Speaker 1: A few weeks ago, on the one hundredth episode of
Speaker 1: Just Be, I answered your Questions. We had over two
Speaker 1: questions submitted, and they were all so interesting and so thoughtful.
Speaker 1: I wanted to answer them all, but I only got
Speaker 1: through a fraction of them, because there are only so
Speaker 1: many questions that you can get to in a forty
Speaker 1: five minute episode. But the questions you send are so
Speaker 1: good and I love answering them so much. I learned
Speaker 1: so much about myself and you, and it's just a
Speaker 1: great way for us to engage. UM. I'm determined to
Speaker 1: keep chipping away at them on special occasions, and Mother's
Speaker 1: Day is maybe the most special occasion out of the
Speaker 1: entire year. It's always on my daughter's birthday weekend, and
Speaker 1: in honor of Mother's Day this Sunday, I'm going back
Speaker 1: and answering the questions you asked on parenting. So let's
Speaker 1: get into it from Christina Brown. Do you think parents
Speaker 1: should be super hands on all the time or do
Speaker 1: you think there are things you should let your kids
Speaker 1: learn on their own? Um? They they just are. So
Speaker 1: it sounds like you might have younger kids. Um, and
Speaker 1: we worry about all the things that don't even happen,
Speaker 1: and they just get independent. I mean, my daughter doesn't
Speaker 1: love lunch at school. So when I bought slice salami
Speaker 1: and withzarella and parm gan crisps and olives and put
Speaker 1: it out the first day with Homas, she was so excited.
Speaker 1: And I did it a couple of days, and all
Speaker 1: of a sudden, now I come home and I got it.
Speaker 1: Mom and she's making yoki with pesto, and she's making
Speaker 1: one day but like a Bognes and she makes roasted
Speaker 1: Brussels sprouts to sesame oil, and she's like kind of
Speaker 1: irritated if I want to do my own little parenting things.
Speaker 1: So they become really independent. You're you're you want them
Speaker 1: to bathe, and you just thank god, this kid is
Speaker 1: disgusting and they're never gonna want to bathe their whole life.
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, one day I have
Speaker 1: to go in the other room. I'm gonna take a
Speaker 1: shower or it used to be only baths, and then
Speaker 1: my daughter I need to take a shower, and I
Speaker 1: just gotta go. I gotta go, like you know, do
Speaker 1: my skincare routine. I'm like your eleven. So they get
Speaker 1: so independent that there. It doesn't even matter if you intervene.
Speaker 1: I used to beg. I used to you know, I
Speaker 1: used to ask them to wear certain clothes. They didn't
Speaker 1: want to wear certain clothes. Then years later they want
Speaker 1: to wear those same clothes you tried to get them
Speaker 1: to wear. Then you have to pack them for every trip,
Speaker 1: and it's just annoying that you have to pack them.
Speaker 1: But then you get to the point where they want
Speaker 1: to pack themselves and you're like, God, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: a freaking disaster. You need panties, you need to and
Speaker 1: they just pack themselves and it somehow works out. So
Speaker 1: at least I introduced the packing cubes for my daughter
Speaker 1: to try to like separated things. But they become independent,
Speaker 1: so it's going to work out no matter what. They
Speaker 1: will learn on their own, okay, e h G. Twelve sixteen.
Speaker 1: What is the story behind how I finally decided to
Speaker 1: let Brin be seen on my social media? You know,
Speaker 1: kids get into the age where they're interested in social media,
Speaker 1: and my daughters around me posting myself and sometimes she'll
Speaker 1: just put her face and go hey. To be perfectly honest,
Speaker 1: my daughter doesn't care about being on social media at all,
Speaker 1: she's not thirsty. She doesn't care about fame. Other kids
Speaker 1: that I know are constantly asking me about what I
Speaker 1: do and I'm on TV and what's it like and
Speaker 1: my followers, and she's not into it at all. Once
Speaker 1: in a while we'll do a humorous TikTok that we
Speaker 1: just find so funny, and I frankly find it funnier.
Speaker 1: But um, I need a partner in crime. And I
Speaker 1: think it's I just saw something ridiculous that I would
Speaker 1: love to do with her, same with Paul, but they
Speaker 1: couldn't possibly care less. And um, when it's her birthday,
Speaker 1: I feel like, you know, I'm hiding someone that's in
Speaker 1: the witness protection program if I don't post a picture
Speaker 1: of my child looking cute and I want to share
Speaker 1: it with you, and and and she does like when
Speaker 1: people will send messages, I'll then say to her, but honestly,
Speaker 1: she doesn't. She doesn't care. So the story is that
Speaker 1: I felt and was under lock and key for so long. Um,
Speaker 1: Yet I still don't like to really overexposed her. I
Speaker 1: like there to be a nice balance of reality and
Speaker 1: the fact that she's aware of social media and not
Speaker 1: feeling like I have her locked in the closet like
Speaker 1: a prisoner, and she cannot be on social media, although
Speaker 1: she probably wouldn't care at all anyway, She really just
Speaker 1: doesn't care. Um from kel Kell, twelve oh three. How
Speaker 1: involved is your daughter with your philanthropy? My daughter sixteen,
Speaker 1: and I've always tried to encourage her to help others.
