Speaker 1: You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Girl. Hi everyone,
Speaker 1: welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about
Speaker 1: the choices we make. My guest today is an inspiration
Speaker 1: and a role model in how she chooses to use
Speaker 1: her name and platform as a vocal advocate. Evet Nicole
Speaker 1: Brown is an Emmy nominated actress, comedian, and host, best
Speaker 1: known for her beloved role as Shirley Bennett on NBC's
Speaker 1: hit series Community. Offscreen, she is a champion in caregiving,
Speaker 1: diversity in Hollywood, and the beauty of aging gracefully, all
Speaker 1: rooted in kindness and respect. I'm thrilled to welcome my friend,
Speaker 1: vet Nicole Brown. Oh my gosh, you are just out
Speaker 1: there so much right now, lifting everybody up. I saw
Speaker 1: you meet up with Kamala, I saw you presenting a
Speaker 1: big award to one of my favorite humans.
Speaker 2: Can you?
Speaker 1: And I just gotta know, like, how are you being
Speaker 1: so busy and fabulous? Like how are you finding joy
Speaker 1: in your personal life right now?
Speaker 2: Well, Jinny Garth, I am very tired. I was just
Speaker 2: talking to a friend this morning and I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't know, I'm where I'm getting the bandwidth to
Speaker 2: finish everything. But how do you say no to going
Speaker 2: to hear Kamala speak? How do you say no to
Speaker 2: present in award to one of your dear friends? How
Speaker 2: do you say no to getting up early and putting
Speaker 2: on a lash to talk to you? Like, there's some
Speaker 2: things you just don't say no to. So I'm finding
Speaker 2: the balance because you know, I'm newly married as well,
Speaker 2: which I have to figure out how to be a
Speaker 2: wife in my fifties.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I want to talk about that.
Speaker 2: Let's have that talk. But my husband's really lovely and
Speaker 2: he's a very kind, peaceful man. There's no trauma or
Speaker 2: drama in our relationship or in our life. And so
Speaker 2: even if I'm slaying dragons outside the house or in
Speaker 2: my booth, when I come out of my little booth,
Speaker 2: he's there with some tea. He made me my tea
Speaker 2: this morn And you know, he's just a really nice man.
Speaker 2: So that's that's been the thing that's made this season
Speaker 2: of time possible.
Speaker 1: He'd better be a good man, because you deserve it.
Speaker 1: I mean, I just I love you, and I feel
Speaker 1: like it's okay to just, you know, get into the
Speaker 1: deep stuff with you. Oh my gosh, speaking of joy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you're getting ready to celebrate your first wedding anniversaries.
Speaker 2: Correct, he's coming up in a couple of months.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you waited for everybody that doesn't know. You waited
Speaker 1: to find love. You waited to find the right kind
Speaker 1: of love, which is absolutely and I choose me moment.
Speaker 1: So how is it now, one year later, settling in
Speaker 1: to being a wife, And are you still in the
Speaker 1: honeymoon phase or are you annoying you yet? What's happening?
Speaker 2: You know? I think listen, I think we were annoying
Speaker 2: each other as friends for years, So it's not there's
Speaker 2: nothing new about that, you know, I'm finding I say
Speaker 2: to myself often, I wish that I had we had
Speaker 2: gotten together earlier. I wish that life had happened differently
Speaker 2: and I could have met him earlier, and you know,
Speaker 2: he could have been my husband through my twenties and
Speaker 2: thirties and forties. But then I realized that perhaps the
Speaker 2: person that I was then would not have either been
Speaker 2: able to see him in all that he is, or
Speaker 2: you know, I feel like in a lot of ways,
Speaker 2: we were supposed to do it this way, Like I
Speaker 2: was supposed to go forward and fully understand what it
Speaker 2: means to be a woman and to be an entrepreneur
Speaker 2: and to be an actor. And you know, I built
Speaker 2: a wonderful life and was able to care for my
Speaker 2: dad for ten years before Tony came back into my life.
Speaker 2: So it played out how it was supposed to play out.
Speaker 2: But I hope that my leaden life love reminds people
Speaker 2: that it's never too late, and that even though society
Speaker 2: in this world tells you that you have to be you,
Speaker 2: I'm married by twenty five. You're hearing about thirty had
Speaker 2: him babies. They make you feel like you missed it,
Speaker 2: and it's somehow life is. You did it wrong, and
Speaker 2: everybody does it differently. Some people are blessed to have babies.
Speaker 2: I wasn't blessed to have babies. Some people are blessed
Speaker 2: to get married. I for the longest time, I wasn't
Speaker 2: blessed to get married. But there's joy and beauty in
Speaker 2: being single and childless as well. And I want to
Speaker 2: make sure that I keep flying that flag so no
Speaker 2: one thinks that now that I'm married, y'all better get
Speaker 2: over here. Y'all better get over here. If it's the
Speaker 2: right thing for you if it's not the right thing
Speaker 2: for you, or you haven't met the right person, stay
Speaker 2: on the other side because it's nice over there too.
Speaker 1: That's right. I was just thinking about that, like timing
Speaker 1: in life, like things, you think things should have happened earlier.
Speaker 1: You wish that had happened earlier, so you had had
Speaker 1: more time and you could have gotten further whatever it is.
Speaker 1: If you're finding things later in life like we have,
Speaker 1: I feel like you're so right. It didn't happen for a.
Speaker 2: Reason, reason and reason.
Speaker 1: There's something so profound in looking at that space and
Speaker 1: finding what the reasons were, so you can really fully
Speaker 1: understand them and like just use them to like fuel
Speaker 1: you forward, you know.
Speaker 2: And I also feel like, and tell me if you
Speaker 2: feel this way too. I don't think anything we go
Speaker 2: through is just for us. I think a lot of times,
Speaker 2: you know, people get into their little silos and it's like, well,
Speaker 2: I needed to learn this lesson. Maybe you're a cautionary
Speaker 2: tale for someone else. And it's not fun. It's not
Speaker 2: fun to be the one that people point to and go,
Speaker 2: we don't do it like event because event. But I've
Speaker 2: reached a point in my age in my life where
Speaker 2: I'm at an age where I'm okay if something I
Speaker 2: did taught someone what not to do, you're not saying.
Speaker 2: It makes me happy to know that even my mistakes
Speaker 2: can be used to bless other people. And that's also
Speaker 2: why I try to be as transparent as possible as
Speaker 2: I go through my life, so that people understand caregiving's
Speaker 2: not scary. It's okay. If you're not married in your
Speaker 2: thirties or forties, it's okay. If you find love late
Speaker 2: in life, it's okay, if you don't have children. I
Speaker 2: want people to know that all of those things are okay, yeah,
Speaker 2: or life is okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah. The social pressures are crazy, and if you don't
Speaker 1: feel the social pressures, you're either great at deflecting at
Speaker 1: all or you're just lucky you haven't found yourself in
Speaker 1: a situation where you're kind of the non norm you know.
Speaker 1: And I think about that too, because like, yeah, everything
Speaker 1: happens the way it happened in my life for whatever
Speaker 1: reasons it happened. And then there's sometimes when you think,
Speaker 1: oh man, the grass is always greener on the other side,
Speaker 1: I want that what that person has, or I don't
Speaker 1: want what I have.
Speaker 2: And as it right, it isn't a season. Like if
Speaker 2: you take a snapshot of your life at any particular time,
Speaker 2: depending on where you are today, that will look like
Speaker 2: the best time in your life or the worst time
Speaker 2: of your life. You're either saying, oh, I wish I
Speaker 2: could go back there, or what was I thinking? But
Speaker 2: in the midst of it, when you made the decision,
Speaker 2: it was the right decision for you to make at
Speaker 2: that time. Yes, And what I say to people all
Speaker 2: the time. The other reason why I'm okay with meeting
Speaker 2: Tony later is Tony has two amazing sons and if
Speaker 2: he had met me earlier, they wouldn't be here. And
Speaker 2: I need some of Zenda and Josiah in my life.
