00:00:08 Speaker 1: Well, I invited you here. I thought I made myself perfectly clear. When you're a guest in my home, you gotta come to me empty. And I said, no, guests, you're presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff, So how do you dare to surbey me? 00:00:47 Speaker 2: Welcome to I said, no gifts. It's me Bridge d Wineger. I hope you're having a nice day. I really mean that. And now here we are together, We've got, you know, an hour or so to go. I haven't Sometimes, you know, I give a brief amount of thought as to what I'm going to say here. Sometimes I don't. What's something I could say? I had a cheese crisp a few minutes ago, just a single one with some guacamuli. That was a nice little snack. If anyone needs to use the bathroom, do that. Now we're not going to be making any stops. Let's just get into it. My guest today is a dear friend and someone I find very funny, and I'm just so excited to have him here. I've tried to keep him away from the podcast as for as long as possible, but he broke through. It's Scotty landis Scotti. Hi, welcome, How are you? 00:01:46 Speaker 3: I am wonderful all things considered, every taking everything into account, I'm having a great day and it just got a little better. 00:01:55 Speaker 2: Beautiful, beautiful, you're in your wonderful home, which I haven't been to in over a year at this point. 00:02:03 Speaker 3: Oh sure, you came to a couple of the Halloween party of course. 00:02:08 Speaker 2: Of course you really know how to throw a party. 00:02:11 Speaker 3: I've been throwing some big parties. I don't do it all the time, but when I do do it, I make sure that everyone comes. And my big thing is don't RSVP. That's like my main rule. 00:02:22 Speaker 2: The tents that you said that in sounds like you're currently throwing enormous parties. 00:02:30 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I am breaking all protocols. I could go to jail for a very long time. 00:02:36 Speaker 2: You're the epicenter of COVID in Los Angeles. Yes, I am the super spreader that the parties. That's what they call me, that's the nickname. No, but I am sitting on I haven't done a Halloeen party in a couple of years because of this, But I think if everything keeps going the course, I'm probably going to throw a big pants cutting off party. 00:02:58 Speaker 3: For New Year's Eve, and you and Jim will absolutely be invited. 00:03:01 Speaker 2: Oh beautiful. Now again, the way you said that sounds like that could be misconstrued as if COVID continues, you're going to throw the party, rather than the vaccine being distributed. 00:03:12 Speaker 3: Right, Sorry, I meant the Yeah, you will have to prove you've been vaccinated. I want not only paperwork. I wanted to see a band aid on your arm, and I want you to hold up an old scroll that says safe. 00:03:24 Speaker 2: The call from a doctor. I need to speak to your physician before you can come into the party. Your last party was twenty nineteen, I imagine. 00:03:34 Speaker 3: Yes, I do think it was, and just because last year was such a lost year, it was either nineteen or eighteen, but it was. That was a big one. I had to all the carpets and rugs, all towels, everything out was replaced after that one. It was a three true party. Yeah, that's true. It was. I would guesstimate six hundred people over the course of the night. 00:03:55 Speaker 2: So yeah, trying to remember what I dressed as that you're I believe I went as Mary Berry and Jim was Paul Hollywood. 00:04:04 Speaker 3: I think that's right. I think that's right, but. 00:04:07 Speaker 2: That feels like that was a long time ago, so who can say for sure? 00:04:11 Speaker 3: Ages? Ages? 00:04:12 Speaker 2: Now these parties are Are they any source of stress for you? 00:04:17 Speaker 3: They are leading up to them, they are. As soon as the first guests arrive, it's over and I go into full host mode. But about a week out, my whole house is already set up, meaning like bowls and serving trays, and everything's in the positions it's going to be in. They usually cost a couple thousand bucks between alcohol and food. I try to have tons of airplane bottles of liquor and as many pre rolled joints as I can in my pockets at all times, so as everybody's walking through the door, they're just getting handed things. So and then the day of I buy the big stress. The day of is ice, because if a party doesn't have ice, it's not a good party. So I order I don't know, forty bags of ice from yummy dot com, And until those arrive and are in coolers, I am I'm sweating to the oldies. 00:05:08 Speaker 2: Have you ever had an ice failure when you didn't have enough ice or ice meltdown? 00:05:13 Speaker 3: Uh? No, But I've been to a lot of bad parties. 00:05:16 Speaker 2: I think I'm judging other mother hosts where I've criticizing. 00:05:20 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, just dunking on people left and right. I've definitely been to parties where there's no ice and then you're like, well, I would like to keep drinking, and then you find yourself drinking warm gin out of a solo cup and that just won't happen in our house. 00:05:33 Speaker 2: It's terrible. I imagine you've been throwing parties as long as you could have. I mean, this is a lifelong thing for you, yes, but again, like you just have to time them. If you're the person that throws them every weekend or every month or whatever, people stop coming right. But in college, I lived off campus for my junior and senior year with four friends that I was doing a sketch comedy show with at the time, and when we threw parties, they were massive. And I've always been very good at talking to police, so a lot of the times I would be sitting in the back of a pickup truck with a giant ice luge that we have created, and the sheriff and people show up and I talk them into trying the ice luge, and then leaving them alone, even though I'm nineteen years old, but I was just bold. So yes, I've thrown a dozen or so really big parties over the past fifteen years or twenty years, I guess. And you've never gotten in any trouble outside of the cops showing up and you talking them down. 00:06:31 Speaker 3: Never no trouble, no fights. I tried, like, there's as soon as people walk through the door, I'm like, take anything you want, to steal, anything you want. Your guests here, make yourself at home. I point out all the important things. I try to connect people who might know each other, and they're very harmonious. I find the very fun times. 00:06:48 Speaker 2: Yeah, I will say, to your credit, you literally have hundreds of people walking around, and it feels like you make time for literally everyone, meaningful time, which to me is a miracle. I can't imagine. 00:07:01 Speaker 3: Well, I get excited about people. So I met You introduced me to Jim for the first time on my deck during a party, and I remember I was coming around the corner and you said, this is my partner, Jim, and I had never met him. And to me, that's the best case scenario for throwing a party, right, It's not to get wrecked. It's to make sure that everybody feels like they got to see all the people they wanted to see. I mean, and after this, after the Great Quarantine, it's going to be people are going to be ready to rumble. 00:07:32 Speaker 2: I think so too. A lot of people I will hear talking about like it's going to be people are going to be treading lightly or whatever. But I think people are pent up. When there's an opportunity that feels safe, I think people are going to go for it. I mean, I'm a very cautious person. I take all precautions and just surrounded by anxiety. But I'm ready to be in a public space, surrounded by people, ready to be in a movie theater. I'm ready for all of these things. 00:08:03 Speaker 3: I agree. And yeah, that's something you and I would do. We were movie guys. Movie guys. That's the matinee movie friends. It's only a few. It's you, it's Karen, my friend, Danny Fernandez, there's a few of us. There's nothing better than meeting your friend who genuinely enjoys going to the movies, chatting it up, watching a movie, good or bad. And you and I did that many times. I look forward to those too. 00:08:26 Speaker 2: Do you remember the last movie you saw in the theater? 00:08:28 Speaker 3: Oh I do, Uncut Gems. 00:08:30 Speaker 2: Oh sure, sure, sure. 00:08:32 Speaker 3: Stressed me out panic attack the whole time that movie. 