WEBVTT - Oh, It Gets Worse: Air Rage on United Flight 976 0:00:01.240 --> 0:00:05.319 Ridiculous Crime is a production of Our Heart Radio Hellozarin. 0:00:06.200 --> 0:00:09.239 Who are you? My name is Elizabeth Dutton. Nice to 0:00:09.280 --> 0:00:11.719 meet you, Elizabeth Duton. My name is Elizabeth Dutton. That's weird. 0:00:11.800 --> 0:00:13.600 Wait a minute, I'm sorry reading the wrong lines. Hi, 0:00:13.680 --> 0:00:23.160 I'm Szaron Burnett. You know it's ridiculous. What's ridiculous? Like that? 0:00:23.160 --> 0:00:25.599 That was ridiculous? Now and all, honestly, I have something 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:29.240 for you. You ready? In Kentucky since eight forty nine, 0:00:29.520 --> 0:00:34.960 every single legislator, public officer, and lawyer must take an 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:38.199 oath stating the same thing, all of them. You know 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:40.800 what the oath is about. You'll never guess it. No 0:00:40.840 --> 0:00:43.159 one ever would have guess it. I have. They have 0:00:43.240 --> 0:00:45.720 to say these words quote, I have not fought a 0:00:45.800 --> 0:00:48.880 duel with deadly weapons within the state or not out 0:00:48.920 --> 0:00:51.280 of it, So help me God. They have to take 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:54.680 I've never dueled oath. I think everyone may have to 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:58.200 do that. That's a Are you kidding? No, I'm totally kidding. 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:02.760 Only can be a bit and it's ridiculous. You want 0:01:02.800 --> 0:01:05.000 to know what else is stupid and ridiculous? Oh? I 0:01:05.040 --> 0:01:08.080 love stupid and ridiculous air rage? Air rage? Oh like 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:11.240 like fighting on a plane. Yeah, air rage, I'll enunciate 0:01:11.840 --> 0:01:13.360 like air raids. I was like, I don't think the 0:01:13.400 --> 0:01:17.240 English would agree. They would think it's stupid. Yeah, air 0:01:17.400 --> 0:01:21.080 rage ridiculous. Let me tell you about something. Hit me 0:01:21.120 --> 0:01:42.559 with it. This is a ridiculous crime. A podcast about 0:01:42.600 --> 0:01:48.240 absurd and outrageous capers, heists and cons. It's always murder 0:01:48.280 --> 0:01:54.000 free and one ridiculous. You like air travel, right, Saron? Yeah, 0:01:54.040 --> 0:01:55.480 as long as I'm to get to be the one 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:58.720 who flies the plane. Not kidding. I love air travel. 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:02.560 What's your air travel protocol? Like, lially, do you get 0:02:02.600 --> 0:02:05.680 to the airport, check bags? Do you sleep on the plane? 0:02:05.800 --> 0:02:08.200 Do you drink on the flights? Oh? Man? Like my 0:02:08.320 --> 0:02:11.680 real protocol? Okay, So if I'm being honest, I show 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:14.480 up in a rush, most likely because I'm cutting it 0:02:14.480 --> 0:02:15.760 close because I don't want to hang out at the 0:02:15.800 --> 0:02:19.079 airport too long. And so then I get there basically 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:20.919 where I'm not quite running. I got I'm not, you know, 0:02:21.120 --> 0:02:23.160 not racing through the airport because that makes people nervous 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:25.600 these days, so I'm just shy of that. And then 0:02:25.600 --> 0:02:27.280 I get to like the baggage place, and I'm like 0:02:27.320 --> 0:02:29.000 hoping the people in front of me, aren't like really 0:02:29.000 --> 0:02:30.800 slow like I am. I'm like, please don't be like me, 0:02:30.840 --> 0:02:32.359 Please don't be like me. And then I get out 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.839 and then I have to pull out like three laptops 0:02:34.880 --> 0:02:36.960 out of my bag, take my shoes off. I've forgotten 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.080 things in my pocket. I'm walking around with magnets in 0:02:39.120 --> 0:02:41.200 my back pocket, and I'm like all right, and then 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:42.960 I have this moment of like I'm a jerk and 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:45.840 of course like and something that's completely predictable. And then 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:47.520 finally get all that done. Then I go and I 0:02:47.560 --> 0:02:49.799 wait and I'm like, wait, which like places? I don't 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:52.200 know which gate I'm at. I forgot I remembered that earlier. 