1 00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:02,719 Speaker 1: Am I wrong for ending a twenty year marriage because 2 00:00:02,759 --> 00:00:05,600 Speaker 1: I learned my wife cheated on me while we were dating? 3 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,799 Speaker 1: This is okay, op home to the craziest two stories 4 00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:13,080 Speaker 1: on Earth. I'm Sofia and John right move wrong move? 5 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 2: Well, you know your brother has a infamous, famous golden 6 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:22,840 Speaker 2: rules system that allows people to cheat. 7 00:00:24,239 --> 00:00:28,560 Speaker 1: No, no, no, okay, okay on Sam's behalf. On Sam's behalf, 8 00:00:28,560 --> 00:00:32,200 Speaker 1: I will explain, it's not allows, it's just that they're 9 00:00:32,200 --> 00:00:36,320 Speaker 1: more likely to stay together, the likelihood. It's a statistics. 10 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:41,480 Speaker 1: I am so flaming saah right, yeah, but Sam's Worth's enemy. Yes, 11 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:42,160 Speaker 1: they're beefick. 12 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:49,080 Speaker 2: But so twenty year marriage and cheating while dating. I mean, 13 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:51,239 Speaker 2: I will say that's. 14 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 1: Before the four year mark. The cheat the first According 15 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,040 Speaker 1: to the state, this is a crack in the foundation. 16 00:00:59,280 --> 00:01:01,720 Speaker 2: This is a crack in the foundation twenty years of marriage. 17 00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:06,679 Speaker 2: I could very much see them wanting to work on that. 18 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: I can see them wanting to work on it. However, 19 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: not owning up to that after twenty years of marriage, 20 00:01:13,800 --> 00:01:23,640 Speaker 1: that's tough. Wild, that's tough. But what particular Library six 21 00:01:23,720 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 1: one eight says my wife forty four female and I 22 00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,440 Speaker 1: forty three male. Have been married twenty years. We started 23 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,399 Speaker 1: dating in high school when I was a junior and 24 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:35,080 Speaker 1: she was a senior. All we were long distance for 25 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,040 Speaker 1: her first two years of college while I was in 26 00:01:37,120 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 1: high school and did one year at community college. Then 27 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:41,480 Speaker 1: we went to college in the same city for a 28 00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 1: year and have lived together since. We got married this 29 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:47,000 Speaker 1: summer after I graduated college. Our marriage has been pretty 30 00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:50,640 Speaker 1: great so far, but I initiated a divorce after I 31 00:01:50,720 --> 00:01:53,600 Speaker 1: discovered that she was sleeping with multiple other men for 32 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:56,760 Speaker 1: the two years we were long distance. Oh not multiple, 33 00:01:57,040 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: Oh boy, more than one. She's losing her golden passes. Dude, 34 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 1: it's not just After Christmas. We got together with a 35 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:07,960 Speaker 1: few friends of hers from college to catch up, have 36 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,320 Speaker 1: dinner and hang out. We talked about a lot of stuff, 37 00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:12,320 Speaker 1: and my wife mentioned that we met in high school, 38 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:15,079 Speaker 1: not that we dated, just that we met. Her old 39 00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,880 Speaker 1: college roommate commented that it was crazy that we met 40 00:02:17,880 --> 00:02:20,799 Speaker 1: in high school, had a few wild years in college, 41 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 1: then ended up together. I played along and commented that 42 00:02:24,680 --> 00:02:26,960 Speaker 1: I didn't know if my wife was as crazy as 43 00:02:27,000 --> 00:02:30,400 Speaker 1: I wash. The roommates started to tell a story, but 44 00:02:30,480 --> 00:02:32,919 Speaker 1: my wife cut her off and said she was uncomfortable 45 00:02:32,960 --> 00:02:36,080 Speaker 1: about it. I sensed something was up, so I said 46 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:38,680 Speaker 1: that we actually started dating in high school and we 47 00:02:38,680 --> 00:02:41,480 Speaker 1: were together for my wife's entire time at college. All 48 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:44,880 Speaker 1: of my wife's friends got real quiet, and the rest 49 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 1: of the dinner was awkward. 50 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,480 Speaker 2: But I see you in the comments, guys, you know 51 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:49,360 Speaker 2: what's about to happen. 52 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 1: On the way out, one of her other roommates took 53 00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:54,839 Speaker 1: me aside and said, I should have an honest conversation 54 00:02:55,040 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: about what happened at college. Honestly props the through it. Yeah, 55 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,680 Speaker 1: and that was She pulled her aside and was like, yo, 56 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:04,560 Speaker 1: have hey, you should talk to your wife. Look that person. 57 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:04,959 Speaker 3: Yeah. 58 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:07,160 Speaker 1: I asked my wife on the way home, and she 59 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:09,480 Speaker 1: kind of blew me off. I told her it was 60 00:03:09,520 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: important that she was honest with me, and again she 61 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:15,280 Speaker 1: said it wasn't important. When we got home, I told 62 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:17,120 Speaker 1: her I was going to stay at my brother's house 63 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: until she was ready to talk about what happened in college. 64 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,799 Speaker 2: Kind of ironic that she blew him off, because. 65 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:29,679 Speaker 1: Dude, I was about to make a joke like that. 66 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 1: I didn't talk. Oh, pull it out, that's right, Okay, 67 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: that's a double double effect. I mean, no, sex can 68 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: we have in a podcast like that? A rule when 69 00:03:44,800 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 1: you get three three strikes, three strikes and yours unless 70 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:54,000 Speaker 1: the story is related to it. But you can make 71 00:03:54,080 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 1: any story related to exactly and we don't. That's the rule. Silence. 72 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:03,000 Speaker 1: Next day, she came over and admitted to sleeping with 73 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 1: several men during her first two years at college. 74 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,040 Speaker 3: Wait, sorry, sorry, sorry? What is several? And when someone 75 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 3: says several, what number pops in your four or five? 76 00:04:12,280 --> 00:04:16,000 Speaker 1: Seven? Three? 77 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 4: I do? 78 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 2: No? 79 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: I think actually what is? Because a few is two? 80 00:04:19,640 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 1: So several seven to me? No, But like what several? Definition? Oh, 81 00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:29,560 Speaker 1: is there like a specific number range, bracket? What is several? Yeah? 82 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:33,200 Speaker 1: I do? I I feel like it is a range. 83 00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:39,039 Speaker 3: Several in numbers the dictionary is several is as more 84 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 3: than two, but not many, A number of a few, 85 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 3: not very many. 86 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,760 Speaker 2: I have less than ten, Yeah, between two, between three 87 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 2: and nine? 88 00:04:49,520 --> 00:04:52,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, is several. That's the range. That's all we know. 89 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,800 Speaker 2: That's all we know, three or nine men. 90 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,359 Speaker 1: She says she didn't consider a big deal at the 91 00:04:57,360 --> 00:05:00,800 Speaker 1: time because we were a long distance and she didn't 92 00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: think a high school romance would last. That's when you 93 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,640 Speaker 1: break up with your partner that's when you break up 94 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:08,040 Speaker 1: with them, when you don't think it will last, you 95 00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 1: don't cheat on them. I pressed for more details, and 96 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:14,080 Speaker 1: she said it was at least ten different men, including 97 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:17,000 Speaker 1: at least three guys she introduced to me as friends 98 00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,640 Speaker 1: when I came to visit on weekends. 99 00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:27,680 Speaker 2: Oh, guys, it was more than nine. 100 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:32,120 Speaker 3: She gotta wait, I'm sorry, this may be offensive. Is 101 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 3: this to train? 102 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:40,600 Speaker 1: We're gonna move on. We're gonna move on. We're to 103 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:45,360 Speaker 1: barrel on past. Chuck a chug a choo choo. Pass that. 104 00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:48,960 Speaker 1: So three guys she introduced to me as friends when 105 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:51,719 Speaker 1: I came to visit on weekends, and one guy she 106 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:57,200 Speaker 1: was still in contact with after twenty years. I told 107 00:05:57,240 --> 00:05:59,560 Speaker 1: her that I wanted a divorce and would be starting 108 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,840 Speaker 1: the paper work as soon as I could, which I 109 00:06:01,839 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 1: did on January second. For family, and most of my 110 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:06,800 Speaker 1: family is telling me I shouldn't throw away in my 111 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:10,160 Speaker 1: marriage over a few mistakes. I've stood by my belief 112 00:06:10,160 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 1: that cheating on me with multiple men for years is unacceptable, 113 00:06:13,839 --> 00:06:16,719 Speaker 1: no matter when it happened, and the fact that she 114 00:06:16,920 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: continued to maintain relationships with these guys right in front 115 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,919 Speaker 1: of me was an unacceptable amount of disrespect. Yeah, we 116 00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,040 Speaker 1: have two children, but they are seventeen and nineteen, and 117 00:06:28,240 --> 00:06:30,600 Speaker 1: I believe they will understand why I need to end 118 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,039 Speaker 1: the marriage. Am I wrong for leaving? I feel like 119 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: I'm going crazy with the amount of people telling me 120 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:39,840 Speaker 1: to overlook years of infidelity and decades of lies. And 121 00:06:39,880 --> 00:06:44,560 Speaker 1: there are some more comments from ope, but what do 122 00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 1: you think this should do? 123 00:06:45,520 --> 00:06:45,680 Speaker 4: Then? 124 00:06:46,279 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 2: So there's like, you know, people make mistakes while on 125 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:55,159 Speaker 2: in college, and then people sleep with over ten people, 126 00:06:55,320 --> 00:06:58,480 Speaker 2: ends day in contact with and introduce you to your. 127 00:06:58,560 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 1: Presumably maybe an your children. 128 00:07:01,480 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 2: Oh that's crazy. 129 00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 1: Hey kids, this is uncle Bob. Yeah we were friends 130 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:11,080 Speaker 1: in college. Yeah, those friends you have really close. 