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Speaker 1: What's Happy Hour listeners. I'm one of your hosts, Becky

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Speaker 1: good Friend, and I am Michelle Young. Whoa baby, I'm

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Speaker 1: back finally. No, I missed you, and I missed just

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Speaker 1: being on the show. In general, there's been a lot

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Speaker 1: going on and trying to you know, recover from mystery illnesses. Yes,

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Speaker 1: I feel like everyone has been sick these days. There's

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Speaker 1: obviously not even just something, but multiple things going around.

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Speaker 1: So I understand you need to take some time off

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Speaker 1: and heal. And you've also been traveling like crazy, so on,

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Speaker 1: that's what did it. I think that's where I'm like,

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Speaker 1: need to slow down a little. It's your body's way

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Speaker 1: of telling you to rest. It made me slow down

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Speaker 1: to the point where it's like I can't even get

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Speaker 1: on a flight to come back to light. But it's

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Speaker 1: you know, you've been you've been under the weather with everything.

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Speaker 1: It's just yeah, well this time of year, I feel

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Speaker 1: like everybody gets wiped up by something. And it was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm not good, I'm great. I'm not good.

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Speaker 1: I know, just want to think you're getting better. Something

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Speaker 1: else hits you exactly, But no, we're we're we're good.

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Speaker 1: We're like okay, I'll take it. I'll take it as

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Speaker 1: long as I can see your shining face, which, by

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Speaker 1: the way, I ruined. Michelle looks radiant. She's always radiant,

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Speaker 1: but like you look stunning. You got your cute little

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Speaker 1: glasses on todayses on. You look great, Um, and I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited to have you back. I'm also excited to

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Speaker 1: have our guests on this week. It's been a long

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Speaker 1: time since we have had him on Happy Hour, and

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Speaker 1: very soon we're gonna have our guy Clington pop in.

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Speaker 1: Before he pops on, though, Michelle, what's new with you?

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Speaker 1: And again, you've been traveling like crazy. You've been between

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Speaker 1: LA and Minnesota. You were just at what was it

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Speaker 1: jingle Bell or iHeart both? Yeah, okay, so I heart

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Speaker 1: puts on like this yearly event UM called jingle Ball.

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Speaker 1: It was so fun to drag my parents. I've been there. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they got to come onto the red carpet with me

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Speaker 1: for a little bit to do an interview. It was

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Speaker 1: it was pretty funny, it was it was great. And Um,

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Speaker 1: just been traveling a lot, been trying to get healthy.

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Speaker 1: You've been, you know, spending a lot of time with

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Speaker 1: my family and also like creating some exciting things that

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Speaker 1: are coming up, but I can't say quite yet. Oh okay,

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Speaker 1: well you know I'm calling you later today to pick

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Speaker 1: where I'll tell you in yes, but the world can't

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Speaker 1: know quite yet. But what are you? How are you doing?

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Speaker 1: I've you and I haven't. We've texted a little bit,

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Speaker 1: but we haven't actually been able to catch up like

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Speaker 1: on the phone or anything. I know, I feel like

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Speaker 1: every time we talk on the phone too. We talked

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Speaker 1: for so long and I've because like we've both been sick.

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Speaker 1: I've missed that. But life's good. We had an event

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Speaker 1: you were going to actually try to come, I know,

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Speaker 1: for my wine line. Obviously you couldn't um because you

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Speaker 1: weren't feeling the best. But yeah, we had a big

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Speaker 1: holiday event for my wine line, bordone a week ago

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Speaker 1: and it was so fun. Such a black us. It's

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Speaker 1: something that I think we want to keep up. There's

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Speaker 1: a local shop down by where I live, and we

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Speaker 1: want to just keep it up every couple months at

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Speaker 1: least twice a year. So if anyone is ever in

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Speaker 1: the area, I will keep you posted. But definitely something

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Speaker 1: that we want to keep keep reoccurring throughout the year. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and then please do. Yeah, we would love to see you.

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Speaker 1: And that's really it. Like we've been trying to get

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Speaker 1: ready for the holidays, but we really can't because we

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Speaker 1: don't have room for Christmas tree. So that's been interesting

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Speaker 1: at all. No, I mean just because of the renovations

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Speaker 1: are gone, Like it's just it's the house is just

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Speaker 1: not set up, so it's and we're not even in

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Speaker 1: there to enjoy the Christmas tree. So I set up

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Speaker 1: like a little mini Christmas tree and some nutcrackers in

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Speaker 1: our guest house that it's like our one holiday thing

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Speaker 1: that we have near us. But yeah, life's been good.

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Speaker 1: I mean, just getting ready for next year, which is

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Speaker 1: going to be crazy town with all of the weddings

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Speaker 1: and our own wedding planning that we're doing. So yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's a lot, a lot it's going to happen I

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Speaker 1: think in the next month or so. Okay, wait, can

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Speaker 1: you give the listeners like a little inside scoop of

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Speaker 1: where you're at for your wedding planning. We're really not anywhere,

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Speaker 1: to be honest, that'shere all we know. Actually I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: throw this out to the listeners. Um okay, so I've

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Speaker 1: mentioned this before. We really want to do just like

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Speaker 1: a small intimate ceremony with our immediate family in Ohi, California,

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Speaker 1: which is pretty tiny. It's not a big tom by

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Speaker 1: any means, so it's slim pickens for wedding venues. So

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Speaker 1: if anyone knows of maybe a private place or a

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Speaker 1: very unique place, we don't need anything big or fancy.

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Speaker 1: We just we really just want to go to Ohi

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Speaker 1: because we love the region and we love the restaurants there.

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Speaker 1: The food scene is phenomenal, So that's what we're going to.

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Speaker 1: So if anyone has any oh high recommendations, please let

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Speaker 1: me know. DM email me. The email is in my

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Speaker 1: bio on my Instagram, DM Bachelor Happy Hour. Let us know,

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Speaker 1: because I feel like that's the main stressor of wedding

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Speaker 1: planning right now, and I just also don't like to plan,

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Speaker 1: so I'm like, I don't know where we're gonna get married.

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Speaker 1: It'll happen when it happens, which is not the way

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Speaker 1: to you know, plan a wedding. I guess, um, does

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Speaker 1: the person who gives a recommendation get to come to

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Speaker 1: the wedding? Maybe? Well, I don't. I don't know to

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Speaker 1: the wedding itself, because if we if we're not having

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Speaker 1: like our best friends there, if we're only having family,

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Speaker 1: I feel like that would be a bad look or

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Speaker 1: friends of Nata. But I will send a multipack of

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Speaker 1: my wine to whoever perfect gives us the good recommendation

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Speaker 1: that we maybe lock lock in so they keep that

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Speaker 1: in mind. Kay. Yeah, challenges out there? Oh my god,

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Speaker 1: I love when you say challenge. It just reminds me

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Speaker 1: so much in back home of Minnesota, I do I

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Speaker 1: said a challenge, challenge, challenge, challenge. Oh god, this is

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Speaker 1: what happens. Oh my gosh, I gotta we gotta go

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Speaker 1: out in Minnesota one of these times that we're both home.

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Speaker 1: I swear we got to just hurn this town. It

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Speaker 1: would be a disaster. Let's do it kind of disaster.

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Speaker 1: Sign me up. Okay, Well, I think it's that time.

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Speaker 1: I know we have been wanting to chat with him

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Speaker 1: for a while, pick his brain on so many random things.

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Speaker 1: So let's bring on Clayton to Happy Hour. Welcome once

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Speaker 1: again to Happy Hour. Clayton. It's been a hot minute.

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Speaker 1: But how have you been since we got It's been

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Speaker 1: like what a year I think since we've had you

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Speaker 1: on probably Yeah, I was just thinking about all that's happened,

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Speaker 1: and I got a few notefcases on my phone of like,

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Speaker 1: this is your the past year, what's happened. I couldn't

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Speaker 1: believe that this much time had transpired. But yeah, we've

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Speaker 1: not a little a couple things to change, if you,

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Speaker 1: as you pointed out the mustache and the hair and

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Speaker 1: a few other things internally, So it's been it's been

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Speaker 1: good though. I've been really avoid really just kind of

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Speaker 1: where I'm at today, and it's good to see y'all. Okay, well, Clayton, Well,

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Speaker 1: is nice to see your face. I feel like we

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Speaker 1: haven't we briefly have like spoken, checked in with each other,

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Speaker 1: but um, a lot has changed for you. But I

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Speaker 1: need to know one thing. On my season, the guys

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Speaker 1: gave you the name. They nickname clayto if you're called Okay,

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Speaker 1: do you still get called that? Has that changed? Well?

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Speaker 1: I retired. That's obviously comes in you heard me, I

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Speaker 1: mean you heard me? Do it? I free style for

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Speaker 1: you once? I remember yeah, yeah, So um, I don't

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Speaker 1: do I don't freestyle anymore, just because some things are

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Speaker 1: better to leave in the past. That was a big

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Speaker 1: period of self reflection that one of them. I was like,

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Speaker 1: you know, he's like, I'm a retired rapper. Now you're

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Speaker 1: approaching thirty, you should probably hang it out. Man. I'm

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Speaker 1: still so mad. I never heard any of these lines.

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Speaker 1: If I have enough drinks in me, there's a chance

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Speaker 1: that I could be encouraged again. But I'm completely sober

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Speaker 1: as I sit here right now, so it's not happening. Okay,

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Speaker 1: maybe one day, way too funny, Okay, Clint, we have

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Speaker 1: a lot to get to ask you about just We

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Speaker 1: obviously need you to catch us up on life, and

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Speaker 1: we were living in everything. But before I just need

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Speaker 1: to know because I know you and Thomas were talking

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Speaker 1: about this earlier. Today. You started this very interesting diet

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Speaker 1: that I don't think I've ever heard of before. We're

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Speaker 1: going to call it the Caveman diet, where you're only

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Speaker 1: eating meat. Is that correct? Like straight meat? So I

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Speaker 1: don't know full certainty, but I called it the carnivore diet.

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Speaker 1: It's what I was following from a doctor that had

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Speaker 1: reached out to me. Actually, maybe the Caveman might incorporate

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Speaker 1: like nuts and berries and stuff. I don't know, so

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Speaker 1: I think there might be a distinguishing factor between the two.

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Speaker 1: I was eating just meat. I say was because that

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Speaker 1: lasted all of nine days. Oh and then I went

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Speaker 1: to Nashville over the weekend and through backs and drinks,

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Speaker 1: through backs, some burgers, had some waffle house. So it's

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Speaker 1: just it wasn't sustainable. Because I was having this conversation

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Speaker 1: with my friend, I said, Hey, I got a land

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Speaker 1: and I'm going to have to go to the grocery

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Speaker 1: store and buy meat so that I can prep my

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Speaker 1: breakfast at your house. And then we had to like

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Speaker 1: change our reservations to all these really nice restaurants that

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Speaker 1: we had because I had to accommodate what I was eating.

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Speaker 1: And I just thought, I'm like, you know, I didn't

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Speaker 1: really need to change my diet. I was doing this

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Speaker 1: as an experiment, so this is already proving to be

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Speaker 1: more stressful to adhere to it. So okay, so the

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Speaker 1: all meat diet is no more. I still eat suralines

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Speaker 1: for breakfast, like I'm still try and eat less processed foods, okay,

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Speaker 1: but I'm adding in now fruits and and then on

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Speaker 1: the weekends, I'm just like, do whatever I want to

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Speaker 1: do about all part of a well balanced diet. How

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Speaker 1: dare you do that to chip Well? And you know

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Speaker 1: what the sad thing? So I think I've mentioned before,

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Speaker 1: so of all the things that I went through, my

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Speaker 1: greatest gift was Chipotle gave me a card, but I

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Speaker 1: handed it off to my brother because I was at

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Speaker 1: the time. I was like, I can't eat this anyn

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Speaker 1: moore man. Yeah, So I hit it to him and

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Speaker 1: then when I got back from the trip, I was like,

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Speaker 1: give it back to me. I didn't eat it back.

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Speaker 1: Was it the longest you went without having Chipotle? Because

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Speaker 1: you were getting more like two burritos every day. I

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Speaker 1: was eating a La chipolet. But I will say, though

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Speaker 1: now there's been good it's come from this diet. I'm

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Speaker 1: more I'm more cognizant of what I'm in taking. And

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Speaker 1: so now I've been reading more about seed oils and

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Speaker 1: the harmful effects of it and how certain you know,

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Speaker 1: restaurants can be putting seed oil on the meats which

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Speaker 1: causes the inflammation. So I can just say this, I

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Speaker 1: love Chipotle. The one downside is when I eat it,

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Speaker 1: it does not do me well. I end up paying

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Speaker 1: the price. So I'm wondering if the seed oils or

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Speaker 1: whatever something's there. But now I'm like, Okay, I'm just

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Speaker 1: gonna tap her back a little bit, doesn't really hurt.

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Speaker 1: It hurt to have some more home cooked meals. So

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Speaker 1: I'm cooking more. So that's not another positive, nice look

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Speaker 1: at you. It's all about growth. But I was apparently

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Speaker 1: I was apparently cooking the meats and too high of

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Speaker 1: a temperature, so I was smoking out the house. And

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Speaker 1: apparently that's like you're then you're ingesting harmful chemicals from

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Speaker 1: like the oil that you're burning. So I was just

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm just really screwing everything. Like I'm just

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Speaker 1: trying to learn here trading wine for the next and

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Speaker 1: I'm like learning. I'm with my brother right now. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: as you can see him in the look at this,

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Speaker 1: look at this setup, you guys might actually so you guys,

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Speaker 1: you guys probably recognize these. Yeah, oh yes, got that tape.

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Speaker 1: I still have. I have my bags from like years

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Speaker 1: ago with the duct tape on them. I mean, why

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Speaker 1: don't you take the duct tape off off? Because it's

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Speaker 1: actually really great when I travel. Yeah, you know, it's

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Speaker 1: yours just to find memories. Yeah, aparently apparently, Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: just bumming with my brother until I'm gonna buy a

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Speaker 1: house the next month or two. But yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 1: just me. He's just like, hey man, my house is

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Speaker 1: starting to smell like meat twenty four to seven, Like

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Speaker 1: we're gonna have to tell about this long term thing.

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Speaker 1: I was like, don't worry, don't finished my real estate license.

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Speaker 1: I'll be out of here, be out of your hair

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Speaker 1: here soon. So oh, okay, so you're in Scottsdale, correct

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Speaker 1: you and your brother? Are you? And when did you

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Speaker 1: a fishing move down there? Back here two and a

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Speaker 1: half months ago? Now, I guess gotcha. Okay, are any

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Speaker 1: other bachelor people living near you? I feel like there's

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Speaker 1: always city like pockets where a lot of people are alright,

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, okay, next question, why do I think I'm sorry?

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Speaker 1: Who's sorry? I totally just idea. I understand that I

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Speaker 1: am learning more about the backstory now, but I didn't

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Speaker 1: really watched the show prior, so I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm just giving you crowd about I know. I will say,

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Speaker 1: I've only been there once and it's a beautiful area.

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Speaker 1: It really is, like obviously the weather is great year round,

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Speaker 1: but there's so much to do outdoors, Like the hikes

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Speaker 1: there are incredible. Yeah, no, it's awesome. We were just

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Speaker 1: last week or two weeks ago now, we were hiking

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Speaker 1: this place called Tom's Thumb and it's it's it's just

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Speaker 1: and right now it's it's rained a little bit because

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Speaker 1: I guess throughout the entire country right now there's just

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Speaker 1: big like snowstorm and rain all this. But uh, for

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Speaker 1: it to be like seventy degrees in December is ridiculous.

