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Speaker 1: Marrying for money, filling the void with stuff and money,

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Speaker 1: and someone who's wealthy will avoid you dealing with the

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Speaker 1: real stuff. So are you not getting what you want sexually,

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Speaker 1: emotionally from an intellectual standpoint, maybe from a business standpoint.

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Speaker 1: I've seen this too with other people. It's familiar to

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Speaker 1: me because I recognize it that you are in a

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Speaker 1: relationship and you're able to brag and flex and show

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Speaker 1: to everybody else how generous your partner is and how

9
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Speaker 1: much they've bought you. And your friends think that this

10
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Speaker 1: is prince charming and that you know, how could you

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Speaker 1: ever walk away from something like that? And you're inside

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Speaker 1: your body your mind saying I know this is amazing.

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Speaker 1: I'm spoiled and I'll never find someone who will spoil.

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Speaker 2: Me like this again.

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Speaker 1: But in your body and your heart and your truth,

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Speaker 1: you know that there's there are other things missing, human connection,

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Speaker 1: intellectual drive that someone has that you can.

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Speaker 2: You know that you're challenged by so many women, so

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Speaker 2: many women.

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Speaker 1: More than many, not all women, but and almost infinite

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Speaker 1: number of women want to date or marry for money.

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Speaker 1: There's no discussion. I hear all women talking about it.

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Speaker 1: I've been the woman talking about it. I get it,

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Speaker 1: I really get it. It seems so easy, it looks

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Speaker 1: so easy. You're cute, you have something to offer, You're young,

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Speaker 1: you have good skin, your sexy, you're a girl, and

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Speaker 1: that means that a man should buy you drinks and

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Speaker 1: a man should buy you dinner, and you should wait

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Speaker 1: around all year for a man to buy you a

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Speaker 1: Chanelle handbag and the mall. And I've been there to

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Speaker 1: say that I've been there, I've lived there. So I

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Speaker 1: grew up, went to like thirteen schools, and there were

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Speaker 1: a lot of highs and lows about money.

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Speaker 2: It was a roller coaster.

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Speaker 1: My stepfather was a horse trainer and so we were

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Speaker 1: near a lot of money at the racetrack with a

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Speaker 1: lot of rich horse owners.

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Speaker 2: And we were in Saratoga.

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Speaker 1: And we were adjacent to money, but we weren't the owners.

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Speaker 1: He was the trainer and he also was a gambler,

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Speaker 1: so it was very mercurial.

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Speaker 2: It went from like.

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Speaker 1: Gambling and winning a game to having, you know, a

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Speaker 1: Mercedes in the driveway. But we had a card table

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Speaker 1: we ate off of, and no furniture anywhere in the

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Speaker 1: house except for in my room. So I have had money,

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Speaker 1: noise for years. I still have money noise in a

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Speaker 1: different way, but I had money noise forever. And my

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Speaker 1: mother married two men because she couldn't support herself, and

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Speaker 1: they love bombed her. My real father was a horse

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Speaker 1: trainer and he was a hot shot, and my stepfather

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Speaker 1: went over his skis to buy her nice things and

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Speaker 1: whenever she wanted when he had money, and she was

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Speaker 1: ride or die. She was good when things were bad too.

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Speaker 1: I will say that, which I totally relate to, because as.

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Speaker 2: You know, I can go from Aramis to the dollar store.

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Speaker 1: So she would always walk around in overalls and she's

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Speaker 1: highs and lows.

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Speaker 2: I'm sure that's where I get it.

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Speaker 1: She was very vain in her, like almost the way

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Speaker 1: that when I renovate homes, I care about like the

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Speaker 1: flooring and the walls and the construction. I don't really

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Speaker 1: care that much about the furniture. From an expensive perspective.

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Speaker 1: She was very like that, Like she liked nice things,

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Speaker 1: and she cared about how she looked to like her

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Speaker 1: age her weight to an obsessive point. But she wasn't

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Speaker 1: vain in that she'd go in overalls to you know,

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Speaker 1: the dry cleaner. I remember that, and I'm obviously exactly

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Speaker 1: like that, but I'm digressing.

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Speaker 2: There was a money noise in my house because I

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Speaker 2: knew that.

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Speaker 1: She was being beaten and abused when it got really ugly,

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Speaker 1: but she couldn't leave because of the money she had

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Speaker 1: to support herself. And she would say to me, I

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Speaker 1: gave up my whole life for you. I gave up

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Speaker 1: my whole life, you know, to support you, which was

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Speaker 1: extremely guilt pushing as a young child, and now as

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Speaker 1: an adult, I get it. She couldn't afford her own life.

