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Speaker 1: Hey, there're folks in this episode. The greatest success story

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Speaker 1: in Bachelor Nation history and possibly the history of reality

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Speaker 1: dating show, Trista and Ryan Sudden. They're here to help us,

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Speaker 1: help you, and with that, welcome to this special edition

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Speaker 1: of Amy and TJ, where we are going to highlight

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Speaker 1: love stories for you and Rodes. We've talked a lot

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Speaker 1: about this being break up season, the uncuffing season, and

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Speaker 1: well that's just depressing.

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Speaker 2: It is because it's also it could also be the

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Speaker 2: season of love. Yes, I know that it seemed like

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Speaker 2: everybody was breaking up in recent months, and that is true.

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Speaker 2: We had what Megan Fox, Machine Gun, Kelly on again,

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Speaker 2: off again, so we Kravitz and Channing Tatum. How could

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Speaker 2: we forget Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez finalizing their divorce

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Speaker 2: that you thought was never going to happen, still holding

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Speaker 2: out hope for a reconciliation.

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Speaker 1: I am I'm not joking. I really am hoping that

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Speaker 1: Ben and Jane get back together.

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Speaker 2: I know that would make your twenty twenty Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 2: And Matt James and Rachel Kirconnell. Well I'm voting on

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Speaker 2: that one too as well. I am hoping for a reconciliation.

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Speaker 2: I just am they got to need a beat. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: it's gonna.

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Speaker 1: Take a little while.

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Speaker 2: Jessica Alba Cash Warren after sixteen years together Jessica Simpson

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Speaker 2: and her husband of ten years, Eric Johnson, but they

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Speaker 2: were together forever before that as well.

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Speaker 1: So we're seeing all of that, and we did. We

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Speaker 1: actually did another episode on a different a different podcast

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Speaker 1: that was called Uncuffing Season. We were asking, like, what

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Speaker 1: in the world is going on? I guess it makes

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Speaker 1: a lot of sense when you stop and think about it.

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Speaker 1: Why this is Uncuffing Season?

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Speaker 3: What is it?

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Speaker 1: December eleventh was the day that's the official breakup day,

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Speaker 1: well unofficial, I should say, but people pointed to that

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Speaker 1: as a breakup day because that's when somebody did whatever

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Speaker 1: study that said that that's the day that people most

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Speaker 1: change their Facebook status right from in a relationship.

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Speaker 2: To single because they don't want to bring that other

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Speaker 2: person or deal with them during the holidays. It's enough already.

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Speaker 1: That makes sense to get out of having to deal

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Speaker 1: with family. That sounds silly, but it makes.

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Speaker 2: Sense, I agree, or other people's family. That way, you

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Speaker 2: don't have to include the in laws or the potential

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Speaker 2: in laws. In your plans and.

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Speaker 1: Then you have gift stress. They say that you don't

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Speaker 1: want to have to buy gifts for your person you're with.

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Speaker 1: And everybody is in a turning a new leaf mood.

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Speaker 1: You're in a mood to make a bold move in

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Speaker 1: your life and.

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Speaker 2: Out with the old, in with the news.

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Speaker 1: And I want to go through all this. I just

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Speaker 1: went through a whole year with this bozo.

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Speaker 2: Don't want another year.

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Speaker 1: So it makes sense why this would be the season

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Speaker 1: people would break up. But it also makes sense there's

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Speaker 1: a season roads that people are getting together. It's a

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Speaker 1: very popular season for getting together.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I mean just for body warmth, Alan, I'll take it.

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Speaker 2: I mean it's cold out there, right, you want to

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Speaker 2: couple up, snuggle up? I get it. And Dating Sunday,

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Speaker 2: by the way, is the thing. It's the biggest dating

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Speaker 2: app day of the year. It happens right after New

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Speaker 2: Year's It's the day the dating websites and the app

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Speaker 2: see the most activity in sign ups because people are

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Speaker 2: looking for love.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So, I mean I feel bad we focus so

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Speaker 1: much on people breaking up. But yes, this is the

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Speaker 1: time that I think most people, even if you went

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Speaker 1: through a breakup or a difficult time. There is a

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Speaker 1: season of hope and renewal and newness, and that's scary.

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Speaker 1: I mean it sounds fun and exciting that most of

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Speaker 1: the time we talk to people about dating and relationships,

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Speaker 1: we're single and it's not positive.

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Speaker 2: No, And we love watching We've talked about this before,

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Speaker 2: but we are obsessed with relationship shows because you get

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Speaker 2: to see where people make mistakes, where people their egos

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Speaker 2: get in the way of what could have been otherwise

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Speaker 2: a beautiful relationship. And so we're all looking for help.

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Speaker 2: I'm taking notes, I'm looking at what not to do,

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Speaker 2: relationship advice. I'll take anything i can get because we

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Speaker 2: all want the end goal of finding our soulmate, finding

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Speaker 2: the love of our life.

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Speaker 1: And we're not joking there as we are recording this,

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Speaker 1: we kid you not. The te television right now is

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Speaker 1: on pause and we're looking at Pastor cal We're looking

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Speaker 1: at We're not joking, really looking at his face, greeting

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Speaker 1: one of the people who just got married. So of

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Speaker 1: marriage proposals actually take place. We talk about uncuffing season,

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Speaker 1: but this is a season of love. Between Thanksgiving and

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Speaker 1: Valentine Valentine's Day, forty percent of marriage proposals do take place,

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Speaker 1: So a lot of people are going through that right now.

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Speaker 1: So no matter what stage of your relationship you're in,

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Speaker 1: even if you're completely single, you're dating after a couple

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Speaker 1: of months, you're newly wet, whatever, everybody is looking for

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Speaker 1: some type of advice we could all use a little

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Speaker 1: So we thought grows we give folks a little help,

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Speaker 1: some advice, not from us, but from a variety of couples.

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Speaker 1: A number of questions that we ask the same list

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Speaker 1: of relate We ask them all the exact same list

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Speaker 1: of questions.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so in this month of February, which I think

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Speaker 2: is a month of love, we are going to give

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Speaker 2: you all a couple a day. So we've asked couples

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Speaker 2: up leading up until Valentine's Day all the same list

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Speaker 2: of relationship questions. Questions like who said I love you first?

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Speaker 2: Did your relationship have the support of family and friends?

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Speaker 2: How often do you have sex? How often do you fight?

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Speaker 2: Do you go to bed angry? You know, we always

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Speaker 2: hear relationship experts say, whatever you do, don't go to

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Speaker 2: bed angry, But we asked couples if they have done that.

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Speaker 2: We even asked them have they threatened to break up

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Speaker 2: during an argument.

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Speaker 1: Have you not with you? Don't make idle threats. Don't

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Speaker 1: make idle threats. So we asked all these questions, but

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Speaker 1: twenty to thirty questions we got in with them. But

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Speaker 1: it was a diverse bunch that we have here. We

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Speaker 1: talked to an interracial couple has a thirty year age

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Speaker 1: gap between the two. We got a couple of celebrating

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Speaker 1: was eleven years of marriage, but she was married when

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Speaker 1: they first met. Curious to hear about that. We got

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Speaker 1: an actress and country singer married to her pro soccer habi.

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Speaker 1: Then we got a mixed orientation couple you're gonna hear from.

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Speaker 1: This is going to be one that's going to get

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Speaker 1: you buzzing and talking. When we say mixed rientation, what

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Speaker 1: do we mean.

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Speaker 2: So it's a gay man who has married a straight

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Speaker 2: woman and they are in a sexual a monogamous relationship.

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Speaker 2: And it is fascinating to see how love takes so

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Speaker 2: many different forms, and actually so many of the couples

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Speaker 2: we interviewed DJ just so happened, did not plan this

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Speaker 2: that way where the woman is older than the man.

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Speaker 2: And these are all successful, not just based on how

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Speaker 2: many years they've been together, but just happy couples, and

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Speaker 2: that's what we were focused on. We wanted to interview

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Speaker 2: happy couples, joyful couples.

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Speaker 1: And so we're going to drop a new episode, like

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Speaker 1: Rope says, every day leading up to Valentine's Day. Valentine's

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Speaker 1: Day Up, First, we have Trista and Ryan Sutter. Trista,

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Speaker 1: of course, is the OG of dating reality show. She

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Speaker 1: was the first ever bachelorette that was back in two

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Speaker 1: thousand and three, and she is she and Ryan. I

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Speaker 1: guess Robes, I don't think you could find a bigger

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Speaker 1: success story when it comes to reality dating shows than

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Speaker 1: those two, and certainly not back.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and you know I watched this season of Trista

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Speaker 2: and Ryan from start to finish, so I have been invested,

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Speaker 2: as so many of you are, in their relationship and

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Speaker 2: we are so happy to report. Look, they have been

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Speaker 2: through the ups and downs. They've been in the ups

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Speaker 2: and downs in a very public way, but they haven't

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Speaker 2: talked that much about the details in their relationship. So

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Speaker 2: without further ado, we're so excited to bring you Trista

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Speaker 2: and Ryan. Welcome. How are y'all doing good?

