
Speaker 2: of like the nape of my neck.
Speaker 3: Up to the front of Oh my god.
Speaker 2: But the grossest part, listener, is that my skin didn't break,
Speaker 2: and so there was just a bunch of bleeding. A balloon.
Speaker 2: It was a fucking balloon.
Speaker 3: This podcast has become very violent recently.
Speaker 2: We brought up that fucking little girl from the ring.
Speaker 2: I know what happened to her. By the way, this
Speaker 2: is yes, bring her up anywhere if you if you're
Speaker 2: gonna be a kid and a bitch.
Speaker 3: Kind of scam, he's a scam.
Speaker 2: You're gonna end up in a while. That's nobody's fault
Speaker 2: but yours.
Speaker 3: And suddenly you're hosting the view.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to say it. It's nobody's fault, yours.
Speaker 3: Ah wow, that's uh so, what like what did they
Speaker 3: do to repair you?
Speaker 2: Well? I was put in like a little three day
Speaker 2: coma and then I wasn't allowed to do activities for
Speaker 2: a while.
Speaker 1: But my.
Speaker 2: Basketball coach I came it was like, this happened in
Speaker 2: the summer, And I told my basketball coach at the
Speaker 2: end of summer when was started, it was like, I'm
Speaker 2: not allowed to technically start like doing anything for the
Speaker 2: next like month and a half. And he was like,
Speaker 2: then you won't be on the team, and I was like, well,
Speaker 2: yes I will. And so I just got back into it. Wow. Yeah,
Speaker 2: And now they did tell me that it would interfere
Speaker 2: with like rage and because of where I hit it,
Speaker 2: and let me tell you it did in what way?
Speaker 2: I it like truly, I had a very like angry
Speaker 2: and depressed teenage years, but like in a very like
Speaker 2: not always connected to things. Oh fascinating, Yeah, but that's subsided, yes, yeah,
Speaker 2: I yeah, the older I get them more like mitigated
Speaker 2: it is. But it was like, certainly up to fifteen
Speaker 2: years afterwards, it was like quick quick, quick to rage,
Speaker 2: could not get down from it?
Speaker 3: Could the same thing happen and make you happy? Quick to?
Speaker 2: I mean yes, because I was reading a book about
Speaker 2: music lovers, like it's I think it's called like music
Speaker 2: Aphelia or whatever, and they're people that I've had like
Speaker 2: really traumatic brain injuries or near death experiences. They some
Speaker 2: of them come back and they can write and compose music. Oh,
Speaker 2: never having done it before. That's like that's magic, magic magic,
Speaker 2: like completely like beautiful mysticism, like will make you listen
Speaker 2: reading this book of like it will make you believe
Speaker 2: in God, Like it's just like crazy, but it is
Speaker 2: like that a part of their brain was affected and
Speaker 2: it turned on specifically music. It's a whole book of
Speaker 2: people that had this happened to them. So you're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: there there are atter ways to get your head.
Speaker 3: Injured, right, look for those ways when falling off a
Speaker 3: chair yeah, did your friend learn a lesson?
Speaker 2: I was at a I was at a private high
Speaker 2: school and my uh, my friend was there on scholarship,
Speaker 2: and so I did not ever tell on my friend.
Speaker 2: And so my friend, my friend and I never talked
Speaker 2: about her anything. I just we did each other a
Speaker 2: solid and we're like, never.
Speaker 3: Brought it up. And wow, now the principal's going to
Speaker 3: hear this podcast and we're sinned there, and I agree.
Speaker 2: I hope they go back and find him and his
Speaker 2: last name is.
Speaker 3: Take that diploma. Yeah, rip it off his parents wall exactly.
Speaker 2: Shame on you.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's very generous of you.
Speaker 2: Snitches get stitches in their spirit.
Speaker 3: I mean, this is a very pro snitch podcast. We
Speaker 3: love a.
Speaker 2: Snitch, okay, and that's fair.
