00:00:09 Speaker 1: I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're a guess to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And. 00:00:25 Speaker 2: I said, no guests. 00:00:27 Speaker 1: Your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how did you dad to surbey me? 00:00:49 Speaker 3: Very quickly? The live show sold out. It's June twenty sixth. If you still want to watch it, you can buy a livestream at Dynasty typewriter dot com. And so you know, if you you know, failed to buy a ticket, or if your plane is canceled because of a blizzard or something, you can still watch it on the internet Dynasty typewriter dot com. Okay, now, podcast, welcome to I said no gifts. I'm Bridger Wineger. We're in the backyard. Night is falling. I took the rarely successful six point fifteen nap and it worked out. I feel okay. The dishwasher is broken beyond repair, but I do have I did get enough points for a free chicken sandwich. So you know, when you reach those highs, you have to accept some of these lows, and everything kind of evens out into kind of a dull, muted numbness. And that's fine. Let's get into the podcast. I adore today's guest. I think they're so fantastic. It's Erfi Master. Welcome to I said no gifts. 00:01:58 Speaker 2: Hello. Oh, I'm so excited to be hearing your beautiful backyard. 00:02:02 Speaker 3: I'm so thrilled to have you. And apparently you live pretty nearby. We're neighbors. I can walk to you and you're going to all the time. 00:02:08 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I've been walking to you saying please put me on the pod, please please. 00:02:14 Speaker 3: Just the middle of the night. Pebble's being thrown against the window. 00:02:19 Speaker 2: Me again? Are you up. 00:02:23 Speaker 3: To say me again? 00:02:24 Speaker 2: In the middle of the night to someone's frightening fierce. I think any anything that starts in that cadence is going to be disturbing. Hey me again. 00:02:37 Speaker 3: So sorry, I'm your burden. No, it's been an interesting day for me. I woke up at five am. Why I woke up hungry at five What is my body doing in the middle of the night to make me hungry? 00:02:52 Speaker 2: Well, you're shredded. You're shredded, so it's probably making more muscles. 00:02:58 Speaker 3: It must absolutely just I'm getting ripped in the middle of the night. 00:03:01 Speaker 2: What do I do for a workout? Because you are shredded. 00:03:04 Speaker 3: I appreciate that. What's it? 00:03:06 Speaker 2: Does everyone know this about you? 00:03:08 Speaker 3: I don't know. 00:03:09 Speaker 2: Are you one of those workout people where they're like, oh my god. 00:03:11 Speaker 3: I'm not. I didn't start working out until twenty nineteen, and I go to a husband and wife team and no shit. Yeah, it's like a small gym that like it's not personal training, but they keep an eye on you. I love that you go for half an hour afterwards, you dry heath or I do once I threw up in the gutter. Wow, If you're not throwing up after the gym, you've got to find a new gym to go to. 00:03:37 Speaker 2: So it's hit you're doing. 00:03:40 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think that's is that what it's called? 00:03:41 Speaker 2: It has to be. See, I don't even know if you're throwing up afterwards. 00:03:44 Speaker 3: Sure, I just go there and they tell me what to do. Wow, And I'm a good student. I love that, and I just it's horrible, awful feeling. But I get It's the only time I've ever committed to working out because it's working out awful. 00:04:01 Speaker 2: I'm obsessed with working out, and I'm kind of obsessed with everybody's like pathway. 00:04:06 Speaker 3: What do you what's your situation. 00:04:09 Speaker 2: I I'll do whatever I need to, you know what I mean, Like if I'm like prepping for a show, I change my whole like workout, or if I'm like right now, I'm about to go on tour and so I'm like doing a lot of like joint focused stuff. 00:04:21 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, Like what is joint focused stuff? 00:04:25 Speaker 2: A lot more like I'm doing pliometrics, but I'm focusing on the landing for my knees. 00:04:32 Speaker 3: What You've just said means nothing to me. 00:04:37 Speaker 2: I'm jumping onto boxes and I'm jumping off of them instead of lifting heavyweights right to be to so I can brace for like the impact of my own body weight. Because when you're on tour, you're just kind of like constantly uncomfortable. 00:04:50 Speaker 3: Are you a van, a bus? 00:04:53 Speaker 2: Everything we're doing vans and planes and then you know, you stand for an hour and fifteen minutes with like an instrum on you, and everything just starts like to crumble, everything starts to go away. 00:05:05 Speaker 3: I can I go on a plane for five hours and I'm done for a week, feel awful, hospitalized, absolutely hospitalized. Every time they have the ambulance waiting for me on the tar mat. No here he comes. 00:05:17 Speaker 2: Yeah, they don't even charge me anymore. 00:05:21 Speaker 3: Your stage presence, what is what's your general thing? Are you jumping around? 00:05:25 Speaker 1: Are? 00:05:25 Speaker 3: Because your music is very it lends itself to jumping around and thrashing. 00:05:30 Speaker 2: I would say, you know, I think the I get this really beautiful wave of calm actually when I'm up there, so like the first few songs there's like a real nervous energy, and then at some point during a show, I just feel like this, like you know, to get kind of fruity about it. I feel this like truly beam of like light that just centers me. And so I don't think I actually get like hyper, I get really. 00:05:58 Speaker 3: Still okay, really in it, right, lost, absolutely lost. The audience is worried. 00:06:04 Speaker 2: Yeah, the audience is like where are they? I can't get back to the stage. I can't find the bathroom. I said I was gonna get water fifteen minutes ago. 00:06:12 Speaker 3: The music stopped. 00:06:14 Speaker 2: Yeah, we barely even started. 00:06:17 Speaker 3: Give me my refund. How many cities you're going to? 00:06:22 Speaker 2: We're doing nine cities. Oh wow, Yeah, we're doing nine cities and it's only like a three week tour. So it's it's pretty lush. Actually, it's only ten ten shows over three weeks, which is great. We're all decrepit, so it's it's better that way. Like if I was twenty two, I'd be like, we need to fit more in here, and I'm like, ten shows, Jesus Christ. So I'm excited. 00:06:45 Speaker 3: I'm so curious about the touring life of a musician. It's just I mean, it seems relentless. 00:06:52 Speaker 2: Well, I'm only toured comedy before. 00:06:54 Speaker 3: So is this your first music tour? 00:06:56 Speaker 2: This is our first tour. 00:06:57 Speaker 3: God, this could really be something. 00:06:59 Speaker 2: Yes, I mean it could be an absolute disaster. Yeah, you're you will I will text you. 00:07:06 Speaker 3: I just had a huge meltdown on stage. Everything we talked about was true. 00:07:09 Speaker 2: I did get lost. Yeah, it's this is the first. You know, we've been playing a bunch of shows at the band. This band is only it's less than a year old, so we've been playing a bunch of shows and we've done New York and LA but this is our first. We're going coast to coast and yeah, I'm really excited. 00:07:29 Speaker 3: And the band, I mean, it's your last name, hm, so it's kind of you. It is it is me and is the rest of the band rotating are they aware they could go at any time? 00:07:40 Speaker 2: That's so funny because when I started picking them, I actually basically said, like, I want you to know that you could go at any time? 00:07:48 Speaker 3: Is that true? 00:07:49 Speaker 2: That is true? And I and I said it to them because I was like, I want you to feel really excited about being here, because if you're not excited, I don't want you to feel like you like the It's not in a negative way, but nobody's irreplaceable, right that. They're all integral. I love everything that they do. That's why they're there. But if they don't want to be there, they're gone, right, And that and I've but and I've you know, like we're we're both in the entertainment industry, Like we're both you become your own business. This is like kind of just how I like kind boss. 00:08:25 Speaker 3: Energy, Right, that makes perfect sense. And I mean, who wants to be on tour if they're not happy anyway? 