Speaker 1: The Nicky Glazer podcast Nicky Gazers. Here's Nicky. Hello here
Speaker 1: I am whoa, I'm a little loud. It's a Nicky
Speaker 1: Glazer podcast. I'm Nicky Glazer. I'm here with Andrew Colin.
Speaker 1: Noah is in Arizona. She went to a jujitsu class
Speaker 1: this morning and a woman had an owl and owl
Speaker 1: an owl in the class? Did she explain why she
Speaker 1: brought the owl? As at a comfort animal I have.
Speaker 1: I didn't have a chance to go up and talk
Speaker 1: to her. There's no fowlow up with like why oh,
Speaker 1: you didn't have a chance to talk to her about
Speaker 1: the owl. I didn't have a chance to hoot and
Speaker 1: holler with her about the owl? Love it? Andrew? Was
Speaker 1: she rolling around too? I want to No? No, she
Speaker 1: she had just brought her sister into class, who was
Speaker 1: a part of the class. So this was, okay, what's
Speaker 1: going on with your socks? What's the story? There? Is
Speaker 1: this another case of I didn't look before I bought socks.
Speaker 1: They're like polka dot black black socks with polka dots
Speaker 1: with like J Max And so when did you become
Speaker 1: a naccinista? I don't know. I was in the Hampton's.
Speaker 1: I went to t J max It's seven ninety nine
Speaker 1: for dress socks for Hannah's weddings. They gave you an
Speaker 1: assortment and at first I was like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I wish I just got all great one on black ones. No,
Speaker 1: they're kind of fun. They like they accessorized outfit a
Speaker 1: little bit. You know, I'm just silly and I like
Speaker 1: to show it through my fashion. Your shoes are are
Speaker 1: returning blue? Is that just my eyes? So these shoes
Speaker 1: you pay extra and they come dirty? Is that real? Yeah?
Speaker 1: They're an Italian band, Italian brand, Theodora. Oh and you
Speaker 1: pay came scuffed up like that? Why did you not
Speaker 1: get the white ones? I like them a little scuffy.
Speaker 1: It makes it look like I walked down the Italian stuff.
Speaker 1: Why don't you buy all your shoes scuffed up? Why
Speaker 1: have some shoes that look nice? The way that tongue
Speaker 1: is to the side, will you just please put that
Speaker 1: in the middle. It is going to bother me what
Speaker 1: the tongue is like to the side? How so can
Speaker 1: you get it for me? Are you kidding me? Yeah? No,
Speaker 1: I know, I boy that is I would have easily
Speaker 1: done that. Yes, Oh god, how much did you pay
Speaker 1: for those? I don't know too much something like that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: those who has those? Mac Miller in his video right
Speaker 1: before he died. Oh so those are not in fashion
Speaker 1: for at least four years. You know, I'd like to
Speaker 1: bring him back, you know, I p Yeah, I got
Speaker 1: him in low tops or mid top two and they
Speaker 1: but they weren't scuffed up. So I don't know, man,
Speaker 1: I've never seen him you wear this before? Maybe I
Speaker 1: wasn't paying at tance. I don't think you're paying attention.
Speaker 1: But you know, every single girl that we saw that
Speaker 1: what college do we do or where we were in
Speaker 1: the know? Um college? Oh we were like in some
Speaker 1: city that I want to college, the Boston, Boston, Boston,
Speaker 1: no whatever. Anyways, an every young every girl in their
Speaker 1: twenties there air force air Force ones, but they're all
Speaker 1: scuffed up. So yeah, but the ones are supposed to
Speaker 1: not be scuffed up. What do you mean they're just lazy?
Speaker 1: Air Force ones are supposed to be clean and white,
Speaker 1: like to be as stylish as possible, whereas these shoes,
Speaker 1: I guess. And then the ones that are like the
Speaker 1: the brand with like the star on it, girls pay
Speaker 1: like fo These shoes and they are supposed to look
Speaker 1: tattered and you buy them that way. And I understand,
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to sound like an old boomer. That's
Speaker 1: like these kids with their jeans all messed up, like
Speaker 1: it really doesn't make sense because it's dirty. It's a
Speaker 1: dirty white shoe. I understand jeans being ripped because it does.
Speaker 1: That doesn't tell me that it's dirty. It tells me
Speaker 1: that it's like a worn But I guess that's the
Speaker 1: style as dirty as worn. Yeah, I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's sexy or not to see, I don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: what do you got going there? These are just scuffed
Speaker 1: up naturally, but I wish they were white. I recently
Speaker 1: got a new pair that are sparkling white because I
Speaker 1: want them to be white. They're Adidas Um high tops,
Speaker 1: and they kind of remind me of like astronaut shoes.
Speaker 1: They're just like puffy and awesome and they're cute with everything.
Speaker 1: I'm obsessed with them. I got them in gray, which
Speaker 1: I could definitely get a lot dirtier. And then I
Speaker 1: also got them and what these are white ones, but
Speaker 1: they're all scuffed up. These are like yours that you
Speaker 1: bought them. Like, this is exactly the kind of the
Speaker 1: scuffed up. But I can't. I don't like them scuffed.
Speaker 1: I like the why you heard of like the trend
Speaker 1: that came from the pandemic called goblin style goblin style
Speaker 1: own Yeah, isn't it just supposed to look like a goblin?
Speaker 1: Is it from a joke? I do think she used
Speaker 1: to have a joke. I think she has a joke
Speaker 1: about like goblin mode where she's like and she like
Speaker 1: acts like a goblin. If if the rest of the
Speaker 1: outfit is clean clean, you can't have scuff on guff
Speaker 1: on scuff unless you're like a very hot male or
Speaker 1: female model. But you have to be like no, not lately,
Speaker 1: I'm trying. That's true. You have like more fresh, yeah,
Speaker 1: more fresh? So I could you know? I got scuffed shoes,
Speaker 1: scuffed teeth, and then everything in between your teeth came scuff.
Speaker 1: I bought some white and whitening thing. I don't know,
Speaker 1: we'll see if it works. I wonder if I could
Speaker 1: just turn my teeth around what's going on on the back,
Speaker 1: maybe it could probably worse. There's definitely if you're not
Speaker 1: watching the front of them, you're not getting the backs dude,
Speaker 1: I saw a pitch a picture trying of my teeth
Speaker 1: right after braces, like a month after, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: who the fuck mouth is this? Yeah, I remember showing
Speaker 1: me that to good braces just obviously work wonders and
Speaker 1: the retainer. Yeah, didn't your braces fall off from natural
Speaker 1: current like erosion? Some would say it's natural braces. You
Speaker 1: didn't get them, Actually you had ripped off or something. No,
Speaker 1: were They fell off a couple of times and I
Speaker 1: did not go to the orthodonist to get them fixed.
Speaker 1: So my teeth actually kept getting worse inside my mouth.
Speaker 1: So you know, two steps forward fifteen steps back, if
Speaker 1: you will. So you eventually had an orthodonis make them
Speaker 1: perfect and then take them. No, they just dissolved, but
Speaker 1: they weren't like stitches. We never got a bridge. I
Speaker 1: don't think a bridge. Some people that did you have that?
Speaker 1: I still had it from my brothers. Crazy. Oh, I
Speaker 1: wish I had one and it holds it in place
Speaker 1: so you don't have to wear a retainer. That's a
Speaker 1: good question. I mean, would you go to the dentist,
Speaker 1: do they say anything? No? I mean, at this point
Speaker 1: I've had it for more than half my life, and
Speaker 1: the dentist goes, well, we could scrape it off, or
Speaker 1: you could just leave it there. Just leave it because
Speaker 1: your teeth will do weird things after it if it's
Speaker 1: not causing you any pain or you know, making them gunky.
Speaker 1: Did you have braces high school or just middle school?
Speaker 1: Middle school? Yeah? I got them off in eighth grade,
Speaker 1: and I'm from sixth to eighth grade. Those are the
Speaker 1: prime years again. Yeah, you're growing. I had the straightest,
Speaker 1: most perfect teeth when they came off, and then right
Speaker 1: away they didn't snap all the way back. But then
Speaker 1: you know, things shifted very quickly, and then you even
Speaker 1: do now like I get my teeth perfect, like I
Speaker 1: take my retainers out or my mislnap for a couple
Speaker 1: of hours, right back to this tooth pops out right
Speaker 1: away like fring, like it just but when it's trained
Speaker 1: to be in place. You know, I gotta I don't
Speaker 1: know what I gotta do. I mean, I'm gonna be
Speaker 1: I never really can tell. It's you know. Tom Cruise
Speaker 1: was famously saw Top Gun Maverick last night hat from it.
Speaker 1: I was shocked that you went to see that movie,
Speaker 1: considering your fear of air shows yeah. Um, Chris, my
Speaker 1: boyfriend sitting next to me the whole time thought I
Speaker 1: was in hell because the whole time I'm closing my eyes,
Speaker 1: I'm pulling my hat down that I just got my
Speaker 1: my because it was like an event. It was a
Speaker 1: radio event, and so I was like, I had my
Speaker 1: hat over my eyes. I would be on my phone.
Speaker 1: I would look at my phone. It's dim lit, no
Speaker 1: one could see it in my lap. But I was
Speaker 1: just like, I don't want to see planes flying close
Speaker 1: to each other. It just freaks me out too much.
Speaker 1: And I don't like fast things. I don't like fasten
Speaker 1: the fierce. I don't like. I was in the bathroom
Speaker 1: during it, and I go I would sign a document
Speaker 1: right now that said, if you will go the rest
Speaker 1: of your life and never ever see any action sequence
Speaker 1: in a movie ever, the rest of your life or
Speaker 1: a TV show. I would have no problem signing that
Speaker 1: none because what that does is it stresses me out.
Speaker 1: It raises my cortisol levels, it raises my adrenaline, it
Speaker 1: raises it makes my body feel stressed. It ages me
Speaker 1: because I had to meditate, so I closed my eyes
Speaker 1: during those scenes because it's so loud. I put in
Speaker 1: my AirPods and put in the noise canceling because it
Speaker 1: was so loud. It was an imax. It was way
Speaker 1: too loud. I mean, this was damaging people's ears for sure.
