Speaker 1: Today, we're speaking with Greta from the Bevy and Elite
Speaker 1: matchmaking service based in LA and.
Speaker 2: New York City.
Speaker 3: Hi Bethany, how are you?
Speaker 2: Nice to meet you?
Speaker 4: Nice to meet you. Let me just expand my screen
Speaker 4: here so I can see you. You look nice and
Speaker 4: rested from your vacation.
Speaker 1: Oh, thank you, thank you. So you have a partner
Speaker 1: and you're matchmakers?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 3: Correct?
Speaker 2: Okay, how long have you been doing this?
Speaker 4: I've been doing this for almost fourteen years now.
Speaker 1: And the business is called what the Bevy?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: The Bevy?
Speaker 1: The Bevy? Okay, what does that mean? Where did that
Speaker 1: come from?
Speaker 3: The name came from.
Speaker 4: I wanted to create a name that wasn't so sort
Speaker 4: of cupids and coffee and clouds and all those things.
Speaker 4: I wanted something a little edgy or a little bit
Speaker 4: more modern, and also sort of the idea of a
Speaker 4: house or a club, even though we don't do anything social,
Speaker 4: so just a group similar to you know, private clubs
Speaker 4: or something like that. So BEV means like a bevy
Speaker 4: of beauty's. That's really where it's stemming from.
Speaker 1: Okay, And from my perspective, it seems like your business
Speaker 1: is more niche and more like Barney's than commercial, Like
Speaker 1: it doesn't feel like if I were to Google matchmaking
Speaker 1: or high end matchmaking or something like that, I don't
Speaker 1: know that your name would come up, not unlike what
Speaker 1: you're saying, like a private club. So is there a
Speaker 1: difference to the brand? Are you smaller? Do you have
Speaker 1: small fewer clients? Do you charge more?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: And I know that your business you represent the men.
Speaker 1: The men are the client the paying clients.
Speaker 3: Right, correct?
Speaker 2: Yes, okay, So what about my estimation or how I
Speaker 2: see it? Is that correct or? Now?
Speaker 4: I think that's a pretty perfect analogy. I always say
Speaker 4: we're boutique shopping versus department store shopping. So I would
Speaker 4: go even on a more on a smaller scale than Barney's.
Speaker 4: I would say, it's like even more exclusive. But Barneys
Speaker 4: is a good example.
Speaker 1: Sure, And so how many people are you servicing at
Speaker 1: the same time?
Speaker 2: Is that how it works?
Speaker 1: Like you'd say, we won't take more than this, and
Speaker 1: we charge more because we're giving them, you know, more
Speaker 1: of us private school service versus public like more attention
Speaker 1: per client.
Speaker 4: I think you know, we're very high touch service. And
Speaker 4: just like when you're shopping in a boutique, you want
Speaker 4: to know the people that you're working with, and then
Speaker 4: they get to know your taste, and it becomes this
Speaker 4: personal connection and sort of a service where you feel
Speaker 4: like or even at a restaurant, when you know the
Speaker 4: waiter or the hostess or the barttend there's this like
Speaker 4: sense of comfort, and we wanted people to have that feeling.
Speaker 4: So we do limit our clients. We work for them men.
Speaker 4: We take up to about twenty five clients at once,
Speaker 4: so it's very low volume but very high touch.
Speaker 1: Okay, so you're really curating this experience and how we
Speaker 1: can get into why that would make you an expert?
Speaker 1: What's the target audience that your client is? Like, the
Speaker 1: man is what age to what age? What's the youngest really?
Speaker 1: I mean, you might have someone in their twenties, but
Speaker 1: what's really the range I would.
Speaker 4: Say, you know, sure, we've had clients in their twenties,
Speaker 4: but I'd say it starts around thirty five. We do
Speaker 4: have some like young successful men recently that have had
Speaker 4: a lot of success at a younger age, but I'd
Speaker 4: say on average, it's about between thirty five and fifty five.
Speaker 4: And now actually it really varies. It's gone up into
Speaker 4: the sixties and seventies recently, and then there are other
Speaker 4: times where we see there's a lot of younger men.
