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Speaker 1: Motherfucking many years, so many episode, motherfucking many years. So yep, yep, yep.

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Speaker 1: There it is. There, It is another goddamn welcome, ladies

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Speaker 1: and gentlemen, to another motherfucking mini episode, mini episode of

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Speaker 1: My Mama Told Me, the podcast where we died deep

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Speaker 1: deep into the pockets of black conspiracy theories and we

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Speaker 1: finally worked to prove the theories that you the listeners

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Speaker 1: have at home. Come on, I'm excited. I'm excited to

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Speaker 1: hear from you. I'm sick of fucking hearing my own thoughts.

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Speaker 1: They're miserable, they're sad, sad thoughts. Oh. I fall apart

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Speaker 1: every day thinking about all the things that are happening

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Speaker 1: in my world. I got uh in a bit of

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Speaker 1: hot water this week because I tweeted something silly about

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Speaker 1: Will Smith, and apparently people were not not pleased with

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Speaker 1: my take on on his struggle with throwing up after sex.

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Speaker 1: They didn't they didn't like what what I said about him,

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Speaker 1: and and a lot of people are calling me a

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Speaker 1: snitch and telling me that I should die a fiery

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Speaker 1: death because I made fun of that billionaire. But you

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Speaker 1: know it'll go away right right, folks at home, It

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Speaker 1: it'll this will simmer down, and I'll I'll be able

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Speaker 1: to just talk my ship again. Probably not. I think

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm moving past the point where I get to

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Speaker 1: just shoot blindly at celebrities, because for some reason, people

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Speaker 1: are treating the things that I say like news, when

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Speaker 1: in fact I'm a goddamn idiot and none of this

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Speaker 1: should be treated his news because I I just wanted

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Speaker 1: an excuse to say pussy poisoning. And isn't that a

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Speaker 1: fun a fun little phrase, pussy poisoning. If we can

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Speaker 1: find a way to squeeze that into our day more often,

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Speaker 1: I think the world would be a better place. That's

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Speaker 1: my personal take. But who am I? I'm your host,

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Speaker 1: That's who I am. I'm your host, Lengthston Kerman, and

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Speaker 1: I'm excited because, as as we do with all many episodes,

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Speaker 1: we dig into the vaults, the emails that I get

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Speaker 1: sent from you, the listeners, And this one's a fun one.

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Speaker 1: This one actually comes all the way to us from Rwanda.

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Speaker 1: That's right, Rwanda, never been heard. Your hotels are lovely.

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Speaker 1: I didn't have to do that joke anyway. I don't

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Speaker 1: know why. That's a piece of ship move and I

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Speaker 1: apologize already because that that was unnecessary. There's no reason

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Speaker 1: to have brought up Hotel Rwanda just because it's the

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Speaker 1: only reference I have for a country that I'm not

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Speaker 1: aware of. But my listener today, a person named Billy

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Speaker 1: sent me a lovely email and sent me a conspiracy

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Speaker 1: theory that I'm really excited to impact with y'all. Billy said,

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Speaker 1: high lengths. Then a classic Rwanda and greeting he said,

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Speaker 1: high lengths. Then I hope you are well. Thanks for

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Speaker 1: your fun entertain and despite what some have said, well

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Speaker 1: research podcast, Well, Billy, I'm the main one saying it's

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Speaker 1: not well researched. So I agreed to disagree. But but

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Speaker 1: let's move on, you said, Billy said, So, my mama

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Speaker 1: told me if I don't fully drink a glass of

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Speaker 1: milk to the last drop, the cow that produced the

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Speaker 1: milk dies. For quick context, cows where I am from

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Speaker 1: in Rwanda, holds significant socio cultural meanings and play a

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Speaker 1: large role in people's livelihoods. The prospect of killing a

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Speaker 1: cow by not finishing its milk has always been an

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Speaker 1: effective guilt tripping method, especially when the mechanics of the

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Speaker 1: cow's death have never been explained to me. Does the

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Speaker 1: cow die out of chagrin thinking that it's milk was

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Speaker 1: not tasty enough for me? Another relevant piece of information,

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Speaker 1: my family and I are not vegetarian, no hesitation about

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Speaker 1: eating cow meat. Vegetarianism isn't even a culturally upheld practice

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Speaker 1: in Rwanda. So why would I be chastised for not

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Speaker 1: fully drinking king my milk? If anything, I think we

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Speaker 1: should all consider not finishing our milk. It's probably the

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Speaker 1: most ethical way of killing cows. And I would like

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Speaker 1: some recognition from animal rights activists. I hope to hear

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Speaker 1: what you think about this conspiracy regards Billy Well, Billy poof.

