WEBVTT - "GECKING OFF"

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, is this Franklin?

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<v Speaker 2>Hello?

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<v Speaker 1>How are you doing? Franklin?

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<v Speaker 2>You know I'm doing very good.

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<v Speaker 1>How you get I'm doing good myself. I love your voice.

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<v Speaker 1>You have a great diaphragm.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, I've worked a lot on it in my lifetime,

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<v Speaker 2>I guess. So that's that's very nice of you to say.

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<v Speaker 1>Really you've worked on your voice. This is not a

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<v Speaker 1>natural thing you were born with. This is something that

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<v Speaker 1>you had to put active effort into.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I mean partly yes and partly no. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>like I feel like, compared to most people, I have

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<v Speaker 2>to make quite a conscious effort as to what I'm saying.

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<v Speaker 2>You know, like I've always said that most others are

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<v Speaker 2>on like a driving and automatic when it comes to communication,

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<v Speaker 2>whereas I'm driving a manual car. But also, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>like I've been told since I was like thirteen, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>a deep voice. So that's one thing I actually a British.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not like faking my accent. That's not one way

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<v Speaker 2>that I've worked my boy.

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<v Speaker 1>So I like what you said just now. You said

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<v Speaker 1>that most people are when they're when they're talking, they're

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<v Speaker 1>driving an automatic, But you're driving a manual, so you're

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<v Speaker 1>putting a lot of effort and thought behind each annunciation

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<v Speaker 1>of each letter of each word exactly.

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<v Speaker 2>Not only that, but like I used to be a

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<v Speaker 2>big theater kid, and like all the time my drama

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<v Speaker 2>teacher would she'd just like be so serious about enunciation

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<v Speaker 2>and stuff, and like I definitely indoctrinated that, And and

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<v Speaker 2>annunciation is something that's quite important to me, isn't that?

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<v Speaker 1>It exhausting though, having to think so much about every

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<v Speaker 1>single thing that you say, Oh.

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<v Speaker 2>Very tiring. It's like so unbelievably tiring. Like scripting is

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<v Speaker 2>a really bad thing for me because I literally can't

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<v Speaker 2>go into a conversation without like preparing what I'm going

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<v Speaker 2>to say and what I think the other person is

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<v Speaker 2>going to say.

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<v Speaker 1>Hmm, okay, let's dive into that here. Scripting so you

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<v Speaker 1>script out to the best of your ability, using the

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<v Speaker 1>knowledge that you have available to you almost all of

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<v Speaker 1>your own reactions.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, definitely, And like a lot it's really bad because

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of the time I will just try and

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<v Speaker 2>script a conversation, and if I can't, if it doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>go the way that I want it to in my head,

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<v Speaker 2>I will just completely avoid the interaction overall. And it

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<v Speaker 2>leads to not the best of communication.

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<v Speaker 1>But so much of conversation is not just preparing what

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<v Speaker 1>you're going to say beforehand. It's responding in real time

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<v Speaker 1>to what the other person is going to say. So

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<v Speaker 1>how do you account for that when you don't know

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<v Speaker 1>what the other person is going to say?

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<v Speaker 2>It's so interesting because that is such a huge thing

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<v Speaker 2>in conversation For me, is like I hate having to

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<v Speaker 2>react to what people are going to say, especially if

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<v Speaker 2>they're like telling me a story that I again, it

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<v Speaker 2>feels so annual that I'm forcing myself to be like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>that's so interesting, or like it feels like life is

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<v Speaker 2>just this huge improv show. And that's why I like

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<v Speaker 2>improvisation and theater that has helped me a lot, because

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<v Speaker 2>it's all about like trusting your own instincts and like

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<v Speaker 2>saying the first thing that comes to mind. But it's

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<v Speaker 2>so much easier said than done.

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<v Speaker 1>Why do you think you script so much of your conversations?

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<v Speaker 1>Where do you think that desire comes from.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's like, because I've had so many failed

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<v Speaker 2>social interactions in my life that I'm able to recognize

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<v Speaker 2>this pattern of what people expect from me in conversation

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<v Speaker 2>slash what my abilities in conversation are? I guess, and

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<v Speaker 2>you know, like I really if I have a social

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<v Speaker 2>interaction that goes not well, I will fixate on it

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<v Speaker 2>literally the whole day and be like, you're such an idiot,

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<v Speaker 2>like why did you say that?

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<v Speaker 1>And you said this that that this fixation on social

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<v Speaker 1>interactions is something that happens to you to this day.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, definitely.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me ask you this, when you say a failed

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<v Speaker 1>social interaction, what does that mean? What is the rubric

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<v Speaker 1>for failure in your eyes?

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<v Speaker 2>Basically, Like with failed social interactions, a lot of the time,

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<v Speaker 2>it's just to do with like how I was acting

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<v Speaker 2>in the conversation and that like sometimes I can just

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<v Speaker 2>be really awkward and say things that aren't like too

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<v Speaker 2>socially acceptable, but they were in my head or a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of you make a joke.

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<v Speaker 1>Can we get an example of something that you can

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<v Speaker 1>think of in recent memory that you said that in

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<v Speaker 1>your head was socially acceptable, but when you said it,

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<v Speaker 1>it wasn't.

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<v Speaker 2>Like a concrete example. I'm not sure. I'm sure I

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<v Speaker 2>can think of like an exact quote of what I

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<v Speaker 2>said that Usually it's when I overestimate how mentally ill.

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<v Speaker 2>Others are like, I forget that not everyone is mentally ill,

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<v Speaker 2>and I will just kind of like trauma down to

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<v Speaker 2>something in conversation and people will be like, oh, that's weird,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'm like, fuck, I wish I never said anything interesting.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, So you feel like you might be, uh,

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<v Speaker 1>what they like to call an oversharer.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yes, I have such an issue with oversharing interesting.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you spoken to a real therapist about this? I'm curious.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, quite a few.

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<v Speaker 1>What do they tell you?

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<v Speaker 2>That's the thing is that I don't know a lot

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<v Speaker 2>of them don't really want to focus on that aspect

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<v Speaker 2>of my mental health. A lot of them just try.

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<v Speaker 2>And it's so hard to put into words, but like basically,

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<v Speaker 2>like all this stuff to do with communication is to

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<v Speaker 2>do with my autism basically, and therapists never seem to

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<v Speaker 2>want to talk about autism. It's like very frustrating because

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<v Speaker 2>and it's also very invalidating because you know, I mentioned

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<v Speaker 2>something and it like affects almost every aspect of my

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<v Speaker 2>life that they just want to talk about, like oh, well,

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<v Speaker 2>have you been sleeping well or did you eat well

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<v Speaker 2>or something like that. I'm just like, yeah, I don't

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<v Speaker 2>really care, Like, you.

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<v Speaker 1>Know, so you've tried to bring up your autism to

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<v Speaker 1>therapists and they won't talk to you about it.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah. Yeah, especially before I was like diagnosed and stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>And when I was trying to get diagnosed, the therapists

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<v Speaker 2>just like were really iffy about it and didn't want

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<v Speaker 2>to get into that process or help me with it

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<v Speaker 2>at all. It's like, why so many people self diagnosed

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<v Speaker 2>with autism because therapists just like aren't helpful about it

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<v Speaker 2>and they make the process for getting diagnosed really difficult.

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<v Speaker 1>M let's bring up what you wrote here on the

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<v Speaker 1>screening notes because I find this interesting. It says here

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<v Speaker 1>that you figured out that you were autistic after a

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<v Speaker 1>bad trip on mushrooms.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, what was that? Yeah, So it was the first

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<v Speaker 2>time I'd ever done psychedelics, and it was my first

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<v Speaker 2>year at UNI, and I the first mistake I made

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<v Speaker 2>was that I took shrooms the same day that I

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<v Speaker 2>actually had a therapy session literally like half an hour before,

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<v Speaker 2>and it was not a very good one, and so

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<v Speaker 2>I was not exactly in the best headspace. But then

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<v Speaker 2>we took the shrooms and I didn't like see anything crazy.

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<v Speaker 2>That's the thing, Like I was still getting visuals. People's

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<v Speaker 2>faces looked weird. Everything was like wavy and stuff like that.

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<v Speaker 2>But the first thing I started to notice was how

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<v Speaker 2>much I was overthinking, and also how much I didn't

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<v Speaker 2>want to be around other people. And like, I started

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<v Speaker 2>having this huge identity crisis and I literally couldn't stop

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<v Speaker 2>fixating on it because I was like, I realized that

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<v Speaker 2>I basically just replicate the personality and persona of whoever

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<v Speaker 2>I'm talking to or interacting with, And I was like

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<v Speaker 2>why do I do that? And I kept thinking, like

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<v Speaker 2>why do I do that so much? And it's because

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<v Speaker 2>I have this like deep rooted fear of people finding

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<v Speaker 2>out that I'm not normal, and so, you know, and

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<v Speaker 2>it also goes back to when I was like a

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<v Speaker 2>little kid, and I was also a non normal kid,

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<v Speaker 2>and you know, I figured out from a young age

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<v Speaker 2>that the best way to get other people's validation is

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<v Speaker 2>by making them laugh, and so you know, from then on,

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<v Speaker 2>I became like class clown and stuff like that. And

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<v Speaker 2>so yeah, like when I was having a bad trip,

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<v Speaker 2>I was overthinking so much and the only way to

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<v Speaker 2>come myself down was by doing like really repetitive and

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<v Speaker 2>like stimulating things, like we were watching music videos. Like

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<v Speaker 2>I just kept putting on music videos because you're getting

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<v Speaker 2>that auditory stimuli and the visual stimuli, which is really cool.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to talk about really quick before I move on,

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<v Speaker 1>because I this peaked my curiosity and I don't want

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<v Speaker 1>to move on from it. You said that you mirror

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<v Speaker 1>the personality of whoever you're talking to, and you believe

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<v Speaker 1>that you do that because you are insecure about your

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<v Speaker 1>own personality because you believe it is weird. Is that accurate? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>why do you believe that your personality is weird?

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<v Speaker 2>Well? I was bullied a lot when I was younger,

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<v Speaker 2>in like primary school and stuff. Kids, You know that

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<v Speaker 2>all the time they would tell me that I was

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<v Speaker 2>gay before I even I knew what gay meant, or

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<v Speaker 2>before I was even like thinking about sexuality and stuff.

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<v Speaker 2>Because I've never I've never really had I've never perceived

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<v Speaker 2>the world or anything in like a gendered way. That's

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<v Speaker 2>also another thing to do with autism. There's that like

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of the time ORTO two people don't perceive

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<v Speaker 2>gender norms in that sort of way. And that led

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<v Speaker 2>to me, you know, I was always like, why is

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<v Speaker 2>it girly for me to, you know, sing Beyonce, Why

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<v Speaker 2>is it girly for me to paint my nails or

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<v Speaker 2>like pretend to be a mermaid with my friends. I

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<v Speaker 2>never understood the concept of cooties. I was like, cooties

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<v Speaker 2>are so stupid that literally doesn't make any sense. Even

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<v Speaker 2>as like a six year old, I was like, why

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<v Speaker 2>can't I be friends with girls? And so yeah, all

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<v Speaker 2>the time, I was bullied a lot, and that led

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<v Speaker 2>to a lot of like me, especially around other guys.

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<v Speaker 2>I would feel this really strong and toxic urge to

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<v Speaker 2>like perform masculinity. And the thing is, I've gotten so

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<v Speaker 2>much better over time at not doing that, but I

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<v Speaker 2>still I still mask, and I still basically just give

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<v Speaker 2>the person I'm interacting with whatever they want. Basically, Well, let.

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<v Speaker 1>Me tell you this. And I'm not a real therapist,

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<v Speaker 1>and maybe this is a reductive response to to trauma,

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<v Speaker 1>but I'm gonna hail Mary. I'm gonna say it anyway.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm you know, when when was this bullying taking place?

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<v Speaker 1>When you were like what ten, thirteen, twelve?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah, around like preteenage and you're and you're.

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<v Speaker 1>You're twenty years old, now, yes, you know, thirteen year old,

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<v Speaker 1>twelve year old, eleven year old boys, they're fucked up

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<v Speaker 1>and they're a little mean, and it's not a it's

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<v Speaker 1>not a fun environment to be in when you're autistic,

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<v Speaker 1>when you have all these sort of things that you're

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<v Speaker 1>going through, and you know your your community of peers

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<v Speaker 1>is not emotionally mature enough to, you know, know how

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<v Speaker 1>to accept you for as you are. And that's a

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<v Speaker 1>fucking bummer, man. And I get that now that you're twenty,

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<v Speaker 1>now that you're an adult, you have access to the

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<v Speaker 1>entirety of the world, which I do believe is filled

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<v Speaker 1>with people who are understanding and caring. And I think

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<v Speaker 1>that you know, in this one life that you have, Franklin,

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<v Speaker 1>you should feel empowered to let go of how you

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<v Speaker 1>were treated when you were younger and be however the

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<v Speaker 1>fuck you are. Definitely, what do you think about that?

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<v Speaker 1>What is your response to that idea?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, Like, I want to do that so much. I

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<v Speaker 2>literally like that's the dream and I'm working on it.

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<v Speaker 2>And you know that's why I'm like going through therapy

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<v Speaker 2>and stuff and I literally just got diagnosable to this.

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<v Speaker 1>You got you finally got diagnosed by an actual by

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<v Speaker 1>a mushroom thing.

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<v Speaker 2>Yes, exactly. And the beautiful thing about it is that

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<v Speaker 2>one of the most helpful resources wasn't like the therapists

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<v Speaker 2>or like the Internet and stuff like that. It was

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<v Speaker 2>other autistic people that helped me realize that I was

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<v Speaker 2>autistic because I've and from that, I've formed like such

0:13:29.120 --> 0:13:33.200
<v Speaker 2>a huge community and safe net of autistic people on

0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:36.200
<v Speaker 2>Tiptop that I'm friends with or that follow me. And

0:13:36.280 --> 0:13:39.920
<v Speaker 2>it's honestly just like really crazy because I didn't know

0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:42.000
<v Speaker 2>that there were other people out there that think like me.

0:13:42.200 --> 0:13:44.200
<v Speaker 2>I always thought I was just broken and everyone else

0:13:44.240 --> 0:13:46.800
<v Speaker 2>thought it the same way, and so it's very comforting

0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:51.000
<v Speaker 2>that And like, autism is literally like the most specific

0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:53.760
<v Speaker 2>thing ever, Like there's some symptoms that are just so

0:13:53.920 --> 0:13:56.360
<v Speaker 2>fucking specific that I'm like, that's crazy that we share

0:13:56.360 --> 0:13:56.880
<v Speaker 2>that in common.

0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:00.120
<v Speaker 1>Well, I'm a big fan. Let me tell you this.

0:14:00.880 --> 0:14:03.200
<v Speaker 1>I'm thinking about this right now as I'm talking to you.

