1 00:00:00,760 --> 00:00:02,440 Speaker 1: Hold on tight, we gotta pull you here. It is 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:07,520 Speaker 1: the Strawberry Letter, subject my man or my kids. Dear 3 00:00:07,560 --> 00:00:11,080 Speaker 1: Stephen Shirley, My boyfriend and I have been living together 4 00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 1: for a year. We've been together for nine years. I 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:18,240 Speaker 1: have three kids that live with us, and his mom 6 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:21,880 Speaker 1: lives with us too. My boyfriend works long hours to 7 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:25,479 Speaker 1: make sure that our finances are taken care of, and 8 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:29,280 Speaker 1: I work full time too. We split the household chores 9 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: and send My older kids are out of school for 10 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:34,879 Speaker 1: the summer. They have chores that we expect them to 11 00:00:34,920 --> 00:00:38,240 Speaker 1: do daily. I can't say that it really helps us out, 12 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,320 Speaker 1: but they don't because they don't always do their chores. 13 00:00:41,680 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: They also tend to bother things in the house that 14 00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,920 Speaker 1: don't belong to them, and eat and drink whenever they 15 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:50,360 Speaker 1: whatever they want all day long. This is causing a 16 00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 1: problem with my boyfriend because he thinks I should have 17 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: more control over them. If he says anything to them, 18 00:00:57,800 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: they tell him that he has no right to talk 19 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: to them like that and they ignore him. After one 20 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: of their big blowups, one of the kids told my 21 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:11,400 Speaker 1: boyfriend that she does not like him. He told her 22 00:01:11,760 --> 00:01:17,080 Speaker 1: that he hates her and her siblings kids will be kids, 23 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,000 Speaker 1: and they say things they should and so I expected 24 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 1: my man to know better than to respond that way. 25 00:01:23,040 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: I asked him to apologize and talk to the kids, 26 00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,479 Speaker 1: but he won't. I have been sleeping in the living 27 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,080 Speaker 1: room because my boyfriend won't talk to me because I 28 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,000 Speaker 1: defended my kids. My kids won't talk to me because 29 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 1: they think that I have led him slide with talking 30 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,560 Speaker 1: to them crazy. I love my boyfriend and I love 31 00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,000 Speaker 1: my kids, so I need some advice here. I do 32 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:45,000 Speaker 1: not want my kids mistreated, and I won't tolerate them 33 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,800 Speaker 1: being disrespectful to him. I have no clue what to 34 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:52,920 Speaker 1: do right now. He hates my kids. Please help. Hate 35 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,240 Speaker 1: is a strong word, but I will say this. I 36 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: don't like your kids, all right. They do seem disrespectful. 37 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 1: You asked them to do chores around the house. They 38 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 1: don't do their chores. I mean, when we were kids, 39 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: we couldn't just eat and drink whenever we wanted to. 40 00:02:06,480 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: There were rules. There were rules. Get out of that refrigerator. 41 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 1: What are you doing in that refrigerator? You just ate 42 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:15,160 Speaker 1: stuff like that. We used to hear so we you know, 43 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:18,079 Speaker 1: we were trained not to do that. Okay, you do 44 00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:22,399 Speaker 1: need more discipline and control over these kids. He's absolutely 45 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: right now as far as him saying he hates your 46 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:30,080 Speaker 1: kids and her her siblings, that's kind of harsh coming 47 00:02:30,120 --> 00:02:33,480 Speaker 1: from an adult male, It really is. You didn't tell 48 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,799 Speaker 1: us how old your kids were, but I'm assuming they're 49 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:38,760 Speaker 1: at least teenagers because they have some mouths on them. 50 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,040 Speaker 1: They had a big blow up. One of your kids 51 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:44,840 Speaker 1: told your boyfriend that she doesn't like him and that 52 00:02:44,919 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: he's talking to them crazy. They don't talk to you 53 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: because you let him talk to them crazy. You're in 54 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,000 Speaker 1: the middle of this, but you don't have to be. 55 