Speaker 1: Episode eight six, Having Money Conversations with Kids with Bobby Rebel.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 1: save money, embrace simplicity, rights, and liver with your life.
Speaker 1: Here your host Jen and Jill. But that's welcome to
Speaker 1: the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen. This is Jill,
Speaker 1: and I'm the one with the curly hair. I'm the
Speaker 1: one with the straight, sometimes curled hair, well mostly look
Speaker 1: at my hair. Girl has a super curly hair. And
Speaker 1: now that you know which one of us is, which
Speaker 1: we want to talk about having money Conversations with kids.
Speaker 1: To do that, we brought on our friend Bobby Rebel. Um.
Speaker 1: She is in the process of writing a book called
Speaker 1: Raising Financial grown Ups. Um. She is the author of
Speaker 1: How to Be a Financial grown Up And so we
Speaker 1: are so excited to have her on today and uh
Speaker 1: pick her Braton. But first a word from our sponsors,
Speaker 1: for sure, of course, also brought to you by man
Speaker 1: splaining the real art of explaining not so complicated concepts.
Speaker 1: Two very competent individuals here to tell you that, oh, sweetheart,
Speaker 1: this is not a real sponsor. It's a fake one.
Speaker 1: Like when you play monopoly. It's not real money. It's fake.
Speaker 1: Do you get it? Man splaining the worst and most
Speaker 1: degrading way of providing information and definitely not the way
Speaker 1: you want to explain finances to your kids, for sure.
Speaker 1: And I'd like to point out that women can man explain.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Yeah, I realized that as I did it.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm so good at this. Yeah, yeah, I
Speaker 1: gotta yeah, I know a you with those ladies. Oh yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: it's almost more cutting when it happens from a female,
Speaker 1: because because it's we hide it more and it's like
Speaker 1: team oh gosh. Unfortunately, no, we're not. No, no, Well,
Speaker 1: to kick off our December well it's December, so it's
Speaker 1: not really kicking off, but we are so excited to
Speaker 1: have our guest for this month, Bobby Rebel. She is
Speaker 1: the author of How to Be a Financial grown Up.
Speaker 1: She hosts the Financial grown Up podcast, and without further ado,
Speaker 1: let's get into our interview with her. Bobby Rebel is
Speaker 1: an award winning TV anchor and former personal finance columnists
Speaker 1: at Reuter's. She is a certified financial planner, author of
Speaker 1: How to Be a Financial grown Up, and the host
Speaker 1: of the Financial grown Up podcast. Thanks so much for
Speaker 1: coming on the show, Bobby, thank you so much for
Speaker 1: having me, And you forgot my other second job, which
Speaker 1: is I'm also the co host of Money with Friends,
Speaker 1: which shows Salty High from stacking Benjamin's. That's my latest venture.
Speaker 1: So it's probably not even in the bio yet because
Speaker 1: the show is only a few months old. But I
Speaker 1: love doing Money with Friends with Joe, I know, and
Speaker 1: I actually knew that and forgot to put it in
Speaker 1: the bio. But you were also nominated with us for
Speaker 1: best New Personal Finance Podcast and we both lost. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we also, what's up with that? So we lost together?
Speaker 1: We lost lost together. So we both have friends in
Speaker 1: our names, which is also key. Yes, and that's you
Speaker 1: know they're good shows because you're just talking about money
Speaker 1: and frugality with friends. It's probably what it was that
Speaker 1: they didn't want. They already knew we had enough people
Speaker 1: to be friends with, so they wanted to give the
Speaker 1: awards to people who didn't have friends. So well said
Speaker 1: I think and naw yes, thank you, good word, Jill. So, Bobby,
Speaker 1: I wanted you to come on the show because I
Speaker 1: saw that you're working on a follow up to your
Speaker 1: books How to Be a financial grown up, and it's
Speaker 1: how to raise financial grown ups. And so we really
Speaker 1: wanted to pick your brain on teaching kids about money
Speaker 1: because personally, my son won't listen to a word I
Speaker 1: say about compound interests. And how old is your son?
Speaker 1: To be clear, let's he's on four months, okay, and
Speaker 1: I feel like at this point he should be listening,
Speaker 1: more productive, he should be more productive with his days,
Speaker 1: but he really used You know what, you have a
Speaker 1: late bloomer. It's okay, thank you. I just have to
Speaker 1: come to terms with that. You have to terms with it,
Speaker 1: but you have to let your child grow into who
Speaker 1: they are, and you know what, he will catch up
Speaker 1: and even late bloomers can have successful and productive lives.
Speaker 1: So you're in there. Good word, thank you. So I'm
Speaker 1: going to just reference back to this episode in about
Speaker 1: like a month or two when I feel like he's
Speaker 1: more ready totally. Yeah, Yes, maybe we'll have my twelve
Speaker 1: year old to a coaching session with him. Perfect. We
Speaker 1: could will schedule that perfect if the twelve year old
Speaker 1: still speaking to me after all my money lessons, yes, um,
Speaker 1: so tell our listeners about you and your kids and
Speaker 1: all that. So I have three kids. I have a
Speaker 1: twelve year old that we just reference. He's a boy,
Speaker 1: he's in sixth grade and he gets the everyday money
Speaker 1: lessons from me all the time, which we'll talk about later.
Speaker 1: I also have two older stepchildren and they are twenty
Speaker 1: two and twenty one. Just graduated from college and has
Speaker 1: a totally awesome job. So proud of her. She's already
Speaker 1: a great salary and she's saving up to buy her
Speaker 1: first home. And then our twenty year old, my stepson,
Speaker 1: is a sophomore in college and he is no longer
Speaker 1: studying finance. He has decided to go into film. We're
Speaker 1: having some money discussions with him about that life decision.
Speaker 1: We'll see how that goes um And that's the three.
Speaker 1: And then I have a husband who's wonderful. He works
Speaker 1: in consulting. And we have a dog who does not
Speaker 1: provide income. But we're trying to get her a modeling
Speaker 1: contract because she's super cute. But she's right now on
Speaker 1: the payroll only she's not bringing an income for us. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you can change out on my Instagram Waffles. She's beautiful.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. I love that name. We're so excited to
Speaker 1: hear about all the money lessons, you know, all of
Speaker 1: them that you're teaching. Yeah, we're gonna be here for
Speaker 1: a while. Yeah, there's a lot I can learn, I'm sure. Yes,
Speaker 1: if it was here, he'd be a major I roll
Speaker 1: while all of the multitasking playing on his phone. Of course. Yes.