00:08:33 Speaker 2: And you you think about it like it's my last name and these are my songs, But what it really is is it's it's I spend the money to do this thing, you know what I mean? You always spend money to make the art, and they I make sure that they're paid the best absolute that I can, all the time. 00:08:49 Speaker 3: Right. 00:08:49 Speaker 2: So that's the benefit of being able to be a plug and play person, right. I'm not if they were if we were all brothers and their last name is fat Master too, I would expect them to give me money to help pay for this tour, right, But that's not how it is. 00:09:07 Speaker 3: They're just coming along and getting paid. 00:09:09 Speaker 2: Yes, and they're proud of what they do, and I love that. In the minute they don't feel that way, they get to leave and then there's no hard feelings. But it's easier that way. 00:09:18 Speaker 3: What is the job interview aspect of bringing in a band member. 00:09:23 Speaker 2: It's a great question. I so the the guy who plays my drums, Riley Gears, also co produces The Right and so that was a no brainer. And he has played for other bands that I'm in love with. He plays for Caroline Rose who Oh my God, Incredible and Unknown Mortal Orchestra, and so I just gauged his interests and he was so excited about this project that he immediately wanted to be on board. So that was easy. And then my best friend who toured with me, Nick Gage, he is my synth player, and he toured comedy with. 00:09:56 Speaker 3: Me for Okay, so he's kind of proven and he's not annoying. 00:10:00 Speaker 2: He's the opposite of annoying. He can take a punch to the nose and smile through it. He's like just constantly good energy. And then the guitarist I found. I was watching his videos online during COVID, and once COVID kind of cleared, he texted me out of the blue to be like, hey, would you ever want to get a coffee? And I was like blown away because he's such a shredder. We went out for coffee. He's, first of all, he's like six five, which to me very high. 00:10:27 Speaker 3: Oh of course, I mean, who is that not hot too? 00:10:30 Speaker 2: I don't know anybody that says otherwise is lying, and it's like absolutely bullshit. It's bullshit. And he was. He was so nice and so like eager to be a part of something. And so I guess the thing that I realized I was looking for is people that were eager to be there right right, And that's the thing. 00:10:48 Speaker 3: And did you say, you know, like play something for me? No, that seems insane. 00:10:55 Speaker 2: That's the nice part about social media is you can go and look at the course. 00:10:58 Speaker 3: Yeah, what did people used to do that? I guess they'd have to sit down and be like, oh my god, Alas just fired a gun at that Happy Birthday. It's fireworks season, that's right, it is until Christmas. 00:11:16 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love them to la buckle up. I do love it. 00:11:22 Speaker 3: When did you start playing music? 00:11:24 Speaker 2: I've been playing music since, like instruments, since I was like six. 00:11:27 Speaker 3: What was your first instrument? 00:11:29 Speaker 2: Piano? 00:11:29 Speaker 4: Oh? 00:11:30 Speaker 3: Me too? 00:11:30 Speaker 2: Yeah, how long have you been playing? 00:11:32 Speaker 1: Oh? 00:11:33 Speaker 3: I took piano lessons for at least a decade and learned virtually nothing. 00:11:36 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:11:38 Speaker 3: I can read the right hand what is the treble cleft? I can form chords, but I cannot put those things together to make music. 00:11:48 Speaker 2: I can only write music. I can't read it at all. 00:11:52 Speaker 3: Oh wow, and you've been I mean I can't read that at all. 00:11:57 Speaker 2: No, and I and I barely know what's going on on like the neck of my guitar. I'm like, it's I don't know what to tell you, guys, it's due, you know what I mean? Like they're like no that he says that's an F sharp and I'm. 00:12:07 Speaker 3: Like, sure, you're just doing it tonally. 00:12:10 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:12:11 Speaker 3: Oh I'm so jealous of that to be able to just do it by feeling rather than what do I have? What? What do I have to show? Bothering my boyfriend on the piano? Just yes, clanking around. 00:12:22 Speaker 2: That's what piano's for, is for hurting others. 00:12:25 Speaker 3: It's ultimately a weapon, is the piano percussion? It should be holys is nodding, Yes, Yeah, it's fascinating percussion. 00:12:35 Speaker 2: It's really cool. 00:12:36 Speaker 3: I need to get more like drums with that make piano noises. Piano noises ultimate, I'll figure it out. This is kind of your ultimate goal. I think sometimes about other planets. Certainly there are other people there. I mean, what is an alien instrument? That's all. That's the only thing I care about on other planets is to find out what sort of instruments they're. 00:12:58 Speaker 2: Using one hundred percent and can they also fuck with them? Yes, because I'm looking at a lot of these instruments that we have and I'm like, we're supposed to want to fuck that for sure, We're supposed to be finding ways. I know, maybe maybe not everyone agrees with me. I don't know. I look at a lot of these instruments and I'm like, they're begging for it. That's part of it, absolutely, of course. 00:13:22 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've wondered Alien certainly at least some of their instruments. Yeah, what's your face? Do you have a least favorite. 00:13:29 Speaker 2: Song on our set list? 00:13:32 Speaker 3: No, of all time? I like to ask musicians this. 00:13:37 Speaker 2: Oh my fucking god. You know, it's maybe not my least favorite song of all time, but I don't like to be too negative. But it's seeping out of me because I heard it today. I hate Dave Matthews band. Sure, I hate it so much, like it comes on and I get so fucking mad. I just can't even under Dan. And you know when people like hate Scott just like to hate it. I don't feel that way. I like try to like everything, and I don't know what the fuck is going on with that, and it's such like I don't know, God damn it. It's like all straight people have like that moment where like they'll hear like Byron and a room full of straight people be like ah and point to like some non existent speaker Jesus Christ. 00:14:30 Speaker 3: So I guess that I'm I mean, I'm on the same page. And Dave Matthew's bend is kind of interesting. I don't know that much of the Dave Matthews band music, but it's like, it's funny how greating it is considering how mellow. It's like, ah, turn that off. 00:14:46 Speaker 2: I remember when they shot on those people. 00:14:48 Speaker 3: Oh of course, yeah, one of the most famous. I mean, that's a huge part of the twentieth century is then dumping sewage all over before? Was that the twentieth century or was that? 00:14:58 Speaker 2: Yes? What is the allowed to be mad at them? 00:15:01 Speaker 3: I mean they really did like this. It's such a metaphor for what they've been doing musically for decades. 00:15:08 Speaker 2: But the metaphor would only be like good if the people on the boat were like, yum shit, Because that's true. That's what the concerts feel like to me. 00:15:18 Speaker 3: They're all opening their mouths. 00:15:19 Speaker 2: Yes, I'm sorry, but it's too many concerts where people are being blankets. Like if every concert youth throw somebody can bring a blanket, it's probably not pleasant. Yeah enough Jesus. 00:15:31 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel like the blankets probably should come into like your third chapter of your musical career. 00:15:38 Speaker 2: Yeah, third and final, when your. 00:15:40 Speaker 3: Fan base's age were all ready to be at the park on a blank they it. 00:15:44 Speaker 2: Feels like to me, they started as blanket band. 00:15:48 Speaker 3: There was never a standing no no no. They were never at the will Turn. They were permanently in Red Rocks. Kind of just appeared there and been there forever. I'm on the same page Dave Matthews bandwise with you for sure. 00:16:02 Speaker 2: Okay when I have another one, and I think this is like, this is gonna upset more people of my generation. But Red Hot Chili Peppers there is one. My mom played one of the songs while she was pregnant with me, oh boy, and I like, it's a oh my god, Like just so many of those songs. I think it's because she played them that I just want to like, I want to end it like I want to end it. I want it to stop. I want my life to stop. So but those are the kind of the only two bands that I really feel that way. 00:16:34 Speaker 3: But are they're very strong feelings. 