1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:05,280 Speaker 1: I am a Yamla. I've been very open about the 2 00:00:05,320 --> 00:00:08,360 Speaker 1: fact that I was not always good at making my 3 00:00:08,480 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 1: relationships work. I have been divorced three times, twice from 4 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: the same person. In other words, I have seen a 5 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:20,239 Speaker 1: lot and failed a lot in my relationships. So I 6 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,640 Speaker 1: am here to share with you what I learned along 7 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:27,120 Speaker 1: the way, because I did take copious notes. Welcome to 8 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:31,280 Speaker 1: the Our Spot, a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 9 00:00:31,480 --> 00:00:48,160 Speaker 1: with our Heart Radio. You know, sometimes as women, I 10 00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 1: think that we think that men don't have feelings and 11 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,400 Speaker 1: they don't have hearts. Now, sometimes it's because of the 12 00:00:55,400 --> 00:01:00,120 Speaker 1: way that they behave and sometimes it's because of the 13 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: stories we make up about them. I also think that 14 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:08,319 Speaker 1: sometimes men don't know how to say what they feel, 15 00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,880 Speaker 1: and as women, we don't know how to hear it. 16 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,320 Speaker 1: Sometimes I think we're so busy trying to talk them 17 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:20,279 Speaker 1: out of what they're thinking that we don't give honor 18 00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:23,160 Speaker 1: to their feeling. I put a call out and I 19 00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:27,080 Speaker 1: said I wanted to talk to man, because I know 20 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:31,240 Speaker 1: the one place a man is willing to be vulnerable 21 00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,240 Speaker 1: and share his heart is when it comes to dealing 22 00:01:35,319 --> 00:01:41,760 Speaker 1: with his children. And sometimes as mothers and women. We 23 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: don't honor and respect a man's heart as a father. 24 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 1: So my hope is that and listening to my next 25 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:57,960 Speaker 1: caller my guests for today, that women will rethink what 26 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:08,320 Speaker 1: they think about how men bel Take a listen tweetings beloved, 27 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:11,320 Speaker 1: welcome to the art spot. Wow, how are you? Man? 28 00:02:11,919 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 1: I'm blessed? How are you? I'm in r right now 29 00:02:14,760 --> 00:02:18,440 Speaker 1: because you're one of my favorite people and I'm just 30 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:21,440 Speaker 1: in shock right now. So this is amazing. Well, take 31 00:02:21,480 --> 00:02:26,880 Speaker 1: a breath. I'm crying. Thank you for calling. I'm always 32 00:02:27,160 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 1: amazed and encouraged by the amount of courage it takes 33 00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:35,359 Speaker 1: for someone to be so vulnerable to call and talk 34 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: to basically a stranger. So you're in all with me. 35 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: I'm in all with you. So we're just awe struck. 36 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:45,760 Speaker 1: How about that? And awesome? Sounds good? Man, sounds good? 37 00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,360 Speaker 1: So how can I support you today? Let's talk about 38 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: your relationship challenge, issue, dilemma. What's going on? So I 39 00:02:54,400 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 1: currently going through a divorce which is spilled over into 40 00:02:58,560 --> 00:03:01,440 Speaker 1: the to the children. Two children, one's about to be 41 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:05,120 Speaker 1: twenty two and one just turned seventeen. I've been active 42 00:03:05,160 --> 00:03:08,919 Speaker 1: father in their life since birth. I've been married to 43 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:11,799 Speaker 1: their mother since they were both born. We're going through 44 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: a separation and it it has definitely caused tormoil between 45 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:18,120 Speaker 1: me and the children. And I get a lot of 46 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 1: mixed feedback from certain individuals of my circle, to include 47 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 1: you know, lawyers and things, and a lot of times 48 00:03:25,080 --> 00:03:28,440 Speaker 1: I get they're grown adults now, you know, And I 49 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,520 Speaker 1: think people miss the fact that grown adult or child 50 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:35,400 Speaker 1: is still our children. I don't think it changes the 51 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:38,320 Speaker 1: level of effect and hurt. So I'm just looking to 52 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 1: find out, Hey, you know, how do I, as a 53 00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,280 Speaker 1: father kind of re established the relationship, you know, the 54 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,560 Speaker 1: connection of the child and how do I put myself 55 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,760 Speaker 1: in a position to be that father again or is 56 00:03:51,840 --> 00:03:57,360 Speaker 1: it that it's a new relationship mm hmm. First of all, 57 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 1: how beautiful is that that you have been in their 58 00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:05,720 Speaker 1: life since they were born? Yes, ma'am. How long has 59 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 1: this separation or divorce? How long has that been going on? 60 00:04:10,040 --> 00:04:13,960 Speaker 1: So the separation has been going on for close to 61 00:04:14,440 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 1: three years. The divorce started legally back in April. Um. 62 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:24,559 Speaker 1: The relationship of me and my children has been tainted 63 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 1: for well over a year now mm hmm. The reason 64 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:33,120 Speaker 1: I asked that is because your seventeen year old daughter 65 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:38,560 Speaker 1: was fourteens when this breakdown began, and the two year 66 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,200 Speaker 1: old daughter was nineteen when this breakdown began. And when 67 00:04:42,240 --> 00:04:45,359 Speaker 1: we say the breakdown, that's me physically leaving the separation. 