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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four,

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Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Hunger.

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Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On

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Speaker 1: the side, we are two working parents who love our

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Speaker 1: careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family,

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Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping

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Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get

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Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and seventeen,

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Speaker 1: which is first airing in late October of twenty nineteen.

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Speaker 1: Today we're going to be interviewing Sarah Powers. Sarah hart

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Speaker 1: Unger and I are a fan of hers that she's

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Speaker 1: one of the co hosts of The Mom Hour, which

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Speaker 1: is one of our favorite podcasts and certainly one we've

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Speaker 1: learned a lot from as we've been building our podcast

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Speaker 1: over the years. And one of the topics we're really

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Speaker 1: going to be drilling down with Sarah about is evenings

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Speaker 1: and how she handles her evening routine, how she thinks

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Speaker 1: about it. Lots of great tips from her, So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: what's your evening routine looking like right now? Sarah Heart Hunger, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean Sarah's. Yes, it is the episode of many Sarah's.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I think this is just a great topic

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Speaker 1: because I don't know anyone who's like, my evenings are

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Speaker 1: so relaxed, perfect, They're wonderful, their children just do their

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Speaker 1: homework effortlessly. Yeah. So I figured since Sarah Powers is

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Speaker 1: kind of like the routine guru, that she would have

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Speaker 1: some great tips for you guys. And I also was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm oh, I don't know about anybody else, but whenever

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Speaker 1: I see a family that's my family projected forward like

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Speaker 1: three four years, it's the sweet spot. I am so

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Speaker 1: fascinating because I just assume, oh, what my life is

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Speaker 1: going to look like? Like we had this family of

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Speaker 1: They were three girls who lived near us on Miami Beach,

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Speaker 1: and they were like exactly same spacing three years older

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Speaker 1: than us. And I guess their youngest child was friends

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Speaker 1: with Cameron, because that's the way it lined up. And

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Speaker 1: I was just like eager to hear every detail of

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Speaker 1: what was going on with them. So anyway, that's to

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Speaker 1: me what this episode is our current routine isn't terrible.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we've actually done a lot of you know,

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Speaker 1: I've done a lot of conscious thought about it because

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Speaker 1: my husband's honestly, he's kind of maybe more fifty to

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Speaker 1: fifty here now, which is a lot better than it

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Speaker 1: used to be. Maybe maybe forty sixty here and not here.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, something like that, but it's not He's

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Speaker 1: not never here, and so it's really my purview to

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Speaker 1: just kind of decide how it runs, because even though

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Speaker 1: he's sometimes there, I can't count on him being there.

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Speaker 1: I am like the primary parent for evenings. And now

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Speaker 1: we've added in, We've have like an interesting mix because

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Speaker 1: with a toddler, she has a much earlier bedtime, you know,

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Speaker 1: still like seven to fifteen she's done, and the older

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Speaker 1: kids are going to bed a little bit later. And

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Speaker 1: now the two big ones have basketball too, like two

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Speaker 1: nights a week and often at either five forty five

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Speaker 1: to six forty five, which isn't too bad. That means

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Speaker 1: you get home at seven or six forty five to seven,

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Speaker 1: which is like, yeah, we have that tonight. It's like whoa, Yeah,

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Speaker 1: So I don't know, I've just I'm like just a

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Speaker 1: lot of things that we're figuring out. One thing that

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Speaker 1: is working. Though I mentioned in a prior episode how

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Speaker 1: I got these giant Aaron condur and whiteboards and how

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Speaker 1: I had grand plans for them, it's actually, you know,

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Speaker 1: we're like, we're like a month into the school year

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Speaker 1: and it's actually going pretty well. They enjoy going through,

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Speaker 1: so they don't check it off as it's happening. They

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Speaker 1: now know what's on the board because they've been doing

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Speaker 1: it for a few weeks and we have I'm looking

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Speaker 1: to my left here because it's actually in this room.

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Speaker 1: We haven't put it on the wall. We left it

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Speaker 1: leaning against the floor so they can reach it. So

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Speaker 1: that may just be permanent. I don't know. But for homework, piano,

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Speaker 1: cleaning up toys, doing bath a behavior one which is

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Speaker 1: like a Gestalt one that I just get to decide

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Speaker 1: whether it's check or not. You're the dictator of the evening. Well, no,

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Speaker 1: it gets even more so reading and then the face.

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Speaker 1: And the face is where I look at all the

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Speaker 1: check marks and decide if it warrants a green smiley face,

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Speaker 1: and if it warn't a green smiley face, they get

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Speaker 1: a point. If it Lawrence only a I think we

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Speaker 1: decided it was going to be a blue straight across face.

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Speaker 1: They don't get a point, but they don't lose a point,

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Speaker 1: and if they get a red frown face, they would

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Speaker 1: lose a point. Now we have not actually awarded any

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Speaker 1: red frown faces yet, but we have awarded some blue

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Speaker 1: straight across faces. I'm not going to say who and when,

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Speaker 1: but logistically, can camera and read no, so I have

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Speaker 1: little Well he can read enough, like he knows the

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Speaker 1: letter p so we can figure out that that says piano.

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Speaker 1: And initially I had little pictures. So next to piano

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Speaker 1: was like a music note and next to homework with

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Speaker 1: a pencil. So he started to kind of and again

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Speaker 1: since it's the same list week after week and we

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Speaker 1: do it together, so I stand there and I'm like, camera,

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Speaker 1: and here's your homework list. Check it off. And then

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Speaker 1: they gleefully checked it for a child who can't read yet.

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Speaker 1: Sort of, that's a whole other podcast. Worms. I mean,

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Speaker 1: it is like, yeah, it's got a hand, but that, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's another episode. Yeah. So I mean, yeah, we're in

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Speaker 1: the honeymoon phase. We're only a month into the school year.

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Speaker 1: You can ask me in May if we're if this

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Speaker 1: is still working, but it's been a nice way to

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Speaker 1: get into the school year and oddly motivating for them.

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Speaker 1: So we do that and Genevieve has already been in

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Speaker 1: bed by that point, like usually I'm putting her to

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Speaker 1: bed while they're finishing with something on their checklist, or

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Speaker 1: if they've finished everything, maybe they're watching a TV show.

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Speaker 1: And then you know, then I put the big kids

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Speaker 1: to bed by we just like read and they've already

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Speaker 1: had their baths with our nanny and they already usually

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Speaker 1: have dinner with her as well, so I don't do that,

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Speaker 1: and then then they go to bed, and it's it's

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Speaker 1: it's not terrible even alone now actually I would say

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Speaker 1: it's you know, it's better than it was when I

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Speaker 1: had like a newborn that might wake up and scream

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Speaker 1: and need another feeding or something. So the harder a

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Speaker 1: part is the activities and when there's only one parent

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Speaker 1: and activities I need our nanny to cover, which I'm

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Speaker 1: just figuring out that it's necessary. Yeah, I mean that's

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Speaker 1: why we needed it too. I Mean we realized, like

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Speaker 1: they you're either loading four children in the car and

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Speaker 1: bringing them all and it happens sometimes because I mean,

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Speaker 1: both of us travel and and so then our nanny

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Speaker 1: winds up doing it. But I try to minimize the

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Speaker 1: number of nights that needs to happen. And that's one

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Speaker 1: of the reasons we have our calendar meetings so that

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Speaker 1: if I am traveling, is it possible for Michael to

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Speaker 1: kind of protect that evening to help with driving and

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Speaker 1: we may wind up with some longer term things for this.

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Speaker 1: It's more of an issue if Jasper and Sam need

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Speaker 1: to be places, because then they're the ones who can

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Speaker 1: also stay home so they wouldn't have to be loaded

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Speaker 1: into the car for the little kid stuff. You only

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Speaker 1: have four years till you have another driver. Well, so

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Speaker 1: hopefully he'll be a good safe driver for the other people.

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Speaker 1: I've got s saf sixteen year old boy as a chauffeur.

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Speaker 1: We'll see, but yes, that is true. That is true.

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Speaker 1: But our we when we created our evening sort of schedule,

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Speaker 1: I made my activity spreadsheet for the fall and understanding

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Speaker 1: that it would have to change depending on the sports

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Speaker 1: seasons or if a kid decides to do something different

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Speaker 1: than before, because some time stuff comes up, like they

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Speaker 1: didn't know about a school play that now want to

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Speaker 1: do or another club that just got launched at school

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Speaker 1: that they want to do or something. But my goal

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Speaker 1: was to have activities on three of the five weeknights.

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Speaker 1: So we currently have Wednesday completely off and we have

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Speaker 1: Friday completely off. That may change over time, but right

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Speaker 1: now that's our two days off, and so I find that,

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Speaker 1: you know, helps keep it in perspective. It's like, yes,

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Speaker 1: we have a lot of stuff on Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday,

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Speaker 1: but we have nothing on Wednesday and Friday. So if

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Speaker 1: you can kind of get your head around that, then

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Speaker 1: then it doesn't feel so much. You know, the nature

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Speaker 1: of having older kids, some of the stuff does wind

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Speaker 1: up being later in the evening, which, yeah, again is

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Speaker 1: why you wind up needing the other adult around or

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Speaker 1: carpooling or other such solutions for that. Sports practices can

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Speaker 1: be till like nine o'clock. Yeah, I mean, unfortunately we

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Speaker 1: haven't had too much of that night. I with the

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Speaker 1: ones we have, like our swim team, I made sure

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Speaker 1: to choose like Jasper has the option of going like

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Speaker 1: five or six days a week, and we only have

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Speaker 1: to do three, So I chose the ones that were

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Speaker 1: earlier because it's more convenient for us to have those

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Speaker 1: be the regular and obviously if those days don't work,

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Speaker 1: we can make up the time other days later, but

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Speaker 1: it's not the first choice. I would say. One thing

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Speaker 1: that's changed with us. I mean, obviously in our current iteration,

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Speaker 1: this is going to change in January, but now the

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Speaker 1: kids are all getting older and earlier. Alex had been

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Speaker 1: going to bed early enough that our nanny was already

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Speaker 1: often putting him to bed while I was dealing with

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Speaker 1: stuff with the other kids. That ship has sailed. He

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Speaker 1: is fully in the big kid thing now. The upside though,

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Speaker 1: is bedtime is so much easier with him. I mean

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Speaker 1: for years it was, wow, that's fantastic a battle. So

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Speaker 1: I was doing it almost every night from zero to

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Speaker 1: about two. She took over like three nights a week

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Speaker 1: from two to three and a half. And then I've

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Speaker 1: started doing it more again as it's moved later, and

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Speaker 1: you know, it's a lot easier now, especially I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know, people get really into kids in sleep. If

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Speaker 1: they're not tired, they're not tired, and he isn't tired

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Speaker 1: until later, So it's just either a huge battle, like

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Speaker 1: why you know, he's like a low sleep need, a

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Speaker 1: low sleep need kid, so now he's usually in his

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Speaker 1: bed more like eight thirty, and I can find you know,

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Speaker 1: I go up eight ten, eight fifteen, brush teeth, go potty,

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Speaker 1: read some stories, have a little chat in his bed, snuggle,

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Speaker 1: and then he hits his music box thing and he

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Speaker 1: will go out quickly, and there's no fighting about it.