00:08:36 Speaker 2: I really liked Good Time. I loved you too Time. It was extremely stressful, but I loved it. Uncut Gems. For me, it felt like I was being like a weight, was just crushing me the entire time, which obviously is kind of the intent, but uh, less enjoyable experience for sure. 00:08:54 Speaker 3: For me agreed, sweating like feeling my palm sweating sitting in a movie theater just so intent. It's bad decisions. I'm not a gambler in life. I never bet or gamble at all. So to watch somebody sinking spoilers deeper and deeper into gambling that it was like I was thinking. My whole body was screaming, what are you doing? What are you doing? Right? 00:09:17 Speaker 2: Yeah, the end of that movie is such a release when I can spoil it. I don't know if you don't want to hear the spoiler of the movie, be quiet for a minute. 00:09:28 Speaker 3: Leave the podcast loudly. 00:09:30 Speaker 2: Yeah, But when he gets shot, it's like, thank God, yes it's over. We can leave the situation. Oh yes, too much, Absolutely too much. I feel like not a lot of stuff bothers you. Is that true? 00:09:47 Speaker 3: Yeah, that is true. 00:09:48 Speaker 2: Is there anything that bothers you? 00:09:50 Speaker 3: Oh? Sure. I hate when people are bad tippers. I don't like. I don't like when people are rude in general to customer service people or write retail people. That kind of thing can turn me off from a friendship right away. I don't like being accused of doing the wrong thing. If I didn't do the wrong thing, that that's probably the thing that makes me the angriest, right, And that's really it. Yeah, I don't get rattled very easily. I'm very calm. 00:10:23 Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like you've got You're one of the few people I know within comedy who seems like they're having a nice time and it feels genuine. I mean, you're I mean there is a chance you have some sort of dark thing that's going to come out and you know, you die and we all find out some horrifying secret. Yes, but I yeah, you're maybe one of two people I know who just actually is relaxed. 00:10:48 Speaker 3: Uh. Yes, I am, and I sleep well, and I t I think what it is is I try to be very present, and I don't live with really dread. I've noticed, especially doing with everything that's going on, and a lot of my friends are worrying about a lot of outcomes that I wasn't worrying about. And I feel the same thing about entertainment and comedy. I'm very good at understanding what I can control, and I'm very very good at letting go of everything that is. I mean, we just get rejected all the time, so at some point you either get used to it or you put yourself through hell. So I just decided to accept it. 00:11:22 Speaker 2: I think that's wonderful. It's truly the opposite of how I operate, which is you know some things to deal with. 00:11:29 Speaker 3: Yeah, but the results are the same. You're always working on great shows, and I think that it's I don't know, I have a feeling we'll collaborate on something at some point, and within a writer's room, will probably work very well together. 00:11:42 Speaker 2: And yeah, that could be interesting. Although you were really headed into movie territory. I mean, Mob was such a giant success and such a delight. 00:11:51 Speaker 3: It was fun. I wanted to write a fun horror movie. I felt like people weren't making those types of movies anymore that like the types of movies that in the nineties I really enjoyed, like or even like Fear with Mark Wahlberg. I always thought that that was like it felt young and fun. And then for a while it was all the ring and the grudge and the eye. It was like it was like weird women with long black hair over their face for eight years. And then it was like because it get out, which was excellent. I felt like so many people were trying to make a statement with their horror movies. When it works fantastic, When it doesn't, it feels like it's pandering. And so I was like, I just want to write a movie that teenagers will scream and laugh and have a great time in the movie theater. That was the goal. 00:12:34 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's a wonderful, wonderful goal for a horror movie. I love horror movies, but I feel like I've had less and less fun at them over the last ten years or so. Yes, Yes, have you seen any horror movies recently you've enjoyed? 00:12:48 Speaker 3: I've been watching a ton, let me think, because I watch them all all the streamers now, like everybody, I watched that one Frozen It's about three people stuck on on the ski lift overnight and it starts to freeze. It's an older movie, it's about ten years old. I think, pretty good, very simple concept. Do like wolves start surrounding? Yes? Okay, yeah, it's on Hulu or Amazon. I really liked the ritual Netflix, which I think was based on a novel. 00:13:22 Speaker 2: That's the one where they it's like a guy's trip into the woods or what have you that goes wrong. 00:13:28 Speaker 3: Okay, which I liked that as a starting point because a guy's trip is already hell to me. The idea of going anywhere where three other men is like, no, thanks, I'll keep thinking because I do. That's pretty much all I watch. I have shudder too, and I watch every oh. I watched Scare Me, Josh Ruben's movie. Josh is a buddy of mine, And then have you seen that? 00:13:50 Speaker 2: No, it's called Scare Me. It's excellent. It's so good. 00:13:54 Speaker 3: I want it. Spoil it, Okay, I'll give you the most based on poster, not spoilers at all, because I highly recommend you of this movie to everybody listening. If and it's not gory, I'll say that, so if you if there are a lot of people that like thrillers but hate gore and slasher. It's not that. It's about an aspiring author who goes away to writer's weekend, meets a more successful author in the same genre, and then they start telling each other's stories and build on the same story to try to scare each other, and then horror ensues. So I really recommend it very smart. 00:14:30 Speaker 2: Oh, I love that idea. So the actual horror breaks into them telling each other scary stories. 00:14:36 Speaker 3: Right, and try to now do each other. And there's there's some layers in that one, and it's great. It's a great movie. 00:14:43 Speaker 2: Scare me fantastic. I feel I really used to like people telling me scary stories, you know, when you'd go camping or whatever. I can't think of any that really impacted me, but they were always a good time. Do you have any like scary stories that have genuinely frightened you that people have at least posited as true stories. 00:15:03 Speaker 3: There's one in Maryland. There's an area called Upper Melinda. 00:15:08 Speaker 2: I love that name. 00:15:09 Speaker 3: Oh yeah. There's this really windy road and it goes from sort of this suburb down to farmland like horse country, and it's this one road that everybody calls Upper Melinda, and there's a stone on the side of the road that's there to this day that says Upper Melinda. And what I was told is that at some point in that town there was a woman named Melinda, and they accused her of being doing witchcraft and being an evil person, and they kind of tried to smoke her out and get to her, and she fled into this wooded area and then the dogs lost the scent and they couldn't find her. So in the middle of the night they turned back, and the next morning when they'd come to find her again to search again, they found her Torso she had hung herself or somebody had hung her over the stream that goes down next to the road. But the lower half of her body was completely gone. So the area is yes, because the upper half of her body they never found it. They assume animals ate the bottom half, but Upper Melinda is there to this day. 00:16:14 Speaker 2: I thought you were going to tell me there was like a lower Melinda area where there was another Melinda that became mayor or something. 00:16:20 Speaker 3: Yeah, she's a queen of hola hooping. 