68 00:04:45,640 --> 00:04:47,520 Speaker 1: Prior to that, there was trauma here and there with 69 00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:50,520 Speaker 1: arguments and things that they were exposed to. Nothing physical, 70 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 1: but definitely the normal yelling and screaming, which is why 71 00:04:54,560 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: the separation happened. I chose to leave because we couldn't 72 00:04:57,960 --> 00:05:04,080 Speaker 1: communicate anymore. Yeah, and the children are always collateral damage. 73 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,280 Speaker 1: So are both of the daughters distant from you or 74 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:11,000 Speaker 1: is it just one? Or where does the problem seem 75 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,680 Speaker 1: to me? It's definitely both both, okay? And what does 76 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 1: that look like? What does the separation? What does this 77 00:05:17,760 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: breakdown look like? Between you? And the lack of communication? 78 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 1: I think there are times where they feel that my 79 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:32,960 Speaker 1: tone loud, which affects the communication. There's also the reaching 80 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,720 Speaker 1: out and not responding for a couple of days or 81 00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: not at all m hm. And that's where I feel 82 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,359 Speaker 1: the foundation is not there. It's like, how do I rebuild? 83 00:05:45,360 --> 00:05:49,240 Speaker 1: We can't get aligned on communicating just to respond to 84 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 1: a text or endo, a phone call to it that 85 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,600 Speaker 1: you're okay or I love you mm hm. Because that 86 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,160 Speaker 1: doesn't exist. I find myself poking to try to figure 87 00:05:58,200 --> 00:06:03,160 Speaker 1: out how do I get a response? Yeah, what is 88 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,040 Speaker 1: the story they tell about why you and their mother 89 00:06:07,680 --> 00:06:11,760 Speaker 1: are divorcing? Do you know? That parton though? But I 90 00:06:11,839 --> 00:06:13,960 Speaker 1: do know that their main issue that they've expressed to 91 00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:21,320 Speaker 1: me is how I responded to their grandparents during the 92 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:26,320 Speaker 1: situation where me as the father, I wanted to understand 93 00:06:26,640 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: where my kids were at the time. Like you said, 94 00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:32,480 Speaker 1: Cameron's about the team, and she would spend the night 95 00:06:32,520 --> 00:06:34,200 Speaker 1: out or be at night out and I would find 96 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 1: out after she came back, and that just didn't sit well. 97 00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,720 Speaker 1: So grandparents got involved in a conversation between me and 98 00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:46,560 Speaker 1: the spouse. You know, my tone was very aggressive. I'm 99 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,760 Speaker 1: not gonna respect me, didn't want my children you can 100 00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:52,400 Speaker 1: leave my house at a very aggressive tone m hm. 101 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:57,120 Speaker 1: And unfortunately, when I look at it now, I understand 102 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: why the kids are hurt because Dad was the act 103 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,360 Speaker 1: of due for twenty years and the grandparents played a 104 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 1: very vital role, and they still played a vital role 105 00:07:05,560 --> 00:07:09,600 Speaker 1: in their lives. So I understand the hurt, but I'm 106 00:07:09,680 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 1: also believe in there's a place when adults are having 107 00:07:14,840 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 1: arguments children me to stay out of it. But this 108 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:20,239 Speaker 1: you're dealing with a new kind of young person today. 109 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 1: You're not dealing with the kind of young person that 110 00:07:22,480 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: we were or that you were. How old are you, sir, 111 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 1: I'm forty two years old. Man. Okay, yeah, so you 112 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 1: come from a different generation. You're a millennial, you're right. 113 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:34,440 Speaker 1: And on top of the fact, my grandfather raised me. 114 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,840 Speaker 1: So with my grandfather raised me, I know I had 115 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:41,120 Speaker 1: some some old tendencies that may not you know, working 116 00:07:41,160 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 1: today's age. So you know, we try to find different 117 00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:46,840 Speaker 1: ways in different approaches. And your military yes, merrily tired. 118 00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: So you're rough, I'm telling you right now, you're rough, 119 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:56,560 Speaker 1: I am. You know. There are four types of parents. 