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:58,600 Speaker 1: You got to reel these kids in, okay, and make 56 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:02,200 Speaker 1: them do their chores and be respectful. Okay. It's a 57 00:03:02,240 --> 00:03:04,959 Speaker 1: whole bunch of people in this house. You guys need 58 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 1: some order around here, and it starts with you. You can't. 59 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 1: You shouldn't be in the middle where you have to 60 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,560 Speaker 1: choose between your man and your kids. Just discipline your kids. 61 00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:16,120 Speaker 1: You're and your man be on one accord with the 62 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: kids and try to all get along. But yeah, I 63 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 1: think your kids are out of order and you need 64 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 1: to I agree with your man and get some control, Junior. 65 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: I'm with the boyfriend. I'm dead on with the boyfriend 66 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,320 Speaker 1: because I know these kids are because I've been in 67 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:32,000 Speaker 1: these relationships. See, I've been in these relationships where you 68 00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:34,520 Speaker 1: know when you're dating the girls, she got kids. I 69 00:03:34,560 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 1: hate the damn kids too, I really do, because they 70 00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: sold disrespect. First of all, you played all this hibot 71 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:44,680 Speaker 1: hot that hivoted hop. That music. We can't offend it. 72 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:50,800 Speaker 1: Turn that down. That's what his problem. He come home 73 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: and work. The man wait, gonta work? He come home? Yeah, 74 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,960 Speaker 1: but he does too, and he come home and only 75 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: wants to be too quiet. But his kid is disrespectful. 76 00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,160 Speaker 1: Pull your damn pants up. He got to say this 77 00:04:02,240 --> 00:04:05,800 Speaker 1: every day. I with the boyfriend. I'll don't take you 78 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:11,680 Speaker 1: and your mom and roll out, just go ahead and leave. No, no, 79 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,720 Speaker 1: take your mom ain't going ahead because she do too. 80 00:04:14,240 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 1: So you got two. So it's her and her kids 81 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: and him and his mom. They both fighting. These kids. 82 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,680 Speaker 1: These kids are different. I bet you just swung on 83 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:23,000 Speaker 1: the kids. The mama tell you the kids that swung 84 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: on her. That's why the mama don't like the kid. Now, 85 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:27,839 Speaker 1: he don't like the kids because they swung with his mama. 86 00:04:27,960 --> 00:04:31,120 Speaker 1: Now we got real turf war, hid the churf war. 87 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:34,799 Speaker 1: Yeah this real turf woar here no woof these kids 88 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,520 Speaker 1: A damn they Daddy, he ain't down, go down all 89 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,599 Speaker 1: this Hivott. They've been together for nine years. Seems like 90 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:45,039 Speaker 1: they would have worked out this little problem exactly. Yeah, 91 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:48,160 Speaker 1: he was just coming by for eight They don't live 92 00:04:48,160 --> 00:04:50,120 Speaker 1: together for one. He was talking about her. But that 93 00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:52,919 Speaker 1: there you got to do. So with the kid, you 94 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:56,080 Speaker 1: do all right? Thank you, junior Jay. It is your 95 00:04:56,200 --> 00:04:59,560 Speaker 1: turn subject my men or my kids. What you got jay, 96 00:05:00,040 --> 00:05:02,440 Speaker 1: very easy, very easy. What he needs to do is 97 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,000 Speaker 1: put the fear of God in these kids. You need 98 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:08,000 Speaker 1: to talk to them real slow voice. I don't like y'all, 99 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:11,479 Speaker 1: and y'all don't like me. The only reason I'm here 100 00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: is because what your mama do to me when that 101 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 1: dough is closed. When you see that dough close and 102 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 1: me and your mama and you hit them noises, That 103 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:24,200 Speaker 1: ain't me, that's your mama making them noise. That's why 104 00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 1: I'm here. So y'all can be as mean as you 105 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 1: won't do. But when you see popcorn grease bubbling on 106 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,560 Speaker 1: the stove, me and your mama about to get it on. Okay, 107 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:39,840 Speaker 1: so I'm not going nowhere ever ever. Hate me all 108 00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 1: you want to, but I love what your mamma do 109 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:47,520 