Speaker 1: What was your first car. My first car was awesome.
Speaker 1: Was the BMW. That's so cool, like not like a
Speaker 1: fancy BMW, but it was like a three series. It
Speaker 1: probably was a three series. Yeah, that's what I had. Really,
Speaker 1: it wasn't my first car, but I had. I actually
Speaker 1: had a five Series and it was like a ninety
Speaker 1: one and it was such a good car. Man. I
Speaker 1: really liked that car. It was like a really dark green,
Speaker 1: almost black. It had a carpet over the dash because
Speaker 1: I guess whoever owned it before was like actually cared
Speaker 1: about it, so they were trying to keep the leather nice.
Speaker 1: Of course, I was in high school or rather in college,
Speaker 1: so I was like covered it with pins and ship
Speaker 1: from like Spencer's puns and whatever. That's awesome. But my
Speaker 1: first car was a Ford Explorer at some point my
Speaker 1: driving days. Yeah, I did not care for it. I
Speaker 1: loved mine. I felt like I was at home in
Speaker 1: that car. It was. I took that car to college
Speaker 1: when I went up to New York. We saw some
Speaker 1: we saw some things together, we were we went through
Speaker 1: some ships. I also drove mind to college. But that's
Speaker 1: why I didn't like it, because I went to college
Speaker 1: in the middle of downtown Atlanta, and every parking deck
Speaker 1: is like cramped a ship. So it's in this big
Speaker 1: gas explorer like trying to fit into these spaces. I
Speaker 1: was like, not a confident driver. Yeah, yeah, Well we're
Speaker 1: talking cars today. Boy, boy, are we talking cars today?
Speaker 1: Before we bring you our final chapter on the absolutely
Speaker 1: fascinating Collette, I hope you're enjoying that. We wanted to
Speaker 1: take another break from people loving people and go back
Speaker 1: to one of our most ridiculous romance subjects, objective sexuality.
Speaker 1: If you haven't heard our episode about Ayarita and the
Speaker 1: Berlin Wall, like, definitely, we recommend going back and checking
Speaker 1: that one out after this one, or even if you
Speaker 1: did here, just revisited that episode is so good. Um,
Speaker 1: But today we're talking specifically about people who are sexually
Speaker 1: aroused by vehicles. I mean we're talking little cars, we're
Speaker 1: talking big trucks even like full on helicopters and fighter jets.
Speaker 1: And these people have got boners for beamers, right, They
Speaker 1: are hard for hatchbacks. They want to get a hummer
Speaker 1: from a hummer. So clutch your stick shift and chassis
Speaker 1: and rev those engines because it's time for some hot
Speaker 1: rod honeys room room. Hey the French, come listen. Well,
Speaker 1: Eli and Diana got some stories to tell. There's no
Speaker 1: match making, a romantic tips. It's just about ridiculous relationships,
Speaker 1: a lover. It might be any type of person at all,
Speaker 1: and abstract cons that are a concrete wall. But if
Speaker 1: there's a story where the second plants ridiculous rolls a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Radio, I think before we get
Speaker 1: start on this episode, because this is a tight little
Speaker 1: episode and we've got a little spare time. So how
Speaker 1: about we reached into our bag here. I think it's
Speaker 1: time for amiracle awesome. Yes, and this one is actually
Speaker 1: very very relevant to today's episode. This was sent to
Speaker 1: us on Instagram from Sarah Johnson Sarah dot Sexton dot Johnson.
Speaker 1: Thank you, Sarah, Sarah. They sent us an article from
Speaker 1: January about a woman in Germany who wants to marry
Speaker 1: a Boeing seven seven. So from the article quote Sarah
Speaker 1: Rhodo tells the Sun my plane is called Dicky. I
Speaker 1: love everything about him, but particularly his face, wings and engine.
Speaker 1: They're so sexy to me. Some people don't understand my love,
Speaker 1: but my friends took my coming out very well and
Speaker 1: encouraged me. All right, there you go. We've seen this
Speaker 1: in Ourita episode where she talked about her little town
Speaker 1: in Sweden being very exciting. And I feel like in
Speaker 1: that episode two we learned about Germany and other places
Speaker 1: over there, Germany was like that kind of kind of
Speaker 1: cool with it, more or less more so than we
Speaker 1: are here. Well, yeah, I think they even yeah, they
Speaker 1: said Germany was of course, was very cool with it.
Speaker 1: And then as you got further east and they had
Speaker 1: more like animism and like Shintoism, which believes there's a
Speaker 1: soul in like every object, tree and everything, like, they
Speaker 1: got more and more accepting of it. But then as
Speaker 1: you go further west, of course into the US, it's like,
Speaker 1: what are you talking about. You're telling me that Americans
Speaker 1: were less accepting. What a country colonized by Puritans? Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: she says she's in love with this plane. She flies
Speaker 1: on it as often as possible. Again, like our object
Speaker 1: sexuality episodes, she has hundreds of toy models of the plane.
Speaker 1: She sleeps with one of the models that's almost as
Speaker 1: big as she is. A Rita also had a model
Speaker 1: of the Berlin walls with complete with barbed wire exactly,
Speaker 1: terrifying bed mate. Everything else I was fine with, but
Speaker 1: the barbed wire was bridge too far, and I was
Speaker 1: like a bridge bridge. I'd love to meet him, could
Speaker 1: him up? So anyway, this woman who's in love with
Speaker 1: this plane, she told lad Bible quote, I've been attracted
Speaker 1: to objects since I was a teenager. I first noticed
Speaker 1: it when I was fourteen years old. I noticed that
Speaker 1: I wasn't attracted to people when I didn't want to
Speaker 1: cuddle or become intimate with them, unlike my objects, where
Speaker 1: I crave cuddles and being intimate. It's the best sex
Speaker 1: I've ever had, which is unusual because I Rita and
Speaker 1: like Rika Eiffel were like not interested in talking about
Speaker 1: how they had sex with their objects, Like they were like,
Speaker 1: that's really grossive you to ask. But she's like, it's
Speaker 1: the best sex I've so maybe she's more willing to
Speaker 1: discuss how it works. She refers to Dickie the plane
Speaker 1: as her boyfriend, but of course she can't marry it.
Speaker 1: It's not legal in her home country of Germany to
Speaker 1: marry an object, or any country, I think, she said quote.
Speaker 1: I've also had two relationships with men because I just
Speaker 1: wasn't sure what my real sexuality was, but I soon
Speaker 1: realized that I can't feel these romantic things for people.
Speaker 1: Now I know that my sexuality is object Ophelia, and
Speaker 1: I stand by it all right. And before Dickie, Sarah
Speaker 1: says she was in love with an express train called
Speaker 1: Ice three. I mean, first of all, Ice three is
Speaker 1: a very sexy name. Ice three kind of want to
Speaker 1: change my name to Ice Would that be cool with you?
Speaker 1: I guess it'll take some getting used to. My friends.
Speaker 1: Gone listen, well, three and Diana got stories to tell.
Speaker 1: It fits. It's still the sables, no notes. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: have to change all my email addresses. Well, this is
Speaker 1: up to you. Do you feel like spending the money
Speaker 1: and time? We'll talk about it. I will stand by you,
Speaker 1: by which I mean I'll talk to myself about it.
Speaker 1: Thank you for standing by me in this difficult time.
Speaker 1: In this difficult time, honestly, you know, things are pretty
Speaker 1: tough for me right now. I'm having a real hard
Speaker 1: time about whether or not I'm going to change my
Speaker 1: name to Ice three. And I would say that that
Speaker 1: puts me as a contender for most challenged personally in
Speaker 1: the United States right now. Bold claim cotton. It's harder
Speaker 1: for me than anyone. I will not be taking questions
Speaker 1: backslash sum very interesting. Thank you Sarah for sending that in. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and you know, don't confuse Sarah who sent in the
Speaker 1: story with Sarah who is the story. I realized they're
Speaker 1: both called Sarah. Sarah Johnson sent it in Sarah Rhodo
Speaker 1: is the person who loves the Jets. But yes, that
Speaker 1: was a really awesome article to read, and of course
Speaker 1: it was so cool. It's always cool when you all
Speaker 1: reach out with things that you're like. I would never
Speaker 1: have paid attention to this if it wasn't for your episode,
Speaker 1: that sort of thing. So thank you Sarah for sending that.