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Speaker 4: Thank you, We're good. How are you, guys?

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Speaker 2: We're doing great and we're so happy to hear from

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Speaker 2: you and to see you all. I mean, you are

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Speaker 2: one of the big success stories from the Bachelor franchise.

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Speaker 2: It doesn't mean that your marriage or your relationship is perfect,

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Speaker 2: but you're still here and that's something too applied.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 4: Yes, we're good, we're happy. You know, we just celebrated

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Speaker 4: twenty one years and who would have thought through a

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Speaker 4: reality show. You know.

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Speaker 2: Well, we've all been rooting for you from afar and

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Speaker 2: we want to know a little bit more about your relationship.

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Speaker 2: So I'll launch into the first one. You guys, hopefully

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Speaker 2: can each answer this. Give us three words to describe

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Speaker 2: your relationship right now.

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Speaker 4: Trista ooh, oh my gosh. Solid. I would say scheduled,

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Speaker 4: just because we're really busy and lasting.

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Speaker 1: I like that.

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Speaker 2: All right, Ryan, how about you?

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Speaker 3: I'm going with best it's been.

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Speaker 1: Ah No, that's done. That's well done. Next question though,

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Speaker 1: and some people might remember this. I was trying to

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Speaker 1: remember the season. But was their immediate chemistry when you

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Speaker 1: first met?

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Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, I would say for me, there definitely was.

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Speaker 3: I think Christa it was different because she obviously couldn't

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Speaker 3: just throw herself at one person. She could have, but

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Speaker 3: she didn't.

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Speaker 2: She was playing by the rules. She was playing by

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Speaker 2: the rule.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I think so right away. I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: right as I first got out of the limousine and

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Speaker 3: saw her and spoke with her briefly, I think from

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Speaker 3: that very instant I knew that there was something there,

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Speaker 3: or could potentially be something there. So yeah, I think

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Speaker 3: I think it was pretty immediate with me anyway, me.

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Speaker 4: Too, Yeah, I mean, he's a good looking, tall drink

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Speaker 4: of water, and he got out of the limo and

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Speaker 4: didn't even say his name. He was I was like,

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Speaker 4: what's your name again? And called me ravishing, So you know,

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Speaker 4: when a guy calls you ravishing, your first moments.

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Speaker 3: It's done. I don't think I've ever used the term

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Speaker 3: prior to or since. I don't know where it came from.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, that is very cool.

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Speaker 1: All right.

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Speaker 2: It's a little interesting because, of course, you guys recording

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Speaker 2: on television while Trista was also dating I don't even

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Speaker 2: know how many other men. But I'll still ask our

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Speaker 2: next question, who made the first move?

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Speaker 4: Uh?

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Speaker 3: I would say it was me because I had written

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Speaker 3: Trista a poem prior to even going on the show,

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Speaker 3: because you know that you're going to be competition. Seems

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Speaker 3: like the wrong word, but it's competition, And so you

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Speaker 3: wanted to do something to stand out. And so I

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Speaker 3: had written her a quick poem based on a little

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Speaker 3: bit of information I knew about her through the news basically,

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Speaker 3: so and I gave her that poem on the first night,

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Speaker 3: just so that she would be able there would be

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Speaker 3: something that might make me stand out a little bit,

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Speaker 3: so that I can at least get on make it

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Speaker 3: through the first night.

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Speaker 1: Twest to that sound about right? That was the first move.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And then and then he wrote me another poem

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Speaker 4: when we went on our one on one to see

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Speaker 4: world And and then he wrote me like little notes

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Speaker 4: like under the table kind of you know that I

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Speaker 4: could read while the cameras weren't filming, and like those

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Speaker 4: just little moments really like stood out to me.

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Speaker 1: Next question, I don't know if this took place on

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Speaker 1: the show. Who said I love you first?

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Speaker 3: Well me for sure, Oh, he definitely did.

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Speaker 4: In actually in the little letter that he wrote me,

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Speaker 4: he handed me a note when we were just getting

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Speaker 4: back from our one on one, right, or just leaving

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Speaker 4: for our one on one and no, it was in Veil.

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Speaker 4: It was in Veil on his like hometown. And he

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Speaker 4: handed me a note in the car and I read

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Speaker 4: it and he had told me that he left me

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Speaker 4: in the.

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Speaker 3: Letter and she did not see it.

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Speaker 2: She said thank you, thank you so much.

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Speaker 3: So she did not say it back.

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Speaker 1: You know, how long Ryan before you got the I

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Speaker 1: love you too?

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Speaker 3: Not till the very end, and she was pretty adamant.

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Speaker 3: I guess based on her prior experience on the other show.

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Speaker 3: She has lots of excuses, but she was pretty adamant

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Speaker 3: about not telling me until the very end, despite the

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Speaker 3: fact that I would. We had moments where there was

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Speaker 3: no one else around and I would be like, you know, hey,

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Speaker 3: there's no one else around.

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Speaker 2: Like you could just you can tell me.

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Speaker 3: I mean, you're not going to be spilling the beans.

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Speaker 3: But she wouldn't do it, so I had to wait

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Speaker 3: till the till the last moment.

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Speaker 4: Didn't you tell he's harboring something?

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Speaker 2: He's still not over it. It's funny. Our next question

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Speaker 2: is l for both of you all because I was.

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Speaker 2: We asked how long before you got engaged? While you

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Speaker 2: were dating? We saw it was on television. So you

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Speaker 2: got engaged at the end of the Bachelorette. But how

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Speaker 2: long were you engaged before you actually got married?

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Speaker 4: A year?

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Speaker 3: Not even a year?

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Speaker 4: Well, no, we got engaged in November, and then we

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Speaker 4: got married in December.

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Speaker 3: Oh truely, we got engaged in real life in November,

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Speaker 3: but this show didn't air until February, So as far

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Speaker 3: as the world was concerned, we were engaged for Yeah,

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Speaker 3: however long that was. But but yeah, a little less

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Speaker 3: than a year. I think we were officially engaged.

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Speaker 4: No, a little more than a year, a little more

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Speaker 4: than He's really good at math usually.

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Speaker 1: But this is great. See, this is an experienced couple.

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Speaker 1: They know each other well and it's coming through this

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Speaker 1: next question. We kind of on in some of the

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Speaker 1: earlier answers you gave. But still, if your believers in

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Speaker 1: there being a one out there for each of you,

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Speaker 1: did you all know or how long did it take

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Speaker 1: before you came around to the idea that you had

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Speaker 1: found the one in each other?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I when we went to Seattle on our

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Speaker 4: like fantasy suite weekend or you know date, That's when

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Speaker 4: I knew that I was thinking I was thinking more

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Speaker 4: about him than I was the other guys during the

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Speaker 4: whole fantasy suite thing, like, even with the other guys,

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Speaker 4: I was thinking about him so and yes, I said,

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Speaker 4: we went to Seattle for our fantasy, not to Bora,

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Speaker 4: Bora or Australia or.

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Speaker 2: Seattle.

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Speaker 4: Anyway, that's when I thought, And that was probably a

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Speaker 4: month in. But I think if you're the lead of

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Speaker 4: the show, you have to believe unless you have other intentions.

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Speaker 4: But if you're there for the right reasons, then you

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Speaker 4: have to believe that there is the one out there.

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Speaker 4: You know, that's why you're That's why you're doing it,

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Speaker 4: That's why I was doing it.

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Speaker 2: How about you, Ryan?

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Speaker 3: I think there's two phases, Like I thought that she

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Speaker 3: was the one during the show, but do you you

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Speaker 3: come to realize that the show is is such a

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Speaker 3: microcosm and you're so focused on each other that it's

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Speaker 3: hard not to think that you're almost driven in that direction.

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Speaker 3: And then the show ends and we had to be

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Speaker 3: separated for somewhere around three months. You'll have to ask

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Speaker 3: her exactly how long. I don't know, apparently can't keep

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Speaker 3: back of time. But there's there's this separation that you have,

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Speaker 3: like real life comes back into play. She's the bachelorette

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Speaker 3: and so everyone she's doing all sorts of fun things,

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Speaker 3: going to Super Bowl parties, and I'm back at work

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Speaker 3: at the firehouse. Like so at that point, all we

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Speaker 3: could do is talk on the phone and have a

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Speaker 3: few little meetings. And I think at that point is

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Speaker 3: when I really realized, Okay, she's despite she's the fact

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Speaker 3: that she's become really famous and doing all these really

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Speaker 3: fun things and getting to hang out with like Bradley

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Speaker 3: Cooper and all sorts of people who I would I

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Speaker 3: would easily leave me for, and she's not. So I

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Speaker 3: think at that point I thought, you know, because you're

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Speaker 3: for so long you're competing for her heart, but you

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Speaker 3: don't ever feel like she's has to do anything to

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Speaker 3: compete for you, Like she's just sort of taking in

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Speaker 3: and all of these different proposals from all these different

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Speaker 3: people and choosing one at the end. And then you're

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Speaker 3: left with this like, well, I wonder, you know, like

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Speaker 3: if she really like she didn't have to sell herself

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Speaker 3: to me, really, I just had to sell myself to her.