00:16:23 Speaker 2: No, we're just talking about the literal upper half of Yeah. 00:16:26 Speaker 3: So that one stuck with me. That's wild wild, Yeah, that's a good one. And then Black Aggie, which I'm currently working on the script for. It was a statue. It's a real thing. It exists, and it was a statue built by a general and it's of it was called Grief. But then it turns out that the statue is was a replica and an un whatever licensed replica of a French sculptor. It is the scariest thing you'll ever see, Black Aggie. It was so upsetting that there were always fraternity and sar already in the fifties and maybe even earlier forties and fifties, where it would be like, if you could spend a night in her arms, you would die. And one college freshman had a heart attack and died trying to sleep in front of this grave. And so the legend spread so many people showed up that they had to remove it, and they put it in the Smithsonian, and then people were having nervous breakdowns looking at it, so they boxed it up. Whoa, And now it's outside of like an insurance adjusters thing in Maryland's and it's just so you can walk up to it but yeah, black Aggie is true Maryland folklore. Wow, we should go. 00:17:38 Speaker 2: Do you feel like you want to be buried or cremated? 00:17:42 Speaker 3: Definitely, not buried. I want to see what the options are. I feel like they're getting more creative, Like turn me into a tree. That seems cool, right, the tree pod seems cool. 00:17:50 Speaker 2: And is that part of cremation or is that a whole other thing. 00:17:54 Speaker 3: I don't know. I would assume it's not part of cremation. I would assume that the tree uses you as fertilizer, which is a mor thought to some, but to me, that's okay. 00:18:05 Speaker 2: Sure, yeah, I would love that. 00:18:06 Speaker 3: Make it a plump tree. 00:18:10 Speaker 2: I mean, you can get kind of blasted with water that feels like a newer one. 00:18:15 Speaker 3: Oh really, what's that? I don't know. 00:18:16 Speaker 2: I feel like they blast your body with such strong pressure that your body. It's kind of like a water cremation essentially. 00:18:26 Speaker 3: Well, cheers to that. I also like non morbid things. I also like, you know, a nice walk, A nice walk in Malibiu on the hillside. 00:18:35 Speaker 2: That's awesome, very nice. I mean, I feel like you you've done a little bit of traveling during this pandemic. Safe traveling, right, Yes, where have you been? 00:18:43 Speaker 3: Okay? So I loved driving, So I did a lot of road trips and I went to places like jahat Oregon, I went to Yucca Valley, I went to a lake of the Ozarks. I just kind of. I went to Maryland and Quarantine and then saw my family for a month over the holidays. So yeah, I like to drive around. And as a writer, when I'm in a town where I don't know anybody, in kind of a cool airbnb or av casa or whatever, I find it very easy to get work done, very easy, right. 00:19:17 Speaker 2: No distractions, kind of that's the reason you're there. 00:19:21 Speaker 3: Yes, I have family that just moved to Salt Lake City, by the way, and so I think when this is over, I'm going to put some serious time in there for the first time in my life. 00:19:30 Speaker 2: What are they doing in Salt Lake City? 00:19:32 Speaker 3: They moved? I don't know they were I think they moved for work during this and they fled San Francisco, which I think a lot of people are doing. 00:19:39 Speaker 2: And you truly have to be a billionaire. 00:19:43 Speaker 3: Yeah, I know. 00:19:44 Speaker 2: Wow, Well that's exciting. Maybe we'll take a trip to Salt Lake City together. 00:19:48 Speaker 3: Please, I'm gonna show me the sites. I want. The nightlife of Salt Lake City, it. 00:19:53 Speaker 2: Is a thrill. Have you spent any time there? 00:19:56 Speaker 3: I went to Whenever we would go up to some dance, we would stop near I guess where's bring them young? 00:20:04 Speaker 2: That's in Provo. 00:20:05 Speaker 3: So we'd stop in Provo. And so I've spent I would say five total nights in Provo and then we do the final push up to Sundance, up to Okay City. 00:20:16 Speaker 2: Yeah, but very little time in Salt Lake City. 00:20:19 Speaker 3: Once or twice, Yeah, once or twice. 00:20:21 Speaker 2: And Provo is not what you want to judge your time in Utah. I okay, good, good tonight. God bless everyone in Provo. God bless. Not a lot happening. 00:20:31 Speaker 3: No, there's this one bar and the guy recognizes us every year, and it really is one ounce pours at a time, which is very strange when you come from sei like La where they just hold it for like five seconds and you're like, this is the strongest vodka soda I've ever had. They're like, it's three dollars. It's happy hour. But they have like the measuring the electronic measuring things on the bottles there to make sure nobody's getting overserved, and a lot. 00:20:55 Speaker 2: Of unnecessary rules happening too much. Maybe yeah, quite add up, Well, Scotty, I you know, I don't want to get away from Utah liquor laws so quickly, but he does. There is something I'd like to talk to you about, and you your referenced it a little bit earlier. Hinted at this that you were near my house yesterday and you saw my boyfriend and you spoke to him without my permission, this kind of thing. While you were doing that, you left a box I did. 00:21:27 Speaker 3: Actually. 00:21:28 Speaker 2: Obviously, this is a podcast called I Said No Gifts. You agreed to be on it a few weeks ago. We share a podcast network, so all of this information is readily available to you. Yet yesterday you dropped off what, at least in my view, appears. 00:21:47 Speaker 3: To be a gift. Uh, huh, it is a gift. I'm a fan of your podcast. I listen to this podcast. I know that you can really fly off the handle. Sure, but who can't. Who doesn't you know? Everybody has their moments of weakness. Yeah, so I just thought, you know, I hadn't seen you in so long, and I was so honored to be on I just I had to. I had to give you something. 00:22:14 Speaker 2: Okay, So with the knowledge that you know, my temper can just fly out of control. These bits of rage, Oh my goodness, just almost feels like you're provoking me, you know. 00:22:26 Speaker 3: I let's just say, I'm glad we're not in studio together, you know, as somebody's going to take some self portraits tomorrow. I'm glad that we are not within arms reach of each other right now. 00:22:38 Speaker 2: Fists would be flying, my nails would be just right in your eyes. 00:22:44 Speaker 3: Yes. 00:22:45 Speaker 2: Should I open it here on the podcast? 00:22:47 Speaker 3: I would enjoy it if you open it now. It's boxing a Christmas box, right, I mean I didn't want to. I didn't want to say it's in kind of an out. 00:22:56 Speaker 2: Of season box, uh, despite the fact that every day I am singing Christmas songs because those for whatever reason, I'm just trapped in a time loop of holiday with this pandemic. Yes, it also has a little card on the top that says B and Jay, which to me, I mean, you've now dragged my boyfriend into the podcast. 00:23:19 Speaker 3: Yes I did. I wrote you guys a little note. It's it's rated PG. You're allowed to read it on the air. You must if you want to read it death. 00:23:28 Speaker 2: I would love to get an erotic note onto. 00:23:33 Speaker 3: Well, it's a drawing, so describe it. Okay. 00:23:43 Speaker 2: It's a little card with some Oh this is a very cute card with some plants on it. It says, oh, hello there, says Bridger and Jimmy. Congratulations on your new home. In non pandemic times, I would have warmed it already. I look forward to passing out in your yard in the fall of twenty twenty one. From Scotty. Okay, Scotty, you're making a lot of big assumptions. You're assuming that I would ever. 00:24:03 Speaker 4: Allow you in my home, you will ever be allowed back, So we'll just throw all that to the side and we'll see what the future brings. 00:24:12 Speaker 3: But that's very sweet. 00:24:13 Speaker 2: Also, assuming that the pandemic will be over, which I'm in favor of. I think we're all on board with this ending. So let's hope that you pass out in my backyard and hopefully it'll be it'll resolve itself. And I'm going to open this box, says Merry Christmas on it. What's happening here? So there's some bubble wrap. Let's I'm gonna before I look at the side of I just I've never had bubble wrap on air. 00:24:40 Speaker 3: Pop it. Yeah, it's a new experience. Yeah, this is ASMR, I believe. 00:24:46 Speaker 2: Yeah, this podcast. People tune in for a sound effect. 00:24:50 Speaker 3: Yeah, they like folly artists. They like people like when they're exercising with earbuds in noise canceling earbuds to have bubble that popped as loudly as possible. 