Speaker 1: So we started talking before we even pressed record about
Speaker 1: just the generational impact of this conversation. And while we're
Speaker 1: talking about raising kids to be financially savvy, of course,
Speaker 1: we can't gloss over the impact of parents and siblings.
Speaker 1: For you, Bobby, what has what's been the impact of
Speaker 1: your parents and siblings on your spending habits as an adult.
Speaker 1: It's really interesting, guys, because you see what your parents
Speaker 1: we're doing so differently when you yourself become an adult,
Speaker 1: and especially a genkin of course, relate um when you
Speaker 1: have children and you're having money discussions with children starting
Speaker 1: at you know, four months old. So I did not
Speaker 1: have a lot of money discussions with my mother directly.
Speaker 1: I had a lot with my father, who worked on
Speaker 1: Wall Street, and he would sit us down, my siblings
Speaker 1: and I, and he would ask us specifically what we
Speaker 1: needed money for and what our budget was, and then
Speaker 1: he would give us the money for that budget. And
Speaker 1: we also always had jobs, I should say, starting from
Speaker 1: h fifteen. I had a job at a bakery. I
Speaker 1: had a job at a department store. So we also
Speaker 1: always worked for our own money. But my mom it
Speaker 1: was more observing. And this is where it gets interesting.
Speaker 1: She's no longer with us, but at the time I
Speaker 1: would observe her making these decisions that were extremely frugal,
Speaker 1: despite the fact that, from what I can tell, we
Speaker 1: were relatively comfortable. As I said, my father worked on
Speaker 1: Wall Street. So for example, I remember whenever we went
Speaker 1: on a plane, we were bringing homemade meals. Always we
Speaker 1: went to the local um, I don't know what we'd
Speaker 1: call it. It It wasn't a pool. It was more of
Speaker 1: like a homemade lake, kind of which is a kid
Speaker 1: is like huge. It was like a massive beach around
Speaker 1: this beautiful lake with all of these food stands and
Speaker 1: all this activity. Go back and it's like it was
Speaker 1: a muddy puddle. Totally totally it's like a puddle, right,
Speaker 1: But we would go there. It was called Darlington Park.
Speaker 1: I remember in New Jersey. Oh my goodness, I can't
Speaker 1: believe that came to me. And we would always bring
Speaker 1: our own food, and we never were allowed to buy
Speaker 1: the food like the cool kids. And you know, I
Speaker 1: didn't really think. I wasn't happy about it at the time,
Speaker 1: but looking back, I realized this was her way of
Speaker 1: being frugal. That we wouldn't go and just buy the
Speaker 1: store about food. We were always bringing her own. She
Speaker 1: would slice up salami slices on white bread, always white bread,
Speaker 1: and we would have um. It's interesting because in that era,
Speaker 1: and this is the seventies and eighties, I don't know
Speaker 1: why we didn't just drink water, but for some reason,
Speaker 1: we were always drinking like juices. Like she would literally
Speaker 1: on purpose put color die and sugar into our water
Speaker 1: to make it into juice. She would mix the juice
Speaker 1: at home and would be like the packets that she
Speaker 1: would dump in and it was like sugar and die
Speaker 1: and like, I don't know what, why why did we
Speaker 1: do that? We had water that was perfectly good, but
Speaker 1: she would do that, and then we would have our
Speaker 1: fruit drinks that you she'd pour into the little cups
Speaker 1: that she would bring. And so, you know, I grew
Speaker 1: up not knowing what was going She wasn't having discussions
Speaker 1: with me, but it was more observing, so we would
Speaker 1: do these things. And I remember even when my father
Speaker 1: started doing clearly they never told us, but start things.
Speaker 1: We moved to a better house, he started driving a
Speaker 1: really fancy car, and so we moved into this house
Speaker 1: and my mom would be decorating, and I remember one
Speaker 1: day she was putting up towels over the windows and
Speaker 1: I said, Mommy, why are you doing that? And I
Speaker 1: was about thirteen, and she explained that, you know, we
Speaker 1: spent so much on the house that we're just not
Speaker 1: going to buy curtains for a while. So these were
Speaker 1: just observations. There's never an on purpose discussion with her.
Speaker 1: So it's just interesting how those things stick with you.
Speaker 1: And even in my own home, we've done things in stages.
Speaker 1: So even today we're talking about we still have a
Speaker 1: dining room table that predates my marriage, which is thirteen
Speaker 1: years and we're talking about it's really time we need
Speaker 1: to do that, and I'm like, let's wait, wait, right,
Speaker 1: there's something wrong. It's perfectly good. You know, it's a
Speaker 1: little scratched up, but you can put a tablecloth over
Speaker 1: at guys, right, right, And it's interesting, it seems like
Speaker 1: what you're describing is is a lot of what we
Speaker 1: talked about on our show, just defining frugality, because I
Speaker 1: think there's so many different versions of it, or people
Speaker 1: use that word in so many different ways. But frugality
Speaker 1: isn't necessarily just a reflection of how much money you have.
Speaker 1: Certainly some people are choosing frugality while not choosing it's
Speaker 1: being chosen for them because they they don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of money. But it can also be a lifestyle that,
Speaker 1: regardless of what amount of money you're living off of,
Speaker 1: you choose like the bologna sandwiches on the airplane and
Speaker 1: the towels for curtains. Do you feel as though those
Speaker 1: types of things are you've adopted and do you do
Speaker 1: you like that about yourself or or is that something
Speaker 1: that you'd rather change. I think there's a balance. I
Speaker 1: think there's nothing wrong with being aware of what things costs,
Speaker 1: of making deliberate choices. I also think that we are
Speaker 1: all very much a product of our parents. So now
Speaker 1: I look at my parents and I think about, well,
Speaker 1: what was their background, right, So my mother, she's acting
Speaker 1: in irrationally frugal ways. She had a husband that was
Speaker 1: certainly able to provide enough that we could have curtains.
Speaker 1: And by the way, my father listened to me talk
Speaker 1: about that story on a podcast and corrected me. He said,
Speaker 1: we absolutely had money. She just had issue spending it.
