WEBVTT - Listener Letters

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<v Speaker 1>The new year is coming, make sure that it's new you,

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<v Speaker 1>because every year that's what people say, new year knew me.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm just trying to get into these listening letters y'all

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<v Speaker 2>to see how y'all end in the year out, see

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<v Speaker 2>what all of the shenanigans have been happening, so we

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<v Speaker 2>can indeed go into the new year fresh dead ass. Hey,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm Kadeen and I'm Devoured, and we're the Ellis's.

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<v Speaker 3>You may know us from posting funny videos with our.

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<v Speaker 2>Boys and reading each other publicly as a.

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<v Speaker 4>Form of therapy.

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<v Speaker 3>Wait, I make you need therapy most days. Wow.

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<v Speaker 4>Oh, and one more important thing to mention, we're married.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, sir, we are. We created this podcast to open

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<v Speaker 3>dialogue about some of Li's most taboo topics.

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<v Speaker 4>Things most folks don't want to talk about.

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<v Speaker 5>Through the lens of a millennial married couple. Dead ass

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<v Speaker 5>is a term that we say every day. So when

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<v Speaker 5>we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts one hundred

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<v Speaker 5>the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.

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<v Speaker 3>We about to say pillows off to our whole new level.

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<v Speaker 4>Dead ass starts right now.

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<v Speaker 1>Karaoke time, all right, because the stories are gonna come

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<v Speaker 1>from y'all absolutely. So this karaoke song is dedicated to

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<v Speaker 1>number three. That's what we have so many kids now,

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<v Speaker 1>we just to give them numbers.

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<v Speaker 4>Number Where's one and three? Where's and four?

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<v Speaker 1>Caswell song boy, Him and him and Kay get in

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<v Speaker 1>the car. The first thing out here is Daddy, Daddy,

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<v Speaker 1>can we play?

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<v Speaker 4>I like the way your body is? Is it so obvious?

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<v Speaker 4>And klaneus I don't even know the worst.

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<v Speaker 3>They don't know. They just being a call. And Kaz

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<v Speaker 3>knows the word.

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<v Speaker 4>He does the words.

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<v Speaker 3>Kaz and Cairo know the way they be back their

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<v Speaker 3>mouth of the words, And.

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<v Speaker 2>Every time I attempt to sing you, they're like, Mom,

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<v Speaker 2>that's not the song. So at this point I refuse

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<v Speaker 2>to learn the words because it's just a running joke

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<v Speaker 2>that we have.

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<v Speaker 4>But you know what, one day I won't learn it.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to actually listen to that song in the

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<v Speaker 2>vein of us trying to stay on trend with our children.

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<v Speaker 1>You're gonna blow their minds if you sing all the words,

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<v Speaker 1>They're gonna be like, yeah, mom.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to be that mom. So I'm actually going

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<v Speaker 2>to make it a point to try to actually learn

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<v Speaker 2>the lyrics at least for like the beginning and maybe

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<v Speaker 2>like the first chorus or whatever.

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<v Speaker 3>I think you should and I think you should do

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<v Speaker 3>TikTok videos with.

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<v Speaker 1>Them, matter of fact, matter of fact, going into because

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<v Speaker 1>you're forty one now, right, you're forty one now, so

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<v Speaker 1>going into the new year, you gotta go back back

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<v Speaker 1>in time, okay, to bond with your boys in a

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<v Speaker 1>different way, because think about it. I agree, I bond

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<v Speaker 1>with them in sports all the time. I take them

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<v Speaker 1>to practice, we do our stuff. You need to have

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<v Speaker 1>something with them, right, and we already talked about like

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<v Speaker 1>this is something else, sydebar.

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<v Speaker 3>It's not nothing to do with listening letters.

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<v Speaker 1>But Kadeen and I like, yo, we did const require

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<v Speaker 1>our parents danced with us, Like we learned rhythm with

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<v Speaker 1>and through our parents. Yes, and we were just like, yo,

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<v Speaker 1>we don't dance enough with our kids, and our kids

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<v Speaker 1>aren't in a choir. We got to teach them rhythm, Like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, you have to have rhythm. A Caribbean African

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<v Speaker 1>American person.

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<v Speaker 3>You gotta have.

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<v Speaker 2>Your car will get revoked real quick. So okay, so

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<v Speaker 2>that's it. Twenty five y'all. I'll be doing an attempting

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<v Speaker 2>to do TikTok videos and dances with my son gonna

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<v Speaker 2>be It's not like a resolution that's not gonna get kept.

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<v Speaker 2>But at the very least, I'll make sure that we.

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<v Speaker 4>Do more of that with the boy.

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<v Speaker 3>I think you can do it.

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<v Speaker 2>Listen, my Jamaican Caribbean Vincenia rooms can die with me,

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<v Speaker 2>so they have to live on.

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<v Speaker 4>All right, y'all, let's.

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<v Speaker 2>Take a quick break and we're gonna get into this

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<v Speaker 2>listener letter episode. I see devout scrolling and scrolling scrolling,

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<v Speaker 2>man baby, y'all sends over some dissertations and it's all good.

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<v Speaker 2>Cannot wait to dive in. We'll be back, all right, y'all.

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<v Speaker 2>We got quite a few to get into today, but

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<v Speaker 2>I guess we will. Actually, it's not a lot of them.

