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Speaker 1: Today's Daily Highlight from Elvis Duran in the Morning show.

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Speaker 2: You know what, this is one of these topics we've

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Speaker 2: been talking about on the show for at least twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty five years, and it's friend hoarding for instance. You know,

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Speaker 2: it comes up in different forms. For instance, let's say

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Speaker 2: you introduce a good friend of yours to another good

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Speaker 2: friend of yours and they become friends, and then they

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Speaker 2: go out and do their own stuff without you, and

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Speaker 2: you're like, you feel like, well, I should have just

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Speaker 2: hoarded them. I should have just kept them to myself myself.

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Speaker 2: By the way, I'm not one of those people. I

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Speaker 2: really actually thrive on introducing friends to friends and they

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Speaker 2: have their own friendship going. But there's another reason why

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Speaker 2: sometimes it's good to friend hoard. Let's say when I'm

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Speaker 2: with Gandhi, she and I are like really menaces. We

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Speaker 2: talk about really really off the wall blue things. It

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Speaker 2: can get nasty, but to another friend exactly. But I

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Speaker 2: have both the friends I hang out with, which is

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Speaker 2: always sort of on the straight and narrow. We used

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Speaker 2: to talk about virtuous, wonderful, positive things. You know. So

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Speaker 2: I don't know if I want to introduce Gandhi my

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Speaker 2: you know, evil sister to a friend of mine who's

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Speaker 2: like an angel. You know, because I can be different

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Speaker 2: people with each one. You know, a different person with

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Speaker 2: each one, different side of me. Yes, So therefore I

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Speaker 2: try to keep them separate. Makes sense?

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Speaker 3: Okay?

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Speaker 2: Yes, understanding hoarding friends, You actually sent me an article

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Speaker 2: about this. I did. So.

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Speaker 3: A lot of people hoard friends, and for these reasons

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Speaker 3: that you say. Some people are just kind of jealous

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Speaker 3: in general, they don't want the friends to become better

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Speaker 3: friends with each other than you are with them. But

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Speaker 3: experts are saying that this is causing even more loneliness

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Speaker 3: because people are already having a tough time just connecting

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Speaker 3: in general with technology, with how busy we all are.

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Speaker 2: So if you have.

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Speaker 3: Friends of friends and then your friend is hoarding, you

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Speaker 3: also find someone that you like and then you don't

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Speaker 3: get to hang out with them, which makes you extra sad.

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Speaker 2: So don't be a friend hoarder, right, It's okay, open

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Speaker 2: the gates. So some people call it friend poaching. Well,

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Speaker 2: poaching is a different, a different scenario that means you

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Speaker 2: know you're friends with them, I'm gonna take you away

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Speaker 2: from them, and they can can't be with them as

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Speaker 2: friends anymore. That's what great are we in And people

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Speaker 2: that people do that, well, you know, okay, then maybe

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Speaker 2: they should examine themselves a little bit in my opinion,

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Speaker 2: But I don't know. We there is a case for

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Speaker 2: the different side of you that shines through when you're

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Speaker 2: with one person versus another. Right, maybe you don't want

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Speaker 2: those paths to cross. I get that. It's like, for instance, maybe, uh,

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Speaker 2: let's say, daniel your husband Sheldon has a friend at

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Speaker 2: work or he works with who's just you made things

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Speaker 2: a bad influence, right, he doesn't want you to hang

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Speaker 2: out with that person, even though even though he knows

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Speaker 2: how to run his life around that person and do

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Speaker 2: the right thing, he may not think that you trust

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Speaker 2: him when he's with them or and then I'm going

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Speaker 2: to see the real deal and happening. I don't think so. Well, no,

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Speaker 2: I know, I know, but he's an adult. You trust,

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Speaker 2: you trust, so it's gonna do You.

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Speaker 1: Would be that friend you know when you first met

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Speaker 1: throwing chairs, throwing chairs off of a chip together.

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Speaker 2: We never did that, Danielle. We never did that.

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Speaker 3: It was all alleged.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we weren't.

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Speaker 2: Throwing any chairs. That was a yeah, I was a

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Speaker 2: bad inf we were drinking. I don't know something happened.

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Speaker 2: If it had happened, it would have been because they're drinking. Yes,

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Speaker 2: that's what's that. Gandhi.

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Speaker 3: There are a couple of people in my life who

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Speaker 3: I don't want to hoard the friends, but I do know, Okay,

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Speaker 3: this person and this person together are going to be

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Speaker 3: a liability when we go out, so I do need

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Speaker 3: to be careful. I'm not trying to not let them

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Speaker 3: be friends. I just don't know if I want to

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Speaker 3: be there when they are together, because that's insane.

