Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I've been very open about the
Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my
Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from
Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a
Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I
Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along
Speaker 1: the way, because I did take copious notes. Welcome to
Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with our Heart Radio. You know, sometimes as women, I
Speaker 1: think that we think that men don't have feelings and
Speaker 1: they don't have hearts. Now, sometimes it's because of the
Speaker 1: way that they behave and sometimes it's because of the
Speaker 1: stories we make up about them. I also think that
Speaker 1: sometimes men don't know how to say what they feel,
Speaker 1: and as women, we don't know how to hear it.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I think we're so busy trying to talk them
Speaker 1: out of what they're thinking that we don't give honor
Speaker 1: to their feeling. I put a call out and I
Speaker 1: said I wanted to talk to man, because I know
Speaker 1: the one place a man is willing to be vulnerable
Speaker 1: and share his heart is when it comes to dealing
Speaker 1: with his children. And sometimes as mothers and women. We
Speaker 1: don't honor and respect a man's heart as a father.
Speaker 1: So my hope is that and listening to my next
Speaker 1: caller my guests for today, that women will rethink what
Speaker 1: they think about how men bel Take a listen tweetings beloved,
Speaker 1: welcome to the art spot. Wow, how are you? Man?
Speaker 1: I'm blessed? How are you? I'm in r right now
Speaker 1: because you're one of my favorite people and I'm just
Speaker 1: in shock right now. So this is amazing. Well, take
Speaker 1: a breath. I'm crying. Thank you for calling. I'm always
Speaker 1: amazed and encouraged by the amount of courage it takes
Speaker 1: for someone to be so vulnerable to call and talk
Speaker 1: to basically a stranger. So you're in all with me.
Speaker 1: I'm in all with you. So we're just awe struck.
Speaker 1: How about that? And awesome? Sounds good? Man, sounds good?
Speaker 1: So how can I support you today? Let's talk about
Speaker 1: your relationship challenge, issue, dilemma. What's going on? So I
Speaker 1: currently going through a divorce which is spilled over into
Speaker 1: the to the children. Two children, one's about to be
Speaker 1: twenty two and one just turned seventeen. I've been active
Speaker 1: father in their life since birth. I've been married to
Speaker 1: their mother since they were both born. We're going through
Speaker 1: a separation and it it has definitely caused tormoil between
Speaker 1: me and the children. And I get a lot of
Speaker 1: mixed feedback from certain individuals of my circle, to include
Speaker 1: you know, lawyers and things, and a lot of times
Speaker 1: I get they're grown adults now, you know, And I
Speaker 1: think people miss the fact that grown adult or child
Speaker 1: is still our children. I don't think it changes the
Speaker 1: level of effect and hurt. So I'm just looking to
Speaker 1: find out, Hey, you know, how do I, as a
Speaker 1: father kind of re established the relationship, you know, the
Speaker 1: connection of the child and how do I put myself
Speaker 1: in a position to be that father again or is
Speaker 1: it that it's a new relationship mm hmm. First of all,
Speaker 1: how beautiful is that that you have been in their
Speaker 1: life since they were born? Yes, ma'am. How long has
Speaker 1: this separation or divorce? How long has that been going on?
Speaker 1: So the separation has been going on for close to
Speaker 1: three years. The divorce started legally back in April. Um.
Speaker 1: The relationship of me and my children has been tainted
Speaker 1: for well over a year now mm hmm. The reason
Speaker 1: I asked that is because your seventeen year old daughter
Speaker 1: was fourteens when this breakdown began, and the two year
Speaker 1: old daughter was nineteen when this breakdown began. And when
Speaker 1: we say the breakdown, that's me physically leaving the separation.
Speaker 1: Prior to that, there was trauma here and there with
Speaker 1: arguments and things that they were exposed to. Nothing physical,
Speaker 1: but definitely the normal yelling and screaming, which is why
Speaker 1: the separation happened. I chose to leave because we couldn't
Speaker 1: communicate anymore. Yeah, and the children are always collateral damage.