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Speaker 1: Like I'm so I'm used to Missouri where it's just

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Speaker 1: I'm sure like Michelle, you've probably used to this up

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Speaker 1: north too. You're now out in La, right, I am

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Speaker 1: on in La part time, so well kind of go

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Speaker 1: I bounce back and forth. Okay, but okay, So so

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Speaker 1: you're experiencing you know what I'm talking about. You're experiencing

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Speaker 1: now the West Coast beautiful time of year where we're like, wait,

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Speaker 1: we had to go through the snow and put up

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Speaker 1: with all these years. Yeah, you're like, why did I

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Speaker 1: live there? Why? Years? Exactly? No, I feel that it

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Speaker 1: is nice to like step outside and not have your

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Speaker 1: nose hairs freeze together. It's kind of refreshing. But how

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Speaker 1: how have you been? How have things been in Scottsdale.

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Speaker 1: Was it kind of like a reset? I mean, what

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Speaker 1: are you up to? I know that you're hiking, you're

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Speaker 1: working out what else is going on for you? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: For me, thing's been awesome. I feel that coming out

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Speaker 1: here really forced this reset in my mind. So the

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Speaker 1: first I thought, the second I hit hit the ground

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Speaker 1: and I'm in Scottsdale, this is the new chapter of

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Speaker 1: my life. And so I just kind of framed it

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Speaker 1: that way in my head, and I said, you know,

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Speaker 1: going forward, all these things that I've experienced, I'm going

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Speaker 1: to come to terms with them, the good and the bad,

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Speaker 1: and take it from I can't like what I can

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Speaker 1: find the silver linings that I can always say that

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Speaker 1: a lot now, but it's I do believe, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: find all the silver linings from everything I experienced, and

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Speaker 1: then you're going to move forward and stop looking back

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Speaker 1: and trying to change what you can't change. At this point,

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Speaker 1: the only thing I can change is my mind. I

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Speaker 1: can't change the action. So so yeah, I did that,

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Speaker 1: and moving kind of just really helped me get in

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Speaker 1: that headspace where I was a fresh start and now

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Speaker 1: it's been awesome, like I am doing what I love.

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Speaker 1: I found a good balance. There's still some uncertainty and

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Speaker 1: stuff like with what I'm doing. I mean, as you

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Speaker 1: guys know post you know reality TV, I feel and

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Speaker 1: maybe you guys can expand on this. I was just

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Speaker 1: thinking about it myself. I struggled personally with the post

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Speaker 1: show my identity. I was like, who do I need

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Speaker 1: to be post show? And I was like, at first,

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Speaker 1: I was trying to be what I thought people wanted

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Speaker 1: me to be. So I was, you know, posting what

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Speaker 1: I thought people wanted me to post. And when I

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Speaker 1: posted what I thought people liked, the engagement was high.

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Speaker 1: When I posted what I wanted to post, the engagement

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Speaker 1: was low. But then what bothered me was I was like,

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be posting what others want me

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Speaker 1: to post. I want to post what I'm passionate about

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Speaker 1: and eventually people will come around to that. And if

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Speaker 1: I lose followers whatever, that's fine, but I want to

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Speaker 1: be enjoying what I'm doing. So I went through this

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Speaker 1: whole phase where like I despise social media because I

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Speaker 1: didn't like how I was over analyzing it and trying

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Speaker 1: to please everybody else, Like I had been doing it

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Speaker 1: for so much, so much of my life. So now

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Speaker 1: I'm in a place where I'm like, I'm doing me,

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Speaker 1: I'm doing what I think it's best. I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: share my experiences. If you like it, you do. If

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Speaker 1: you don't, then you don't have to like it, you

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Speaker 1: can't follow whatever. But that's put me in a much

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Speaker 1: better headspace. And I don't know if you guys can

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Speaker 1: relate to that, if you went through that, yeah, I

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Speaker 1: think it's so similar to Clayton is, like you know

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Speaker 1: you played, you played collegiate sports like you you know,

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Speaker 1: we're an athlete everything, and then once you either are

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Speaker 1: forced to or decide to put your that career down,

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Speaker 1: it's like this whole identity crisis of who am I now?

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Speaker 1: Because you dedicated your entire life to do this, and

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Speaker 1: now you didn't dedicate your entire life to be the Bachelor.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you did, who knows, Like if you did, good job,

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Speaker 1: I feel like you're like the one for decent that

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Speaker 1: I'd be able to plan it out like that, But

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Speaker 1: but it really is you try to figure out who

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Speaker 1: what are you doing now? I mean some people go

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Speaker 1: back to their careers. A lot of people don't go

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Speaker 1: back to their careers or it's just at this different

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Speaker 1: moment and then all of these layers of social media

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Speaker 1: pop in. But for you, so much has changed in

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Speaker 1: the last year in a crazy amount. Are you ready

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Speaker 1: to pass the Bachelor baton onto Zac? Oh? Yeah, absolutely,

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Speaker 1: I mean you're like, take it, let me throw it

336
00:17:13,800 --> 00:17:16,840
Speaker 1: to you. From what i've yeah, well I would, And

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Speaker 1: I haven't talked with him, and you know, I think

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Speaker 1: maybe I don't know I from what I've seen edits

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00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:28,720
Speaker 1: and all that so far or promos, he seems like

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Speaker 1: he's probably on a lot better path. I didn't. I

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Speaker 1: haven't seen any drama pop up. I mean, his my

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Speaker 1: line is always open to him, but I also kind

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Speaker 1: of left it at well if he wants to reach out,

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Speaker 1: if he ever wants to talk him here. But I've

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Speaker 1: been hearing a lot of really great things about him

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Speaker 1: and how I think he's navigated a little bit better,

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Speaker 1: So I'm ready to pass it off to him. I

348
00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:54,280
Speaker 1: think what I did was just come in and be

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Speaker 1: a complete train wreck. So I'm like, hey, buddy, here's

350
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Speaker 1: the bar. You can just go ahead and elevate it

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Speaker 1: from here. On out, so you know, I'm I'm always there.

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Speaker 1: My line's always open to him, and I'm sure there's

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Speaker 1: gonna be some things he'll struggle with and if he

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Speaker 1: ever wants to have a discussion, obviously, as we've done before,

355
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Speaker 1: I've done with both of you guys, we're aheadn't now

356
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Speaker 1: we know what to expect. And I think perspective and

357
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Speaker 1: insight is so helped me tremendously because I realized, like,

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Speaker 1: oh wait, I'm not alone in this, and I will

359
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Speaker 1: go through this period of struggling and I will face

360
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Speaker 1: these comments, but just as they got through it, I

361
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Speaker 1: will too. So I think that type of insight will

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Speaker 1: be helpful. And I don't know if you guys have

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Speaker 1: spoken to him. I'm sure you probably have, but now, no,

364
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Speaker 1: we haven't. We had him on our podcast like when

365
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,399
Speaker 1: he was still in the middle of Gabby and Rachel's season,

366
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Speaker 1: but that was the last time, so we have we

367
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Speaker 1: have no idea. I'm sure we'll have him on very

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Speaker 1: soon once this season starts. Who would you say, like,

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Speaker 1: was there anyone from Battel Nation, whether it be other contests,

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00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,920
Speaker 1: cast members or former leads that helped you? Not only

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Speaker 1: like when your season was airing, but that weird transition

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Speaker 1: period after too, Like, is there anyone that you got

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Speaker 1: great advice from more that you're still super close with? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean I'm not just saying this because I'm here,

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Speaker 1: but you guys both reached out to me a couple

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Speaker 1: few times. So I appreciated you guys reaching out just

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Speaker 1: because I knew I'm like, okay, I'm not alone in this.

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Speaker 1: So you all did a great job. I would say.

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Speaker 1: The person that really was going like, really going like

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Speaker 1: and constantly checking in that I was impressed by was

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Speaker 1: Caitlin rust So she checked in a lot with me,

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Speaker 1: and I just wasn't expecting it from her, and so

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Speaker 1: she had a lot of great advice. And I had

384
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Speaker 1: since found out that she went through a somewhat similar circumstance.

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Speaker 1: I mean, not obviously the exact same, but there were

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Speaker 1: certain things that she was, you know, people went after

387
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 1: her for that were similar to what I had did.

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Speaker 1: So we were able to talk about that, and she

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Speaker 1: a lot of what happened with her after the show

390
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Speaker 1: and how she struggled and it took her some time.

391
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Speaker 1: But then hearing all that I didn't even know half

392
00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,960
Speaker 1: the stuff that she went through. She was heard a

393
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Speaker 1: podcast recently she opened up about I think she was

394
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:17,080
Speaker 1: talking about struggles she was having and think coping mechanisms

395
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Speaker 1: that she was using, and come to find out, I'm like,

396
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Speaker 1: I had no idea because I'm looking at you right

397
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:25,520
Speaker 1: now and you're so successful and you seem to have

398
00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,080
Speaker 1: it all figured out. So to hear you be vulnerable

399
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Speaker 1: and talk about this side that I didn't get to

400
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,760
Speaker 1: see makes me feel that, Okay, I'm here as well

401
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:34,199
Speaker 1: right now, but I can get to where you're at

402
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Speaker 1: as well. So it's yeah, she was really awesome. But

403
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Speaker 1: I've had almost a lot of people have reached out.

404
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 1: I talked to Matt James. He's been incredible, I mean,

405
00:20:43,359 --> 00:20:47,440
Speaker 1: the former Bachelor. Just nice to have somebody that's exactly

406
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 1: through it. So he gave me his perspective and it's

407
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,880
Speaker 1: just been really helpful. Yeah, it is good to see that.

408
00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:55,960
Speaker 1: I feel like it's like you said, it's very easy

409
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Speaker 1: to come from the show and feel like you're in

410
00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:00,600
Speaker 1: this like secluded bubble where you're like, no one's going

411
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,919
Speaker 1: to understand. I can't talk to my family and friends

412
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Speaker 1: like they're not going to fully get it. So having

413
00:21:05,359 --> 00:21:08,240
Speaker 1: people like that is I mean it definitely And I

414
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Speaker 1: can only speak for myself, but some of those former leads,

415
00:21:10,960 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 1: like like you said, Caitlin definitely helped get me through,

416
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Speaker 1: like right after my season where I was like, you know,

417
00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,879
Speaker 1: I was used to one thing for so long and

418
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,600
Speaker 1: working in public relations and now everything is like turned

419
00:21:21,640 --> 00:21:23,879
Speaker 1: on its head. Where do we go from here? But

420
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Speaker 1: I will say for you, it seems like you've had

421
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Speaker 1: a lot of life changes in this past year. Like

422
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,080
Speaker 1: it's probably a totally different life than you ever expected,

423
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Speaker 1: but you seem to finally be able to like, and

424
00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:37,280
Speaker 1: I don't want to say like find your footing, but

425
00:21:37,320 --> 00:21:39,400
Speaker 1: you feel like you're coming into yourself. And I will say,

426
00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 1: like just following you on social media and speaking out

427
00:21:43,880 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 1: like for mental health and public speaking and reaching out

428
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,680
Speaker 1: to others and sharing your story I think is so

429
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:53,520
Speaker 1: empowering and that's been really really fun to see. How

430
00:21:53,560 --> 00:21:56,520
Speaker 1: do you feel like when you started opening up about

431
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,000
Speaker 1: mental health, Like did you feel like, Okay, I can

432
00:21:59,000 --> 00:22:01,359
Speaker 1: finally make a difference and how my voice be heard?

433
00:22:01,440 --> 00:22:06,160
Speaker 1: Like what was that whole process like for you? Yeah?

434
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:11,240
Speaker 1: For me, when I was younger, I suppressed a lot

435
00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,000
Speaker 1: of my struggles and I think a lot of people

436
00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,399
Speaker 1: do in general because they're the fear of being judged.

437
00:22:16,480 --> 00:22:20,400
Speaker 1: So I kept everything within and that didn't ever help

438
00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:22,280
Speaker 1: me solve my problems. I was just pushing it away

439
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 1: and piling up the trump essentially, and so as I

440
00:22:26,840 --> 00:22:28,919
Speaker 1: when I hit Cologe, I started to have these conversations

441
00:22:28,920 --> 00:22:32,239
Speaker 1: with my good friends about my BIA, dysmorphia, and just

442
00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:35,040
Speaker 1: things that I struggled with not feeling good enough, and

443
00:22:35,160 --> 00:22:37,600
Speaker 1: I was received with open arms. I had thought for

444
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:39,679
Speaker 1: so long that if I opened up, I would almost

445
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,160
Speaker 1: push myself farther away from people, and that would happen.

446
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 1: If I opened up to the wrong people, they would

447
00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:47,600
Speaker 1: weaponize it against me. But with the right people, it

448
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 1: actually brings you closer together. So I started to have

449
00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: these more more conversations. You know, when I was on

450
00:22:54,359 --> 00:22:56,680
Speaker 1: your season, we talked about how I struggle with feeling

451
00:22:56,680 --> 00:23:00,919
Speaker 1: good enough, and you were very just comforting in that

452
00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:03,439
Speaker 1: moment and said all the things that I need to know,

453
00:23:03,480 --> 00:23:05,080
Speaker 1: and just saying like, you know, you are good enough.

454
00:23:05,080 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 1: You're gonna make someone really happy what I've seen like

455
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:10,280
Speaker 1: you're a great person, and it was very validating, and

456
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,960
Speaker 1: that was again more the more times that I did

457
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:16,040
Speaker 1: that and opened up, I was like, wow, like, I'm

458
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:19,280
Speaker 1: not pushing people away, I'm actually building stronger connections and

459
00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:21,520
Speaker 1: it makes me feel less alone and I'm realizing I'm

460
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,280
Speaker 1: not the only person that's dealing with this. So then

461
00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 1: as I started talking about it, I would get more

462
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,840
Speaker 1: and more people that would reach out. I talked about

463
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 1: bias morphy on my season, found out more than a

464
00:23:31,200 --> 00:23:34,080
Speaker 1: few of the women then startled with it as well,

465
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,120
Speaker 1: and then post show when it aired, I had people

466
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,240
Speaker 1: in my DM's messaging me saying thank you so much

467
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,280
Speaker 1: for talking about this. I've never been able to tell

468
00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:45,240
Speaker 1: anybody because I was afraid of being seen as less

469
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,720
Speaker 1: of a human being, and so that's what really Then

470
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,240
Speaker 1: I had this moment where I thought, Okay, you have

471
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: this platform where you can impact a lot of people

472
00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:58,399
Speaker 1: more than you ever could have, So how are you

473
00:23:58,400 --> 00:23:59,920
Speaker 1: going to use it? Like, what are you going to do?

474
00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:03,160
Speaker 1: You do enjoy having these conversations, getting to know people,

475
00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:07,760
Speaker 1: so share your experiences, and that's what I've been doing.

476
00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,760
Speaker 1: But I you know, I've learned a lot through doing

477
00:24:10,800 --> 00:24:15,200
Speaker 1: so There's been times where I've shared my experiences and

478
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,120
Speaker 1: you know, I gotta be careful because especially with mental health,

479
00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: you've got to be very careful as an advocate to

480
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,480
Speaker 1: not obviously clinically diagnose anybody. I'm not an expert, but

481
00:24:23,600 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 1: you have to be careful with the things that you

482
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 1: say because it can you know, the words matter, and

483
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:30,920
Speaker 1: somebody can take what you say and end up using

484
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:33,480
Speaker 1: it but out of context or in their own lives

485
00:24:33,480 --> 00:24:35,479
Speaker 1: where it could hurt them. So like where I'm at

486
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,200
Speaker 1: right now is I'm trying, and I am it's really great,

487
00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:40,919
Speaker 1: but I'm starting to partner up with psychologists and therapists.