120 00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,320 Speaker 1: There's the drill sergeant parents, there's to make them happy errant, 121 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:05,440 Speaker 1: there's the inaccessible or unresponsive parent, and then there's the 122 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:08,880 Speaker 1: responsible parent and all of us, you know, at some 123 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 1: point another cross one of those lines where the the 124 00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:15,080 Speaker 1: jill sergeant do it because I said, do it do 125 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:18,040 Speaker 1: it this way, or where the okay, okay, okay, let 126 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:22,120 Speaker 1: me just make the child happy, or we're like, look, 127 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: go somewhere and leave me alone. I don't have time 128 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 1: for you. And then there's the okay, wait one second, 129 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 1: I'll be with you. Come tell me what the problem is. 130 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 1: If you had to classify your entire parenting history with 131 00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:43,120 Speaker 1: your two daughters, what would be your top line? Jill sergeant, responsible, unavailable, 132 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: make them happy. I think I was balanced in between 133 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: make them happy, responsible and drill sey. Okay, probably responsible 134 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:59,880 Speaker 1: was down on the bottom wrong because being military, you 135 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:05,360 Speaker 1: probably weren't even aware of just your posture, how you stand, 136 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:10,720 Speaker 1: how you speak, you know, right, So, as the drill 137 00:09:10,840 --> 00:09:15,000 Speaker 1: sergeant parent, make them happy, and that usually grows out 138 00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 1: of guilt if you're not around. When you are around, 139 00:09:17,720 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 1: you want to make them happy. You want to give 140 00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:23,760 Speaker 1: them this, you want to take them Okay, okay, good. 141 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:28,840 Speaker 1: So what happens in that instance when you're the drill 142 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: sergeant is you have you you're trying to make them perfect, 143 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:39,439 Speaker 1: and then when they see your imperfections, what happens is 144 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: they call it a contradiction or they say you are hypocrite, 145 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 1: and then they're torn because here you come with the 146 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:50,480 Speaker 1: goodies and the money and the toys and the gifts, 147 00:09:50,520 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 1: and let's go out and then they feel blackmailed. So 148 00:09:55,480 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 1: it sounds to me I could be wrong somewhere somehow 149 00:10:01,320 --> 00:10:08,280 Speaker 1: in that hypocritical perfectionists. I got goodies, I'm daddy, I'm 150 00:10:08,280 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 1: gonna take care of you. They have lost respect for you, 151 00:10:12,640 --> 00:10:16,040 Speaker 1: And I could say I definitely agree with that. Yeah, 152 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:18,679 Speaker 1: you touched on a very you know, you'll be away 153 00:10:18,760 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: for eighteen months, you'll be away for a year, you 154 00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,439 Speaker 1: come back, and then I would go on overdrive. I 155 00:10:23,600 --> 00:10:26,679 Speaker 1: was coached when I was home. I was I was 156 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:30,000 Speaker 1: my daughter's vocal coach and manager. And you go from 157 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:32,760 Speaker 1: trying to do that, not you. I own it. I 158 00:10:32,880 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 1: want you to own it. I go, I go back 159 00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,560 Speaker 1: into that right. Yeah, but you're spot on as far 160 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:42,360 Speaker 1: as the relationship, and I can definitely see, especially over time, 161 00:10:43,080 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: all that can manifest yourself into what it is right now. Yeah, 162 00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: I want you to understand. That's what the ghost thing 163 00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:56,720 Speaker 1: or the silence is about. They're torn and they feel 164 00:10:56,760 --> 00:11:01,839 Speaker 1: in one sense that you are hypocritical, and in another sense, 165 00:11:01,960 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 1: because your daddy and they do have those memories and 166 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,720 Speaker 1: you do have a relationship with them, their hearts are 167 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:14,040 Speaker 1: broken because they don't want to hate you. But they're 168 00:11:14,080 --> 00:11:18,719 Speaker 1: really they're really kind of piste off right now, you're right, 169 00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 1: all right, listen to me. I want you to listen 170 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:28,440 Speaker 1: to me with your with your shoulders and your backbone. 