131 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 4: Yeah. 132 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 3: What's the rule about like people that have seen you 133 00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 3: orgasm and then you're not together with them anymore? 134 00:07:17,040 --> 00:07:20,679 Speaker 1: Don't invite them to your wedding? Yeah that was okay? 135 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:26,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, let me remember that. 136 00:07:25,440 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 1: That was the golden rule? Yeah? This I mean yeah, no, no, no, no, no, 137 00:07:30,040 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 1: I think he's absolutely the right. This is not throwing 138 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:36,640 Speaker 1: away years of marriage. This is finding out that your 139 00:07:36,640 --> 00:07:40,240 Speaker 1: partner lied to you for years of marriage and not 140 00:07:40,520 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 1: you know, not being able to. 141 00:07:41,760 --> 00:07:45,880 Speaker 2: Put up with that, like and and do we really know, 142 00:07:47,080 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 2: is there any continuation? 143 00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: Yeah? Do we know that this didn't continue after the fact? 144 00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,840 Speaker 1: All we know. The only reason that we know this 145 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 1: is because the friends of Opie's wife brought it up. 146 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:04,720 Speaker 2: Also, just just realized this. Her college friends didn't realize 147 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 2: she was in a relationshiphip. 148 00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: And so she wasn't even telling anyone about this. 149 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:11,400 Speaker 2: She wasn't even telling her friends that she was in 150 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:18,160 Speaker 2: a relationship in college. Yeah, that's crazy, that's insane, wild. 151 00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: Okay, But Opie has some comments or answering some questions. 152 00:08:22,440 --> 00:08:24,400 Speaker 1: They say. The reason I posted this is that my 153 00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 1: wife and a few friends have been saying it's common 154 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,240 Speaker 1: to sleep with other folks when you're in a long 155 00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:31,160 Speaker 1: distance relationship, and that I'm kind of the odd one 156 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:33,559 Speaker 1: out for not sleeping around. I felt like I was 157 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,360 Speaker 1: being gas lit, but I wanted an outside perspective. We 158 00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:38,720 Speaker 1: live in a state with a waiting period to finalize 159 00:08:38,720 --> 00:08:41,520 Speaker 1: the divorce, so I felt it was a reasonable idea 160 00:08:41,559 --> 00:08:44,920 Speaker 1: to get some insight before things are finalized. After these comments, 161 00:08:44,960 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: I saw a handful of folks saying it's normal to 162 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,000 Speaker 1: sleep around during a long distance relationship, but it seems 163 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: to be a significant minority. 164 00:08:56,000 --> 00:08:58,600 Speaker 2: No, your boys been in a long distance relationship? 165 00:08:58,640 --> 00:08:59,240 Speaker 1: You know what I did? 166 00:08:59,280 --> 00:08:59,480 Speaker 4: Then? 167 00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I'm sorry. Just the use of 168 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 1: the word normal. I ate it is common. I think 169 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:12,400 Speaker 1: you could say it is common. It happened, It happens. 170 00:09:12,960 --> 00:09:15,800 Speaker 1: It is not normal. You should if any if you 171 00:09:15,840 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: have a partner who's telling you, you know, cheated you 172 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 1: in a long cheated on you in a long distance relationship. 173 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: And they're saying, oh, well, everyone does it. No, all 174 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:24,320 Speaker 1: the kids are doing No, no, no, that is not 175 00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,439 Speaker 1: someone cares about you. All the kids are doing it. 176 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,199 Speaker 1: If you can't break up, if you don't have the 177 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,840 Speaker 1: decency to break up with your partner. 178 00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:35,959 Speaker 2: Dude, Oh the new hip thing yike suck, not the 179 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 2: latest TikTok trend. 180 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:39,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, super normal. Everyone does it? 181 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 2: What? 182 00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 1: No ins correct? No, no, no, no no. Ohp continues. We 183 00:09:45,760 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: saw each other a couple of weekends a month during 184 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,800 Speaker 1: the two year college period. I lived about three hours 185 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: away from her college, so it was a long distance, 186 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,200 Speaker 1: but not like cross country. This was not a situation 187 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 1: where we went months without seeing each other. A couple 188 00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:03,720 Speaker 1: of weekends a month, which made two weekends every month. No, 189 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:07,200 Speaker 1: did so often I honestly long distant relationship. 190 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 3: I don't even think I would count this as a 191 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 3: long distance medium if you could drive. 192 00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 1: This is a medium distance relationship relationship. She could have 193 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,920 Speaker 1: gone home. I saw my like, I lived about three 194 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:19,560 Speaker 1: hours away from my home, and I went back fairly often. 195 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:24,679 Speaker 1: And that's not that's wild. This is insane. That's wild. 196 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:28,959 Speaker 2: My girlfriend is three thousand miles away. Yeah, and your 197 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:33,760 Speaker 2: boys sat, John sitting, sat and waited. 198 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,360 Speaker 1: No, anyone who says that's not like bare minimum is crazy. 199 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:42,920 Speaker 1: Bare minimum to not cheat. You can drive to them 200 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,200 Speaker 1: without taking any stops. I just don't understand cheating. I'm like, 201 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:48,760 Speaker 1: just break up with your partner, Just break up. 202 00:10:50,280 --> 00:10:55,320 Speaker 3: But I love them, You don't you? 203 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:59,720 Speaker 1: But I like that. I like it, But I love you, babe, babe. 204 00:11:00,720 --> 00:11:05,480 Speaker 1: Open relationship. Yeah, oh my god, there's more. Uh, Opie says. 205 00:11:05,559 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 1: The three guys I met while she was in college 206 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,599 Speaker 1: were meetups that happened during parties. The subject of me 207 00:11:10,720 --> 00:11:13,240 Speaker 1: being a boyfriend didn't really come up. So I honestly 208 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,719 Speaker 1: don't know if these guys knew anything. How does that 209 00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 1: knock come up? Yeah, those guys were like, oh, she's 210 00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:20,920 Speaker 1: also meeting up with her ha ha. Oh yeah, maybe 211 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:23,079 Speaker 1: they were like, oh, he usually just another one of 212 00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:26,679 Speaker 1: the lineup. Yeah, but that's that's also a red flag. 213 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:30,120 Speaker 1: If she wasn't like, hey, this is my boyfriend, that's 214 00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 1: got to be like the first thing that you say. No, yes, totally, 215 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:40,640 Speaker 1: when oh, this is the president, that's the first thing 216 00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:43,600 Speaker 1: you say. Dude, the one guy we're still in contact 217 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,400 Speaker 1: with married a mutual friend from college. This is not 218 00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,439 Speaker 1: some guy she secretly messages on the side. It's somebody 219 00:11:49,440 --> 00:11:53,000 Speaker 1: we've talked to regularly for years. I've talked to him 220 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,240 Speaker 1: a few times since I've learned about my wife. He 221 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 1: said he didn't know we were dating at the time 222 00:11:57,240 --> 00:12:00,480 Speaker 1: and has since blocked my wife on social media. Honestly, 223 00:12:00,480 --> 00:12:03,760 Speaker 1: props to everyone around this woman. She sucks, but everyone 224 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 1: else is like, oh sorry, all the people's yeah. Some 225 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:11,200 Speaker 1: folks have asked how the roommates didn't realize at our 226 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,440 Speaker 1: wedding that the timelines didn't work out. The main reason 227 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,960 Speaker 1: is that my wife and I had a very small 228 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,040 Speaker 1: ceremony with just close family in Texas, then went back 229 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:21,520 Speaker 1: to the East Coast to have a big party with friends. 230 00:12:21,640 --> 00:12:24,559 Speaker 1: The typical reception saws sharing details about how we met. 231 00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,760 Speaker 1: Stuff didn't really happen, so our roommates didn't realize we 232 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,840 Speaker 1: started dating before college. It sounds like they thought we 233 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,599 Speaker 1: only dated for the year we were both in the 234 00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,200 Speaker 1: same city, then moved in together. Op He continues, I 235 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,280 Speaker 1: was open to therapy or some kind of attempt to 236 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,800 Speaker 1: save the marriage, but her insistence that this whole thing 237 00:12:39,840 --> 00:12:41,880 Speaker 1: is common and I'm the one who's out of line 238 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,680 Speaker 1: is just too much for me. The only time she 239 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: showed any remorse or even offered to reconcile is when 240 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,440 Speaker 1: I started filing paperwork. In the last week, she's gone 241 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,640 Speaker 1: back to saying she's right and I'm overreacting. This is 242 00:12:53,679 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: also why I feel like I'm being gas lit. It 243 00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:59,280 Speaker 1: seems obvious that this is a major issue, but I've 244 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 1: got my wife and others telling me it's normal and 245 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:05,400 Speaker 1: I'm overacting. And lastly, I'm not getting a paternity test 246 00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:08,120 Speaker 1: unless my kids want to get one. I don't have 247 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:11,280 Speaker 1: any doubts that they are, that they are biologically mine, 248 00:13:11,559 --> 00:13:14,040 Speaker 1: and no test will make them not my kids. I 249 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,000 Speaker 1: love them more than anything in the world, and my 250 00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,200 Speaker 1: wife's infidelity won't change that. Even if one or both 251 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 1: of them is not biologically mine. They've been my kids 252 00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: for nineteen years and they will be my kids until 253 00:13:24,120 --> 00:13:24,880 Speaker 1: I stop breathing. 254 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I think about that my heart. 255 00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:35,679 Speaker 1: Op does not deserve this treatment from his wife. Nah, 256 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,880 Speaker 1: it ain't it. And there is a final edit edit 257 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:47,160 Speaker 1: do you want comments? Barrel break and breathe? Okay? 258 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:54,680 Speaker 2: No, And the wife, it was the time period when 259 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:56,280 Speaker 2: they were part of for like three years. 