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Speaker 1: We are fifteen episodes away from the one hundred episode.

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Speaker 1: It brings me so much joy to to provide a

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Speaker 1: platform for women who might have felt voiceless and now

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Speaker 1: they had the opportunity to share their stories with you all.

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Speaker 1: The next few episodes are so good and I cannot

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Speaker 1: wait to drop them, like literally, so good. Um. Please

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Speaker 1: make sure to support the podcast by sharing each episode

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Speaker 1: with your people's, leaving a five star review on Apple Podcasts,

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Speaker 1: and last but not least, becoming a patron at www

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Speaker 1: dot patreon dot com. Forward slash the PC podcast. As always,

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Speaker 1: thank you all for holding me down and not holding

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Speaker 1: me up. And until next time later, welcome you are

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Speaker 1: now listening to me girl. Hey professional home girls and

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Speaker 1: it's your girl, Eben a from the PSD podcast. The

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Speaker 1: only place where you would hear interviews from women an

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Speaker 1: honestly on stories that were enlightened and expand on taboo topics.

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Speaker 1: Now if you hear someone that sounds familiar, mind abits

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Speaker 1: to page you child. If you like the PSD podcast,

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Speaker 1: please rate, review and subscribe on Apple Podcasts. Please five

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Speaker 1: star reviews only hold me down, don't hold me up.

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Speaker 1: You can connect with me on Instagram. At the Professional

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Speaker 1: Home Girl, at the PSG podcast, and last not least

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Speaker 1: at a beauty. If you're all caught up with episod os,

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Speaker 1: listen to bonus episodes by supporting the PSD podcast Patreon account.

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Speaker 1: To support, please visit www dot patreon dot com. Forward

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Speaker 1: slash the PSD podcast. Now. Please keep in mind all

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Speaker 1: of my guests aren't honest. So let's begin this week's episode.

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Speaker 1: I want to say thank you so much for sharing

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Speaker 1: your story on a PhD podcast. UM. This is definitely

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Speaker 1: a conversation that we should normalize more with each other,

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Speaker 1: especially with the higher rate of infan mortality with black women. So,

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Speaker 1: and also shout out to him what our one audience member. Um,

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Speaker 1: he was very instrumental in making this happen and all

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Speaker 1: three of us felt like it was important to have

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Speaker 1: this conversation, so not only inform the professional home Girls

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Speaker 1: out there, but the niggas that be listening to the

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Speaker 1: podcast as well. So thank you audience. Remember. So, so,

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Speaker 1: my guests, how are you feeling? I'm fine? How are

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Speaker 1: you you know what? I'm good. I've been over here

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Speaker 1: for like what four or five hours? UM, so before

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Speaker 1: we begin, because I didn't know what this tournament before

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Speaker 1: the audience member and you told me about it. Um,

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Speaker 1: can you please explain what a threatened abortion is? Okay,

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Speaker 1: So a threatening abortion is when your body is basically

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Speaker 1: working against you to push out the baby. So what

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Speaker 1: happens is your bleed as if you're having your period,

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Speaker 1: but it's your body thread in the baby, so it's

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Speaker 1: like rejecting the baby. Yes, so it's a threadn abortion

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Speaker 1: the same as a miscarriage. I think a thread in abortion.

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Speaker 1: I'm not positive if it's I don't think it's the

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Speaker 1: same because I went through it and I was able

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Speaker 1: to keep my pregnancy, so I wouldn't say it's the same.

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Speaker 1: But it's definitely like the likeliness of you have in

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Speaker 1: a miscarriage. After that it's pretty high, so they definitely

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Speaker 1: tell you that. Can you have a throat in the

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Speaker 1: I don't know if this makes sense. You have a

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Speaker 1: thread in abortion and still be able to keep the babies?

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Speaker 1: That's possible? All y see, no question of a dumb question. Um,

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Speaker 1: Is there a way to prevent a threatened abortion from happiness?

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Speaker 1: I don't think so. I think it's something that just

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Speaker 1: naturally happens. Do you feel like within our community that

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Speaker 1: we discussed infimortality a lot. No, I think it's one

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Speaker 1: of those things that's super table. I feel like I

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Speaker 1: think so so yeah, I feel people are ashamed and

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Speaker 1: embarrassed if they feel like they can't do something a

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Speaker 1: lot of people can do. So get swept under the

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Speaker 1: carpet a lot. So how old were you when you

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Speaker 1: found out that you were pregnant? I was nineteen when

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Speaker 1: I found out I was pregnant. You were young, I

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Speaker 1: was because I was so young, Like what was what

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Speaker 1: was you doing? Were you planning a get pregnant? Absolutely not?

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Speaker 1: So how did you find out? So? I was on

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Speaker 1: the phone my mom and I was just like, girl, like,

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Speaker 1: I can't wait for my period to come. My books

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Speaker 1: are so sore. And she just was like, just because

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Speaker 1: your booths sol it on me, your periods coming, And

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Speaker 1: I'm like white by and I think I hung up

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Speaker 1: the phone as soon as she said that. But in

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Speaker 1: my head, I'm like, it was bothering me that she

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Speaker 1: said that. So I was went it bothered me because

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Speaker 1: I wasn't thinking pregnancy. Pregnancy was the last thing on

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Speaker 1: my mom, like, girl, nobody pregnanty like, But when she

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Speaker 1: said it it just I was nicety and I wasn't

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Speaker 1: tracking my pre I made my period like I probably

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Speaker 1: should have been. So I definitely went and board the

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Speaker 1: tests on bore Greens and I took it and came

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Speaker 1: up positive. You know, um, and you were pregnant with twins, right,

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Speaker 1: I was, But at that time I had no idea.