Speaker 2: So I am very happy to know that he created
Speaker 2: these beings and they're a bit of him, and they're wonderful,
Speaker 2: and I get to know them and I get to
Speaker 2: be a step mom to them, and so between them
Speaker 2: and my god daughter Ella, I got to have the
Speaker 2: experience of being in a child's life, and especially with Ella,
Speaker 2: I helped raise her. So that's my baby, you know.
Speaker 2: And I'm also modeling that it doesn't have to be
Speaker 2: a child that comes from you. I have great friends
Speaker 2: that are adopted, So that means because they their mother
Speaker 2: didn't birth them that that bond is not the same
Speaker 2: or it doesn't count. Like there's so many rules that
Speaker 2: we have for what makes a family and what makes
Speaker 2: a life worth living, and I think we need to
Speaker 2: pound against those things as much as possible. And also
Speaker 2: tell people who have gotten married, had kids, and then
Speaker 2: got divorced, your DNA needed to mix with that other
Speaker 2: person's particular DNA to make those amazing human beings that
Speaker 2: you raised. So don't ever get upset or why do
Speaker 2: I marry them? Because you made them babies and then babies,
Speaker 2: they're going to do great things in the world, and
Speaker 2: you don't know who they're going to become. You don't
Speaker 2: know who their kids are going to become. So you're
Speaker 2: a part of the cog that created great humans down
Speaker 2: a line. You needed that DNA of that other person
Speaker 2: to do it. And so there's no regrets in that either.
Speaker 1: Right now, everything happens the way it's supposed to happen.
Speaker 1: It all works itself out. It sounds so cliche and
Speaker 1: simple and yeah, but it is the absolute truth. How
Speaker 1: did you how did you find time in your already busy,
Speaker 1: big life to find the time to nurture a relationship
Speaker 1: on top of it. Because you know, dating someone and
Speaker 1: liking someone is one thing, but marrying them and living
Speaker 1: together twenty four to seven, sim it's a different things.
Speaker 2: They're all way there, they all way there.
Speaker 1: They won't go away, they.
Speaker 2: Won't go away. No, But you know what, it's funny.
Speaker 2: I didn't. I don't think I realized I was in
Speaker 2: a relationship. I didn't realize I was building a long
Speaker 2: distance relationship with an amazing man. I was just reacquainting
Speaker 2: myself with my dear friend from twenty years prior. So
Speaker 2: it was me and him just laughing, and you know,
Speaker 2: I think love knocked us both over the head. We
Speaker 2: literally were like whoa like independently of each other. We
Speaker 2: each had a moment that we've shared with each other since, like, dad,
Speaker 2: I think I like them, I think I liked And
Speaker 2: it was kinda do I tell her? Do I tell her?
Speaker 2: Like we were fighting that battle ourselves, but still just
Speaker 2: enjoying getting to know. We're getting to know our friend again. Right,
Speaker 2: So then by the time it moved towards I like you,
Speaker 2: I like you back and then it was moving towards
Speaker 2: We're getting We're gonna get engaged, we're gonna get married.
Speaker 2: All of it felt like just the path we were
Speaker 2: always destined to be on.
Speaker 3: It.
Speaker 2: There was no and this is, and this is, this
Speaker 2: may not be fair, but I tell my friends, now
Speaker 2: you know the way you'll know if it's your person.
Speaker 2: And this is just my opinion is they don't end
Speaker 2: up in the group chat. If you don't know how
Speaker 2: someone feels about you and you can't decipher what they mean,
Speaker 2: that either means that your connection with them is not
Speaker 2: strong enough for this to go the distance, or there's
Speaker 2: something your spidy senses are tingling about something when your
Speaker 2: screenshotting texts and send them to you girls, going he
Speaker 2: said this, what does this mean? Or he called me
Speaker 2: on Tuesday and didn't hear When you're doing that, it's
Speaker 2: a good indication that that's not the dude, because everyone
Speaker 2: I know that's in a wrong relationship, they all tell
Speaker 2: me that the other person was very clear. There was
Speaker 2: no question if they liked them, There was no question
Speaker 2: if they were going to show up on Saturday at Chili's.
Speaker 2: All of it was like if you have the fish,
Speaker 2: if you got the fish.
Speaker 1: You can't like for that connection with your partner, your
Speaker 1: potential partner.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you shouldn't have to cook it, you know.
Speaker 1: And no, because you deserve somebody who makes you feel
Speaker 1: seen and and doesn't need you don't need to go
Speaker 1: to your friends and say, I don't know if he
Speaker 1: really likes me.
Speaker 2: You know they like you. They're coming for you. And
Speaker 2: it's and and there's no shade in that because I've
Speaker 2: done my time in the group chats, a phone conversation.
Speaker 2: Well what he said this, and I've done it. So
Speaker 2: I'm telling you I'm not shading anybody that's in that dance.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying that if you're in that dance, it's
Speaker 2: a good sign that either he's not ready or he's
Speaker 2: not that into you.
Speaker 3: M hm.
Speaker 1: And if you are in that dance for your own purposes,
Speaker 1: it's just things you still need to learn so that
Speaker 1: you can live in a relationship in an healthy way,
Speaker 1: because there's you know, a don of ways to live
Speaker 1: in unhealthy ways, unhealthy ways, but you gotta learn.
Speaker 2: Have you read that book attached attached?
Speaker 1: I don't know. There's so many books. It's in my
Speaker 1: brain right now.
Speaker 2: It's a it's a book about how people attach in relationships.
Speaker 2: You either attached securely, anxiously, or you're avoidant avoidant, Yes,
Speaker 2: it kind of makes sense. You guys know what each
Speaker 2: of those things means. And the goal is to even
Speaker 2: if you're avoidant and anxious, the goal is to attach
Speaker 2: to somebody that's secure, because the person that's secure can
Speaker 2: tether you and walk with you through your stuff. But
Speaker 2: if two avoidant people meet up, if two anxious people
Speaker 2: meet up, if anxious and avoidant meet up, you won't
Speaker 2: have some trouble. And that just means that there's work
Speaker 2: that you or your person that you like still need
Speaker 2: to do on themselves so that they can see you,
Speaker 2: like you and trust that they can go the distance
Speaker 2: with you. That's how you attach when you're secure.
Speaker 1: What's the work though, Like, what's like, say you're a
Speaker 1: person who's anxious with another anxious person and you I
Speaker 1: really want that other person. I want the other person
Speaker 1: to do the work and become not anxious so I.
Speaker 2: Can stay anxious.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, the work I think is, you know, I believe
Speaker 2: in therapy. I think therapy is amazing personal or couple.
Speaker 2: You know, I haven't had to do couple. Thank God,
Speaker 2: me and TONI are good. Maybe you should do it preemptively,
Speaker 2: I don't know, but no, personally, I started therapy years
Speaker 2: ago when there was some knucklehead I was liking who
Speaker 2: didn't like me back, and he just made me crazy.
Speaker 2: So I had to go talk to somebody. And then
Speaker 2: I went back into therapy when my mother passed because
Speaker 2: I could not process being on the other side of
Speaker 2: the world and my life force just left, you know,
Speaker 2: my life. So there was a lot there. But the
Speaker 2: grief counselor I found, wonderful woman named Love McPherson, ended up.
Speaker 2: I found out later that her specialty is actually relationships.
Speaker 2: So while she was walking me through my grief, she
Speaker 2: talked to me about my life and my relationships, and
Speaker 2: so I didn't even know that she was cobbling me
Speaker 2: to get for when I would, you know, get with
Speaker 2: Tony a year later, like she really mentally got me together,
Speaker 2: and she was the officiant at our wedding because I
Speaker 2: was like, I would not be able to stand here
Speaker 2: with anyone.
Speaker 1: Wait, didn't it tip you off that her name is Love?
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's her really, that is her real name,
Speaker 2: And mother gave her the name love and that's exactly
Speaker 2: who she is.
Speaker 1: So what a gift?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really a blessing. So I did the
Speaker 2: work on myself. There's childhood dramas we all have. We
Speaker 2: all have, you know, dreams dashed, and we either believe
Speaker 2: that we deserve someone great in our life or not.
Speaker 2: And if we don't believe, it's because we have not
Speaker 2: we have not done the work to realize that we're
Speaker 2: worthy of a good love. And so we go. I
Speaker 2: don't want to. I don't get nobody all this mess.