488
00:24:41,200 --> 00:24:44,280
Speaker 1: I'm going to therapy, so I'm starting to just become

489
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 1: more well versed and share my experiences destigmatize mental health,

490
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 1: but then bring an expert with me. So it's like, hey,

491
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:53,400
Speaker 1: I'm going to just talk about my struggles and then

492
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:56,440
Speaker 1: here's the expert who's going to give you some tools

493
00:24:56,560 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 1: to overcome these things or better manage it in general.

494
00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: So it's been really great, and I just it's fulfilling

495
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: and I wake up every day and I'm I'm looking

496
00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:06,640
Speaker 1: forward to the week So I'm not just looking forward

497
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 1: to the weekends anymore. I enjoy doing what I'm doing.

498
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,119
Speaker 1: So it's been cool. That's incredible. That's such a powerful

499
00:25:13,160 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: thing to be able to do is not have those

500
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: like Sunday scaries as people always call them, where you're

501
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:25,760
Speaker 1: just like just doubting or just worrying about the week

502
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,840
Speaker 1: that's coming ahead, because that's so much of your life

503
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,800
Speaker 1: is like those five days that if you just dread

504
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:34,919
Speaker 1: those five days, that's like a huge part of that.

505
00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,560
Speaker 1: So it's really cool and it's awesome that you're you'd say,

506
00:25:37,560 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 1: your seat like receiving positive feedback as you're being um vulnerable,

507
00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:46,320
Speaker 1: like even on social media. Yeah, oh yeah, well I've

508
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:49,280
Speaker 1: blocked a lot of people, so that helps good. That's

509
00:25:49,359 --> 00:25:54,159
Speaker 1: empowering it. Yeah, that was that was something that was

510
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: that's been my best best friends on social media. I'm like, oh,

511
00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:59,520
Speaker 1: you want to say that about me? Block goodbye, You'll

512
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 1: never see post ever again. So yeah, it's just I think.

513
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: But you know, at first, I'm like, oh, I don't

514
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:07,080
Speaker 1: want to block people. I don't want to restrict their voice.

515
00:26:07,080 --> 00:26:08,520
Speaker 1: But I'm like, you know what, I'm not restricting their voice.

516
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,959
Speaker 1: I'm restricting their voice on my platform. And this is

517
00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:13,640
Speaker 1: my space to choose what I want to put out there.

518
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:15,480
Speaker 1: And you don't have any right to come in and

519
00:26:15,520 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 1: make these comments. You can, but that there's repercussions. And honestly,

520
00:26:18,440 --> 00:26:20,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, if you're getting blocked, that's not the worst

521
00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:22,960
Speaker 1: thing in the world. You'll be okay without having to

522
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 1: see my stuff. But also I'm like, this is I'm

523
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:27,119
Speaker 1: trying to spread positivity. So I was like, there is

524
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: no place for this. If you really feel this way

525
00:26:29,600 --> 00:26:32,359
Speaker 1: about me, keep it to yourself, go on another platform,

526
00:26:33,080 --> 00:26:35,800
Speaker 1: share it on the other platforms, other forms. That's fine.

527
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 1: You have a right to do that. And if I

528
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:39,679
Speaker 1: go searching for it, that's my fault if I get upset.

529
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:41,960
Speaker 1: But if you come to my spot and do it,

530
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,680
Speaker 1: then there's going to be the repercussions. And it's not crazy.

531
00:26:44,760 --> 00:26:47,239
Speaker 1: It's just get blocked, you know. And they're probably going

532
00:26:47,280 --> 00:26:49,399
Speaker 1: to do it to someone else at some other time.

533
00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:52,879
Speaker 1: And like it's like when will they learn? Right, Like,

534
00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 1: and again I think you're about the positivity. Yeah, my

535
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:58,720
Speaker 1: thought is this is and maybe they don't think anything

536
00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:01,000
Speaker 1: of it. If I block them, they're like, good, you know, good,

537
00:27:01,040 --> 00:27:02,440
Speaker 1: you know, you're fine. I'm glad you blocked me. I

538
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,879
Speaker 1: didn't like you anyways. But I think if more people

539
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,880
Speaker 1: start blocking people when they're being negative, it may start

540
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 1: to get them to be like, you know what, nobody

541
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,000
Speaker 1: wants to hear this, So maybe I should start to

542
00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: reflect and realize maybe I should be a little bit

543
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:19,760
Speaker 1: more positive and stop hitting send on these comments. Because yeah,

544
00:27:20,040 --> 00:27:22,679
Speaker 1: I've seen other people that are you know, loved, and

545
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 1: they block people for talking badly about somebody else and

546
00:27:25,400 --> 00:27:26,879
Speaker 1: they're like, why you why are you blocking me? And

547
00:27:26,920 --> 00:27:29,359
Speaker 1: it's like because they don't like it either, and maybe

548
00:27:29,400 --> 00:27:31,199
Speaker 1: now that person will go, Okay, maybe I should have

549
00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:36,479
Speaker 1: stop doing this like block party, block party. So I

550
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 1: let me ask you this then, because I think one

551
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:44,280
Speaker 1: of your more recent posts that you posted on Instagram,

552
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 1: it was a video, you know, you were public speaking

553
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:49,880
Speaker 1: and you had a screen behind you of like all

554
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,359
Speaker 1: these different dms or comments that people wrote to you,

555
00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 1: and they were all, you know, very negative, terrible, hateful

556
00:27:54,840 --> 00:27:59,320
Speaker 1: things to say. Has anyone, if whether you've called them

557
00:27:59,359 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 1: out or if they've maybe just come across you've seen

558
00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 1: what like they had posted on your page, has anyone

559
00:28:06,119 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 1: apologized or they like or do you get this, which

560
00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 1: I'm sure Michelle, you've probably received this too. If you

561
00:28:12,440 --> 00:28:14,639
Speaker 1: respond to them or they like Oh my gosh, I'm sorry.

562
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:16,720
Speaker 1: I didn't think you were going to see that. That

563
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:19,840
Speaker 1: is always the response I would get when I would

564
00:28:19,880 --> 00:28:23,360
Speaker 1: call people out for saying something hurtful negative. Oh my gosh,

565
00:28:23,400 --> 00:28:24,960
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. I didn't think you were going to

566
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 1: see that. It's like, then why take the time to

567
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 1: type it? Like, what's the point in that? Yeah, I

568
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:32,879
Speaker 1: mean that. That was a shock to me when I

569
00:28:32,880 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 1: started getting those messages, like the instant change of tune.

570
00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,560
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, you would see this. I actually think

571
00:28:37,560 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 1: you're a really great guy and you just made some

572
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,200
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you know. But then I started to

573
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,920
Speaker 1: really when I would get these messages. At first, I

574
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 1: would block people because I just because at that point

575
00:28:49,000 --> 00:28:51,600
Speaker 1: I was already so high up with my stress level

576
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:54,320
Speaker 1: that I couldn't take the time to have a conversation

577
00:28:54,320 --> 00:28:56,600
Speaker 1: with those individuals because I was already high stressed. So

578
00:28:56,640 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: I was like, I just need to keep knocking my

579
00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,920
Speaker 1: stress down, and so right now you're not worth my

580
00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 1: time and effort to have a conversation with, so I'm

581
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,440
Speaker 1: just going to block you. But then I thought, now

582
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: I'm in a place where I'm in a much better headspace,

583
00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:12,760
Speaker 1: So now when somebody says something vile or whatever negative

584
00:29:12,800 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 1: to me, I'll usually respond with just a simple question.

585
00:29:16,280 --> 00:29:20,479
Speaker 1: They say, you know, Clayton, you are a terrible human being.

586
00:29:20,560 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 1: You don't deserve to be happy. I'll just send back

587
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 1: to them. I'll just say I respect your opinion. Can

588
00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:27,800
Speaker 1: you please explain me why you think this? And just

589
00:29:27,880 --> 00:29:31,480
Speaker 1: ask them a question that moost times they're like, there's like,

590
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: you know, now they have to sit here and give

591
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:39,080
Speaker 1: reasons why they hate me, and they can't. They probably can't.

592
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: They can like they people like there was one recently,

593
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,880
Speaker 1: just recently, they said, well, what you did on the

594
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 1: season and you hurt people? And um, I said you

595
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: guy said I did. I'm like, you're exactly right. I said,

596
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:52,480
Speaker 1: but do you believe that I can learn from my

597
00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 1: lessons and then share my experiences to help others? And

598
00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,560
Speaker 1: they said well yeah, and I said so, I said,

599
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:02,720
Speaker 1: so that's all I'm trying to do. Then they DMed

600
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 1: me and they said the last thing I said, as

601
00:30:06,360 --> 00:30:07,880
Speaker 1: I go, that's all I'm trying to do. I said,

602
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,480
Speaker 1: it's okay. I appreciate you, like you have your right

603
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,280
Speaker 1: to your opinion. I just think you could have went

604
00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:15,040
Speaker 1: about the first comment you sent a little bit better

605
00:30:15,160 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 1: because it kind of it felt like it was it

606
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,720
Speaker 1: was meant to tear me down, and it affected me.

607
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:23,040
Speaker 1: That person went into my DMS and said, I am

608
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:25,920
Speaker 1: so sorry. You know, I didn't mean to hurt you

609
00:30:25,960 --> 00:30:28,600
Speaker 1: like that wasn't my intention. You know what I was doing, honestly,

610
00:30:28,600 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 1: it was I was projecting my own insecurities onto you

611
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:35,400
Speaker 1: from my past relationships, and you know, I'm sorry for

612
00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 1: doing that because you don't deserve it. And I found

613
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:40,160
Speaker 1: I realized that's what I was doing. I've had that

614
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:43,040
Speaker 1: conversation now that I've been willing to have conversations with people.

615
00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,479
Speaker 1: That happens a lot. It's more times than I can

616
00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:47,960
Speaker 1: count now where they're like, I'm projecting my own insecurities

617
00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:51,440
Speaker 1: onto you, and so I believe that to be the case.

618
00:30:51,640 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: When I have individuals that lash out and say something

619
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,320
Speaker 1: negative about me that are strangers, I'm like, you don't

620
00:30:58,400 --> 00:31:01,240
Speaker 1: know me, and they think they do, but the truth

621
00:31:01,360 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 1: is they don't. They you don't know me from TEA like,

622
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:06,680
Speaker 1: you saw what I did, and I took accountability and

623
00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:08,680
Speaker 1: I was not smart with what I did on the show.

624
00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:10,840
Speaker 1: I was I had the best of intentions, but I

625
00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:15,160
Speaker 1: did lack empathy. Um, you know, I was reckless. I

626
00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:18,160
Speaker 1: was you know, I was immature, like I just was,

627
00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 1: and still I still probably am to some degree, but

628
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:26,840
Speaker 1: I'm at least growing. Oh but you know that's where

629
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,400
Speaker 1: I had to I had to realize that, um, these

630
00:31:29,440 --> 00:31:32,840
Speaker 1: people like this is reflecting back to them. They're saying

631
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 1: this about me, But the fact is is that none

632
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,680
Speaker 1: of the people that are closest to me are saying this.

633
00:31:36,840 --> 00:31:39,440
Speaker 1: If the people closest to me were saying this, yeah,

634
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:42,400
Speaker 1: then there'd be an issue then I and not just again,

635
00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:44,720
Speaker 1: I'm not just dissolve anything that I've done. I did

636
00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,040
Speaker 1: things wrong, and of course people around me in my

637
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:49,320
Speaker 1: inner circle were like, hey, you know you didn't you know,

638
00:31:49,760 --> 00:31:51,360
Speaker 1: we we understand why you did these things. But I

639
00:31:51,400 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, okay, that's fine. But there is a

640
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,760
Speaker 1: whole other side to the coin that I need to

641
00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:59,560
Speaker 1: listen to and understand because I'm my decisions have you know,

642
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:04,040
Speaker 1: actions have impact, And so I actually learned. I think

643
00:32:04,120 --> 00:32:07,360
Speaker 1: part of the transition in my head to becoming more

644
00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:11,200
Speaker 1: insightful and mindful was I was reading the opposition. I

645
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,800
Speaker 1: was going to like the negative places and I was

646
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 1: trying to pull constructive criticism and I actually ended up

647
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: finding a comment that really kind of kicked my mind

648
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 1: into gear. While I was like, oh my gosh, I

649
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,320
Speaker 1: didn't knowingly lack empathy, but I did, like I was,

650
00:32:25,600 --> 00:32:29,400
Speaker 1: I was emotionally immature, and I read that on Reddit.

651
00:32:29,480 --> 00:32:32,080
Speaker 1: I'll give them credit. I'll give Reddit credit. They've said

652
00:32:32,080 --> 00:32:34,239
Speaker 1: a lot of negative things, but like I read that

653
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:38,600
Speaker 1: comment and I was like, wow, you know, I need

654
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,480
Speaker 1: to look more within and realized that I there's things

655
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 1: that I can change about myself to be a better person.

656
00:32:44,560 --> 00:32:48,440
Speaker 1: So Caitlin Bristow said she was don't go shopping for pain,

657
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 1: You'll always find it. But I couldn't understand why I

658
00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:53,800
Speaker 1: kept going back after I kept being told not to

659
00:32:53,840 --> 00:32:56,600
Speaker 1: do it, and I realized I was shopping not for pain.

660
00:32:56,640 --> 00:32:58,920
Speaker 1: I was shopping for an understanding. Like I was trying

661
00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:03,800
Speaker 1: to figure out why, like how I can improve. And

662
00:33:04,360 --> 00:33:06,080
Speaker 1: when you have people that are on your circle, they

663
00:33:06,120 --> 00:33:09,000
Speaker 1: can become yes men and an echo chamber telling you

664
00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:11,360
Speaker 1: all the things you're doing right. Sometimes you got to

665
00:33:11,360 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 1: go outside that to figure out what you're doing wrong,

666
00:33:13,040 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: because they're not going to be the ones to give you.

667
00:33:14,800 --> 00:33:16,760
Speaker 1: I mean some people will My family does give me

668
00:33:16,800 --> 00:33:20,600
Speaker 1: constructed criticism, but sometimes your opposition is gonna straight shoot you.

669
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:25,720
Speaker 1: So but like the amount of growth that you're showing

670
00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,959
Speaker 1: and just of self awareness, I will say, just in

671
00:33:29,000 --> 00:33:32,600
Speaker 1: this past year is incredible to see. And I feel

672
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 1: like you took something that was probably not the best experience.

673
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:40,760
Speaker 1: Like going through the show itself is a lot to handle, right,

674
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:43,640
Speaker 1: and then add on social media and all of the

675
00:33:43,640 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 1: extra criticism and comments out there, it's a lot to

676
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,160
Speaker 1: take on. And I don't I don't know, And I'm like,

677
00:33:49,320 --> 00:33:51,520
Speaker 1: and I'm sure everyone who comes from this show has

678
00:33:51,600 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: learned something, and you know, I'm hoping that they learn

679
00:33:54,120 --> 00:33:55,880
Speaker 1: for the better and take that to grow. But like,

680
00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 1: the amount of growth that we're seeing with you is

681
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:02,920
Speaker 1: so so cool. Yeah, I mean, it's it's I've been

682
00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:06,240
Speaker 1: so excited about it because I think the biggest thing

683
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:09,800
Speaker 1: was I first had to choose to change my mind.

684
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:11,560
Speaker 1: Like the first thing is like to get someone to change,

685
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:13,719
Speaker 1: they have to be willing to do so. So I

686
00:34:14,080 --> 00:34:15,880
Speaker 1: first thing I was after I was torn down. I

687
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,200
Speaker 1: was at first I was defending all my actions, Like

688
00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: every time someone asked me, I was I was the

689
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:21,839
Speaker 1: defense mode. I was like, no, I'm not the type

690
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,400
Speaker 1: of person. No, I mean, this is why I did it.