Speaker 1: Do you have your daughter participate in other charitable events
Speaker 1: on her own or something her age group can do.
Speaker 1: Love what you do to help others in need, you
Speaker 1: do amazing things, very inspiring. Well, it's weird. I was
Speaker 1: going to North Carolina to visit people at a shelter
Speaker 1: and donate aid, and Brin came with me to load
Speaker 1: the boxes on the plane and was supposed to come.
Speaker 1: I don't remember if she has miss in school. I
Speaker 1: think she was, and she got sick and she didn't
Speaker 1: get to come. She just didn't feel well. And then
Speaker 1: there have been other times when I thought I was
Speaker 1: going to bring her. I was going to bring her
Speaker 1: to North Carolina, New Orleans, but the flights got canceled
Speaker 1: um because of a storm, and so it hasn't been
Speaker 1: meant to be. She painted twenty five original paintings and
Speaker 1: raised twelve five hundred dollars for Ukraine, um, but actually
Speaker 1: more now because Paul's mom gave more than she was
Speaker 1: supposed to, so probably fourteen to fifteen thousand dollars. But
Speaker 1: she realized after we went to Michael's and got the
Speaker 1: supplies and she got the canvases and she got into
Speaker 1: it that she had to make twenty five I mean
Speaker 1: it was volume making one is one thing. So she
Speaker 1: did realize what that meant and what she committed to,
Speaker 1: because we had also thought we'd make all these bracelets,
Speaker 1: and we bought all the right colors, and it's time consuming.
Speaker 1: So she realized that she hasn't been hands on enough yet,
Speaker 1: you know, lemonade stands and selling hot chocolate, cute and stuff,
Speaker 1: But she hasn't really been hands on enough yet. And
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for the right opportunity because often when I
Speaker 1: can bring her, it's too gnarly for a kid to
Speaker 1: be there, And then when it's in a place where
Speaker 1: I could bring her, it's two together, meaning I'm just
Speaker 1: going and giving out be strong cards to people, which
Speaker 1: is nice, but it's not It's a fine line between
Speaker 1: her seeing real desperation and seeing too much. I brought
Speaker 1: her to the Bronx to visit where the building was
Speaker 1: for the fires, and she got to see, like, those
Speaker 1: are the windows that you know there was a massive
Speaker 1: fire and if you remember in the Bronx, it was
Speaker 1: terrible in the whole building burned down, and so she
Speaker 1: got to see people that jumped out the window into
Speaker 1: a dump ster. And she understands, but there's nothing like
Speaker 1: hands on and um, you've got to get their hands
Speaker 1: a little dirty. You're gonna have to just take them
Speaker 1: to see something really unfortunate or sick children. Because just
Speaker 1: putting together clothes it makes us feel better, it's not
Speaker 1: actually necessarily helping. So I'm just going for one day.
Speaker 1: It's kind of so we checked the box and feel
Speaker 1: like we're doing the privilege parenting version. But you've got
Speaker 1: to find a way for them to really get their
Speaker 1: hands dirty. Liz Beckett asks, was I afraid to become
Speaker 1: a mom? Did I have any fears that I wouldn't
Speaker 1: be good at it? Honestly, I didn't. And it's very
Speaker 1: strange because, um, I second guess so many things in
Speaker 1: my life. I don't second guess business, I don't second
Speaker 1: guess parenting. I mean, there'll be a time when things
Speaker 1: aren't going that great and I'm upset or I'm sad,
Speaker 1: or we've had an argument, or you know, I'm frustrated,
Speaker 1: but it's I'm never unsure. It's sort of like a
Speaker 1: person who's operating a vehicle that they really understand, and
Speaker 1: it's it's crazy because I didn't have that maternal instinct.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, smells you you smoot see in your eyes,
Speaker 1: Gotta get it out. I don't like. I just want
Speaker 1: it's better for you and better for me and better
Speaker 1: for everything. So um, I didn't have that maternal instinct.
Speaker 1: I didn't look at moms of babies and dream about it.
Speaker 1: It just I was pregnant, I had a baby, I
Speaker 1: felt madly in love. I understood it. I just it
Speaker 1: just was something I instinctively understood. So I just go
Speaker 1: with my gut. You just go with your gut. You
Speaker 1: don't take too much advice because everybody is a pain
Speaker 1: in the ask and everybody's an expert, and nobody could
Speaker 1: be an expert on something that's like the ocean. It's
Speaker 1: like it's just a moving, living, breathing organism that's just
Speaker 1: moving at Catherine Matharine, what trade do I most strongly
Speaker 1: hope my daughter inherits from me. I don't think I
Speaker 1: really think about that. I mean, fearlessness, courage of conviction, individual, individuality.