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Speaker 1: I I've never heard this before in my life. Let's

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Speaker 1: start there. This is this is brand new to me, Buddy.

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Speaker 1: I don't. I don't know many cows. I don't. I

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Speaker 1: don't hold them in in very high regard. I I

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Speaker 1: respect cows like listen. I'm a fan. I'm a fan

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Speaker 1: of cows. I'm a fan of their work. If I

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Speaker 1: meet a cow, it's a goddamn good day. But I

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Speaker 1: I don't personally interact with them very often. So this

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Speaker 1: isn't This isn't something that my parents would have ever

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Speaker 1: said over over a dinner of of milk, we we

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Speaker 1: also don't drink milk anymore in this guy, I don't

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Speaker 1: know a lot of people who just drink a glass

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Speaker 1: of milk. But again, cultural differences. And I'm excited to

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Speaker 1: unpack this, as it turns out, because I did a

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Speaker 1: fair amount of research on this subject. As it turns out,

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Speaker 1: while what your mother was saying seems to have a

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Speaker 1: sort of superstitious ring to it, there does seem to

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Speaker 1: also be a logic to your mother's suggestion. Holy shit,

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Speaker 1: let's dig further. Presumably the milk that we drink is

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Speaker 1: connected to supply in demand. Right The more we drink,

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Speaker 1: the more milk needs to be produced, which means that

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Speaker 1: we need to make more cows to produce it supply

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Speaker 1: and demand. We get these cows pregnant and steal away

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Speaker 1: their babies as this tradition, so that they can then

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Speaker 1: produce the milk that we drink. And if we were

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Speaker 1: to collectively stop drinking the milk, making less demand, there

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Speaker 1: would also be in theory less need for the cows.

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Speaker 1: And domesticated cows as we know them do not actually

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Speaker 1: exist in the wild. Right there, There are forms of

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Speaker 1: cows that actually do exist that are like wild for cows,

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Speaker 1: I guess, but but domesticated cows they can't, they can't

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Speaker 1: really live out there. So there's a fair amount of

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Speaker 1: evidence that if our demand were to shrink, if we

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Speaker 1: were to stop drinking the milk enough, farmers would either

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Speaker 1: slaughter their cattle because they're useless and they would be

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Speaker 1: consuming so much of their crops and ship that they need,

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Speaker 1: or at the very least, they would stop producing more cows.

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Speaker 1: So basically, the farmers are saying, if you don't finish

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Speaker 1: all of your milk, billy, they're going to shoot their

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Speaker 1: cows in the fucking face, right, They're going to murder

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Speaker 1: the cows if you don't drink that. If you don't

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Speaker 1: drink every drop of your goddamn two percent milk, I

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Speaker 1: don't know. Do you all have two percent? Is that?

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Speaker 1: Is that a very American concept, to like, uh, to

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Speaker 1: have different, like I guess, forms of the thing. I

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Speaker 1: can't believe that's true. I imagine that that happens all

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Speaker 1: over the world, but maybe it is. Maybe it's mostly

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Speaker 1: Americans who are like, I want the fat, but only

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Speaker 1: a certain amount of the fat or the lactose, but

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Speaker 1: only a certain amount of the lactose I digress. I

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Speaker 1: also looked up what happens to a cow when you

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Speaker 1: stop milking it, and apparently, in worse case scenarios, Billy,

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Speaker 1: and this is gonna sunk you up a little bit,

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Speaker 1: a cow can die from being unmilked, That's right. They

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Speaker 1: basically can get sick, and specifically they can get mass titis,

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Speaker 1: which is basically like the clogging of the teeth, and

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Speaker 1: it's super painful for the cows, and and they can

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Speaker 1: get sick infections from from that sickness, and ultimately, if

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Speaker 1: left untreated, they can die. So, yes, you not drinking

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Speaker 1: all of that milk, not not allowing that cow to

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Speaker 1: fully uh eject all the that that white goodness from

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Speaker 1: its from its dirty, dirty tits. Um. I don't know

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Speaker 1: why I would make this sexual. I didn't listen, folks.