0:02:52.280 --> 0:02:54.440 Then I get to the gate and I'm like they're boarding, 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:56.000 and I'm like oh. And then I get on the 0:02:56.000 --> 0:02:57.959 plane and if it's like you know, like a Southwest flight, 0:02:58.000 --> 0:02:59.680 we get to pick your seats. I know, no matter 0:02:59.720 --> 0:03:01.280 even if I'm late, no one's gonna sit next to me. 0:03:01.320 --> 0:03:03.800 I get like the little casual racism buffer and I'm 0:03:03.840 --> 0:03:05.680 just seating, and so then I just show up and 0:03:05.720 --> 0:03:07.720 I just wait for the wait like you know, the waitress. 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:09.120 I'm like, what am I in a bar with the 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.320 waitress to come around with a drink tray. No, just 0:03:11.400 --> 0:03:13.160 wait for them to come around, and then I'm like, Okay. 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:15.600 Before COVID, I'd be like, let's go with the Heineken 0:03:15.680 --> 0:03:17.920 or a beer or something. And otherwise now I'm just 0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:20.680 like I just signal like I basically dragged my fingers 0:03:20.680 --> 0:03:23.160 across my throat like nothing, I'm good. And then I 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:24.960 don't say anything for six hours and I get off 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:28.360 the plane. That is stressing me out just listening to right. Yeah, 0:03:28.480 --> 0:03:31.040 I'm like an air rage incident waiting to happen, either 0:03:31.360 --> 0:03:34.000 from somebody interacting with me or just like you know, 0:03:34.160 --> 0:03:37.320 me really pushing someone over their edge. Okay, Yeah, I'm 0:03:37.320 --> 0:03:40.160 the opposite as you could imagine what your routine seems 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:42.680 kind of chill. Oh. I get to the airport very early, 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.280 like the day before, like a week ahead of time. 0:03:45.920 --> 0:03:48.760 Camp out. No. I like to give myself the allotted 0:03:48.800 --> 0:03:51.160 amount of time, and if I'm checking a bag especially, 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:53.640 I want to make sure I get there. And then 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:57.000 I don't like standing in the security line and knowing 0:03:57.040 --> 0:04:02.760 that my flight is about to board the best No, no, no. 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:06.240 Most of what I do in life is try and 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:11.200 make things as chill and relaxed as possible. How's that 0:04:11.240 --> 0:04:15.200 working out? Awesome? Because like, there's an intersection by my house, 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:17.839 it's a total pain to navigate. If I want to 0:04:17.880 --> 0:04:20.400 get I have to cross all these lanes of traffic 0:04:20.440 --> 0:04:22.880 with no no light or stop sign in order to 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:25.960 get to the freeway intersection. And it would's right by 0:04:26.080 --> 0:04:29.480 my house. I go up and over a block so 0:04:29.520 --> 0:04:31.360 that I can have like a chill way to get 0:04:31.360 --> 0:04:33.800 there and not be stressed out trying to So you 0:04:33.839 --> 0:04:36.800 don't take my approach of embraced the chaos, No, avoid 0:04:36.839 --> 0:04:39.359 the chaos. That's me. You're like, I can navigate around 0:04:39.440 --> 0:04:41.719 this and can make a little pathway. I get to 0:04:41.760 --> 0:04:45.799 the airport with plenty of time. I don't mind hanging 0:04:45.800 --> 0:04:48.520 out at the gate and listening in on people's conversations. 