Speaker 1: Episode three sixty nine, How to be content without being complacent.
Speaker 2: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast, where you'll learn to
Speaker 2: save money, embrace simplicity and life. Here your hosts Jen
Speaker 2: and Jill.
Speaker 1: Welcome to the Frugal Friends podcast. My name is Jen,
Speaker 1: my name is Jill, and today we are talking about
Speaker 1: contentment and not in a way that makes you feel like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can just forget and ignore everything else going on
Speaker 1: around me or everything I'm capable of because I'm content,
Speaker 1: but how we can use it as a tool to
Speaker 1: spend less while almost giving ourselves this responsible feeling to
Speaker 1: live into our full capacity.
Speaker 3: It's this holding the tension between two things that finding
Speaker 3: the radical middle of I'm still moving forward and doing things,
Speaker 3: but also not inter rat race and know what is
Speaker 3: enough for me and can find contentment without stagnation. I
Speaker 3: think we're all on a journey in this, but it's
Speaker 3: such a good aim and we hope to kind of
Speaker 3: cover some of the basics and how we can aim
Speaker 3: at this.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because this is a chapter in our book that
Speaker 1: we're writing, and so we wanted to do a full
Speaker 1: episode on it, just the two of us, to really
Speaker 1: talk about how this plays into values based spending, how
Speaker 1: it plays into your earning, your relationships, all of that.
Speaker 1: But first let's get to the important stuff. This episode
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Speaker 1: been meaning to do it, you just haven't gotten the
Speaker 1: chance because as soon as I'm done talking, we go
Speaker 1: right into the content and we don't give you the chance.
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Speaker 3: Hopefully editor doesn't take out those three seconds.
Speaker 1: Hopefully it stays early enough in the show that maybe
Speaker 1: he's still listening and hasn't just skipped forward. Probably not.
Speaker 1: Apologies if that wasn't three seconds. Anyways, we'll make a
Speaker 1: note in the show and the show outline if contentment
Speaker 1: and gratitude and all of these things around and thankfulness
Speaker 1: and embracing your season, these are things you're interested in.
Speaker 1: We have several other episodes that we have done. We
Speaker 1: have episode two forty eight Simple Money, Rich Life with
Speaker 1: Bob and Linda Lodick. That is a really good one
Speaker 1: about simple living in your home and leisure and in
Speaker 1: your money. And then episode two fifty six using gratitude
Speaker 1: journaling to help you spend less. So those are really good.
Speaker 1: We also did one about embracing your season. That's another
Speaker 1: chapter in our book that's coming out. That was episode
Speaker 1: three forty two, so that one was as recent as October,
Speaker 1: the importance of honoring your season. So these are some
Speaker 1: good ones to queue after.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but stick with us because this is a unique
Speaker 3: one in that we tip it turned to the internet.
Speaker 3: We look at two different articles that'll be in the
Speaker 3: top search about whatever it is that we're chatting through.
Speaker 3: What does Google have to say about it, and what
Speaker 3: we have to say about what Google has to say.
Speaker 3: It's a super complicated type of podcast structure, but today
Speaker 3: we're setting all that aside to just give you our
Speaker 3: thoughts on this. Again, it's going to be in our book,
Speaker 3: so we're practicing using our own voices and giving you
Speaker 3: kind of the curated list and tips and ideas around
Speaker 3: where we've come to in the last five and a
Speaker 3: half years and kind of this blueprint. We totally believe
Speaker 3: that finances personal finances are not a one size fits all,
Speaker 3: but there are these foundational principles that are so helpful
Speaker 3: when it comes to refining how we spend, how we save,
Speaker 3: how we approach and understand money and move through life
Speaker 3: as a result of that. And this idea of contentment
Speaker 3: is one of those foundational principles. But yet we want
Speaker 3: to tether it by saying also not becoming complacent, continuing
Speaker 3: to move forward. So that's what we're talking about. That's
Speaker 3: the direction that we're taking in this. And I think
Speaker 3: while we said we're not going to the internet and
Speaker 3: doing articles, we are going to turn to the dictionary
Speaker 3: because why not. I think we should totally understand how
Speaker 3: do we how are we defining contentment versus complacency? And
Speaker 3: so to be contented if you were if you were
Speaker 3: to google dictionary this, it's feeling or showing satisfaction with
Speaker 3: one's possessions, status, or situation, and similar words to this
Speaker 3: would be satisfied, happy, pleased. I would probably add at peace.
Speaker 3: I think contentment leads to a peacefulness, not a hurried
Speaker 3: or anxious, constantly feeling inside of us. Versus complacency or
Speaker 3: being complacent is having or showing a lack of interest
Speaker 3: or concern just like I don't even care. Probably probably
Speaker 3: a bit of a fatalist mentality if we were to
Speaker 3: relate it to anything. Some synonyms for this one include apathetic, uninterested, unconcerned,
Speaker 3: just who cares whatever happens. And we're gonna aim at contented.
Speaker 3: We're gonna aim at the satisfied, pleased, peaceful, satisfaction with
Speaker 3: our possessions, status, situation, all of those things. And of
Speaker 3: course money is intersecting with that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think as products of hustle culture, we want
Speaker 1: to be grateful, right, we want to be grateful for
Speaker 1: what we have. But it's hard to be content when
Speaker 1: you think that your value in society, your worth in
Speaker 1: society is equated to the output. So even if it's
Speaker 1: not at work, it's at home with how many things
Speaker 1: you do with your kids, how great their lunches are,
Speaker 1: how the status you like that you show to your friends.
Speaker 1: It can show itself in a number of ways, right,
Speaker 1: It's not all or nothing. So we want to look
Speaker 1: at the places where we are not content and kind
Speaker 1: of examine those things and think about how can I
Speaker 1: get there and what role does money play? So when
Speaker 1: you're content, it's you acknowledge two things. The first is
Speaker 1: you don't need more stuff. You don't need different stuff,
Speaker 1: You don't need new places to be happy. Contentment is
Speaker 1: the synonym for happy, it's the synonym for joy. So
Speaker 1: the things that you have are going to bring you joy.