260 00:13:56,520 --> 00:14:00,440 Speaker 1: They're a part for two years during college. During college apart, 261 00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:03,000 Speaker 1: they were three hours away away each other twice a 262 00:14:03,040 --> 00:14:05,079 Speaker 1: month or well, not twice a month, but like two 263 00:14:05,160 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: weekends out of the month. 264 00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, two weekends out of the month. 265 00:14:08,120 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. 266 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 2: And Opie's wife was like slept with ten or ten dudes, 267 00:14:15,559 --> 00:14:19,520 Speaker 2: some of which they were in contact to this day. Yes, 268 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,240 Speaker 2: I'm I'm shocked that she got away with it. 269 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:27,560 Speaker 1: Yeah so long. Yeah, Well I think it's also because 270 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:30,480 Speaker 1: she didn't. It's like she has this attitude of it's 271 00:14:30,520 --> 00:14:33,960 Speaker 1: not a secret, it's like normal. Like I feel like 272 00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,440 Speaker 1: she's in the mindset of like it's not even something 273 00:14:36,440 --> 00:14:38,400 Speaker 1: I had to confess because I didn't do anything wrong. 274 00:14:38,440 --> 00:14:40,720 Speaker 1: But then she shushed her friend when she started. 275 00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:43,480 Speaker 2: She did know that she yet, Yeah, she's trying to 276 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,080 Speaker 2: have the best of both worlds. 277 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:47,800 Speaker 1: Yeah no, no, she sucks trying to have. 278 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:50,280 Speaker 2: Her cake and eat them too. This is this is 279 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 2: not not okay. Oh no no, would you everyone watching 280 00:14:56,200 --> 00:15:01,600 Speaker 2: Riley Sophia, do you think Op would have done anything 281 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:04,200 Speaker 2: differently than how he no reacted? 282 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: I think it is a totally fair reaction to be 283 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,680 Speaker 1: like divorce divorce because some people, I mean for me, 284 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:14,640 Speaker 1: that is like relationship, Yeah, relationship better. So I think 285 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:18,240 Speaker 1: it's totally yeah. Yeah, like I understand why some people 286 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,840 Speaker 1: with kids, you know, want to work it out, but 287 00:15:20,880 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 1: I make it work. Yeah, I don't think it's an 288 00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:26,760 Speaker 1: a whole move to that is your like huh yeah. 289 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 2: And also too, like, uh, kids are seventeen and nineteen. 290 00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,760 Speaker 2: I think yeah, like the kids are old, you can 291 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,840 Speaker 2: sit them down and explain, yeah, like what's going on? 292 00:15:34,880 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 2: They're like five and like, oh no, why is Bobby 293 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:42,200 Speaker 2: going That's a conversation you could have, Yeah, Riley, do 294 00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 2: you what do you think would you have done anything differently? 295 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:45,800 Speaker 3: Do you think I'm just laughing at like, how would 296 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,840 Speaker 3: you explain that to your kids? Like, oh, so your 297 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:51,960 Speaker 3: mom got a train ran through her in college? And yeah, 298 00:15:55,040 --> 00:15:56,920 Speaker 3: I'm not saying I don't really know what to train is. 299 00:15:56,920 --> 00:15:59,560 Speaker 3: I just thought a training was like like. 300 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:00,520 Speaker 1: You're the local about. 301 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:06,720 Speaker 2: If you don't know what it is, don't talk about 302 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 2: it boy anywhere. 303 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:12,040 Speaker 3: How would I explain it to him? I'd just be like, hey, 304 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:15,200 Speaker 3: your mom was unfaithful through the years. Yeah, yeah, I 305 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,240 Speaker 3: think you can believe it that faithful. 306 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 1: You have to go into it because you don't. I 307 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,040 Speaker 1: don't think it. I don't think you want to be like, hey, 308 00:16:21,120 --> 00:16:25,720 Speaker 1: your mom talks and ruined relationship. Don't you can be like, hey, 309 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 1: I found out that your mom wasn't faithful. Three facts, 310 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:31,000 Speaker 1: here's what it is. Okay, story time. 311 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:37,840 Speaker 3: I recently discovered someone close to me was was unfaithful 312 00:16:37,840 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 3: through the years. And they told me in my twenties, 313 00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:44,520 Speaker 3: and like, I don't think I process it. Yeah, like 314 00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,400 Speaker 3: someone that I know that I grew up with was unfaithful. 315 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,400 Speaker 3: And then they were like, yeah, it happened, but we 316 00:16:49,520 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 3: stayed together. 317 00:16:50,120 --> 00:16:54,000 Speaker 1: And I was like, wow, sorry, sorry you might have 318 00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:56,480 Speaker 1: just like you were in a relationship with this person. 319 00:16:56,520 --> 00:17:00,400 Speaker 3: No, no, no, no, they are like a figure in my life. 320 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: They had another relationship and they just told you that 321 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,560 Speaker 1: they were unfaithful to that relationship. 322 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, you knew that, like as like a child, and 323 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:10,359 Speaker 2: it's like growing up. This is a figure that you 324 00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,320 Speaker 2: look through as you grow up and then you're like, 325 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,400 Speaker 2: whoa you actually like had. 326 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:17,880 Speaker 1: I would lose a lot of personally, And I won't 327 00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:19,600 Speaker 1: tell you how to feel, but I personally I feel 328 00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:20,639 Speaker 1: like I would lose a lot of respect. 329 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 4: Yeah. 330 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:23,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, but like after seeing how much work they've been through. 331 00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:26,000 Speaker 3: I'm just kind of like you were in a bad spot. 332 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:28,159 Speaker 1: Like only I think only if they were remorseful about it, 333 00:17:28,160 --> 00:17:28,760 Speaker 1: that I would be like. 334 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,200 Speaker 3: Okay, they are, they are, they are, ye, but it's 335 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,040 Speaker 3: just kind of crazy, like, oh, that's that's when they 336 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:34,879 Speaker 3: decided to tell me. 337 00:17:35,359 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 1: Yeah the time, I mean, I guess, yeah, you would 338 00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,640 Speaker 1: know and tell them that that you're still going through it. 339 00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:45,320 Speaker 1: That's true. We got more, don't we? Yes? Okay, there's 340 00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:48,200 Speaker 1: final edit. Hey all, I've been reading a bunch of 341 00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:51,840 Speaker 1: the responses, but things are getting crazy and increasingly unhinged, 342 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,359 Speaker 1: so I probably won't be checking in more. Here are 343 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,119 Speaker 1: a few more answers to common questions I've seen. One. 344 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:00,679 Speaker 1: We were definitely exclusively dating at the time. I first 345 00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,280 Speaker 1: dating culture was a lot different twenty eight years ago, 346 00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:07,480 Speaker 1: and exclusive was kind of default for most people. Right second, 347 00:18:07,560 --> 00:18:10,480 Speaker 1: we had a long and difficult discussion before she left 348 00:18:10,480 --> 00:18:15,240 Speaker 1: for college about continuing the relationship long distance. She specifically 349 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,520 Speaker 1: wanted to stay together and even joked about her dad 350 00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:20,600 Speaker 1: coming after me if I started sleeping around with girls 351 00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:25,120 Speaker 1: at my school the audacity, wow, wow, hippogrotical. Finally, at 352 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,480 Speaker 1: my senior prom, she was not able to attend and 353 00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:30,160 Speaker 1: was very upset when I proposed going with a platonic 354 00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 1: emale friend of mine. As a result, I ended up 355 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:36,120 Speaker 1: skipping my prom and hanging out with her instead. While 356 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:39,000 Speaker 1: we never said the word exclusive, I think the above reasons, 357 00:18:39,040 --> 00:18:42,320 Speaker 1: combined with the general relationship before she left, are enough 358 00:18:42,359 --> 00:18:43,800 Speaker 1: to assume exclusivity. 359 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like, if you're in a relationship even in high school, 360 00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,280 Speaker 2: you're not like all right, I'm in high school, so 361 00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:52,639 Speaker 2: I'm gonna go yeah, school around like no, no. 362 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,480 Speaker 1: And just like her being like upset about you know, 363 00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,720 Speaker 1: him wanting to go to prom with a friend. 364 00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 2: Why didn't she go with Yeah, he's so confused. 365 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:03,960 Speaker 1: I'm confused. I was about to say that because he 366 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,360 Speaker 1: said that he went and hung out with her after Anyway, 367 00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,160 Speaker 1: so it's like you're available, you were there, you could 368 00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 1: have gone self confused, No, come on. Based on some 369 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,760 Speaker 1: comments here, I followed up with a friend that said 370 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:18,720 Speaker 1: I should have an honest conversation. She told me that 371 00:19:18,840 --> 00:19:22,679 Speaker 1: ten guys would be on the low end and that 372 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: her biggest concern was what was that there was apparently 373 00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 1: at least one pregnancy scare that I didn't know about. 374 00:19:30,359 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 1: I honestly don't think that really changes much. It's less 375 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:35,000 Speaker 1: about the number for me and more about the fact 376 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 1: that she seems incapable of recognizing why this was wrong 377 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,560 Speaker 1: or why I feel betrayed. Thank you all for the 378 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,120 Speaker 1: helpful responses, even those that disagree with me. I will 379 00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,439 Speaker 1: still be open to therapy if she's willing, but I 380 00:19:46,480 --> 00:19:48,640 Speaker 1: honestly feel like it would be more about us being 381 00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:52,480 Speaker 1: successful co parents and finding closure than saving her marriage. Yeah, 382 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:56,280 Speaker 1: and there are some relevant comments, but wow, op, he 383 00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:57,440 Speaker 1: is a soldier. 384 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:00,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, just taking it on the chin and just it's 385 00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:01,040 Speaker 2: been respectful. 