0:04:48.920 --> 0:04:51.200 I once had an ex girlfriend make a plane get 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:54.000 turned around on the tarmac. She she made such a 0:04:54.040 --> 0:04:56.320 scene that they turned the plane around the tarmat and 0:04:56.440 --> 0:04:58.440 came back to pick her up. She was just a 0:04:58.480 --> 0:05:03.480 princess and she's really good at it. And they responded appropriately, Yeah, 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:07.720 that that's kind of where we're going today. Um, you know, 0:05:07.920 --> 0:05:10.240 I think that the stress of air travel. For me, 0:05:10.279 --> 0:05:12.320 it's sort of stress. I'm not afraid of flying, but 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:15.680 there are just so many components and so many outside 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:18.080 things that I can't control. So I want to be 0:05:18.120 --> 0:05:20.240 able to do the most that I can to again 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:24.680 maintain chill. Uh plus. When you combine that, like you're 0:05:24.680 --> 0:05:27.880 saying with the princess, with this sense of entitlement, people 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:31.000 freak out. People. I want to tell you about an 0:05:31.000 --> 0:05:36.920 epic freak out, an absolutely ridiculous case of air rage. Alright, 0:05:37.279 --> 0:05:42.960 close your eyes and we're gonna do another one of 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:50.480 my imagination experiments for you. It's October. Let's say that 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:53.840 maybe you're the chair of like the astronomy department at 0:05:53.920 --> 0:05:57.320 Yale or something. And look at you, look at what 0:05:57.400 --> 0:05:59.680 you've done. You know you're a little sad about the 0:05:59.720 --> 0:06:02.560 death of Jerry Garcia just two months earlier, because I 0:06:02.560 --> 0:06:06.400 guess you're a deadhead. And where are you in October? 0:06:08.080 --> 0:06:14.440 I don't know where am i Buenos Aires, Argentina. Look 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:18.440 at me. You just gave a talk at the Galileo 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:22.120 galile Planetarium. You totally killed that man. Good job, dude, 0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:28.960 High five up, high, high five, a high downlow. You've 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:32.080 had a wonderful time in this totally beautiful city, right 0:06:32.320 --> 0:06:35.839 the Paris of South America. You're able to build in 0:06:35.880 --> 0:06:38.119 a couple of days on either end of your talk 0:06:38.200 --> 0:06:41.960 for sight seeing in your trip, folks at the Planetarium 0:06:41.960 --> 0:06:45.800 and the University of Buenos Aires. They have been marvelous, 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:50.080 just lovely. You ate it, fantastic restaurants. You explored the 0:06:50.080 --> 0:06:53.880 city like a local thanks to all of your academic 0:06:54.120 --> 0:06:57.800 scientist friends life. Oh my gosh, you learned to tango. 0:06:59.360 --> 0:07:03.640 It's been a wonder a full trip. So you get 0:07:03.680 --> 0:07:06.000 up on the morning of October nineteenth and you pack 0:07:06.040 --> 0:07:10.440 your bags. You're carefully folding your pleaated dockers so that 0:07:10.520 --> 0:07:14.960 they don't get messed up route. You check out your hotel. 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:19.119 I mean you're like an astronomy. I'm working with it. Yeah. 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:20.720 If you check out of the hotel, you hop in 0:07:20.760 --> 0:07:23.360 a cab and you head to the airport. As you're 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:25.840 driving in the cab, you like have your head leaning 0:07:25.840 --> 0:07:30.840 against the passenger window in the back. My independent movie moment. 0:07:30.960 --> 0:07:33.680 Oh yeah, you're listening to like singer songwriter stuff on 0:07:33.800 --> 0:07:41.920 your c D. Walkman, you're staring wistfully out of the 0:07:41.960 --> 0:07:46.080 taxi window and your taxi is overtaken by a motor case. 0:07:46.160 --> 0:07:48.880 They just go alwan by you a series of black 0:07:48.920 --> 0:07:53.000 town cars, cops on motorcycles. This is so exciting. What 0:07:53.120 --> 0:07:56.680 a city. You say to yourself, good lord. You get 0:07:56.720 --> 0:07:59.400 to the airport is a huge concourse. This place is 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:03.440 in norm us. You head through the metal detectors, make 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:06.640 your way to the gate. Now, for whatever reason, you're 0:08:06.680 --> 0:08:11.760 flying first class. I've back to New York's JFK. You know, 0:08:11.800 --> 0:08:13.720 it's a long flight. I don't know how you how 