Speaker 1: And also, it really is so in line with this
Speaker 1: episode because object sexuality has its own little offshoot. It does.
Speaker 1: It does. We've talked at length about os not just
Speaker 1: today but on this show in the past, where people
Speaker 1: feel an intense physical, often even emotional connection to objects,
Speaker 1: and a lot of people consider this their personal sexuality,
Speaker 1: like we just read with Sarah, like their preference is
Speaker 1: for objects rather than say men or women or any
Speaker 1: humans at all. When we looked at the story of Ayaritta,
Speaker 1: who fell in love with and married the Berlin Wall,
Speaker 1: or Erica who married the Eiffel Tower. These were actually
Speaker 1: like shockingly sweet stories about perfectly sane, sound minded women
Speaker 1: who just found joy in the bonds they formed with
Speaker 1: various objects, very eloquent, normal sounding, like, Hey, who am
Speaker 1: I hurt in anyway? And it's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what I mean. It was like, can't be mad somebody
Speaker 1: coming to me and talking to me about how they like, uh,
Speaker 1: you know, pineapple and pizza or something where I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't argue with you. You You like it? What am
Speaker 1: I supposed to say? You like it? Great? Good for you?
Speaker 1: Actually do like pineapple and pizza? Sorry, feel not regularly, No,
Speaker 1: it's just nice if it's there. I'm like, it works, honestly. Pineapple, uh, pepperoni,
Speaker 1: pineapple and feta is a really good combination. O. Um. So, anyway,
Speaker 1: we're going to get more hate from that than anything
Speaker 1: else we've talked about on this show. We're going to
Speaker 1: start boycotting delete this entire podcast reviews are about plummet.
Speaker 1: But in all these stories, there really was a strong
Speaker 1: case to be made for acceptance of this lifestyle, because
Speaker 1: literally no one is getting hurt. Um. These people made
Speaker 1: no effort to change the legal system to accommodate their tastes, right.
Speaker 1: I mean that the the O s I group was
Speaker 1: very emphatic about that. We don't need, you know, recognition
Speaker 1: legally of this marriage. I'm not looking for a tax
Speaker 1: break for me and my wall husband. And you know,
Speaker 1: these people seem to be living happy and productive lives.
Speaker 1: So who's who's who's amongst us can judge the first
Speaker 1: This was an early episode of ours, and it really
Speaker 1: helped us set off on a tone of acceptance and
Speaker 1: curiosity on this show rather than like judgment and mockery,
Speaker 1: because I think that's easy to slip into with some
Speaker 1: of these subjects, right. Well, you know some people make
Speaker 1: that a little harder than others, and we're going to
Speaker 1: visit with some of those folks today. They set themselves
Speaker 1: up for that because, Yeah, within that same episode, right,
Speaker 1: we casually mentioned that it's not uncommon for people to
Speaker 1: sexualize their cars. I think we're specifically talking about how
Speaker 1: the US is a little hypocritical about that kind of thing,
Speaker 1: because we're like, we do actually get vibes off of
Speaker 1: objects or places or whatever. Um, And one of those things.
Speaker 1: Is definitely cars. Um, we often give them genders. We
Speaker 1: talk about their curves or their per you know, they're
Speaker 1: sexy perl. She's really right. People might refer to their
Speaker 1: cars with pet names like baby or sweetie or something
Speaker 1: like that. So mechan ophelia is the term for people
Speaker 1: who are attracted to machines, which includes bikes, cars, helicopters, ships,
Speaker 1: and airplane. Right, and it might not be necessarily vehicles. Uh,
Speaker 1: you can talk about other machines as well, And it's
Speaker 1: sort of an umbrella term. You've got paraphilia sort of
Speaker 1: at the top, and that's an attraction into objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors,
Speaker 1: or even like types of individuals like like like a
Speaker 1: fantasy creatures like centaurs or something, right, And it's a
Speaker 1: it's specifically categorized as an intense sexual arousal to these objects.
Speaker 1: So sort of underneath that you have objective sexuality, which
Speaker 1: is specifically objects things that's what I'm attracted to, And
Speaker 1: then underneath that you have mechanophilia, which is those objects
Speaker 1: for me are machines. Yeah, as opposed to like, uh,
Speaker 1: we had people in the writt To episode who were
Speaker 1: in love with swords or you know, items, playing cards
Speaker 1: and things like that. Stadium's actually, uh, Eric Eifel was
Speaker 1: in love with a fighter jet for a while, so
Speaker 1: she's a little bit of mechanophilia with her objects sexuality,
Speaker 1: So that's that's interesting. Um, but yeah, some people take
Speaker 1: their attractions a bridge too far. But while in the
Speaker 1: same line of thinking is Arita or Eric Eiffel, It
Speaker 1: should be totally acceptable for anyone to have strong romantic
Speaker 1: feelings for their car if that's what they need to
Speaker 1: be happy, fine, whatever for it. You're not taking anything
Speaker 1: away from anybody exactly. I got so many letters to
Speaker 1: write about, so many other things. I'm not going to
Speaker 1: start with that. But it's a little harder to get
Speaker 1: behind this guy, though. I'd rather be behind him than
Speaker 1: in front of him. In two thousand and seven, a
Speaker 1: then forty five year old Canadian named Sandy Wong was
Speaker 1: arrested not once, not twice, but three time for the
Speaker 1: simple crime of trying to fuck cars in public and no,
Speaker 1: by the way, of course, the cars were not his
Speaker 1: dranger cars once twice, three times a car fucker, no no.
Speaker 1: As reported in the Edmonton Sun, witnesses first saw Sandy
Speaker 1: checking out three BMW cars on display at the Home
Speaker 1: and Garden Auto Show on March two thousand six. If
Speaker 1: you're looking for a place to hook up, he's walking
Speaker 1: up and down a lot. He's like, hey, baby, come here,
Speaker 1: often you got a you got a GPS in there
Speaker 1: because you should calculate a route into my pants. Oh yeah, baby,
Speaker 1: I'm totally gonna wreck you. Alright. Well, he's working on
Speaker 1: his pickup's new frontier. Okay, but after scoping out these
Speaker 1: three cars, he finally made a connection with one of them,
Speaker 1: a brand new three s Dan valued at fifty thousand
Speaker 1: dollars Canadian or kicking here thirty eight thousand U S dollars.
Speaker 1: And I did check, and today a brand new three
Speaker 1: Sedan still worth about U S dollars. The price has
Speaker 1: not gone up that much. Take that inflation. Yeah, who's
Speaker 1: complaining about inflation? You could still buy a brand new
Speaker 1: by on W for the same price. You couldn't do
Speaker 1: a thousand six. What's everybody complaining about? That's the next
Speaker 1: like New York Times opinions. Any any day now, my
Speaker 1: brand will be on W cost the same today as
Speaker 1: a dead fifteen years ago. Come on, why everyone should
Speaker 1: shut the hell up, Banks. My name's Ice three three Banks,
Speaker 1: and I'm here to tell you I could complain it.
Speaker 1: So Sandy sees this three sedan and he climbed up
Speaker 1: onto the roof of the car and he gently rubs
Speaker 1: the window gaskets. The chrome bumpers twinkled in the sun
Speaker 1: as he tickled the antenna ridge. Then he sat up
Speaker 1: on the roof and let his legs dangled in front
Speaker 1: of the driver's side door, before dropping his sweatpants to
Speaker 1: his ankles and furiously masturbating on the roof of the car.
Speaker 1: Witnesses saw this. Oh god, no, We'll imagine the shock
Speaker 1: of these witnesses, which shouldn't be difficult for most of us.
Speaker 1: I imagine, what is that guy doing on that climbing
Speaker 1: to tickling the antenna? Oh god, Oh my god, his
Speaker 1: dick is out. Alert, Alert, his dick is out. Yeah.
Speaker 1: They surely were not expecting this, so security obviously is called. Okay.