Speaker 1: I mean these boxes are already checked at this time.
Speaker 1: She's very individual and she's very original and I love that,
Speaker 1: and she's honest and I love that. But she's better
Speaker 1: than I am because she's more was served and not
Speaker 1: so aggressive and just more comfortable in her own skin
Speaker 1: in that way. I mean, she's really great. Um from anonymous.
Speaker 1: Do I tell Bren she can't date until a certain age?
Speaker 1: That's what my parents told me growing up, but that
Speaker 1: definitely didn't work on me. I have a I have
Speaker 1: an eleven year old too, and I want to protect her,
Speaker 1: but I also don't want our relationship to be streamed
Speaker 1: because I'm telling her she can't date until she's sixteen,
Speaker 1: and then she hates me. I mean they're not really dating.
Speaker 1: I mean I don't know, am I naive? I mean
Speaker 1: they I guess at like thirteen or something, you'll start
Speaker 1: making out I suppose, or fourteen, But you'd rather know
Speaker 1: what's going on than them just sneak and then have rebellion.
Speaker 1: I mean dating. They talked to boys, and they like
Speaker 1: to say that they're, you know, dating someone, or I
Speaker 1: have a boyfriend, or this one as a boyfriend. Then
Speaker 1: they ended the next day they date the friend of
Speaker 1: the person. There's no code. They don't even know what
Speaker 1: they're doing. They're like small little animals in the wild.
Speaker 1: I don't think there's much to worry about. Honestly, there's
Speaker 1: something to worry about, you'll know it. But it's certainly
Speaker 1: not going to be changed by you locking your kid
Speaker 1: in the closet or telling them what they can and
Speaker 1: can't do. At that age. UM, you know, the doors
Speaker 1: open if they are ever with boys and you check
Speaker 1: in on them, and there's a certain um time limit.
Speaker 1: But I find that they just they just all zoom
Speaker 1: and group text. They don't do anything. They just want
Speaker 1: to say it. They like, watched a movie about what
Speaker 1: they think dating is and they just want to say it.
Speaker 1: But they don't do anything. From at Jack's se J
Speaker 1: they held hands. They hold hands. I know that J
Speaker 1: A X S I E. What has been the hardest
Speaker 1: part of motherhood. The hardest part of motherhood has been
Speaker 1: UM just wanting to be with them all the time,
Speaker 1: to the point where so I went out to dinner
Speaker 1: last night. I went out to dinner at six o'clock.
Speaker 1: I got home at eight and my daughter, I never
Speaker 1: do this and that's my problem and sad and it
Speaker 1: is what it is. But my daughter when I got
Speaker 1: home a little mamma, not really crying, but like she
Speaker 1: was like, I don't you know. I thought you were
Speaker 1: coming home at seven thirty and you didn't come home
Speaker 1: until like eight fifteen. And I I, I like I should.
Speaker 1: I needed to have a plan with activities, so I could,
Speaker 1: you know, figure out what I'm like you sometimes you're
Speaker 1: a waiting from me for days or you got She
Speaker 1: just put the idea of of me being out to her,
Speaker 1: you know, because we're there their assistance, where we just
Speaker 1: we just serve at the pleasure of them. So if
Speaker 1: they have something to do, they have plans or they're
Speaker 1: you know, doing something else that's different. But we can't
Speaker 1: really have plans. So I'd say the hardest thing is
Speaker 1: being torn. I don't want to do anything when I
Speaker 1: am with her. I just don't want to. I want
Speaker 1: to be with her. It's just it goes so quickly.
Speaker 1: So any time not spent with her, you know, gives
Speaker 1: me anxiety, but that's not necessarily healthy, and I understand
Speaker 1: that has to be a balance, but I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just choose her first. So the hardest part is
Speaker 1: not understanding what the balance really should because I don't
Speaker 1: really care. I'm doing what I'm doing. And she used
Speaker 1: to sleep in bed with me a lot all the time,
Speaker 1: and probably until the I don't know, maybe like ten
Speaker 1: and during the pandemic, and I lived for it. I
Speaker 1: don't care about the world. She's not gonna sleep in
Speaker 1: her she doesn't sleep my bed. Now. Once in away
Speaker 1: a while she'll fall asleep, and they're frankly, it's annoying.
Speaker 1: It like you're on my body and you're snoring and
Speaker 1: you need to go in your own, good goddamn room,
Speaker 1: but you love it. And then once in a while
Speaker 1: you crawl in their bed because you just want that
Speaker 1: extra because it's like extra time you get together. But
Speaker 1: the point is they sleep in your bed. They're not
Speaker 1: They're not going to college and sleeping in your bed.
