WEBVTT - Love Stories: Trista & Ryan Sutter

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<v Speaker 1>Hey, there're folks in this episode. The greatest success story

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<v Speaker 1>in Bachelor Nation history and possibly the history of reality

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<v Speaker 1>dating show, Trista and Ryan Sudden. They're here to help us,

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<v Speaker 1>help you, and with that, welcome to this special edition

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<v Speaker 1>of Amy and TJ, where we are going to highlight

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<v Speaker 1>love stories for you and Rodes. We've talked a lot

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<v Speaker 1>about this being break up season, the uncuffing season, and

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<v Speaker 1>well that's just depressing.

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<v Speaker 2>It is because it's also it could also be the

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<v Speaker 2>season of love. Yes, I know that it seemed like

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<v Speaker 2>everybody was breaking up in recent months, and that is true.

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<v Speaker 2>We had what Megan Fox, Machine Gun, Kelly on again,

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<v Speaker 2>off again, so we Kravitz and Channing Tatum. How could

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<v Speaker 2>we forget Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez finalizing their divorce

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<v Speaker 2>that you thought was never going to happen, still holding

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<v Speaker 2>out hope for a reconciliation.

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<v Speaker 1>I am I'm not joking. I really am hoping that

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<v Speaker 1>Ben and Jane get back together.

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<v Speaker 2>I know that would make your twenty twenty Oh my gosh.

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<v Speaker 2>And Matt James and Rachel Kirconnell. Well I'm voting on

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<v Speaker 2>that one too as well. I am hoping for a reconciliation.

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<v Speaker 2>I just am they got to need a beat. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's gonna.

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<v Speaker 1>Take a little while.

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<v Speaker 2>Jessica Alba Cash Warren after sixteen years together Jessica Simpson

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<v Speaker 2>and her husband of ten years, Eric Johnson, but they

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<v Speaker 2>were together forever before that as well.

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<v Speaker 1>So we're seeing all of that, and we did. We

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<v Speaker 1>actually did another episode on a different a different podcast

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<v Speaker 1>that was called Uncuffing Season. We were asking, like, what

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<v Speaker 1>in the world is going on? I guess it makes

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<v Speaker 1>a lot of sense when you stop and think about it.

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<v Speaker 1>Why this is Uncuffing Season?

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<v Speaker 3>What is it?

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<v Speaker 1>December eleventh was the day that's the official breakup day,

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<v Speaker 1>well unofficial, I should say, but people pointed to that

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<v Speaker 1>as a breakup day because that's when somebody did whatever

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<v Speaker 1>study that said that that's the day that people most

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<v Speaker 1>change their Facebook status right from in a relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>To single because they don't want to bring that other

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<v Speaker 2>person or deal with them during the holidays. It's enough already.

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<v Speaker 1>That makes sense to get out of having to deal

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<v Speaker 1>with family. That sounds silly, but it makes.

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<v Speaker 2>Sense, I agree, or other people's family. That way, you

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<v Speaker 2>don't have to include the in laws or the potential

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<v Speaker 2>in laws. In your plans and.

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<v Speaker 1>Then you have gift stress. They say that you don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to have to buy gifts for your person you're with.

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<v Speaker 1>And everybody is in a turning a new leaf mood.

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<v Speaker 1>You're in a mood to make a bold move in

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<v Speaker 1>your life and.

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<v Speaker 2>Out with the old, in with the news.

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<v Speaker 1>And I want to go through all this. I just

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<v Speaker 1>went through a whole year with this bozo.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't want another year.

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<v Speaker 1>So it makes sense why this would be the season

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<v Speaker 1>people would break up. But it also makes sense there's

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<v Speaker 1>a season roads that people are getting together. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>very popular season for getting together.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh, I mean just for body warmth, Alan, I'll take it.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean it's cold out there, right, you want to

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<v Speaker 2>couple up, snuggle up? I get it. And Dating Sunday,

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<v Speaker 2>by the way, is the thing. It's the biggest dating

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<v Speaker 2>app day of the year. It happens right after New

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<v Speaker 2>Year's It's the day the dating websites and the app

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<v Speaker 2>see the most activity in sign ups because people are

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<v Speaker 2>looking for love.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So, I mean I feel bad we focus so

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<v Speaker 1>much on people breaking up. But yes, this is the

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<v Speaker 1>time that I think most people, even if you went

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<v Speaker 1>through a breakup or a difficult time. There is a

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<v Speaker 1>season of hope and renewal and newness, and that's scary.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean it sounds fun and exciting that most of

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<v Speaker 1>the time we talk to people about dating and relationships,

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<v Speaker 1>we're single and it's not positive.

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<v Speaker 2>No, And we love watching We've talked about this before,

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<v Speaker 2>but we are obsessed with relationship shows because you get

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<v Speaker 2>to see where people make mistakes, where people their egos

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<v Speaker 2>get in the way of what could have been otherwise

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<v Speaker 2>a beautiful relationship. And so we're all looking for help.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm taking notes, I'm looking at what not to do,

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<v Speaker 2>relationship advice. I'll take anything i can get because we

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<v Speaker 2>all want the end goal of finding our soulmate, finding

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<v Speaker 2>the love of our life.

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<v Speaker 1>And we're not joking there as we are recording this,

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<v Speaker 1>we kid you not. The te television right now is

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<v Speaker 1>on pause and we're looking at Pastor cal We're looking

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<v Speaker 1>at We're not joking, really looking at his face, greeting

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<v Speaker 1>one of the people who just got married. So of

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<v Speaker 1>marriage proposals actually take place. We talk about uncuffing season,

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<v Speaker 1>but this is a season of love. Between Thanksgiving and

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<v Speaker 1>Valentine Valentine's Day, forty percent of marriage proposals do take place,

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<v Speaker 1>So a lot of people are going through that right now.

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<v Speaker 1>So no matter what stage of your relationship you're in,

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<v Speaker 1>even if you're completely single, you're dating after a couple

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<v Speaker 1>of months, you're newly wet, whatever, everybody is looking for

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<v Speaker 1>some type of advice we could all use a little

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<v Speaker 1>So we thought grows we give folks a little help,

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<v Speaker 1>some advice, not from us, but from a variety of couples.

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<v Speaker 1>A number of questions that we ask the same list

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<v Speaker 1>of relate We ask them all the exact same list

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<v Speaker 1>of questions.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, so in this month of February, which I think

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<v Speaker 2>is a month of love, we are going to give

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<v Speaker 2>you all a couple a day. So we've asked couples

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<v Speaker 2>up leading up until Valentine's Day all the same list

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<v Speaker 2>of relationship questions. Questions like who said I love you first?

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<v Speaker 2>Did your relationship have the support of family and friends?

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<v Speaker 2>How often do you have sex? How often do you fight?

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<v Speaker 2>Do you go to bed angry? You know, we always

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<v Speaker 2>hear relationship experts say, whatever you do, don't go to

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<v Speaker 2>bed angry, But we asked couples if they have done that.

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<v Speaker 2>We even asked them have they threatened to break up

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<v Speaker 2>during an argument.

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<v Speaker 1>Have you not with you? Don't make idle threats. Don't

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<v Speaker 1>make idle threats. So we asked all these questions, but

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<v Speaker 1>twenty to thirty questions we got in with them. But

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<v Speaker 1>it was a diverse bunch that we have here. We

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<v Speaker 1>talked to an interracial couple has a thirty year age

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<v Speaker 1>gap between the two. We got a couple of celebrating

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<v Speaker 1>was eleven years of marriage, but she was married when

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<v Speaker 1>they first met. Curious to hear about that. We got

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<v Speaker 1>an actress and country singer married to her pro soccer habi.

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<v Speaker 1>Then we got a mixed orientation couple you're gonna hear from.

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<v Speaker 1>This is going to be one that's going to get

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<v Speaker 1>you buzzing and talking. When we say mixed rientation, what

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<v Speaker 1>do we mean.

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<v Speaker 2>So it's a gay man who has married a straight

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<v Speaker 2>woman and they are in a sexual a monogamous relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>And it is fascinating to see how love takes so

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<v Speaker 2>many different forms, and actually so many of the couples

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<v Speaker 2>we interviewed DJ just so happened, did not plan this

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<v Speaker 2>that way where the woman is older than the man.

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<v Speaker 2>And these are all successful, not just based on how

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<v Speaker 2>many years they've been together, but just happy couples, and

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<v Speaker 2>that's what we were focused on. We wanted to interview

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<v Speaker 2>happy couples, joyful couples.

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<v Speaker 1>And so we're going to drop a new episode, like

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<v Speaker 1>Rope says, every day leading up to Valentine's Day. Valentine's

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<v Speaker 1>Day Up, First, we have Trista and Ryan Sutter. Trista,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, is the OG of dating reality show. She

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<v Speaker 1>was the first ever bachelorette that was back in two

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<v Speaker 1>thousand and three, and she is she and Ryan. I

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<v Speaker 1>guess Robes, I don't think you could find a bigger

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<v Speaker 1>success story when it comes to reality dating shows than

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<v Speaker 1>those two, and certainly not back.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, and you know I watched this season of Trista

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<v Speaker 2>and Ryan from start to finish, so I have been invested,

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<v Speaker 2>as so many of you are, in their relationship and

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<v Speaker 2>we are so happy to report. Look, they have been

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<v Speaker 2>through the ups and downs. They've been in the ups

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<v Speaker 2>and downs in a very public way, but they haven't

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<v Speaker 2>talked that much about the details in their relationship. So

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<v Speaker 2>without further ado, we're so excited to bring you Trista

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<v Speaker 2>and Ryan. Welcome. How are y'all doing good?

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<v Speaker 4>Thank you, We're good. How are you, guys?

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<v Speaker 2>We're doing great and we're so happy to hear from

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<v Speaker 2>you and to see you all. I mean, you are

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<v Speaker 2>one of the big success stories from the Bachelor franchise.

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<v Speaker 2>It doesn't mean that your marriage or your relationship is perfect,

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<v Speaker 2>but you're still here and that's something too applied.

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<v Speaker 3>Right.

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<v Speaker 4>Yes, we're good, we're happy. You know, we just celebrated

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<v Speaker 4>twenty one years and who would have thought through a

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<v Speaker 4>reality show. You know.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, we've all been rooting for you from afar and

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<v Speaker 2>we want to know a little bit more about your relationship.

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<v Speaker 2>So I'll launch into the first one. You guys, hopefully

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<v Speaker 2>can each answer this. Give us three words to describe

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<v Speaker 2>your relationship right now.

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<v Speaker 4>Trista ooh, oh my gosh. Solid. I would say scheduled,

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<v Speaker 4>just because we're really busy and lasting.

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<v Speaker 1>I like that.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, Ryan, how about you?

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<v Speaker 3>I'm going with best it's been.

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<v Speaker 1>Ah No, that's done. That's well done. Next question though,

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<v Speaker 1>and some people might remember this. I was trying to

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<v Speaker 1>remember the season. But was their immediate chemistry when you

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<v Speaker 1>first met?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh? Yeah, I would say for me, there definitely was.

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<v Speaker 3>I think Christa it was different because she obviously couldn't

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<v Speaker 3>just throw herself at one person. She could have, but

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<v Speaker 3>she didn't.

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<v Speaker 2>She was playing by the rules. She was playing by

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<v Speaker 2>the rule.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I think so right away. I think, you know,

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<v Speaker 3>right as I first got out of the limousine and

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<v Speaker 3>saw her and spoke with her briefly, I think from

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<v Speaker 3>that very instant I knew that there was something there,

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<v Speaker 3>or could potentially be something there. So yeah, I think

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<v Speaker 3>I think it was pretty immediate with me anyway, me.