171 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: I want you to hear this. Okay, yes, ma'am, you're 172 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 1: not gonna lose your daughters because your relationship with them 173 00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:42,920 Speaker 1: was established by the time they were five. But as 174 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:47,320 Speaker 1: you so wisely sad, you've got to build a new 175 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:52,200 Speaker 1: relationship with them. You have to build a new relationship 176 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 1: with two young women. You're no longer parenting children. You're 177 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 1: parenting two young women. Right, You're not going to lose 178 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:08,760 Speaker 1: your daughters. You've got to get that in your body. 179 00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:11,760 Speaker 1: I know you wanted to look like this. That's the 180 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:15,160 Speaker 1: that's the drill sergeant. Put him in the closet right now, 181 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: Send him off, deploy him somewhere, because what you're doing 182 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,040 Speaker 1: with the calling and the poking, that's what you're triggering 183 00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: up for them, the drill sergeant, and he is the hypocrite. 184 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 1: We do not want him participating in this healing. Okay, Yes, 185 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 1: and I really want you to hear that you're not 186 00:12:35,520 --> 00:12:38,839 Speaker 1: going to lose your daughters because that fear and that 187 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:44,360 Speaker 1: belief is making you aggressive. If you just want to 188 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: let them know I love you, that's a card. I 189 00:12:51,559 --> 00:12:54,560 Speaker 1: love you, and I understand why we can't speak right now. 190 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:59,839 Speaker 1: That's a card. I love you and I understand how 191 00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:05,360 Speaker 1: I messed up. That's a card. Mhm, what's the butt? 192 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:11,079 Speaker 1: I hear the butt? What is it? I've heard anger 193 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:16,200 Speaker 1: and I'm trying to push aside to why No, let's 194 00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:20,040 Speaker 1: let that out. We do not want to push that aside. 195 00:13:20,320 --> 00:13:22,360 Speaker 1: We wanted to come out. We want to give it 196 00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:25,680 Speaker 1: a voice. We want to express it because you trying 197 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:30,440 Speaker 1: to hold onto it. That's what they feel, right. They 198 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:34,319 Speaker 1: can't manage that. That's too much. And we'll talk about 199 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 1: that when we come back. Welcome back to the our spot. 200 00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,719 Speaker 1: Let's pick up where we left off. Can we go 201 00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:56,840 Speaker 1: a little deeper here? Okay, take a breath. Oh, let's 202 00:13:56,880 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 1: start here. I'm angry because I want you to repeat 203 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:08,559 Speaker 1: that and complete it. I'm angry because I feel like 204 00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: I've failed to give them a life that I wanted 205 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:15,760 Speaker 1: them to have. Okay, I think it'd be happy and 206 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:19,680 Speaker 1: just everything that they want to be for themselves. And 207 00:14:20,280 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 1: I always wanted to make sure that they had the 208 00:14:22,040 --> 00:14:25,920 Speaker 1: tools and resources, and that I could be there alongside 209 00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: them just be that oversight. I feel like I failed 210 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:36,600 Speaker 1: them because I I walked away from the marriage. I left, 211 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 1: but I felt it was the right thing to do 212 00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:43,360 Speaker 1: because the thing that they were seeing was just not 213 00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:47,840 Speaker 1: what they should have seen as far as communication between 214 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:51,200 Speaker 1: someone that is supposed to be a significant other. So 215 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,400 Speaker 1: I've never given up anything in my entire life, never 216 00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:59,440 Speaker 1: gave up. And I feel like I've given up on 217 00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 1: them by walking away from the marriage. And unfortunately, the 218 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,480 Speaker 1: painting their feelings is far greater than what I would 219 00:15:07,480 --> 00:15:11,720 Speaker 1: imagine it was. And I'm in a position I don't 220 00:15:11,760 --> 00:15:15,000 Speaker 1: not respond to it, and you feel weak. I don't 221 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,480 Speaker 1: know how to respond, and I feel that I do. 222 00:15:18,680 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 1: I feel weak, depleted. Uh huh, this is the first 223 00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,720 Speaker 1: time I've never felt like this in my entire life. 224 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:28,560 Speaker 1: This is different. A man shouldn't fel this type. This 225 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:31,280 Speaker 1: is a different type of energy. Yet, a man shouldn't 226 00:15:31,280 --> 00:15:34,120 Speaker 1: feel that. A man is not feeling that, a father 227 00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:40,560 Speaker 1: is feeling it. M hm, give yourself permission to feel it. Mr. Military, 228 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:46,440 Speaker 1: what branch were you? Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines? I 229 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 1: was actively Air Force man. Okay, So you really, You've 230 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:59,160 Speaker 1: got strict regulations, because if you don't follow the strict regulations, 231 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 1: somebody could die when I see. Yeah, but that's not 232 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:07,760 Speaker 1: what's going on here. I feel like I failed. Then 233 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 1: I wanted them to be happy, and I walked away. 234 00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:18,040 Speaker 1: I've never failed at anything, and now I failed at 235 00:16:18,080 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 1: being a father. They saw too much, they heard too much. 236 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 1: They hurt because of what I didn't do, and now 237 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. I feel weak and 238 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: depleted and I shouldn't feel this way. M hm. Did 239 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:44,920 Speaker 1: I get it all? Man? Yeah? Yeah, be right there. 