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Speaker 1: It is time now for today's Strawberry Letter, and if

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Speaker 1: you need advice on relationships, on works, sex, parenting, and more,

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Speaker 1: please submit your Strawberry Letter to Steve HAARVFM dot com

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Speaker 1: and click submit Strawberry Letter.

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Speaker 2: We could be reading your letter live.

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Speaker 1: On the air, just like we're going to read this

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Speaker 1: one right here, right now, and you never know, it

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Speaker 1: could be yours.

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Speaker 3: It could be yours. Buckle love and hold on tight.

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Speaker 3: We got it full.

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Speaker 2: You hear it is strawberry.

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Speaker 1: All right, nephew, thank you. My husband left me, but

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Speaker 1: he didn't move out is the subject. My husband left me,

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Speaker 1: but he didn't move out. Dear Stephen Shirley. I'm married,

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Speaker 1: and my husband said he has had it with me.

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Speaker 1: He says that he does not believe in divorce, but

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Speaker 1: he does not want to be my husband. He wants

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Speaker 1: to limit the time that we spend together going forward.

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Speaker 1: I'm sixty one and he's sixty three years old. We

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Speaker 1: got married in nineteen ninety eight, and we have a daughter.

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Speaker 1: He had already called our daughter, so she was on

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Speaker 1: the phone when he said all.

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Speaker 2: Of that to me.

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Speaker 1: He said that I twist things that he tells me,

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Speaker 1: and I always stir up unnecessary conflicts. He says that

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Speaker 1: I am always faking an illness for attention, and I've

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Speaker 1: gotten lazy over the years. He said, I have let

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Speaker 1: myself go, and he's not proud to be seen in

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Speaker 1: public with me anymore. He said that my bad sleeping

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Speaker 1: habits keep him awake all night and that the TV

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Speaker 1: is always loud, so he is moving to the bedroom

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Speaker 1: downstairs permanently. When I tried to talk, my daughter spoke

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Speaker 1: up and asked me to wait until her dad finished talking.

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Speaker 1: He told me that he's not seeing another woman. Even

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Speaker 1: before I could ask him, he said I brought this

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Speaker 1: on myself. I just sat there and said nothing. I

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Speaker 1: can admit that I've had a few minor medical issues recently,

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Speaker 1: and they were important to me, so I don't care

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Speaker 1: what he thinks.

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Speaker 2: I'm the one that was in pain.

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Speaker 1: After taking what he said into consideration, I asked if

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Speaker 1: we could go talk to somebody, and he said it

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Speaker 1: is too late for that. But I have always slept

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Speaker 1: with the TV on, and I don't clean the house

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Speaker 1: anymore because I hired a housekeeper.

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Speaker 2: Once a week.

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Speaker 1: I think as we age, some things will change. And

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Speaker 1: he's no angel, but I tolerate his quirks. I feel

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Speaker 1: like my daughter is siding with him, and it's wearing

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Speaker 1: on my nerves. What could I have possibly done to

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Speaker 1: him to cause this? Is it an excuse for him

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Speaker 1: to live like he's single again, Well he's clearly not

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Speaker 1: single again.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he's tired, he's fed up.

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Speaker 1: Well he's clearly not single again. If he's still married

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Speaker 1: to you and not filing and still living in the

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Speaker 1: house with you, and just who told him that he

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Speaker 1: gets to call the shops for the both of you.

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Speaker 1: He can call him for himself, but not for you.

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Speaker 1: He doesn't get to decide what you want for your life.

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Speaker 1: I think the proper thing to do here if he

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Speaker 1: no longer wants to be married is to ask you

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Speaker 1: for a divorce. It doesn't matter if he doesn't believe

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Speaker 1: in divorce, he may as well believe in it because

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Speaker 1: he's actually by moving out of the marriage bed and

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Speaker 1: going downstairs permanently.

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Speaker 2: What but if he.