Speaker 1: So are both of the daughters distant from you or
Speaker 1: is it just one? Or where does the problem seem
Speaker 1: to me? It's definitely both both, okay? And what does
Speaker 1: that look like? What does the separation? What does this
Speaker 1: breakdown look like? Between you? And the lack of communication?
Speaker 1: I think there are times where they feel that my
Speaker 1: tone loud, which affects the communication. There's also the reaching
Speaker 1: out and not responding for a couple of days or
Speaker 1: not at all m hm. And that's where I feel
Speaker 1: the foundation is not there. It's like, how do I rebuild?
Speaker 1: We can't get aligned on communicating just to respond to
Speaker 1: a text or endo, a phone call to it that
Speaker 1: you're okay or I love you mm hm. Because that
Speaker 1: doesn't exist. I find myself poking to try to figure
Speaker 1: out how do I get a response? Yeah, what is
Speaker 1: the story they tell about why you and their mother
Speaker 1: are divorcing? Do you know? That parton though? But I
Speaker 1: do know that their main issue that they've expressed to
Speaker 1: me is how I responded to their grandparents during the
Speaker 1: situation where me as the father, I wanted to understand
Speaker 1: where my kids were at the time. Like you said,
Speaker 1: Cameron's about the team, and she would spend the night
Speaker 1: out or be at night out and I would find
Speaker 1: out after she came back, and that just didn't sit well.
Speaker 1: So grandparents got involved in a conversation between me and
Speaker 1: the spouse. You know, my tone was very aggressive. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna respect me, didn't want my children you can
Speaker 1: leave my house at a very aggressive tone m hm.
Speaker 1: And unfortunately, when I look at it now, I understand
Speaker 1: why the kids are hurt because Dad was the act
Speaker 1: of due for twenty years and the grandparents played a
Speaker 1: very vital role, and they still played a vital role
Speaker 1: in their lives. So I understand the hurt, but I'm
Speaker 1: also believe in there's a place when adults are having
Speaker 1: arguments children me to stay out of it. But this
Speaker 1: you're dealing with a new kind of young person today.
Speaker 1: You're not dealing with the kind of young person that
Speaker 1: we were or that you were. How old are you, sir,
Speaker 1: I'm forty two years old. Man. Okay, yeah, so you
Speaker 1: come from a different generation. You're a millennial, you're right.
Speaker 1: And on top of the fact, my grandfather raised me.
Speaker 1: So with my grandfather raised me, I know I had
Speaker 1: some some old tendencies that may not you know, working
Speaker 1: today's age. So you know, we try to find different
Speaker 1: ways in different approaches. And your military yes, merrily tired.
Speaker 1: So you're rough, I'm telling you right now, you're rough,
Speaker 1: I am. You know. There are four types of parents.
Speaker 1: There's the drill sergeant parents, there's to make them happy errant,
Speaker 1: there's the inaccessible or unresponsive parent, and then there's the
Speaker 1: responsible parent and all of us, you know, at some
Speaker 1: point another cross one of those lines where the the
Speaker 1: jill sergeant do it because I said, do it do
Speaker 1: it this way, or where the okay, okay, okay, let
Speaker 1: me just make the child happy, or we're like, look,
Speaker 1: go somewhere and leave me alone. I don't have time
Speaker 1: for you. And then there's the okay, wait one second,
Speaker 1: I'll be with you. Come tell me what the problem is.
Speaker 1: If you had to classify your entire parenting history with
Speaker 1: your two daughters, what would be your top line? Jill sergeant, responsible, unavailable,
Speaker 1: make them happy. I think I was balanced in between
Speaker 1: make them happy, responsible and drill sey. Okay, probably responsible
Speaker 1: was down on the bottom wrong because being military, you
Speaker 1: probably weren't even aware of just your posture, how you stand,
Speaker 1: how you speak, you know, right, So, as the drill
Speaker 1: sergeant parent, make them happy, and that usually grows out
Speaker 1: of guilt if you're not around. When you are around,
Speaker 1: you want to make them happy. You want to give
Speaker 1: them this, you want to take them Okay, okay, good.