240 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:49,720 Speaker 1: So I'm gonna say this to you, and you're not 241 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 1: going to believe me. Okay, Small, you didn't do anything, 242 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:06,640 Speaker 1: ang and you have not failed. You may have walked 243 00:17:07,280 --> 00:17:13,200 Speaker 1: away from the marriage because you were stepping into what 244 00:17:13,440 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 1: you value and what matters for you. You're in a 245 00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:23,720 Speaker 1: state of transition because what's happening is you're stuck in 246 00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,320 Speaker 1: your head and all of this that I shared with you, 247 00:17:26,440 --> 00:17:29,600 Speaker 1: feeling like a fail. You're walking away that that they 248 00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,480 Speaker 1: saw too much. But Papa, that's all down in your 249 00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:36,720 Speaker 1: body and the reason you're in pain is because you're 250 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 1: living from the neck up. You gotta live from the 251 00:17:39,760 --> 00:17:44,680 Speaker 1: neck down. Tell me what you heard me say. You 252 00:17:44,760 --> 00:17:47,680 Speaker 1: don't have to repeat my words, but tell me what 253 00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:54,199 Speaker 1: you're hearing inside of you right now. Just want them 254 00:17:54,240 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 1: to be okay. They are okay, they are. It's you 255 00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:06,479 Speaker 1: that's not okay. Tell me what's going on in your 256 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:11,040 Speaker 1: mind right now. I'm talking to you and I'm thinking 257 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:14,760 Speaker 1: about the shows that I've seen, and I'm trying to 258 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: digest the vision of just the information that you've given 259 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:22,440 Speaker 1: me so I can process it. Well, You've got to 260 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:25,760 Speaker 1: surrender control. You're trying to control everything. You're trying to 261 00:18:25,800 --> 00:18:27,960 Speaker 1: control how you feel. You're trying to control what they do. 262 00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 1: You're trying to control what this looks like. And what 263 00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 1: you have to do is be here right now and 264 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:41,200 Speaker 1: right now. You are broken hearted daddy. You're a broken 265 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:48,399 Speaker 1: hearted daddy. Would that be accurate? Just say yes, definitely 266 00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:53,399 Speaker 1: give yourself permission to be a broken hearted daddy. Because 267 00:18:53,680 --> 00:19:00,280 Speaker 1: the military guy can't solve this. You can't. So I'm 268 00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: gonna take you right down in the pit while I 269 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,520 Speaker 1: got you right on the pit of your belly, right here, 270 00:19:04,640 --> 00:19:06,400 Speaker 1: right here, This is what I want you to say. 271 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:12,240 Speaker 1: I forgive myself for what say it. I forgive myself 272 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 1: for I forgive myself for not being here when I 273 00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: saw time should have been there. No story. I forgive 274 00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,119 Speaker 1: myself for not being there when I think I should 275 00:19:26,119 --> 00:19:28,840 Speaker 1: have been. Take a breath. What else? I forgive myself 276 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:35,119 Speaker 1: for my tone at times? Yeah, okay, what else? Take 277 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:42,439 Speaker 1: a breath, Come on, breathe. I forgive myself for forgive 278 00:19:42,520 --> 00:19:48,399 Speaker 1: myself for maybe not hearing them the way that has 279 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 1: heard them if I wasn't put up. We're trying to 280 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 1: fix everything else. Mm hmm. I forgive myself for not 281 00:19:55,720 --> 00:20:01,960 Speaker 1: being a good listener. Would that be accurate? Yes? Man, Okay, 282 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:03,760 Speaker 1: come on say it. Own it. I need you to 283 00:20:03,840 --> 00:20:07,440 Speaker 1: own it. I forgive myself or not being a good 284 00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 1: and active listener as I could have been, not as 285 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,080 Speaker 1: you could have been, You could not have been. If 286 00:20:13,160 --> 00:20:15,680 Speaker 1: you could have been, you would have been. And that's 287 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:19,920 Speaker 1: where the problem is. You're holding yourself responsible for things 288 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,159 Speaker 1: that you didn't know how to do or that you 289 00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: didn't know was necessary because you've been living a dual life. 290 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: What you had to do and live and be to 291 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,960 Speaker 1: be in the military to earn the money so that 292 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:34,879 Speaker 1: they could go to the p X and have a 293 00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:38,080 Speaker 1: home and and do those things. You had that going 294 00:20:38,160 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: on in your consciousness when Daddy needed a heart, and 295 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,520 Speaker 1: Daddy's heart may not have been available because of what 296 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:50,000 Speaker 1: Daddy had to do to be the man in the house. 