Speaker 1: But we had the money to buy curtains, so you
Speaker 1: know it. But she had she had lost her father
Speaker 1: at a very young age, and it was at a
Speaker 1: time where her mother, my grandmother, who as a woman,
Speaker 1: did not go to college in that eerra, which was common.
Speaker 1: Some women obviously went to college, but many, many did
Speaker 1: not have that opportunity, and my grandmother talked about being
Speaker 1: upset that she did not have the opportunity that her
Speaker 1: brother had. So my my grandmother was widowed young and
Speaker 1: had no real ability to earn money, and so they
Speaker 1: had a real financial crisis. And I think that my
Speaker 1: mother's sometimes irrational frugality came from that era of not
Speaker 1: having the money, of being worried about what's going on
Speaker 1: versus my dad had grown up. His father had been
Speaker 1: born in this country, but his grandparents had been immigrants,
Speaker 1: and they had moved up a traditional economic path of
Speaker 1: success in that they had their own family business and
Speaker 1: a grew and my grandfather went to college and my
Speaker 1: father not only went to college. He went to private
Speaker 1: high school and then went on to Ivy League schools
Speaker 1: for college. So my father came from a very privileged background,
Speaker 1: and so that may have contributed to his feeling a
Speaker 1: lot more secure spending money. And so it's interesting to
Speaker 1: look at what informs our perceptions of frugality. I like
Speaker 1: that term irrational frugality. Same not only going to be
Speaker 1: helpful for us, Yeah, definitely, we also do that. We
Speaker 1: all do things like that. I think that I brought
Speaker 1: the same irrational frugality when I was, like in college,
Speaker 1: like still nickel and diming, making all these small purchases,
Speaker 1: but not believing that I could spend money on larger
Speaker 1: purchases and save money and pay off debt, like believing
Speaker 1: I was too broke to do that, but I had
Speaker 1: enough money to buy all the Latte's and the dollar
Speaker 1: things in the target like dollar section. Yeah, and I
Speaker 1: definitely had to learn and like some people call a
Speaker 1: scarcity mindset to um. But I like the term irrational frugality.
Speaker 1: But back to teaching kids about money. Let's start with
Speaker 1: young kids. What do you think are the most important
Speaker 1: things that parents can do to teach young kids about money.
Speaker 1: Make it part of your everyday life, and you will
Speaker 1: get some of the eye rolls, which I certainly get.
Speaker 1: But I, for example, whenever we take a taxi, which
Speaker 1: I hate to do, but there are times when I
Speaker 1: have to because I have to get from point A
Speaker 1: to point in a certain amount of time, and that's
Speaker 1: the only way it's going to happen. I will have
Speaker 1: my twelve year old um take my phone and he
Speaker 1: puts in the code to uh pay. We pay through
Speaker 1: the through an app, and he can see how much
Speaker 1: is going to the tip, how much is going to tax,
Speaker 1: and so he understands. Right now, we've had had some
Speaker 1: new taxes in New York City, so when that happened,
Speaker 1: he understood the price just to get into the taxi
Speaker 1: had gone up because there's certain automatic taxes, flat fee
Speaker 1: taxes that go onto every taxi bill. And so that's
Speaker 1: a big lesson about taxes and why things sometimes cost
Speaker 1: what they cost even though the driver may not be
Speaker 1: getting that money. And we've had discussions about how a
Speaker 1: lot of the drivers don't even own their own taxis
Speaker 1: that they basically rent them, and so that goes into
Speaker 1: your net profits because you don't always keep all the revenue,
Speaker 1: which is what people pay. So he understands now what
Speaker 1: people pay to the taxi driver is not necessarily what
Speaker 1: they're earning for the day. So everyday life is the
Speaker 1: best way, whatever that may be. Hopefully you guys are
Speaker 1: not paying for over priced taxes in New York City.
Speaker 1: But whatever you're doing, even you go to the gas pump,
Speaker 1: that's a great way help them. Have them help you
Speaker 1: pump the gas. Have them see if there's a different
Speaker 1: price for cash and credit. Have them see what the
Speaker 1: taxes on that, and understand how that all works. Explain
Speaker 1: when you go through a toll booth in the car
Speaker 1: um where does that money go? In theory, it's going
Speaker 1: to maintain the roads. Not always, but you can tell
Speaker 1: them it is right, keep simple. So everything, everything in
Speaker 1: life is a lesson. How do you balance that eye
Speaker 1: roll right of teaching them but yet not making them
Speaker 1: despise this thing? Where's that one for you? So the
Speaker 1: ey roll is new because so I will maybe put
Speaker 1: it out to your audience, maybe the book of right
Speaker 1: in and tell me some tips because I'm certainly struggling
Speaker 1: with that a little bit myself. Part of the eye
Speaker 1: rolls because he's kind of over it because he knows
Speaker 1: what I do for a living, so he's used to it. Um,
Speaker 1: So I don't know. I think just be cool about
Speaker 1: it and just know that that that's more of a
Speaker 1: teenager thing. He's a tweet technically, I guess at age twelve.
Speaker 1: But it's also you have to know when to shut
Speaker 1: it down a little bit. We had a little injured toe.
