Speaker 1: Hell I Suck at Dating with Jared Haven and I
Speaker 1: heard radio podcast What's Up? Everyone. Welcome to an all
Speaker 1: new episode of Help I Suck At Dating? And it's
Speaker 1: a very very special episode today. If not for any
Speaker 1: other reason than Jared is um at his home instead
Speaker 1: of being in the closet at Audrey's. It's not the closet,
Speaker 1: it's the office. It just looks like a closet. I
Speaker 1: gotta clean it up, I gotta organize well, wherever it is.
Speaker 1: We're happy to have you back in a safe space
Speaker 1: where you're not going to be distracted with things like
Speaker 1: work or coffee or pastries. Now, speaking of coffee, actually,
Speaker 1: actually I just brewed a cup? Can you make me? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I just brewed You want to make me a cup? Oh?
Speaker 1: You're so lovely. Sorry, I actually just came from the
Speaker 1: coffee shop. I'm running around, dude. I feel like I've
Speaker 1: been drowning the past two weeks and just trying to
Speaker 1: keep my head above water. It's I mean, I've never
Speaker 1: held more alive if that matters. Thank you, love you? Um?
Speaker 1: Well that's good. Um. How has the first two weeks
Speaker 1: been busy? So busy? It's been great though, Like I
Speaker 1: feel so lucky that we've been so busy. But bro,
Speaker 1: it's been busy, yeah, all day. I think it's it's
Speaker 1: like you said, it's better to be busy than not
Speaker 1: to be busy enough, right, so it has it? Has
Speaker 1: it met expectations? Has it exceeded expectations? Where are we
Speaker 1: at on the expectation scale? I think for business purposes
Speaker 1: in terms of uh volume, it's exceeded my expectations. I
Speaker 1: thought we were going to be busy, but I didn't
Speaker 1: think we're gonna be this busy consistently. Like I thought,
Speaker 1: you know, oh yeah, Saturday busy, Sunday will be all right, Monday,
Speaker 1: Tuesday probably dead, and we'll start getting into a rhythm
Speaker 1: of things. People will know we're open every day, every day,
Speaker 1: every day. But that's great. I can't complain about it.
Speaker 1: What I can complain about, though, is like I'm there
Speaker 1: sixteen hours a day at least all day every day.
Speaker 1: I'm tired, I'm exhausted. What is it is the UM?
Speaker 1: Is it like Bachelor fans come ming? Or is it
Speaker 1: coffee snobs? Or is it um? There's no snobs? Okay,
Speaker 1: those are my customers. They're not snobs. They're wonderful human
Speaker 1: beings who attend great coffee shops. That's what they do. Uh.
Speaker 1: But yeah, so the coffee snobs, Yeah they suck. But
Speaker 1: I I'm losing my mind. A lot of bachelor fans
Speaker 1: come in take pictures. They're so sweet. They give us gifts,
Speaker 1: They've given us baby gifts. Um I'm I'm I feel
Speaker 1: bad for them because I could tell that they're excited
Speaker 1: to meet me, but they really want to meet Ashley.
Speaker 1: So it's like always like, oh, that's cool, Jared's here,
Speaker 1: but where's Ashley. I'm like, oh, well, she's home. And
Speaker 1: they're like, oh, well, I guess we'll take a picture
Speaker 1: with you. And I'm like, yeah, I mean, I guess
Speaker 1: that's cool. And then we take a picture and then
Speaker 1: I go back to sweeping the floor. But it's fun,
Speaker 1: it's good. I love the hospitality industry. I just wish
Speaker 1: it's just hard, right because we are a brand new business.
Speaker 1: So like the first couple of weeks, first, like a
Speaker 1: couple of months, really we're just getting into the rim
Speaker 1: of the things with ordering and staffing and and you know,
Speaker 1: consistency and menu options and things of that nature. But
Speaker 1: because of how many people are there constantly. It's like
Speaker 1: we all we just have to hit the ground running
Speaker 1: and that's difficult, that's hard, but we're doing it. We're grinding.
Speaker 1: I feel like that's the day in the life of
Speaker 1: every bachelor couple is you'll get approached and they'll they'll
Speaker 1: I guess they'll talk to the guy first because maybe
Speaker 1: for whatever reason, they feel more comfortable talking to them.
Speaker 1: And then when it really gets down to the nitty gritty,
Speaker 1: all they ever say is, um, can I get a
Speaker 1: picture with your girlfriend or your wife? Every single time? Oh? Yeah.
Speaker 1: It's funny too, because once you learn to uh, to
Speaker 1: expect that, you know, they like they'll like create a
Speaker 1: little chit chat small talk, and then eventually I'm just like,
Speaker 1: you want a picture with Klin, don't you, And they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: thank you so much. It's funny. It's um, it's you know,
Speaker 1: it's not a bad way to live. I suppose it's
Speaker 1: always nice to see the smile that it puts on
Speaker 1: both Klin's face and I'm sure Ashley's face. When Ashley
Speaker 1: and I first got together, because we got engage down
Speaker 1: in obviously Paradise and we were with Tanner J and
Speaker 1: I remember Tanner was like, get used to be second fiddle, buddy, Like,
Speaker 1: get get used to just everyone liking her more. I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, all right, that's fine. But like I said,
Speaker 1: it's okay, I'm always happy to take a back seat. Um,
Speaker 1: there was something I wanted to say or ask, I guess,
Speaker 1: but I didn't get the chance to. Um, why are
Speaker 1: you thinking about it? I have something I have a
Speaker 1: bone to pick with. So not with you with another
Speaker 1: gentleman on this podcast who asked me not to call
Speaker 1: him out on air. But you know what, well, let
Speaker 1: me just popped up on my screen. I'm gonna call
Speaker 1: him ou on air. Let me let me paint the
Speaker 1: picture because I was paint away Picasso. So last week,
Speaker 1: while Jared was so tentatively tending to his garden all
Speaker 1: the coffee shop, uh, there was a lot of discussion
Speaker 1: both about him, um around him. Yeah, but bts. You know,
Speaker 1: it's a very very interesting podcast. So if you haven't
Speaker 1: listened to it yet, go back and listen to that podcast.
Speaker 1: But there was a pretty substant dull section of that
Speaker 1: podcast that's been omitted by our incredible producers. Slash sound
Speaker 1: engineer Easton Allen Um and the reason it was omitted,
Speaker 1: which is it just became news to me as well
Speaker 1: at the top of this episode, is because he was
Speaker 1: talking a lot of crap about Jared and he felt
Speaker 1: a little too guilty about talking crap behind his back.
Speaker 1: But in reality, it wasn't really crap that he was talking.
Speaker 1: He was simply saying he was rewatching Caitlin Bristow season
Speaker 1: of The Bachelor at and it was his first time
Speaker 1: seeing Jared in that light of you know, going on
Speaker 1: a date, walking across the bridge looking out and talking
Speaker 1: about how great their lives could be together. Um so,
Speaker 1: Easton or Jared, I guess if you guys want to
Speaker 1: chime in and squash this beef, because it has been
Speaker 1: there has been a lot of tension between the two
Speaker 1: of you since we got on this podcast. My beef
Speaker 1: is with the fact that Easton don't have bro. You
Speaker 1: can make fun of me anytime. It makes better content, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm all for creating better content for our listeners, So
Speaker 1: you roast away. I was going to bring it up
Speaker 1: to you when we did the show last week and
Speaker 1: then he disappeared, but I still wanted to talk about it.
Speaker 1: And then I went through this roller coaster of emotions.
Speaker 1: After the show wrapped, I was like, oh man, I
Speaker 1: know it was just good fun, but like I felt
Speaker 1: bad because Jared wasn't there. Uh. And then I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'll just take it out. No one will ever know
Speaker 1: Dan and Jared. I'm gonna listen to this where I'll be.
Speaker 1: It'll be the perfect crime. And then I said I
Speaker 1: felt guilty about that, so I'm like, i gotta tell
Speaker 1: him that I took it out, but I'll say it again.
Speaker 1: I'll just say it here. Uh. Ashley was giving a
Speaker 1: tour of Audrey's on Instagram and I saw the really
Speaker 1: cool wall with like the newspapers from like Superman and
Speaker 1: Titanic and stuff. I was getting really bumped on that.
Speaker 1: And then I, uh, I googled you or something just
Speaker 1: because I was I was just laying in bed thinking
Speaker 1: about you, and uh, I realized I had never seen
Speaker 1: your season of The Bachelorette, like when you were first on.
Speaker 1: So I started just watching this YouTube clip and it
Speaker 1: was this one where you're in Ireland and Caitlin picked
Speaker 1: Caitlin Bristow picked you to ride in a car with
Speaker 1: her and the other guys had a right the other
Speaker 1: guys had to ride in a bus and it was
Speaker 1: just I'm just so used to seeing you and Ashley,
Speaker 1: Like that's the version of you that I know. Like
Speaker 1: when I first met you, you you were single and then
Speaker 1: you've been with Ashley the whole time, so it's so
Speaker 1: weird to see you. The father that really got me
Speaker 1: is you're driving with Caitlin's driving. You're in the car
Speaker 1: and uh, you say something like, um, wow, this is
Speaker 1: such a beautiful place, but it's so much better being
Speaker 1: here with you or something like that. That's that's just
Speaker 1: natural suave right there. That is natural charisma, charm. That's
Speaker 1: what they call it. My friend, it's just a trip
Speaker 1: to see you. Like, I don't know, it's it's it's
Speaker 1: funny because to me, you exist, both of you guys
Speaker 1: exist outside of the world with a bachelor like for real,
Speaker 1: you're just your dudes to me. Uh. And it's such
Speaker 1: a weird thing to go back and watch that and
Speaker 1: be like, oh, this is how like the rest of
Speaker 1: the world got to know you doing this kind of stuff.