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Speaker 1: Wants out and doesn't want to be your husband anymore,

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Speaker 1: he should get all the way out. He's trying to

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Speaker 1: make it convenient for himself. He doesn't like you, or

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Speaker 1: he doesn't like your habits, anymore, he says, So why

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Speaker 1: couldn't he just be man enough to tell you, I mean,

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Speaker 1: long before it came to this point instead of just,

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Speaker 1: you know, blindsiding you with your daughter on the phone,

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Speaker 1: and this should have just been between the two of

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Speaker 1: you anyway, no one else. It sounds like you're not

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Speaker 1: quite ready to end the marriage. You don't quite know

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Speaker 1: what's going on here because he hasn't talked to you.

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Speaker 1: But you just can't let him do whatever he wants

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Speaker 1: to do to you. I say, you go ahead and

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Speaker 1: file and tell him to get his own place, because

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Speaker 1: you don't want him there under these circumstances. He needs

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Speaker 1: to see that you have a voice, you have a

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Speaker 1: say about how this is going to go for you,

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Speaker 1: and he doesn't get to make all the decisions period.

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Speaker 4: Steve, Well, Shirley, you and not have a disagreement in

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Speaker 4: this letter, because first of all, he has made decisions

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Speaker 4: for himself. She's fighting and trying to counter it with

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Speaker 4: her stuff, and that's where we have a problem. Homeboy

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Speaker 4: is clear he didne thought this out. Here's the only problem.

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Speaker 4: My husband left me, but he didn't move out. What

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Speaker 4: happened was if you say I'm leaving, and you go

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Speaker 4: get in the car and start your car and then

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Speaker 4: realize I ain't got nowhere to go. You gotta get

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Speaker 4: back in that house. You gotta get back up in now,

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Speaker 4: and you gotta start saying something else. What he did

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Speaker 4: was he said I'm leaving her, got in the car,

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Speaker 4: realize he had nowhere to go, thought of it, called

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Speaker 4: his daughter, and then called you on the phone, and

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Speaker 4: he what happened. My husband said, he's had it with me,

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Speaker 4: said he does not believe in divorce, but he does

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Speaker 4: not want to.

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Speaker 3: Be my husband.

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Speaker 4: Well, look, my man, if you don't believe in divorce,

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Speaker 4: but you don't want to be this woman's husband, what

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Speaker 4: what the hell you think that's called? You don't get

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Speaker 4: to create a new term. He wants to limit the

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Speaker 4: time we spend together, he tied to you.

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Speaker 3: He tied of you. Look, I'm just come in now.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna talk to you twice a week. That's it.

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Speaker 4: I'm sixty one, he's sixty three. We got married in

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Speaker 4: ninety eight.

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Speaker 3: You got a daughter, He told you do it on

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Speaker 3: the phone.

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Speaker 4: He called our daughter, so she was on the phone

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Speaker 4: when he said all of that to me. He done

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Speaker 4: made a phone call to you. This ain't no house,

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Speaker 4: this ain't no meeting. He said, this is what he do.

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Speaker 4: This is what you do.

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Speaker 3: I twist things that he tells me and always stir

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Speaker 3: up unnecessary conflict.

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Speaker 4: I believe that, I do believe that.

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Speaker 3: That sounded like something.

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Speaker 2: You would do.

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Speaker 4: Could a man get to that point? You're always twisting

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Speaker 4: what he's saying. You stir up on this said that

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Speaker 4: sound true? He said, I'm always faking an illness for attention,

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Speaker 4: and I've gotten lazy over the years. I don't think

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Speaker 4: you really faked an illness for attention, but I think

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Speaker 4: you might take your little illnesses a little bit too far.

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Speaker 4: You're not gonna tell us in the letter what illness

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Speaker 4: you had, so I'm assuming that it wasn't life threatening.

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Speaker 2: Hang on, Steve, we'll have part we come back.

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Speaker 3: I'm gonna tell you why this is over or.

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Speaker 2: Just coming up? Uh huh.

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Speaker 1: At twenty three minutes after today's Strawberry Letter subject my

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Speaker 1: husband left me, but he didn't move out. We'll get

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Speaker 1: back into it right after this. You're listening to Steve

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Speaker 1: Harvey Morning.

