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Speaker 1: It's the radio segment that just hired Kanye's therapist and

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Speaker 1: showed up to work today in a black leather onesie

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Speaker 1: with his face covered by a mask of rusty nails.

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Speaker 2: I don't know if that person's certified or Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Matt, they are feeling pretty good today. Laser Story the

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Speaker 1: segment where we read weird news stories around the globe,

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Speaker 1: just like everyone else does, except we've got a laser

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Speaker 1: those other yay sayers just this first Laser story is

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Speaker 1: out of Kinston, North Carolina. Ronda Deaver is a regular

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Speaker 1: at Smith's Cafe, and last week she accidentally left her

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Speaker 1: credit card behind after pay. That's when a quick thinking

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Speaker 1: waiter took action. Oh did he chase her down in

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Speaker 1: the parking lot? No? Okay, did he find her social

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Speaker 1: media and DM her? No? No, he did the next

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Speaker 1: best thing by taking pictures of the front and back

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Speaker 1: of her credit card, then post them to the town's

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Speaker 1: Facebook group. That's right, got back the credit card number,

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Speaker 1: the expiration, the security code, security, the full name, all

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Speaker 1: right there living on the internet. O, my god, is

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Speaker 1: this your credit card?

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest, though, I could see myself when

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Speaker 2: I got my first like waiting job at sixteen, I'd

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Speaker 2: be like, oh, I beat so help y'all.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I did not even understanding what you did. Well.

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Speaker 1: Ronda realized half an hour later what she had done

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Speaker 1: minutes on the internet like she returned to the cafe

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Speaker 1: to get her card, and that's when the waiter proudly

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Speaker 1: told her that he had gone the extra mile to

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Speaker 1: get it back to it. He's open for a fat tip,

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Speaker 1: and he showed her the Facebook post. He's like, I

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Speaker 1: also bought some stuff on Amazon. Sure it still works.

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Speaker 1: Ronda could not believe it and quickly called her bank,

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Speaker 1: but the damage was already done. Two thousand dollars and

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Speaker 1: extra charges had been.

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Speaker 2: Run on Why did I expect more anybody else?

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Speaker 1: Luckily, Ronda's bank closed the account, but she's still in

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Speaker 1: the process of disputing the charges and the crazy part,

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Speaker 1: she might be responsible for some, if not all, of

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Speaker 1: the charges.

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Speaker 2: No way stop payment put a stop payment on all

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 1: What the heck? As for the helpful waiter in the cafe,

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Speaker 1: his official statement is no comment. Yeah, I still stories.

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Speaker 1: Out of California, the employees of a subway restaurant had

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Speaker 1: a strange running with a customer. The other day. According

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Speaker 1: to witnesses, the man started arguing with the staff because

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Speaker 1: he didn't get double ham on his sandwich, and nobody

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Speaker 1: get that's like four bucks extra or something.

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Speaker 2: Yeah when you get when you get double to meet,

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Speaker 2: sure you could be upset.

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Speaker 1: But they looked at his receipt and it said he'd

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Speaker 1: only paid for regular hands.

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Speaker 2: Oh then you get the six les, okay, then you

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Speaker 2: got to ring it up again, sir.

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Speaker 1: Well he got heated anyway, and at one point the

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Speaker 1: manager stepped in and that's when the guy lost it. Listen,

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Speaker 1: I did not expect this. He comes around the corner,

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Speaker 1: I go, what are you gonna do?

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Speaker 2: Hit me?

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Speaker 1: Over ham?

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Speaker 2: He hit me?

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Speaker 1: What ye hit? The manager? Now she has a black

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Speaker 1: eye and says she can't feel half of her face.

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Speaker 2: Who is this man?

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Speaker 1: What is wrong with him? To make it worse, there

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Speaker 1: was a huge size difference between the two of them.

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Speaker 1: She's four foot eleven and says the double hand guy

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Speaker 1: was six foot five, almost four hundred pounds, and he

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Speaker 1: was like three foot six.

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Speaker 2: He's just angry. Commercial.

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Speaker 1: Luckily, cops showed up after it went down, and the

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Speaker 1: man was arrested for battery. The manager says she is

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Speaker 1: definitely pressing charges.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, get that hand band it.

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Speaker 1: Good news is he'll probably get double salami in prison.

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Speaker 1: Che everybody, let's go to your next lazer story. Out

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Speaker 1: of Lettingham Township, pencil porch pirates have reached a new

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Speaker 1: level of brazenness. According to the latest report, it all

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Speaker 1: started when forty six year old Henry Davis was at

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Speaker 1: home and got the notification his delivery had arrived. Okay,

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Speaker 1: that's so he'd ordered six iPhones for his family.