0:14:03.760 --> 0:14:06.480
<v Speaker 1>I've taught We've talked to other autistic callers on the

0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:15.000
<v Speaker 1>show who have like expressed uh like anxiety over how

0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:18.600
<v Speaker 1>they're presenting themselves in social situations. But like the other

0:14:18.640 --> 0:14:20.880
<v Speaker 1>autistic people have talked to on the show, but very

0:14:20.920 --> 0:14:24.560
<v Speaker 1>good at at at talking, like they know when to

0:14:24.600 --> 0:14:27.800
<v Speaker 1>pause and let me speak there if they're good listeners,

0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:32.200
<v Speaker 1>Like it's it's I almost think that the the this

0:14:32.320 --> 0:14:35.560
<v Speaker 1>whole thing that you're doing where you're you're putting a

0:14:35.600 --> 0:14:40.520
<v Speaker 1>lot of thought and effort into social interactions. I know

0:14:40.640 --> 0:14:46.840
<v Speaker 1>why it's exhausting. It sounds like it's exhausting, but it's

0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:49.960
<v Speaker 1>it's it's it's working. I mean, even this conversation I'm

0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:54.040
<v Speaker 1>having with you right now, you know, I wouldn't think

0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:56.640
<v Speaker 1>that that you were socially awkward at all.

0:14:58.680 --> 0:15:01.600
<v Speaker 2>No, definitely. I I think it goes back to like

0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:04.400
<v Speaker 2>what I was saying that with, like, it's not that

0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.960
<v Speaker 2>autistic people don't understand a lot of social norms and

0:15:08.000 --> 0:15:11.160
<v Speaker 2>stuff like that, it's that they don't come naturally to us.

0:15:11.640 --> 0:15:14.360
<v Speaker 2>And that's the whole thing with like being on manual

0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:20.080
<v Speaker 2>versus automatic, is that I work a much more conscious effort. Yes, exactly.

0:15:21.440 --> 0:15:26.760
<v Speaker 1>Yeah hmm. So you've been able to find a community

0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:28.920
<v Speaker 1>of other artistic people went on TikTok and read it.

0:15:30.520 --> 0:15:31.760
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, it's amazing.

0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.680
<v Speaker 1>That's awesome man. So I mean, how do you feel

0:15:36.720 --> 0:15:40.600
<v Speaker 1>about your trajectory in terms of what we talked about,

0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:44.240
<v Speaker 1>of you eventually coming to terms with who you are

0:15:44.280 --> 0:15:46.800
<v Speaker 1>and being a little bit more comfortable expressing that.

0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:54.360
<v Speaker 2>I think it's it's very interesting because I think I'm

0:15:54.440 --> 0:15:57.080
<v Speaker 2>very much on the trajectory of doing that, but there's

0:15:57.560 --> 0:15:59.600
<v Speaker 2>steps that I need to take. Like one of the

0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.720
<v Speaker 2>biggest steps initially for me was breaking up with my

0:16:03.800 --> 0:16:08.800
<v Speaker 2>ex girlfriend, and I didn't realize how much I was,

0:16:09.360 --> 0:16:14.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, performing for her and changing my personality to

0:16:14.400 --> 0:16:18.000
<v Speaker 2>cater hers. And I think the next step, honestly is

0:16:18.040 --> 0:16:21.080
<v Speaker 2>like moving out of my family's house, because like, I

0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:24.560
<v Speaker 2>love them so much, but they just don't really understand.

0:16:24.640 --> 0:16:28.480
<v Speaker 2>And they also they simultaneously know I'm autistic that they

0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:31.800
<v Speaker 2>also don't really want to accommodate for me in any

0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:35.720
<v Speaker 2>sort of way, And you know that's just tiring.

0:16:37.240 --> 0:16:42.760
<v Speaker 1>Sure, sure, well, Franklin, I I'm really I'm glad to

0:16:42.800 --> 0:16:44.520
<v Speaker 1>hear it seems like you've been on quite a journey,

0:16:44.560 --> 0:16:48.440
<v Speaker 1>and it seems like you're on an upward trajectory with this.

0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:51.560
<v Speaker 1>You definitely seem like you're very aware of all these

0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:54.760
<v Speaker 1>issues and you're currently working to fix them. I'm not

0:16:54.800 --> 0:16:57.960
<v Speaker 1>telling you anything that you don't already know, but you

0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:03.120
<v Speaker 1>don't need to perform for people. I love, man. You know,

0:17:03.120 --> 0:17:05.639
<v Speaker 1>people are so doom Marie about the internet. But I

0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:08.600
<v Speaker 1>love that you can go from you know, being thirteen

0:17:08.720 --> 0:17:11.879
<v Speaker 1>and just having all these people around who just don't

0:17:12.080 --> 0:17:15.080
<v Speaker 1>and don't even want to try to understand you, to

0:17:15.359 --> 0:17:17.880
<v Speaker 1>finding a community of people where you go, Oh the fuck,

0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.879
<v Speaker 1>I'm not crazy. This is a real thing that other

0:17:20.920 --> 0:17:23.480
<v Speaker 1>people are experiencing as well. I'm glad you were able

0:17:23.480 --> 0:17:24.080
<v Speaker 1>to find Yeah.

0:17:24.160 --> 0:17:26.560
<v Speaker 2>It's useful, Yeah, definitely.

0:17:27.440 --> 0:17:28.879
<v Speaker 1>Frankly, is there anything you want to say to the

0:17:28.880 --> 0:17:30.360
<v Speaker 1>people of the computer before we go?

0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:33.680
<v Speaker 2>Yes, I have a question for you, Lyle.

0:17:33.760 --> 0:17:38.760
<v Speaker 1>You're from Maryland, right, Oh yeah, I'm from Maryland.

0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:44.320
<v Speaker 2>Why what's your opinion on the flag of Maryland? Uh?

0:17:44.480 --> 0:17:45.639
<v Speaker 1>You want my real answer?

0:17:46.960 --> 0:17:49.120
<v Speaker 2>I do? Uh?

0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:53.000
<v Speaker 1>You asking me this question is the very first time

0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:57.480
<v Speaker 1>I have ever thought about the flag of Maryland.

0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.120
<v Speaker 2>That's what everyone says. What I them about flags?

0:18:04.280 --> 0:18:05.840
<v Speaker 1>It says Oh, it says here that you have an

0:18:05.840 --> 0:18:09.399
<v Speaker 1>obsession with flags too, Yes, a.

0:18:09.560 --> 0:18:11.879
<v Speaker 2>Very strong obsession with flags.

0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:14.560
<v Speaker 1>What's what's your opinion about the flag of Maryland.

0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:18.080
<v Speaker 2>I think it's awful. I think it's one of the

0:18:18.119 --> 0:18:21.960
<v Speaker 2>worst flags I've ever seen. And it also has no

0:18:22.119 --> 0:18:26.320
<v Speaker 2>symbolism or meaning or significance to Maryland. The only significance

0:18:26.440 --> 0:18:29.199
<v Speaker 2>is that the people of Maryland love that flag like

0:18:29.240 --> 0:18:32.880
<v Speaker 2>they love that flag. And I have been like bullied

0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:35.560
<v Speaker 2>on the internet before because I said that Maryland was

0:18:35.560 --> 0:18:38.159
<v Speaker 2>the worst state flag and literally the whole state like

0:18:38.240 --> 0:18:40.359
<v Speaker 2>hoped on in my comment section and with like sending

0:18:40.520 --> 0:18:44.119
<v Speaker 2>death threats and stuff. But it's just people.

0:18:44.240 --> 0:18:46.880
<v Speaker 1>People were, actually people are sending you death threats over

0:18:46.960 --> 0:18:48.200
<v Speaker 1>hating the Maryland.

0:18:48.000 --> 0:18:50.760
<v Speaker 2>Literally, people were trying to like dock me.

0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:55.399
<v Speaker 1>All right, well I will I will not be fucking

0:18:55.440 --> 0:19:01.120
<v Speaker 1>with the flag community anytime soon. No, I am personally,

0:19:02.640 --> 0:19:06.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm personally not offended by your slander of the Maryland

0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:09.639
<v Speaker 1>flag because, like I said, I never think about it.

0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:12.040
<v Speaker 1>But what, Okay, so you have an obsession with flags,

0:19:12.080 --> 0:19:14.879
<v Speaker 1>What is in your opinion the best flag?

0:19:16.840 --> 0:19:21.159
<v Speaker 2>Well, that's such a good question. My personal favorite flag

0:19:21.400 --> 0:19:27.080
<v Speaker 2>is either between Sicily or Uruguay. Basically, a flag has

0:19:27.119 --> 0:19:31.000
<v Speaker 2>to have five things. It has to have meaningful symbolism,

0:19:31.400 --> 0:19:36.680
<v Speaker 2>two to three colors, no lettering or seals. It also

0:19:37.200 --> 0:19:39.200
<v Speaker 2>there's a couple other things that they're like the five

0:19:39.359 --> 0:19:43.320
<v Speaker 2>rules of vexillology, and basically like almost all of the

0:19:43.359 --> 0:19:45.959
<v Speaker 2>state flags break those rules. Like that's why I just

0:19:46.040 --> 0:19:49.119
<v Speaker 2>hate most of the state flags. That Maryland takes the

0:19:49.440 --> 0:19:51.200
<v Speaker 2>number one spot for my least favorite.

0:19:52.480 --> 0:19:54.679
<v Speaker 1>Well, I don't have a five point rubric, but I

0:19:54.720 --> 0:19:59.800
<v Speaker 1>will say I like the California flag because it has

0:19:59.840 --> 0:20:00.600
<v Speaker 1>a bear.

0:20:00.480 --> 0:20:06.760
<v Speaker 2>On it, you know, and I respect that. I respect that,

0:20:06.800 --> 0:20:10.280
<v Speaker 2>but I personally don't like the Californian flag because it

0:20:10.359 --> 0:20:12.280
<v Speaker 2>has a bear on it. And what does that say

0:20:12.320 --> 0:20:15.480
<v Speaker 2>about California? You know, it's the Golden State, and there's

0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:17.960
<v Speaker 2>not even any gold on the flag. There's so much

0:20:17.960 --> 0:20:20.919
<v Speaker 2>more you could represent about California's beautiful landscape, about its

0:20:20.920 --> 0:20:24.640
<v Speaker 2>booming economy, about its history, and yet they were just like, oh,

0:20:24.680 --> 0:20:26.359
<v Speaker 2>there's a lot of beers here, let's put a beer

0:20:26.359 --> 0:20:26.879
<v Speaker 2>on the flag.

0:20:27.680 --> 0:20:32.960
<v Speaker 1>And although we disagree about flags, I will not send

0:20:33.000 --> 0:20:36.080
<v Speaker 1>you any death threats. And I appreciate you calling in

0:20:36.119 --> 0:20:38.119
<v Speaker 1>and sharing all of this with us. It's been an

0:20:38.160 --> 0:20:38.800
<v Speaker 1>awesome convo.

0:20:40.280 --> 0:20:43.320
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's been a lovely conversation, and I appreciate our

0:20:43.640 --> 0:20:47.560
<v Speaker 2>willingness to agree to disagree. That's just really about human's ability,

0:20:47.680 --> 0:20:48.159
<v Speaker 2>right there.

0:20:49.160 --> 0:20:52.280
<v Speaker 1>Hey, I have a good night, Franklin, you too, have

0:20:52.320 --> 0:21:00.560
<v Speaker 1>a good one. I really have not thought about the

0:21:00.600 --> 0:21:03.919
<v Speaker 1>Maryland flag. I gotta check where I you know what

0:21:03.920 --> 0:21:05.320
<v Speaker 1>I should have asked him. I should have asked him

0:21:05.359 --> 0:21:08.639
<v Speaker 1>where people are arguing about flags. I want to go

0:21:08.680 --> 0:21:11.159
<v Speaker 1>on r slash flags and just see if it's a

0:21:11.160 --> 0:21:15.160
<v Speaker 1>fucking blood bath of people saying horrible things to each

0:21:15.200 --> 0:21:21.760
<v Speaker 1>other because of the disagreements of whether Wyoming or South

0:21:21.800 --> 0:21:26.720
<v Speaker 1>Dakota has a better shade of blue on their flag.

0:21:28.080 --> 0:21:30.119
<v Speaker 1>That's a little I know about flags. I'm pretty sure

0:21:30.119 --> 0:21:32.639
<v Speaker 1>there's no blue in the Wyoming state flag or the

0:21:32.680 --> 0:21:36.280
<v Speaker 1>North Dakota state flag. All right, I'm gonna look this

0:21:36.400 --> 0:21:39.560
<v Speaker 1>up really quick. Okay, it is kind of blue. It

0:21:39.600 --> 0:21:42.960
<v Speaker 1>has a bull. And then let's see it with's South Dakota.

0:21:43.920 --> 0:21:45.359
<v Speaker 1>That one has a bull on it. That looks kind

0:21:45.400 --> 0:21:47.880
<v Speaker 1>of cool. Oh fuck, they do both. They are both blue.

0:21:47.920 --> 0:21:50.119
<v Speaker 1>Holy shit, I'm a genius. They're both blue. That was

0:21:50.160 --> 0:21:52.359
<v Speaker 1>a complete guess. That was a complete and other guess.

0:21:53.480 --> 0:21:55.240
<v Speaker 1>And I will say South Dakota's shade of blue I

0:21:55.320 --> 0:21:58.520
<v Speaker 1>like a little bit better. Oh, North Dakota. North Dakota

0:21:59.119 --> 0:22:03.360
<v Speaker 1>and Wyoming both have similar shades of blue. Okay, I'm

0:22:03.359 --> 0:22:05.600
<v Speaker 1>starting to become a little bit obsessed with flags myself.

0:22:07.640 --> 0:22:15.120
<v Speaker 1>I see where Franklin is coming from. Hello, hey, yeah,

0:22:15.280 --> 0:22:15.840
<v Speaker 1>this gino?

0:22:17.480 --> 0:22:18.840
<v Speaker 3>This is he? How you doing?

0:22:18.880 --> 0:22:19.120
<v Speaker 2>Man?

0:22:20.080 --> 0:22:22.679
<v Speaker 1>G You know it says here that you once masturbated

0:22:23.560 --> 0:22:28.320
<v Speaker 1>at the Vatican, Yes, sir, that is correct. Says here

0:22:28.320 --> 0:22:32.600
<v Speaker 1>that you have a goal in life to masturbate in

0:22:32.640 --> 0:22:35.200
<v Speaker 1>as many different countries as possible.

0:22:37.080 --> 0:22:39.200
<v Speaker 3>If I am able to do it, I would absolutely

0:22:39.240 --> 0:22:39.560
<v Speaker 3>love to.

0:22:40.359 --> 0:22:43.400
<v Speaker 1>Okay, how many? How many different countries have you masturbated in?

0:22:43.520 --> 0:22:43.880
<v Speaker 1>So far?

0:22:47.119 --> 0:22:47.399
<v Speaker 4>Five?

0:22:48.840 --> 0:22:49.640
<v Speaker 1>Which countries are?

0:22:49.920 --> 0:22:54.560
<v Speaker 3>France, Italy, the Vatican because the Vaticans can have its

0:22:54.560 --> 0:23:00.879
<v Speaker 3>own country, United States? And London? Well, London is my country,

0:23:01.160 --> 0:23:01.520
<v Speaker 3>you can't.

