Speaker 1: Welcome to Couples Counseling with Chelsea hand Job. I'm here
Speaker 1: with my friends. Yeah yeah and.
Speaker 2: Sam okay, welcome back, yeah yeah and Sam yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: So you want to spend more time on the road
Speaker 2: because you want to get back to your creative roots.
Speaker 1: Tell me more about that, because I can relate to
Speaker 1: that very much.
Speaker 3: I just need to be doing comedy for me and
Speaker 3: I need to be by myself with this for a
Speaker 3: little while.
Speaker 4: I've gone through some stuff, I've lost some people.
Speaker 3: I've just been in a bit of a tumultuous space
Speaker 3: and I kind of just needed some space to reconnect
Speaker 3: with it for me and just realign myself, realign the
Speaker 3: reasons why I'm doing it, realign my goals, realign what
Speaker 3: I want out of it. You know that kind of
Speaker 3: requires personal time, and that's hard to do when you
Speaker 3: have your partner on the road. It just you know
Speaker 3: that that requires another piece of yourself to be attentive
Speaker 3: and be caring, and I just don't want to, at
Speaker 3: least when it comes to comedy. I don't want to
Speaker 3: have to consider anybody else in this space for a while.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. That's very well put. I mean I can
Speaker 2: relate to that. How does that make you feel?
Speaker 5: I'm okay with it because I respect her as an artist,
Speaker 5: So whatever she needs from me as a partner, I'm
Speaker 5: able to try to accommodate and do for her. When
Speaker 5: we were on the road together through the first Special,
Speaker 5: which was great, but it was just like I understood
Speaker 5: where she was at the time, so it was good
Speaker 5: to be on the road with her and help her
Speaker 5: develop that. And now she's in a space creatively where
Speaker 5: she needs to be isolated and get back to the
Speaker 5: grind of it. So I just have to respect that
Speaker 5: because she's an artist. So who am I to be like, no, bitch,
Speaker 5: I'm coming.
Speaker 2: Well, a lot of people would be like that. A
Speaker 2: lot of people who aren't don't understand that.
Speaker 5: No, I mean I understand it, and I respect her
Speaker 5: more than an artist. I respect her as a person.
Speaker 5: So if my person is telling me this is what
Speaker 5: she needs, who am I to be like, no, bitch,
Speaker 5: I'm coming anyway?
Speaker 1: Like I'm not.
Speaker 4: I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 5: And plus I don't work, so that's what she needs
Speaker 5: to do to get the money, girl, go outside to
Speaker 5: go get it. So I'm gonna sit my ass tell
Speaker 5: Me says.
Speaker 6: This week we're looking for questions from writers. Are you
Speaker 6: an author or an aspiring writer, or maybe you're a
Speaker 6: different kind of artist and have questions about the creative
Speaker 6: process or inspiration or motivation right into Dear Chelsea podcast
Speaker 6: at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2: When your most recent special came out on Max, how
Speaker 2: did that affect you? The success of that or being
Speaker 2: recognized more, and how did it affect both of you?
Speaker 3: I mean, it was like a little two fold thing.
Speaker 3: Like it definitely was like, Okay, I'm getting recognized more.
Speaker 3: There's this reception, but then there's also this piece of
Speaker 3: view this it's never fully what you want, I guess,
Speaker 3: or at least I haven't hit whatever that is career
Speaker 3: rise where I'm like, yeah, this is how I wanted it,
Speaker 3: this is how I thought it was going to be,
Speaker 3: you know. So there's parts of it that was just
Speaker 3: wildly frustrating still and I think a lot of it
Speaker 3: too is I'm two specials in now, so it's also
Speaker 3: just like all right, what's next? You know, like these
Speaker 3: kind of goals are being knocked off, and I don't
Speaker 3: think because I was just running and running and running,
Speaker 3: I don't think I spent any time trying to figure
Speaker 3: out really what I wanted next, Like I haven't done
Speaker 3: a five year plan and years, you know, I haven't
Speaker 3: really sat down and just assessed.
Speaker 4: Goals in a long time.
Speaker 3: I've just been doing the thing and doing the thing
Speaker 3: and doing the thing, and things have kind of just
Speaker 3: been happening. So I think it's also in a space
Speaker 3: where as much as I like all that shit, it
Speaker 3: feels like this there's stuff coming to me, but I'm
Speaker 3: not even sure if it's things that I want or
Speaker 3: I'm just doing them because there are things that are coming.
Speaker 3: And so that's another piece that I got to get
Speaker 3: a handle back on, like what do you want right now?
Speaker 4: Like what are you trying to actually achieve?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm interested to see how you view that. What
Speaker 2: do you think about watching her go through that.