Speaker 1: So don't worry about the stuff that doesn't matter. From
Speaker 1: Danny Rector, you talked about this a little bit, but
Speaker 1: did becoming a mother change your relationship with your mother?
Speaker 1: It did because my daughter wanted a relationship and what
Speaker 1: she wants in that regard is more important because of
Speaker 1: the example, and because of do overs and break in
Speaker 1: the circle, and just just because. Um okay from Megan Brady,
Speaker 1: how do you think having kids changes romantic relationships. I
Speaker 1: had had a lot of shitty relationships in my twenties,
Speaker 1: and now at thirty five, I found the love of
Speaker 1: my life and I just feel like the luckiest person
Speaker 1: in the world. But some of my girlfriends have had
Speaker 1: kids recently and put a lot of tension between them
Speaker 1: and their husbands. I just feel like I waited so
Speaker 1: long to find the perfect guy, and I don't want
Speaker 1: anything to ruin it. That's an interesting question, Megan. Well,
Speaker 1: that's a dance. Okay, you don't have to do it
Speaker 1: right away. But if you don't have kids and you
Speaker 1: want to and or your partner wants to also, and
Speaker 1: you go too long, that stage of selfishness could ruin it. Also,
Speaker 1: you know, nothing good less forever. Trees do not grow
Speaker 1: up to the sky, So you have to find that
Speaker 1: balance your thirty five. Maybe start thinking about it at
Speaker 1: thirty six or thirty seven, so you take that time
Speaker 1: really get out of the honeymoon phase, be happy, and
Speaker 1: then you'll it'll be just like four seasons one, the
Speaker 1: next season will come. So it doesn't have to be
Speaker 1: right now. But if you both have established in your
Speaker 1: individual lives and together that you want to have kids,
Speaker 1: don't then you don't want to not have them because
Speaker 1: of this honeymoon paradise phase. From Eric? What's harder? And
Speaker 1: also a relationship should grow and involve what it takes
Speaker 1: to manage difficulty and hardship and going through struggles and
Speaker 1: managing parenthood. Like life can't be just fantasy and you
Speaker 1: know rainbows and unicorns, and that will fade anyway in
Speaker 1: any relationship, So you might as well throw having kids
Speaker 1: into the pot. If if if the fantasy is going
Speaker 1: to fade? Um from Eric, what's harder running a business
Speaker 1: or being a parent? Great question? Being a parent is
Speaker 1: harder than running a business? Um? I think I think
Speaker 1: they're similar because running a business involves a lot of
Speaker 1: elements and organization and coordination and communication, being emotionally intelligent
Speaker 1: and I don't remember if I just said, did I
Speaker 1: say running a big business? Yeah? And and being a
Speaker 1: parent involves all those identical things and being present in
Speaker 1: your business is important, and focusing on it and prioritizing
Speaker 1: and being present. I think they're they're both equally as difficult,
Speaker 1: which is I've never been asked that. That's a great question,
Speaker 1: Eric Anonymous, I where we're mom. How do you bounce
Speaker 1: advancing and work and being a good mom. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to split my time, and I feel like
Speaker 1: I'm always doing everything half asked. That's a terrible feeling.
Speaker 1: I get it. You need to be present in both.
Speaker 1: You need to win e both. You need to excel
Speaker 1: at both, and by having your ass in forty two places,
Speaker 1: you're then doing each thing halfway. If you do when
Speaker 1: you're working full on, you're totally committed, you're not divided,
Speaker 1: you're not thinking about the other thing, You're just doing it.
Speaker 1: And then the same thing goes to parenting and you're
Speaker 1: not always on your phone and you're present, and you
Speaker 1: really create a discipline about it, you then can do
Speaker 1: both very well. It is possible. You have to be
Speaker 1: fiercely organized. That calendar needs to be like a chessboard
Speaker 1: that you plan out and move the pieces ahead of time.
Speaker 1: You have to be fiercely organized about your business and
Speaker 1: just about everything from stuff to doctor's appointments, to packing,
Speaker 1: to school to everything. You've got to be on the game.
Speaker 1: You cannot. You can't probably be in great shape, having
Speaker 1: sex tan uh, going on great vacations, being very social.
Speaker 1: You can't do it all. But you can be successful
Speaker 1: at work and parenting. You probably just can't be doing
Speaker 1: everything else. In addition, Yeah, I love the questions. Keep
Speaker 1: the questions and comments coming. Um. I think it's a
Speaker 1: great way for us to learn about each other. I
Speaker 1: love parenting, I love Mother's Day, and I love all
Speaker 1: of you. So I appreciate you. Please remember to rate,
Speaker 1: review and subscribe, and have an amazing day, and have
Speaker 1: a happy, happy Mother's Day.