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<v Speaker 4>Too, Yeah, I mean, he's a good looking, tall drink

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<v Speaker 4>of water, and he got out of the limo and

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<v Speaker 4>didn't even say his name. He was I was like,

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<v Speaker 4>what's your name again? And called me ravishing, So you know,

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<v Speaker 4>when a guy calls you ravishing, your first moments.

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<v Speaker 3>It's done. I don't think I've ever used the term

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<v Speaker 3>prior to or since. I don't know where it came from.

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<v Speaker 2>But yeah, that is very cool.

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<v Speaker 1>All right.

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<v Speaker 2>It's a little interesting because, of course, you guys recording

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<v Speaker 2>on television while Trista was also dating I don't even

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<v Speaker 2>know how many other men. But I'll still ask our

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<v Speaker 2>next question, who made the first move?

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<v Speaker 4>Uh?

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<v Speaker 3>I would say it was me because I had written

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<v Speaker 3>Trista a poem prior to even going on the show,

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<v Speaker 3>because you know that you're going to be competition. Seems

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<v Speaker 3>like the wrong word, but it's competition, And so you

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<v Speaker 3>wanted to do something to stand out. And so I

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<v Speaker 3>had written her a quick poem based on a little

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<v Speaker 3>bit of information I knew about her through the news basically,

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<v Speaker 3>so and I gave her that poem on the first night,

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<v Speaker 3>just so that she would be able there would be

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<v Speaker 3>something that might make me stand out a little bit,

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<v Speaker 3>so that I can at least get on make it

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<v Speaker 3>through the first night.

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<v Speaker 1>Twest to that sound about right? That was the first move.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, And then and then he wrote me another poem

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<v Speaker 4>when we went on our one on one to see

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<v Speaker 4>world And and then he wrote me like little notes

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<v Speaker 4>like under the table kind of you know that I

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<v Speaker 4>could read while the cameras weren't filming, and like those

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<v Speaker 4>just little moments really like stood out to me.

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<v Speaker 1>Next question, I don't know if this took place on

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<v Speaker 1>the show. Who said I love you first?

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<v Speaker 3>Well me for sure, Oh, he definitely did.

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<v Speaker 4>In actually in the little letter that he wrote me,

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<v Speaker 4>he handed me a note when we were just getting

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<v Speaker 4>back from our one on one, right, or just leaving

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<v Speaker 4>for our one on one and no, it was in Veil.

0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:09.079
<v Speaker 4>It was in Veil on his like hometown. And he

0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:11.719
<v Speaker 4>handed me a note in the car and I read

0:12:11.760 --> 0:12:14.040
<v Speaker 4>it and he had told me that he left me

0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:14.240
<v Speaker 4>in the.

0:12:14.280 --> 0:12:17.640
<v Speaker 3>Letter and she did not see it.

0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:21.480
<v Speaker 2>She said thank you, thank you so much.

0:12:21.480 --> 0:12:24.440
<v Speaker 3>So she did not say it back.

0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:27.480
<v Speaker 1>You know, how long Ryan before you got the I

0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:28.080
<v Speaker 1>love you too?

0:12:30.200 --> 0:12:34.280
<v Speaker 3>Not till the very end, and she was pretty adamant.

0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:36.920
<v Speaker 3>I guess based on her prior experience on the other show.

0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:40.679
<v Speaker 3>She has lots of excuses, but she was pretty adamant

0:12:40.720 --> 0:12:45.000
<v Speaker 3>about not telling me until the very end, despite the

0:12:45.040 --> 0:12:48.040
<v Speaker 3>fact that I would. We had moments where there was

0:12:48.400 --> 0:12:51.160
<v Speaker 3>no one else around and I would be like, you know, hey,

0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:52.600
<v Speaker 3>there's no one else around.

0:12:52.320 --> 0:12:53.560
<v Speaker 2>Like you could just you can tell me.

0:12:53.720 --> 0:12:56.280
<v Speaker 3>I mean, you're not going to be spilling the beans.

0:12:56.320 --> 0:12:58.440
<v Speaker 3>But she wouldn't do it, so I had to wait

0:12:58.600 --> 0:12:59.959
<v Speaker 3>till the till the last moment.

0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:02.320
<v Speaker 4>Didn't you tell he's harboring something?

0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:07.000
<v Speaker 2>He's still not over it. It's funny. Our next question

0:13:07.480 --> 0:13:10.520
<v Speaker 2>is l for both of you all because I was.

0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:14.720
<v Speaker 2>We asked how long before you got engaged? While you

0:13:14.720 --> 0:13:17.240
<v Speaker 2>were dating? We saw it was on television. So you

0:13:17.280 --> 0:13:20.480
<v Speaker 2>got engaged at the end of the Bachelorette. But how

0:13:20.520 --> 0:13:23.040
<v Speaker 2>long were you engaged before you actually got married?

0:13:24.080 --> 0:13:24.440
<v Speaker 4>A year?

0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:27.120
<v Speaker 3>Not even a year?

0:13:27.360 --> 0:13:29.520
<v Speaker 4>Well, no, we got engaged in November, and then we

0:13:29.559 --> 0:13:30.800
<v Speaker 4>got married in December.

0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:34.560
<v Speaker 3>Oh truely, we got engaged in real life in November,

0:13:34.600 --> 0:13:37.960
<v Speaker 3>but this show didn't air until February, So as far

0:13:38.040 --> 0:13:40.640
<v Speaker 3>as the world was concerned, we were engaged for Yeah,

0:13:40.800 --> 0:13:43.319
<v Speaker 3>however long that was. But but yeah, a little less

0:13:43.360 --> 0:13:45.559
<v Speaker 3>than a year. I think we were officially engaged.

0:13:45.679 --> 0:13:48.600
<v Speaker 4>No, a little more than a year, a little more

0:13:48.600 --> 0:13:50.520
<v Speaker 4>than He's really good at math usually.

0:13:50.679 --> 0:13:56.199
<v Speaker 1>But this is great. See, this is an experienced couple.

0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:58.160
<v Speaker 1>They know each other well and it's coming through this

0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:00.680
<v Speaker 1>next question. We kind of on in some of the

0:14:00.720 --> 0:14:03.800
<v Speaker 1>earlier answers you gave. But still, if your believers in

0:14:03.840 --> 0:14:06.880
<v Speaker 1>there being a one out there for each of you,

0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:09.640
<v Speaker 1>did you all know or how long did it take

0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:12.439
<v Speaker 1>before you came around to the idea that you had

0:14:12.520 --> 0:14:14.440
<v Speaker 1>found the one in each other?

0:14:17.200 --> 0:14:20.920
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I when we went to Seattle on our

0:14:21.040 --> 0:14:27.400
<v Speaker 4>like fantasy suite weekend or you know date, That's when

0:14:27.440 --> 0:14:31.080
<v Speaker 4>I knew that I was thinking I was thinking more

0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:34.960
<v Speaker 4>about him than I was the other guys during the

0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:37.720
<v Speaker 4>whole fantasy suite thing, like, even with the other guys,

0:14:37.760 --> 0:14:42.080
<v Speaker 4>I was thinking about him so and yes, I said,

0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:45.640
<v Speaker 4>we went to Seattle for our fantasy, not to Bora,

0:14:45.760 --> 0:14:47.960
<v Speaker 4>Bora or Australia or.

0:14:49.520 --> 0:14:50.080
<v Speaker 2>Seattle.

0:14:52.560 --> 0:14:58.760
<v Speaker 4>Anyway, that's when I thought, And that was probably a

0:14:58.880 --> 0:15:03.600
<v Speaker 4>month in. But I think if you're the lead of

0:15:03.680 --> 0:15:07.520
<v Speaker 4>the show, you have to believe unless you have other intentions.

0:15:08.080 --> 0:15:11.400
<v Speaker 4>But if you're there for the right reasons, then you

0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:15.480
<v Speaker 4>have to believe that there is the one out there.

0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:17.840
<v Speaker 4>You know, that's why you're That's why you're doing it,

0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:18.880
<v Speaker 4>That's why I was doing it.

0:15:19.520 --> 0:15:20.280
<v Speaker 2>How about you, Ryan?

0:15:20.800 --> 0:15:24.200
<v Speaker 3>I think there's two phases, Like I thought that she

0:15:24.400 --> 0:15:27.280
<v Speaker 3>was the one during the show, but do you you

0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:30.680
<v Speaker 3>come to realize that the show is is such a

0:15:30.720 --> 0:15:35.400
<v Speaker 3>microcosm and you're so focused on each other that it's

0:15:35.440 --> 0:15:39.040
<v Speaker 3>hard not to think that you're almost driven in that direction.

0:15:39.160 --> 0:15:43.080
<v Speaker 3>And then the show ends and we had to be

0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:45.720
<v Speaker 3>separated for somewhere around three months. You'll have to ask

0:15:45.760 --> 0:15:49.040
<v Speaker 3>her exactly how long. I don't know, apparently can't keep

0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:54.720
<v Speaker 3>back of time. But there's there's this separation that you have,

0:15:54.920 --> 0:16:00.000
<v Speaker 3>like real life comes back into play. She's the bachelorette

0:16:00.160 --> 0:16:02.240
<v Speaker 3>and so everyone she's doing all sorts of fun things,

0:16:02.320 --> 0:16:05.280
<v Speaker 3>going to Super Bowl parties, and I'm back at work

0:16:05.280 --> 0:16:08.920
<v Speaker 3>at the firehouse. Like so at that point, all we

0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:10.240
<v Speaker 3>could do is talk on the phone and have a

0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:12.560
<v Speaker 3>few little meetings. And I think at that point is

0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:17.560
<v Speaker 3>when I really realized, Okay, she's despite she's the fact

0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:20.600
<v Speaker 3>that she's become really famous and doing all these really

0:16:20.600 --> 0:16:23.440
<v Speaker 3>fun things and getting to hang out with like Bradley

0:16:23.480 --> 0:16:26.360
<v Speaker 3>Cooper and all sorts of people who I would I

0:16:26.400 --> 0:16:30.440
<v Speaker 3>would easily leave me for, and she's not. So I

0:16:30.480 --> 0:16:32.760
<v Speaker 3>think at that point I thought, you know, because you're

0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:35.240
<v Speaker 3>for so long you're competing for her heart, but you

0:16:35.280 --> 0:16:38.920
<v Speaker 3>don't ever feel like she's has to do anything to

0:16:38.960 --> 0:16:42.280
<v Speaker 3>compete for you, Like she's just sort of taking in

0:16:42.280 --> 0:16:46.640
<v Speaker 3>and all of these different proposals from all these different

0:16:46.640 --> 0:16:49.200
<v Speaker 3>people and choosing one at the end. And then you're

0:16:49.280 --> 0:16:52.080
<v Speaker 3>left with this like, well, I wonder, you know, like

0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:55.880
<v Speaker 3>if she really like she didn't have to sell herself

0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:58.280
<v Speaker 3>to me, really, I just had to sell myself to her.