Speaker 1: When you pay off debt, when you have savings in
Speaker 1: the bank, those things do not inherently bring joy. I've
Speaker 1: seen a ton of people pay off their debt and afterwards,
Speaker 1: you know, the couples get divorced. I've seen people retire
Speaker 1: early and then head back to the workforce because they
Speaker 1: meet these goals that they are told is the secret
Speaker 1: to contentment. Early retirement, debt, freedom, paid off house, whatever,
Speaker 1: that these are what you need before you can be
Speaker 1: fully happy or or just realize your full potential. Right
Speaker 1: in reality, these are not the things that are going
Speaker 1: to do that for you. You have to be content and
Speaker 1: happy and joyful and realize your full potential now. And
Speaker 1: these are just things that will We'll expound on it.
Speaker 1: So when you're content, you realize you don't need the
Speaker 1: financial goals and you don't need to buy more stuff,
Speaker 1: or renovate in a different way, or travel to all
Speaker 1: the places that you're going to. It saves you money
Speaker 1: in that way and then the other. This may be
Speaker 1: even part three. I guess this may be a c.
Speaker 1: You also acknowledge the hard work you've put in to
Speaker 1: improve your spending, to say no to more stuff when
Speaker 1: your friends are to say no to certain types of
Speaker 1: travel because they don't suit you, or to say yes
Speaker 1: to certain types of travel when other people are not.
Speaker 1: And you celebrate these accomplishments, and you let them inspire
Speaker 1: you to keep moving. You realize what you are capable of.
Speaker 1: You realize that you are You're not just floating through
Speaker 1: life buying the next thing, living paycheck to paycheck, just
Speaker 1: kind of floating through life. You're achieving things. And sometimes
Speaker 1: we think that other people are doing it, so we
Speaker 1: should be able to do it too. And I am
Speaker 1: so guilty of this. Every time I accomplish something, I
Speaker 1: never celebrate it. I'm always like, well, somebody else is
Speaker 1: doing it better, so I got to get to where
Speaker 1: they're at. Contentment shows satisfaction. It's not just feeling, it's showing.
Speaker 1: So you are also in addition to saving the money,
Speaker 1: and knowing that the goals and the spending won't make
Speaker 1: you happy. You're also showing up and celebrating yourself and
Speaker 1: learning and learning new ways to achieve more, to figure
Speaker 1: out new ways to live into your full potential.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm realizing we could be on either end of
Speaker 3: the spectrum, Like, complacency isn't the only option of where
Speaker 3: we could find ourselves. We could find ourselves on the
Speaker 3: complete opposite end of the spectrum, with that hustle, that
Speaker 3: grind that I've got to keep going and do the
Speaker 3: next thing before we even pause to consider. But where
Speaker 3: does my contentment lie? And then when you're complacent just
Speaker 3: kind of okay, las a fair who cares what happens next?
Speaker 3: Probably this would coincide with ideas that things won't ever
Speaker 3: get better for me, scarcity, mindset, these kinds of things.
Speaker 3: So we could find ourselves on either end. And so
Speaker 3: contentment is holding the tension between those two things where
Speaker 3: we're not hustling to a point where we are lacking
Speaker 3: mindfulness and intentionality, but we're also not experiencing this degree
Speaker 3: of complacency either, holding the tension in that way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so let's expand on the these two pieces, the
Speaker 1: A and the B. Now I'm just saying it might
Speaker 1: be a C, but we're gonna I wrote it in
Speaker 1: the outline as an A and a B, so we're
Speaker 1: going to expand on those. So the first contentment you
Speaker 1: don't need more stuff, different stuff, is essentially contentment with
Speaker 1: what you own and do, and then the part B
Speaker 1: will be contentment with who you are and what you've done.
Speaker 1: So the first part, though, is contentment with what you
Speaker 1: own and what you do. So people on social media
Speaker 1: or around you may be telling you that the next
Speaker 1: new thing or vacation will make you happier. I know
Speaker 1: millennials we value experiences more than things, but there comes
Speaker 1: a point where only so many vacations will add value
Speaker 1: to your life. Vacations, traveling, and you know, working abroad,
Speaker 1: all that stuff. That's also not the true key to happiness. Uh.
Speaker 1: It's making sure that you are indulging in the experiences
Speaker 1: and having the experiences that are truly who you are,
Speaker 1: not what other people are telling you to be. So
Speaker 1: understanding that the places you go or the new things
Speaker 1: you buy won't make you happier. The only things that
Speaker 1: the only things that will truly make you happier are
Speaker 1: the things money can't buy. And we've said that over
Speaker 1: and over again, right, So, like, what are the things
Speaker 1: money can't buy? They are the four fs. We think
Speaker 1: they're faith, family, friends, and fulfilling work. And that fulfilling
Speaker 1: work is professional and non professional, so either you're philanthropy
Speaker 1: or your professional life. They don't have to be the same,
Speaker 1: is the thing. Also, sometimes we think we have to
Speaker 1: do fulfilling work, like we have to do our passion
Speaker 1: as work. But you can have fulfilling work that is
Speaker 1: professional that pays you income, and fulfilling work that is
Speaker 1: non professional that may not pay you an income. So
Speaker 1: these are this is kind of like the baseline for
Speaker 1: being content is having these things that you know money
Speaker 1: can't buy. Because new things bring joy, they do for
Speaker 1: a short time and they're great. But we want to
Speaker 1: focus on the vital few, the real the heavy hitters.
Speaker 1: We talk about the eighty twenty principle and saving money,
Speaker 1: Like we've got the vital few, and this is a
Speaker 1: topic that we're gonna talk more about in twenty twenty four.
Speaker 1: Twenty percent of your actions result in eighty percent the outcomes. Right,
Speaker 1: it's the same with your experiences and your contentment. Twenty
Speaker 1: percent of these things that money can't buy are going
Speaker 1: to bring you eighty percent of your contentment. And so
Speaker 1: it's finding what for you are these heavy hitters that
Speaker 1: are really going to bring you joy for the long
Speaker 1: term that you really want to invest in, and those
Speaker 1: are they're not going to cost money, but it is
Speaker 1: going to take money for you to be able to
Speaker 1: experience them. So we don't forget about the income and
Speaker 1: increasing the margin between income and expenses, but really look
Speaker 1: at those things that are going to bring you the
Speaker 1: most contentment.