Speaker 1: I know, that is weird, dude. I if I went
Speaker 1: back and watch right now, I must like I would
Speaker 1: love to see myself trying to be flirty with people,
Speaker 1: you know, like, oh my god, I wonder ash was
Speaker 1: I cringe e when trying to flirt with people? Dude,
Speaker 1: now would be so cringe E. I'll answer that for her. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm waiting for Dina. Yeah, there's so bad. There's no
Speaker 1: question you're cringe e. Um. I think that's half my
Speaker 1: charm though, you know, like Dean is just naturally good
Speaker 1: looking and charming like you already, like Dean has an
Speaker 1: error about me Like me, I'm like, I'm like tickle
Speaker 1: me elmo, you know where It's like I'm gonna bring
Speaker 1: the smile and I'm gonna make you feel warm and comfortable.
Speaker 1: I'm the warm blanket Eastern. What childhood game or toy
Speaker 1: would you consider yourself as when it comes to flirting? Uh? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'd say um ferby, you know, because I talk it
Speaker 1: in opportune times and I'm weird and yeah yeah, and
Speaker 1: you just stare. You need to blink. I just stare
Speaker 1: and you know I'll be gone but not really out
Speaker 1: of your thoughts. That kind of you linger. Yeah, that's interesting.
Speaker 1: Caitlin and I were talking about it the other day
Speaker 1: to randomly. We were like, God, it would really suck
Speaker 1: to have to go back and like Dane again. Like,
Speaker 1: imagine just going back and being in the dating pool again.
Speaker 1: It would be one of the most miserable experiences of
Speaker 1: all time. And I'm saying that I'm the least I've
Speaker 1: had the least flitting here between the three of us.
Speaker 1: Jared is obviously married, been with Ashley for like four
Speaker 1: years now, Eastern You've been with Alison for what twenty
Speaker 1: five years? So, uh, my two and a half year
Speaker 1: relationship doesn't really seem to even stack up to those ones.
Speaker 1: But even that were, like, dude, being back in the
Speaker 1: dating pool would be it would just be like having
Speaker 1: to flirt again and having to like, you know, on again.
Speaker 1: And I guess it just sounds so miserable and and challenging.
Speaker 1: I feel bad anybody who's listening who's been through a
Speaker 1: divorce and has to go back into the dating pool.
Speaker 1: Oh God, indeed, those poor poor souls. My heart goes
Speaker 1: out to every single one of you. Right not to
Speaker 1: say there's no hope, it just it seems like a
Speaker 1: large mountain decline. Not that it's not uh not unclimbable,
Speaker 1: but just to seem a little challenging. What toy would
Speaker 1: Dean be? What childhood toy would Dean be? I think, Dean,
Speaker 1: for some reason, you remind me of a care bear,
Speaker 1: like the blue one right on. What teddy bears would
Speaker 1: you write on? Anybody remember marker teddy Bears? Kind of
Speaker 1: and you'd wash them and the market would come out.
Speaker 1: I don't know. The blue is the most boyous, That's
Speaker 1: why I said blue. But for some reason, Dean, you
Speaker 1: remind me of a care bear. Blue care bear is
Speaker 1: the one at the moon and the star on his chest.
Speaker 1: I think, um, thanks man, I appreciate that. I think
Speaker 1: that should be your next tattoo. That's just me. He'd
Speaker 1: be like a brown care bear with hot cheetos on
Speaker 1: his stomach. That's what he'd be. He'd be a new
Speaker 1: care bear. Why brown, I don't know. You just give
Speaker 1: me brown energy. I guess we're actually are you going
Speaker 1: to get tattoos somewhrew you guys want to see what
Speaker 1: they look like? Shuts? Yeah, matching tattoos boyfriend girlfriend tat twos,
Speaker 1: which I'm sure if you guys remember the story, but
Speaker 1: we were supposed to get matching tattoos when we first
Speaker 1: started dating. And she bailed out the last second. But
Speaker 1: this is what we're gonna get tomorrow. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: isn't that cute. It's a little out for the listeners
Speaker 1: that can't see, it's an outline of Pappy's face, and
Speaker 1: it's a little tongue stick. That was Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I always I was just about to say, I feel
Speaker 1: like matching tattoos is the kiss of death for a relationship,
Speaker 1: but getting an outline of Pappy, that's that's acceptable. And
Speaker 1: and too, for the record, she's just gonna get the
Speaker 1: ears and I'm going to get the bottom half of
Speaker 1: his face. So while it is it is matching to
Speaker 1: a large degree, it's not entirely the same where you
Speaker 1: guys getting him. Oh, I'm gonna get mine on my
Speaker 1: leg and she's gonna get hers on her arm. And
Speaker 1: it's funny too, because we're like looking into fostering another
Speaker 1: senior dog again. And and you know, the more senior
Speaker 1: dogs you foster, the more um dog deaths. I guess
Speaker 1: you're gonna have to deal with. And so I made
Speaker 1: a joke the other day that was like, in twenty years,
Speaker 1: you're gonna have a full sleeve of just like dead
Speaker 1: dogs on your arm, um, And we we made a
Speaker 1: promise to each other that this is the one and
Speaker 1: only dog tattoo, dog related tattoo that we're gonna get
Speaker 1: for ourselves, because we don't want to have to have,
Speaker 1: you know, twenty tattoos of uh dog head outlines all
Speaker 1: over our bodies, as cool as that would be, but um,
Speaker 1: he just knows what you know, how to say the
Speaker 1: right thing huh and make people feel better. Hey, Caitlin,
Speaker 1: just think in twenty years you're gonna have a whole
Speaker 1: arm of the dogs up there. That should make you
Speaker 1: feel better. You Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays. I guess when
Speaker 1: you put it into that perspective, it doesn't sound very good.
Speaker 1: But we have been looking pretty extensively at like new
Speaker 1: dogs that we want to foster, and they're all older.
Speaker 1: And we found this incredible dog who like just got
Speaker 1: hit by a car and she's like in recovery and
Speaker 1: you want her so bad, but she's like eight years old. Um.
Speaker 1: And then there's other like every dog that we're interested in.
Speaker 1: We've we've made a point of this. We want to
Speaker 1: find like a like a for lack of a better word,
Speaker 1: like a broken dog. So we've got one with like
Speaker 1: a hard issue that we really want. We've got one
Speaker 1: with a broken leg that we really want. We've got
Speaker 1: one that's like blind that we really want. Um. And
Speaker 1: so you know, with those things comes a lot of
Speaker 1: possibility for for death. So UM, I guess, mark my words,
Speaker 1: we're not gonna have any more. Pappy is like the
Speaker 1: one true love of our lives. He's like the first
Speaker 1: and then everything else. Everyone else is going to be great,
Speaker 1: but you always love your first and most. So that's
Speaker 1: why we're getting a Pappy tattoo. And I think we
Speaker 1: justified it that way too. I think the Pappy tattoo,
Speaker 1: it would be cool if she's getting the ears and
Speaker 1: you're getting the bottom half. If it was like you
Speaker 1: guys could like put them together and it forms Pappy's face.
Speaker 1: That's why I was asking where you were getting him, right,
Speaker 1: Like Captain Planet, with our powers combined, we create the
Speaker 1: loving memory of Peppy. I'm I'm doing the ears as well,
Speaker 1: just with in addition to the bottom. It's gonna be
Speaker 1: right at my sock line. And so when I'm wearing socks,
Speaker 1: his little ears are gonna be poking up above the
Speaker 1: socks and then you pull the socks down. Boom. Cute
Speaker 1: little dog right there, the little pappy. But I don't
Speaker 1: enough about me, enough about my my, uh my, sob
Speaker 1: story of tattoos. Um. We don't have any guests this
Speaker 1: week for you guys, which is unfortunate. I guess Jared
Speaker 1: I kind of counts as a guest. We will consider
Speaker 1: Jared a guest. So wee no coffee shop, proud owner
Speaker 1: of new coffee shop Audrey's in uh Providence, Rhode Island,
Speaker 1: but South Kingston, Rhode Island. South Kingston, Rhode Island. Is
Speaker 1: that where the where was that beach that you took
Speaker 1: us to where a cupcake got a concussion? Uh? That
Speaker 1: was second beach that's in Newport. So that's like fifteen
Speaker 1: minutes away. How hard is Audrey's from your house, the
Speaker 1: one that we're currently in about twenty five minutes? And
Speaker 1: what about the didn't just buy a house? We did do?
Speaker 1: Be closed today? We go sign in like two hours?