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:15.360 you pulled this off because I don't know. Maybe you 0:08:15.400 --> 0:08:18.280 make a lot of money with what you're doing. Maybe 0:08:18.280 --> 0:08:20.600 you stole airline miles. I don't I don't know how 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:23.960 you live hot telescopes on the black market. Yeah, exactly, 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:27.400 that's your side, gig So, but before boarding begins, you 0:08:27.440 --> 0:08:30.200 see this whole giant group of these men in dark 0:08:30.240 --> 0:08:32.960 suits and they're making their way to a roped off 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:36.200 area near the gate. And you asked the gate agent 0:08:37.120 --> 0:08:48.640 and completely impeccable Spanish somebody m hmm. Voice is really weird. 0:08:48.720 --> 0:08:51.440 It's kind of melodic in that like computerized way. You 0:08:51.480 --> 0:08:55.199 said you asked them, excuse me, brilliant sky wizard, who 0:08:55.200 --> 0:08:59.040 are those men. So the agent explains to you that 0:08:59.120 --> 0:09:01.600 they're diplomat, but you can't tell you more than that. 0:09:02.120 --> 0:09:04.640 You're clever, you know what to do. You pull a 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:08.439 bag of Eminem's from the front pocket inside your blazer. 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:12.080 Always my answer, Yeah, I mean, I'm probably gonna pull chocolate. 0:09:12.080 --> 0:09:14.120 But as you do this, it reveals that you're wearing 0:09:14.160 --> 0:09:17.480 a Shambra shirt with tweetye and Sylvester embroidered on the 0:09:17.480 --> 0:09:24.400 breast pocket. Baby yeah, me and h You dangle the 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:27.760 candies seductively in front of the gate agent. You ask 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:30.679 her to tell you more. Tell you I'm tempting people. 0:09:32.320 --> 0:09:34.440 Tell you who those men are. She looks at the 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:37.679 bag of Eminem's, She looks at the Looney Tunes characters 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:41.080 stitched on your shirt. You can't help herself, so she 0:09:41.120 --> 0:09:43.760 spills the beans and tells you that the President of Portugal, 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:48.280 Mario Sourus and Argentinian Foreign Minister Guido di Tella are 0:09:48.280 --> 0:09:50.199 flying with you to New York, where they're going to 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:54.000 be attending the fiftieth anniversary celebrations for the United Nations. 0:09:54.640 --> 0:09:58.880 What a life, what a city? Oh my goodness. You 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:02.280 tear open the bag of handies. The gate agent just 0:10:02.360 --> 0:10:05.800 like tilts her head back and opens her mouth expectedly. 0:10:08.080 --> 0:10:10.560 So I'm now in a renaissance pain tang of pleasure off. 0:10:10.640 --> 0:10:13.120 The two of you make eye contact as you pour 0:10:13.200 --> 0:10:15.840 the contents of the bag into your own gaping mom 0:10:16.840 --> 0:10:20.640 just filling it beyond capacity. You chew the candies with 0:10:20.720 --> 0:10:25.120 your mouth open, sugary multicolored chocolate jeol running down the 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:28.800 corner of your mouth, down your chin, stay staining, tweetie, 0:10:28.840 --> 0:10:34.199 who's standing in like that sassy stance? Hands, She says, 0:10:34.640 --> 0:10:38.440 well played, before lifting the intercom microphone and announcing that 0:10:38.480 --> 0:10:41.360 boarding is beginning for first class passengers. Hey, that's me. 0:10:41.920 --> 0:10:46.560 You're in that moment right now. Um, how did you 0:10:46.559 --> 0:10:49.320 sudden think it's so frisky? I born this way? Did 0:10:49.320 --> 0:10:52.160 the passion of the Argentinian tango go to your head? 0:10:52.320 --> 0:10:55.200 It probably did help. You're you're pondering this new you, 0:10:56.120 --> 0:10:57.880 and a man shoves by you on his way to 0:10:57.920 --> 0:11:02.920 boarding the plane. Yeah, he's wearing a ridiculously expensive suit. 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:07.320 He's already intoxicated. So it's other me, it's your it's 0:11:07.320 --> 0:11:10.880 your dooppelganger. He rummages around for his boarding pass, and 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.160 you just like slip by and board the plane because 0:11:13.160 --> 0:11:15.640 you're smooth. You still got like eminem stuff all over 0:11:15.679 --> 0:11:18.920 your face, but it was worth it. You take your seat. 