Speaker 1: Guards ran over, They pulled him to the ground, They
Speaker 1: detained him as they waited for the police to show up,
Speaker 1: and also a specialized cleanup crew was dispatch to sanitize
Speaker 1: the BMW. Specialized I'm like, what specialty is is there
Speaker 1: a four year degree for this, just like Seal Team six,
Speaker 1: Like they have a very specific you only call these
Speaker 1: guys if you need a certain set of skills, right,
Speaker 1: Like I'm just imagining. Uh, you know, they just sit
Speaker 1: around for months and months at a time doing nothing,
Speaker 1: like a fireman on an average day. You know, it's
Speaker 1: just like making chili. I just wait for the call,
Speaker 1: you know. And there's all the all the rookies are
Speaker 1: just they think it's not important. They're like sucking around
Speaker 1: with the pressure washers, playing games. They're like, yeah, I
Speaker 1: ain't got nothing. Why I got the easiest job in
Speaker 1: the world. Listen up, rookies. You think it's all fun
Speaker 1: and games. But we've got one job in this world,
Speaker 1: and that's cleaning up cars that people have tried to
Speaker 1: have sex with. Do you hear me? Oh yes, sir.
Speaker 1: Let me tell you something. One deal. I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: ring in those three years of training. Aren't gonna do
Speaker 1: ship to prepare you by the real thing. Oh my god,
Speaker 1: it's happening sin through some ship. You see, it's real grizzled. Definitely,
Speaker 1: I hope you saw the Definitely. One time a mission
Speaker 1: went wrong, I lost three good men and one eye
Speaker 1: on that mission that day, cleaning off the jiz from
Speaker 1: that in that car it was Toyota Corolla. I'll never
Speaker 1: be the same. Oh my god, oh this clean up.
Speaker 1: Everyone talks about Harvey Kitel and pulp fixing. But let
Speaker 1: me tell you all right, Well, in May of the
Speaker 1: next year, oh seven, Sandy was strolling by a parking
Speaker 1: lot o place called Boston Pizza in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.
Speaker 1: A minute, I'm sorry to rail the conversation. Boston Pizza.
Speaker 1: Is that really a is Boston Pizza selling point? I
Speaker 1: feel like Boston does have a style of pizza, but
Speaker 1: it's not one that I feel like people in other
Speaker 1: places are like, I'm gonna open or I guess they're Canadians,
Speaker 1: we'd be like, I'm gonna open Boston Pizza. That's what
Speaker 1: everybody's missing up here in Alberta. Why not call it
Speaker 1: New York Pizza? No? No, you can get on New
Speaker 1: York pizza anywhere and cluding pizza. Hut. I wanna Boston pizza.
Speaker 1: Pizza comes with a stam Adams potatoes, baked beans, baked beans.
Speaker 1: I don't know, Boston, tell us what your pizza is like?
Speaker 1: I'll try it anyway. Boston Pizza. Sandy's walking past. It's
Speaker 1: a place called Boston Pizza when an irresistible site caught
Speaker 1: his eye. Those big round eyes, those sensual curves, that
Speaker 1: tight little bumber. It was a two thousand five mini
Speaker 1: coup and it was calling his name. To be fair,
Speaker 1: we were all seduced by the mini couture after the
Speaker 1: Italian job came out. That's fair, that's fair. Well, it
Speaker 1: wasn't long before a witness was calling the police, and
Speaker 1: according to the police report, she quote saw a man
Speaker 1: standing on the hood of the car, pulled down his
Speaker 1: pants and started to tuck, rub, and bounce his naked
Speaker 1: genitalia on the hood of the vehicle. The witness ran
Speaker 1: outside to yell at him tell him to stop, which
Speaker 1: he did. He hopped down off the car. Oh my goodness,
Speaker 1: excuse me. I didn't realize, said you one at the
Speaker 1: Boston Pizza. I assumed that it would be deserted. But
Speaker 1: the witness then went inside to call the police, and
Speaker 1: as soon as she went inside, he jumped back up
Speaker 1: and got right back to work again. Well, now that
Speaker 1: you're gone, everything's fine. This time he went all the
Speaker 1: way to the roof and humped the top of the
Speaker 1: car until it quote partially collapsed. My god, so he
Speaker 1: really gave it, gave it a workover one too. He
Speaker 1: was then found by the police hiding behind a dumpster
Speaker 1: quote next to where the vehicle was parked, and he
Speaker 1: was arrested. So he didn't didn't really try to do
Speaker 1: a great job hiding. Not a getaway guy. The closer
Speaker 1: we out of danger, the further we are from harm.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that was his thinking, just roll
Speaker 1: up under the car. Police never searched the scene of
Speaker 1: the crime. Isn't that the old saying, always return to
Speaker 1: the scene of the crime because the cops never bother
Speaker 1: to go back there, yeah, or look there. In the
Speaker 1: first they're like, who would bother staying here? Well, next,
Speaker 1: Sandy decided to go classic. He's looking for something stable
Speaker 1: that would last a while. No more of these fast,
Speaker 1: hot quickie We've all been there. He wanted something sturdy
Speaker 1: and reliable, So it got onto carbon and started swipe,
Speaker 1: just kidding. That's when he caught a glimpse of a
Speaker 1: buick century with its long broad hood and tight narrow headlights.
Speaker 1: It called him. He said, Hey, what's a mid sized
Speaker 1: four door sedan, like you doing in a place like this.
Speaker 1: He gently caressed the door handles as he whispered sweet
Speaker 1: nothings into the side of mirror. The buick was a
Speaker 1: tease playing cooi, but oh so obviously desperate for his attention.
Speaker 1: He ran his fingers along the seams and the frame
Speaker 1: and then jumped up on the roof, whipped it out
Speaker 1: and started jerking off all over the top of the car. Man,
Speaker 1: he starts strong with the four play, but he just
Speaker 1: goes right for it. So there was a witness, the
Speaker 1: cops came, he was arrested, usual story for Sandy Wong.
Speaker 1: This particular witness said there was a school nearby and
Speaker 1: that Sandy was looking in the direction of the playground
Speaker 1: while he was masturbating on top of this car. But
Speaker 1: Sandy himself was adamant with police that his sexual behavior
Speaker 1: was absolutely not motivated by the presence of any children nearby.
Speaker 1: He said, quote, I flashed myself, I sat in the
Speaker 1: car and played with myself. I didn't see no kids
Speaker 1: or school nearby. That was a back alley. And the
Speaker 1: thing here is people have often been trying to associate
Speaker 1: sexual deviance with pedophilia, Like that's been a forever thing.
Speaker 1: It's true of I mean, even the slightest deviations from
Speaker 1: traditional heterosexual missionary behavior. Yeah, they're like, oh you like
Speaker 1: a doggie style, you must be a pedophile. You know,
Speaker 1: they'll they'll take anything, and they're doing it again. So
Speaker 1: if you notice that kind of rhetoric, just maybe shut
Speaker 1: it down or block that person can did some bullshit.
Speaker 1: It is uh, you know, it's like it's just the
Speaker 1: first thing people go to when someone has a perversion
Speaker 1: is like, well are the children safe? You know, as
Speaker 1: if there's some inherent link between atypical sexual behavior and pedophilia.
Speaker 1: But there's never been another incident suggesting pedophilia for Sandy here,
Speaker 1: and no such charges were brought against him, So that
Speaker 1: sounds like it was totally made up and then it
Speaker 1: just kept it for some of these articles as flashy language. Sure. Sure,
Speaker 1: And when asked why cars, he said he was actually
Speaker 1: specifically attracted to rooftops. He said, quote, it's curved like
Speaker 1: a woman's body, the sex appeal, it felt good, okay. Uh.
Speaker 1: In fact, he told police that people shouldn't even buy
Speaker 1: cars like that because it's far too tempting for him,
Speaker 1: and he can't help from pleasuring himself. Okay, he said, quote,
Speaker 1: why would they buy that kind of car? It's the
Speaker 1: owner's fault. Yeah, did you think about that when you
Speaker 1: bought your buick her? No, you only think about yourself, right,
Speaker 1: Consider the sexual feelings thinking when you're looking at a car,
Speaker 1: thinking about how it's beautifully proportioned and aerodynamic. Think about
Speaker 1: the people who can't help the masturbate on the roof
Speaker 1: of your car. How could you because station in front
Speaker 1: of Sandy a little bit victim, blamey Sandy, Sandy, Come on,
Speaker 1: I I was on your side. Well, I wasn't really
Speaker 1: on your side with all the public indecency, but I
Speaker 1: can respect you wanted to have sex with the car.