Speaker 2: I'm a state of myself. How about you just work
Speaker 2: on the mess.
Speaker 1: I really think you're right. The couple's therapy for me
Speaker 1: hasn't always been great, so I'm a little like this
Speaker 1: with it. But I really think that personal therapy for
Speaker 1: anybody is just so great to like, why not dig
Speaker 1: in and figure it out from the bottom up. Yes,
Speaker 1: that's where when you have your shit together, you figured
Speaker 1: yourself out, You love yourself. That's when like the sun
Speaker 1: starts shining every.
Speaker 2: Day, and it's what you draw. Like I used to
Speaker 2: hate when people will say, you know, you look at
Speaker 2: your friends group or your relationships and you'll get a
Speaker 2: very clear idea of where you are right. It didn't
Speaker 2: bother me so much in the friend group because I
Speaker 2: have great friends, and my friends are mature and got
Speaker 2: they shit together right. That's a good mirror. But I
Speaker 2: looked at my relationships and the men I was choosing,
Speaker 2: and I had to go, WHOA, like another guy that
Speaker 2: can't commit, or another guy that's not sure about you,
Speaker 2: or another guy that's a liar? Like what am I
Speaker 2: giving off that I am now a beacon to this?
Speaker 2: Or how many chances do I give that I should
Speaker 2: not give that I stay beyond the understanding that this
Speaker 2: dude is not the guy. So that was the work
Speaker 2: that I was unearthing, and there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2: And if you don't do that work and you end
Speaker 2: up with life, you end up with cheaters. You're going
Speaker 2: to think something's wrong with you because you're the common denominator.
Speaker 2: So do the work so you don't wonder if it's you.
Speaker 2: You'll know always him.
Speaker 1: And you'll you'll be Yeah, so much easier to like
Speaker 1: recognize it and get out away from it quickly because
Speaker 1: you love yourself. Oh, how you use your platform in
Speaker 1: glorious ways, not just for your actress business. As an actress.
Speaker 1: You know, you actresses speak about all of us, but
Speaker 1: also you inspire people to be kind, and you inform
Speaker 1: people on things that matter to you. Try to you,
Speaker 1: try to. Is there for you ever a line where
Speaker 1: you're like, I don't want to get too personal or
Speaker 1: I don't want to take such a harsh stance on
Speaker 1: something that will really upset a lot of people who
Speaker 1: normally love me.
Speaker 2: No, I don't have a line with any of that.
Speaker 2: First of all, I'm an open book. I've never done
Speaker 2: an interview even and said well, this is what I
Speaker 2: want you to ask me. Ask me whatever you want.
Speaker 2: You know, I will answer whatever you ask. And second,
Speaker 2: I truly believe that those of us that have platforms
Speaker 2: have been given platforms for a reason. And if all
Speaker 2: I do with the seven hundred thousand people that are
Speaker 2: kind enough to follow me on Instagram is tell them
Speaker 2: what lip gloss I'm wearing. This is my lipistine by way,
Speaker 2: But if that is all I do, I've done a
Speaker 2: great thing for lipostine, But I've done a horrible thing
Speaker 2: for the world. Right, so it is more important for
Speaker 2: me to shine a light on injustice, to shine a
Speaker 2: light on the importance of registering and voting, the importance
Speaker 2: of kindness, the importance of realizing that you know, we
Speaker 2: are stronger together, that your neighbor is not your enemy,
Speaker 2: and immigrants make this country great. All of those things
Speaker 2: are important, and I don't care what I lose if
Speaker 2: I'm telling the truth. Now, if I was up here
Speaker 2: lying and making up stuff and being crazy, that would
Speaker 2: be very concerned about who doesn't like me. But at
Speaker 2: this point, anyone that doesn't like me is probably a
Speaker 2: wretched human being because I'm not doing anything wrong. Everything
Speaker 2: I'm talking about is the right side of history. So
Speaker 2: if you just don't like me, then you just don't
Speaker 2: like me, and that's that's your journey to take. Ain't
Speaker 2: none of my business?
Speaker 1: What are you talking about right now in your socials? Like,
Speaker 1: what's the one thing that.
Speaker 2: Right now in LA? The importance of voting yes on fifty,
Speaker 2: because there's been some gerrymandering happening with the with the
Speaker 2: Poles and other states, and it needs to be counteracted
Speaker 2: because the only way we're getting out of this authoritarian
Speaker 2: hellscape is if we get kinder, loving, smarter people who
Speaker 2: aren't chasing money. I need, I need people that put
Speaker 2: people over profit. That's what I need. I need my
Speaker 2: leaders to not be trading stocks and to be focused
Speaker 2: on getting the costs of bacon and eggs down for everybody.
Speaker 2: I need somebody that believes that climate change is real.
Speaker 2: I need somebody that knows that vaccines keep people alive.
Speaker 2: I need someone that will fight to make sure that
Speaker 2: they're that your babies have can breathe, they can breathe
Speaker 2: it and drink the water. So I need those people.
Speaker 2: And so the only way we get what's in out
Speaker 2: and get people that actually care about people more than
Speaker 2: money is we have to register and vote, and we
Speaker 2: have to make sure that our vote counts. And that's
Speaker 2: why yes fifty matters in any other state there.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, right, voting is like your is like
Speaker 1: your top priority as a number one.
Speaker 2: Number one you got, that's your job. Your job as
Speaker 2: an American is to vote or don't. Don't say nothing
Speaker 2: about what the price.
Speaker 1: Of eggs, don't complain about anything.
Speaker 2: Don't complain about losing your job, don't complain about National
Speaker 2: Guard and military in the streets. If you're not going
Speaker 2: to vote to get people in that won't do those things.
Speaker 1: There's nothing worse than somebody that's like has some sort
Speaker 1: of you know, pulpit, and they're talking about what they believe,
Speaker 1: and then you ask them, did you vote? Don't? Oh no,
Speaker 1: I didn't. Yeah, I didn't know who to vote for.
Speaker 2: So I just think you did knew you knew. It's obvious,
Speaker 2: this is not this is open book jes yep yep. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So politics is important and also caregiving. Those are my
Speaker 2: two things that I'm.
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Speaker 1: I'm gonna circle back on the caregiving. That's something I
Speaker 1: really want to talk about as well. You've worked so much,
Speaker 1: though most recently on a Lifetime movie which is called
Speaker 1: Man Enough, airs in November, right now, twenty second. Okay,
Speaker 1: So how do you choose the projects that you choose now,
Speaker 1: like Man Enough? And how does that reflect kind of
Speaker 1: like where you are in your life and your career journey,
Speaker 1: because I know this movie has somebody important to you.
Speaker 2: In it, because it does. This is my first Lifetime movie.
Speaker 2: It's my Lifetime movie debut and also my husband, Tony's
Speaker 2: lifetime television debut movie debut. I got an offer to
Speaker 2: do the film, and I was overjoyed. Got to work
Speaker 2: with the amazing Tony Braxton, whose song Man Enough the
Speaker 2: film is based on, and then also Essence Atkins who's
Speaker 2: a dear friend of mine. And I read this script
Speaker 2: and found out that my character had a husband. I
Speaker 2: was like, what was playing a husband? Well, we haven't
Speaker 2: cast him yet. I was like, could my husband audition anybody?
Speaker 2: He can audition? But he got a wain it. We
Speaker 2: ain't doing no favors and I said, well, okay, then
Speaker 2: let it. I just want him to be able to
Speaker 2: try for it. If he gets it, you know, great
Speaker 2: if he doesn't. And my husband we met in an
Speaker 2: acting class. He's he's been an actor, he just hasn't
Speaker 2: done it in twenty years. So he's now getting back
Speaker 2: to what all of us in class knew that he was.
Speaker 2: He was the star of our class, and so when
Speaker 2: he dropped out and didn't want to act anymore, we
Speaker 2: all were like, what, Tony's not acting? So the idea
Speaker 2: that Tony was getting back in was exciting to me
Speaker 2: as a fan of his work, and he booked it.