Speaker 3: The next category that we can look at in shaping
Speaker 3: where we are experiencing contentment is with who we are
Speaker 3: and what we've done. I think this is probably contentment
Speaker 3: two point zero. It certainly can take us some time
Speaker 3: to get to a place of contentment with what we
Speaker 3: own and what we do, but I think this is
Speaker 3: a deeper level of reconciling who we are, our personhood,
Speaker 3: our personalities, the things that we've done and accomplished. And
Speaker 3: I don't think that this is easily come by, and
Speaker 3: I think there can be a lot of barriers. This
Speaker 3: experience can ebb and flow. But when we can find
Speaker 3: contentment at that deeper internal level, It too will have
Speaker 3: some really phenomenal impacts, certainly on our lives, our lifestyles,
Speaker 3: and our finances. I think being content with yourself and
Speaker 3: who you are and what you've done has so much
Speaker 3: to do with contentment in our seasons, acknowledging the parts
Speaker 3: of the time that we're in currently that might limit
Speaker 3: us and be able to look for beauty in it,
Speaker 3: and the ways that the season helps you rather than
Speaker 3: hurts you. I think we can often play that comparison
Speaker 3: game of looking at what we don't have because we
Speaker 3: see what others have around us, whether it's social media,
Speaker 3: people in our community, are close friends, maybe family, doesn't matter.
Speaker 3: Wherever we look, there's opportunities to see, Oh they're able
Speaker 3: to do this, but I can't because XYZ and this
Speaker 3: is a call to shift our focus to what's actually
Speaker 3: within our control. All of us can have this propensity
Speaker 3: to focus on the things that give the most of
Speaker 3: our time, energy and attention to the things that are
Speaker 3: outside of our control that we don't have influence over,
Speaker 3: rather than what's inside of our control that we can
Speaker 3: shift and change. And similar when it comes to gratitude,
Speaker 3: being able to look at but what do I have
Speaker 3: as a result of this season? Jen, I know you've
Speaker 3: talked about like an example of having young kids. We're
Speaker 3: just talking about this over coffee the other day. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: I mean you speak for yourself. I mean, no, exactly
Speaker 3: what you said.
Speaker 1: This is. This is what I'm going through right now,
Speaker 1: is that I have a lot of friends that don't
Speaker 1: have kids, and I'm looking at them and I'm getting
Speaker 1: down because I'm like, these people can do all this
Speaker 1: stuff that I can't. And I know full well if
Speaker 1: I did not have kids, that I would be looking
Speaker 1: at my friends that did have kids and being envious
Speaker 1: of them having what I want. So there's always going
Speaker 1: to be this creeping grass is green on the other side, right,
Speaker 1: and and we're going to talk about that too. But
Speaker 1: like they the finding like acknowledging your entire season, right,
Speaker 1: not just the parts that are beautiful, but the parts
Speaker 1: that limit you, and still looking for beauty in that.
Speaker 1: So my kids, like they're expensive, they delay me from
Speaker 1: going out at night or ever. It's all like very
Speaker 1: If I focus on that, it's very depressing, right, Like
Speaker 1: I want to go out, I want to do these things.
Speaker 1: I want to have more opportunities like to go to
Speaker 1: conferences and to do stuff in the business, and I'm
Speaker 1: just not in a season where i can do that.
Speaker 1: But it's still a beautiful time with them because They're
Speaker 1: never going to be this young ever again. I'm never
Speaker 1: going to have kids this young ever again, because we're
Speaker 1: done having kids, and there we are teaching them to
Speaker 1: be members of society and teaching them lessons that we
Speaker 1: didn't necessarily get when we were younger. So there is
Speaker 1: there are these beautiful things, but I think we're maybe
Speaker 1: told just focus on the beautiful things. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of there's a lot of extremes on social media. It's
Speaker 1: either focus on all the beautiful things or dwell on
Speaker 1: all the sucky things. And I think I might have
Speaker 1: gotten on dwell on all the sucky things algorithm. But
Speaker 1: there is a radical middle in it, and that's where
Speaker 1: contentment is found. It's not the delusion that everything is
Speaker 1: great and everything is worth being grateful for. It's just
Speaker 1: really acknowledgment and choosing to choosing to look on the
Speaker 1: bright side as much as you look at the realities.
Speaker 3: Every choice is going to have an opportunity cost to it.
Speaker 3: There's always going to be consequences to the path that
Speaker 3: we've chosen, which I think can be really hopeful that that, oh,
Speaker 3: we can make decisions from here on out that we
Speaker 3: feel are going to benefit us and not stay stuck
Speaker 3: in the things that decisions we may have made in
Speaker 3: the past that now we're seeing ough this didn't benefit
Speaker 3: me as much as I had hoped. I think personally
Speaker 3: I can struggle with this at times. With the career
Speaker 3: path that I chose. I chose to go into social work.
Speaker 3: I spent fifteen years in that profession and was able
Speaker 3: to accomplish some really beautiful things, but do not have
Speaker 3: much to show for it in the bank. And I
Speaker 3: think I can get in these moments of man look
Speaker 3: at where all these other people are at at this
Speaker 3: stage of life in their mid thirties to forties, and
Speaker 3: they they're really established in their careers, and they've been
Speaker 3: able to increase their income and within the field that
Speaker 3: I was that I've been in, it just hasn't been
Speaker 3: as exponential as who I am choosing to look at, right,
Speaker 3: It also has to do with who are you choosing
Speaker 3: to compare to, But then at the same time being
Speaker 3: able to recognize there's choices that I made, and none
Speaker 3: of it comes without a degree of sacrifice. But to
Speaker 3: also recognize for me personally, I wouldn't change any of
Speaker 3: it either. I am so grateful for the experiences that
Speaker 3: I've had in the field. Is what it has produced
Speaker 3: in me, my outlook on life, my understanding of the
Speaker 3: world around me, what it has led me to today.
Speaker 3: And I think that's going to be the exercise of
Speaker 3: constantly looking at that, but then again not the complacency
Speaker 3: piece of what can I do going forward so that
Speaker 3: I can feel really good in the next ten to
Speaker 3: fifteen years as I look back on what I chose
Speaker 3: now to be doing with my time, energy resources, how
Speaker 3: can I be stewarding them to the best of my ability?