00:25:03 Speaker 2: They're blasting the podcast in the car and suddenly their speakers are blown out. This is a big podcast in the fully community. Okay, here we are. We're getting to the gift. I have no idea what this is. Well, good, I'm looking at what's like a little metal Uh it's Oh, it's a flower sifter. 00:25:23 Speaker 3: Yes it is. 00:25:25 Speaker 2: This is I've never seen a flower sifter that looks like this. 00:25:28 Speaker 3: Well, it's a vintage flower sifter. I know that you're a big baker. I know that you've switched over to different bread flour. I really do listen to your pop and you know I want you to be able to make your flower even lighter and area and mix it more accurate for measuring and so that's for future baking in your new home Scotty. 00:25:47 Speaker 2: This is this is one of you know, I talk about this a lot. I have a difficult time buying myself anything at all. If I need something, I'll just find a way around it and do the worst version of that. And that's largely how I live my life. And this is something within the realm of baking. I've needed a flower system multiple times and I've just said no, the flower will not be sifted, and I will whatever comes comes, I will enjoy it. It's also I've wanted to, you know, occasionally you want to sprink some sprinkle some powdered sugar on a dessert, this sort of thing. This is exactly what I need. Where did you get it? 00:26:27 Speaker 3: I got it on Etsy, but I did a little research to make sure I didn't get some like you know, I didn't want to get some crappy one. So it's a I hope you use it for many, many years or it falls apart the first time you make crapes. I mean, it's yeah, it's a vintage flower sifter for you. And I thought it was good enough. I thought it looked attractive enough that if you already had one, maybe would turn your kitchen into a cracker barrel you know, right. 00:26:56 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is something you can just leave out. I love a tool that can be you can leave out out of laziness and it doesn't make things look worse. 00:27:05 Speaker 3: I agree. I've been for years. I've been saying they need to make vacuums that look like art so that you can just leave them in your living room and at any moment just vacuum, Like, how is that not something? How is it that a thing? Smart? 00:27:18 Speaker 2: That is a complete shark tank pitch if I've ever heard one a vacuum that I mean anything that a broom could be the same thing. Anything that is a tool that is traditionally placed somewhere else. We need to make them all art. 00:27:34 Speaker 3: Yes, why not so smart? Then it's just handy. So yes, that's art. But also I hope it's functional for you. 00:27:40 Speaker 2: It feels functional to me, and if it isn't, I'll be demanding a refund. Finally me, I will just have an absolute freak out. Do you buy things on atsy? Often not a ton? No, I not a ton. 00:27:54 Speaker 3: Sometimes I'll find some old vintage like spuds, Mackenzie satin jackets or old you know that kind of thing. But for gift giving occasionally if I'm looking for something specific, Etsy's pretty good. 00:28:06 Speaker 2: Etsy is becoming more and more part of my life. I've had a lot of recommendations through this podcast or off of it for things I wouldn't even think about buying, right, I mean, I just recently bought a T shirt on it with a gift from this podcast actually, but it's kind of replaced eBay for me. 00:28:24 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's yes, it's great. I mean, there's a lot of great stuff on there. I was at a party the first year I moved out to LA and I was with my friend Amory, and there was a an older comedian there who is with his date was a younger woman, and the older comedian gets so high on weed. He gets so stoned that he's like just smiling in the corner. And so we kind of felt, Mamory and I felt like we should entertain this girlfriend who was like the one person sort of out of the inner circle of friends, right. And so we're talking to her and Mamory goes, oh my gosh, I love your earrings. And she goes, oh my god, thank you. I got them on this new website it's called E T S Why And Mamry goes Etsy. Yeah, we know what Etsy is, and it was like this poor thing was just like trying to be like, oh, I know something you two don't know, and we're like French fried potatoes, Yeah, we've had them. We dip them in squashed tomatoes. Yeah. It was very sweet moment. 00:29:28 Speaker 2: Ets why I love whenever someone takes a high status about a very well known piece. 00:29:34 Speaker 5: Of imp I think you really do do that. I think that is I think you really do like that. I truly adore that sort of behavior. It's like what you are revealing nothing except for that you're an idiot. 00:29:48 Speaker 3: That sort of blends into something that I really love. And it's when very picky eaters find one slightly non traditional food that they enjoy and then they go out of their way to order it at every meal that they go out to with friends. I have a friend who pretty much lives off of like macaroni and cheese and chicken fingers, and then she discovered that she liked oysters, which is a big jump. 00:30:16 Speaker 2: By the way that is it's like enormous, It's like learning a new language. 00:30:20 Speaker 3: You can't go to a jamba juice without her trying to order oysters. I mean it is like everywhere you go, it's like, should we get some oysters? And at some point you're like, we're gonna die of mercury poisoning if I eat another oyster with you. 00:30:35 Speaker 2: This is a pizza hut exactly, this is. 00:30:39 Speaker 3: A Papa John's drive through location. You're like, how about Klamarian. It's like, no, disgusting, and you're like, all right, fire them up, twenty dozen oysters. 00:30:49 Speaker 2: What led her to oysters outside of the mac and. 00:30:51 Speaker 3: Cheese and no idea? 00:30:52 Speaker 2: Yeah, people people's eating habits are very interesting to me. You know, I lived with Jim, who has a very limited palate. 00:30:58 Speaker 3: Yes, the baby mouth pot love it right. Yeah. 00:31:01 Speaker 2: I had something to eat that was so unbelievably disgusting about seventeen years ago that it felt like rock bottom, And now like I will eat literally anything. 00:31:13 Speaker 3: Yeah. 00:31:14 Speaker 2: So it's like it couldn't possibly be worse than that. So, but I guess a lot of people are lucky. 00:31:19 Speaker 3: You give really good restaurant recommendations too, Like, anytime we ever meet up, if you want, I'll be like, hey, recommend a place. And every time Batman A thousand you're doing. I love all the places you recommend, the food's always good, and you're really good at finding the balance between like a non pretentious place that's not just a straight up hole in the wall, but also someplace that's legitimately good food. That Mexican place we ate in Highland Park before this crash started. 00:31:45 Speaker 2: So close to me that place is Yeah, that was an exciting experience. I think that was one of the last I think that was right before COVID. 00:31:54 Speaker 3: It really was so close. It was so close. 00:31:59 Speaker 2: Oh lord, do you cook for yourself much? 00:32:02 Speaker 3: I do? I cook? And at the start of this, for the first six months of this, I was getting grocery. I get every plate anyways, like food delivery or whatever. But then we got it on the podcast as a sponsor, so HelloFresh and every plate was sending us stuff. And I will admit that, after like five months of cooking two meals a day every day, I did give the point where I was like, oh, But also people were like carry outs, fine, delivery is fine, even if you reheat it, that's fine, whatever you want to do. And that helped because I was getting so sick of just doing the dishes. 00:32:36 Speaker 2: Oh my god, exhausting. 00:32:38 Speaker 3: Yes, I cook often and I like it. I really enjoy it. 00:32:42 Speaker 2: Are you good at cooking anything in particular? 00:32:44 Speaker 3: I'm pretty good. I would say I'm pretty good overall. Like I don't have one thing that I make all the time, but uh, yeah, I'm pretty good cook like and not just like the traditional straight boy stuff where I'm not like, well, I make a killer chicken palm a stir fry, like I can kind of make it. Yeah, I'm pretty good. I was really enjoying doing all the new recipes for all the meal delivery places, and then I started to hate doing the recipes and I just would take all the ingredients and make stuff. 