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Speaker 1: I had no idea I was pregnant with twins until

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Speaker 1: the threatn abortion came. Oh so you didn't know? No, no, Oh,

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Speaker 1: well I was it possible? I didn't even so once

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Speaker 1: I found out that I was pregnant and I told

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Speaker 1: the father, we were still in the space of what

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Speaker 1: is it that we want to do. It wasn't like

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Speaker 1: I'm pregnant with keeping a baby. He already had a

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Speaker 1: kid and I was super young, and I didn't know

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Speaker 1: if I wanted to keep the baby. So, um, my

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Speaker 1: mom knew about it. My and mother know about it,

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Speaker 1: but that was it. He knew about it, but nobody

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Speaker 1: else knew. So while I was still deciding, I was

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Speaker 1: at my mom's house and she sent me to the store,

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Speaker 1: and when I woked out the store, I just felt

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Speaker 1: like a gush and I'm like, hold on, I'm pregnant.

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Speaker 1: It's nothing, supposed to be Gusians out of nothing. So

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Speaker 1: I got scared. So I'm you know, I didn't running,

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Speaker 1: but I like rant, I'm sorry. I woke quickly to

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Speaker 1: my mother house and when I got there and I

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Speaker 1: went to bathroom, it was nothing but blood in my underwear.

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Speaker 1: So now I'm like, Okay, before all this happened, your

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Speaker 1: pregnancy was just fine. It was a couple of weeks.

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Speaker 1: I'm still freaking out what I want to do, and

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Speaker 1: everything was normal, okay. So once I've seen the blood,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, all right. So I couldn't make a decision.

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Speaker 1: So this is this is being decided for me. Whatever

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Speaker 1: happened is happening. So my mom she called the ambulance.

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Speaker 1: Ambulance coming gainst me. I'll go to a Brookdale. When

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Speaker 1: I get to Brookdale, they got me sitting like as

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Speaker 1: if nothing that's going on with me, Like I'm just

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Speaker 1: sitting in the whole way. My mother's like nobody's has

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Speaker 1: my daughter, my daughter, and saying here for about an hour.

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Speaker 1: So we get transplated to Jamaica. So when I'm in Jamaica,

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Speaker 1: I'm sitting with a whole bunch of girls who's in

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Speaker 1: there either going through miscarriages currently or went through a

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Speaker 1: miscarriage and hit me here to get a scraping. So

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Speaker 1: I had no idea what the scrapeming was. Well, I

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Speaker 1: know that they're gonna take me on the back, in

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Speaker 1: the back, and they're gonna take out whatever the en

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Speaker 1: come out naturally, So stop on the pieces in my head.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay. So I'm sitting there and they called my

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Speaker 1: name and I'm going the back and they're doing a

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Speaker 1: ultrasound and they're taking a lot of pictures for something

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Speaker 1: not to be allowed in there. So now I'm asking

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Speaker 1: the ultrasound guy, well, do you see anything. He's like,

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Speaker 1: I can't tell you nothing. You gotta wait till you

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Speaker 1: say the doctor. So I'm like, no, this was just

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Speaker 1: I was in an emergency room. So I'm like, I'm

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Speaker 1: having a miscarbage. The're gonna do a scraping, and I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna go home. So when I went to see the

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Speaker 1: doctor after the ultrasound, now girls before me is going

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Speaker 1: in and coming out, they crying because they're just experience

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Speaker 1: of miscarriage. Dollars confirmed that your baby had died. I'm

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Speaker 1: going the back and he looked at me. He was like,

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Speaker 1: we see two and I'm like, you see two white?

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Speaker 1: He like, it's two babies in you. I'm like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm here for miss I had a miscarriage, Like, ain't

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Speaker 1: no to nothing. He was like no, missjacent Like I'm like,

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Speaker 1: you know you have two babies. You're pregnant with twins. Wow. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: From that, my mom was made up. It was no abortion.

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Speaker 1: There was nothing to think about, like I'm not going

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Speaker 1: in there and willingly giving two lives when you know

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Speaker 1: I just so after you left the hospital, how it

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Speaker 1: was everything? After I left the hospital, Um, everything was

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Speaker 1: went well. My family was super supportive. His family got

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Speaker 1: on board. At first, it was a little hesitant. He

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Speaker 1: already had a child which was very young, so I

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Speaker 1: think for them it was like, oh he about to

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Speaker 1: have two more but already right. But I didn't really

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Speaker 1: care what anybody else. But I made my decision and

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Speaker 1: I was gonna keep my babies. And that was that.

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Speaker 1: So did you have any signs that promptly think that's something?

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Speaker 1: What's wrong for you to go to the O B

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Speaker 1: g y N. No, me gonna to g y N.

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Speaker 1: Was just a regular check out, dragular check out. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: so before we started with your O b G Y

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Speaker 1: SAIDs Um said to you, do you feel like she

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Speaker 1: did everything to help you with the situation? No? I

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Speaker 1: feel like because she was my doctor from the time

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Speaker 1: I started seeing her, which was early teenage, she should

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Speaker 1: have known that my service was short and carrying twins

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Speaker 1: is allowed on your services, So she should have do

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Speaker 1: you mean your services was short because you can't carry

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Speaker 1: twins a certain left? No about it's your service. It's

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Speaker 1: supposed to be a certain length. Minds is shorter than

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Speaker 1: that length. Because she knew my history, I feel like

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Speaker 1: she should have took precautions as far as stitching my

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Speaker 1: servics because it was shorter than the average service. And

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Speaker 1: she dead m m yeah. So so if she knew that,

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Speaker 1: what was she supposed to tell um? She was supposed

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Speaker 1: to let me know that I need a procedure done

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Speaker 1: to stitch the service to make sure that the baby stay.

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Speaker 1: Um up there, Yeah, they say that they stay, yes,

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Speaker 1: but she she didn't. And once you get your service

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Speaker 1: that you have to be on bed rest. But I was.