Speaker 1: He fractured his toe last week, and I did ask
Speaker 1: him if he understood that we were in an in
Speaker 1: network provider and what that meant, and he actually did
Speaker 1: explain to me what that was. And I said, do
Speaker 1: you understand the deductible and how great it is that
Speaker 1: we're pacity the deductible right now? And he did explain
Speaker 1: what that was and he said, okay, Mom, can we
Speaker 1: stop exactly? But it was on it. Actually. I was
Speaker 1: kind of really impressed with him that he did understand
Speaker 1: what I was talking about, So that was pretty cool
Speaker 1: of him. What about when he was younger? How soon
Speaker 1: did you start with these lessons and how did you
Speaker 1: make them age appropriate? You start when they ask something
Speaker 1: will come up, So for example, you might be picking
Speaker 1: out a birthday present for a friend of theirs, and
Speaker 1: there should be a budget because otherwise, what if they
Speaker 1: just gravitate towards this hundred dollar toy, which, by the way,
Speaker 1: is not our budget for birthday toys. You don't need
Speaker 1: to spend a hundred bucks. Um. So you know, let's
Speaker 1: say you want to spend twenty bucks for to go
Speaker 1: to you know, let's say he's four and you're four
Speaker 1: years old, that four months and he now has some
Speaker 1: say in what you're going to be getting for his
Speaker 1: friend for the birthday party. You can give them a
Speaker 1: budget and show them how the price. Hopefully you're a
Speaker 1: store where they display prices, or you can maybe go
Speaker 1: up to the person working at the store. I love
Speaker 1: to patronize. We have some small toy stores in my
Speaker 1: neighborhood and you go in with them and you say,
Speaker 1: what do you have or have your your child say, ideally,
Speaker 1: we're buying a present from my friend. They like this, this,
Speaker 1: and this. You know, they're into Star Wars or whatever
Speaker 1: it is, and our budget is between twenty and twenty
Speaker 1: five dollars. Can you show me some options and that
Speaker 1: way they can get a very granular understanding of how
Speaker 1: to spend money and how it works. And it's fun
Speaker 1: because they're picking out a present. Or do you did
Speaker 1: you have your kids interact with money at all, even
Speaker 1: at a young age, as in like a version of
Speaker 1: an allowance, or here's how we set percentages aside it,
Speaker 1: or how did you approach that we did not have
Speaker 1: allowance as for the older kids. For my twelve year old,
Speaker 1: he want an allowance and so we're starting to do
Speaker 1: that at ten dollars a week. Um, but he hasn't
Speaker 1: gotten it all the time because of things that he's
Speaker 1: done in terms of media, because he now has a phone,
Speaker 1: so that's been arounding. What we did do is we
Speaker 1: talked to them about money, and they had jobs. And
Speaker 1: I really like the idea of kids earning income themselves,
Speaker 1: not just being paid to part of the family. UM.
Speaker 1: I'm still unsure how I feel about allowance, and I
Speaker 1: see both sides and I'm conflicted. I think it's nice
Speaker 1: to have kids have spending money, and I definitely understand
Speaker 1: parents that just say, well, I want my kids to
Speaker 1: focus on their activities and on their school work and
Speaker 1: there's no need for them to have a job job,
Speaker 1: And I think that's great. But both both of my
Speaker 1: older stepkids have had jobs, and I will tell you
Speaker 1: that my stepdaughter who is saving to buy her own apartment,
Speaker 1: and we're really proud of her. She has a nice bace.
Speaker 1: She's not quite there yet, but a lot of it
Speaker 1: is money she earned over the years. And my stepson
Speaker 1: also very cognizant of money that he's earning. And I
Speaker 1: think there's something really tangible and wonderful about earning money themselves.
Speaker 1: But then people say, and again I'm conflicted about this,
Speaker 1: People say, well, then pay your kids to do household tours.
Speaker 1: I don't like to do that. I think that if
Speaker 1: you're part of the family, you clean up after yourself,
Speaker 1: and if someone else leaves something out and they left
Speaker 1: and they forgot it, pick it up. It's okay. We're
Speaker 1: all a family. So I don't love the idea. I
Speaker 1: don't want to say to my child, take out the
Speaker 1: garbage and have him say, pay me five dollars you
Speaker 1: take out the garbage. That's just my feeling, but I
Speaker 1: totally respect that other people have different things that work
Speaker 1: for their family. So I'm just figuring it out, and
Speaker 1: a lot of my my next book, Raising Financial Grown Ups,
Speaker 1: is about me figuring it out with the older kids,
Speaker 1: because I'm going through a lot of questions where I
Speaker 1: am conflicted and I'm a little bit unsure of what
Speaker 1: I'm doing in terms of getting them to be truly
Speaker 1: financial grown ups, as I say, to have their own
Speaker 1: financial independence, because as a parent, you do want to
Speaker 1: help them financially. I personally cannot just write a check
Speaker 1: to buy my stepdaughter in apartment, But part of me
Speaker 1: feels like, well, if I had a mountain of free cash,
Speaker 1: I would want to because I just wanted to have
Speaker 1: our own apartment and be happy and free, and isn't
Speaker 1: that great? And we have to resist that temptation because
Speaker 1: kids won't learn financial independence if we just buy everything
Speaker 1: for them. That said, if they want to earn many
Speaker 1: I think that you can help them set up a
Speaker 1: business if that's something that they're interested in doing. So
Speaker 1: instead of whatever it is a chore around the house,
Speaker 1: maybe they instead of maybe you're not going to pay
Speaker 1: them to rake leaves off your lawn, but you can
Speaker 1: help them make a business where they rake the leaves
Speaker 1: for your neighbors. They learned business skills. Um, we have
Speaker 1: not done that. I think that's a great idea though,
Speaker 1: So I'm learning from you guys, but I just for me,
Speaker 1: just because they're not paying me to pick them up
Speaker 1: from from their sports practice, right, Yeah, yeah, I totally Yeah.
Speaker 1: It would be kind of one way. And I guess
Speaker 1: I'm dealing with older kids now, but I make them dinner,
Speaker 1: I you know, pick them up. With all these activities,
Speaker 1: we provide shelter and food and all this stuff and
Speaker 1: don't expect to be paid. So if I asked someone
Speaker 1: to take out the garbage, I want them to just
Speaker 1: say sharing a problem and get up and do it right.
Speaker 1: I support that. I like that. But yeah, trying to
Speaker 1: help them set up maybe a business where they do
Speaker 1: these simple household tasks for other people so they can
Speaker 1: separate it from like their home. I love that idea exactly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think we've gotten away from doing the paper route
Speaker 1: and those kind of things in this generation. Maybe it exists.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just because them in New York City and
Speaker 1: people don't buy them any physical papers anymore. But the
Speaker 1: idea of having jobs when you're young is a really
Speaker 1: great thing. Another thing I think is that we've moved
Speaker 1: away from because we have so much digital is actually
Speaker 1: understanding counting actual many My son had saved a lot
Speaker 1: of coins because he did the three jars that run
Speaker 1: labor advocates in the opposite of spoiled. And we went
Speaker 1: to put them in the bank, and the bank explained
Speaker 1: that if we were going to deposit them, that we
Speaker 1: had to put them into little sleeves and if you
Speaker 1: take them to a machine. I looked up the machine,
Speaker 1: it's like eleven percent they take. So I gave my
Speaker 1: son the choice. By the way, he did not want
Speaker 1: to give up eleven percent. So score one for young Harry.