Speaker 1: What wait? That was? That's funny? Okay, So I remember
Speaker 1: you talking about looking at a house, but you're actually
Speaker 1: closing on it. Finally, No, we're closing, we're signing. Everything's
Speaker 1: coming together. We started a business, bought a house, my
Speaker 1: wife's pregnant. I'm doing a podcasts about it. You know.
Speaker 1: It's it's very similar to my brother's story. He got
Speaker 1: married in July. Uh, they conceived their child on the
Speaker 1: wedding night, and then they bought a house at the
Speaker 1: end of the month. So they got married, conceived the baby,
Speaker 1: and bought a house. So it's that's what is all about.
Speaker 1: I guess. I know. I was talking to a customer
Speaker 1: earlier today and he's like, what you okay, Ashley said,
Speaker 1: We're not going to make it through this. That's how
Speaker 1: my day is going. My wife telling me, we're not
Speaker 1: going to make it through it. Survival for everything we
Speaker 1: have going on right now, do you want to talk
Speaker 1: about it for a second. Come here, come here, Come on,
Speaker 1: come here, a little one. Hello, pregnant. I love how
Speaker 1: we can hear actually, but I'm always curious that the
Speaker 1: listeners can hear Ashley through the microphone. Come on, pop in,
Speaker 1: say hello to the people. Yeah, yeah, Easton knows what
Speaker 1: he's doing. He's been here before. Hello, say hello to
Speaker 1: the people. Suck Army. We haven't called him and suck
Speaker 1: Army in so long. Suck Suck suck, suck, suck everybody.
Speaker 1: I'm really comforable of these guys. As I'm wearing my
Speaker 1: bra Hey, welcome to the podcast. Jared doesn't care either.
Speaker 1: We're sorry to hear about um Um I Don't Get
Speaker 1: It podcast. For the listeners out there, go listen I
Speaker 1: Don't Get It and um Almost Famous podcast two of
Speaker 1: the to the top three podcasts out there in the
Speaker 1: podcast little background on that a while. While trying to
Speaker 1: fix the SD card for this podcast, Ashley accidentally deleted
Speaker 1: her other one. Yeah we have zoom. Hey, as, congratulations
Speaker 1: on the house. Are you excited? I am excited, but
Speaker 1: you know, I can't be too excited because I don't
Speaker 1: know how Jared's gonna help me move, because it doesn't
Speaker 1: it doesn't that make me sound like the biggest asshole. No,
Speaker 1: it's not. It's just like everybody's like, are you excited
Speaker 1: for the house? I'm like, well, I don't know how
Speaker 1: I'm going to get everything over there, because then my
Speaker 1: eight months pregnant self is gonna have to pack this
Speaker 1: place up, and then I'm putting bacon on the table. Okay,
Speaker 1: I still put bacon on the table simultaneously. I know
Speaker 1: I'm tired. I know you're tired. We're both tired. Well,
Speaker 1: you obviously gonna hire movers, there's no question about that.
Speaker 1: But you're talking about you're going to hire movers. But
Speaker 1: it's you know, it's the packing that's the worst part.
Speaker 1: Is the packing the place up and then unpacking the
Speaker 1: other place up. I just feel like we're going to
Speaker 1: be living in an actual trash bent until April. I
Speaker 1: think this is a good time to ask if there's
Speaker 1: anybody listening to this podcast who's ever bought a house,
Speaker 1: started business, and had a baby at the same time. Well,
Speaker 1: I was going to say, or just wanted to come
Speaker 1: pack for us? Email me DM me. I'm sure you
Speaker 1: get a nice laundry list of people doing that, you
Speaker 1: can describe the house to us, Like what is the
Speaker 1: house like you describe I described you know, it's got
Speaker 1: windows and doors, and wanted to describe it. Okay, So
Speaker 1: everybody like, it's interesting how people are so invested in
Speaker 1: real estate because on Instagram, like besides baby stuff, like
Speaker 1: people want to know, like what we decided on for
Speaker 1: a house, and I haven't even said anything yet because
Speaker 1: like I didn't want to say anything until it was
Speaker 1: like actually purchased. Um, so it's not like our forever house,
Speaker 1: or at least we don't imagine it to be. We're
Speaker 1: in a really weird, sticky situation where we found a
Speaker 1: lot in the ideal spot that we wanted, but like
Speaker 1: it's too early to buy it, which is so weird.
Speaker 1: And we also knew that, like we're not in the
Speaker 1: right place of life to like design a house and
Speaker 1: build our own. And we also shouldn't be spending money
Speaker 1: on rent anymore. And we needed a little more space
Speaker 1: in the apartment gives us when the baby comes. So
Speaker 1: we found this. This place is a three bedroom house.
Speaker 1: It's a new construction, so it's just completed. We were
Speaker 1: we went and design it, but we were able to
Speaker 1: put our own finishing touches, Like we were able to
Speaker 1: pick courts, we were able to pick the floor color,
Speaker 1: we were able to pick out some light fixtures and
Speaker 1: stuff like that. We're just kind of like the perfect
Speaker 1: compromise right now. And yeah, the the only downside is
Speaker 1: this we live in We're going to be living in
Speaker 1: an area that doesn't have food delivery. Apparently there's not
Speaker 1: even a pizza place that will deliver. Yeah, my facialist
Speaker 1: lives there, and she said, you don't even get pizza delivery.
Speaker 1: That's ridiculous. What is this? Of course, no, no postmaids
Speaker 1: are uber anything like that. You're telling me if we
Speaker 1: call a local pizza parlor apparently and where five minutes away,
Speaker 1: they're not gonna be dared. I don't know. She says
Speaker 1: that there isn't any what you're scared of? This is
Speaker 1: embarrassing to okay, but you're assumed to be a little
Speaker 1: scared of that too. Well. I think it's ridiculous to
Speaker 1: think that there's a pizza won't deliver to us. I
Speaker 1: don't know. She she lives like ten minutes beyond in
Speaker 1: the boonies beyond, just like bedbath and way beyond. That's
Speaker 1: where she lives in the way beyond. No pizza delivery there.
Speaker 1: But we really like the house. I'm excited for it
Speaker 1: to be done. We have to still finish the basement.
Speaker 1: We don't finish the basement that Jared doesn't have an
Speaker 1: area for an office or a man cave, and that
Speaker 1: is a critical component to the places that we have
Speaker 1: lived in since we've been It's a critical component to
Speaker 1: my happiness. But that all sounds nice. And lovely. It's
Speaker 1: just a bummer that no one's ever going to be
Speaker 1: able to come visit, you guys, because if food delivery
Speaker 1: is not going to make it out there, I don't
Speaker 1: know how the heck we're even going to find the
Speaker 1: place on a map. It's legit seven minutes off. So
Speaker 1: it's really not that booney. It's just it happens to
Speaker 1: be far from any restaurants. I'll keep you up to
Speaker 1: date on this whole food delivery thing. There is no
Speaker 1: way that there's nobody that delivers. It is such a
Speaker 1: new construction home. Is it a model home? Or is
Speaker 1: like did someone design I don't like, how did How's
Speaker 1: it construction? But you guys didn't design it? How does that? Well?
Speaker 1: You know they were building it and they were going
Speaker 1: to just sell it. Were but then when we when
Speaker 1: we saw it, they still had a couple of months
Speaker 1: left of construction to do. So they were like, at
Speaker 1: this time, you can choose what you are. Yeah, we
Speaker 1: can do little little things situation, And I think I
Speaker 1: think so, except for we made a crucial error with shutters.
Speaker 1: If you guys really want to get in detailed, we
Speaker 1: don't want to get into shutters no, I don't want
Speaker 1: to hear about shutters. Shutters, the very East Coast thing.
Speaker 1: We don't have shutters in our house, but tell me
Speaker 1: about it. She wanted them powder blue. We were convinced
Speaker 1: it look good. The builder was like, I don't think
Speaker 1: this color is gonna look good. And we're like, listen, broke,
Speaker 1: we put up the blue shutters, and we're like, you're right,
Speaker 1: We're dumb. Take the shutters down, please, for the love
Speaker 1: of God. She didn't even Jared didn't even see them
Speaker 1: in real life. They looked like porta potties on the
Speaker 1: sides of the bad Okay, just great curb appeal. Right,
Speaker 1: there are the shutters still blue? Or are they? We're
Speaker 1: going to paint them black, but we don't. They're not
Speaker 1: an emergency situation. Then go up whenever. Now, wow, Well,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry to hear about the shutters, but congratulations on
Speaker 1: the house ash, Thanks guys. Man. I feel like I
Speaker 1: don't have a husband anymore though. This him, him, right
Speaker 1: here in this room is the first time he's been
Speaker 1: in this house during daylight in after all we got here.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question, Yeah, isn't isn't Jared's
Speaker 1: um work to the bone, like his work ethic. Do
Speaker 1: you find that like really attractive. Yeah, it's definitely attractive.