0:23:01.520 --> 0:23:03.400
<v Speaker 1>Did you did you masturbate in Rome?

0:23:05.080 --> 0:23:05.439
<v Speaker 2>Yes?

0:23:06.359 --> 0:23:12.560
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so that's Vatican, Rome, France, Italy, US and England.

0:23:12.560 --> 0:23:14.800
<v Speaker 1>So that's that's six. You masturbated in six countries.

0:23:16.640 --> 0:23:17.119
<v Speaker 3>In Italy?

0:23:19.320 --> 0:23:26.880
<v Speaker 1>Wait? Hold on, mm hmm? Did I did you say

0:23:26.880 --> 0:23:29.000
<v Speaker 1>Italy already?

0:23:29.080 --> 0:23:29.399
<v Speaker 2>Yes?

0:23:29.960 --> 0:23:32.080
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I think I did. I don't. I you know,

0:23:32.119 --> 0:23:34.040
<v Speaker 1>I know, I have this fucking podcast where I talk

0:23:34.080 --> 0:23:36.160
<v Speaker 1>to people and stuff, but I just don't. I don't

0:23:36.240 --> 0:23:38.200
<v Speaker 1>know anything, and I don't care. I don't care the

0:23:38.200 --> 0:23:40.120
<v Speaker 1>people are, like, oh, Rome is a thing. I don't

0:23:40.160 --> 0:23:43.239
<v Speaker 1>care where anything it is. I don't care what anything is.

0:23:43.320 --> 0:23:45.880
<v Speaker 1>I don't care how you pronounce things. I don't care

0:23:45.920 --> 0:23:48.919
<v Speaker 1>if words that I say mean anything I do. I

0:23:48.920 --> 0:23:52.120
<v Speaker 1>don't fucking care. Alaska is a city, it's not a state.

0:23:52.160 --> 0:23:59.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't care Alabama and Alaska and Morocco in Japan

0:24:00.680 --> 0:24:07.840
<v Speaker 1>and Laos and Baltimore and Austin that they're all this.

0:24:08.080 --> 0:24:12.280
<v Speaker 1>Everywhere is the same place. I don't fucking care. It's

0:24:12.320 --> 0:24:16.600
<v Speaker 1>all fine. Everything is fine. Everything I say is okay.

0:24:16.720 --> 0:24:17.800
<v Speaker 3>I agree.

0:24:19.000 --> 0:24:21.199
<v Speaker 1>Tell me about masturbating in the Vatican, how did that

0:24:21.200 --> 0:24:21.680
<v Speaker 1>come about?

0:24:24.240 --> 0:24:28.360
<v Speaker 3>So? Like the Vatican is kind of its own country

0:24:28.440 --> 0:24:34.720
<v Speaker 3>within within Rome itself, like it has its own like army,

0:24:35.000 --> 0:24:38.919
<v Speaker 3>it has its own like postal stuff going on. And

0:24:39.160 --> 0:24:41.119
<v Speaker 3>I visited a couple of times because I was on

0:24:41.200 --> 0:24:45.639
<v Speaker 3>an archaeological dig in Italy and I went there and

0:24:45.680 --> 0:24:47.800
<v Speaker 3>the first time I was like, whoa, this is so cool,

0:24:48.040 --> 0:24:50.880
<v Speaker 3>Like it's got this big museum and there's so much

0:24:50.960 --> 0:24:54.159
<v Speaker 3>cool art, you know, the Sistine Chapel all that. The

0:24:54.200 --> 0:24:57.359
<v Speaker 3>second time I went, I was like, man, they're their

0:24:57.400 --> 0:25:01.720
<v Speaker 3>own country. I've spanked it in like several countries so far,

0:25:02.240 --> 0:25:07.000
<v Speaker 3>I might not ever get this chance again. Okay, So

0:25:07.359 --> 0:25:12.000
<v Speaker 3>I didn't like do it in public or like inside

0:25:12.040 --> 0:25:15.000
<v Speaker 3>the Systeine Chapel or anything like that, but I went

0:25:15.040 --> 0:25:19.000
<v Speaker 3>to one of the bathrooms in the museum and did

0:25:19.000 --> 0:25:21.320
<v Speaker 3>it there. And actually the stalls were like very very

0:25:21.400 --> 0:25:24.320
<v Speaker 3>nice and very kind of private, like they were their

0:25:24.359 --> 0:25:29.240
<v Speaker 3>own like water closets sort of. And it like it

0:25:29.280 --> 0:25:32.320
<v Speaker 3>took a little bit because I'm transgender, so like you know,

0:25:32.640 --> 0:25:36.320
<v Speaker 3>it was a little bit awkward. A couple of people

0:25:36.359 --> 0:25:37.440
<v Speaker 3>banged on the door.

0:25:37.720 --> 0:25:37.880
<v Speaker 2>But.

0:25:39.560 --> 0:25:43.840
<v Speaker 3>Your people banging on the door, yeah, because they needed

0:25:43.840 --> 0:25:44.840
<v Speaker 3>to use the toilet.

0:25:46.160 --> 0:25:51.320
<v Speaker 1>Can I ask you in this bathroom configuration, how many

0:25:51.520 --> 0:25:53.359
<v Speaker 1>stalls are in this bathroom?

0:25:55.520 --> 0:25:59.040
<v Speaker 3>So like the entire bathroom, it was rather large, but

0:25:59.160 --> 0:26:02.720
<v Speaker 3>like each stall was kind of its own contained like

0:26:02.840 --> 0:26:06.199
<v Speaker 3>water closet, Like it was like a closet almost like

0:26:06.280 --> 0:26:09.119
<v Speaker 3>it was its own kind of private room almost. So

0:26:09.160 --> 0:26:14.960
<v Speaker 3>it was very private. It had like sufficient space to

0:26:15.040 --> 0:26:16.080
<v Speaker 3>get everything done.

0:26:16.440 --> 0:26:18.960
<v Speaker 1>Well, Okay, so what I'm asking you is like I like,

0:26:19.000 --> 0:26:21.360
<v Speaker 1>if I go into a public restroom, I won't take

0:26:21.359 --> 0:26:24.160
<v Speaker 1>a shit in a public restroom unless if I see

0:26:24.240 --> 0:26:28.520
<v Speaker 1>that there are other stalls, because if I'm the only person,

0:26:28.720 --> 0:26:32.480
<v Speaker 1>because there's absolutely nothing more horrifying than taking a shit

0:26:32.680 --> 0:26:37.120
<v Speaker 1>in a stall that's the only one. So like you're

0:26:37.160 --> 0:26:39.040
<v Speaker 1>taking a shit while there's a line to get in,

0:26:39.119 --> 0:26:41.199
<v Speaker 1>that's a horrifying experience. I don't know if that's the

0:26:41.280 --> 0:26:42.600
<v Speaker 1>configuration of this bathroom.

0:26:44.240 --> 0:26:46.680
<v Speaker 3>No, no, no, there were other toilets in this bathroom

0:26:46.920 --> 0:26:50.440
<v Speaker 3>as well, Like imagine like a public bathroom that had

0:26:50.520 --> 0:26:55.200
<v Speaker 3>like I would say, there were probably maybe twelve other toilets.

0:26:55.760 --> 0:26:58.439
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, from what I recall, there are twelve other the toilets.

0:26:58.480 --> 0:27:01.600
<v Speaker 1>Why are people banging on your stall? If there's twelve

0:27:01.640 --> 0:27:02.840
<v Speaker 1>of the toils, I think I use one of the

0:27:02.880 --> 0:27:03.320
<v Speaker 1>other ones.

0:27:05.080 --> 0:27:07.640
<v Speaker 3>It was it was rather busy. There were a lot

0:27:07.680 --> 0:27:10.840
<v Speaker 3>of tourists and things like that, so I it wasn't

0:27:10.880 --> 0:27:13.040
<v Speaker 3>like there were a lot of people. This was in

0:27:13.080 --> 0:27:15.160
<v Speaker 3>the Vatican Museum, proper, Okay.

0:27:14.920 --> 0:27:20.639
<v Speaker 1>The Vatican Museum. And how did you feel when you

0:27:20.720 --> 0:27:21.639
<v Speaker 1>completed the task?

0:27:23.800 --> 0:27:27.440
<v Speaker 3>I felt very accomplished. Is that my first time being

0:27:27.520 --> 0:27:31.359
<v Speaker 3>like down about like even though I wasn't necessarily in public,

0:27:31.400 --> 0:27:34.480
<v Speaker 3>like it wasn't it was still in like a public space, right,

0:27:34.520 --> 0:27:36.399
<v Speaker 3>Like I wasn't in the hotel room or like in

0:27:36.400 --> 0:27:39.919
<v Speaker 3>my bedroom. So the first time I had ever done that,

0:27:41.359 --> 0:27:43.879
<v Speaker 3>and I just felt like accomplished, Like yeah, check that

0:27:43.960 --> 0:27:45.639
<v Speaker 3>box off my bucket list.

0:27:47.119 --> 0:27:52.359
<v Speaker 1>And was it in the Vatican. Was it right after

0:27:52.440 --> 0:27:55.720
<v Speaker 1>you jacked off in the Vatican Museum bathroom that you

0:27:57.440 --> 0:28:00.359
<v Speaker 1>decided it would be your goal to master beating as

0:28:00.359 --> 0:28:02.520
<v Speaker 1>many countries as possible or was that beforehand?

0:28:04.640 --> 0:28:07.040
<v Speaker 3>I really didn't think about it until then. It was

0:28:07.080 --> 0:28:10.920
<v Speaker 3>just like kind of a if I don't do this now,

0:28:11.160 --> 0:28:13.480
<v Speaker 3>like I might never have the chance again because I

0:28:13.520 --> 0:28:15.280
<v Speaker 3>don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, you know, if

0:28:15.320 --> 0:28:18.480
<v Speaker 3>I get you know, blown away by a car or

0:28:18.480 --> 0:28:22.000
<v Speaker 3>something like that, like it's now or never. And so

0:28:22.080 --> 0:28:27.119
<v Speaker 3>I just like impulsively decided to do it. But afterwards,

0:28:26.600 --> 0:28:32.080
<v Speaker 3>I like, if I ever got God, you got, if

0:28:32.119 --> 0:28:34.320
<v Speaker 3>I ever do now to travel to another country, I

0:28:34.320 --> 0:28:37.040
<v Speaker 3>would be like committed to doing it there as well.

0:28:38.240 --> 0:28:40.680
<v Speaker 1>So this is my next question. Are you planning on

0:28:40.840 --> 0:28:46.440
<v Speaker 1>traveling to other countries with the express purpose of masturbating

0:28:46.480 --> 0:28:47.200
<v Speaker 1>in there?

0:28:49.160 --> 0:28:51.840
<v Speaker 3>If I had the money and the like the time

0:28:52.040 --> 0:28:57.600
<v Speaker 3>to do so, absolutely, like that would not like if

0:28:57.600 --> 0:29:00.680
<v Speaker 3>I were to plan a travel trip now that would

0:29:00.680 --> 0:29:04.480
<v Speaker 3>not necessarily be the number one goal for it. But

0:29:04.560 --> 0:29:06.600
<v Speaker 3>if I have the ability, the free time, the money

0:29:06.640 --> 0:29:08.880
<v Speaker 3>and everything to be able to travel wherever I wanted,

0:29:08.880 --> 0:29:11.600
<v Speaker 3>whenever I wanted, absolutely, you know.

0:29:11.600 --> 0:29:13.560
<v Speaker 1>What you could probably do is you could probably book

0:29:13.600 --> 0:29:17.200
<v Speaker 1>a flight to somewhere like super far away and then

0:29:18.240 --> 0:29:24.720
<v Speaker 1>masturbate in the airplane bathroom while it's over different countries

0:29:24.760 --> 0:29:26.360
<v Speaker 1>and kind of plan it out so you can knock

0:29:26.400 --> 0:29:26.880
<v Speaker 1>out a few.

0:29:28.960 --> 0:29:31.000
<v Speaker 3>You know, that's a brilliant idea, and I would get

0:29:31.000 --> 0:29:31.960
<v Speaker 3>into mild hog club.

0:29:33.640 --> 0:29:37.760
<v Speaker 1>You also would potentially get arrested. But you don't see

0:29:37.840 --> 0:29:46.720
<v Speaker 1>that's true. I'm rather stealthy, Okay, I have like a

0:29:47.280 --> 0:29:50.040
<v Speaker 1>do you have like a process by which you abide.

0:29:49.720 --> 0:29:56.600
<v Speaker 3>To don't get caught? But also it's like I don't

0:29:56.640 --> 0:30:01.640
<v Speaker 3>have so I'm female to male transgender, so I don't

0:30:01.680 --> 0:30:05.440
<v Speaker 3>have something that would be like sticking out that could

0:30:05.440 --> 0:30:07.760
<v Speaker 3>be seen if that makes sense?

0:30:07.840 --> 0:30:09.920
<v Speaker 1>Like, so.

0:30:11.600 --> 0:30:14.280
<v Speaker 3>Is like I'm able to do it stealthier than like

0:30:14.520 --> 0:30:16.880
<v Speaker 3>a non transgender man would.

0:30:17.920 --> 0:30:24.479
<v Speaker 1>Yep. So you is there is there a country in

0:30:24.600 --> 0:30:27.680
<v Speaker 1>particular that's at the top of your list.

0:30:30.960 --> 0:30:35.800
<v Speaker 3>Man, Like the Vatican was pretty good. I think if

0:30:36.040 --> 0:30:38.920
<v Speaker 3>there was a next goal, like the next summit that

0:30:39.000 --> 0:30:44.160
<v Speaker 3>I could achieve probably be not necessarily a country, but Antarctica.

0:30:44.880 --> 0:30:46.760
<v Speaker 3>If I could do it at least like once on

0:30:46.880 --> 0:30:49.440
<v Speaker 3>every continent, that would be pretty baller.

0:30:49.680 --> 0:30:52.160
<v Speaker 1>Okay, I think once per I mean every single country.

0:30:52.160 --> 0:30:56.400
<v Speaker 1>That's definitely ambitious, and I think it's good to be ambitious,

0:30:56.520 --> 0:30:58.720
<v Speaker 1>But once in every continent, I think that's a little

0:30:58.760 --> 0:31:06.520
<v Speaker 1>bit more appropriate or more achievable. Yeah, the Vatican one

0:31:06.600 --> 0:31:08.760
<v Speaker 1>is the and you know, we're talking a lot about,

0:31:08.880 --> 0:31:11.600
<v Speaker 1>you know, masturbating public bathrooms. The Vatican seems like it's

0:31:11.640 --> 0:31:14.840
<v Speaker 1>the only one where, you know, it necessitates needing a

0:31:14.840 --> 0:31:17.920
<v Speaker 1>public bathroom, because every every other place you can you

0:31:17.920 --> 0:31:20.600
<v Speaker 1>can find a there's no hotel rooms in the Vatican,

0:31:20.960 --> 0:31:24.440
<v Speaker 1>I don't think, correct. Yeah, so everywhere that's the name.

