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Speaker 1: Time now for today's Strawberry Letter. And if you need

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Speaker 1: advice and relationships, dating, work, sex, parenting and more, please

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HARVEYFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter. We'll get your letter and

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Speaker 1: we could be reading it live on the air, just

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Speaker 1: like we're going to read that one. That's for you, Jay,

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Speaker 1: Buggle up, hold on tight, we got it for you. Here.

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Speaker 1: It is the Strawberry Letter. All right, thank you, nephew.

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Speaker 1: Subject Can you outgrow being ghetto? Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm

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Speaker 1: a twenty eight year old engaged female and my wedding

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Speaker 1: was put on hold because of the pandemic. My fiance

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Speaker 1: and I are living together for the first time because

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Speaker 1: he thought it would be fun to be quarantined together.

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Speaker 1: I'm very grateful that he moved in because I'm learning

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Speaker 1: a lot about him and it's quite shocking. He is smart,

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Speaker 1: a great provider, and he's got a great personality. But

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Speaker 1: he is straight from the game and sometimes it's too

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Speaker 1: much for me to handle. We live in a town

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Speaker 1: home in an upscale community and one morning recently I

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Speaker 1: woke up and heard rap music and my fiance was

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Speaker 1: laughing and cursing loudly talking to a man. I went

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Speaker 1: outside and my fiance's brother was cutting my fiance's hair

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Speaker 1: on our front porch, and he was sitting in one

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Speaker 1: of my good dining room chairs. I was very ashamed

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Speaker 1: and asked my fiance to turn off the music and

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Speaker 1: come inside. He refused to do either, and he told

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Speaker 1: me I need to get use to how he lives.

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Speaker 1: But the biggest problem I had so far is him

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Speaker 1: wearing his due rags as part of his outfit wherever

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Speaker 1: he goes. If I nag him enough, he'll put a

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Speaker 1: baseball cap or a knit cap over it. We had

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Speaker 1: our worst fight the other night because he mentioned that

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Speaker 1: he will be wearing a white du rag in the

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Speaker 1: wedding to match his white tuxedo. I can't stand white tuxedo,

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Speaker 1: but I can deal with it if he promised not

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Speaker 1: to wear the do rag. He told me to wear

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Speaker 1: whatever I want and he will wear whatever he wants.

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Speaker 1: My wedding is going to be a hot, ghetto mess,

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Speaker 1: he said. I'm trying to be bugie and he isn't

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Speaker 1: into being fake. I'm reconsidering marrying him is ghetto. A

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Speaker 1: state of mind can he change if he wanted to

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Speaker 1: please advise. All right, these are big, you know, like

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Speaker 1: blatant red flags here. One thing you don't want to

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Speaker 1: do is be living with someone who does shocking things,

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Speaker 1: things that you know nothing about. But it's good to

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Speaker 1: know while you're living together. I mean, stuff that is

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Speaker 1: too much for you to handle. And it doesn't sound

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Speaker 1: like you can handle this, like playing loud music and

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Speaker 1: cursing on the front porch. You need to know about

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Speaker 1: these things before you walk down that aisle. This is

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Speaker 1: not cool, especially since you guys live and, like you say,

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Speaker 1: an upscale neighborhood and a townhouse. That means your neighbors

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Speaker 1: can see and hear what's going on. And I guarantee

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Speaker 1: you they're not gonna like it, because again, it's not cool.

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Speaker 1: You said he refused to come in when you asked him,

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Speaker 1: and he told you to get used to it. You

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Speaker 1: should have asked him what exactly did that mean? But

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Speaker 1: then I guess he kind of explained it when he

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Speaker 1: later said that he would wear the white direg to

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Speaker 1: the wedding. That kind of you know, put it all

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Speaker 1: into perspective. No, you should have said, no, it really

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Speaker 1: shows that he doesn't care. He doesn't care about your

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Speaker 1: feelings or what you want, you know, what you might

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Speaker 1: be going through. He doesn't clear I care. I just

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Speaker 1: think these are blaring red flags that you really need

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Speaker 1: to pay attention to. You need to know what's going

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Speaker 1: on in and around you concerning him. You call it ghetto,

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Speaker 1: but whatever it is, this man is who he is.

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Speaker 1: I mean, he's telling you that you cannot change him.

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Speaker 1: Do not go into this marriage thinking you can change him.

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Speaker 1: Don't even try. He already told you that you need

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Speaker 1: to get used to how he lives. All right, He's

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Speaker 1: not changing. So the question becomes, can you do this?