Speaker 4: We try to fill the gaps and you know, have
Speaker 4: a good variety of men because obviously we want to
Speaker 4: service them and give them, you know, consistency.
Speaker 1: And if you have seven fifty five year olds, they're
Speaker 1: all competing with each other. With the women, you're going
Speaker 1: to find correct. Okay, So, like let's say what sweet
Speaker 1: spot is, like forty eight, fifty two, like fifty that's
Speaker 1: like what? Because I would imagine someone has to have
Speaker 1: disposable income, they made some money.
Speaker 3: Right, I would say yeah.
Speaker 4: I would say on the older half it's probably mid
Speaker 4: fifties and on the younger half it's late thirties, early forties.
Speaker 1: Okay, So what are you finding that is a really
Speaker 1: common thread that men want?
Speaker 2: What do men want?
Speaker 4: I would say a good sense of self. So a
Speaker 4: woman who knows who she is, who's independent, meaning that
Speaker 4: she has her own friends, she has her own goals,
Speaker 4: she has their own passions. You know, I think they
Speaker 4: want intellectual stimulation, but I think the good sense of
Speaker 4: self is super important understanding who they are, what they want,
Speaker 4: what they like, what they don't like. I think it
Speaker 4: also depends on the stage of dating, so I could
Speaker 4: break it into two parts. It's the people who are
Speaker 4: just starting and want to build a family and do
Speaker 4: all that, and then there's the people starting their second
Speaker 4: or third chapter where they're with kids, and it's it's
Speaker 4: a totally different ballgame kind of because you know, maybe
Speaker 4: religion or you know, trying to start a family, that's
Speaker 4: not as important in that second chapter of life because
Speaker 4: you've already done it right in both stages, I think
Speaker 4: a good sense of self is important and not to
Speaker 4: be you know, lost, or not to sort of piggyback.
Speaker 4: I feel like men really wants a woman who is
Speaker 4: like confident.
Speaker 1: Well, this is very This is very, very interesting because
Speaker 1: I've heard from different matchmakers different things, and I like
Speaker 1: when there's something new because we can add a toolkit.
Speaker 1: We've talked about compatibility with one person. We've talked about
Speaker 1: an energy match, which is really different, and then tools
Speaker 1: for when you're dating. But often I think I have
Speaker 1: not had a problem meeting men in my life, and
Speaker 1: I've sometimes surprised myself because I've said to myself as
Speaker 1: I've gotten older, wow, this is going to be harder
Speaker 1: now and what I always come back to in my mind,
Speaker 1: but I'm not. I haven't generalized it as much as you.
Speaker 1: What I've come back to is that I've done well
Speaker 1: because I have my own career and my own independence
Speaker 1: and my own frankly money. But you're making it something
Speaker 1: that's interesting because it may not be someone could be
Speaker 1: working in charity, someone could be a yoga teacher. Someone
Speaker 1: may not have my financial resources or the level of
Speaker 1: my career. But if they have a strong sense of self,
Speaker 1: which I also do have like someone meaning they have
Speaker 1: their own identity, their own program. And I find that
Speaker 1: a lot of women want to fold into a man's program.
Speaker 1: And while that might seem attractive to a man in
Speaker 1: the beginning, because obviously it doesn't want their way or
Speaker 1: the highway, they may not respect that. And it also
Speaker 1: goes the other way, in my opinion, with women with men.
Speaker 1: Some men just like fold fold into a women's program.
Speaker 1: I think it goes on both sides, but for a
Speaker 1: woman it's particularly important because traditionally women seem to want
Speaker 1: to get the ring, get the dress, get the whole thing,
Speaker 1: and like just be home waiting for the man. And
Speaker 1: I think that that's where someone loses themselves and something
Speaker 1: else I wanted to discuss. Yeah, you said sense of self,
Speaker 1: and I'm saying women lose themselves. And what I have found,
Speaker 1: without getting into detail, is I have met a strong,
Speaker 1: a staggering percentage of men that I have met that
Speaker 1: have been interested in me, who have custody of their
Speaker 1: children because the wife started, you know, getting into things
Speaker 1: that maybe they shouldn't have gotten into, and lost themselves
Speaker 1: and have made poor decisions in their own lives, and
Speaker 1: as a result, the men have custody. And I've in
Speaker 1: my mind seen this in a lot of suburban communities
Speaker 1: with bored housewives. They lived everything for their husband and
Speaker 1: then they get bored and maybe they're drinking, maybe they're partying,
Speaker 1: maybe they want.