Speaker 1: I think that's what the fighter pilots right here, like
Speaker 1: you turned into fighter pilots, probably put in soundproof things
Speaker 1: in their ears. Right. Yeah. I was trying to comakaze myself,
Speaker 1: like I want. I would, I wanted. I was like
Speaker 1: I the whole time, I was thinking, if there was
Speaker 1: a shooting, I would be prepared for it because of
Speaker 1: how much I'm reading about Columbine. That is what I
Speaker 1: was thinking about, because you know, you go to theaters,
Speaker 1: you think of pack theaters, you think, but you know,
Speaker 1: you know there's been the Aurora shooting. I was like,
Speaker 1: if a gunman came in here, I think, and I
Speaker 1: don't know, because I have put myself in the Columbine
Speaker 1: and the Parkland now and I'm reading that book situation
Speaker 1: so much and I've been so would do guy comes
Speaker 1: in he's underneath, I would not hide. I would not
Speaker 1: I would try to. I would try to tackle him, honestly,
Speaker 1: because I'm gonna get shot either way. I would so
Speaker 1: you're gonna go at him. I would run for I
Speaker 1: would just try to run first. I would not try
Speaker 1: to hide at first. I might, but my instincts would
Speaker 1: say I put another pair of AirPods in. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I would just just run, play dad if I if
Speaker 1: I did have to hide, I would just play dad.
Speaker 1: I would literally take blood off of someone else and
Speaker 1: put it on my face or something to look like
Speaker 1: I have a wound that's through your period, that on
Speaker 1: your neck. That's a good idea. Okay, just make sure
Speaker 1: you would see any scary movie on my period. That's
Speaker 1: a good idea. Bring my diva cup? Do you think
Speaker 1: still it on my temple? Not to like put Chris
Speaker 1: on the spot here, but would you go save me?
Speaker 1: Would you go to the guy correctly save me? Chris
Speaker 1: would sacrificed himself to save me. He would be a
Speaker 1: hero in the moment, Um, I would be. That's the
Speaker 1: best thing like about him for me is that I
Speaker 1: know he would he would put himself in the line
Speaker 1: of fire for me, without question, for honest, for anyone.
Speaker 1: He's just like a person like that. He likes saving
Speaker 1: He like he's a hero. Um. I would not do
Speaker 1: the same probably because I just instinctually I don't go
Speaker 1: to I go to self preservation. And let me just
Speaker 1: say most of the people in Columbne did as well,
Speaker 1: and they had a lot of feelings afterwards about like
Speaker 1: why did I do that? Why did I not wait
Speaker 1: for others? Because you were right not too, because you
Speaker 1: would have gotten shot and so would they. So just
Speaker 1: run skitaddle. I mean, I think in war time, you're
Speaker 1: not in war, it's time to protect yourself. The problem
Speaker 1: is is after the fact, no one knows what they're
Speaker 1: going to do. By the way, I'm just saying, I
Speaker 1: think I run it through my head so many times
Speaker 1: of what I would do now that I've like when
Speaker 1: you're reading this book, you're you're there, like my my
Speaker 1: heart's like for some reason, I don't have adrenaline about
Speaker 1: scenes like that in reading them. But um, that movie,
Speaker 1: God damn it, that was so loud. Tom Cruise, I
Speaker 1: liked looking at his face. He is so good, lucking fuck.
Speaker 1: I wanted him to age. And by the way, I
Speaker 1: know that there's a whole post production team that has
Speaker 1: made his face look better than going to ask Without question,
Speaker 1: there's certain celebrities that have carve outs in their deal
Speaker 1: where they'll only sign onto a picture if they use
Speaker 1: allocates a lot of the budget for post work. Where
Speaker 1: you see these actresses on in close ups on camera
Speaker 1: and you go, god, they're flawless and it's films, so
Speaker 1: it must be their real skin tone. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no, there a lot j Lo Anniston cruise. Those
Speaker 1: are the ones I know of. Also, put a guy
Speaker 1: in F fifteen plane, He's going to look pretty hot. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with all the pressure holding them back. So yeah, it
Speaker 1: was great. Really yeah. I mean Chris thought I hated it.
Speaker 1: We got out of the movie and he was kind
Speaker 1: of like like felt bad because at the time I'm
Speaker 1: just like putting my bill of my hat down and
Speaker 1: just um looking at my lap. But I don't need
Speaker 1: to you witness the action scenes to understand the story
Speaker 1: and everything like that. I can still enjoy a movie
Speaker 1: if I'm covering my eyes. People feel good? Sorry, did
Speaker 1: you feel good going outside your comfort zone and seeing
Speaker 1: you know, like being his companion for this movie and stuff? Um?
Speaker 1: Yeah I did it. Was his goose goose dies in
Speaker 1: the first one. Yeah, did his son come back in
Speaker 1: this one? I feel like, really, are you serious? I didn't. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Miles Teller plays his son, and so is Tom a instructor.
Speaker 1: Now it's not like a spoiler, by the way. You
Speaker 1: find that out like immediately, so I'm not reading it.
Speaker 1: Yeah Tom, Tom comes back. I'm not giving like you know,
Speaker 1: your must if you don't want to know anything. But
Speaker 1: I'm not going to give away any I'm not an idiot.
Speaker 1: I know how to play uh football. Um, there's there's
Speaker 1: a lot of music callbacks. There's He's just handsome and
Speaker 1: charming the whole damned. There is a new guy, though
Speaker 1: not mysteller. Oh my god, this is probably the the
Speaker 1: There is a new Val Kilmer character. Yes, like the
Speaker 1: kind of the asshole of the group, the one that's
Speaker 1: like everyone ship fat top. He is so attracted, dude.
Speaker 1: His name is something Glenn Love a hot young man,
Speaker 1: let me see. And Chris told me that when he
Speaker 1: was living in Hollywood a couple of years ago before
Speaker 1: the pandemic, he was going to the gym and him
Speaker 1: and this guy we're working out. He was like, we
Speaker 1: were both chasing the same figure, You're both chasing the
Speaker 1: same physique at the same time. And he had heard
Speaker 1: what he was going to the gym with this guy
Speaker 1: that he was this guy was casting the new Top
Speaker 1: Gun and so Glenn him he is a cutie if
Speaker 1: I mean, he is so adorable in this the way
Speaker 1: you like choose on a fucking I had to kind of.
Speaker 1: I've seen movies with Chris before, and we do this
Speaker 1: thing where like if a hot girl comes on screen
Speaker 1: or a hot guy, he'll just like slowly put his
Speaker 1: hand over my eyes to be like don't look at that,
Speaker 1: you know, as a joke. And we try not to
Speaker 1: make each other feel bad if we're like turned on.
Speaker 1: We're not like a couple that goes like, God, he's hot,
Speaker 1: you know, like we're like sensitive to that. But so
Speaker 1: I was trying to keep it in my pants. But
Speaker 1: he's got like a Ryan Reynolds. He was adorable, and
Speaker 1: um and uh here yeah, oh yeah, but I uh,
Speaker 1: I would just do that in scenes where to Chris,
Speaker 1: I would put my hands over his eyes and scenes
Speaker 1: where um they were like jets going fast, so like,
Speaker 1: you know, just like the same kind of thing. But um,
Speaker 1: one time we went to go see X Men. One
Speaker 1: of the X Men a million I don't know anything,
Speaker 1: but it's the opening scene and Hugh Jackman is getting
Speaker 1: out of bed and it's just a scene of his
Speaker 1: back and he just like stretches because he's waking up
Speaker 1: in the morning, and I accidentally went I like gasped.
Speaker 1: I was like from from just how hot his back was.
Speaker 1: And Chris was like, did you just gasp? I was like,
Speaker 1: I did not mean to do that. And it's been
Speaker 1: this like running joke. They talk about it on his
Speaker 1: show all the time, like at the time, I gasped accidentally.
Speaker 1: But Jennifer Connolly's in this. I'm just tired of this,
Speaker 1: like this kind of character that's always like I'm onto
Speaker 1: you the whole movie. She's just like, go see it
Speaker 1: and just watch the first scene that Jennifer Connolly's in.
Speaker 1: She is so I could the screen a million times.
Speaker 1: I just kept looking at knows. Tom Cruise is love interest.
Speaker 1: Jennifer Connolly is like born in sixty I know. But
Speaker 1: Tom Cruise bang the instructor in the first one, who
Speaker 1: was older than him. Really, I don't think she was older.
Speaker 1: I think she's probably at the same age, but we
Speaker 1: all think she was older, but she was the instructor.
Speaker 1: She comes off older on the remember, But I kept
Speaker 1: killing the screen I never saw the first top one,
Speaker 1: but I kept killing the screen because Jennifer Connolly's character
Speaker 1: is just so like, I'm onto you, and she's like
Speaker 1: this cool woman that runs a bar and it's just
Speaker 1: so sweet. And you know what character I'm sick of
Speaker 1: is the daughter of the mom who the guy in
Speaker 1: the movie is dating, who's like a precocious little adolescent
Speaker 1: who's like, if you break my mom's heart, I'll kill
Speaker 1: you like that. Like she's kind of like sweet and yes,
Speaker 1: just like this like kind of angsty, likable, like smarter
Speaker 1: than her age wise, beyond her years, kind of like
Speaker 1: girl that's like, listen, my mom. She's had a lot
Speaker 1: of heartbreak in her life and if you do it
Speaker 1: to her again, I'm gonna kill you like that kind
Speaker 1: of like sweet. No more, those characters, Stop writing them.
Speaker 1: They're boring. Um, what would that real character be? Would
Speaker 1: probably just go to our room and just be like,
Speaker 1: one day I'll say something, you know what I mean, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I guess I guess that's all you can only do
Speaker 1: with that character, because otherwise you'd be like why did
Speaker 1: they just said that? Were a girl like scurry through
Speaker 1: the scene, scared, Yeah, just playing with their socks. We
Speaker 1: gotta go break. I'll come back before Andrew. I'm on
Speaker 1: the rooftop coming down, flying down on wings, top gets home,
Speaker 1: chicken down by and we're back. Yeah. So I saw
Speaker 1: a top gun, Maverick. I do recommend it. It is um.