0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:03.400
<v Speaker 3>And then through that process of her and how she

0:17:03.520 --> 0:17:06.760
<v Speaker 3>dealt with the ramifications of the show, and then when

0:17:06.840 --> 0:17:09.640
<v Speaker 3>we were able to get together, how well she protected

0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:11.359
<v Speaker 3>I'm not good at this type of stuff, and so

0:17:11.400 --> 0:17:14.600
<v Speaker 3>she did a great job of protecting me from it,

0:17:16.040 --> 0:17:18.760
<v Speaker 3>shielded me from a lot of the things that I

0:17:18.800 --> 0:17:20.800
<v Speaker 3>didn't want to have to deal to deal with, or

0:17:20.800 --> 0:17:22.280
<v Speaker 3>a lot of the places I didn't want to have

0:17:22.320 --> 0:17:26.439
<v Speaker 3>to go. And so I just she it became obvious

0:17:26.480 --> 0:17:29.399
<v Speaker 3>that she was really on my side and that she

0:17:29.680 --> 0:17:34.600
<v Speaker 3>chose me, she chose me for a reason, and that

0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:36.760
<v Speaker 3>she didn't really have to sell herself to me at

0:17:36.800 --> 0:17:38.680
<v Speaker 3>that point. And so this is a really long winded

0:17:38.680 --> 0:17:43.120
<v Speaker 3>answer to your question, but I think that's that's kind

0:17:43.119 --> 0:17:45.640
<v Speaker 3>of when I knew is is when real life came

0:17:45.680 --> 0:17:46.840
<v Speaker 3>in and she was still there.

0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:49.840
<v Speaker 2>I love that.

0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:50.560
<v Speaker 4>Now.

0:17:50.680 --> 0:17:52.720
<v Speaker 2>Is there an age difference between the two of.

0:17:52.680 --> 0:17:55.680
<v Speaker 3>You and she's way older?

0:17:56.800 --> 0:18:00.320
<v Speaker 4>How much I'm not way older? Two years?

0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.359
<v Speaker 2>Okay? Two years? What did that have any impact at

0:18:03.400 --> 0:18:05.200
<v Speaker 2>all on your relationship? Do you think did it make

0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:08.760
<v Speaker 2>you think any differently about being two years older than

0:18:08.760 --> 0:18:09.160
<v Speaker 2>your guy?

0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:12.320
<v Speaker 4>No, he's mature enough.

0:18:15.000 --> 0:18:17.760
<v Speaker 1>Okay, we knew you weren't way older when he made

0:18:17.760 --> 0:18:19.399
<v Speaker 1>a joke about you being way older.

0:18:20.680 --> 0:18:24.880
<v Speaker 2>You can make that joke, because he likes to make

0:18:24.960 --> 0:18:30.119
<v Speaker 2>jokes all the time. Like, she's fine, four and a half,

0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:31.760
<v Speaker 2>four and a half exactly.

0:18:32.480 --> 0:18:34.600
<v Speaker 1>She was in college. I was still in junior high school.

0:18:34.600 --> 0:18:36.680
<v Speaker 1>It's just the truth of the matter is what he does.

0:18:36.720 --> 0:18:41.400
<v Speaker 1>It's fine. This is about justin Ryan. Next question here now,

0:18:41.560 --> 0:18:43.720
<v Speaker 1>of course, just so, you went on the show because

0:18:43.760 --> 0:18:45.720
<v Speaker 1>you wanted to get married, and Ryan, you were on

0:18:45.760 --> 0:18:47.520
<v Speaker 1>the show because you were looking for a relationship and

0:18:47.560 --> 0:18:50.480
<v Speaker 1>to get married. But why that step? And I guess

0:18:50.480 --> 0:18:53.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm asking it's different, difficult because of how you all met,

0:18:53.280 --> 0:18:56.239
<v Speaker 1>But how would your relationship be different if you had

0:18:56.280 --> 0:18:59.439
<v Speaker 1>gotten together and been dating but not taking that extra

0:18:59.520 --> 0:19:03.560
<v Speaker 1>step of getting married. Why it was marriage so important?

0:19:04.160 --> 0:19:06.720
<v Speaker 4>I mean, I think that it's just your way to

0:19:06.880 --> 0:19:11.159
<v Speaker 4>show your commitment. You know, in my mind, I'm pretty

0:19:11.200 --> 0:19:15.919
<v Speaker 4>traditional when it comes to that kind of stuff, and

0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:18.720
<v Speaker 4>that's how I always That's what I grew up thinking.

0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:22.520
<v Speaker 4>You know, I wanted to find a man, get engaged,

0:19:22.520 --> 0:19:25.320
<v Speaker 4>get married, have babies, you know, probably in that order,

0:19:26.280 --> 0:19:30.320
<v Speaker 4>and that's what happened, thankfully. But yeah, I feel like

0:19:30.359 --> 0:19:34.119
<v Speaker 4>it's just a way to tell the world that you

0:19:34.359 --> 0:19:37.679
<v Speaker 4>are committing to each other. For forever.

0:19:40.480 --> 0:19:43.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And I mean I think Trista was thirty on

0:19:43.800 --> 0:19:46.119
<v Speaker 3>the show. I was twenty eight on the show. And

0:19:46.200 --> 0:19:50.159
<v Speaker 3>so you're at that point where you're both of us

0:19:50.200 --> 0:19:52.359
<v Speaker 3>had lived quite a bit of life, and we sort

0:19:52.359 --> 0:19:54.679
<v Speaker 3>of had been through relationships and we knew what we

0:19:54.680 --> 0:19:57.760
<v Speaker 3>were looking for and what we weren't. Again, the show

0:19:57.920 --> 0:20:01.679
<v Speaker 3>like really condenses things, so really you get swept up

0:20:01.720 --> 0:20:05.320
<v Speaker 3>in it. I think normally you wouldn't ask someone to

0:20:05.359 --> 0:20:07.640
<v Speaker 3>marry you after six weeks or whatever it was and

0:20:08.280 --> 0:20:12.920
<v Speaker 3>a handful of dates, but but it really is this

0:20:13.040 --> 0:20:16.280
<v Speaker 3>intense time and all you're focused on is that one person,

0:20:16.320 --> 0:20:20.199
<v Speaker 3>so you just you get sort of, I don't know,

0:20:20.240 --> 0:20:24.400
<v Speaker 3>brainwashed a little bit. And then once we got engaged,

0:20:24.480 --> 0:20:26.880
<v Speaker 3>I mean, obviously you can lots of people call that off,

0:20:26.960 --> 0:20:29.400
<v Speaker 3>but like I said, after that point, when we really

0:20:29.400 --> 0:20:32.320
<v Speaker 3>got to know each other, it became clear to both

0:20:32.359 --> 0:20:35.360
<v Speaker 3>of us that we didn't want to waste any time

0:20:35.400 --> 0:20:40.480
<v Speaker 3>with it. We may as well just get officially married

0:20:40.480 --> 0:20:43.240
<v Speaker 3>and move on as quickly as possible.

0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:47.000
<v Speaker 4>He actually has said that if they had had somebody

0:20:47.040 --> 0:20:50.480
<v Speaker 4>there to marry us that day, like he would have

0:20:50.480 --> 0:20:55.840
<v Speaker 4>gotten married when we got engaged instead, because he didn't

0:20:55.960 --> 0:21:00.919
<v Speaker 4>need the whole, you know, hullabaloo of our wedding. I

0:21:00.960 --> 0:21:03.320
<v Speaker 4>thought it was amazing. It was my lifetime dream, so

0:21:04.000 --> 0:21:06.960
<v Speaker 4>he let me have it. But he very well could

0:21:07.000 --> 0:21:09.000
<v Speaker 4>have gotten married that day. You know.

0:21:09.440 --> 0:21:14.359
<v Speaker 3>Plus I hate I hate saying it, so as quick

0:21:14.400 --> 0:21:17.520
<v Speaker 3>as I could get past this is my fiance. That

0:21:17.680 --> 0:21:22.680
<v Speaker 3>was my wife's way back, just that fiance middle ground

0:21:22.680 --> 0:21:23.320
<v Speaker 3>I couldn't stand.

0:21:24.040 --> 0:21:26.000
<v Speaker 1>And we're trying to graduate out of boyfriend and go

0:21:26.080 --> 0:21:27.680
<v Speaker 1>forrid Yeah, we're like, how old are we?

0:21:27.840 --> 0:21:30.520
<v Speaker 2>How do I have a boyfriend when I'm fifty one?

0:21:30.800 --> 0:21:32.160
<v Speaker 2>You know, that's ridiculous.

0:21:34.080 --> 0:21:35.080
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I understand.

0:21:44.040 --> 0:21:47.760
<v Speaker 2>Did you have? Was your relationship supported by your friends

0:21:47.760 --> 0:21:50.600
<v Speaker 2>and your family, especially because of the unconventional way you

0:21:50.640 --> 0:21:51.080
<v Speaker 2>all met.

0:21:52.880 --> 0:21:55.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, but there were a couple of my friends, like

0:21:55.040 --> 0:21:57.720
<v Speaker 4>we actually went to New York to tell our friends

0:21:58.680 --> 0:22:00.480
<v Speaker 4>that they were going to be in our wedding party.

0:22:01.200 --> 0:22:05.800
<v Speaker 4>And there were definitely a couple friends who I think

0:22:06.520 --> 0:22:09.320
<v Speaker 4>and they might have been nudged a little bit by producers,

0:22:09.480 --> 0:22:12.680
<v Speaker 4>but I think they were a little hesitant just because

0:22:12.960 --> 0:22:15.119
<v Speaker 4>we had only known each other for six weeks and

0:22:15.160 --> 0:22:18.159
<v Speaker 4>there were other guys involved, and you know, it was

0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:22.480
<v Speaker 4>a reality show. And no one had ever created a

0:22:22.480 --> 0:22:26.720
<v Speaker 4>successful relationship to that point out of a dating reality show.

0:22:27.440 --> 0:22:31.359
<v Speaker 4>So yeah, I did have a couple of friends that

0:22:32.720 --> 0:22:37.800
<v Speaker 4>were a little hesitant, but in the end, everyone was

0:22:38.000 --> 0:22:40.680
<v Speaker 4>super supportive and still continues to be to this day.

0:22:42.440 --> 0:22:46.040
<v Speaker 3>Thing for you, I think I think my mom. My

0:22:46.119 --> 0:22:48.840
<v Speaker 3>mom is very traditional, both my parents are very traditional.

0:22:49.480 --> 0:22:53.119
<v Speaker 3>I think they just celebrated their fifty seven wedding anniversary

0:22:53.280 --> 0:22:58.400
<v Speaker 3>something looked like really long, and she, I think had

0:22:58.440 --> 0:23:06.480
<v Speaker 3>an issue with not having ever met my fiance and

0:23:06.520 --> 0:23:08.239
<v Speaker 3>now all of a sudden, I had a fiance, you know.

0:23:08.280 --> 0:23:10.359
<v Speaker 3>Like I think it was that part of it, Like

0:23:10.400 --> 0:23:12.960
<v Speaker 3>she she would have liked. I mean she she did

0:23:13.119 --> 0:23:15.439
<v Speaker 3>meet her on the show as part of the like

0:23:15.480 --> 0:23:18.520
<v Speaker 3>the hometown thing, but it wasn't like she never really

0:23:18.520 --> 0:23:20.080
<v Speaker 3>got to know her and she never really had to

0:23:20.080 --> 0:23:22.919
<v Speaker 3>sit down with her and figure out who this woman

0:23:23.040 --> 0:23:25.600
<v Speaker 3>was that I was now getting married to. And it

0:23:25.680 --> 0:23:29.200
<v Speaker 3>was a circus around all of it. So I think

0:23:29.440 --> 0:23:33.359
<v Speaker 3>my mom would have rather had an opportunity to slow

0:23:33.440 --> 0:23:37.919
<v Speaker 3>things down a little bit and just remove all that

0:23:38.000 --> 0:23:41.760
<v Speaker 3>ancillary stuff that was going on around us and really

0:23:41.800 --> 0:23:44.439
<v Speaker 3>just get to know us as a couple prior to

0:23:44.840 --> 0:23:46.439
<v Speaker 3>I mean she really probably didn't get to know us

0:23:46.480 --> 0:23:49.919
<v Speaker 3>as a couple until after we were and we're married

0:23:50.040 --> 0:23:53.119
<v Speaker 3>and now we have a great relationship. It's just for her.