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Speaker 1: I was living life normally. I was doing whatever I

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Speaker 1: wanted to do. She didn't give me, you know, no

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Speaker 1: steps like that's why, like be cautious with this no sex.

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Speaker 1: She didn't give me any type of advice about how

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Speaker 1: to move because my pregnancy was fragile. I just thought

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Speaker 1: it was I was pregnant and I could do whatever

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Speaker 1: any other pregnant woman was doing. Wow. So when you

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Speaker 1: went to visit for your regular check up? What happened

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Speaker 1: When I was five months I went to go see

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Speaker 1: the sex of the baby's I just turned twenty the

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Speaker 1: day before. I remember my I was super young and

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Speaker 1: my doctor's plane was the third and I was super excited.

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Speaker 1: You know, you get to see what the two babies

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Speaker 1: are going to be like if it's boys and boys,

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Speaker 1: which I thought it was, or is they girls and girls,

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Speaker 1: or it's a boy and a girl. So I was

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Speaker 1: soo excited. Was something looking forward to. So So I get

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Speaker 1: to the office and she's doing a ultrasound and she goes,

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Speaker 1: your services open, real casual, your services open. So how

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Speaker 1: how does that feel? Because I'm like, your services over.

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Speaker 1: I know it's something that's not supposed to be happening,

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Speaker 1: and no, five months that's you know, what are you

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Speaker 1: talking about? And she's like, you need to go to

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Speaker 1: the hospital. How did you know what was open? Ultrassing

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Speaker 1: on or? Yeah, so the ultrasound she could tell m

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Speaker 1: M and your daddy with you? He was He was

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Speaker 1: just his panic and surprises me because it's like, all right,

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Speaker 1: what does this mean for the babies? That her services open?

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Speaker 1: So she said, you need to go to the hospital.

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Speaker 1: I'm assuming that she's gonna call an ambulance to come

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Speaker 1: pick me up to take me to the hospital. She

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Speaker 1: was like, no, I need him to drive to the hospital.

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Speaker 1: Why why she gets right? Facilitate that right? I have

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Speaker 1: no idea, but at that point I was in full panic. Mall.

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Speaker 1: I was scared, like, what the helor's normal? What did

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Speaker 1: she see? What does my service open even mean? You know?

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Speaker 1: For my baby's eyes? So it was straight to labor absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Ye didn't feel like it. No, so you feel regular?

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Speaker 1: I felt completely normal? Has she not told me that

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Speaker 1: I felt walking down the street. I was walking down

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Speaker 1: the street with my service open and didn't know, Wow,

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Speaker 1: so how did you do this? To the hospital. So

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Speaker 1: after we left the doctor's office, he was driving me

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Speaker 1: back to my house and I'm like, what are you doing?

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Speaker 1: We're in you know, emergency, moll, you need to take

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Speaker 1: me to the hospital. He looked at me and goes,

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Speaker 1: I have to go to work. Listen, I'm something. God

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Speaker 1: been holding the rock and blessings for each child I

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Speaker 1: had to go to work. So, um, I didn't even care.

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Speaker 1: I have to go to work. I'm gonna take it

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Speaker 1: to your grandmother's house and then your grandmother can pick

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Speaker 1: you up. I mean, then my mom's gonna pick you

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Speaker 1: up and take it to the hospital. Yeah, they ain't

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Speaker 1: if that was wild. I don't think he think that

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Speaker 1: was loud. I think that he thought like, well, of course,

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Speaker 1: let me know. Yeah. I think he thought that was

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Speaker 1: okay to do. Wow for your mom. Now I get

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Speaker 1: to my my grandmother's house and his mother he called

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Speaker 1: to his mother came and picked me up, and she

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Speaker 1: took me to the hospital. So I get to the

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Speaker 1: hospital and that's when they let me know that my

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Speaker 1: services open. But not only is my service open, they

246
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Speaker 1: have to do a test to make sure that the

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Speaker 1: baby is okay. Because of the time that my service

248
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Speaker 1: was open, like they didn't have, you know, a certain time,

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Speaker 1: so it was like if it was open for days,

250
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Speaker 1: this could be an issue on your baby's health. So

251
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Speaker 1: you will never know if your services open. Now you know,

252
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Speaker 1: the body is amazing, it's crazy, it's scary yause it's

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Speaker 1: harm in the baby. Yes, all these things happen. You

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Speaker 1: have no idea. Wow. So they did an annual and

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Speaker 1: that's when ain't stick the needle into the bag of

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Speaker 1: fluids at the baby's inn and they test the water

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Speaker 1: at the baby's inn to make sure that the babies

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Speaker 1: are healthy. So they had to go to me twice. Now,

259
00:14:09,880 --> 00:14:15,520
Speaker 1: this needle is probably the size of two rulers. Yeah,

260
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 1: it's huge because they literally have to puncture your stomach

261
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Speaker 1: and go deep down inside till they hit the baby sack.

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Speaker 1: And they had to do that to me twice. So

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Speaker 1: you know, you're up. You're up for all of it

264
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Speaker 1: watching them stick this needle on your stomach. So I

265
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Speaker 1: had that done and I was waiting for the test

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Speaker 1: results to come in. Now I'm skied shitless because I

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Speaker 1: literally don't know what's going on. I'm twenty years old.

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Speaker 1: I'm in the hospital and I go from this being

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Speaker 1: one of the best days in my life finding out

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Speaker 1: the sex to my baby. So I'm in the hospital

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Speaker 1: being so told my service is open. So I'm waiting

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Speaker 1: for the tests results. Now, my mom is there, my

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Speaker 1: aunt is there, and this nigga said at work, his

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Speaker 1: mom is there, but most importantly, my mom is there

275
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Speaker 1: and my aunt is there. But um, they come back

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Speaker 1: to the set of results and they say that the

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Speaker 1: babies are sick. It's just like what sick? Like my

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Speaker 1: services open. It was exposed to the outside air for

279
00:15:13,120 --> 00:15:18,040
Speaker 1: too long and the stack that they was in became

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Speaker 1: set set sick at this point, so they wasn't okay,

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Speaker 1: I don't understand. So your service was open, you were

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Speaker 1: walking around doing regular stuff and the outside America effect

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Speaker 1: the child. And I have a doula coming to the

284
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Speaker 1: I'm gonna be gonna do it next week, so I'm

285
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Speaker 1: gonna act to go more to detail with this too.