Speaker 1: You know. Chris and his brother and his brother's wife
Speaker 1: also went with us, and afterwards they were talking about
Speaker 1: how um they almost like I cried at the end.
Speaker 1: I got a little, I welled up and a tear
Speaker 1: did not materialized, but there were tears welling. It's very good, um.
Speaker 1: But Chris said he almost cried a couple of times.
Speaker 1: You know, Tom would just be like talking to Goose's
Speaker 1: ghosts and be like what should I do go Goose?
Speaker 1: Or like are you with me? He'd say ship like
Speaker 1: that and Chris would be like that almost got me.
Speaker 1: And I could hear sniffles throughout the out of like
Speaker 1: men just kind of like, you know, waiting until the
Speaker 1: next scene. And then they'd like go like, oh I
Speaker 1: have an inch on my eye, where I was like, okay,
Speaker 1: now he can wipe his tears because everyone's not waiting,
Speaker 1: you know, like it sense that a lot, but I said, um, yeah,
Speaker 1: There was a couple of times that I almost started
Speaker 1: crying about halfway through at this one part where I
Speaker 1: checked my phone to see the running time and it
Speaker 1: was two hours and seventeen minutes, and I was like,
Speaker 1: Jesus fucking Christ, this is seven o'clock movie and it
Speaker 1: didn't start after the previews until seven. I'm getting out
Speaker 1: of there at five or seven o'clock movie. Get the
Speaker 1: funk out of here, Get out of here with this ship,
Speaker 1: even though it did fly by no pun and take
Speaker 1: top gun, goose ice Man hang man Son too. The
Speaker 1: hot guy Jesus Christ decided to have a new crush.
Speaker 1: I looked him up the six one, and he's dated
Speaker 1: um girls before that seems like they're not all actresses,
Speaker 1: Like some of them actually seemed like interesting and to
Speaker 1: have personalities outside of you know, pretending to be other people.
Speaker 1: Not that actresses aren't interesting, but come on, let's be
Speaker 1: honest with ourselves. He looks like buddy that I try
Speaker 1: to set you up with one time. Really, I think
Speaker 1: he kind of looks like the guy from the O C.
Speaker 1: The blonde eyes are close together. Yeah, I like it.
Speaker 1: I like a little Ryan Reynolds, Like they're almost crossing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're looking at Ryan Rowns this weekend and I go,
Speaker 1: he's got He's no Ryan Cyclops. Yeah, I mean, who
Speaker 1: am I to say anything about anyone's looks like, you know,
Speaker 1: we're all insecure. We joke. Definitely, Rounds always looks like
Speaker 1: he's looking at a penis. Oh yeah, everyone goes a
Speaker 1: little cross side before a blow job, like a penis
Speaker 1: is coming right, Like we're gonna have fifty dude, hangman, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I saw. I keep wanting me to say die hard
Speaker 1: because six in the morning this morning or something. You
Speaker 1: saw me at six in the morning, would you saw me?
Speaker 1: Why were you up at I went to my class
Speaker 1: at six o'clock? Oh my god, were to radio or something?
Speaker 1: You know? I was. I was going. I felt like
Speaker 1: I was catching you, and like whenever you see someone
Speaker 1: that early, I felt like, you see just driving. I
Speaker 1: drove literally right beyond in the garage in the garage,
Speaker 1: and then I was like I wanted to honk, But
Speaker 1: then I was like, I don't know why. I didn't
Speaker 1: think you're up to no good. But I was also like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to intrude in your good. That's so funny.
Speaker 1: What would be up to I don't know, what do
Speaker 1: you think I was doing either? Well? At first, I
Speaker 1: was like, I just I didn't know. Radio is a
Speaker 1: good guest. Radio was my number one guest. Doctor's appointment maybe, yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a doctor's appointment. I went to a body guy,
Speaker 1: a guy that like checks your alignment and works on
Speaker 1: like your muscles, and manual therapist kind of guy that
Speaker 1: like figures out. This guy through Chris, he sees him
Speaker 1: for like learning how to stretch and learning what muscles
Speaker 1: to build to like figure out like the aches and pains,
Speaker 1: like how it's all connected. And so my bunyans have
Speaker 1: recently have been starting to run in a different way
Speaker 1: to like prevent them, and it's throwing off my alignment.
Speaker 1: And I can tell that there's like things going on
Speaker 1: that are going to cause injury, not yet, but I'm
Speaker 1: just trying to get ahead of it. And so he
Speaker 1: just he watched me walk and he took pictures of
Speaker 1: me standing and figured out like how I'm off balance
Speaker 1: and it's because I have really strong legs, because my
Speaker 1: um my calf muscles are super super tight, because I
Speaker 1: have no ass muscles at play, and it's all aligned
Speaker 1: for some reason. And my chest is really I have
Speaker 1: no chest muscles. Um, but my right butt cheek is
Speaker 1: really is pretty strong. My left is not at all.
Speaker 1: My calves are too tight. So like even how I'm
Speaker 1: sitting right here, like I'm supposed to start sitting like
Speaker 1: this more, crossing my other legs, trying to have to
Speaker 1: do a share in stone a little bit more because
Speaker 1: this makes this engages this glute. And um, I stand
Speaker 1: with my hips. I stand like a banana, So I
Speaker 1: like stand like like like that. Um, if if I
Speaker 1: look down, I did have big boobs today, so I
Speaker 1: don't know if this checks. But if you're if you stand,
Speaker 1: you're supposed to look down and see your your toes.
Speaker 1: And I can't often see my toes because my hips
Speaker 1: are out so much. I can't see in front of
Speaker 1: my toes. This isn't about Wait, if you're like a
Speaker 1: thin person maybe that doesn't have huge boobs, you should
Speaker 1: be able to see your toes. And so now I
Speaker 1: have to push my hips back. It's just a whole thing.
Speaker 1: So it was good though, but I really wanted him
Speaker 1: to get in there, and like does he stretch and stuff?
Speaker 1: Nobody's taught me stretches but I was like, I go.
Speaker 1: He said something about, oh, this will get less painful
Speaker 1: because I was doing these stretches that he told me
Speaker 1: because my caps are fucking so tight and so I
Speaker 1: was doing these, um you know, rolling out and taught
Speaker 1: me the specific way to do it, and I was like,
Speaker 1: oh no, ma, ma, ma ma. And I was just
Speaker 1: like whoa. And he's like, it'll get way less painful
Speaker 1: as we go on. I go, is it bad that
Speaker 1: I don't want to be less painful? Like I love it?
Speaker 1: And he was like, now, I know you're kind, and
Speaker 1: I was like, I just I love the pain. I
Speaker 1: was like, I don't go get massages unless I'm in pain,
Speaker 1: like I love it. And he said. I said, I
Speaker 1: think i'm, you know, a masochist, and he was like, well,
Speaker 1: I'm a sadist and a massochist, so I like to
Speaker 1: give people pain. And I was like, please let me in.
Speaker 1: But he didn't do any painful stuff to me. I
Speaker 1: was kind of upset about it, but um he did
Speaker 1: say I am hyper flexible and that is why I
Speaker 1: have so my joints are like jelly and I moved
Speaker 1: too much and I'm too like I am one of
Speaker 1: those like car dealership things like I can all my
Speaker 1: joints are willy nillions, so nothing stops me from my
Speaker 1: arms going all the way back. My shoulders can go back,
Speaker 1: my my I can do this like over my head
Speaker 1: like I have. My joints are jelly, so my so
Speaker 1: things go out of place and I don't correct. Most
Speaker 1: people they stop. There's like a hinge where it's like, okay,
Speaker 1: this is as far as you can go because I
Speaker 1: can keep going my muscles. There's no muscles needing to
Speaker 1: like the wrong muscles are holding me in. I guess
Speaker 1: I don't know. Yah know. My legs are like a
Speaker 1: screen door, you know, like the that kicks. That's where
Speaker 1: my hamstrings are. So my hamstrings are very tight. Can
Speaker 1: I go to add stretch place? Which is pretty lazy,
Speaker 1: but it's nice. You know, it's lazy. I mean you
Speaker 1: should probably stretch yourself, but it's oh my god, I
Speaker 1: love getting stretched. Do this thing where they'll push that
Speaker 1: sexual they'll push this. So this is as far as
Speaker 1: I go. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, okay. So we're looking
Speaker 1: at Andrew's um. He's probably got about a sixty degree
Speaker 1: angle between his thigh and then I could do this
Speaker 1: all the way up but straight my leg. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean that's going to be a different story. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: would like to be able to do. But he said
Speaker 1: to me, he was like, you're a great You're you're
Speaker 1: gonna be amazing. He was like, you just need a
Speaker 1: simple fixes. If you do this regiment. He was like,
Speaker 1: you're gonna You're gonna be Your life is going to change.
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna be taller because I stand like a banana,
Speaker 1: so I don't even reach my full height. If you're
Speaker 1: standing like a banana, you're not doing so I'm gonna
Speaker 1: gain like an inch or half an inch. I mean
Speaker 1: drinking now, I mean, look, my dad has a fake
Speaker 1: hip or my uncle has two fake hips. You're fake
Speaker 1: him with those shoes. It's just, you know, I try
Speaker 1: really hard. I mean, I know, bottom stuff. Mac Miller
Speaker 1: died in these shoes. I'm trying, Okay, he was lawn mowing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they do look like lawn mower like shoes you'd wear.
Speaker 1: Shoes are coolest, there's no doubt about it. But it's
Speaker 1: just interesting. I want to know what they did to
Speaker 1: funk them up. Why there's probably a guy there that
Speaker 1: just has wouldn't it be fun? You just know you're
Speaker 1: probably throw them in a dryer with like a crayol
Speaker 1: up pet, like some brown crayol uh, and it heats
Speaker 1: it up and it gets them all. It is weird
Speaker 1: that they come scuff because it's very easy to scuff
Speaker 1: white shoes. It takes fucking three seconds to scuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it would take not much time at all. Um. But yeah,
Speaker 1: so I'm a little worried that I'll have fake hips
Speaker 1: by the time and like within ten years. But you're
Speaker 1: going to stretch place of it? Doubt your dad ever
Speaker 1: did that? No, my dad? How far away is that stretch? Places?