386 00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:03,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, Ken is on the low end. To hear that, 387 00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:13,120 Speaker 1: Oh oil boy boy, oh boy. Yikes. Dang, Yeah, let's 388 00:20:13,119 --> 00:20:13,880 Speaker 1: read some of these. 389 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:18,240 Speaker 2: Relevant to handle Yeah, really quick, though, I will say 390 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:22,080 Speaker 2: I had never really thought about it before, and I'm 391 00:20:22,119 --> 00:20:24,960 Speaker 2: surprised it's never come up in any of the stories. 392 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,520 Speaker 1: But going to. 393 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,240 Speaker 2: Kind of like couples counseling, not as a couple, but 394 00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:33,200 Speaker 2: going to therapy together for we co parent. 395 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: I think that's such a great Yeah, how do we 396 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:39,640 Speaker 1: go on as you know, like functioning parents. 397 00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,000 Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're respectfully you know, Yeah, you're like tied together. 398 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, for the rest of your life. 399 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,240 Speaker 2: So I thought that was interesting, and I just like, 400 00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 2: I like op as a very like respectful and straightforward 401 00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:53,960 Speaker 2: approach to it, which I respect. 402 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,960 Speaker 1: Yeah, No, I love it. Uh and hear have the 403 00:20:57,200 --> 00:21:00,000 Speaker 1: relevant comments on if the wife is willing to work 404 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,919 Speaker 1: to repair the marriage, Opie says it would change a 405 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:04,720 Speaker 1: lot if I felt that she wanted to fix this. 406 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: Throughout our conversation about it, she repeatedly dismissed my feelings 407 00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:12,440 Speaker 1: and told me I was overreacting to totally normal behavior. 408 00:21:13,040 --> 00:21:15,639 Speaker 1: She didn't show any regret or consideration for how it 409 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:18,399 Speaker 1: hurt me until she realized I was serious about divorce. 410 00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,639 Speaker 1: Then she got defensive and angry. She didn't offer to 411 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:24,240 Speaker 1: fix things in any way until I started the paperwork 412 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,440 Speaker 1: and notified her that I had a lawyer. I think 413 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,200 Speaker 1: we can navigate being parents. Our kids are older, and 414 00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:32,720 Speaker 1: I've been putting away money for college post high school 415 00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,360 Speaker 1: for a long time, so a lot of the custody 416 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:38,160 Speaker 1: and monetary issues that come up shouldn't be a big problem. 417 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: Were also both financially stable and making good money. And 418 00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:45,240 Speaker 1: then on the timing of everything, I hired a lawyer. 419 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,119 Speaker 1: He drafted an intent to separate and sent her a 420 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:50,879 Speaker 1: copy certified mail. As far as I know, that's not 421 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:53,439 Speaker 1: any legal divorce paper with the state, but rather a 422 00:21:53,480 --> 00:21:55,159 Speaker 1: part of the process to ensure that she is an 423 00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: opportunity to hire her own lawyer if she wants to 424 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:02,440 Speaker 1: contest it. Actually going through the divorce will likely take months. 425 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 1: I'm not really moved out. I've been crashing at my 426 00:22:05,320 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 1: brother's place while I make arrangements for a more permanent 427 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,000 Speaker 1: living scenario. As far as timing goes, the dinner happened 428 00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:13,240 Speaker 1: on the twenty sixth. I went to my brother's house 429 00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:15,640 Speaker 1: that night to cool off and give her a chance 430 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,159 Speaker 1: to think about things. We talked several times over the 431 00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 1: course of four to five days, and she made it 432 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 1: clear that she didn't believe she did anything wrong at 433 00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,400 Speaker 1: ah If there was any kind of remorse, regret, basic 434 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: consideration of my feelings on her part, I probably would 435 00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:34,639 Speaker 1: have waited. However she didn't. So I found a divorce 436 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:39,199 Speaker 1: lawyer and he had boilerplate intent to separate agreements that 437 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,080 Speaker 1: we filled out and sent over the same day. Even now, 438 00:22:42,119 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: we're obviously not legally divorced, and I don't even know 439 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:47,680 Speaker 1: if there is a legal concept of separation in my state. 440 00:22:48,040 --> 00:22:50,159 Speaker 1: But I've made it clear that this is happening and 441 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:53,679 Speaker 1: started the process, and there is an update. 442 00:22:53,800 --> 00:22:58,080 Speaker 2: There's more this, let's say in second breather a second 443 00:22:58,080 --> 00:23:04,040 Speaker 2: breathere right here. I am first off, I'm curious from 444 00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 2: everyone watching this who maybe has a similar experience, maybe 445 00:23:08,400 --> 00:23:10,640 Speaker 2: not ten or. 446 00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,720 Speaker 1: Ten being on the low end, but how you kind. 447 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 2: Of got through your partner cheating on you and like 448 00:23:19,040 --> 00:23:21,440 Speaker 2: kind of what you did, what your response was, especially 449 00:23:21,440 --> 00:23:24,879 Speaker 2: if it was in a marriage involving kids. Yeah, because 450 00:23:24,880 --> 00:23:28,880 Speaker 2: that's I think that's like a wholly different scenario than 451 00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:33,760 Speaker 2: like two younger single people with like less responsibilities and 452 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:34,560 Speaker 2: things like that. 453 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:43,119 Speaker 3: Man, uh, yeah, this is I don't even know the 454 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:44,840 Speaker 3: fact that she like doesn't. 455 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,560 Speaker 1: Down yeah credit, yeah doesn't. It's insane, Like. 456 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,720 Speaker 2: And you would think like, oh, if you want to 457 00:23:50,800 --> 00:23:53,840 Speaker 2: keep the marriage, if you're like only springing into action 458 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:57,439 Speaker 2: when he's bringing up the divorce and that he's like 459 00:23:57,480 --> 00:23:59,720 Speaker 2: working on the papers, wouldn't you at least think you 460 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:02,480 Speaker 2: would try to like, Okay, what does he want? And 461 00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:06,239 Speaker 2: only at least at least like trying to give him 462 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 2: what he wants. 463 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:11,120 Speaker 1: I don't know. Yeah, come on, oh, I wonder, come on. 464 00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:15,680 Speaker 2: Do we like did she see no? Did he see 465 00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,639 Speaker 2: no red flags throughout the twenty years? 466 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,639 Speaker 1: Yeah? She seems like she's like so unremorseful. I'm like, 467 00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:26,040 Speaker 1: did she not? Was she not like remorseful about you know, 468 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,240 Speaker 1: anything else? Like was that a pattern of her being like, well, 469 00:24:29,240 --> 00:24:30,840 Speaker 1: it's your fault, I don't do anything wrong. 470 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,840 Speaker 2: Oh you know, and that was kind of what made 471 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 2: him not realize it did at that time? 472 00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:38,119 Speaker 1: Possibly? No, I'm wondering, like, were those signs right or 473 00:24:38,240 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 1: was this this can up in the first. 474 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:44,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, according to the Hall Pass she had seven. 475 00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:48,080 Speaker 1: Seven seven at a time. 476 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:51,679 Speaker 3: That doesn't Yeah, no, like like even if even so 477 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:54,280 Speaker 3: like ten was on the low end in seven? 478 00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 1: Yeah? 479 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:58,200 Speaker 2: No, what if we created like a like an app 480 00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,040 Speaker 2: or something where we could light her a historian, and 481 00:25:01,080 --> 00:25:04,240 Speaker 2: it would spin out how many golden passes I have? 482 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 1: You'd get like AI, no no, no, no, no no no. 483 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,040 Speaker 1: How many hall passes do it? 484 00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:12,240 Speaker 4: Chat? 485 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,800 Speaker 1: How many Hall passes do I get? Call passes? 486 00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:16,239 Speaker 2: All? 487 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:20,719 Speaker 1: Right? Update? I wanted to provide some updates here, as 488 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:24,840 Speaker 1: my original post got a lot of traction. First, let's 489 00:25:24,840 --> 00:25:27,040 Speaker 1: talk about the things I learned about the situation in 490 00:25:27,080 --> 00:25:30,639 Speaker 1: college after talking to my wife in sessions and texting 491 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 1: with two of her roommates, it's clear that her roommates 492 00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,959 Speaker 1: knew something was up in college. They said that they 493 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,720 Speaker 1: thought the situation was weird and likely involved cheating. My 494 00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:41,800 Speaker 1: wife had told them that we both had some wild 495 00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:45,000 Speaker 1: times in college and worked it out before we got married, 496 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 1: so they never really brought it up. She lied, Wow, Yeah, 497 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,480 Speaker 1: I'm not surprised. We're trying. The roommate who pulled me 498 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:54,480 Speaker 1: aside recently was uncomfortable with the fact that my wife 499 00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:57,439 Speaker 1: clearly didn't talk it through with me, and wanted me 500 00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,560 Speaker 1: to know. As far as being introduced to guys she 501 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,439 Speaker 1: slept with, Apparently that was not intended for one of 502 00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,520 Speaker 1: the guys he ended up dating and the marrying one 503 00:26:04,560 --> 00:26:07,080 Speaker 1: of our mutual friends from college. This is the guy 504 00:26:07,200 --> 00:26:09,720 Speaker 1: she was in contact with in the other situations. She 505 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:13,240 Speaker 1: initially blamed me in the counseling session, but has now 506 00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 1: agreed it was bad. When I went to visit her, 507 00:26:15,680 --> 00:26:17,480 Speaker 1: she planned to hang out in the room or just 508 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 1: hang out together alone, but I wanted to go to 509 00:26:20,119 --> 00:26:22,560 Speaker 1: a few parties because in high school and community college 510 00:26:22,600 --> 00:26:24,480 Speaker 1: I didn't really have parties to go to. She didn't 511 00:26:24,520 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 1: expect me to meet the guys, but they were at 512 00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,160 Speaker 1: the parties and she felt she didn't really have a choice. 