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Speaker 1: Can you get used to this till death? Do you part?

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Speaker 1: As the vows say? Doesn't sound like you can. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't sound like it. All right, there you go, Steve, Well,

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Speaker 1: the subject is can you outgrow being ghetto? Now? I

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Speaker 1: normally say you cannot grow it, and you can help

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Speaker 1: move along, but I strongly suggest that you always maintain

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Speaker 1: pieces of it because you're gonna need it. And it

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Speaker 1: comes in very very heady. My ghettoisom has surfaced at

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Speaker 1: some very very perfect moments. Now it's got out a

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Speaker 1: couple of times against my wheel but for the most part,

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Speaker 1: I know when to let it go. But there are

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Speaker 1: times when he just show up. I'm here and you

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Speaker 1: know you got I'll be damned. You got to deal

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Speaker 1: with it. Your fiance, y'all living together because thought it'd

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Speaker 1: be fun being quarantine. I'm very grateful that he moved

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Speaker 1: in because I'm learning about him and it's quite shocking

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Speaker 1: see this moving in during the pandemic. What a lot

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Speaker 1: of people don't know is this has been a blessing

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Speaker 1: for a lot of people. You know, it's moved a

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Speaker 1: lot of people closer or closer to the dough. It's

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Speaker 1: those two things have happened. Yeah, it has gotten people

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Speaker 1: closer or closer to the dough. But closer is the

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Speaker 1: key word, because you're closer to quarantine. He's smart, great provider,

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Speaker 1: got a great personality. But everybody real gat on and

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Speaker 1: sometimes it's too much for me to handle. Now, y'all

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Speaker 1: in this upscale community. And one morning you woke up,

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Speaker 1: you heard rap music and your fiance was laughing at

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Speaker 1: cussing lyud talking to a man. I went outside. Your

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Speaker 1: fiance's brother was cutting your fiance's hair on your front porch. No,

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Speaker 1: and he was sitting in one of your good dining

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Speaker 1: room chair. Who still do that? No better take so

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Speaker 1: much on the damn top, just cussing. Try to be

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Speaker 1: a bitter man riding over fun. I can't may bump

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Speaker 1: d cut that up, man, put that part on now,

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Speaker 1: Dog draw dog in my hell, Frank the barber. We

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Speaker 1: come back and I got the rest for you. All right.

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Speaker 1: We'll have part two of Steve's response coming up at

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Speaker 1: twenty three minutes after the hour Today's Strawberry Letter, Can

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Speaker 1: you Outgrow being Ghetto? We'll find out what Steve has

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Speaker 1: to say Part two right after this. You're listening Steve Show,

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Speaker 1: Come on see let's get back into the Strawberry Letter

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Speaker 1: for today's objects. Can you outgrow being gets too? Well?

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Speaker 1: Like I said, you know you can. I suggest holding

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Speaker 1: on to pieces of it because it comes in hand.

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Speaker 1: It like at meetings or when you're going out of

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Speaker 1: something meetings. Oh yeah, oh I didn't use it. I'll

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Speaker 1: let him come on out at some meetings and let

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Speaker 1: him talk to because sometimes you just gotta let people

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Speaker 1: have it, but you've got to be able to control it.

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Speaker 1: You're in a relationship, y'all. Quarantine together your fiance y'all

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Speaker 1: thought it would be fun, and now you sawting to

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Speaker 1: feel different because now you didn't found out a lot

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Speaker 1: about him. It's quite shocking. He get on and it's

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Speaker 1: too much for you, y'all in this upscale neighborhood town house.

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Speaker 1: You're waking up loud, rapping music, fiance laughing, cussing with

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Speaker 1: the man. You go outside, your fiance brother cutting, cutting

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Speaker 1: his hair on the front porch and he sitting in

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Speaker 1: one of my good down man, I'm just trying to

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Speaker 1: figure out what they still do that who cut hair

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Speaker 1: on the front potion and they cuss him. I was

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Speaker 1: very ashamed, and I asked my fiance to turn off

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Speaker 1: the music and come inside. I ain't cutting nothing of what.

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Speaker 1: I gotta cut the music off. Fault. Baby, It's a

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Speaker 1: lot of people can hear this, that this is my house.