Speaker 2: To get a little action.
Speaker 1: And it's crazy how that that pendulum swings a woman
Speaker 1: who seems like she's on top of the world when
Speaker 1: they meet her, and then she dissolves or deteriorates. And
Speaker 1: I think what you're saying, that's that's about purpose, that's
Speaker 1: about self. And I think it's very interesting what you're
Speaker 1: talking about.
Speaker 3: And I think it's also not only just losing your
Speaker 3: sense of self and someone like your husband or vice versa,
Speaker 3: but also just trying to be something that you're not
Speaker 3: and that you see that again, so you know, someone
Speaker 3: else's light or being like having no identity or good
Speaker 3: sense of self and just being like that woman over there.
Speaker 2: Well, what you're saying, I've heard too.
Speaker 4: I heard.
Speaker 1: I was speaking to a very wealthy man who was
Speaker 1: married to this woman who's been married multiple times, and
Speaker 1: he said, she's the woman you were out with her.
Speaker 1: You said you were into lacrosse. She was into lacrosse.
Speaker 1: You were into you know, football on Sundays. She was
Speaker 1: into football on Sundays and chicken wings. Like she would
Speaker 1: fold into what you wanted her to be because she
Speaker 1: wanted to lie the man. Yeah, but that how long
Speaker 1: can you go on with that? Because it's back to
Speaker 1: what you're saying. And I just think the self thing
Speaker 1: is really fascinating and simple.
Speaker 2: It's simple.
Speaker 1: It's maybe not simple for someone to find themselves because
Speaker 1: people don't even know who they are sometimes, but to
Speaker 1: at least be honest, even if you are flawed or
Speaker 1: having problems, are struggling, to be honest and live in
Speaker 1: that without being a train wreck.
Speaker 3: I would say, yeah, and you just have to ask yourself.
Speaker 4: I think you know when you're looking for love and
Speaker 4: dating and even when you're in a relationship, is just
Speaker 4: asking yourself the right questions. And you know to do
Speaker 4: that a lot, you know, connecting with yourself, like, well,
Speaker 4: it makes you happy, what makes you feel safe? What
Speaker 4: makes you know? What brings you happiness.
Speaker 1: Well, we've talked about someone being a full person on
Speaker 1: their own before wanting to look for a relationship. And
Speaker 1: often someone gets out of a relationship, or someone's getting older,
Speaker 1: or it is living in fear and wants to make
Speaker 1: it happen and rush and you end up making poor
Speaker 1: decisions because you don't have your own strong identity and
Speaker 1: sense of self to your point, and I think that
Speaker 1: I see a lot of rushing and I think I've
Speaker 1: done I don't want to say rushing. But you see
Speaker 1: something great and you go to the mall, you see
Speaker 1: something great and you're just like, okay, I'll take that,
Speaker 1: and versus like being patient. So it's a ridiculous thing
Speaker 1: to say how long should it take? Because someone could
Speaker 1: meet someone at the dry cleaner today and fall in love.
Speaker 1: But do you feel that it's a time consuming process
Speaker 1: to really find what you're looking for and that you're
Speaker 1: seeing that people do have the tendency to rush.
Speaker 3: For sure.
Speaker 4: I think everyone likes the comfort of being in a relationship.