297 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,400 Speaker 1: Come on, you've given these kids a good life. Mm hmm. 298 00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,760 Speaker 1: Do you know how many twenty two year old and 299 00:20:56,920 --> 00:21:00,080 Speaker 1: seventeen year old young women out here don't even know 300 00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: where their father is and here you are weeping and 301 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,240 Speaker 1: balling because they won't talk to you. Come on, brother, 302 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,639 Speaker 1: give yourself a break here and there snot he knows 303 00:21:10,880 --> 00:21:16,359 Speaker 1: right now, and it ain't personal personal trust me, I 304 00:21:16,520 --> 00:21:23,720 Speaker 1: had three year holes. It is not personal. Okay, what else? 305 00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 1: I forgive myself for what I give myself for not 306 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: being able to say in the marriage. It's hard because 307 00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,600 Speaker 1: I felt like it was for them, the girls, and 308 00:21:39,119 --> 00:21:43,639 Speaker 1: I need to let that go in People change until 309 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,600 Speaker 1: death do us part. But death of what what I 310 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:49,480 Speaker 1: hear you saying. There was a death of communication, There 311 00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,359 Speaker 1: was a death of civility. There was a death of 312 00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:56,000 Speaker 1: compassion between you and their mother. That's none of their 313 00:21:56,080 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 1: business and they are collateral damage to that. But don't 314 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 1: make what happened in your marriage a part of what 315 00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:10,240 Speaker 1: you did or didn't do for your daughters? Did you 316 00:22:10,359 --> 00:22:14,560 Speaker 1: give them a good life? Are they living in the shelter? No? 317 00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,639 Speaker 1: But no means do they have food to eat and 318 00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:22,439 Speaker 1: clothes on their back? Yes? And when you were away 319 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,879 Speaker 1: for the eighteen months working, were they able to go 320 00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:30,880 Speaker 1: to the p X and shop? Were they in a home? Yes? Well, 321 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:34,800 Speaker 1: can you give yourself some credit? I'm trying to well, 322 00:22:35,200 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: why don't you deserve the credit for the good that 323 00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:41,320 Speaker 1: you've done. This is not the military, you haven't been 324 00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:45,440 Speaker 1: discharged from their life. Give them time to go through this, 325 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:49,080 Speaker 1: because you know what, You're not healthy for them right now, 326 00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,800 Speaker 1: because you would be so busy from your guilt trying 327 00:22:53,880 --> 00:22:56,760 Speaker 1: to make up for buying them stuff and acquiescent to 328 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,280 Speaker 1: them that and they would play you like a fiddle. Brother. 329 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,879 Speaker 1: I got three of them beasts, I know what they do. 330 00:23:07,000 --> 00:23:09,320 Speaker 1: You need to get yourself whole and healed and healthy, 331 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:14,680 Speaker 1: get yourself up. They'll be back. Trust me when I 332 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:20,280 Speaker 1: tell you, they're probably have laundry and I'll be here. 333 00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:27,359 Speaker 1: How about I forgive myself for taking care of myself 334 00:23:27,840 --> 00:23:32,359 Speaker 1: in a way that has caused my daughter's hurt. You 335 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 1: didn't hurt your daughters, but you leaving the marriage to 336 00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:40,320 Speaker 1: take care of yourself cause them hurt. Can you forgive 337 00:23:40,400 --> 00:23:46,440 Speaker 1: yourself for that of that? Yes, because I can give 338 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:50,119 Speaker 1: myself for that. I walked away because it was what 339 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:54,040 Speaker 1: was needed for myself. For them, yeah, not for them, 340 00:23:54,160 --> 00:23:56,840 Speaker 1: not for them, Not for them. Just stay in your lane, 341 00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:00,680 Speaker 1: stay in your car, in your road or lane in 342 00:24:00,800 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 1: your world. When I walked away from the marriage because 343 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 1: that's what I needed for me. Because who you were 344 00:24:07,840 --> 00:24:11,040 Speaker 1: in the marriage isn't the demonstration you wanted to show 345 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:17,359 Speaker 1: your daughters. Yes, ah good, that's not who you wanted 346 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:21,520 Speaker 1: to be. But you haven't become who you want to 347 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:28,360 Speaker 1: be yet. You're still in that process of managing your 348 00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:34,199 Speaker 1: tone and learning how to listen and giving yourself credit 349 00:24:35,160 --> 00:24:41,600 Speaker 1: and forgiving yourself. This is your process now, because even 350 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,600 Speaker 1: if they showed up today, you'd be so busy apologizing 351 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:48,760 Speaker 1: and bending over backwards and guilt. It wouldn't be healthy. 