Speaker 1: So what happens in that instance when you're the drill
Speaker 1: sergeant is you have you you're trying to make them perfect,
Speaker 1: and then when they see your imperfections, what happens is
Speaker 1: they call it a contradiction or they say you are hypocrite,
Speaker 1: and then they're torn because here you come with the
Speaker 1: goodies and the money and the toys and the gifts,
Speaker 1: and let's go out and then they feel blackmailed. So
Speaker 1: it sounds to me I could be wrong somewhere somehow
Speaker 1: in that hypocritical perfectionists. I got goodies, I'm daddy, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take care of you. They have lost respect for you,
Speaker 1: And I could say I definitely agree with that. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you touched on a very you know, you'll be away
Speaker 1: for eighteen months, you'll be away for a year, you
Speaker 1: come back, and then I would go on overdrive. I
Speaker 1: was coached when I was home. I was I was
Speaker 1: my daughter's vocal coach and manager. And you go from
Speaker 1: trying to do that, not you. I own it. I
Speaker 1: want you to own it. I go, I go back
Speaker 1: into that right. Yeah, but you're spot on as far
Speaker 1: as the relationship, and I can definitely see, especially over time,
Speaker 1: all that can manifest yourself into what it is right now. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I want you to understand. That's what the ghost thing
Speaker 1: or the silence is about. They're torn and they feel
Speaker 1: in one sense that you are hypocritical, and in another sense,
Speaker 1: because your daddy and they do have those memories and
Speaker 1: you do have a relationship with them, their hearts are
Speaker 1: broken because they don't want to hate you. But they're
Speaker 1: really they're really kind of piste off right now, you're right,
Speaker 1: all right, listen to me. I want you to listen
Speaker 1: to me with your with your shoulders and your backbone.
Speaker 1: I want you to hear this. Okay, yes, ma'am, you're
Speaker 1: not gonna lose your daughters because your relationship with them
Speaker 1: was established by the time they were five. But as
Speaker 1: you so wisely sad, you've got to build a new
Speaker 1: relationship with them. You have to build a new relationship
Speaker 1: with two young women. You're no longer parenting children. You're
Speaker 1: parenting two young women. Right, You're not going to lose
Speaker 1: your daughters. You've got to get that in your body.
Speaker 1: I know you wanted to look like this. That's the
Speaker 1: that's the drill sergeant. Put him in the closet right now,
Speaker 1: Send him off, deploy him somewhere, because what you're doing
Speaker 1: with the calling and the poking, that's what you're triggering
Speaker 1: up for them, the drill sergeant, and he is the hypocrite.
Speaker 1: We do not want him participating in this healing. Okay, Yes,
Speaker 1: and I really want you to hear that you're not
Speaker 1: going to lose your daughters because that fear and that
Speaker 1: belief is making you aggressive. If you just want to
Speaker 1: let them know I love you, that's a card. I
Speaker 1: love you, and I understand why we can't speak right now.
Speaker 1: That's a card. I love you and I understand how
Speaker 1: I messed up. That's a card. Mhm, what's the butt?
Speaker 1: I hear the butt? What is it? I've heard anger
Speaker 1: and I'm trying to push aside to why No, let's
Speaker 1: let that out. We do not want to push that aside.
Speaker 1: We wanted to come out. We want to give it
Speaker 1: a voice. We want to express it because you trying
Speaker 1: to hold onto it. That's what they feel, right. They
Speaker 1: can't manage that. That's too much. And we'll talk about
Speaker 1: that when we come back. Welcome back to the our spot.