513 00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:31,440 Speaker 1: I still think this is kind of shitty, but it's 514 00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:34,359 Speaker 1: not as bad as are intentionally bearading me in front 515 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,760 Speaker 1: of the guys. Most of our discussion in therapy has 516 00:26:36,800 --> 00:26:38,879 Speaker 1: been talking about why I think it's a big deal 517 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,240 Speaker 1: and she doesn't. She initially said that none of these 518 00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,040 Speaker 1: guys were in relationships with her and it was mostly 519 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,480 Speaker 1: one night stands or friends with benefit. Since she didn't 520 00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:51,560 Speaker 1: view them as romantic relationships, she didn't see the big deal. 521 00:26:51,840 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 1: Her words, not mine. My opinion is that we never 522 00:26:55,560 --> 00:26:58,720 Speaker 1: said that was okay, and she actively prevented me from 523 00:26:58,760 --> 00:27:02,840 Speaker 1: doing the same. After digging into this across two sessions 524 00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:06,480 Speaker 1: and my wife talking to some friends. She now agrees 525 00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,439 Speaker 1: that it was a breach of our trust and relationship. 526 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:11,600 Speaker 1: I thought that was an ag I thought, like she knew, 527 00:27:11,680 --> 00:27:13,800 Speaker 1: she's just denying it. No, so I'm saying she like 528 00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:17,600 Speaker 1: the whole time, She's like, it's nothing's wrong. Oh wild. 529 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,360 Speaker 1: This is the shared understanding that has helped us talk 530 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:23,720 Speaker 1: about this situation more honestly and helped us get from 531 00:27:23,840 --> 00:27:29,280 Speaker 1: arguing to talking. Which is why I'm optimistic about co parenting. Now. Oh, 532 00:27:29,880 --> 00:27:33,560 Speaker 1: here's why I'm one hundred percent set on divorce. Two 533 00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,840 Speaker 1: things came up that make me want to leave the marriage. First, 534 00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:39,320 Speaker 1: about ten years ago, we went through a really rough 535 00:27:39,359 --> 00:27:42,320 Speaker 1: patch and had a dead bedroom for about two years. 536 00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:45,160 Speaker 1: She had expressed that our sex life was becoming boring, 537 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,359 Speaker 1: so I tried to spice things up. Nothing crazy, just 538 00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:52,639 Speaker 1: roleplay and like Spencer's gift level sex toys. Apparently, she 539 00:27:52,680 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 1: had been hung up about some sexual experiences that happened 540 00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,679 Speaker 1: in college that she is not comfortable talking about and 541 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,840 Speaker 1: wanted me to try them. But when I did it, 542 00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,040 Speaker 1: it made her feel awkward and guilty that it made 543 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:05,720 Speaker 1: her think of other men while she was with me. 544 00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:08,680 Speaker 1: That's wild. Oh, so she's not only she's not only 545 00:28:08,760 --> 00:28:12,840 Speaker 1: cheated on her husband, but she made him reenact the 546 00:28:12,880 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: stuff that she did when she cheated on him. And 547 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:18,640 Speaker 1: then she's like, oh, let's not do this. Wow, that's 548 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 1: actually kind of awkward. Oh crazy. The fact that she's 549 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:27,320 Speaker 1: saying these experiences were meaningless but they're still impacting our 550 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 1: marriage tells me they meant more than what she says. Second, 551 00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:34,719 Speaker 1: she admitted that she's been flirting with coworkers on business 552 00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:38,840 Speaker 1: trips since the pandemic ended. Oh. She says she's never 553 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 1: slept with anybody, but it got as far as going 554 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,360 Speaker 1: on a day with one of her male co workers. 555 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,680 Speaker 1: That was the absolute deal breaker for me. We have 556 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,520 Speaker 1: told her children that we're getting in adors divorce. We 557 00:28:50,600 --> 00:28:52,480 Speaker 1: told them it was due to some bad decisions that 558 00:28:52,520 --> 00:28:55,280 Speaker 1: we made in college that we're having trouble moving past. 559 00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:57,760 Speaker 1: My nineteen year old, who is in college, asked me 560 00:28:57,880 --> 00:29:00,600 Speaker 1: if I cheated on my wife, Well, she was away 561 00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 1: at college. My wife got a little shaken up, but 562 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 1: admitted to the kids that she's the one who cheated. 563 00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:09,239 Speaker 1: Thank God. I was like, I swear to God if 564 00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:11,160 Speaker 1: he has to fall for this, b uh. We agreed 565 00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 1: to not share any additional details with the kids. I 566 00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:15,960 Speaker 1: reinforced that both of us will be there for the 567 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,200 Speaker 1: kids and that we are in therapy to help make 568 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,680 Speaker 1: sure we handle this in the best way for the family. 569 00:29:20,800 --> 00:29:22,640 Speaker 1: I also told the kids that if they wanted to 570 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 1: talk to either of us or a therapist about it, 571 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:27,800 Speaker 1: that I would fully support it. We started talking to 572 00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 1: a mediator about how to proceed with the divorce, and 573 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,719 Speaker 1: unless things change, we should be able to have an 574 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:37,440 Speaker 1: amlicable divorce. We're both financially stable on our own, we 575 00:29:37,520 --> 00:29:39,680 Speaker 1: have no major debts, and our kids are older, so 576 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,600 Speaker 1: custody is in a major issue. This has been a 577 00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,240 Speaker 1: shitty couple of months for me, but I'm doing okay now, 578 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 1: and I honestly am grateful that my last post blew 579 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:50,480 Speaker 1: up because it both validated some of my feelings but 580 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,600 Speaker 1: also motivated me to go to counseling with my wife. 581 00:29:54,240 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 1: And there are some relevant comments to finish it off. 582 00:29:58,200 --> 00:30:03,720 Speaker 2: But boil boy, Yeah, I mean I feel like we've 583 00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,440 Speaker 2: as it has unraveled, and as time has gone on, 584 00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:11,200 Speaker 2: she's revealed and more and more like I feel, I 585 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 2: feel like if it would keep going. 586 00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:15,440 Speaker 1: She'd be like actually I did, Yeah, I hooked up 587 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: with the COVID worker guy. But yeah, yeah count because 588 00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:23,120 Speaker 1: it was during the pandemic. Yeah, yeah, exactly, pandemic. Everyone 589 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,560 Speaker 1: was crazy. You remember the COVID rule where it's like, hey, 590 00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:28,640 Speaker 1: it won't count, you can, Like you remember that one. 591 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:31,600 Speaker 1: Remember the CDCs on that out. I was like the 592 00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,720 Speaker 1: newsletter remember yeah, they said six feet apart unless less. 593 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,160 Speaker 4: Yeah. No. 594 00:30:37,520 --> 00:30:39,040 Speaker 1: Like the fact that she was like, no, I only 595 00:30:39,120 --> 00:30:41,160 Speaker 1: cheated on you in college when everyone does that and 596 00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:45,840 Speaker 1: then admitted to cheating after the fact, Dude, Like, I 597 00:30:45,880 --> 00:30:48,440 Speaker 1: feel like she has such lapsed morals. She's like, it's 598 00:30:48,480 --> 00:30:52,200 Speaker 1: only cheating if it's not long distance, and also if 599 00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:53,120 Speaker 1: it's only sexual. 600 00:30:53,320 --> 00:30:55,720 Speaker 2: She has a crazy she has, she has she has 601 00:30:55,960 --> 00:30:59,360 Speaker 2: golden rules of cheating. Yea, with all these crazy speculation. Yeah, 602 00:30:59,440 --> 00:31:02,360 Speaker 2: we also have a story, maybe like a year ago 603 00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:08,960 Speaker 2: or so, where somebody cheated in the relationship and they 604 00:31:09,360 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 2: decided to not tell the kids the reason I think 605 00:31:14,880 --> 00:31:18,000 Speaker 2: or something like that, and then it came back to 606 00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:23,080 Speaker 2: bite the person who uh didn't cheat in the ass, 607 00:31:23,720 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 2: and then they had to like go on the defensive. 608 00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,040 Speaker 1: So I'm very glad, Like I. 609 00:31:28,760 --> 00:31:33,320 Speaker 2: Totally respect and like I totally respect op being like, hey, 610 00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:36,000 Speaker 2: we'll just say there was some mistakes made and kind 611 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:37,320 Speaker 2: of like leave it at that. 612 00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:38,080 Speaker 1: But I am. 613 00:31:37,960 --> 00:31:41,040 Speaker 2: Glad that the actual truth came out and in a 614 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:44,680 Speaker 2: very you almost like almost forced the. 615 00:31:45,880 --> 00:31:50,480 Speaker 1: To yeah, and in a way to like literally recognize in. 616 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,400 Speaker 2: A very respectable way of like, hey, look, I won't 617 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:54,040 Speaker 2: even say. 618 00:31:53,880 --> 00:32:00,800 Speaker 1: It, but wife had to do it. So I like that. Yeah, 619 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,200 Speaker 1: that was good. I honestly, Opie seems good, good person. 620 00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,880 Speaker 1: There are some relevant comments, Yeah, there are historical Pie 621 00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,840 Speaker 1: fifty to fifty two says sorry, ope, but this is 622 00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:12,920 Speaker 1: for the best. She's been keeping you in the dark 623 00:32:12,960 --> 00:32:15,520 Speaker 1: for over twenty years. She says she has never slept 624 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,880 Speaker 1: with anybody, but it got as far as going on 625 00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 1: a date with one of her male co workers. If 626 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,760 Speaker 1: you believe this, then I got a bridge on Mars 627 00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 1: to sell you. Ooh, dead bedrooms for young couples usually 628 00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: mean someone is getting some somewhere else. Oh that's that's 629 00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:31,719 Speaker 1: such a sad way to look at that. That is true, 630 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,040 Speaker 1: Opie says, I don't really believe it, but I also 631 00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 1: don't think it's worth it to dig into it more. 632 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:38,680 Speaker 1: I'm going to get an STD panel done to make 633 00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,400 Speaker 1: sure I'm safe, and I really don't need to know anymore. 634 00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:43,720 Speaker 1: If it was just a date, we're getting divorced. If 635 00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: it was more, we're still getting divorced. So pushing the 636 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:49,440 Speaker 1: issue won't do anything but make it harder for us 637 00:32:49,440 --> 00:32:52,480 Speaker 1: to coparent. I'm also reasonably sure that she was cheating 638 00:32:52,520 --> 00:32:55,520 Speaker 1: during our dead bedroom situation. We were having sex like 639 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 1: once every two to three months, and we usually have 640 00:32:57,920 --> 00:32:59,640 Speaker 1: sex two to three times a week. 641 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:05,120 Speaker 3: Again, Wow, I mean I don't know what that is 642 00:33:05,160 --> 00:33:06,040 Speaker 3: in a relationship. 