Speaker 1: to me when that dough close those kids out for sure? 110 00:05:47,640 --> 00:05:57,920 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, ain't just what was that, Junior? Ain't just 111 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:05,159 Speaker 1: leaving lotion. These are some bad kids right here, though 112 00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:09,800 Speaker 1: they really are. In the subject my man or my 113 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 1: kids to recap for you. A young um a young 114 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:16,320 Speaker 1: lady wrote this letter. She and her boyfriend have been 115 00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:19,000 Speaker 1: living together for about a year now. They've been together 116 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:22,680 Speaker 1: altogether about nine years. She has three kids that live 117 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:26,799 Speaker 1: with them. His mom lives with them two. Boyfriend works 118 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: long hours, she works a full time job. They split 119 00:06:29,480 --> 00:06:33,640 Speaker 1: the household finances and chores, and the kids are supposed 120 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:37,599 Speaker 1: to do their chores, but they don't really do the chores. 121 00:06:37,720 --> 00:06:40,400 Speaker 1: They don't really do it. What they do is uh 122 00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:45,480 Speaker 1: crazy stuff like bother things in the house that don't 123 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 1: belong to them, eat and drink whenever they want to 124 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: all day long. And of course the boyfriend, you know, 125 00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,960 Speaker 1: when he comes home he wants a snack is gone 126 00:06:56,960 --> 00:06:59,640 Speaker 1: because why because your kids have have eaten it up. 127 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 1: So if he says anything to the kids about it, 128 00:07:02,640 --> 00:07:04,640 Speaker 1: they get an attitude. They tell him, he has no 129 00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,039 Speaker 1: right to talk to them. You ain't my daddy. You 130 00:07:07,120 --> 00:07:10,360 Speaker 1: know all of that, you know him, you never you know, 131 00:07:10,440 --> 00:07:12,680 Speaker 1: he's heard all of that. So they had a big 132 00:07:12,720 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 1: blow up. He the daughter says she hated him. He said, 133 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:19,080 Speaker 1: I hate you and your siblings. So that's where we 134 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,240 Speaker 1: are with it. The woman is in the middle. The 135 00:07:21,320 --> 00:07:24,120 Speaker 1: man is mad at her because she's not hang on Tommy, 136 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:27,880 Speaker 1: because she's not controlled. He says, she's not controlling her kids. 137 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:30,280 Speaker 1: So it's just a big mess and she doesn't know 138 00:07:30,320 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 1: what to do. He hates her kids, so she's like 139 00:07:33,520 --> 00:07:36,560 Speaker 1: asking for help. All right, Jay, you wanted to finish up, 140 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 1: and then we're gonna throw it to Tommy. We're talking 141 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,320 Speaker 1: about how you gotta put the field god and these kids. 142 00:07:40,320 --> 00:07:42,560 Speaker 1: You gotta go straight with some mama jokes. Hit him 143 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:45,560 Speaker 1: with a few mama jokes. I know I'm not your daddy, 144 00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,200 Speaker 1: but guess what, your mama don't know who your daddy is. 145 00:07:51,440 --> 00:07:55,880 Speaker 1: Don't nobody know who your daddy is. Okay, thank you, Jay, Tommy, 146 00:07:55,960 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: you're up all right. I can fix this problem for okay. 147 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:09,240 Speaker 1: You got to raise these kids the way we were raised, 148 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:12,160 Speaker 1: all right. So this is what I want you to do. 149 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 1: You and your man got to get on one a call. 150 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:17,520 Speaker 1: Here's what we do, eight o'clock in the morning, in 151 00:08:17,640 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 1: the morning, before y'all go to work. Put them kids outside, 152 00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: love them down, yes, yes, put them out. What happened 153 00:08:25,880 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 1: when you when in the summer, when when you was 154 00:08:27,760 --> 00:08:30,080 Speaker 1: growing up, you went outside and you couldn't come back 155 00:08:30,120 --> 00:08:32,079 Speaker 1: in there until six or seven o'clock in the evening. 156 00:08:32,080 --> 00:08:35,600 Speaker 1: They might right a wrong lock. They asses out. Leave 157 00:08:35,679 --> 00:08:38,079 Speaker 1: your mama in there. These other things you put outside. 158 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:42,119 Speaker 1: You put some cups. You put a jaw pickers. Okay, 159 00:08:42,240 --> 00:08:45,040 Speaker 1: you put some summer sausages, and some crackers and some 160 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:48,920 Speaker 1: cheek Okay, they eat that they got and you got it. 161 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: They gotta rationalize that you eating. You never loan it 162 00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,800 Speaker 1: through out the day. But that's what you do. Now. 163 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 1: It's some cups and we're gonna put your picture water 164 00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:59,439 Speaker 1: out there. You're not coming back in this house, okay, 165 00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:03,480 Speaker 1: what so ever? This is the bathroom. You do number 166 00:09:03,520 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 1: one outside, Yes, number one is outside. Number two it 167 00:09:10,360 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: better be a number two. If you come at this dough. 