00:16:35 Speaker 2: They're soup. I mean, it's guttural. 00:16:39 Speaker 3: I mean the Chili Peppers, I would say, are irritating, Unlike Dave Matthews, Like when you turn on Red Hot Chili Peppers, it's frantic, it's obnoxious. 00:16:46 Speaker 2: They want to irritate you. So I don't even feel bad about it, right, And I can still look at like what both of these bands are doing and like understand the beautiful musical feats like Flee that you know the bass player is doing absolutely insane shit and like if you play that to me in a cell, I would talk, I would confess to things. Yeah, yeah, yes. 00:17:10 Speaker 3: I think it was Julie Klausner who said the Red Hot Chili Peppers are the funky Doors oh yeah, which was like, yes, that is exactly what's happening. They all seem like nice guys. 00:17:23 Speaker 2: Sure, I'm sure, yeah, but I just. 00:17:26 Speaker 3: Don't need them playing music for me. I just don't need them. 00:17:29 Speaker 2: And there's plenty of people who disagree, and those are the people. Those are the people that they get to play music for. 00:17:34 Speaker 3: And I you know, I support anybody doing anything as long as it's not anywhere near. 00:17:39 Speaker 2: Me one hundred percent. That's called tolerance. Do you have a favorite Ish band right now? I'm on a real Heart kick? 00:17:46 Speaker 3: Oh wow? Yeah, see, I mean, I know, like the two big Heart singles, and then I would. I've never really dipped into it. 00:17:53 Speaker 2: I kind of visit bands like like chapters, and it's usually because I'm writing music or I'm like trying to learn any thing and then I'll just you know, hyper focus on them for a long time. And what I've been enjoying about listening to Heart is there's so many iconic sounds, like when everybody knows the beginning of Barrakuda, and she's kind of like Billie Holliday where she's choosing notes that are not obvious and she's beating her players to the key change. Like, so she's doing all these things as a vocalist where you're listening to it and it's you have to study it to replicate it right, right, And I don't know, I find but when you're listening to it outside of music, you're like, oh my god, it seems effortless, right, So I don't know, there's something really creative about what she's doing. And that's that's my hyper focus right now. 00:18:47 Speaker 3: How would I've never really thought about Heart within genre? They're not like a hair metal band? Are they just a rock band? Is that what we would say? 00:18:57 Speaker 2: They're a rock band, But they're kind of like Fleetwood in that sense that they can do kind of that like, well, they're maybe a bit more expansive than Fleeva could Fleeva gets into like. 00:19:06 Speaker 3: That folky territory. 00:19:08 Speaker 2: But Heart had a really big period where they were doing like like kind of like Cynthia eighties, right, you know what I mean, right, almost new wavy but not Yes, and then they have like a Crazy on You which starts with that like incredible like beautiful acoustic guitar solo. And then they have something like Barracuda, which is like kind of timeless. Right, So there's just a really expansive rock band. 00:19:30 Speaker 3: Undefinable. 00:19:32 Speaker 2: Yeah, like Dave Matthews, like like the all time great Dave Matthew. Do you have a favorite band. 00:19:41 Speaker 3: I don't think I have a favorite band. I A friend texted me recently, like, what are your favorite albums? I couldn't even really. I was like, he said ten. I was like, well, I just can't give you ten. So I ended up sending him this way over long text favorite, I mean my favorite band in high school. This is kind of horrifying, is in some ways we ser oh, yeah, fun because I have two good albums and then it's just nonstopping. 00:20:07 Speaker 2: But they're solid good. 00:20:08 Speaker 3: I mean they're so good to Yes, I mean one thing I'll say that Kanye West has done for me, is be more embarrassing than we ser so people who are fans of him. I'm like, well, at least my favorite band didn't get to you know, yes, confusing white supremacy. 00:20:26 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, one hundred percent. He's kind of like they went and bought homes, right, This is an honorable thing to do when you're a band is make money and then go buy home and be quiet for a while. 00:20:37 Speaker 3: Quiet, and then vet all of your ideas. 00:20:41 Speaker 2: Yes, a bunch of bunch of people before they ever make it out of the internet. 00:20:44 Speaker 3: Yes, get so many safeguards that you're guaranteed it won't be a problem that. 00:20:50 Speaker 2: Goes for most of us. I think I want us all to do our creative pursuits until we become unpleasant. Then buy a house and just be quiet. 00:21:00 Speaker 3: Silently makes your sing your song for yourself. Yes, but yeah, Weezer was the band. 00:21:07 Speaker 2: I like a lot of loud music. I like when you work out, what's that? What do you work out to? 00:21:15 Speaker 3: Whatever they have on at the gym, which is actually a pretty decent mix of like garage rock and new wave and like synthpop. There was a period though, when they were playing like hardcore or like death metal covers of like Lady Gaga and there was like screaming monster voice, and it put me in the absolute worst mood. Possibly I'm already mad when I'm there, I'm already like truly angry that I'm doing and then to have like this insane cover of Lady it. 00:21:46 Speaker 2: Was like the stuff they played at. 00:21:48 Speaker 3: Yes, it was one hundred percent. 00:21:50 Speaker 2: That's literally what they played for them is like scream metal. 00:21:53 Speaker 3: Yes, not for me in any situation, let alone when I'm like throwing like one hundred pounds over my hand. 00:21:59 Speaker 2: No, oh yeah, I don't think it's supposed to be listenable, right, that's not the intent. 00:22:04 Speaker 3: What is the intent? 00:22:06 Speaker 2: It's the intent is to say you're in a screen band. 00:22:11 Speaker 3: That's the intent by these tattoos. You've got to do something like yes, yeah. I feel like someone must have complained because I was about to complain and then they stopped playing the music. So but every day I'm like, what if it's today's the day, and then I'm going to be trapped in here and my life will be ruined. 00:22:33 Speaker 2: If you if you were going to run a marathon and you had to listen to one song on repeat, what would it be oh, I would. 00:22:40 Speaker 3: See. When people have started asking me music questions, I'm trying not to just panic an answer. I say, I'm going to think about this. I think there's a song by the Oss called The Dream. It's about seven minutes long, and it's got a nice rhythm. It's it's I think it would be a perfect running song. It has a mo in it that there's like a burst in the middle of the song that I almost drive off the road every time that comes song. I'm so excited for it to happen because it like kind of slows down and then erupts in this way and it's like, oh, my entire body has become the cosmost really, but ultimately I wouldn't be running because I hate running. 00:23:20 Speaker 2: Oh well, it's it's a sin. 00:23:22 Speaker 3: What song would you do? You know what? 00:23:25 Speaker 2: Right now? It would maybe be a Chapel Rowan song. 00:23:30 Speaker 3: Oh Chapel is really I mean just blown up in the craziest way. 00:23:34 Speaker 2: And she's you know, she's been doing this shit since she's like fifteen. 00:23:37 Speaker 3: That's got to be so satisfying, so sad, I mean to be. 00:23:40 Speaker 2: Doing it since you're fifteen and then be twenty five and like now finally getting attention, Like most of us start out the thing that we're gonna happen. We're twenty five, and then remember thirty five, we are retired. 00:23:51 Speaker 3: Wow, twenty I didn't realize she was that young. 00:23:53 Speaker 2: Yeah, she's a baby. 00:23:54 Speaker 3: I just assume everyone's successful is older than me, I would hope. So, yeah, I know, it's just what I hope. So I get. 00:24:00 Speaker 2: It's so mad when I find out otherwise. 