286
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Speaker 1: And I shared the episode with you. Was so crazy

287
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Speaker 1: and you're not feeling anything and you're not feeling a thing,

288
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Speaker 1: but the baby is like moving. The babies was super

289
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Speaker 1: active at this point. They started moving around three months,

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Speaker 1: so with five months in super active. So when they

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Speaker 1: said the baby was sick, what happened When they told

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Speaker 1: me the baby was sick, My thing is okay, Well

293
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Speaker 1: are they alive? They go, yes, but stick like what sick?

294
00:16:05,280 --> 00:16:10,960
Speaker 1: Like the fluids that they were in were was unhealthy.

295
00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:16,240
Speaker 1: So everything that they digested and just they're not good. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So it's like health wise, we we can't even save

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Speaker 1: them if we wanted to them. Yeah. So then what

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00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 1: happened after that? So after they told me that they

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00:16:26,680 --> 00:16:31,880
Speaker 1: were sick, I wasn't thinking about anything other than, well,

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Speaker 1: your doctor, do your job, figure it out. Right. I'm

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Speaker 1: not right there alive, and that's what's most important to me.

302
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Speaker 1: So if I have to sit up here with my

303
00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:44,440
Speaker 1: legs crossed for four more months, that's what we're gonna

304
00:16:44,440 --> 00:16:47,520
Speaker 1: do to make sure that they get here healthy. And

305
00:16:47,640 --> 00:16:50,800
Speaker 1: basically they told me I didn't have that option. If

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Speaker 1: you continue to be pregnant, you're gonna get sick because

307
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:58,240
Speaker 1: the sec yeah, they're part of you, and now that's

308
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,960
Speaker 1: going to go into your blooded stream. So you're risking

309
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:04,399
Speaker 1: life by staying pregnant. That's not an option. Honestly, I

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Speaker 1: did not want to hear that. I didn't care what

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Speaker 1: anybody in the hospital said. All I know is I

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00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:11,119
Speaker 1: came in there and pregnant and I was leaving there

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Speaker 1: when my babies, Like, that's how I felt. So um

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Speaker 1: I was at ali Jah at the Songe and my

315
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,879
Speaker 1: grandmother worked for Downstay, so she know a lot of

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00:17:19,880 --> 00:17:23,200
Speaker 1: the doctors, and I asked to get transferred to Downstay

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Speaker 1: and I went to Downstage just to get affect an

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00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:29,040
Speaker 1: opinion from other doctors. When I got to Downstay, they

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00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,200
Speaker 1: was the treatment was totally different. I don't know is

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00:17:31,240 --> 00:17:35,080
Speaker 1: because my grandmother knew everybody, but they handled me with

321
00:17:35,119 --> 00:17:37,760
Speaker 1: so much kids to where the message even came of

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Speaker 1: course it's different. So they basically explained to me that

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Speaker 1: I didn't have an option because at that stage, even

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00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:51,560
Speaker 1: if they could save them, they were just underdeveloped. You know,

325
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:56,280
Speaker 1: you have four months with absolutely. I just didn't. I

326
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,600
Speaker 1: don't think that you want to come to terms where

327
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,800
Speaker 1: this is the end. You don't want to hear that.

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Speaker 1: You know, like you you in your mind and your

329
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:05,840
Speaker 1: mom and it's like, I need you to do whatever

330
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Speaker 1: it takes to get done to save their lives, even

331
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Speaker 1: if that means I'm not gonna be okay. And that's

332
00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,800
Speaker 1: how I felt. It was no turning back for me.

333
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 1: It was like do what you need to do. Yeah,

334
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:18,440
Speaker 1: like I love them, like no, figure it out, and

335
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,119
Speaker 1: it was nothing to figure out. I had to do

336
00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,320
Speaker 1: what I had to do, and that was I had

337
00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:25,600
Speaker 1: to end the pregnancy. So you did you have to

338
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 1: get birth? I did. They gave me two options. It

339
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:32,680
Speaker 1: was either we take them from you or you pushed

340
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:34,920
Speaker 1: them out like as if I was having an abortion.

341
00:18:35,600 --> 00:18:38,879
Speaker 1: M M. Yeah. And that was an option for me

342
00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:43,760
Speaker 1: because there was five months and they were alive, so

343
00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:46,680
Speaker 1: I wasn't gonna have them going in and take them

344
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:49,200
Speaker 1: like rip them apart. That's basically what they doing there. Yes,

345
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,399
Speaker 1: five months and they can't do this before was the

346
00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,159
Speaker 1: first time master three months they I think in New

347
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,760
Speaker 1: York thing you could go up to six. Yeah, but

348
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:03,919
Speaker 1: it's super brutal, like they literally yeah and take the

349
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,159
Speaker 1: body parts. You're not doing that. I'm not doing that.

350
00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:10,359
Speaker 1: So I put on my big girl panties and I

351
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:13,080
Speaker 1: told them put me a labor and that's what they did.