Speaker 3: And I think content with your season in that way
Speaker 3: and yourself, it helps you to be able to acknowledge
Speaker 3: what you're good at, like what you enjoy, versus what
Speaker 3: drains you, looking at ways to do more of those
Speaker 3: things and less of the others. I think that too,
Speaker 3: has been helpful for me in my own career path
Speaker 3: chosen of Yeah, but this is what I was good
Speaker 3: at and this is what was life giving to me,
Speaker 3: And yeah, sure there's sacrifices to it, but there's sacrifices
Speaker 3: to the person who has made six figures every year
Speaker 3: straight out of college. Like nothing is ever exactly how
Speaker 3: it seems to the thing that we're comparing it to.
Speaker 3: And so we can lean into and recognize what's my season,
Speaker 3: who am I, what am I good at, what's life giving,
Speaker 3: what's depleting? And do more of the things that are
Speaker 3: life giving less of the things that are depleting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's it's a vicious cycle because I
Speaker 1: think complacency can come out of if we are trying
Speaker 1: to be content with what others find joy in instead
Speaker 1: of what we find joy in, then we can create
Speaker 1: this attitude of apathy because other people may like for me,
Speaker 1: I hate dishes, but I love meal planning. Other people
Speaker 1: hate meal planning, but they love cooking. So I personally,
Speaker 1: I'll make these beautiful meal plans, but I make sure
Speaker 1: they are as few dishes as possible, they are as
Speaker 1: simple as possible. I spend a little more for pre
Speaker 1: chopped frozen veggies, but I still say because I'm following
Speaker 1: through with my meal plan, because I'm making I'm doing
Speaker 1: more of what I'm good at, and what I find
Speaker 1: joy in versus what people on social media who have
Speaker 1: their entire career around like cooking or maybe just like
Speaker 1: enjoy it more. I see these moms with like six
Speaker 1: kids and they're always making these delicious meals. It's not me,
Speaker 1: But I can still find joy in this process by
Speaker 1: focusing on what I am better at, what I find
Speaker 1: more joy in. A question that we get a lot
Speaker 1: is like, how do you almost how do you find
Speaker 1: joy in becoming frugal? Right? Because spending money is fun.
Speaker 1: Doing stuff is fun, not quote quote unquote not doing
Speaker 1: stuff is not fun. And how do you focus on
Speaker 1: these long term goals? You find your why? How do
Speaker 1: you focus on your why for doing this stuff that
Speaker 1: is seemingly hard? Is that is realistically hard? Is that
Speaker 1: you have to find joy in the day to day.
Speaker 1: You have to find the things that bring you joy.
Speaker 1: You have to find the things that you are good at,
Speaker 1: you love. Because when you create a frugal lifestyle that
Speaker 1: you enjoy living, then it's not a means to an end.
Speaker 1: Then you're not looking for enjoy and spending money when
Speaker 1: you're still living a frugal life and you would rather
Speaker 1: be spending money, and you are bummed that you cannot
Speaker 1: go out and go shopping or do the expensive hobbies.
Speaker 1: You haven't found joy in your why and so there
Speaker 1: that just comes with practice, and it comes with a
Speaker 1: lot of introspection, and I mean it will be, It
Speaker 1: will happen. You just have to keep going with it
Speaker 1: and learning more about Okay, these are the things that
Speaker 1: I don't like. These are the things I'm going to
Speaker 1: lay down. These are the things that I'm okay with.
Speaker 1: They don't really bother me, so they get to stay.
Speaker 1: And then these are the things I really love. These
Speaker 1: are the things I really enjoy day today, and they
Speaker 1: also help me get closer to my financial goals. They
Speaker 1: also help me spend less or earn more. These are
Speaker 1: the places you want to spend your focus on. These
Speaker 1: are the places that when you invest in them, they
Speaker 1: are going to help you enjoy your frugal lifestyle and
Speaker 1: be content.
Speaker 3: I think considering all of these things is an investment
Speaker 3: in ourselves and the long term of life. Again, this
Speaker 3: isn't the how exactly should I arrange my budget? This
Speaker 3: is the what do I want out of life? What
Speaker 3: do I want to be giving and receiving? And what
Speaker 3: makes me tick, what lights me up. It doesn't again
Speaker 3: have to be the exact job that you're doing. You
Speaker 3: could keep the job that you're doing and find these
Speaker 3: things outside of it. But this is the deeper work
Speaker 3: that is going to mold and shape and shift a
Speaker 3: life of knowing what's enough of being content, which then
Speaker 3: helps us have more informed spending patterns, ways of managing money,
Speaker 3: not just kind of going after whatever is right before us,
Speaker 3: because we haven't yet discovered what it is that we enjoy,
Speaker 3: what it is that makes us tick, So we're kind
Speaker 3: of just grasping at anything that someone might tell us
Speaker 3: and spending money on it and kind of on.
Speaker 1: That not so helpful beneficial cycle. So what do we
Speaker 1: do when complacency starts to creep in? Because you can't
Speaker 1: care one hundred percent of the time. I see all
Speaker 1: the time on like how to pay off debt articles?
Speaker 1: What's the first thing you do? Number one is always
Speaker 1: find your whye. Number two is always make a budget.
Speaker 1: And I'll just tell you that's the that's the top
Speaker 1: half of every article about that. But like you can't
Speaker 1: care about your why all the time, It's impossible, Like
Speaker 1: sometimes you're just going to be apathetic about the journey.
Speaker 1: Whatever you're trying to do, whether it's safer retirement, payoff debt,
Speaker 1: get your finances on track, you cannot care one hundred
Speaker 1: percent of the time, so don't try. So what do
Speaker 1: we do when complacency starts to creep in? We refocus
Speaker 1: ourselves on contentment and that's where active gratitude comes in.