643 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:12,400 Speaker 1: Sorry, pretty good numbers. Again, I have enough to know 644 00:33:12,480 --> 00:33:15,440 Speaker 1: it's time to move on, and digging more into it 645 00:33:15,480 --> 00:33:18,120 Speaker 1: will only make the divorce harder. I love that. Yeah, 646 00:33:18,160 --> 00:33:19,920 Speaker 1: I love that. He was like, just so you guys know, 647 00:33:20,440 --> 00:33:22,800 Speaker 1: this was my These were my numbers. We were binking. 648 00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:24,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, I thought you were going to say, like, yeah, 649 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:27,640 Speaker 3: those are pretty low numbers. 650 00:33:27,680 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 1: Pretty good I would know. Sorry, so going going on? 651 00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 1: Uh no one of them on as she even apologized 652 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,360 Speaker 1: for everything she put you through, especially the part where 653 00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:42,760 Speaker 1: she went on a date with some ahole. Yeah, Opie 654 00:33:42,800 --> 00:33:45,760 Speaker 1: says before counseling and at the first appointment, she was 655 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,200 Speaker 1: not apologetic. In the second appointment of the focus was 656 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,160 Speaker 1: for me to explain the fact it had on me. 657 00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:55,480 Speaker 1: She has expressed remorse and apologized repeatedly since that session. 658 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,840 Speaker 1: It's too little, too late, but she's not some kind 659 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,719 Speaker 1: of emotionless monster. Mo Fugly thirteen says, I'm super curious 660 00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:05,520 Speaker 1: to know what kind of sexual things she was hung 661 00:34:05,600 --> 00:34:08,480 Speaker 1: up on from her past, but that she felt uncomfortable 662 00:34:08,560 --> 00:34:13,719 Speaker 1: doing with you. That alone seems very red laggy. I 663 00:34:13,719 --> 00:34:16,880 Speaker 1: think it all sounds already red fight Oh, he says, 664 00:34:17,360 --> 00:34:19,920 Speaker 1: I didn't really want to dig into it too much. Chuger, 665 00:34:20,480 --> 00:34:23,480 Speaker 1: that's so funny. The commenter was like, yeah, could you 666 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:26,719 Speaker 1: just tell us what you were doing? Yeah, just be specific, 667 00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:30,520 Speaker 1: spill the teeth. Right before the dead bedroom stuff started, 668 00:34:30,560 --> 00:34:33,200 Speaker 1: she was asking to experiment with new stuff in the bedroom. 669 00:34:33,239 --> 00:34:42,600 Speaker 1: It was mostly BDSM kind of stuff. Jesus, really visceral reactions. 670 00:34:42,880 --> 00:34:48,920 Speaker 1: My goodness, he's getting pegged, dude. That's not the only 671 00:34:50,400 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 1: that's not quite far. It's great ranges like it could 672 00:34:56,520 --> 00:35:00,759 Speaker 1: go like tying you all the way. There's a lot 673 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:05,640 Speaker 1: get pegged. That's not It doesn't all revolve around that. 674 00:35:05,840 --> 00:35:09,319 Speaker 2: It could be either person could be like dominant or 675 00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:14,399 Speaker 2: or submissive, like all manner of things. 676 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:16,520 Speaker 1: Like the dude could be. 677 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:20,000 Speaker 2: Dominant if you get pegged or not not necessarily no no, 678 00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:24,560 Speaker 2: no no, not necessarily probably not you could they. 679 00:35:24,520 --> 00:35:26,920 Speaker 1: Could be, but it's it's like it's it's not. That 680 00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:29,960 Speaker 1: is not the definition is like a lot of things. 681 00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:32,239 Speaker 2: It could be that the guy being dominant, it could 682 00:35:32,239 --> 00:35:35,600 Speaker 2: be the woman being dominant. But it's just like, yeah, 683 00:35:35,640 --> 00:35:36,840 Speaker 2: it's like a big umbrella. 684 00:35:37,160 --> 00:35:39,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's mostly about it's mostly about dominance. 685 00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:43,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, some level of okay, yeah, some level of I 686 00:35:43,840 --> 00:35:46,200 Speaker 3: thought like that directly meant. 687 00:35:46,440 --> 00:35:53,960 Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, so worried. No, no, that is 688 00:35:54,040 --> 00:36:02,560 Speaker 1: not what that means. That's gray. It was mostly buds 689 00:36:02,640 --> 00:36:04,440 Speaker 1: m kind of stuff that was a little more intense 690 00:36:04,440 --> 00:36:07,239 Speaker 1: than I was comfortable with. That's not. That is not 691 00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:07,840 Speaker 1: what that means. 692 00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:10,200 Speaker 2: It could have been like she wanted him to be 693 00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:11,960 Speaker 2: super crazy dominant and he's. 694 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:14,000 Speaker 1: Like well yeah, like there, like there's a lot that 695 00:36:14,040 --> 00:36:16,319 Speaker 1: goes into it. It can evolve like more levels of 696 00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:19,400 Speaker 1: like pain and you know as stimulation, you know, stuff 697 00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:25,680 Speaker 1: like that. You're current crazy, it's crazy, But most to 698 00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,600 Speaker 1: be fair, is involves a lot of safe words and consent. 699 00:36:28,840 --> 00:36:32,840 Speaker 1: So you know, if if that's your thing, what was 700 00:36:32,880 --> 00:36:34,440 Speaker 1: it what do you think is safe for? It was like, 701 00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:37,760 Speaker 1: please stop, No, it can't actually, it can't be Please stop. 702 00:36:38,040 --> 00:36:39,920 Speaker 1: It has to be something that you wouldn't say a 703 00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:40,680 Speaker 1: normal conversation. 704 00:36:41,040 --> 00:36:44,080 Speaker 2: Stop doing that, because like, okay, I'm not gonna get 705 00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:49,839 Speaker 2: into that, but this. 706 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:55,200 Speaker 1: Is no, no, no, no. At the time, fifty Shades 707 00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:57,520 Speaker 1: was popular and she got into some other smutty kind 708 00:36:57,520 --> 00:37:00,640 Speaker 1: of reading. I attributed the change in sex to but 709 00:37:00,719 --> 00:37:02,360 Speaker 1: my guess is that some of the guys she was 710 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,360 Speaker 1: with in college were into BDSM stuff. Maybe it was 711 00:37:05,400 --> 00:37:08,080 Speaker 1: a combination of the two. She hasn't admitted to cheating 712 00:37:08,160 --> 00:37:10,920 Speaker 1: during that time, but I'd be willing to bet the 713 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,000 Speaker 1: dead bedroom at home was because she found another person 714 00:37:14,040 --> 00:37:16,840 Speaker 1: to do kinki. But when asked about why the daughter 715 00:37:16,880 --> 00:37:19,719 Speaker 1: thought he cheated, to be fair, my nineteen year old 716 00:37:19,760 --> 00:37:22,680 Speaker 1: daughter had some issues with bad boyfriends who have either 717 00:37:22,760 --> 00:37:25,279 Speaker 1: cheated or dumped her suddenly to be with somebody else. 718 00:37:26,239 --> 00:37:29,000 Speaker 1: I'm also the one who left the house. Given her 719 00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,040 Speaker 1: experience with men and the fact that I'm the one 720 00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:33,440 Speaker 1: who left the house, it makes sense that would be 721 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:36,680 Speaker 1: her first thought when cheating came up. My wife made 722 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:39,240 Speaker 1: it clear that she was the one who cheated GBH. 723 00:37:39,320 --> 00:37:41,839 Speaker 1: I'm not really too concerned about the narrative here. From 724 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:44,120 Speaker 1: what I can tell, she hasn't said anything bad about 725 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:46,960 Speaker 1: me to our kids. In addition, given her admission of 726 00:37:47,000 --> 00:37:50,000 Speaker 1: recent flirting slash cheating and the fact that she's ready 727 00:37:50,000 --> 00:37:53,040 Speaker 1: to file a joint amicable divorce after six weeks and 728 00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,000 Speaker 1: three counseling sessions, I think she was ready to move 729 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:59,319 Speaker 1: on before I was. It makes the logistics of the 730 00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:02,600 Speaker 1: divorce easy, but it hurts a bit to realize she's 731 00:38:02,640 --> 00:38:06,000 Speaker 1: having an easier time walking away from a twenty year 732 00:38:06,040 --> 00:38:09,960 Speaker 1: marriage than I am. And there is one more comment 733 00:38:11,080 --> 00:38:14,560 Speaker 1: to round it out. Let's close it off strong. Oh boy, 734 00:38:14,840 --> 00:38:17,480 Speaker 1: Opie says, when told not to be surprised if she 735 00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:20,640 Speaker 1: starts dating again. I'm pretty sure that she's already looking. 736 00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:24,400 Speaker 1: We've had one meeting with an equitable divorce mediator and 737 00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:28,080 Speaker 1: she specifically stated that we are married until the divorce 738 00:38:28,160 --> 00:38:32,080 Speaker 1: is final, and any adultery that happens before that date 739 00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:36,719 Speaker 1: could jeopardize the amicable divorce settlement. What it seems kind 740 00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:39,239 Speaker 1: of dumb to me since we're getting divorced due to infidelity, 741 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:43,000 Speaker 1: But my sooner be ex was visibly grumpy when that 742 00:38:43,080 --> 00:38:45,480 Speaker 1: came up. I also imagine that the fact that I'm 743 00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,320 Speaker 1: living in the guest room isn't helping her prospects. So sorry. 744 00:38:48,360 --> 00:38:48,799 Speaker 4: That was. 745 00:38:50,680 --> 00:38:54,160 Speaker 1: The divorce of the divorce council said, don't date people 746 00:38:54,239 --> 00:38:57,040 Speaker 1: because it can mess up the amical divorce. Darg Or 747 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:59,839 Speaker 1: like the amical filence on both sides. Or was saying 748 00:38:59,840 --> 00:39:04,680 Speaker 1: that to presumably no, no, no, presumably to well, telling 749 00:39:04,719 --> 00:39:08,560 Speaker 1: both sides, but argument, but talking to the wife, I 750 00:39:08,600 --> 00:39:12,359 Speaker 1: think to the wife, yeah, but probably I mean they 751 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,239 Speaker 1: were probably talking to both sides, because it'd be weird 752 00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:18,080 Speaker 1: if a therapist was like, hey, hey, hey, you let's 753 00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,160 Speaker 1: finish this up. At the end of the day, I'm 754 00:39:20,160 --> 00:39:23,120 Speaker 1: doing my best to try to accept that our marriage 755 00:39:23,160 --> 00:39:25,640 Speaker 1: is over, and I've been going to therapy on my 756 00:39:25,719 --> 00:39:28,520 Speaker 1: own in addition to our couple therapy to help deal 757 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,799 Speaker 1: with it. I'm mentally prepared for the fact that there's 758 00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:36,320 Speaker 1: a good chance I see the coworker she only dated again. 759 00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,200 Speaker 1: But I'm also hopeful that I can find a place 760 00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:42,319 Speaker 1: and be ready to move out before the divorce is finalized. 761 00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:45,000 Speaker 1: If everything goes well and we can create a plan 762 00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:48,200 Speaker 1: with the mediator, we will be divorced. By summer, I 763 00:39:48,239 --> 00:39:50,839 Speaker 1: will be in my own place and she can just 764 00:39:50,960 --> 00:39:57,640 Speaker 1: date whatever coworker she wants, drop ending it on a 765 00:39:58,400 --> 00:39:59,840 Speaker 1: nice little singer there. 766 00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:04,960 Speaker 3: Yeah wow, wow, Okay, Now what if it was like 767 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,320 Speaker 3: they were dating and it was just one person? 768 00:40:08,080 --> 00:40:09,839 Speaker 1: What do you mean, not ten? It was just one? 769 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:13,200 Speaker 1: I think I think one instance of cheating is but 770 00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:16,960 Speaker 1: while you're dating not married. I don't know, I don't. 771 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:20,800 Speaker 2: I personally think going into it, that's what I thought 772 00:40:20,920 --> 00:40:21,600 Speaker 2: was happening. 