Speaker 1: But when you come out with the like, well I
Speaker 1: couldn't help it. Look what that car was wearing, you know, like,
Speaker 1: that's not an okay, excuse Sorry, guys, listen, it's your
Speaker 1: dick's fault. It's your fault. If you pull your dick out,
Speaker 1: you felt like you should have, or you wanted to,
Speaker 1: you pulled it out, it's your fault. I have certainly
Speaker 1: never been tempted to pull my dick out in public. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: but I imagine that if for some reason the compulsion
Speaker 1: came over me to you, I would think to myself,
Speaker 1: well just because I want to do something doesn't mean
Speaker 1: that I should, and I would then not pull my
Speaker 1: dick out. What a sexy, healthy brain. The boy the
Speaker 1: bar is low. Okay, Well, anyway, when we come back,
Speaker 1: we are going to get a little deeper into old
Speaker 1: Sandy psyche kind of a dangerous place maybe, and then
Speaker 1: we'll hear about another man who really gets his engine
Speaker 1: ribbed by sexy cars. It's all coming up right after
Speaker 1: this commercial break. Kind of hope there's a car commercial.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to to Oh no, wait for the season desist.
Speaker 1: All right, Well, look we've all had our fun laughing
Speaker 1: at Sandy and his ridiculous public car fucking, but you
Speaker 1: know us, we can't just walk away without digging a
Speaker 1: little deeper, because, like I found all these flashy articles
Speaker 1: about this story, and it's always man gets caught having
Speaker 1: sex with cars, and it just kind of tells those
Speaker 1: stories that we just told about the three cars that
Speaker 1: he fucked and got arrested for. And then the article
Speaker 1: ends and they're like, WHOA, isn't that guy crazy? The end, well,
Speaker 1: one of them linked to the police report, and I
Speaker 1: kept reading, and of course there's a lot more to
Speaker 1: the story. Sandy admitted to police that he had breached
Speaker 1: his bail in between these instances, and uh, one of
Speaker 1: the other things he got in trouble for was that
Speaker 1: he wasn't carrying a copy of his recognizance with him,
Speaker 1: which had been court ordered for him to have on
Speaker 1: his person at all times. He said that he just
Speaker 1: lost it. He couldn't keep up with it, um, and
Speaker 1: that's why didn't have it. So Sandy also had been
Speaker 1: living at the Herb Jamison Shelter, just built in the
Speaker 1: nineteen fifties in Edmonton as a safety shelter and food
Speaker 1: kitchen for unhoused people in that area. Okay, Well, unsurprising
Speaker 1: that he lost something then, because you can often lose
Speaker 1: your possessions or they get stolen and they get thrown
Speaker 1: away because nobody respects your stuff when you're in house.
Speaker 1: So that's not surprised there, I guess. According to the
Speaker 1: police report, Sandy grew up in Edmonton as a middle
Speaker 1: child and displayed developmental delays in his early years, and
Speaker 1: they attribute his cognitive impairments to congenital hypothyroidism, which can
Speaker 1: cause a lot of hormone and balance in children, and
Speaker 1: if it's left untreated, it certainly can cause developmental issues.
Speaker 1: And not only that, but his father was physically and
Speaker 1: emotionally abusive, with Sandy saying that he quote touched me
Speaker 1: once in a sexual manner when I was eight years old. Uh.
Speaker 1: He Sandy did not stay close with his father, unsurprisingly
Speaker 1: as dad died a few years before these incidents. And
Speaker 1: Sandy was married in two thousand to a woman named Nicki.
Speaker 1: That marriage lasted about five years, um that they did
Speaker 1: have two kids together, and Sandy said, quote, we drifted apart.
Speaker 1: She's got mental problems to bipolar disorder. She was unfit
Speaker 1: to be a mother, she has no job, bad credit trouble,
Speaker 1: she's bankrupt. And so Sandy's aunt Lindsay was serving as
Speaker 1: the kid's primary caregiver. And that's all very important and relevant.
Speaker 1: I will say though, that as we talked about in
Speaker 1: our I A WRITA episode, you know, all all objective
Speaker 1: sexuality people don't want you to think that it's because
Speaker 1: of some kind of abuse in their past that they
Speaker 1: have this predilection or whatever. And I guess I'm line
Speaker 1: and normal. Everything is normal for me, grew up in
Speaker 1: a loving home. Everything's cool, and I still feel this way. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I was going to say the same thing, like,
Speaker 1: this is not uh necessarily a correlation between Sandy being
Speaker 1: sexually attracted to cars and you know, any sort of
Speaker 1: abuse he face growing up or developmental disorders that he
Speaker 1: had to deal with, um, And it is important to remember.
Speaker 1: I think we've I remember hearing some people talk about
Speaker 1: this after uh Wonder Woman eighty four came out right
Speaker 1: and and like spoiler alert, you know, the bad guys
Speaker 1: revealed to have grown up with an abusive father, and
Speaker 1: they sort of like set that up as the reason
Speaker 1: he's a bad guy. And people are like stop making
Speaker 1: people who were abused as children into people who are
Speaker 1: more likely to be evil. You know, that's not that
Speaker 1: doesn't tie together. And and Sandy is not really someone
Speaker 1: who's evil. He's just someone who doesn't know how to
Speaker 1: control his impulses and public and maybe needs some help
Speaker 1: with that definitely. And so I think just all that
Speaker 1: to say, bringing up his past is all about just
Speaker 1: what a tough life it's been for Sandy, right, And
Speaker 1: to your point, it might not be the object sexuality,
Speaker 1: the mechanophilia that was born from the abuse. It might
Speaker 1: be the impulse control that's born from the abuse or
Speaker 1: something like that. That's you know, it's just funny that
Speaker 1: people will will put a correlation and you're like, there's
Speaker 1: actually behavioral stuff that you probably could actually find a
Speaker 1: correlation for, but it's actually nothing to do with sexual preference,
Speaker 1: right right exactly anyway, And the report mentioned several government
Speaker 1: and nonprofit assistance programs that Sandy has taken part in
Speaker 1: throughout his life. Now, obviously we don't know anything about
Speaker 1: what it's like to be an unhoused person in Alberta, Canada,
Speaker 1: right Like, nothing about that sentence is something I know
Speaker 1: anything right right now. At the time of the report,
Speaker 1: Sandy lived the group home and he got monetary funding
Speaker 1: through the Assured Income for the Severely Handicapped Program or
Speaker 1: AI s h in Alberta. And he said a lot
Speaker 1: of his own issues came from him needing to quote
Speaker 1: slow down. I've got too much on my plate. It's
Speaker 1: hard to describe sometimes. And that's just like that really
Speaker 1: touched me. I thought that was you could you could
Speaker 1: look at Sandy and kind of laugh and be like, well,
Speaker 1: you don't have a job. You're like, you know, you
Speaker 1: ain't got bills, you're getting government assistance, blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: What do you what do you have to slow down about?
Speaker 1: What's what's taken up all your time? But we can't
Speaker 1: really understand that about another person. I mean, I have
Speaker 1: been in all sorts of varying positions of comfort within
Speaker 1: a narrow range in my life at different times, and
Speaker 1: had so much going on in my head or in
Speaker 1: my life that's just like making me feel insane and
Speaker 1: really difficult to deal with. And it's really hard to
Speaker 1: slow yourself down to a point that if I tried
Speaker 1: to explain that to someone would be like, what are
Speaker 1: you talking about. You've got all the time in the world,
Speaker 1: you know. So that I just thought that was a
Speaker 1: really interesting quote from now. I mean it speaks a
Speaker 1: little bit too just the simple stress of being unhoused. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean, even if you're getting assistance, you have to
Speaker 1: apply for that assistance, you have to go look for it,
Speaker 1: you have to ask for it, you have to find
Speaker 1: a place to stay, and do you have nowhere to live?