Speaker 1: Let's pick up where we left off. Can we go
Speaker 1: a little deeper here? Okay, take a breath. Oh, let's
Speaker 1: start here. I'm angry because I want you to repeat
Speaker 1: that and complete it. I'm angry because I feel like
Speaker 1: I've failed to give them a life that I wanted
Speaker 1: them to have. Okay, I think it'd be happy and
Speaker 1: just everything that they want to be for themselves. And
Speaker 1: I always wanted to make sure that they had the
Speaker 1: tools and resources, and that I could be there alongside
Speaker 1: them just be that oversight. I feel like I failed
Speaker 1: them because I I walked away from the marriage. I left,
Speaker 1: but I felt it was the right thing to do
Speaker 1: because the thing that they were seeing was just not
Speaker 1: what they should have seen as far as communication between
Speaker 1: someone that is supposed to be a significant other. So
Speaker 1: I've never given up anything in my entire life, never
Speaker 1: gave up. And I feel like I've given up on
Speaker 1: them by walking away from the marriage. And unfortunately, the
Speaker 1: painting their feelings is far greater than what I would
Speaker 1: imagine it was. And I'm in a position I don't
Speaker 1: not respond to it, and you feel weak. I don't
Speaker 1: know how to respond, and I feel that I do.
Speaker 1: I feel weak, depleted. Uh huh, this is the first
Speaker 1: time I've never felt like this in my entire life.
Speaker 1: This is different. A man shouldn't fel this type. This
Speaker 1: is a different type of energy. Yet, a man shouldn't
Speaker 1: feel that. A man is not feeling that, a father
Speaker 1: is feeling it. M hm, give yourself permission to feel it. Mr. Military,
Speaker 1: what branch were you? Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines? I
Speaker 1: was actively Air Force man. Okay, So you really, You've
Speaker 1: got strict regulations, because if you don't follow the strict regulations,
Speaker 1: somebody could die when I see. Yeah, but that's not
Speaker 1: what's going on here. I feel like I failed. Then
Speaker 1: I wanted them to be happy, and I walked away.
Speaker 1: I've never failed at anything, and now I failed at
Speaker 1: being a father. They saw too much, they heard too much.
Speaker 1: They hurt because of what I didn't do, and now
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I feel weak and
Speaker 1: depleted and I shouldn't feel this way. M hm. Did
Speaker 1: I get it all? Man? Yeah? Yeah, be right there.
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna say this to you, and you're not
Speaker 1: going to believe me. Okay, Small, you didn't do anything,
Speaker 1: ang and you have not failed. You may have walked
Speaker 1: away from the marriage because you were stepping into what
Speaker 1: you value and what matters for you. You're in a
Speaker 1: state of transition because what's happening is you're stuck in
Speaker 1: your head and all of this that I shared with you,
Speaker 1: feeling like a fail. You're walking away that that they
Speaker 1: saw too much. But Papa, that's all down in your
Speaker 1: body and the reason you're in pain is because you're
Speaker 1: living from the neck up. You gotta live from the
Speaker 1: neck down. Tell me what you heard me say. You
Speaker 1: don't have to repeat my words, but tell me what
Speaker 1: you're hearing inside of you right now. Just want them
Speaker 1: to be okay. They are okay, they are. It's you
Speaker 1: that's not okay. Tell me what's going on in your
Speaker 1: mind right now. I'm talking to you and I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about the shows that I've seen, and I'm trying to
Speaker 1: digest the vision of just the information that you've given
Speaker 1: me so I can process it. Well, You've got to
Speaker 1: surrender control. You're trying to control everything. You're trying to
Speaker 1: control how you feel. You're trying to control what they do.
Speaker 1: You're trying to control what this looks like. And what
Speaker 1: you have to do is be here right now and
Speaker 1: right now. You are broken hearted daddy. You're a broken
Speaker 1: hearted daddy. Would that be accurate? Just say yes, definitely
Speaker 1: give yourself permission to be a broken hearted daddy. Because
Speaker 1: the military guy can't solve this. You can't. So I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take you right down in the pit while I
Speaker 1: got you right on the pit of your belly, right here,
Speaker 1: right here, This is what I want you to say.