0:23:53.200 --> 0:23:54.920
<v Speaker 3>I think that was really tough and she was probably

0:23:54.960 --> 0:23:59.520
<v Speaker 3>the one person that she didn't not support us. But

0:23:59.600 --> 0:24:02.280
<v Speaker 3>I think you would have rather seen it go a different.

0:24:01.960 --> 0:24:05.199
<v Speaker 1>Way any mom. That makes sense, right? You see as

0:24:05.200 --> 0:24:07.000
<v Speaker 1>a baby get buried, and that's not the way she

0:24:07.000 --> 0:24:08.680
<v Speaker 1>would want it to go down. But good to hear

0:24:08.720 --> 0:24:11.840
<v Speaker 1>things are going well in that area now. But how

0:24:11.880 --> 0:24:15.600
<v Speaker 1>many you'll said twenty one years of marriage now, but

0:24:15.720 --> 0:24:18.920
<v Speaker 1>go back for me, both of you describe your first

0:24:19.040 --> 0:24:21.000
<v Speaker 1>year of marriage. How would you describe it?

0:24:22.720 --> 0:24:24.880
<v Speaker 4>Oh, a whirlwind? I mean.

0:24:26.520 --> 0:24:27.000
<v Speaker 3>That was.

0:24:29.160 --> 0:24:32.520
<v Speaker 4>The wedding. I think twenty six million people watched the wedding,

0:24:32.720 --> 0:24:39.040
<v Speaker 4>so it was it was a crazy time, like just

0:24:39.200 --> 0:24:42.320
<v Speaker 4>crazy time. And we had lots of fun opportunities that

0:24:42.359 --> 0:24:45.119
<v Speaker 4>we tried to take advantage of. But it was a whirlwind.

0:24:46.000 --> 0:24:51.080
<v Speaker 4>It wasn't like a normal you know relationship had we

0:24:51.160 --> 0:24:52.440
<v Speaker 4>met not on the show.

0:24:53.400 --> 0:24:55.800
<v Speaker 3>I mean, yeah, we went through so many, so many

0:24:56.280 --> 0:25:02.080
<v Speaker 3>great experiences and so many frustrating experiences. We were involved

0:25:02.119 --> 0:25:08.439
<v Speaker 3>in everything from lawsuits to like like celebrations, Like it

0:25:08.560 --> 0:25:11.920
<v Speaker 3>was all over the map. We were traveling constantly. And

0:25:12.000 --> 0:25:14.560
<v Speaker 3>that's kind of what I mean about when I really

0:25:14.640 --> 0:25:18.240
<v Speaker 3>knew that she was the right one, because she she

0:25:18.400 --> 0:25:20.439
<v Speaker 3>was just so good at handling all of it and

0:25:20.640 --> 0:25:23.320
<v Speaker 3>so good at helping me deal with all of it

0:25:23.440 --> 0:25:26.120
<v Speaker 3>because it stresses all that stuff sort of stresses me out.

0:25:26.119 --> 0:25:29.840
<v Speaker 3>And so at the very end, result of that first

0:25:29.920 --> 0:25:32.320
<v Speaker 3>year was I think, at just a much tighter bond

0:25:32.600 --> 0:25:35.960
<v Speaker 3>and a much more confidence in who we were as

0:25:36.000 --> 0:25:39.320
<v Speaker 3>individuals and how we could support each other, you know,

0:25:39.400 --> 0:25:42.399
<v Speaker 3>throughout the next twenty years at that point. But we

0:25:42.440 --> 0:25:43.879
<v Speaker 3>had a ton of fun. We had to do so

0:25:43.920 --> 0:25:48.879
<v Speaker 3>many fun things, you know, we were we were on

0:25:48.920 --> 0:25:51.600
<v Speaker 3>the cover of magazines all of a sudden, and then

0:25:51.840 --> 0:25:56.159
<v Speaker 3>that that alone just makes your life different and so

0:25:57.000 --> 0:26:00.000
<v Speaker 3>to have to deal to, you know, like I think,

0:26:00.000 --> 0:26:01.359
<v Speaker 3>I think for you guys, there are a lot of

0:26:01.400 --> 0:26:06.040
<v Speaker 3>people who who want to be in television or movies,

0:26:06.400 --> 0:26:09.479
<v Speaker 3>like they kind of work towards that. For us, it

0:26:09.560 --> 0:26:12.320
<v Speaker 3>was like one day I'm just going to work, and

0:26:12.359 --> 0:26:14.960
<v Speaker 3>the next day I'm in the grocery store and there

0:26:15.040 --> 0:26:17.879
<v Speaker 3>there's my wife and ire on on in the grocery

0:26:17.920 --> 0:26:21.920
<v Speaker 3>store Aslan. It was a really big difference between those

0:26:21.960 --> 0:26:24.880
<v Speaker 3>two things. And so that first year was a whole

0:26:24.880 --> 0:26:27.000
<v Speaker 3>lot of that. And they tell you on the show

0:26:27.119 --> 0:26:28.720
<v Speaker 3>before you go on the show, like, hey, you can

0:26:28.760 --> 0:26:30.960
<v Speaker 3>expect I forget what it is a couple of months.

0:26:31.000 --> 0:26:33.560
<v Speaker 3>They're like, hey, probably me a couple of months there

0:26:33.640 --> 0:26:36.600
<v Speaker 3>where your life's going to be a little different and

0:26:37.320 --> 0:26:40.119
<v Speaker 3>you know, just you know, just weather the storm and

0:26:40.160 --> 0:26:42.840
<v Speaker 3>you'll be fine. And it was not a couple of moms.

0:26:43.760 --> 0:26:46.920
<v Speaker 3>It was a long time and so but it was great.

0:26:46.960 --> 0:26:49.919
<v Speaker 3>Like I said that, it was all great, Well, it

0:26:49.960 --> 0:26:51.920
<v Speaker 3>wasn't all great, but the end of result was all great.

0:26:52.640 --> 0:26:55.159
<v Speaker 3>We came through it all and we survived and so

0:26:56.200 --> 0:26:57.919
<v Speaker 3>and here we are twenty one years later. But I

0:26:57.920 --> 0:27:01.560
<v Speaker 3>think that first year really was. It really gave us

0:27:01.640 --> 0:27:03.760
<v Speaker 3>the foundation to survive a lot of other things that

0:27:03.840 --> 0:27:06.120
<v Speaker 3>came up throughout the next twenty years.

0:27:06.320 --> 0:27:08.639
<v Speaker 2>I love that it either would have it made you

0:27:08.760 --> 0:27:10.760
<v Speaker 2>or it would have broken you, and it made you,

0:27:10.840 --> 0:27:13.360
<v Speaker 2>And I think that's really cool. Now, the next question

0:27:13.480 --> 0:27:16.479
<v Speaker 2>I'm going to say, we ask, we're asking everyone, how

0:27:16.520 --> 0:27:20.560
<v Speaker 2>would you describe your sex life now versus then?

0:27:20.600 --> 0:27:25.320
<v Speaker 4>Even now versus then well, I mean twenty one years later, Yeah,

0:27:25.320 --> 0:27:29.240
<v Speaker 4>and two teenagers who are who walk in your room,

0:27:29.640 --> 0:27:33.040
<v Speaker 4>you know, looking for Q tips or whatever. You know,

0:27:33.200 --> 0:27:39.880
<v Speaker 4>without having it is a bit more.

0:27:40.680 --> 0:27:41.919
<v Speaker 3>It's less spontaneous.

0:27:42.000 --> 0:27:45.320
<v Speaker 4>Yes, what's the what's the opposite of spontaneous?

0:27:45.359 --> 0:27:45.919
<v Speaker 1>Scheduled?

0:27:47.119 --> 0:27:52.400
<v Speaker 3>But I feel like, I mean, I'm the male side

0:27:52.440 --> 0:27:55.840
<v Speaker 3>of the relationship, so I always am like trying to

0:27:55.880 --> 0:27:57.760
<v Speaker 3>get a little bit more out of that end of things.

0:27:58.280 --> 0:28:01.760
<v Speaker 3>But I don't feel like I can complain. I think

0:28:01.800 --> 0:28:04.200
<v Speaker 3>that I think that we do a really good job,

0:28:04.240 --> 0:28:08.359
<v Speaker 3>and honestly, I think that's a part of why we've

0:28:08.480 --> 0:28:11.919
<v Speaker 3>lasted so long as we've We've maintained that part of

0:28:11.920 --> 0:28:15.680
<v Speaker 3>our life despite having kids or everything else. And sometimes

0:28:15.760 --> 0:28:18.560
<v Speaker 3>the kids part makes it more fun, like you have

0:28:18.680 --> 0:28:20.960
<v Speaker 3>to be a little bit more creative with things or

0:28:21.040 --> 0:28:25.840
<v Speaker 3>quick or whatever, and so there are advantages to that.

0:28:26.720 --> 0:28:30.919
<v Speaker 3>But I feel like I really, I really push that

0:28:31.040 --> 0:28:34.199
<v Speaker 3>into things. And so so if it were if we're

0:28:34.320 --> 0:28:35.480
<v Speaker 3>for me, I'm not sure it would be as good

0:28:35.480 --> 0:28:36.560
<v Speaker 3>as it is now.

0:28:37.720 --> 0:28:42.440
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I'm not involved at all, nobody.

0:28:42.440 --> 0:28:44.720
<v Speaker 2>It's good to feel wanted, isn't it. It sounds like

0:28:44.800 --> 0:28:46.800
<v Speaker 2>you said we are Yeah, Well.

0:28:46.640 --> 0:28:48.920
<v Speaker 1>How important that sex is one thing, but just as

0:28:48.960 --> 0:28:51.960
<v Speaker 1>a matter of physical touch, when you're sitting next to

0:28:52.000 --> 0:28:54.800
<v Speaker 1>each other and so and specifically walking down the street,

0:28:54.840 --> 0:28:56.880
<v Speaker 1>do you hold hands? How important is that stuff and

0:28:56.920 --> 0:28:58.760
<v Speaker 1>how much does it play a role in your relationship?

0:28:59.840 --> 0:29:03.000
<v Speaker 4>We do, unless we're walking our dog because he's a

0:29:03.040 --> 0:29:07.440
<v Speaker 4>little much to handle sometimes. So yes, when we're laying

0:29:07.480 --> 0:29:10.400
<v Speaker 4>on the couch watching the show, we're either right next

0:29:10.400 --> 0:29:12.800
<v Speaker 4>to each other or holding hands or our legs are

0:29:13.040 --> 0:29:19.200
<v Speaker 4>pretzeled together. Yeah, I mean I love physical touch. I

0:29:19.240 --> 0:29:21.720
<v Speaker 4>love a BackRub, you know, I could take more of

0:29:21.720 --> 0:29:26.400
<v Speaker 4>that all day. So and and we're not like PDA,

0:29:26.720 --> 0:29:31.280
<v Speaker 4>I don't feel like but we're we're you know, we'll

0:29:31.320 --> 0:29:34.720
<v Speaker 4>definitely touch out in public and not worry about it,

0:29:34.920 --> 0:29:37.080
<v Speaker 4>you know, holding hands.

0:29:37.920 --> 0:29:41.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I love being close to my wife and in

0:29:41.680 --> 0:29:46.200
<v Speaker 3>a non sexual way. It's it's great. I think. I

0:29:46.200 --> 0:29:49.160
<v Speaker 3>think like most couples, we have different sorts of temperatures

0:29:49.200 --> 0:29:51.560
<v Speaker 3>we sleep at. So it's hard. When we were little,

0:29:52.240 --> 0:29:53.920
<v Speaker 3>when we're little, when we were.