Speaker 1: A stretch to get there? It's a it's a rock
Speaker 1: throw Seriously, how far is it? Minutes? How much is
Speaker 1: it per se? Not that bad. I'd have to look
Speaker 1: it up, but it's not that bad. And they how
Speaker 1: long did do they stretch you for? Do they only
Speaker 1: stretch or do they like do they do any massage
Speaker 1: or any massage they'll bring out the thumper or the
Speaker 1: fucking they talk to you the whole time or can
Speaker 1: you do it in silence? Do it in silence? But
Speaker 1: the problem is it's not an individual room, so you
Speaker 1: are sitting by a couple other people are there? Anyways?
Speaker 1: Can you pay more to going back in a room
Speaker 1: and have them fuck you? I mean what did I say? Like?
Speaker 1: Literally they have crowd therapy too. Oh you know you've
Speaker 1: done have you ever done that? Um? No? But what
Speaker 1: is that supposed to do? Yeah? Where your head sticking
Speaker 1: out of it? But the rest of your body is
Speaker 1: like in the chamber. What's it supposed to do? And
Speaker 1: then you feel better when it gets longer? Good for circulation, Oh,
Speaker 1: it's good for circulation. Oh. You know what I did
Speaker 1: get which has been so fun is a UM I
Speaker 1: signed up for this like vegan box that sends me
Speaker 1: like vegan beauty products every month. It's called kinder Box,
Speaker 1: and I love it. I've learned. I've gotten so many projects.
Speaker 1: I don't really like those boxes usually, but this one
Speaker 1: I really like. Um. But I got these little face
Speaker 1: suction cups that you put like a serum on your face,
Speaker 1: like the one I use, the squalling one I use,
Speaker 1: And then you use this suction cup and then you
Speaker 1: just suck all over your skin and you just like traveling,
Speaker 1: and you suck it once so that it sucked, and
Speaker 1: then you just move it around your skin, and you're
Speaker 1: skin gets like flushed with like color because all the
Speaker 1: blood like rushes to it just feels so healthy. Yes, exactly,
Speaker 1: I've never done it. The other night it was so
Speaker 1: fun to do um you didn't get in on it,
Speaker 1: but me and a Meal did like masks and just
Speaker 1: like it was I just love Sometimes after my micro needling,
Speaker 1: my face has been like so much smoother. I'm just
Speaker 1: like getting into not looking at skincare as a burden.
Speaker 1: I saw a video of Emmy rossum Um, the actress
Speaker 1: remember from Shameless. She now has crazy curly hair. She
Speaker 1: for years for her whole career straightened her hair, did
Speaker 1: carrots and treatments and now she's embracing her curls. And
Speaker 1: I watched this video of her like being like I
Speaker 1: love skincare. I don't like there was no like these
Speaker 1: are my steps and I have to do this and
Speaker 1: it's like O c D. Like I don't like when
Speaker 1: girls are like O c D about the skincare. But
Speaker 1: she's just like I just love it, And it was
Speaker 1: like it made me not look at skincare is like
Speaker 1: this thing I have to do because I'm trying to
Speaker 1: stay young and beautiful, but like enjoying just being like
Speaker 1: kind to yourself and like massaging your skin. It like
Speaker 1: it's so much better than being like throwing on doing
Speaker 1: stuff because you want to stay young. Like it just
Speaker 1: felt like you're doing it because it feels good in
Speaker 1: the moment to like massage your skin. And I think
Speaker 1: it's it's just taught me to look at things differently. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I you know, I've been I don't think guys do.
Speaker 1: I don't know one guy other than now myself that
Speaker 1: does a step process that's like three or five three
Speaker 1: to five steps. You know, I could recommend twelve steps
Speaker 1: to most men I know to improve their lives. But
Speaker 1: with skincare um, I mean I used for skin on
Speaker 1: my face. I literally put a dick, a baby's dick
Speaker 1: on my face every night, and it's it really is.
Speaker 1: I'm for it has never felt smoother. It's called TNS
Speaker 1: and it's I don't know, it's they took a foreskin
Speaker 1: back in the seventies and they just keep replicating it
Speaker 1: and put it in cream. Like I'm not like a chemists,
Speaker 1: but that's pretty much what they do. And so I
Speaker 1: don't I think of rejuven I think there's a lot
Speaker 1: of power and foreskin. I guess, Yeah, I gotta get
Speaker 1: that stuff I always keep forgetting to buy it. You
Speaker 1: can get online. Yeah, and Liptic is really good for redness.
Speaker 1: So I get red around my nose and I have
Speaker 1: psoriasis or dermot tightest so fartests or some ship so fartest.
Speaker 1: I have a fart face. I have like fart and
Speaker 1: ship all over my face. So forever I use cortisone,
Speaker 1: which is like after the fact, which thins your skin
Speaker 1: after it's red after it and then you know, just
Speaker 1: kept before ahead of it, and it's manly. It's manly
Speaker 1: to get ahead of it. Yes, we gotta change the
Speaker 1: narrative around therapy and face creams for me. Just got
Speaker 1: these masks though, and that same kinder box, like I'm
Speaker 1: not even pay for this thing, this mud one is
Speaker 1: it is so I've never I've used these masks before.
Speaker 1: You know, the sheet masks that you buy and you
Speaker 1: put on your face and you look like Silence of
Speaker 1: the Lambs. Those of never made my face feel any different. Girls,
Speaker 1: if you're out there, does anyone relate to me on this?
Speaker 1: Never has my face felt better after those I know
Speaker 1: that it's like supposed to. I've used every single kind
Speaker 1: but a mud mask that these, and I've used lots
Speaker 1: of mass throughout my life. None have worked as well
Speaker 1: as this one that I got in this kinder box
Speaker 1: thing and I forget the name of the place, but
Speaker 1: I just bought all the masks and you get to
Speaker 1: mix them yourself. They come in powders and then you
Speaker 1: put a little drop of water and you spin it
Speaker 1: around with your finger. You're supposed to use like a
Speaker 1: glass bowl with a brush, but like, no, you don't know,
Speaker 1: you don't. It's like when they put the eyes ship.
Speaker 1: You gotta pat it. You gotta pat it around. Well
Speaker 1: that's better because you shouldn't like I scratched my eyes.
Speaker 1: Yeah inside, Yeah, don't do it. Don't do it. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get to the news. What it means. It is
Speaker 1: tunes that not my day. I went to hope you're
Speaker 1: having all the swells apparently are gumb of you. Pow
Speaker 1: that's good, that's really good. Yeah, you just have to
Speaker 1: be uh dumb alright, nook back to you in studio
Speaker 1: in Phoenix. The same difference. Yeah, And Idaho man broke
Speaker 1: a Guinness World Record by running a half marathon while
Speaker 1: wearing a hundred and eleven T shirts. Uh, and it
Speaker 1: was to support STEM education. What why would that support
Speaker 1: STEM education? He was probably fundraising And here I just
Speaker 1: wanted the record before shirts. Yeah, he's like it took man.
Speaker 1: It was he a thin man, but then like those
Speaker 1: shirts all stacked together make him look a lot bigger. Yes,
Speaker 1: so it took twenty five minut it's for him and
Speaker 1: his team to put the shirts on. It added forty
Speaker 1: pounds extra. He said. His arms lost circulation and after
Speaker 1: a couple of hours, my hands swelled to what felt
Speaker 1: like twice the size. My normally loose wedding ring was
Speaker 1: a constricted ring and I couldn't even touch my thumb
Speaker 1: across my That's the problem is these when you layer
Speaker 1: things like that that have elastic in them, it becomes
Speaker 1: have you ever done? You know? I had two rubber
Speaker 1: bands and put the and put your hair up with
Speaker 1: two ponytail holders as opposed to one. It's crazy how
Speaker 1: much stronger it is. When you would think it would
Speaker 1: just be the same but like more secure, But it's
Speaker 1: like it's stronger. I mean, sure there's some physics law
Speaker 1: behind it, but I don't have a rubber band on
Speaker 1: my wrist, like, I hate that feeling. I know people
Speaker 1: are freaking about a ring I still have on my finger,
Speaker 1: and I'm not sure everyone that the part of my
Speaker 1: finger that the ring is on is not making it.
Speaker 1: I don't feel it all day. That's not like squeezing.
Speaker 1: It's just I can't get past my knuckle. But that
Speaker 1: part that it's on, it does not bother me. I
Speaker 1: don't think about it. And I'm thinking about buying a
Speaker 1: condom from my finger so that I can live a
Speaker 1: normal life because it gets snagged on things and it hurts. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you don't mean it's cut it off? No, because I
Speaker 1: kind of want to see how long I can go?
Speaker 1: You can? Yeah? I mean what is STEM? Is a
Speaker 1: science technology, electronic engineering, and math? But is this guy
Speaker 1: did he he wants obviously people to be able to
Speaker 1: get STEM. Did he get STEM him so he'll need
Speaker 1: it after this? What? No, he wants people to be
Speaker 1: like to study in those fields. It's probably for like
Speaker 1: students to be able to afford to go to like
Speaker 1: to encourage clubs or yeah, yeah, different extracurriculars involving STEM
Speaker 1: or like maybe to raise money for the stem but
Speaker 1: some states don't allow stem though. Right, it's it is, right.
Speaker 1: I think it's just like I'm not kidding, Like there's
Speaker 1: some places that you can't get stem cells, stem cell
Speaker 1: stem stem cells are different than stems. Stem is an acronym. No,
Speaker 1: stem cells are is an initial sorry acronym. No, stem
Speaker 1: is an acronym. Stem is for science technology. Uh would
Speaker 1: you say engineering? And right? So that's just it. Stem
Speaker 1: is those things. I thought he was doing stem cells
Speaker 1: over here. No, stem cell is, yes, step out of
Speaker 1: those are the things you put in your face. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so usually you hear STEM with when people are talking
Speaker 1: about women. There's not enough women in stem science, technology, engineering,
Speaker 1: and math. Yeah. People really came at me saying there
Speaker 1: were no female architects. I stand by it. Do you
Speaker 1: stem by it by me? Now? I think there are
Speaker 1: female architects, by the way, Yeah, I would think there are, right, Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 1: did you say there weren't. No. I think it got
Speaker 1: misconstrued that I said that I was saying that there's
Speaker 1: not enough women in engineering in that it should be
Speaker 1: and I think that it came out as engineering and architecture. Okay, right,
Speaker 1: all right, Well, I mean it's not wrong. I think
Speaker 1: there are less women in STEM fields and that's why
Speaker 1: there's a huge focus on encouraging women. Yes, oh for girls, Well,
Speaker 1: for girls are just stem in general in general. Okay, Well,
Speaker 1: let's go to the next story. Yeah, let's do it. Okay.