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Speaker 2: You know it's gonna come. Yeah, then you know it's

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Speaker 2: good to save some friends from other friends in that fashion.

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Speaker 2: For instance, with Nate, after a drink, he turns into

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Speaker 2: you know, doctor Jackyl, yes, or mister Hyde. He turns

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Speaker 2: into mister Hyde. Actually just yeah, fools around. Yeah, no,

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Speaker 2: I'm thinking about that. Elvis, like, that's a risk for

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Speaker 2: you if you take me and introduce me the normal

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Speaker 2: me to your friends, like, oh, this guy's pretty great

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Speaker 2: and I have one drink and they're like, what did

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Speaker 2: you do? Who did you bring? What is this monster

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Speaker 2: you've introduced into our midst? Then then that makes them

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Speaker 2: question me as a human.

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Speaker 3: Like Nate, Oh God, I have a friend. You guys

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Speaker 3: have all met her. She is beautiful. When she gets drunk,

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Speaker 3: she will make out with whomever is standing next to her,

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Speaker 3: and it turns into chaos. Like she gets us into

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Speaker 3: the most ridiculous situations all the time, and you can't

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Speaker 3: stop her. She's like, I'm a grown up, I'm gonna

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Speaker 3: do what I want. And then she's calling you from

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Speaker 3: the back of some cab where she's like, I think

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Speaker 3: I'm being kidnapped.

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Speaker 2: It's the worst.

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Speaker 3: Her and Nate together, I cannot even imagine.

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Speaker 2: God, it's like bringing on. So this article you sent

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Speaker 2: me about this friend hoarding, there's a book out called

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Speaker 2: Fighting for Our Friendships, The Science and Art of Conflict

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Speaker 2: and Connection in Women's Relationships, And this person who wrote

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Speaker 2: this article says that that book told her then, when

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Speaker 2: she was a high school teacher years ago, she often

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Speaker 2: hear students airing anxieties so and so ber friend and

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Speaker 2: my friend, or I think she's trying to take her

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Speaker 2: away from me as my friend. And we assume that

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Speaker 2: was a back then issue, a teenage issue, a high

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Speaker 2: school issue. It's not as Danielle pointed out earlier. It

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Speaker 2: goes on right now.

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Speaker 1: My mother is in her seventies and it's still going on.

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Speaker 1: The stories I hear, I go, are you sure that happened?

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Speaker 4: She's like, oh yeah, don't you think the hoarding happens though,

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Speaker 4: because of the potential to poach.

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Speaker 2: I never want to get poached, so I hoard and

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Speaker 2: then but then there's okay, back up, back up, back up.

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Speaker 2: But what do you mean, why do you have a

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Speaker 2: problem with friends becoming friends.

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Speaker 4: I don't have friends. I have a problem with friends

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Speaker 4: becoming friends. I'm just afraid of those two friends becoming

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Speaker 4: closer with each other than I am with the two friends.

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Speaker 4: And I'm like, you can't do stuff behind my back

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Speaker 4: and go places.

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Speaker 1: So they're not If they become friends through you, that's cool.

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Speaker 1: They have to invite you always.

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Speaker 2: Yes, I need to be included in the mix. You

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Speaker 2: can't come up, so they're not allowed to hang out

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Speaker 2: unless you're included. You must be a part of the equation,

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Speaker 2: at least asked just courtesy. Ask let's ask scary, so

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Speaker 2: you would be you'd be really upset if you introduced

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Speaker 2: friend A who you've known since you were in college

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Speaker 2: to friend b who you met at work and you

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Speaker 2: just met and you found out they were going out

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Speaker 2: to dinner and they didn't even tell you about it,

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Speaker 2: and you never you would have an issue with that?

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Speaker 2: Why is that? Why would you have an issue? A question?

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Speaker 2: Because why would why would they friends? That is not

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Speaker 2: a reason. Why does that bother? Well, okay, you're the

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Speaker 2: reason they're friends, But why is there a problem with it?

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Speaker 4: Because I feel like I'm the response. I'm responsible, and

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Speaker 4: and I don't want them talking about me behind my

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Speaker 4: back because now they both know me. So you know,

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Speaker 4: it's like how introduced Jetski Brian, a friend of mine

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Speaker 4: to some of my friends. So I don't want them

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Speaker 4: hanging out with Jetsky Brian behind my back.