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Speaker 1: I would say six out of seven nights a week

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Speaker 1: he is no longer fighting it. There's one night where

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Speaker 1: he's like, oh, I want to I don't know. He

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Speaker 1: probably wants to stay up and watch the right stuff

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Speaker 1: with my husband and Jasper, but no, not happening. Not ready,

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Speaker 1: not ready, not ready for that. You are not officially

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Speaker 1: a big boy yet. So funny, but the problem is

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Speaker 1: I have to go to bed as soon as Jasper

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Speaker 1: and Sam go to bed. I'm trying to move Sam's

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Speaker 1: bedtime earlier because I think he needs more sleep, so

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to get him down lights out nine thirty,

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Speaker 1: which is about when Ruth goes down. Ruth's supposed to

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Speaker 1: be down earlier, but she doesn't go down, so the

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Speaker 1: two of them lights out nine thirty, Jasper lights out ten.

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Speaker 1: I am often ten fifteen. You know, my kids need

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Speaker 1: so much more like if my well, I have to

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Speaker 1: give them up pretty early. I guess that's part I don't.

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Speaker 1: I don't Jasper what kind of ruth and jaspering it up? Well,

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Speaker 1: so Jasper's up seven fifteen, seven twenty, we'd like leave

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Speaker 1: at that point. Yeah, it'd be like leaving out. And

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Speaker 1: then so he you know, if he goes down at

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Speaker 1: ten set, ten to seven is nine hours of sleep

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Speaker 1: and he's in middle school or that's plenty. Yeah, and

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Speaker 1: then Sam, we're trying to do nine thirty to seven

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Speaker 1: forty five. So again that's you know, like ten hours

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Speaker 1: your day. Just that's the difference, like your day is

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Speaker 1: shifted like we would do like eight thirty to six

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Speaker 1: forty five, which is exactly this name is just an

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Speaker 1: hour different from based on school start time. Yeah, so

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Speaker 1: that's us. Yeah, No, cool. Excited for you guys to

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Speaker 1: all hear from Sarah Powers. So, Sarah Heart Hunger and

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Speaker 1: I are thrilled to welcome Sarah Powers to the program today.

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Speaker 1: We know from her work with the Mom Hour and

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Speaker 1: other things. So Sarah, can you introduce yourself to our listeners? Sure? Well,

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Speaker 1: thank you for having me, ladies. This is so much fun.

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Speaker 1: I feel like we have a few parallels with our show,

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Speaker 1: even just yeah, it's fun, fun to be here. I

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Speaker 1: am Sarah Powers. I'm co host of The Mom Hour,

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Speaker 1: which is a weekly plus parenting podcast, parenting and motherhood

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Speaker 1: podcast that I co host with Megan Francis, who I

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Speaker 1: know you go way back with Laura. I am a

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Speaker 1: mom of three. I live in southern California, and I

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Speaker 1: came to podcasting via a career in kind of writing

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Speaker 1: and corporate communications. But podcasting is my close to full

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Speaker 1: time gig right now. I say that I work a

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Speaker 1: part time on steroids kind of schedule, which is to say,

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Speaker 1: work every minute that the kids are in full time school,

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Speaker 1: and then a few more hours as I can squeeze

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Speaker 1: them out, So that probably adds up to full time.

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Speaker 1: You should just give me that. I know, but given

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Speaker 1: the nature of your show, I am not forty hours

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Speaker 1: a week in an office employed. But yes, I am,

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Speaker 1: for all intents and purposes, full time. Oh that's awesome,

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Speaker 1: And can you tell our listeners a little bit For

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Speaker 1: those of you who don't listen to Mom Hour, by

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Speaker 1: the way, you should. I love that show and it

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Speaker 1: was definitely one of the shows as we were creating

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Speaker 1: best of both worlds. Laura and I started listening, like

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Speaker 1: I think it was around that time I was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I need to listen to what other podcasts are out there.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, oh, this one's so great, and

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Speaker 1: I still listen. Oh, thank you, and you are listeners

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Speaker 1: of our show. Remember that we did have Megan on

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Speaker 1: a year ago, more than a year ago, and she

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Speaker 1: was fantastic. But tell everybody a little bit more about

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Speaker 1: how that evolved, like it was a kind of an

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Speaker 1: organic change over time. Yeah. Yeah, So Megan brought me

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Speaker 1: on as managing editor of her growing blog at the

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Speaker 1: time in twenty twelve. We met in twenty eleven on

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Speaker 1: the internet as one does, and I had a background

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Speaker 1: and kind of communications management, more of the kind of

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Speaker 1: business side of managing content, and so she brought me

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Speaker 1: on to help manage the content of her growing blog.

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Speaker 1: And as you guys well know, blogging really changed a

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Speaker 1: lot in twenty eleven twelve thirteen, and Megan had an

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Speaker 1: early interest in podcasting herself, was just an avid podcast

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Speaker 1: listener way way way way back, and started her own

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Speaker 1: podcast called The Kitchen Hour in twenty twelve, and at

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Speaker 1: that time I was just kind of supporting and watching

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Speaker 1: from the sidelines, but she decided to shutter her blog

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Speaker 1: and transition into podcasting as kind of her main focus

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Speaker 1: twenty fourteen. Twenty fifteen, and asked me if I wanted

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Speaker 1: to start a mom podcast with her, And at that

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Speaker 1: point we'd been working together for a couple of years

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Speaker 1: and we knew we had a great rapport. She has

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Speaker 1: five kids. I have three. Hers are older mine at

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Speaker 1: the time. My youngest was two when we started the

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Speaker 1: podcast newly too, I think, and so Sarah probably write

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Speaker 1: about where you are actually age. Ye, yeah, that's about

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Speaker 1: where my kids were when we started the podcast. And

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Speaker 1: our thing was we're not experts, but we between us

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Speaker 1: eight kids and a big range of ages, and we

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Speaker 1: live in two different parts of the country, two pretty

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Speaker 1: different backgrounds. We land around the same place philosophically on

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Speaker 1: a lot of things, but we have very different personalities. So,

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Speaker 1: as you know from listening, like the way we get

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Speaker 1: to the decisions we make is pretty different. Although I

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Speaker 1: think we're aligned enough to make you know, we're good

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Speaker 1: friends and we agree on a lot, but we're also

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Speaker 1: very different. And so our whole thing was we're just

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Speaker 1: going to have conversations about motherhood and parenting topics every week,

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Speaker 1: and we do occasionally bring on quote unquote experts or

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Speaker 1: an author or something, but it's really never been the

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Speaker 1: focus of our show. We actually didn't do that for

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Speaker 1: the whole first year because we wanted this to just

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Speaker 1: be a validating conversation for moms who are maybe a

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Speaker 1: few years behind where we are, a conversation to normalize

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Speaker 1: the things people are going through and not necessarily like

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Speaker 1: here's the expert on picky eating, and here's the expert

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Speaker 1: on sleep training, and here's it. And there's great stuff

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Speaker 1: out there in podcasting that does bring those expert voices

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Speaker 1: to light. But our thing was, what if we just

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Speaker 1: have a smart conversation every week and then the people,

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Speaker 1: the people came and they listen, and we are it's

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Speaker 1: actually more than three hundred episodes when you count all

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Speaker 1: of our interviews and bonuses, so we're more than three

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Speaker 1: hundred episodes and four and a half years in, and

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Speaker 1: we don't take breaks. We don't. This is our full

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Speaker 1: time gig. Yeah. And when you started working with Megan,

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Speaker 1: just doing that blog stuff, it was just i mean,

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Speaker 1: your kids were very young. It was just the sort

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Speaker 1: of like a couple hours of your day here and there,

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Speaker 1: and then as your kids got older, it felt right

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Speaker 1: to be kind of jumping in more hours and chanting

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Speaker 1: your own career. Pop. Yeah, that's about right. So I

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Speaker 1: worked in an office, more traditional employment through my first

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Speaker 1: baby as she became a toddler, and when I had

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Speaker 1: my second baby, I decided to stay home for a

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Speaker 1: period of time. And I never looked at it as

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Speaker 1: like I'm going to stay home for the rest of motherhood.

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Speaker 1: I just at that time, with two little ones in daycare,

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Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to see if I can

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Speaker 1: figure this out to just be home for a pause.