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Speaker 1: She had me and she was being love bombed, and

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Speaker 1: there was a price. So I bring up dating for

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Speaker 1: money and marrying for money and just wanting to meet

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Speaker 1: a rich person, because I get it. And when I

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Speaker 1: was younger, I wanted that. I wanted someone to save me,

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Speaker 1: to sweep me away, and even into my thirties and

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Speaker 1: I was, you know, engaged, and the man gave me

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Speaker 1: a credit card, and I loved him deeply. He gave

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Speaker 1: me a credit card still the of my life. Well

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Speaker 1: was the love of my life, and wanted, you know,

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Speaker 1: to get us an apartment, and like he wanted the

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Speaker 1: program to start, and I got anxiety because I had

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Speaker 1: my Bethany bakes cookie business, and I wanted to do

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Speaker 1: something myself, and something in my body, which I talked

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Speaker 1: about on this podcast before, told me that I needed

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Speaker 1: to do it myself, which is much harder. And years

95
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Speaker 1: ago I dated a very very rich guy who was

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Speaker 1: in the music industry, and it was like we were

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Speaker 1: flying on his parents private plane to Saint Martin and

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Speaker 1: his mom would take me shopping, and even my ex husband,

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Speaker 1: like his mom was wealthy and like she'd take me shopping,

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Speaker 1: and you know, it was intoxicating.

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Speaker 2: I had clothes that I wouldn't have had.

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Speaker 1: I remember I had an Alexander McQueen jumpsuit, you know,

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Speaker 1: in my in my early twenties, and like that was

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Speaker 1: intoxicating and I liked it. And even her to alex

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Speaker 1: Earl on social media say like that Braxton gave her

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Speaker 1: four hundred dollars to gamble and now she makes her

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Speaker 1: own money, you know, but it still feels good when

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Speaker 1: a man gives you money to gamble.

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Speaker 2: It's something ingrained in us. It's something that's you know,

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Speaker 2: been just.

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Speaker 1: Fortified and it's just been massaged in a deep tissue

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Speaker 1: massage into our pores, you know, for because society. That's

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Speaker 1: what TV shows show. That's exciting. That's a pretty woman

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Speaker 1: showed she's the hooker, then he like whisks her away

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Speaker 1: or that's.

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Speaker 2: What goes on.

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Speaker 1: So I kind of always wanted that too, you know,

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Speaker 1: I just would have been it felt like it would

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Speaker 1: have been easy.

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Speaker 2: So now I'm on the other side of it.

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Speaker 1: Okay, So now not only do I have a lot

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Speaker 1: of money, have I made a lot of money?

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Speaker 2: And do I make a lot of money?

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Speaker 1: And I can buy myself anything. I can't buy myself

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Speaker 1: a private plan. I mean, I could buy myself a

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Speaker 1: private plan, actually, but I but I couldn't probably buy

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Speaker 1: it and afford to run it, and I'd have to

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Speaker 1: sell every home I have. And I couldn't afford to

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Speaker 1: buy a three hundred foot Maggie yacht.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 1: But I can afford to do pretty much anything I want,

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Speaker 1: and I can afford to buy any thing I want.

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Speaker 1: And I've had the person who will buy me anything

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Speaker 1: that I want. And I've found that it goes two ways,

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Speaker 1: because when I tell you that it has a price,

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Speaker 1: there's no way to describe it. And it's not only

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Speaker 1: the price that you think. The price that people think

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Speaker 1: it is is okay. Let's say it's a man and

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Speaker 1: a woman. A man is rich and he's buying someone

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Speaker 1: anything she wants. The price is not only that, like

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Speaker 1: does he control her? Maybe?

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Speaker 2: Does he make the decisions?

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Speaker 1: Maybe?

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Speaker 2: Do they get divorced?

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Speaker 1: And she has no recourse and no financial protection, didn't

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Speaker 1: know where all the money was coming from.

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Speaker 2: Was she stupid?

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Speaker 1: Like the girlfriend that I used to have those married

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Speaker 1: to a really rich guy, and instead of like saving

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Speaker 1: money or buying things that were investments, she would buy

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Speaker 1: like Fendy turquoise pony pants because she thought that the

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Speaker 1: money would never run out. And I used to think,

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Speaker 1: buy yourself some like solid items so later when you

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Speaker 1: break up, which they did, you're going to have something

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Speaker 1: to show for it. But women get excited, They get

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Speaker 1: caught up in the flexing in front of other women.

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Speaker 1: It's what The Housewives was made of. Do you know

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Speaker 1: how much flexing there goes on with no real money?

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Speaker 1: And I look at all the money lists and everybody

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Speaker 1: prints saying the net worth of all of us, and

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Speaker 1: I know what a lot of us make and have it.