168 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:15,640 Speaker 1: When you come at this dough, Mama there, okay, Mama 169 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:20,080 Speaker 1: got a braided switch right there by the do it's braided. 170 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: You don't come up in there for no anything. It 171 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 1: better be number two better. Okay. Other than that, we outside, 172 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:31,040 Speaker 1: you're gonna learn how to play outside. I promise you 173 00:09:31,240 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 1: try this for two weeks straight, and you're gonna have 174 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 1: some real, real kids that's paying attention. They are going 175 00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,120 Speaker 1: to They are gonna give you no issues. Lock their 176 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:43,360 Speaker 1: asses outside, because that's the way we was. Give them 177 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:45,920 Speaker 1: a ball, a rock, and they'll figure the rest of 178 00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,679 Speaker 1: it out. Rock. You didn't play, You didn't kick the 179 00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,840 Speaker 1: rock before. You ain't there. You can kick the rock. 180 00:09:53,080 --> 00:09:55,680 Speaker 1: You can take that rock. You can take that same 181 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: rock and scratch it on the street and draw you 182 00:09:59,200 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: up a hot scot. Kids know nothing about that the problem. 183 00:10:07,200 --> 00:10:12,839 Speaker 1: Lock their asses out there, lock them out. You gonna learn. 184 00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: You gonna learn. What about the fact that he hates them? 185 00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:22,280 Speaker 1: He said he hates hate the kids too. So you 186 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,400 Speaker 1: think that's gonna help If they locked the kids out, 187 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:28,880 Speaker 1: surely you see, Okay, that's gonna stop him from hating them. 188 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,160 Speaker 1: We found out when we got with your family. You 189 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:33,400 Speaker 1: ain't never spend no time outside. You ain't you don't 190 00:10:33,480 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: understanding back? Are you really different? You know, you really didn't. 191 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 1: I don't understand, like Carla understand, but you don't. I 192 00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: was outside, you are not. You ain't a long time 193 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:53,959 Speaker 1: go back again whenever it's I'm going you could you 194 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:59,520 Speaker 1: could go back in the house when she went outside. No, no, no, no, no, 195 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:06,200 Speaker 1: FORO couldn't. Yes, outside wasn't prison, Jay, that was permanent, Sherley. 196 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:08,679 Speaker 1: Once you went out, you need to have everything you 197 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:16,880 Speaker 1: gonna need. The reason for fanny packs, they used to 198 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: say you were looking outside at them, and you would 199 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,040 Speaker 1: have one in the house and everybody else was outside. 200 00:11:23,080 --> 00:11:25,719 Speaker 1: It was really hot and humid in Chicago in the summertime, 201 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 1: really it was. But you went back in the house. 202 00:11:28,520 --> 00:11:31,200 Speaker 1: You could go back in anything if I needed something 203 00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,520 Speaker 1: to drink. But they didn't set the food outside. You 204 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:40,319 Speaker 1: drink out the water holes? Sureley, you serious? Yes, you 205 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:44,560 Speaker 1: actually had water in a cup. Yeah, Tommy, Tommy, y'all 206 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 1: had a water hole. We had to go right raw 207 00:11:46,880 --> 00:11:51,560 Speaker 1: snicket man, turn turn to speaking on, put your mouth 208 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 1: up onto that, and that's how you drank to the 209 00:11:55,000 --> 00:12:00,520 Speaker 1: point when you come up you look yeah. Yeah. But 210 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,520 Speaker 1: this young lady definitely needs to get some control of 211 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 1: these kids or She's gonna lose her Man for sure. 212 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 1: If you guys have a comment, please email us or Instagram, 213 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:14,679 Speaker 1: or your thoughts on Today's letter at Steve Harvey FM, 214 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,440 Speaker 1: or you can check out the Strawberry Letter podcast on demand. 215 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,400 Speaker 1: You're listening to the Stave Harvey Morning Show.