Speaker 3: I love a rat. Yeah, I love someone who just
Speaker 3: can't keep a secret to themselves.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a gemini, so me.
Speaker 3: I'm afraid I probably would snitch. I feel like I
Speaker 3: would be a snitch. Yes, you know, we all have.
Speaker 2: To be honest with about who we are. And I'm
Speaker 2: I'm I ain't no snitch, but they're definitely I have
Speaker 2: definitely shared secrets I was not supposed to.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's fair. You know, it's so much fun hard.
Speaker 3: It feels great, yes, you, and then the feeling goes
Speaker 3: away and you have to do it again.
Speaker 2: Yes, you gotta get that hit.
Speaker 3: Just divulging secrets all over time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. One big, one big personal
Speaker 2: secret a year that is not in any way yours
Speaker 2: to share. And yeah, you're gonna have some shame. Yes,
Speaker 2: you're gonna have some gal it's gonna eat you. You're
Speaker 2: gonna be worried about. Oh God, is the person I
Speaker 2: tell being responsible with it like I was supposed to be. Still,
Speaker 2: it's worth every every minute.
Speaker 3: Do you like gossip?
Speaker 2: Mm hmm, me too.
Speaker 3: I just love to spread the news.
Speaker 2: Sorry, it's a beautiful thing.
Speaker 3: It's such a special thing.
Speaker 2: Yes. And obviously any anybody who doesn't like gossip I
Speaker 2: find very irritating. They're like when people are like, uh,
Speaker 2: you know, let's talk about something positive, I'm like, this
Speaker 2: is positive. It's making me happy. We're connecting right now
Speaker 2: over something salacious.
Speaker 3: It feels so good.
Speaker 2: What's more positive than that?
Speaker 3: Yeah? And you know you're learning and maybe it's edifying
Speaker 3: you in some way. You're you'll look out for those
Speaker 3: people or you know.
Speaker 2: The excuse you can tell yourself is that sometimes when
Speaker 2: you're gossiping about others, if you're doing it quote unquote empathetically,
Speaker 2: you're building out your understanding of them in your mind
Speaker 2: so that you can treat them with more empathy.
Speaker 3: Exactly.
Speaker 2: Like I know that someone's so cheated on his wife,
Speaker 2: and he he must have done that, because.
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, And we as a community,
Speaker 3: as many of us as possible, need to know this, Yes,
Speaker 3: so that we can support him and her. We need
Speaker 3: to be there for both of them.
Speaker 2: Yes.
Speaker 3: No, I love gossip, but I like, I mean, it's
Speaker 3: been a real uh drought since the beginning of the
Speaker 3: pandemic and then zoom. People aren't working in the same
Speaker 3: rooms as much anymore, so you don't get quite as much.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's been a really hard time for for
Speaker 2: gay people.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's been extremely hard. That's why I'm going back
Speaker 3: to church for the gossip.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you need a little bit more punishment. Yeah, you
Speaker 2: wrote for I hope this makes you happy. You wrote
Speaker 2: for me Schman, Oh yeah, of course, and loved it.
Speaker 2: I would you know, argue like obviously one of the
Speaker 2: top three comedies of all time when I I was
Speaker 2: like showing my comedies to my partner because she's not
Speaker 2: like super She just like did not grow up with
Speaker 2: these genre just was like not a big comedy person,
Speaker 2: and I was trying to get her in to comedy.
Speaker 2: And Kimmy Schmidt was the first show I thought of.
Speaker 2: I felt so lucky to work on that show. It's
Speaker 2: I mean, to work for those people was wonderful. It
Speaker 2: felt like going to the Olympics.
Speaker 3: It was crazy. Because I loved thirty Rocks so much,
Speaker 3: I've been working on Kimmy was just wonderful. I have
Speaker 3: a small I'm in Kimmy. I play a gay.
Speaker 2: Swat guy unbelievable who like is.
Speaker 3: Brought onto dish with Kimmy's friend.
Speaker 2: So you get to do that because you're shredded.