Speaker 1: And we sat there at the bank and and we
Speaker 1: were wrapping all these coins. It was forty seven dollars
Speaker 1: worth of coins, a little more than forty seven. I
Speaker 1: don't remember the exact number. There's an Instagram story on
Speaker 1: it somewhere. And he said to me and said, Mom,
Speaker 1: this is kind of nice. I feel like this is
Speaker 1: kind of a soothing activity. We're just sitting here literally
Speaker 1: counting penny's and spending time together. And there was something
Speaker 1: really tangible about actual physical money that I think can
Speaker 1: younger children can really get a lot out of understanding
Speaker 1: and then bringing it to the bank teller and depositing
Speaker 1: it in his account. He I made him speak to her.
Speaker 1: I just stood a foot behind and nodded, and he
Speaker 1: made the transaction himself. I love that. And that's the thing.
Speaker 1: Most of us are tangible learners, tactile visual. It's not
Speaker 1: enough to just do the auditory spoken lessons, but to
Speaker 1: actually interact with money and to know what that's all about,
Speaker 1: that's priceless. Yeah, but it's a struggles. Let me just
Speaker 1: tell you one thing I do struggle with and and
Speaker 1: it'll be interesting if you get any listener feedback on this.
Speaker 1: Right now, kids can buy things that are virtual. They
Speaker 1: don't exist. So a game in some of the games
Speaker 1: that say they can buy things, and he does get
Speaker 1: a trickle of allowance when he's, you know, doing the
Speaker 1: right thing, and he wants to sometimes use that to
Speaker 1: buy these virtual things. And I'm really struggling with it
Speaker 1: because you want to say, okay, let him learn his
Speaker 1: to me, it's a mistake. I don't know. I feel
Speaker 1: like there's a munch of whatever, a bunch of WHOI
Speaker 1: let's say it's I don't know, it's a g rated
Speaker 1: show here, but I don't want him buying that. I
Speaker 1: just think that's the dumbest thing ever. And he's like,
Speaker 1: but mom, you know everyone else is at this level
Speaker 1: and I can't get to level because they're all buying
Speaker 1: this stuff. And I'm like, oh boy, this is really
Speaker 1: keeping up with the Jones. Is this is you know,
Speaker 1: and you're literally throwing away your money. But yet, shouldn't
Speaker 1: I let him learn his money lessons himself? Right? So
Speaker 1: what do you do with this world of virtual stuff?
Speaker 1: Because you talk about tactile things, what do you do
Speaker 1: when a kid wants to buy something that's not even
Speaker 1: a thing. Yeah, And I think that's why we're talking
Speaker 1: about young children and that it does start young. So
Speaker 1: if they had interacted with real money at an age
Speaker 1: appropriate level at three, four, five, six, seven, by the
Speaker 1: time they get to interacting online with virtual things, there's
Speaker 1: a greater understanding and value for it than just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know, this is just a number on the screen,
Speaker 1: clickly okay button. Yeah. And you mentioned the three jar system,
Speaker 1: which is um I believe like, save, spend and give
Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. Yes, And so if you're
Speaker 1: teaching kids to save before they spend, I think even
Speaker 1: and then they get to spend on whatever they want,
Speaker 1: even if it's imaginary. But you empower them to spend.
Speaker 1: I think they'll make mistakes. They'll make a bunch of
Speaker 1: mistakes at first, but then eventually they'll get tired of
Speaker 1: not having anything to show for their spend a jar
Speaker 1: and see all the great things that they have gotten
Speaker 1: after they've saved. And I think that in itself, I
Speaker 1: think that will, like course correct as long as the
Speaker 1: you know, you're teaching all the parts of money to give, save,
Speaker 1: and spend. I hope you're right. I don't know right now.
Speaker 1: Right now, I'm not so sure. He's pretty to the
Speaker 1: virtual stuff we'll see. So, speaking of older kids, teens
Speaker 1: and even young adults, what can be done by parents?
Speaker 1: What are some top tips to help them understand these
Speaker 1: important money lessons as they are about to leave the nest,
Speaker 1: and and how to be able to even act on
Speaker 1: those lessons actually put it into practice. This is a
Speaker 1: really hot topic right now, and that is what I'm
Speaker 1: writing my book on because I am, if we're being
Speaker 1: completely honest here, I am struggling with this myself. It's
Speaker 1: very hard. I love that you said, as they get
Speaker 1: ready to leave the nest, you're making a big assumption
Speaker 1: that they're going to leave the nest right as you
Speaker 1: prepare to push them out of the nets, and they
Speaker 1: prepared to go on with everything in them exactly. But
Speaker 1: you guys, okay, so you're talking to I'm a gen xer,
Speaker 1: and so we are the generation of helicopter parents, and
Speaker 1: we are now morphing into they call them bulldozer parents,
Speaker 1: snowplow parents and so on. So it's really unrealistic. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: what is a snow ploy? Like like they're just they're
Speaker 1: just mowing over every They're just hovering to a degree
Speaker 1: that they are going to And I did not just
Speaker 1: going to the the the job interviews. So for example,
Speaker 1: this is bad. This happened, So this almost this almost
Speaker 1: happened in my house. So my my one of the children.
Speaker 1: I don't want to make this one Anonymous had a
Speaker 1: little hiccup at their you know, work, and I literally
Speaker 1: said to my husband, can't you go in and just
Speaker 1: fix it? Like I know, he looked at me, He's
Speaker 1: like no, no, you know, because I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: but you know, like it's almost like but I want
Speaker 1: them to get an A, so can you just fix
Speaker 1: the test? And I had to catch to myself, that's
Speaker 1: so bad, right, so bad? Right, So we're having troubles.