0:29:58.840 --> 0:30:00.800
<v Speaker 1>That's good, that's good.

0:30:03.880 --> 0:30:07.840
<v Speaker 3>Years ago, like you would be like you would spoon

0:30:07.920 --> 0:30:10.800
<v Speaker 3>and sleep and stuff, and we don't do that now

0:30:10.840 --> 0:30:14.120
<v Speaker 3>because she gets way too hot and so I'll try

0:30:14.160 --> 0:30:16.560
<v Speaker 3>to sneak like a foot over and put my foot

0:30:16.640 --> 0:30:17.720
<v Speaker 3>under her foot or something.

0:30:17.880 --> 0:30:21.680
<v Speaker 4>Stay away. I cannot have anybody anywhere near me. It's

0:30:21.760 --> 0:30:22.600
<v Speaker 4>menopause time.

0:30:23.400 --> 0:30:26.760
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, so there's none of those like high school sleeping

0:30:26.840 --> 0:30:31.040
<v Speaker 3>on the couch, So we have to figure out other

0:30:31.120 --> 0:30:35.840
<v Speaker 3>ways to to express that. But I think we do

0:30:35.920 --> 0:30:36.880
<v Speaker 3>it a pretty good job.

0:30:38.240 --> 0:30:45.480
<v Speaker 2>We're laughing because you just described us. How often do

0:30:45.560 --> 0:30:46.200
<v Speaker 2>you all fight?

0:30:49.000 --> 0:30:53.000
<v Speaker 4>I mean, we've got a healthy fighting relationship. I would say,

0:30:53.800 --> 0:30:58.280
<v Speaker 4>I don't know, not that often. Maybe like once every

0:30:58.880 --> 0:31:01.200
<v Speaker 4>month or two months or three months, I don't know,

0:31:01.280 --> 0:31:01.920
<v Speaker 4>something like that.

0:31:02.360 --> 0:31:05.560
<v Speaker 3>I think we disagree on things, yeah, a lot. We

0:31:05.600 --> 0:31:11.120
<v Speaker 3>have different philosophies on different things. But I usually just

0:31:11.240 --> 0:31:14.360
<v Speaker 3>have to to lose and then we move on.

0:31:14.560 --> 0:31:17.040
<v Speaker 4>Oh that's interesting. I'm glad are you recording this?

0:31:18.360 --> 0:31:21.600
<v Speaker 3>Eventually, if the disagreement's ever going to end, I just

0:31:21.640 --> 0:31:22.320
<v Speaker 3>have to be like, all.

0:31:22.320 --> 0:31:24.440
<v Speaker 1>Right, fine, Well is that not accurate?

0:31:24.800 --> 0:31:27.720
<v Speaker 3>Like there have been times that we've gotten in bigger,

0:31:28.000 --> 0:31:28.920
<v Speaker 3>bigger arguments.

0:31:30.600 --> 0:31:34.040
<v Speaker 4>Oh yeah, for the years, but not like big blowout ones.

0:31:34.400 --> 0:31:39.040
<v Speaker 4>I mean years between, Like when we have big blowout ones.

0:31:39.120 --> 0:31:42.920
<v Speaker 3>You know, we don't harbor, we don't like hold grudges,

0:31:43.080 --> 0:31:47.160
<v Speaker 3>and so when something is bothering someone, it usually gets

0:31:47.160 --> 0:31:51.240
<v Speaker 3>brought to the surface pretty quickly and then resolved. And

0:31:51.280 --> 0:31:53.880
<v Speaker 3>it doesn't always get resolved and like hug it out,

0:31:53.880 --> 0:31:56.480
<v Speaker 3>we're good. It gets resolved in Okay, fine, I'm going

0:31:56.560 --> 0:31:59.080
<v Speaker 3>to take the dog for a walk and you go

0:31:59.120 --> 0:32:01.840
<v Speaker 3>to your office and then eventually everything calms back down

0:32:01.880 --> 0:32:07.440
<v Speaker 3>and we're fine. But yeah, dealing with conflict and disagreement

0:32:10.320 --> 0:32:13.520
<v Speaker 3>is a challenge for sure, and I think we we've

0:32:13.560 --> 0:32:18.440
<v Speaker 3>had those challenges certainly, but we get through and we

0:32:18.480 --> 0:32:21.400
<v Speaker 3>want to be an example to our kids of not

0:32:21.560 --> 0:32:24.600
<v Speaker 3>perfection of hey, you're you're not always going to agree

0:32:24.640 --> 0:32:29.120
<v Speaker 3>with each other, but you're that the disagreements that we

0:32:29.200 --> 0:32:33.240
<v Speaker 3>have have never ever affected the love that we have.

0:32:34.040 --> 0:32:37.600
<v Speaker 3>So you may have a disagreement in the moment, but

0:32:38.160 --> 0:32:40.840
<v Speaker 3>your overall love for each other, as long as that

0:32:40.880 --> 0:32:44.120
<v Speaker 3>stays high, you're going to come out the other end

0:32:44.160 --> 0:32:47.920
<v Speaker 3>of the disagreement usually just fine. But and so we've

0:32:47.960 --> 0:32:50.000
<v Speaker 3>never had an issue with that. We've never lost love

0:32:50.040 --> 0:32:53.360
<v Speaker 3>for each other. We've just not agreed sometimes.

0:32:53.440 --> 0:32:55.840
<v Speaker 4>And I think humor has a lot to deal with it. Obviously.

0:32:55.880 --> 0:32:59.280
<v Speaker 4>We love to laugh and joke around, and I feel

0:32:59.280 --> 0:33:03.360
<v Speaker 4>like once we've kind of stewed for a minute and

0:33:05.360 --> 0:33:09.240
<v Speaker 4>you know, been upset, had our time, then we start

0:33:09.360 --> 0:33:12.720
<v Speaker 4>joking around with each other, and I feel like that

0:33:13.640 --> 0:33:18.760
<v Speaker 4>humor has allowed us to get over ourselves or get

0:33:18.800 --> 0:33:21.840
<v Speaker 4>over the situation or whatever's happening, and kind of come

0:33:21.880 --> 0:33:22.400
<v Speaker 4>back together.

0:33:23.160 --> 0:33:24.719
<v Speaker 1>This is kind of freaky, isn't it. You all are

0:33:24.760 --> 0:33:28.640
<v Speaker 1>describing so much of oh, really exactly what. I love

0:33:28.720 --> 0:33:31.200
<v Speaker 1>that and humor is a big part of it. You

0:33:31.360 --> 0:33:33.560
<v Speaker 1>got to be able to laugh as much as life

0:33:33.560 --> 0:33:35.920
<v Speaker 1>throws at you, especially when you got kids and things

0:33:35.920 --> 0:33:39.000
<v Speaker 1>and families of balance. Man, laughter is a big deal

0:33:39.960 --> 0:33:42.080
<v Speaker 1>if you all the mind when you do fight, though,

0:33:42.160 --> 0:33:45.520
<v Speaker 1>do you all like variety or do you find yourselves

0:33:45.560 --> 0:33:48.520
<v Speaker 1>fighting about the same damn thing all the time?

0:33:48.880 --> 0:33:50.840
<v Speaker 4>I mean, yeah, we'll find about the same thing, But

0:33:50.880 --> 0:33:53.040
<v Speaker 4>I feel like there are different things. I mean, as

0:33:53.080 --> 0:33:57.840
<v Speaker 4>your kids get older, just different scenarios, you know, play

0:33:57.840 --> 0:34:01.720
<v Speaker 4>out in your life. And I think that there are

0:34:02.280 --> 0:34:08.040
<v Speaker 4>there are themes, certainly, but I think there's also some

0:34:08.040 --> 0:34:08.680
<v Speaker 4>some variety.

0:34:08.760 --> 0:34:09.560
<v Speaker 2>It just depends.

0:34:09.800 --> 0:34:12.840
<v Speaker 4>It depends on the moment and the menopause, Like where

0:34:12.880 --> 0:34:17.160
<v Speaker 4>the menopause is sitting in the cycle, and whether or

0:34:17.200 --> 0:34:20.040
<v Speaker 4>not he's gotten sleep, and whether or not he's gotten sex,

0:34:20.120 --> 0:34:21.600
<v Speaker 4>and whether or not he's gotten food.

0:34:21.800 --> 0:34:26.280
<v Speaker 3>And Yeah, generally I'm pretty agreeable with those three things

0:34:26.280 --> 0:34:33.000
<v Speaker 3>that once that's taken care of, I'll agree to just

0:34:33.000 --> 0:34:33.600
<v Speaker 3>about anyway.

0:34:34.760 --> 0:34:41.480
<v Speaker 4>Again, you're recording this, I'm gonna I'm gonna.

0:34:40.120 --> 0:34:43.440
<v Speaker 3>I think disagreements on everything from we have the usual

0:34:43.480 --> 0:34:47.040
<v Speaker 3>things like like parents in law and money and those

0:34:47.080 --> 0:34:51.080
<v Speaker 3>sorts of things and and children, and then we have

0:34:51.200 --> 0:34:53.000
<v Speaker 3>like we just had a disagreement the other day on

0:34:53.400 --> 0:34:57.520
<v Speaker 3>neuterating our dog. Like I personally would love for the

0:34:57.560 --> 0:35:00.000
<v Speaker 3>poor little fellow to be able to keep him him

0:35:00.120 --> 0:35:03.760
<v Speaker 3>self intact because I'm a guy. I'm like, I don't

0:35:03.880 --> 0:35:06.080
<v Speaker 3>I don't know, Like he seems fine, poor guys. I

0:35:06.080 --> 0:35:10.759
<v Speaker 3>don't hate to do that to any living but he's, uh,

0:35:11.320 --> 0:35:14.000
<v Speaker 3>he's a rescue and apparently we signed an agreement that

0:35:14.400 --> 0:35:17.360
<v Speaker 3>you can't keep him that way. So I'm going to

0:35:17.440 --> 0:35:17.879
<v Speaker 3>lose that.

0:35:18.160 --> 0:35:21.360
<v Speaker 4>He literally was doing training. He was doing save the

0:35:21.400 --> 0:35:22.120
<v Speaker 4>balls training.

0:35:22.200 --> 0:35:25.279
<v Speaker 3>I think we've been doing Coda and Coda is the dog,

0:35:25.480 --> 0:35:28.640
<v Speaker 3>and I've been doing save my nuts training. Yeah, I

0:35:28.680 --> 0:35:31.960
<v Speaker 3>was like, if I can make him super well, behaved,

0:35:32.200 --> 0:35:35.520
<v Speaker 3>then no one can have an argument about he's too like,

0:35:36.200 --> 0:35:39.719
<v Speaker 3>he's too testosteronefilled. So and he's been doing a great job.

0:35:39.760 --> 0:35:42.359
<v Speaker 3>The poor guy has been doing a great job. He's

0:35:42.360 --> 0:35:45.239
<v Speaker 3>going to try to save it. And if they're not

0:35:45.280 --> 0:35:46.440
<v Speaker 3>going to be able to save.

0:35:46.239 --> 0:35:51.320
<v Speaker 1>It, wait, have you started online campaign hashtag save my nuts?

0:35:51.440 --> 0:35:53.279
<v Speaker 1>That's out there.

0:35:56.040 --> 0:35:57.480
<v Speaker 3>That's not a bad idea.

0:35:58.280 --> 0:36:01.759
<v Speaker 1>Man, You know dog lovers will come to them of course.

0:36:01.840 --> 0:36:05.120
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, well, we signed a contract, so I don't know

0:36:05.160 --> 0:36:06.080
<v Speaker 4>if we're getting out of that.

0:36:06.200 --> 0:36:08.879
<v Speaker 3>But sorry, Oh I love it.