Speaker 1: It is not the one hundred percent solution, but it
Speaker 1: is one highly effective thing that you can do to
Speaker 1: reorient yourself back to contentment. So the definition of thankful
Speaker 1: or grateful is the conscious is being conscious of the
Speaker 1: benefit received. So basically, you can't be happy about things
Speaker 1: you haven't acknowledged yet. That's why it's so important that
Speaker 1: the second part of contentment is recognizing and being satisfied
Speaker 1: with your accomplishments, with where you're at. So you can't
Speaker 1: be happy about things that you haven't acknowledged. So really
Speaker 1: showing gratitude, gratitude, journaling, gratitude, meditation, however you want to
Speaker 1: practice it, it is simply acknowledging benefit benefits that have
Speaker 1: been received. So I would say if you're in a
Speaker 1: slump with your no spend January, if you are in
Speaker 1: a slump with your debt payoff. Then for two weeks,
Speaker 1: shift your focus to gratitude journaling. So make it a
Speaker 1: priority every day for two weeks to be doing some
Speaker 1: sort of short gratitude journaling. And essentially that is just
Speaker 1: acknowledging benefits received that day, anything you received that day
Speaker 1: that is positive. Uh So, being and doing this challenge
Speaker 1: knowing that it has an end and it's a short
Speaker 1: and we're not doing like a thirty day gratitude challenge
Speaker 1: just two weeks or maybe even one week. It causes you, like,
Speaker 1: I know, at the end of the day, I'm going
Speaker 1: to have to write down what I'm thankful for, like
Speaker 1: what good things happen to me today. It makes you
Speaker 1: away during the day because you're paying attention so that
Speaker 1: you can write it down, either when it happens or
Speaker 1: at night. When we don't look for things, we don't
Speaker 1: find them. When we look for things, we find them.
Speaker 1: So the things that are going to happen to you
Speaker 1: are going to happen to you, regardless of whether you're
Speaker 1: looking for them or not. It's training our mind or
Speaker 1: resetting our mind simply to focus on the good. It's
Speaker 1: because it's so much easier to focus on the negative.
Speaker 1: We know that, and we forget to focus on the
Speaker 1: good stuff. So when you feel like you are in
Speaker 1: a slump, and this can be in anything, but especially
Speaker 1: with when you have to say no to spending money
Speaker 1: on something or you're just feel really apathetic about paying
Speaker 1: off your debt, try this for two weeks and see
Speaker 1: how transformative it is for your feeling of contentment.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think we can know when we're approaching
Speaker 3: complacency by certainly how it feels inside of us and
Speaker 3: what we see showing up in our lives. I think
Speaker 3: that complacency, knowing when this is creeping in, it will
Speaker 3: probably feel like stagnation, maybe feelings of being stuck, or
Speaker 3: that I don't know if I can care about this anymore.
Speaker 3: I don't know if I can actually shift the needle
Speaker 3: on this thing anymore. Like that debt pay off example
Speaker 3: that you gave, Jen, I think it's at those points
Speaker 3: which we're going to have to keep a pulse on this.
Speaker 3: We have to be doing regular check ins with ourselves
Speaker 3: as well to even know if we're hitting a place
Speaker 3: of complacency on any given aspect of our lives. And
Speaker 3: it's okay to reach that point, but then what we're
Speaker 3: going to do about it?
Speaker 1: Then?
Speaker 3: What what are we going to do about it? I
Speaker 3: do also think that we need to keep a pulse
Speaker 3: on when we are hustling too much as well. I
Speaker 3: think this can be a place a lot of us
Speaker 3: find ourselves, is if I just do this extra, extra,
Speaker 3: extra thing and it's backbreaking to us. And I think
Speaker 3: we can know when that's happening by feelings of overwhelmed,
Speaker 3: feelings of not being enough, feelings of just sheer exhaustion maybe,
Speaker 3: And that's when we can also be saying, how can
Speaker 3: I pull in the reins here? I do think that
Speaker 3: that gratitude journaling is going to help in both directions,
Speaker 3: because what it also does is creates a mindfulness about
Speaker 3: our space, our current season, how we are moving through life,
Speaker 3: which can give us a clearer focus and aim on
Speaker 3: what's actually worth my time and energy right now and
Speaker 3: reevaluate and come to a new place of reset. Okay, yes,
Speaker 3: I do want to keep moving forward with this thing
Speaker 3: that I have set out to do because I am
Speaker 3: reattached to my why again and so just taking this
Speaker 3: pulse and gratitude thankfulness, checking in with yourself is going
Speaker 3: to be what helps to move the needle on that.
Speaker 3: But at the same time, will achieving the next financial
Speaker 3: goal make you content? Now spoiler alert, Now it doesn't
Speaker 3: like keep we keep reaching different goals. And I know
Speaker 3: you said, Jen, you have a really hard time celebrating.
Speaker 3: You're just kind of like onto the next thing, which
Speaker 3: I think a lot of us can commiserate with. And
Speaker 3: there is this concept of the hedonic adaptation that states
Speaker 3: once we achieve something, we return to a relative state
Speaker 3: of happiness or whatever baseline homeostasis we were at before
Speaker 3: that we're kind of now this is the new level.
Speaker 3: I think this is lifestyle creep has to do with
Speaker 3: this that oh, if I just get that promotion, that
Speaker 3: new job, if I'm just in this other house, and
Speaker 3: yet the reality is, yeah, that's great. We're not saying again,
Speaker 3: don't be complacent if you want to take hold of
Speaker 3: the next thing. That's how we know we're alive because
Speaker 3: we're moving forward and we're doing new things. But we
Speaker 3: will adjust. Then you get that higher paying job, you
Speaker 3: get that raise, and now your expenses can start to increase,
Speaker 3: and now you just need more and more and more.
Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be that way, but untethered and unchecked.