352
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:18,960
Speaker 1: So they induce labor. They induce labor. Wow. So then

353
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:23,159
Speaker 1: what happened after you gave birth? Like like what? I

354
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:26,280
Speaker 1: don't know. I guess I've been trying to Like, first

355
00:19:26,280 --> 00:19:30,640
Speaker 1: of all, given birth was insane because you're older now,

356
00:19:30,760 --> 00:19:33,920
Speaker 1: so I can only imagine you're thinking about certain things

357
00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:36,760
Speaker 1: from a different perspective of host of the twenty year old. Yeah,

358
00:19:36,840 --> 00:19:41,360
Speaker 1: twenty year old me really was super inexperience and being

359
00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:43,959
Speaker 1: in that situation that young, I feel like a lot

360
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,560
Speaker 1: of things are being thrown at you at one time,

361
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,000
Speaker 1: and you're trying your best to digest what the hell

362
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,400
Speaker 1: is happening to you? You know what I mean. It's

363
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:54,919
Speaker 1: almost too much to understand that this is happening. Like

364
00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:57,520
Speaker 1: you had people losing cage, we hear people having miscarbbages.

365
00:19:57,760 --> 00:20:00,359
Speaker 1: You just never think that it's gonna be you, you

366
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,359
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So to sit there and that

367
00:20:02,680 --> 00:20:06,160
Speaker 1: especially when you're just moving on her just right right,

368
00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,600
Speaker 1: like why is this happening to me? You know? So

369
00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:11,560
Speaker 1: now that they're telling me they're gonna put me in

370
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:14,439
Speaker 1: labor and I'm in labor, it's like your body doesn't know, Oh,

371
00:20:14,480 --> 00:20:16,800
Speaker 1: your babies is five months, so the your service only

372
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,480
Speaker 1: need to open up to what six in To me,

373
00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:21,800
Speaker 1: there's no your body's gonna go to full ten like

374
00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,320
Speaker 1: any other woman's body while she's in labor. And that

375
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:27,520
Speaker 1: ship was no joke. I wasn't on any type of

376
00:20:27,520 --> 00:20:29,800
Speaker 1: heavy medications. I didn't have an efidoral I do that

377
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:34,159
Speaker 1: ship natural And they didn't give me an option to

378
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,320
Speaker 1: have e fidoral. They didn't even present it to me.

379
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 1: It was like, this is what you're doing, let's go

380
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 1: full out, And that's exactly what happened. So I gave birth.

381
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:48,040
Speaker 1: At do you think they did that? What do you

382
00:20:48,040 --> 00:20:49,919
Speaker 1: think what this with? In the situation that did episode

383
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:53,080
Speaker 1: you was younger, I never even thought about it, to

384
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:56,840
Speaker 1: be honest, that could be the reason, but I never

385
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,160
Speaker 1: thought about it. Yeah, would you want to be out

386
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:01,520
Speaker 1: the door or did you want to be on the

387
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,920
Speaker 1: door or just bet some psychle of I didn't want

388
00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 1: to be heavily drugged up because I knew that when

389
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,359
Speaker 1: they came, my time with them was gonna be limited,

390
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:12,160
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to miss anything. So I feel like,

391
00:21:12,520 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 1: even if it was presented, I went and took the opportunity.

392
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,560
Speaker 1: I wanted to remember everything because I didn't know how

393
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:21,199
Speaker 1: much time I would have, how much I had a

394
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:25,639
Speaker 1: couple of hours with my son. It was it was short.

395
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,600
Speaker 1: My daughter she probably survived, like I'm want to say,

396
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:38,120
Speaker 1: two to three more hours after he did. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

397
00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:41,679
Speaker 1: and then you got it and then I can cremate it.

398
00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 1: I asked my mother to pay for it, and she did,

399
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,480
Speaker 1: because I just didn't want their bodies to wind up

400
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,160
Speaker 1: whatever bodies wind up when you died in the hospital,

401
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 1: and I want to. I didn't have control of the

402
00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,320
Speaker 1: situation of what happened, so but as I could control

403
00:21:57,119 --> 00:21:59,879
Speaker 1: and play my role in I wanted to. So I

404
00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:01,520
Speaker 1: wanted to bring the ashes home and that's where I

405
00:22:01,640 --> 00:22:05,199
Speaker 1: was able to do. And then did they stitch up

406
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,720
Speaker 1: your service? Then? You remember when we was on the

407
00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:10,040
Speaker 1: phone talking and you're telling you get you guys, what's

408
00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:16,440
Speaker 1: the word? I actually yourself? Yeah, what is that? It's

409
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:19,960
Speaker 1: the actual stitch. It's the actual stitch they use when

410
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:24,360
Speaker 1: they put them when they stitch your service out. Yeah.

411
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:28,760
Speaker 1: So can you have twins now? Absolutely? I think the

412
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:33,840
Speaker 1: chances actually quadruple now that I did it naturally. Yeah,

413
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,160
Speaker 1: it's already in my family, which we didn't know until

414
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:41,320
Speaker 1: like our pregnant, but um, black women naturally had twins.

415
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,159
Speaker 1: I think four times. It's likely. Yeah, the possibility of

416
00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:48,480
Speaker 1: you having twins, a black woman having twins in her

417
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:54,399
Speaker 1: thirties is yeah, it's super high. It's crazy. I'm looking

418
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,359
Speaker 1: forward to I hope it happens again. Mm hmm. Oh.

419
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,040
Speaker 1: You spoke to me about how you became depressed. Can

420
00:23:01,119 --> 00:23:03,400
Speaker 1: you share with us? How are you the phone during

421
00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:06,840
Speaker 1: that time? After the birth? So I come home from

422
00:23:06,880 --> 00:23:09,720
Speaker 1: the hospital and at this time, my aunt, she's like

423
00:23:10,440 --> 00:23:13,040
Speaker 1: one of those people, was in the neighborhood. Everybody knows her.