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Speaker 2: So you don't want jets K Brian hanging out with

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Speaker 2: outhouse Alan, So so you're afraid they're gonna talk about

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Speaker 2: you behind your back? That could be what you say

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Speaker 2: that that's what you said? Well, what other what other

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Speaker 2: problems are there about new friends versus old with old

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Speaker 2: friends not including you in a dinner? They I don't

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Speaker 2: know if they plan trip, they could plan trips, they can,

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Speaker 2: they can get in business? What do they use money together,

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Speaker 2: and I'm like.

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Speaker 1: What if road kill Roger and Jetski Brian wind not

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Speaker 1: making money together and he didn't make anything else.

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Speaker 2: But I need to be good. Just ask. It's a

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Speaker 2: courtesy act. Why so you feel like you have somewhat

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Speaker 2: of a control and ownership over your friends and they

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Speaker 2: really I'm not it's not funny. It's not funny. I'm

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Speaker 2: being serious. You feel like you're claiming them as your

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Speaker 2: territory and people are not allowed into that territory without

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Speaker 2: you at the bridge, knowing who's coming in and who's leaving. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you know what, it is a bit of a possession.

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Speaker 2: The thing. I don't know why.

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Speaker 1: I have to say. There was a moment when I

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Speaker 1: introduced two people and then I kept saying no to

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Speaker 1: hang out with the one girl, right, so she went

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Speaker 1: and asked the other girl to hang out. And she

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Speaker 1: told me after the fact that I only did it

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Speaker 1: because I wanted to see if you would finally hang

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Speaker 1: out with me if I was also hanging out with her,

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Speaker 1: because you keep saying no to me, So in order

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Speaker 1: to get you to hang out, I had to like

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Speaker 1: poach your friend and get her to hang out with me.

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Speaker 2: So that you would feel bad and want to hang

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Speaker 2: out with all of us.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: So I was like, this is a lot goes into this.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, oh oh yeah, Scary sort of acting like

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Speaker 3: an agent, like, Okay, so I introduced you, so I

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Speaker 3: get a cut of this deal business deal. I introduce you,

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Speaker 3: I get some You're going on a trip. I introduced you,

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Speaker 3: I get to go.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, I need a cut. He wants a cut

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Speaker 2: of your friendship.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, a percentage all his friends are signed to him.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it is it. It's definitely. I think it's a

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Speaker 2: controlling thing. It's the need to be in control because

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Speaker 2: it is very selfish on Scary's part two, because I'm

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Speaker 2: thinking about this if like pizza parlor Paul and uh

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Speaker 2: Harry hemorrhoids yeah, and avatuire Alex, right, like what if

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Speaker 2: they would be like best best friends, like they were

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Speaker 2: just looking for that person in their life. It's Kay's

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Speaker 2: keeping them apart. Okay, Okay, you can move this to

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Speaker 2: another level. Let's say you are dating someone right, really

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Speaker 2: liked him a lot, and then it goes south. But

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Speaker 2: a friend that you met through them then becomes your

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Speaker 2: next your next relationship. Yeah, and then you get married,

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Speaker 2: then you have kids, and then well isn't that just

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Speaker 2: kind of a part of life? You know, we connect

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Speaker 2: with people, it's all. It's about mingling with people. It's

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Speaker 2: about uh uh, networking, I guess in a way, and

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Speaker 2: networking through business and through relationships. I guess it all

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Speaker 2: makes sense in a way. This happened. I introduced a

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Speaker 2: guy to a girl. They got married.

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Speaker 4: Now they're divorced, but they lie together and they blame

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Speaker 4: it all on you everything, And Alvis, you know them too,

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Speaker 4: they're they're you know, one of them is a radio

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Speaker 4: friend of ours.

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Speaker 2: But they're living in other cities. But yeah, but honestly,

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Speaker 2: I'm cool with that. I'm okay. I'm a very sharing person.

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Speaker 2: But just don't go double cross. Just don't go double

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Speaker 2: cross me, though. Don't. What you're saying is exactly your

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Speaker 2: definition of double crossing. You introduced them and now they

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Speaker 2: got married, and so you feel double cross no a relationship.

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Speaker 2: I'm cool with that. I'm okay with that. Yeah, go

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Speaker 2: go for it. I want all my friends to get laid.

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Speaker 2: I want all my friends.

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Speaker 1: No, but I just don't want two guys to be

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Speaker 1: friends behind your back.

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Speaker 2: Do that okay, oh wow wow