Speaker 3: That's the direction it can go. And so understanding that
Speaker 3: any one of these goals or accomplishments isn't going to
Speaker 3: be the end all be all in and of itself,
Speaker 3: it's worth aiming at, but that is not what's going
Speaker 3: to lead to ultimate contentment. It is going to be
Speaker 3: those things that money can't buy. And I think that
Speaker 3: this happens when we've learned how to master our spending
Speaker 3: and achieving your financial goals, knowing that it's not going
Speaker 3: to make you happier or satisfied, but it will lead
Speaker 3: to greater levels of contentment when we feel like we're
Speaker 3: the ones truly in control making the informed, insightful decisions
Speaker 3: about our money.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we talked about it earlier, but the four fs,
Speaker 1: Faith in whatever you have, family, friends, your chosen family,
Speaker 1: and then fulfilling work, the things that where you feel
Speaker 1: like you're contributing to this world in some way you
Speaker 1: are in whatever way you feel good about. It doesn't
Speaker 1: always have to be in a nonprofit or in some
Speaker 1: kind of like way. That's I don't know. It doesn't
Speaker 1: always have to be giving money places and volunteering at
Speaker 1: soup kitchens, right, It can be anything that makes you
Speaker 1: feel like you're making an impact in your community, you're
Speaker 1: leaving the plate, the world a better place than you
Speaker 1: found it. Like, these are the things that we are
Speaker 1: really aiming at, and these are the reasons that we
Speaker 1: choose values based spending. These are the these are the
Speaker 1: things that are going to bring us joy in values
Speaker 1: based spending. Like I can say no to this thing
Speaker 1: that I have realized now that I don't care about
Speaker 1: as much because I have found these things that I
Speaker 1: care so much more about and I just didn't get
Speaker 1: to uncover them until I took time to stop just
Speaker 1: running on the hamster wheel. So that's really we want
Speaker 1: contentment to inspire you to pursue these things more, to
Speaker 1: pursue stronger relationships with the people in your life, to
Speaker 1: pursue more impact in your community, more impact in your
Speaker 1: child's lives, in their friends' lives. So all of these
Speaker 1: things are beautiful things to pursue. And there are things
Speaker 1: that can be realized very immediately. Sometimes we define this
Speaker 1: why and you know, why are you paying off debt?
Speaker 1: Why are you saving for early retirement? And there are
Speaker 1: things that are so far off into the future, but
Speaker 1: impact like based these four fs are very very near
Speaker 1: to you. You can have an impact, and you can
Speaker 1: build strong relationships, and you can grow stronger in faith.
Speaker 1: You can do all of these very immediately. And so
Speaker 1: these are the things that we replace with the instant
Speaker 1: gratification of a quick like what a quick purchase at
Speaker 1: Target can get you. It is probably the most even replacement.
Speaker 1: So when you feel like you are bored and you
Speaker 1: want to go shopping somewhere, instead of you know, jumping
Speaker 1: straight to oh, I should probably just like gratitude journal
Speaker 1: because that's I know, that's what you really want to do. False,
Speaker 1: that's what I've never wanted to do. Instead, look at
Speaker 1: these things that are the things you want that money
Speaker 1: can't buy, and start to think of ways start now
Speaker 1: making less of like how can I get more of these?
Speaker 1: How can I build these things that I truly want.
Speaker 1: We've talked about Massow's hierarchy of needs quite a bit,
Speaker 1: and at the top, at the bottom, it's all your
Speaker 1: core needs, right your shelter, your food, your safety, your
Speaker 1: sense of safety. At the top, though, it is all
Speaker 1: the self actualization and the respect and the connection. Look
Speaker 1: at ways that you can get more of that because
Speaker 1: that's what you really want, and that's what these for fs.
Speaker 1: They bring you those things that you really want that
Speaker 1: money can't buy. So when you're thinking why am I,
Speaker 1: you know, why am I feeling apathetic? And may be
Speaker 1: because you're pursuing things that are not the things at
Speaker 1: the top of your hierarchy of needs, the things that
Speaker 1: you want most.
Speaker 3: So well said, I think too, it's worth stating that
Speaker 3: in the midst of this, we can also combat the
Speaker 3: fear that increasing our lifestyle will lead to a destruct
Speaker 3: to spiral. I think again, that's the pushing back against
Speaker 3: a certain type of complacency of well, I need to
Speaker 3: just stay here at this level of income or this
Speaker 3: type of location, because if I do anything different, then
Speaker 3: that's going to mean I'm not being content. And I think, yeah,
Speaker 3: we can push back on that too, to say we
Speaker 3: can we can aim for something as long as it's informed,
Speaker 3: as long as we know this is what we want.
Speaker 3: We've done that deeper work, we've done the gratitude journaling,
Speaker 3: we've dug into the four FS, and we don't have
Speaker 3: to fear that, oh, I am not going to be
Speaker 3: able to be in control of myself anymore if I
Speaker 3: get this next thing, everything's just going to spiral out
Speaker 3: of control. That's not true either. No matter what we
Speaker 3: achieve next, it won't be our ultimate happiness, but it
Speaker 3: also won't be our ultimate destruction. So we can keep
Speaker 3: going and be in formed as we're going and certain
Speaker 3: that this is what I want to do. And I
Speaker 3: am aimed at contentment along the way, at each and
Speaker 3: every point when I don't have the job, when I
Speaker 3: do have the job, when a meal plan and excellently,
Speaker 3: when I'm not, when I'm crushing debt, and when I
Speaker 3: need to slow down because of my season, all of
Speaker 3: these things, no matter what the season is, we can
Speaker 3: find contentment. And as we aim at new and different
Speaker 3: and maybe increased goals within our finances and personal lives,
Speaker 3: we can also find contentment. And do you know what
Speaker 3: leads to my greatest contentment?
Speaker 1: I am content to say, yeah it is. It does
Speaker 1: bring me true joy. It is an instant gratification, and
Speaker 1: it's something that I don't ever have to uh pursue.
Speaker 1: It always just comes the bill of the week.
Speaker 2: That's right, it's time for the best minute of your
Speaker 2: entire week. Maybe a baby was born and his name
Speaker 2: is Williams.
Speaker 1: Maybe you paid off your mortgage.
Speaker 2: Maybe your car died, and you're happy to not have
Speaker 2: to pay that bill anymore. Best Bill Buffalo Bills, Bill Clon,
Speaker 2: This is the bill of the week.