Speaker 3: I said, who else here is shredded? We did kind
Speaker 3: of an office witch hunt about who's shredded?
Speaker 2: Who the fuck is?
Speaker 3: Now? This was pre media ever lifting a weight, so
Speaker 3: I was at the time very scrawny. Wow, you know
Speaker 3: I couldn't lift a pencil. Now I can lift two
Speaker 3: paper clips. Yeah, Kimmy Schmid, I really adored that show.
Speaker 3: And uh yeah, I feel like there aren't that many
Speaker 3: real laughy comedies.
Speaker 2: Now, no, and not not. I'm I mean Kimmy is
Speaker 2: like a joke every fifteen seconds.
Speaker 3: Yeah. To be able to like miss jokes and then
Speaker 3: have to go back to hear them unbelievable.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: You could rewatch the show so many times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and Jane Krakowski everybody, and it's wonderful. What a show.
Speaker 2: Um?
Speaker 3: Do we have anything else to say about cameras before
Speaker 3: we move on?
Speaker 2: I really sincerely hope that you do take some trash
Speaker 2: picks on this.
Speaker 3: I'm going to take a total of twenty seven pictures
Speaker 3: of twenty six because we need to get a shot together.
Speaker 3: Oh interesting, Yes, we'll take one and that will still
Speaker 3: be trash, and that will be absolute garbage. That'll be
Speaker 3: the worst of all of them. And then I'll get
Speaker 3: them developed at some point and then they'll appear on Instagram.
Speaker 3: I'm sure we're in a book and I'll do the
Speaker 3: pic coffee table book. Why don't I have a coffee
Speaker 3: table book?
Speaker 2: I don't know, because people are sleeping on you.
Speaker 3: My manager is not doing her job, name her. I
Speaker 3: have a proposal, get me a publisher. I have so
Speaker 3: many pictures of trash, say er sent to you. Yes,
Speaker 3: you can write the forward. Oh please, oh my god,
Speaker 3: and then you'll be in the author bio. We'll use
Speaker 3: this photo as the yes. Yes, yeah, pictured Bridger Winegar
Speaker 3: and friend.
Speaker 2: I I love that.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 3: Oh well, I'm very excited to have this. I'm genuinely thrilled.
Speaker 3: I love a disposable camera. And we need to all
Speaker 3: start buying the more so the prices will lower again.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, you about four dollars and now I
Speaker 3: feel like they're like twenty bucks twenty one. Yeah, this
Speaker 3: is something that used to just you know, grab one
Speaker 3: at the grocery store that.
Speaker 2: You can get them for ten dollars A from X
Speaker 2: ten dollars. They're not fucking around.
Speaker 3: Okay, well that's where I've got to go. Maybe Costco
Speaker 3: should start carrying them. Costco reach out. It's time to
Speaker 3: play a game. Okay, we're gonna play a game called
Speaker 3: After a Curse. But first I needed to number between
Speaker 3: one and ten from you m six. Okay, I have
Speaker 3: to do some light calculating to get our game pieces.
Speaker 3: So right now, you can recommend something, promote something, do
Speaker 3: whatever you want with the microphone.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, if you like sports, I encourage you to
Speaker 2: listen to the podcast that I run with my friends
Speaker 2: Katie Kershaw and Ten Tran. This podcast is called Jocular
Speaker 2: get it anywhere you listen to your pod. And also,
Speaker 2: I don't know when this is coming out, but I
Speaker 2: hope you come see me on tour. You can find
Speaker 2: that info about tour at the link in my bio
Speaker 2: at genderless gap ad on Instagram.
Speaker 3: Perfect great podcast recommendation too. Ten's been on the podcast Rules.
Speaker 3: She gave me some gorgeous bangs clip on bangs.
Speaker 2: Oh I bet they looked incredible.
Speaker 3: I look stunning. And it's a whole new media. Yeah,
Speaker 3: everyone goes seeeer on tour. Follow them on whatever internet.