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Speaker 5: Show this Sunday, the remaining fourteen's battle to make the

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Speaker 5: Championship in the most physical, fears and competitive basketball league

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Speaker 5: in the world. The action starts with the Big Three

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Speaker 5: Monster Energy Celebrity Game. Then Dwight Howard and his La

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Speaker 5: Riot take on Montez Harrold and Doctor J's Chicago Triplet's

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Speaker 5: the finale, we'll see popular Miami three h five would start.

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Speaker 5: MVP Michael Beasley and Lan Stevenson take on Nancy Lieberman's

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Speaker 5: Dallas Power who will make it to the Big Three Championship.

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Speaker 5: The action starts Sunday at three pm Eastern twelfth Pacific

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Speaker 5: only on CBS.

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Speaker 1: All right, come on, Steve. Let's recap today's Strawberry letter.

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Speaker 1: The subject is my husband left me, but he didn't

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Speaker 1: move out.

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Speaker 4: Well, he gone though he gone now.

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Speaker 3: He said, I'm leaving you. But he went out and

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Speaker 3: got in the car.

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Speaker 4: He started realized he ain't had no where to go,

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Speaker 4: so he devised a plan.

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Speaker 3: I'm still leaving.

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Speaker 4: He said, he's had it with me and he doesn't

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Speaker 4: believe in divorce, but he don't want to be my

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Speaker 4: husband anymore.

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Speaker 3: He wants to live.

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Speaker 4: I'm at the time that we spend together. I think

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Speaker 4: that's two days. I'm gonna come up there. Downstairs them

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Speaker 4: because wherever I am and how I'm gonna talk to

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Speaker 4: you twice?

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Speaker 3: That's it. You need everything you need to say.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna talk to you two times a week and

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Speaker 4: ten minutes twenty minutes a week. Then I'm getting away

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Speaker 4: from you. He already told his daughter, so she was

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Speaker 4: on the phone when he said all this to me.

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Speaker 4: He made a phone call. This ain't even a visit.

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Speaker 3: He said.

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Speaker 4: I twist things that he tells me and always stir

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Speaker 4: up unnecessary conflicts. Yep, you nag a lot. That's a

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Speaker 4: true statement. Nagging is tone and timing, and you don't pick.

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Speaker 4: Plus you've been sick alive, which matter make you a

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Speaker 4: little bit more irritable, and so we'll get into that

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Speaker 4: in a minute. He said, I'm always faking an illness

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Speaker 4: for attention, and I've gotten lazy over the years. You

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Speaker 4: might have because the illness could have caused that, but

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Speaker 4: these are not life threatening illnesses.

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Speaker 3: Obviously you were sick.

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Speaker 4: I believe that, But he just said, you think you

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Speaker 4: took it too far because they weren't life threatening illnesses,

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Speaker 4: and you done got lazy over the years.

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Speaker 3: When a man say you done got lazy over the years.

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Speaker 4: That's everything, and most of it is aesthetics, he said.

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Speaker 4: I have let myself go, and he ain't proud to

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Speaker 4: be seen with me in public no more. God, dog

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Speaker 4: can't call you know what. You put that tape on

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Speaker 4: them glasses, You ain't trying to get them fixed. You

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Speaker 4: don't wear no makeup no more. You're on iron your clothes.

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Speaker 4: You're just out here looking like a hamper. And we

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Speaker 4: got to come in this restaurant in here, and you

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Speaker 4: ain't taking care of yourself no more. And the last

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Speaker 4: thing you look like you need to be is inner restaurant.

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Speaker 4: So now I'm tired of you, he said. My bad

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Speaker 4: sleeping habits keep him awake all night, and the TV

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Speaker 4: is always loud, so he's moving to the bedroom downstairs permanently.

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Speaker 4: When I tried to talk to my daughter, my daughter

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Speaker 4: spoke up and asked me to wait until her dad

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Speaker 4: finished talking. Mama, shut up and hear what he got

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Speaker 4: to say, cause you interrupt him and you twist things.