Speaker 1: So that's very stressful situation, definitely, And then on top
Speaker 1: of everything, you know, you need medication for stuff, so
Speaker 1: there's additional health things there. I mean, right there, that's
Speaker 1: a lot on a on a plate, right. You don't
Speaker 1: have to add a job. Sandy said, quote, my future
Speaker 1: is uncertain. Hopefully I'll remarry someday, have a stepmother for
Speaker 1: my kids. I want to remarry, but I still want
Speaker 1: to live in a group home. And unfortunately, we couldn't
Speaker 1: find the updates about Sandy Wong anything more current than
Speaker 1: this two thousand nine story. So, uh, you know, most
Speaker 1: of the articles just out there going ha ha, look
Speaker 1: at this guy, he fox cars. So you know, we
Speaker 1: had to look a little deeper and ruin the fund
Speaker 1: for everyone's course. But but I was just, you know,
Speaker 1: really fascinated by the backstory of all this. And while
Speaker 1: I had, you know, sympathize with Sandy, I'm also like,
Speaker 1: but it doesn't make it okay for you to rub
Speaker 1: your dick all over other people's property, you know, in public,
Speaker 1: but we'll pull your dick out in general. Right, Well,
Speaker 1: just don't want to see dicks that often, sorry, especially
Speaker 1: a surprised dick. I left out the E word, but
Speaker 1: this guy did make a mess all over these cars. Okay,
Speaker 1: so he left some things behind. We needed that cleaning crew. Oh,
Speaker 1: they needed the cleaning crew each and every time. Those
Speaker 1: guys were three cars in one year. Sandy Wong is
Speaker 1: at it again. Arch neis sounder. I love this grizzled
Speaker 1: cleaning seed some ship that's real. Though, honestly, I would
Speaker 1: there should be like a Band of Brothers style about
Speaker 1: janitors and custodians because some of the messes that they
Speaker 1: got a clean epic battles we've we've been rewatching community
Speaker 1: and it's such a good joke. After all their paintball
Speaker 1: episodes and pillow forts or whatever, there's always just one
Speaker 1: shot at the end of the custodians cleaning up the
Speaker 1: school afterwards, and the main characters just walking right past
Speaker 1: them like it's nothing. And I'm like, that's brilliant. We
Speaker 1: are so dismissive of the people who keep our lives clean.
Speaker 1: It's wild and it's it's interesting. I think I love
Speaker 1: the character on um Abbot Elementary. Yes, Custodians such a
Speaker 1: good character. And I love that because I feel like
Speaker 1: when I was in elementary school, like whether or not
Speaker 1: the school was doing this or it was just the
Speaker 1: social culture of kids like you kind of learned to
Speaker 1: make the custodial staff invisible. I think part of it
Speaker 1: was the school, like being like, well, they don't come
Speaker 1: when you're here. You don't see them around very often.
Speaker 1: They come after hours and stuff, and it just I
Speaker 1: feel like I was taught to think, yeah, whatever less
Speaker 1: mess you leave behind, it just won't be there tomorrow.
Speaker 1: And how bad are we at that, just as a
Speaker 1: country of people like throwing trash out their window, and
Speaker 1: just like if I don't see it anymore, it's gone
Speaker 1: totally different tangent. But I know, but it's true, and
Speaker 1: it is. It is true. And if you've ever had
Speaker 1: to clean up a mess, an epic fucking mess that
Speaker 1: somebody else made, it ain't funny. Like somebody should be
Speaker 1: out here with a banner and a trophy like a
Speaker 1: swimming pool for me to relax by, because this is crazy.
Speaker 1: But you don't get ship. I mean, you didn't get ship.
Speaker 1: You have to scrape it off the wall, keep you
Speaker 1: off the wall. If you're a Kistonian right in, we'd
Speaker 1: love to hear from you. Maybe tell us about the
Speaker 1: worst mess you've ever had to call, because that would
Speaker 1: be fascinate. Okay, yeah, I would love it. I would
Speaker 1: love it. It's just because one time I had to
Speaker 1: do probation because I got a speeding ticket I had. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's true, true, relevant tangent. I was in my car
Speaker 1: abusing it by going too fast through Monroe County and
Speaker 1: they made me clean like government buildings for twenty four
Speaker 1: hours worth of public service, you know whatever. And on
Speaker 1: our the last day, um, I had made real good
Speaker 1: friends with the lady who was in charge of me
Speaker 1: for that week. Of course, the cleaning lady who had
Speaker 1: to fall around and help out and everything. And by
Speaker 1: the end of that the very last job, she had
Speaker 1: to take us to Loganville and we went to this
Speaker 1: like public I think it was some public parks, like
Speaker 1: like a baseball diamond or like sports complex kind of thing,
Speaker 1: and went walked into the bathroom. She's like something something
Speaker 1: about the bathroom. No big deal. Was like, all right,
Speaker 1: it's last thing. Fine. To this point, by the way,
Speaker 1: I've been like basically empty empty trash cans in a
Speaker 1: government building. It was not a hard job. We walk
Speaker 1: into this bathroom and it is a Pollock painting of ships.
Speaker 1: It is on the ceiling. It is on the mirrors,
Speaker 1: It is on every door, like someone did it on purpose,
Speaker 1: like somebody shipped into their hands or several people. I think,
Speaker 1: because it was like the volume was just like I
Speaker 1: means this weekend, let's go funk up a baseball bathroom.
Speaker 1: We're all gonna meet up in the morning, eat three
Speaker 1: balls of crackling oak brand. Wow, we're gonna go to
Speaker 1: make some art. Guess what. Well, what was so great
Speaker 1: was that she took one look in that room and
Speaker 1: turned back to me and said, you know, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna let you go early. Say you did it so
Speaker 1: nice of her, Like I remember being like, are you sure,
Speaker 1: because and again I only had a couple hours left.
Speaker 1: She was just like, I'm not going to make you.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to make you do this. I know, right.
Speaker 1: She was like, so what did you do again? Oh?
Speaker 1: You were fifteen miles over the speedlins on a highway.
Speaker 1: How about you just go home. This job is for
Speaker 1: someone who killed a man. There's someone here who did
Speaker 1: something worse, and they can come in here and help
Speaker 1: me out. Oh my god. But I'm still thinking about
Speaker 1: her because that was a real favor she did for me.
Speaker 1: I would not be the same person. I had to
Speaker 1: clean that lactor. Someone cleaned it. She did, she did,
Speaker 1: she did, stuck around and did it herself, her and
Speaker 1: her team. And then there were several people there, you know,
Speaker 1: on their own probation. I don't know if they had
Speaker 1: to do it or not. They were like cleaning up
Speaker 1: litter in the field or something. But like, I just
Speaker 1: really appreciated that she was looking at this twentiesomething. You're old,
Speaker 1: and she's like you, you have your whole lifehead of you. Oh. Um, okay,
Speaker 1: So let's take a look at a different case of
Speaker 1: mcinna fheely that isn't quite as heavy as Sandy Wong
Speaker 1: turned out to be. Um. This is a fellow named Danny,
Speaker 1: and he's an Albuquerque in New Mexico who in two
Speaker 1: thousand nine was charged with aggravated indecent exposure after quote
Speaker 1: humping his car in front of several passers by. The
Speaker 1: Albuquerque Journal says that this forty six year old man
Speaker 1: was spotted in a grocery store parking lot by an
Speaker 1: off duty police officer and his ten year old kid.
Speaker 1: Danny had apparently gotten out of his car, walked around
Speaker 1: to the back and started to thrust himself against the
Speaker 1: trunk again and again and again, until eventually passing out
Speaker 1: on the ground beside it. And according to witnesses, he
Speaker 1: had pulled his pants down around his ankles, raised his
Speaker 1: arms and swung them about as he shouted at the
Speaker 1: sky for several minutes. So I guess he was going
Speaker 1: like victory car broom. Well, this might not truly be
Speaker 1: a mechanophilia. This appears to maybe be more of a
Speaker 1: case of just good old intoxication. Um, we don't really know.