352 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 1: Does that make sense. We'll talk more about it when 353 00:24:56,359 --> 00:25:07,680 Speaker 1: we come back. Welcome back. I am y'm lt. This 354 00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 1: is the our spot. Tell me how open you are 355 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:13,960 Speaker 1: to getting some help and support, and I'm very open 356 00:25:14,080 --> 00:25:20,160 Speaker 1: to any resources. Hear me. You're judging yourself by military standards. 357 00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:25,440 Speaker 1: Daddy's don't live by military standards. They live by their heart. 358 00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:28,840 Speaker 1: And what you're gonna have to do is go down 359 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 1: in the basement or in the closet and let your heartbreak. 360 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: M hmm. You're fighting that tooth and nail. But until 361 00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:42,760 Speaker 1: you let your heart break, this stuff is going to 362 00:25:42,880 --> 00:25:45,120 Speaker 1: keep floating around in your head and you're just going 363 00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: to whip yourself to death. I want you to get 364 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:51,680 Speaker 1: some help because as the military guy, you know, he 365 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,720 Speaker 1: still has a lot of dominion in your head. And 366 00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:59,359 Speaker 1: this is a daddy situation. H This is what I 367 00:25:59,440 --> 00:26:02,840 Speaker 1: can tell you as a daughter. Daughters love their daddy's. 368 00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:08,080 Speaker 1: They absolutely do. We want to be the princess and 369 00:26:08,280 --> 00:26:13,679 Speaker 1: sometimes we'll fight mommy for daddy, you know. But right now, 370 00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:17,520 Speaker 1: you've got a couple of things going on, baby, and 371 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:21,760 Speaker 1: this process is gonna take some time. So you're gonna go. 372 00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:25,880 Speaker 1: You're gonna get yourself a supply of cards. I love 373 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:28,320 Speaker 1: you cards. You're the greatest thing in the world. Card. 374 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,440 Speaker 1: I just wanted to say hi, card. And you pick 375 00:26:31,480 --> 00:26:34,400 Speaker 1: a day. I don't care if it's Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, 376 00:26:34,760 --> 00:26:37,840 Speaker 1: and every Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday. You're sending each of them 377 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:42,320 Speaker 1: a card. Stop calling, stop texting, don't ever change your 378 00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: phone number. Yes, man, can I tell you a secret? 379 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:52,679 Speaker 1: Of course? Okay. My daughter passed away and she had 380 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:56,600 Speaker 1: a nine year old daughter, and I raised that nine 381 00:26:56,680 --> 00:27:00,280 Speaker 1: year old. I did everything her mother wants at her 382 00:27:00,520 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 1: to do. I sent her to private high school. I 383 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,520 Speaker 1: sent her to college. I supported her all throughout her college. 384 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,080 Speaker 1: She never had to work, she never had to do anything. 385 00:27:14,119 --> 00:27:17,840 Speaker 1: I wanted her to focus on her studies. M She 386 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:23,120 Speaker 1: came home from college after four years, spent one night 387 00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:28,200 Speaker 1: in my house, went to her father's house, who hadn't 388 00:27:28,240 --> 00:27:31,479 Speaker 1: been involved in her life. And I haven't seen her 389 00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 1: in six years. She doesn't answer my call, she doesn't 390 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 1: respond to my text. So after about a year of 391 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,840 Speaker 1: torturing myself, and that sounds like where you're at, torture 392 00:27:44,040 --> 00:27:48,040 Speaker 1: and suffering, I had to give her permission to think 393 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:52,359 Speaker 1: whatever she thought, felt whatever she felt, and let her go. 394 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:56,719 Speaker 1: H I had to be willing never to see her 395 00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:02,120 Speaker 1: again if that's what would make her happy. It's been 396 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:05,280 Speaker 1: six years and I still pray for her, and I 397 00:28:05,440 --> 00:28:08,240 Speaker 1: still love her, and I still know that one day 398 00:28:08,320 --> 00:28:11,240 Speaker 1: before I close my eyes for the last time, I'm 399 00:28:11,280 --> 00:28:13,440 Speaker 1: gonna see her and wrap her up in my arms. 400 00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,399 Speaker 1: But I have to be willing to let it be 401 00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: done on her time, not mine. You just have to 402 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,760 Speaker 1: be willing. But you're not gonna be willing until you 403 00:28:23,840 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 1: process yourself through some of that pain. Please don't try 404 00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:30,639 Speaker 1: to do this by yourself. The pain is too deep 405 00:28:30,920 --> 00:28:34,600 Speaker 1: and the conflict is too great. But I promise you, 406 00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:39,040 Speaker 1: when it happens, you're gonna owe me a dinner or 407 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:41,320 Speaker 1: a pair of shoes. Those are the two things that 408 00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:49,080 Speaker 1: makes me happy. Food and shoes. Okay, when they show 409 00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:52,440 Speaker 1: up in your life, you're gonna owe me a meal, 410 00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:55,640 Speaker 1: and I like some really fancy places, or pair of 411 00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:01,440 Speaker 1: shoes or both. I'm not worried you, So tell me something. 412 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 1: You know now that you didn't know when you called something. 