691
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,840
Speaker 1: These are my intentions, and I just wasn't accepting accountability.

692
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:29,960
Speaker 1: So then finally I was like, I am going to

693
00:34:30,120 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: just break down all my walls and be willing to

694
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,440
Speaker 1: see the other sides. And so I was that. The

695
00:34:36,480 --> 00:34:38,120
Speaker 1: first thing I did was just become willing, and then

696
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:42,359
Speaker 1: I just started flooding my day to day with as

697
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:46,240
Speaker 1: much positive mindset, stuff like I would read the other side,

698
00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: I would listen to those like see those perspectives and

699
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,760
Speaker 1: then try to see where I could gain insight. And

700
00:34:52,800 --> 00:34:55,239
Speaker 1: then I started to understand. I was like, Okay, I'm

701
00:34:55,239 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 1: putting in the effort to understanding a perspective different from

702
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:00,839
Speaker 1: my own, and now since any more effort in, it's

703
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,279
Speaker 1: starting to make sense. So I was like, Okay, now

704
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:05,920
Speaker 1: it's not a matter of right or wrong, which I

705
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:08,320
Speaker 1: live most of my life. I was like, life is

706
00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,400
Speaker 1: about right or wrong. It's like, no, it's about gray area.

707
00:35:10,440 --> 00:35:12,640
Speaker 1: There's so many different perspectives that can exist in harmony,

708
00:35:12,640 --> 00:35:14,759
Speaker 1: and it's not always black and white, like sometimes you

709
00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:17,680
Speaker 1: have instances where both people can be right in their

710
00:35:17,719 --> 00:35:20,160
Speaker 1: own ways, But are you willing to understand that other

711
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:25,320
Speaker 1: person to come to a conclusion that is mutual mutually beneficial.

712
00:35:26,960 --> 00:35:29,759
Speaker 1: Oh sorry, and that's just what I've been focusing on.

713
00:35:29,800 --> 00:35:32,759
Speaker 1: So I've it's so it's it feels good because now

714
00:35:32,800 --> 00:35:36,480
Speaker 1: I've noticed, like I don't hold as much stress in

715
00:35:36,520 --> 00:35:38,560
Speaker 1: my life because I just a lot of things. Now

716
00:35:38,600 --> 00:35:40,680
Speaker 1: I'm like, hey, I'll take life as it is and

717
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 1: something goes my way, great, and if it doesn't, that's okay,

718
00:35:43,760 --> 00:35:46,319
Speaker 1: That's just how it is. So it's been really great.

719
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 1: My question for you is that, so you've done, like

720
00:35:57,560 --> 00:36:00,280
Speaker 1: you've clearly like if if people can't see the heeling

721
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: and just like the gains that you have made since

722
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:08,160
Speaker 1: that last episode from here and just you've you've done

723
00:36:08,200 --> 00:36:11,359
Speaker 1: the work, you have done the reflection you said that

724
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:15,000
Speaker 1: you're you know, seeking out help when you need it.

725
00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:17,680
Speaker 1: Just all these different things you've done so much healing

726
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:22,000
Speaker 1: from your mistakes from you know, you took all that hate,

727
00:36:22,000 --> 00:36:24,240
Speaker 1: you dealt with all of that. How do you protect

728
00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:28,400
Speaker 1: your mental health in like your personal energy when it

729
00:36:28,440 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 1: comes to constantly being rebooted back to that So, like

730
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,399
Speaker 1: you were saying that in your inbox you'll get you'll

731
00:36:35,480 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 1: you'll still get hate messages, and unfortunately we all we

732
00:36:38,920 --> 00:36:42,200
Speaker 1: all do right, But at what point do you stop

733
00:36:42,280 --> 00:36:46,320
Speaker 1: putting the energy into explaining yourself because you have already

734
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,200
Speaker 1: done that work and you're allowed to forgive yourself, You're

735
00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:50,360
Speaker 1: allowed to move forward, and you're allowed to not spend

736
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:54,040
Speaker 1: energy on that anymore and constantly have to recircle that

737
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:57,680
Speaker 1: portion or prove that point of healing because well, I

738
00:36:57,719 --> 00:37:00,839
Speaker 1: personally believe because if you allow that to happen constantly,

739
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 1: there's always going to be somebody ten years down the

740
00:37:02,920 --> 00:37:05,840
Speaker 1: road who's going to attach you to your mistake that

741
00:37:05,960 --> 00:37:09,200
Speaker 1: you made ten years prior. How do you protect your

742
00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,839
Speaker 1: energy with all of it? Oh man, that's a great

743
00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,799
Speaker 1: question if you guys can also answer that, because you've

744
00:37:13,840 --> 00:37:16,040
Speaker 1: probably both done that, so I'd be really curious to

745
00:37:16,040 --> 00:37:18,160
Speaker 1: hear how like you guys protect your own energy and

746
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:23,120
Speaker 1: mental health. For me, the majority of the negative attention

747
00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: and comments I was receiving was on social media, so

748
00:37:26,840 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 1: whenever it became overwhelming, I shut it down. And that

749
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,560
Speaker 1: was what was beautiful about it. I'm like, put your

750
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,440
Speaker 1: phone down, I go outside. I started doing this thing

751
00:37:34,600 --> 00:37:36,560
Speaker 1: since my brother was a dog. It's been really great.

752
00:37:37,160 --> 00:37:39,120
Speaker 1: On days when I really just need a breather, I'll

753
00:37:39,120 --> 00:37:40,600
Speaker 1: take her on a walk, like a mile and a

754
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,000
Speaker 1: half walk, and I turn on a podcast, or sometimes

755
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: I'll just walk with no music or nothing, and I'll

756
00:37:45,840 --> 00:37:48,439
Speaker 1: just be staring at the sky and looking around and

757
00:37:48,480 --> 00:37:51,080
Speaker 1: I'm like listening to just the calm of the night,

758
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:53,839
Speaker 1: and I was like, this, it's so peaceful, and I

759
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:56,840
Speaker 1: can step away from all this external noise when I

760
00:37:56,880 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 1: want to. So I there's times when I subject myself

761
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:04,520
Speaker 1: to it when I'm trying to learn at this point,

762
00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,359
Speaker 1: but whenever it becomes overwhelming, I'm like, I just know,

763
00:38:07,440 --> 00:38:08,759
Speaker 1: like I hit that limit, and we all have it

764
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,080
Speaker 1: where were like if it's I'm not even learning anything

765
00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 1: at this point. I'm just shutting now. So when I

766
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 1: feel myself shutting down, I just shut off and I'm

767
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,040
Speaker 1: shut off from that from the outside world and outside noise.

768
00:38:19,080 --> 00:38:21,279
Speaker 1: And if I can't go outside, I mean, I've never

769
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: had an issue, no one's ever come up to me

770
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:27,239
Speaker 1: in person and attacked me verbally or anything. But I

771
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:29,879
Speaker 1: can always also just sit in my room and lay

772
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:31,520
Speaker 1: there and stare at the ceiling and close my eyes

773
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:35,919
Speaker 1: and just take deep breaths, so just quieting everything down.

774
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: That's that's how I've been able to manage it. But

775
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:40,560
Speaker 1: I'd be curious about how you guys do it. Do

776
00:38:40,760 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 1: you would you say that when you like, you're given

777
00:38:43,600 --> 00:38:46,240
Speaker 1: an example of that person who was in your inbox

778
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 1: or on your page or just messaged you that, you

779
00:38:49,120 --> 00:38:52,200
Speaker 1: know whatever, hate the hateful thing that they said about

780
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,799
Speaker 1: like you're a bad person, you don't deserve love. Right.

781
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 1: The fact that those people like today there might be

782
00:38:57,200 --> 00:39:00,040
Speaker 1: a message like that in there, it does it to

783
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,880
Speaker 1: deplete you? Though? Like, does it deplete you by responding

784
00:39:02,920 --> 00:39:05,680
Speaker 1: that to any of those message messages? Because that's how

785
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:08,480
Speaker 1: I'm like stuttering today. Does it deplete you to respond

786
00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:10,879
Speaker 1: to those messages? Because for me, if I'm like, if

787
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 1: you're taking time out of your day to come to

788
00:39:13,680 --> 00:39:17,080
Speaker 1: my inbox to show me hate, yes, I could sit

789
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,240
Speaker 1: there and try to teach you otherwise, or I could

790
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,160
Speaker 1: either hit blocked just to lead, not respond and spend

791
00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:28,160
Speaker 1: my energy elsewhere because for me personally, I see it

792
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:32,239
Speaker 1: as it doesn't do anything or it's just not there's

793
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:35,279
Speaker 1: the other places where my energy would be best spent. Yeah,

794
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:37,960
Speaker 1: better spent? No, Yeah, I mean that's yeah, absolutely, I

795
00:39:38,480 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 1: totally follow that mindset, and I've had those days where

796
00:39:41,480 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not engaging with this, I'm just

797
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 1: blocking you. Why I choose engaged with some people in

798
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,839
Speaker 1: other days and I don't just comes down to my

799
00:39:48,880 --> 00:39:51,239
Speaker 1: mental state in that moment. If you get blocked, then

800
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:53,560
Speaker 1: that's just because I'm in this that day. I might

801
00:39:53,600 --> 00:39:56,440
Speaker 1: have had a stress that happened to me. You just

802
00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,279
Speaker 1: happen to catch me at the wrong time, and so

803
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:00,680
Speaker 1: I'm you're blocked. Other times, when I'm in a really

804
00:40:00,719 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 1: great mood, I'm like, I have the time today, Like

805
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:07,399
Speaker 1: I got time, so guess well you're getting you know,

806
00:40:07,880 --> 00:40:11,239
Speaker 1: it comes down to for me, why it's it's why

807
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:13,399
Speaker 1: why should I respond? Well, it's what am I trying

808
00:40:13,480 --> 00:40:14,960
Speaker 1: to get out of it? For me, I'm trying to

809
00:40:15,000 --> 00:40:18,719
Speaker 1: now understand where the anger's coming from. So most times

810
00:40:18,719 --> 00:40:20,120
Speaker 1: I wouldn't care because I'm like, if I'm in a

811
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:21,840
Speaker 1: bad headspace and you're a stranger and you say this,

812
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,320
Speaker 1: I don't care. I'm like, Okay, you're projecting your insecurity

813
00:40:24,360 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 1: is goodbye. I'm not here to figure it out. But

814
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 1: there are days now, especially with me trying to just

815
00:40:29,680 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 1: understand the world around me. I'm like, you know what, no,

816
00:40:32,120 --> 00:40:34,040
Speaker 1: I have time. I'm trying to figure out why where

817
00:40:34,080 --> 00:40:37,280
Speaker 1: your anger is coming from, and so I start asking

818
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:39,239
Speaker 1: questions and then what you see is it starts to

819
00:40:39,280 --> 00:40:44,440
Speaker 1: break down these walls between you and this individual. And

820
00:40:44,600 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: usually within like two or three messages, their tunes completely

821
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,400
Speaker 1: changed and they're just like wow, like thank you so

822
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 1: much for just like you know, taking the time to

823
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:55,560
Speaker 1: talk with me. And and that's made me realize that

824
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,440
Speaker 1: if I can do this with a stranger and my PMS,

825
00:40:59,200 --> 00:41:01,279
Speaker 1: then I need to have the same approach in my

826
00:41:01,360 --> 00:41:04,240
Speaker 1: relationships when someone comes at me and it is upset

827
00:41:04,280 --> 00:41:06,640
Speaker 1: for something I did, or if they just fire off

828
00:41:06,680 --> 00:41:08,719
Speaker 1: at me. You know, I why I go home and

829
00:41:08,760 --> 00:41:10,920
Speaker 1: I see my family and you know, my mom or

830
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:13,719
Speaker 1: whatever fires off at me, you know, because I because

831
00:41:13,760 --> 00:41:17,279
Speaker 1: I accidentally, you know, knock over a chair or something,

832
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 1: and she just goes ballistic and it's like okay, and

833
00:41:19,120 --> 00:41:22,120
Speaker 1: like I'm like, hey, there's probably something deeper here. You know,

834
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:24,080
Speaker 1: it's not about me knocking the chair over. There's probably

835
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,759
Speaker 1: something deeper. So like it's kind of been interesting because

836
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:28,319
Speaker 1: I've learned through strangers that like Okay. When I now,

837
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:31,879
Speaker 1: when someone like send something negative my way or has

838
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,400
Speaker 1: a negative reaction to me, my first reaction isn't to

839
00:41:34,440 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: be defensive anymore. My first reaction is to open up

840
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,440
Speaker 1: and say, oh, how can I figure out where this

841
00:41:40,440 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 1: person's hurting? And can I somehow can we somehow come

842
00:41:43,600 --> 00:41:47,560
Speaker 1: to a mediation point. So when I have when I'm

843
00:41:47,560 --> 00:41:49,359
Speaker 1: in those headspaces, I do it, and when I don't,

844
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 1: I just block them. So it really just depends on

845
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:53,959
Speaker 1: where I'm at on a daily basis. Yeah, but they

846
00:41:54,400 --> 00:41:56,000
Speaker 1: still affect me. I do want to say that. I mean,

847
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,480
Speaker 1: it don't carry as much weight if you like train

848
00:41:59,480 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 1: wreck my day, because I was getting a lot right

849
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:03,800
Speaker 1: so I would get like I would get a thousand,

850
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 1: you know, I'd get a thousand messages and I would

851
00:42:06,520 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 1: have you know, I was overwhelming because I was like,

852
00:42:08,640 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: once one comment, you're like whatever, you know, forget it,

853
00:42:11,520 --> 00:42:13,759
Speaker 1: You're just one person. Thousand You're like, Okay, I'm more

854
00:42:13,800 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 1: likely to actually believe this, maybe there is some truth

855
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:20,440
Speaker 1: to this. I don't get that anymore. Thankfully, I kind

856
00:42:20,440 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 1: of fallen off the map. I'm I'm not as relevant

857
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:25,160
Speaker 1: as I once was, and that's kind of played to

858
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:28,920
Speaker 1: my benefit, so I don't get the same comments I

859
00:42:28,960 --> 00:42:32,520
Speaker 1: maybe get. I don't know a couple of day. Actually

860
00:42:32,520 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: at this point, it's like a couple of weeks at most,

861
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:36,239
Speaker 1: like two maybe negative comments at most, Like I think

862
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:39,400
Speaker 1: people have just kind of moved on. Yeah, but they

863
00:42:39,440 --> 00:42:41,400
Speaker 1: still affect me. I'm imports like I'm a human. I

864
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:43,400
Speaker 1: still see it. I'm like, shoot, and I thought I

865
00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:47,160
Speaker 1: was beyond one. It's it's always gonna come in waves

866
00:42:47,239 --> 00:42:49,359
Speaker 1: coming from somebody who you know, I did the show

867
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:53,239
Speaker 1: I started back in two seventeen, that was almost six

868
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:55,959
Speaker 1: years ago. It's gonna come in waves like right after

869
00:42:56,000 --> 00:42:59,720
Speaker 1: the season. It's intense, and I'm sure we've all experienced

870
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:02,640
Speaker 1: because we've all been through a breakup with somebody from

871
00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 1: the show, and it's hard around that time. For a

872
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 1: little bit, which I want to ask you, and I

873
00:43:07,520 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 1: don't want to get into the nitty gritty details or

874
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:12,920
Speaker 1: push you to talk about your relationship with Susie and

875
00:43:12,920 --> 00:43:16,319
Speaker 1: the breakup, But one thing that I'm curious about is