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Speaker 1: And I did. And then the work I started to

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Speaker 1: pick up freelancing was in this kind of blog editing,

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Speaker 1: content management area, and I did it for another site locally,

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Speaker 1: wrote for some parenting magazine. So I was doing a

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Speaker 1: bit of freelancing, but really, like you said, maybe five

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Speaker 1: hours a week or as I had the capacity. And

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Speaker 1: when Megan hired me, I had been, you know, dabbling

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Speaker 1: in that stuff a few hours a week for a

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Speaker 1: couple of years, and I said, you know, I'm pregnant

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Speaker 1: with my third kid, right. She approached me in September

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Speaker 1: and I was due in January, and she was like,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, And of course she had five young kids

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Speaker 1: at this point. She's like, oh yeah, I figure you'll

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Speaker 1: be fine. I was like, okay, if you think I'll

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Speaker 1: be fine. So when I started working for her, I

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Speaker 1: want to say it was seven hours a week, was

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Speaker 1: our arrangement, and over the next couple of years, i'd

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Speaker 1: go up to ten. And that was just for Megan,

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Speaker 1: So I did have a few other things I was

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Speaker 1: doing on the side, so I sometimes worked five hours

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Speaker 1: a week and sometimes more like fifteen or twenty for

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Speaker 1: about four years, probably until the mom hour really took

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Speaker 1: off and I had more predictable childcare in preschool. So

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Speaker 1: it really truly was a ramp up, and I feel

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Speaker 1: very lucky that I was able to pick and choose

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Speaker 1: projects and people to work with like Megan, and it

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Speaker 1: ebbed and flowed a bit as kids came and preschool

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Speaker 1: schedules changed in summers and all of that. Well, And

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Speaker 1: it's a nice example because you know, we have some

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Speaker 1: listeners who choose to certainly not take a break, and

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Speaker 1: we support that strategy, but we also know that some

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Speaker 1: people want to be home, and you know our podcast,

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Speaker 1: we do tend to challenge the narrative that any one

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Speaker 1: way is better for kids, but there's certainly different ways

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Speaker 1: that work for different families, and we absolutely respect that.

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Speaker 1: So I think you're a great example of someone who's

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Speaker 1: like I wanted it to be like this, but then

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Speaker 1: I still know that I could ramp it up later,

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Speaker 1: and then you did. So I just think it's a

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Speaker 1: nice testament. Well, thank you, And I guess the other

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Speaker 1: thing I'll say about that is, I'm not sure at

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Speaker 1: twenty seven. Well, I guess there was twenty nine when

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Speaker 1: I left a more corporate environment. I'm not sure at

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Speaker 1: twenty nine that I thought I wanted to be doing

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Speaker 1: that thing forever. Anyway, kids are no kids full time

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Speaker 1: schedule or part time schedule. So I also think it

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Speaker 1: gave me a really nice opportunity to find out other

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Speaker 1: things I was good at and explore this other whole

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Speaker 1: world that I might not have if I hadn't decided

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Speaker 1: to take that pause. And I realized there's a ton

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Speaker 1: of privilege in that statement. But I am sometimes not

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Speaker 1: someone who looks like five years ahead, what do I want?

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Speaker 1: Where do I want my career to be? I was

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Speaker 1: kind of just in the moment, and it allowed things

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Speaker 1: to fall into my lap that probably wouldn't have otherwise. Awesome. Well,

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Speaker 1: I love the story all right. Well, if anybody listens

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Speaker 1: to the mom hour, they know, actually, before we get

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Speaker 1: into her routines, which she's amazing at, we're going to

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Speaker 1: take a brief break and we will be right back.

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Speaker 1: just as I had promised, Sarah Powers is kind of

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Speaker 1: the I don't know the queen of routines and planning

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Speaker 1: of her podcast. And I should say that's in comparison

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Speaker 1: to Megan, who will admit that is not how she

428
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,879
Speaker 1: runs her life for parents. She's super intuitive, very flexible,

429
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:09,320
Speaker 1: and I gain a lot from being paired up with

430
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,800
Speaker 1: someone like that, which is interesting. And actually that's a

431
00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:14,879
Speaker 1: nice thing about your podcast. Laura and I think, have

432
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,679
Speaker 1: a lot of probably more similarities than differences, although our

433
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:20,880
Speaker 1: jobs are very different, so that is a nice kind

434
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,640
Speaker 1: of a contrast. But you guys are very different personality wise,

435
00:21:23,680 --> 00:21:26,959
Speaker 1: and you are the planner logistics queen, and those are

436
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:28,879
Speaker 1: some of my favorite episodes from you guys. So I

437
00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:31,600
Speaker 1: thought that you could speak about one of the pain

438
00:21:31,640 --> 00:21:37,160
Speaker 1: points that we all have, which is evening logistics. Yeah, yes,

439
00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:40,119
Speaker 1: this is a big challenge. And I mean as someone

440
00:21:40,119 --> 00:21:42,800
Speaker 1: whose kids are moving into well they're all in elementary

441
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:44,960
Speaker 1: or middle school now, so I don't have any toddlers

442
00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:48,800
Speaker 1: or preschoolers left. I'm not going to say it gets

443
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 1: easier necessarily, it just gets different. Like the things that are,

444
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:58,160
Speaker 1: We're still very much active, actively managing bedtime and evening routines.

445
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 1: So maybe there is a point where it becomes more

446
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,320
Speaker 1: plug and play, but I'm not there yet. So yeah,

447
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,320
Speaker 1: reminder remind our listeners. Well, well, first of all, give

448
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:08,480
Speaker 1: us a little logistics in terms of like when does

449
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:10,320
Speaker 1: your recue have help, does your husband get home? And

450
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,119
Speaker 1: also how old your kids are right now? Okay, so

451
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,320
Speaker 1: right now, my kids are eleven, nine and six and

452
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: a half, so that puts them in sixth, fourth and

453
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:23,200
Speaker 1: first grades. My husband is home most evenings. He does

454
00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,879
Speaker 1: occasionally have late work events or travels, so and he

455
00:22:25,920 --> 00:22:28,040
Speaker 1: actually used to travel quite a bit. When I was

456
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:31,320
Speaker 1: in your stage of life, Sarah, I was solo more

457
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:34,359
Speaker 1: evenings than not, and now I am not solo more

458
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:36,680
Speaker 1: evenings than not, which is great, but I've had experience

459
00:22:36,680 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 1: on both sides of that. We do have some evening activities.

460
00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:42,119
Speaker 1: It's something I held off on a long time as

461
00:22:42,160 --> 00:22:44,280
Speaker 1: having those. I mean I didn't hold off on all activities,

462
00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,920
Speaker 1: but I really try to avoid the ones that were

463
00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 1: like at five thirty or something. But now that this

464
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,080
Speaker 1: is our life, so we my older two kids do

465
00:22:52,160 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 1: taekwondos several days a week and at least a couple

466
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,320
Speaker 1: of nights. The classes are like at five thirty and

467
00:22:57,400 --> 00:23:00,320
Speaker 1: six fifteen. Luckily it's very close by. One of us

468
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,639
Speaker 1: can be bopping back and forth to taekwondo. We can

469
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,359
Speaker 1: drop them off. It's not it's not like the whole

470
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 1: family is schlepping down there. But you know, it does

471
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 1: affect the dinner time. So as a big picture, I

472
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,600
Speaker 1: do have my husband home and we are co parenting

473
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:16,919
Speaker 1: the bedtime most of the time, and we do have

474
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,320
Speaker 1: some evening evening activities in the mix, but for the

475
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,280
Speaker 1: most part, we're in early to bed. My kids are

476
00:23:23,320 --> 00:23:26,600
Speaker 1: early to bed in their rooms by my choice and design,

477
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,320
Speaker 1: because I am not a great night person. I'm great

478
00:23:29,320 --> 00:23:31,520
Speaker 1: in the morning. We're doing this interview first thing in

479
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,920
Speaker 1: the morning. That's fine with me, but I get really

480
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,840
Speaker 1: tired and I really stop wanting to actively parent after

481
00:23:36,880 --> 00:23:39,080
Speaker 1: about eight o'clock. And I know that. I mean, for

482
00:23:39,119 --> 00:23:40,959
Speaker 1: a lot of people, they get their second wind and

483
00:23:41,359 --> 00:23:44,000
Speaker 1: they're writing a novel from ten to midnight every night.

484
00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 1: And that's just not me. It's not my natural energy patterns. Well,

485
00:23:47,600 --> 00:23:50,159
Speaker 1: and your kids, you know, we started talking before we

486
00:23:50,200 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: started recording, but your kids are out the door at

487
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:57,600
Speaker 1: like seven twenty or something, so it actually probably necessitates

488
00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,280
Speaker 1: a little bit of an early early orchestra evening routine

489
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:04,160
Speaker 1: or else they'd be wake up. It does, And it's

490
00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 1: like a chicken and egg thing because I don't know

491
00:24:05,920 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: if I've made them early risers because we always put

492
00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:11,280
Speaker 1: them to bed early, or if they biologically take after me,

493
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:14,840
Speaker 1: or like you said, now the schedule had just reinforces

494
00:24:14,880 --> 00:24:17,439
Speaker 1: it all. But we are I do feel lucky that

495
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:18,960
Speaker 1: I just I don't have kids who want to go

496
00:24:19,000 --> 00:24:20,760
Speaker 1: to bed at ten and sleep till nine in the morning.

497
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:26,800
Speaker 1: Like that's never been our friend. Yes, that's awesome. Okay,

498
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 1: So what are your strategies for forgetting that slow moving

499
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:34,399
Speaker 1: bus to move from dinner to baths or whatever you

500
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:37,560
Speaker 1: guys get done? Like, what are some of your concrete

501
00:24:37,560 --> 00:24:40,639
Speaker 1: strategies and routines? Okay, Well, I made a note of

502
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:42,240
Speaker 1: a few, and they're a little all over the place.

503
00:24:42,280 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 1: But one that we did a long time ago that

504
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 1: still is in operation is we set up a playlist,

505
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:50,280
Speaker 1: an evening playlist. I want to say, made this playlist

506
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:54,320
Speaker 1: on Spotify years ago, maybe eight years ago, when I

507
00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:57,879
Speaker 1: had little itty bitty toddlers. And it has some lullabies,

508
00:24:57,920 --> 00:25:00,439
Speaker 1: but not just baby CD lallabies. It has songs that

509
00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:04,399
Speaker 1: I like that feel wind down, lullaby ish. And the

510
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,479
Speaker 1: great thing about a playlist is you only make it

511
00:25:06,520 --> 00:25:09,040
Speaker 1: once and you can enjoy it forever. And this playlist

512
00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,439
Speaker 1: comes on in our upstairs speakers. We use Sonos for

513
00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: our like home speaker system. But I know there are

514
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 1: a lot of things you could probably do this with

515
00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,960
Speaker 1: your Alexas and your various things. I don't know how

516
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:22,439
Speaker 1: it all works nowadays. I just know it still works,

517
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:26,440
Speaker 1: and it's an evening music playlist that comes on upstairs.