0:31:24.480 --> 0:31:28.160
<v Speaker 1>Everywhere else, there's the Vatican city. That's the hardest. You

0:31:28.280 --> 0:31:31.040
<v Speaker 1>already did the most difficult one. Actually, No, North Korea

0:31:31.120 --> 0:31:32.840
<v Speaker 1>is probably the most difficult one.

0:31:33.040 --> 0:31:34.680
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, that might be a little bit difficult.

0:31:34.760 --> 0:31:38.960
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that's that's Is there something to you that is

0:31:39.000 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 1>sexually exciting about this or is this merely just a

0:31:44.920 --> 0:31:49.880
<v Speaker 1>a sort of checking off boxes type of thing for you?

0:31:51.800 --> 0:31:54.400
<v Speaker 3>I would say it's just checking off boxes. I don't

0:31:54.440 --> 0:32:00.000
<v Speaker 3>have any particular affinity for you know, like I guess

0:32:00.120 --> 0:32:04.040
<v Speaker 3>it is like interesting, like thrilling. I guess there's some

0:32:04.120 --> 0:32:08.040
<v Speaker 3>adrenaline aspect, but I don't like think about it a

0:32:08.080 --> 0:32:11.320
<v Speaker 3>whole lot. For me, Like the goal is just to

0:32:11.360 --> 0:32:12.680
<v Speaker 3>be able to say that I did it.

0:32:14.400 --> 0:32:17.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, let's see, we've done about ten minutes on masturbating

0:32:17.080 --> 0:32:20.360
<v Speaker 1>in every country in the world. Do you think there's

0:32:20.440 --> 0:32:23.880
<v Speaker 1>any part of this conversation. Do you think there's any

0:32:23.920 --> 0:32:26.959
<v Speaker 1>stone left unturned in this conversation, any other aspect of

0:32:27.000 --> 0:32:30.320
<v Speaker 1>this that we did not go over that the people

0:32:30.360 --> 0:32:32.520
<v Speaker 1>listening might want to hear about.

0:32:36.080 --> 0:32:39.120
<v Speaker 3>I don't think so. I just think that, you know,

0:32:40.360 --> 0:32:43.200
<v Speaker 3>I mean, there is the aspect of it was kind

0:32:43.200 --> 0:32:46.520
<v Speaker 3>of freeing in a personal aspect, since it's like, you know,

0:32:46.560 --> 0:32:51.080
<v Speaker 3>a very holy religious city and be having a background

0:32:51.160 --> 0:32:54.640
<v Speaker 3>of like Christian extremism, Like, it was a little bit

0:32:54.680 --> 0:32:59.640
<v Speaker 3>of a freeing feeling to kind of at my own

0:32:59.760 --> 0:33:03.840
<v Speaker 3>hate a little bit a little bit, no offense to

0:33:03.840 --> 0:33:07.040
<v Speaker 3>anybody who's religious, but that was just my own personal

0:33:07.160 --> 0:33:10.560
<v Speaker 3>like kind of being able to free myself from the

0:33:10.600 --> 0:33:13.560
<v Speaker 3>trappings of the past, so to speak. Other than that.

0:33:13.960 --> 0:33:15.840
<v Speaker 3>Just about following your dreams.

0:33:15.880 --> 0:33:19.160
<v Speaker 1>Man. Everybody has their own way of dealing with trauma,

0:33:19.200 --> 0:33:21.040
<v Speaker 1>and for some people, the way that they do it

0:33:21.080 --> 0:33:24.800
<v Speaker 1>is to masturbate in the bathroom of the Vatican Museum.

0:33:24.920 --> 0:33:27.720
<v Speaker 1>And you know, I believe in my heart of hearts

0:33:27.720 --> 0:33:29.160
<v Speaker 1>that you should be able to do whatever it is

0:33:29.160 --> 0:33:30.480
<v Speaker 1>you want in this life as long as you're not

0:33:30.520 --> 0:33:35.240
<v Speaker 1>hurting other people. So yeah, you know, power to you,

0:33:35.360 --> 0:33:35.640
<v Speaker 1>you know.

0:33:37.160 --> 0:33:39.640
<v Speaker 3>Rock on. Thank you so much for taking my call, man,

0:33:39.680 --> 0:33:40.800
<v Speaker 3>I really appreciate.

0:33:40.360 --> 0:33:41.840
<v Speaker 1>Anything else, anything else you want to say to the

0:33:41.880 --> 0:33:43.160
<v Speaker 1>people of the computer before.

0:33:42.880 --> 0:33:48.160
<v Speaker 3>You go, Love and peace and follow your dreams, do

0:33:48.200 --> 0:33:51.760
<v Speaker 3>you know forever? All right? Take it easy, man.

0:33:54.680 --> 0:33:56.760
<v Speaker 1>Danny, Danny, Danny, how's it going.

0:33:58.640 --> 0:34:00.000
<v Speaker 5>I'm good, are you?

0:34:00.560 --> 0:34:03.640
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing pretty swell. I feel like We've had a

0:34:03.680 --> 0:34:09.560
<v Speaker 1>good evening of wonderful calls and I'm ready to have

0:34:10.320 --> 0:34:14.440
<v Speaker 1>some more. Is there anything in particular you want to

0:34:14.440 --> 0:34:16.719
<v Speaker 1>talk about today, Danny?

0:34:16.960 --> 0:34:17.160
<v Speaker 2>Yep.

0:34:17.480 --> 0:34:20.040
<v Speaker 5>So this one's a funny story actually in a way.

0:34:20.719 --> 0:34:25.640
<v Speaker 5>So my grandparents immigrated to America. I made like thirty

0:34:25.719 --> 0:34:28.960
<v Speaker 5>years ago, and I was born and raised in California,

0:34:30.120 --> 0:34:32.440
<v Speaker 5>lived someone of my life in Texas, and then when

0:34:32.440 --> 0:34:33.960
<v Speaker 5>I was around like nine years old, my mom was like,

0:34:34.000 --> 0:34:36.799
<v Speaker 5>you know what, let's move back to our like to

0:34:36.800 --> 0:34:38.720
<v Speaker 5>our roots so you can learn more about your culture.

0:34:39.680 --> 0:34:41.680
<v Speaker 5>And next thing, I know, my little gay ass went

0:34:41.719 --> 0:34:42.479
<v Speaker 5>to the Middle East.

0:34:43.320 --> 0:34:43.680
<v Speaker 2>Mmm.

0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:46.600
<v Speaker 1>Where where exactly in the Middle East?

0:34:48.080 --> 0:34:48.440
<v Speaker 3>Jordan?

0:34:49.320 --> 0:34:51.879
<v Speaker 1>Jordan? Okay, all right, so you're nine years old, you're

0:34:51.880 --> 0:34:52.680
<v Speaker 1>in Jordan.

0:34:54.120 --> 0:34:56.120
<v Speaker 5>And this is my story of how I learned to

0:34:56.160 --> 0:34:57.560
<v Speaker 5>discover who I am as a person.

0:34:58.239 --> 0:34:58.839
<v Speaker 1>I would love to.

0:35:01.440 --> 0:35:04.439
<v Speaker 5>So, growing up, like, I've always known that I was gay,

0:35:04.480 --> 0:35:07.920
<v Speaker 5>but for the most part, there wasn't much representation and

0:35:08.920 --> 0:35:11.880
<v Speaker 5>most religions obviously aren't really fond of it. So growing up, like,

0:35:11.880 --> 0:35:14.440
<v Speaker 5>I've always had this notion that like it's wrong to

0:35:14.480 --> 0:35:17.239
<v Speaker 5>love guys, but in my head, I always thought that

0:35:17.280 --> 0:35:19.960
<v Speaker 5>I was the exception. And so growing up I've just

0:35:19.960 --> 0:35:22.440
<v Speaker 5>like always had crushes here and there, like this guy

0:35:22.480 --> 0:35:25.879
<v Speaker 5>in my classroom, like my neighbor, like stuff like that,

0:35:26.520 --> 0:35:28.640
<v Speaker 5>until around high school and I was like, you know what,

0:35:28.680 --> 0:35:31.400
<v Speaker 5>I'm just gonna like learn checked up my gulf and

0:35:32.880 --> 0:35:35.799
<v Speaker 5>at home with my parents, I'd be like the very

0:35:35.840 --> 0:35:39.000
<v Speaker 5>straightforward I'll do what you say dad, like of course,

0:35:39.040 --> 0:35:41.560
<v Speaker 5>mom kind of kid. But then the moment. I was

0:35:41.560 --> 0:35:46.440
<v Speaker 5>out on the streets, I was kissing boys nice and

0:35:46.520 --> 0:35:48.840
<v Speaker 5>so one day it got me in a bit of trouble.

0:35:51.280 --> 0:35:52.600
<v Speaker 5>I was in a car with this guy that I

0:35:52.640 --> 0:35:55.960
<v Speaker 5>met on Grinder and Jordan, and we were having a

0:35:55.960 --> 0:35:57.080
<v Speaker 5>good time, like he was really chill.

0:35:57.160 --> 0:36:02.279
<v Speaker 1>Dude, Wait, tell me really quick, because I I how

0:36:02.320 --> 0:36:03.960
<v Speaker 1>long were you a Jordan for it, because you're not

0:36:04.040 --> 0:36:05.560
<v Speaker 1>nine years old on grind.

0:36:05.280 --> 0:36:07.239
<v Speaker 2>Or are you? Oh?

0:36:07.320 --> 0:36:10.600
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, okay, at the time, I think I was eighteen.

0:36:11.320 --> 0:36:13.560
<v Speaker 1>Okay, damn, So you and Jordan for a while, Yep.

0:36:13.480 --> 0:36:14.040
<v Speaker 4>It happened.

0:36:14.920 --> 0:36:15.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:36:15.160 --> 0:36:17.680
<v Speaker 5>So I was in Jordan for about like ten years,

0:36:18.280 --> 0:36:19.640
<v Speaker 5>and this was like around the end of the time

0:36:19.719 --> 0:36:22.960
<v Speaker 5>because I left around twenty twenty. But at the time

0:36:22.960 --> 0:36:25.399
<v Speaker 5>I was twenty nineteen. I was like eighteen nineen years old,

0:36:25.440 --> 0:36:27.560
<v Speaker 5>and I was in the car with the sky. It

0:36:27.680 --> 0:36:29.239
<v Speaker 5>was like really nice whatever. We were having like a

0:36:29.280 --> 0:36:32.640
<v Speaker 5>nice chat, and next thing I know, I'm leaning in

0:36:32.680 --> 0:36:35.319
<v Speaker 5>for a kiss. And so we're in this like really

0:36:35.320 --> 0:36:39.040
<v Speaker 5>like cute moment, passionate kissing whatever, and all I see

0:36:39.200 --> 0:36:42.920
<v Speaker 5>are blue and red lights flashing in the background. Oh no,

0:36:43.640 --> 0:36:49.280
<v Speaker 5>And so here's the funny thing. So being gay technically

0:36:49.320 --> 0:36:54.200
<v Speaker 5>isn't illegal in Jordan, but that's just like on paper. Realistically,

0:36:54.280 --> 0:36:57.960
<v Speaker 5>considering the society and everything, there are other terms what

0:36:58.000 --> 0:37:02.319
<v Speaker 5>they call what I do. And so all I saw

0:37:02.360 --> 0:37:04.480
<v Speaker 5>were a bunch of cops putting me in handcuffs and

0:37:05.120 --> 0:37:08.920
<v Speaker 5>escorting me to the station and ooh that was That

0:37:09.040 --> 0:37:13.000
<v Speaker 5>was the time. I think I spent like three nights

0:37:13.080 --> 0:37:15.360
<v Speaker 5>there in like a trap in the jail cell because

0:37:16.400 --> 0:37:18.160
<v Speaker 5>they were trying to get my paperwork done to send

0:37:18.160 --> 0:37:21.120
<v Speaker 5>me off to court because apparently it was a big

0:37:21.160 --> 0:37:21.919
<v Speaker 5>offense that I did.

0:37:22.800 --> 0:37:27.239
<v Speaker 1>So yes, I'm very curious. So so being gay is

0:37:27.280 --> 0:37:30.839
<v Speaker 1>not expressly illegal in Jordan, but is it a thing

0:37:30.880 --> 0:37:35.080
<v Speaker 1>of like the police forces corrupt and so they like

0:37:35.760 --> 0:37:38.239
<v Speaker 1>try to get you on something else even though they're

0:37:38.280 --> 0:37:42.440
<v Speaker 1>really trying to get you for being gay.

0:37:42.600 --> 0:37:46.239
<v Speaker 5>Yes, So originally my charge was actually public in decency,

0:37:46.680 --> 0:37:49.040
<v Speaker 5>so it wasn't like considered homosexuality. It was just like

0:37:49.480 --> 0:37:51.520
<v Speaker 5>because it was indecent to kiss the man in public,

0:37:51.560 --> 0:37:53.680
<v Speaker 5>so that was my charge, but they kind of took

0:37:53.680 --> 0:37:57.120
<v Speaker 5>it to the extreme side. I even remember the chief

0:37:57.200 --> 0:37:59.520
<v Speaker 5>of police from the station looked at me specifically and

0:37:59.640 --> 0:38:01.359
<v Speaker 5>was like put that one in a separate cell.

0:38:02.840 --> 0:38:03.960
<v Speaker 1>Damn, that's fucked up.

0:38:05.920 --> 0:38:09.279
<v Speaker 5>I mean, it was so funny. They even went through

0:38:09.280 --> 0:38:10.799
<v Speaker 5>my wallet and they were like killing him what I

0:38:10.840 --> 0:38:12.560
<v Speaker 5>had in my pocket because they were like, oh, like

0:38:12.600 --> 0:38:13.359
<v Speaker 5>how much did he tying?

0:38:13.400 --> 0:38:13.799
<v Speaker 2>You? Like what?

0:38:13.920 --> 0:38:19.000
<v Speaker 5>This is not like y'all. I'm like, I coughed way

0:38:19.080 --> 0:38:22.600
<v Speaker 5>more than just twenty bil like twenty bucks. But anyway, okay,

0:38:23.840 --> 0:38:24.600
<v Speaker 5>and next thing.

0:38:24.440 --> 0:38:28.239
<v Speaker 1>Where did they put I'm sorry, I want to let

0:38:28.239 --> 0:38:30.799
<v Speaker 1>you finish your story, but where did they put the

0:38:30.840 --> 0:38:32.520
<v Speaker 1>guy who you were kissing? Would they put them in

0:38:32.520 --> 0:38:33.640
<v Speaker 1>like a different cellar or something?

0:38:35.440 --> 0:38:37.400
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, they put him in the separate cell but things

0:38:37.440 --> 0:38:39.239
<v Speaker 5>he had other people with him. I think they thought

0:38:39.239 --> 0:38:40.480
<v Speaker 5>he was the top and I was at bottom.

0:38:41.200 --> 0:38:45.120
<v Speaker 1>I'm not sure why there is there like a where

0:38:45.200 --> 0:38:47.600
<v Speaker 1>do you think they were more harsh to you than him?

0:38:47.600 --> 0:38:48.160
<v Speaker 1>Because of that?