Speaker 1: I was trying to make a stem joke, but I
Speaker 1: can't come up with anymore nice stems. That's what I
Speaker 1: say to girls that are scientists, and I go, just
Speaker 1: focus on your legs, lady, don't learn maths. Don't worry
Speaker 1: about it talking about your stems. So you might know
Speaker 1: that the Can Film Festival is going on con it's Can.
Speaker 1: I'm just working around don't know. I don't know either,
Speaker 1: it's Can Can. Okay. So, a screening of David Cronenberg's
Speaker 1: Crime of the Future starring Kristen Stewart prompts walkouts in
Speaker 1: the first five minutes as child mutations and people orgasming
Speaker 1: while licking open wounds are shown. But the reason why
Speaker 1: I felt compelled to share this article is because this
Speaker 1: image from the movie Oh No, so it's a blonde
Speaker 1: wolve to get my scalpel, Oh my god, to another
Speaker 1: woman's foot, and it kind of looks like you and
Speaker 1: Sarah Lena. God, it really does. What is she doing
Speaker 1: to her foot? Can we see what she's doing with?
Speaker 1: Like what she's scraping off? She's just like doing surgery,
Speaker 1: you think, Um, I'll have to text you so, yes,
Speaker 1: my god, I would walk into that film. I would
Speaker 1: pull up my hat bill so I could see it all.
Speaker 1: What is the point in this movie? Is this movie
Speaker 1: like in the future or something? That's the word future
Speaker 1: in that right? Yes? So the point of the movie
Speaker 1: is um. It's set in the near future and centered
Speaker 1: around a performance artist couple who grow and remove new
Speaker 1: organs on stage in front of a live audience. Oh okay, okay,
Speaker 1: this is you. Gotta send me that picture. I want
Speaker 1: to send it to Sarily. Know. That's so funny. It
Speaker 1: just texted I did you speaking of I don't know
Speaker 1: why this means. I guess it. Films that made me
Speaker 1: think of did you Did you watch Adam Sandler's whole
Speaker 1: speech to the n y U class. It was really
Speaker 1: really good. It really wrapped me up a little bit
Speaker 1: at the beginning there. Well he did that as a joke,
Speaker 1: I know, but it went on for like fifteen minutes,
Speaker 1: just being like we're the best. What did you do tissues? Yeah.
Speaker 1: I couldn't believe how long he kept in that character,
Speaker 1: and then he broke character in the story of his roommate.
Speaker 1: Was really touching, and I that was awesome. He's the best.
Speaker 1: He just seems everything you hear about him the best.
Speaker 1: And when my baby said for the appatiles. I did
Speaker 1: talk to him on the phone once and he was
Speaker 1: so freaking nice and he asked me how my night was,
Speaker 1: and he didn't even know who I was. I was
Speaker 1: just a babysitter and he was like, how's your night going. Oh,
Speaker 1: it's Adam Sandler. He said, it's Adam Sandler. And I
Speaker 1: thought it was a joke because who says it's Adam Sandler.
Speaker 1: But when your parents get a call, he thought I
Speaker 1: was maud Um Judd's daughter, and so he was like, hey,
Speaker 1: mod it's Adam Sandler. And I was like, this is
Speaker 1: not It's like sounds like a prank call of Adam Sandler.
Speaker 1: But you realize that when your parents get a call
Speaker 1: from their family friend, they usually say first and last name.
Speaker 1: Like when my dad would get a call, it would
Speaker 1: be like, hey, it's Dave Miller calling you. Know they don't,
Speaker 1: so it checked out. But I loved his speech. He
Speaker 1: does this thing. So he goes through and he's like
Speaker 1: he's talking to the class and he's like, you know
Speaker 1: the n y U school, Tish School of the Arts
Speaker 1: is where he went. He's like, Tissues, you could do anything, Tissues.
Speaker 1: You are the performer. You you didn't go to you know,
Speaker 1: med school or you didn't go into business school because
Speaker 1: you care about changing people's lives with performance. You care
Speaker 1: about you know. Take his he's like saying all this stuff,
Speaker 1: and you can start to go, wow, he's just doing
Speaker 1: a sincere speech. But it was all so that he
Speaker 1: could do the joke, which is the turn where he
Speaker 1: goes now dishes, I need you to come your ears.
Speaker 1: I'm going to talk to your parents for a second. Parents,
Speaker 1: you really fucked up if you think you're gonna at
Speaker 1: least they're gonna need you so much more. During he goes,
Speaker 1: he tells the parents too pretty much, um move uh,
Speaker 1: don't don't tell your kids where you move from only
Speaker 1: cards message. Yeah, but don't give them your location. You've
Speaker 1: already given them enough tuition for four years at Tissue
Speaker 1: is enough. You've done. You've done enough, Yes, slip, and
Speaker 1: then he tells them to slip. Martin Scor says, he
Speaker 1: who's there at the ceremony because his daughters are graduating.
Speaker 1: He said, slip. Martin Scor says, you a headshot of
Speaker 1: your kid. It will work. That's how Leo's mom did it.
Speaker 1: It was really good. I mean it is like I
Speaker 1: don't know some part of me, like I look at
Speaker 1: that college crowd of these like all these actors, and
Speaker 1: they still have this optimism that they will. You need that.
Speaker 1: You need that blind like faith and going to make
Speaker 1: it and you'll become agents. You'll give up and become agents. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you mean a part of you wants to
Speaker 1: have that? You still have it. I mean you can't
Speaker 1: shake it. Anyone who enters into show business is thinking
Speaker 1: that they are going to defy. It's like entering the lottery,
Speaker 1: Like you think you have a chance, and you do
Speaker 1: because you I mean, they're people do make it. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: I but I do believe there is a point where
Speaker 1: you should go. This is it for me, And it's
Speaker 1: not because I'm not talented. It's just because I just
Speaker 1: am unlucky. Because making it is. Yes, it's hard. Work,
Speaker 1: but also being someone who works hard is based on
Speaker 1: if you had the right kind of parents, if you
Speaker 1: have you know, if you have a good job to
Speaker 1: support you through being able to work hard, if you
Speaker 1: have supportive friends, if you have self esteem that isn't
Speaker 1: you know, diminished by getting bullied in school. It's like,
Speaker 1: you're it's all luck. Why why anyone makes it? It's
Speaker 1: not because you're not talented. So I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people should give up and stop chasing this stupid
Speaker 1: dream at some point and pursue better things because I
Speaker 1: think that I don't know if I think if I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have made it, I always say like, oh, I
Speaker 1: would have killed myself, because that's a better story than
Speaker 1: being like no, I would have just found happiness elsewhere,
Speaker 1: and I I would have you know, I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: trying to think, like if you went to school just
Speaker 1: for entertainment, you know, just to be an actor, I
Speaker 1: think spensive school like that, But I guess with an
Speaker 1: English degree. I mean as an employer going to go, oh,
Speaker 1: you know you went to school, you went to tish,
Speaker 1: We're not gonna hire you at this marketing firm, you know, Like,
Speaker 1: can you do have something is not enough room for
Speaker 1: all the actresses that want to be actresses, so like
Speaker 1: it is possible to get trained in something that you
Speaker 1: just you can't get on the ship, Like there's not
Speaker 1: enough room on the boat. There's too many people that
Speaker 1: are trained to be on the boat, but we can't
Speaker 1: fit you all, so some of you can't come. I know.
Speaker 1: I'm just thinking though, like and that's okay, what are
Speaker 1: you thinking about, like getting another job somewhere else? And
Speaker 1: because yeah, like if you had a degree, like I
Speaker 1: can't imagine my dad paying for a four year degree
Speaker 1: where it was like I was gonna be a thespian
Speaker 1: and it's gonna be a hundred and because you're gonna
Speaker 1: be acting, like it was your choice to not pursue
Speaker 1: that the rest of your life. I just know I
Speaker 1: just didn't decid I did that acting was just like
Speaker 1: an empty pursuit and I didn't want to do it
Speaker 1: anymore when really, let's be honest, I mean we like
Speaker 1: that was a joke, but I do think that it
Speaker 1: some people are better off just leave acting. Is it's
Speaker 1: way fun to do when you're young and there's less
Speaker 1: competition in your community theater or high school, and then
Speaker 1: the more you get and you see more talented people,
Speaker 1: you realize, like, fuck, this is hard, and also this
Speaker 1: isn't that fun. It's auditions constant rejection, Like the dreams
Speaker 1: you have when you set out on these goals when
Speaker 1: you're young, when you're a child, even if you're in
Speaker 1: high school senior or when you're thirty, you don't know
Speaker 1: until you get there, and then you go this kind
Speaker 1: of sucks. I wanted to be an actor's until I
Speaker 1: got to my theater auditions and I saw these losers
Speaker 1: yelling at it themselves in the corners, reciting these monologues
Speaker 1: and like caring about movement work. No offense to losers,
Speaker 1: but to me, they were like, these kids are losers,
Speaker 1: Like they care so much about these dramatic monologues that
Speaker 1: I just don't care. This is to me. I don't
Speaker 1: want to say a loser. That was mean. I call
Speaker 1: them losers because I couldn't be one of them. But
Speaker 1: I say, like, it just didn't interest me, and I
Speaker 1: thought it would have. I liked I liked performing, but
Speaker 1: I didn't like acting. So sometimes you just don't know. Well,
Speaker 1: you know, we both watched the Carl I finally got
Speaker 1: to watch Carlin documentary and he said, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: a stand up comic. I'm not Hollywood. Wanted to be
Speaker 1: an actor really badly, wanted very badly, and then he
Speaker 1: realized that wasn't for him and he was never really
Speaker 1: actually trained in it, but he still wanted to be that.