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Speaker 1: It's always wrong, like respectfully, it's like this flex that

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Speaker 1: goes on and women who have men pay for everything

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Speaker 1: are doing that flex too. But there's another part to it.

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Speaker 1: There's another really important part to it. And what that

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Speaker 1: is is there's a price even beyond all that. I've

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Speaker 1: been in a situation where even though I have money,

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Speaker 1: I'm being not only love bombed, but stuff bombed.

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Speaker 2: And it's intoxicating.

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Speaker 1: You kind of almost think that someone just treating you

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Speaker 1: like a princess and buying you things all the time.

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Speaker 2: You kind of start to think that that's love.

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Speaker 1: And even if the person does give you love, there's

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Speaker 1: something that's missing that makes them feel the need to

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Speaker 1: fill the voice with the stuff you can ren and

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Speaker 1: there's something that's missing in you or me. And even

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Speaker 1: though you can have anything you want or you already

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Speaker 1: have everything, in filling the void with the stuff, because

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Speaker 1: filling the void with the stuff will make you avoid

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Speaker 1: the real stuff.

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Speaker 2: So I just caution you to be looking.

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Speaker 1: For money, because those who marry or date for money

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Speaker 1: pay for the rest of their lives. And only because

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Speaker 1: I have my own money and because I'm successful and

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Speaker 1: because I earn am I in a position to walk

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Speaker 1: away from or not be in a situation like that,

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Speaker 1: because it's so tempting and intoxicating. And if I didn't

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Speaker 1: have any money, if I didn't earn any money, if

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Speaker 1: I didn't have my own career, I I would stay

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Speaker 1: with that because that intoxication would be impossible to walk

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Speaker 1: away from, and I'd become increasingly more miserable. And when

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Speaker 1: in those situations, I have become increasingly more miserable because

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Speaker 1: I'm selling out. I almost sold out when I was

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Speaker 1: married years ago. I almost sold out when I was

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Speaker 1: with the wealthy guy. It's happened, you know, many times

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Speaker 1: where I've almost sold out because I'm in something and

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Speaker 1: I'm not really happy. And that's not the only reason

198
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Speaker 1: I'm not not happy, because I'm being showered with gifts.

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Speaker 1: I'm not happy, and the gifts are masking the unhappiness.

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Speaker 2: And that's what rich women do. That's what Palm Beach

201
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Speaker 2: is made of.

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Speaker 1: That's what you know, certain people in the Hampton's and

203
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Speaker 1: the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

204
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Speaker 2: Is made of. You know, you see it.

205
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Speaker 1: You see it on women's faces like a vacancy, and

206
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Speaker 1: you see it on women's labels.

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Speaker 2: Everything. It's a flex, you know, head to toe dripping.

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Speaker 1: I had a woman, a billionaire that I know who's

209
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Speaker 1: very insecure, and her entire identity is her money.

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Speaker 2: It's her entire personality.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, I was in a relationship with

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Speaker 1: someone whose personality was their money.

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Speaker 2: That was their.

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Speaker 1: Personality was to buy and to you know, to subtly impress.

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Speaker 1: It wasn't like braggy. It was just like constantly you know.

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Speaker 1: And it's a beautiful thing to give someone a gift,

217
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Speaker 1: and it's a beautiful thing to be generous, but it's

218
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Speaker 1: one thing when it's an avoidance of something else. So

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Speaker 1: I knew this wealthy woman who's a billionaire and very

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Speaker 1: deeply insecure, because this person is constantly flexing their money.

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Speaker 1: It's their identity. It really is their whole personality. It's

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Speaker 1: who they are, and it's why other people associate with them.

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Speaker 1: And they run the show. They run the program, They

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Speaker 1: control everything, not unlike a very wealthy man. And that's

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Speaker 1: what happens in those relationships too. They run the program.

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Speaker 1: And by the way, even if someone is not actively

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Speaker 1: running the program, meaning they're not aggressive and they're not controlling,

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Speaker 1: and they're not abusive, he who makes the gold makes

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Speaker 1: the rules, she who makes the gold makes the rules.

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Speaker 1: They are still in a controlling power position. And often

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Speaker 1: people who have money want someone more subservient because they

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Speaker 1: want to be in the controlling position. And we can

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Speaker 1: market it as Harrison Bucker saying, a woman should be

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Speaker 1: a homemaker, but it's not. You know, it's not that

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Speaker 1: attractive once a woman's trap doesn't know how to make

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Speaker 1: her own money and feels like she cannot sleep in

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Speaker 1: her Chanel handbags. So I just like anything in work,

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Speaker 1: like if you experience a death or some challenges and

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Speaker 1: you don't emotionally deal with it, like you don't go

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Speaker 1: to therapy, you repress it. Something happens in your childhood,

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Speaker 1: you stuff it. It always comes out. Nobody gets out

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Speaker 1: without paying the bill. So if you are marrying or

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Speaker 1: dating for money and not doing for yourself, it will

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Speaker 1: come out later in some way. You will be miserable

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Speaker 1: or everybody else will think you're great because they think

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Speaker 1: you're rich, and they think it's so they're envious of

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Speaker 1: your wealth, but you're miserable inside.