518
00:25:26,760 --> 00:25:29,280
Speaker 1: I think it comes on at seven oh five or

519
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,560
Speaker 1: six fifty or some time that I chose a long

520
00:25:31,560 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: time ago. And what I like about it is it's

521
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:36,080
Speaker 1: not like an alarm that everybody like. When you hear

522
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:38,560
Speaker 1: the music, drop what you're doing and do the next thing.

523
00:25:38,640 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 1: I've actually tried things like that in my house with

524
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 1: varying degrees of success, because I have some kids who

525
00:25:44,000 --> 00:25:46,359
Speaker 1: require a little bit more of an easy transition and

526
00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:49,520
Speaker 1: don't like to just be arbitrarily like ding, now you've

527
00:25:49,480 --> 00:25:51,520
Speaker 1: got to go do this. So I like that it's

528
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,000
Speaker 1: kind of in the background and just sort of like

529
00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:56,600
Speaker 1: cues our environment in the same way that you know,

530
00:25:56,720 --> 00:26:00,000
Speaker 1: lowering the lights or you know, shutting off technology or

531
00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:02,520
Speaker 1: whatever it does. And I think it's now it's almost

532
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 1: nostalgic for me because I'm not sure that we need

533
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,600
Speaker 1: it or even notice it, but it's just this sort

534
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,959
Speaker 1: of background environment thing that I appreciate. And I'll be upstairs,

535
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,720
Speaker 1: you know, getting the kids, reminding them to do their thing,

536
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:17,600
Speaker 1: and there's just this comfortable playlist going. So I've always

537
00:26:17,640 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 1: enjoyed it's probably like a subliminal power. I will say

538
00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:22,800
Speaker 1: that we have the alarm type of playlist In the morning.

539
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,960
Speaker 1: The Descendants soundtrack goes on our sons and if you

540
00:26:26,000 --> 00:26:28,000
Speaker 1: get to like the song that did I mention, it's

541
00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,399
Speaker 1: like we have to leave, yeah. And then we have

542
00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:33,280
Speaker 1: Mozart's Twinkle Twinkle Little Star varations that come on at

543
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,440
Speaker 1: like seven thirty, which is our it's time to start

544
00:26:36,440 --> 00:26:39,399
Speaker 1: getting ready for bed. Warning, yeah, I get you on

545
00:26:39,440 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 1: the playlist. I love that, and I love that you

546
00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:44,360
Speaker 1: do the morning one and I did also, And then

547
00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: it just for my middle son who just runs anxious,

548
00:26:48,520 --> 00:26:50,399
Speaker 1: it became this like the song would come on and

549
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:52,760
Speaker 1: he'd flip out because he could didn't have thirty more

550
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:54,840
Speaker 1: seconds to do what he was doing. So I guess

551
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,120
Speaker 1: if there's a tip in there is that you might

552
00:26:57,160 --> 00:26:59,760
Speaker 1: have to play around with how you use this. But

553
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:04,680
Speaker 1: I yeah, exactly, so cool. Okay, what else? Okay, Well,

554
00:27:04,720 --> 00:27:06,760
Speaker 1: I have one that this is a tip I learned

555
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 1: from my sister in law that is so simple and

556
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,520
Speaker 1: I didn't do this and I wish I had. And

557
00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:15,399
Speaker 1: so this is specifically for those families where having mommy

558
00:27:15,480 --> 00:27:18,760
Speaker 1: or daddy help with bedtime is an option, So two

559
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,040
Speaker 1: parents or co parents are both home, and you know

560
00:27:21,080 --> 00:27:24,520
Speaker 1: how little kids will get very opinionated and demanding about

561
00:27:24,640 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 1: who reads the story, who tucks them in, and it

562
00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:30,879
Speaker 1: can become I mean, having a parent preference is like

563
00:27:30,920 --> 00:27:33,639
Speaker 1: super normal, but I think at bedtime it can just

564
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,119
Speaker 1: become a thing like Mom's got to maybe she's breastfeeding,

565
00:27:37,160 --> 00:27:39,360
Speaker 1: she's got to be with this kid. Dad does these kids,

566
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:41,600
Speaker 1: and then it becomes a whole thing like who's who's

567
00:27:41,640 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 1: the preferred parent. And so my sister in law with

568
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:47,280
Speaker 1: her little kids, they started alternating every other night, no

569
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:50,440
Speaker 1: matter what, like just taking turns, and there was no

570
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: because it was never an option. It was like, it's

571
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: mom's turn, it's dad's turn, it's mom's turn, it's dad's

572
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 1: stern and the little kids understood that, and they still

573
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:01,760
Speaker 1: had their parental prefers. They still liked, you know, the

574
00:28:01,800 --> 00:28:03,680
Speaker 1: way daddy read a story or the way mommy tucks

575
00:28:03,720 --> 00:28:06,200
Speaker 1: them in better, but the option was off the table,

576
00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,159
Speaker 1: which removed so much of the negotiating. And I realize

577
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,840
Speaker 1: this doesn't apply to all families if you're solo parenting,

578
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:15,080
Speaker 1: or it just might not apply, but I looking back,

579
00:28:15,160 --> 00:28:17,080
Speaker 1: I wish I had done something like that, because we

580
00:28:17,200 --> 00:28:20,400
Speaker 1: still to this day have a little bit of like, well,

581
00:28:20,480 --> 00:28:22,600
Speaker 1: dad's reading this book aloud to the big kids. But

582
00:28:22,680 --> 00:28:25,080
Speaker 1: it's been a while since this happened, and I just

583
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 1: feel like it's a you don't need more decisions and

584
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,399
Speaker 1: more it's sometimes more of a cluster when more bodies

585
00:28:30,400 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: are involved. Actually like, I think my husband does better

586
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,159
Speaker 1: putting them to bed if I just disappear, and I'm like,

587
00:28:35,240 --> 00:28:37,159
Speaker 1: I definitely do better if he's like doing you know,

588
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:40,320
Speaker 1: like decidedly not in the picture that night, versus both

589
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,960
Speaker 1: of us sort of half heartedly. And then they want

590
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 1: one person to wants and then they think if they

591
00:28:44,840 --> 00:28:48,400
Speaker 1: think it's open for negotiation, then it's just everything is

592
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 1: that much more complicated. But the other side of this,

593
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 1: I think is the positives of having routines built in

594
00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:57,400
Speaker 1: with multiple parents, which also then makes it easier if

595
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 1: you've got a grandparent subbing in or a sitter. I

596
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:03,600
Speaker 1: think if you are one of the primary pudder to betters,

597
00:29:03,800 --> 00:29:05,800
Speaker 1: then you know all the things right. You know how

598
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,720
Speaker 1: they're going to game the system and ask for water,

599
00:29:08,120 --> 00:29:10,440
Speaker 1: you know their favorite Levey, you know it all, which

600
00:29:10,480 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: is a wonderful position of bonding and power and connection,

601
00:29:14,760 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 1: but it can set you up for trouble down the road.

602
00:29:17,640 --> 00:29:20,600
Speaker 1: So I love having a built in Maybe it's mom

603
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:22,880
Speaker 1: does weeknights, Dad does weekends, or whatever it is, but

604
00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 1: if there's again I always come back to, if the

605
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,040
Speaker 1: kids know what to expect and there's some kind of

606
00:29:27,040 --> 00:29:31,000
Speaker 1: little built in game or system. It removes that negotiating

607
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,480
Speaker 1: and that little bit of negotiating every night. It can

608
00:29:34,520 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 1: add up. Oh gets old gets old fast? All right, Well,

609
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:40,280
Speaker 1: tell me about your checklist system, because we have our own,

610
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:42,400
Speaker 1: and I think I've probably spoken about it before, but

611
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,960
Speaker 1: I'm interested in the evening checklists on the mirrors. Okay,

612
00:29:47,040 --> 00:29:49,280
Speaker 1: So I just did this for this back to school.

613
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:53,560
Speaker 1: And as process oriented as I am, I've never been

614
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,960
Speaker 1: a big like let's print out a cute chorchard and

615
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:58,480
Speaker 1: have stickers, and like, I just never got there with

616
00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,600
Speaker 1: all the chaos. So I'm u like, the quickest, easiest

617
00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:04,640
Speaker 1: thing is what works. And my youngest is six and

618
00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:07,640
Speaker 1: a half, so all of my kids are reading or

619
00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:11,040
Speaker 1: almost reading, like reading ish, which has really opened up

620
00:30:11,120 --> 00:30:13,560
Speaker 1: like a lot of things. Actually. But I got these.

621
00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,000
Speaker 1: I guess they're called wet erase markers because they're the

622
00:30:16,080 --> 00:30:19,240
Speaker 1: kind that go on specifically on glass and mirrors, so

623
00:30:19,280 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 1: they look like dry erase markers. But I think if

624
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:22,720
Speaker 1: you're shopping for them, and we can link in your

625
00:30:22,760 --> 00:30:25,080
Speaker 1: show notes to the ones I got, but they're meant

626
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 1: for glass and mirrors, and so they look like dry

627
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 1: erase markers and you can write on any surface, they

628
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,040
Speaker 1: could just wipe it off with a washcloth. And in

629
00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:35,360
Speaker 1: our kids bathroom, I just wrote each of the kids

630
00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,360
Speaker 1: like nightly checkless and this is not rocket like, this

631
00:30:39,480 --> 00:30:42,360
Speaker 1: is not complicated stuff. This is like brush your teeth,

632
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 1: floss your teeth, go to the bathroom, like the basics.