424
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,440
Speaker 1: She knows everybody. So she basically put it out there

425
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,600
Speaker 1: like when you see my niece, don't ask anything. Don't

426
00:23:18,640 --> 00:23:21,080
Speaker 1: ask her about anything, leave her alone. So I didn't

427
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,520
Speaker 1: really worry about anybody saying too much to me. But

428
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:26,320
Speaker 1: I remember coming home from the hospital and it was

429
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:31,320
Speaker 1: a magazine, a baby magazine on the table with promoting

430
00:23:31,359 --> 00:23:35,080
Speaker 1: a twin shoulder, and I just felt like, what the

431
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 1: funk of all things this? And I just lost it,

432
00:23:39,040 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 1: Like I was super duper depressed. His support was lax.

433
00:23:43,640 --> 00:23:46,920
Speaker 1: He popped up when he wanted to with all, Wait,

434
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:50,680
Speaker 1: what's he there for the birth? He was there while

435
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:54,480
Speaker 1: I was in labor. His child's mother called him at

436
00:23:54,480 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 1: eleven something that night to come pick his son up,

437
00:23:57,880 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: and he picked his son up and by the time

438
00:23:59,640 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 1: he got that to the hospital, they was born already. Yeah,

439
00:24:03,320 --> 00:24:06,719
Speaker 1: all my respect left in that moment. The minute he

440
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,879
Speaker 1: worked out, you have your son for the rest of

441
00:24:09,920 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 1: your life. God Willen, you know, and these two kids

442
00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,280
Speaker 1: about to be born and we already know the outcome,

443
00:24:16,920 --> 00:24:24,320
Speaker 1: and you choose. I'm telling you, Gods bought that baby definitely.

444
00:24:24,520 --> 00:24:26,840
Speaker 1: But go ahead. You were talking about when you were depressed,

445
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:28,879
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I was. Um. So you have to get

446
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,199
Speaker 1: evaluated if you have any type of loss, you have

447
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 1: to get evaluated when you go see you next doctor's

448
00:24:34,240 --> 00:24:38,359
Speaker 1: visit and just to see what you are mentally, you know,

449
00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 1: are you okay or you're stable enough? And I had

450
00:24:41,520 --> 00:24:44,600
Speaker 1: went in the actual series of question and I must

451
00:24:44,640 --> 00:24:48,280
Speaker 1: have felt miserably because after the test, she goes, you

452
00:24:48,320 --> 00:24:50,520
Speaker 1: need to go see a doctor, like you need to

453
00:24:50,560 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 1: go see somebody you're not okay. And I did not

454
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:56,439
Speaker 1: take her advice. I just didn't know where to start, Like,

455
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 1: you know, where did I found a doctor? Where I

456
00:24:58,800 --> 00:25:01,000
Speaker 1: found a therapist who's gonna out me? Nobody could bring

457
00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,320
Speaker 1: them back. I don't want to talk to nobody. Like

458
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: that's the space I was in, you know, I was

459
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 1: even lashing out, like at feeling members. I just felt

460
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,360
Speaker 1: like everybody's around me, and it's like it's gonna be okay.

461
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:11,959
Speaker 1: You're young. You could try again, Like the last thing,

462
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 1: somebody wants to hear after Lows is you can try again,

463
00:25:14,280 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 1: because you you're almost making it seem like the lives

464
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:19,439
Speaker 1: out Lows is replaceable. And I didn't feel that way.

465
00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:20,800
Speaker 1: All right, if I get rank it again, that's not

466
00:25:20,840 --> 00:25:23,720
Speaker 1: gonna be them, you know. So I just I didn't

467
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:27,000
Speaker 1: care to hear that. So I was I was super

468
00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:30,639
Speaker 1: super depressed, and I really didn't know like where to

469
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,440
Speaker 1: go too far outlet so I looked around for two

470
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:38,919
Speaker 1: years like that. I really contemplated suicide. I did not

471
00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:41,800
Speaker 1: want to be here. But the only reason that I

472
00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 1: didn't do it is because I honestly feel like if

473
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:46,200
Speaker 1: you take your own like you're not gonna be in heaven,

474
00:25:46,240 --> 00:25:47,640
Speaker 1: Like you're not gonna go to heaven. And I feel

475
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:50,400
Speaker 1: like that's my kids all so why would I leave

476
00:25:50,480 --> 00:25:52,920
Speaker 1: here and not be with them gonna after life? That's

477
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:55,080
Speaker 1: the only reason I didn't care myself. I would have

478
00:25:55,080 --> 00:25:58,639
Speaker 1: did it. Yeah, did you eventually go seek help or now?

479
00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: I didn't. The thing I feel like change the tra

480
00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 1: directory of my life was my nephew being born. Um

481
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:11,439
Speaker 1: he's born two years later and I just stepped up

482
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:14,280
Speaker 1: and that was like my baby, like he just feels

483
00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 1: a void that I had that was there for me

484
00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,199
Speaker 1: losing my own kids. Like he was just everything and

485
00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,480
Speaker 1: I pulled like everything I had into him. So I

486
00:26:23,520 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 1: really feel like he saved me. But was it hard

487
00:26:25,440 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: for you to see people have kids? No? It only

488
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,359
Speaker 1: was hard for me when I feel like it matched

489
00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,600
Speaker 1: my situation, like if they had like boy, your girls twins,

490
00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:36,280
Speaker 1: then I felt like it was so close to my

491
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,240
Speaker 1: situation that could have made me. But other than that, no,

492
00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: I never really felt like that. Is there anything that

493
00:26:42,400 --> 00:26:47,320
Speaker 1: you would have done differently? Um? Absolutely, I would have

494
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 1: seeks help just overall, I would have seeks help and

495
00:26:51,160 --> 00:26:55,640
Speaker 1: I would have the doctor. I feel like the O. B. G. Ryan.