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Speaker 3: And then through that process of her and how she

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Speaker 3: dealt with the ramifications of the show, and then when

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Speaker 3: we were able to get together, how well she protected

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Speaker 3: I'm not good at this type of stuff, and so

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Speaker 3: she did a great job of protecting me from it,

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Speaker 3: shielded me from a lot of the things that I

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Speaker 3: didn't want to have to deal to deal with, or

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Speaker 3: a lot of the places I didn't want to have

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Speaker 3: to go. And so I just she it became obvious

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Speaker 3: that she was really on my side and that she

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Speaker 3: chose me, she chose me for a reason, and that

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Speaker 3: she didn't really have to sell herself to me at

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Speaker 3: that point. And so this is a really long winded

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00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:43,120
Speaker 3: answer to your question, but I think that's that's kind

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Speaker 3: of when I knew is is when real life came

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Speaker 3: in and she was still there.

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Speaker 2: I love that.

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Speaker 4: Now.

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Speaker 2: Is there an age difference between the two of.

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Speaker 3: You and she's way older?

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Speaker 4: How much I'm not way older? Two years?

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Speaker 2: Okay? Two years? What did that have any impact at

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Speaker 2: all on your relationship? Do you think did it make

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Speaker 2: you think any differently about being two years older than

348
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Speaker 2: your guy?

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Speaker 4: No, he's mature enough.

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Speaker 1: Okay, we knew you weren't way older when he made

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Speaker 1: a joke about you being way older.

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Speaker 2: You can make that joke, because he likes to make

353
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Speaker 2: jokes all the time. Like, she's fine, four and a half,

354
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Speaker 2: four and a half exactly.

355
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Speaker 1: She was in college. I was still in junior high school.

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Speaker 1: It's just the truth of the matter is what he does.

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Speaker 1: It's fine. This is about justin Ryan. Next question here now,

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Speaker 1: of course, just so, you went on the show because

359
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Speaker 1: you wanted to get married, and Ryan, you were on

360
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Speaker 1: the show because you were looking for a relationship and

361
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Speaker 1: to get married. But why that step? And I guess

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Speaker 1: I'm asking it's different, difficult because of how you all met,

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Speaker 1: But how would your relationship be different if you had

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Speaker 1: gotten together and been dating but not taking that extra

365
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Speaker 1: step of getting married. Why it was marriage so important?

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Speaker 4: I mean, I think that it's just your way to

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Speaker 4: show your commitment. You know, in my mind, I'm pretty

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Speaker 4: traditional when it comes to that kind of stuff, and

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Speaker 4: that's how I always That's what I grew up thinking.

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Speaker 4: You know, I wanted to find a man, get engaged,

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Speaker 4: get married, have babies, you know, probably in that order,

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Speaker 4: and that's what happened, thankfully. But yeah, I feel like

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Speaker 4: it's just a way to tell the world that you

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Speaker 4: are committing to each other. For forever.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I mean I think Trista was thirty on

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Speaker 3: the show. I was twenty eight on the show. And

377
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:50,159
Speaker 3: so you're at that point where you're both of us

378
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,359
Speaker 3: had lived quite a bit of life, and we sort

379
00:19:52,359 --> 00:19:54,679
Speaker 3: of had been through relationships and we knew what we

380
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:57,760
Speaker 3: were looking for and what we weren't. Again, the show

381
00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:01,679
Speaker 3: like really condenses things, so really you get swept up

382
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Speaker 3: in it. I think normally you wouldn't ask someone to

383
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Speaker 3: marry you after six weeks or whatever it was and

384
00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 3: a handful of dates, but but it really is this

385
00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:16,280
Speaker 3: intense time and all you're focused on is that one person,

386
00:20:16,320 --> 00:20:20,199
Speaker 3: so you just you get sort of, I don't know,

387
00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:24,400
Speaker 3: brainwashed a little bit. And then once we got engaged,

388
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Speaker 3: I mean, obviously you can lots of people call that off,

389
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Speaker 3: but like I said, after that point, when we really

390
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,320
Speaker 3: got to know each other, it became clear to both

391
00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,360
Speaker 3: of us that we didn't want to waste any time

392
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Speaker 3: with it. We may as well just get officially married

393
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Speaker 3: and move on as quickly as possible.

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Speaker 4: He actually has said that if they had had somebody

395
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Speaker 4: there to marry us that day, like he would have

396
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Speaker 4: gotten married when we got engaged instead, because he didn't

397
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Speaker 4: need the whole, you know, hullabaloo of our wedding. I

398
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Speaker 4: thought it was amazing. It was my lifetime dream, so

399
00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:06,960
Speaker 4: he let me have it. But he very well could

400
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Speaker 4: have gotten married that day. You know.

401
00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:14,359
Speaker 3: Plus I hate I hate saying it, so as quick

402
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 3: as I could get past this is my fiance. That

403
00:21:17,680 --> 00:21:22,680
Speaker 3: was my wife's way back, just that fiance middle ground

404
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:23,320
Speaker 3: I couldn't stand.

405
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Speaker 1: And we're trying to graduate out of boyfriend and go

406
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 1: forrid Yeah, we're like, how old are we?

407
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Speaker 2: How do I have a boyfriend when I'm fifty one?

408
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,160
Speaker 2: You know, that's ridiculous.

409
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:35,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, I understand.

410
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:47,760
Speaker 2: Did you have? Was your relationship supported by your friends

411
00:21:47,760 --> 00:21:50,600
Speaker 2: and your family, especially because of the unconventional way you

412
00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 2: all met.

413
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, but there were a couple of my friends, like

414
00:21:55,040 --> 00:21:57,720
Speaker 4: we actually went to New York to tell our friends

415
00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:00,480
Speaker 4: that they were going to be in our wedding party.

416
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:05,800
Speaker 4: And there were definitely a couple friends who I think

417
00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 4: and they might have been nudged a little bit by producers,

418
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:12,680
Speaker 4: but I think they were a little hesitant just because

419
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:15,119
Speaker 4: we had only known each other for six weeks and

420
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,159
Speaker 4: there were other guys involved, and you know, it was

421
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Speaker 4: a reality show. And no one had ever created a

422
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:26,720
Speaker 4: successful relationship to that point out of a dating reality show.

423
00:22:27,440 --> 00:22:31,359
Speaker 4: So yeah, I did have a couple of friends that

424
00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 4: were a little hesitant, but in the end, everyone was

425
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 4: super supportive and still continues to be to this day.

426
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Speaker 3: Thing for you, I think I think my mom. My

427
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 3: mom is very traditional, both my parents are very traditional.

428
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:53,119
Speaker 3: I think they just celebrated their fifty seven wedding anniversary

429
00:22:53,280 --> 00:22:58,400
Speaker 3: something looked like really long, and she, I think had

430
00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:06,480
Speaker 3: an issue with not having ever met my fiance and

431
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:08,239
Speaker 3: now all of a sudden, I had a fiance, you know.

432
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,359
Speaker 3: Like I think it was that part of it, Like

433
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 3: she she would have liked. I mean she she did

434
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:15,439
Speaker 3: meet her on the show as part of the like

435
00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,520
Speaker 3: the hometown thing, but it wasn't like she never really

436
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 3: got to know her and she never really had to

437
00:23:20,080 --> 00:23:22,919
Speaker 3: sit down with her and figure out who this woman

438
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 3: was that I was now getting married to. And it

439
00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:29,200
Speaker 3: was a circus around all of it. So I think

440
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 3: my mom would have rather had an opportunity to slow

441
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 3: things down a little bit and just remove all that

442
00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:41,760
Speaker 3: ancillary stuff that was going on around us and really

443
00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:44,439
Speaker 3: just get to know us as a couple prior to

444
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:46,439
Speaker 3: I mean she really probably didn't get to know us

445
00:23:46,480 --> 00:23:49,919
Speaker 3: as a couple until after we were and we're married

446
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,119
Speaker 3: and now we have a great relationship. It's just for her.

447
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:54,920
Speaker 3: I think that was really tough and she was probably

448
00:23:54,960 --> 00:23:59,520
Speaker 3: the one person that she didn't not support us. But

449
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 3: I think you would have rather seen it go a different.

450
00:24:01,960 --> 00:24:05,199
Speaker 1: Way any mom. That makes sense, right? You see as

451
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,000
Speaker 1: a baby get buried, and that's not the way she

452
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 1: would want it to go down. But good to hear

453
00:24:08,720 --> 00:24:11,840
Speaker 1: things are going well in that area now. But how

454
00:24:11,880 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: many you'll said twenty one years of marriage now, but

455
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:18,920
Speaker 1: go back for me, both of you describe your first

456
00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,000
Speaker 1: year of marriage. How would you describe it?

457
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:24,880
Speaker 4: Oh, a whirlwind? I mean.

458
00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:27,000
Speaker 3: That was.

459
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 4: The wedding. I think twenty six million people watched the wedding,

460
00:24:32,720 --> 00:24:39,040
Speaker 4: so it was it was a crazy time, like just

461
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 4: crazy time. And we had lots of fun opportunities that

462
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:45,119
Speaker 4: we tried to take advantage of. But it was a whirlwind.