633
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:48,760
Speaker 1: This was not chores or anything fancy. But what I

634
00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 1: found is going back to school is briant. My husband

635
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:53,080
Speaker 1: and I were kind of tag teaming and we were

636
00:30:53,080 --> 00:30:54,880
Speaker 1: losing track of who had done what. And as the

637
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: kids are getting more independent, it's also easy to assume

638
00:30:58,200 --> 00:31:00,960
Speaker 1: they're doing their stuff because they're cape and so the

639
00:31:01,160 --> 00:31:04,360
Speaker 1: checklist was just a super visual thing. I really wanted

640
00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:06,800
Speaker 1: to get back to flossing more regularly with the kids,

641
00:31:07,360 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 1: and so just by writing it down because it felt

642
00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:12,600
Speaker 1: like they'd say flaws. We never flaws at night, like,

643
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,800
Speaker 1: well I should be flassing at night. So it felt

644
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 1: like this, if it's on the list, then don't talk

645
00:31:17,640 --> 00:31:19,680
Speaker 1: to me until it's done. And we're you know, with

646
00:31:19,720 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 1: the younger, we might be helping. With the older, they

647
00:31:21,840 --> 00:31:23,840
Speaker 1: might be managing their own. But it's literally written on

648
00:31:23,880 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 1: the wall like they can't miss it. And also they

649
00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:27,880
Speaker 1: don't have to put their own checkmarks or they just

650
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:30,160
Speaker 1: follow the list. They just follow the list. It gives us.

651
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: My eleven year old wanted to get fancy and she

652
00:31:32,080 --> 00:31:35,760
Speaker 1: made little checkmarks for herself. But again, anything any barrier

653
00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 1: to just getting through it seemed to overcomplicate it. So

654
00:31:39,680 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 1: they could if they wanted to put a checkmark, they could,

655
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:45,320
Speaker 1: But I think having it in that central location was

656
00:31:45,360 --> 00:31:47,720
Speaker 1: the most key thing. It's in the bathroom where we

657
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 1: already are and they don't need their mirrors for you know,

658
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 1: styling quite yet, so the mirrors are covered right now

659
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,640
Speaker 1: in evening checklists, got it. My kids are highly motivated

660
00:31:57,640 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 1: by the act of checking off because they're younger, and

661
00:31:59,360 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 1: I think they think it's fun. But right, yeah, that's different.

662
00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 1: I love that. Tell me about your flexible evening blocks

663
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:08,760
Speaker 1: of time. I'm interested in that because our evenings tend

664
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: to our kids are already in like some sports, which

665
00:32:10,840 --> 00:32:13,000
Speaker 1: are making it so that we can't always follow the

666
00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:15,520
Speaker 1: same routine every night, right, And I do think this

667
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:18,560
Speaker 1: is something that's coming to light more recently as we're

668
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,600
Speaker 1: getting older. But there's there's a couple things that I

669
00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:25,360
Speaker 1: think of as like usually they happen on say Monday

670
00:32:25,440 --> 00:32:28,840
Speaker 1: or Thursday, but they can shift. So like the blocks

671
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: to me would be like showers. My kids don't shower

672
00:32:31,200 --> 00:32:33,640
Speaker 1: every night at this age. My oldest showers more, but

673
00:32:33,680 --> 00:32:36,480
Speaker 1: the younger it's like twice a week, and so we

674
00:32:36,560 --> 00:32:40,080
Speaker 1: have our set nights for showers, but if life happens,

675
00:32:40,280 --> 00:32:43,000
Speaker 1: those blocks can kind of easily move to another night.

676
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:45,320
Speaker 1: We also like to watch a show as a family

677
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:47,720
Speaker 1: together once a week. We're usually watching like The Amazing

678
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 1: Race or some competition show like that. That's fun for

679
00:32:50,520 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 1: us as a family, and the kids really look forward

680
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 1: to that. Well, if showers have to move because of something,

681
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 1: you know that happened with the schedule, then probably our night,

682
00:32:58,800 --> 00:33:01,200
Speaker 1: our weekly show has to move to. And I think

683
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 1: one thing I noticed is I was so good about

684
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,480
Speaker 1: routines and schedule that I had to actually really coach

685
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:09,520
Speaker 1: my kids through being a little more flexible with their expectations.

686
00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:12,560
Speaker 1: So just like when you hear advice about picky eaters,

687
00:33:12,560 --> 00:33:14,640
Speaker 1: you always hear like, look the look at what they're

688
00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:16,800
Speaker 1: eating over the course of a week or two weeks,

689
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,120
Speaker 1: not every day, And I think the same can be

690
00:33:19,200 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 1: true for evenings, like maybe you're not doing the lovely

691
00:33:23,520 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: read aloud with everybody cozy and reading for a full

692
00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:30,560
Speaker 1: half hour every night. But if that block can be

693
00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:32,960
Speaker 1: a couple nights a week, and then the best and

694
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 1: showers a couple nights a week, and then you know,

695
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:37,959
Speaker 1: the really well done family dinner a couple like if

696
00:33:38,000 --> 00:33:40,280
Speaker 1: you kind of have your priorities those rocks and then

697
00:33:40,840 --> 00:33:42,840
Speaker 1: you know, look at that over the course of a week,

698
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: look at your week ahead of time, and realize, maybe

699
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:46,800
Speaker 1: not all the things are going to happen on all

700
00:33:46,840 --> 00:33:48,960
Speaker 1: the nights, but maybe over the course of the week

701
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,400
Speaker 1: you'll still touch on all those priorities for your whatever

702
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:54,640
Speaker 1: those priorities are for you. It's the one hundred and

703
00:33:54,680 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 1: sixty eight hours version of that time. I love it well.

704
00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,840
Speaker 1: Two more questions for you. Number one, do you feel like, like,

705
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:05,200
Speaker 1: how have things changed since your kids have gone from

706
00:34:05,520 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 1: like think back to the days of you know, babies

707
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 1: and toddlers mixed up and actually yours your's a little

708
00:34:11,520 --> 00:34:14,399
Speaker 1: You're you have more even spacing that I and I did,

709
00:34:14,480 --> 00:34:16,279
Speaker 1: so a little bit different experience. So think back to

710
00:34:16,320 --> 00:34:18,520
Speaker 1: that and like what's changed and what were your go

711
00:34:18,560 --> 00:34:22,080
Speaker 1: to What was your go to back then? Yeah, gosh,

712
00:34:22,239 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 1: I feel like my go to back then was getting

713
00:34:25,640 --> 00:34:29,880
Speaker 1: getting to bedtime, like making it, making it through. But

714
00:34:30,080 --> 00:34:34,120
Speaker 1: you know, I think I I cut some corners. Maybe

715
00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 1: sounds hard on myself. I let a lot of things

716
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:39,600
Speaker 1: go in those days. I would say the biggest thing

717
00:34:39,640 --> 00:34:44,160
Speaker 1: I let go is dinners, like dinners that I cooked

718
00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:46,040
Speaker 1: and that we all sat down and ate at the

719
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:48,719
Speaker 1: same time, all five of us. I really, we are

720
00:34:48,760 --> 00:34:51,520
Speaker 1: really enjoying that now, But it took a really long

721
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 1: time to get there. So I always favored in early bedtime,

722
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 1: and so usually my highest priority was what what do

723
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: we need to do to get everybody to bed on time?

724
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:06,319
Speaker 1: Because that's my sanity. And so I probably would do

725
00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,880
Speaker 1: something really easy for dinner if I was solo parenting

726
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:11,960
Speaker 1: ksidias or scrambled eggs or something like that, cut up fruit.

727
00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:14,040
Speaker 1: I mean I was doing those, not once a week

728
00:35:14,120 --> 00:35:17,520
Speaker 1: like most of the time for years, I was just

729
00:35:17,560 --> 00:35:21,480
Speaker 1: doing those quickie dinners. I also thought baths were actually

730
00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:25,640
Speaker 1: more often baths were a help rather than like something

731
00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: we had to get through my children, like a calming thing.

732
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 1: Right we were all in the same place. I actually,

733
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 1: for a while could bathe all three of them together

734
00:35:33,640 --> 00:35:36,520
Speaker 1: when they were like four two or maybe five three

735
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:41,359
Speaker 1: and you know one, Yeah, probably that didn't last very long.

736
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,680
Speaker 1: I just have the picture, like I have mental pictures

737
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: and actual pictures of all three in the tub, but

738
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 1: two of the three, and then you know where they

739
00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:49,799
Speaker 1: are right like you know, and you're right there with them.

740
00:35:49,840 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: I have this mental image of almost shrinking our environment

741
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:56,360
Speaker 1: in the evenings to as small as space as possible.

742
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:58,319
Speaker 1: We had an upstairs downstairs house and I would just

743
00:35:58,360 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 1: close the baby gates. We would be upstairs, that playlist

744
00:36:00,880 --> 00:36:03,560
Speaker 1: would be playing, and we are closing in on bedtime.

745
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,280
Speaker 1: As early as in those days, as early as six fifteen,

746
00:36:06,280 --> 00:36:08,960
Speaker 1: six thirty, we were upstairs and they were in bed

747
00:36:08,960 --> 00:36:11,080
Speaker 1: at seven, seven fifteen. And it makes it sound like,

748
00:36:11,360 --> 00:36:14,600
Speaker 1: you know, I was like super rigid or but it

749
00:36:14,640 --> 00:36:17,320
Speaker 1: was for my own sanity, I think. And it was

750
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,360
Speaker 1: because at that point I'd had long days home with

751
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,920
Speaker 1: little kids or maybe solo parenting, and so those were

752
00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:26,640
Speaker 1: the those were the years then those that was the objective.