496
00:26:57,680 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 1: I went to try to sue hum and they told

497
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 1: me that they could not ever proved that had she

498
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,119
Speaker 1: did the stitch, the babies would have survived. But do

499
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 1: you think they absolutely if she would have did the

500
00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 1: stitch at the timeframe she's supposed to do it, then

501
00:27:12,880 --> 00:27:16,240
Speaker 1: I feel like they would be here. Yes, you with

502
00:27:16,359 --> 00:27:19,520
Speaker 1: my doctor polarly years that you don't know my services

503
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:23,280
Speaker 1: short enough to require your stitch, that's the issue. And

504
00:27:23,400 --> 00:27:26,480
Speaker 1: I saw, Yeah, I do feel like that. M Is

505
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,720
Speaker 1: there anything else you would have done differently, Um, other

506
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:35,399
Speaker 1: than seek help and find a better g y N.

507
00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:40,760
Speaker 1: I think now, yes, I feel like you handle would

508
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 1: care with your own people better. I feel like if

509
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 1: people understand you. Um, I have a great g y in.

510
00:27:46,119 --> 00:27:49,320
Speaker 1: She's an African American and I wouldn't trade her for anything.

511
00:27:49,440 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 1: Like she's super on it, like things that I should

512
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: have known pregnant, I now know that now I'm not pregnant.

513
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,679
Speaker 1: She goes to super prepartions to make sure when I

514
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: need to give birth that everything is fine, like she

515
00:28:02,720 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 1: did an m r RA. She just did everything she

516
00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,040
Speaker 1: needed to know, study my service so we could take

517
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:14,160
Speaker 1: super precautions next time I have a baby. Yeah. Um,

518
00:28:14,240 --> 00:28:16,080
Speaker 1: do you think this was a blessing of the stize? Maybe?

519
00:28:18,320 --> 00:28:20,360
Speaker 1: I don't even like that question. Because of the situation

520
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:23,240
Speaker 1: with the person you was the father of your children.

521
00:28:24,720 --> 00:28:27,240
Speaker 1: I don't know. It's hard if I want to call

522
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:31,520
Speaker 1: it that. It's hard to say that. I don't think

523
00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:34,600
Speaker 1: him and I would have lasted even if they were here. Um.

524
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:36,080
Speaker 1: Do you want to go through a situation like that

525
00:28:36,119 --> 00:28:39,440
Speaker 1: with somebody like that? Absolutely not. But I think I

526
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:43,160
Speaker 1: would have chose being a mom. Oh that Yeah, I

527
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 1: would have still I would have did it if I could,

528
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:47,640
Speaker 1: even if he was a father. Yeah, Like it just

529
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,320
Speaker 1: wouldn't have worked out, but that would have been fine

530
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,000
Speaker 1: by me. Yeah, And I know you want to try

531
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,200
Speaker 1: again in the future. I do. I'm excited to be

532
00:28:56,240 --> 00:28:58,600
Speaker 1: a mom. I feel like it's it looks like a

533
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 1: dope experience. I'm not in a run. Should kids bless

534
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 1: your parents out there doing this pandemic? Man, I see

535
00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:11,640
Speaker 1: it through God, I'm not in a right but I

536
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,120
Speaker 1: would love to do it again. I would love it.

537
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:20,280
Speaker 1: I had a good pregnancy overall. You know, so you

538
00:29:20,440 --> 00:29:23,320
Speaker 1: went when you went within five months, because I can't

539
00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: even imagine if Tom would have went on. I swear

540
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:30,040
Speaker 1: like for the women who is very this type of

541
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 1: stuff at eight months, Yeah, God bless me. Or go

542
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:37,920
Speaker 1: into labor being forty weeks and lose the baby, come

543
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 1: home about your baby. Like, that's a lot. That's a lot,

544
00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:44,520
Speaker 1: And I really feel like, where do you go? You know,

545
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:46,760
Speaker 1: what do you who do you turn to any type

546
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,120
Speaker 1: of situations. It's not a lot of outlets that screen

547
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:53,000
Speaker 1: support for that, Like it's so dark. You're such an

548
00:29:53,000 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: adult space and it's like nobody understands unless they've been

549
00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 1: through the same situation. So I really really really pay

550
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:01,720
Speaker 1: for those work and whole book and stuff like that

551
00:30:01,720 --> 00:30:03,840
Speaker 1: because it happens a black women. I don't think that

552
00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:09,560
Speaker 1: black women are being handled with care within these medical facilities. No, no,

553
00:30:09,680 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 1: they not. That's what I'm really looking forward to share

554
00:30:12,480 --> 00:30:15,640
Speaker 1: your story and interviewing this doula because we need to

555
00:30:15,640 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 1: get more resources, because yeah, I would love to hear

556
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 1: what the doula has to say. Yeah. I did my research,

557
00:30:20,720 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: and you know, I think now doula is popular, so

558
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,440
Speaker 1: everybody think they can be a dula. And she is

559
00:30:25,440 --> 00:30:30,600
Speaker 1: a certified licensed doula, Like she teaches women about if

560
00:30:30,640 --> 00:30:32,960
Speaker 1: they were to losing baby, teach women how to prepare

561
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:34,840
Speaker 1: for her baby. She's women how to breast, but she

562
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,600
Speaker 1: just teaches women everything. She's a license for every single one.

563
00:30:37,640 --> 00:30:39,960
Speaker 1: So and she's a black woman of course, So I'm

564
00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,760
Speaker 1: really looking forward to her. I think that's dope. I'm

565
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:47,080
Speaker 1: excited to hear what she has to say about everything. Um,

566
00:30:47,120 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 1: and he invites you with you before we leave, UM,

567
00:30:52,120 --> 00:30:57,320
Speaker 1: do your research, you know, find find a black ob

568
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:03,200
Speaker 1: B G Won that is like key and playing your pregnancy.