Speaker 4: Hi, Jenna Jel. This is Haley from Sugarland, Texas. I
Speaker 4: recently discovered your podcast and I've really been enjoying going
Speaker 4: back through the old episodes and finding on some content
Speaker 4: that's helpful. My bill of the week is my student
Speaker 4: loan bill. So when my husband and I got married
Speaker 4: five years ago, right after I graduated from college, I
Speaker 4: had about sixty thousand dollars in student debt, and in
Speaker 4: our first free years of marriage, we took on too
Speaker 4: carlans as well. When the payment pause happened during the pandemic,
Speaker 4: we really prioritize paying down our debt highest interest first,
Speaker 4: and on the very last day of the interest pause,
Speaker 4: we paid off my last student loan. And now in
Speaker 4: five years of marriage, we've paid off somewhere in the
Speaker 4: neighborhood of eighty thousand dollars of debt and the only
Speaker 4: debt we're caring now is our mortgage. Thanks again for
Speaker 4: all your advice and awesome content.
Speaker 1: Whoo whoo oh wow. I'm doing the sounds early congratulations, Pailey.
Speaker 1: We are going to give you all the energy that
Speaker 1: you need from us because you didn't sound like you
Speaker 1: were acknowledging your success enough, so we're going to do
Speaker 1: it for you. Here we are.
Speaker 3: We're celebrating these accomplishments because my goodness, are you aiming
Speaker 3: at some things? Five years eighty thousand dollars? Oh wow,
Speaker 3: that took some grit. I know that had to take
Speaker 3: some powering through complacency, lack of motivation, sacrifice, feeling like
Speaker 3: you're missing out. But man, am I feeling on top
Speaker 3: of the world with you right now? How incredible? Well,
Speaker 3: Don Hayley, thank you so much for sharing that with us.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. If you are listening to this right
Speaker 1: now and you've paid off any amount of debt, I
Speaker 1: don't care how long ago it was, and you've kept
Speaker 1: it off and you've kept it paid off, I need
Speaker 1: you to acknowledge your success in that and call in
Speaker 1: and leave that as your bill for the week. I
Speaker 1: need you to just head to Frugal Friends podcast dot
Speaker 1: com slash bill tell us how much you paid off
Speaker 1: and what it was, how long it took you, and
Speaker 1: if it was a long time ago, and you kept
Speaker 1: it off like tell us that too, that's an accomplishment.
Speaker 1: We forget what we are cape be love when we
Speaker 1: do not reflect on the things that we have done,
Speaker 1: and that stagnates us, that limits us from accomplishing more
Speaker 1: in the future. So it's time for you to take
Speaker 1: the time to call in too, Frugal friendspodcast dot com,
Speaker 1: slash bill and leave us your bill and acknowledge your
Speaker 1: successes so that you are motivated and inspired to have
Speaker 1: more of them.
Speaker 3: That's how we practice contentment. That's how we practice gratitude.
Speaker 3: That's how we practice giving back to the fellow Frugal
Speaker 3: Friends community to encourage each other and celebrate your own accomplishments.
Speaker 3: Do it, leave us your bill. We're ready for it.
Speaker 3: And now it's time for.
Speaker 1: All right for the vulnerability around today. What experiences or
Speaker 1: values do you can consider priceless and truly believe money
Speaker 1: can't buy?
Speaker 3: Jill, I think money can't buy I'm going to be
Speaker 3: the student who sits at the front of the class
Speaker 3: right now. Money can't buy contentment. But truly, for myself,
Speaker 3: I think this is peace and enjoyment. I have yet
Speaker 3: to find something that I when I just spend money,
Speaker 3: am I finding peace and enjoyment in life? Money intersects
Speaker 3: with it. But what I've learned gives me This is
Speaker 3: time with close friends and family, and time outside digging
Speaker 3: in the dirt. These things are so life giving and
Speaker 3: precious to me, and it is what cultiv It's an
Speaker 3: enjoyment of life for me. Of course, it takes money
Speaker 3: to be able to have some flexibility to spend the
Speaker 3: time that I do with other people and time in
Speaker 3: the garden. And certainly sometimes I spend money on my plants.
Speaker 3: I mean, what else, what else are you going to do?
Speaker 3: There are a core value of mine. So yeah, and
Speaker 3: money intersects with it. But I think that that enjoyment,
Speaker 3: that contentment, that piece, that's something that like, if you
Speaker 3: were to just be like, just buy it, I couldn't like.
Speaker 3: It takes these other things that can't be bought and
Speaker 3: but yet are so important to my personal and internal
Speaker 3: well being. What about for you, jen.
Speaker 1: H? So I'll give a recent example. Last night we
Speaker 1: went to a friend's Christmas party because we're recording this
Speaker 1: in December, and we brought our kids and and Atlas,
Speaker 1: my eight month old, fell asleep on my chest and
Speaker 1: it was a really like that does not happen often,
Speaker 1: and so like I just kind of stopped socializing and
Speaker 1: like sat down and kind of embraced it. I think
Speaker 1: I'm trying to be present in this season of having
Speaker 1: young children, because like when we got home from the party, Kai,
Speaker 1: my four year old, screamed the whole way home that
Speaker 1: he didn't want to leave, he wanted to go back,
Speaker 1: and then would not let us put his pajamas on
Speaker 1: him to go to bed, and he was just like
Speaker 1: writhing and did not he just was up to way.
Speaker 1: So like, it's stuff like that that is the worst
Speaker 1: that I dwell on that I think about, and so
Speaker 1: I'm actively trying to dwell on good things like a
Speaker 1: baby be sleeping on your chest, or literally twenty minutes
Speaker 1: later when Kai was hugging me and sale, I love you, mommy,
Speaker 1: you know, stuff like that. So I think that's where
Speaker 1: I am right now, because I'm not like a mom's mom.
Speaker 1: I'm like not mom all the time, world's okayest mom.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm like below that. So I'm an adequate mom
Speaker 1: and it's not my life's passion. So I have to
Speaker 1: actively seek to be present and to enjoy those things.
Speaker 1: But I mean there's there's also a sense of like,
Speaker 1: I get to do my fulfilling work, is my professional work.
Speaker 1: I'm super blessed to be able to say that. It
Speaker 1: is not like highly profitable like some other places. The money.
Speaker 1: There's not a ton of money in telling people to
Speaker 1: spend less, so go figure. I have to be like
Speaker 1: it's sometimes I am a little bitter when I talk
Speaker 1: to other people who are in the space and they're
Speaker 1: crushing it, you know, building businesses, making a lot of
Speaker 1: money and doing good things. But I have to actively
Speaker 1: remind myself that I'm I get to do what I love,
Speaker 1: and I get to talk about what I love, and
Speaker 1: I do actually make a livable wage from doing it.