Speaker 4: You know, there's a wedding coming, there's a vacation, you
Speaker 4: want to have that person to bring. Often there's some
Speaker 4: people who are just now comfortable being alone. They don't
Speaker 4: like the time to themselves, And I think if you're
Speaker 4: a person like I, that you should definitely work on
Speaker 4: it because it's important, you know, to reflect in your
Speaker 4: own sort of environment and your own thoughts, and especially
Speaker 4: if you're getting out of a relationship and wanting to
Speaker 4: get into another one, you have to take the time
Speaker 4: to reflect and be alone. And even if you meet
Speaker 4: someone and you're like smitten, head over heels, I think,
Speaker 4: don't put all your eggs among basket, Like really take
Speaker 4: the time and maybe give yourself an internal timeline. Say
Speaker 4: I'm going to give this, you know, I'm going to
Speaker 4: date for three months and not commit to anyone solely,
Speaker 4: and then maybe I'll narrow it down.
Speaker 1: That's amazing because I took months to just like heal
Speaker 1: and do therapy, and it doesn't it could be longer
Speaker 1: than six to eight months who knows. But then then
Speaker 1: once the clock starts and you decide you're going to date.
Speaker 1: I also said to myself, I was going to take
Speaker 1: a certain period of time to not you know, to
Speaker 1: have the burners going, the multiple Viking burner's going. I
Speaker 1: call it something on boil, something on simmer or take
Speaker 1: everything off. And sometimes you feel like you're not driving someone.
Speaker 1: You meet someone and they're love bombing you or or
Speaker 1: like they want you to lock it down or make
Speaker 1: a decision because they are. And I think that takes
Speaker 1: some self discipline too, to the point, like to sort
Speaker 1: of just be clear with someone where you are in
Speaker 1: your process, because you're not afraid that you're going to
Speaker 1: lose that like you want to you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: being not afraid that you'll lose them if you don't
Speaker 1: commit right away.
Speaker 4: And I think it just telling them that say, I
Speaker 4: really like you and I don't want to lose you,
Speaker 4: but I'm not ready to take it to that level
Speaker 4: right now. I just want you to know that it's
Speaker 4: not because I dislike you or don't think that you're
Speaker 4: great for me. I just I can't move into that
Speaker 4: phase at this very moment. So either they can respect that,
Speaker 4: or they say I'm sorry, I have to move on
Speaker 4: because I want to move to that level with someone,
Speaker 4: and you know what, say okay, because they might come back.
Speaker 4: You never know.
Speaker 1: Well, that's an interesting thing too that it seems like
Speaker 1: many matchmakers, as much as they want to make a match,
Speaker 1: they also seem to want someone to really play the field.
Speaker 1: And what does that mean? Does that mean you know,
Speaker 1: filler guys? Like is there such a thing as just
Speaker 1: go out with them and have a good time even
Speaker 1: if it's not going to be something or or can
Speaker 1: someone not emotionally handle that? Does every person that someone's
Speaker 1: going out with have to be a possibility? Like recently
Speaker 1: there was someone that was very interested in me and
Speaker 1: I just didn't think that it was the right fit.
Speaker 1: And I believe that you have to take responsibility not
Speaker 1: only for your own feelings, but if you find that
Speaker 1: someone else is a good or kind person for theirs
Speaker 1: also and to like cut them loose, not let them.
Speaker 1: I call it twisting in the wind, like you be
Speaker 1: honest about it, versus just sometimes playing the field can
Speaker 1: be insensitive. I think in the beginning, if you just
Speaker 1: met someone and they're a perfect stranger, if they do
Speaker 1: something that you don't love and it feels like it's
Speaker 1: not a fit. You don't have to worry about the
Speaker 1: bedside manner. But I do think in the dating process,
Speaker 1: you know, so I'm asking you about those like sort
Speaker 1: of in between purgatory men that you're not sure. But
Speaker 1: I mean, you're supposed to just like have someone that
Speaker 1: seems convenient, or it's supposed to be only quality versus quantity.
Speaker 4: I think again, I think if you've just gone through
Speaker 4: a breakup, maybe you take that time before you would
Speaker 4: hire or join a service like ours. I think it's
Speaker 4: important to you know, explore and have some fun and
Speaker 4: do whatever it is you need to do for you.