Speaker 1: But I definitely miss him, except like, listen, I don't
Speaker 1: get very much quality time. I can make fun of
Speaker 1: him now, I no, no, I miss him. I said
Speaker 1: that I know I missed. Oh you're very very missed,
Speaker 1: but I have to tell you guys. So he comes
Speaker 1: home and he's so tired that he can't talk, like
Speaker 1: he just does not respond to me. So I'll be
Speaker 1: talking and I'll be like, I need to say Jared,
Speaker 1: and he needs to say yes in order for me
Speaker 1: to start talking, because like I need to know what
Speaker 1: I have his attention. And the other day I was like,
Speaker 1: I knew he just wasn't listening too much. I was saying,
Speaker 1: and I go, I think I just kind of missed
Speaker 1: it when you listen to me, and then there's a
Speaker 1: twenty second pause, dead serious, he goes, huh it was.
Speaker 1: She started hysterically laughing, and I was like, what the
Speaker 1: did I miss? And then she was told me the story,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, yeah, that's pretty accurate because when I
Speaker 1: get home, I mean after like I wake up at
Speaker 1: like six or six thirty and then I don't get home.
Speaker 1: I mean some nights I don't get home until like
Speaker 1: ten or eleven. There was nights last week you didn't
Speaker 1: get back to one. Yeah, well that was Friday, Saturday.
Speaker 1: That was I hope that never happens again. Well, not
Speaker 1: that that. I hope I don't have to get home
Speaker 1: at one and then be up by like five thirty again,
Speaker 1: because that was a that was a rough one. Um.
Speaker 1: Any who, what were talking about? Okay? Um, well, actually
Speaker 1: thanks for putting up with Jared. We appreciate it. Jared,
Speaker 1: thanks for working the bone. You know, it's good. It's
Speaker 1: a good quality of a leader that you're willing to
Speaker 1: put that much time into your own business, because if
Speaker 1: you're not want to do it, why would you expect
Speaker 1: anyone else wanting to do it? Oh dude? Like even
Speaker 1: like I'm away from it. I left there an hour
Speaker 1: and a half ago, and I'm just constantly texting my
Speaker 1: managers there and be because everything okay, is things going wow?
Speaker 1: Because it's just tough, you know, for opening a brand
Speaker 1: new business, Like you know, I know everything, I know
Speaker 1: how I wanted to operate. I like anything, I have
Speaker 1: all the answers, and it's just like so it's like
Speaker 1: I need to be there. Plus we're just so busy
Speaker 1: that like we need all hands on deck. Anyway, we
Speaker 1: don't talk about this anymore. It's funny to think, to
Speaker 1: think that your life has basically transformed into one big
Speaker 1: meet and greet. Yeah, I didn't think about that before
Speaker 1: starting this. Like, how many pictures do you think you've
Speaker 1: taken since Audrey's has opened? I mean a lot, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean a lot of guess. Yeah, you're right, it did. Actually,
Speaker 1: I was thinking about that the other day. It did
Speaker 1: feel like a meet and greet, and I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: I we used to do this for like two hours
Speaker 1: and be exhausted afterwards, and now I'm doing it for
Speaker 1: twelvery hours every day for the rest of my life,
Speaker 1: while also sweeping the floors, yeah, and scrubbing the toilets.
Speaker 1: I will say, I've seen online a bunch of fans
Speaker 1: posting pictures that have visited Audreyes and I got a
Speaker 1: picture with you, and you've always got the biggest smile
Speaker 1: on your face, looks so excited, like I'm waiting for
Speaker 1: one where you're just like like so, but no, do
Speaker 1: you give everyone Jerry? And that's something we love about you. Well, thanks, guys,
Speaker 1: I appreciate it. Honestly, I'm very happy to take pictures
Speaker 1: with anybody because if they come to Audrey's and spending
Speaker 1: money like there, they're helping my business. You know, I'll
Speaker 1: be so happy to take a picture of someone. But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's good, it's good. Anyway, we should we take a break.
Speaker 1: What are we doing, Dean, You're my brain is scrambled.
Speaker 1: Take control here. I know. I keep trying to get
Speaker 1: us to go to break and then I like think
Speaker 1: of something to ask or then we get on like
Speaker 1: a cool little tangent. I'm like, we gotta stick with
Speaker 1: us for a little bit longer. But we have gone
Speaker 1: way past our typical segment time. So we're gonna take
Speaker 1: one quick break and we're gonna jump back into it
Speaker 1: with some hot topics. So stay tuned, all right, welcome back.
Speaker 1: We got Jared's favorite segment coming up here. I don't
Speaker 1: know why it's Jared's favorite segment, but he just his
Speaker 1: mouth just salivates at the thought of hot topics topics
Speaker 1: because it reminds me of hot pockets. Oh that's why
Speaker 1: this It's like, uh, what's that you guys? Ever know that. Um,
Speaker 1: there was that like lab test where every time you
Speaker 1: ring a bell, you feed a mouse like a little
Speaker 1: cookie or something like that. And then and then eventually
Speaker 1: you ring the bell and you don't feed the mouse
Speaker 1: to cookie, but then he starts like salivating for the cooks. Dog.
Speaker 1: It was a dog, That's what it is. That's what
Speaker 1: it's pep talk. So that's exactly what hot pockets have
Speaker 1: done to Jared Pavlov's dog. Every time you hear hot topics,
Speaker 1: you think you're gonna get a delicious uh meat pocket
Speaker 1: with cheese and sauce. But in reality, no, we're just
Speaker 1: gonna be talking about Kim Kardashian and machine gun Kelly
Speaker 1: or something like that. What are we What are we
Speaker 1: talking about today? Jared? Well, I wanted so we have
Speaker 1: a couple of hot topics. The first one I wanted
Speaker 1: to talk about, which is the online dating beauty filter trap.
Speaker 1: This is an article for NBC News. Dating coach Eric
Speaker 1: Resnick recently had a client sent him photos she wanted
Speaker 1: to use for her dating app profile. The pictures were
Speaker 1: labeled face app one, face app two, and face app three,
Speaker 1: revealing the client treated them with a photo editing app
Speaker 1: that lets you smooth out your wrinkles, fill in your
Speaker 1: hand on hairline, or chisel your cheekbones. Full disclosure, I
Speaker 1: have done this. That is not a part of the article.
Speaker 1: I have literally done this. When I save photos and
Speaker 1: it says face app or face tune, I obviously changed
Speaker 1: to like a photo one, normal photo one. What does
Speaker 1: it change, dude? You never use like face tune? No,
Speaker 1: I've never used it, and i've he just has the
Speaker 1: perfect face face tune. I can't. I can't use it
Speaker 1: because of how critical I am of other people using it,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to be a hypocrite. I've maybe
Speaker 1: smoothed out some wrinkles once or twice in my life,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. Whiten the old teeth? Sure, anyway.
Speaker 1: Beauty filters are a scourge of online dating, Resini said
Speaker 1: they are also very popular. Everyone uses them, women, men,
Speaker 1: twenty somethings who don't remember a world without Instagram, and
Speaker 1: fifty year olds who prefer to hide signs of aging.
Speaker 1: On a practical level, that reads the name makes sense.
Speaker 1: A visible filtered face or retouched body can turn potential
Speaker 1: matches off. Looking different than your photo is not the
Speaker 1: best way to start an in person date. But it's
Speaker 1: also hard to fall people for trying to conform to
Speaker 1: today's pervasive social media driven beauty standards, especially on apps
Speaker 1: that treat us like merchandise in an online catalog and
Speaker 1: are increasingly visual culture. There are powerful impulses, both societal
Speaker 1: and technology technological, but that push so these impulses push
Speaker 1: people into digital self enhancement. Research is still unclear on
Speaker 1: the impact of beauty filters on our mental health, but
Speaker 1: it's undeniable that in a world where we are constantly
Speaker 1: staring at ourselves, whether via selfies, FaceTime, or zoom, it's
Speaker 1: easy to feel inadequate. When you turn off a filter
Speaker 1: and look at yourself in the mirror and appear and
Speaker 1: appear nothing like that enhanced image. There is a huge
Speaker 1: dislocation between the real self and the imagined self. This
Speaker 1: is like the matrix. As the gap between them widens,
Speaker 1: the potential for anxiety and dissatisfaction and on happiness grows.
Speaker 1: It's why people keep asking plastic surgeons to sculpt their
Speaker 1: faces to resemble filtered versions of themselves. Filters of the
Speaker 1: power to influence how you think, how you think of
Speaker 1: and present yourself, on their own, but the design of
Speaker 1: many dating apps encourages us to make those idolized versions
Speaker 1: of ourselves public. So Dean as a guy, as a dude,
Speaker 1: as a male. Is it obvious when someone edits a
Speaker 1: picture that is posted on social media? Can you tell
Speaker 1: first and foremost? Yet I just want to I want
Speaker 1: to take a second and congratulate you on reading that
Speaker 1: that long paragraph because I was, as, you did a
Speaker 1: great job, only a couple of stutters. Um, well, as
Speaker 1: I kind of mentioned before you got into it. I
Speaker 1: hate those apps. I hate I hate that that's like
Speaker 1: a thing that people do. Um. I like, I see
Speaker 1: the appeal of it, but I think it's pretty obvious
Speaker 1: when you see someone like editing their photos. And I
Speaker 1: remember even back, like when I was single, and you
Speaker 1: would like creep on someone's Instagram and he'd be like, Wow,
Speaker 1: this girl is really pretty. And then maybe you see
Speaker 1: like a video that they posted and you're like, wait, well,
Speaker 1: the video doesn't really line up with the photos that
Speaker 1: I saw, because obviously videos are harder to edit. So
Speaker 1: I just I hate the whole I hate the whole
Speaker 1: idea of it. I hate the prospect of it. Kaalen
Speaker 1: Um doesn't do it anymore, but I think she would
Speaker 1: like edit it her photos a little bit at the
Speaker 1: beginning of our relationship, like why are you doing that?