0:38:51.800 --> 0:38:53.759
<v Speaker 5>It's hard to tell. He did get his fair share

0:38:53.760 --> 0:38:57.400
<v Speaker 5>of scrutiny, but I think for me, specifically, my physique

0:38:57.400 --> 0:39:00.399
<v Speaker 5>and small stature doesn't really help my case. Not to mention,

0:39:01.000 --> 0:39:04.320
<v Speaker 5>I've always been stubborn about because I've growing up in America,

0:39:04.320 --> 0:39:06.400
<v Speaker 5>I've like I've been more Americanized than other people, so

0:39:06.680 --> 0:39:09.960
<v Speaker 5>growing up there, I never really accepted like learning Arabic

0:39:10.040 --> 0:39:11.520
<v Speaker 5>or anything, because I just wanted to stick to who

0:39:11.560 --> 0:39:13.320
<v Speaker 5>I was as a person and I just want to

0:39:13.320 --> 0:39:15.200
<v Speaker 5>be the unique one. So as they were trying to

0:39:15.200 --> 0:39:17.560
<v Speaker 5>talk to me in my broken Arabic, it was like, Oh,

0:39:17.600 --> 0:39:19.440
<v Speaker 5>you're clearly the corrupt one over here. You're the one

0:39:19.440 --> 0:39:20.280
<v Speaker 5>that's changing voids.

0:39:21.120 --> 0:39:25.360
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, yeah, So you're sorry? What all you continue?

0:39:25.400 --> 0:39:26.200
<v Speaker 1>You call your mom?

0:39:28.040 --> 0:39:30.440
<v Speaker 5>So I call my mom and I'm like, hey, like, bestie,

0:39:30.440 --> 0:39:34.920
<v Speaker 5>I'm not coming home tonight, and uh. She ended up

0:39:34.960 --> 0:39:37.120
<v Speaker 5>coming uh to the station and she was like trying

0:39:37.120 --> 0:39:39.719
<v Speaker 5>to convince them just to let me out, but like

0:39:39.760 --> 0:39:41.200
<v Speaker 5>I said, be cause they're trying to finish my paperwork.

0:39:41.200 --> 0:39:43.239
<v Speaker 5>I ended up staying there for like three nights in

0:39:43.320 --> 0:39:45.000
<v Speaker 5>like pretty much two days. I think. It was like

0:39:45.040 --> 0:39:47.719
<v Speaker 5>A went in there like a Thursday night, left there

0:39:47.800 --> 0:39:50.839
<v Speaker 5>Saturday morning. It was a fun time, really, They gave

0:39:50.880 --> 0:39:51.200
<v Speaker 5>us food.

0:39:51.200 --> 0:39:56.400
<v Speaker 1>It wasn't that bad, you said. It was fun to

0:39:56.520 --> 0:39:57.000
<v Speaker 1>an extent.

0:39:57.200 --> 0:39:57.360
<v Speaker 2>You know.

0:39:57.440 --> 0:40:00.279
<v Speaker 5>I met some pretty cool people there. I I hadn't

0:40:00.280 --> 0:40:02.040
<v Speaker 5>expected i'd be like the odd one out and everyone

0:40:02.080 --> 0:40:04.520
<v Speaker 5>would hate me, But honestly, like they were pretty chill

0:40:04.560 --> 0:40:07.000
<v Speaker 5>with me. Like surprisingly, it was the people behind bars.

0:40:07.000 --> 0:40:07.680
<v Speaker 2>That was the nicest.

0:40:09.239 --> 0:40:11.359
<v Speaker 1>Really, you said you make cool people that who tell

0:40:11.400 --> 0:40:12.439
<v Speaker 1>me about the people that you met.

0:40:14.320 --> 0:40:15.880
<v Speaker 5>Was this one guy who actually asked for my number

0:40:16.200 --> 0:40:19.080
<v Speaker 5>that first time I walked in there. They they didn't

0:40:19.080 --> 0:40:20.800
<v Speaker 5>really have any respect for me. But then we just

0:40:20.840 --> 0:40:22.719
<v Speaker 5>start like chatting and I was like, yeah, like talking

0:40:22.719 --> 0:40:24.320
<v Speaker 5>to them whatever. And I was pretty chill about it

0:40:24.320 --> 0:40:25.600
<v Speaker 5>because at that point I was like, ocky, I'll get

0:40:25.640 --> 0:40:28.839
<v Speaker 5>a shit And this dude was like, you know, you're

0:40:28.920 --> 0:40:30.560
<v Speaker 5>kind of cool, Like hey, like, once you get out

0:40:30.560 --> 0:40:32.000
<v Speaker 5>of you want to hang out. I'm like, sure, here's

0:40:32.000 --> 0:40:32.359
<v Speaker 5>my number.

0:40:33.400 --> 0:40:34.600
<v Speaker 1>Did you end up hanging out with here?

0:40:36.239 --> 0:40:36.279
<v Speaker 3>No?

0:40:36.560 --> 0:40:38.759
<v Speaker 5>God, no, he did try calling me, but I kept

0:40:38.800 --> 0:40:39.520
<v Speaker 5>blocking the number.

0:40:40.520 --> 0:40:42.800
<v Speaker 1>Ah what what what was he like in in in

0:40:42.920 --> 0:40:44.000
<v Speaker 1>there for something fucked up?

0:40:45.920 --> 0:40:47.600
<v Speaker 5>I think he beats someone up. I wasn't really sure.

0:40:48.200 --> 0:40:53.440
<v Speaker 1>Oh Jesus, it is. It is interesting that they's like

0:40:53.960 --> 0:40:57.200
<v Speaker 1>the jail because they're jailing gay men. It just becomes

0:40:57.239 --> 0:40:59.839
<v Speaker 1>another place for you to meet other gay men.

0:41:01.800 --> 0:41:03.400
<v Speaker 5>You no, now that you mention it kind of is.

0:41:05.040 --> 0:41:09.040
<v Speaker 1>Interesting. So okay, So they weren't that rough with you.

0:41:09.160 --> 0:41:12.160
<v Speaker 1>You said it was a chill experience. They weren't like,

0:41:13.360 --> 0:41:16.280
<v Speaker 1>you know, it's weird because to me, when you're painting

0:41:16.360 --> 0:41:20.120
<v Speaker 1>the picture of and this is me knowing absolutely nothing

0:41:20.160 --> 0:41:25.320
<v Speaker 1>about Jordan, about the Jordanian police force, about what people's

0:41:25.400 --> 0:41:28.640
<v Speaker 1>values are over there. I would think in a place

0:41:28.680 --> 0:41:32.120
<v Speaker 1>where it's like literally illegal, well I guess, I guess

0:41:32.160 --> 0:41:34.880
<v Speaker 1>you said it's not illegal, but where it's like, uh,

0:41:36.080 --> 0:41:38.719
<v Speaker 1>quasi illegal to be gay, I would think that their

0:41:38.760 --> 0:41:40.719
<v Speaker 1>prisons would be fucked up too.

0:41:42.640 --> 0:41:44.920
<v Speaker 5>So I only say it's the police station. So for

0:41:44.960 --> 0:41:47.040
<v Speaker 5>the most part, like they did drop me out of

0:41:47.120 --> 0:41:48.680
<v Speaker 5>myself a few times, and they were like trying to

0:41:48.719 --> 0:41:51.279
<v Speaker 5>harass me here and there. A lot of jokes want

0:41:51.320 --> 0:41:53.040
<v Speaker 5>it like it was. It wasn't really a fun time.

0:41:53.160 --> 0:41:57.160
<v Speaker 5>But for the most part, I kind of just I

0:41:57.239 --> 0:41:59.719
<v Speaker 5>knew I didn't do anything wrong, and like, despite what

0:41:59.760 --> 0:42:02.320
<v Speaker 5>they believe, I just had to bear through and it

0:42:02.400 --> 0:42:03.680
<v Speaker 5>was all going to be okay. So I kind of

0:42:03.760 --> 0:42:08.560
<v Speaker 5>like kept reassuring myself and it kind of was, well,

0:42:08.640 --> 0:42:11.200
<v Speaker 5>not really, it wasn't that okay. When I went to court,

0:42:11.239 --> 0:42:13.680
<v Speaker 5>I think a week later after they bailed me out,

0:42:15.080 --> 0:42:17.560
<v Speaker 5>I think my sentencing was like a year in prison

0:42:18.400 --> 0:42:23.000
<v Speaker 5>something like that. Yeah, No, it was serious. At that point.

0:42:23.040 --> 0:42:24.200
<v Speaker 5>I was like, okay, so I'm not sure if I

0:42:24.200 --> 0:42:24.800
<v Speaker 5>can get out.

0:42:24.640 --> 0:42:27.359
<v Speaker 1>Of this, And what happened? Did you have to get

0:42:27.360 --> 0:42:28.120
<v Speaker 1>to prison for a year?

0:42:30.040 --> 0:42:33.080
<v Speaker 5>So not really, Here's what happened. So the guy that

0:42:33.080 --> 0:42:35.160
<v Speaker 5>I was making out with, his dad had some connections,

0:42:35.840 --> 0:42:37.759
<v Speaker 5>and so because he didn't want either of us going

0:42:37.840 --> 0:42:40.160
<v Speaker 5>to jail, he made a few phone calls and next

0:42:40.200 --> 0:42:42.120
<v Speaker 5>thing I know, they kind of change our sentences to

0:42:42.320 --> 0:42:44.920
<v Speaker 5>like forty hours of community service with like a three

0:42:44.960 --> 0:42:49.800
<v Speaker 5>year of probation. And at that point I already contact

0:42:49.840 --> 0:42:51.759
<v Speaker 5>the American Visy. I was like, you know, get me

0:42:51.840 --> 0:42:53.879
<v Speaker 5>out of here, like about this shit, I'm not doing

0:42:53.920 --> 0:42:58.520
<v Speaker 5>it anymore. And I think within like three months they

0:42:58.560 --> 0:43:01.120
<v Speaker 5>got all my paperwork ready, they gave me an emergency passport,

0:43:01.520 --> 0:43:03.560
<v Speaker 5>bought my plane tickets, and swum me out to Virginia.

0:43:05.040 --> 0:43:07.520
<v Speaker 1>God damn, you hooked up with the right grinder guy.

0:43:09.560 --> 0:43:10.000
<v Speaker 5>Thank god?

0:43:10.080 --> 0:43:12.279
<v Speaker 1>You know, yeah, thank god.

0:43:12.400 --> 0:43:12.520
<v Speaker 2>Man.

0:43:12.520 --> 0:43:15.480
<v Speaker 1>You almost had to spend a year in Jordanian prison,

0:43:16.000 --> 0:43:17.719
<v Speaker 1>which I mean, apparently, from what you're saying, is not

0:43:17.800 --> 0:43:18.840
<v Speaker 1>that bad, but still.

0:43:20.600 --> 0:43:24.600
<v Speaker 5>It could have been worse. Honestly, for the most part,

0:43:24.640 --> 0:43:26.000
<v Speaker 5>I think it really did teach me a lot of

0:43:26.080 --> 0:43:28.680
<v Speaker 5>values and it gave me a lot of faith in myself,

0:43:28.760 --> 0:43:31.279
<v Speaker 5>and I realized that a lot of not a lot

0:43:31.280 --> 0:43:32.800
<v Speaker 5>of people are going to speak up and fight for you.

0:43:32.880 --> 0:43:34.240
<v Speaker 5>So if you're not willing to do it for yourself,

0:43:34.280 --> 0:43:36.239
<v Speaker 5>no one else is going to do that. I spent

0:43:36.320 --> 0:43:38.680
<v Speaker 5>so long just like sitting by myself, like especially after that,

0:43:38.719 --> 0:43:40.399
<v Speaker 5>my terms are furious. They locked me in my room

0:43:40.400 --> 0:43:42.360
<v Speaker 5>for like probably three months.

0:43:43.040 --> 0:43:45.120
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, that was that was an aspect of that I

0:43:45.160 --> 0:43:47.000
<v Speaker 1>did touch on that I wanted to ask you about,

0:43:47.120 --> 0:43:48.560
<v Speaker 1>is how your parents reacted to all this.

0:43:50.800 --> 0:43:52.359
<v Speaker 5>Oh, now that's a funny one.

0:43:53.920 --> 0:43:54.640
<v Speaker 2>It was really bad.

0:43:54.680 --> 0:43:56.600
<v Speaker 5>I mean I don't to an extent. I guess I

0:43:56.680 --> 0:43:58.719
<v Speaker 5>kind of tore down their reputation, so I can see

0:43:58.760 --> 0:44:00.919
<v Speaker 5>why they were kind of mad. But for the most

0:44:01.000 --> 0:44:03.799
<v Speaker 5>part they took it very extremely Both My parents are

0:44:03.840 --> 0:44:06.000
<v Speaker 5>like very religious, so you can imagine how that went down.

0:44:08.840 --> 0:44:10.920
<v Speaker 5>It was dark times all over, and they sent me

0:44:11.000 --> 0:44:13.560
<v Speaker 5>to conversion therapy. Actually, they have programs there in Jordan.

0:44:15.280 --> 0:44:17.880
<v Speaker 5>Oh here's a funny one beside Hata twist over there.

0:44:18.520 --> 0:44:20.480
<v Speaker 5>I remember he was like telling me, like, yeah, like

0:44:20.600 --> 0:44:22.520
<v Speaker 5>we all go through phases in life where we're like

0:44:22.880 --> 0:44:25.080
<v Speaker 5>interested in weird things and he was telling me about

0:44:25.120 --> 0:44:27.359
<v Speaker 5>his life experiences and how like when he was a kid,

0:44:27.800 --> 0:44:31.000
<v Speaker 5>he he's always wanted to kiss a penis. And I

0:44:31.120 --> 0:44:32.799
<v Speaker 5>had to sit there like, hey, like do you want

0:44:32.840 --> 0:44:35.759
<v Speaker 5>to toss over like the notepad and everything, because I

0:44:35.800 --> 0:44:37.480
<v Speaker 5>feel like you can tell me about your relationship with

0:44:37.560 --> 0:44:37.919
<v Speaker 5>your dad.

0:44:38.960 --> 0:44:39.160
<v Speaker 1>Yeah.

0:44:39.400 --> 0:44:39.600
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:44:39.640 --> 0:44:42.080
<v Speaker 1>It was like, you know, hey, maybe maybe you're the

0:44:42.160 --> 0:44:43.440
<v Speaker 1>one that needs some therapy here.