0:36:08.960 --> 0:36:10.120
<v Speaker 4>I think that's hysterical.

0:36:18.920 --> 0:36:21.000
<v Speaker 2>I'm gonna do a two part one on this one.

0:36:21.320 --> 0:36:23.920
<v Speaker 2>Do you remember the last time you said I'm sorry

0:36:24.040 --> 0:36:27.279
<v Speaker 2>to one another? And do you guys and have you

0:36:27.320 --> 0:36:28.520
<v Speaker 2>guys gone to bed angry?

0:36:29.280 --> 0:36:32.680
<v Speaker 4>Oh? Yes, number two, we have definitely gotten to bed angry.

0:36:32.719 --> 0:36:36.120
<v Speaker 4>I think that actually, you know, I feel like it's

0:36:36.520 --> 0:36:40.160
<v Speaker 4>something that everyone says the best advice that you can

0:36:40.160 --> 0:36:43.240
<v Speaker 4>give when you're giving advice to somebody who's newly married

0:36:43.320 --> 0:36:45.520
<v Speaker 4>or whatever is never go to bed angry. And I'm like,

0:36:45.600 --> 0:36:48.680
<v Speaker 4>I totally disagree with that. I feel like sometimes you

0:36:48.719 --> 0:36:51.719
<v Speaker 4>just have to go to bed angry and and think

0:36:51.760 --> 0:36:53.839
<v Speaker 4>about it and sleep on it and then wake up

0:36:53.840 --> 0:36:56.319
<v Speaker 4>in the morning and talk it through, or maybe not,

0:36:56.560 --> 0:36:59.560
<v Speaker 4>or maybe wait another day. Like however long it takes

0:36:59.600 --> 0:37:01.640
<v Speaker 4>you to get to the place where you feel like

0:37:01.680 --> 0:37:06.399
<v Speaker 4>you're calm and able to have a sane conversation, then

0:37:06.480 --> 0:37:10.920
<v Speaker 4>do it. So the second one, for sure, we have

0:37:10.960 --> 0:37:13.640
<v Speaker 4>gone to bed angry. I don't like it because I

0:37:13.800 --> 0:37:16.400
<v Speaker 4>like to talk things through, like right when they're happening.

0:37:16.960 --> 0:37:19.960
<v Speaker 4>But sometimes just it doesn't happen. Like he goes to

0:37:20.000 --> 0:37:22.719
<v Speaker 4>bed early. I go to bed pretty late, depending on

0:37:22.800 --> 0:37:27.160
<v Speaker 4>like the kids' schedules, whatever, And sometimes it just doesn't

0:37:27.840 --> 0:37:31.359
<v Speaker 4>happen in time. You know, you just don't have Logistically,

0:37:31.400 --> 0:37:35.640
<v Speaker 4>it just can't happen. So don't to anyone listening, don't

0:37:35.680 --> 0:37:38.560
<v Speaker 4>ever get hung up on that go to bed angry.

0:37:38.719 --> 0:37:40.560
<v Speaker 4>You'll wake up, it'll be a new day and hopefully

0:37:40.560 --> 0:37:41.359
<v Speaker 4>you can talk it through.

0:37:42.160 --> 0:37:42.839
<v Speaker 1>I agree with that.

0:37:43.120 --> 0:37:46.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I would say we rarely go to bed angry.

0:37:45.920 --> 0:37:48.000
<v Speaker 4>Right, that's true. I'm not angry angry.

0:37:48.000 --> 0:37:49.839
<v Speaker 3>There are times when we go to bed and we

0:37:49.920 --> 0:37:54.000
<v Speaker 3>haven't resolved the disagreement. Yeah, but like when like fuming angry,

0:37:54.040 --> 0:37:57.120
<v Speaker 3>no one can sleep, and so at that point I

0:37:57.520 --> 0:37:59.640
<v Speaker 3>have to get something, otherwise you're just going to lay there.

0:38:00.400 --> 0:38:06.520
<v Speaker 3>You eventually are now tired and angry, which if thing works,

0:38:06.760 --> 0:38:12.640
<v Speaker 3>that's not gonna be Like that doesn't happen often. I think, like, well,

0:38:12.640 --> 0:38:14.960
<v Speaker 3>the last time we said sorry, I feel like I

0:38:15.040 --> 0:38:17.319
<v Speaker 3>say sorry a lot a lot.

0:38:17.239 --> 0:38:19.120
<v Speaker 4>Of mistakes, really sorry a lot.

0:38:19.320 --> 0:38:22.319
<v Speaker 3>Didn't we just work through something? We did?

0:38:22.480 --> 0:38:28.160
<v Speaker 4>Just sorry, like two days ago. Yes, there was there

0:38:28.200 --> 0:38:32.359
<v Speaker 4>was some frustration happening, and we definitely said's not too

0:38:32.440 --> 0:38:36.400
<v Speaker 4>long ago, so you know, And actually that's one the

0:38:36.440 --> 0:38:39.040
<v Speaker 4>biggest question that we get asked, and you probably have

0:38:39.120 --> 0:38:44.719
<v Speaker 4>it on your list, is what is the secret? And

0:38:44.719 --> 0:38:46.880
<v Speaker 4>I don't think it's a secret. Like one of the

0:38:46.920 --> 0:38:52.480
<v Speaker 4>things is forgiving the little the little things that happen

0:38:52.520 --> 0:38:54.439
<v Speaker 4>in your life, like if you're in a bad mood

0:38:54.480 --> 0:38:56.520
<v Speaker 4>and you say something that's hurtful or what and you

0:38:56.520 --> 0:38:59.920
<v Speaker 4>don't even realize that you say something that's hurtful. Like actually,

0:39:00.080 --> 0:39:05.520
<v Speaker 4>just saying I'm sorry can work wonders in a relationship.

0:39:05.640 --> 0:39:11.440
<v Speaker 4>So I think saying sorry should happen more frequently, you know,

0:39:11.680 --> 0:39:14.759
<v Speaker 4>for healthy relationships. Why are you like laughing? He's like

0:39:14.960 --> 0:39:17.600
<v Speaker 4>he's like smirking or getting ready to break out.

0:39:17.719 --> 0:39:20.360
<v Speaker 3>Oh, it's true. No, I'm not. I'm not.

0:39:22.480 --> 0:39:25.120
<v Speaker 4>He's like, we're not getting in a fight over this podcast.

0:39:25.920 --> 0:39:30.440
<v Speaker 3>It is like the power of those words. Like there

0:39:30.480 --> 0:39:34.279
<v Speaker 3>have been times when when Trista is so mad at me,

0:39:34.520 --> 0:39:37.359
<v Speaker 3>so mad, and I don't really know. Sometimes I don't

0:39:37.400 --> 0:39:39.560
<v Speaker 3>know exactly why. I kind of think I know why,

0:39:39.600 --> 0:39:43.200
<v Speaker 3>but I don't know exactly why. And if I just

0:39:43.440 --> 0:39:49.240
<v Speaker 3>say I'm sorry, like and mean it, it's like over

0:39:49.640 --> 0:39:53.399
<v Speaker 3>and I'll be like, I can't believe all I had

0:39:53.440 --> 0:39:57.799
<v Speaker 3>to do was just say I'm sorry and all of

0:39:57.840 --> 0:40:02.120
<v Speaker 3>this like this like tension in our house is suddenly like, oh,

0:40:02.120 --> 0:40:05.759
<v Speaker 3>it's gone. I'm like, this is an It's an amazingly

0:40:05.920 --> 0:40:09.359
<v Speaker 3>powerful thing if you can do it with you know,

0:40:09.480 --> 0:40:13.640
<v Speaker 3>and actually mean it. So that's a lesson I've definitely

0:40:13.719 --> 0:40:17.080
<v Speaker 3>learned and some and sometimes I'm I can really like

0:40:17.680 --> 0:40:21.280
<v Speaker 3>I can really mean it without sort of even inside myself,

0:40:21.320 --> 0:40:24.440
<v Speaker 3>I'm like, okay, like I still think I'm right, but

0:40:25.200 --> 0:40:28.960
<v Speaker 3>I'm sorry. And then and then it's gone. I still

0:40:29.000 --> 0:40:31.520
<v Speaker 3>like I get what to walk away and like complain

0:40:31.560 --> 0:40:35.279
<v Speaker 3>to myself about feeling like I was still rough right,

0:40:35.600 --> 0:40:37.720
<v Speaker 3>but at least the tension in the house is gone.

0:40:39.120 --> 0:40:40.239
<v Speaker 3>That's powerful.

0:40:45.400 --> 0:40:49.080
<v Speaker 1>You have got all the secrets to a very happy

0:40:49.120 --> 0:40:51.360
<v Speaker 1>and healthy merits. I'd love to And to your point,

0:40:52.080 --> 0:40:53.319
<v Speaker 1>there was a lot of thing. I got it from

0:40:53.320 --> 0:40:56.600
<v Speaker 1>my pastor. He would always say, it's not what people say.

0:40:56.920 --> 0:40:59.680
<v Speaker 1>The most painful words are the words that what people

0:40:59.719 --> 0:41:03.080
<v Speaker 1>don't say, and i'm sorry is among them. That it's

0:41:03.200 --> 0:41:05.480
<v Speaker 1>most hurtful to not hear that. Then most of the

0:41:05.480 --> 0:41:07.399
<v Speaker 1>things that come out of people's mouth. Do I say

0:41:07.400 --> 0:41:07.880
<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry?

0:41:08.360 --> 0:41:12.000
<v Speaker 2>You do, yes, But you just say I'm sorry, you don't.

0:41:12.360 --> 0:41:15.720
<v Speaker 2>I kind of sometimes want to know why you're sorry.

0:41:16.040 --> 0:41:17.920
<v Speaker 1>Oh God, it's never never not.

0:41:20.400 --> 0:41:22.040
<v Speaker 4>Same, same amy, same, same.

0:41:22.280 --> 0:41:24.960
<v Speaker 2>Okay, thank you, because I feel like you're just saying

0:41:25.000 --> 0:41:28.480
<v Speaker 2>it for the exact reasons why Ryan just explained.

0:41:28.520 --> 0:41:32.319
<v Speaker 1>Okay, well Ryan, Ryan, send me the play by play

0:41:32.320 --> 0:41:36.080
<v Speaker 1>of how to actually deliver me I'm sorry. So that's effective.

0:41:37.040 --> 0:41:39.080
<v Speaker 1>What would you say next question here? What would you say?

0:41:39.120 --> 0:41:42.839
<v Speaker 1>I'll start with you, Ryan. You love most about your

0:41:42.840 --> 0:41:46.040
<v Speaker 1>wife and has that changed over time?

0:41:48.719 --> 0:41:53.120
<v Speaker 3>No? I think she's just a giver. She has a

0:41:53.280 --> 0:41:57.520
<v Speaker 3>motherly quality about her even when we didn't have kids,

0:41:57.640 --> 0:41:59.960
<v Speaker 3>and I alluded to it earlier. She just wants to

0:42:00.040 --> 0:42:03.200
<v Speaker 3>take care of you. She wants to protect you, almost

0:42:03.320 --> 0:42:05.640
<v Speaker 3>to a fault. Sometimes with our kids, I have I

0:42:05.680 --> 0:42:07.279
<v Speaker 3>feel like I have to be the one to say

0:42:08.600 --> 0:42:10.600
<v Speaker 3>you got you. Gotta let them go a little bit

0:42:10.640 --> 0:42:13.880
<v Speaker 3>and and find their own way and make their own mistakes.