413 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 1: I know now that I didn't know I made the 414 00:29:08,480 --> 00:29:14,640 Speaker 1: quotes that I didn't fail. Oh good. If you don't 415 00:29:14,680 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 1: know nothing else, I hope you know that even though 416 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,800 Speaker 1: you were away because of your children profession, you gave 417 00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,880 Speaker 1: them a good life. I hope you know that, and 418 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: I hope you know you need help to get through 419 00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:29,560 Speaker 1: this next stage of the process. Okay, so when they 420 00:29:29,640 --> 00:29:32,200 Speaker 1: call you, I don't care if it's next Tuesday or 421 00:29:32,600 --> 00:29:35,560 Speaker 1: two years from now. You owe me a dinner and 422 00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,719 Speaker 1: a pair of shoes because it's gonna happen. And if 423 00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:41,280 Speaker 1: that doesn't work, get back in touch with me and 424 00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:43,400 Speaker 1: let me know. And I've got some other people. I 425 00:29:43,560 --> 00:29:46,800 Speaker 1: just don't want you out there by yourself. Okay, yes, ma'am. 426 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:51,520 Speaker 1: Can I ask you a question? Of course? Has anybody 427 00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:56,600 Speaker 1: told you they love you today? Not today? That would 428 00:29:56,640 --> 00:30:00,800 Speaker 1: be a no. I want you to know I love 429 00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:05,000 Speaker 1: you today. I absolutely love you today. I love your courage. 430 00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:08,640 Speaker 1: I love that you're daddy weeping for his babies. That 431 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 1: is just so exciting to be. In fact, if I 432 00:30:11,880 --> 00:30:19,440 Speaker 1: wasn't so old, it would be sexy than you're too much. 433 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:26,800 Speaker 1: But I'm old, so I can't go there. You're not listen. 434 00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:29,800 Speaker 1: You heal your heart and go get you a girlfriend. Okay, 435 00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:35,440 Speaker 1: that's what you do. Okay, stay in touch with me, 436 00:30:35,880 --> 00:30:37,520 Speaker 1: let me know how you're doing. If you just have 437 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:39,720 Speaker 1: to call, I want to keep up with you. Okay, 438 00:30:40,120 --> 00:30:42,760 Speaker 1: Thank you very much. I appreciate your time and energy 439 00:30:42,960 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 1: and just everything that you put on the table for 440 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 1: me to be able to look at and have some 441 00:30:47,400 --> 00:30:50,920 Speaker 1: options and just things too to see differently. So thank 442 00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,040 Speaker 1: you for your time and once again it was to 443 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 1: be able to talk to you. You don't even know 444 00:30:54,920 --> 00:30:57,600 Speaker 1: how many times are just shows on a little hard 445 00:30:57,680 --> 00:31:00,440 Speaker 1: drives and being deployed location and watching your show and 446 00:31:00,480 --> 00:31:02,320 Speaker 1: guys are coming like are you watching them? Like? Man 447 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:08,200 Speaker 1: so well, I appreciate it and take some time. Don't 448 00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,760 Speaker 1: just get off this phone and go do something. Sit 449 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:13,400 Speaker 1: with what you've heard, let it ruminate in you. I 450 00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:15,440 Speaker 1: really think it would be supportive for you to get 451 00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,240 Speaker 1: below your neck. Love you mean it, See you soon, 452 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:27,800 Speaker 1: Bye bye. I want to say to all the men 453 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,280 Speaker 1: out there who are listening, or the women who are 454 00:31:31,400 --> 00:31:34,840 Speaker 1: listening who have men in their lives that need to listen. 455 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: I want to say to you, daddy's give yourself permission 456 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:45,320 Speaker 1: to let your heart break, because until you drop into 457 00:31:45,440 --> 00:31:49,440 Speaker 1: your heart and clear out all of those feelings of 458 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:54,520 Speaker 1: guilt or sadness, or anger or fear, they will be 459 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,400 Speaker 1: a barrier between you and your children and you and 460 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 1: their mother. Daddies have a right to experience heartbreak, and 461 00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: the only thing that keeps them from doing it is 462 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: what they think other people will think about them. Daddy's 463 00:32:15,560 --> 00:32:19,160 Speaker 1: let your heartbreak because that's the step to your healing. 464 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,360 Speaker 1: I hope this has been helpful to someone, and if 465 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:27,040 Speaker 1: you have a question about this or any other relationship issue, 466 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,600 Speaker 1: you can call me live at seven seven five three 467 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:33,840 Speaker 1: zero seven seven seven six eight. Now be sure to 468 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:37,400 Speaker 1: follow me on social media for all of the calling times, 469 00:32:37,800 --> 00:32:48,920 Speaker 1: and until then, stay in peace and not pieces. The 470 00:32:49,040 --> 00:32:52,960 Speaker 1: Our Spot is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership 471 00:32:53,080 --> 00:32:57,320 Speaker 1: with I Heart Radio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, 472 00:32:57,800 --> 00:33:01,560 Speaker 1: visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast, or wherever 473 00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,760 Speaker 1: you listen to your favorite shows.