773 00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:25,080 Speaker 1: I personally think that marriage does not change the bounds 774 00:40:25,080 --> 00:40:28,239 Speaker 1: of relationship. Marriage is a legal thing. It has not 775 00:40:28,400 --> 00:40:31,839 Speaker 1: change the rules of your relationship that you've set up 776 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,880 Speaker 1: with your partner and the expectations. It's literally just a 777 00:40:34,880 --> 00:40:37,719 Speaker 1: piece of paper. Your relationship should be the same as 778 00:40:37,800 --> 00:40:40,680 Speaker 1: it was before. Yeah, yeah, I agree. 779 00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:46,040 Speaker 2: But I could see the twenty years and one thing 780 00:40:46,080 --> 00:40:50,839 Speaker 2: of cheating and then so those are two wildly different scenarios. 781 00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:54,160 Speaker 2: Oh so I could totally understand someone being like all right, 782 00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:57,319 Speaker 2: she like like if it was like a one night 783 00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,400 Speaker 2: stand or something in college, like yeah. 784 00:41:00,280 --> 00:41:04,279 Speaker 1: No, I understand someone excusing it. Yeah, but I also 785 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:07,200 Speaker 1: understand someone not Yeah. I agree though, that it's like 786 00:41:07,239 --> 00:41:09,520 Speaker 1: street like there's there's some. 787 00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:13,040 Speaker 2: People we know that are like, oh, boyfriends aren't a problem. 788 00:41:13,160 --> 00:41:19,000 Speaker 1: There's there's a workaround that. Like no, no, no. 789 00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:22,000 Speaker 2: It's not it's not can't just work around it, Riley, 790 00:41:22,040 --> 00:41:24,839 Speaker 2: you know these people can't. There's people who say that 791 00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:28,319 Speaker 2: he's unnamed individuals. No, no, they can't do that. 792 00:41:28,440 --> 00:41:30,520 Speaker 1: Can't be doing that. Not a move, not a move 793 00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:37,440 Speaker 1: at all. I hate it. Sorry, I what but we're 794 00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:39,759 Speaker 1: I wouldn't be the same way. I'm not on the 795 00:41:39,760 --> 00:41:42,560 Speaker 1: same way think either, because I don't know that I 796 00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:43,240 Speaker 1: feel like we should. 797 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:46,960 Speaker 2: I don't know if it's I know other future friends 798 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:49,080 Speaker 2: that we've had and it's mostly jokes, but it's like, 799 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:51,280 Speaker 2: ohs a boyfriend. 800 00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:52,840 Speaker 1: That's that's just an obstacle. Oh my god, that's just 801 00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:53,800 Speaker 1: an obtle. 802 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:59,360 Speaker 3: So why would they say that, like like just because 803 00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:00,920 Speaker 3: there's a goalie, I mean, you can't score. 804 00:42:01,200 --> 00:42:05,040 Speaker 1: Like I hate that. I hate that, Like personally, like 805 00:42:05,120 --> 00:42:08,360 Speaker 1: I've had like feelings for people who had partners, but 806 00:42:09,000 --> 00:42:10,480 Speaker 1: I stepped out. I was like, Okay, I'm not I'm 807 00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:11,799 Speaker 1: gonna have to deal with it. And then they broke 808 00:42:11,840 --> 00:42:13,239 Speaker 1: up with their partners and I was like, okay, well, 809 00:42:14,040 --> 00:42:18,200 Speaker 1: you know I'm slide, but like it's not when they 810 00:42:18,239 --> 00:42:20,200 Speaker 1: have a partner like that is you know. 811 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:24,520 Speaker 3: Leave it, let it be, let but just let them 812 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,239 Speaker 3: know you're there. 813 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:28,480 Speaker 1: I don't I don't think you should be flirting with 814 00:42:28,480 --> 00:42:32,360 Speaker 1: people with partners. No, not flirting, but just like aware 815 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,040 Speaker 1: of your presence. I mean you could be a friend 816 00:42:35,080 --> 00:42:40,760 Speaker 1: to them. Yeah, but that's all how friendly Riley, how friendly. 817 00:42:41,120 --> 00:42:45,439 Speaker 3: Like no like like friendly while like you're hanging out 818 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:46,800 Speaker 3: and they don't think about their partner. 819 00:42:46,840 --> 00:42:51,640 Speaker 1: Friendly However, however, I think it is. I think you 820 00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:55,239 Speaker 1: get it's a little risky to be if you're really 821 00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:58,239 Speaker 1: close friends with them, yes, and have feelings with the 822 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:02,560 Speaker 1: expectation I'm just waiting until you break up. Okay, Okay, that's. 823 00:43:03,040 --> 00:43:05,680 Speaker 3: The only reason I say, you know what, I'm the 824 00:43:05,760 --> 00:43:07,160 Speaker 3: mutual friend, I'm the guy. 825 00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:09,920 Speaker 1: Okay. The really reason I say that was because in 826 00:43:10,000 --> 00:43:13,960 Speaker 1: the Notebook. But the Notebook is a bad example. That 827 00:43:14,080 --> 00:43:16,520 Speaker 1: is a bad example of that's a bad example. Not 828 00:43:16,640 --> 00:43:19,440 Speaker 1: saying I'm not saying The Notebook is necessarily a bad movie, 829 00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:24,760 Speaker 1: but that like I'm sorry, he's he literally like threatens 830 00:43:24,760 --> 00:43:29,560 Speaker 1: to like jump off the Farris wheel and then like 831 00:43:29,960 --> 00:43:31,960 Speaker 1: she cheats on her fiance. 832 00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:36,480 Speaker 3: Okay, like yeah, pretty pretty messy. But what I'm trying 833 00:43:36,520 --> 00:43:40,600 Speaker 3: to say is you know she's the one and she 834 00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:43,600 Speaker 3: is with someone else, and you're like, I you don't 835 00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:44,120 Speaker 3: do this a lot. 836 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:45,880 Speaker 1: If you do this a lot, you're a horrible person. 837 00:43:46,200 --> 00:43:48,320 Speaker 3: But I'm just saying that one instance that when in 838 00:43:48,360 --> 00:43:51,040 Speaker 3: since you see someone you're like, yes, that's the person 839 00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:52,920 Speaker 3: I need to talk to them. 840 00:43:53,080 --> 00:43:55,439 Speaker 1: That is when you say that is when you say, hey, 841 00:43:55,640 --> 00:44:00,720 Speaker 1: yous for you, like straight off, you're like, have feelings 842 00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:03,880 Speaker 1: for you, and then you let you let them decide 843 00:44:03,960 --> 00:44:04,799 Speaker 1: and you step back. 844 00:44:05,200 --> 00:44:09,359 Speaker 3: You meet it at the half court, Yeah you don't, Yeah, 845 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:11,479 Speaker 3: you go. You don't go any farther. You go any farther, 846 00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,600 Speaker 3: that's weird. But you let them know. That's what I 847 00:44:13,640 --> 00:44:16,120 Speaker 3: mean by like shooting your shot right and the goalie, 848 00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:17,879 Speaker 3: the goalie is there and you can block it off 849 00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:20,040 Speaker 3: or whatever, but like you gotta let him know. 850 00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:23,480 Speaker 1: It's up to the up to the persons make that decision. 851 00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:25,920 Speaker 2: And if you sit down and you're like very like 852 00:44:26,840 --> 00:44:31,600 Speaker 2: uh like rationally straightforward, like listen, I just wanted to 853 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:32,359 Speaker 2: be honest with you. 854 00:44:32,760 --> 00:44:35,560 Speaker 1: Here's what it is. I'm gonna I'm. 855 00:44:35,400 --> 00:44:38,279 Speaker 2: Gonna step back now, like I I just wanted to 856 00:44:38,320 --> 00:44:40,680 Speaker 2: be honest with you, and and I know that that 857 00:44:40,920 --> 00:44:43,279 Speaker 2: that puts them in such a precarrious position because now 858 00:44:43,320 --> 00:44:45,239 Speaker 2: the either if they have feelings and they have to 859 00:44:45,320 --> 00:44:49,960 Speaker 2: leave the other partner or Chris, yeah, or more more likely, uh, 860 00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,000 Speaker 2: they might have to like leave the friendship with that person. 861 00:44:53,040 --> 00:44:55,320 Speaker 2: And that's not fun. You know, it does kind of 862 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,160 Speaker 2: put the ball in the other person's court. But at 863 00:44:57,239 --> 00:45:00,160 Speaker 2: least that's a respectful way of being like, yeah, let 864 00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:00,600 Speaker 2: you know. 865 00:45:02,040 --> 00:45:04,279 Speaker 1: And step back, leave the rest. I think, I think, 866 00:45:04,440 --> 00:45:07,680 Speaker 1: I mean, definitely that's an uncomfortable situation to be in. However, 867 00:45:07,719 --> 00:45:11,879 Speaker 1: I think it's worse too, like just sit there and wait, 868 00:45:12,040 --> 00:45:19,400 Speaker 1: like expect. Yeah, that's weird. Everybody loses. Everybody loses, especially 869 00:45:19,440 --> 00:45:20,840 Speaker 1: if you wait all that time and then you're like, 870 00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,239 Speaker 1: I have to tell you something weird. 871 00:45:23,239 --> 00:45:25,960 Speaker 2: Yeah, and you just get like it's just it's you 872 00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:29,319 Speaker 2: just bester and yeah. 873 00:45:29,400 --> 00:45:31,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, especially if you see them in a happy relationship. 874 00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:34,160 Speaker 2: Nah, let him be, if you really let them be, 875 00:45:34,280 --> 00:45:35,880 Speaker 2: let him let him be, you love him, let him be. 876 00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:37,600 Speaker 1: That's the best way you can love them. Just let 877 00:45:37,680 --> 00:45:39,479 Speaker 1: them be happy. Free. I've had to leave people because 878 00:45:39,520 --> 00:45:44,240 Speaker 1: I love him. There you go, probably spinning the facts, 879 00:45:45,120 --> 00:45:48,319 Speaker 1: dropping it down. But what time are we app dude? 880 00:45:48,360 --> 00:45:50,319 Speaker 3: We are at forty seven minutes and we got a 881 00:45:50,320 --> 00:45:51,280 Speaker 3: phone call for you guys. 882 00:45:51,400 --> 00:45:54,879 Speaker 1: That means we're calling someone on the Okyo call line. 883 00:45:54,920 --> 00:45:58,120 Speaker 2: If you want to send in your stories, call uh 884 00:45:58,280 --> 00:46:08,040 Speaker 2: oh of course four four zero five Zerughwight effort group 885 00:46:08,080 --> 00:46:10,319 Speaker 2: team effort here. All right, let's hear it? 886 00:46:10,840 --> 00:46:15,960 Speaker 4: Hi, how do I let go? My husband left a 887 00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:19,520 Speaker 4: few days ago after a lot of fighting. I found 888 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:23,279 Speaker 4: out he was lying about a lot of things. 889 00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:27,600 Speaker 2: And I'm guessing those lot of things are a lot 890 00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:29,719 Speaker 2: of very, very. 891 00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:32,400 Speaker 1: Not good things. I would I would assume. 892 00:46:32,360 --> 00:46:34,040 Speaker 2: We're gonna read a little bit more from that title. 893 00:46:34,760 --> 00:46:36,520 Speaker 2: So I found out that he was lying about a 894 00:46:36,520 --> 00:46:38,640 Speaker 2: lot of things. So I decided to put a tracker 895 00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:42,360 Speaker 2: in his car. This was probably five months after he 896 00:46:42,440 --> 00:46:44,879 Speaker 2: told me that he had a five month affair at 897 00:46:44,920 --> 00:46:47,520 Speaker 2: work with a woman, only to find out after I 898 00:46:47,560 --> 00:46:50,600 Speaker 2: put the tracker in that he was sleeping with that person, 899 00:46:51,640 --> 00:46:54,439 Speaker 2: not only a man, but a man that was our 900 00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,719 Speaker 2: best friend and involved in our lives. He left and 901 00:46:58,800 --> 00:47:02,000 Speaker 2: he just doesn't want to come back. I am so sad, 902 00:47:02,080 --> 00:47:04,120 Speaker 2: and I just want him to come home, and I 903 00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:07,560 Speaker 2: just wanted some advice on it. Maybe other people have 904 00:47:07,719 --> 00:47:12,000 Speaker 2: gone through it. Thanks, so wow. So basically it seems like, 905 00:47:13,280 --> 00:47:17,759 Speaker 2: uh op realized, Okay, something's going on. There's some lines 906 00:47:17,800 --> 00:47:20,880 Speaker 2: going on, puts a tracker in his car, finds out 907 00:47:21,080 --> 00:47:25,880 Speaker 2: that her husband is having an affair with another guy. 908 00:47:25,840 --> 00:47:27,640 Speaker 1: Yea, and then. 909 00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:33,680 Speaker 2: We're here, yeah, oh man, all right, give them give 910 00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,600 Speaker 2: him a ring. This is John from a OKOP show 911 00:47:36,600 --> 00:47:42,920 Speaker 2: and Sophia, how you doing so good? We we just 912 00:47:43,040 --> 00:47:48,000 Speaker 2: listened to your voicemail and and we wanted to reach 913 00:47:48,040 --> 00:47:51,160 Speaker 2: out to you and just here a little bit. So, 914 00:47:52,080 --> 00:47:56,560 Speaker 2: uh basically, you what was this five months ago? You 915 00:47:56,800 --> 00:47:59,280 Speaker 2: found out about your husband's affair? 