Speaker 1: Like you're so beautiful as it is, you don't need
Speaker 1: to do that. And then she would go as far
Speaker 1: as like showing me other girls photos of like the
Speaker 1: edits that they've made where they like stretched the legs
Speaker 1: and make the legs look longer, and like how obvious
Speaker 1: it looks like once you really start paying attention to it,
Speaker 1: I just think it's um. I think it's really bad.
Speaker 1: Make your legs look longer. Dude, girls go to some
Speaker 1: crazy extreme lengths to like make themselves feel more like
Speaker 1: the like they should. I don't know, Like it's so weird,
Speaker 1: Like you are who you are. Why would you want
Speaker 1: your legs to be stretched out a little bit longer?
Speaker 1: Or why would you want to add a different Like
Speaker 1: I guess like adding different hairstyle is fine, because like
Speaker 1: that's just fun, you're just messing around, But like you're
Speaker 1: making your legs longer, you're giving yourself abs. I will
Speaker 1: say I took a shirtless photo once and I thought
Speaker 1: about trying to figure out how to add aps to it.
Speaker 1: I couldn't figure it out, so I just give up
Speaker 1: on it. But um, the teeth whitening thing, I guess
Speaker 1: I kind of get as well. It just it just
Speaker 1: creates an unrealistic Yeah, not for like a teeth whitening ad,
Speaker 1: but just like in general pictures, like when I'm standing
Speaker 1: to Ashley and her teeth are like, my teeth are fine,
Speaker 1: but like her teeth are much whider, so it makes
Speaker 1: my teeth look more yellow when I'm standing next to her,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh god, I gotta fix this up
Speaker 1: a little bit because I looked disgusting. Um, yeah, it's weird, man.
Speaker 1: I mean it's not a good thing. I don't think.
Speaker 1: I think it's headed in the wrong direction, Like it
Speaker 1: can't be good on our mental health. Uh you, I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't know where it goes, because if
Speaker 1: I was the good thing about us is that I
Speaker 1: think we started really getting introduced to this later in life.
Speaker 1: Not later in life, but if we were, dude, if
Speaker 1: we were like twelve or thirteen, when we first started
Speaker 1: getting introduced to filters and apps and being able to
Speaker 1: change the way our face looks. And you know, you
Speaker 1: go to school and you get made fun of because
Speaker 1: kids are mean and they make fun of like something
Speaker 1: that you're insecure about, and so you want to change
Speaker 1: yourself and you can't change it in person because that's
Speaker 1: just who you are, so you just change it on
Speaker 1: social media. It's crazy. You You you nailed on the
Speaker 1: head too. I think what you were trying to say
Speaker 1: is like we had the luxury of having our frontal
Speaker 1: lobes be fully developed when all this stuff came out,
Speaker 1: so we like understand it might take a toll on
Speaker 1: our psyche, but it's not going to really transform who
Speaker 1: we are as people versus like a young teen is
Speaker 1: going to yeah, let it. I don't know, like they're
Speaker 1: gonna be affected by it a lot more heavily than
Speaker 1: we were. Um, it's kind of funny when I think
Speaker 1: about it, It's like it reminds me of before these
Speaker 1: apps and all those things, you would see a lot
Speaker 1: of people that were like they would post photos of
Speaker 1: themselves online for like a dating app or something from
Speaker 1: like ten years ago, or you know, like they just
Speaker 1: post photo younger photos of themselves. It's like a It's
Speaker 1: like a form of cat fishing, but not entirely because
Speaker 1: you're not stating to be someone else facade. I don't
Speaker 1: even know if that's the proper way to say it,
Speaker 1: but um, it just it just in a way. It's
Speaker 1: like lying, I guess, which is a bad thing. I
Speaker 1: don't know, Like I don't want to be too critical
Speaker 1: of it because I know a lot of people do
Speaker 1: it and I don't. I don't want to like say,
Speaker 1: don't do it. It's really horrible and if you do it,
Speaker 1: you're a really bad person. I just I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just I'm not a fan of it. I think
Speaker 1: you just when you see pictures on on social media,
Speaker 1: you just have to take it with a little bit
Speaker 1: of a grain of salt, like our sunset even like
Speaker 1: not even a person's picture, but sunset pictures or like, dude,
Speaker 1: all right, I'm not gonna put this person on blast,
Speaker 1: but Ashley is going to know exactly what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1: There is a social media presence person, not bachelor or
Speaker 1: anything like that. And they're not like a model or
Speaker 1: I guess they're an influence er. I don't know, but
Speaker 1: like a lot of their pictures are scenic or um
Speaker 1: like you know, staged, but dude, they're all there's no
Speaker 1: way actually, and I talked about all the time, this
Speaker 1: one particular person. There's no way these photos are real.
Speaker 1: There is no way these photos are real. Ashley's laughing
Speaker 1: because she knows exactly what I'm talking about. So it's
Speaker 1: not even with your face or your body, but just
Speaker 1: like even when you see a picture of what looks
Speaker 1: like a mystical land and they're like, oh, where we're
Speaker 1: going this weekend and it's like, no, you're not. That's
Speaker 1: not real. You're going to a much greyer version of that. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: they like bump the satuation so much on it or
Speaker 1: something like that. Well, it's funny because Kaylin and I
Speaker 1: talked about that a lot too, because obviously we're you know,
Speaker 1: we enjoy photography, and so I follow a lot of
Speaker 1: photography accounts and she'll like see me scrolling on Instagram
Speaker 1: every once in a while and she'd be like, oh
Speaker 1: my gosh, where is that place? And being friend Like,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty close friends with a lot of like big
Speaker 1: photography influencers, right, And a lot of them are great,
Speaker 1: And let me take that back. They're all great, but
Speaker 1: a lot of them, like you said, they try to
Speaker 1: posture and pretend that this like this photo that they
Speaker 1: took is real life. In reality, it's like a compositive
Speaker 1: image of like eight different things, and there's like a
Speaker 1: bunch of stuff edited out over here, and a bunch
Speaker 1: of like stuff happening over here that isn't real, like
Speaker 1: birds added in the sky has been changing photoshop. It's
Speaker 1: it's insane, Like I would say, like eight out of
Speaker 1: ten photos you see on Instagram taken by like a
Speaker 1: photographer of a landscape is going to be doctored pretty heavily,
Speaker 1: and it just it. It's it's like an unrealistic expectation
Speaker 1: for visiting those places or like what you're supposed to
Speaker 1: be seeing when you walk out your front door. Like
Speaker 1: you're right, I agree. It applies to more than just
Speaker 1: like selfies and photos of yourself. It applies to all
Speaker 1: of those photos. And I think that that's just like
Speaker 1: the digital ags that we're living in, and I don't
Speaker 1: really see it changing. I think it's gonna just kind
Speaker 1: of continue to snowball down that path even further. Dude,
Speaker 1: it's gonna get worse. We're gonna we're gonna be living
Speaker 1: in VR and no time, it's gonna be Ready Player one,
Speaker 1: it's your favorite book. How do you know that? Because
Speaker 1: you told me that and you gave it to me
Speaker 1: to read one time, and I think I still haven't.
Speaker 1: I didn't finish it because it's a fake ass book.
Speaker 1: Have you started it? I started it, but I'll tell
Speaker 1: you what you're lying to me right now, because if
Speaker 1: you started it, Jared, you would never put it down
Speaker 1: until it was finished. I already saw the movie. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but the movie does not do it justice. I had
Speaker 1: the the unfortunate luxury of reading the book and then
Speaker 1: immediately seeing the movie right afterwards, Like I didn't have
Speaker 1: any time between the two. And it's funny because Well
Speaker 1: has read the book and really enjoyed it like years ago,
Speaker 1: and then saw the movie and he's like, yeah, the
Speaker 1: movie is really good. But the movie and the book
Speaker 1: were so uh different that I hated the movie because
Speaker 1: it didn't do the book any justice. So read the book.
Speaker 1: You're gonna love it. I promise you. All Right, that's
Speaker 1: our minute on Ready Player one. Uh, let's do the
Speaker 1: next hot topic before we get into emails. Should we do?
Speaker 1: Do you want to do relationship goals? Or do you
Speaker 1: want to talk the uh? Do the article about the
Speaker 1: boyfriend and this person taking a break every two months.