0:44:45.680 --> 0:44:47.319
<v Speaker 5>No believe or not. It was kind of funny. It's

0:44:47.400 --> 0:44:51.160
<v Speaker 5>just a lot of bizarre things. But for the most part,

0:44:51.200 --> 0:44:53.880
<v Speaker 5>it didn't. Like I got to know more about myself

0:44:53.920 --> 0:44:56.440
<v Speaker 5>through all the experiences. And by the time I was

0:44:56.480 --> 0:44:58.280
<v Speaker 5>ready to leave, like I was born in the airplane

0:44:58.280 --> 0:45:01.040
<v Speaker 5>and like I had five one hundred dollars in my pocket,

0:45:01.840 --> 0:45:04.879
<v Speaker 5>I was losing everybody that I knew everything my whole

0:45:05.120 --> 0:45:07.440
<v Speaker 5>I was at the time, I was a second year

0:45:07.520 --> 0:45:11.759
<v Speaker 5>medical student before I dropped out, and I kind of

0:45:11.880 --> 0:45:15.640
<v Speaker 5>was just like, you know what, no matter what happens next,

0:45:16.520 --> 0:45:18.480
<v Speaker 5>everything that I've gone through is a testimony that I

0:45:18.520 --> 0:45:21.440
<v Speaker 5>can do things by myself because nobody was willing to

0:45:21.480 --> 0:45:23.080
<v Speaker 5>believe in me. So if I believe in myself, I

0:45:23.320 --> 0:45:24.960
<v Speaker 5>was and I could do everything that I've done and

0:45:25.000 --> 0:45:27.719
<v Speaker 5>survive everything, and I can do a little more than

0:45:27.760 --> 0:45:28.480
<v Speaker 5>my more.

0:45:28.360 --> 0:45:29.200
<v Speaker 3>With myself.

0:45:30.360 --> 0:45:34.560
<v Speaker 1>Totally. Man, So you boarded this plane from I have

0:45:34.640 --> 0:45:38.640
<v Speaker 1>a bunch of questions about the transition from Jordan to Virginia.

0:45:39.040 --> 0:45:43.000
<v Speaker 1>You went completely completely alone, like no friends in Georgia.

0:45:43.320 --> 0:45:48.000
<v Speaker 1>I mean, I mean no no friends in Uh did

0:45:48.040 --> 0:45:49.480
<v Speaker 1>I say Georgia when I met Jordan?

0:45:49.760 --> 0:45:50.040
<v Speaker 3>Just now?

0:45:51.600 --> 0:45:51.839
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:45:52.719 --> 0:45:58.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh okay, I'm bad at but anyway, anyway, so you

0:45:58.280 --> 0:46:02.080
<v Speaker 1>had no friends or family in Virginia. Did you know

0:46:02.120 --> 0:46:03.000
<v Speaker 1>anybody in Virginia?

0:46:04.719 --> 0:46:04.759
<v Speaker 2>So?

0:46:04.880 --> 0:46:08.200
<v Speaker 5>I actually only knew one person. He was an old

0:46:08.280 --> 0:46:11.600
<v Speaker 5>high school friend of mine. Once he graduated high school,

0:46:11.640 --> 0:46:13.759
<v Speaker 5>he uh, because he was born in the States as well,

0:46:13.800 --> 0:46:15.680
<v Speaker 5>and like me, his parents were like, hey, like, let's

0:46:15.680 --> 0:46:18.120
<v Speaker 5>introduce you your like side of the family. So he

0:46:18.200 --> 0:46:21.480
<v Speaker 5>graduated high school in Jordan, but then he came back

0:46:21.600 --> 0:46:25.600
<v Speaker 5>to Virginia to go to college. And so at the

0:46:25.680 --> 0:46:28.800
<v Speaker 5>time I emailed him, I was like, hey, like, I

0:46:28.880 --> 0:46:30.400
<v Speaker 5>have no place to go, and I'm trying to just

0:46:30.480 --> 0:46:32.680
<v Speaker 5>like get away from everything, Like do you know anyone

0:46:32.760 --> 0:46:34.399
<v Speaker 5>that's like renting out a room or something? And he goes,

0:46:34.440 --> 0:46:36.480
<v Speaker 5>you know what, you can just chill with me, And

0:46:36.800 --> 0:46:39.120
<v Speaker 5>so I kind of took that leap of faith. I

0:46:39.160 --> 0:46:40.759
<v Speaker 5>wasn't really sure what I was jumping into, and he

0:46:40.880 --> 0:46:42.000
<v Speaker 5>was like, you know what, I'll help you find a

0:46:42.080 --> 0:46:43.200
<v Speaker 5>job whatever, just to get.

0:46:43.080 --> 0:46:44.120
<v Speaker 2>You back on your feet.

0:46:47.000 --> 0:46:49.239
<v Speaker 5>I think the flight was about so the flight from

0:46:49.400 --> 0:46:52.279
<v Speaker 5>Jordan to UH I have to go to Chicago first.

0:46:52.320 --> 0:46:55.000
<v Speaker 5>It was like thirteen hours, and then there was like

0:46:55.040 --> 0:46:57.880
<v Speaker 5>a twelve hour delay for a morning flight to get

0:46:57.920 --> 0:47:01.600
<v Speaker 5>me from Chicago to DC and then from DC to Virginia.

0:47:02.000 --> 0:47:03.680
<v Speaker 5>So it was a really help mind you, this was

0:47:03.760 --> 0:47:06.320
<v Speaker 5>in twenty twenty, literally right in the middle of COVID,

0:47:06.760 --> 0:47:08.759
<v Speaker 5>so it was actually pretty hard getting any tickets. That's

0:47:08.760 --> 0:47:10.000
<v Speaker 5>why the embassy had to arrange.

0:47:09.760 --> 0:47:10.320
<v Speaker 2>Everything for me.

0:47:11.080 --> 0:47:13.600
<v Speaker 1>That's amazing that the embassy was able to arrange for

0:47:13.719 --> 0:47:15.719
<v Speaker 1>you to get the fuck out of there.

0:47:17.600 --> 0:47:19.360
<v Speaker 5>No, they they really did help me a lot. They

0:47:19.719 --> 0:47:21.960
<v Speaker 5>so they were always I have question checking up on me.

0:47:23.000 --> 0:47:29.160
<v Speaker 1>Oh really they did. That's cool there. The embassy is like,

0:47:29.360 --> 0:47:31.279
<v Speaker 1>you know, checking up on you and being cool because

0:47:31.320 --> 0:47:35.040
<v Speaker 1>I would think, I guess my idea, well, America has

0:47:35.120 --> 0:47:39.520
<v Speaker 1>a bad rap right now, so public government services they

0:47:41.200 --> 0:47:42.640
<v Speaker 1>my impression of them, I feel like a lot of

0:47:42.640 --> 0:47:45.560
<v Speaker 1>people's impression of them is that they don't really give

0:47:45.600 --> 0:47:48.120
<v Speaker 1>a shit, So I guess this is a good, Oh, hey,

0:47:48.239 --> 0:47:49.960
<v Speaker 1>maybe this one part of the government does give a

0:47:50.000 --> 0:47:51.839
<v Speaker 1>shit kind of thing. But I don't know what I'm

0:47:51.880 --> 0:47:59.400
<v Speaker 1>talking about anyway. So when is the last time you

0:47:59.520 --> 0:48:01.640
<v Speaker 1>spoke with any of your family back in Jordan?

0:48:04.160 --> 0:48:07.600
<v Speaker 5>So once I moved, I think it was like a

0:48:07.680 --> 0:48:09.720
<v Speaker 5>month or so, I tried reaching out to my sisters.

0:48:10.760 --> 0:48:12.360
<v Speaker 5>For the most part, I really did miss them. They

0:48:12.400 --> 0:48:14.160
<v Speaker 5>were they were my biggest supporters through all of it.

0:48:15.080 --> 0:48:16.840
<v Speaker 5>They didn't really know that I was leaving or anything,

0:48:16.920 --> 0:48:19.920
<v Speaker 5>but despite everything, they were still trying to do their

0:48:19.960 --> 0:48:22.680
<v Speaker 5>best to support me. So I reached out to them,

0:48:22.719 --> 0:48:24.160
<v Speaker 5>and my mom kind of was like, hey, like, I

0:48:24.200 --> 0:48:26.759
<v Speaker 5>don't want to talk to you, and so we spoke

0:48:26.760 --> 0:48:29.040
<v Speaker 5>out our differences. She never really apologized for everything that

0:48:29.080 --> 0:48:32.680
<v Speaker 5>she did to me. She told me that she would

0:48:32.719 --> 0:48:34.799
<v Speaker 5>she would only wish if I could understand where she's

0:48:34.840 --> 0:48:36.960
<v Speaker 5>coming from, and that she never meant to harm me.

0:48:37.120 --> 0:48:38.880
<v Speaker 5>It was just the way she was raised in the

0:48:38.880 --> 0:48:40.920
<v Speaker 5>culture that she grew up in, so she had no

0:48:40.920 --> 0:48:43.080
<v Speaker 5>other choice but to grap the way she did. But

0:48:43.520 --> 0:48:48.240
<v Speaker 5>despite that, she said family of family, and she actually

0:48:48.280 --> 0:48:53.240
<v Speaker 5>came to visit twice. Not that our relationship is perfect,

0:48:53.280 --> 0:48:55.120
<v Speaker 5>but for the most part, it's not as bad as

0:48:55.160 --> 0:48:57.239
<v Speaker 5>I thought it would be. She does tay some like

0:48:57.320 --> 0:49:01.480
<v Speaker 5>really ignorant comments here and there, but could have been worse.

0:49:02.400 --> 0:49:03.960
<v Speaker 1>So let me ask you when she says this to you,

0:49:04.040 --> 0:49:06.720
<v Speaker 1>When she says, whatever, this is how I was raised,

0:49:06.760 --> 0:49:08.279
<v Speaker 1>this is my religion. I wish you could see it

0:49:08.320 --> 0:49:11.600
<v Speaker 1>from my perspective. Do you make a genuine attempt to

0:49:12.440 --> 0:49:15.640
<v Speaker 1>see it from her perspective even if you vehemently disagree

0:49:15.680 --> 0:49:15.840
<v Speaker 1>with it.

0:49:19.200 --> 0:49:23.640
<v Speaker 5>Honestly, living on my own for almost two years now,

0:49:25.080 --> 0:49:27.160
<v Speaker 5>I kind of do understand to an extent because I

0:49:27.239 --> 0:49:31.000
<v Speaker 5>realized we all have our own separate experiences and whatever

0:49:31.120 --> 0:49:35.320
<v Speaker 5>we're raised and taught from a young age, it shapes

0:49:35.360 --> 0:49:37.040
<v Speaker 5>us into the people that we are, and sometimes it's

0:49:37.040 --> 0:49:38.960
<v Speaker 5>hard to shake it off. Some of us are only

0:49:39.040 --> 0:49:43.200
<v Speaker 5>lucky to be to have like accepted, like, very open

0:49:43.239 --> 0:49:45.920
<v Speaker 5>ideas of you know, love and acceptance for other people.

0:49:46.520 --> 0:49:49.160
<v Speaker 5>Not many other people grew up in supportive environment. So

0:49:51.000 --> 0:49:53.200
<v Speaker 5>not that I completely forgive her for everything, but for

0:49:53.320 --> 0:49:55.880
<v Speaker 5>the most part, I think I'll still consider it to

0:49:55.920 --> 0:49:58.800
<v Speaker 5>be like to be my biological mom, like that she

0:49:58.880 --> 0:49:59.680
<v Speaker 5>wants someone to talk to you.

0:49:59.680 --> 0:50:00.680
<v Speaker 3>I guess I'll be there for her.

0:50:03.000 --> 0:50:06.320
<v Speaker 1>What is your life like now in Virginia before we go,

0:50:06.520 --> 0:50:08.840
<v Speaker 1>tell us about it? What do you what do you do?

0:50:09.080 --> 0:50:12.120
<v Speaker 1>Are you a student? Are you dating anyone? Do you

0:50:12.200 --> 0:50:15.480
<v Speaker 1>have friends? Because you came there completely alone, and I

0:50:15.560 --> 0:50:17.600
<v Speaker 1>want to hear how you were able to, you know,

0:50:18.280 --> 0:50:18.880
<v Speaker 1>build from that.

0:50:21.320 --> 0:50:24.879
<v Speaker 5>Well, it's a crazy I had a lot of really

0:50:24.960 --> 0:50:27.680
<v Speaker 5>bad experiences, but for the most part, I I got

0:50:27.719 --> 0:50:30.239
<v Speaker 5>a job. I kept working hard. It would I would

0:50:30.239 --> 0:50:31.880
<v Speaker 5>always walk to work. It would take me about like

0:50:32.560 --> 0:50:35.640
<v Speaker 5>forty forty five minutes. At the time, I was only

0:50:35.880 --> 0:50:37.640
<v Speaker 5>getting paid like eleven dollars an hour, so I was

0:50:37.680 --> 0:50:39.839
<v Speaker 5>just trying to make enough to get by. But then

0:50:39.880 --> 0:50:41.719
<v Speaker 5>I went from one job to another that like paid

0:50:41.760 --> 0:50:44.560
<v Speaker 5>from eleven to fifteen, and I kept working, picking up

0:50:44.600 --> 0:50:46.959
<v Speaker 5>extra shift. If I had any free time, I would

0:50:47.400 --> 0:50:49.560
<v Speaker 5>try to see if I could work an extra hour

0:50:49.640 --> 0:50:52.440
<v Speaker 5>or so. And I kept working hard until I got

0:50:52.480 --> 0:50:55.640
<v Speaker 5>a car, until like things started opening up for me.

0:50:55.719 --> 0:50:59.640
<v Speaker 5>And now I work as a pharmacy technician and I'm

0:50:59.680 --> 0:51:02.560
<v Speaker 5>in try to get my license and hopefully soon enough,

0:51:02.600 --> 0:51:04.279
<v Speaker 5>maybe one day I might go back to college too.

0:51:06.320 --> 0:51:11.319
<v Speaker 5>I did meet someone. Actually, you should have met him.

0:51:11.320 --> 0:51:14.400
<v Speaker 5>He was literally the coolest person ever. It origly was

0:51:14.440 --> 0:51:18.520
<v Speaker 5>a grinder hook up. He came over, we chilled for

0:51:18.560 --> 0:51:21.239
<v Speaker 5>a bit, hooked up, and we just kept talking after

0:51:21.320 --> 0:51:23.600
<v Speaker 5>that for about an hour or so. And funny thing

0:51:23.680 --> 0:51:25.680
<v Speaker 5>when he was walking out the door, he had his

0:51:25.760 --> 0:51:27.560
<v Speaker 5>car keys in hand, mind you, and I was like

0:51:27.640 --> 0:51:29.719
<v Speaker 5>walking him out and he looks at me and he goes,

0:51:30.640 --> 0:51:34.239
<v Speaker 5>drive safe and two steps he stops and he looks

0:51:34.280 --> 0:51:36.440
<v Speaker 5>back and he goes, God, I'm so stupid. And the

0:51:36.520 --> 0:51:38.640
<v Speaker 5>whole cool guy for thought that he had just like

0:51:39.120 --> 0:51:41.399
<v Speaker 5>faded away. And honestly, he was the cutest person I've

0:51:41.400 --> 0:51:44.560
<v Speaker 5>ever met. We ended up dating actually for about a

0:51:44.640 --> 0:51:47.440
<v Speaker 5>year or so. We did a lot together and he

0:51:47.520 --> 0:51:50.520
<v Speaker 5>helped me through so much, and he's probably gonna be

0:51:50.560 --> 0:51:53.400
<v Speaker 5>my best friend. And I've never loved anyone as much

0:51:53.400 --> 0:51:54.320
<v Speaker 5>as I loved him before.

0:51:55.960 --> 0:51:58.799
<v Speaker 1>Man, this grinder is getting you into all sorts of situations.