00:33:16 Speaker 2: So just make whatever you want. 00:33:18 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I do enjoy it. And I waited tables for six years or so, kind of between college and in my early twenties, So just being in the kitchen all the time and food running and just talking to the servers and them saying here's this, here's this. It was always really fun. Yeah. 00:33:34 Speaker 2: That goes back to you talking about people being kind too or polite to service people. Did you ever have any awful customers? Oh my gosh, yes I did. And I had a couple of people trying to skip checks. I've had tables where be like a. 00:33:51 Speaker 3: Live band sitting out at a beach restaurant where I'm waiting, you know, six table section just slamming, but all the service is really good, and they'll tip like five dollars on one hundred dollars. I had this one great. I had one guy during a fireworks show start choking on an ice cube and only I noticed, not even his wife noticed he was chewing ice, and everybody's watching fireworks on the fourth of July over it was a waterfront restaurant called Bushwhackers and Pensacola Beach, Florida, and I'd noticed this guy like looking down and he's the only person not looking up, and I'm like, sir, can I get you anything else? And he looks up to me. He like points to his throat like he's choking, and I'm like, stand up, stand up, stand up. And then I'm like, he's like pointing at his glass that that's ice, which is kind of calming in a way, because you know, like it's a ticking cloth. 00:34:39 Speaker 2: Eventually that will melt, And yes, can. 00:34:41 Speaker 3: I go get him a coffee? Like run in with a coffee and dump it down his throat, and then his wife turns and it's like, oh my god, and then everybody turns. So he was gonna get away with this totally scott free. So I go to like try to give him what I think is the Heimlich maneuver, and soon as I get my arm around his like sternum, he just vomits all over the table. It went the other way. So so everybody's Fourth of July, maybe twenty families. Me with my Hawaiian shirt on and black apron holding a grown man getting sick before July. And then he was like I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. I'm like, do you want more food? And he's like no, no, no, and he just like put down his credit card, told us we have to pay for it. He just left. He just left the whole restaurant. 00:35:29 Speaker 2: Just total shame. 00:35:31 Speaker 3: Yeah. But then the hardest part of that is and also everybody makes mistakes, everybody has close calls. I wasn't mad at the man. The hardest part is me going up to the bus boys and going there's a clean up on one oh four and you're like, I'm so sorry, guys. But and then I just had like lots of weird people. I worked in a pizza place and we weirdly had steak a steak entree and I had this guy turned send it back like six times and I'm like, he's like, you guys just need to learn now. He's like, I'm not paying for this, you guys lead in learn how to cook a steak. And I was like, it's a pizza place, man, I'll take it off for you, but like. 00:36:06 Speaker 2: Next time, just get anything but the steak. You need to learn how to go to a steakhouse. Yeah, why are you going to a pizza restaurant for a steak? 00:36:15 Speaker 3: That's right. I don't go to I don't go to a steak. I don't go to old smokehouse and order a bowl, a pizza, a large pepperoni pizza. 00:36:22 Speaker 2: Give me a New York slice. Yeah, what the world? Yeah, jeez, my waiting jobs. There were some fairly horrible people. One particular person was so awful that he ordered vegetable spring rolls with all the vegetables, all of the vegetables taken out, and it said just meat inside, so especially meat tubes. I told him, oh, I don't think we can do that, and he just blew up on me. Exploded. So I was forced to place these orders. And of course, because he was so terrible, every one of those roles was licked before it was put into me. There we go and so but you know, he had really pushed me too far. It was just that behavior is unacceptable to me. Yeah, it's crazy to me to like, you're this person is in control of what's coming out to be fed to you. Yes, be nice to them. There's no telling what could happen behind closed doores. 00:37:22 Speaker 3: Oh well, that's the absolute truth. And it's like I didn't really see anything over the years. I really did, and I think for the most part, all the kitchens that I worked in as a server, I only saw somebody drop something once and replayed it and it was a case of dia and uh, it was just kind of ian. And I remember like looking at him, He's like, dude, I'm slammed, and I'm like, come on, man, I can't serve that. He's like, oh, like threw the dish down. But everybody else was pretty good, even in New York. The one I have just one memory. One place I worked, the pizza joint, had tons of delivery, like you know, they were sending out two hundredizzas night, and the delivery men in Win and the people taking the orders in the restaurant were just slammed all night, three or four lines. But they had this wall of do not delivers. And I'm sure any of your listeners who have ever worked this job, it was for just a complete array of reasons, like not just like always doesn't have cash or whatever, Like always it's like, oh, I've paid already, like liars. But there's like people that answer the door's nude. There are people that are really aggressive. There are people that are always so drunk that they are a mess and you end up having to help them get their money. But that wall of sort of shame. I would love that as an Urban Outfitters coffee table book of all the people delivery banned from delivery. 00:38:47 Speaker 2: I really think that people should be required one day to one week a year to work a service job, just as a reminder of how difficult it really is and all of the bullshit you have to put up with. 00:39:00 Speaker 3: I agree. I think senior year of high school should be fall semester, and then spring semester should be you do one month of retail, one month of food service, one month of manual labor, whether it's like yes, landscaping, greenhouse work, lame bricks, whatever it is. And by the time you get to college, you will be a much better human being if you had to do that. 00:39:22 Speaker 2: Yes, have some level of perspective. Yes, Scottie, I feel like playing a game. Do you want to play gift Master or gift. 00:39:30 Speaker 3: Or a Curse? I think let's do gift a curse. 00:39:36 Speaker 2: All right, let's play. 00:39:36 Speaker 3: Because I love so your Instagram stories have been great lately. I answer every single time. 00:39:42 Speaker 2: I hope people are having a good time with it. You know, people are contributing. It feels like it's getting out of control. But also it seems like people want to vote. 00:39:49 Speaker 3: Yes, I vote on everyone, and then I'm shocked sometimes when it's like eighty percent the other way, I'm like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, okay. I spread bulls bread balls. I was in the heavy minority on bread balls. 00:40:05 Speaker 2: Wait, you're you think bread balls are a curse? 00:40:08 Speaker 3: Yes? 00:40:09 Speaker 2: Why? 00:40:12 Speaker 3: I just don't understand it. I don't understand the allure of going out of your way for a bread ball. But I know I'm in the minority. 00:40:22 Speaker 2: I feel like you're somebody that would love a bread bull. The novelty of a dish made of bread feels like a Scottie landis creation. 00:40:31 Speaker 3: I guess so this Maybe maybe I'm just so envious that I hate. Maybe I'm jealous that somebody beat me to the one thing I could have delivered to this world. 00:40:42 Speaker 2: Okay, I need a number between one and ten seven. Okay, I'm gonna do the calculating. You promote, you recommend, you truly do whatever you want for who knows however long. I'll be right back with some game pieces. 00:40:57 Speaker 3: Well. As Bridger mentioned, I am on the Exactly Right Network. I am one of two people who does the Bananas Podcast. The Bananas Podcast is strange and silly news from around the world. All of our guests are female, trands or non binary, and what we do is we take really smart, silly, successful women and we partner them with Kurt Brown Oler, a stand up comedian, and myself. And the real news headlines and stories that we tell are just launching points for us to tell our own stories that are related. So if you're a murderino or if you're just a true crimer and you listen to Bridge to Laugh and you need another escape, come over to the Bananas Podcast. We would love to have you, And if you hate it, I am deeply sorry. You can tell me in person when we're both vaccinated. And I hope you don't have self portraits the next day because it will involve permanent scarring. And I would also like to say yes, are you ready? 