Speaker 2: So I had to go up to Vancouver and kissed
Speaker 2: my own husband and rolled.
Speaker 1: Utter stranger girl.
Speaker 2: O can't the idea kissing a strange man or an actor? Like, oh,
Speaker 2: come on, I don't want him to do it. So
Speaker 2: I want to done it, that's my job, but I'm
Speaker 2: so glad I didn't have to so that so this
Speaker 2: film with the added bonus of getting to work with
Speaker 2: Tony was really amazing. And then to work with Tony
Speaker 2: Braxton and I've always wanted to get into that Lifetime family.
Speaker 2: I heard that once you're in, it's like you're you're in,
Speaker 2: You're in, so I can't. I look forward to doing
Speaker 2: more things with Lifetime. So it was really easy. As
Speaker 2: for other jobs, I wanted it needs to be in
Speaker 2: LA because I'm a caregiver for my dad, have a dog,
Speaker 2: and leaving is a lot of work.
Speaker 1: Well that kind of like slims your it does just down.
Speaker 2: I mean, that's that's the thing that made saying yes
Speaker 2: to even do a man enough tough because it would
Speaker 2: would have been, you know, a month away, and I
Speaker 2: was like, well, I don't you don't want to leave
Speaker 2: my dad, don't want to leave Tony. And it worked
Speaker 2: out because Tony was able to come, so I was
Speaker 2: able to be with him and my dad has a
Speaker 2: great caregiver, So all of that play worked out the
Speaker 2: way it was supposed to. So proximity is important. Is
Speaker 2: it something that says something that will help people in
Speaker 2: some way. That's always important when I take a role.
Speaker 2: And then is it something that I've never done that
Speaker 2: I think I could do something fun and I've never
Speaker 2: This character is really fun. She's she's smart, she's an attorney,
Speaker 2: she's she's got jokes, but she also has heart. So
Speaker 2: I think it's gonna be people have seen me in
Speaker 2: a way they've never seen me before. I hope that's what.
Speaker 1: I'm excited to see you lead your own movie. That
Speaker 1: is for dang, sure close.
Speaker 2: Star, you're my friend. You said lead. I'm strong Tony
Speaker 2: is a lead. I'm happy to support.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, good good. Well there's something so fulfilling for
Speaker 1: me personally about collaboration, and that's what movie making is
Speaker 1: all about. Well, do you have any like stories from
Speaker 1: your time on sets, like when you really felt that
Speaker 1: magic of collaboration or the benefits from it.
Speaker 2: You know, just so many times. I mean, of course,
Speaker 2: community is the easiest answer, because everybody on that show
Speaker 2: was like except for Chevy Chase, of course, but everyone
Speaker 2: else on the show was right at the beginning of
Speaker 2: what they were going to become in the industry. So
Speaker 2: I got to have a front row seat for the
Speaker 2: beginning of Donald Glover, in the beginning of Danny Putty,
Speaker 2: in the beginning Gillian Jacobs and Alison Brie and you know,
Speaker 2: even Ken Ken had just done the Hykover movie. But
Speaker 2: he was he was a star, but he but he
Speaker 2: hadn't become the fullness of everything that he is. And
Speaker 2: Jim Rash oscar Winner Jim Rash like, So there's there
Speaker 2: were a lot of parts of that experience that I
Speaker 2: will never be able to duplicate as long as I live.
Speaker 2: And we were a strong ensemble. So we supported each other,
Speaker 2: celebrated each other, rooted for each other, encourage each other
Speaker 2: to be as foolish as the other person could be,
Speaker 2: and then delighted in their foolishness. Like, it was really
Speaker 2: a lovely time. And we're still all really close. We
Speaker 2: have a really lively group chat and birthdays aren't missed,
Speaker 2: and weddings and babies being born have been celebrated. It's
Speaker 2: been wonderful. So that was the probably the greatest career
Speaker 2: collaboration of my life was the five years I did
Speaker 2: on Community.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that sounds like an incredibly supportive environment to get
Speaker 1: silly in. Yeah, which it has to be. So Yeah,
Speaker 1: we have our platforms that we've quite honestly worked really
Speaker 1: hard to develop and protect and build. And I'm just
Speaker 1: curious a lesson for women outside of Hollywood where we
Speaker 1: have we can develop these platforms. We have that sort
Speaker 1: of leg up in that area when we become you know,
Speaker 1: household names or people are used to seeing us on TV.
Speaker 1: What is the lesson for other women out there who
Speaker 1: are trying to have that same sort of path towards
Speaker 1: equality and change and having our voices heard. Like, what
Speaker 1: would you tell a woman who doesn't already have a platform?
Speaker 2: I would mean, yeah, do, I would say, And this
Speaker 2: is always I've said this before, and it's a little
Speaker 2: shocking when I say it. Everyone has a platform. Now.
Speaker 2: The size of the platform may be different. Your your
Speaker 2: platform may be Pta meetings. Platform may be frozen food
Speaker 2: section at Ralph's right. Your platform may be you know,
Speaker 2: two or three gathered in his name in the parking
Speaker 2: lot of church. But everyone has some people around them
Speaker 2: that are listening to what they have to say. Do
Speaker 2: not devalue your platform, whatever it is. There's something in
Speaker 2: the Bible that says despise not small beginnings, because the
Speaker 2: bottom line is Everybody that's got fifty million followers started
Speaker 2: with one. Everybody that's a household name started as an unknown. Right.
Speaker 2: Even if you're an NEPO baby you start, they don't.
Speaker 2: They don't they know Jennigarth. They don't know you until
Speaker 2: they know you. Right. So the whole idea of it
Speaker 2: is you use what you have and you make sure
Speaker 2: what you're saying is of value so that as it
Speaker 2: continues to grow more the right people are following you.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm the proudest thing about my my followers
Speaker 2: is that they're good people. I can tell in the
Speaker 2: comments section when somebody found their way in and they
Speaker 2: don't belong. We don't. We ain't cussing at each other.
Speaker 2: Were not treating people bad. I will block someone if
Speaker 2: they're rude to a common er. If you come in
Speaker 2: my comment section and say something heyful to somebody in
Speaker 2: the comment section, you out of there. It ain't gotta
Speaker 2: be to me. We cultivate this and you do the
Speaker 2: same thing as you're building your platform in real life
Speaker 2: or where if you're just starting on social media, find
Speaker 2: out what you're excited about, what matters to you, what
Speaker 2: is true and important to you, and make sure you
Speaker 2: tell people about it.
Speaker 1: I mean that is just one way to build a business,
Speaker 1: this absolute farm thing. But just even in life as
Speaker 1: a human, find what it is that you're passionate about
Speaker 1: and what you think can help other people. And that
Speaker 1: should be the direction that you walk in, Uh, to
Speaker 1: find that purpose in your life, yep, because a lot
Speaker 1: of us don't know our purpose. Yeah.
Speaker 2: And that's shocking to me too, because I think what
Speaker 2: happens is that a lot of people think purpose is vocation. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and that is not purpose or calling. Purpose or calling
Speaker 2: is what you would do at what you do at
Speaker 2: every job you have. My purpose in calling is celebrating others.
Speaker 2: And I'm an encourager. I'm a cheerleader of people. That
Speaker 2: is what I've always been. I was working at Toys
Speaker 2: r US at Christmas time and I was telling people,
Speaker 2: I like your ear rings. Oh you just look so
Speaker 2: maybe you won't get that Almo for you baby. I
Speaker 2: am encouraging. I'm celebrating people always. I can do that
Speaker 2: as an office tip. I can do that on this podcast.
Speaker 2: I can do that, you know, on a set. I
Speaker 2: can do that on fries at McDonald's and have you
Speaker 2: So the whole point is you not fries with mcdonald'sn't
Speaker 2: say a memo, way's job. I've done it everything.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I didn't do the fries.
Speaker 2: I didn't do the frid Now I would, but I happened.
Speaker 2: So the whole idea is you you figure out the
Speaker 2: thing that makes you feel alive, and it always involves
Speaker 2: other people. Your calling is never just for you. It's
Speaker 2: not My call is to be the best baker. That's nice.