876
00:43:16,360 --> 00:43:18,799
Speaker 1: Susie had talked about a letter that you had sent

877
00:43:18,880 --> 00:43:22,480
Speaker 1: her after the breakup, with a beautiful message thanking her

878
00:43:22,840 --> 00:43:25,640
Speaker 1: for how wonderful the relationship was, and just letting her

879
00:43:25,680 --> 00:43:28,000
Speaker 1: know how good of a place you're in now, which

880
00:43:28,080 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 1: I find very commendable, very respectable. I don't think it's

881
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:36,080
Speaker 1: often that we see a relationship, especially from this show,

882
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:39,959
Speaker 1: and on such great terms, which really goes to show

883
00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 1: just how sweet of people you both are. So, if

884
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 1: you're comfortable, can you elaborate a bit more on what

885
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:50,759
Speaker 1: was in that letter, how you got yourself into that

886
00:43:50,840 --> 00:43:53,279
Speaker 1: place to write that, and just kind of why you

887
00:43:53,320 --> 00:44:00,279
Speaker 1: wanted to send that off to her. Yeah, Well, I

888
00:44:00,320 --> 00:44:02,400
Speaker 1: basically was just going about my life. I was a

889
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:04,279
Speaker 1: couple of weeks ago maybe when this message was sent,

890
00:44:04,840 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 1: and I was just driving to my car, and I

891
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,840
Speaker 1: just was overcome with just happiness, Like I was genuinely

892
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:12,040
Speaker 1: just happy. I was like, my life is good, you know,

893
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:15,440
Speaker 1: I'm I just I'm doing what I want. You know,

894
00:44:15,440 --> 00:44:19,120
Speaker 1: I'm making an impact. Good things are happening. I've learned

895
00:44:19,160 --> 00:44:22,200
Speaker 1: so much and I have zero regrets. Like I love

896
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:24,160
Speaker 1: everything that's happened in my life because I am the

897
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,239
Speaker 1: person that I am because of the good and bad,

898
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:28,839
Speaker 1: and I found good through all the bad. So I

899
00:44:28,880 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 1: just had this moment where I was driving and it

900
00:44:31,320 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 1: was like a sunny day out and I was playing

901
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:36,680
Speaker 1: jamming out some music windows down, rolling through the Scottsdale

902
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:39,920
Speaker 1: and I was just so grateful and thankful, And the

903
00:44:39,960 --> 00:44:42,000
Speaker 1: first person in my mind went to was Susie. I

904
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,920
Speaker 1: was like, she is the reason why you're here, like

905
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:51,319
Speaker 1: in this position. Because when the show ended, I had

906
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:53,759
Speaker 1: lost all stability and structure. I was like, what am

907
00:44:53,800 --> 00:44:55,680
Speaker 1: I doing? I left my job. Okay, I guess I'm

908
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:57,560
Speaker 1: going to be an influencer. Now I'm trying to make

909
00:44:57,560 --> 00:45:00,239
Speaker 1: the influencer stuff work. It wasn't working like I thought,

910
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:02,480
Speaker 1: because influencing is hard. I hate that people say it's

911
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,399
Speaker 1: so easy. It is not easy. It's a full time job.

912
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:06,480
Speaker 1: I'm not good at it really, like I do my thing,

913
00:45:06,520 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 1: but like people don't give people credit for that, Like

914
00:45:08,840 --> 00:45:10,960
Speaker 1: it is an art in itself. You have to have creativity,

915
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:13,560
Speaker 1: you have to follow the trends you and like Susie

916
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 1: would do that. Susie would like be on social media

917
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:18,880
Speaker 1: looking at what's popular. She she loves social media, so

918
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 1: she would look at all that and she is an

919
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,759
Speaker 1: incredible influencer and she's an incredible person. So but like

920
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:27,000
Speaker 1: I'm not That's like I was like, and so I

921
00:45:27,040 --> 00:45:28,520
Speaker 1: was overwhelmed though, and I was like, what am I

922
00:45:28,600 --> 00:45:31,920
Speaker 1: going to do next? And I was like, I'm going

923
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:34,520
Speaker 1: back to corporate America, going back, going back to medical sales.

924
00:45:34,560 --> 00:45:38,320
Speaker 1: What's safe? And she stopped me. She was like, Clayton,

925
00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:42,040
Speaker 1: I see how happy you are on the days where

926
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:45,239
Speaker 1: you make an impact on people. You know, I don't

927
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,040
Speaker 1: think you should give this up yet, Like I just

928
00:45:47,080 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 1: think that you. I think you have more in you.

929
00:45:49,120 --> 00:45:51,080
Speaker 1: I think you're not done, like you've tried, but have

930
00:45:51,160 --> 00:45:54,239
Speaker 1: you exhausted all options? I was like, well no, She's

931
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:56,600
Speaker 1: like okay, so like keep working, like keep put your

932
00:45:56,600 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 1: head down, like try try it again, give it another chance.

933
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:04,080
Speaker 1: And so I did and multiple areas, and then all

934
00:46:04,120 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 1: of a sudden things started to like turn in my

935
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 1: favor and I was like, oh my gosh, wait, I

936
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,160
Speaker 1: actually can make a living, you know, off of what

937
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:14,520
Speaker 1: I'm doing. And it's my it's not it's not medical

938
00:46:14,520 --> 00:46:18,720
Speaker 1: sales now. It's my passions, true passions that only happened

939
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:21,399
Speaker 1: because of her, Like otherwise I'd be back working my

940
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,040
Speaker 1: sales job right now, which like wouldn't have been bad,

941
00:46:24,120 --> 00:46:26,920
Speaker 1: but it just wasn't my my passion. I didn't. I

942
00:46:27,000 --> 00:46:29,200
Speaker 1: didn't wake up on a Monday being I can't I

943
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:30,640
Speaker 1: can't wait to go to work. You know, I'd be

944
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:34,919
Speaker 1: like I gotta be like seven. Yeah, And again, nothing

945
00:46:34,960 --> 00:46:36,799
Speaker 1: wrong with that, It's just for me. I always felt

946
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:38,600
Speaker 1: like there was more I should be doing and and

947
00:46:39,200 --> 00:46:42,960
Speaker 1: find myself in a different area. And so she I

948
00:46:43,000 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 1: have heard a thank for all of that, and I

949
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,160
Speaker 1: wanted to let her know that. I just wanted to.

950
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:49,600
Speaker 1: I just sent our message and said thank you so

951
00:46:49,680 --> 00:46:52,240
Speaker 1: much for all that you've done for me, like you've

952
00:46:52,600 --> 00:46:57,040
Speaker 1: truly impacted my life for the better. And um, you know,

953
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:58,600
Speaker 1: I also just wanted to let her know too that

954
00:46:58,680 --> 00:47:01,600
Speaker 1: I was again sorry for I like the turmoil that

955
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,239
Speaker 1: I put her through, whether it was directly or indirectly.

956
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:06,600
Speaker 1: I mean, I hurt her in a lot of ways,

957
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 1: and I didn't mean to and and but you know

958
00:47:09,080 --> 00:47:13,560
Speaker 1: sometimes I did from my actions directly sometimes indirectly, And

959
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:15,400
Speaker 1: I just wanted to let her know that I was like, hey,

960
00:47:16,600 --> 00:47:20,040
Speaker 1: when it's all a sudden done, you are an incredible

961
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:22,759
Speaker 1: human being and like I would not be the person

962
00:47:22,840 --> 00:47:24,759
Speaker 1: I am today if it wasn't for you. So I

963
00:47:24,800 --> 00:47:26,560
Speaker 1: just wanted to let her know that because I thought,

964
00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: you know, I think people need to have those conversations

965
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:32,279
Speaker 1: and reach out and let people know how much they

966
00:47:32,320 --> 00:47:34,080
Speaker 1: mean to them, because it's just it just when you

967
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:37,239
Speaker 1: spread positivity, it just it comes back, like it comes

968
00:47:37,280 --> 00:47:40,040
Speaker 1: back and finds you. And I'm just so thankful that

969
00:47:40,120 --> 00:47:44,400
Speaker 1: her and I have that relationship where you know, we

970
00:47:44,520 --> 00:47:46,960
Speaker 1: can still talk. You know, we we do text from

971
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:50,000
Speaker 1: time to time and check in and laugh and talk

972
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:53,680
Speaker 1: about you know, how we I made the joke. I'm like, oh, man,

973
00:47:53,760 --> 00:47:56,200
Speaker 1: like you know, I I guess like I'll keep that

974
00:47:56,239 --> 00:47:57,560
Speaker 1: I was there. Mind, I'll keep some things private, but

975
00:47:57,760 --> 00:48:02,520
Speaker 1: wait because something should be right like that that's between

976
00:48:02,560 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 1: her and I. But at the end of the day,

977
00:48:04,280 --> 00:48:07,720
Speaker 1: like we are cordial, we're friends, and that's I wouldn't

978
00:48:07,719 --> 00:48:09,640
Speaker 1: want it any other way. So it's just been really

979
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:12,959
Speaker 1: great because she, um, like I'm writing a book right now,

980
00:48:13,400 --> 00:48:15,319
Speaker 1: and I sent her a message and I was like,

981
00:48:15,640 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 1: you know me more than most people do. Would you

982
00:48:17,800 --> 00:48:20,480
Speaker 1: be willing to look at this? And she was like absolutely,

983
00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:23,600
Speaker 1: I could be so like you know, honored to do so, like, um,

984
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,359
Speaker 1: you know, I'll get back to you with like all

985
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:28,279
Speaker 1: the things and help you, like help you out as

986
00:48:28,360 --> 00:48:30,040
Speaker 1: much as I can. So I just think that's so

987
00:48:30,080 --> 00:48:32,319
Speaker 1: cool that like she was a big part of my

988
00:48:32,360 --> 00:48:35,440
Speaker 1: life and she's and she she knows me. So I

989
00:48:35,520 --> 00:48:38,320
Speaker 1: was like, what I need her in that editing process,

990
00:48:38,400 --> 00:48:41,439
Speaker 1: like I need you to help. So it's just been, um, yeah,

991
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,080
Speaker 1: it's been really great and I have nothing bad to

992
00:48:44,080 --> 00:48:47,719
Speaker 1: say about her. Yeah, I wish things would have worked

993
00:48:47,719 --> 00:48:51,600
Speaker 1: out obviously, Like, and it's really tough when you when

994
00:48:51,640 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 1: you you know, it's tough when like someone didn't do

995
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:56,920
Speaker 1: something destructive, like something so negative that you can't see past.

996
00:48:57,080 --> 00:49:00,600
Speaker 1: It's really hard to feel like you're not compatible, but

997
00:49:00,760 --> 00:49:02,719
Speaker 1: you're you wish you were, but you're just not, and

998
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:04,879
Speaker 1: you're like, I wish It's almost like I found myself

999
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,640
Speaker 1: saying this before to pass access. You know, I wish

1000
00:49:07,680 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: you'd just I wish they'd just cheated on me, because

1001
00:49:09,960 --> 00:49:12,520
Speaker 1: then at least, like that's a hard break. But then

1002
00:49:12,560 --> 00:49:15,520
Speaker 1: like when it's not that and it's a matter of compatibility,

1003
00:49:15,560 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 1: it hurts because you're like, how like what if we

1004
00:49:17,640 --> 00:49:20,799
Speaker 1: just keep trying, can we somehow find that compatibility? And

1005
00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:24,000
Speaker 1: I think if you're both willing to put in the effort, maybe,

1006
00:49:24,000 --> 00:49:26,080
Speaker 1: but then still like if you're not compatible, ultimately you're

1007
00:49:26,080 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 1: just not compatible. Yeah, those that's tough to come to

1008
00:49:29,600 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 1: terms with, but I think once you do, you look

1009
00:49:32,239 --> 00:49:34,879
Speaker 1: at it as that person was integral and that part

1010
00:49:34,880 --> 00:49:36,640
Speaker 1: of my life. I needed them for that stage of

1011
00:49:36,680 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 1: my life. They just weren't meant to be my forever person.

1012
00:49:39,160 --> 00:49:41,960
Speaker 1: And that's the way that I've framed it. No, you

1013
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,719
Speaker 1: really do put that beautifully And I honestly commend you

1014
00:49:44,760 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 1: just on how much you reflect Clayton. And this is

1015
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,360
Speaker 1: something that I saw, you know, when you were on

1016
00:49:49,360 --> 00:49:52,440
Speaker 1: the season with me, on your own season just you.

1017
00:49:52,600 --> 00:49:55,280
Speaker 1: I think it's really healthy to be in a constant

1018
00:49:55,320 --> 00:50:00,680
Speaker 1: state of reflection and looking past just all these different

1019
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:02,680
Speaker 1: things of what can I do better, and you know,

1020
00:50:02,800 --> 00:50:05,240
Speaker 1: taking your wins and being proud of yourself and taking

1021
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:07,719
Speaker 1: that moment, like that moment when you're driving in Scottsdale

1022
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:10,480
Speaker 1: with the windows down, whatever song you were playing, that

1023
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,839
Speaker 1: happiness feeling like this is who I need to reach

1024
00:50:12,840 --> 00:50:15,560
Speaker 1: out to. That image like that image and that feeling

1025
00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: for you is something that I feel like you're going

1026
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 1: to remember for the rest of your life. It's like

1027
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:23,520
Speaker 1: this pivotal moment of like that was like your pivotal reset. Yeah.

1028
00:50:23,760 --> 00:50:26,120
Speaker 1: I would actually say something something that just popped up

1029
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:30,680
Speaker 1: with regarding a pivotal moment with us I right before

1030
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:32,799
Speaker 1: the season started, you know, like when we did our

1031
00:50:32,840 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 1: segment you came at the beginning of the season. They

1032
00:50:34,760 --> 00:50:39,400
Speaker 1: showed it on like Instagram. Yeah, yeah they cut it.

1033
00:50:39,960 --> 00:50:43,040
Speaker 1: I can talk about it. Yeah again even if they

1034
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:44,680
Speaker 1: did it and we're going to talk about it. Yeah.

1035
00:50:44,719 --> 00:50:47,640
Speaker 1: So that that was such a like I was just

1036
00:50:47,680 --> 00:50:49,600
Speaker 1: so excited to see because I was like, oh my gosh,

1037
00:50:49,640 --> 00:50:51,840
Speaker 1: like this is so cool and I to see, you know,

1038
00:50:51,920 --> 00:50:54,719
Speaker 1: I was at Luke and Kelsey and it was just

1039
00:50:54,760 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: a really great moment and it's like an awesome start

1040
00:50:56,719 --> 00:51:00,239
Speaker 1: to the whole experience. But I remember I asked you

1041
00:51:00,280 --> 00:51:02,520
Speaker 1: for advice and I wanted you to like lay out

1042
00:51:03,160 --> 00:51:07,800
Speaker 1: this manuscript. And I believe the one thing you said

1043
00:51:07,920 --> 00:51:11,040
Speaker 1: is like just be You're gonna have to find a

1044
00:51:11,080 --> 00:51:13,360
Speaker 1: way to be able to let go of control. And

1045
00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:15,719
Speaker 1: I that was like you're the one thing and I

1046
00:51:15,800 --> 00:51:17,799
Speaker 1: was like, well, what does that mean? You're like, and

1047
00:51:17,840 --> 00:51:19,439
Speaker 1: I think you said something like you know, you'll you'll

1048
00:51:19,480 --> 00:51:21,799
Speaker 1: figure that out what that looks like for you. And

1049
00:51:21,840 --> 00:51:23,360
Speaker 1: now I see it. On the other side, I was like,

1050
00:51:23,360 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 1: oh my gosh, like I struggled so much because I

1051
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 1: was trying to control every part of my life. I

1052
00:51:29,280 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 1: was trying to control what the public thought about me.