Speaker 4: And then once you move into this you know outlet,
Speaker 4: I think then it's about finding the right person and
Speaker 4: like you said, not stringing them along if it's not
Speaker 4: a good fit. So when we take our clients on
Speaker 4: and we are setting up people, it is with intention,
Speaker 4: and it is with you know, a lot of thought,
Speaker 4: and in the beginning, you know, there might be some
Speaker 4: trial and error because it's just like when you hire
Speaker 4: a trainer or anything, and they sort of need to
Speaker 4: get to know your body, just like we need to
Speaker 4: know your taste, emotions, all these things. But we are
Speaker 4: really thoughtful about people who're introducing both our members are
Speaker 4: female members and our male clients too, because we don't
Speaker 4: want to waste their time and it just creates more
Speaker 4: work for us.
Speaker 2: So it should take a while in life.
Speaker 1: And the thing is, I think so I've advised businesses
Speaker 1: and some people can't afford a publicist and explain to
Speaker 1: them how to be their own publicist.
Speaker 2: And you know, I don't have an agent.
Speaker 1: Most people at my level in entertainment that get the
Speaker 1: kind of deals I get have an agent.
Speaker 2: But we do it ourselves.
Speaker 1: So and I also went through a ten year horrendous
Speaker 1: divorce and I ended up with primary custody and no
Speaker 1: child support. And I was largely responsible for that because
Speaker 1: in many ways it became my own lawyer within, you know,
Speaker 1: with the support of my law So the reason I
Speaker 1: say all that is not everybody can afford a matchmaker,
Speaker 1: and I do believe people can be their own matchmaker.
Speaker 1: And so how would you say people should navigate it.
Speaker 1: I have seen, I've dabbled on some of the apps.
Speaker 1: They can be daunting and scary, and some can seem
Speaker 1: like a you know TJ Max where you could find
Speaker 1: a why a cell bag, but you could also find
Speaker 1: a cracked mabeling compact. And I've seen the ones that
Speaker 1: are supposed to be higher end and then people are
Speaker 1: sort of posing. So how do you feel in twenty
Speaker 1: twenty four someone is supposed to do this and navigate
Speaker 1: this on their own and how you know, deep does
Speaker 1: the research need to be?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 1: What are some tools you would say for being your
Speaker 1: own matchmaker?
Speaker 3: I think listen.
Speaker 4: I think the apps are a great you know, invention
Speaker 4: and an outlet for people. I think there's a land
Speaker 4: for every pot. And if that's what you want to use,
Speaker 4: if that's the only thing you can be is because
Speaker 4: maybe you're an introvert, you live in you know, there's
Speaker 4: no restaurants, who knows. I mean, there's so many different
Speaker 4: reasons that people use them, and I think it's so
Speaker 4: wonderful in so many ways. But I also think that
Speaker 4: it can be incredibly you know a lot of false information,
Speaker 4: a lot of fake and you know, like just leading
Speaker 4: people on never meeting cat fishing, and I think I
Speaker 4: think there's it's also it's a lot of work. So
Speaker 4: I think anyone who has access to people and friends
Speaker 4: and other resources should use those And it's really just
Speaker 4: going back to, like, you know, what you did in
Speaker 4: the past. Ask your friends if they have any single friends.
Speaker 4: Ask your married events who if they have any single friends.
Speaker 4: You know, join a tennis team, you know, chess club,
Speaker 4: go on a trip by yourself, go to a city
Speaker 4: that you've never been to and sit at the bar,
Speaker 4: and you know, just be present instead of playing on
Speaker 4: your phone the whole time. I think there's so many
Speaker 4: ways you can meet people, and you know, you sort
Speaker 4: of when you do that, you sort of exude this
Speaker 4: energy and this way, like I'm willing to be approached,
Speaker 4: which is so infrequent these days because everyone's attached to
Speaker 4: their devices. So I think it's important to use the
Speaker 4: other outlets as well unless you have no other option.
Speaker 1: That is, how are you finding how well you really
Speaker 1: represent the men? So how are they finding you? How
Speaker 1: are you finding them?
Speaker 2: Are you seeking?
Speaker 1: Are the men seeking you at or are you sometimes
Speaker 1: seeing well, this guy seems eligible, he's single, I want
Speaker 1: to work with him, Like how does that work?