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:22.440 You like your these seats fully recline into little beds 0:11:22.440 --> 0:11:25.040 in first class on this kind of long hall seven 0:11:25.240 --> 0:11:28.480 sixty seven or whatever it is. You're gonna recline in 0:11:28.600 --> 0:11:31.559 luxury and it does off. You're gonna watch a movie 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:35.560 being a magazine shop from skymall. Maybe get yourself like 0:11:35.559 --> 0:11:39.160 a giant sarcophagus for the corner of your house. You 0:11:39.200 --> 0:11:41.360 know what, you know how skymall goes. My house needs 0:11:41.360 --> 0:11:46.840 a new decoration. Get a couple. You're gonna order like 0:11:47.480 --> 0:11:51.800 twelve head of sarcopha. You're like still reeling from the 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.480 joy of that speech and the dinners and the music 0:11:54.520 --> 0:11:56.800 and the interlude with that gait agent. What a trip, 0:11:56.840 --> 0:11:59.800 What a life, best life ever? And then you notice 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:01.719 that man in the fancy suit from the gate is 0:12:01.760 --> 0:12:05.920 actually seated behind you, sipping on some champagne before taken off. 0:12:05.920 --> 0:12:08.920 It's first class. That's what you do. Dreams that glass 0:12:08.960 --> 0:12:13.160 pounds it asked for another. He's loud, He's like really loud. 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:18.760 So everyone is boarded, and then the diplomats breeze to 0:12:18.840 --> 0:12:22.360 their seats in first and they settle in flight attendants 0:12:22.360 --> 0:12:26.000 for like getting ready to taxi take off, and the 0:12:26.080 --> 0:12:29.880 fancy suit guy behind you asked for more champagne. Totally denied, 0:12:31.040 --> 0:12:33.280 didn't know that. He yells that cut you off before 0:12:33.320 --> 0:12:40.200 you well, if you've been pounding glasses of champers and 0:12:40.200 --> 0:12:42.439 and so he's just like, if you fly first class 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.120 to Hawaii, by the way, they give you the option 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:53.080 of champagne or pog that is it, pog pineapple orange? Yeah. Yeah, 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:56.160 So on this one though, they're like champagne only, or 0:12:56.160 --> 0:12:57.839 maybe it'll give you like a little sip of water. 0:12:58.240 --> 0:13:00.160 So he's like, I want champagne. They cut him off 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:03.200 because he's just had way too much tequila. Yeah, well no, 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:05.520 And so he's just like he's a master of the universe. 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:08.959 He's like Gordon Geck. He gets up tries to pour 0:13:09.040 --> 0:13:11.240 himself a glass of champagne from an empty bottle on 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:13.040 the beverage cart. I don't think even you can do 0:13:13.080 --> 0:13:14.679 that in first class. I don't think you can get 0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:17.600 champagne out of an empty bottle. Oh right, there's that 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:23.079 part too. So he gets reprimanded. So they start yelling 0:13:23.040 --> 0:13:25.680 at him sit down, and he manages to like then 0:13:26.040 --> 0:13:27.920 make his way up to the galley, where he pours 0:13:28.000 --> 0:13:31.000 himself a glass of champagne and then snaps up two 0:13:31.200 --> 0:13:33.520 pre poured glasses for good measures. So he's got three 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:36.440 glasses of champagne, makes his way to his seat. They're 0:13:36.440 --> 0:13:38.880 doing their best, the flight crew to say, like the 0:13:39.040 --> 0:13:43.320 professional be kind, but their patience is tested. You have 0:13:43.440 --> 0:13:46.760 a bad feeling about this guy. I'm like that, yeah, 0:13:47.360 --> 0:13:49.640 and as well you should don't call me psychic. His 0:13:49.800 --> 0:13:54.720 name is Gerard Jerry Finneran, not old dirty Jerry Finneran. Yeah, 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:58.000 he's fifty eight years old. He lives in a palatial 0:13:58.120 --> 0:14:00.600 estate in Greenwich, Connecticut. I can tell for with the behavior. 