0:42:13.960 --> 0:42:19.000
<v Speaker 3>And she just is so good and it's just come

0:42:19.120 --> 0:42:22.600
<v Speaker 3>so naturally for her to be just a caregiver of

0:42:22.880 --> 0:42:25.440
<v Speaker 3>all kinds, like of her mom, of my mom, of me,

0:42:25.760 --> 0:42:29.640
<v Speaker 3>of our kids, a dog, like whatever. She's always involved

0:42:29.680 --> 0:42:34.160
<v Speaker 3>in the kids' activities, and she just she just loves,

0:42:34.520 --> 0:42:38.520
<v Speaker 3>as you know, as much as it sometimes stresses her out.

0:42:38.560 --> 0:42:42.560
<v Speaker 3>She just loves being the person to organize things and

0:42:42.600 --> 0:42:44.439
<v Speaker 3>take care of things and make sure things are going

0:42:44.480 --> 0:42:47.960
<v Speaker 3>well and make sure that everybody's doing okay. And I've

0:42:47.960 --> 0:42:51.480
<v Speaker 3>always I've loved that when when the focus was on me,

0:42:51.640 --> 0:42:53.479
<v Speaker 3>and I love it now that the focus is on

0:42:54.000 --> 0:42:58.880
<v Speaker 3>our kids. She's just really good at being a mom

0:42:59.040 --> 0:43:01.279
<v Speaker 3>to people who are or even her kids.

0:43:01.760 --> 0:43:04.759
<v Speaker 1>And just what would you say your favorite thing about him?

0:43:04.800 --> 0:43:05.560
<v Speaker 1>And has it changed?

0:43:07.920 --> 0:43:13.120
<v Speaker 4>I would say probably his humor. I love laughter. I

0:43:13.200 --> 0:43:17.719
<v Speaker 4>love being able to have fun together. I mean, what

0:43:17.880 --> 0:43:20.360
<v Speaker 4>is life if you're not laughing and having fun? You know?

0:43:21.080 --> 0:43:23.799
<v Speaker 4>I mean obviously you're going to have days that you

0:43:23.960 --> 0:43:31.160
<v Speaker 4>just don't want to laugh, and that hasn't changed. He's

0:43:31.239 --> 0:43:33.719
<v Speaker 4>always had the gift of being able to make me

0:43:33.800 --> 0:43:36.840
<v Speaker 4>laugh and make me smile, and I love that.

0:43:37.600 --> 0:43:40.080
<v Speaker 2>I want to know, and I think this is a

0:43:40.080 --> 0:43:43.359
<v Speaker 2>cause for a lot of relationship issues. How do you

0:43:43.520 --> 0:43:50.040
<v Speaker 2>all handle finances, household chores, the parenting, all the things

0:43:50.080 --> 0:43:53.560
<v Speaker 2>that like just weigh you down in life. Couples tend

0:43:53.640 --> 0:43:56.319
<v Speaker 2>to fight about do you have shared accounts? Do you

0:43:56.320 --> 0:43:58.319
<v Speaker 2>have separate accounts? Can you explain a little bit how

0:43:58.400 --> 0:44:01.680
<v Speaker 2>you figured out how to on your household and have

0:44:01.880 --> 0:44:04.320
<v Speaker 2>that enhance your marriage instead of divided.

0:44:04.800 --> 0:44:07.640
<v Speaker 3>I think we've kind of gone with where our strengths are.

0:44:09.080 --> 0:44:13.000
<v Speaker 3>I think I initially started out managing our finances and

0:44:14.040 --> 0:44:18.799
<v Speaker 3>trist is just meticulous, and so she sort of took

0:44:18.840 --> 0:44:21.359
<v Speaker 3>over the balancing of the checkbooks and then that sort

0:44:21.360 --> 0:44:22.880
<v Speaker 3>of stuff.

0:44:22.920 --> 0:44:24.120
<v Speaker 4>He doesn't believe in that.

0:44:25.480 --> 0:44:27.680
<v Speaker 3>I'm a little bit less particulous when it comes to

0:44:27.719 --> 0:44:31.920
<v Speaker 3>that part of things, but I am super meticulous about

0:44:31.960 --> 0:44:35.000
<v Speaker 3>like my truck is always clean, and I don't I

0:44:35.000 --> 0:44:39.200
<v Speaker 3>don't like like in my profession, like at the firehouse,

0:44:39.760 --> 0:44:42.239
<v Speaker 3>like the dishwasher is always emptied in the morning, and

0:44:42.280 --> 0:44:44.920
<v Speaker 3>we do. We clean the bathrooms every day, and we

0:44:44.960 --> 0:44:48.400
<v Speaker 3>like everything is clean, the truck is clean, like everything.

0:44:48.440 --> 0:44:53.520
<v Speaker 3>And so I've sort of gravitated towards the cooking and

0:44:53.640 --> 0:44:58.040
<v Speaker 3>cleaning side of the house, and she's gravitated towards the

0:44:58.080 --> 0:45:02.759
<v Speaker 3>taxes and check book side of the house. I see, Yeah,

0:45:03.400 --> 0:45:06.840
<v Speaker 3>that just kind of happens sort of naturally.

0:45:07.400 --> 0:45:10.400
<v Speaker 4>Although I will say, like when the kids were young

0:45:10.800 --> 0:45:16.640
<v Speaker 4>or little, they I was doing the cooking mainly for

0:45:16.840 --> 0:45:18.839
<v Speaker 4>all of us. You know, when he's gone, he's gone

0:45:18.880 --> 0:45:21.040
<v Speaker 4>for twenty four hour shifts or he used to be

0:45:21.040 --> 0:45:24.719
<v Speaker 4>gone for forty eight hour shifts sometimes, So I was

0:45:24.760 --> 0:45:29.560
<v Speaker 4>handling that and I remember specifically one day I was

0:45:29.920 --> 0:45:34.719
<v Speaker 4>just over it. I was like, I can't cook anymore

0:45:34.800 --> 0:45:37.279
<v Speaker 4>and I was in such a bad mood. And he

0:45:37.320 --> 0:45:39.399
<v Speaker 4>came in and it was one of those moments where

0:45:39.400 --> 0:45:41.480
<v Speaker 4>he was like, how can I help, Like what's going on?

0:45:42.760 --> 0:45:45.480
<v Speaker 4>And I said, do you remember when we first met

0:45:45.520 --> 0:45:47.640
<v Speaker 4>and I told you that I was not born with

0:45:47.680 --> 0:45:52.040
<v Speaker 4>the cooking gene. Well that still stands today, and I

0:45:52.280 --> 0:45:54.200
<v Speaker 4>just hate it. It puts me in the worst mood

0:45:54.320 --> 0:45:56.080
<v Speaker 4>to have to figure out what we're going to eat

0:45:56.160 --> 0:45:59.680
<v Speaker 4>and buy all the groceries and then no one likes

0:45:59.719 --> 0:46:02.520
<v Speaker 4>it or whatever, you know, the pressure and just getting

0:46:02.520 --> 0:46:06.200
<v Speaker 4>it done because I'm trying to do everything and I

0:46:06.320 --> 0:46:09.000
<v Speaker 4>just can't. And from that day forward, he kind of

0:46:09.000 --> 0:46:11.800
<v Speaker 4>took over cooking, like at least dinner, you know, lunches

0:46:11.880 --> 0:46:16.560
<v Speaker 4>and breakfast everyone can do on their own. But that

0:46:16.719 --> 0:46:21.120
<v Speaker 4>was a huge, huge help. So I think he said

0:46:21.160 --> 0:46:26.440
<v Speaker 4>it best. And we have figured out over the years

0:46:26.480 --> 0:46:31.120
<v Speaker 4>what our strengths are and just kind of each person

0:46:31.160 --> 0:46:35.120
<v Speaker 4>has taken whatever we feel we can do best at.

0:46:35.920 --> 0:46:40.000
<v Speaker 4>We do have joint accounts, and that gets a little

0:46:40.040 --> 0:46:45.280
<v Speaker 4>hard because like Christmas shopping, I get like the credit

0:46:45.320 --> 0:46:48.920
<v Speaker 4>card notifications when there's a purchase being made, you know,

0:46:49.280 --> 0:46:52.560
<v Speaker 4>and like he feels like he can't do anything.

0:46:54.320 --> 0:46:56.800
<v Speaker 3>Like every time I order something out of the ordinary,

0:46:57.040 --> 0:47:01.400
<v Speaker 3>I get a phone call, Hey did you order? What

0:47:01.640 --> 0:47:04.359
<v Speaker 3>was this? I'm like, yeah, God, like you can't buy

0:47:04.400 --> 0:47:07.640
<v Speaker 3>any gifts. It's difficult, but yeah, and I'd say, and

0:47:07.680 --> 0:47:11.040
<v Speaker 3>I'd say. The last thing would be parenting, and we've

0:47:13.320 --> 0:47:16.120
<v Speaker 3>that's one of the areas where we sometimes have different philosophies,

0:47:16.320 --> 0:47:20.080
<v Speaker 3>and we've had to agree to not make any permanent

0:47:20.120 --> 0:47:23.640
<v Speaker 3>decisions until we've talked to each other about it, because

0:47:24.520 --> 0:47:26.840
<v Speaker 3>we tend to make like all tend to make a

0:47:26.840 --> 0:47:30.200
<v Speaker 3>different decision than she would have. And if we don't

0:47:30.239 --> 0:47:32.400
<v Speaker 3>talk about it, then I don't really I'm not on

0:47:32.440 --> 0:47:34.880
<v Speaker 3>the same page, and it's hard to it's hard to

0:47:34.920 --> 0:47:37.200
<v Speaker 3>parent effectively when you're not on the same page. So

0:47:38.040 --> 0:47:42.040
<v Speaker 3>that has been one area that's taken some practice, but

0:47:42.080 --> 0:47:45.399
<v Speaker 3>the other two kind of like just organically happened. Well.

0:47:45.480 --> 0:47:49.600
<v Speaker 4>I think the parenting one, you know, I think with

0:47:49.719 --> 0:47:52.560
<v Speaker 4>any healthy relationship, you have to respect each other. And he,

0:47:52.760 --> 0:47:56.359
<v Speaker 4>you know, has said to me, like, hey, what's going on, Like,

0:47:56.400 --> 0:47:58.920
<v Speaker 4>I you know, I'm with the kids more just because

0:47:59.040 --> 0:48:01.680
<v Speaker 4>I'm like Max is driving on his own now, but

0:48:01.840 --> 0:48:06.960
<v Speaker 4>I'm shuttling Blakeslee places and so, you know, I just

0:48:07.160 --> 0:48:10.920
<v Speaker 4>have more one on one FaceTime with them, So I

0:48:11.120 --> 0:48:13.400
<v Speaker 4>kind of am more in tune on what's going on

0:48:13.440 --> 0:48:15.560
<v Speaker 4>with them and if I have to make a decision

0:48:15.880 --> 0:48:19.600
<v Speaker 4>about something in their life, if I've made it without

0:48:19.719 --> 0:48:23.560
<v Speaker 4>his input. At times he's been like, hey, like what

0:48:23.680 --> 0:48:25.719
<v Speaker 4>am I chopliver? You know, like I want to be

0:48:25.760 --> 0:48:27.839
<v Speaker 4>part of this decision too. So I feel like over

0:48:27.880 --> 0:48:31.000
<v Speaker 4>the years we've had those moments, and we've had to

0:48:31.080 --> 0:48:35.000
<v Speaker 4>learn that, Like I need to bring the parenting decisions

0:48:35.000 --> 0:48:38.799
<v Speaker 4>to him too, because I'm not a single parent, thankfully,

0:48:39.320 --> 0:48:42.000
<v Speaker 4>and we're a part we're a partnership, were a team,

0:48:42.080 --> 0:48:43.320
<v Speaker 4>so we need to do it together.