Speaker 4: So most of the time we're not seeking out the men.
Speaker 4: They're coming to us and they look about us through
Speaker 4: a friend through a girlfriend, through you know, a colleague.
Speaker 4: So many ways we don't advertise, so it's through a
Speaker 4: creferral base. There's editorials on us, so I would say
Speaker 4: five to ten percent find us through reading an article
Speaker 4: or listening to a podcast. But I would say most
Speaker 4: people come to us through a referral. And the only
Speaker 4: time that I would say we reached out to them
Speaker 4: is if you know, someone feels uncomfortable or doesn't have
Speaker 4: the confidence, or doesn't feel like they might need us
Speaker 4: because a friend has told them to reach out, So
Speaker 4: they'll give us their email or phone number and we'll
Speaker 4: reach out to that.
Speaker 1: Now, why do you only represent Oh, first of all,
Speaker 1: how many women are in your stable? So you said,
Speaker 1: like twenty men. How many women are in your stable?
Speaker 4: So we've I mean, now after many years, I mean
Speaker 4: we have thousands of women. It doesn't mean that everyone
Speaker 4: necessarily goes out. So the women pay no fee. They
Speaker 4: have to go through our process, which is extensive to
Speaker 4: a certain you know, a certain extent. I would say,
Speaker 4: you know, you have to we have certain prerequisites, and
Speaker 4: you also have to have an in person interview. We
Speaker 4: have to talk about your criteria and what you're looking for.
Speaker 4: But there are no guarantees.
Speaker 1: So you said that many women and what your reason
Speaker 1: was for choosing to represent men and not women like
Speaker 1: you primarily and have them as clients.
Speaker 4: Sure, and that reason was purely a supply demand. You know,
Speaker 4: when I started the business with Nikki, my business pred
Speaker 4: we just had a larger network of women than that.
Speaker 4: So the idea came from you know, it stemmed from
Speaker 4: my single girlfriends being thirty years old now almost forty five, saying,
Speaker 4: you know, how do I meet men? Now, this is
Speaker 4: in two thousand and nine, before the apps even existed,
Speaker 4: and there was you know, we were all on Blackberries
Speaker 4: and you know, Match dot com, e Harmony and shade A.
Speaker 3: We're just scratching the surface.
Speaker 4: But none of my friends would have been on them
Speaker 4: because it was so it was had such a bad
Speaker 4: stigma at that. Yes, yes, now it's so much more accepted,
Speaker 4: which is great, but it stammed from my weren't going
Speaker 4: to like nightclubs, We weren't really meeting people at bars,
Speaker 4: and like what guy hadn't one of our friends dated
Speaker 4: or whatever it was. And then the competitors that the
Speaker 4: market I did market research. There was nothing out there
Speaker 4: that was really I felt that was really sophisticated and edgy,
Speaker 4: nothing that my friends would have or my network would
Speaker 4: have gravitated towards. So I wanted to create something that
Speaker 4: my people would say, Okay, this actually feels more like
Speaker 4: my taste. And at the time, to answer your question,
Speaker 4: you know my network of you know, I'm twenty nine thirty,
Speaker 4: I just had a larger network of women. So I
Speaker 4: felt like I didn't want to service both parties because
Speaker 4: then I was just trying to fill a quota. If
Speaker 4: I was charging both sides, then I had to work
Speaker 4: for both sides. And if you're you know, you're just
Speaker 4: charging one, then you're working for him and then you
Speaker 4: can get a larger number on the other side.
Speaker 1: Wow. Okay, and so what are you finding that women
Speaker 1: are doing wrong the most on these dates? You're get
Speaker 1: The thing is you are an interesting person to interview
Speaker 1: because you're getting the feedback from the men. So it's
Speaker 1: not a mixed bag here, which yes, but are the
Speaker 1: do the women feel like there is comfortable to complain?
Speaker 1: Aren't they excited because they're not paying you? I mean
Speaker 1: the men are more of the picky customers, right or
Speaker 1: the women are fully like telling you what they think.
Speaker 4: They're fully telling us what they think.