0:14:00.760 --> 0:14:03.439 He's the president of Trust Company of the West. It's 0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:06.320 an investment fund worth more than a fifty million dollars. 0:14:06.320 --> 0:14:10.040 They're focused on Third World debt. And he's also the 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.360 co manager of a private equity firm called the Argentine 0:14:13.440 --> 0:14:18.439 Investment Company. So the big money mining or whatever. Sure, 0:14:18.800 --> 0:14:21.200 I don't know, it's just got a ton of cash. Um. 0:14:21.200 --> 0:14:26.400 But most importantly he's about to get completely ridiculous, about 0:14:26.560 --> 0:14:29.840 to get this is nothing. I'm gonna let you savor 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:32.960 the last bits of your dream trip to Buenos Aires 0:14:33.000 --> 0:14:35.560 while we hear some ads, and when we get back, 0:14:35.840 --> 0:15:00.120 we're going to redefine bad flight behavior. All right. So 0:15:00.160 --> 0:15:03.120 there you are, flying first class from Buenos Aires to 0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:07.560 New York City. Yeah, look at you. What a life. 0:15:07.560 --> 0:15:10.960 You've had a lovely trip so far. Everything has been perfect, 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:14.400 but things are starting to go a little sideways. The 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:17.560 guy behind you, I mean dirty Jerry Finner, Jerry Finneran. 0:15:17.720 --> 0:15:22.360 He's already on one. He's been guzzling champagne loudly declaring 0:15:22.560 --> 0:15:24.600 his need for more. It's not a want, it's a 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:28.200 need for him. At this point, the plane still on 0:15:28.280 --> 0:15:31.760 the ground. We have not left the ground. He's already 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:35.160 overserved himself, refused to sit in his seat. It's been 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:38.240 picking fights with the flight crew and people having to 0:15:38.280 --> 0:15:40.240 walk past him to get on the plane. I mean, 0:15:40.280 --> 0:15:44.360 like everyone. Yeah, I would guess everyone a legitimate question 0:15:44.400 --> 0:15:48.360 because I found out what kind of airplane this was 0:15:48.760 --> 0:15:52.520 a Big One is the official name. It's an airplane, 0:15:52.520 --> 0:15:56.040 Big One, the buying big in. I think it's like 0:15:56.080 --> 0:15:58.080 a seven sixties seven, but I may be a little 0:15:58.080 --> 0:16:00.280 bit off on one of those numbers because maybe people 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:03.440 something that they're coming in and making the right turn. Yeah, 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:05.400 in the moment, I looked it up, and it looks 0:16:05.480 --> 0:16:09.120 like for United, they come on the plane, make a 0:16:09.200 --> 0:16:12.520 right turn, walk through first to get to business and 0:16:12.560 --> 0:16:14.840 then to coach. So interesting, so they do. And it 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:18.560 looks like maybe on Delta they got on in between 0:16:18.640 --> 0:16:24.080 first and business and yeah and so. But I don't know. 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:26.200 But let's say everyone has to cruise through there. Well, 0:16:26.360 --> 0:16:27.840 it makes more sense that they have to get on 0:16:27.880 --> 0:16:32.760 between First in business. That's what I am. So he's like, 0:16:32.840 --> 0:16:36.880 he's just causing a ruckus won't sit plane still sitting there. Um, 0:16:37.080 --> 0:16:38.920 most people would have gotten the boot from the plane 0:16:38.920 --> 0:16:40.640 by now, because it hasn't even left. I would have 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:43.280 been given the boot twice, right at least I think 0:16:43.280 --> 0:16:45.840 the people in coach would have kicked me off this 0:16:45.880 --> 0:16:50.320 flight in any subsequent flights. You're total. That's a ban 0:16:50.520 --> 0:16:53.200 right there that I would just picked into jail. That's 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:57.680 so the plane takes off at long last, you're perusing 0:16:57.680 --> 0:17:00.240 your copy of Entertainment Weekly you picked up before you 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.400 