463
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:51,080
Speaker 4: It wasn't like a normal you know relationship had we

464
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:52,440
Speaker 4: met not on the show.

465
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:55,800
Speaker 3: I mean, yeah, we went through so many, so many

466
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:02,080
Speaker 3: great experiences and so many frustrating experiences. We were involved

467
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:08,439
Speaker 3: in everything from lawsuits to like like celebrations, Like it

468
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:11,920
Speaker 3: was all over the map. We were traveling constantly. And

469
00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:14,560
Speaker 3: that's kind of what I mean about when I really

470
00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:18,240
Speaker 3: knew that she was the right one, because she she

471
00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:20,439
Speaker 3: was just so good at handling all of it and

472
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 3: so good at helping me deal with all of it

473
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:26,120
Speaker 3: because it stresses all that stuff sort of stresses me out.

474
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:29,840
Speaker 3: And so at the very end, result of that first

475
00:25:29,920 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 3: year was I think, at just a much tighter bond

476
00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:35,960
Speaker 3: and a much more confidence in who we were as

477
00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:39,320
Speaker 3: individuals and how we could support each other, you know,

478
00:25:39,400 --> 00:25:42,399
Speaker 3: throughout the next twenty years at that point. But we

479
00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 3: had a ton of fun. We had to do so

480
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:48,879
Speaker 3: many fun things, you know, we were we were on

481
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,600
Speaker 3: the cover of magazines all of a sudden, and then

482
00:25:51,840 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 3: that that alone just makes your life different and so

483
00:25:57,000 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 3: to have to deal to, you know, like I think,

484
00:26:00,000 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 3: I think for you guys, there are a lot of

485
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:06,040
Speaker 3: people who who want to be in television or movies,

486
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,479
Speaker 3: like they kind of work towards that. For us, it

487
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:12,320
Speaker 3: was like one day I'm just going to work, and

488
00:26:12,359 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 3: the next day I'm in the grocery store and there

489
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:17,879
Speaker 3: there's my wife and ire on on in the grocery

490
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:21,920
Speaker 3: store Aslan. It was a really big difference between those

491
00:26:21,960 --> 00:26:24,880
Speaker 3: two things. And so that first year was a whole

492
00:26:24,880 --> 00:26:27,000
Speaker 3: lot of that. And they tell you on the show

493
00:26:27,119 --> 00:26:28,720
Speaker 3: before you go on the show, like, hey, you can

494
00:26:28,760 --> 00:26:30,960
Speaker 3: expect I forget what it is a couple of months.

495
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,560
Speaker 3: They're like, hey, probably me a couple of months there

496
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:36,600
Speaker 3: where your life's going to be a little different and

497
00:26:37,320 --> 00:26:40,119
Speaker 3: you know, just you know, just weather the storm and

498
00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,840
Speaker 3: you'll be fine. And it was not a couple of moms.

499
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:46,920
Speaker 3: It was a long time and so but it was great.

500
00:26:46,960 --> 00:26:49,919
Speaker 3: Like I said that, it was all great, Well, it

501
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 3: wasn't all great, but the end of result was all great.

502
00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:55,159
Speaker 3: We came through it all and we survived and so

503
00:26:56,200 --> 00:26:57,919
Speaker 3: and here we are twenty one years later. But I

504
00:26:57,920 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 3: think that first year really was. It really gave us

505
00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 3: the foundation to survive a lot of other things that

506
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 3: came up throughout the next twenty years.

507
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:08,639
Speaker 2: I love that it either would have it made you

508
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: or it would have broken you, and it made you,

509
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:13,360
Speaker 2: And I think that's really cool. Now, the next question

510
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:16,479
Speaker 2: I'm going to say, we ask, we're asking everyone, how

511
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 2: would you describe your sex life now versus then?

512
00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:25,320
Speaker 4: Even now versus then well, I mean twenty one years later, Yeah,

513
00:27:25,320 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 4: and two teenagers who are who walk in your room,

514
00:27:29,640 --> 00:27:33,040
Speaker 4: you know, looking for Q tips or whatever. You know,

515
00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:39,880
Speaker 4: without having it is a bit more.

516
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:41,919
Speaker 3: It's less spontaneous.

517
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:45,320
Speaker 4: Yes, what's the what's the opposite of spontaneous?

518
00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:45,919
Speaker 1: Scheduled?

519
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:52,400
Speaker 3: But I feel like, I mean, I'm the male side

520
00:27:52,440 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 3: of the relationship, so I always am like trying to

521
00:27:55,880 --> 00:27:57,760
Speaker 3: get a little bit more out of that end of things.

522
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 3: But I don't feel like I can complain. I think

523
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:04,200
Speaker 3: that I think that we do a really good job,

524
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 3: and honestly, I think that's a part of why we've

525
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 3: lasted so long as we've We've maintained that part of

526
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:15,680
Speaker 3: our life despite having kids or everything else. And sometimes

527
00:28:15,760 --> 00:28:18,560
Speaker 3: the kids part makes it more fun, like you have

528
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 3: to be a little bit more creative with things or

529
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 3: quick or whatever, and so there are advantages to that.

530
00:28:26,720 --> 00:28:30,919
Speaker 3: But I feel like I really, I really push that

531
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:34,199
Speaker 3: into things. And so so if it were if we're

532
00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:35,480
Speaker 3: for me, I'm not sure it would be as good

533
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:36,560
Speaker 3: as it is now.

534
00:28:37,720 --> 00:28:42,440
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not involved at all, nobody.

535
00:28:42,440 --> 00:28:44,720
Speaker 2: It's good to feel wanted, isn't it. It sounds like

536
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 2: you said we are Yeah, Well.

537
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 1: How important that sex is one thing, but just as

538
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:51,960
Speaker 1: a matter of physical touch, when you're sitting next to

539
00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 1: each other and so and specifically walking down the street,

540
00:28:54,840 --> 00:28:56,880
Speaker 1: do you hold hands? How important is that stuff and

541
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:58,760
Speaker 1: how much does it play a role in your relationship?

542
00:28:59,840 --> 00:29:03,000
Speaker 4: We do, unless we're walking our dog because he's a

543
00:29:03,040 --> 00:29:07,440
Speaker 4: little much to handle sometimes. So yes, when we're laying

544
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,400
Speaker 4: on the couch watching the show, we're either right next

545
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:12,800
Speaker 4: to each other or holding hands or our legs are

546
00:29:13,040 --> 00:29:19,200
Speaker 4: pretzeled together. Yeah, I mean I love physical touch. I

547
00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,720
Speaker 4: love a BackRub, you know, I could take more of

548
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:26,400
Speaker 4: that all day. So and and we're not like PDA,

549
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 4: I don't feel like but we're we're you know, we'll

550
00:29:31,320 --> 00:29:34,720
Speaker 4: definitely touch out in public and not worry about it,

551
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,080
Speaker 4: you know, holding hands.

552
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love being close to my wife and in

553
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:46,200
Speaker 3: a non sexual way. It's it's great. I think. I

554
00:29:46,200 --> 00:29:49,160
Speaker 3: think like most couples, we have different sorts of temperatures

555
00:29:49,200 --> 00:29:51,560
Speaker 3: we sleep at. So it's hard. When we were little,

556
00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 3: when we're little, when we were.

557
00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: That's good, that's good.

558
00:30:03,880 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 3: Years ago, like you would be like you would spoon

559
00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 3: and sleep and stuff, and we don't do that now

560
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 3: because she gets way too hot and so I'll try

561
00:30:14,160 --> 00:30:16,560
Speaker 3: to sneak like a foot over and put my foot

562
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:17,720
Speaker 3: under her foot or something.

563
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,680
Speaker 4: Stay away. I cannot have anybody anywhere near me. It's

564
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:22,600
Speaker 4: menopause time.

565
00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, so there's none of those like high school sleeping

566
00:30:26,840 --> 00:30:31,040
Speaker 3: on the couch, So we have to figure out other

567
00:30:31,120 --> 00:30:35,840
Speaker 3: ways to to express that. But I think we do

568
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:36,880
Speaker 3: it a pretty good job.

569
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:45,480
Speaker 2: We're laughing because you just described us. How often do

570
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 2: you all fight?

571
00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:53,000
Speaker 4: I mean, we've got a healthy fighting relationship. I would say,

572
00:30:53,800 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 4: I don't know, not that often. Maybe like once every

573
00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:01,200
Speaker 4: month or two months or three months, I don't know,

574
00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:01,920
Speaker 4: something like that.

575
00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:05,560
Speaker 3: I think we disagree on things, yeah, a lot. We

576
00:31:05,600 --> 00:31:11,120
Speaker 3: have different philosophies on different things. But I usually just

577
00:31:11,240 --> 00:31:14,360
Speaker 3: have to to lose and then we move on.

578
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,040
Speaker 4: Oh that's interesting. I'm glad are you recording this?

579
00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 3: Eventually, if the disagreement's ever going to end, I just

580
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:22,320
Speaker 3: have to be like, all.

581
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,440
Speaker 1: Right, fine, Well is that not accurate?