Speaker 2: Please sing please, please follow me please as fuck.
Speaker 3: They were begging me off podcasts saying the numbers want
Speaker 3: it's embarrassing.
Speaker 2: It sucks. Yeah, fuck you guys. I need a million overnight.
Speaker 3: Someone buy them some followers. This is how we play
Speaker 3: gift or a Curse. I'm gonna name three things. You're
Speaker 3: gonna tell me if they're a gift or a curse
Speaker 3: and why, and then I'll tell you if you're right
Speaker 3: or wrong, because there are correct answers and you can
Speaker 3: lose this game in a big way, So care fuck okay.
Speaker 3: Number one This is from a listener named Gianna. Gift
Speaker 3: or a curse the piece of paper on ice cream cones.
Speaker 3: It's a gift wrapper paper cone shape. It's a gift
Speaker 3: because you don't get your hands so dirty. Interesting, it
Speaker 3: is a gift. I love it. It's a you know,
Speaker 3: a little extra touch that you know, shows that they
Speaker 3: were willing to go a little further. Saves on gloves.
Speaker 3: The employee doesn't need to wear a glove while it,
Speaker 3: and you could eat the little last piece of paper
Speaker 3: if you like, and it's like a dare to yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a good point. I don't want them
Speaker 2: fucking handing me a thing with like no little paper.
Speaker 3: Bear hand on my bare cone. Get away from God.
Speaker 2: No, you just you just keep it. I didn't know
Speaker 2: it was going to be like this. Just keep it,
Speaker 2: you know what.
Speaker 3: Uh yeah, absolutely a gift. You get to the end
Speaker 3: of the cone you're ripping off, it's that satisfying crunch
Speaker 3: of the paper being ripped and then, if you know,
Speaker 3: if you're still hungry, there's that little piece of paper
Speaker 3: to eat.
Speaker 2: Right, And I'm not a red flag to you about
Speaker 2: like where you're at. But red flags are helpful.
Speaker 3: They are helpful, that's why they exist. They're warnings about
Speaker 3: worse things. Come yeah, okay, okay, you've gotten one right
Speaker 3: so far. That's incredible. Number two This is from a
Speaker 3: listener named John Gift or a Curse while on vacation
Speaker 3: in a different city, watching the local news in the
Speaker 3: hotel room.
Speaker 2: Gift, why, I think you can figure out everything about
Speaker 2: the about the city from the local news, like, like
Speaker 2: is the anchor hot? Because that's important. If you're if
Speaker 2: you've got a hot anchor, it's a cool city. If
Speaker 2: you're if you got a dumpy anchor, it's a dumpy
Speaker 2: city period. Dumpy InCor dumpy anchored, dumpy city period.
Speaker 3: Oh er, I'm so sorry. It's a curve possible. You
Speaker 3: go to these cities, you watch these incredible local news programs.
Speaker 3: They become your friends, and then you can't access them anymore.
Speaker 3: They're gone.
Speaker 2: You don't need to. You keep their hot or dumpy
Speaker 2: image in your mind.
Speaker 3: The painful memory of having to think about them. You know,
Speaker 3: there was this local news thing in Palm Springs called
Speaker 3: Desert Tea two. You know, women probably in their late eighties,
Speaker 3: that would kind of chat. I love them so much,
Speaker 3: could never find that well there, I imagine I know
Speaker 3: where they are and not well, but you know it's heartbreaking. Yeah,
Speaker 3: I need the anchors to be there for me when
Speaker 3: I turn on the TV.
Speaker 2: So you are you are avoiding having that relationship so
Speaker 2: that you don't have to experience the heartbreak. Exact, gotcha?
Speaker 2: I understand? Okay, urning a lot.
Speaker 3: I don't know if you just want to look into
Speaker 3: my personality and writing it down. Okay, you've gotten one
Speaker 3: out of two so far. Number three this is from
Speaker 3: a listener named Amy. Gift or a curse. A chessboard
Speaker 3: painted on top of an end table.