Speaker 1: I forgive myself for what say it. I forgive myself
Speaker 1: for I forgive myself for not being here when I
Speaker 1: saw time should have been there. No story. I forgive
Speaker 1: myself for not being there when I think I should
Speaker 1: have been. Take a breath. What else? I forgive myself
Speaker 1: for my tone at times? Yeah, okay, what else? Take
Speaker 1: a breath, Come on, breathe. I forgive myself for forgive
Speaker 1: myself for maybe not hearing them the way that has
Speaker 1: heard them if I wasn't put up. We're trying to
Speaker 1: fix everything else. Mm hmm. I forgive myself for not
Speaker 1: being a good listener. Would that be accurate? Yes? Man, Okay,
Speaker 1: come on say it. Own it. I need you to
Speaker 1: own it. I forgive myself or not being a good
Speaker 1: and active listener as I could have been, not as
Speaker 1: you could have been, You could not have been. If
Speaker 1: you could have been, you would have been. And that's
Speaker 1: where the problem is. You're holding yourself responsible for things
Speaker 1: that you didn't know how to do or that you
Speaker 1: didn't know was necessary because you've been living a dual life.
Speaker 1: What you had to do and live and be to
Speaker 1: be in the military to earn the money so that
Speaker 1: they could go to the p X and have a
Speaker 1: home and and do those things. You had that going
Speaker 1: on in your consciousness when Daddy needed a heart, and
Speaker 1: Daddy's heart may not have been available because of what
Speaker 1: Daddy had to do to be the man in the house.
Speaker 1: Come on, you've given these kids a good life. Mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Do you know how many twenty two year old and
Speaker 1: seventeen year old young women out here don't even know
Speaker 1: where their father is and here you are weeping and
Speaker 1: balling because they won't talk to you. Come on, brother,
Speaker 1: give yourself a break here and there snot he knows
Speaker 1: right now, and it ain't personal personal trust me, I
Speaker 1: had three year holes. It is not personal. Okay, what else?
Speaker 1: I forgive myself for what I give myself for not
Speaker 1: being able to say in the marriage. It's hard because
Speaker 1: I felt like it was for them, the girls, and
Speaker 1: I need to let that go in People change until
Speaker 1: death do us part. But death of what what I
Speaker 1: hear you saying. There was a death of communication, There
Speaker 1: was a death of civility. There was a death of
Speaker 1: compassion between you and their mother. That's none of their
Speaker 1: business and they are collateral damage to that. But don't
Speaker 1: make what happened in your marriage a part of what
Speaker 1: you did or didn't do for your daughters? Did you
Speaker 1: give them a good life? Are they living in the shelter? No?
Speaker 1: But no means do they have food to eat and
Speaker 1: clothes on their back? Yes? And when you were away
Speaker 1: for the eighteen months working, were they able to go
Speaker 1: to the p X and shop? Were they in a home? Yes? Well,
Speaker 1: can you give yourself some credit? I'm trying to well,
Speaker 1: why don't you deserve the credit for the good that
Speaker 1: you've done. This is not the military, you haven't been
Speaker 1: discharged from their life. Give them time to go through this,
Speaker 1: because you know what, You're not healthy for them right now,
Speaker 1: because you would be so busy from your guilt trying
Speaker 1: to make up for buying them stuff and acquiescent to
Speaker 1: them that and they would play you like a fiddle. Brother.
Speaker 1: I got three of them beasts, I know what they do.
Speaker 1: You need to get yourself whole and healed and healthy,
Speaker 1: get yourself up. They'll be back. Trust me when I
Speaker 1: tell you, they're probably have laundry and I'll be here.