582
00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 3: Like there have been times that we've gotten in bigger,

583
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:28,920
Speaker 3: bigger arguments.

584
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, for the years, but not like big blowout ones.

585
00:31:34,400 --> 00:31:39,040
Speaker 4: I mean years between, Like when we have big blowout ones.

586
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:42,920
Speaker 3: You know, we don't harbor, we don't like hold grudges,

587
00:31:43,080 --> 00:31:47,160
Speaker 3: and so when something is bothering someone, it usually gets

588
00:31:47,160 --> 00:31:51,240
Speaker 3: brought to the surface pretty quickly and then resolved. And

589
00:31:51,280 --> 00:31:53,880
Speaker 3: it doesn't always get resolved and like hug it out,

590
00:31:53,880 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 3: we're good. It gets resolved in Okay, fine, I'm going

591
00:31:56,560 --> 00:31:59,080
Speaker 3: to take the dog for a walk and you go

592
00:31:59,120 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 3: to your office and then eventually everything calms back down

593
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:07,440
Speaker 3: and we're fine. But yeah, dealing with conflict and disagreement

594
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,520
Speaker 3: is a challenge for sure, and I think we we've

595
00:32:13,560 --> 00:32:18,440
Speaker 3: had those challenges certainly, but we get through and we

596
00:32:18,480 --> 00:32:21,400
Speaker 3: want to be an example to our kids of not

597
00:32:21,560 --> 00:32:24,600
Speaker 3: perfection of hey, you're you're not always going to agree

598
00:32:24,640 --> 00:32:29,120
Speaker 3: with each other, but you're that the disagreements that we

599
00:32:29,200 --> 00:32:33,240
Speaker 3: have have never ever affected the love that we have.

600
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,600
Speaker 3: So you may have a disagreement in the moment, but

601
00:32:38,160 --> 00:32:40,840
Speaker 3: your overall love for each other, as long as that

602
00:32:40,880 --> 00:32:44,120
Speaker 3: stays high, you're going to come out the other end

603
00:32:44,160 --> 00:32:47,920
Speaker 3: of the disagreement usually just fine. But and so we've

604
00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 3: never had an issue with that. We've never lost love

605
00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,360
Speaker 3: for each other. We've just not agreed sometimes.

606
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:55,840
Speaker 4: And I think humor has a lot to deal with it. Obviously.

607
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:59,280
Speaker 4: We love to laugh and joke around, and I feel

608
00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 4: like once we've kind of stewed for a minute and

609
00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 4: you know, been upset, had our time, then we start

610
00:33:09,360 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 4: joking around with each other, and I feel like that

611
00:33:13,640 --> 00:33:18,760
Speaker 4: humor has allowed us to get over ourselves or get

612
00:33:18,800 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 4: over the situation or whatever's happening, and kind of come

613
00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 4: back together.

614
00:33:23,160 --> 00:33:24,719
Speaker 1: This is kind of freaky, isn't it. You all are

615
00:33:24,760 --> 00:33:28,640
Speaker 1: describing so much of oh, really exactly what. I love

616
00:33:28,720 --> 00:33:31,200
Speaker 1: that and humor is a big part of it. You

617
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:33,560
Speaker 1: got to be able to laugh as much as life

618
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 1: throws at you, especially when you got kids and things

619
00:33:35,920 --> 00:33:39,000
Speaker 1: and families of balance. Man, laughter is a big deal

620
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 1: if you all the mind when you do fight, though,

621
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,520
Speaker 1: do you all like variety or do you find yourselves

622
00:33:45,560 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: fighting about the same damn thing all the time?

623
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:50,840
Speaker 4: I mean, yeah, we'll find about the same thing, But

624
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 4: I feel like there are different things. I mean, as

625
00:33:53,080 --> 00:33:57,840
Speaker 4: your kids get older, just different scenarios, you know, play

626
00:33:57,840 --> 00:34:01,720
Speaker 4: out in your life. And I think that there are

627
00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:08,040
Speaker 4: there are themes, certainly, but I think there's also some

628
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 4: some variety.

629
00:34:08,760 --> 00:34:09,560
Speaker 2: It just depends.

630
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:12,840
Speaker 4: It depends on the moment and the menopause, Like where

631
00:34:12,880 --> 00:34:17,160
Speaker 4: the menopause is sitting in the cycle, and whether or

632
00:34:17,200 --> 00:34:20,040
Speaker 4: not he's gotten sleep, and whether or not he's gotten sex,

633
00:34:20,120 --> 00:34:21,600
Speaker 4: and whether or not he's gotten food.

634
00:34:21,800 --> 00:34:26,280
Speaker 3: And Yeah, generally I'm pretty agreeable with those three things

635
00:34:26,280 --> 00:34:33,000
Speaker 3: that once that's taken care of, I'll agree to just

636
00:34:33,000 --> 00:34:33,600
Speaker 3: about anyway.

637
00:34:34,760 --> 00:34:41,480
Speaker 4: Again, you're recording this, I'm gonna I'm gonna.

638
00:34:40,120 --> 00:34:43,440
Speaker 3: I think disagreements on everything from we have the usual

639
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:47,040
Speaker 3: things like like parents in law and money and those

640
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:51,080
Speaker 3: sorts of things and and children, and then we have

641
00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,000
Speaker 3: like we just had a disagreement the other day on

642
00:34:53,400 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 3: neuterating our dog. Like I personally would love for the

643
00:34:57,560 --> 00:35:00,000
Speaker 3: poor little fellow to be able to keep him him

644
00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:03,760
Speaker 3: self intact because I'm a guy. I'm like, I don't

645
00:35:03,880 --> 00:35:06,080
Speaker 3: I don't know, Like he seems fine, poor guys. I

646
00:35:06,080 --> 00:35:10,759
Speaker 3: don't hate to do that to any living but he's, uh,

647
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,000
Speaker 3: he's a rescue and apparently we signed an agreement that

648
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:17,360
Speaker 3: you can't keep him that way. So I'm going to

649
00:35:17,440 --> 00:35:17,879
Speaker 3: lose that.

650
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:21,360
Speaker 4: He literally was doing training. He was doing save the

651
00:35:21,400 --> 00:35:22,120
Speaker 4: balls training.

652
00:35:22,200 --> 00:35:25,279
Speaker 3: I think we've been doing Coda and Coda is the dog,

653
00:35:25,480 --> 00:35:28,640
Speaker 3: and I've been doing save my nuts training. Yeah, I

654
00:35:28,680 --> 00:35:31,960
Speaker 3: was like, if I can make him super well, behaved,

655
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,520
Speaker 3: then no one can have an argument about he's too like,

656
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 3: he's too testosteronefilled. So and he's been doing a great job.

657
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,359
Speaker 3: The poor guy has been doing a great job. He's

658
00:35:42,360 --> 00:35:45,239
Speaker 3: going to try to save it. And if they're not

659
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 3: going to be able to save.

660
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:51,320
Speaker 1: It, wait, have you started online campaign hashtag save my nuts?

661
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,279
Speaker 1: That's out there.

662
00:35:56,040 --> 00:35:57,480
Speaker 3: That's not a bad idea.

663
00:35:58,280 --> 00:36:01,759
Speaker 1: Man, You know dog lovers will come to them of course.

664
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, well, we signed a contract, so I don't know

665
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:06,080
Speaker 4: if we're getting out of that.

666
00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:08,879
Speaker 3: But sorry, Oh I love it.

667
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:10,120
Speaker 4: I think that's hysterical.

668
00:36:18,920 --> 00:36:21,000
Speaker 2: I'm gonna do a two part one on this one.

669
00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:23,920
Speaker 2: Do you remember the last time you said I'm sorry

670
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:27,279
Speaker 2: to one another? And do you guys and have you

671
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:28,520
Speaker 2: guys gone to bed angry?

672
00:36:29,280 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 4: Oh? Yes, number two, we have definitely gotten to bed angry.

673
00:36:32,719 --> 00:36:36,120
Speaker 4: I think that actually, you know, I feel like it's

674
00:36:36,520 --> 00:36:40,160
Speaker 4: something that everyone says the best advice that you can

675
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:43,240
Speaker 4: give when you're giving advice to somebody who's newly married

676
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:45,520
Speaker 4: or whatever is never go to bed angry. And I'm like,

677
00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:48,680
Speaker 4: I totally disagree with that. I feel like sometimes you

678
00:36:48,719 --> 00:36:51,719
Speaker 4: just have to go to bed angry and and think

679
00:36:51,760 --> 00:36:53,839
Speaker 4: about it and sleep on it and then wake up

680
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:56,319
Speaker 4: in the morning and talk it through, or maybe not,

681
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,560
Speaker 4: or maybe wait another day. Like however long it takes

682
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:01,640
Speaker 4: you to get to the place where you feel like

683
00:37:01,680 --> 00:37:06,399
Speaker 4: you're calm and able to have a sane conversation, then

684
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:10,920
Speaker 4: do it. So the second one, for sure, we have

685
00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 4: gone to bed angry. I don't like it because I

686
00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:16,400
Speaker 4: like to talk things through, like right when they're happening.