Speaker 1: Okay, so let's do both. All right, great, So let's
Speaker 1: go with the men first, who are paying customers. What's
Speaker 1: the range of money? Is there a range or it's
Speaker 1: one flat fee?
Speaker 4: No, there's the range. I can talk about it. We
Speaker 4: chalked about forty to sixty thousand dollars and that's for
Speaker 4: a year contract.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 4: We have offered trials in the past because we want
Speaker 4: to give this opportunity to people who might not have
Speaker 4: the means for a lower cost. So we have done
Speaker 4: that as well.
Speaker 1: I love that we need to do a dating We
Speaker 1: need to do a dating matchmaking charity.
Speaker 2: Not for yeah.
Speaker 4: People, you know, people gifted to like oh, business partner brothers.
Speaker 1: That's smart, it's good gift Christmas lists everybody Honika lists. Okay,
Speaker 1: So what are men saying they come back from the date?
Speaker 1: Give me the top three to five things that they're
Speaker 1: coming back and saying that you're hearing often that you
Speaker 1: just wish women? Is it they're drinking too much, they
Speaker 1: didn't have manicures?
Speaker 2: Like, what is it?
Speaker 4: I would say in the most recent experience, it's less
Speaker 4: about the physical stuff because I think we've become even
Speaker 4: piguer about who we let into the membership. So being
Speaker 4: polished is super important for us, especially when on a
Speaker 4: date it's like put your you know, come as your
Speaker 4: best self.
Speaker 1: That's exactly what another match maker said to now ladies
Speaker 1: who are listening, we're getting like we have like themes
Speaker 1: we must listen, said that a man wants a woman
Speaker 1: that looks like she made an effort.
Speaker 2: Does she smell good?
Speaker 1: Did she look like she just that's okay, So you're
Speaker 1: saying put your best foot forward. So all right, so sorry,
Speaker 1: So what are men complaining about?
Speaker 4: I think so sometimes and this goes for both sides,
Speaker 4: that the other parties not asking enough questions about them,
Speaker 4: you know, whether it's their past or their goals, or
Speaker 4: asking the wrong questions. I think on both sides. Often,
Speaker 4: you know, people need to be more thoughtful about what
Speaker 4: they're asking their date if they care. I think, you know,
Speaker 4: what do you do for work? And like what are
Speaker 4: your hobbies? Like that's kind of just surface layer. I
Speaker 4: think it's important people think about the deeper questions to
Speaker 4: see if there's really a connection there.
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's an essence, someone's essence versus just the checking
Speaker 1: the boxes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think and in our in our business, you know,
Speaker 4: we tell each party a lot about the person before
Speaker 4: they actually meet, but they don't and so they know
Speaker 4: the sort of foundational stuff. But then that first date
Speaker 4: is really need to ask about whatever you want to
Speaker 4: talk about, and maybe it's something. We've told them what
Speaker 4: their favorite book is and they said, you know, it's interesting.
Speaker 4: I can't believe that's your favorite book. I read it
Speaker 4: and I didn't get that sense or I didn't feel
Speaker 4: that way. Why did you like it so much?
Speaker 3: Whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: What about money? How important is money to both sides?
Speaker 1: How much does money come up in dating in your business?
Speaker 4: Not very much. I would say everyone is educated, accomplished,
Speaker 4: successful in their own right, and that doesn't mean they
Speaker 4: have to have millions of dollars in the bank. But
Speaker 4: they do have to be I would say, doing something
Speaker 4: that they care about, and you can, you know, you
Speaker 4: can be a successful writer. It doesn't mean you're necessarily
Speaker 4: making a lot of money. So I think, you know,
Speaker 4: we do believe in chivalry, So I do believe if
Speaker 4: you are on a date, you know, man woman, the
Speaker 4: man should pay. I do I do too, It's never
Speaker 4: really come up for us, so we don't have that problem.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 4: You know, I've worked with the doctors and yes they've
Speaker 4: gone to medical school and they're in a ton of debt,
Speaker 4: but you know, their idea is to pay the muffle,
Speaker 4: So it doesn't come up that often. It really doesn't.