1053
00:51:31,480 --> 00:51:34,160
Speaker 1: I was trying to control my outcome of what was

1054
00:51:34,200 --> 00:51:36,640
Speaker 1: going to happen post show, what am I going to do?

1055
00:51:36,680 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 1: And if things did not align and fall into place,

1056
00:51:39,280 --> 00:51:41,440
Speaker 1: then I just went, you know, my, I just I

1057
00:51:41,480 --> 00:51:44,760
Speaker 1: just panicked and I became pressed and stressed out. And

1058
00:51:45,480 --> 00:51:48,080
Speaker 1: so now I look back at it and I just

1059
00:51:48,080 --> 00:51:50,920
Speaker 1: think it's like so cool to see the insight you

1060
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:53,759
Speaker 1: gave me back then, and now I'm like, oh, like yeah,

1061
00:51:53,840 --> 00:51:55,600
Speaker 1: now on on the other side, and now, like Michelle,

1062
00:51:56,480 --> 00:51:58,240
Speaker 1: it makes a lot of sense what you were saying,

1063
00:51:58,800 --> 00:52:01,359
Speaker 1: and you're right, so like what I did to let

1064
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:03,439
Speaker 1: go of control was probably different than what you needed

1065
00:52:03,480 --> 00:52:05,279
Speaker 1: to do, but it was the bad. It was great

1066
00:52:05,320 --> 00:52:07,879
Speaker 1: advice because you can't the more specific you would have been,

1067
00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:10,680
Speaker 1: it probably wouldn't have resonated as hardly as much as

1068
00:52:10,719 --> 00:52:13,399
Speaker 1: it does now. Yeah, it's everyone thinks that, I mean,

1069
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:15,600
Speaker 1: even life in general. But but to those who are

1070
00:52:15,640 --> 00:52:17,840
Speaker 1: listening who maybe you haven't seen the bit it was,

1071
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:20,920
Speaker 1: I was able to get to speak with Clayton before

1072
00:52:20,920 --> 00:52:23,200
Speaker 1: his season. He was back at the mansion. I remember

1073
00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:25,759
Speaker 1: you were sitting on the couch. He looks so overwhelmed.

1074
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,040
Speaker 1: I asked producers like, how are you doing? And they're

1075
00:52:30,080 --> 00:52:32,920
Speaker 1: all like, he seems a little overwhelmed. But I had

1076
00:52:32,960 --> 00:52:34,719
Speaker 1: two of my students with me, Kelsey and Luke, and

1077
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:36,600
Speaker 1: we gotta go in and kind of just sit down

1078
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:38,399
Speaker 1: with him and talk for a little bit and give

1079
00:52:38,480 --> 00:52:40,719
Speaker 1: him advice. And that that's the thing is that you

1080
00:52:40,760 --> 00:52:42,759
Speaker 1: walk in and you do you want this blueprint. You

1081
00:52:42,800 --> 00:52:44,560
Speaker 1: want this blueprint for how it's going to go. You

1082
00:52:44,600 --> 00:52:47,280
Speaker 1: want this blueprint for even like your day to day life.

1083
00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:50,520
Speaker 1: All of us do as humans want control. But it

1084
00:52:50,560 --> 00:52:52,640
Speaker 1: really is it's like not one size fits all, Like

1085
00:52:52,640 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: I couldn't give you a piece of advice that was

1086
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,000
Speaker 1: going to be exactly the same for you that it

1087
00:52:57,120 --> 00:52:59,600
Speaker 1: was for me. And truly being able to just be

1088
00:52:59,800 --> 00:53:04,160
Speaker 1: vable as you clearly have become so vulnerable and willing

1089
00:53:04,239 --> 00:53:05,960
Speaker 1: to put yourself out there, whether it's in your book,

1090
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,439
Speaker 1: whether it's talking on social media, every opening up about

1091
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:12,240
Speaker 1: your mental health, mental health and general relationships, if you're

1092
00:53:12,320 --> 00:53:15,480
Speaker 1: able to let control or let go of the control

1093
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,799
Speaker 1: of the things that you don't have, and that's so

1094
00:53:18,880 --> 00:53:20,920
Speaker 1: much energy that you have now left for yourself to

1095
00:53:20,960 --> 00:53:22,719
Speaker 1: put in the right direction with what you want to

1096
00:53:22,719 --> 00:53:24,640
Speaker 1: do with it. And so you you've been able to

1097
00:53:24,680 --> 00:53:27,640
Speaker 1: do that, and it's awesome and I feel like we all,

1098
00:53:27,719 --> 00:53:31,879
Speaker 1: but I've still battle with letting control on the right

1099
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:36,160
Speaker 1: and even in relationships in general. And my question to you,

1100
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:40,720
Speaker 1: Clayton is now that you're in this place, you're recently single,

1101
00:53:41,680 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: you have your footing with kind of where you want

1102
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 1: to go, you know, are you back dating? Have you

1103
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:50,719
Speaker 1: thought about what you want to bring into your next

1104
00:53:50,719 --> 00:53:53,440
Speaker 1: relationship that you've learned from your past relationships, Like what

1105
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:55,960
Speaker 1: is your what is your focus on that kind of

1106
00:53:56,000 --> 00:53:59,680
Speaker 1: like relationship level and what you're looking for. Yeah, so,

1107
00:54:00,480 --> 00:54:05,279
Speaker 1: I mean I'm open to the possibility of dating. Uh, Like,

1108
00:54:05,360 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 1: I'm going out and meeting people and if I feel

1109
00:54:09,239 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 1: that there's you know, interest to pursue that, then I

1110
00:54:11,960 --> 00:54:15,200
Speaker 1: have done. So I've had a few, like think people

1111
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:16,640
Speaker 1: that I've been interested in that it just kind of

1112
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 1: fell through, And that's fine. I Again, I old me

1113
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:22,279
Speaker 1: would have been like, oh gosh, you know, why why

1114
00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:24,360
Speaker 1: does this person? Why do they not text back, you know,

1115
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 1: or why is this not working out? You know, must

1116
00:54:26,040 --> 00:54:28,480
Speaker 1: be something I did wrong and now knew me is

1117
00:54:28,480 --> 00:54:29,920
Speaker 1: just like, oh, it's just not meant to be all right,

1118
00:54:30,040 --> 00:54:34,480
Speaker 1: like you live in my life. So uh that's again

1119
00:54:34,560 --> 00:54:37,640
Speaker 1: like it's it's been positive, But I I'm also in

1120
00:54:37,640 --> 00:54:39,400
Speaker 1: a state right now. I am kind of in a

1121
00:54:39,440 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 1: selfish mindset. Right now. I'm really focusing on myself and

1122
00:54:42,640 --> 00:54:45,240
Speaker 1: I'm and I'm self reflecting, and I'm chasing my passions

1123
00:54:45,239 --> 00:54:49,320
Speaker 1: and I'm doing six different things. So my days, you know,

1124
00:54:49,360 --> 00:54:53,120
Speaker 1: from to sun down, I'm working, and so I really

1125
00:54:53,120 --> 00:54:56,319
Speaker 1: am folt, you know, being selfish in this moment. And

1126
00:54:56,400 --> 00:54:57,799
Speaker 1: I think, you know, towards the end of the year here,

1127
00:54:57,800 --> 00:54:59,399
Speaker 1: I have a lot of deadlines that I'm trying to

1128
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:03,560
Speaker 1: finish for different projects. So when that frees up, I think,

1129
00:55:03,600 --> 00:55:04,879
Speaker 1: you know, going to the new year, I'm like, Okay,

1130
00:55:04,880 --> 00:55:07,520
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have more time now. And now I can

1131
00:55:07,600 --> 00:55:10,400
Speaker 1: with the base I've built, Now i can take this

1132
00:55:10,560 --> 00:55:13,879
Speaker 1: excess time I have and you allow somebody in. So

1133
00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,120
Speaker 1: I'm not shutting it down right now, but I'm just

1134
00:55:16,280 --> 00:55:19,719
Speaker 1: really focused on pushing out certain things and getting things

1135
00:55:19,760 --> 00:55:24,640
Speaker 1: in play and so you know, once that stuff calms down,

1136
00:55:24,640 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 1: then it's like, Okay, now I will have chte extra

1137
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:30,440
Speaker 1: time to really devote to somebody because they deserve that.

1138
00:55:30,520 --> 00:55:32,479
Speaker 1: I don't feel like if I dated somebody right now,

1139
00:55:33,080 --> 00:55:35,080
Speaker 1: I would I would have to preface it by saying, hey,

1140
00:55:35,960 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 1: just so you know where I'm at currently, Like I'm

1141
00:55:38,960 --> 00:55:41,160
Speaker 1: going to spend a lot of time getting my things,

1142
00:55:41,520 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 1: you know, working on my stuff right now, so I

1143
00:55:43,760 --> 00:55:46,880
Speaker 1: may be taking away from us as a couple, and

1144
00:55:46,920 --> 00:55:48,920
Speaker 1: so I'd have to set that those parameters if I

1145
00:55:48,960 --> 00:55:51,959
Speaker 1: were to get into a relationship at this point. Yeah,

1146
00:55:52,000 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 1: So if it happens, I'll have that discussion. But if not,

1147
00:55:55,280 --> 00:55:57,520
Speaker 1: then I'll just continue to do what I'm doing and

1148
00:55:57,800 --> 00:55:59,600
Speaker 1: then I think I'll attract that right person on the

1149
00:55:59,640 --> 00:56:02,960
Speaker 1: timing right. I think that's such a good healthy mindset.

1150
00:56:03,000 --> 00:56:06,560
Speaker 1: I just this morning had the same conversation with my

1151
00:56:06,640 --> 00:56:09,840
Speaker 1: trainer who was starting to see a guy who you know,

1152
00:56:09,880 --> 00:56:12,200
Speaker 1: they were like texting. She was traveling for like a

1153
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:14,000
Speaker 1: month and they would talk every day, and then when

1154
00:56:14,040 --> 00:56:16,640
Speaker 1: she finally came home, he had all these excuses like, oh,

1155
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 1: I have birthday parties, I have work, I have X

1156
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:21,640
Speaker 1: y Z and it came down to like he just

1157
00:56:21,800 --> 00:56:24,520
Speaker 1: wasn't ready I think to go out in and in

1158
00:56:24,520 --> 00:56:26,799
Speaker 1: a relationship. And so I actually told her, I was like,

1159
00:56:26,880 --> 00:56:30,000
Speaker 1: I appreciate when people are just honest and blunt and

1160
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:32,399
Speaker 1: it's like they just don't have time or they don't

1161
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:34,160
Speaker 1: want to find the time right now. I think that's

1162
00:56:34,200 --> 00:56:36,520
Speaker 1: totally okay. And like you said, you're working on so

1163
00:56:36,600 --> 00:56:38,719
Speaker 1: much stuff, which is why I want to get into

1164
00:56:38,760 --> 00:56:43,120
Speaker 1: this book. I want to know more. Tell us about

1165
00:56:43,160 --> 00:56:46,000
Speaker 1: the writing process. Is this always something that you've wanted

1166
00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:50,440
Speaker 1: to do or how did this come along? No, I

1167
00:56:50,560 --> 00:56:53,560
Speaker 1: really thought about writing a book. But I had a

1168
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 1: buddy who he's written a couple and he just basically said,

1169
00:56:57,560 --> 00:56:59,160
Speaker 1: you know. I was talking to him about the whole

1170
00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:02,879
Speaker 1: experience the show ended. We were sitting in Colombia where

1171
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:05,480
Speaker 1: he lives, and we had a long discussion about everything,

1172
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:07,120
Speaker 1: and he said he just made a comment. He goes like,

1173
00:57:07,160 --> 00:57:09,680
Speaker 1: would you ever consider writing a book? And I said,

1174
00:57:09,719 --> 00:57:12,560
Speaker 1: I said, ah, I don't really, you know, think anything.

1175
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:14,040
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think anyone would want to read

1176
00:57:14,080 --> 00:57:16,120
Speaker 1: that book. And he goes, he was like, listen, man,

1177
00:57:16,240 --> 00:57:19,040
Speaker 1: I help people write books for a living. And the

1178
00:57:19,040 --> 00:57:21,000
Speaker 1: biggest reason why people don't write books is because of

1179
00:57:21,080 --> 00:57:23,560
Speaker 1: imposter syndrome, because they think no one wants to hear

1180
00:57:23,600 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 1: their message. And he said, but put it this way.

1181
00:57:26,320 --> 00:57:28,560
Speaker 1: He's like, don't like, that's common, he was, but but

1182
00:57:28,760 --> 00:57:31,360
Speaker 1: write it for you, you know, write the book for you,

1183
00:57:31,880 --> 00:57:34,400
Speaker 1: and more than likely it'll it'll help somebody. And if

1184
00:57:34,400 --> 00:57:36,280
Speaker 1: it helps one person, that's great. If it helps a thousand,

1185
00:57:36,320 --> 00:57:38,880
Speaker 1: that's awesome. But more than anything, he's like, I think,

1186
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,680
Speaker 1: based off of what you've been talking to me about,

1187
00:57:41,800 --> 00:57:44,240
Speaker 1: I think you would almost see it as therapeutic. You

1188
00:57:44,280 --> 00:57:46,640
Speaker 1: would write it and it would almost be like a

1189
00:57:46,720 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 1: journal and you would be able to get your thoughts

1190
00:57:49,200 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: out and just express yourself. And that's exactly what happened.

1191
00:57:53,360 --> 00:57:55,280
Speaker 1: It was really cool. It was like it's it's it's

1192
00:57:55,280 --> 00:57:59,280
Speaker 1: a journal essentially. I in the book, I talk about

1193
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:01,840
Speaker 1: my upbringing. I talk about my struggles from an early

1194
00:58:01,880 --> 00:58:06,280
Speaker 1: age of having depressive thoughts. I talk about bidas morphia.

1195
00:58:06,320 --> 00:58:09,439
Speaker 1: I talked about not fitting in, and I go through

1196
00:58:09,440 --> 00:58:11,760
Speaker 1: my life, you know, step by step, and I share

1197
00:58:11,800 --> 00:58:14,960
Speaker 1: these stories and it, for one, it really helped me

1198
00:58:15,000 --> 00:58:18,000
Speaker 1: because it helped me just makes sense of why I

1199
00:58:18,040 --> 00:58:20,040
Speaker 1: am who I am. I was like, you're you, you

1200
00:58:20,080 --> 00:58:22,200
Speaker 1: were You don't realize it, but the fact that you

1201
00:58:22,200 --> 00:58:24,080
Speaker 1: always felt like you were in the shadows of your

1202
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:27,280
Speaker 1: middle brother, you know that was a superstar athlete. You

1203
00:58:27,280 --> 00:58:29,360
Speaker 1: always felt like you're in the shadows. So you were

1204
00:58:29,400 --> 00:58:32,760
Speaker 1: always trying to show people that hey, I'm valuable too,

1205
00:58:32,840 --> 00:58:35,840
Speaker 1: Guys look at me. So I became a people pleaserum.

1206
00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:38,440
Speaker 1: So that came from like me at a young age,

1207
00:58:38,520 --> 00:58:41,840
Speaker 1: feeling that I wasn't worthy and you know, my superstar

1208
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:43,760
Speaker 1: brother was just, you know, getting all the attention, and

1209
00:58:43,760 --> 00:58:46,480
Speaker 1: I was just a placeholder in life and you know, holding,

1210
00:58:46,560 --> 00:58:49,240
Speaker 1: you know, just taking up space. And so I started

1211
00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:51,479
Speaker 1: to realize, like, oh my gosh, as I'm going back

1212
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:54,160
Speaker 1: to the past and I'm and I'm thinking about all

1213
00:58:54,160 --> 00:58:56,920
Speaker 1: the trauma face. I never really addressed it. So this

1214
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:58,320
Speaker 1: became a point where I started to be able to

1215
00:58:58,320 --> 00:59:00,960
Speaker 1: address it. And I started going through each chapter and

1216
00:59:01,000 --> 00:59:03,160
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my gosh, that I'm still holding onto.