Speaker 1: I wanted it so badly because he the people he
Speaker 1: used to admire, we're actors, and we're really great comedic actors,
Speaker 1: and he wanted to be like them. And he even
Speaker 1: got his own show eventually, the George Carlin Show, which
Speaker 1: was you know, his signs and his sixties and it.
Speaker 1: He wasn't good at making things with other people, and
Speaker 1: Jerry seinfelt kind of comments on it during the documentary
Speaker 1: of like comedians don't have to deal with other people
Speaker 1: weighing in on the wait for that be done talking yeah,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, yeah that's but also like the network winging,
Speaker 1: like you can have this great idea, like look at milaney.
Speaker 1: Mullaney is the best comedian going, without question, but his
Speaker 1: show wasn't great. Why not because he wasn't great? It's
Speaker 1: because too many cooks? Yeah, have you ever seen too
Speaker 1: many cooks? The adults swim masterpiece. Oh my god, if
Speaker 1: if you are a listener out there who has not
Speaker 1: seen Too Many Cooks, which is this weird thing that
Speaker 1: adults swim uh aired at like four am one night
Speaker 1: randomly in two thousands, I think eighteen, and it's this crazy.
Speaker 1: It seems like an intro to a nineties sitcom like
Speaker 1: Full House, you know, like everywhere you look, and it's
Speaker 1: like different characters and they're posing with like it seems
Speaker 1: like a show. It's a show called Too Many Cooks,
Speaker 1: and it's like too many Cooks will spoil the broth,
Speaker 1: but we're gonna make it with love. And it's like
Speaker 1: too many looks and it's like it looks like a
Speaker 1: classic t G I f opening to a song, but
Speaker 1: then it does not stop going for fifteen minutes and
Speaker 1: it gets so fucking weird and it's so fun to
Speaker 1: it's I watched it at least twice a year. It
Speaker 1: is so because the best part is no one warned
Speaker 1: them that they were going to air this. It just
Speaker 1: aired apropos of nothing at four in the morning when
Speaker 1: usually they would be doing these like infomercials, and it
Speaker 1: just came on and you just got to think about
Speaker 1: the high guys that used to be watching Adult Swim
Speaker 1: late at night and would go and would just be
Speaker 1: like watching you know, like Aquitine Hunger for Us and
Speaker 1: like yeah, man, and just left it on and then
Speaker 1: all of a sudden watched Too Many Cooks And just
Speaker 1: imagine you're a stoner at four am and this thing
Speaker 1: comes on with no introduction, there's no no one knows
Speaker 1: what the funk it is. And that's the beauty of
Speaker 1: Too Many Cooks and it's it's the best. It's one
Speaker 1: of my favorite things to watch. You know. The one
Speaker 1: thing I loved about the Sandler speech speaking of like
Speaker 1: how many opportunities there are for people that are pursuing
Speaker 1: this insane you know goal he talks about his roommate
Speaker 1: and then he goes and his son is on l
Speaker 1: That just made me because please don't destroy those three guys. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and they're great, but he's like, be easy on them.
Speaker 1: They're they're trying hard, like like like because a lot
Speaker 1: of people are giving them. Those guys ship because their
Speaker 1: dad was a writer, Like two of them, their dads
Speaker 1: are writers, and then maybe that was one of them. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Nepotism is it's literally everyone in Hollywood is the son
Speaker 1: or daughter or are you like, well, they're probably talented
Speaker 1: because they are. But there's other people too. That's the problem.
Speaker 1: That's the problem. Uh, as someone who is not a
Speaker 1: part of nepotism, I am like anti nepotism, but if
Speaker 1: my dad were famous, I would be pro nepotism. So yeah,
Speaker 1: of course who knows. Let's um, let's uh take a break,
Speaker 1: comeback with why do I care? No? Why do I care?
Speaker 1: Why do I care? I bet this story involves someone
Speaker 1: whose dad or mom is famous, because literally everyone in
Speaker 1: Hollywood is a product of some is a progeny of
Speaker 1: some famous person. One of these names is going to
Speaker 1: be someone guaranteed. Possibly I heard you. I mean I
Speaker 1: saw this on your Instagram, and I really wanted to
Speaker 1: get your full perspective on Mick Jagger. Responding to comparisons
Speaker 1: made about him and Harry Styles, he says he doesn't
Speaker 1: see too much of himself in the twenty eight year
Speaker 1: old Yes. He also says, I like Harry, we have
Speaker 1: an easy relationship. I mean I used to wear a
Speaker 1: lot of eye makeup than him. Uh, A lot more
Speaker 1: I make up than him. Come on, I was much
Speaker 1: more adrogynous, and he doesn't have a voice like mine
Speaker 1: or move on the stage like me. He just has
Speaker 1: a superficial resemblance to my younger self, which is fine.
Speaker 1: He can't help that. Yes, I think I think the
Speaker 1: context of which he said it sounds like he was
Speaker 1: being snarky. But if you read that like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: think he's a great kid. Yeah, what I wore more
Speaker 1: islander than him. He just happens to look like me.
Speaker 1: We sound very different. If you say it like that
Speaker 1: as opposed to I mean or like we I mean,
Speaker 1: he sounds a lot different than I do, that sounds
Speaker 1: like shitty. But if he sounds a lot different than me,
Speaker 1: that sounds nice. Like, I think Mick Jagger is a fan.
Speaker 1: How could you not be? Harry is so amazing. Mick
Speaker 1: Jagger's son starting a HBO show. Mick Jagger's son started
Speaker 1: an HBO show. That doesn't shock me. Harry Styles is
Speaker 1: not connected to anyone. Uh So that's interesting because he
Speaker 1: he had just auditioned for the fucking X Factor or
Speaker 1: whatever it wasn't he got he got, he didn't get
Speaker 1: past and then they put them all together, they put
Speaker 1: five kids, Okay, Yeah, and then Um, Mick Jagger obviously
Speaker 1: he I bet he was not the son of anyone famous,
Speaker 1: but who knows. I feel like it's the generation after that,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean? Like I think his kid
Speaker 1: helps like what his daughter's like a model or I
Speaker 1: don't know, if it's a Jaggers kids. There's a couple
Speaker 1: of models. There's his son was an actor some movie,
Speaker 1: played a rock and roll Georgia May Jagger is his daughter. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: so what are you gonna do? Yeah? I mean we're
Speaker 1: all something because our parents. Because my father was successful,
Speaker 1: I was able to go to college for free. Like
Speaker 1: there's all steps. My parents are reality TV stars because
Speaker 1: their daughter. Wow, you flipped it on them. Your mom
Speaker 1: is a child star. It's the other way around. Can
Speaker 1: I just say based on um, I didn't see last
Speaker 1: Night's Two Nights ago his episodes. Yes, my mom played
Speaker 1: with me as a child in in the thing, I
Speaker 1: say my mom didn't play with me as a child
Speaker 1: very much hurt her feelings. She thinks that everyone thinks
Speaker 1: that she's a bad mom now, and she thinks that
Speaker 1: I said that to make her feel bad, which maybe
Speaker 1: I did. I don't even know what kind of fucking
Speaker 1: mood I was in that day. My mom did play
Speaker 1: with me as a child, there is I just don't
Speaker 1: remember a lot of it. But I don't really remember
Speaker 1: my dad playing with me either. I just know that
Speaker 1: I see I remember more later in life. But I
Speaker 1: told my mom today because she was upset with me
Speaker 1: about it really hurt her feelings because she was like,
Speaker 1: I did play with you as a child. No, they didn't.
Speaker 1: I was like, I do think I told my mom.
Speaker 1: The reason I think I'm obsessed with the fact that
Speaker 1: you didn't play with as a child, or that's the
Speaker 1: story I tell myself, is because I don't like playing
Speaker 1: with babies. I don't like playing with kids. I don't
Speaker 1: like playing barbies. I don't like playing pretend or like
Speaker 1: making voices or like I'm gonna get you. I don't
Speaker 1: like it. I'm not good at it. I don't want
Speaker 1: to do it. If I ever have kids, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be the main person I will do it.
Speaker 1: But I want to find a husband who's good at that,
Speaker 1: because my dad was really good at that. And I
Speaker 1: I think that I personify my mom that way to
Speaker 1: make myself feel better, like I'm that way too, and
Speaker 1: my mom was, and so it's okay. And I think
Speaker 1: that's why I say it, because I don't like playing
Speaker 1: with kids. I really don't even I don't like I
Speaker 1: like having I like talking to her like a real
Speaker 1: person and asking her about things she likes and why
Speaker 1: she likes them. Like I don't like going like I'm
Speaker 1: alma on, I'm gonna get you like. I don't like that,
Speaker 1: Like I run out of things to do. I'm not
Speaker 1: creative in that way. I'm my brain is not good
Speaker 1: at that. I'm kind of in the same boat there,
Speaker 1: especially with legos, like I can't handle I can't I
Speaker 1: can't go through these steps. You know, there's eight five
Speaker 1: steps to put together some kind of Star Wars thing,
Speaker 1: and I'm checked out after seven. I don't mind that
Speaker 1: because there's like there we're doing something. But if I
Speaker 1: have to go like I'm gonna get you on, I
Speaker 1: mean man like or in that bob that, I don't
Speaker 1: want to have to come up with stuff. I just
Speaker 1: want to be That's why I like stand up and
Speaker 1: not acting. I don't want to be someone else. I
Speaker 1: just want to be me, And I think the kid
Speaker 1: would be fine with that. No, they want you to
Speaker 1: go they want you to play with that, but no, no, no,
Speaker 1: the kids do. But when my nephew wants to play
Speaker 1: with me and they want to play baby, So here's
Speaker 1: you know, the other day, I was playing babies with
Speaker 1: Poppy and I was just like, Okay, I'm gonna feed
Speaker 1: this one. And I was being very like. I wasn't
Speaker 1: like I was like what what's her name? You know,
Speaker 1: I was like asking questions that I would normally ask,
Speaker 1: but there was some element of like, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: a doll and I don't care about its feelings. I
Speaker 1: have to pretend like this doll has feelings, and I'm
Speaker 1: struggling to do that kind of thing, you know. All right,
Speaker 1: so my mom played with me. That is that. And
Speaker 1: let's get to Reddit dump karaoke mode. This is your
Speaker 1: Reddit dog, all right. Um let me start with uh,
Speaker 1: we have some vis videos to show, but um let
Speaker 1: me start with uh. This was on too afraid to ask.