Speaker 5: I can't lie In the beginning, it was difficult to
Speaker 5: see her now, I don't want to say struggling with it,
Speaker 5: but going through about where she was at a place
Speaker 5: where she was just trying to figure it out again,
Speaker 5: because she's always so strong and always so headstrongly, she knows,
Speaker 5: she always knows what direction she wants to go to,
Speaker 5: So to see her be a little down and confused,
Speaker 5: especially after losing her best friend and stuff like that.
Speaker 5: It just was it was hard for me to see
Speaker 5: her go through it, But I just want to support
Speaker 5: in the best way that I can.
Speaker 2: You sound very therapized, Yeah, y'all in a good way. Oh,
Speaker 2: I'm very thoughtful. Everything you say is like you've spoken
Speaker 2: to someone else about it almost.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, we speak to our therapist and we also
Speaker 1: speak to each other. Yeah.
Speaker 5: I think that that's the biggest thing, is just trying
Speaker 5: to because I'm not the best communicator, so especially when
Speaker 5: it comes with Sam and she's so she's such a good.
Speaker 4: Communicator because that's just what she does.
Speaker 5: So I think that with her, it's just like trying
Speaker 5: to empathize and show her like I hear what she's saying,
Speaker 5: or I'm trying to hear her knees in the same
Speaker 5: way she can reciprocate it to me.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's a struggle for a lot of
Speaker 2: people when they get success that you've wanted for so
Speaker 2: long and you get it plus with the other things
Speaker 2: that are happening in your life, obviously that has a
Speaker 2: major impact. And even without that, it's an adjustment right,
Speaker 2: like to become what you wanted to be. And then
Speaker 2: like I was watching Jlo's recent documentary it's called The
Speaker 2: Greatest Love Story Never.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you watched that.
Speaker 1: Yeah I did.
Speaker 2: I'm interested in what j Loo is up to. Always
Speaker 2: it was what you think it was. Okay, I wouldn't
Speaker 2: say watch it, but I had to see what you
Speaker 2: want to know you to see it in that it
Speaker 2: is revealed, not that we didn't know this about j Loo,
Speaker 2: because we could have drawn our own conclusion or conjecture
Speaker 2: based on her behavior alone. She there's an insatiableness to her.
Speaker 2: She will never be stated, it will never be enough,
Speaker 2: there will never be success, a movie big enough, an
Speaker 2: award big enough, an Oscar. It's just and even Ben
Speaker 2: Affleck in the movie says she'll never be satisfied. And
Speaker 2: I always like, I remember when Gerrod Carmichael kind of
Speaker 2: started to get really recognized and he had an issue
Speaker 2: with it, like you know, he in away for a
Speaker 2: while to be away from it.
Speaker 1: Happened to Dave Chappelle, it happens to a lot of comics.
Speaker 2: And it's interesting to talk about, I think, because it's like,
Speaker 2: what is it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and when will it be not for any
Speaker 1: of us?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah? And what does enough look like?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 4: And at least what you what do you want?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 4: I think that's really what it is. It's like what
Speaker 4: do I want?
Speaker 3: And then also just being confronted with this level of
Speaker 3: glass ceiling and this level of like, you know, Okay,
Speaker 3: I'm achieving all these things on this level, but I'm
Speaker 3: starting to understand that as a black lesbian there's just
Speaker 3: some shit that's in the way, you know what I mean,
Speaker 3: And like also how to navigate that and still chase
Speaker 3: this thing, you know what I mean, Like just trying
Speaker 3: to find all those those good balances and pieces of
Speaker 3: mind for myself so that when I step into this shit,
Speaker 3: like I got the right fucking mental.
Speaker 1: Headspace, that you're in the right headspace.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, but it's not easy.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think she's being very like, uh generous
Speaker 3: with herself in this moment because I know for sure
Speaker 3: that like something it hurts her sometimes and not be
Speaker 3: able to be with me, and like I went and
Speaker 3: did the roast on my own, and I was like,
Speaker 3: you know, I just need space to just go do
Speaker 3: what the stuff is. I gotta do, and I know
Speaker 3: for her that was hard to not be there for
Speaker 3: a moment, you know what I mean, and not be
Speaker 3: able to share in that moment and be present. So
Speaker 3: it's not like in that She's not like sacrificing something.
Speaker 4: I guess.
Speaker 2: No, I mean it sounds like you have really good
Speaker 2: communication like I wouldn't even sometimes.
Speaker 4: I mean, that's pretty awesome. Just came from therapy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know I should have all of our have
Speaker 2: all of our couple of counseling just come from their
Speaker 2: real therapists.
Speaker 4: Does par in.
Speaker 1: Better shape than the counselor which is me? No, you're
Speaker 1: a great therapy. I'm not do giving therapy. I'm just
Speaker 1: letting you.
Speaker 2: I want to hear what your issues and dynamics are
Speaker 2: because everybody who listens, we have such a variety of listeners,
Speaker 2: and like everybody likes to hear other people's stories. I
Speaker 2: know when I hear something that sounds similar to something
Speaker 2: I went through, I'm always like, oh, okay, okay, that's
Speaker 2: not uncommon.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like you know, when you get advice.