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Speaker 2: Casually, that's like six grand lots.

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Speaker 1: So he opened the door at three pm just as

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Speaker 1: the Amazon driver was walking away. He bent down to

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Speaker 1: pick up the box, and then out of nowhere, a

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Speaker 1: stranger in a mask dashed up his front steps and

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Speaker 1: grabbed it out of his hand, literally took it will

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Speaker 1: he was still there. While he was standing there with

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Speaker 1: the box, the suspect booked it to a tan car

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Speaker 1: where a getaway driver was waiting for him. They hit

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Speaker 1: the gas and were.

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Speaker 2: Gone like following the Amazon. They are really lucky it

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Speaker 2: wasn't a heavy package.

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Speaker 1: It took less than a minute for the robbery to

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Speaker 1: go down, and Henry was left stunned. He called the

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Speaker 1: cops and police are looking for the pair, but without

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Speaker 1: much identifying factors like what they look like, it's hard

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Speaker 1: to hunt them down.

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Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, we just look for a guy with

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Speaker 2: six cell phones going at the same time.

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Speaker 1: The weirdest part is that seconds after the delivery, he

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Speaker 1: got a scam call telling him to return the phones

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Speaker 1: that he just bought. What he told the scammer the

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Speaker 1: package was stolen, and then the caller hung up. What.

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Speaker 1: Henry has no idea how multiple thieves knew about his

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Speaker 1: iPhone delivery, but from now on he does plan to

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Speaker 1: go directly to an Apple store to buy phones for

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Speaker 1: his family the next time that is scams.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, I mean I don't want to point

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Speaker 2: fingers of the driver a driver.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, his next lazer stories out of millennial mania. The

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Speaker 1: other day we add a poll that found aches and

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Speaker 1: pains tend to start at around age thirty seven. Now,

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Speaker 1: a separate pole found you officially start being lame shortly

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Speaker 1: after that.

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Speaker 2: Like that should just coincide with whatever you have children,

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Speaker 2: isn't that pretty much?

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Speaker 1: Because a survey of two thousand Americans found the average

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Speaker 1: person stops being cool at age thirty nine.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Wow, that age age thirty nine is when we tend

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Speaker 1: to feel like we're out of touch and can't follow

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Speaker 1: the trends anymore. O. Yeah, they listed the main topics. Okay,

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Speaker 1: here's how they're ranked. Number five, technology.

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Speaker 2: Already at age thirty something, your hope.

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Speaker 1: Twenty six percent of people feel out of touch with

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Speaker 1: tech by the time thirty nine rolls around.

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Speaker 2: Okay, because you don't have an AI assistant yet.

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Speaker 1: Even that, there's too much problem. Honestly. Number four is

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Speaker 1: a tie between books and fashion. Oh yeah, thirty two

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Speaker 1: percent of millennials just under forty feel like they're out

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Speaker 1: of touch with both of those things. I'm always don't

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Speaker 1: get brook and I started on this book debate right now.

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Speaker 1: I have a favorite brook and Brook text me every.

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Speaker 2: Day how much she hates it. Dude, lessis has got

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Speaker 2: me reading this Sarah Jay mass stuff.

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Speaker 1: You're both equally lame Twilight but worse better, don't you do?

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Speaker 2: Yes?

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Speaker 1: Number three the arts? About the thirty four percent couldn't

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Speaker 1: name one famous artist other than Banksy a modern artist.

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Speaker 2: I think they mean someone who's living.

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Speaker 1: Number two celebrities like who's Jacob Elordi? And if you

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Speaker 1: could pick Emma Chamberlain out of a lineup.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, I.

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Speaker 1: Wouldn't be it.

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Speaker 2: I could do the first one, the second one am

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Speaker 2: I don't know. I probably seen her, but I mean

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Speaker 2: they all kind of look the same. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: If you can't identify those people that I named earlier,

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Speaker 1: then you're with the other thirty six percent of losers

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Speaker 1: like myself. And finally, the number one thing someone thirty

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Speaker 1: nine years old can't keep up with is slang. I agree.

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Speaker 1: Forty percent said they're completely out of touch with the

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Speaker 1: modern slang going on, or as I like to say,

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Speaker 1: dswlt what the shoes won't love themselves with? This ilictser

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Speaker 1: stories has come to an end for the day. We'll

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Speaker 1: do it again the same time on Wednesday

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Speaker 2: Brooke and Jeffrey in the morning