00:42:04 Speaker 2: No, you you were about to say. I'd also like to say, so, we need to hear whatever that was going to be. I took a long time, by the way, but I want to hear what you were about to say, unless that you've forgotten. 00:42:14 Speaker 3: No, it's totally fine. I'm I'm happy to do whatever you need me to do. 00:42:21 Speaker 2: The next twenty minutes of this podcast is us going to be politely going back and forth saying no, you do what you need to go. Yes, please, you're the guests here. I just want to hear what you have to say. 00:42:33 Speaker 3: Weirdly, your ratings dropped ninety percent for the last twenty minutes. 00:42:39 Speaker 2: For now one star on iTunes. We're being removed from the podcast. Isn't that the lesson learned too? I had no idea that rating and reviewing on a podcast was ever such a big deal till I had one, and then people are. 00:42:52 Speaker 3: Like, you gotta get more reviews, you gotta get right. I had no idea, and I'm like, okay, now I'm reviewing everything, right. 00:42:59 Speaker 2: I had never review to podcast until I had this podcast, and now I'm like my friends, everybody, yes out there reviewing podcasts. I mean, I'm yeah, you know, giving nice reviews. I'm not out there. I haven't become the podcast critic. That feels like it would be a wild turn for me. But yeah, it's a whole thing. I mean, it really is the things you learn when you get into the biz. It's just there's a whole new platform to deal with. 00:43:24 Speaker 3: It's a radio show, and we're a part of it. All I was going to say, Bridge is we have a phone called the Banana Phone that any time of day, I do turn it off when I'm working or when I'm sleeping. But the number is two one three two one four seven nine seven four, and I will talk to anyone who calls it for one minute. So please give me a shout. I don't mind. 00:43:46 Speaker 2: I've been tempted to call the Banana Phone. 00:43:48 Speaker 3: I love it. 00:43:49 Speaker 2: But you know, I also just have your phone number, which feels like a more normal thing for me to do. 00:43:53 Speaker 3: Yes, we could also do that. 00:43:55 Speaker 2: You just have a conversation like two people who know each other. 00:43:59 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll text you for one and talk to you on the other simultaneously. Will burn it to the ground. 00:44:05 Speaker 2: All right, let's play gift or a curse. You know how it goes. I name an object, You tell me if it's a gift or a curson Why then I tell you why you're wrong? Okay or correct? Okay, the first one here, And now that we've it's been so long since my calculations, I have now lost seven. Okay, Oh I found the first one. This is from a listener. This is a gift or a curse from someone named Sidney. Those chocolate oranges you can get at Trader Joe's, and I also assume you can get. I know you can get chocolate oranges elsewhere. 00:44:41 Speaker 3: I will go curse on that. I feel like chocolate is strong enough on its own. I think oranges are delicious. I don't think we I don't think those two flavors needed to find each other. 00:44:53 Speaker 2: Okay, that's a really succinct answer, which is correct. Oh, I absolutely I think that these things are a curse. 00:45:02 Speaker 3: I mean I have. 00:45:03 Speaker 2: I've gradually learned to like a little bit of orange and chocolate. But for me, I would like a piece of chocolate that's shaped like an orange, and that can become, you know, pull apart like an orange without the flavor of the orange. Let's remove the orange ansense and just let me have some nice chocolate that happens to be shaped like a fruit. Why is that such a problem. 00:45:26 Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought it was a free country last time I checked. Man a chocolate orange that tastes nothing like an orange. 00:45:35 Speaker 2: I want the tactile sensation of an orange. I do not want the flavor of an orange. I just want you know, we're putting chocolate in all types of shapes that have other shapes, and it's not flavored like those things. I mean, I can't think of one off the top. I feel like I've eaten a chocolate shaped like a seashell and it didn't taste like fish. 00:45:53 Speaker 3: Of course it didn't. That would be ridiculous. So why do we have to have like orange juice inside of chocolate? But I just think they're both chocolate. It's like a tart thing and a sour thing together. No thanks, not for. 00:46:08 Speaker 2: Me, right, And I feel like it's not even the part of the orange that people like. It feels more like the rind of an orange flavor rather than the you know, the fruity flavor of an orange. 00:46:18 Speaker 3: I have had. What is it when they take the yeah, the orange essence and then they when people draw yeah that I have had that on chocolate cakes and brewnies and things. And that's fine when I prefer it without it, probably, But you know, I like to try new things. I'm not eating oysters at every Papa John say drive through. I like new things. 00:46:37 Speaker 2: Okay, well, you're off to a good start. And now I can see why I had a difficult time seeing one of them. I accidentally highlighted it and yellow and it had basically vanished from my document. Okay, Gift a curse. This is from somebody named Kristen. And now this is something well, I'm just gonna let you answer and then we'll get into it. Gifter a curse. Bluetooth water bottles that tell you how much you drink Gift or a curse. 00:47:01 Speaker 3: Are you familiar with this? I did not know that existed. So I'm just going to fly by the seat of my pants here, and I'm going to say that's a curse. I think we're monitoring ourselves too much lately. I don't think everything needs to communicate with us. And I think you know, have a few glasses of water every day and you're probably fine. 00:47:25 Speaker 2: Scotty wow, two out of two so far. 00:47:30 Speaker 1: I don't know. 00:47:30 Speaker 2: I mean, I've never tried one of these things. But I don't need a water bottle nagging me. What. I don't need a water bottle shaming me into drinking water. Hydration. Of course, it's very important. It's a key part of the human experience. 00:47:44 Speaker 3: Absolutely. 00:47:45 Speaker 2: If you've got water, if accessible to you, you should be drinking it. It's a blessing in your life. I don't need a little robot in the shape of a water bottle chirping or buzzing me in order to drink water. I mean, if you're to the point that you need that, it's time to take a bigger look at your life. Why did you have to wait until technology caught up to water bottles to start drinking water correctly? 00:48:13 Speaker 3: Yes, and we're all over sharing these days. And then every product that exists, from our doorbell cameras to our room bas to everything is now reporting that information back. Everything's listening to us. It's okay if your bottle of water doesn't listen to you and doesn't tell you what to do. I think we could all step back about four steps and unplug way more and share way less with the great neuron in the sky. 00:48:40 Speaker 2: So right, Although, now that you're saying that about the doorbells, I have an idea for a new doorbell that tells everyone in your social media circles how often people are coming to visit your house. I feel like that could be a new metric for people to brag about, Look how many people are ringing my bell? 00:48:58 Speaker 3: Oh okay, yeah, that I got fifty rings this week. He's very popular. Yes, I think the Great Quarantine has done an incredible job of not like real adults are ever just popping by, but nobody is. Johnny Pemberton used to live in Frogtown near where I lived, and every once in a while he would just show up. 00:49:19 Speaker 2: Oh that's lovely, that's so I would give. 00:49:22 Speaker 3: Him a beer and we'd sit on the on the deck and we'd hang out, and then he would go jogging or whatever. But that's been totally shut down. So now it would just be lots and lots of ups and FedEx and Amazon drivers who are all the nicest people. I love him to death, but yes, I don't want anything that I put inside my body in any way to be telling me anything. 