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Speaker 1: I don't suck cows. I want to be honest about that,

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Speaker 1: just I want to just just come out and and

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Speaker 1: be clear. I can't afford for any more chaos across

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Speaker 1: my my Instagram and or Twitter feed lengths. And Carman

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Speaker 1: doesn't suck cows. But but I don't know how to

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Speaker 1: refer to cow titties without making it at least uh

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Speaker 1: moderately sexual, And that's my hang up. But again, I'm

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Speaker 1: not hard, I'm not horny for the cows. I'm just

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Speaker 1: having the conversation, you know what I mean. The point

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Speaker 1: is that in most cases, the cows do not die

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Speaker 1: from the the unmilk ing of their teeths, their delicious teeths.

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Speaker 1: More likely, the reactions of of being unmilked are our discomfort, bruising, sickness,

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Speaker 1: and again mass titis. Now on a personal note, my

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Speaker 1: wife is currently breastfeeding our daughter and I've seen firsthand

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Speaker 1: us how much discomfort comes when when, like overnight, she's

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Speaker 1: not able to empty her boobs, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: And as much as I'd like to be help be

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Speaker 1: helpful and suck on them big old things, human titty

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Speaker 1: milk just isn't from me. I've tried it, I don't

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Speaker 1: care for it. I like sucking on almond titties, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Give me a good almond titty.

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Speaker 1: I'll motor bought this ship out of a thick ass almond.

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Speaker 1: That's that's more of my speed. The point is this theory.

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Speaker 1: As you sort of mentioned in in your email to me,

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Speaker 1: also seems to have a very clear, i want to say,

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Speaker 1: crossover with the way that we in America sort of

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Speaker 1: speak about not finishing our food, which is very interesting,

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Speaker 1: the long and short of it being that that we

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Speaker 1: in America, maybe you've heard this before, we say that

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Speaker 1: if you don't finish everything that's on your plate, there

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Speaker 1: are starving children in Africa and Asia who would be

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Speaker 1: happy to eat it's left on our plates. Now, having

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Speaker 1: grown up and experienced food in other countries, and I

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Speaker 1: haven't been to Rwanda, but I've been. I've traveled to

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Speaker 1: quite a few places, and I can say with absolute

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Speaker 1: certainty that you kids in Rwanda, and you kids and

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Speaker 1: other parts of the world, I know with absolute certainty

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Speaker 1: none of those kids are sitting back and wishing they

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Speaker 1: could eat our half finished hot dogs and drink the

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Speaker 1: leftovers of our high fruit toasts, corns syrup milkshakes. Like

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Speaker 1: it's not they they eat so much better across the

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Speaker 1: world people's food is it's purer, it tastes better, it

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Speaker 1: is healthier for you. Now, there is obviously uh an

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Speaker 1: intentional mistreatment and sort of like starvation of particularly the

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Speaker 1: southern hemisphere of of our world, of the globe that said,

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Speaker 1: the global South as it were, that said, the food

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Speaker 1: they have fucking delt issues, the food we have fucking poison.

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Speaker 1: So that whole concept of like, oh, if you don't

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Speaker 1: need your food, you're you're being mean to the starving

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Speaker 1: babies of of Africa. It's not only ignorant in short sided,

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Speaker 1: but it also just it can't be true. They don't

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Speaker 1: want the bullshit that we put in our mouths Now,

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Speaker 1: I will say that it does. Where the crossover really

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Speaker 1: seems to live is that it's sort of, like you mentioned,

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Speaker 1: is sort of a a strategy of creating shame for

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Speaker 1: young children being wasteful. Right, Americans look down unfortunately on

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Speaker 1: people of other countries, and apparently Rwandans you're one for

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Speaker 1: one with the way we treat people of other countries.