687
00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 4: But sometimes just it doesn't happen. Like he goes to

688
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 4: bed early. I go to bed pretty late, depending on

689
00:37:22,800 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 4: like the kids' schedules, whatever, And sometimes it just doesn't

690
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:31,359
Speaker 4: happen in time. You know, you just don't have Logistically,

691
00:37:31,400 --> 00:37:35,640
Speaker 4: it just can't happen. So don't to anyone listening, don't

692
00:37:35,680 --> 00:37:38,560
Speaker 4: ever get hung up on that go to bed angry.

693
00:37:38,719 --> 00:37:40,560
Speaker 4: You'll wake up, it'll be a new day and hopefully

694
00:37:40,560 --> 00:37:41,359
Speaker 4: you can talk it through.

695
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:42,839
Speaker 1: I agree with that.

696
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, I would say we rarely go to bed angry.

697
00:37:45,920 --> 00:37:48,000
Speaker 4: Right, that's true. I'm not angry angry.

698
00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:49,839
Speaker 3: There are times when we go to bed and we

699
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:54,000
Speaker 3: haven't resolved the disagreement. Yeah, but like when like fuming angry,

700
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:57,120
Speaker 3: no one can sleep, and so at that point I

701
00:37:57,520 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 3: have to get something, otherwise you're just going to lay there.

702
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:06,520
Speaker 3: You eventually are now tired and angry, which if thing works,

703
00:38:06,760 --> 00:38:12,640
Speaker 3: that's not gonna be Like that doesn't happen often. I think, like, well,

704
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 3: the last time we said sorry, I feel like I

705
00:38:15,040 --> 00:38:17,319
Speaker 3: say sorry a lot a lot.

706
00:38:17,239 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 4: Of mistakes, really sorry a lot.

707
00:38:19,320 --> 00:38:22,319
Speaker 3: Didn't we just work through something? We did?

708
00:38:22,480 --> 00:38:28,160
Speaker 4: Just sorry, like two days ago. Yes, there was there

709
00:38:28,200 --> 00:38:32,359
Speaker 4: was some frustration happening, and we definitely said's not too

710
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:36,400
Speaker 4: long ago, so you know, And actually that's one the

711
00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 4: biggest question that we get asked, and you probably have

712
00:38:39,120 --> 00:38:44,719
Speaker 4: it on your list, is what is the secret? And

713
00:38:44,719 --> 00:38:46,880
Speaker 4: I don't think it's a secret. Like one of the

714
00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:52,480
Speaker 4: things is forgiving the little the little things that happen

715
00:38:52,520 --> 00:38:54,439
Speaker 4: in your life, like if you're in a bad mood

716
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 4: and you say something that's hurtful or what and you

717
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 4: don't even realize that you say something that's hurtful. Like actually,

718
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 4: just saying I'm sorry can work wonders in a relationship.

719
00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:11,440
Speaker 4: So I think saying sorry should happen more frequently, you know,

720
00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 4: for healthy relationships. Why are you like laughing? He's like

721
00:39:14,960 --> 00:39:17,600
Speaker 4: he's like smirking or getting ready to break out.

722
00:39:17,719 --> 00:39:20,360
Speaker 3: Oh, it's true. No, I'm not. I'm not.

723
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 4: He's like, we're not getting in a fight over this podcast.

724
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:30,440
Speaker 3: It is like the power of those words. Like there

725
00:39:30,480 --> 00:39:34,279
Speaker 3: have been times when when Trista is so mad at me,

726
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:37,359
Speaker 3: so mad, and I don't really know. Sometimes I don't

727
00:39:37,400 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 3: know exactly why. I kind of think I know why,

728
00:39:39,600 --> 00:39:43,200
Speaker 3: but I don't know exactly why. And if I just

729
00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:49,240
Speaker 3: say I'm sorry, like and mean it, it's like over

730
00:39:49,640 --> 00:39:53,399
Speaker 3: and I'll be like, I can't believe all I had

731
00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 3: to do was just say I'm sorry and all of

732
00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:02,120
Speaker 3: this like this like tension in our house is suddenly like, oh,

733
00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,759
Speaker 3: it's gone. I'm like, this is an It's an amazingly

734
00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:09,359
Speaker 3: powerful thing if you can do it with you know,

735
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 3: and actually mean it. So that's a lesson I've definitely

736
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 3: learned and some and sometimes I'm I can really like

737
00:40:17,680 --> 00:40:21,280
Speaker 3: I can really mean it without sort of even inside myself,

738
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:24,440
Speaker 3: I'm like, okay, like I still think I'm right, but

739
00:40:25,200 --> 00:40:28,960
Speaker 3: I'm sorry. And then and then it's gone. I still

740
00:40:29,000 --> 00:40:31,520
Speaker 3: like I get what to walk away and like complain

741
00:40:31,560 --> 00:40:35,279
Speaker 3: to myself about feeling like I was still rough right,

742
00:40:35,600 --> 00:40:37,720
Speaker 3: but at least the tension in the house is gone.

743
00:40:39,120 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 3: That's powerful.

744
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 1: You have got all the secrets to a very happy

745
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,360
Speaker 1: and healthy merits. I'd love to And to your point,

746
00:40:52,080 --> 00:40:53,319
Speaker 1: there was a lot of thing. I got it from

747
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: my pastor. He would always say, it's not what people say.

748
00:40:56,920 --> 00:40:59,680
Speaker 1: The most painful words are the words that what people

749
00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:03,080
Speaker 1: don't say, and i'm sorry is among them. That it's

750
00:41:03,200 --> 00:41:05,480
Speaker 1: most hurtful to not hear that. Then most of the

751
00:41:05,480 --> 00:41:07,399
Speaker 1: things that come out of people's mouth. Do I say

752
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:07,880
Speaker 1: I'm sorry?

753
00:41:08,360 --> 00:41:12,000
Speaker 2: You do, yes, But you just say I'm sorry, you don't.

754
00:41:12,360 --> 00:41:15,720
Speaker 2: I kind of sometimes want to know why you're sorry.

755
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:17,920
Speaker 1: Oh God, it's never never not.

756
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 4: Same, same amy, same, same.

757
00:41:22,280 --> 00:41:24,960
Speaker 2: Okay, thank you, because I feel like you're just saying

758
00:41:25,000 --> 00:41:28,480
Speaker 2: it for the exact reasons why Ryan just explained.

759
00:41:28,520 --> 00:41:32,319
Speaker 1: Okay, well Ryan, Ryan, send me the play by play

760
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 1: of how to actually deliver me I'm sorry. So that's effective.

761
00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:39,080
Speaker 1: What would you say next question here? What would you say?

762
00:41:39,120 --> 00:41:42,839
Speaker 1: I'll start with you, Ryan. You love most about your

763
00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:46,040
Speaker 1: wife and has that changed over time?

764
00:41:48,719 --> 00:41:53,120
Speaker 3: No? I think she's just a giver. She has a

765
00:41:53,280 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 3: motherly quality about her even when we didn't have kids,

766
00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 3: and I alluded to it earlier. She just wants to

767
00:42:00,040 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: take care of you. She wants to protect you, almost

768
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:05,640
Speaker 3: to a fault. Sometimes with our kids, I have I

769
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:07,279
Speaker 3: feel like I have to be the one to say

770
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:10,600
Speaker 3: you got you. Gotta let them go a little bit

771
00:42:10,640 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 3: and and find their own way and make their own mistakes.

772
00:42:13,960 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 3: And she just is so good and it's just come

773
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:22,600
Speaker 3: so naturally for her to be just a caregiver of

774
00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 3: all kinds, like of her mom, of my mom, of me,

775
00:42:25,760 --> 00:42:29,640
Speaker 3: of our kids, a dog, like whatever. She's always involved

776
00:42:29,680 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 3: in the kids' activities, and she just she just loves,

777
00:42:34,520 --> 00:42:38,520
Speaker 3: as you know, as much as it sometimes stresses her out.

778
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:42,560
Speaker 3: She just loves being the person to organize things and

779
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:44,439
Speaker 3: take care of things and make sure things are going

780
00:42:44,480 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 3: well and make sure that everybody's doing okay. And I've

781
00:42:47,960 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 3: always I've loved that when when the focus was on me,

782
00:42:51,640 --> 00:42:53,479
Speaker 3: and I love it now that the focus is on

783
00:42:54,000 --> 00:42:58,880
Speaker 3: our kids. She's just really good at being a mom

784
00:42:59,040 --> 00:43:01,279
Speaker 3: to people who are or even her kids.

785
00:43:01,760 --> 00:43:04,759
Speaker 1: And just what would you say your favorite thing about him?

786
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:05,560
Speaker 1: And has it changed?

787
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:13,120
Speaker 4: I would say probably his humor. I love laughter. I

788
00:43:13,200 --> 00:43:17,719
Speaker 4: love being able to have fun together. I mean, what

789
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:20,360
Speaker 4: is life if you're not laughing and having fun? You know?