Speaker 1: Let's do that one. That's pretty interesting. My boyfriend and
Speaker 1: I have been together for over three years. Every two
Speaker 1: months two months, that's a not a long time. We
Speaker 1: take a break where we each focus on our individual
Speaker 1: interests and needs. It took us a year to realize
Speaker 1: that what we needed to make our relationship work was
Speaker 1: a break. Did the two of you break up? My
Speaker 1: friend Emily asked, We're at a barbecue event and Sam,
Speaker 1: the life of the party, and my boyfriend of three
Speaker 1: years is evidently missing. It's just a one week relationship break,
Speaker 1: I responded, while sipping my mimosa, very detailed story. We're
Speaker 1: still together, She said, Well, a lot of people don't
Speaker 1: understand our relationship breaks from my boyfriend and I. They
Speaker 1: are the only way we can fulfill our desires as
Speaker 1: individuals with clashing personalities. Sam uses the brakes to catch
Speaker 1: up with his friends and family, while I use them
Speaker 1: for me time. Even though some people have frowned upon
Speaker 1: this arrangement, seeing it as cumbersome makeup and break up routine,
Speaker 1: we couldn't be happier because we come back to the
Speaker 1: relationship with our needs fulfilled now Whenever either of us
Speaker 1: notices the other needs some time off from the relationship,
Speaker 1: we simply ask how long that's intense. So my question
Speaker 1: is they definitely don't like see other people, right, It's
Speaker 1: just like they just do, like they go to the
Speaker 1: movies by themselves. I don't know. I don't think that's
Speaker 1: definite at all. I think, uh, I think it's almost
Speaker 1: implied that they do see other people, because like I'll
Speaker 1: go on a trip for a week every couple of
Speaker 1: months by myself. I don't consider that us taking a break,
Speaker 1: you know. Maybe the maybe the break applies to like, oh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna like cease all contact with each other, like
Speaker 1: don't talk to me for a week or something like that.
Speaker 1: I I take it as they're like hooking up, or
Speaker 1: maybe not hooking up, but like going to bars and
Speaker 1: like flirting with other people as you shouldn't do as
Speaker 1: a take in person. So I don't know. I don't
Speaker 1: love it, but I'm not here to knock it because
Speaker 1: I've never tried it, and whatever works for them seems
Speaker 1: to be working for them. So I will say distance
Speaker 1: does make the heart grow fonder whenever I don't see
Speaker 1: Ashley quite a little while it is really nice kind
Speaker 1: of reinvigorates the relationship a little bit, where if we
Speaker 1: don't see each other for a few days or a week,
Speaker 1: seeing them gives, you know, some sort of dopamine that
Speaker 1: I don't get when you know she's farting next to
Speaker 1: me on the couch. But I don't know. That's tough,
Speaker 1: because when you commit to someone, it's it's it's it's
Speaker 1: exactly that it's a commitment. I think it would be
Speaker 1: difficult for me, especially every two months. Holy crap. So
Speaker 1: my question is how long are these breaks? Are they
Speaker 1: a week? Are they a month? Are they just days?
Speaker 1: And I know that one she said, it's just a
Speaker 1: one week relationship break. But then she said at the end,
Speaker 1: whenever they notice one of them needs time off, they go,
Speaker 1: how long? One of the dude's like, aus, six months?
Speaker 1: Catch me in ten years? Have you and Ashley were
Speaker 1: taking a break? No, No, we haven't taken a break.
Speaker 1: As you want to take a break, she said, no,
Speaker 1: she turned it down. Oh man, at least you shot
Speaker 1: your shot. I'm like, what's his face of hall pass? Uh? Now?
Speaker 1: The other guy and he like wants a hall pass
Speaker 1: so badly and he's just trying to get one. Ye.
Speaker 1: Have you ever been in a relationship where you guys
Speaker 1: have taken breaks, whether it's been like you guys deciding
Speaker 1: together or like something happened you're like, Okay, we're gonna
Speaker 1: take a break, and then you end up linking up
Speaker 1: again at some point. Yeah, I've been in a relationship
Speaker 1: where we've taken a break and it never ends. Well.
Speaker 1: I feel like any of my friends who have been
Speaker 1: in relationships that take breaks, they end up breaking up. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I agree. I've been in relationships or I've been in
Speaker 1: a relationship where, well, actually probably quite a few relationships
Speaker 1: where if you break up and then uh, you know,
Speaker 1: you spent some time apart, and then you kind of
Speaker 1: start to miss the other person. So you text him,
Speaker 1: you call him, you hang out, you go to a bar,
Speaker 1: blah blah blah blah blah, YadA YadA YadA, um, YadA
Speaker 1: YadA YadA. Did you just YadA YadA sex? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: just did YadA YadA sex by the way, um, and
Speaker 1: you get back together and then you're together for a
Speaker 1: little bit and you're like why, you're why do we
Speaker 1: do this? This doesn't really make any sense. So I
Speaker 1: think if you have to take a break. And this
Speaker 1: is just my personal experience. If you have to take
Speaker 1: could break from your partner, it probably means that's not
Speaker 1: the person you're supposed to be with for the rest
Speaker 1: of your life. Because like, there are times where I
Speaker 1: get like, uh, like worn down, I guess for lack
Speaker 1: of a better word, where I just want to be
Speaker 1: alone for a little bit. But I would never I've
Speaker 1: never got to calin and be like, hey, Caitlin, let's
Speaker 1: take like a break for a couple of weeks, Like
Speaker 1: you're fine with that, right, I would never do that
Speaker 1: because it break her heart and be I would um
Speaker 1: start to question the relationship all together as well. But
Speaker 1: like I said, it's not my place to say anything
Speaker 1: on anyone else's relationships. So I hear you when it's time,
Speaker 1: Like like Ashley and I were talking about it earlier
Speaker 1: in the podcast, when I come home after a long
Speaker 1: day and I just want to vege in, zone out
Speaker 1: and just like be on my phone and not think
Speaker 1: of anything for an hour, And she's like that, that's
Speaker 1: what And I'm like, oh my god, I love you
Speaker 1: so much, but please and then you know, so it's
Speaker 1: like I don't need a break, but maybe in that moment,
Speaker 1: I could, you know, use a bathroom break. I mean
Speaker 1: the bathroom for like three hours, just sitting on the
Speaker 1: top left by myself. It's my only a long time.
Speaker 1: That's She's like, you do do that. I'm like, yeah, no,
Speaker 1: tell me about it. I just it's my It's I'm
Speaker 1: I'm so al Bundy now. Oh god, I've become a dad.
Speaker 1: I'm a dad. Now I go to the bathroom for
Speaker 1: two hours just to get some alone time. You say
Speaker 1: you're so el Bundy. Yeah, married with children. Never seen
Speaker 1: that show, never seen it, never seen it. It's okay.
Speaker 1: It is funny that so many men are like that. Um.
Speaker 1: I always thought it was just me, But then I
Speaker 1: watch like some TikTok videos and they're like always talking
Speaker 1: about how guys go to the bathroom for like thirty
Speaker 1: minutes every single time. Yeah, it's just it's just you
Speaker 1: just sitting there by yourself. It's quite disgusting when you
Speaker 1: think about a scrolling down your phone, hanging out, not
Speaker 1: having to talk to anyone. Yeah. Now I'm a big
Speaker 1: TikTok guy on the toilet TikTok and toilet, the three
Speaker 1: t s TikTok toilet um. That's one of the reasons
Speaker 1: I think Caylin and my relationship works out so well,
Speaker 1: as because she's pretty good at reading when I like
Speaker 1: need some quiet time or something like that, and so
Speaker 1: she always, uh, she doesn't like give me the space,
Speaker 1: but she will just like sit there in silence with
Speaker 1: me or whateveryone's like watch the TV show and it
Speaker 1: works out pretty well. But I, like I said, if
Speaker 1: it works for you, it works for you. Don't listen
Speaker 1: to anything we have to say about anyone else's relationship
Speaker 1: because we're idiots and we don't know anything about anyone
Speaker 1: else's relationship. That's the smartest thing you've said all day.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yes, I'll carry that energy with me into
Speaker 1: our next email segment. But we are gonna take one
Speaker 1: quick break, so stick around through that and we'll get
Speaker 1: to the emails real quick. Hey, welcome back to help
Speaker 1: by Sucka Dating Emails Dean's favorite part of the podcast.
Speaker 1: I'll do the first one, the first ones from Arden
Speaker 1: wh whoa whoa, whoa whoa whoa wha wha, wha wha
Speaker 1: Come the Braggs kid out. Why would you do the
Speaker 1: first one when We've got the illustrious Eastern Allen in
Speaker 1: studio with us today. His camera's off there, he is there,
Speaker 1: he is I don't know. Sometimes Easton just walks out
Speaker 1: on us. He doesn't even say bye. He does the
Speaker 1: Irish goodbye. Jared, you've been even working a lot, You've
Speaker 1: been reading a lot. I just want to make sure
Speaker 1: that you're getting uh as easy as you can. Here, Jared,
Speaker 1: I'm I'm a trained broadcaster, so let me just do
Speaker 1: my job here. Here we go. This first one is
Speaker 1: from Arden. Jared spoiled it. But anyway, I've been dating
Speaker 1: this guy for a few months and things were going
Speaker 1: really well until the topic of past sexual partners came up.
Speaker 1: We're both in our early twenties and I dated around
Speaker 1: before I met him. When I told him my body number,
Speaker 1: he seemed disappointed. He said that it changes things and
Speaker 1: he needs time to process everything. Since this conversation, he's
Speaker 1: taken a step back and he refuses to talk about it,
Speaker 1: even though it's clearly bothering him. What should I do?