Speaker 1: I mean even we were cleaning out, we redid the
Speaker 1: boy's room, and even cleaning out, you know, my my
Speaker 1: son had done relatively well it at chess in that
Speaker 1: there would be a hundred kids, and he's sometimes one
Speaker 1: eighth or ninth place, okay, but out of a hundred,
Speaker 1: it's not that bad. You know, they give you whatever,
Speaker 1: they give you a trophy. And I could not throw
Speaker 1: away the trophies because and my son was like, yeah, whatever,
Speaker 1: get rid of I don't care. And I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: but remember the time, you know, and we're so proud
Speaker 1: of their like, you know, eighth grade trophy, eighth place trophy,
Speaker 1: and that has to end. So anyway, So a lot
Speaker 1: of the issue is really the parents when it comes
Speaker 1: to older kids. I believe, just owning it a little
Speaker 1: bit myself, but you go through these things where you
Speaker 1: say you want them to be independent, but then well,
Speaker 1: why would you If you're already paying for a Netflix subscription,
Speaker 1: why would you make your adult child pay for another one?
Speaker 1: That's just dumb, right, So why would you? And then
Speaker 1: the phone bill is another tricky thing because now we
Speaker 1: have um my daughter has she rents she chose to
Speaker 1: rent a phone from Apple, so she always has the latest,
Speaker 1: greatest one. And then we also have her portion of
Speaker 1: our family bill, her line and some other stuff, and
Speaker 1: the taxes and the insurance that goes with that. So
Speaker 1: I want her to be putting all of her money
Speaker 1: into saving for a new apartment, right to buy an apartment.
Speaker 1: And she's making progress. She is living at home, she's
Speaker 1: banking all her money, she's doing all the things. Guys,
Speaker 1: I see the little bit she spends. It's so it's
Speaker 1: such a trickle. She's really doing everything she should be
Speaker 1: doing right. But yet on principle, I feel like she
Speaker 1: should be paying her phone bill right. She's got an
Speaker 1: awesome job, she's twenty two, she has no overhead, but
Speaker 1: it seems petty. So I'm sort of torn. And you know,
Speaker 1: we recently talked about it and she's like, Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: pay this portion of it, and she's doing all the things.
Speaker 1: But then I'm kind of like, oh, but do I
Speaker 1: really want to take forty a month from her when
Speaker 1: she's doing all the things right. So I don't really know.
Speaker 1: And that's kind of what the book is going to
Speaker 1: be about, is how do you figure out where the
Speaker 1: right balance is, you know, especially when the kids are
Speaker 1: kind of doing what you taught them to do right,
Speaker 1: But we don't want to let go. We're providing subsidies
Speaker 1: that may or may not be as needed as we
Speaker 1: think they are. But I don't know, what do you think.
Speaker 1: Should you pay your twenty two year old phone bill
Speaker 1: if you can't and you want her to save money,
Speaker 1: or should you say, well, you're twenty to pay your
Speaker 1: own phone bill. It's so interesting. I had my my
Speaker 1: mom paid for my phone and and most of my
Speaker 1: bills until I got married. At it was so crazy
Speaker 1: and I didn't think about it, like it never crossed
Speaker 1: my mind. We never talked about it. And I lived
Speaker 1: at home for two years after college, so I was
Speaker 1: used to being on my own and paying most of
Speaker 1: my bills. So I was used to paying rent um
Speaker 1: and utilities and stuff like that, but for my health
Speaker 1: insurance which was cheaper to be on her health insurance,
Speaker 1: and then like a phone bill, uh, those things she
Speaker 1: always paid. I never I never even crossed my mind
Speaker 1: that I should be paying for them because we never
Speaker 1: had that conversation. But now looking back, I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I should have been paying sing that, like, I would
Speaker 1: definitely make my kid pay their portion of their phone bill.
Speaker 1: But yeah, but it did help me because I was,
Speaker 1: like getting my master's degree, I had a very small
Speaker 1: income because I was only working part time and like
Speaker 1: paying for rent and stuff. So it did help take
Speaker 1: a took a lot of burden off of me to
Speaker 1: not have those few little expenses. So yeah, I'm as
Speaker 1: a product of it. I'm also torn because it clearly
Speaker 1: I still have okay money habits even after having the
Speaker 1: privilege of having that stuff paid for me for so long.
Speaker 1: It's interesting you never you never had a conversation about it,
Speaker 1: but later I did, after I was already you know,
Speaker 1: paying from all my own stuff. And what she said
Speaker 1: was that because she felt guilty for not being able
Speaker 1: to provide college for me, because I had to take
Speaker 1: out student loans for my master's, she felt the least
Speaker 1: she could do was pay for my insurance and phone bill.
Speaker 1: So that made some sense to me. But yeah, I
Speaker 1: wasn't until later that we have that conversation. And health
Speaker 1: insurance is also tricky because you can say, okay, the
Speaker 1: total cost of paying for a young adults health insurance,
Speaker 1: you want to pick whichever one is better overall. So
Speaker 1: if you're getting them completely separate, would cost whatever a
Speaker 1: certain number and you could save half the money if
Speaker 1: they were in the parents plan. You don't want to
Speaker 1: create an extra expense ever for a child. But then
Speaker 1: just because they're in your plan doesn't mean that they
Speaker 1: shouldn't pay their portion of it. So there's two things
Speaker 1: you're deciding. One are they on your plan or their
Speaker 1: own independent plan? And then two are they paying for
Speaker 1: their portion of your plan? If they're on your plan,
Speaker 1: does that make sense? And it goes for the phone
Speaker 1: as well. So to bump Ashley off the family plan
Speaker 1: would have been a lot more money than her simply
Speaker 1: paying a portion that is allocated to her of our plan.
Speaker 1: So you never One thing I feel very strongly about
Speaker 1: is never create false expenses or unnecessary expensive to prove
Speaker 1: a point triple your You know, if you can have
Speaker 1: them on your plan for thirty or forty bucks and
Speaker 1: it's going to be over a hundred for them to
Speaker 1: be completely independent. If you want to make a point
Speaker 1: and you want to have them pay, have them pay
Speaker 1: the third or forty bucks of your plan. Don't create
Speaker 1: more expense as a family. I call it a family ecosystem.
Speaker 1: It's one of the concepts in the book that we
Speaker 1: should all support each other. I don't believe it just
Speaker 1: cutting people off, and it should be multigenerational. There may
Speaker 1: be times when your parents need your support, and you
Speaker 1: should be prepared to do that in a loving way
Speaker 1: as well. It's really a family ecosystem, and everyone should
Speaker 1: be there to support each other, and not in a
Speaker 1: dependent way, but in a supportive way. Yeah. I think
Speaker 1: the most important is having the conversation and to determine right,
Speaker 1: to determine, like what's working for us? Are we going
Speaker 1: to do this while you're in college? Are we gonna
Speaker 1: wait until you're done with college? Just kind of talking
Speaker 1: with each other to determine the plan of action. There's
Speaker 1: no one right plan of action for everyone, but to
Speaker 1: figure it out together. You know what else we can
Speaker 1: figure out together? Yeah? And what else that I really love?