left for the trip. Got to catch up with my guy. Yeah, 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:04.880 you'd like shoved it in your attache case and forgotten 0:17:04.880 --> 0:17:07.320 about it? What has ed Norton done lately? No, you're 0:17:07.359 --> 0:17:11.200 reading the cover story about David Duchovny. He's touted as 0:17:11.320 --> 0:17:15.399 the X files hottest UFO, and UFO there stands for 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:21.119 Unlikely Fantasy object, you know. So you're just tisk tiss. 0:17:21.480 --> 0:17:24.440 You're flipping through and you hear finnering behind you. Ask 0:17:24.560 --> 0:17:26.719 for a glass of red wine. Bro that won't go well. 0:17:26.760 --> 0:17:30.520 You can't switch from white dread like Cannon's goodness. So, 0:17:31.040 --> 0:17:34.080 after all his like pre flight antics, you're kind of 0:17:34.080 --> 0:17:36.600 surprised that they're giving him any alcohol at all. I 0:17:36.680 --> 0:17:39.399 was surprising to the conscious. But go on, he downs 0:17:39.400 --> 0:17:41.200 that glass of red that they bring him and ask 0:17:41.280 --> 0:17:43.639 for another one. They bring him the wine. Yeah, he 0:17:43.800 --> 0:17:48.640 slams the second one, and it's like bar keeping more. 0:17:49.000 --> 0:17:52.280 Do you have a wine ball? Once again? He wants 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:56.160 a wine gravity bud, and the flight attendants just keeps 0:17:56.160 --> 0:17:58.960 stalling from having to deal with him. It's just kind 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:02.760 of like he's a lank space. At some point, he's undeterred, right, 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:06.080 He gets up, cruises over to the galley and decides 0:18:06.119 --> 0:18:09.639 to pour himself some more red wines. Yeah, he's like 0:18:09.680 --> 0:18:12.320 no worries. I got this um. One of the flight 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:15.840 attendants catches him doing this and tries to stop him, 0:18:15.880 --> 0:18:18.439 but he grabs the bottle, heads back to his seat, 0:18:18.480 --> 0:18:22.320 puts the bottle between his legs, effectively preventing the flight 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:24.639 attendants from taking it back. Okay, so he's got it, 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:28.600 like yeah, he's making mold crotch wine because it's warming. 0:18:30.240 --> 0:18:32.400 Then he just got it gets like a he got 0:18:32.800 --> 0:18:37.240 he got himself a huge silly straw. It's like swirling round. 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:40.760 So the flight attendants asked their supervisor, can we cut 0:18:40.800 --> 0:18:43.600 this guy off? Which, come on, make the executive decision 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:46.320 yourself and cut him off. But they went to the supervisor, 0:18:46.840 --> 0:18:48.840 and so then one of the male flight attendants is 0:18:48.880 --> 0:18:50.840 sent over and they tell him to cool out. There's 0:18:50.840 --> 0:18:55.400 just like in the most flight attendant phrasing ever. They say, sir, 0:18:55.680 --> 0:18:59.120 we're going to need to take a little break from drinking. Now, Well, 0:18:59.119 --> 0:19:01.439 thank you, Stephen, I'm gonna need you to go ahead 0:19:01.440 --> 0:19:06.040 and cap on it. This flips the switch finneran goes 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:09.439 into an absolute rage air rage. Wait wait a minute, 0:19:09.520 --> 0:19:11.320 So just because somebody says we're gonna need you to 0:19:11.359 --> 0:19:16.960 take a little drinking he's like he hulks out, so 0:19:17.040 --> 0:19:19.960 he like chases the attendant into the galley and he's 0:19:20.040 --> 0:19:26.080 just screaming, I want your name. I'm gonna bust your ass. 0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:29.200 He I just like to imagine that this is delivered though, 0:19:29.359 --> 0:19:32.480 like Quirky st Clair from one of my favorite films 0:19:32.480 --> 0:19:35.520 of all time, Waiting for Guffman. But then again, I 0:19:35.600 --> 0:19:37.640 like to hear everything in my head as if it's 0:19:37.640 --> 0:19:40.919 said by Quirky st Clair Christopher Guest character. Yeah, he 0:19:40.920 --> 0:19:43.560 says like it's his end thing like how many babies 0:19:43.600 --> 0:19:47.080 fitting a tire? Or my favorite was like me, you know, 0:19:47.480 --> 0:19:49.280 right out of the Navy, you know, fresh