00:24:02 Speaker 3: When I'm watching the NBA now, it's always like I have to just constantly remind myself these people are in their twenties and like very early maybe early thirties. 00:24:10 Speaker 2: Well, and the ones that look really old, early thirties. 00:24:14 Speaker 3: Right, some of them do look aged. 00:24:17 Speaker 2: Yes, they're like graying and they're thirty four. I guess that's the stress of the big place. Yes, did you play any sports in high school? 00:24:25 Speaker 1: Yeah? 00:24:25 Speaker 2: I played volleyball and basketball, and I played a little volleyball in college. 00:24:29 Speaker 3: Oh, in college, so you must be decent. 00:24:31 Speaker 2: I was decent. 00:24:33 Speaker 3: Volleyball is my number one most feared sport. Why I'm horrified fun and playing. 00:24:38 Speaker 2: You are built like a setter. 00:24:40 Speaker 3: Great, Yes, are the ball coming at me? I'm screaming. I feel like it's going to hit me. 00:24:45 Speaker 2: You're not athletic at all. 00:24:47 Speaker 3: I don't play any sports. I played badminton, okay, and I played basketball in middle school and simply never scored a point. That the pause was me trying to remember what badminton was. Oh, badminton is lovely of like tennis, the long long one. Yeah, it's like a long Uh, it's thin. It's kind of like uh. I would say, it's like the Virginia slim of tennis. 00:25:11 Speaker 2: That makes an Is it the birdie or what I mean? 00:25:14 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's a birdie or a shuttlecock I think is probably what they call it in the Olympics. Do they play badminton in the Olympics on the app too? I hope, So give me something to watch. No, it's it's a great sport because there's no heavy object that you're afraid is going to hit you. 00:25:31 Speaker 2: Yeah, and if you did make a big fuss about that little thing hitting you, you shouldn't be playing anyway. 00:25:36 Speaker 3: Right, And also everyone would get to enjoy you freaking out about that. They should make a Challengers for badminton. Now, that would be sexy, that would be probably That's probably why they chose tennis. It was too erotic if they had badminton. 00:25:52 Speaker 4: Oh yeah, badminton has been an official Olympics sport since nineteen ninety two. 00:25:57 Speaker 3: Ninety two. 00:25:58 Speaker 2: Wow interest sting, Wow thirty one thirty two solid years. 00:26:03 Speaker 3: Ninety two feels late for badminton to be entering. It feels like something that would have been like nineteen hundreds or eighteen hundred or ancient Greece. 00:26:12 Speaker 2: This was one of the first sports, for sure. 00:26:16 Speaker 3: Well, there's something else we need to talk about. Unfortunately. Look, I was really excited to have you here today. I was looking forward to it. 00:26:26 Speaker 2: You know. 00:26:27 Speaker 3: I took a nap before so I would have the energy to, you know, just have a great time with you. Thought, er will come over, nothing will go wrong, my night won't be ruined. So I was a little surprised. My heart was pounding when I saw you walking up into my backyard holding this gorgeous gift bag. Yes, the podcast is called I said, no gifts right. 00:26:50 Speaker 2: Well, I didn't read that. 00:26:53 Speaker 3: You you just got into the rest of the email left over there. 00:26:57 Speaker 2: I never read the title of an email. I kind of don't, you know. 00:27:01 Speaker 3: I famously don't use subject lines. 00:27:03 Speaker 2: No the titles for the person sending it. Yes, it's for their it's their a little art projector itself. 00:27:10 Speaker 3: Get creative, it's for you. Do the subject line you would love to read. 00:27:16 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's certainly not for anybody else. 00:27:20 Speaker 3: Okay, well that's a perfect excuse. Uh should I open this yere on the podcast? 00:27:25 Speaker 2: Yeah? I like to watch people open their guess. 00:27:28 Speaker 3: Like everyone, Yeah, Okay, we're gonna dip into this kind of crispy brown bag and I'm pulling it. 00:27:38 Speaker 2: Oh, I'm thrilled about this. I'm actually thrilled. It's a disposable camera. Yeah, and let me explain. 00:27:45 Speaker 3: I explain. 00:27:48 Speaker 2: On your Instagram. 00:27:49 Speaker 3: Okay, and I saw that. 00:27:51 Speaker 2: You take all these incredibly compelling photos of trash, thank you so much. And I thought we have to elevate these onto film, and I just I kind of want to see what you're capable of when you're doing it. And you know, photography's rare, you know, the. 00:28:08 Speaker 3: Raw form, they're lacking that texture, they're lacking a little bit of grain. Yeah, this is a I feel like it is like a recently trendy thing to get a disposal camera. But I received one. Someone gave me one on this podcast pre pandemic. We recorded sixteen episodes before the pandemic crushed us, and someone gave me one and I took a picture probably once every four months during the pandemic, and then a month ago got them developed. Finally. 00:28:35 Speaker 2: Are they incredible? I know they they're awesome. 00:28:38 Speaker 3: Oh this is going to sound so stupid, but there's something about them that feels more like the memory to me than a digital like an iPhone camera. 00:28:47 Speaker 2: Well, I think that's honest. I think that's true. Like I think with like these, this is like a twenty three milimeter like, oh, sure, it's like closer to what the human eye is than your iPhone lens. 00:29:01 Speaker 3: Oh is that true? 00:29:02 Speaker 2: Yes? And so when you're looking at these things like it, Actually when I don't take fucking photos on my phone anymore because they drive me nuts, they don't ever look like the thing, and they don't have any nostalgia attached. And I think that because there I don't know what the hell it is, but everything feels either long or wide or distorted in some way. And I like how flat film is. 00:29:28 Speaker 3: It looks so beautiful. 00:29:30 Speaker 2: It's like you blinked, And that is the memory you get to keep. 00:29:33 Speaker 3: Well that makes perfect sense. Yeah, I looked at those and I thought, these is like twenty four photos are more valuable than the last truly twelve thousand photos I took. 00:29:42 Speaker 2: Yes, And then you take less photos, which I actually like because I have one of these on me at all times now, and you take way less photos. But and it just takes up less. I'm not like now I get to be pretentious about being the like when people like take out their photo to look at something, it's ridiculous soft they don't understand, and I'll bring out my little I mean, I feel like a Duevus in my own right, like having a little disposable with me. But it always looks fucking cool, and I don't spend it like fifteen minutes like opening my camera looking at a photo of my fucking dog and then like zooming in, zooming in, accidentally flipping it to portrait mode, you know what I mean, Like there's something elegant about it, and you really have to just think about the photo and then it's gone. You don't have to get to you don't get a thousand chances to take it, and if you fuck it up, you fuck it up. 00:30:29 Speaker 3: And that feels good. Yeah, you get a nice messy picture and who cares? 00:30:34 Speaker 2: Who cares? 00:30:35 Speaker 3: Where do you get yours? Developed? 00:30:37 Speaker 1: Uh? 00:30:37 Speaker 2: Fromax? 00:30:38 Speaker 1: Oh? 00:30:38 Speaker 3: What's that? 00:30:39 Speaker 2: Fromax? Is this place? What's it? 00:30:43 Speaker 1: Not? 00:30:43 Speaker 2: Is it? Maybe Alta Dina? 00:30:45 Speaker 3: Okay? 00:30:45 Speaker 2: But you have to go to the places in the city that are like you know, I would not get my stuff developed at Walgreen because the Walgreen's or CBS or anything, because I actually think they like fuck it up somehow. I mean, I just think they do. But these these folks, they they they not only develop the photos, but then they digitize them for you and they send them to you. So it's actually really relatively easy. Now it feels like a. 00:31:07 Speaker 3: Ritual, right. I go to a place like that in Glendale, near some sort of salad store, perfect Salad to Go or something. I cannot remember the name of the photo place sandwiched between an eye hop and a Salad to Go. 00:31:21 Speaker 2: Salad to Go. 00:31:22 Speaker 3: Well, I don't know that that's the name, but something like that. 00:31:24 Speaker 2: But if it is the name, what a passionless project? 