Speaker 1: It's the subpredit. It was a question is it okay
Speaker 1: to wear lingerie for my husband that I've sucked other
Speaker 1: dudes and before I met him? Amazing question, right, amazing?
Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah, I was predicting Andrew would say absolutely not.
Speaker 1: You just don't want to know about it. Oh, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want it to be like, yeah I sucked this guy.
Speaker 1: Well no, but it's like old clothes. It is to
Speaker 1: found out later on that it was something that she
Speaker 1: had for her ex boyfriend maybe gave her, not that
Speaker 1: she like she wasn't keeping it because it was a
Speaker 1: present from him, but she just like liked it, so
Speaker 1: she kept. It's tough for me is when I see
Speaker 1: like a big oversized T shirt and I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that was an old boyfriend T shirt that you're still
Speaker 1: sleeping in. That's tough. But pajamas or lingerie that you know,
Speaker 1: I don't want to know the exact specifics, Like I
Speaker 1: bought it on a Thursday because he had a heart
Speaker 1: on and he loved this, like I didn't want but
Speaker 1: you know a guy like fingered her through it like
Speaker 1: specifically for sex. Yeah, yeah, it doesn't bother me. Uh.
Speaker 1: Someone commented I love this comment. You are sucking him
Speaker 1: with the same pussy that you fucked other dudes with.
Speaker 1: That would be so funny for guy was like, you
Speaker 1: need to get a new pussy. Yeah, um, all right. Uh,
Speaker 1: how would you guys feel if some guy I guess
Speaker 1: guys don't don't put on anything really specific to get fucked.
Speaker 1: I don't care about any of that. I really don't.
Speaker 1: If I feel like they still like her, then then
Speaker 1: that's an issue. But if you're with me they don't
Speaker 1: like her. What about a sex toy, same condom, sex toy?
Speaker 1: I would not, I would not. That wouldn't bother me
Speaker 1: at all, because clean them. I mean, like I I use,
Speaker 1: I wear use clothes like I wear like that's a
Speaker 1: very intimate thing that's rubbing on their skin, like a
Speaker 1: silicone thing that you can clean, that can get very
Speaker 1: clean easily because it doesn't have a lot of nooks
Speaker 1: and crannies. It's just like a sleek like there's nothing
Speaker 1: about that. I wouldn't people that people put in their
Speaker 1: mouths at restaurants and you clean that, Like, what's the
Speaker 1: big deal? I get that. I think if you could
Speaker 1: separate that, good for you. Okay. This was an ask men,
Speaker 1: okay um, and it said what is one thing that
Speaker 1: you would like your ex to know? Mm hmm. One
Speaker 1: guy said that my life has been mostly a series
Speaker 1: of dreadfully bad decisions. I considered getting back together with
Speaker 1: you the worst one. I've ever made. Whenever I'm going
Speaker 1: through a rough patch in my life, I still chuckle,
Speaker 1: knowing it's nothing to do. It's nothing to what I
Speaker 1: endured with you. You are the standard of which I
Speaker 1: measure measure misery and pain by. Thank you for that.
Speaker 1: I don't want anything to do with that. Someone said,
Speaker 1: she taught me to take it slow so I don't
Speaker 1: wind up in a relationship with someone like her again. Wait,
Speaker 1: what why you don't want to have anything to do
Speaker 1: with what? The anger and the fucking feeling that he
Speaker 1: wants to tell her that she's miserable and all that ship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that guy is still holding a lot of anger.
Speaker 1: Someone said, can I have my guitar back? You sort
Speaker 1: of forgot to give it to me, So I was wondering,
Speaker 1: you forgot to give it back to me if it's
Speaker 1: worth it to me. But for my last serious relationship,
Speaker 1: I would like to apologize because and you know, like
Speaker 1: I um, I was clearing out all my text to
Speaker 1: like save room on my phone and I found our
Speaker 1: last text after he had broken up with me, and
Speaker 1: I read it today and there were so much pointing
Speaker 1: at him, like you did this and you knew about
Speaker 1: that and you knew what I was asking for and
Speaker 1: I read it back, you know, me and the present,
Speaker 1: and I think that like he was the one who
Speaker 1: urged me to go to therapy. And I think if
Speaker 1: it wasn't for him just breaking up with me and
Speaker 1: putting me at like my lowest point, I probably wouldn't
Speaker 1: be close to where I am today. So I probably
Speaker 1: say thanks and I'm sorry. Oh god, I bet he
Speaker 1: would like to hear that. I'm like to reach out.
Speaker 1: It's too too weird. Um, that's interesting though. Have you
Speaker 1: read any like last exchanges with an X and just
Speaker 1: kind of seen it through a different lens? Um, I
Speaker 1: have apologized. I apologized to one of my axes really
Speaker 1: in a very sincere way, and um on the show,
Speaker 1: on this show made amends. Yeah, I mean to Zach,
Speaker 1: I did, but then to another one I did. Um.
Speaker 1: I gave a really I made a voice memo and
Speaker 1: I just sent it to him and I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, not even a memo that disappears. I gave
Speaker 1: him like I recorded it and then just sent it
Speaker 1: over and was just like, because I didn't want to
Speaker 1: be interrupted, I just wanted to get it out there
Speaker 1: and just say like, hey, I fucked up and I shouldn't.
Speaker 1: I was sad you rejected me and I handled it
Speaker 1: in a bad way and he accepted it and never
Speaker 1: since then we hasn't felt like hate. At least from
Speaker 1: my perspective. It's so nice when you apologize, you just
Speaker 1: don't you If they're mad at you, it has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with you anymore, because you've like the past
Speaker 1: for you as the past you've made up for for.
Speaker 1: In my mind, I don't think I left anything untouched
Speaker 1: of that I owed an apology for, and if if
Speaker 1: I did, I would love to know it, and then
Speaker 1: I would make up for that too. But it just
Speaker 1: feels like freeing. But if I could say something to
Speaker 1: my X, I would say, I'll see you tonight, babe,
Speaker 1: because I'm back with him. Um No, I have so
Speaker 1: many things that I would like to say to certain people,
Speaker 1: but it's almost not worth it because, um like, I
Speaker 1: don't want to engage. I don't want that, I don't
Speaker 1: want to have I don't want to talk to them again,
Speaker 1: and it's but there, Yeah, there are things, but I'll
Speaker 1: just write them in songs for jokes and then they'll
Speaker 1: see it when they watch my thing and then they go,
Speaker 1: oh god, I wish I would have not sucked that up.
Speaker 1: And but the thing is, even if you didn't, I'd
Speaker 1: probably have realized you were not good enough by now. Anyway,
Speaker 1: That's what I like to tell myself. Yeah, I wouldn't
Speaker 1: want to re engage if there's no If we were friends,
Speaker 1: still we're friendly, then maybe I would maybe bring something up.
Speaker 1: But I'm not gonna write someone out of the blue
Speaker 1: to get my whatever emotions out. Ye. Also, I don't
Speaker 1: want to like then you have to get an email back,
Speaker 1: and then do you have to email back to that.
Speaker 1: If it was an exchange exchange back and we knew
Speaker 1: that it was done, then I could maybe do something,
Speaker 1: But I don't want it to be seventeen messages later
Speaker 1: and then fighting again about the same thing. That's so funny,
Speaker 1: then you gotta break up with it. Yeah, it's it's
Speaker 1: like I was saying about, like the megreets guy grabs
Speaker 1: your ass and you call him out for it, stopped
Speaker 1: to do just like let it go. Wait till you
Speaker 1: stopped walking like a banana. You're gonna get a lot
Speaker 1: of more ass grabs. Oh my god, that thing's gonna
Speaker 1: be sticking out ready to go um. Whenever I really
Speaker 1: do feel like I want to like get out some
Speaker 1: anger about an X, I sing the Taylor Swift song
Speaker 1: I Bet You Think about Me? That song really kicks
Speaker 1: into some feelings. But it's but if you do have
Speaker 1: things that you still want to tell an X, it's
Speaker 1: because you're holding on to some kind of resentment that
Speaker 1: has more to do with you than than them, And
Speaker 1: it's a sign that you gotta gotta keep working. There's Keith,
Speaker 1: how do you like me now? On my way you think?
Speaker 1: And it's just him talking ship to an X about
Speaker 1: like he's done everything to communicate with people. If you're
Speaker 1: an artist, I mean, as a comedian, I find it
Speaker 1: very therapeutic to write bits about people and like surreptitiously
Speaker 1: like address things. But man, a really good song that
Speaker 1: people that that person has to hear the rest of
Speaker 1: their fucking life. That you get successful from you if
Speaker 1: you get up. She wrote that song Mean about a
Speaker 1: critic that made fun of her voice at the Grammy,
Speaker 1: And she wrote the song mean about how like you're
Speaker 1: limetic and alone and life and mean and mean and mean,
Speaker 1: and at the end of it, she's singing it at
Speaker 1: the Grammy. She goes, someday I'll be singing it at
Speaker 1: the Grammys and all you're ever gonna be is mean,
Speaker 1: And so she sang at the Grammys, wrote the song
Speaker 1: because he trashed her for how she saying at the Grammys,
Speaker 1: and then came back and one album maybe album of
Speaker 1: not album of the Year, but one for that song.
Speaker 1: That's that's a that's a great, that's a great. I
Speaker 1: don't know if you can break up with someone and
Speaker 1: then write this song, Yeah you weren't good enough. There's
Speaker 1: a lot of breakup songs that I hear that are like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I just had to go and I yeah,
Speaker 1: take it easy on me, so good, Yeah, easy on me.
Speaker 1: That one's really good. All right, let's keep going. So
Speaker 1: let me see. Um uh, this is a good one.
Speaker 1: This is a good story. Okay. So this is from
Speaker 1: true Off my Chest. It's where people just let something out.