Speaker 1: The best time of the week. Yeah, it's the bill
Speaker 1: of the week, that's right, It's time for the best
Speaker 1: minute of your entire week. Maybe a baby was born
Speaker 1: and his name is William. Maybe you paid off your mortgage,
Speaker 1: Maybe your car died and you're happy to not have
Speaker 1: to pay that bill anymore. That bill Buffalo bills Bill Clinton.
Speaker 1: This is the bill of the week. So Bobby, every
Speaker 1: week we have either listener or our guests share their
Speaker 1: favorite bill for the week, and we wanted to invite
Speaker 1: you to share yours. You mentioned it a little bit
Speaker 1: before we started recording, and so I'm excited for you
Speaker 1: to share. Tell us about your bill. So the bill
Speaker 1: of the week is my new computer that I am
Speaker 1: finally buying. Right now, we are recording on my soon
Speaker 1: to be retired MacBook Pro and I will soon own
Speaker 1: a new MacBook Pro that is super fancy. I got
Speaker 1: the top of the line because I realized that I'm
Speaker 1: running my business on this computer and my current computer
Speaker 1: is overheating, it cannot handle updates of software. There's all
Speaker 1: kinds of problems going on and they're not going to
Speaker 1: be solved, and so I do have to buy the
Speaker 1: bullet and buy a computer. And it was really hard
Speaker 1: because I wanted to buy something that was much more,
Speaker 1: not necessarily the cheapest, but mid tier. And I really
Speaker 1: made a decision to buy a top of the line
Speaker 1: computer because I am amortizing it in my head over
Speaker 1: seven years. Because this current computer lasted seven years and
Speaker 1: on a perier basis, the difference between getting something that's
Speaker 1: okay versus something that's great is really minimal. And I
Speaker 1: see where our businesses are going, and we really use
Speaker 1: these computers to run our whole business. And I think
Speaker 1: it's going to be a really good investment. Nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I love that you You made the decision because
Speaker 1: you value your business. You are doing something that's going
Speaker 1: to make your life easier in your business. And I
Speaker 1: love that. It's it's choosing to do things that will
Speaker 1: make your life easier instead of pinching pennies and making
Speaker 1: it more inconvenient, and that is super frugal. It's an investment.
Speaker 1: I'm not happy. I'm still cringing. Yeah, awesome, Thanks so
Speaker 1: much for sharing your bill with us. If you all
Speaker 1: want to submit your bill of the week, visit Frugal
Speaker 1: Friends podcast dot com slash bill. Leave us a bill.
Speaker 1: It can be that great computer that's going to serve
Speaker 1: purpose your purposes, or any other kind of bill really
Speaker 1: doesn't matter. We want to hear it. Yeah, the guy
Speaker 1: named Bill that sold you the computer whatever, if you
Speaker 1: really liken and then it leads us to the lightning
Speaker 1: round you guys are scaring me. I don't like a
Speaker 1: lot of scary segment. Yeah, that's that's reasonable for you,
Speaker 1: for you to feel that way. I often feel nervous.
Speaker 1: You're raising the bar. We get to the end of
Speaker 1: the podcast and we start getting loud. Yeah, Jill does
Speaker 1: I still get scared. So our lightning round is super short.
Speaker 1: We really want to know three tips or however many
Speaker 1: tips you want to give for how we as age
Speaker 1: adults can be financial adults are financial grown ups, as
Speaker 1: you call it. So what are your tips for all
Speaker 1: of the adults and parents nonparents out there? Okay, number
Speaker 1: when you have to actually like look at numbers, it's
Speaker 1: so scary, but you have to open the mail or
Speaker 1: the virtual email, or open your accounts and actually know
Speaker 1: what you owe, know what you have, know where your
Speaker 1: bills are, and just own it and just run those
Speaker 1: you know, summaries where they'll lay everything out and you
Speaker 1: can see where your mini is going. Because if you
Speaker 1: just have that information, It's kind of like when they
Speaker 1: started posting the calories on food. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you guys have that, but here in New York, when
Speaker 1: you go to restaurants, they will post the calories and
Speaker 1: let me tell you, you're eating. Habits change very fast
Speaker 1: when you see those numbers, right or my guilt level
Speaker 1: totally um number two. Automate things because it's so much
Speaker 1: less stressful because also as you get your memory is
Speaker 1: going to go. So this way you don't have to
Speaker 1: remember to pay all your bills. You automate them. But
Speaker 1: with a caveat, you still have to go back to
Speaker 1: step number one, to tip number one and look at
Speaker 1: what's going on. Because, for example, I recently caught the
Speaker 1: fact that I had unwittingly subscribed to some magazines that
Speaker 1: I didn't want, just because even though I love them,
Speaker 1: there are time suck and I never get to them
Speaker 1: and they just sit there piling up. So I didn't
Speaker 1: want the magazines. But you know what I didn't do.
Speaker 1: I didn't cancel the auto pay on the subscriptions. And
Speaker 1: it was a three dollar and sixty seven cent charge,
Speaker 1: but it really upset me, and it was on auto
Speaker 1: and it was going to keep going forever. They were
Speaker 1: never gonna let go, so I had to cancel it.
Speaker 1: So even though you automate, you need to still like
Speaker 1: put it on your calendar, like this is what I did. Now.
Speaker 1: I actually put it on my calendar every three months
Speaker 1: to go through everything because you need to check that
Speaker 1: you're not automatically paying for things that you don't actually want,
Speaker 1: but that you should automate the things that you do
Speaker 1: want to pay. So pay for things automatically and and
Speaker 1: pay also includes paying yourself things like you're um four O,
Speaker 1: one K or whatever else is going on. I ra
Speaker 1: any savings five twenty nine if your parents all that stuff. Um.