Speaker 2: But where you put into bake goods? Are you gonna
Speaker 2: teach people how to make the bake good? You're gonna
Speaker 2: put out a cookbook to help people after you do
Speaker 2: the bake good you're gonna sell to Bate Goods. You're
Speaker 2: gonna give the bake goods away to the unhoused.
Speaker 1: Are they going to be? Are they gonna be? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Exactly. It's not just I'm gonna be a good baker.
Speaker 2: What are you going to do with it after? And
Speaker 2: that's also vocation too, but it's calling is deeper. Calling
Speaker 2: is is the thing that wakes you up in the morning,
Speaker 2: the thing that you would do for free. Yeah, that's calling,
Speaker 2: And for most people vocation you got to pay me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there are a lot of jobs that you don't
Speaker 1: feel inspired by, a lot of jobs that I feel
Speaker 1: like job's and we all have we all know what
Speaker 1: that is when we have to have a job to
Speaker 1: pay those bills. But then there's room, I think in
Speaker 1: everyone to find purpose in their jobs. Yep, somehow, and okay,
Speaker 1: it'd be really hard sometimes or to find that purpose
Speaker 1: and then find the job that aligns with.
Speaker 2: It exactly, you know. And also it's important too, because
Speaker 2: you spend most of your life, you know, at these
Speaker 2: jobs you're doing eight ten hours a day and actors
Speaker 2: we're doing twelve to sixteen hours a day. If you
Speaker 2: don't like it, you're going to become a miserable person
Speaker 2: in your health is going to suffer. So you gotta
Speaker 2: do something that makes you happy, and it doesn't matter
Speaker 2: what it is, and nobody else has to understand it.
Speaker 2: My dad retired from a school system, a middle school
Speaker 2: in Cleveland. He was the head custodian for thirty years.
Speaker 2: He was a day engineer. Back in the day. You
Speaker 2: had to know how to do boilers and stuff so
Speaker 2: the schools didn't blow up. So he has an engineering degree,
Speaker 2: but my dad was a custodian, a janitor his entire life,
Speaker 2: and he was good at it. He treated that school
Speaker 2: like it was a palace that he owned. He made
Speaker 2: sure every teacher and every student got a hello, and
Speaker 2: he made sure that their spaces were clean and tidy
Speaker 2: and sanitized. He loved his job and was good at
Speaker 2: his job. So it doesn't matter what you do, right,
Speaker 2: do it unto God? Yeah? So it's you know, it
Speaker 2: was an amazing job for him, and he was happy
Speaker 2: he did it, and I was happy he did it.
Speaker 2: You know, doesn't have to be a grand thing. No,
Speaker 2: you make it grand by your attitude.
Speaker 1: By yep, exactly what you put into it. Let's talk
Speaker 1: about aging, okay, do it's talk about it. You do
Speaker 1: it with such grace and peace. We are at the
Speaker 1: same age.
Speaker 2: I think you might be just I got you one year,
Speaker 2: maybe I got you buy a year.
Speaker 1: So what is it for you? Is it inner confidence?
Speaker 1: Is it the humor that you have around it? Is
Speaker 1: it just pure peace and acceptance? You know?
Speaker 2: It's I think it's what you gonna do, you know
Speaker 2: what I mean? Like, there's only you. You. You gonna
Speaker 2: keep living until you die, right, and if you keep
Speaker 2: living and you live long enough, you're gonna get old
Speaker 2: and what we're gonna do. I don't even want to
Speaker 2: be you wanna be twenty again?
Speaker 1: I don't want no, no, no, I don't know. And
Speaker 1: I mean maybe for like you know, an afternoon, I
Speaker 1: ain't mean, but I.
Speaker 2: Mean just not knowing who, what I'm doing? Who I was. Oh,
Speaker 2: I was so confused at twenty So no I And
Speaker 2: insofar as what happens to our bodies and you know,
Speaker 2: our faces and whatever, I think it's kind of funny.
Speaker 2: I think it's funny this dance that we're doing, trying
Speaker 2: to trying to not be what we are. It's dumb,
Speaker 2: you know, don't get me.
Speaker 1: Seriously, like just never gonna work out. Your're going to
Speaker 1: work in.
Speaker 2: Your favor because even though and this is the thing,
Speaker 2: you got a couple of choices, Okay, you're either going
Speaker 2: to let it do whatever it's gonna do, and you're
Speaker 2: gonna lean into it and be that. And we know
Speaker 2: some beautiful, amazing images who are letting it be what
Speaker 2: it's gonna be.
Speaker 1: And I love what about when Jane Goodall there's a
Speaker 1: lot of press around her death. She's always been one
Speaker 1: of my favorites, and I just look at pictures of
Speaker 1: her and I want to cuddle up in every nook
Speaker 1: and cranny, every wrinkle.
Speaker 2: It's like Helen Mirris, Helen Marres, Elamren, Helen Mirren is like,
Speaker 2: this is what it is. I think Andy McDowell, I
Speaker 2: think Harry Hatcher. They just like, I'm a beautiful woman
Speaker 2: and I'm going to be a beautiful woman at every age.
Speaker 2: And even if you don't consider yourself beautiful, I believe
Speaker 2: every woman is beautiful. And I think you know what
Speaker 2: a what is a wrinkle but a reminder of smiles.
Speaker 2: I mean at the most part. Sometimes it's frowning too,
Speaker 2: But for the most if you have smile lines and
Speaker 2: crows feet, that means you had a really wonderful life. Yeah.
Speaker 2: The idea that you want to completely erase it, I
Speaker 2: don't understand. Now this is me talking at fifty four.
Speaker 2: Catch me at sixty four. I might be snitched. I
Speaker 2: don't know. I'm not against it. I'm not against it,
Speaker 2: But what.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't think who could be against anything for someone else?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: How about that? How about that? Like you do you
Speaker 2: do me? I'm do me? And this is the thing.
Speaker 2: I just think you should be honest about it because
Speaker 2: if you've done something that has you looking like springtime
Speaker 2: and you are well into the winter, you're being very
Speaker 2: rude gate keeping that information. Drop the name of the
Speaker 2: doctor for those that want to also look like springtime.
Speaker 1: You tell the people what you did.
Speaker 2: I don't see what you know. I've had it. I
Speaker 2: got a little botox here because I get a little angry.
Speaker 1: I get yeah, little thing and it's my mom has
Speaker 1: it like I get.
Speaker 2: A line like it looks like my whole forehead just
Speaker 2: kind of sunk down on my non nose bridge. So
Speaker 2: sometimes and I don't do it often, like maybe once
Speaker 2: a year, I'll go. Sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not.
Speaker 2: But I've made my peace with it because I also
Speaker 2: am my actress and I want to be able to
Speaker 2: lift my eyebrows and make faces all you do, you
Speaker 2: can't do it.
Speaker 1: You want to be able to express yourself.
Speaker 2: I would love to. I would love my forehead to
Speaker 2: tell what I'm thinking. You know, And but but again
Speaker 2: that's a choice that I may make again, I may
Speaker 2: never make again. I don't know. But your two choices
Speaker 2: are regular what it is and snatch to the gods
Speaker 2: or somewhere you know.
Speaker 1: So you.
Speaker 2: Everybody gets to decide what they do. But I don't
Speaker 2: have a problem with it, and thankfully my husband doesn't
Speaker 2: have a problem with it. Like I think, the saddest
Speaker 2: thing is when a woman is with someone that wants
Speaker 2: them to have bigger boobs or bigger but and the
Speaker 2: woman is making these decisions or because society says that's
Speaker 2: your spo. I just don't. I don't do it for you,
Speaker 2: whatever it is, do it for you, don't do it
Speaker 2: for someone else, and just let let it be what
Speaker 2: it's gonna be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's hard. I mean if you're built in a
Speaker 1: brought up in a life where a lot of your
Speaker 1: decisions are influenced by others, which I have definitely experienced.
Speaker 2: Oh were you when you started acting? Y?
Speaker 1: Gosh, I think seventeen, Yeah.
Speaker 2: We can, we can. I take a moment. I need
Speaker 2: to take Beverly Hill's net or two.
Speaker 1: What a moment?