Speaker 1: I genuinely like this guy, but his reaction seems unfair.
Speaker 1: I don't think my number is something I should be
Speaker 1: ashamed of. Do mose guys care this much about their
Speaker 1: partner's number. He's also slept with more people than me,
Speaker 1: So why is the double standard? What stude sucks? I'm sorry, Yeah,
Speaker 1: this guy blows um, he does low. But I will
Speaker 1: say when I was younger, I used to have a
Speaker 1: similar ideology to him. Uh it just I don't know,
Speaker 1: maybe stings the ego a little bit, but his numbers
Speaker 1: higher than hers. Yes, yes, you're absolutely right. Um, that's
Speaker 1: why I like Listen now I feel differently. I agree
Speaker 1: with both of you guys. This guy sounds like a loser.
Speaker 1: Anyone that gets upset about that kind of stuff is
Speaker 1: out of their minds. But I will say when I
Speaker 1: was younger, like in my early twenties and late teens,
Speaker 1: I would say I was probably in the same vein
Speaker 1: of thinking those same things, much to my own Chagrin'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't like that I thought those things, but I'm
Speaker 1: just saying I felt those things at one point as well.
Speaker 1: I can understand if this guy was a virgin and
Speaker 1: it was very important to him, or maybe he only
Speaker 1: slept one person and sex was extremely you know, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, he really really chose very carefully who he
Speaker 1: had sex with but if his number is higher than hers,
Speaker 1: what is this? This is a double standard? Bro chill out,
Speaker 1: Like she had a life before you, you had a
Speaker 1: life for her. Let's move on. Yeah, I don't know
Speaker 1: what it is about guys. Um, well what is There's
Speaker 1: like a lot of of those, like not puns, but
Speaker 1: like idioms about men and women when it comes to sex.
Speaker 1: Like whenever a guy tells you his number, you always
Speaker 1: have to divide it by two. Whenever a girl tells
Speaker 1: you a number, you always have to multiplied by two
Speaker 1: or something like that. I don't remember what it is.
Speaker 1: There's always a stigma by mind by five, you know,
Speaker 1: sometimes always that guys should be having more sex than girls.
Speaker 1: And if a girl has more sex than a guy,
Speaker 1: then she's a slut. But if a guy has a
Speaker 1: lot of sex, then he's not, like he's just living
Speaker 1: his life as a guy. I like I said, it's
Speaker 1: all ridiculous, um, And I think that a lot of
Speaker 1: like younger people carry those idioms with them on a
Speaker 1: regular basis. But like, yeah, as you get older, you
Speaker 1: start to realize that that's definitely not um how it's
Speaker 1: supposed to be. Like, I don't know when I was
Speaker 1: a young man, I was dating this girl and I
Speaker 1: found out not from her but from someone else that
Speaker 1: she had had a threesome with two guys before him.
Speaker 1: And that didn't it didn't like gross me out or anything.
Speaker 1: If anything, I just felt I felt intimidated because I
Speaker 1: was like, she's so much more sexually advanced than me,
Speaker 1: Like I can get I barely got one person to
Speaker 1: agree to have sex with me, So I was intimidated
Speaker 1: by that. Um, and I felt really weird about it.
Speaker 1: But then I watched this movie called Chasing Amy, where
Speaker 1: like Van Afflett goes through the same thing, and uh,
Speaker 1: I may have made me realize, like I like this
Speaker 1: person for who they are right now, and like whatever
Speaker 1: happened before just made them the person they are that
Speaker 1: I like. And if anything, it just tells me that
Speaker 1: this person likes sex and that's exciting to me. Uh.
Speaker 1: And I got over it and it didn't bother me
Speaker 1: after I like, after I watched that movie and have
Speaker 1: that realization. Uh. And then she cheated on me. So
Speaker 1: you know, things, you know, things go the way they go.
Speaker 1: But yeah, right with four guys this time? Uh No,
Speaker 1: but um, I don't know, it just it. I always
Speaker 1: think that was like so nuts, and like there's some
Speaker 1: guys who are like they'll get all bent out of
Speaker 1: shape if like, oh, she's been with more than one person,
Speaker 1: but for it's like, dude, who do you think you are?
Speaker 1: You know, I don't know. I just I hate when
Speaker 1: guys get like hung up on that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: It's so stupid. I agree, especially when, uh, when all
Speaker 1: that happened before you had even met each other or
Speaker 1: like started dating each other. Like that even compounds how
Speaker 1: ridiculous it is too, because it's like the numbers should
Speaker 1: never matter before the number like like I don't care
Speaker 1: how many people Kalin slept with before we got together.
Speaker 1: I only care how many people she slept with after
Speaker 1: we've gotten together, you know what I mean, Like that's
Speaker 1: the only number that really matters to me. That's right.
Speaker 1: As long as that number stays one, that's all I
Speaker 1: really care about. And I think that's like the That's
Speaker 1: what I learned later in life too, is that's just
Speaker 1: kind of something that you need to be comfortable with regardless.
Speaker 1: And I can guarantee you my number is more than Kalen's. Um,
Speaker 1: I can guarantee you that maybe it doesn't. It's not
Speaker 1: the best thing in the world. But she's not going
Speaker 1: to be like totally piste off about it. That's great.
Speaker 1: Um yeah, no judgment zone here. But I will say
Speaker 1: if arden's number when talking to her boyfriend she's like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, I've slept with about seven, then you're like, okay,
Speaker 1: wait a minute, wait a minute, let's pump the brakes.
Speaker 1: Let's figure this out a little bit. If you're doing numbers,
Speaker 1: you know, numbers, but if your numbers higher than hers.
Speaker 1: I remember so when I before, I you know, uh
Speaker 1: did the deed, you know, my first girlfriend, the first
Speaker 1: time anything for me. I remember, I was extremely jealous
Speaker 1: because she had slept with one other person and I
Speaker 1: was so jealous of that guy because it was different though,
Speaker 1: because like now she's my girlfriend and like I hadn't,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. There's like I get that.
Speaker 1: Maybe I get it because I'm I was a victim
Speaker 1: of it, not e victim, but you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Any who, but this is ridiculous. I'm calling it out
Speaker 1: right now, ridiculous. That's it. That's my final thought. Okay,
Speaker 1: let's get into the next email here. This is from anonymous.
Speaker 1: I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost
Speaker 1: two years, and for contexts, he's ten years older than
Speaker 1: me and has a lot more experience with dating and intimacy.
Speaker 1: It's never it never really used to bother me because
Speaker 1: it never really came up until recently when he mentioned
Speaker 1: he would like it when we were apart, when I
Speaker 1: would send him pictures, or it was just more sexual
Speaker 1: and conversations. I don't know why, but I always felt
Speaker 1: feel like I look so awkward when I try to
Speaker 1: take pictures and when I try to talk in any
Speaker 1: sort of way, I literally cannot finish the sentence of
Speaker 1: laughing at how ridiculous it all sounds. I assume she
Speaker 1: means sexually talking. Uh. Then fast forward to this week.
Speaker 1: He's telling me about all these things his friend receives
Speaker 1: from other girls and how wild it all is. I
Speaker 1: don't think he's mean to pressure me about it, but
Speaker 1: now I just feel really insecure. Am I the only
Speaker 1: one not doing these things? Is he going to end
Speaker 1: up finding someone else who will? How do you guys
Speaker 1: feel about it? Would you be fine if your partner
Speaker 1: was uncomfortable with it and didn't do this, or do
Speaker 1: you feel like they should work on it because it
Speaker 1: would make you happier. So, just to be clear, we're
Speaker 1: talking about like sexting, right I think so okay, that's
Speaker 1: kind of what I gathered. Yeah, Um, what do you well?
Speaker 1: I'll start. I I personally am a tie sext I'm
Speaker 1: not about it. I don't like it. I've never done
Speaker 1: it in my life. I've never sent picks, I've never
Speaker 1: asked for picks. I've never asked for anyone to talk
Speaker 1: dirty to me. It just doesn't suit my fancy. Um.
Speaker 1: Fortunately for for me, Calm is in the same boat,
Speaker 1: so there's never any weird disconnect between us when we're,
Speaker 1: you know, spending a lot of time away, and no
Speaker 1: one's ever going to ask the other person to talk
Speaker 1: dirty to them, which is a very nice thing for
Speaker 1: our relationship. Um, do you guys have any experience with
Speaker 1: talking dirty to your significant others? I think that it's
Speaker 1: gonna sound weird. It's kind of cute that he's acting
Speaker 1: he's asking for these pictures. I mean, they've been in
Speaker 1: a relationship for almost two years now, and I feel
Speaker 1: like intimacy. See my wife wants me to ask for pictures. Uh,
Speaker 1: But I think it's kind of cute that he's asking
Speaker 1: for all these sexting pictures and more flirting, because usually
Speaker 1: you know that the intimacy dies down as the relationship
Speaker 1: goes on. It's not like I'm speaking from personal experience
Speaker 1: or anything. But I digress. Um, I'm just kidding. Uh,
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I love my wife. She's sexy, she's beautiful.