00:31:29 Speaker 3: Can you imagine? Your life's stream is salad to Go. 00:31:33 Speaker 2: You get married to some guy named Chris and he owns a salad to Go franchise. Jesus Christ. 00:31:44 Speaker 3: God, Now that's my goal. I'm going to get all of my money into Salad to Go to Go. 00:31:51 Speaker 2: If it was named like Crispy Greens, I could respect it. 00:31:54 Speaker 3: Sure you're at least thinking about the vegetable. 00:31:56 Speaker 2: Yeah, is there any opportunity to eat it in the store? 00:32:00 Speaker 3: And I don't think so. Oh No, Salad to Go is my business concept. Sharks. In front of you is a bowl of salad. Imagine being able to take that wherever you go. 00:32:10 Speaker 2: I want one hundred percent equity for one hundred dollars. 00:32:15 Speaker 3: Please take this from get this out of everyone in my life. It's kind of like, what's the tape that you pass along and it kills people? 00:32:26 Speaker 2: Tape worm? 00:32:28 Speaker 3: Yeah, let's pass along by kissing as we all know. Yeah, you kissing cooked mouth, you will get a tape worm? 00:32:37 Speaker 2: Or are you talking about the one from the Ring? 00:32:40 Speaker 3: The Ring? I keep I kept thinking the View, the curse, the tape view. 00:32:47 Speaker 2: Hard. 00:32:49 Speaker 3: I want you very heart to get the ring. 00:32:51 Speaker 2: Oh man. I would watch an entire like spin off where it's the ladies from the View watch the ring and pass it around. 00:32:58 Speaker 3: To each other, just kind of around in her. 00:33:02 Speaker 2: They keep surviving because they just they keep passing. 00:33:05 Speaker 3: It brought a tape in to work for. 00:33:07 Speaker 2: You, one haunted tape. 00:33:11 Speaker 3: You know this is a different tape. 00:33:14 Speaker 2: Yeah, I wouldn't do that to you four times. 00:33:16 Speaker 3: You know how many tapes I have at home? The Ring. 00:33:22 Speaker 2: That's right, it's the scariest movie of all times. 00:33:24 Speaker 3: I might watch it in the last five years. No shit, it was pretty scary. 00:33:28 Speaker 2: You're lucky you watched it in the last five years. I watched it as a child at room in my life. 00:33:31 Speaker 3: Oh, that would have been a rough experience. 00:33:34 Speaker 2: Yeah. 00:33:34 Speaker 3: I it scared me as an adult, and I'm hard to scare as an adult at this point. I'm pretty numb to most horror films. 00:33:40 Speaker 2: So it's terrifying. 00:33:43 Speaker 3: That's got the little girl. 00:33:44 Speaker 2: All you need is a little girl with the Japanese water ghost. That's all you need to put in any story for me. And I'm gonna be afraid. 00:33:51 Speaker 3: Where is she coming from? 00:33:53 Speaker 2: Why and why? 00:33:54 Speaker 3: What's her agenda? 00:33:55 Speaker 2: And of course, like we find out you know that she gets like pushed in the well or whatever, but we also. 00:33:59 Speaker 3: Find out that evil right, so she kind of deserved her. 00:34:02 Speaker 2: Her parents had to kill her because she was being a bitch. 00:34:07 Speaker 3: Get out of our lives. 00:34:08 Speaker 2: Also a crazy part of that story now that I'm thinking about that, that like, remember I think it's Nami Watts, Yes, Nami Wats is like like finding out that the little girl is like has been killed by somebody close to her whatever, and then she like is doing more research and she realizes it's because the little girl's a bitch. And that's when we're supposed to be like, oh, good, good, good, Like I'm glad she was killed. We gotta put the fucking cover on the hot tub or the well? 00:34:37 Speaker 3: Is there a hot tub in the movie? 00:34:39 Speaker 2: To me, I'm realizing that wells look like hot. 00:34:42 Speaker 3: If she doesn't crawl out of a hot tub at some point, what were they doing? 00:34:45 Speaker 2: Missed opportunity. When we reboot this for the women from the view, it. 00:34:49 Speaker 3: Will be a hot tub and she will be so relaxed crawling out of it, and. 00:34:54 Speaker 2: She'll have combed her hair. 00:34:57 Speaker 3: God, isn't there something to do with a horse in that movie? Does a horse jump off a boat? 00:35:02 Speaker 2: Yeah? Yeah, Oh it kills itself. 00:35:04 Speaker 3: It kills it stuff? Did it? Watch the tape? 00:35:06 Speaker 2: It had to Yes, a fairy there's a horse on the fair fairy and it jumps off and it like throws itself into the blades. 00:35:15 Speaker 3: Oh, another shot from on, only you have one more chance. 00:35:20 Speaker 4: I brought one with exactly three bullets, which is a frantic horse because I just saw this recently too, But I forgot a frantic horse breaks out of its trailer when Rachel approaches and throws itself off of a fairy where. Oh I don't want to say this, so it's after where it's promptly shredded by the propellers to. 00:35:37 Speaker 3: Be shredded by. 00:35:38 Speaker 2: But we want to know why. 00:35:40 Speaker 3: It's just a frantic horse. It's just to set the mood problem. 00:35:42 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was off. 00:35:43 Speaker 3: Yeah, it was mad. It had a bad day at work, and it was like, I can't do another fairy ride. 00:35:50 Speaker 2: Fuck shred me. 00:35:51 Speaker 3: Yeah, absolutely take me through a propeller. Have you ever water skied? 00:35:59 Speaker 2: Oh? My god, First of all, unbelievable transition. Unbelievable. My girlfriend in high school, her dad had a boat and he would take us out to water ski and I would watch him try to kill her. 00:36:17 Speaker 3: But she's a little girl. From the ring. 00:36:18 Speaker 2: One hundred percent. That was the energy. It is like she deserved it, but I but when I watched it then they would always try to get me on the skis and I was like, no, I do it. I see the bit. The bit is like you want people to wipe out. I'm never going to do this. I'm not going to do something where I'm not in control, is what I'm learning. Of Course, if I was driving the boat and I was the one on the skis, sure right. 00:36:42 Speaker 3: If your doppelganger was driving the boat. 00:36:44 Speaker 2: If it was my twin and I could trust some we had the same brain. But there's kind of no fucking way I'm letting a human being do that to me. Impossible. 00:36:54 Speaker 3: So you never got up on the skis. 00:36:56 Speaker 2: Not a single fucking time. Fuck that shit. I've got to get you out on the boat like a true prank. Is that sport to me? 00:37:05 Speaker 3: Oh, I haven't been since I was a kid, but want to go so bad. I don't know that it's athletic rope. 00:37:13 Speaker 2: No, it's athletic. You have to get up, you have to get You just have to be able to be dragged. And I can be dragged through anything. 00:37:22 Speaker 3: I really do think this is kind of a thing I've recently realized that my life feels like when you first learn to water ski, they tell you to let go of the rope because if you follow, you should go of the rope because you'll just get dragged through the water. And I feel like my entire life is just holding onto the rope and getting dragged through the water, just blasted in the face over and over. Please let me get on the ski. 00:37:43 Speaker 2: I'm hearing persistence, I'm hearing resilience. I'm gonna turn those self a steak. No, you can say that, I'm gonna say persistence, resilience. 00:37:52 Speaker 3: I wish you'd go water ski. I just wish it. 00:37:55 Speaker 2: Will never happen for me. There are things that I understand that thatga of outcome far outweighs me having the best. 00:38:02 Speaker 3: Time of my life being in a devilment gum commercial. 00:38:05 Speaker 2: Yeah no, I'm absolutely impossibility. 00:38:08 Speaker 3: The thing for me that I won't get on ever again is did you ever see the tube behind the boat? 00:38:13 Speaker 2: Fuck that that too? 00:38:15 Speaker 3: No, thank you, because that anytime anytime someone's in that, they're trying to get you off of it exact you're gonna get your head ripped off. Yes, yes, yes, no, Oh my god, I don't want to live in fear. And you you really have no control when you're on the tube. At least with the skis you can let go. 00:38:29 Speaker 2: No, I heard an awful story about girl who went water skiing and she fell in such a way that she had a full prolapse because of a jet of water. Oh, and I'm I'm not like like that for me. As you hear that story and you go and thank you and thank you very much. You know you don't hear that. You go, But I'm I'm I'm going to take my chances, but I might as well give it a shot. Yeah, No, I'm good. Everything I have I want tucked neatly inside still for. 00:39:04 Speaker 3: Now, for now, you may have a change of heart. Yeah, our high school bully got his hand ripped off. 00:39:11 Speaker 2: Jesus God. 00:39:12 Speaker 3: Yeah, on a fucking jet like a rope got wrapped. I mean I should have you know, I should have warned the listener. 