1217
00:59:03,200 --> 00:59:06,120
Speaker 1: I didn't realize I'm still holding on to that day

1218
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:09,200
Speaker 1: when I was at a house and all these girls

1219
00:59:09,200 --> 00:59:11,240
Speaker 1: told me my buddies to flex in eighth grade and

1220
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:13,640
Speaker 1: we all flex, and when I flex, They're like Clayton flex,

1221
00:59:13,680 --> 00:59:15,720
Speaker 1: that's like I am. And they all laughed at me,

1222
00:59:15,960 --> 00:59:18,640
Speaker 1: and I was like, you're still holding onto that pain.

1223
00:59:19,160 --> 00:59:21,880
Speaker 1: That's when your body is morphy was triggered. Like these

1224
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:24,640
Speaker 1: all these different instances, you were still holding onto. So

1225
00:59:24,680 --> 00:59:26,440
Speaker 1: then I started to address each of them one at

1226
00:59:26,440 --> 00:59:29,080
Speaker 1: a time, and then I wrote the book, and by

1227
00:59:29,120 --> 00:59:30,280
Speaker 1: the end of it, I was like, man, I feel

1228
00:59:30,280 --> 00:59:32,919
Speaker 1: like I've addressed most of this stuff from my past

1229
00:59:32,960 --> 00:59:34,760
Speaker 1: and it's helped me now have a better understanding of

1230
00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:37,360
Speaker 1: why I am today, who I am, and where my

1231
00:59:37,400 --> 00:59:41,720
Speaker 1: shortcomings are. So it's been really awesome. And the book's

1232
00:59:41,720 --> 00:59:46,600
Speaker 1: just based around vulnerability, destigmatizing conversations around mental health, and

1233
00:59:46,760 --> 00:59:49,400
Speaker 1: hopefully by the end of it, helping others feel more

1234
00:59:49,440 --> 00:59:52,600
Speaker 1: comfortable with opening up and also asking questions to themselves

1235
00:59:52,600 --> 00:59:55,480
Speaker 1: to self reflect and gain a self belief. So I

1236
00:59:55,560 --> 00:59:57,360
Speaker 1: just figured, how I'm writing it, this is what happened

1237
00:59:57,400 --> 00:59:59,600
Speaker 1: to me, Maybe this could happen to somebody else. So

1238
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:02,280
Speaker 1: it's been cool. I know I want to get it.

1239
01:00:02,320 --> 01:00:04,600
Speaker 1: Sounds like it's a therapy session in its own I'm

1240
01:00:04,640 --> 01:00:08,400
Speaker 1: sure writing that was so therapeutic. Do you have a

1241
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:11,320
Speaker 1: name yet? A cover? Do you know when it's coming out?

1242
01:00:11,920 --> 01:00:15,040
Speaker 1: Is there anything like that you can share with us? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,

1243
01:00:15,040 --> 01:00:18,440
Speaker 1: so I think I just recently shared the maybe I didn't,

1244
01:00:18,800 --> 01:00:21,040
Speaker 1: I know, I didn't, only just some people what the

1245
01:00:21,040 --> 01:00:24,160
Speaker 1: books called one hundred and eight degrees, and so it's

1246
01:00:24,200 --> 01:00:26,120
Speaker 1: it's it's about a mindset shift, you know, so about

1247
01:00:26,160 --> 01:00:29,640
Speaker 1: basically redirecting your course uh and and facing you know,

1248
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:31,480
Speaker 1: going the opposite direction. So for me, like I was

1249
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 1: down this dark, depressive path, I made this one hundred

1250
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,160
Speaker 1: and eighty degrees shifts to now where I'm walking down

1251
01:00:36,160 --> 01:00:38,920
Speaker 1: what I call the path of life or I'm much happier,

1252
01:00:39,200 --> 01:00:41,880
Speaker 1: and I talk about, you know, the incremental changes I

1253
01:00:41,920 --> 01:00:43,640
Speaker 1: made along the way. In the book, I break it

1254
01:00:43,720 --> 01:00:46,080
Speaker 1: up in the thirty degree segments. Each of the segments

1255
01:00:46,080 --> 01:00:48,000
Speaker 1: has a principle and it's like, these are the pillars

1256
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,919
Speaker 1: of my life that helped me start to make this shift.

1257
01:00:49,960 --> 01:00:52,280
Speaker 1: Because you can't make it all at once, you have

1258
01:00:52,640 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 1: you have to put effort into each of these areas

1259
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:59,320
Speaker 1: and they'll slowly start to re navigate yourself. So um, yeah,

1260
01:00:59,360 --> 01:01:01,520
Speaker 1: so it's on dight agrees. I do have a front

1261
01:01:01,520 --> 01:01:03,880
Speaker 1: cover picked out that was as of like a week

1262
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:06,880
Speaker 1: and a half ago, okay, And now currently where I'm at,

1263
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:09,080
Speaker 1: I have people reviewing it and they're giving me constructive

1264
01:01:09,120 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 1: criticism and I've gotten great feedback. They you know, they're

1265
01:01:12,200 --> 01:01:14,120
Speaker 1: and so I have more work to do. So this

1266
01:01:14,160 --> 01:01:17,400
Speaker 1: whole week I'm gonna go back in and add things,

1267
01:01:17,440 --> 01:01:21,040
Speaker 1: take out things that are maybe redundant. But it's yeah,

1268
01:01:21,080 --> 01:01:22,920
Speaker 1: it's it's it's it's on its way. I don't it

1269
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:24,320
Speaker 1: might be that out in the next couple of months,

1270
01:01:24,320 --> 01:01:27,840
Speaker 1: but I don't want to obviously rush this because yeah,

1271
01:01:27,880 --> 01:01:29,680
Speaker 1: it's an extension to me, you know, and I want

1272
01:01:29,680 --> 01:01:33,080
Speaker 1: to put so that takes that takes time, and you

1273
01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:34,720
Speaker 1: don't want to just push it out to push it out,

1274
01:01:34,760 --> 01:01:38,680
Speaker 1: so when it's ready, it'll be ready. But um, it's

1275
01:01:38,680 --> 01:01:40,800
Speaker 1: just been great. Like I said, it's been very therapeutic

1276
01:01:40,840 --> 01:01:43,520
Speaker 1: to write. Twenty twenty three is gonna be a big

1277
01:01:43,600 --> 01:01:46,400
Speaker 1: year for you. I have a feeling it'll be exciting,

1278
01:01:46,440 --> 01:01:48,680
Speaker 1: you know. I don't know. Again, for me, my expectations

1279
01:01:48,720 --> 01:01:51,160
Speaker 1: are just to continue doing what I love. So I

1280
01:01:51,160 --> 01:01:53,520
Speaker 1: don't know what that looks like from a financial perspective,

1281
01:01:54,240 --> 01:01:57,720
Speaker 1: professional perspective, but I just know what I found is

1282
01:01:57,760 --> 01:02:00,640
Speaker 1: that whatever energy you put out there does come back

1283
01:02:00,640 --> 01:02:03,120
Speaker 1: your way, and so twenty twenty three is just the

1284
01:02:03,440 --> 01:02:06,560
Speaker 1: year of positivity. I continue positivity, just trying to create change,

1285
01:02:06,560 --> 01:02:09,720
Speaker 1: and wherever I go is kind of wherever life takes me.

1286
01:02:09,840 --> 01:02:12,040
Speaker 1: So wait, was that one of your lines twenty twenty

1287
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:16,040
Speaker 1: three the year of positivity? Okay, come out? Well? Is

1288
01:02:16,080 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 1: that as to me? Oh my gosh, we'll get right now.

1289
01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:26,439
Speaker 1: Don't do that. No, no, no, no, this is your

1290
01:02:26,480 --> 01:02:30,520
Speaker 1: interview today. All right, well, clean, I'm so excited. Do

1291
01:02:30,560 --> 01:02:35,520
Speaker 1: you have any thoughts around any New Year's resolutions that

1292
01:02:35,560 --> 01:02:41,560
Speaker 1: you want to share with us? Do you believe in resolutions?

1293
01:02:41,640 --> 01:02:43,760
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this is yes. I think we've

1294
01:02:43,800 --> 01:02:47,320
Speaker 1: talked about this before. Briefly, Clean, Yeah, I won't say

1295
01:02:47,400 --> 01:02:50,400
Speaker 1: I don't believe in them. They work for some people,

1296
01:02:50,480 --> 01:02:53,720
Speaker 1: they don't work for me. Because the reason why is

1297
01:02:53,720 --> 01:02:55,720
Speaker 1: because when I want to do something, I'm not gonna

1298
01:02:55,920 --> 01:02:58,120
Speaker 1: put it off. At this point, I'm like, if I

1299
01:02:58,120 --> 01:02:59,640
Speaker 1: want to do something, I'm going to do it now

1300
01:03:00,120 --> 01:03:01,960
Speaker 1: because I don't know if my motivation in a month

1301
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:03,760
Speaker 1: from now is going to still be there. So the

1302
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:05,880
Speaker 1: second I want to do this, I'll just start now.

1303
01:03:06,360 --> 01:03:08,400
Speaker 1: And you know, people. Some people I've heard, you know,

1304
01:03:08,400 --> 01:03:10,920
Speaker 1: they're starting to make their news or resolutions beginning in December.

1305
01:03:11,280 --> 01:03:13,320
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, so you're waiting thirty days. You just

1306
01:03:13,320 --> 01:03:15,040
Speaker 1: don't know where you're gonna be at. Life might take,

1307
01:03:15,120 --> 01:03:16,760
Speaker 1: you might get overwhelmed in thirty days, and all of

1308
01:03:16,760 --> 01:03:18,720
Speaker 1: a sudden, you're gonna have to push off that resolution.

1309
01:03:18,840 --> 01:03:22,120
Speaker 1: So I believe the best time to start something is now,

1310
01:03:22,360 --> 01:03:25,200
Speaker 1: when when you're in the headspace to do so. But

1311
01:03:25,280 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 1: I don't want to say that they're They do help

1312
01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:30,480
Speaker 1: some people. They are the added bit of motivation, So um,

1313
01:03:31,600 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 1: I see value in them for others, just not for me.

1314
01:03:33,920 --> 01:03:36,760
Speaker 1: I'm the exact same way. It's like, if you want

1315
01:03:36,840 --> 01:03:42,120
Speaker 1: something so bad to where like you you want, whether

1316
01:03:42,200 --> 01:03:45,720
Speaker 1: it's fitness goal, whether it's health goal, whether it's mental

1317
01:03:45,760 --> 01:03:50,560
Speaker 1: health goal, whether it's whatever it is financial goal, why

1318
01:03:51,160 --> 01:03:53,680
Speaker 1: why would be like, okay, cool, let me start, and

1319
01:03:53,920 --> 01:03:56,200
Speaker 1: you know what, let me procrastinate? Why would you do that?

1320
01:03:56,640 --> 01:04:00,160
Speaker 1: That's why I dislike resolutions. It's just like, just just

1321
01:04:00,200 --> 01:04:02,920
Speaker 1: start right now, just go, and then you're a month

1322
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:06,840
Speaker 1: ahead of everybody else. Everybody else is waiting. I already started.

1323
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:09,040
Speaker 1: You'll be looking back thirty days, You're like, I'm so

1324
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:13,880
Speaker 1: happy I started this a month ago. Yeah. Absolutely. Before

1325
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:16,080
Speaker 1: we do our resource, Clayt and I just want to say,

1326
01:04:16,160 --> 01:04:19,000
Speaker 1: first of all, thank you for being Unhappy hour today.

1327
01:04:19,120 --> 01:04:23,960
Speaker 1: I love that we could have real conversations about so

1328
01:04:24,080 --> 01:04:27,120
Speaker 1: much more going on in your life than just you know,

1329
01:04:27,240 --> 01:04:29,600
Speaker 1: the show that you were on a year ago. You're

1330
01:04:29,640 --> 01:04:31,640
Speaker 1: so much more than that. Everyone is, you know, every

1331
01:04:31,720 --> 01:04:33,720
Speaker 1: lead and never contestant, and every person is so much

1332
01:04:33,720 --> 01:04:36,160
Speaker 1: more than just the show. So I'm so glad that

1333
01:04:36,200 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 1: you could take some time today to be with us.

1334
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:41,000
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it, and I really really think that

1335
01:04:41,080 --> 01:04:43,760
Speaker 1: listeners will take a lot from this. And I have

1336
01:04:43,920 --> 01:04:46,400
Speaker 1: to say, I'm so excited for this book to come out.

1337
01:04:46,440 --> 01:04:50,600
Speaker 1: I cannot wait. So definitely keep us posted on when

1338
01:04:50,640 --> 01:04:53,000
Speaker 1: it can be expected, because Thomas and I will be

1339
01:04:53,320 --> 01:04:57,360
Speaker 1: at the front line getting that baby. But now we

1340
01:04:57,440 --> 01:05:01,360
Speaker 1: got to get into our resource portion, if you will.

1341
01:05:01,400 --> 01:05:03,880
Speaker 1: So basically we say this every week, but we think

1342
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:06,520
Speaker 1: it's so important to keep all of our listeners informed

1343
01:05:06,640 --> 01:05:10,560
Speaker 1: and share important resources that we love. So I'll just

1344
01:05:10,680 --> 01:05:14,840
Speaker 1: kick it off if that's cool with everyone. Yes, So

1345
01:05:14,920 --> 01:05:18,560
Speaker 1: this one is it's actually something that took place in Minnesota,

1346
01:05:18,920 --> 01:05:24,240
Speaker 1: our home state, Michelle, and basically it instated a cultural

1347
01:05:24,320 --> 01:05:30,280
Speaker 1: competency training mandate for teachers, which, speaking of teachers, I

1348
01:05:30,320 --> 01:05:32,560
Speaker 1: think this is so incredible and something that probably should

1349
01:05:32,560 --> 01:05:34,680
Speaker 1: have been done long ago. You know, I can just

1350
01:05:34,720 --> 01:05:39,920
Speaker 1: say that. But basically, and I have a list of

1351
01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:44,640
Speaker 1: the bullets out it'll cover. It'll get into teachers training

1352
01:05:44,840 --> 01:05:50,560
Speaker 1: with racial, cultural, socio economic groups. They'll have training on

1353
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:54,840
Speaker 1: religion and systemic racism. They'll focus on gender identity including

1354
01:05:54,920 --> 01:06:00,360
Speaker 1: transgender students, sexual orientation, and also individuals and disability, these

1355
01:06:00,600 --> 01:06:03,160
Speaker 1: um with mental health concerns, which which I think is

1356
01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:06,680
Speaker 1: so important. You know, Michelle, I think you had talked about,

1357
01:06:07,120 --> 01:06:09,160
Speaker 1: I believe on our podcast, or maybe it was just

1358
01:06:09,240 --> 01:06:13,080
Speaker 1: a separate um that I think teachers had to go through,

1359
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:16,880
Speaker 1: um like a implicit biased training at some point. And

1360
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:19,240
Speaker 1: so I think this is just an addition to that,

1361
01:06:19,480 --> 01:06:22,600
Speaker 1: which I think will only help so many more groups

1362
01:06:22,600 --> 01:06:25,800
Speaker 1: of people. So that is the resource that I'm sharing

1363
01:06:25,840 --> 01:06:30,080
Speaker 1: for today. It's a Minnesota Cultural Competency Training mandate for

1364
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:34,320
Speaker 1: all educators in Minnesota. I love that. Now, if we

1365
01:06:34,360 --> 01:06:38,960
Speaker 1: could just make that training mandatory for everybody outside teaching

1366
01:06:41,240 --> 01:06:45,680
Speaker 1: that would be so that we could accomplish. Um. Okay,

1367
01:06:45,720 --> 01:06:48,840
Speaker 1: So mine is it's a podcast. I think that there's

1368
01:06:48,840 --> 01:06:51,240
Speaker 1: a YouTube documentary coming out with it as well. It's

1369
01:06:51,240 --> 01:06:55,120
Speaker 1: called Catch and what it does is it focuses on

1370
01:06:55,760 --> 01:06:59,440
Speaker 1: this is like a statistic I cannot remember who said this,

1371
01:06:59,480 --> 01:07:02,440
Speaker 1: but this is it's kind of where the show derived

1372
01:07:02,440 --> 01:07:05,480
Speaker 1: from or came off of, but basically that one in

1373
01:07:05,800 --> 01:07:10,240
Speaker 1: three black boys will be incarcinated in their lifetime. And

1374
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:13,640
Speaker 1: it talks about systemic racism. It talks about the cycles

1375
01:07:14,120 --> 01:07:16,720
Speaker 1: um that African Americans are born into kind of pulls

1376
01:07:16,720 --> 01:07:20,160
Speaker 1: apart all of those layers, how you know, the education system, political,

1377
01:07:20,400 --> 01:07:25,040
Speaker 1: all these things are just failing our black youth and

1378
01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 1: just the different supports that would have to be put

1379
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:30,200
Speaker 1: into place. And it's super super interesting because it's based

1380
01:07:30,200 --> 01:07:33,560
Speaker 1: off of like it's all based off of statistics. Um.