Speaker 1: I mean, maybe Danny loves cars. Hard to say. He
Speaker 1: was just like, Oh, now that I'm drunk, I can
Speaker 1: finally be myself inhebitions were stripped away. But no, apparently
Speaker 1: he was heavily under the influence of narcotics and alcohol,
Speaker 1: and when the police tried to talk to him, he
Speaker 1: was totally incoherent. So he might not have known it
Speaker 1: was a car even maybe no, maybe he was picturing
Speaker 1: a centaur. Yeah, he thought it was some else. Well,
Speaker 1: my favorite part of this story is the tattoo that
Speaker 1: Danny had on his left forearm. And I didn't put
Speaker 1: this in the notes, Diana, because I want you to try.
Speaker 1: You know what, Let's do a game show. Come on down, Brown,
Speaker 1: You're the next contestant on What this Guy's tattoo say,
Speaker 1: the hit show where contestants have to try and guess
Speaker 1: what this guy tat to say. Whatever, So Diana, Danny Albuquerque,
Speaker 1: New Mexico, gets out of his car, goes around the back,
Speaker 1: starts humping it until he passes out. Police came up
Speaker 1: and there was a very specific tattoo on his forearm. Uh,
Speaker 1: you're allowed three hints. Uh, what's your guess? Junk in
Speaker 1: the trunk. It did not say junk in the trunk. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: give me a hint. It's a two word tattoo. Tattoos.
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead and give you all three hints. And
Speaker 1: it's a command and uh, it's written in the negative form.
Speaker 1: Don't panic, Oh my god, you're so close. Oh okay, um,
Speaker 1: don't get caught. Oh wait, that's three words. He fled, like,
Speaker 1: damn it. I have to get this recluse. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you it's the perfect thing for Danny to say. You
Speaker 1: you walk up to Danny, he's sucking a car. You're
Speaker 1: you're about you really don't know what's going on here.
Speaker 1: And he turns and looks you in the eye and
Speaker 1: he says, fuck off. Okay, I give up. What is it?
Speaker 1: He says, don't ask. Oh, it's so much better than
Speaker 1: his tattoo. Just don't ask. That's actually a hilarious tattoo.
Speaker 1: It's a great tattoo. It's so many it's such a
Speaker 1: good tattoo to ask why you got it? But it
Speaker 1: says right there, not to do it. I love it.
Speaker 1: That is amazing. Well, because Danny exposed is his dick
Speaker 1: in public and someone did ask, he now faced up
Speaker 1: to four years in jail. Also, he might possibly have
Speaker 1: to register as a sex offender and get mandatory counseling.
Speaker 1: That was all in the news reports after his arrest,
Speaker 1: but before his trial. I couldn't find what happened after
Speaker 1: any of this. There was didn't didn't seem to be
Speaker 1: any articles about Danny post trial. But I did find
Speaker 1: an article from a few years later in that a
Speaker 1: man whose name and age matched Danny's in Albuquerque, New Mexico,
Speaker 1: was arrested for robbing three banks and he was sentenced
Speaker 1: for fourteen years in prison. So I think this might
Speaker 1: have been the same Danny. Damn. Do you think that
Speaker 1: the cops were like, hey, what are you doing that
Speaker 1: bank and he's like, hey, read the tattoo man, don't ah, don't.
Speaker 1: Oh well that was so fourteen years in prison. Uh,
Speaker 1: we've got five more years until Albuquerque. You better lock
Speaker 1: up your buicks because Danny might be out or get
Speaker 1: the number for that specialized cleaning crewe. All right, well
Speaker 1: we've got We've got one more mechanic files story for you.
Speaker 1: And this guy is actually nowhere near a prison one
Speaker 1: no cops. Wow, it can happen. So let's hear from
Speaker 1: him right after this short breaking all right, welcome back
Speaker 1: to the show. Car Lovers. The Tampa Bay Creative Loafing says,
Speaker 1: quote Edwards Smith is a mechanic filiac. He loves cars
Speaker 1: the way mommy loves daddy behind closed doors. What That's
Speaker 1: one of the worst pieces of writing I think I've
Speaker 1: ever come across. He loves cars the way me loves
Speaker 1: daddy behind closed doors. What a weird analogy to make,
Speaker 1: Like that's so complicated. I hated this sentence is dumb
Speaker 1: and stupid. All right, don't ask I hate this sentence
Speaker 1: the way mommy hates daddy behind clo It depends on
Speaker 1: your family situation. I hate that sentence the way Danny
Speaker 1: hates being asked. Okay, this is another story from two
Speaker 1: thousand and eight. I guess they've all been what was
Speaker 1: going on and some in the water. I guess car
Speaker 1: fucking was up there with like Gladiator, Sandal and big
Speaker 1: chunky bell and shaky camera horror movies and like the
Speaker 1: tea Party. Now Edward lives in Washington State. His love
Speaker 1: of cars did not get reported in a police blotter.
Speaker 1: He just did an interview with the Telegraph. So in
Speaker 1: two thousand eight, ed was fifty seven years old. He
Speaker 1: lived with his girlfriend, a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla,
Speaker 1: and I guess their sex was Vanilla. To he was like,
Speaker 1: it could be more adventurous, but she's just not experimental,
Speaker 1: little prude. To him, that love was real. He said, quote,
Speaker 1: I appreciate beauty, and I go a little bit beyond
Speaker 1: appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point
Speaker 1: of what I feel is an expression of love, right,
Speaker 1: and so like maybe to add this is just you know,
Speaker 1: his extreme version of feeling. I think that the way
Speaker 1: he puts it is like Aurita, there's something relatable about that.
Speaker 1: I think can understand what you mean. Maybe not relatable,
Speaker 1: but at least understandable. Like if you take what you
Speaker 1: love about something inanimate, like you know, cars or architecture
Speaker 1: or tools. We've all seen things and be like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I feel strongly about that thing, and imagine
Speaker 1: that dial in your brain is turned way up, you know,
Speaker 1: way higher than most people. So that kind of inexplicable
Speaker 1: fascination and attachment that we've all feel for something feels
Speaker 1: to that person more like the love that we might
Speaker 1: feel for another person. You know. I think that makes
Speaker 1: sense to me. I can see it. Ed emphasizes, quote
Speaker 1: I'm not sick and I don't want to hurt anyone.
Speaker 1: Cars are just my preference, and that starts to feel
Speaker 1: a lot more like what we talked about with Aurita,
Speaker 1: Erica Eiffel and the others in that episode and the
Speaker 1: os community out there. Now. Channel five in the UK
Speaker 1: did a documentary about mechanophilia, and that's how Ed ended
Speaker 1: up being contacted by the Telegraph and he tells them
Speaker 1: that while he did have sex with women when he
Speaker 1: was younger, at the time in the interview, it had
Speaker 1: been twelve years since he was in a relationship with
Speaker 1: another person, and he said he had never really been
Speaker 1: attracted to women or men. The first time he ever
Speaker 1: had sex with a car was at the age of fifteen,
Speaker 1: but that was not the first time that he was
Speaker 1: attracted to a car. That happened when he was just
Speaker 1: thirteen years old. It was nineteen sixty three and a
Speaker 1: brand new car came out, the Corvette Stingray. Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: wait a second. My whole O S I experience is
Speaker 1: about to change when I look back at the Corvette
Speaker 1: sting Ray and I'll say for me, it's the seventy two,
Speaker 1: seventy two Corvette sting Ray. I might have sex with
Speaker 1: that car. Oh yeah, do you see. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: that's a sports car. That's the first car I ever
Speaker 1: saw and was like, I need that car. And I've
Speaker 1: never owned one, but it is one of the most
Speaker 1: beautiful pieces of machinery. And I'm not a car person.
Speaker 1: I mean actively looked for a prius. I'm not like
Speaker 1: you know out here. When I got my first car,
Speaker 1: When I like bought my first car, it was that
Speaker 1: BMW and I saw a guy was selling his Mitsubishi
Speaker 1: three thousand g T, which was at the time the
Speaker 1: car that I wanted, and I loved that car so
Speaker 1: much and I drove it and it was so great,
Speaker 1: and I told myself, you know, this just asn't practical.