916 00:47:59,400 --> 00:48:03,359 Speaker 4: Right, Yes, he was sleeping with this girl at work, 917 00:48:04,680 --> 00:48:06,640 Speaker 4: and so we said we're going to work it out. 918 00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:11,440 Speaker 4: And he was actually just lying most of the time 919 00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:15,360 Speaker 4: instead of really trying to work it out, but and 920 00:48:15,560 --> 00:48:19,000 Speaker 4: drinking a lot. He was an angry drunk. So in 921 00:48:19,040 --> 00:48:22,719 Speaker 4: December I asked him to get an apartment or get 922 00:48:22,760 --> 00:48:25,480 Speaker 4: some help and get sober, and he decided that he 923 00:48:25,560 --> 00:48:27,760 Speaker 4: was going to go see a therapist and a doctor 924 00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:31,200 Speaker 4: and got on medication and I was so proud of him, 925 00:48:31,840 --> 00:48:36,520 Speaker 4: and then he started lying again. I called him at 926 00:48:36,520 --> 00:48:40,240 Speaker 4: work one day and he called me back and told 927 00:48:40,280 --> 00:48:42,960 Speaker 4: me that he was going to go run an errand, 928 00:48:43,960 --> 00:48:45,920 Speaker 4: and I just thought it sounded weird, like he was 929 00:48:45,920 --> 00:48:47,200 Speaker 4: trying to make it sound like he wasn't going to 930 00:48:47,239 --> 00:48:49,600 Speaker 4: be there if I was about to show up. So 931 00:48:50,360 --> 00:48:52,080 Speaker 4: when he got home that night, he hands me the 932 00:48:52,080 --> 00:48:53,960 Speaker 4: bag of stuff from this errand and the receipts in 933 00:48:54,000 --> 00:48:56,480 Speaker 4: the bag and the time stamp was from before I 934 00:48:56,520 --> 00:48:59,640 Speaker 4: talked to him that day, So I was like, why 935 00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,640 Speaker 4: are you lu about this? And he says, well, I 936 00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:05,840 Speaker 4: don't know why lied. It was really dumb. I just 937 00:49:05,880 --> 00:49:09,040 Speaker 4: don't know. So I couldn't take that as an answer, 938 00:49:09,640 --> 00:49:12,480 Speaker 4: and I put a tracker in his car, and then 939 00:49:12,840 --> 00:49:18,040 Speaker 4: he called, well, he started drinking again just the first 940 00:49:18,080 --> 00:49:21,960 Speaker 4: of this month. And he also got a notification on 941 00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:25,160 Speaker 4: our sense tablet about a Google review from a bar 942 00:49:26,239 --> 00:49:28,640 Speaker 4: a couple of years ago, and I clicked it and 943 00:49:28,680 --> 00:49:30,959 Speaker 4: read it and it was talking about how they weren't 944 00:49:31,000 --> 00:49:33,200 Speaker 4: open the right hours and he really needed a drink. 945 00:49:33,760 --> 00:49:35,719 Speaker 4: So I asked him about it, and I asked if 946 00:49:35,719 --> 00:49:37,960 Speaker 4: he was leaving our baby here while he was going 947 00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:42,120 Speaker 4: to drink it, and he denied it. So I was like, well, 948 00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:44,560 Speaker 4: it's either it's two years old and he's two and 949 00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,360 Speaker 4: a half. So it happened when our baby was home, 950 00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:50,360 Speaker 4: or when I was giantly pregnant with our baby working 951 00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:52,680 Speaker 4: all night, and you were telling me you were home, 952 00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:56,239 Speaker 4: and you know, it's not going to the bar, it's 953 00:49:56,320 --> 00:49:58,640 Speaker 4: the line. So we were fighting the whole next day 954 00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:01,839 Speaker 4: and he calls me at the end of the day 955 00:50:01,840 --> 00:50:04,600 Speaker 4: and says he's got two shop visits to do and 956 00:50:04,920 --> 00:50:06,920 Speaker 4: then he's going to go pick up his daughter and 957 00:50:06,960 --> 00:50:11,439 Speaker 4: come home. And I look at the tracker and he's 958 00:50:11,480 --> 00:50:15,040 Speaker 4: at our friend Jordan's house, and so I called him 959 00:50:15,040 --> 00:50:17,520 Speaker 4: a bunch of times. He called me back like a 960 00:50:17,560 --> 00:50:21,120 Speaker 4: half hour later. I asked what took so long, and 961 00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:24,239 Speaker 4: he kept lying, said it was just shop visits. So 962 00:50:24,400 --> 00:50:26,319 Speaker 4: I didn't tell him. I knew why he was lying, 963 00:50:26,400 --> 00:50:29,520 Speaker 4: but I knew he was lying. And he said he 964 00:50:29,600 --> 00:50:32,520 Speaker 4: was going to move out, And the next day he 965 00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,719 Speaker 4: told his daughter to get some things together and that 966 00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:37,800 Speaker 4: his mom wanted to spend some time with him. And 967 00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,960 Speaker 4: I asked his mom really wanted to spend some time 968 00:50:41,000 --> 00:50:43,759 Speaker 4: with her, or if she knew what was going on, 969 00:50:44,040 --> 00:50:47,960 Speaker 4: and he said both And I said, well, does your 970 00:50:48,000 --> 00:50:50,040 Speaker 4: mom know you were getting sucked by a dude last night? 971 00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:58,080 Speaker 4: And he admitted to what was going on. And the 972 00:50:58,080 --> 00:51:00,360 Speaker 4: only reason I would have put those things together is 973 00:51:00,360 --> 00:51:02,560 Speaker 4: because when he had the affair, I called this friend 974 00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:07,640 Speaker 4: because this is our friend, yeah, and ask for advice. 975 00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:11,560 Speaker 4: And he told me about this use to happen before 976 00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:14,080 Speaker 4: we got together, and I didn't know about it until then. 977 00:51:14,280 --> 00:51:17,440 Speaker 4: So wow, I found out about a lot of different 978 00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:18,239 Speaker 4: things since then. 979 00:51:18,880 --> 00:51:19,440 Speaker 1: Yeah. 980 00:51:19,520 --> 00:51:23,719 Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, first off, I am so so sorry that 981 00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:28,640 Speaker 2: you went through that experience. Let me let me ask you, like, uh, 982 00:51:28,920 --> 00:51:32,520 Speaker 2: I know, it's probably a lot to try to navigate, 983 00:51:32,560 --> 00:51:36,240 Speaker 2: but hopefully you've been able to take some time to 984 00:51:36,880 --> 00:51:40,359 Speaker 2: invest in yourself and you know, self care for lack 985 00:51:40,400 --> 00:51:43,359 Speaker 2: of a better better word, throughout this whole process, Like 986 00:51:43,680 --> 00:51:44,680 Speaker 2: how you know I. 987 00:51:44,680 --> 00:51:50,320 Speaker 4: Never expected to be like a person who was escaping 988 00:51:50,320 --> 00:51:53,040 Speaker 4: an abusive relationship to that it's exactly who I am, 989 00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:58,520 Speaker 4: and it's incredibly it's a humbling experience. You never saw 990 00:51:58,640 --> 00:52:01,120 Speaker 4: that it's going to be you. Yeah, I know all 991 00:52:01,160 --> 00:52:04,279 Speaker 4: the statistics, I know how this stuff this happened, and 992 00:52:04,320 --> 00:52:05,759 Speaker 4: it was it still happened to me. 993 00:52:06,400 --> 00:52:09,760 Speaker 1: Yeah. How long did you know the friend? The best friend? 994 00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:13,600 Speaker 4: Oh, our whole entire relationships? Like five years? 995 00:52:13,800 --> 00:52:14,560 Speaker 1: Oh wow? 996 00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:15,319 Speaker 3: Wow? 997 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:18,040 Speaker 4: Yeah he was our best friend. 998 00:52:18,400 --> 00:52:18,720 Speaker 1: Wow. 999 00:52:18,760 --> 00:52:21,279 Speaker 3: So this is Riley here. How long were you guys 1000 00:52:21,280 --> 00:52:23,200 Speaker 3: together again, you and your husband? 1001 00:52:23,239 --> 00:52:24,200 Speaker 4: I like five years? 1002 00:52:24,400 --> 00:52:27,640 Speaker 1: Five years? Okay wow wow? Well how long do you 1003 00:52:27,640 --> 00:52:28,800 Speaker 1: guys date before you got married? 1004 00:52:30,920 --> 00:52:31,200 Speaker 4: Three? 1005 00:52:31,840 --> 00:52:33,719 Speaker 1: Three? So eight years? Wow? 1006 00:52:34,200 --> 00:52:37,759 Speaker 4: Yeah I've only been married for two yeah yeah, oh 1007 00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:40,000 Speaker 4: oh yeah, totally five yes? 1008 00:52:40,280 --> 00:52:43,920 Speaker 1: Yeah? So where are things right now for you? 1009 00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:48,719 Speaker 4: Right now? He's not he's gone. I mean, he used 1010 00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:50,960 Speaker 4: to put our baby to bed every single night and hasn't. 1011 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,040 Speaker 4: I've offered to leave him, let him spend a night here, 1012 00:52:53,080 --> 00:52:55,839 Speaker 4: and he hasn't wanted to do that. He is off 1013 00:52:56,000 --> 00:52:58,040 Speaker 4: doing whatever he wants to do. And this is my 1014 00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:01,880 Speaker 4: responsibility now. So I'm calling lawyers and left me with 1015 00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:03,960 Speaker 4: two cars that are broken down. So I've got some 1016 00:53:04,000 --> 00:53:06,040 Speaker 4: people who are going to help me fix that, and 1017 00:53:06,080 --> 00:53:08,359 Speaker 4: I've got to find child's care for our son and 1018 00:53:08,760 --> 00:53:11,839 Speaker 4: go to work. And that's breaking my heart. Yeah, and 1019 00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:13,640 Speaker 4: that it's going. 1020 00:53:13,640 --> 00:53:17,799 Speaker 2: To be okay, yeah, yeah, I think you know it's 1021 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:22,080 Speaker 2: I I'm at least glad that I'm sure there's probably 1022 00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:26,120 Speaker 2: just a lot of negative energy and emotions and things, 1023 00:53:26,200 --> 00:53:29,160 Speaker 2: and I'm hoping that him. 1024 00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,600 Speaker 4: Him with drawing it scared. 1025 00:53:32,320 --> 00:53:34,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can, I can. I can only imagine. I 1026 00:53:34,920 --> 00:53:37,840 Speaker 2: can only imagine, and I will say, I will say, 1027 00:53:38,120 --> 00:53:40,040 Speaker 2: you know, as far as advice on this, this is 1028 00:53:40,040 --> 00:53:42,800 Speaker 2: maybe a little bit above our weight class. I'm hoping 1029 00:53:42,880 --> 00:53:45,120 Speaker 2: to see maybe there's someone in the community as well 1030 00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,040 Speaker 2: that maybe has gone gone through some of this that 1031 00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,319 Speaker 2: could share some perspective as well. 1032 00:53:50,440 --> 00:53:52,239 Speaker 1: Yeah, but I also. 1033 00:53:52,560 --> 00:53:55,560 Speaker 2: I also wanted to commend you for just being so 1034 00:53:56,080 --> 00:53:58,640 Speaker 2: strong throughout all this, and I'm sure I'm sure no 1035 00:53:58,800 --> 00:54:01,440 Speaker 2: and has our you know, it's it's probably not often 1036 00:54:01,440 --> 00:54:03,839 Speaker 2: that people are like, hey, you're going through a lot, 1037 00:54:03,920 --> 00:54:08,080 Speaker 2: and you just deserve props for pushing through, for trying 1038 00:54:08,120 --> 00:54:10,480 Speaker 2: to find a solution and taking. 1039 00:54:10,160 --> 00:54:12,600 Speaker 1: Care of your children, taking care of your children. 1040 00:54:12,320 --> 00:54:15,520 Speaker 2: Taking care of yourself, trying trying to help your partner. 1041 00:54:15,840 --> 00:54:18,439 Speaker 2: Like so, I just wanted to say, like, at least 1042 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,680 Speaker 2: props to you for really trying and really pushing and 1043 00:54:22,320 --> 00:54:25,400 Speaker 2: you know, it's doesn't fix everything, of course, but I 1044 00:54:25,480 --> 00:54:29,319 Speaker 2: just wanted to give you some exactly one. 1045 00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,879 Speaker 4: Hundred thank you Guys, your video has like really helped 1046 00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:32,560 Speaker 4: me get through the day. 1047 00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:38,200 Speaker 2: That makes us so happy to hear and I'm I'm 1048 00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,640 Speaker 2: glad that we were able to able to at least, 1049 00:54:40,719 --> 00:54:43,040 Speaker 2: you know, get in touch with you and and hear 1050 00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:47,560 Speaker 2: from you and and just listen honestly and have your 1051 00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:52,120 Speaker 2: your story shared. So wishing you the absolute best of luck, 1052 00:54:52,680 --> 00:54:55,000 Speaker 2: keep us up to day and again hoping hoping that 1053 00:54:55,040 --> 00:54:58,320 Speaker 2: people everyone watching, maybe that's been through a similar situation 1054 00:54:58,400 --> 00:55:01,279 Speaker 2: could potentially share some some advice as well. 1055 00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:04,080 Speaker 4: Have a great night, guys. 1056 00:55:04,200 --> 00:55:06,280 Speaker 1: Thank you you as well, Thank you so much. 1057 00:55:08,040 --> 00:55:13,479 Speaker 2: By man real life things that people are going through. 1058 00:55:14,480 --> 00:55:17,759 Speaker 2: Like I said, I I hope that anyone watching that 1059 00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:22,120 Speaker 2: has been through a similar experience that could share some 1060 00:55:22,160 --> 00:55:23,040 Speaker 2: context and advice. 1061 00:55:23,400 --> 00:55:26,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, please show up below our slash Okop show, hopefully 1062 00:55:26,480 --> 00:55:29,279 Speaker 1: better qualified to hopefully better qualified. 1063 00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:33,480 Speaker 2: Yes, send some love to Op in the comments below.