Speaker 1: Says I'm divorcing my wife because she has been late
Speaker 1: for nine of everything we've ever done together. Everyone we
Speaker 1: know is shocked and confused, But I don't care. This
Speaker 1: guy is awesome. No, I'm not having an affair. No,
Speaker 1: I'm not having a midlife crisis. No, I'm not looking
Speaker 1: for a younger woman. No, I'm not hiding anything. My
Speaker 1: wife and I have been together for twelve years. During
Speaker 1: this time, she has not made even the slightest amount
Speaker 1: of effort to be on time for anything we did
Speaker 1: when we were dating. Average weight times, we're fifteen minutes
Speaker 1: to an hour for her to finally fucking show up.
Speaker 1: I waited because I loved her. After marriage, she somehow
Speaker 1: got worse, and after childbirth she got even worse. She
Speaker 1: used to blame circumstances for being late every time, but
Speaker 1: now she just blames our son. I put up with
Speaker 1: it because I loved her. Example one da da da
Speaker 1: example to da da da da da. Example three Da
Speaker 1: da da da. I'm so sick and tired of it.
Speaker 1: Dinner reservations are always a toss up because restaurants in
Speaker 1: her area of no chill, and we'll cancel your reservation
Speaker 1: if you're a minute late. Blah blah blah blah. He
Speaker 1: goes all the way down, He goes um, meeting up
Speaker 1: with friends, going to a children's event with our son.
Speaker 1: For Fox's sake, even trying to take a walk is
Speaker 1: walk is an ordeal. Of trying to get her to
Speaker 1: put the goddamn phone down and get ready so I
Speaker 1: don't have to stand there like an idiot. I think
Speaker 1: my boiling point was last week when I stood at
Speaker 1: the entrance of our house for twenty minutes with our
Speaker 1: son as he grew increasingly impatient, and then seeing she
Speaker 1: had abruptly decided to start vacuuming the house. I'm getting
Speaker 1: spammed with calls from mutual friends and family. She went
Speaker 1: and told everyone that we're getting divorced. Everyone wants to
Speaker 1: talk me out of it. I just broke. I just
Speaker 1: broke after years of patience. I have no regrets. What
Speaker 1: do you think final thought? I mean, she'll probably be
Speaker 1: on time to get that Alimoni money. No, I'm just
Speaker 1: but they I think it's good. I don't think it's
Speaker 1: the worst reason to not get divorce like that. I've
Speaker 1: heard like and I think throughout that start, I mean
Speaker 1: to skip a lot, but I think it's if it's
Speaker 1: something that you've addressed and said, this is something I
Speaker 1: can't put up with and you need to fix it
Speaker 1: or I'm gone. I think it's like a like agoraphobia
Speaker 1: or something like that, some kind of she keeps delaying
Speaker 1: it or like a social anxiety thing, and she just
Speaker 1: keeps sabotaging people who are constantly chronically late. And I'm
Speaker 1: I'm one of them. There have been times in my
Speaker 1: life where I just am seven minutes late, ten minutes late,
Speaker 1: fifty minutes late to everything. But I tell people how
Speaker 1: late I'm going to be. Generally this god excluded because
Speaker 1: no one knows at this point. Like, but generally, if
Speaker 1: I'm late to something, I say three minutes, seven minutes,
Speaker 1: I don't say these people that go, I'll be there
Speaker 1: in five minutes and it's twenty minutes. Fuck you, fuck you.
Speaker 1: It's fine, you're twenty minutes. Like, don't lie about it
Speaker 1: that no one's believing that that twenty minutes was five
Speaker 1: minutes because you lied about it. You. I know you
Speaker 1: can't help being late. I really do believe that. But
Speaker 1: you need to be accountable for what you are and
Speaker 1: you need to try to fix it. It is not
Speaker 1: something that's unfixable. You can be on time. We're choosing
Speaker 1: not to address the issues that are keeping you chronically late. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like you know someone will go, well that's my thing,
Speaker 1: Like I'm just late. This has nothing to do with you.
Speaker 1: But then if it does affect you negatively, it does
Speaker 1: have something to do with you. Yes, a lot of
Speaker 1: people hide behind well this is this has nothing, This
Speaker 1: isn't you. This is my thing, but your thing creeps
Speaker 1: in to your your thing is Actually I don't want
Speaker 1: to be around it anymore. So if you want to
Speaker 1: stay with me and you love me enough to I'm
Speaker 1: important enough to you more than it is keeping this
Speaker 1: habit going, or like addressing the issues that you're scared
Speaker 1: to address that keep you late, then buy. And I'm
Speaker 1: sure in her mind she might have a thing where
Speaker 1: it could be out of spite that he's doing something
Speaker 1: loving her. I think he should have done it much
Speaker 1: sooner before a kid. But but you know what I mean,
Speaker 1: like there could be something on her end where I'm
Speaker 1: sure he had this conversation with her. Yeah, he sounds
Speaker 1: really great, sounds like yeah, okay, let's get to this
Speaker 1: next one. This is from me I r L, which
Speaker 1: is like just tweets that people reposts that are like
Speaker 1: this is so me or whatever. So this is from
Speaker 1: average average underscore dad one on Instagram. In college, I
Speaker 1: had a roommate that would set his normal alarm plus
Speaker 1: a separate alarm for three am, so that he would
Speaker 1: wake up in the middle of the night and be
Speaker 1: excited about how much longer he had left to sleep.
Speaker 1: Still not sure if he was a genius or a psycho.
Speaker 1: I wait, wait, how what where were so? He would
Speaker 1: say a roommate. I killed the guy. No, but I
Speaker 1: mean just the idea of setting an alarm at three o'clock.
Speaker 1: I love when I wake up at three o'clock and
Speaker 1: that your things creeping in the mind thing if it
Speaker 1: was if he wore headphones and got the alarm inside
Speaker 1: his own head. But if you're waking me up every
Speaker 1: morning or every day at three, he's gonna train you
Speaker 1: to just keep waking up at three when you could
Speaker 1: be sleeping. Yeah, be careful. I love sometimes I will
Speaker 1: set my like if I have to get up at seven, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I set my alarm four or five thirty so I
Speaker 1: can just keep pressing snooze because that five thirty, knowing
Speaker 1: that I have an hour and a half left, It's
Speaker 1: great And I'd rather hit snooze continually then then have
Speaker 1: the first time I wake up be when I have
Speaker 1: to get up and I've known that's probably the worst
Speaker 1: way to do it. This is from Made Me Cry. Um.
Speaker 1: But when you do that as someone else in bed
Speaker 1: with you, No, I would never do it, that's my point. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean that's but that's what that kid was doing. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean if I'm in college though, and I'm just like,
Speaker 1: have a roommate, now, get really about them, because I'm
Speaker 1: a college kid. I mean, now, I wouldn't do it.
Speaker 1: I mean yeah, yeah. Um. So this is from made
Speaker 1: Me Cry. It says I mean I'd rather die. Okay,
Speaker 1: so it says um. This is from a tweet from
Speaker 1: Ashton law a s h t y n Law. My
Speaker 1: dentist gave me a stern talk when I said I
Speaker 1: hadn't been to a dentist in thirty years. I told
Speaker 1: her I couldn't afford it and had no insurance. Well
Speaker 1: what did you do when you were sick, she asked.
Speaker 1: She looked at me blankly when I said, I waited
Speaker 1: it out until I thought I was going to die.
Speaker 1: And isn't that what we all do? People are afraid
Speaker 1: of a doctor, afraid of a dentists, or we put
Speaker 1: things off. I gotta go to dentists. What's a good
Speaker 1: I don't know. I'm sure I have about worth of
Speaker 1: work to do in my teeth right now, at least
Speaker 1: I can literally feel it with my tongue. My back
Speaker 1: teeth are falling apart. You should go to the dentist.
Speaker 1: You have money now, you know, like take care of
Speaker 1: yourself because down the road is going to be even
Speaker 1: more money. And just so you know, Andrew, I had
Speaker 1: a period of like six years and I was terrified
Speaker 1: of going to the dentist. And I finally did it,
Speaker 1: and uh, he did, you know, Like he did the
Speaker 1: inspection and everything. They did the cleaning and he's like
Speaker 1: all right, and I was like, that's it, You're done.
Speaker 1: He's like, yeah, we always do that with doctors. We
Speaker 1: always think they've never seen this before. I don't have cavities.
Speaker 1: And he's like, do you want to have cavities? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You kind of want something, right, you want something in there.
Speaker 1: Remember I told you that dentist asked me if I
Speaker 1: was a smoker. Oh my god, that is so funny.
Speaker 1: So how long you've been smoking? I go, I've never smoked.
Speaker 1: And he just goes interesting. Interesting that haunts me. Interesting. Um,
Speaker 1: I'll close with this. It was a tweet that I
Speaker 1: can't find anymore. But it said, um oh here does
Speaker 1: this is from zeal On t Zelon zeal Zeloton PC
Speaker 1: from technically the truth is the is the things that
Speaker 1: things that are technically the truth that says condoms are
Speaker 1: for fucking pussies just straight up yeah, because they are
Speaker 1: for fun. Did you see what he did there? He
Speaker 1: changed the words, he made it different. It's so absurd.
Speaker 1: We gotta go. Um, I gotta do an audition. Am
Speaker 1: I going to practice? No? Man, Chris is gonna come over.
Speaker 1: He's gonna help me put it on tape. We're gonna
Speaker 1: read the lens together. But I haven't even printed the
Speaker 1: stuff yet. I like how you're I love how you're
Speaker 1: just going off script. You're not rhyming worth a ship.
Speaker 1: But I'm not mad at it. I hope you get
Speaker 1: this audition and you fucking nail it because it's inside
Speaker 1: you and you're a dreamer and you're a tissy. Well
Speaker 1: you didn't get in. You went to Kansas cy and
Speaker 1: then don't freaking interrupt my wraps. I'll freaking slap your crap.
Speaker 1: I'll eat your DJ Kellid Nikki Glazer. We're the best podcast, Okay, done.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. Don't ever, don't you and Jack Jack rappit.
Speaker 1: I like that, okay,