Speaker 2: Uh, listen, I feel like this is supposed to be
Speaker 2: a gift. It's a curse. It's a curse because where
Speaker 2: are the pieces?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: The thing about a chess board is that you can,
Speaker 2: like usually bend it in half and it goes inside
Speaker 2: its own box or it is its own box, and
Speaker 2: then the chess pieces are inside. It's just a checkerboard.
Speaker 2: Countertime awful And was it painted? I mean it was
Speaker 2: painting on there?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: No, no, no in lay?
Speaker 3: Maybe correct? It's a curse. I mean, I didn't even
Speaker 3: think about the pieces. Where are you getting those?
Speaker 2: Exactly what you brought? You brought them with you?
Speaker 3: And are you using like a spool of thread?
Speaker 2: They're no.
Speaker 3: And also where does it end? You're putting the tape
Speaker 3: the chessboard on the table, so you're gonna be painting
Speaker 3: those on everything?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and what happens when you get a little pawn
Speaker 2: off your is there enough room on the edge of
Speaker 2: the table to put the pawn down? Or do you
Speaker 2: hold it after you take your opponent's pawn?
Speaker 3: And where's my drink?
Speaker 2: This makes me sick to think about.
Speaker 3: Ultimately, it's a disgusting concept. It's not charming, it's not whimsical. No, no, no,
Speaker 3: it's a pain, agony curse. You got two out of three.
Speaker 2: I felt okay about that. I feel okay about that too.
Speaker 2: You can't feel great about it two out of three? No,
Speaker 2: it's it's pathetic, but it's not humiliating.
Speaker 3: Humiliating I think is one out of three? Zero out
Speaker 3: of three is a lost cause?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Zero out of three. You made a choice to
Speaker 2: be a loser.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what your life is and you keep
Speaker 3: making those choices. Wow, incredible, Well, This is the final
Speaker 3: segment of the podcast. It's called I said no emails
Speaker 3: people they write into I said no gifts at gmail
Speaker 3: dot com. Just ready to beg me for answers. Will
Speaker 3: you help me answer a question?
Speaker 2: Of course?
Speaker 3: Okay, this says dear bridger and humble guest, as a
Speaker 3: person who can appreciate the sanctity of a backyard, I
Speaker 3: thought you might have good advice to help me solve
Speaker 3: my problem. I am lucky enough to live in a
Speaker 3: house with a lovely garden areum. Unfortunately, whenever I am
Speaker 3: enjoying the backyard, I inevitably and repeatedly catch a heavy
Speaker 3: whiff of my neighbor's terry disgusting cigarette smoke. Okay, wow,
Speaker 3: this snob, I get it from both sides. Both houses
Speaker 3: to my left and right appear to be filled with
Speaker 3: chain smokers who go out frequently to indulge in their
Speaker 3: bad habit. It is inevitably followed by the sounds of
Speaker 3: hacking and tossing loogies. How do I let them know
Speaker 3: how bothersome this constant smoking is without being used as
Speaker 3: a human ashtray. Do I give them some mysterious nicotine gum?
Speaker 3: Do I crank up the sprinkler. Do I just wait
Speaker 3: for them to die? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Speaker 3: With love, Sarah. Okay, Sarah's not all these questions. Should
Speaker 3: I do this? Should I do this? Should I do this?
Speaker 3: Sarah should start smoking?
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly. I can't even believe she had to ask.
Speaker 2: It's so obvious, Sarah, you have to pick up smoking.
Speaker 3: Any surgeon general would tell you yes.
Speaker 2: And Sarah, you're the if they're on either side, you're surrounded. No, no, no,
Speaker 2: maybe you're the outlier.
Speaker 3: You're a loser.
Speaker 2: You're being a loser. You have to start smoking. A
Speaker 2: lot of people are gonna say it's bad for you.
Speaker 2: You know, it's fucking bad for you, living every single
Speaker 2: day you get older, closer to death.