753
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:30,239
Speaker 1: And yeah, I have I have fond memories, but it

754
00:36:30,400 --> 00:36:34,520
Speaker 1: was tiring. I love it. Well, it's like hope for

755
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 1: the you give me hope for the future of family dinners,

756
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:40,919
Speaker 1: which right now are not really in our radar, but yeah,

757
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:44,960
Speaker 1: some day, yeah, yeah, definitely some day. My last nighttime

758
00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 1: routine question is do you have I know you're in

759
00:36:47,040 --> 00:36:48,880
Speaker 1: early to bed kind of a person, so maybe the

760
00:36:48,880 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: answer is it's going to be I go to bed.

761
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,800
Speaker 1: But any tips for making the most of your own evenings.

762
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: I know Laura likes to do something nice where she'll

763
00:36:55,040 --> 00:36:57,040
Speaker 1: put the kids to bed sequentially and like while she's

764
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 1: lying with them, she'll like read in bed, like on

765
00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:00,920
Speaker 1: her phone, so she gets through a lot of reading

766
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:02,960
Speaker 1: that way, so it's like self care but also being

767
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,520
Speaker 1: with the kids. So I thought that's a cool tip.

768
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:06,319
Speaker 1: I like, you have things that you like to do

769
00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,279
Speaker 1: for yourself after you put the kids to bed and

770
00:37:08,360 --> 00:37:10,560
Speaker 1: make it the most of that time. Yeah, yeah, And

771
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:13,879
Speaker 1: there is probably a couple hours between when the kids

772
00:37:13,880 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: are in bed and when I am in bed. A

773
00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 1: couple of things. First, I always try and do a

774
00:37:18,239 --> 00:37:21,080
Speaker 1: couple of little favors for myself in the morning, even

775
00:37:21,080 --> 00:37:23,400
Speaker 1: though I'm a morning person. It's just mornings are so

776
00:37:23,480 --> 00:37:26,879
Speaker 1: much easier if you wake up to the coffee already made.

777
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:28,960
Speaker 1: So in my case, like we're always setting up the

778
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:32,279
Speaker 1: coffee pot the night before, little things like I don't

779
00:37:32,360 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: really like to be barefoot in my house. I have

780
00:37:34,120 --> 00:37:36,360
Speaker 1: wood floors and they get dirty and I it like

781
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:38,440
Speaker 1: just feels gross. So I try to make sure I

782
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,520
Speaker 1: know where my slippers are. And it's so silly. But

783
00:37:40,680 --> 00:37:42,680
Speaker 1: if I wake up and I come downstairs barefoot and

784
00:37:42,719 --> 00:37:44,520
Speaker 1: I don't know where my slippers are, that's like kind

785
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,640
Speaker 1: of a bummer in the morning when you're just waking up.

786
00:37:46,680 --> 00:37:49,400
Speaker 1: So I try to do a couple of those little

787
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:53,000
Speaker 1: things for myself that will make the morning easier. And

788
00:37:53,080 --> 00:37:55,239
Speaker 1: then this sounds so simple, But my husband and I

789
00:37:55,280 --> 00:37:58,800
Speaker 1: are big TV buffs, Like we're big. We don't passively

790
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:00,880
Speaker 1: watch TV, like have it on in background, like we

791
00:38:00,920 --> 00:38:04,640
Speaker 1: are actively enjoying a show or a series together, not

792
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 1: with our phones in our hands, like almost like more

793
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,719
Speaker 1: like you would enjoy a changed I love that it's

794
00:38:10,719 --> 00:38:13,440
Speaker 1: our thing. It's our thing, and so we usually, you know,

795
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:17,920
Speaker 1: by eight ten, everybody's kind of upstairs. Probably the middle

796
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,800
Speaker 1: schoolers maybe like wandering shows it now, like a wandering

797
00:38:20,800 --> 00:38:23,560
Speaker 1: around habit, like because she is more independent and stays

798
00:38:23,600 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 1: up later, and we're like what go go, Like this

799
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 1: is not goodbye? This is not your time. So we

800
00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:31,240
Speaker 1: are on the couch and we usually kind of debrief

801
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:33,920
Speaker 1: about the day a little bit, and then we are

802
00:38:34,360 --> 00:38:38,080
Speaker 1: watching something that is making us laugh or that we're

803
00:38:38,080 --> 00:38:41,959
Speaker 1: super into for probably an hour and that's like, that's

804
00:38:42,040 --> 00:38:44,160
Speaker 1: my wind down time. I feel like I wish it

805
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:47,479
Speaker 1: was more meaningful than that, but it is. With TV

806
00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:49,480
Speaker 1: sounds great, What is it? What is the best show

807
00:38:49,520 --> 00:38:53,040
Speaker 1: you're watching right now? Well, we are rewatching The West

808
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 1: Wing from the beginning, so that is a popular thing

809
00:38:56,520 --> 00:39:00,080
Speaker 1: to do. I think it is. So we love a

810
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:03,560
Speaker 1: lot of the HBO, both comedies and dramas, so there

811
00:39:03,560 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: has been a lot of that. We also just watched

812
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:08,320
Speaker 1: season two of mind Hunter, which is a Netflix original

813
00:39:08,440 --> 00:39:11,600
Speaker 1: that's about the CIA in the seventies. So we're a

814
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:13,520
Speaker 1: little bit all over the place. We usually try to

815
00:39:13,520 --> 00:39:16,239
Speaker 1: have a drama going at all times and then like

816
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:19,239
Speaker 1: a comedy for filler. So and we will rewatch, We'll

817
00:39:19,280 --> 00:39:21,400
Speaker 1: go back and rewatch all of thirty Rocker, all of

818
00:39:21,480 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 1: Parks and rec or I'm thinking about a Seinfeld rewatch

819
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:29,080
Speaker 1: maybe sometime soon. So it's just yeah, ambitious, yeah, great,

820
00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:32,040
Speaker 1: All right, Well it is time for our Love of

821
00:39:32,080 --> 00:39:34,400
Speaker 1: the week. Segment that all of our guests get to

822
00:39:34,520 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: contribute to Laura, would you like to lead off? Yeah, no,

823
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:42,600
Speaker 1: this is awesome hearing about all her evening routine stuff.

824
00:39:43,080 --> 00:39:46,360
Speaker 1: So part of my evening routine I read most nights

825
00:39:46,400 --> 00:39:50,440
Speaker 1: now to Alex, my four year old, and Ruth, who

826
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:54,959
Speaker 1: when this comes out will be eight. And with Ruth

827
00:39:55,000 --> 00:39:58,400
Speaker 1: we are still working our way through the Magic Treehouse

828
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:02,759
Speaker 1: Merlin missions, right, and this is I don't know, this

829
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,040
Speaker 1: could probably take us to our teenageers. I presume she

830
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:06,879
Speaker 1: will not still be interested in them then, but they're

831
00:40:06,960 --> 00:40:10,480
Speaker 1: the sheer volume. Oh my gosh, looks has been helpful

832
00:40:10,520 --> 00:40:12,560
Speaker 1: for this so that I can just keep, you know,

833
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 1: getting new ones, and there's always new one, and you know,

834
00:40:16,320 --> 00:40:19,440
Speaker 1: it takes at least if I do a chapter a night,

835
00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,279
Speaker 1: it's about eight to ten nights, and you know, we

836
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,279
Speaker 1: have stuff some nights, so it takes about two weeks

837
00:40:23,280 --> 00:40:25,200
Speaker 1: to get through them. But that pace like it's going

838
00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: to take us while to run out of them. So

839
00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:30,000
Speaker 1: you know, we've been going through those and I don't

840
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:33,319
Speaker 1: mind them as much as I've definitely minded some other

841
00:40:33,480 --> 00:40:37,400
Speaker 1: books that have found their way into her shelves that

842
00:40:37,440 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 1: I've been you know, tried to misplace. But with Alex,

843
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: we're reading these little Golden books that are about superheroes.

844
00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:48,439
Speaker 1: So I remember like the Little Golden Books as being

845
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: like the Fairy Tales or the Little Pokey Puppy or whatever,

846
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,000
Speaker 1: But in recent years they've done some sort of tie

847
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: in with like Marvel superheroes and stuff like this. So

848
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:01,000
Speaker 1: now we have the story book about the thor, we

849
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:04,600
Speaker 1: have the story book about Captain America. And he asks

850
00:41:04,640 --> 00:41:07,480
Speaker 1: for these things like literally every night. And the upside

851
00:41:07,520 --> 00:41:11,040
Speaker 1: is they're really short. So so we're reading these little

852
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:15,520
Speaker 1: golden books about various superhero characters, and he is he's

853
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:20,080
Speaker 1: so happy sitting through them. Not really you know, great literature,

854
00:41:20,200 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: but of the books that get asked for again and again,

855
00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:26,800
Speaker 1: I would say that those are there. So yeah, a

856
00:41:26,840 --> 00:41:31,399
Speaker 1: little duel love of the week time. What's that that said?

857
00:41:31,400 --> 00:41:33,840
Speaker 1: A duel love of the week? We love of the week? Yes, exactly,

858
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,120
Speaker 1: I love it. I I yeah, No, I was just

859
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,000
Speaker 1: going to say, I've given the tip before that little

860
00:41:39,000 --> 00:41:41,600
Speaker 1: Golden books are great for travel. There's like they can

861
00:41:41,640 --> 00:41:45,120
Speaker 1: slip so easy because they're so small and so they're

862
00:41:45,120 --> 00:41:48,920
Speaker 1: super portable. So I love that. Yeah, yeah, all right,

863
00:41:48,960 --> 00:41:50,799
Speaker 1: what's your love of the week. So my love of

864
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 1: the week is college football, and I will explain why

865
00:41:54,280 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 1: I'm not. We actually did a just in an episode

866
00:41:56,480 --> 00:42:00,759
Speaker 1: about whether we are sports fan families Megan me to

867
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,080
Speaker 1: which we answered kinda is somewhere in the middle. But

868
00:42:04,239 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 1: actually we are taking the kids this weekend. We leave tomorrow.

869
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 1: We're going on a long weekend to Chicago, where my

870
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:12,320
Speaker 1: husband and I went to school at Northwestern, and taking

871
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,560
Speaker 1: the kids to a college football game. And I'm just

872
00:42:15,560 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 1: I'm just really excited. Not because I am obsessed with

873
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:21,799
Speaker 1: college football or football in general, or sports, but it's

874
00:42:21,800 --> 00:42:24,200
Speaker 1: one of those things we'll probably only do once or twice.