0:52:02.120 --> 0:52:03.600
<v Speaker 5>I think this time it might have ended me up

0:52:03.600 --> 0:52:07.319
<v Speaker 5>in a good situation. It didn't really last, though, Oh

0:52:07.400 --> 0:52:07.920
<v Speaker 5>it didn't last.

0:52:07.920 --> 0:52:08.359
<v Speaker 1>You broke up.

0:52:08.400 --> 0:52:12.520
<v Speaker 5>Given my history and everything, Given my history and everything

0:52:12.520 --> 0:52:14.480
<v Speaker 5>that happened to me, I'm not exactly a perfect person,

0:52:14.600 --> 0:52:18.800
<v Speaker 5>so I tend to freak out on the smallest things,

0:52:18.880 --> 0:52:22.839
<v Speaker 5>and I wake up with night terrors, and I kind

0:52:22.880 --> 0:52:25.160
<v Speaker 5>of took it out on him. And for the most part,

0:52:25.200 --> 0:52:27.080
<v Speaker 5>I really am sorry for everything that I've done to him.

0:52:27.800 --> 0:52:30.720
<v Speaker 5>I tried my best to fix that. I I posted

0:52:30.800 --> 0:52:33.439
<v Speaker 5>a video on Instagram, actually twenty two minutes, like twenty

0:52:33.440 --> 0:52:36.279
<v Speaker 5>two minutes long, me just like sobbing on camera, looking

0:52:36.320 --> 0:52:38.319
<v Speaker 5>through like old memories and stuff and apologizing to him

0:52:38.360 --> 0:52:40.600
<v Speaker 5>for everything that I've done wrong, and hope said, you know,

0:52:40.680 --> 0:52:43.959
<v Speaker 5>he would forgive me and might come back. I wrote

0:52:44.000 --> 0:52:46.640
<v Speaker 5>him a love letter emailed it to him. I want

0:52:46.719 --> 0:52:50.960
<v Speaker 5>him like different Reddit forums like dropping like letters and

0:52:51.160 --> 0:52:52.839
<v Speaker 5>like notes and stuff like that, and hopes he would

0:52:52.840 --> 0:52:55.719
<v Speaker 5>see it. I even made a PowerPoint presentation and like

0:52:55.800 --> 0:52:58.319
<v Speaker 5>I presented it to him to try to convince him

0:52:58.360 --> 0:53:01.480
<v Speaker 5>to get back with me. He's just He's a great person,

0:53:01.719 --> 0:53:05.200
<v Speaker 5>and for the most part, with him, I honestly forgot

0:53:05.239 --> 0:53:06.640
<v Speaker 5>about a lot of things that ever happened to me.

0:53:07.200 --> 0:53:09.359
<v Speaker 5>It almost seemed like my life starts like the moment

0:53:09.400 --> 0:53:09.839
<v Speaker 5>I met him.

0:53:11.600 --> 0:53:14.680
<v Speaker 1>Interesting, when when did you stop seeing this guy?

0:53:17.200 --> 0:53:18.120
<v Speaker 5>About two weeks ago?

0:53:19.400 --> 0:53:21.840
<v Speaker 1>Okay, so you're still a little bit in the midst.

0:53:21.640 --> 0:53:21.840
<v Speaker 2>Of it.

0:53:24.160 --> 0:53:27.000
<v Speaker 5>Sort of. I think tomorrow he's going to give me

0:53:27.040 --> 0:53:29.319
<v Speaker 5>his definite answer on whether or not we can ever

0:53:29.400 --> 0:53:30.239
<v Speaker 5>get back together or not.

0:53:31.880 --> 0:53:34.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna say, I'm going to say this to you, Danny,

0:53:34.360 --> 0:53:38.880
<v Speaker 1>because I'm just regurgitating what you said already. You've been

0:53:39.000 --> 0:53:43.080
<v Speaker 1>through a ton of shit, and you've been through it

0:53:43.280 --> 0:53:47.080
<v Speaker 1>like as you said, Uh, you know, you told me

0:53:47.200 --> 0:53:50.520
<v Speaker 1>that all of these experiences have given you the confidence

0:53:50.600 --> 0:53:54.040
<v Speaker 1>that you can tough shit out alone. And I agree

0:53:54.080 --> 0:53:56.560
<v Speaker 1>with you. I mean, when I hear all this ship

0:53:56.600 --> 0:53:59.040
<v Speaker 1>that you're going through and how you came from Jordan

0:53:59.120 --> 0:54:03.600
<v Speaker 1>to Virginia freaking alone and you were able to kind

0:54:03.640 --> 0:54:08.080
<v Speaker 1>of work your way into a stable life position, I mean,

0:54:08.400 --> 0:54:12.040
<v Speaker 1>you're standing on a great foundation here. I know that

0:54:12.120 --> 0:54:14.560
<v Speaker 1>people fall in love and they go a little bit

0:54:14.600 --> 0:54:19.640
<v Speaker 1>wild and whatnot, But listen, Danny, I think you're gonna

0:54:19.640 --> 0:54:21.000
<v Speaker 1>be okay, and I think you know you're gonna be

0:54:21.040 --> 0:54:26.359
<v Speaker 1>okay too, because you clearly have this this skill set

0:54:27.360 --> 0:54:33.200
<v Speaker 1>of navigating the universe just by yourself. And also you're

0:54:33.200 --> 0:54:35.319
<v Speaker 1>still very young. You're only twenty one years old, it says,

0:54:35.680 --> 0:54:37.560
<v Speaker 1>and I find that's freaking amazing too, that you were

0:54:37.640 --> 0:54:41.719
<v Speaker 1>doing this at nineteen, So you know, I know you

0:54:41.840 --> 0:54:43.719
<v Speaker 1>might be head of our heels for this guy, but

0:54:44.000 --> 0:54:46.560
<v Speaker 1>I don't think all hope is lost for you no

0:54:46.680 --> 0:54:47.560
<v Speaker 1>matter what happens.

0:54:47.840 --> 0:54:52.279
<v Speaker 5>And I think you know that too, Yeah, I do,

0:54:53.360 --> 0:54:54.439
<v Speaker 5>I guess for the most part.

0:54:54.480 --> 0:54:54.759
<v Speaker 2>I just.

0:54:56.680 --> 0:54:58.480
<v Speaker 5>I really saw a lot in him, and I still

0:54:58.560 --> 0:55:02.160
<v Speaker 5>do when I say I loved him and conditionally are

0:55:02.320 --> 0:55:05.560
<v Speaker 5>like I really do, and so I expected he would

0:55:05.560 --> 0:55:07.000
<v Speaker 5>be the one I spend my whole life with, Like

0:55:07.280 --> 0:55:08.920
<v Speaker 5>everything that happened to me might have happened, so I

0:55:08.960 --> 0:55:11.960
<v Speaker 5>can end up with him. But right now the balls

0:55:11.960 --> 0:55:13.920
<v Speaker 5>in this court. If he wants to come back to me,

0:55:14.000 --> 0:55:16.680
<v Speaker 5>you can. If he doesn't, that's okay, and I have

0:55:16.760 --> 0:55:17.240
<v Speaker 5>been through.

0:55:17.160 --> 0:55:21.239
<v Speaker 1>Worse well, Danny, thank you for sharing your story with us.

0:55:21.480 --> 0:55:26.040
<v Speaker 1>I encourage you to be open minded because you're a

0:55:26.120 --> 0:55:29.520
<v Speaker 1>hell of a soldier here on this earth, and I

0:55:29.960 --> 0:55:34.000
<v Speaker 1>think that you should have a mindset of abundance as

0:55:34.040 --> 0:55:39.600
<v Speaker 1>opposed to scarcity, because the world is your oyster if

0:55:40.480 --> 0:55:42.560
<v Speaker 1>you so choose to attack it. I believe I do

0:55:42.719 --> 0:55:44.200
<v Speaker 1>believe that about you, and I know you believe that

0:55:44.239 --> 0:55:46.560
<v Speaker 1>about yourself. So I just wanted to say that again.

0:55:47.680 --> 0:55:49.040
<v Speaker 1>Is there anything else that you would like to say

0:55:49.040 --> 0:55:51.239
<v Speaker 1>to the people of the computer before we.

0:55:51.320 --> 0:55:57.600
<v Speaker 5>Go, Danny, let's see that's to be something useful.

0:55:57.360 --> 0:56:02.120
<v Speaker 1>So it doesn't have to be anything, you know, go ahead.

0:56:02.640 --> 0:56:04.120
<v Speaker 5>I feel like I want to share something nice with

0:56:04.440 --> 0:56:06.600
<v Speaker 5>just in case someone needs to hear this. If you

0:56:06.680 --> 0:56:09.040
<v Speaker 5>ever feel like you're alone and you're going through it

0:56:09.520 --> 0:56:12.080
<v Speaker 5>and you need someone to believe in, I think sometimes

0:56:12.880 --> 0:56:14.720
<v Speaker 5>if you just find the courage to believe in yourself

0:56:14.840 --> 0:56:18.040
<v Speaker 5>and you do what you feel is right, you'll end

0:56:18.120 --> 0:56:19.880
<v Speaker 5>up in better places than you could have ever imagined.

0:56:21.520 --> 0:56:21.920
<v Speaker 3>I like it.

0:56:22.760 --> 0:56:27.160
<v Speaker 1>What a great ad for Grinder this call has been. Yeah,

0:56:28.880 --> 0:56:29.759
<v Speaker 1>thank you for calling Danny.

0:56:29.840 --> 0:56:30.520
<v Speaker 2>Thank you so much.

0:56:32.840 --> 0:56:34.440
<v Speaker 1>Man. You know I will say I meant what I

0:56:34.520 --> 0:56:38.880
<v Speaker 1>said to Danny. H It was interesting that the second

0:56:38.960 --> 0:56:42.120
<v Speaker 1>half of I guess the third fourth of that, the

0:56:42.239 --> 0:56:47.080
<v Speaker 1>fourth fourth of that call was him talking about this guy,

0:56:48.680 --> 0:56:54.880
<v Speaker 1>because the first three fourths of the call are Danny's

0:56:55.080 --> 0:57:06.520
<v Speaker 1>adventure journey to realizing that he doesn't need anyone but himself.

0:57:09.320 --> 0:57:12.360
<v Speaker 1>You know, it's wonderful that he maintains a great relationship

0:57:12.400 --> 0:57:16.320
<v Speaker 1>with his sister. It's wonderful that he maintains a relationship

0:57:16.640 --> 0:57:19.040
<v Speaker 1>with his mom and the things worked out for him.

0:57:21.920 --> 0:57:24.439
<v Speaker 1>I really do think he's going to be fine, whether

0:57:24.600 --> 0:57:28.880
<v Speaker 1>or not this guy likes him back. Danny seems like

0:57:29.800 --> 0:57:35.000
<v Speaker 1>he's an adaptable person. We can tell that from everything

0:57:35.040 --> 0:57:39.439
<v Speaker 1>he's been through, and once again I appreciate him sharing

0:57:39.480 --> 0:57:42.240
<v Speaker 1>his story. Hello, Hello, what's up?

0:57:42.360 --> 0:57:50.560
<v Speaker 4>Cringe sah, Yeah, having an inter existential crisis?

0:57:50.600 --> 0:57:53.640
<v Speaker 1>I believe, yes, cringe. It says here you're having an

0:57:53.680 --> 0:57:58.440
<v Speaker 1>existential crisis. It says you have a sizeable following on

0:57:58.640 --> 0:58:01.600
<v Speaker 1>social media, but you feel like you don't have the

0:58:01.720 --> 0:58:03.880
<v Speaker 1>motivation to do it anymore.

0:58:04.240 --> 0:58:04.480
<v Speaker 3>This is.

0:58:06.120 --> 0:58:08.600
<v Speaker 1>There's a juicy one. Let's say, I'm excited to get

0:58:08.640 --> 0:58:14.160
<v Speaker 1>into this here. Tell me tell me, Okay, how long

0:58:14.200 --> 0:58:16.040
<v Speaker 1>have you had a following on social media?

0:58:19.240 --> 0:58:21.479
<v Speaker 4>I want to say, well, it's definitely been a little

0:58:21.520 --> 0:58:24.479
<v Speaker 4>over a year at this point.

0:58:25.480 --> 0:58:28.720
<v Speaker 1>Okay, it's been a little over a year. And what

0:58:29.240 --> 0:58:29.360
<v Speaker 1>is it?

0:58:29.520 --> 0:58:30.040
<v Speaker 3>What is it for?

0:58:30.360 --> 0:58:30.880
<v Speaker 1>Can I ask?

0:58:33.480 --> 0:58:37.400
<v Speaker 4>It's just like a random stupid shit on TikTok. It's like,

0:58:37.880 --> 0:58:41.160
<v Speaker 4>because I feel like I can't be myself anywhere, and

0:58:41.440 --> 0:58:43.400
<v Speaker 4>so I was up all night one night and I

0:58:43.480 --> 0:58:47.480
<v Speaker 4>just started posting videos, and uh, I started getting like

0:58:48.160 --> 0:58:50.640
<v Speaker 4>hundreds of follows followings at a time, like it went

0:58:50.680 --> 0:58:52.960
<v Speaker 4>from one hundred to eight hundred to like do you

0:58:53.080 --> 0:58:57.000
<v Speaker 4>name it? And now I'm stuck at like forty two thousand,

0:58:57.040 --> 0:59:00.320
<v Speaker 4>and I just feel paralyzed, like I can't post anymore.

0:59:00.680 --> 0:59:02.640
<v Speaker 4>But I feel like I'm letting people down because I

0:59:02.720 --> 0:59:04.360
<v Speaker 4>did not expect to take off like that.

0:59:04.560 --> 0:59:08.680
<v Speaker 1>You know what I mean? I mean, do you have

0:59:08.960 --> 0:59:15.320
<v Speaker 1>a desire to create content for the Internet for any

0:59:15.400 --> 0:59:17.520
<v Speaker 1>reason beyond not disappointing people.

0:59:21.600 --> 0:59:24.760
<v Speaker 4>I definitely enjoy having an outlet in some way, and

0:59:24.840 --> 0:59:28.680
<v Speaker 4>I like to embrace and express myself and I like

0:59:28.760 --> 0:59:33.520
<v Speaker 4>to connect with people. But I also don't know how

0:59:33.680 --> 0:59:36.440
<v Speaker 4>to I don't have any type of niche or anything

0:59:36.520 --> 0:59:38.080
<v Speaker 4>like that. I don't know how to be, you know,

0:59:38.160 --> 0:59:41.160
<v Speaker 4>an influencer or anything. I just can't seem to be

0:59:41.360 --> 0:59:45.440
<v Speaker 4>authentically myself without having a secondary voice in my head.

0:59:45.520 --> 0:59:47.720
<v Speaker 4>That's like, delete all your shit right now. You're weird,

0:59:47.920 --> 0:59:49.680
<v Speaker 4>Like it's weird.

0:59:50.400 --> 0:59:53.200
<v Speaker 1>Do you desire to ever like make money off of

0:59:53.320 --> 0:59:56.800
<v Speaker 1>this or make it into a career for yourself?