00:39:20 Speaker 2: Maybe it's too late. You suck it up, enough, suck it up, But. 00:39:25 Speaker 3: These things happen. We need to know because I'm tempting you to water ski And now I need to reveal that I know someone got their hand ripped off. 00:39:31 Speaker 2: It was it was the high school bully. 00:39:33 Speaker 3: The high school bully, which is you know, it's a hard thing to hear because you know, what, what feeling do you have? I'm trying to have a generous heart. 00:39:44 Speaker 2: Oh my god. 00:39:46 Speaker 3: But at the time, you know, it was interesting. That can happen. 00:39:51 Speaker 2: I'm going to think about it forever. 00:39:52 Speaker 3: And it happens to people who aren't high school bullies. 00:39:54 Speaker 2: Yeah, those people have not so interesting a story. But high school bully. 00:39:59 Speaker 3: Jesus, do not let things get wrapped around your hand. 00:40:02 Speaker 2: That's how you don't make fun of people. That's why someday you might have a little nub from a skiing accident. And now now who's gonna get bullied? 00:40:10 Speaker 3: And now everyone's feelings are complicated? Me. Yeah, that's why I don't wear a metal ring to the gym, because I to anywhere, because I know someone And again, graphics story, I know someone who got their ring caught on a fence and ripped their fingers. 00:40:24 Speaker 2: What are these people doing? 00:40:25 Speaker 3: What's happening in my life? 00:40:27 Speaker 2: Why were they climbing? 00:40:27 Speaker 3: The factbeah, I'm the ring. 00:40:29 Speaker 4: Ah. 00:40:29 Speaker 3: I think it was like in mid elementary school or something, you know, climbing fences in elementary school and what And then I was wearing a metal ring once putting the dishes away, and a fork got caught in the metal ring and I said, never again. Yeah, no, thank you. 00:40:43 Speaker 2: Yeah, imagine you've got the disposal. You imagine horror. 00:40:48 Speaker 3: Have you ever been to the hospital? 00:40:50 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I got. I got a really bad concussion when I was like thirteen. I fell like ten feet straight onto my head on cement. I heard from what everything I was standing on like the back of a chair, balancing on the back of a chair, and my friend H kicked it out because that would be funny. You know, when your friend of lopes not developed, You're like, that would be funny. And I found and I didn't catch myself with my hands or my back or anything because I fell so fast and I split from the back of like the nape of my neck. 00:41:19 Speaker 3: Up to the front of Oh my god. 00:41:21 Speaker 2: But the grossest part, listener, is that my skin didn't break, and so there was just a bunch of bleeding. A balloon. It was a fucking balloon. 00:41:32 Speaker 3: This podcast has become very violent recently. 00:41:35 Speaker 2: We brought up that fucking little girl from the ring. I know what happened to her. By the way, this is yes, bring her up anywhere if you if you're gonna be a kid and a bitch. 00:41:49 Speaker 3: Kind of scam, he's a scam. 00:41:51 Speaker 2: You're gonna end up in a while. That's nobody's fault but yours. 00:41:55 Speaker 3: And suddenly you're hosting the view. 00:41:58 Speaker 2: I'm trying to say it. It's nobody's fault, yours. 00:42:02 Speaker 3: Ah wow, that's uh so, what like what did they do to repair you? 00:42:06 Speaker 2: Well? I was put in like a little three day coma and then I wasn't allowed to do activities for a while. 00:42:11 Speaker 1: But my. 00:42:13 Speaker 2: Basketball coach I came it was like, this happened in the summer, And I told my basketball coach at the end of summer when was started, it was like, I'm not allowed to technically start like doing anything for the next like month and a half. And he was like, then you won't be on the team, and I was like, well, yes I will. And so I just got back into it. Wow. Yeah, And now they did tell me that it would interfere with like rage and because of where I hit it, and let me tell you it did in what way? I it like truly, I had a very like angry and depressed teenage years, but like in a very like not always connected to things. Oh fascinating, Yeah, but that's subsided, yes, yeah, I yeah, the older I get them more like mitigated it is. But it was like, certainly up to fifteen years afterwards, it was like quick quick, quick to rage, could not get down from it? 00:43:12 Speaker 3: Could the same thing happen and make you happy? Quick to? 00:43:16 Speaker 2: I mean yes, because I was reading a book about music lovers, like it's I think it's called like music Aphelia or whatever, and they're people that I've had like really traumatic brain injuries or near death experiences. They some of them come back and they can write and compose music. Oh, never having done it before. That's like that's magic, magic magic, like completely like beautiful mysticism, like will make you listen reading this book of like it will make you believe in God, Like it's just like crazy, but it is like that a part of their brain was affected and it turned on specifically music. It's a whole book of people that had this happened to them. So you're like, yeah, there there are atter ways to get your head. 00:44:01 Speaker 3: Injured, right, look for those ways when falling off a chair yeah, did your friend learn a lesson? 00:44:09 Speaker 2: I was at a I was at a private high school and my uh, my friend was there on scholarship, and so I did not ever tell on my friend. And so my friend, my friend and I never talked about her anything. I just we did each other a solid and we're like, never. 00:44:24 Speaker 3: Brought it up. And wow, now the principal's going to hear this podcast and we're sinned there, and I agree. 00:44:29 Speaker 2: I hope they go back and find him and his last name is. 00:44:33 Speaker 3: Take that diploma. Yeah, rip it off his parents wall exactly. 00:44:38 Speaker 2: Shame on you. 00:44:41 Speaker 3: Wow, that's very generous of you. 00:44:44 Speaker 2: Snitches get stitches in their spirit. 00:44:46 Speaker 3: I mean, this is a very pro snitch podcast. We love a. 00:44:51 Speaker 2: Snitch, okay, and that's fair. 00:44:54 Speaker 3: I love a rat. Yeah, I love someone who just can't keep a secret to themselves. 00:44:58 Speaker 2: Well, I'm a gemini, so me. 00:45:02 Speaker 3: I'm afraid I probably would snitch. I feel like I would be a snitch. Yes, you know, we all have. 00:45:08 Speaker 2: To be honest with about who we are. And I'm I'm I ain't no snitch, but they're definitely I have definitely shared secrets I was not supposed to. 00:45:17 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, it's fair. You know, it's so much fun hard. It feels great, yes, you, and then the feeling goes away and you have to do it again. 00:45:25 Speaker 2: Yes, you gotta get that hit. 00:45:30 Speaker 3: Just divulging secrets all over time. 00:45:32 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's hard. It's hard. One big, one big personal secret a year that is not in any way yours to share. And yeah, you're gonna have some shame. Yes, you're gonna have some gal it's gonna eat you. You're gonna be worried about. Oh God, is the person I tell being responsible with it like I was supposed to be. Still, it's worth every every minute. 00:45:52 Speaker 3: Do you like gossip? 00:45:55 Speaker 2: Mm hmm, me too. 00:45:57 Speaker 3: I just love to spread the news. 00:46:00 Speaker 2: Sorry, it's a beautiful thing. 00:46:02 Speaker 3: It's such a special thing. 00:46:04 Speaker 2: Yes. And obviously any anybody who doesn't like gossip I find very irritating. They're like when people are like, uh, you know, let's talk about something positive, I'm like, this is positive. It's making me happy. We're connecting right now over something salacious. 