off the 0:19:49.359 --> 0:19:55.440 destroyer with a dance belt in the tuba chapstick that 0:19:55.640 --> 0:19:59.119 and Parker Posey fanning the one chicken wing on the 0:19:59.119 --> 0:20:03.159 barbecue is those are like my favorite things in the world. Anyway, 0:20:03.440 --> 0:20:05.560 Finnerman is going to bust a guy's ass, he says. 0:20:06.680 --> 0:20:09.479 And so at this point, the flight supervisor steps in 0:20:09.560 --> 0:20:12.280 and tries to calm things down. He's successful. He's kind 0:20:12.280 --> 0:20:14.000 of like, I don't know what they say. Leans in 0:20:14.240 --> 0:20:18.720 You're trying to listen, professor, You're like, what are they? 0:20:19.040 --> 0:20:23.480 And Finneran goes back to his seat. The cabin goes quiet. Finally, 0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:26.800 me and my cotton dockers can relax. Oh, you just exhale, 0:20:27.000 --> 0:20:30.280 and you just start one by one taking peanuts out 0:20:30.320 --> 0:20:32.639 of a bag, and you're like licking your fingers because 0:20:34.080 --> 0:20:36.560 by one putting him on little tray and lining them. 0:20:36.720 --> 0:20:43.359 Yeah yeah, and then snorting him crushed peanuts. What's going on? 0:20:43.480 --> 0:20:46.000 You're just still riding the high of the Buenos sorry 0:20:46.080 --> 0:20:52.199 strip venerand doesn't want the party to stop, obviously, so 0:20:52.280 --> 0:20:54.679 he gets up again and approaches a flight attendant and 0:20:54.720 --> 0:20:57.399 he demands a drink, and she tells him, you know what, 0:20:57.440 --> 0:20:59.879 You're cut off, dude, You're cut off. Go back to 0:20:59.880 --> 0:21:03.040 your scene. So in this like choose your own adventure. 0:21:03.359 --> 0:21:05.560 Do you take a beat think about what you've done. 0:21:06.000 --> 0:21:08.720 I decided to go back sober up, you know, in 0:21:08.760 --> 0:21:13.480 your little first class seating pod. Not if you're puts 0:21:13.520 --> 0:21:15.919 his hands on the woman's chest and just shoves her 0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:19.720 into a seat. She goes flying back like a full 0:21:19.760 --> 0:21:23.680 on boob press and pushes her back the as totally offense. Yeah, 0:21:23.720 --> 0:21:26.159 I wish it was like a chest butt. He just 0:21:26.240 --> 0:21:28.960 shoves her with it and she goes flying back. I'm 0:21:29.000 --> 0:21:31.360 trying not to laugh. You go ahead, It's okay, we're 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:34.760 all friends here. So Finneran like he shoves her. This 0:21:34.840 --> 0:21:39.639 turns into it. Everything he starts going berserk. He's losing it. 0:21:40.160 --> 0:21:42.360 He heads again to the galley, to the drink's cart. 0:21:43.320 --> 0:21:46.840 There's this complete rucus. Everything breaks into chaos because Finneran 0:21:46.880 --> 0:21:49.400 didn't just stumble up there and pour himself another drink. 0:21:49.440 --> 0:21:53.520 He climbs onto the cart. Now those carts aren't really huge, 0:21:54.080 --> 0:21:58.360 and they're already like a little bit top heavy, right move, 0:21:58.440 --> 0:22:01.160 but like finner in his safety's enemy at this point, 0:22:01.880 --> 0:22:04.320 and like a tipping cart is the absolute least of 0:22:04.320 --> 0:22:08.840 our worries. He's standing on the cart, he's yelling, and 0:22:08.880 --> 0:22:12.520 then he pulls down his pants and he squats down 0:22:13.200 --> 0:22:17.080 and he one takes a giant dump on the drink's cart, 0:22:18.760 --> 0:22:23.359 just just a big old steamer on the drink's cart. 0:22:23.880 --> 0:22:27.960 People start losing it, they are losing it. So he's 0:22:28.040 --> 0:22:30.959 still on the cart. When he reaches down, he grabs 0:22:31.000 --> 0:22:33.920 some like cloth napkins, and he wipes himself in front 0:22:33.960 --> 0:22:39.800 of the President of Portugal and like so he's just 0:22:39.840 --> 0:22:44.000 like taking a napkin wiping, tossing it. He steps in 0:22:44.119 --> 0:22:46.800 his own crap as he jumps off the cart, and 0:22:46.840 --> 0:22:50.040 then he starts making his way towards the toilets, and 0:22:50.119 --> 0:22:53.080 like he started like wiping the soiled napkins on the 0:22:53.119 --> 0:22:55.480 walls of the plane as he walked, and I like 0:22:55.560 --> 0:22:57.720 to imagine it like he's doing it like a very 0:22:57.800 --> 0:23:01.959 Jim Morrison of the Hampton's blinky swagger as he's going along, 0:23:03.040 --> 0:23:06.000 and like his pants are kind of like half done. Um, 0:23:06.040 --> 0:23:09.080