Speaker 2: Moment Like eighteen nineteen year old me is like, I'm
Speaker 2: talking to Kelly. I am so it was so wonderful
Speaker 2: to meet you. I love that you are the chick
Speaker 2: I thought you were, you know when I met you
Speaker 2: at your at your event, I was just like, oh,
Speaker 2: she's lovely, Like I always just knew that you were
Speaker 2: a lovely human being. So it's so great as an
Speaker 2: adult to get to meet you and also to get
Speaker 2: to tell you that you did great work on that show.
Speaker 2: Thank you. You're just You're just wonderful. So I'm so
Speaker 2: glad that we our friendship has grown and on here
Speaker 2: with you. I do.
Speaker 1: I love calling you a friend. Okay, So what would
Speaker 1: younger efat tell that at fifty four?
Speaker 2: What would younger VET say?
Speaker 1: Yes, what would younger Vets say? And then what would
Speaker 1: older VET.
Speaker 2: Say to younger to younger Evet if she saw how
Speaker 2: we turned out? I think she would be so proud.
Speaker 2: I think she would be like, man, you never sold out,
Speaker 2: You never did anybody dirty, never did a casting couch.
Speaker 2: I am I personally am very proud that I have
Speaker 2: lived my life with integrity. And there is no one,
Speaker 2: no honest person that can say I ever did any
Speaker 2: harm to them intentionally in this business or in this world.
Speaker 2: And if I have harmed someone by mistake, no one
Speaker 2: apologizes faster. So I think Lily Vett, because she cared
Speaker 2: about those things, would be so happy to realize that
Speaker 2: a twenty five thirty year entertainment career did not change
Speaker 2: who she was. Older Evet would say to young Evet,
Speaker 2: it's okay.
Speaker 1: That's tell all you need to say.
Speaker 2: Yay girl, relaxed, breathe. You're gonna find them, You're gonna
Speaker 2: have the career. You're gonna finally move to California. You know,
Speaker 2: you're gonna survive the loss of your mom. Like all
Speaker 2: these things that are gonna come that you think are
Speaker 2: gonna take you out, they're not gonna take you out.
Speaker 2: You're gonna be okay. Just you know, And I would
Speaker 2: probably tell her to enjoy the journey a little more.
Speaker 2: I was so angsty. Oh everything was so important. I
Speaker 2: mean I'm still that way. I'm still very angsty. And
Speaker 2: it's a lot of weight on every I need everything
Speaker 2: to be perfect, and I should know what this is
Speaker 2: with this grown age, and it's never gonna be perfect.
Speaker 2: It just has to be decent. That's to be.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's be good, feel good.
Speaker 2: It has to feel good to you and you have
Speaker 2: to do no harm to others other than that. It's
Speaker 2: gonna be what it's gonna be.
Speaker 1: That's right. So last time we talked, I think we
Speaker 1: touched a little bit on your h journey with type
Speaker 1: two diabetes. So I want to know how you're doing. Now,
Speaker 1: how's your health and what it is that you're doing.
Speaker 1: Looks so amazing because you look really healthy.
Speaker 2: I am very happy. And also that helps. That helps
Speaker 2: my type two diabetes. Now, this is the thing. I
Speaker 2: want people to understand type two and forgive me. This
Speaker 2: is going to sound harsh, but Type I always say
Speaker 2: that my type two is something I gave myself. It's
Speaker 2: not in my family. It wasn't Type one. This was
Speaker 2: me and donuts. This is me and jugs of sweet
Speaker 2: and lemonade and donuts and not a lot of exercise.
Speaker 2: That's I did this to my body. And so when
Speaker 2: it happened, my doctor had been on me for probably
Speaker 2: three or four years. You vet your pre diabetic, your
Speaker 2: pre ditabetic, you're pre diabetic. And I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I'm so pre And then when I finally got it,
Speaker 2: she didn't even call me. I mean, I mean she
Speaker 2: didn't she didn't even wait to get me on the phone.
Speaker 2: She left me a voicemail, well congratulations, you're finally diabetic.
Speaker 2: And she was so upset with me, and I understood
Speaker 2: her anger, but It also scared me straight because the
Speaker 2: thing about diabetes in the black community, we call it sugar.
Speaker 2: She got a little sugar, and we all know, for
Speaker 2: the most part, most of us know someone that left
Speaker 2: here missing a foot or a leg, you know, or
Speaker 2: two legs like and so it's almost a joke in
Speaker 2: the black community a lot of times, at least in
Speaker 2: my family. I'll say, may not put it all on
Speaker 2: black people, but in my family it was a joke like, oh, well,
Speaker 2: you got a little touch of sugar. No, that's not cute,
Speaker 2: and you shouldn't leave here without the body parts you
Speaker 2: came with if you can help it. And so it
Speaker 2: became team keep my feet. As I was feeling tingling
Speaker 2: girls feet.
Speaker 1: Tingling, I said, hey, tell me, why is that tingling
Speaker 1: and the feet and possible amputation? Why is that diabetes?
Speaker 2: It's neuropathy, Like your your the blood flow to your
Speaker 2: extremity starts to be affected by the sugar. The sugar
Speaker 2: destroys your blood vessels. It really destroys your body like
Speaker 2: it could hurt. It affects your heart. Diabetes is a
Speaker 2: horrible disease, and that's why to think of it as
Speaker 2: a joke is dumb.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Right. So when you start feeling the tingling in your fingers,
Speaker 2: in your hands when you're diabetic, it's a sign that
Speaker 2: nerves are are affected or they're dying. And once they die,
Speaker 2: you know, you stub your toe or you get a
Speaker 2: you step on a nail and you can't feel it
Speaker 2: in your foot. Now you got a toe. This turned
Speaker 2: into gang green. It got to cut the toe off.
Speaker 2: It's all of those things. You have wounds that don't
Speaker 2: heal because of the circulation. It's a lot of stuff.
Speaker 1: I mean, sugar is like what the most I don't understand.
Speaker 1: It's like legal, but it's like the most post powerful drug.
Speaker 2: You know, take you out and it's so hard to
Speaker 2: get off of it.
Speaker 1: Yet it's in everything.
Speaker 2: It's in everything, and that high fruit toe so to
Speaker 2: take us out, and that's an American thing.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: You go to Ireland or other countries and you eat
Speaker 2: their food. There's no preservatives, there's no red dye, there's
Speaker 2: no high fruit close corn serve. The portion sizes are small.
Speaker 2: It's just a different, different world. But this is the
Speaker 2: thing that I learned because I'm a researcher. As soon
Speaker 2: as something comes my way, or I want to do
Speaker 2: something new, I'm immediately at Barnes and Noble, buying every
Speaker 2: book I can find and highlighting and dog gearing everything.
Speaker 2: So I became a student of diabetes and health. And
Speaker 2: the thing that I learned that changed my life is
Speaker 2: all have to lose is seven to ten percent of
Speaker 2: your body weight, and it automatically tells your pancreas get
Speaker 2: back into game right and your insulin production gets better.
Speaker 2: It doesn't cure diabetes, but it does help you get
Speaker 2: towards the lane of being in remission. And that's what
Speaker 2: I say. My numbers are normal. When I wake up
Speaker 2: in the morning, I check my numbers, I'm eighty two ninety.
Speaker 2: After I eat, I'm like one hundred and twenty. So
Speaker 2: I am in a really great place. And all I
Speaker 2: had to do was put the doughnuts down, exercise more,
Speaker 2: and you know, just move my body more. And it's
Speaker 2: not hard to do those things.
Speaker 1: But some people think it's so hard that they continue
Speaker 1: to not do it day after day after day. And
Speaker 1: what I get into that sometimes and what is that
Speaker 1: that is inside of me and other people that is like,
Speaker 1: let's push that off to another day.
Speaker 2: I think the problem with exercise is the dopamine rush
Speaker 2: comes later. Like if you could get hit it a
Speaker 2: dopamine before you walk into the gym, we'd be great.
Speaker 2: But it's that feeling of accomplishment after that is wonderful.