Speaker 1: How about I forgive myself for taking care of myself
Speaker 1: in a way that has caused my daughter's hurt. You
Speaker 1: didn't hurt your daughters, but you leaving the marriage to
Speaker 1: take care of yourself cause them hurt. Can you forgive
Speaker 1: yourself for that of that? Yes, because I can give
Speaker 1: myself for that. I walked away because it was what
Speaker 1: was needed for myself. For them, yeah, not for them,
Speaker 1: not for them, Not for them. Just stay in your lane,
Speaker 1: stay in your car, in your road or lane in
Speaker 1: your world. When I walked away from the marriage because
Speaker 1: that's what I needed for me. Because who you were
Speaker 1: in the marriage isn't the demonstration you wanted to show
Speaker 1: your daughters. Yes, ah good, that's not who you wanted
Speaker 1: to be. But you haven't become who you want to
Speaker 1: be yet. You're still in that process of managing your
Speaker 1: tone and learning how to listen and giving yourself credit
Speaker 1: and forgiving yourself. This is your process now, because even
Speaker 1: if they showed up today, you'd be so busy apologizing
Speaker 1: and bending over backwards and guilt. It wouldn't be healthy.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense. We'll talk more about it when
Speaker 1: we come back. Welcome back. I am y'm lt. This
Speaker 1: is the our spot. Tell me how open you are
Speaker 1: to getting some help and support, and I'm very open
Speaker 1: to any resources. Hear me. You're judging yourself by military standards.
Speaker 1: Daddy's don't live by military standards. They live by their heart.
Speaker 1: And what you're gonna have to do is go down
Speaker 1: in the basement or in the closet and let your heartbreak.
Speaker 1: M hmm. You're fighting that tooth and nail. But until
Speaker 1: you let your heart break, this stuff is going to
Speaker 1: keep floating around in your head and you're just going
Speaker 1: to whip yourself to death. I want you to get
Speaker 1: some help because as the military guy, you know, he
Speaker 1: still has a lot of dominion in your head. And
Speaker 1: this is a daddy situation. H This is what I
Speaker 1: can tell you as a daughter. Daughters love their daddy's.
Speaker 1: They absolutely do. We want to be the princess and
Speaker 1: sometimes we'll fight mommy for daddy, you know. But right now,
Speaker 1: you've got a couple of things going on, baby, and
Speaker 1: this process is gonna take some time. So you're gonna go.
Speaker 1: You're gonna get yourself a supply of cards. I love
Speaker 1: you cards. You're the greatest thing in the world. Card.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to say hi, card. And you pick
Speaker 1: a day. I don't care if it's Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Speaker 1: and every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. You're sending each of them
Speaker 1: a card. Stop calling, stop texting, don't ever change your
Speaker 1: phone number. Yes, man, can I tell you a secret?
Speaker 1: Of course? Okay. My daughter passed away and she had
Speaker 1: a nine year old daughter, and I raised that nine
Speaker 1: year old. I did everything her mother wants at her
Speaker 1: to do. I sent her to private high school. I
Speaker 1: sent her to college. I supported her all throughout her college.
Speaker 1: She never had to work, she never had to do anything.
Speaker 1: I wanted her to focus on her studies. M She
Speaker 1: came home from college after four years, spent one night
Speaker 1: in my house, went to her father's house, who hadn't
Speaker 1: been involved in her life. And I haven't seen her
Speaker 1: in six years. She doesn't answer my call, she doesn't
Speaker 1: respond to my text. So after about a year of
Speaker 1: torturing myself, and that sounds like where you're at, torture
Speaker 1: and suffering, I had to give her permission to think
Speaker 1: whatever she thought, felt whatever she felt, and let her go.
Speaker 1: H I had to be willing never to see her
Speaker 1: again if that's what would make her happy. It's been
Speaker 1: six years and I still pray for her, and I
Speaker 1: still love her, and I still know that one day
Speaker 1: before I close my eyes for the last time, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna see her and wrap her up in my arms.