Speaker 2: I hate this quality about myself, but I do it
Speaker 2: all the time when I especially with men, Like I'm
Speaker 2: like oh, I show them to a bunch of different
Speaker 2: people to get everyone's reaction, you know, and if everyone's
Speaker 2: into it, then I'm into it.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And if they're kind of grossed out by him, I'm
Speaker 2: grossed out by him. And that's really not the kind
Speaker 2: of personality. I'm not a follower in that way. I mean,
Speaker 2: it's like when you go around and you ask somebody
Speaker 2: their advice on your problem, and you keep getting different advice,
Speaker 2: and then your advice just changes to whatever the last
Speaker 2: fucking thing you heard was, and then you're like, who
Speaker 2: the fuck am I?
Speaker 1: Like, what do I even think? So I just I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 2: It falls into that category of kind of philosophizing for me.
Speaker 2: I'm sure you've seen a lot of your friends go
Speaker 2: through the same thing. And it's not necessarily the fame aspect.
Speaker 2: It's success.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, some of this is like in business
Speaker 3: and all different types of walks of life and work.
Speaker 3: It's just success in managing it and managing yourself within it,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. Growing up too, I'm a
Speaker 3: whole different person than when I started, you know, with
Speaker 3: a whole different mind, So you know that's also a
Speaker 3: part of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have a big brain. I like it. I
Speaker 1: thank you a big brain.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 2: It's nice to talk to people who are fucking intelligent.
Speaker 2: I mean it's like I got stoned on my way
Speaker 2: here because I knew I was gonna have to deal
Speaker 2: with this annoying driver.
Speaker 1: My driver had a situation.
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, I better get stone just
Speaker 2: in order to deal with someone that I don't know,
Speaker 2: and I'm going to be in a close space with them,
Speaker 2: Like I have to set the tone so that I'm
Speaker 2: in a more playful mood because my natural disposition is
Speaker 2: like any time of the car is my alone time.
Speaker 4: Like I don't like that too, So I don't. So
Speaker 4: this is what I don't understand, Chelsea.
Speaker 3: You always come at me like I'm some type of crudgeon,
Speaker 3: but I feel like we're very much the same.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm a little bouncier than you are.
Speaker 1: I'm bouncing around.
Speaker 2: You're kind of like you walk into a room and
Speaker 2: it's like you don't know which way.
Speaker 1: It's gonna go if you're not if you don't know you,
Speaker 1: I don't know what everyone to have like like you
Speaker 1: do have. It's a less playful energy.
Speaker 5: But I'm not keep telling people that she's not I
Speaker 5: have to warn people like, no, she's nice, she's cool,
Speaker 5: she's not mad, like people think she's mad on set people, I.
Speaker 3: Find that, So you know what it is? People are
Speaker 3: so goddamn needy.
Speaker 1: I agree.
Speaker 3: People are so goddamn needy that if you walk in
Speaker 3: a room and you're just chilling, it's like they require energy,
Speaker 3: and it's like, ny, why I'm not doing anything but
Speaker 3: sitting down. I'm just chilling, I'm seeing what's coming, I'm
Speaker 3: hanging out. If it turns into a good conversation about this,
Speaker 3: I'm in.
Speaker 4: I'm down.
Speaker 3: But it's like this need people have to be affirmed
Speaker 3: by other people and immediately to be able to sit
Speaker 3: in a fucking space. I just I swear I've never
Speaker 3: been that way. I've never given the fuck about house
Speaker 3: when I entered the room, I've never even thought about
Speaker 3: like how unless enter unless it was like actually hostility,
Speaker 3: like who want to fight?
Speaker 4: Then I'm like, whoa bro? Bro? Why is he? Why
Speaker 4: is he on that time? But like other than that,
Speaker 4: it's just so weird to me.
Speaker 2: Well, that's as perfect time to say goodbye to Sam
Speaker 2: and yahya for a minute, because I don't want you
Speaker 2: to leave until we come back and talk about your
Speaker 2: finances and how you relate to each other on that end.
Speaker 1: Okay, so we can end on a lighter note.
Speaker 4: The therapy note. Another may be no.
Speaker 2: You can check out Sam Jay who is on tour
Speaker 2: now in cities all over the country and she's fucking funny.
Speaker 2: If you haven't seen her on The Roast or on
Speaker 2: her own special, then go watch both of those her
Speaker 2: specials on HBO Max now known as Max. And then
Speaker 2: you can follow Yahya at Vanity dot Vixen on Instagram
Speaker 2: and TikTok and it is worth the follow because she's
Speaker 2: up to some well shenanigans. I mean, you'll understand what
Speaker 2: I'm talking about.