Speaker 3: What's bad for you is not having friends nearby.
Speaker 2: Yes, what's bad for you is having a garden that
Speaker 2: you can't use because you don't smoke. God damn it, Sarah,
Speaker 2: just like them. Wake up, Sarah, I mean it was
Speaker 2: there all along. She goes out in the backyard. The
Speaker 2: answer is just all it's in her clothes and her hair,
Speaker 2: and she can already smell like you smoke. Sarah. Everyone
Speaker 2: at work things you smoke, enjoy it, enjoy it and
Speaker 2: the fix.
Speaker 3: Yes, I feel like that.
Speaker 2: I mean that.
Speaker 3: There's no other answer to this, No, no, no, period.
Speaker 3: She wants to get in a fight with the neighbors.
Speaker 2: You're gonna send them gums, Sarah. First of all, no
Speaker 2: one likes to hear it. But it's hot to smoke. Okay.
Speaker 2: When I gave up smoking, what I gave up was
Speaker 2: access to being the hottest person on the planet. You
Speaker 2: know what I mean. Now, when I want to break
Speaker 2: from people, I have to go outside and stand outside
Speaker 2: and look like I'm just like, I don't know, like
Speaker 2: I'm vibing on my own thoughts. It's not true, it's
Speaker 2: not honest. I'm feeling insecure, I'm feeling anxious. If I
Speaker 2: go out there with a cigarette, I'm hot, mysterious, Sarah.
Speaker 3: She wants to be the lady who hands out Gumar.
Speaker 3: Get arrested, Sarah, get real, Get in that backyard, fire
Speaker 3: up the lawnmower, and start smoking. Yes, just you know,
Speaker 3: chopping weeds out, smoking, Do whatever you want, right, Smoking,
Speaker 3: become the vibe, become the vibe, add to the vibe. Yes,
Speaker 3: get lung cancer. Yes, Ultimately, these are these are solutions. Yes,
Speaker 3: that's why people write into the podcast, Sarah. If you
Speaker 3: ever write in again, I am going to have an
Speaker 3: absolute melting make it.
Speaker 2: A real question.
Speaker 3: If you write in, Sarah, it's actually difficult to answer.
Speaker 3: Oh boy, they answered it perfect. Please. I have my
Speaker 3: new flash camera. Why do I say, Well, it's called
Speaker 3: the flash camera. That's their problem. It's a quick snap
Speaker 3: flash camera by Fujifilm Flash for Trash, flash for true.
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Wow, interesting that could be the name
Speaker 3: of my foundation. Sure er, I've had such a wonderful time.
Speaker 2: With you here, absolutely wonderful.
Speaker 3: Thank you for joining me on the podcast.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 3: And we'll take a picture with the flash camera after
Speaker 3: and that will appear on the internet, probably years down
Speaker 3: the road. Once I've got all these pictures, other pictures
Speaker 3: of trash.
Speaker 2: I want to see it in twenty twenty eight. No sooner,
Speaker 2: no later, don't tempt me. Thank you for being here,
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me. It was fun.
Speaker 3: Listener, it's time for the podcast to be over. You
Speaker 3: knew it was coming. You tried to put it off
Speaker 3: for as long as you possibly could, but you're not
Speaker 3: in control.
Speaker 2: I am.
Speaker 3: I'm ending the podcast I love you goodbye, I said,
Speaker 3: No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by
Speaker 3: our dear friend Analise Nelson, and it's beautifully mixed by
Speaker 3: Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without our guest booker,
Speaker 3: Patrick Coottner. The theme song, of course, could only come
Speaker 3: from miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show
Speaker 3: on Instagram at I said no gifts, I don't want
Speaker 3: to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see
Speaker 3: pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't
Speaker 3: you want to see pictures of the gifts.
Speaker 2: I invit? Did you hear?
Speaker 1: Funa man myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to me,
Speaker 1: you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests,
Speaker 1: your presences presence in and I'm already too much stuff,
Speaker 1: So you dared disobey me