00:49:47 Speaker 2: You know, absolutely not. No, thank you, and so here you go. You're doing a good job. Let's see if you can. I mean, if you got three out of three, I think maybe one other person has done that before, people will freak out. The Internet will go wild, and you know it'll be all over the press. Tell me that I'm trying to think. I have this list from this listener and I'm trying to find their name before I give it because we need to give credit where credits due, and I, you know, this person sent in so many I can't find their name. 00:50:20 Speaker 3: There's a lesson there too, by the way, like don't overdo it and life hit them with your big three. When you're writing monologue jokes, Bridge will tell you, and you know you have to send in a certain number. Thin out that pack before you push send. Just send it in. 00:50:33 Speaker 2: Okay, this I figured it out. It's from a listener named Megan. So Megan, thank you for what is literally maybe fifty items. They're all very good, but it's just it's led to some confusion on the podcast, which is fine, everything's fine, we're all doing okay, But Scotty gift a curse? Now think this one through. Bit moji's gift or a curse bit oji's Okay, okay, these are not an emoji. These are a. 00:51:06 Speaker 3: Bit It's the little it's the little people. It's the thing that looks like well, I am going to say that bit moojis are I don't want to. I'm not going to split hairs. My heart says they're a curse because but my brain says, people aren't seeing each other as much these days. Let everybody have whatever little joy a bit mooji might bring each other. But yeah, bit moojis, I don't use them. I feel like I communicate very well with my adult friends. I think that we could all like more adult things. And yeah, sorry, I know people probably love them, but it's a curse to me. Bridger, it really is. 00:52:01 Speaker 2: Two out of three bit moji's are a gift. 00:52:05 Speaker 3: They're so annoying. 00:52:07 Speaker 2: I love how irritating they are. Okay, okay, there are such an irritating image I mean, I've never seen one that I thought that was a good choice for somebody to use, right, Okay, I think that these things are maybe the dumbest thing that's ever been on a phone. I don't know who's creating them. I don't know, like somebody went, probably went to art school and has this is their life's work, this is what they'll be remembered for. The bit mochi is just such a deeply obnoxious way to express yourself. 00:52:38 Speaker 3: So what are you saying? Are you saying? Curse? I'm saying, curse you're saying. 00:52:42 Speaker 2: I think it's just so intensely annoying that it comes full circle and I see what. I just think it tells you a lot or if you, you know, you just want to if you want to badger somebody, it's a good thing to you know. I don't know that I've ever even used a bit moji, but I feel like if I sent one to somebody, they would be like, what's happening? 00:53:02 Speaker 3: Okay, Yes I would. I would call mental health services. I would call exactly right. We would fly the Menovac over to your house immediately with a bluetooth bottle of water to make sure that you had it gone off your rock or Okay, so we're saying the same thing but differently. 00:53:20 Speaker 4: Well, the rules of the game are very elusive, Scottie, and you have to be very these are There are trip wires that can really explode and you lose a leg on the gift or occurs. I'm now remembering a bit moji. I feel like a Disney at some point. Of course, they teamed up with the bit moji people to promote the Alice in Wonderland movie. I created one that was maybe the most annoying image I've ever seen at Hopefully I'll be able to track it down all shared on the Instagram if I can. It's a really obnoxious image. Okay, So I think that they're a gift in that way, and you know, sometimes it's like, are we going to find. 00:53:59 Speaker 2: The most annoying thing in existence? Are we going to be able to create that? And the bitmoji people were able to do it? 00:54:06 Speaker 3: Right? Okay, I yes, I think they're a curse. You think they're a gift, But I will agree that easily. We'll agree with you that when somebody sends it to you, it is a gift in that you learn something about the sender, which is probably opposite of what they think they're sending you. So okay, okay, d I really wanted to sweep those three. 00:54:31 Speaker 2: Three not bad, not bad, and the two first two you got in such a solid way. And you know, nobody can say you did a bad job. I'll say you did a fine job. 00:54:42 Speaker 3: You're kind man. 00:54:43 Speaker 2: It's time to move on to the final segment. It's now called I said no emails. People are sending in emails to I said no gifts at gmail dot com. Let's get into it, Scottie. I've got too many of these to answer, and I'm trying to do a better job here. 00:54:56 Speaker 3: Okay, okay. 00:54:57 Speaker 2: This one says, Hi, I'm hoping you can help me finally gift for my dad. Here's some info about him. He's retired, single and lives on Maui. He's an ex FBI agent, very grumpy about the government and his past life. Doesn't like activities. Got in trouble in his condo because he plays music too loud before seven am. He wakes up at five am. He's also been reading one book I left for him years ago, but he's a very slow reader. Okay, really taking his time with it. It's called Oh, it's called Blitz and it's about Hitler on drugs. That sounds great. I want to read that Hitler me too. Didn't Hitler do speed or something? He was on measure? I mean that makes sense, But otherwise he doesn't seem to be a big reader. Okay, and again we're talking about the father here, not Hitler. Looking forward to your help. That's from Christina. This guy, this almost sounds like this could have been you at some point. 00:55:50 Speaker 3: No, no, MAUI no, yeah. Nice to my neighbors. I'm a. 00:55:57 Speaker 2: This is like your grumpy seven into year old twin. Yes, So what what do we want to get? Christina's dad, the ex FBI agent. I feel like he's already lived this exciting life. He's blasting music. I mean the first thing, five am. This man needs some Bluetooth headphones. 00:56:14 Speaker 3: Boom noise canceling bluetooth headphones so he can walk around his apartment. And was my first thought. He can have his own silent disco, he can run his dream. He'll hear things, he'll hear qualities in the music. He didn't even know we're there. 00:56:29 Speaker 2: He's going to become an audio file. He's going to become a giant snob about the quality of his audio. Yes, that's a nice latent life development for your father to become a snob. 00:56:40 Speaker 3: Yes, my height. One of the first girlfriends I had in high school, her uncle was this very he was an audio file and first and he was clearly about to have a midlife crisis. I probably caught him like weeks or days before the second time I met him, and he was like, do you like Pink Floyd sixteen. I'm like, no, I don't. I am I'm very young. And he's like, well, I want to play you something. So he takes me to his like man cave room, big house, big room, and he goes lay down on the floor with your nose right there, pointing up at that light or whatever. I go okay, and then he starts one of the Pink Floyd albums with his huge surround sound speakers and everything, and he just stood in the corner watching me listen. He's like, it's going to sound like that helicopter is landing right on your nose. And I remember, like the greatest acting I've ever done in my whole life was pretending like I was impressed and enjoying this experience when really I felt like I was in that one of a horror movie. Yeah, it was like a Stephen King novel. And so afterwards he's like, Scott, he's cool, he gets it, Scott, He's cool. And I wanted to be like, we are never coming back. I'm going to go to college after my sophomore year. 00:57:50 Speaker 2: Also, what he was describing was not enjoying music, it was enjoying sound effect experience. 00:57:56 Speaker 3: That's a fully different thing, and I'm just not that guy. 00:58:00 Speaker 1: Wrong. 