790
00:43:21,080 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 4: I mean obviously you're going to have days that you

791
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:31,160
Speaker 4: just don't want to laugh, and that hasn't changed. He's

792
00:43:31,239 --> 00:43:33,719
Speaker 4: always had the gift of being able to make me

793
00:43:33,800 --> 00:43:36,840
Speaker 4: laugh and make me smile, and I love that.

794
00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:40,080
Speaker 2: I want to know, and I think this is a

795
00:43:40,080 --> 00:43:43,359
Speaker 2: cause for a lot of relationship issues. How do you

796
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:50,040
Speaker 2: all handle finances, household chores, the parenting, all the things

797
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 2: that like just weigh you down in life. Couples tend

798
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:56,319
Speaker 2: to fight about do you have shared accounts? Do you

799
00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:58,319
Speaker 2: have separate accounts? Can you explain a little bit how

800
00:43:58,400 --> 00:44:01,680
Speaker 2: you figured out how to on your household and have

801
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:04,320
Speaker 2: that enhance your marriage instead of divided.

802
00:44:04,800 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 3: I think we've kind of gone with where our strengths are.

803
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:13,000
Speaker 3: I think I initially started out managing our finances and

804
00:44:14,040 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 3: trist is just meticulous, and so she sort of took

805
00:44:18,840 --> 00:44:21,359
Speaker 3: over the balancing of the checkbooks and then that sort

806
00:44:21,360 --> 00:44:22,880
Speaker 3: of stuff.

807
00:44:22,920 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 4: He doesn't believe in that.

808
00:44:25,480 --> 00:44:27,680
Speaker 3: I'm a little bit less particulous when it comes to

809
00:44:27,719 --> 00:44:31,920
Speaker 3: that part of things, but I am super meticulous about

810
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,000
Speaker 3: like my truck is always clean, and I don't I

811
00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:39,200
Speaker 3: don't like like in my profession, like at the firehouse,

812
00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 3: like the dishwasher is always emptied in the morning, and

813
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 3: we do. We clean the bathrooms every day, and we

814
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:48,400
Speaker 3: like everything is clean, the truck is clean, like everything.

815
00:44:48,440 --> 00:44:53,520
Speaker 3: And so I've sort of gravitated towards the cooking and

816
00:44:53,640 --> 00:44:58,040
Speaker 3: cleaning side of the house, and she's gravitated towards the

817
00:44:58,080 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 3: taxes and check book side of the house. I see, Yeah,

818
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,840
Speaker 3: that just kind of happens sort of naturally.

819
00:45:07,400 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 4: Although I will say, like when the kids were young

820
00:45:10,800 --> 00:45:16,640
Speaker 4: or little, they I was doing the cooking mainly for

821
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:18,839
Speaker 4: all of us. You know, when he's gone, he's gone

822
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 4: for twenty four hour shifts or he used to be

823
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:24,719
Speaker 4: gone for forty eight hour shifts sometimes, So I was

824
00:45:24,760 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 4: handling that and I remember specifically one day I was

825
00:45:29,920 --> 00:45:34,719
Speaker 4: just over it. I was like, I can't cook anymore

826
00:45:34,800 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 4: and I was in such a bad mood. And he

827
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,399
Speaker 4: came in and it was one of those moments where

828
00:45:39,400 --> 00:45:41,480
Speaker 4: he was like, how can I help, Like what's going on?

829
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,480
Speaker 4: And I said, do you remember when we first met

830
00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:47,640
Speaker 4: and I told you that I was not born with

831
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 4: the cooking gene. Well that still stands today, and I

832
00:45:52,280 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 4: just hate it. It puts me in the worst mood

833
00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 4: to have to figure out what we're going to eat

834
00:45:56,160 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 4: and buy all the groceries and then no one likes

835
00:45:59,719 --> 00:46:02,520
Speaker 4: it or whatever, you know, the pressure and just getting

836
00:46:02,520 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 4: it done because I'm trying to do everything and I

837
00:46:06,320 --> 00:46:09,000
Speaker 4: just can't. And from that day forward, he kind of

838
00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,800
Speaker 4: took over cooking, like at least dinner, you know, lunches

839
00:46:11,880 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 4: and breakfast everyone can do on their own. But that

840
00:46:16,719 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 4: was a huge, huge help. So I think he said

841
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:26,440
Speaker 4: it best. And we have figured out over the years

842
00:46:26,480 --> 00:46:31,120
Speaker 4: what our strengths are and just kind of each person

843
00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:35,120
Speaker 4: has taken whatever we feel we can do best at.

844
00:46:35,920 --> 00:46:40,000
Speaker 4: We do have joint accounts, and that gets a little

845
00:46:40,040 --> 00:46:45,280
Speaker 4: hard because like Christmas shopping, I get like the credit

846
00:46:45,320 --> 00:46:48,920
Speaker 4: card notifications when there's a purchase being made, you know,

847
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:52,560
Speaker 4: and like he feels like he can't do anything.

848
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:56,800
Speaker 3: Like every time I order something out of the ordinary,

849
00:46:57,040 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 3: I get a phone call, Hey did you order? What

850
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:04,359
Speaker 3: was this? I'm like, yeah, God, like you can't buy

851
00:47:04,400 --> 00:47:07,640
Speaker 3: any gifts. It's difficult, but yeah, and I'd say, and

852
00:47:07,680 --> 00:47:11,040
Speaker 3: I'd say. The last thing would be parenting, and we've

853
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,120
Speaker 3: that's one of the areas where we sometimes have different philosophies,

854
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 3: and we've had to agree to not make any permanent

855
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:23,640
Speaker 3: decisions until we've talked to each other about it, because

856
00:47:24,520 --> 00:47:26,840
Speaker 3: we tend to make like all tend to make a

857
00:47:26,840 --> 00:47:30,200
Speaker 3: different decision than she would have. And if we don't

858
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:32,400
Speaker 3: talk about it, then I don't really I'm not on

859
00:47:32,440 --> 00:47:34,880
Speaker 3: the same page, and it's hard to it's hard to

860
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 3: parent effectively when you're not on the same page. So

861
00:47:38,040 --> 00:47:42,040
Speaker 3: that has been one area that's taken some practice, but

862
00:47:42,080 --> 00:47:45,399
Speaker 3: the other two kind of like just organically happened. Well.

863
00:47:45,480 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 4: I think the parenting one, you know, I think with

864
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,560
Speaker 4: any healthy relationship, you have to respect each other. And he,

865
00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:56,359
Speaker 4: you know, has said to me, like, hey, what's going on, Like,

866
00:47:56,400 --> 00:47:58,920
Speaker 4: I you know, I'm with the kids more just because

867
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,680
Speaker 4: I'm like Max is driving on his own now, but

868
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 4: I'm shuttling Blakeslee places and so, you know, I just

869
00:48:07,160 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 4: have more one on one FaceTime with them, So I

870
00:48:11,120 --> 00:48:13,400
Speaker 4: kind of am more in tune on what's going on

871
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 4: with them and if I have to make a decision

872
00:48:15,880 --> 00:48:19,600
Speaker 4: about something in their life, if I've made it without

873
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 4: his input. At times he's been like, hey, like what

874
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:25,719
Speaker 4: am I chopliver? You know, like I want to be

875
00:48:25,760 --> 00:48:27,839
Speaker 4: part of this decision too. So I feel like over

876
00:48:27,880 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 4: the years we've had those moments, and we've had to

877
00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:35,000
Speaker 4: learn that, Like I need to bring the parenting decisions

878
00:48:35,000 --> 00:48:38,799
Speaker 4: to him too, because I'm not a single parent, thankfully,

879
00:48:39,320 --> 00:48:42,000
Speaker 4: and we're a part we're a partnership, were a team,

880
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:43,320
Speaker 4: so we need to do it together.

881
00:48:44,000 --> 00:48:46,359
Speaker 1: All right, Next one here, and we're going to try

882
00:48:46,360 --> 00:48:48,720
Speaker 1: to blaze through these last year. We got so many left.

883
00:48:48,760 --> 00:48:52,320
Speaker 1: But the first one here. Have you ever been to

884
00:48:52,400 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 1: couple's therapy?

885
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,840
Speaker 3: No? No therapy, I haven't done counts.

886
00:48:55,920 --> 00:48:59,680
Speaker 2: Like, all right, what's the closest you've ever come to

887
00:48:59,719 --> 00:49:02,480
Speaker 2: break up? Or have you ever come close to breaking

888
00:49:02,560 --> 00:49:03,240
Speaker 2: up at any point?