Speaker 1: And then my third tip is to forgive your mistakes
Speaker 1: because we all mess up. I do constantly, as you've heard, UM,
Speaker 1: So just know you're gonna mess up, and so be
Speaker 1: forgiving of yourself and just deal with it. It's okay
Speaker 1: because we all mess up. Like like I just said,
Speaker 1: like I'm paying for magazine subscriptions, so I don't I
Speaker 1: literally don't want. And by the way, on that phone call,
Speaker 1: guys they were they didn't want to let me drop it.
Speaker 1: They're like, well, we'll let you have another year for free,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, I don't share. I don't want twelve
Speaker 1: magazine stacked exactly. They're stressing me out because they feel
Speaker 1: like a to do list, right, because you feel like
Speaker 1: someone worked hard on this magazine, I should read it
Speaker 1: and so yeah, and you know, and by the way,
Speaker 1: when that your ends, you know what's happening three dollars
Speaker 1: and hitting your bill one more time. So that's a
Speaker 1: big mistake, right, All those subscriptions that you have, you
Speaker 1: got to get rid of them. I'll, I mean, whatever
Speaker 1: you're not using, which is probably a lot of them.
Speaker 1: If you're using them, that's cool, but you know, sure, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's great. Thanks so much Bobby for coming on the show.
Speaker 1: Where can people find more from you? If this just
Speaker 1: was not enough, which clearly it won't be. Oh, you
Speaker 1: guys are so kind. Um. Well, first of all, I
Speaker 1: have a website. It's my name Bobby Ravel dot com.
Speaker 1: So that's the easiest thing. But please check out my podcast,
Speaker 1: Money with Friends. All podcasts with the word friends and
Speaker 1: them are awesome. So money just like friends. Right then
Speaker 1: of course financial grown Up and you can check out
Speaker 1: my book as well, which is how to be a
Speaker 1: Financial grown Up along the same theme. And thank you
Speaker 1: guys for having me. That's it. Would follow me on
Speaker 1: the socials please, I'm really sad on Instagram. I'm really trying.
Speaker 1: I'm trying, um, but Bobby Rabel one B O B
Speaker 1: B I R E B E L and then the
Speaker 1: number one. Thank you Bobby for coming on. I'll mention her.
Speaker 1: Her book Financial grown Up, How to Be a Financial
Speaker 1: grown Up has like awesome interviews with like all these
Speaker 1: famous people, So definitely check it out. You will love it.
Speaker 1: And all those podcasts that you're on check them out
Speaker 1: too many podcasts, Yeah, please check them out. Yes, great,
Speaker 1: Thanks Bobby, Thank you guys. Awesome. That was a fun time.
Speaker 1: Bobby is so great and uh, we were so happy
Speaker 1: to have her on and we hope that you picked
Speaker 1: out something from that interview that you could take and
Speaker 1: use either in your life or in your family's life.
Speaker 1: If you are joining us for our book club this month,
Speaker 1: we are reading my new book, pay Off Your Debt
Speaker 1: for Good, and uh, I'm super excited about it. I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm totally biased. We're all excited. And there's even more
Speaker 1: exciting news. If you want a free copy of Jen's book,
Speaker 1: leave us a review on iTunes, Screenshot that review and
Speaker 1: email it to us at Frugal Friends Podcast at gmail
Speaker 1: dot com, and we will select one winner for every
Speaker 1: five reviews we get. So the likelihood of you get
Speaker 1: in a free book is parity big. And if you
Speaker 1: want to know a good example of a helpful review,
Speaker 1: here's our review of the week. It is from at
Speaker 1: Toad and Cake love that name, and it is five
Speaker 1: stars and it's the best. That's the title. I also
Speaker 1: feel that way about the review though. This podcast is
Speaker 1: so good. It's the perfect combination of entertaining and informative.
Speaker 1: And I can't get enough of the fake sponsors. Well
Speaker 1: I'm glad we didn't have to explain that to Todencake.
Speaker 1: You know they always cracked me up. I've been binging
Speaker 1: it all week and can't get enough. I'm so inspired
Speaker 1: by all the practical tips from the hosts and guests.
Speaker 1: Keep up the great work. So thank you. That was
Speaker 1: a very helpful review and helps people know what they
Speaker 1: can expect from the podcast, and that is the point
Speaker 1: of reviews. Thanks Tod and Cake. See you next week
Speaker 1: via Frugal Friends. Is produced, edited and mixed by Eric Siria.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry for the awkward introduction. I just felt it
Speaker 1: was time that we told people who was who on
Speaker 1: the icon because we had a thread in our Facebook
Speaker 1: group about everyone mixed us up. It must be something
Speaker 1: psychological for people when they when they look at our picture,
Speaker 1: they match my voice with your body, your voice with
Speaker 1: my body. It's like, um mythical creatures really swapping of
Speaker 1: voices and bodies. One of the things I think is,
Speaker 1: so you're the first one on the picture, but I'm
Speaker 1: always the first one speaking, like doing the title. So
Speaker 1: maybe that's why they just think the first person is
Speaker 1: the first one speaking. I don't know. We could probably
Speaker 1: do a whole thesis and dissertation and research process on it,
Speaker 1: or we could just go with what you just said
Speaker 1: and assume that's the case. I don't know. We would
Speaker 1: love to hear why you think who is who? In
Speaker 1: their Facebook group, Yeah, people had some strong opinions. What
Speaker 1: if we're getting into territory? Yeah I know, I know,
Speaker 1: as I'm thinking, I'm like, where are we going? What
Speaker 1: would be? Yeah? No, I am curious why would they
Speaker 1: think that? I don't know. I can't wait to hear. Also,
Speaker 1: we put up a thread about a week and a
Speaker 1: half ago asking for tips, not tips, but ideas for episodes.
Speaker 1: So we are writing our episodes list. So if you
Speaker 1: are listening and you have a topic that you'd really
Speaker 1: like to hear about please head over to our Facebook
Speaker 1: community group, find that thread and put your idea down
Speaker 1: and if we've already done it, we will link to
Speaker 1: the episode. But you could hear your idea in an
Speaker 1: episode in in a few months if you're still listening,
Speaker 1: because this is like the outro of Ultro of Autros.
Speaker 1: But yeah, thank you if you're If you're still listening,
Speaker 1: if you're that committed, you probably have some good ideas
Speaker 1: for podcast. Okay, signing off, Sionara