00:58:00 Speaker 3: No, there's also a gift for calling a trucker's friend. It's part hammer, part as you keep it in your car. It's for any roadside emergency. It could also be weaponized. I wish as. 00:58:15 Speaker 2: An ex FBI agent. You know, you have no idea who's coming after you. Maw, he gets torrential downpours, trees could fall over. Maybe you can't get that jeep wrangler out. There's roosters all over it. 00:58:25 Speaker 3: I don't. 00:58:26 Speaker 2: He's on the side of a volcano and an old nemesis appears. 00:58:29 Speaker 3: Yes, that coconut is not going to open itself. Absolutely not Trucker's Friend. You can buy him on Amazon. Dad's Love It from dad's. 00:58:40 Speaker 2: Christina's dad has set let's do one more? 00:58:42 Speaker 3: Why not? Why not? Here? 00:58:44 Speaker 2: I just feel like I've really been falling behind here. Okay, here's a good one. Deer Bridger an esteemed guest. So we've got a nice compliment for you. I'm looking for help. I'm looking for help picking the perfect gift from my friend Emma, who is a ferrier. 00:58:59 Speaker 3: Ferrier. 00:59:00 Speaker 2: She trims horses hoofs for a living, so I assume that's what a faerrier is. I don't even know if I'm reading that correctly. And she's also just an amazing horsewoman. Emma and I worked together as co wranglers. Wow, this person is out on the trail, leading trail rides for years, but getting gifts for each other is hard. It seems like everything she could ever and she has everything she could ever need. She loves horses. I think we established that. Yes, socks her cat and dog and the color blue. And here's a very nice compliment. You always come up with the finest of gifts, and I would love some help selecting the gift for Emma. All the best from Kyla or Kuila or Kyla. Okay, So Kyla and her friend Emma are out on the horses. They're always giving each other gifts. 00:59:43 Speaker 3: Ferrier. 00:59:44 Speaker 2: Have you ever heard of a farrier? 00:59:45 Speaker 3: I have not. I was arguing it was somebody that piloted a faerry from Vancouver to Vancouver Island. I was going the other way. And when you said horses and hooves, I was like, yes, I don't know anything. 00:59:56 Speaker 2: We've all learned something. This is fantastic fair or a podcast, kind of a manicurist for a horse. I suppose what could this person? She likes horses, she likes the cat dog, she likes the color blue. We're dealing with pretty limited palette here. I'm gonna just start combining things. You've got the blue socks right there, that's an excellent gift. Someone opens a box, They're looking at a plain blue pair of socks. Their mind is blown. 01:00:25 Speaker 3: They can't use them. They're those are not going in the trash and they probably won't be regifted. So blue socks or blue so cute blue socks with some dogs or cats or horses on it. You're knocking, how about an instapot? Does this? Kyla? Does your friend have an insta pot? People love them, They use them all the time. I got one. 01:00:49 Speaker 2: Earlier in the pandemic. I got one and I used it three times. That's more than once. You know what I got Jim recently was a like a custom puzzle of our dog Eatie. That was a great gift. 01:01:02 Speaker 3: Wow. Maybe, Yeah, that's a great idea. 01:01:06 Speaker 2: Get one of a horse, get one of her horses, a dog, a cat. They're kind of these are kind of rodeo people as far as I can tell. 01:01:15 Speaker 3: Put the dog on the horse, put the cat on the dog, give them all funny little hats. Take a great photo, make it a puzzle. This make it a two thousand piece puzzle. So it takes her a while between gifts, right, maybe with a matching pair of socks. Okay, you can get things printed on anything these days. And if you went to the trouble of that photo shoot, I mean probably one of those pets has been trampled by a horse at this point. So you're gonna want to get that on as many objects as you possibly can. You want the mug, you want the tote bag, you want the throw pillow. Yep, the world of. 01:01:53 Speaker 2: Gifting right now is very easy as far as customization. 01:01:56 Speaker 3: Well, you don't have to watch anybody open it, which is the real joy. You can just me while you open the one I gave you. That's number one this year. So well, you lit up like a Christmas tree watching me. Yeah. 01:02:06 Speaker 2: I mean, if we had the footage, and we don't, I've never seen you more thrilled. 01:02:10 Speaker 3: That's true. I was. I was beside myself. I almost dry heaved, and then i'most screamed right out of the dry heat. 01:02:17 Speaker 2: But you had to turn off your audio. You were weeping. 01:02:20 Speaker 3: I did. I did three paces in a circle on the ground. 01:02:23 Speaker 2: Here. 01:02:24 Speaker 3: I yelled sob as well as I could slap my own butt, and then I said, no, bridge, I know you've been baking with bread flour a lot lately. Also, I have an outside. This is a left field pitch for Kyla. Give her in home massage or spa day. Because she's always taken care of horses and other animals. Maybe it's time somebody pampered and took care of your friend. She sounds like a very caring person. I think maybe flip it on her and say, hey, today you get your hooves cleaned? 01:03:02 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I imagine there's some some service that's doing that safely right now. 01:03:08 Speaker 3: Yeah. Outside, you wear a mask, they wear a mask. You can get it done. 01:03:12 Speaker 2: Yeah, get this person, send her to the barn and uh, there's somebody in there with a massage table, somebody with a pedicure bath or what have you. And suddenly she feels like a horsey. 01:03:25 Speaker 3: Yeah, those hands have been gnarled down and callous in those She just needs somebody to take care of her, tack her for once. That's what she needs. 01:03:35 Speaker 2: Emma is going to be thrilled. Kyla, You've turned to the right people for this. God's speed. I don't know what else to tell you, Scotty. Two is enough. We've never done three on this podcast, and we never will. 01:03:48 Speaker 3: Okay, maybe we'll. 01:03:49 Speaker 2: Maybe we'll get to a point when it's you know, I'm just absolutely losing my mind and I do three. But until then, we'll be doing two at a time. Maybe sometime one. I like to do just above bare minimum. 01:04:03 Speaker 3: No, you do not help. You're You're all in. 01:04:08 Speaker 2: I'm all in. 01:04:09 Speaker 3: You're all in, Scotty. 01:04:11 Speaker 2: I've had such a it's just so wonderful to see you. I mean just I've had a wonderful time here and this is about as close as you can get when the world is going wild. 01:04:24 Speaker 3: The joy has been mine. Is so good to see you and to talk to you. I feel like we need to do a yearly we Pitch Ideas co podcast where you and I just all the inventions that we've been doing. 01:04:34 Speaker 2: It's not a bad idea, that is not a bad idea. We'll just come in strong with a lot of million dollar making ideas and then we'll hit the tank. 01:04:42 Speaker 3: That'll be great. 01:04:43 Speaker 2: I can't wait to use this flower sifter. It could totally change the way I bank. 01:04:47 Speaker 3: I hope it does. I hope the results are stunning, and I hope you use it more than the instapot. 01:04:53 Speaker 2: Absolutely, I certainly will, and it's going to make It's going to give my home and I rustic charm which I could use. Yes, bless you. This is the end of the podcast. I will send the listeners off to do whatever they need to do. I'm just going to hold them here for a minute longer because it's nice to I hold a bit of power right now, and I don't have to turn off the podcast quite yet. I can just keep you dangling there. And at this point you have to learn to make your own decisions and move on with your life. Now you can have a wonderful day. I love you, Bye bye, I said, No Gifts is an exactly right production. It's engineered by our dear friend an Aalise Nelson and the theme song is by miracle worker Amy Mann. You must follow the show on Instagram at I said No Gifts, that's where you're going to see pictures of all these wonderful gifts I'm getting. Listen and subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever you found me. And why not leave a review while you're there. It's really the least you could do. And if you're interested in advertising on the show, go to midroll dot com slash ads. 01:06:11 Speaker 1: But I invited you here, thought I made myself perfectly clear. But you're a guest to my home. You gotta come to me empty, And I said, no, guest, your presences presents enough. I already had too much stuff. So how did you dad to surbey me?