00:46:20 Speaker 3: It feels so good. 00:46:22 Speaker 2: What's more positive than that? 00:46:23 Speaker 3: Yeah? And you know you're learning and maybe it's edifying you in some way. You're you'll look out for those people or you know. 00:46:31 Speaker 2: The excuse you can tell yourself is that sometimes when you're gossiping about others, if you're doing it quote unquote empathetically, you're building out your understanding of them in your mind so that you can treat them with more empathy. 00:46:45 Speaker 3: Exactly. 00:46:46 Speaker 2: Like I know that someone's so cheated on his wife, and he he must have done that, because. 00:46:53 Speaker 3: You know what I mean, And we as a community, as many of us as possible, need to know this, Yes, so that we can support him and her. We need to be there for both of them. 00:47:04 Speaker 2: Yes. 00:47:06 Speaker 3: No, I love gossip, but I like, I mean, it's been a real uh drought since the beginning of the pandemic and then zoom. People aren't working in the same rooms as much anymore, so you don't get quite as much. 00:47:19 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's it's been a really hard time for for gay people. 00:47:23 Speaker 3: Yes, it's been extremely hard. That's why I'm going back to church for the gossip. 00:47:28 Speaker 2: Yeah, you need a little bit more punishment. Yeah, you wrote for I hope this makes you happy. You wrote for me Schman, Oh yeah, of course, and loved it. I would you know, argue like obviously one of the top three comedies of all time when I I was like showing my comedies to my partner because she's not like super She just like did not grow up with these genre just was like not a big comedy person, and I was trying to get her in to comedy. And Kimmy Schmidt was the first show I thought of. I felt so lucky to work on that show. It's I mean, to work for those people was wonderful. It felt like going to the Olympics. 00:48:09 Speaker 3: It was crazy. Because I loved thirty Rocks so much, I've been working on Kimmy was just wonderful. I have a small I'm in Kimmy. I play a gay. 00:48:17 Speaker 2: Swat guy unbelievable who like is. 00:48:20 Speaker 3: Brought onto dish with Kimmy's friend. 00:48:24 Speaker 2: So you get to do that because you're shredded. 00:48:26 Speaker 3: I said, who else here is shredded? We did kind of an office witch hunt about who's shredded? 00:48:34 Speaker 2: Who the fuck is? 00:48:37 Speaker 3: Now? This was pre media ever lifting a weight, so I was at the time very scrawny. Wow, you know I couldn't lift a pencil. Now I can lift two paper clips. Yeah, Kimmy Schmid, I really adored that show. And uh yeah, I feel like there aren't that many real laughy comedies. 00:48:57 Speaker 2: Now, no, and not not. I'm I mean Kimmy is like a joke every fifteen seconds. 00:49:04 Speaker 3: Yeah. To be able to like miss jokes and then have to go back to hear them unbelievable. 00:49:09 Speaker 1: Yeah. 00:49:09 Speaker 2: You could rewatch the show so many times. 00:49:11 Speaker 3: Yeah, and Jane Krakowski everybody, and it's wonderful. What a show. 00:49:17 Speaker 2: Um? 00:49:18 Speaker 3: Do we have anything else to say about cameras before we move on? 00:49:21 Speaker 2: I really sincerely hope that you do take some trash picks on this. 00:49:25 Speaker 3: I'm going to take a total of twenty seven pictures of twenty six because we need to get a shot together. Oh interesting, Yes, we'll take one and that will still be trash, and that will be absolute garbage. That'll be the worst of all of them. And then I'll get them developed at some point and then they'll appear on Instagram. I'm sure we're in a book and I'll do the pic coffee table book. Why don't I have a coffee table book? 00:49:49 Speaker 2: I don't know, because people are sleeping on you. 00:49:51 Speaker 3: My manager is not doing her job, name her. I have a proposal, get me a publisher. I have so many pictures of trash, say er sent to you. Yes, you can write the forward. Oh please, oh my god, and then you'll be in the author bio. We'll use this photo as the yes. Yes, yeah, pictured Bridger Winegar and friend. 00:50:20 Speaker 2: I I love that. 00:50:28 Speaker 1: Yes. 00:50:28 Speaker 3: Oh well, I'm very excited to have this. I'm genuinely thrilled. I love a disposable camera. And we need to all start buying the more so the prices will lower again. Oh my god, you about four dollars and now I feel like they're like twenty bucks twenty one. Yeah, this is something that used to just you know, grab one at the grocery store that. 00:50:46 Speaker 2: You can get them for ten dollars A from X ten dollars. They're not fucking around. 00:50:51 Speaker 3: Okay, well that's where I've got to go. Maybe Costco should start carrying them. Costco reach out. It's time to play a game. Okay, we're gonna play a game called After a Curse. But first I needed to number between one and ten from you m six. Okay, I have to do some light calculating to get our game pieces. So right now, you can recommend something, promote something, do whatever you want with the microphone. 00:51:14 Speaker 2: Okay, Well, if you like sports, I encourage you to listen to the podcast that I run with my friends Katie Kershaw and Ten Tran. This podcast is called Jocular get it anywhere you listen to your pod. And also, I don't know when this is coming out, but I hope you come see me on tour. You can find that info about tour at the link in my bio at genderless gap ad on Instagram. 00:51:38 Speaker 3: Perfect great podcast recommendation too. Ten's been on the podcast Rules. She gave me some gorgeous bangs clip on bangs. 00:51:47 Speaker 2: Oh I bet they looked incredible. 00:51:48 Speaker 3: I look stunning. And it's a whole new media. Yeah, everyone goes seeeer on tour. Follow them on whatever internet. 00:51:57 Speaker 2: Please sing please, please follow me please as fuck. 00:52:00 Speaker 3: They were begging me off podcasts saying the numbers want it's embarrassing. 00:52:09 Speaker 2: It sucks. Yeah, fuck you guys. I need a million overnight. 00:52:15 Speaker 3: Someone buy them some followers. This is how we play gift or a Curse. I'm gonna name three things. You're gonna tell me if they're a gift or a curse and why, and then I'll tell you if you're right or wrong, because there are correct answers and you can lose this game in a big way, So care fuck okay. Number one This is from a listener named Gianna. Gift or a curse the piece of paper on ice cream cones. It's a gift wrapper paper cone shape. It's a gift because you don't get your hands so dirty. Interesting, it is a gift. I love it. It's a you know, a little extra touch that you know, shows that they were willing to go a little further. Saves on gloves. The employee doesn't need to wear a glove while it, and you could eat the little last piece of paper if you like, and it's like a dare to yourself. 00:53:08 Speaker 2: Yeah, that is a good point. I don't want them fucking handing me a thing with like no little paper. 00:53:12 Speaker 3: Bear hand on my bare cone. Get away from God. 00:53:18 Speaker 2: No, you just you just keep it. I didn't know it was going to be like this. Just keep it, you know what. 00:53:29 Speaker 3: Uh yeah, absolutely a gift. You get to the end of the cone you're ripping off, it's that satisfying crunch of the paper being ripped and then, if you know, if you're still hungry, there's that little piece of paper to eat. 00:53:40 Speaker 2: Right, And I'm not a red flag to you about like where you're at. But red flags are helpful. 00:53:46 Speaker 3: They are helpful, that's why they exist. They're warnings about worse things. Come yeah, okay, okay, you've gotten one right so far. That's incredible. Number two This is from a listener named John Gift or a Curse while on vacation in a different city, watching the local news in the hotel room. 00:54:07 Speaker 2: Gift, why, I think you can figure out everything about the about the city from the local news, like, like is the anchor hot? Because that's important. If you're if you've got a hot anchor, it's a cool city. If you're if you got a dumpy anchor, it's a dumpy city period. Dumpy InCor dumpy anchored, dumpy city period. 