Speaker 1: You like to drive your friends around, so you should
Speaker 1: get a four seat car instead of this, and I didn't.
Speaker 1: I went and bought the the BMW instead, which I loved,
Speaker 1: but I forever regret that. And you know, at the
Speaker 1: end of the day, I'm just a car person, but
Speaker 1: I want that sting race so bad. I'm also not
Speaker 1: a car person, but I did really like um Maserati's.
Speaker 1: Oh I did see a Maserati once and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: that's a pretty hot car. Like I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I noticed it. If I may, why don't you lower
Speaker 1: those sites a little bit? I won't do it. I'm
Speaker 1: happy stick right because we're more likely to get that
Speaker 1: than a Maserati. Funnily enough, I think the first car
Speaker 1: that I ever was like, Oh, I want that car.
Speaker 1: That's the car I want. It was a mid to
Speaker 1: Be She Eclipse. I liked the Eclipse to a lot. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I got three. That's a cool car. Neither of us
Speaker 1: got the mid to Be. She's of our dreams to be.
Speaker 1: She feel free to reach out and offer us some
Speaker 1: free cars. We will talk all about them. We will
Speaker 1: never tell everything about our cars, how we drive them,
Speaker 1: and do not fuck them. You're welcome to be now
Speaker 1: Ed says he quote just loved cute cars right from
Speaker 1: the beginning, but over the years it got stronger, and
Speaker 1: he didn't fully understand his attraction at the time, but
Speaker 1: says quote, now I know I'm not hurting anyone and
Speaker 1: do not intend to go. Hey, that's really all we
Speaker 1: can ask from each other. I think it's just don't
Speaker 1: hurt me. Why please don't hurt me. Please don't hurt me.
Speaker 1: Whatever you want, just don't hurt me. That's all I'm asking.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that's kind of society, isn't that.
Speaker 1: We should put that on the one dollar bill. Do
Speaker 1: whatever you want, just don't hurt me. The American tree
Speaker 1: sounds so so fearful. But I don't mean kids. Please
Speaker 1: just don't hurt me. I don't like that. Wow, that's
Speaker 1: not what I mean. Don't get walked all over by
Speaker 1: people who will hurt you. I'm just saying our societal contracted.
Speaker 1: You don't hurt me. I don't Hurt Channel. We sound
Speaker 1: like a real bit show here, all right. Well, Edward,
Speaker 1: like many of our previous objective sexuality subjects, is not
Speaker 1: monogamous with his beetle Vanilla, and that brings us to
Speaker 1: this episode side Car, get out of the car, because
Speaker 1: sometimes ed sets a little special time aside for his
Speaker 1: nineteen seventy three Opal GT named Cinnamon, and it's a
Speaker 1: hot little sports car Cinnamon. That's a spicy it's a
Speaker 1: spicy like stripper name Vanilla and I got Cinnamon, not bad.
Speaker 1: And then other times it's all about his nineteen three
Speaker 1: Ford Rangers splash named Ginger. He's got a spice world
Speaker 1: to get with girls. I mean, that's the best pep
Speaker 1: talk ever given. Now, Ford Ranger is a nice little
Speaker 1: midsize pickup truck. I actually owned a Ford Ranger for
Speaker 1: a while. A great car. Um so speculation station, though,
Speaker 1: I just want to say, or you know what, speculation
Speaker 1: truck stop. There you go, speculation truck stop. This kind
Speaker 1: of fills all your needs, right, Like maybe he's just
Speaker 1: looking for something cute and reliable. So he's got this
Speaker 1: VW beetle, He's got Vanilla, right, he spends most of
Speaker 1: his time with her. But then other days his like
Speaker 1: lust for something fast and tighten hot gets ahold of him,
Speaker 1: and he's just got to get in that opal g
Speaker 1: t And then, you know, sometimes I think like even
Speaker 1: the most masculine of us wants somebody big and strong
Speaker 1: to hold us, tell us we're safe and that we
Speaker 1: can haul any weight that gets dropped on us right together.
Speaker 1: So he climbs into that pickup truck and he feels
Speaker 1: all safe and cared for saying. He's saying, Vanilla I
Speaker 1: can take home to a parent. Yeah, yeah, Cinnamon is
Speaker 1: for weekends, and Ginger will carry all my ship. Well,
Speaker 1: Gingers here when I'm feeling, you know, like I need
Speaker 1: someone big and strong. I need I need to know
Speaker 1: maybe i'm when I'm when I switch to my subspace
Speaker 1: and there you go. Okay, it's trucks. Trucks turn, Gingers turn. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Ginger's a bit more dominant. We've all got all these
Speaker 1: you know, we contain multitudes, that's right, And that's that's
Speaker 1: why people advocate for polyamory, right, because they're like, not one,
Speaker 1: there's no one person who can fill all your needs
Speaker 1: or whatever, right, just like there's no one car if
Speaker 1: of course, if many of needs are sexual, you know
Speaker 1: right now, which one of them does he take dancing?
Speaker 1: That's my Christian you know what, They all get their chance.
Speaker 1: I love it. Sometimes it brings all three. He's got
Speaker 1: those cool rims and he just goes bouncing up and
Speaker 1: now yeah, yeah, he's got cool LEDs. That sounds like
Speaker 1: a cinnamon thing. That does sound like a cinnamon thing. Cinnamon,
Speaker 1: Cinnamon the dancer. Cinnamon is the dancer. She's the hydraulics.
Speaker 1: He goes bouncing around, Sam dance Vanilla. She likes a
Speaker 1: home cooked meal, home cooked meal. You know. She's like,
Speaker 1: let's snuggle up on the couch and watch a movie tonight.
Speaker 1: If we take a weekend trip, we're gonna go taking
Speaker 1: stay at a bed and breakfast. Absolutely, And then yeah,
Speaker 1: Ginger likes to your cinnamon. Likes to go out and
Speaker 1: party and dance and maybe a little nose candy, right,
Speaker 1: get a little turbo boosts in that field tank and
Speaker 1: then nas, baby, I want to feel it. And then
Speaker 1: Ginger is like, get off your ask. We're going outside.
Speaker 1: There you go. We're gonna go roll through that. We're
Speaker 1: gonna go hike the mountains. Right, We're gonna go. She's tough.
Speaker 1: That's you haven't been camping in in years. Okay, it's
Speaker 1: time to get some outdoors times, vitamin D, some time
Speaker 1: in nature. Yeah you haven't. You look pale and skinny.
Speaker 1: Come on, let's go. Spend too much time with vanilla
Speaker 1: sitting on the couch watching drive in movies. Ginger, Ginger
Speaker 1: sounds hot. They all have their they all have they do,
Speaker 1: they all do their hotness. Whom my kid and I
Speaker 1: need all three of these cars as well? What am I?
Speaker 1: What am I? Am? I? Your vanilla, your ginger, or
Speaker 1: your cinnamon. You're a mix between vanilla and cinnamon, because
Speaker 1: you love a home cook meal and you like to
Speaker 1: chill out and curl up with a blanket and watch
Speaker 1: a movie, maybe more than anyone I know. Um, but
Speaker 1: sometimes you've got more in or gy. The mean you're
Speaker 1: like it's time to dance. That's true. And I don't
Speaker 1: have any ginger. Um, you have some of Ginger's like
Speaker 1: outdoors noess like you like you'll you can keep up,
Speaker 1: you can go out and hike. You like to move. Um,
Speaker 1: but I wouldn't say that you're like a hauler. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't call you like butch, No, that's true. I don't
Speaker 1: like to lift, and you're not a motivator. No. Well,
Speaker 1: not that you're demotivating, but you're not necessarily the one
Speaker 1: to get up and say, hey, let's go outside right now.
Speaker 1: I think that's usually more me. That's true, that's true.