0:48:44.000 --> 0:48:46.359
<v Speaker 1>All right, Next one here, and we're going to try

0:48:46.360 --> 0:48:48.720
<v Speaker 1>to blaze through these last year. We got so many left.

0:48:48.760 --> 0:48:52.320
<v Speaker 1>But the first one here. Have you ever been to

0:48:52.400 --> 0:48:53.120
<v Speaker 1>couple's therapy?

0:48:53.520 --> 0:48:55.840
<v Speaker 3>No? No therapy, I haven't done counts.

0:48:55.920 --> 0:48:59.680
<v Speaker 2>Like, all right, what's the closest you've ever come to

0:48:59.719 --> 0:49:02.480
<v Speaker 2>break up? Or have you ever come close to breaking

0:49:02.560 --> 0:49:03.240
<v Speaker 2>up at any point?

0:49:05.239 --> 0:49:09.680
<v Speaker 3>If it has been close, it's been just a breaking

0:49:09.760 --> 0:49:17.560
<v Speaker 3>up with me, probably like years and years ago. But yeah,

0:49:17.560 --> 0:49:19.080
<v Speaker 3>I think I went through like a little bit of

0:49:19.080 --> 0:49:22.440
<v Speaker 3>a rough period of just trying to figure out kind

0:49:22.480 --> 0:49:25.640
<v Speaker 3>of where I was in life. And I think that

0:49:25.840 --> 0:49:29.799
<v Speaker 3>was difficult on her. And I don't, like I said,

0:49:29.920 --> 0:49:32.080
<v Speaker 3>I don't think there's ever been a time where our

0:49:32.760 --> 0:49:35.880
<v Speaker 3>our love for each other has wavered. But at that

0:49:36.000 --> 0:49:40.160
<v Speaker 3>point I feel like I was not I was I

0:49:40.280 --> 0:49:43.799
<v Speaker 3>was a little more selfish than she wanted to have

0:49:43.960 --> 0:49:46.799
<v Speaker 3>someone be if she was going to spend the rest

0:49:46.840 --> 0:49:49.719
<v Speaker 3>of her life with them, and so that those are

0:49:49.719 --> 0:49:56.200
<v Speaker 3>probably our hardest conversations and really like I just had

0:49:56.200 --> 0:49:59.480
<v Speaker 3>to wake up and grow up a little bit, and

0:49:59.480 --> 0:50:02.200
<v Speaker 3>and I now I feel like I did. I mean,

0:50:02.200 --> 0:50:06.080
<v Speaker 3>we're still here, but that's probably the closest and I

0:50:06.080 --> 0:50:10.600
<v Speaker 3>don't know that we were close that close, but definitely

0:50:10.600 --> 0:50:12.960
<v Speaker 3>I think there were some thoughts of like, is this

0:50:13.800 --> 0:50:16.000
<v Speaker 3>her end? Is this who I want to be with

0:50:16.040 --> 0:50:21.399
<v Speaker 3>for ever? And thank god she decided it was. But yeah,

0:50:21.440 --> 0:50:23.960
<v Speaker 3>that's I mean, that's what I let's.

0:50:23.800 --> 0:50:28.239
<v Speaker 1>Say, all right, anyone listening to a couple that's been

0:50:28.239 --> 0:50:30.959
<v Speaker 1>together for twenty one years, a young couple, or even

0:50:30.960 --> 0:50:33.560
<v Speaker 1>somebody who's single right now who wants a marriage to

0:50:33.719 --> 0:50:36.400
<v Speaker 1>last that long, what would you all tell them? You

0:50:36.680 --> 0:50:42.040
<v Speaker 1>absolutely need to consider or even ask yourself before you

0:50:42.160 --> 0:50:46.319
<v Speaker 1>decide that that's the person you want to marry.

0:50:47.080 --> 0:50:50.480
<v Speaker 4>I so I got great advice when I was the bachelorette.

0:50:51.680 --> 0:50:53.800
<v Speaker 4>I can't remember who was from. And then I actually

0:50:53.840 --> 0:50:57.800
<v Speaker 4>gave this advice to Gary, who was the first Golden Bachelor,

0:50:58.520 --> 0:51:02.560
<v Speaker 4>and that is is choose someone that you can't live without,

0:51:02.760 --> 0:51:04.600
<v Speaker 4>not someone that you can live with, but someone you

0:51:04.600 --> 0:51:08.320
<v Speaker 4>can't live without. And you know, unfortunately Gary and Teresa

0:51:09.280 --> 0:51:13.400
<v Speaker 4>didn't last that long after that advice had been taken.

0:51:13.680 --> 0:51:19.080
<v Speaker 4>But I feel like for us, that was definitely something

0:51:19.080 --> 0:51:23.200
<v Speaker 4>that played into my decision because I didn't want to

0:51:23.200 --> 0:51:26.759
<v Speaker 4>live without Ryan. I felt like my life would not

0:51:27.080 --> 0:51:33.120
<v Speaker 4>be as happy without him, So that would be one.

0:51:33.320 --> 0:51:36.080
<v Speaker 4>And then you know, like like I said, the little

0:51:36.120 --> 0:51:43.040
<v Speaker 4>forgivenesses forgiving each other. You need to communicate, you need

0:51:43.080 --> 0:51:45.680
<v Speaker 4>to respect each other, you need you need to laugh together.

0:51:47.360 --> 0:51:51.200
<v Speaker 4>If they're not a good kisser, take them to the curb.

0:51:56.120 --> 0:51:58.080
<v Speaker 4>Those are some of the things.

0:51:58.560 --> 0:52:01.320
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I have a hard time answering that question, I

0:52:01.400 --> 0:52:06.120
<v Speaker 3>think just because I think there's always a little bit

0:52:06.160 --> 0:52:09.600
<v Speaker 3>of a leap of faith there. You can't you It's

0:52:09.680 --> 0:52:13.960
<v Speaker 3>very difficult to know everything about someone prior to going in,

0:52:14.000 --> 0:52:16.080
<v Speaker 3>and I think that's part of the fun. The fun

0:52:16.160 --> 0:52:19.719
<v Speaker 3>of the whole thing is is learning along the way.

0:52:19.800 --> 0:52:23.960
<v Speaker 3>So I think I would I would just recommend before

0:52:24.000 --> 0:52:29.719
<v Speaker 3>anyone goes into a relationship to just keep keep their

0:52:29.840 --> 0:52:32.600
<v Speaker 3>mind open to the things that that there will be,

0:52:32.880 --> 0:52:35.160
<v Speaker 3>just to know there will be things that you didn't know,

0:52:35.640 --> 0:52:38.719
<v Speaker 3>and there will be challenges that you didn't foresee, and

0:52:38.760 --> 0:52:45.040
<v Speaker 3>there will be opportunities and off and disappointments and things

0:52:45.080 --> 0:52:48.480
<v Speaker 3>like that. Life will Life is still going to happen,

0:52:48.520 --> 0:52:50.680
<v Speaker 3>Like you're not going to get married and life suddenly

0:52:50.719 --> 0:52:54.759
<v Speaker 3>becomes like rainbows and roses. It's you're still going to

0:52:54.840 --> 0:52:56.680
<v Speaker 3>have to deal with life even though you're married, and

0:52:56.960 --> 0:53:00.279
<v Speaker 3>just now you have somebody to help you with that.

0:53:00.400 --> 0:53:04.360
<v Speaker 3>And and that's what has been successful for us is

0:53:04.400 --> 0:53:06.799
<v Speaker 3>we've helped each other, I think through those peaks and

0:53:06.880 --> 0:53:12.280
<v Speaker 3>valleys of marriage. But I would I would never discourage anyone,

0:53:12.400 --> 0:53:15.320
<v Speaker 3>you know, Like it's kind of funny around the firehouse,

0:53:15.480 --> 0:53:18.359
<v Speaker 3>Like you're always joking about like the young guys who

0:53:18.400 --> 0:53:21.040
<v Speaker 3>now think they're you know, they're getting engaged and stuff,

0:53:22.160 --> 0:53:26.120
<v Speaker 3>and everybody's like, oh, don't do that, Like it's you know,

0:53:26.320 --> 0:53:31.200
<v Speaker 3>but everybody really knows that that's one of the best

0:53:31.239 --> 0:53:34.800
<v Speaker 3>things you can do is to formulate that lasting bond

0:53:34.880 --> 0:53:38.880
<v Speaker 3>and that that type of relationship. And and so I

0:53:39.360 --> 0:53:43.960
<v Speaker 3>just think, if you're ready, you know it, and and

0:53:44.080 --> 0:53:46.040
<v Speaker 3>just do it, you know, like that kind of like

0:53:46.080 --> 0:53:48.400
<v Speaker 3>we did, like we knew we were ready, and so

0:53:49.400 --> 0:53:51.120
<v Speaker 3>I waste time. Let's just do it and get on

0:53:51.239 --> 0:53:53.720
<v Speaker 3>with it and and enjoy our lives together.

0:53:54.480 --> 0:53:56.399
<v Speaker 1>How would they have done on Married at First Sight?

0:53:57.040 --> 0:53:59.400
<v Speaker 2>I think, really good, we've gotten really into you know,

0:53:59.480 --> 0:54:03.120
<v Speaker 2>I know that or The Bachelorette where the beginnings of

0:54:03.160 --> 0:54:05.640
<v Speaker 2>all of these dating shows, but we're so into them

0:54:05.640 --> 0:54:07.960
<v Speaker 2>now like the relationship shows. Married at First Sight. Have

0:54:08.040 --> 0:54:14.719
<v Speaker 2>you all watched that we're obsessed.

0:54:15.400 --> 0:54:18.360
<v Speaker 4>On your chest. I haven't watched. I've watched. I watched

0:54:18.520 --> 0:54:21.160
<v Speaker 4>the first season. I think of love is Blind. We

0:54:21.280 --> 0:54:22.840
<v Speaker 4>haven't watched anything else.

0:54:23.680 --> 0:54:26.480
<v Speaker 2>I would say thank you for it's you have been

0:54:26.520 --> 0:54:30.719
<v Speaker 2>I so I watched your season all those years ago,

0:54:30.880 --> 0:54:33.600
<v Speaker 2>and I it was great because there was hope and

0:54:33.640 --> 0:54:35.520
<v Speaker 2>the fact that you all are still together. And it's

0:54:35.560 --> 0:54:38.480
<v Speaker 2>not that you're just still together. You're together and you're happy.

0:54:38.520 --> 0:54:41.719
<v Speaker 2>You're not perfect, but you're happy and and that is

0:54:41.800 --> 0:54:46.000
<v Speaker 2>so inspirational. So thank you both for sharing your story,

0:54:46.120 --> 0:54:49.560
<v Speaker 2>your love, all the ups and downs. I think this

0:54:49.600 --> 0:54:52.120
<v Speaker 2>is going to make a lot of people feel inspired

0:54:52.160 --> 0:54:55.879
<v Speaker 2>that love, true love actually does exist and marriage can

0:54:55.920 --> 0:54:56.680
<v Speaker 2>be a good thing.

0:54:58.120 --> 0:55:00.560
<v Speaker 4>Yes, agreed, it can be a good thing. I think

0:55:00.600 --> 0:55:05.160
<v Speaker 4>it's just about your your perspective, your attitude, your effort,

0:55:05.680 --> 0:55:08.600
<v Speaker 4>all of those things. So thanks so much for having us.

0:55:08.640 --> 0:55:08.960
<v Speaker 3>It was.

0:55:10.600 --> 0:55:12.279
<v Speaker 1>We got a lot out of this too as a

0:55:12.320 --> 0:55:16.319
<v Speaker 1>couple really hashtag SA saving ups.

0:55:16.360 --> 0:55:17.000
<v Speaker 4>Thank you, guys,