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Speaker 2: So that's the Housewives. That literally is the Housewives.

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Speaker 1: It's more important to show people how much you have

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Speaker 1: than actually what you have. And even with the way

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Speaker 1: people look, you know, it's more important to look amazing

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Speaker 1: in your filtered, bullshit pictures than to actually feel amazing

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Speaker 1: in your real life, which is why it's jarring that

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Speaker 1: I post for people, but I actually look like Some

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Speaker 1: people are like, what's wrong with her?

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Speaker 2: Why is she posted looking like a wreck? Why? Because

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Speaker 2: I amount a phony piece of shit.

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Speaker 1: I'm doing the work like I am doing the work

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Speaker 1: I've been in therapy. I'm doing the goddamn work. And

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Speaker 1: that's how I've come to all of this, and so

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Speaker 1: it will come out. So you better work, and you

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Speaker 1: better have your own thing, because it will rise to

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Speaker 1: the surface and it will surprise you.

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Speaker 2: And you cannot sleep with your money.

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Speaker 1: And that doesn't mean that you making your own money

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Speaker 1: is going to make you happy. But I can tell

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Speaker 1: you that you making your own money and deciding whether

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Speaker 1: to give it all the way to charity or deciding

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Speaker 1: whether to buy you know, arimes bags and live in them.

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Speaker 1: That's your choice, and you can bob and weave. I've

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Speaker 1: gone through face. I'm going to tell you the truth.

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Speaker 1: Like I was in a relationship that was extremely materialistic

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Speaker 1: and it was intoxicating. I've been in relationships that were

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Speaker 1: very materialistic and they're intoxicating, and then I find myself

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Speaker 1: wanting to sell everything because I was medicating with stuff.

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Speaker 1: I was unhappy, I was bored, I was depressed, and

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Speaker 1: I was despondent, and stuff was a good way to

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Speaker 1: like temporarily medicate. People medicate with alcohol, people medicate with food,

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Speaker 1: people medicate with sugar, people medicate with drugs, people medicate

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Speaker 1: with work. I was medicating with stuff, and I sit

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Speaker 1: there with all this stuff, like, what the fuck?

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Speaker 2: Who needs all this shit? Who needs all this shit?

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Speaker 2: I don't, you know?

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Speaker 1: And so it's something to think about. So when you

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Speaker 1: look at all those young girls on social media unboxing

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Speaker 1: their luck's goods, think about the fact that they might

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Speaker 1: just be miserable and that but might be their entertainment.

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Speaker 1: And if they are able to impress you with what

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Speaker 1: they have, it makes them feel better about what they

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Speaker 1: don't have emotionally or intellectually in their lives or morally.

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Speaker 1: They may not feel valued. You know, it doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: you're valued that someone buys you a luxury piece, and

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Speaker 1: you shouldn't be seeking that out.

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Speaker 2: And I've been there and I've done it.

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Speaker 1: I've stood in malls and hoped that a guy would

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Speaker 1: buy me something like a dog like your way. I

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Speaker 1: remember going with someone in Vegas and you're hoping they're

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Speaker 1: going to want to take you shopping.

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Speaker 2: And they know. Now. Some of them like that. I

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Speaker 2: know men who really love.

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Speaker 1: Gold Diggers because it's the transaction like meeting the girls there.

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Speaker 1: She's super hot, the guy's super rich. By the third date,

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Speaker 1: he's got her an arimez bag. She's flexing to our friends.

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Speaker 1: They think it's great. A year and a half later,

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Speaker 1: she's cheating on him, you know, and then it's a

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Speaker 1: fight and he may want some of the stuff back.

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Speaker 2: Or whatever it is. It's what goes on. It's what

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Speaker 2: goes on. I've seen it. I've been it.

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Speaker 1: I've been there and wanted someone to buy me some thing.

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Speaker 1: You know, I've wanted them to pay for it, and

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Speaker 1: you know, it feels really good. I can fucking buy

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Speaker 1: myself flowers, shoes on my feet, I bought them.

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Speaker 2: I depend on me.

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Speaker 1: So if you're a mom, because a lot of you

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Speaker 1: are a mom's, you talk to those daughters