00:54:34 Speaker 3: Oh er, I'm so sorry. It's a curve possible. You go to these cities, you watch these incredible local news programs. They become your friends, and then you can't access them anymore. They're gone. 00:54:48 Speaker 2: You don't need to. You keep their hot or dumpy image in your mind. 00:54:52 Speaker 3: The painful memory of having to think about them. You know, there was this local news thing in Palm Springs called Desert Tea two. You know, women probably in their late eighties, that would kind of chat. I love them so much, could never find that well there, I imagine I know where they are and not well, but you know it's heartbreaking. Yeah, I need the anchors to be there for me when I turn on the TV. 00:55:20 Speaker 2: So you are you are avoiding having that relationship so that you don't have to experience the heartbreak. Exact, gotcha? I understand? Okay, urning a lot. 00:55:29 Speaker 3: I don't know if you just want to look into my personality and writing it down. Okay, you've gotten one out of two so far. Number three this is from a listener named Amy. Gift or a curse. A chessboard painted on top of an end table. 00:55:44 Speaker 2: Uh, listen, I feel like this is supposed to be a gift. It's a curse. It's a curse because where are the pieces? 00:55:51 Speaker 1: Like? 00:55:52 Speaker 2: The thing about a chess board is that you can, like usually bend it in half and it goes inside its own box or it is its own box, and then the chess pieces are inside. It's just a checkerboard. Countertime awful And was it painted? I mean it was painting on there? 00:56:06 Speaker 1: No? 00:56:06 Speaker 2: No, no, no in lay? 00:56:07 Speaker 3: Maybe correct? It's a curse. I mean, I didn't even think about the pieces. Where are you getting those? 00:56:16 Speaker 2: Exactly what you brought? You brought them with you? 00:56:18 Speaker 3: And are you using like a spool of thread? 00:56:21 Speaker 2: They're no. 00:56:22 Speaker 3: And also where does it end? You're putting the tape the chessboard on the table, so you're gonna be painting those on everything? 00:56:28 Speaker 2: Yeah, and what happens when you get a little pawn off your is there enough room on the edge of the table to put the pawn down? Or do you hold it after you take your opponent's pawn? 00:56:37 Speaker 3: And where's my drink? 00:56:39 Speaker 2: This makes me sick to think about. 00:56:41 Speaker 3: Ultimately, it's a disgusting concept. It's not charming, it's not whimsical. No, no, no, it's a pain, agony curse. You got two out of three. 00:56:52 Speaker 2: I felt okay about that. I feel okay about that too. You can't feel great about it two out of three? No, it's it's pathetic, but it's not humiliating. 00:57:01 Speaker 3: Humiliating I think is one out of three? Zero out of three is a lost cause? 00:57:07 Speaker 2: Yeah? Zero out of three. You made a choice to be a loser. 00:57:09 Speaker 3: Yeah, you know what your life is and you keep making those choices. Wow, incredible, Well, This is the final segment of the podcast. It's called I said no emails people they write into I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Just ready to beg me for answers. Will you help me answer a question? 00:57:28 Speaker 2: Of course? 00:57:28 Speaker 3: Okay, this says dear bridger and humble guest, as a person who can appreciate the sanctity of a backyard, I thought you might have good advice to help me solve my problem. I am lucky enough to live in a house with a lovely garden areum. Unfortunately, whenever I am enjoying the backyard, I inevitably and repeatedly catch a heavy whiff of my neighbor's terry disgusting cigarette smoke. Okay, wow, this snob, I get it from both sides. Both houses to my left and right appear to be filled with chain smokers who go out frequently to indulge in their bad habit. It is inevitably followed by the sounds of hacking and tossing loogies. How do I let them know how bothersome this constant smoking is without being used as a human ashtray. Do I give them some mysterious nicotine gum? Do I crank up the sprinkler. Do I just wait for them to die? Any help would be greatly appreciated. With love, Sarah. Okay, Sarah's not all these questions. Should I do this? Should I do this? Should I do this? Sarah should start smoking? 00:58:33 Speaker 2: Exactly exactly. I can't even believe she had to ask. It's so obvious, Sarah, you have to pick up smoking. 00:58:44 Speaker 3: Any surgeon general would tell you yes. 00:58:47 Speaker 2: And Sarah, you're the if they're on either side, you're surrounded. No, no, no, maybe you're the outlier. 00:58:52 Speaker 3: You're a loser. 00:58:53 Speaker 2: You're being a loser. You have to start smoking. A lot of people are gonna say it's bad for you. You know, it's fucking bad for you, living every single day you get older, closer to death. 00:59:02 Speaker 3: What's bad for you is not having friends nearby. 00:59:05 Speaker 2: Yes, what's bad for you is having a garden that you can't use because you don't smoke. God damn it, Sarah, just like them. Wake up, Sarah, I mean it was there all along. She goes out in the backyard. The answer is just all it's in her clothes and her hair, and she can already smell like you smoke. Sarah. Everyone at work things you smoke, enjoy it, enjoy it and the fix. 00:59:35 Speaker 3: Yes, I feel like that. 00:59:36 Speaker 2: I mean that. 00:59:37 Speaker 3: There's no other answer to this, No, no, no, period. She wants to get in a fight with the neighbors. 00:59:43 Speaker 2: You're gonna send them gums, Sarah. First of all, no one likes to hear it. But it's hot to smoke. Okay. When I gave up smoking, what I gave up was access to being the hottest person on the planet. You know what I mean. Now, when I want to break from people, I have to go outside and stand outside and look like I'm just like, I don't know, like I'm vibing on my own thoughts. It's not true, it's not honest. I'm feeling insecure, I'm feeling anxious. If I go out there with a cigarette, I'm hot, mysterious, Sarah. 01:00:17 Speaker 3: She wants to be the lady who hands out Gumar. Get arrested, Sarah, get real, Get in that backyard, fire up the lawnmower, and start smoking. Yes, just you know, chopping weeds out, smoking, Do whatever you want, right, Smoking, become the vibe, become the vibe, add to the vibe. Yes, get lung cancer. Yes, Ultimately, these are these are solutions. Yes, that's why people write into the podcast, Sarah. If you ever write in again, I am going to have an absolute melting make it. 01:00:50 Speaker 2: A real question. 01:00:51 Speaker 3: If you write in, Sarah, it's actually difficult to answer. Oh boy, they answered it perfect. Please. I have my new flash camera. Why do I say, Well, it's called the flash camera. That's their problem. It's a quick snap flash camera by Fujifilm Flash for Trash, flash for true. Oh my god. Wow, interesting that could be the name of my foundation. Sure er, I've had such a wonderful time. 01:01:23 Speaker 2: With you here, absolutely wonderful. 01:01:25 Speaker 3: Thank you for joining me on the podcast. 01:01:27 Speaker 2: Thank you. 01:01:27 Speaker 3: And we'll take a picture with the flash camera after and that will appear on the internet, probably years down the road. Once I've got all these pictures, other pictures of trash. 01:01:36 Speaker 2: I want to see it in twenty twenty eight. No sooner, no later, don't tempt me. Thank you for being here, Thank you for having me. It was fun. 01:01:45 Speaker 3: Listener, it's time for the podcast to be over. You knew it was coming. You tried to put it off for as long as you possibly could, but you're not in control. 01:01:54 Speaker 2: I am. 01:01:55 Speaker 3: I'm ending the podcast I love you goodbye, I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's produced by our dear friend Analise Nelson, and it's beautifully mixed by Ben Holliday. And we couldn't do it without our guest booker, Patrick Coottner. The theme song, of course, could only come from miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said no gifts, I don't want to hear any excuses. That's where you get to see pictures of all these gorgeous gifts I'm getting. And don't you want to see pictures of the gifts. 01:02:33 Speaker 2: I invit? Did you hear? 01:02:37 Speaker 1: Funa man myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest to me, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no guests, your presences presence in and I'm already too much stuff, So you dared disobey me