Speaker 2: And I got to thank you because then you you
Speaker 2: you hit me, hook me up with your trainer, and
Speaker 2: I tell you I have been dodging him. He has
Speaker 2: reached out, just like I'm writing in line with what
Speaker 2: you're saying. He has been reaching out. Bless his heart,
Speaker 2: He's reached out like three day. He's like, you've so
Speaker 2: he just reached out last week. And I need to
Speaker 2: call him because I really do want to get a
Speaker 2: regiment like I walk my dog and you know, a
Speaker 2: couple of side bins in the house, but I want
Speaker 2: to actually know that I'm getting up Monday, Wednesday and Friday,
Speaker 2: ye going somewhere, and if it's Pilate's taichi waits, I'm
Speaker 2: doing something because as we get older, we have to
Speaker 2: build muscle.
Speaker 1: We have to I mean, I'm on the thing right
Speaker 1: now where my schedule got just too intense. I've been
Speaker 1: traveling a lot every month, so many commitments every single
Speaker 1: day on my calendar and I had to stop working
Speaker 1: out with my trainer. I chose to stop working out
Speaker 1: with my trainer because I needed more rest. I felt
Speaker 1: like I can't take one more thing on, and so
Speaker 1: thiss what happens? You take off the one thing that
Speaker 1: actually matters the most to your well being.
Speaker 2: Giving your energy, and then I'm going to go back.
Speaker 1: I've got to go back. But I am in the
Speaker 1: place where I'm like, I don't have time. Still don't
Speaker 1: have time.
Speaker 2: Do you guys go somewhere and work out? Does he
Speaker 2: have a space? I haven't even gotten that far in
Speaker 2: a conversation. Think he has a space.
Speaker 1: I stopped working out with him, and he but he
Speaker 1: has a great gym. And I miss going to the gym.
Speaker 1: And the thing about working out that I do know
Speaker 1: from doing it and then not doing it, and then
Speaker 1: doing it and then not doing it all my life
Speaker 1: is that that dopamine that you're that you're talking about,
Speaker 1: is that what keeps you coming back? But after you
Speaker 1: keep coming back, my dopamine would start leveling up on
Speaker 1: the way to the gym.
Speaker 2: Oh, she would get you would get excited.
Speaker 1: My body would start getting its natural like, who here
Speaker 1: we go with this? I know what's gonna happened now.
Speaker 2: Never been there, never been consistent enough to get that.
Speaker 2: But I but I look forward to it and I
Speaker 2: do want, you know. And my husband likes to work out.
Speaker 2: He doesn't do it because of me, because I'm a slug.
Speaker 2: He doesn't do it as much as he. I think
Speaker 2: if we find a really great gym and we could
Speaker 2: go together, I think it'd be really really great. So
Speaker 2: I need to do that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know, I need to figure what else, what's
Speaker 1: next for me in that world. But it's it's one
Speaker 1: of those weird things where I'm not alone because we're
Speaker 1: all justify it, dodge it.
Speaker 2: As long as I'm on the bottom of the you
Speaker 2: are never.
Speaker 1: At I just want, you know, I'm tired and at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, I want to lay down
Speaker 1: and I don't want to get up a five am.
Speaker 1: I know a girl, gosh, someone I did an interview
Speaker 1: recently said she gets up at five a m. Every
Speaker 1: day to work out, and I thought I was like
Speaker 1: breaking the you know, history by getting up and at
Speaker 1: six am to get to the gym by seven. She
Speaker 1: gets up at five works out at six. But that's
Speaker 1: doesn't it's not Yeah, me.
Speaker 2: Let me not say I can't, because I'm I can
Speaker 2: say you can do it, you can do anything, but
Speaker 2: I do. I think, you know, maybe that's my last
Speaker 2: act in life, is I actually get in the best
Speaker 2: physical shape of my life, Like that would be funny
Speaker 2: if I was able to do that at seventy. Are
Speaker 2: some people that start like they can do it? They
Speaker 2: do it?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean I did it ramping up to fifty,
Speaker 1: got an amazing shape, felt amazing.
Speaker 2: Then you know you're still I mean, I know you
Speaker 2: were at the peak, but you're still.
Speaker 1: Kind of keep it going. Yeah, I mean, what are
Speaker 1: you doing right now that in your life? That are
Speaker 1: the little ways that you're eating well, eating consistently, probably
Speaker 1: for your blood sugar.
Speaker 2: Yeah, what else am I doing again?
Speaker 1: In it for anything? For your skin, for your just
Speaker 1: your mental health, like for because it's all connected.
Speaker 2: It is. And I wish that I could say that
Speaker 2: I was better at self care, because I'm really not.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I the thing that's keeping me fed well is my
Speaker 2: husband because he's a great, great cook and really like it,
Speaker 2: alacky great cook, so he enjoys cooking all the meals. So,
Speaker 2: oh my gosh, I know I'm crazy. I know, it's crazy.
Speaker 2: So along with my tea every morning I get some.
Speaker 2: You know, this morning we had we had grits with
Speaker 2: plant based sausages and like a pepper relish on top
Speaker 2: of the sausage like that. That was my breakfast. Come on,
Speaker 2: he's not playing, Tony, ain't planting.
Speaker 1: I'm half of a faux nut for breakfast.
Speaker 2: Well that was me for so many years, so many
Speaker 2: years because I didn't take I just didn't take good
Speaker 2: care of myself. So the food is is that I'm
Speaker 2: also going to the doctor more often now because I
Speaker 2: have more of a reason to stay healthy and you
Speaker 2: know alive. I'm living for other, for another person now,
Speaker 2: not just for myself. Right. I was like that when
Speaker 2: I was just care for my dad. But it's just
Speaker 2: different when it's your spouse. You just really want to
Speaker 2: be healthy for them and have a good life with them.
Speaker 2: So that's part of it. As far as mental health,
Speaker 2: I really think I need to put the social apps down.
Speaker 2: And it's been really hard, Like it's the first thing
Speaker 2: I pick up in the morning, the last my phone
Speaker 2: is the last thing I touched before I go to bed.
Speaker 2: And then if it's not that, it's watching YouTube and
Speaker 2: just my brain is full of gunk and I need
Speaker 2: to fill it. I need to read more, like I miss.
Speaker 2: I used to read novels back to back, like I
Speaker 2: need to get back to reading. And I wonder if
Speaker 2: it's when I started wearing readers at my reading I
Speaker 2: didn't read as much because I couldn't see and I
Speaker 2: couldn't find the right number for the readers, and you can't.
Speaker 2: It's just a lot of work to read now.
Speaker 1: And it's just also a lot of work to like
Speaker 1: let yourself go there, like let yourself turn all the
Speaker 1: other things out and just read.
Speaker 2: Because there's always something to do. And our email box
Speaker 2: is always overrun, our text are overrun. Do you remember
Speaker 2: back in the day when you could leave your house
Speaker 2: and no one could call your body, Like while you
Speaker 2: were away from your home, you were in the world,
Speaker 2: and if you had to call somebody, you had to
Speaker 2: go find somebody with a phone in the business or
Speaker 2: a payphone. But otherwise you had a great day just
Speaker 2: out in the world, not living, living, not being at
Speaker 2: anybody's back and call. I don't I'm literally in my
Speaker 2: car at red lights, just checking and make sure I
Speaker 2: didn't miss something.
Speaker 1: That what has happened to us?
Speaker 2: What has happened to us that we can't be away?
Speaker 2: Like even just being on this talking to you for
Speaker 2: I Choose Me podcasts. We've been on for about forty
Speaker 2: five minutes now, right, and I'm like, oh God, emails
Speaker 2: are probably emails or what did I What did they
Speaker 2: do in Washington that I missed out on that I'm
Speaker 2: going to have to fight against in an hour and
Speaker 2: I can't. I have to figure out how to just
Speaker 2: be in this moment with you, in this soon, on
Speaker 2: this podcast and let everything else just kind of fall away.