Speaker 1: I I forget that when I'm focused on what other
Speaker 1: people have and what seems to come so easily to them.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because the flip side of that is someone else
Speaker 3: is guaranteed looking at you thinking, oh man, she's got this,
Speaker 3: she's got that. And that's just the proof of why
Speaker 3: the comparison game just isn't fruitful in any stretch and
Speaker 3: truly like what you are practicing of Yep, there's all
Speaker 3: these things and I can acknowledge them that I don't
Speaker 3: love about this current season, but there's just as many,
Speaker 3: if not more things I can acknowledge and choose to
Speaker 3: focus on that are really beautiful about this stage and
Speaker 3: this season that I'm in. And you're more than an
Speaker 3: okay mom, Jen, you just you just do it differently
Speaker 3: than what is And I don't even want to say
Speaker 3: like then most then how motherhood has been portrayed to us,
Speaker 3: or how some in a certain circle might be acting
Speaker 3: out motherhood. But the reality to it is there's just
Speaker 3: as many styles of mothering as there are mothers.
Speaker 1: Like this, and you're all going to do.
Speaker 3: It in the way that you're going to do it
Speaker 3: and the motherly instinct that you're going to follow that's
Speaker 3: right for your children.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm the type of mother. You've had a
Speaker 1: lot of goldfish and Gerber puffs on my floor.
Speaker 3: Right now, and that's beautiful. And you know what, they're
Speaker 3: going to stay there because we don't believe in food waste.
Speaker 3: Somebody or something will eat I.
Speaker 1: Don't believe in food waste. My children don't have the
Speaker 1: same beliefs.
Speaker 3: Thanks everyone for listening. We do hope that this has
Speaker 3: helped to inspire some pondering about contentment how to aim
Speaker 3: at it in your life. We also love reading your
Speaker 3: very kind reviews. This is something we love to celebrate
Speaker 3: and feel grateful for, and this is how we're saying
Speaker 3: thanks by reading one recent review from Elena S. Who said,
Speaker 3: so inspiring. These girls help me feel normal and motivated
Speaker 3: well on a debt free journey. Keep up these episodes, ladies,
Speaker 3: can't wait to hear more of your tips. I'm so
Speaker 3: thrilled to be here to keep up motivation, help to
Speaker 3: inspire people in what can be for a lot of
Speaker 3: us a really long and arduous journey, especially the debt
Speaker 3: free journey. There's certainly a lot of sacrifice that comes
Speaker 3: in that particular season. I can commiserate. It took me
Speaker 3: seven years to pay off sixty thousand dollars, which is
Speaker 3: a very long time. It's indicative of how low my
Speaker 3: salary was at the time. And so I'm here for
Speaker 3: all of you. You're in your debt pay off journey,
Speaker 3: We're here for you. Yes, thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 3: If you enjoyed the show, please take a minute to
Speaker 3: leave a rating or review on Spotify or Apple. It
Speaker 3: helps potential new listeners know what the show is all about.
Speaker 3: If there was a particular episode like this one that
Speaker 3: really spoke to you, call it out in the review.
Speaker 3: Let people know what episodes are your favorites, so they
Speaker 3: know which wants to tune into first.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's good, See you next time. Google Friends is
Speaker 1: produced by Eric Sirianni. So where oh it's no spend January,
Speaker 1: Yes it is. Okay, we all wear that we're not
Speaker 1: recording this in January. But I have a no spend
Speaker 1: tip or no spend story that I will be using
Speaker 1: in January.
Speaker 3: Cool cool, cool cool.
Speaker 1: So my kid Kai needs booster se and I didn't.
Speaker 1: I bought new car seats infant and regular, but I
Speaker 1: was like, booster seat, I can get that used. So
Speaker 1: I've been looking and I was like, maybe I could
Speaker 1: get it for free. So what I did was that
Speaker 1: I posted a rug that I no longer need that
Speaker 1: I was just going to get rid of for free.
Speaker 1: I posted that on Facebook Marketplace for forty bucks and waited,
Speaker 1: and somebody finally, you know, paid me thirty dollars for
Speaker 1: the rug. And so then I turned around and I
Speaker 1: went to the booster seat section on Facebook marketplace, and
Speaker 1: I found a lady who had three brand new booster
Speaker 1: seats that she was selling for twenty dollars each, and
Speaker 1: I said, hey, would you accept thirty thirty dollars for
Speaker 1: two of those seats and she said yes. So I
Speaker 1: basically got two booster seats for free because I was
Speaker 1: just going to put that old rug like a curpoler
Speaker 1: and they're brand new.
Speaker 3: And you need to for eventually when Atlas.
Speaker 1: Needs one, No, I need one for my mom's car.
Speaker 1: Well I was only gonna get one, but I got
Speaker 1: two because we already have one, so we'll have then
Speaker 1: Atlas will use the car seat that's in my mom's car,
Speaker 1: and then each car will have a.
Speaker 3: Booster perfect well done. I love that no spend January
Speaker 3: doesn't mean no.
Speaker 1: Spend, no buyo. I mean no by faults. It doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that.
Speaker 3: Just like if you can make it a wash, that's creative,
Speaker 3: that's solving problemsoh ooh, I.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, So, I mean what it was is just
Speaker 1: like I just had to wait for a little bit.
Speaker 1: I had to think in advance, like, Okay, we are
Speaker 1: gonna need booster seats in the next month, so what's
Speaker 1: one thing I can sell to that you know, might
Speaker 1: make some money. And that was that.
Speaker 3: Rug I like, I like it.
Speaker 1: I also posted a weight bench, so I posted two
Speaker 1: things that I was like, whatever one sells, that's what
Speaker 1: I'll use. The weight bench has not sold.
Speaker 3: A little bit of patience, No, oh that keep that
Speaker 3: weight bench because it's January. January is around the corner
Speaker 3: for us right now. Everyone's gonna be like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 3: doing it, I'm exercising.
Speaker 1: But I mean, if you want to exercise, Facebook Marketplace
Speaker 1: is a great place to get a weight bene in Yep.