875
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 1: It feels like a thing that the kids will remember.

876
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: They'll get to walk a college campus and just see

877
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,320
Speaker 1: that whole vibe. I wish it was going to be

878
00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:34,520
Speaker 1: a little more fall weatherish, that would just be the

879
00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 1: icing on the cake. But yeah, and I think that's

880
00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:39,720
Speaker 1: just another celebration of the stage of life my kids

881
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: are at now. We travel really well together as a family,

882
00:42:42,800 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: and we can do things like go to a college

883
00:42:45,160 --> 00:42:48,279
Speaker 1: football game without worrying about naps or diapers or any

884
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,560
Speaker 1: of that. So that's my love of the week College football.

885
00:42:50,680 --> 00:42:53,839
Speaker 1: Go Cats. So jealous of you being a good age

886
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:56,160
Speaker 1: for travel because I've like sort of given up for

887
00:42:56,360 --> 00:42:59,400
Speaker 1: a year or so. Anyway, my love of the week

888
00:42:59,640 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 1: is we've been trying to find water bottles that don't

889
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 1: leak for the backpacks because they need water and I

890
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:06,839
Speaker 1: hate it when everything gets all wet and they do too.

891
00:43:06,920 --> 00:43:09,800
Speaker 1: So there's a brand called Pura p you are a

892
00:43:09,960 --> 00:43:12,239
Speaker 1: which my friend introduced me to, and actually I got

893
00:43:12,239 --> 00:43:14,239
Speaker 1: it for baby bottles initially, like they have these like

894
00:43:14,280 --> 00:43:16,279
Speaker 1: straws that are good for toddlers because it's kind of

895
00:43:16,320 --> 00:43:18,400
Speaker 1: like a cross between a bottle and a water bottle.

896
00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:22,120
Speaker 1: But they also have like sports bottles for kids and

897
00:43:22,400 --> 00:43:26,000
Speaker 1: they don't seem to leak. So Pura water bottles, however,

898
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 1: I wrote in my notes, I wish they were resistant

899
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:33,360
Speaker 1: to getting lost to tracking device on the so yeah,

900
00:43:33,440 --> 00:43:36,359
Speaker 1: that'd be cool. Yeah. Well, Sarah, thank you so much

901
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:39,520
Speaker 1: for joining us today. This has been great, and remind

902
00:43:39,719 --> 00:43:42,919
Speaker 1: listeners about how they can find you. Yes, it's very

903
00:43:42,960 --> 00:43:46,440
Speaker 1: easy since we are podcasts and podcasters only for the

904
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,480
Speaker 1: most part, So you just look wherever you're listening to

905
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:52,040
Speaker 1: this search for the mom Our. You can also head

906
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:54,120
Speaker 1: to the momour dot com and there's a little button

907
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:57,200
Speaker 1: that says new start here, and we've curated some of

908
00:43:57,239 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 1: our favorite episodes because there are so many by agents,

909
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,040
Speaker 1: so that might be fun to check out. And then

910
00:44:02,080 --> 00:44:04,640
Speaker 1: we're on Instagram, which most of you listening probably are too,

911
00:44:04,640 --> 00:44:08,960
Speaker 1: and we're at the mom hour everywhere you can find us. Awesome, awesome,

912
00:44:09,040 --> 00:44:11,520
Speaker 1: thank you so much, Thank you, ladies. This was fun.

913
00:44:12,680 --> 00:44:14,440
Speaker 1: All right, Well, that was awesome. I hope you all

914
00:44:14,520 --> 00:44:17,239
Speaker 1: enjoyed hearing from Sarah. We definitely enjoyed speaking with her.

915
00:44:17,920 --> 00:44:21,919
Speaker 1: Our Q and A is from a listener that wrote

916
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,719
Speaker 1: to Laura Hi. Their question for you and Sarah. I've

917
00:44:24,719 --> 00:44:27,000
Speaker 1: decided to go back to work full time after being

918
00:44:27,040 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: home a few years with the little ones. Honestly, your

919
00:44:29,840 --> 00:44:31,879
Speaker 1: podcast had a lot to do with it, making it

920
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:34,200
Speaker 1: feel even possible. I'm sorry, I just had to read

921
00:44:34,200 --> 00:44:37,680
Speaker 1: that part. Sometimes we edit those letters, but we're no, no, no,

922
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:40,440
Speaker 1: we'll put that in keep that part. I'm really happy

923
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,960
Speaker 1: with the kids preschool, so I think we will go

924
00:44:43,040 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 1: the nanny route. My question is, how do you find

925
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:47,600
Speaker 1: a nanny? I know there are agencies and online posts,

926
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,920
Speaker 1: but where do you start, how do you build the trust?

927
00:44:50,120 --> 00:44:52,000
Speaker 1: It sounds like you both adore your nanny's and I

928
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:53,839
Speaker 1: would love to hear how you found them and how

929
00:44:53,840 --> 00:44:56,960
Speaker 1: you knew they were the ones. Yeah, I mean we

930
00:44:57,280 --> 00:44:59,480
Speaker 1: get versions of this question a lot, and I mean

931
00:44:59,520 --> 00:45:01,839
Speaker 1: one of the things I think people find us sort

932
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:04,040
Speaker 1: of when they're newly in the parenting stage and maybe

933
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,160
Speaker 1: looking for child care, and so we definitely get a

934
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 1: lot of questions about figuring out how to do this.

935
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,319
Speaker 1: And you can go in a a number of ways if

936
00:45:10,320 --> 00:45:11,840
Speaker 1: you've decided to go to the nanny route, which is

937
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:16,719
Speaker 1: which is wonderful. One way is to ask friends, colleagues,

938
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:21,239
Speaker 1: neighbors for recommendations, because there's often people who are transitioning

939
00:45:21,320 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 1: out of this stage of their lives, even either that

940
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:26,399
Speaker 1: all their kids are in school or getting older, or

941
00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:28,680
Speaker 1: you know, somebody's decided to stay home for a while

942
00:45:28,760 --> 00:45:30,600
Speaker 1: or whatever it is. But there are people who are

943
00:45:30,600 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 1: transitioning out of needing a full time nanny. And obviously,

944
00:45:33,400 --> 00:45:35,279
Speaker 1: if you've been employing somebody for a while, you want

945
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 1: to help them find their next position, so you can

946
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,440
Speaker 1: get this through through the grapevine and then you've ideally

947
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:44,279
Speaker 1: you're getting someone who comes highly recommended and you don't

948
00:45:44,280 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 1: even need to go through the whole process. I mean,

949
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:48,719
Speaker 1: you might want to look around a little bit, but

950
00:45:49,360 --> 00:45:52,279
Speaker 1: it's great when you can find somebody like that. I

951
00:45:52,360 --> 00:45:56,280
Speaker 1: have used an agency. Sometimes it's worked, sometimes it doesn't.

952
00:45:56,800 --> 00:46:00,239
Speaker 1: It just kind of depends, you know. Sometimes people will

953
00:46:01,360 --> 00:46:03,560
Speaker 1: send you exactly what you're looking for, and I've definitely

954
00:46:03,600 --> 00:46:06,200
Speaker 1: found a couple of great people and sometimes even you know,

955
00:46:06,239 --> 00:46:09,920
Speaker 1: part time sitters through that way. On the other hand,

956
00:46:10,320 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 1: sometimes you know they just have a list of people

957
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 1: and they're like, Okay, who hasn't gone on an interview

958
00:46:13,880 --> 00:46:17,080
Speaker 1: in a while, let me shove that person over. So

959
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:19,440
Speaker 1: you know they're they're running a business as well. They're

960
00:46:19,440 --> 00:46:22,000
Speaker 1: trying to place as many people. So if you know

961
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:23,879
Speaker 1: you have sort of strong ideas of like what will

962
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:26,000
Speaker 1: work for your family, what won't, you may be better

963
00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:29,160
Speaker 1: off doing something like going through care dot com unless

964
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 1: you can be totally transparent with your agency of like

965
00:46:31,400 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: this is what I'm looking for. But going through care

966
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 1: dot com, then you can kind of look and see, well,

967
00:46:35,239 --> 00:46:38,279
Speaker 1: who applies. If you post the job with all your

968
00:46:38,280 --> 00:46:43,680
Speaker 1: specifications or also just perusing listings, you might find somebody

969
00:46:43,920 --> 00:46:46,640
Speaker 1: a couple people who look great to you, invite them

970
00:46:46,680 --> 00:46:50,399
Speaker 1: to apply and interview and choose from that. So I've gone,

971
00:46:50,440 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 1: I've gone all those routes. I've generally found good people.

972
00:46:53,360 --> 00:46:56,560
Speaker 1: You want to ask questions about their their job history,

973
00:46:57,080 --> 00:47:00,520
Speaker 1: you know, talk about how they deal with situation. Try

974
00:47:00,560 --> 00:47:02,520
Speaker 1: them out with the kids, like have them, you know,

975
00:47:02,800 --> 00:47:05,919
Speaker 1: hire them for an hour or two to watch the kids,

976
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:07,880
Speaker 1: maybe while you're still there, but just to see how

977
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:10,840
Speaker 1: they interact. And if you like interacting with the person,

978
00:47:11,400 --> 00:47:14,080
Speaker 1: definitely check the references. Call all the references and ask

979
00:47:14,120 --> 00:47:16,479
Speaker 1: the references questions like you know, what do you wish

980
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:18,839
Speaker 1: they did differently? You know, and then you can get

981
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:22,040
Speaker 1: answers to that. I think references are so key, and

982
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:25,800
Speaker 1: I really also feel like phone or FaceTime in speaking

983
00:47:25,800 --> 00:47:29,520
Speaker 1: with the references is much better than an email. Anybody

984
00:47:29,600 --> 00:47:31,920
Speaker 1: can put whatever into email, but when your people are speaking,

985
00:47:31,960 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: they tend to be more frank. You can kind of

986
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 1: hear what they're saying between the lines. You can hear

987
00:47:36,400 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 1: whether their tone is truly truly enthusiastic or not. And like,

988
00:47:39,320 --> 00:47:41,000
Speaker 1: you know, I hate talking to people on the phone,

989
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,680
Speaker 1: and I know a lot of our generation does as well.