Speaker 2: And I miss I miss that. So mental health is
Speaker 2: reading more, putting the phone down, getting to spend time
Speaker 2: with people. I had lunch yesterday this weekend with one
Speaker 2: of my friends from my early twenties that when I
Speaker 2: first started out. We did a touring play together when
Speaker 2: we were like twenty six twenty seven years old, and
Speaker 2: I haven't seen her since my wedding, so it's been
Speaker 2: almost a year since i've seen her. I didn't know
Speaker 2: what was happening in her life, she didn't know what
Speaker 2: was happening in mine, aside from what we saw on
Speaker 2: social media. I was so happy to sit with Demika
Speaker 2: and go out to your mama. You know, who are
Speaker 2: you dating? You know? Oh, I like in Little Purse
Speaker 2: where you get that like we got to have a
Speaker 2: real sister friend catch up in person, and I want
Speaker 2: to do more of that. And that's a mental health
Speaker 2: adjustment and infusion of joy as well.
Speaker 1: You know, it's really hard to maintain all the things. Yeah,
Speaker 1: the health, the fitness, health, the healthcare, the mental health,
Speaker 1: the relationship, the relationships, the marriage, the dad's friends, the jobs,
Speaker 1: the dog. It's a lot, it is. We're spreads then,
Speaker 1: we really are.
Speaker 2: And you know, there's there's a statement that says, you know,
Speaker 2: women live longer when they're single, men live longer when
Speaker 2: they're married. And that's because of the amount of caregiving
Speaker 2: that we give as women in general, whether it's your dad,
Speaker 2: your kids, your husband, your friends. Women just roll our
Speaker 2: sleeves up and what do you need? And we put
Speaker 2: ourselves last. That's like the biggest mistake that we make.
Speaker 2: And we see and I think I can speak for
Speaker 2: all of us when I say a lot of us,
Speaker 2: most of us see self care and selfishness. Well, who
Speaker 2: am I to go have a massage? I can't go
Speaker 2: away and do a spot day.
Speaker 1: Somebody needs me, somebody needs you, You need you, you
Speaker 1: need you know it for you.
Speaker 2: Take yourself out for a nice you know, lunch, or
Speaker 2: go see a movie, get your nails done, go sit
Speaker 2: on the beach and watch the waves come in. We
Speaker 2: have to do things for ourselves so we still feel
Speaker 2: alive and and and you know, still put your own
Speaker 2: oxygen mask on first. I'm I need to put my
Speaker 2: oxygen mask on. A lot of women need to do that,
Speaker 2: you know.
Speaker 1: And when you put it on, you're probably going to
Speaker 1: take it off at some point.
Speaker 2: At some point we get to get a couple of goods,
Speaker 2: gotta get it back a couple offs and before you
Speaker 2: take it off, then.
Speaker 1: Put it back on. But it's okay to give yourself
Speaker 1: a break, everybody. Because there's so much talk about taking
Speaker 1: care of ourselves better and all the lists of things
Speaker 1: now that we can do to take care of ourselves,
Speaker 1: and that has got me stressed out.
Speaker 2: Like you got to figure out which which resort am
Speaker 2: I going to? What massage? Am I getting what nail
Speaker 2: color am I picking? I gotta drives It all becomes
Speaker 2: work after a while. Like for me, the biggest self
Speaker 2: care is just not getting out of bed some days. Yep,
Speaker 2: today and and I'm going to realize that it's not
Speaker 2: selfish to just lay here because if your body needs it,
Speaker 2: give give the body what.
Speaker 1: It needs, you know, listen to your body. I think
Speaker 1: that's the core of every relationship, whether it's your relationship
Speaker 1: with yourself, is the listening to your body to what
Speaker 1: you need. Len your relationship with your loved ones is
Speaker 1: actually listening, sitting and being present and listening to where
Speaker 1: they are, because that's how you connect with them. That's
Speaker 1: how you the level that is beneficial anyway, all true,
Speaker 1: All true? Well, give us some just a little advice
Speaker 1: on how to have healthy and genuine female relationships, sisterhood
Speaker 1: and all of those wonderful things like if you're if
Speaker 1: you don't have that in your life right now, you.
Speaker 2: Know, I think I have this thing where you know,
Speaker 2: everyone will decide a friendship is over because the person
Speaker 2: hasn't done what they want them to do. They're not
Speaker 2: the kind of friend that they need. I've n did
Speaker 2: friendships because I'm not the kind of friend they need.
Speaker 2: Right So it's important as you as you move through
Speaker 2: life and build friendships and all those things that you
Speaker 2: show up authentically and lovingly. If you have any friendships
Speaker 2: or people in your life that you don't love like
Speaker 2: that or you don't care about like that, it's better
Speaker 2: to end the friendship for them now. In so far
Speaker 2: as finding your group of people, the only way you
Speaker 2: can find your group is by being fully yourself, unapologetically.
Speaker 2: I am very nerdy. I enjoy binge, watching shows like
Speaker 2: The Walk and Dead and ted Lasso and Abbot Elementary,
Speaker 2: and I love building Lego and you know I love
Speaker 2: seventies and eighties R and B and sitcoms from the eighties.
Speaker 2: This is who I am. If I hide any of
Speaker 2: those things about myself, the Mothership can't call me home.
Speaker 2: So I'm very clear and honest about all those things
Speaker 2: I don't. I'm not ashamed of still of building a
Speaker 2: Barbie dreamhouse reatsimly with my old ass. I'm not ashamed
Speaker 2: of collecting barbiees and Star Wars memorabilia. I'm not ashamed
Speaker 2: of loving Sesame Street all in the Muppets. All of
Speaker 2: these things make me. And because I let my freak
Speaker 2: flag fly in a thousand different ways, the other people
Speaker 2: that like the things I like are like, oh, I
Speaker 2: like Janet Jackson, let's go to a concert or oh
Speaker 2: I love them muppet. You know Jim Henson's company is
Speaker 2: doing something here you want to go and next thing
Speaker 2: you know, you're hanging out with people that you like,
Speaker 2: doing things that you like. And also, once you get them,
Speaker 2: be a good friend. Don't talk about nobody behind their back,
Speaker 2: don't steal nobody's man, don't gossip to the point of
Speaker 2: tearing people down. Be a decent human being, and build
Speaker 2: a lovely friendship life with like minded kind people.
Speaker 1: Not so good, Yeah, we all need that that Nicole Brown.
Speaker 1: Before I let you go, I want to ask you
Speaker 1: one last question. What was your last I choose me moment?
Speaker 2: Ooh, you know, it probably was this podcast actually because
Speaker 2: one in saying yes to it, I was choosing me
Speaker 2: because I just loved me. Using Jenni Garth, I wanted
Speaker 2: to have this conversation. But the other part of it
Speaker 2: is I knew that it was better for me to
Speaker 2: do it virtually than to come to your beautiful home.
Speaker 2: And even though we had planned for me to get
Speaker 2: up and come to you today, yesterday I asked my
Speaker 2: assistant if she could reach out to your people and
Speaker 2: see if we could do it virtually instead, and you
Speaker 2: were like, absolutely, which is the greatest gift you gave me.
Speaker 2: But it was me choosing me to know that if
Speaker 2: I had to go to you, I had to get
Speaker 2: up two hours earlier, I had to drive, I had
Speaker 2: to make sure that I had clothes on from the
Speaker 2: waist down and not just ropped down the pants. There
Speaker 2: were a lot of things that went into it, and I, hey,
Speaker 2: look at this. They matched, but their pajamas mine don't
Speaker 2: even match. So it's like, I chose that. And look now,
Speaker 2: in choosing me, I chose I chose you a better
Speaker 2: morning for you, so you didn't have to make the
Speaker 2: house into something you didn't tuckle down. Yeah, it's a
Speaker 2: beautiful thing. And so that's the lesson we learned. When
Speaker 2: we choose ourselves and we don't do it selfishly, yeah,
Speaker 2: or even if we do sometimes it's all right, sometimes
Speaker 2: it's okay. But when we choose ourselves, which is really
Speaker 2: choosing the greater good for ourselves, then it encourages and
Speaker 2: it invites other people to do the same.
Speaker 1: That's right, that's good. I think it's so important. Well,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for being everybody has to be
Speaker 1: sure to check out the second season of Squeeze Squeezed,
Speaker 1: your podcasts, Yes, and check out your movie November twenty second. Yes,
Speaker 1: I love it.
Speaker 2: Thank you, Annie,