Speaker 1: But I have to be willing to let it be
Speaker 1: done on her time, not mine. You just have to
Speaker 1: be willing. But you're not gonna be willing until you
Speaker 1: process yourself through some of that pain. Please don't try
Speaker 1: to do this by yourself. The pain is too deep
Speaker 1: and the conflict is too great. But I promise you,
Speaker 1: when it happens, you're gonna owe me a dinner or
Speaker 1: a pair of shoes. Those are the two things that
Speaker 1: makes me happy. Food and shoes. Okay, when they show
Speaker 1: up in your life, you're gonna owe me a meal,
Speaker 1: and I like some really fancy places, or pair of
Speaker 1: shoes or both. I'm not worried you, So tell me something.
Speaker 1: You know now that you didn't know when you called something.
Speaker 1: I know now that I didn't know I made the
Speaker 1: quotes that I didn't fail. Oh good. If you don't
Speaker 1: know nothing else, I hope you know that even though
Speaker 1: you were away because of your children profession, you gave
Speaker 1: them a good life. I hope you know that, and
Speaker 1: I hope you know you need help to get through
Speaker 1: this next stage of the process. Okay, so when they
Speaker 1: call you, I don't care if it's next Tuesday or
Speaker 1: two years from now. You owe me a dinner and
Speaker 1: a pair of shoes because it's gonna happen. And if
Speaker 1: that doesn't work, get back in touch with me and
Speaker 1: let me know. And I've got some other people. I
Speaker 1: just don't want you out there by yourself. Okay, yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question? Of course? Has anybody
Speaker 1: told you they love you today? Not today? That would
Speaker 1: be a no. I want you to know I love
Speaker 1: you today. I absolutely love you today. I love your courage.
Speaker 1: I love that you're daddy weeping for his babies. That
Speaker 1: is just so exciting to be. In fact, if I
Speaker 1: wasn't so old, it would be sexy than you're too much.
Speaker 1: But I'm old, so I can't go there. You're not listen.
Speaker 1: You heal your heart and go get you a girlfriend. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's what you do. Okay, stay in touch with me,
Speaker 1: let me know how you're doing. If you just have
Speaker 1: to call, I want to keep up with you. Okay,
Speaker 1: Thank you very much. I appreciate your time and energy
Speaker 1: and just everything that you put on the table for
Speaker 1: me to be able to look at and have some
Speaker 1: options and just things too to see differently. So thank
Speaker 1: you for your time and once again it was to
Speaker 1: be able to talk to you. You don't even know
Speaker 1: how many times are just shows on a little hard
Speaker 1: drives and being deployed location and watching your show and
Speaker 1: guys are coming like are you watching them? Like? Man
Speaker 1: so well, I appreciate it and take some time. Don't
Speaker 1: just get off this phone and go do something. Sit
Speaker 1: with what you've heard, let it ruminate in you. I
Speaker 1: really think it would be supportive for you to get
Speaker 1: below your neck. Love you mean it, See you soon,
Speaker 1: Bye bye. I want to say to all the men
Speaker 1: out there who are listening, or the women who are
Speaker 1: listening who have men in their lives that need to listen.
Speaker 1: I want to say to you, daddy's give yourself permission
Speaker 1: to let your heart break, because until you drop into
Speaker 1: your heart and clear out all of those feelings of
Speaker 1: guilt or sadness, or anger or fear, they will be
Speaker 1: a barrier between you and your children and you and
Speaker 1: their mother. Daddies have a right to experience heartbreak, and
Speaker 1: the only thing that keeps them from doing it is
Speaker 1: what they think other people will think about them. Daddy's
Speaker 1: let your heartbreak because that's the step to your healing.
Speaker 1: I hope this has been helpful to someone, and if
Speaker 1: you have a question about this or any other relationship issue,
Speaker 1: you can call me live at seven seven five three
Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six eight. Now be sure to
Speaker 1: follow me on social media for all of the calling times,
Speaker 1: and until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The
Speaker 1: Our Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership
Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio,
Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever
Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.