569
00:31:03,240 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: I don't like I feel like if you're married, you're

570
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,840
Speaker 1: getting pregnant for pineously, it's cool. But if you're not,

571
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 1: and you you know you're not sure of health issues,

572
00:31:13,600 --> 00:31:15,680
Speaker 1: you should definitely plan. Because I know now that my

573
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:18,240
Speaker 1: pregnancy has to be planned. I can't spontaneously your pregnant

574
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 1: like it has to be by the boats. And I

575
00:31:21,560 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: feel like now I can walk into the situation knowing,

576
00:31:24,920 --> 00:31:27,560
Speaker 1: al right, I gotta do X, Y and Z. Before

577
00:31:27,600 --> 00:31:29,320
Speaker 1: I was just I was young, I was dumb, I

578
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,840
Speaker 1: didn't know much and I just got pregnant. I didn't

579
00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 1: even know my pautner enough to know that, all right,

580
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: we go down this type of you go down the

581
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: paper road and decide you're gonna behave you know, so

582
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,520
Speaker 1: I would just say to your research, you know what

583
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:46,040
Speaker 1: you're walking into it. Because when she had stepping, you're

584
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: gonna have your supports, so which is probably your family family.

585
00:31:51,160 --> 00:31:53,600
Speaker 1: My family was super supportive still for his day. They

586
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 1: can't wait for baby. My mother doesn't have grand kids yet,

587
00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:02,080
Speaker 1: so she's she's so any advices to the niggas, let's listening.

588
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 1: Um be supportive, whether you you know one thing had

589
00:32:07,520 --> 00:32:10,360
Speaker 1: or not. When she decided to say how there's somebody

590
00:32:10,400 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: want kids, but they want to hit the row a

591
00:32:12,200 --> 00:32:14,920
Speaker 1: lot of hell out of the dot. It's like they

592
00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:18,760
Speaker 1: had they get these girls pregn and they don't. They

593
00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: don't want the outcome. But you know, just it just

594
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,600
Speaker 1: it helps the pregnancy. It helps to have some money, yeah,

595
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,080
Speaker 1: and walk you through the situation because you don't want

596
00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:30,920
Speaker 1: to fill alone through this situation. You need a lot

597
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:34,640
Speaker 1: of support. Pregnancy is not easy at all, none of

598
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:38,160
Speaker 1: it is, and it's suspensive to make sure you're financially stable.

599
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 1: To him, I would say that do you think things

600
00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:42,200
Speaker 1: would have probably turned out different if he would have

601
00:32:42,240 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: been more involved? No, As far as like you being

602
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:49,160
Speaker 1: depressed and stuff, I mean, you would have still been depressed,

603
00:32:49,160 --> 00:32:50,240
Speaker 1: but do you think would have been a little bit

604
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: We're not easier, but a little bit more manageable. Because

605
00:32:53,760 --> 00:32:56,800
Speaker 1: he was Dirk with you, I helped onto the relationship

606
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 1: after it was done because I just lost the pregnancy

607
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,080
Speaker 1: and I was ready to let him go. So I

608
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 1: definitely kept him around afterwards. But I was so resentful

609
00:33:05,960 --> 00:33:07,680
Speaker 1: that I was acting out in ways. It was like

610
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 1: I was being ridiculous sometimes I was fighting him. You know,

611
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 1: he just I don't think he understood how I felt.

612
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: He only could understand from his perspective, and it wasn't

613
00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:20,800
Speaker 1: good enough for me. Sometimes it was like, you know,

614
00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,280
Speaker 1: some days I can't get out of bed, but here

615
00:33:23,320 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: you all living life, like how could you? You know?

616
00:33:26,840 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: And it's just like, but we did experience two different things.

617
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,480
Speaker 1: He wasn't carrying them. I was, and at the time

618
00:33:32,520 --> 00:33:35,160
Speaker 1: I really wasn't digesting that. So he wasn't really present.

619
00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:39,320
Speaker 1: He wasn't really present. He was there physically, but emotionally

620
00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:43,400
Speaker 1: he was checked out. Yeah, yeah, I can't wait to

621
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:46,280
Speaker 1: do it with somebody who's supportive. It would have made

622
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:51,040
Speaker 1: a difference in my healing, So yeah, I guess, yeah,

623
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,600
Speaker 1: it would have made a difference in my healing. Him

624
00:33:54,600 --> 00:33:59,440
Speaker 1: me going through nonsense with him didn't hope. Yeah, well,

625
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:02,680
Speaker 1: I free you share your story. I'm happy you didn't cry.

626
00:34:03,800 --> 00:34:12,120
Speaker 1: Happy I didn't cry either. Up girl, Now I appreciate um.

627
00:34:12,239 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: Maybe I have any questions, comments with concerns, please make

628
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,120
Speaker 1: sure to email me and hello at the PhD podcast

629
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 1: dot com. And also, she is a business owner. I

630
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:22,200
Speaker 1: don't want I ain't gonna say too much yet because

631
00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 1: I think she's so difficult. I don't want her to

632
00:34:23,880 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: get too busy, but she has we have like a

633
00:34:26,200 --> 00:34:29,400
Speaker 1: lettering company, right, but how would you describe it? Um?

634
00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:33,319
Speaker 1: I subscribe that in the custom lettering because I do

635
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:35,279
Speaker 1: out well for other things, but that's my main thing

636
00:34:35,480 --> 00:34:40,040
Speaker 1: right now. Yeah, so it's really dope. So I need

637
00:34:40,080 --> 00:34:44,000
Speaker 1: to figure out a way how I can help the

638
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:47,600
Speaker 1: businesses that these women have grown. I'm working on something,

639
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Speaker 1: so I'm definitely on cool her stuff. Y'all need a

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Speaker 1: project or a custom lettering like it's like the cutout letters,

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Speaker 1: Like it's really dope, y'all, Like I didn't. I'm just

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Speaker 1: amazed that she can really draw like this. So I

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Speaker 1: have any questions of comments or concerns, make sure you'll

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Speaker 1: at me up and until next time later by you're

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Speaker 1: gonna say buy August ever, Yeah,