Speaker 4: I think it's more about just I think intellectual curiosity.
Speaker 4: So the questions that they're asking, are they really interested
Speaker 4: in each other? I think it's about not being distracted
Speaker 4: and really being present. So someone might say the women
Speaker 4: might complain that, you know, the guy was don his
Speaker 4: phone the whole time, and then he tells me, I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: I was closing a deal I should have you know,
Speaker 4: I didn't want to move the date because that was rude,
Speaker 4: but I had to answer these questions, so it's like,
Speaker 4: that's hard. I think women complained maybe more about the
Speaker 4: dress and the physical than the men. But men might
Speaker 4: just feel like a woman is not engaged, that she's
Speaker 4: sort of drifting or looking who's you know, looking over
Speaker 4: his shoulder to see who else is coming in. So
Speaker 4: it's really about the I think the presence of someone,
Speaker 4: you know, are they engaged in the conversation at the time.
Speaker 1: It's funny that you brought up the thing about the deal.
Speaker 1: Like years ago, I remember showing up at a door
Speaker 1: and a guy like putting his finger up, like wait
Speaker 1: one minute, and then being on a twenty minute phone
Speaker 1: call and he went in the other room and he
Speaker 1: didn't know that I left. I was ten blocks away,
Speaker 1: and he called and couldn't believe it. He called the
Speaker 1: person who set us up and was a gas and
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, no, we're not. I mean, that
Speaker 1: was so incredibly rude. But I had that happen recently
Speaker 1: with a very successful man where he had something going
Speaker 1: on at work and he was super stressed out about it,
Speaker 1: and he proceeded to talk about it. He was staying
Speaker 1: in town for the weekend at a hotel nearby, and
Speaker 1: he proceeded to talk about it the entire weekend. And
Speaker 1: I call that inside baseball, Like it'd be like me
Speaker 1: talking about a social media post that I got in
Speaker 1: trouble for, or a brand deal or something that is
Speaker 1: so inside baseball that you can't be how narcissistic can
Speaker 1: you be to think that the other person's going to
Speaker 1: be like hooked in when they just met you the
Speaker 1: whole entire weekend, Like we're like, we're a couple and
Speaker 1: we're both invested in this deal going down. So I
Speaker 1: think that that's an interesting one because people get inside
Speaker 1: their head and think that what they think is interesting
Speaker 1: the other person is invested in.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're so right, and that can happen often, and
Speaker 4: that's what's so beneficial of having a person like me
Speaker 4: or my team in the background, so we can give
Speaker 4: you that feedback and they're like, oh, I didn't even
Speaker 4: realize I was doing that, or whatever it may be.
Speaker 1: How much is someone wrong about their gut instinct about
Speaker 1: what they think is someone I didn't like him, he
Speaker 1: seemed rude, he's seen whatever, and you're and then they
Speaker 1: go back in and they were wrong or is usually
Speaker 1: someone's first instinct correct.
Speaker 4: I always say, if you have any inkling, like any
Speaker 4: feeling at all, to go on a second day, even
Speaker 4: if it's like, you know what, he's not going to
Speaker 4: be right for me because of this and that. But
Speaker 4: he was really cute and he's actually very charming and
Speaker 4: we had fun, but no, no, no, then I'm like, no,
Speaker 4: you have to give it a second chance.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, unless it was like a hard no, like
Speaker 1: a guttural no.
Speaker 2: You're saying, I got a second chance.
Speaker 3: Why think so?
Speaker 4: I think because first dates are hard and you don't
Speaker 4: know what's happened that day or what's going on in
Speaker 4: their life, really, because you're both sort of sitting there
Speaker 4: and just meeting each other for the first time. And
Speaker 4: I think it's important to give someone a second chance
Speaker 4: because it's a date and it is important to them.
Speaker 4: But I don't know. Maybe they didn't get enough sleep
Speaker 4: the night before and they're not trying to make that excuse,
Speaker 4: but they're there and they showed it up and they
Speaker 4: want to spend time with you, but they're just not
Speaker 4: their best self that the after, the after