0:59:58.800 --> 0:59:59.480
<v Speaker 3>This thing is the.

0:59:59.560 --> 1:00:01.760
<v Speaker 4>Craziest thing is I have made money off of it,

1:00:01.880 --> 1:00:05.400
<v Speaker 4>and yet it's just I don't know how to just

1:00:05.600 --> 1:00:09.800
<v Speaker 4>continue going. Like I've made over two hundred dollars on

1:00:09.920 --> 1:00:14.040
<v Speaker 4>live streams, but I it was like the spur moment

1:00:14.120 --> 1:00:16.080
<v Speaker 4>type thing and it just kicked off, and I just

1:00:16.160 --> 1:00:20.040
<v Speaker 4>don't know how to find that inspiration again. I guess.

1:00:23.080 --> 1:00:26.720
<v Speaker 1>Well, I'll tell you something that I that that I've

1:00:26.920 --> 1:00:32.160
<v Speaker 1>learned that I've been thinking about a lot, which is

1:00:32.280 --> 1:00:35.680
<v Speaker 1>that in some way with with social media, right, like

1:00:35.840 --> 1:00:39.400
<v Speaker 1>these these numbers of like, oh, I want to increase

1:00:39.480 --> 1:00:44.200
<v Speaker 1>my followers, I want to increase my whatever the reward

1:00:44.400 --> 1:00:47.680
<v Speaker 1>now it's it's so it's important to actually enjoy the

1:00:47.840 --> 1:00:56.080
<v Speaker 1>process of what you're doing, because the reward for being

1:00:56.280 --> 1:01:01.440
<v Speaker 1>good at the process is just more of the process.

1:01:03.240 --> 1:01:05.800
<v Speaker 1>You know, if you gain a bunch of followers on

1:01:05.920 --> 1:01:10.040
<v Speaker 1>social media for making videos, your reward is that you

1:01:10.640 --> 1:01:14.720
<v Speaker 1>get to make more videos. You know, it's an endless

1:01:14.960 --> 1:01:20.800
<v Speaker 1>loop of process. So if you don't enjoy the process,

1:01:24.000 --> 1:01:26.360
<v Speaker 1>then there's no point.

1:01:31.600 --> 1:01:31.760
<v Speaker 3>Right.

1:01:33.040 --> 1:01:36.000
<v Speaker 4>It's just weird because I feel like at some point

1:01:36.040 --> 1:01:39.800
<v Speaker 4>I did enjoy it, but it's the whole what is it?

1:01:40.080 --> 1:01:46.160
<v Speaker 4>Like perceptions things like I will be completely content with myself, yes,

1:01:46.520 --> 1:01:50.160
<v Speaker 4>and it's it's killing me at this point, like it's

1:01:50.440 --> 1:01:52.880
<v Speaker 4>driving me into a hole because I feel good about

1:01:53.200 --> 1:01:56.040
<v Speaker 4>something that I either off the top of my head

1:01:56.120 --> 1:01:58.920
<v Speaker 4>posted or spent some time on and worked hard on,

1:01:59.040 --> 1:02:01.840
<v Speaker 4>and I will publish, post it or whatever, and then

1:02:02.320 --> 1:02:04.600
<v Speaker 4>immediately rewatch it and be like, no, I need to

1:02:04.600 --> 1:02:07.160
<v Speaker 4>take this step just because I cannot stand to see

1:02:07.240 --> 1:02:09.600
<v Speaker 4>myself and I know it's stupid, but I wish I

1:02:09.640 --> 1:02:12.480
<v Speaker 4>could just jump over that and get past it.

1:02:14.760 --> 1:02:20.320
<v Speaker 1>Mhm, yeah, I have. I have that myself sometimes.

1:02:20.440 --> 1:02:20.600
<v Speaker 2>Man.

1:02:21.520 --> 1:02:23.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm I'm I'm with you. I'm trying to figure that out.

1:02:25.120 --> 1:02:28.800
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to figure that out because part of me

1:02:28.960 --> 1:02:32.120
<v Speaker 1>is always like, part part of me likes posting those

1:02:32.240 --> 1:02:34.360
<v Speaker 1>kinds of things that I'm afraid to post because it's

1:02:34.400 --> 1:02:37.000
<v Speaker 1>just like a big fuck you to that feeling, you know,

1:02:38.000 --> 1:02:40.160
<v Speaker 1>you know what I mean, you're feeling like you're your

1:02:40.360 --> 1:02:42.480
<v Speaker 1>cringe will be like, well fuck you, I'm gonna personally

1:02:42.600 --> 1:02:45.600
<v Speaker 1>even cringier. I'm gonna post something I don't I want

1:02:45.600 --> 1:02:49.680
<v Speaker 1>to be perceived as even less. To free myself of

1:02:49.760 --> 1:02:52.680
<v Speaker 1>this feeling, That's what I'd.

1:02:52.520 --> 1:02:52.840
<v Speaker 2>Like to do.

1:02:53.000 --> 1:02:58.240
<v Speaker 4>And that's the funny part, right, I kind of like

1:02:58.320 --> 1:03:00.760
<v Speaker 4>spent my entire life being trees like rich for who

1:03:00.880 --> 1:03:02.880
<v Speaker 4>I am and how I am and being called weird

1:03:02.920 --> 1:03:06.440
<v Speaker 4>and tringy. And that's kind of why that's I labeled

1:03:06.480 --> 1:03:08.720
<v Speaker 4>myself cringe because like, fuck, you know, you can't call

1:03:08.800 --> 1:03:10.880
<v Speaker 4>me that. I called myself that, Like I kind of

1:03:10.960 --> 1:03:13.240
<v Speaker 4>own that ship. But at the same time, I don't

1:03:13.280 --> 1:03:15.960
<v Speaker 4>know how to go through with you know, like I said,

1:03:16.280 --> 1:03:18.120
<v Speaker 4>posting stuff and keeping it up.

1:03:20.120 --> 1:03:22.040
<v Speaker 1>Well, I like that attitude that you just said of

1:03:22.520 --> 1:03:24.320
<v Speaker 1>owning the fact that you are Cringe.

1:03:27.040 --> 1:03:27.360
<v Speaker 4>Thank you.

1:03:29.120 --> 1:03:31.160
<v Speaker 1>I feel like that's a good guiding light for you

1:03:32.040 --> 1:03:34.959
<v Speaker 1>through these these situations. I feel like that's a good

1:03:36.360 --> 1:03:40.320
<v Speaker 1>sort of philosophy to live by for this current time

1:03:40.440 --> 1:03:49.480
<v Speaker 1>period in your life. Cringe.

1:03:49.640 --> 1:03:52.760
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I'm grateful that I've gotten to that point that

1:03:53.160 --> 1:03:56.360
<v Speaker 4>I can sit there and and take hate and be like, well,

1:03:56.520 --> 1:03:59.280
<v Speaker 4>I mean the that's kind of what that's, you know,

1:04:00.200 --> 1:04:04.440
<v Speaker 4>quirky or whatever the fuck like my niche being fucking cringey.

1:04:06.480 --> 1:04:09.920
<v Speaker 1>So it feels good when you're able to successfully post

1:04:10.120 --> 1:04:15.720
<v Speaker 1>something that you consider to be cringey and just back

1:04:16.000 --> 1:04:20.760
<v Speaker 1>yeah in that perception and go oh wow, this doesn't

1:04:20.800 --> 1:04:27.240
<v Speaker 1>even hurt me anymore. You know, it's like you're overcoming it. Yeah,

1:04:27.400 --> 1:04:27.600
<v Speaker 1>it was.

1:04:27.880 --> 1:04:30.160
<v Speaker 4>It was really stupid because like my one of my

1:04:30.240 --> 1:04:32.120
<v Speaker 4>first posts that ever blew up, I thought was so

1:04:32.240 --> 1:04:35.680
<v Speaker 4>stupid and cringey, but I actually kept it up because

1:04:35.720 --> 1:04:37.680
<v Speaker 4>of the whole reason I made the post or the

1:04:37.760 --> 1:04:40.240
<v Speaker 4>page for you know, the cringe aspect or whatever. And

1:04:40.360 --> 1:04:44.360
<v Speaker 4>it was like, oh, am I on your for you page.

1:04:44.400 --> 1:04:46.680
<v Speaker 4>Fuck you keep scrolling because I sucked and I blew

1:04:46.800 --> 1:04:50.200
<v Speaker 4>up and got like forty thousand likes and fucking six

1:04:50.320 --> 1:04:52.640
<v Speaker 4>hundred follows from it, and I and I was like, Okay,

1:04:53.040 --> 1:04:54.440
<v Speaker 4>that happened. What happened there?

1:04:57.080 --> 1:04:58.960
<v Speaker 1>Well, listen, oh would you said? Name was cringe? Cringe.

1:04:58.960 --> 1:05:02.400
<v Speaker 1>At the end of the day, I think if your

1:05:02.560 --> 1:05:08.520
<v Speaker 1>primary desire is an outlet for creativity and thoughts, you know,

1:05:08.600 --> 1:05:11.160
<v Speaker 1>if that's your primary desire, if you're not trying to

1:05:12.800 --> 1:05:17.320
<v Speaker 1>start a business with this thing, or you know, to

1:05:17.440 --> 1:05:21.840
<v Speaker 1>become an influence or anything like that, then you're completely

1:05:21.960 --> 1:05:26.760
<v Speaker 1>free to interact with it on your own time schedule.

1:05:27.560 --> 1:05:30.720
<v Speaker 1>So even if that's three months from now when you

1:05:30.840 --> 1:05:35.080
<v Speaker 1>go without opening the app, but in three months you're like, oh,

1:05:35.160 --> 1:05:37.240
<v Speaker 1>I have this idea and I feel like this is

1:05:37.320 --> 1:05:42.280
<v Speaker 1>the best outlet for it, then you can start back

1:05:42.360 --> 1:05:45.440
<v Speaker 1>up then. But I feel like if the desire is

1:05:45.560 --> 1:05:48.400
<v Speaker 1>not in you to really make something out of this,

1:05:50.400 --> 1:05:51.400
<v Speaker 1>then I wouldn't.

1:05:51.040 --> 1:06:03.320
<v Speaker 4>Feel pressured too, right, I understand completely. I just there's

1:06:03.360 --> 1:06:05.720
<v Speaker 4>a whole aspect of like I got a little too connected,

1:06:05.960 --> 1:06:08.200
<v Speaker 4>so my followers might even have like a discord server

1:06:08.280 --> 1:06:11.440
<v Speaker 4>and everything, and then I just kind of fell off

1:06:11.520 --> 1:06:14.400
<v Speaker 4>and got distant. And it's at the point where like.

1:06:14.480 --> 1:06:14.760
<v Speaker 2>I just.

1:06:16.480 --> 1:06:19.080
<v Speaker 4>I want to step back into making stuff, but if

1:06:19.120 --> 1:06:20.960
<v Speaker 4>I can't stay committed to it, I don't want to

1:06:21.040 --> 1:06:21.680
<v Speaker 4>let people down.

1:06:22.680 --> 1:06:26.320
<v Speaker 1>Don't worry about letting people down. That's you're you're You're

1:06:26.360 --> 1:06:28.919
<v Speaker 1>never gonna be a you're. You have to be okay

1:06:29.000 --> 1:06:38.320
<v Speaker 1>with letting people down, or else you're just gonna go insane. Okay, Look,

1:06:38.320 --> 1:06:39.800
<v Speaker 1>if it makes you feel better, I let people down

1:06:39.920 --> 1:06:40.560
<v Speaker 1>all the time.

1:06:41.600 --> 1:06:41.720
<v Speaker 2>Uh.

1:06:41.880 --> 1:06:44.320
<v Speaker 1>I made a little thing with myself, you know, because

1:06:44.320 --> 1:06:46.479
<v Speaker 1>I'm doing this whole thing and I'm talking to people

1:06:46.480 --> 1:06:50.560
<v Speaker 1>all the time, and you know, I would like, like, okay,

1:06:50.560 --> 1:06:54.400
<v Speaker 1>I'll use myself as an example. I would like for

1:06:55.720 --> 1:07:02.840
<v Speaker 1>people to uh uh, you know, enjoy watching this stream

1:07:03.040 --> 1:07:07.160
<v Speaker 1>and enjoy interacting with the things that I do on

1:07:07.240 --> 1:07:11.440
<v Speaker 1>the internet, but not everyone will. Some people will get

1:07:11.480 --> 1:07:13.880
<v Speaker 1>disappointed if I don't stream for a day, or if

1:07:15.080 --> 1:07:18.040
<v Speaker 1>you know, I don't have anything to say in response

1:07:18.120 --> 1:07:20.919
<v Speaker 1>to a phone call, or I don't know any miscellaneous

1:07:21.080 --> 1:07:24.480
<v Speaker 1>thing that might happen that would piss someone off or

1:07:24.960 --> 1:07:28.480
<v Speaker 1>quote let them down. But I made a whole thing

1:07:28.560 --> 1:07:31.960
<v Speaker 1>with myself. I was like, I have I do not.

1:07:33.320 --> 1:07:37.440
<v Speaker 1>It's unsustainable for me to care about that kind of thing,

1:07:38.200 --> 1:07:41.520
<v Speaker 1>so I just don't. I just made the executive decision

1:07:42.320 --> 1:07:45.720
<v Speaker 1>not to care about letting people down for the sake

1:07:45.800 --> 1:07:51.880
<v Speaker 1>of my own mental health and sustainability. And I'm not

1:07:51.880 --> 1:07:56.480
<v Speaker 1>gonna tell you what to do, but highly high review.

1:07:56.800 --> 1:08:01.360
<v Speaker 1>I give a high review of that mindset for the

1:08:01.760 --> 1:08:05.960
<v Speaker 1>short amount of time that I've inhibited it. Anyway, cringe,

1:08:06.840 --> 1:08:10.040
<v Speaker 1>Good luck to you and ghek bless you for a

1:08:10.120 --> 1:08:10.720
<v Speaker 1>thousand years.

1:08:12.720 --> 1:08:12.960
<v Speaker 3>Thank you.

1:08:13.160 --> 1:08:15.440
<v Speaker 4>I honestly feel like I might try to do a

1:08:15.680 --> 1:08:18.120
<v Speaker 4>live tonight, just just to reconnect a little bit with them.

1:08:19.400 --> 1:08:20.519
<v Speaker 4>Has given me some inspiration.

1:08:21.240 --> 1:08:22.360
<v Speaker 5>Do it up big, Thank you.

1:08:23.280 --> 1:08:28.040
<v Speaker 1>Make some merch, cringe, buy it, make a T shirt.

1:08:30.200 --> 1:08:33.519
<v Speaker 1>I'll buy a T shirt. How much of the t

1:08:33.640 --> 1:08:35.320
<v Speaker 1>shirts never.

1:08:35.280 --> 1:08:39.000
<v Speaker 2>Beak goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.

1:08:39.400 --> 1:08:42.040
<v Speaker 1>Never Bekon goes to it, and I'm just teaching you

1:08:42.120 --> 1:08:46.000
<v Speaker 1>a loud in your life is not friendly. An expert