Speaker 1: But you're always game. Well, but you're often game. Well
Speaker 1: I walk that one back, as I said always. I
Speaker 1: was like, this is wrong, Like, wait a minute, never
Speaker 1: never always al Right, Well, that's fair. That's a fair assessment,
Speaker 1: my vanilla ginger centnamon tendencies. What about me? Am? I
Speaker 1: um ed Sandy or Danny? Oh god, hopefully none of
Speaker 1: the above. I guess ed don Like, actually, I don't
Speaker 1: want to know. As long as I'm not the person
Speaker 1: who wrote Ed loves cars the way Mommy loves Daddy behind,
Speaker 1: I kind of hope that person either left journalism altogether
Speaker 1: or just got a lot better at it. Maybe this
Speaker 1: was like early early career internship shut and they're like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so embarrassed that sen. It's still around, all right,
Speaker 1: remember Meccanica files. Okay, are not just attracted to cars, right,
Speaker 1: We've focused a lot on cars, but it's actually a
Speaker 1: wide array of machines and vehicles that they can be
Speaker 1: attracted to. Edward has fallen for other vehicles as well.
Speaker 1: His most intense sexual experience of his life was the
Speaker 1: time that he got to make sweet sweet love to
Speaker 1: the helicopter from the nineteen eighties hit TV show air
Speaker 1: Wolf Wild to me like the celebrity helicopter. Was this
Speaker 1: his hall pass? He told Vanilla Ginger and Cinnament. He's like,
Speaker 1: but if I ever meet the helicopter, that one or
Speaker 1: the one from the A team, I'm gonna take my chance.
Speaker 1: I'm taking my chances. It was the only chance I'll
Speaker 1: ever get. I imagine you don't get many opportunities to
Speaker 1: meet the helicopter from air Wolf, especially in what I
Speaker 1: imagined was private enough of a setting to be Now,
Speaker 1: did the person who introduced him to the helicopter know
Speaker 1: what he wanted to do with it? How did he
Speaker 1: arrange this meeting? I have a lot of questions. I'm
Speaker 1: so curious because my immediate thought was it was like
Speaker 1: at a convention or something, and air Wolf convention, you know,
Speaker 1: like some eighties Stevie show, I don't know, or he
Speaker 1: visited a you know, a storage warehouse, somewhere, or it
Speaker 1: was like an aviation museum or or yeah, something like that,
Speaker 1: or car show who knows, who know? Alright, so yeah,
Speaker 1: he got to fund this helicopter. It was great, best
Speaker 1: day of his life, big long journal entry about it.
Speaker 1: Probably um And before his beatle Vanilla, who we've talked
Speaker 1: about extensively, he had another VW beetle that he bought
Speaker 1: from a family of Jeovah's witnesses. I gotta wonder what
Speaker 1: they would say about who they sold their car too,
Speaker 1: or if the car was like, man, this family is different.
Speaker 1: Any of the stuff with the with the Thompson's. Thompson's
Speaker 1: just knocked on other people's doors. This guy will stop
Speaker 1: knocking on mine. There's like no mention of what happened
Speaker 1: to that beatle either, so speculation truck stuff. He wore
Speaker 1: it out, he wore he just he ran it into
Speaker 1: the ground, ran to the ground, it rested and cause
Speaker 1: health problems. Maybe it ran away. Back to it's Joe's
Speaker 1: witness span. It was like, I can't take it. I'm pure,
Speaker 1: I'm a pure car. I want to go to heaven
Speaker 1: and what have you done? Day? I want to go
Speaker 1: to car. I'm picturing this movie where this car, this
Speaker 1: sweet sweet car, gets picked up with Ed and gets
Speaker 1: like all corrupted. You know, everything just gets worse and
Speaker 1: it just descends into a seedier lifestyle. Cigarettes cigarettes, It's
Speaker 1: hanging out and totally hits rock bottom before it realizes
Speaker 1: that it needs to clean itself up and go back
Speaker 1: to the Thompson. Thompsons and the Thompson's get up one
Speaker 1: day they're like, dude, do do do do do do?
Speaker 1: And then they go out of what the beetle is back?
Speaker 1: Who brought the beetle back? And it's got like fishnet
Speaker 1: surrounded fires, It's like got those those beetle eyelashes. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's all you're like, oh my god, the beetle,
Speaker 1: the prodigal Beetles returned. It's okay, it's your home. It
Speaker 1: starts playing take Me to Church. Wow, what a story.
Speaker 1: I know. This is Cars five coming soon to Disney plan.
Speaker 1: Disney's really pushing the Velo priests. They're very ready to
Speaker 1: pick up this idea. I'm sure al right, well Ed
Speaker 1: has never been arrested for public decency, are putting his
Speaker 1: dick in an exhaust pipe or anything like that. But
Speaker 1: he does say quote. Certain cars have attracted me, and
Speaker 1: I would wait until nighttime, creep up to them and
Speaker 1: just hug and kiss them. Oh all right, well, which
Speaker 1: I have to say it. I prefer it to having
Speaker 1: your dick out and leaving jizz all over my car.
Speaker 1: But if I walked out and saw someone hugging and
Speaker 1: kissing my car, I feel like I'd also be creeped out. Definitely,
Speaker 1: I feel like, what are you doing? And more so
Speaker 1: than that, this is like the I don't know, the
Speaker 1: while you were sleeping nous of this, Like if I
Speaker 1: go out now now, every time I walk out in
Speaker 1: the car in the morning, I'm like, has someone been
Speaker 1: kissing this car? Where did the man touch you? Point
Speaker 1: to me in the owner's manual with where the man
Speaker 1: kissing you? All right, Well, we've got to get out
Speaker 1: of this world. Having maybe too much fun talking about
Speaker 1: these stories, but it is fascinating. I do really get
Speaker 1: very interested in os just as something that I'm like,
Speaker 1: I can't know what that's like, but I I really
Speaker 1: want to accept it, you know, for whatever reason, in
Speaker 1: some sort of like in its most harmless fashion, where
Speaker 1: people are literally just living their best and happiest lives
Speaker 1: I'm just like, fucking go for it. Man. I'm not
Speaker 1: going to tell you there's something wrong with you. I'm
Speaker 1: not gonna tell you you've got to change. If you're
Speaker 1: happy and no one's getting hurt. What kind of a
Speaker 1: dick would I have to be to go up to
Speaker 1: someone who's happy and not hurting anyone and say you
Speaker 1: don't need to be different? Like what is wrong? So whatever,
Speaker 1: go for it. You want to marry a sword, go crazy,
Speaker 1: but not with the sword. You could really your sword.
Speaker 1: You know. If you want to do your car like
Speaker 1: I don't get it. You in your car, get up
Speaker 1: to in the privacy of your garage is no problem
Speaker 1: with me and none of mysactly. The government has no
Speaker 1: place but a Trudeau, say, the first Trudeau government has
Speaker 1: no place in the garages of our citizens, you know.
Speaker 1: Or who was it who said was that Eisenhower chicken
Speaker 1: in every pot and a car in every garage and
Speaker 1: a dick in every car. It was Hoover. It was Hoover.
Speaker 1: And we didn't even get to the guy who fucked
Speaker 1: his Hoover vacuum today, but we'll get him in another episode. Listen,
Speaker 1: it's a real problem in the medical community. It was
Speaker 1: a real problem for him too. Oh, We've got to
Speaker 1: get out of here. We've been going on about this story.
Speaker 1: I hope y'all had as much fun as we definitely
Speaker 1: did telling these stories. Please let us know your thoughts.
Speaker 1: Definitely let us know if you have any os tendencies,
Speaker 1: be they just as small as like I sort of
Speaker 1: really have a connection into this coin that feels very
Speaker 1: special to me, or full on like I humped a
Speaker 1: fighter jet. I want to hear about all those stories.
Speaker 1: Let us know. Yeah, please send us an email. Ridic
Speaker 1: Romance at gmail dot com or we're on Twitter and Instagram.
Speaker 1: I'm at Dianamite Boom and I'm at Oh great, it's
Speaker 1: Eli and the show is a ridic Romance. So please,
Speaker 1: we can't wait to hear from you all. We can't
Speaker 1: wait to bring you part four of Collecte next week
Speaker 1: to wrap up that saga. Okay, time, so we'll see
Speaker 1: you all then, love you by so on friends, it's
Speaker 1: time to go. Thanks so listening to our show. Tell
Speaker 1: your friends name's uncles inde to listen to a show ridiculous?
Speaker 1: Well me