990
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:45,759
Speaker 1: But this is one instance where like you just got

991
00:47:45,760 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 1: to like do it, suck it up and do it. Yeah, yeah,

992
00:47:48,239 --> 00:47:50,359
Speaker 1: and our I mean, I've only hired one nan. I've

993
00:47:50,360 --> 00:47:53,520
Speaker 1: had lots of babysitters, but I've only hired one nanny.

994
00:47:53,520 --> 00:47:55,120
Speaker 1: And I also used care dot com. I mean the

995
00:47:55,120 --> 00:47:56,560
Speaker 1: other advantage to care dot com is when you go

996
00:47:56,640 --> 00:47:58,040
Speaker 1: through an agency and then some of the money gets

997
00:47:58,040 --> 00:48:01,280
Speaker 1: siphoned off by said agency, which they're providing a service.

998
00:48:01,320 --> 00:48:05,040
Speaker 1: I mean, oh no, no, I mean, but in the

999
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,719
Speaker 1: it's kind of like you know, for travel, like it

1000
00:48:07,760 --> 00:48:09,400
Speaker 1: can also be great to work with an agency if

1001
00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 1: you want to, but if you don't mind doing a

1002
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:14,359
Speaker 1: little bit of DIY, then usually you may be able

1003
00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:17,359
Speaker 1: to go without it. I'm not saying anything against either

1004
00:48:17,360 --> 00:48:19,200
Speaker 1: of those types of agencies, but you may want to

1005
00:48:19,200 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 1: try first to go on your own. I don't know

1006
00:48:21,239 --> 00:48:23,799
Speaker 1: my personal bias, and of course I'm biased because I

1007
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:26,120
Speaker 1: had a very good experience. I put out an ad

1008
00:48:26,880 --> 00:48:28,480
Speaker 1: got a bunch of us. I was very specific. I

1009
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:30,759
Speaker 1: was like, I want the answers to these questions because

1010
00:48:30,800 --> 00:48:32,680
Speaker 1: then you're you're at itself can serve as a filter,

1011
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:34,680
Speaker 1: like can this person speak English? Can they follow directions

1012
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,239
Speaker 1: because if they can't respond to your questions the way

1013
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:39,560
Speaker 1: you you know, ask them to, and then you probably

1014
00:48:39,840 --> 00:48:42,880
Speaker 1: that's at least for me, that's probably like a red flag.

1015
00:48:42,960 --> 00:48:45,480
Speaker 1: The other red flags if anybody like reschedules or doesn't

1016
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 1: show up for their interview, like it's over Like yeah, done,

1017
00:48:47,680 --> 00:48:51,000
Speaker 1: over done. And I've had that with babysitters. And if

1018
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 1: I hire a high schooler and there's one time they

1019
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:55,520
Speaker 1: text to cancel, I'm like and I'm moving on, because

1020
00:48:55,520 --> 00:48:58,720
Speaker 1: if you need reliability, I mean, this is the full

1021
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:02,959
Speaker 1: thing you need. I mean, And yeah, we had one

1022
00:49:03,080 --> 00:49:04,920
Speaker 1: bad situation without when we were trying to go through

1023
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:07,240
Speaker 1: it at agency once and I had come back early

1024
00:49:07,280 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 1: from an amusement park to meet somebody for an interview

1025
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 1: and then she didn't show, and I was like, wow that,

1026
00:49:12,719 --> 00:49:14,440
Speaker 1: I mean a you know, I would never I mean,

1027
00:49:14,560 --> 00:49:16,719
Speaker 1: I'm sure even if it's a good reason like it

1028
00:49:16,920 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 1: just this is it's a red flag of something that

1029
00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:24,400
Speaker 1: is great. Yeah, a great. So I mean I think

1030
00:49:24,800 --> 00:49:27,080
Speaker 1: if that happens, just tell yourself it happens to everyone,

1031
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:29,520
Speaker 1: and good you didn't waste any time meeting this person,

1032
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:31,680
Speaker 1: interviewing them and then having them no show on a job.

1033
00:49:31,840 --> 00:49:34,600
Speaker 1: Better to have them no show on an interview. But yeah,

1034
00:49:34,719 --> 00:49:37,799
Speaker 1: I mean putting out your stuff and then interviewing as

1035
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,959
Speaker 1: many candidates as seem reasonable. I actually only interviewed one,

1036
00:49:42,120 --> 00:49:45,520
Speaker 1: which is crazy, but I spoke to her reference two

1037
00:49:45,640 --> 00:49:48,200
Speaker 1: or three of her references, and well, first of all,

1038
00:49:48,239 --> 00:49:49,760
Speaker 1: she was one of the only people that like answered

1039
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:52,200
Speaker 1: all the things that I asked for. And then I

1040
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,680
Speaker 1: spoke to two people she had worked for for like years,

1041
00:49:54,840 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 1: and I could hear the like. One woman was like, oh,

1042
00:49:58,360 --> 00:50:00,360
Speaker 1: I wish we could still afford to have an like

1043
00:50:00,360 --> 00:50:02,319
Speaker 1: because it was like a couple that had divorced, and

1044
00:50:02,360 --> 00:50:05,120
Speaker 1: she admitted they had kind of like lost the ability

1045
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:07,800
Speaker 1: to hire someone. But you could tell she was like, oh,

1046
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 1: what a loss, you know, but recommended her highly. And

1047
00:50:11,920 --> 00:50:13,560
Speaker 1: I just could tell from that and the way we

1048
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,719
Speaker 1: clicked that it was likely going to work. And she's

1049
00:50:15,760 --> 00:50:18,920
Speaker 1: worked for us for now more than six years, so

1050
00:50:19,160 --> 00:50:23,080
Speaker 1: clearly it was you know, you don't need to interview fifteen. Yeah.

1051
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:25,440
Speaker 1: One thing I would say, you know to add to this, though,

1052
00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:28,160
Speaker 1: is you definitely want to because it's not just about

1053
00:50:28,200 --> 00:50:30,799
Speaker 1: you choosing candidates. I mean, which is you know you

1054
00:50:30,800 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 1: may have done this in your professional job as well, right,

1055
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,640
Speaker 1: like interviewing people and your choose a kid, they're also

1056
00:50:35,760 --> 00:50:38,600
Speaker 1: choosing you. Oh yes, and you want to make sure

1057
00:50:38,920 --> 00:50:41,879
Speaker 1: that it's somebody who's really happy about working for you

1058
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:45,040
Speaker 1: and is excited about doing so, and there are things

1059
00:50:45,080 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 1: you can do personally to make sure that that is

1060
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:51,000
Speaker 1: the case. I mean, obviously you want to pay above

1061
00:50:51,080 --> 00:50:54,240
Speaker 1: market rate. You want to pay on the books because

1062
00:50:54,320 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 1: you know, somebody doing this legitimately is a job. Definitely,

1063
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,920
Speaker 1: you know, it's just legal. But this deserves to have

1064
00:51:00,120 --> 00:51:04,000
Speaker 1: things like their Social Security paid into and employment insurance.

1065
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:05,759
Speaker 1: You should put that in your ad because some people,

1066
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 1: unfortunately are not willing to do that and it's better

1067
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 1: to find, you know, have them just not apply, like

1068
00:51:11,040 --> 00:51:13,280
Speaker 1: put in your ad. Like we expect, we will be friendlies,

1069
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:15,400
Speaker 1: will be on the books, not trying to nickel and

1070
00:51:15,440 --> 00:51:17,600
Speaker 1: dine people. I mean, and we've always said, you know,

1071
00:51:17,640 --> 00:51:20,279
Speaker 1: we we turned the paycheck off on, we never turn

1072
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:22,560
Speaker 1: it off. Like so there's there's you know, you get

1073
00:51:22,560 --> 00:51:26,359
Speaker 1: paid vacations, like that's paid days off. Things like that.

1074
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:28,840
Speaker 1: We we would never like say like, oh, well, you

1075
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:30,920
Speaker 1: know they were off for two and a half weeks

1076
00:51:31,000 --> 00:51:33,399
Speaker 1: and so we should stop paying for half a week

1077
00:51:33,440 --> 00:51:35,760
Speaker 1: ors I know, I mean, just don't nickel and dye people.

1078
00:51:36,040 --> 00:51:38,040
Speaker 1: You want to be the sort of professional employer that

1079
00:51:38,080 --> 00:51:41,319
Speaker 1: people want, and it's as someone continues to work for you.

1080
00:51:41,320 --> 00:51:44,880
Speaker 1: You want to, you know, incentivize loyalty, like add vacation

1081
00:51:45,040 --> 00:51:48,520
Speaker 1: days is something we did, or different types of bonuses

1082
00:51:48,960 --> 00:51:52,479
Speaker 1: or just different things to make sure that someone wants

1083
00:51:52,520 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 1: to continue to have that relationship exactly. All right, Well,

1084
00:51:57,000 --> 00:51:59,280
Speaker 1: this has been best of both worlds. We've been talking

1085
00:51:59,280 --> 00:52:03,520
Speaker 1: with Sarah hours about evening routines and her career as well.

1086
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:05,839
Speaker 1: We'll be back next week with more on making work

1087
00:52:05,840 --> 00:52:10,279
Speaker 1: and life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find

1088
00:52:10,320 --> 00:52:13,719
Speaker 1: me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the

1089
00:52:13,960 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 1: Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura

1090
00:52:18,360 --> 00:52:21,680
Speaker 1: at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best

1091
00:52:21,719 --> 00:52:25,239
Speaker 1: of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for

1092
00:52:25,360 --> 00:52:27,720
Speaker 1: more on making work and life work together.