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Speaker 1: This cows the principles of the same, the logic wof

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Speaker 1: it's it's far more uh, far more sad on our

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Speaker 1: end that that the best we can do is to

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Speaker 1: treat people like you treat animals. But that's neither here

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Speaker 1: nor there now. Obviously, all of this might lead you

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Speaker 1: to suggest that it is better for us to be

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Speaker 1: drinking cow's milk and finishing every drop. However, there are

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Speaker 1: also there is quite a bit of of evidence that

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Speaker 1: shows that it is way worse for our environment to

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Speaker 1: be raising cattle and drinking alternative milks would be more ideal.

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Speaker 1: And don't drink titty milk though again tasted it. It's fine,

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Speaker 1: it ain't the best. It again the almond that's you

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Speaker 1: gotta suck some almond titties. I would also point out

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Speaker 1: that according to the National Digestive Diseases Information Clearing House,

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Speaker 1: what the fund is that place? But apparently according to

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Speaker 1: those folks the indeed I see it, they calculate that

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Speaker 1: some thirty million to fifty million Americans are laxose intolerant,

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Speaker 1: including up to seventy five percent of African Americans and

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Speaker 1: American Indians are nine of Oh this so se for

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Speaker 1: for African Americans and Native Americans and nine percent for

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Speaker 1: Asian Americans, they're the most intolerant, and and black people

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Speaker 1: and Native Americans aren't far behind. Moreover, cowberb's apparently and

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Speaker 1: farts are responsible for up to four percent of the

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Speaker 1: world's carbon emission. So long story short, don't worry Billy

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Speaker 1: about finishing your milk. I have to imagine you're deep

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Speaker 1: in your thirties, so don't you can you can stand

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Speaker 1: up for yourself at this point and say no, I'm

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Speaker 1: not gonna finish my goddamn milk. And more more importantly,

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Speaker 1: we have bigger problems at hand, largely the fact that

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Speaker 1: we're overproducing these domestic animals who are going to die

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Speaker 1: if we don't keep consuming them while they slowly bring

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Speaker 1: it into our lives on this planet. It's a it's

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Speaker 1: a sick, fucked up circle, Billy, and Uh, I don't

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Speaker 1: know what to do about it, and I probably should

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Speaker 1: stop eating and drinking anything related to cows, but God

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Speaker 1: damaged string cheese good and uh, your boy loves five guys.

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Speaker 1: So so we're all. We're all struggling to do the work,

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Speaker 1: but we try our best every day, Billy, and I

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Speaker 1: appreciate you listening all the way from Wawanda, Rwanda, wa Wanda.

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Speaker 1: I don't know what what Wanda is. I'll learn to

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Speaker 1: pronounce your country's name someday, and I hope to be

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Speaker 1: there someday and meet you, Billy, and and we'll share

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Speaker 1: a glass of milk. You and I will will have

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Speaker 1: a tall glass of milk and we won't finish it,

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Speaker 1: and then we'll go out in the field and watch

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Speaker 1: a cow die from disappointment that we hated his his

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Speaker 1: we hated it if it's his milk. Oh boy, Billy,

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Speaker 1: we've been drinking something we didn't know. But if we

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Speaker 1: we'll watch her die from from us, taking a tall,

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Speaker 1: half finished glass of her milk and being like this

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Speaker 1: tastes like shit, Bessie, go ahead, kill over and die anyway.

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Speaker 1: If you if you want to send me conspiracy theories

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Speaker 1: from from places around the world that I've never been to,

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Speaker 1: like Billy, you can send them to my Mama Poe

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Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. That's right, I the lines are open, folks,

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Speaker 1: the hot line the red phone is ringing off the hook.

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Speaker 1: Who we got no one? Well, that's because you ain't

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Speaker 1: called yet. So so send your your emails or your

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Speaker 1: messages and your drops and your theories to my mama

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Speaker 1: pot at gmail dot com. And as always, you can

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Speaker 1: follow me at lengthston Kerman and like and subscribe and

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Speaker 1: do all the things that you're supposed to do, leave

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Speaker 1: comments for the podcast. And finally, if you are in

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Speaker 1: Los Angeles on December fifteen, you should come to the

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Speaker 1: Hotel Cafe where I will be hosting Langston Kerman and Freaks.

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Speaker 1: It's the monthly show that I run. It's gonna be

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Speaker 1: a great time. I'd love to see you all there.

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Speaker 1: Otherwise I don't know. Bye, bitch, motherfucking mother, many episode,

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Speaker 1: what the fucking mini episode