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Speaker 4: You tried to jump in here, she said, Mama, wait

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Speaker 4: until her dad finished talking. He told me that he's

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Speaker 4: not seeing another woman, even before I could ask him.

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Speaker 4: That was a brilliant move. Let's get that out the

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Speaker 4: way right now. So you don't think this is about

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Speaker 4: somebody else. This about you. Even before I could ask him,

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Speaker 4: he said, I bought this on myself. I know I'm bond,

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Speaker 4: you know my saying her, Hell, I, oh, no, blame

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Speaker 4: to no one else, Frankie saying that, And now here

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Speaker 4: you are. I just sat there and said nothing. I

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Speaker 4: can admit. I've had a few minor medical issues recently.

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Speaker 4: I told you it was not life threatening. She had

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Speaker 4: some minor medical issues. The man knew was miney, but

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Speaker 4: she done dumped it up, murdered in the way more

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Speaker 4: than it is.

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Speaker 3: But they were important to me.

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Speaker 4: Okay, So you had the flu, you had the allergy breakout,

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Speaker 4: you had to take some benitryhill, but it was important

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Speaker 4: to me. So I don't care what he thinks. Okay, now,

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Speaker 4: since you don't care what he thinks, why did you

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Speaker 4: write us? I'm the one that was in pain nor

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Speaker 4: It wasn't that serious, you said minor. After taking what

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Speaker 4: he said in consideration, I asked her we'd go talk

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Speaker 4: to somebody. He says, too late for that. I ain't

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Speaker 4: gonna talk nobody. Old black dudes don't like counseling. But

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Speaker 4: I've always slept with the TV on, and I don't

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Speaker 4: clean the house anymore because I hired a housekeeper once

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Speaker 4: a week. She got to get her in that nest

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Speaker 4: at how molded once a week? Cause you can't have

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Speaker 4: no housekeeper once a week? And you let yourself go too?

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Speaker 4: What is you in here doing? You ain't cleaning the house.

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Speaker 4: You to let yourself go? He downstairs permanently. He wanted

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Speaker 4: to limit the time y'all spend together, and he ain't

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Speaker 4: laying in a bear with at tv on no more. Then,

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Speaker 4: she said, I think as we age some things would change.

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Speaker 4: And he's no angel, but I tolerate his quirks well,

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Speaker 4: he don't want to tolerate yours no more. I feel

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Speaker 4: like my daughter siding with him, and it is wearing

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Speaker 4: on my nerves. She may be you could be wrong, lady.

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Speaker 4: What could I have possibly done to him to cause this? Okay,

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Speaker 4: let's go back over the list. You constantly nag him,

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Speaker 4: You bring up unnecessary topics and turn them into issues.

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Speaker 4: You have minded illnesses that you make more major than

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Speaker 4: they are, and you said they were just important to you.

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Speaker 3: You done let yourself go. You lazy.

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Speaker 4: You don't clean the house no more because you got

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Speaker 4: a maid in that coming there once a week, but

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Speaker 4: y'all need more than once a week because you don't

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Speaker 4: let yourself go. You got that TV on all night long.

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Speaker 4: He ain't proud to be seen with you in public.

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Speaker 4: What could I I have possibly done to him to

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Speaker 4: cause this? Did you hear what I just see? Is

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Speaker 4: it an excuse for him to live like he's single again? Lady,

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Speaker 4: you're dealing with all the issues that's wrong. Is that

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Speaker 4: an excuse for him to live single again? He don't

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Speaker 4: want to live with you.

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Speaker 1: We'll get out.

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Speaker 2: Why can't he just get out? Then?

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Speaker 3: He ain't got the money go? No question.

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Speaker 2: You can comment on today's letter.

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Speaker 3: He moving downstairs permanently.

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Speaker 2: Or Facebook at Steve Harvey Fm he.

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Speaker 3: Don't believe in divorce.

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Speaker 1: Also check out the Strawberry Letter podcast and the free

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Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app.

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Speaker 2: You're listening to the Steve Harvey Morning Show