Speaker 1: Speaking from personal experience, that's not true. My love my wife. No, no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: no no no. I think it's kind of cute that
Speaker 1: actually he wants to do this. It means he thinks
Speaker 1: I'll keep that in mind in June. Um. But uh I,
Speaker 1: I don't know. I kind of I would like if
Speaker 1: Anonymous tried to work on it a little bit, um,
Speaker 1: because you know, intimacy is a part of a relationship,
Speaker 1: and I don't see anything wrong with sexting. Like a
Speaker 1: buddy of mine, actually he was talking about it, this
Speaker 1: is like last year, about how him and his fiance
Speaker 1: now keep like the spice alive because they'll send, you know,
Speaker 1: kind of raunchy pictures every once in a while to
Speaker 1: each other and they've been dating for like four of years.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you who it is afterwards. Um. But I
Speaker 1: don't know. I kind of find that cute. Uh yeah, um,
Speaker 1: I don't want anonymous to feel pressure to do something
Speaker 1: she doesn't want to do. Again, I'm assuming it's a
Speaker 1: woman here. But the other thing is that I think
Speaker 1: that he's being open about what he wants, um so
Speaker 1: in intimacy and and sexually, and uh, I think that's cool.
Speaker 1: And I think that like, if you're not into that
Speaker 1: kind of thing, it does feel very awkward and it
Speaker 1: feels uncomfortable. But I think that with some more communication
Speaker 1: they can find like a middle ground. Like if he
Speaker 1: says like, oh, I really like it when you when
Speaker 1: you send me pictures like this, I really like it
Speaker 1: because you look so hot about you know, something to
Speaker 1: give you a complimentary build up her confidence. And then
Speaker 1: it's like, you know, you don't need to be writing
Speaker 1: like full on erotica and to send back, but like,
Speaker 1: find some kind of at all ground for you guys,
Speaker 1: because I really think it could strengthen your your intimacy.
Speaker 1: Um and uh, I don't know. Normally I wouldn't when
Speaker 1: I hear like, oh, the guys are asking for pictures,
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, man, what has come back? But like
Speaker 1: I I agree with Jared here, I think this guy's just, um,
Speaker 1: he's just really into his partner and uh, and this
Speaker 1: is what he's into and I appreciate that, honestly, and
Speaker 1: so I think an honest just try to work on
Speaker 1: that and just talk to him about it more. But
Speaker 1: here's the thing with this relationship now, is because if
Speaker 1: he's asking for pictures, let's say, and she feels uncomfortable
Speaker 1: sending the pictures, then she's gonna be uncomfortable. If he
Speaker 1: asks for pictures and she says, no, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: send you pictures, then he's going to be disappointed in
Speaker 1: her not sending in pictures. So well, I do think
Speaker 1: there might be a middle ground. I am I'm um
Speaker 1: tempted to say that this is a deal breaker because
Speaker 1: one person is gonna always be let down because one
Speaker 1: person that is either doing something they don't want to
Speaker 1: do or the other person is not receiving something that
Speaker 1: they want to receive. And I could see that being
Speaker 1: a deal breaker. I just think it's it's a big
Speaker 1: component to a relationship, like when you're not around each other,
Speaker 1: can you still make it feel like you're around each other?
Speaker 1: And if one person is requiring some uh, you know,
Speaker 1: some naughty stuff and the other person doesn't want to
Speaker 1: give it. Then I don't know. I just uh, it
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like it's gonna end up super well for me.
Speaker 1: But that's just my opinion. I think, um, some people
Speaker 1: can make it work, but it sounds like one person
Speaker 1: will always be doing something or receiving something that they
Speaker 1: don't necessarily want to be doing and receiving. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: wonder if, um, this one's tough, because again I agree
Speaker 1: with both of you, don't be pressured into something you
Speaker 1: don't want to do or don't feel comfortable doing. I wonder, anonymous,
Speaker 1: if you know what the good thing about pictures are, well,
Speaker 1: not the good thing. I shouldn't say this, but you
Speaker 1: know you don't have to send them, so I wonder
Speaker 1: if maybe it's gonna sound ridiculous, but like you could
Speaker 1: practice by yourself see if there's like anything you like
Speaker 1: about it. I know that sounds ridiculous, but if if
Speaker 1: you're in a relationship with a boyfriend who likes to
Speaker 1: send flirty text and you guys maybe aren't around each
Speaker 1: other all the time, so it's like you gotta keep
Speaker 1: the interpec up in different ways. I don't know, you know, like,
Speaker 1: for example, when Ashley is taking pictures, I have to
Speaker 1: take a picture of Ashley. I have like forty seven
Speaker 1: thousand in my camera because she wants me to take
Speaker 1: so many of different angles, and oh, try this and
Speaker 1: do that. So maybe just once you know, by yourself,
Speaker 1: I don't know, see what happens. Is that bad advice?
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm not the silent speaks. Don't do that, Anonymous.
Speaker 1: I'm an idiot. No, no, I I like that idea.
Speaker 1: That the thing now that I'm thinking about, And if
Speaker 1: Anonymous hadn't considered this, I feel bad for implanting this seed.
Speaker 1: But a lot of people are uncomfortable sending pictures because
Speaker 1: like you know that now they're out in the ether,
Speaker 1: they're on a server somewhere like maybe Anonymous works for
Speaker 1: the CIA or something. They don't want this picture is
Speaker 1: getting out. I understand that. Um. I think she mostly
Speaker 1: said like, oh I I don't like the pictures I
Speaker 1: take or I feel weird doing it. But like there's
Speaker 1: also a component of like you know, what if he's
Speaker 1: like in line at the bank and then he opens
Speaker 1: up his phone and there's just like you know, Anonymous
Speaker 1: just spread eagle on his on his desktop there, so
Speaker 1: you know, I get it. Uh, I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: it's it's it's tough. But but to address her other fear,
Speaker 1: I don't think he's I don't think he's gonna go
Speaker 1: like start texting someone else. I don't think that's gonna happen.
Speaker 1: You know, I wouldn't worry about that. All I know
Speaker 1: is if Kaylin ever asked me to send naughty pictures
Speaker 1: or talk dirty two or over text while I was away, um,
Speaker 1: the relationship probably would have hit a snag really early
Speaker 1: on because I would have put my foot I would
Speaker 1: have put my foot down. I always said, I'm not
Speaker 1: doing this. I don't feel comfortable doing it. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to do something that I don't want to do.
Speaker 1: And don't get me wrong, it's cool and fun to
Speaker 1: venture outside of your comfort zone. Um, but there it's
Speaker 1: a hundred percent of deal breaker for me. So maybe
Speaker 1: that's why I feel so strongly about it, because I
Speaker 1: personally would not put up with it, um, and I
Speaker 1: wouldn't expect anyone else to want to put up with
Speaker 1: it too. I don't know, I don't know. That's just
Speaker 1: that's my take. Maybe it's a little extreme. That's just
Speaker 1: how I feel. I don't like it, and I never
Speaker 1: will like it as far as I'm concerned, And I
Speaker 1: hope I never like it because it's just not something
Speaker 1: that has any appeal to me. But I want you
Speaker 1: guys to let us know what you think about this stuff. Maybe,
Speaker 1: so go ahead and email us at I suck at
Speaker 1: Dating at iHeart media dot com. Do not, I repeat,
Speaker 1: do not send us any naughty pictures. Do not send
Speaker 1: us any naughty messages. Just send us what you think
Speaker 1: about this, Send us any dating uh, trials or tribulations
Speaker 1: are going through I suck a dating at iHeart media
Speaker 1: dot com. So anything else we want to talk about
Speaker 1: before we say goodbye? Oh I'm I'm I'm good. Are
Speaker 1: you gonna go take a nap after this? Jared? No,
Speaker 1: I gotta go back to work, I know, So I
Speaker 1: gotta go. I gotta drive back down. But that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's okay. I love being there, I really do. So,
Speaker 1: I'm just tired. But do you drink coffee all day
Speaker 1: when you're working? No? I usually have just two cups
Speaker 1: to day. I don't want to. Maybe I'll have a
Speaker 1: third today, you know, they spice things up a little bit.
Speaker 1: I get I bet you by like six months and
Speaker 1: you're gonna be drinking like nine cups today, dude, I'm
Speaker 1: would be my my hand shaking like, oh god, I'm
Speaker 1: already hitting the mic, coffee just spilling down my shirt.
Speaker 1: I'm okay, guys, this way, I'm okay. This is my decision,
Speaker 1: this is my choice. You're gonna pick up smoking and
Speaker 1: just be smoking like three passage smoking. Oh, totally being
Speaker 1: a distant father, distant husband. Yeah. Well, let's hope that
Speaker 1: doesn't happen. If you ever need anyone to step in
Speaker 1: and take over the reins of the shop, UM, I
Speaker 1: can be there in six hours. Perfect, that's not so bad.
Speaker 1: All right, everyone, Thank you so much for taking the
Speaker 1: time to listen to this week's episode of Help I
Speaker 1: Suck At Dating. Um, we hope you guys had a
Speaker 1: great weekend. We hope the Broncos win today on on Sunday.
Speaker 1: We're excited to talk to you next week because maybe
Speaker 1: we're gonna suck just a little bit less. Follow help
Speaker 1: by Suck at Dating on I Heart Radio or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to podcast