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Speaker 1: But baby, but baby, you're in my dining room chair. Well,

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Speaker 1: what else I'm gonna sitting there? You can't get a

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Speaker 1: hat cut on the bank? Okay, girl? So now you

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Speaker 1: you went on back in the house because you didn't

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Speaker 1: want to argue with him in front of his brother,

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Speaker 1: and then he told you you need to get used

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Speaker 1: to high he live. But The biggest problem I've had

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Speaker 1: so far is him wearing dow rags as part of

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Speaker 1: his outfit wherever he goes. He locked in. This is ghetto.

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Speaker 1: Now I found nag him. He'll put a baseball cat

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Speaker 1: on nick cap over it. We had a worst fight

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Speaker 1: though the night because he mentioned that he gonna be

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Speaker 1: wearing Listen to this. Now he gonna wear a white

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Speaker 1: doe rag in the wedding to match his white tux sedo.

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Speaker 1: I can't stand white tuck sedar, but I can deal

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Speaker 1: with that if he promises not to wear the do rag.

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Speaker 1: He told me to wear whatever I want, and he

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Speaker 1: gonna wear whatever he want. So y'all ain't even gonna

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Speaker 1: match at the wed You got on white and he

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Speaker 1: got on white. So I think we got a problem.

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Speaker 1: My wedding is gonna be a hot ghetto mess. He says,

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to be bulgie and he ain't been too

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Speaker 1: being fake. I'm reconsidering marrying him. It's ghetto a state

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Speaker 1: of mind. Could he change if he wanted to, Well,

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Speaker 1: let me explain something to you about ghetto. Ghetto is

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Speaker 1: not a state of mind. Ghetto. It is a condition.

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Speaker 1: It's a condition it's like, it's kind of like having diabetes. Okay,

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Speaker 1: you can live with it, but you don't. Won't it.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's manageable, you can live with it a

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Speaker 1: long time, have a very successful life, but you don't

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Speaker 1: want it. It's also like sick er sale. You can

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Speaker 1: live with it, it's a condition, but it won't And

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Speaker 1: it always come up when it's inconvenient because it's a condition.

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Speaker 1: It ain't a state of mind. It's a condition that

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Speaker 1: people thriving and surviving, and it comes up at ugly time.

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Speaker 1: Nobody wants to have a crisis. Nobody wants to Nobody

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Speaker 1: won't the sugar number to go too low? Don't nobody

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Speaker 1: want to fall out at a radio station. Now we

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Speaker 1: got to pull orange juice on it. That's so, I

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Speaker 1: don't know what to tell you, lady. I think you

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Speaker 1: need to slow down. This pandemic sounds like a blessing.

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Speaker 1: I think you should just slow down. You've learned some

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Speaker 1: things during this quarantine. I think you need to go

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Speaker 1: back to your house before you'll end up hating each other.

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Speaker 1: Because now imagine this. Now imagine you're married to him

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Speaker 1: and your quarantine, and now he get on and he

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Speaker 1: the city ain't gonna change because this young man has

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Speaker 1: a problem. He's not about the art of compromise. And

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Speaker 1: marriage is nothing but a huge compromise. Constantly. You've got

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Speaker 1: to constantly compromise your quiet time. You'll compromise what you

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Speaker 1: want to do with the money, Compromise where you want

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Speaker 1: to go, Compromise where you want to live, what you

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Speaker 1: want to live on, what color you want the wall

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Speaker 1: to be? He ain't. He ain't change it, and I

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Speaker 1: can't live like that no more. But yeah, but just

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Speaker 1: being out on the park, I mean on the porch

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Speaker 1: loud and that right there, and he ain't changing. Ye

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Speaker 1: changing that, So I ain't changed. I ain't gonna be

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Speaker 1: bulls you off faith. Yeah, he gonna ruin your life.

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Speaker 1: I'm about to be real. I'm gonna keep it reading. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: be like this dude I took to I took one

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Speaker 1: of my partners to the company picnic with me. I'm

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Speaker 1: playing bad men with these girls on the job that

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Speaker 1: I like. All of a sudden, I hear this loud noise,

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Speaker 1: Go oh lord, he the sucker punch my bass? What

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Speaker 1: biggest mistake I've amaze? All right, post your comments. Thank you,

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Speaker 1: Steve on Today's Strawberry Letter at Steve Harvey FM, on

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Speaker 1: Instagram and Facebook. And please don't forget to check out

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Speaker 1: the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand now coming up at

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Speaker 1: forty six minutes after the hour, Janthony Brown is here.

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Speaker 1: He has a new coronavirus commercial. You just gotta hear

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Speaker 1: this one. Okay, we'll gotta play it right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to the Day Harvey Morning Show.