1381
01:07:33,600 --> 01:07:37,280
Speaker 1: And so that's called Catch and I think catch yep

1382
01:07:37,800 --> 01:07:41,600
Speaker 1: you can you can catch it on YouTube or Spotify. Okay,

1383
01:07:41,800 --> 01:07:46,480
Speaker 1: oh fucking take a listen. Yeah, super interesting, Thank you

1384
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:48,400
Speaker 1: you guys do this. Um. So, I think it is

1385
01:07:48,440 --> 01:07:52,160
Speaker 1: important that resources are so critical for education. Um and

1386
01:07:52,200 --> 01:07:55,360
Speaker 1: so when like for me personally, this is probably one

1387
01:07:55,400 --> 01:07:58,120
Speaker 1: that people are familiar with because he had to tie

1388
01:07:58,240 --> 01:08:01,040
Speaker 1: to the show to some degree. But I read a

1389
01:08:01,080 --> 01:08:04,240
Speaker 1: couple months ago, I read Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black

1390
01:08:04,240 --> 01:08:07,640
Speaker 1: Man by Manuel Acho, and I thought that was an

1391
01:08:07,680 --> 01:08:10,840
Speaker 1: incredible book because, just like the title says, he goes

1392
01:08:10,960 --> 01:08:14,280
Speaker 1: and has these conversations that most people are too fearful

1393
01:08:14,320 --> 01:08:17,519
Speaker 1: to have. And for somebody like me that grew up

1394
01:08:17,560 --> 01:08:22,040
Speaker 1: as a white man in the United States, I lived

1395
01:08:22,040 --> 01:08:24,400
Speaker 1: a certain experience, and my experience is going to be

1396
01:08:24,439 --> 01:08:27,240
Speaker 1: different from somebody else that grew up that it was

1397
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:29,679
Speaker 1: not a white man. And so I don't think ignorance

1398
01:08:29,760 --> 01:08:31,479
Speaker 1: is an excuse though. And I used to say, well,

1399
01:08:31,479 --> 01:08:32,880
Speaker 1: if it's out you know, people would say, if it's

1400
01:08:32,880 --> 01:08:34,439
Speaker 1: out of sight, out of mind, it doesn't affect me.

1401
01:08:34,479 --> 01:08:36,000
Speaker 1: But that's what I've since realized is like, no, you

1402
01:08:36,040 --> 01:08:38,360
Speaker 1: can't say that, Like you need to take these things

1403
01:08:38,360 --> 01:08:41,559
Speaker 1: seriously because they're happening all around us, and the best

1404
01:08:41,600 --> 01:08:43,800
Speaker 1: thing we can do is inform ourselves so that we

1405
01:08:43,880 --> 01:08:47,040
Speaker 1: can be a better advocate or ally to those individuals.

1406
01:08:47,040 --> 01:08:51,280
Speaker 1: So for me, that book was incredible because it opened

1407
01:08:51,360 --> 01:08:55,680
Speaker 1: up my mind to the history of what black Americans

1408
01:08:55,680 --> 01:08:59,160
Speaker 1: have went through and I didn't know, like I just

1409
01:08:59,240 --> 01:09:01,280
Speaker 1: didn't realize is that this these some of these things

1410
01:09:01,280 --> 01:09:04,439
Speaker 1: were happening. And I had talked to some teammates playing

1411
01:09:04,479 --> 01:09:07,760
Speaker 1: football and I learned some of this. But you know,

1412
01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:09,880
Speaker 1: I thought this is incredible because some people are fraid

1413
01:09:09,880 --> 01:09:12,800
Speaker 1: to out this conversation. Okay, so you can take this

1414
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,439
Speaker 1: book though and read it, and you don't have to

1415
01:09:15,479 --> 01:09:17,800
Speaker 1: worry about having this conversation yet. But just start here.

1416
01:09:17,840 --> 01:09:19,840
Speaker 1: Read the book first. It's going to open your eyes

1417
01:09:19,880 --> 01:09:22,520
Speaker 1: up to it and it's going to be a better understanding.

1418
01:09:22,560 --> 01:09:24,840
Speaker 1: And so I thought that was an incredible resource that

1419
01:09:24,920 --> 01:09:27,679
Speaker 1: I would share because he did such a great job

1420
01:09:27,720 --> 01:09:32,040
Speaker 1: of painting what it's like to grow up in his

1421
01:09:32,280 --> 01:09:34,320
Speaker 1: shoes and how again it was it was it was

1422
01:09:34,320 --> 01:09:36,240
Speaker 1: different than what I what I lived through, and so

1423
01:09:36,280 --> 01:09:39,320
Speaker 1: I thought, Okay, awesome, because again, the more you know,

1424
01:09:39,520 --> 01:09:41,400
Speaker 1: the better understanding you'll have of the world around you,

1425
01:09:41,520 --> 01:09:44,160
Speaker 1: and the more you'll be able to help. I think

1426
01:09:44,200 --> 01:09:48,320
Speaker 1: that book does a good job of also, like we

1427
01:09:48,439 --> 01:09:51,479
Speaker 1: have to start somewhere, right and it's a good starting

1428
01:09:51,560 --> 01:09:55,120
Speaker 1: place too. As you said, show like his life experience

1429
01:09:55,160 --> 01:09:57,240
Speaker 1: growing up not only it's a black man, but who's

1430
01:09:57,240 --> 01:10:00,840
Speaker 1: also Nigerian and has a totally different cult sure than

1431
01:10:01,120 --> 01:10:04,040
Speaker 1: other people living in America. And it does a good

1432
01:10:04,120 --> 01:10:09,280
Speaker 1: job of you know, like start here and educate yourselves

1433
01:10:09,280 --> 01:10:12,280
Speaker 1: and ask the right questions, but just start having those

1434
01:10:12,280 --> 01:10:16,240
Speaker 1: conversations as uncomfortable as they are, you know. So Yeah,

1435
01:10:16,320 --> 01:10:19,960
Speaker 1: that is a great read, very good resource. Thank you, Clayton.

1436
01:10:20,120 --> 01:10:24,960
Speaker 1: You came prepared, which I love to see. It was

1437
01:10:25,040 --> 01:10:28,519
Speaker 1: so fun having you. Please, we'll all stay in touch,

1438
01:10:28,600 --> 01:10:31,360
Speaker 1: but truly come out to California if you ever need

1439
01:10:31,400 --> 01:10:33,720
Speaker 1: a get I was gonna say a warm getaway. It's

1440
01:10:33,720 --> 01:10:37,040
Speaker 1: probably warm or where you are right now, but but

1441
01:10:37,439 --> 01:10:40,240
Speaker 1: our door is always open. You're always welcome back on

1442
01:10:40,360 --> 01:10:43,519
Speaker 1: happy Hour. This was a just this was an incredible conversation.

1443
01:10:43,560 --> 01:10:46,040
Speaker 1: I'm so glad we had you. Yeah, no, thanks you guys.

1444
01:10:46,080 --> 01:10:48,479
Speaker 1: I really appreciate it. I think it'd be really great

1445
01:10:48,520 --> 01:10:51,320
Speaker 1: to have a conversation though where I mean, you guys

1446
01:10:51,360 --> 01:10:53,280
Speaker 1: ask all great questions. I would obviously love to catch

1447
01:10:53,360 --> 01:10:55,400
Speaker 1: up and like learn more. I know this is more

1448
01:10:55,439 --> 01:10:57,680
Speaker 1: focused on me as you guys are doing the interviewer thing,

1449
01:10:57,680 --> 01:11:00,280
Speaker 1: but we'll have to catch up as just friends. Yeah,

1450
01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:02,720
Speaker 1: I can also ask the questions and you give you

1451
01:11:02,720 --> 01:11:05,679
Speaker 1: guys the floor, But this was still good to check

1452
01:11:05,720 --> 01:11:08,080
Speaker 1: back in after all this time. Yeah, so good to

1453
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:13,200
Speaker 1: see you. Appreciate you. I have to say, I mean,

1454
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:17,000
Speaker 1: I always love chatting with Claim. He's such a gem.

1455
01:11:17,240 --> 01:11:20,120
Speaker 1: But I really like the fact that like during this

1456
01:11:20,200 --> 01:11:22,960
Speaker 1: off season, we don't have to recap the show, and

1457
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:26,479
Speaker 1: like we're having these real life conversations of like actual

1458
01:11:26,600 --> 01:11:30,280
Speaker 1: stuff going on, and just it's so cool to see

1459
01:11:31,880 --> 01:11:34,559
Speaker 1: the growth that he's made at the constant state of

1460
01:11:34,680 --> 01:11:39,920
Speaker 1: reflection m and just like learning that he's doing and

1461
01:11:40,080 --> 01:11:42,360
Speaker 1: it Yeah, like you said, it's nice to take time

1462
01:11:42,439 --> 01:11:45,960
Speaker 1: to like have our viewers or start have our listeners

1463
01:11:46,360 --> 01:11:51,599
Speaker 1: actually get to get to know, you know, our our guests,

1464
01:11:52,040 --> 01:11:55,800
Speaker 1: not on a bachelor level. Yeah, it's so refreshing. It's

1465
01:11:55,840 --> 01:11:59,320
Speaker 1: so refreshing. Um. And just going back to like I

1466
01:11:59,439 --> 01:12:02,720
Speaker 1: keep we keep saying growth here, but like and you

1467
01:12:03,160 --> 01:12:05,599
Speaker 1: kind of touched on it when we were interviewing him

1468
01:12:05,680 --> 01:12:08,200
Speaker 1: of like you said, just when you met him, like

1469
01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:11,760
Speaker 1: let let go of control, right, Like you just kind

1470
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:13,240
Speaker 1: of have to go with the flow. And I was

1471
01:12:13,400 --> 01:12:15,800
Speaker 1: thinking about this, like the first time I met him,

1472
01:12:15,920 --> 01:12:17,840
Speaker 1: I had hosted a date for him in one of

1473
01:12:18,000 --> 01:12:20,920
Speaker 1: his contestants and like kicked off the day and it

1474
01:12:20,960 --> 01:12:22,960
Speaker 1: was all about like just letting go. You can't be

1475
01:12:23,000 --> 01:12:26,160
Speaker 1: in control. But I remember meeting him before kicking off

1476
01:12:26,160 --> 01:12:29,520
Speaker 1: that date and he and it's such a stressful situation,

1477
01:12:29,680 --> 01:12:32,719
Speaker 1: like there's it's a lot to take in, like your

1478
01:12:32,760 --> 01:12:35,120
Speaker 1: whole world and life as you know it, and your

1479
01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:39,439
Speaker 1: daily routine is uprooted. You have no idea day by

1480
01:12:39,479 --> 01:12:41,360
Speaker 1: day what to expect. You're just kind of like thrown

1481
01:12:41,400 --> 01:12:44,559
Speaker 1: into the mix, like on somebody else's time frame, and

1482
01:12:45,200 --> 01:12:48,680
Speaker 1: really everything is not up to you. And so to

1483
01:12:48,720 --> 01:12:52,479
Speaker 1: see how stress and just anxious he was at that

1484
01:12:52,560 --> 01:12:57,200
Speaker 1: point to now is so refreshing. I think like he's

1485
01:12:57,200 --> 01:13:00,599
Speaker 1: done a great job of self reflection and like really

1486
01:13:00,640 --> 01:13:03,519
Speaker 1: taking what he's learned from the show and right after

1487
01:13:03,560 --> 01:13:06,080
Speaker 1: and turned it into something positive, which is so commendable.

1488
01:13:06,160 --> 01:13:09,360
Speaker 1: So again, Clayton, thank you for joining us. Michelle, it's

1489
01:13:09,360 --> 01:13:12,360
Speaker 1: always good to have you back with me on Happy Hour,

1490
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:14,920
Speaker 1: And our last thank you, of course goes out to

1491
01:13:14,960 --> 01:13:17,760
Speaker 1: all of you listeners. And I have to say I've

1492
01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:19,840
Speaker 1: said it the past couple of weeks, but please don't

1493
01:13:19,880 --> 01:13:23,519
Speaker 1: forget that we are casting for men to date the

1494
01:13:23,560 --> 01:13:26,320
Speaker 1: next Bachelorette. So if you're single, or if you know

1495
01:13:26,400 --> 01:13:29,280
Speaker 1: of somebody who is single and would be great for

1496
01:13:29,360 --> 01:13:31,439
Speaker 1: the show looking for love, go to the website to

1497
01:13:31,520 --> 01:13:37,479
Speaker 1: nominate or apply. That website is Bauchernation dot com slash apply. Yes.

1498
01:13:37,640 --> 01:13:40,439
Speaker 1: Feels so good to be back here getting into sing

1499
01:13:40,479 --> 01:13:43,360
Speaker 1: of things, and make sure to hit us up on social.

1500
01:13:43,439 --> 01:13:45,680
Speaker 1: You can follow us hat Bachelor happy Hour on Instagram

1501
01:13:45,720 --> 01:13:48,160
Speaker 1: and from there you'll find everything you need to know

1502
01:13:48,240 --> 01:13:51,040
Speaker 1: to follow us on Twitter and TikTok and for all

1503
01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:53,240
Speaker 1: of you Prime members out there, you can listen to

1504
01:13:53,240 --> 01:13:56,200
Speaker 1: About your Happy Hour ad free on Amazon Music to

1505
01:13:56,200 --> 01:13:59,080
Speaker 1: stumbled the Amazon Music app today, or you can also

1506
01:13:59,120 --> 01:14:02,519
Speaker 1: listen ad free with Wondering Plus in Apple Podcasts. And

1507
01:14:02,640 --> 01:14:05,400
Speaker 1: before you go, tell us something about yourself by completing

1508
01:14:05,439 --> 01:14:09,120
Speaker 1: a very short survey at wondery dot com slash survey.

1509
01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:13,120
Speaker 1: Thank you everyone, an see you next week. She cheers