889
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:09,680
Speaker 3: If it has been close, it's been just a breaking

890
00:49:09,760 --> 00:49:17,560
Speaker 3: up with me, probably like years and years ago. But yeah,

891
00:49:17,560 --> 00:49:19,080
Speaker 3: I think I went through like a little bit of

892
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:22,440
Speaker 3: a rough period of just trying to figure out kind

893
00:49:22,480 --> 00:49:25,640
Speaker 3: of where I was in life. And I think that

894
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:29,799
Speaker 3: was difficult on her. And I don't, like I said,

895
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:32,080
Speaker 3: I don't think there's ever been a time where our

896
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:35,880
Speaker 3: our love for each other has wavered. But at that

897
00:49:36,000 --> 00:49:40,160
Speaker 3: point I feel like I was not I was I

898
00:49:40,280 --> 00:49:43,799
Speaker 3: was a little more selfish than she wanted to have

899
00:49:43,960 --> 00:49:46,799
Speaker 3: someone be if she was going to spend the rest

900
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:49,719
Speaker 3: of her life with them, and so that those are

901
00:49:49,719 --> 00:49:56,200
Speaker 3: probably our hardest conversations and really like I just had

902
00:49:56,200 --> 00:49:59,480
Speaker 3: to wake up and grow up a little bit, and

903
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 3: and I now I feel like I did. I mean,

904
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:06,080
Speaker 3: we're still here, but that's probably the closest and I

905
00:50:06,080 --> 00:50:10,600
Speaker 3: don't know that we were close that close, but definitely

906
00:50:10,600 --> 00:50:12,960
Speaker 3: I think there were some thoughts of like, is this

907
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:16,000
Speaker 3: her end? Is this who I want to be with

908
00:50:16,040 --> 00:50:21,399
Speaker 3: for ever? And thank god she decided it was. But yeah,

909
00:50:21,440 --> 00:50:23,960
Speaker 3: that's I mean, that's what I let's.

910
00:50:23,800 --> 00:50:28,239
Speaker 1: Say, all right, anyone listening to a couple that's been

911
00:50:28,239 --> 00:50:30,959
Speaker 1: together for twenty one years, a young couple, or even

912
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:33,560
Speaker 1: somebody who's single right now who wants a marriage to

913
00:50:33,719 --> 00:50:36,400
Speaker 1: last that long, what would you all tell them? You

914
00:50:36,680 --> 00:50:42,040
Speaker 1: absolutely need to consider or even ask yourself before you

915
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:46,319
Speaker 1: decide that that's the person you want to marry.

916
00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:50,480
Speaker 4: I so I got great advice when I was the bachelorette.

917
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:53,800
Speaker 4: I can't remember who was from. And then I actually

918
00:50:53,840 --> 00:50:57,800
Speaker 4: gave this advice to Gary, who was the first Golden Bachelor,

919
00:50:58,520 --> 00:51:02,560
Speaker 4: and that is is choose someone that you can't live without,

920
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,600
Speaker 4: not someone that you can live with, but someone you

921
00:51:04,600 --> 00:51:08,320
Speaker 4: can't live without. And you know, unfortunately Gary and Teresa

922
00:51:09,280 --> 00:51:13,400
Speaker 4: didn't last that long after that advice had been taken.

923
00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:19,080
Speaker 4: But I feel like for us, that was definitely something

924
00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:23,200
Speaker 4: that played into my decision because I didn't want to

925
00:51:23,200 --> 00:51:26,759
Speaker 4: live without Ryan. I felt like my life would not

926
00:51:27,080 --> 00:51:33,120
Speaker 4: be as happy without him, So that would be one.

927
00:51:33,320 --> 00:51:36,080
Speaker 4: And then you know, like like I said, the little

928
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:43,040
Speaker 4: forgivenesses forgiving each other. You need to communicate, you need

929
00:51:43,080 --> 00:51:45,680
Speaker 4: to respect each other, you need you need to laugh together.

930
00:51:47,360 --> 00:51:51,200
Speaker 4: If they're not a good kisser, take them to the curb.

931
00:51:56,120 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 4: Those are some of the things.

932
00:51:58,560 --> 00:52:01,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a hard time answering that question, I

933
00:52:01,400 --> 00:52:06,120
Speaker 3: think just because I think there's always a little bit

934
00:52:06,160 --> 00:52:09,600
Speaker 3: of a leap of faith there. You can't you It's

935
00:52:09,680 --> 00:52:13,960
Speaker 3: very difficult to know everything about someone prior to going in,

936
00:52:14,000 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 3: and I think that's part of the fun. The fun

937
00:52:16,160 --> 00:52:19,719
Speaker 3: of the whole thing is is learning along the way.

938
00:52:19,800 --> 00:52:23,960
Speaker 3: So I think I would I would just recommend before

939
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:29,719
Speaker 3: anyone goes into a relationship to just keep keep their

940
00:52:29,840 --> 00:52:32,600
Speaker 3: mind open to the things that that there will be,

941
00:52:32,880 --> 00:52:35,160
Speaker 3: just to know there will be things that you didn't know,

942
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:38,719
Speaker 3: and there will be challenges that you didn't foresee, and

943
00:52:38,760 --> 00:52:45,040
Speaker 3: there will be opportunities and off and disappointments and things

944
00:52:45,080 --> 00:52:48,480
Speaker 3: like that. Life will Life is still going to happen,

945
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:50,680
Speaker 3: Like you're not going to get married and life suddenly

946
00:52:50,719 --> 00:52:54,759
Speaker 3: becomes like rainbows and roses. It's you're still going to

947
00:52:54,840 --> 00:52:56,680
Speaker 3: have to deal with life even though you're married, and

948
00:52:56,960 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 3: just now you have somebody to help you with that.

949
00:53:00,400 --> 00:53:04,360
Speaker 3: And and that's what has been successful for us is

950
00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:06,799
Speaker 3: we've helped each other, I think through those peaks and

951
00:53:06,880 --> 00:53:12,280
Speaker 3: valleys of marriage. But I would I would never discourage anyone,

952
00:53:12,400 --> 00:53:15,320
Speaker 3: you know, Like it's kind of funny around the firehouse,

953
00:53:15,480 --> 00:53:18,359
Speaker 3: Like you're always joking about like the young guys who

954
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:21,040
Speaker 3: now think they're you know, they're getting engaged and stuff,

955
00:53:22,160 --> 00:53:26,120
Speaker 3: and everybody's like, oh, don't do that, Like it's you know,

956
00:53:26,320 --> 00:53:31,200
Speaker 3: but everybody really knows that that's one of the best

957
00:53:31,239 --> 00:53:34,800
Speaker 3: things you can do is to formulate that lasting bond

958
00:53:34,880 --> 00:53:38,880
Speaker 3: and that that type of relationship. And and so I

959
00:53:39,360 --> 00:53:43,960
Speaker 3: just think, if you're ready, you know it, and and

960
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:46,040
Speaker 3: just do it, you know, like that kind of like

961
00:53:46,080 --> 00:53:48,400
Speaker 3: we did, like we knew we were ready, and so

962
00:53:49,400 --> 00:53:51,120
Speaker 3: I waste time. Let's just do it and get on

963
00:53:51,239 --> 00:53:53,720
Speaker 3: with it and and enjoy our lives together.

964
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,399
Speaker 1: How would they have done on Married at First Sight?

965
00:53:57,040 --> 00:53:59,400
Speaker 2: I think, really good, we've gotten really into you know,

966
00:53:59,480 --> 00:54:03,120
Speaker 2: I know that or The Bachelorette where the beginnings of

967
00:54:03,160 --> 00:54:05,640
Speaker 2: all of these dating shows, but we're so into them

968
00:54:05,640 --> 00:54:07,960
Speaker 2: now like the relationship shows. Married at First Sight. Have

969
00:54:08,040 --> 00:54:14,719
Speaker 2: you all watched that we're obsessed.

970
00:54:15,400 --> 00:54:18,360
Speaker 4: On your chest. I haven't watched. I've watched. I watched

971
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:21,160
Speaker 4: the first season. I think of love is Blind. We

972
00:54:21,280 --> 00:54:22,840
Speaker 4: haven't watched anything else.

973
00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,480
Speaker 2: I would say thank you for it's you have been

974
00:54:26,520 --> 00:54:30,719
Speaker 2: I so I watched your season all those years ago,

975
00:54:30,880 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 2: and I it was great because there was hope and

976
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:35,520
Speaker 2: the fact that you all are still together. And it's

977
00:54:35,560 --> 00:54:38,480
Speaker 2: not that you're just still together. You're together and you're happy.

978
00:54:38,520 --> 00:54:41,719
Speaker 2: You're not perfect, but you're happy and and that is

979
00:54:41,800 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 2: so inspirational. So thank you both for sharing your story,

980
00:54:46,120 --> 00:54:49,560
Speaker 2: your love, all the ups and downs. I think this

981
00:54:49,600 --> 00:54:52,120
Speaker 2: is going to make a lot of people feel inspired

982
00:54:52,160 --> 00:54:55,879
Speaker 2: that love, true love actually does exist and marriage can

983
00:54:55,920 --> 00:54:56,680
Speaker 2: be a good thing.

984
00:54:58,120 --> 00:55:00,560
Speaker 4: Yes, agreed, it can be a good thing. I think

985
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:05,160
Speaker 4: it's just about your your perspective, your attitude, your effort,

986
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:08,600
Speaker 4: all of those things. So thanks so much for having us.

987
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:08,960
Speaker 3: It was.

988
00:55:10,600 --> 00:55:12,279
Speaker 1: We got a lot out of this too as a

989
00:55:12,320 --> 00:55:16,319
Speaker 1: couple really hashtag SA saving ups.

990
00:55:16,360 --> 00:55:17,000
Speaker 4: Thank you, guys,