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<v Speaker 2>They're just lengthy. They're lengthy. They're lengthy. But listen, we

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<v Speaker 2>did ask that people give us context, and y'all have

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<v Speaker 2>been delivering on the context. So let's just hope in

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<v Speaker 2>one sided context. All right, all right, let's get to it.

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<v Speaker 2>Dear kadenan in Deval, I'm a twenty nine year old

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<v Speaker 2>Jamaican English big up Kadano Bop YEP chronically single woman.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm terrified of commitment because I grew up watching my

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<v Speaker 2>parents have to me what seemed like a very toxic

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<v Speaker 2>and unhealthy relationship. My mother was very domesticated and did

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<v Speaker 2>things around the house and served my father during the

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<v Speaker 2>times that he actually was in the household. He worked

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<v Speaker 2>out of the country to help provide for us. They've

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<v Speaker 2>tried to make things more egalitarian over the years, as

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<v Speaker 2>my father worked less and my mother subsequently started working more.

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<v Speaker 2>Could tell Jamaica okay, very English, suspicious, absolutely, and she

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<v Speaker 2>must say persons rather than people. I'm sure I love it.

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<v Speaker 2>My mom was okay, I got to that part. Sorry

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<v Speaker 2>you made me lose my spot? Okay, all good. They

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<v Speaker 2>have tried to make things more okay, we said that

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<v Speaker 2>part already to My mom overworks herself, and my father

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<v Speaker 2>can't seem can't seem to see or understand that the

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<v Speaker 2>things he does or better yet, the things he doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>do contributes to this as well. Often he feels comfortable

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<v Speaker 2>leaning on my mom in ways that I feel a

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<v Speaker 2>woman should lean on a man, not the other way around.

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<v Speaker 2>I never used to be big on gender roles, but

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<v Speaker 2>as I've started to heal my own hyper masculine tendencies.

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<v Speaker 2>I started to lean more into my femininity and it

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<v Speaker 2>has become a lot more important and desirable for me

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<v Speaker 2>to have a partner to do life with. I have

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<v Speaker 2>two older brothers who cannot be there for me or

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<v Speaker 2>be safe people in my life due to their own

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<v Speaker 2>issues and trauma. This has contributed to me having unhealthy

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<v Speaker 2>ideas about men in general as well. My question is

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<v Speaker 2>what can I practically do to be proactive in my

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<v Speaker 2>romantic relationships whenever I do get into one, so that

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<v Speaker 2>I don't recreate the same dynamic that my mother and

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<v Speaker 2>father had. I have come to accept that I'll probably

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<v Speaker 2>be very domestic, sorry, very domesticated, and my logic is

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<v Speaker 2>that I would feel comfortable being that way for a

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<v Speaker 2>man who provided for me. Indeed, how understood. However, I

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<v Speaker 2>know that financial abuse was an issue between my mother

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<v Speaker 2>and father, which caused my mom to overwork herself into sickness.

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<v Speaker 2>I have no problem getting to the bag, but I

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<v Speaker 2>do want I don't want it to be the most

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<v Speaker 2>important thing in my life anymore as it has been

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<v Speaker 2>for the past fifteen or so years of my life.

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<v Speaker 2>I've already overworked myself to the point of burnout, and

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<v Speaker 2>I don't want to end up stuck in a relationship

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<v Speaker 2>where I feel that I have to continue doing that

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<v Speaker 2>for any reason. My dad worries about being used by

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<v Speaker 2>women due to his own mommy issues, and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>they say we often end up attracting someone very similar

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<v Speaker 2>to our fathers. This frightens me, and I feel like

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<v Speaker 2>my logic could be faulty considering I'm so close to

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<v Speaker 2>the situation, but I don't know how to how else

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<v Speaker 2>to view things. I would love to see where perspectives

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<v Speaker 2>I might be missing. I worry about being used and

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<v Speaker 2>taken advantage of by men as well in regards to

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<v Speaker 2>my needs, going unseen and or disregarded while being in

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<v Speaker 2>a relationship, which has led me to avoid committing altogether.

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<v Speaker 2>Is there anything that I could be aware of during

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<v Speaker 2>the process of picking a partner and or also actually

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<v Speaker 2>while in the relationship to help reduce the likelihood of

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<v Speaker 2>recreating this cycle? And I want to overlook how a

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<v Speaker 2>man might feel in a relationship with me due to

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<v Speaker 2>these old wounds, for example, him feeling used. But I

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<v Speaker 2>also feel most loved and secure when I'm provided for

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<v Speaker 2>financially and materialistically. I love how y'all give advice from

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<v Speaker 2>a solidified relationship perspective, considering both sides. I like how

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<v Speaker 2>Dval discusses how he would feel as a man, and

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<v Speaker 2>then also how he would consider Kadeen as his partner

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<v Speaker 2>and vice versa with Kadeen as well. I often default

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<v Speaker 2>to just automatically assuming people are incompatible and should while

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<v Speaker 2>conflict when conflicts arise. Based on watching my parents grow up,

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<v Speaker 2>I recognize this probably isn't the best thing to DeVault to,

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<v Speaker 2>and I would love to experience a mindset shift.

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<v Speaker 4>Please help.

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<v Speaker 2>All right, thank you so much for this twenty nine

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<v Speaker 2>year old woman. She gave us a very well written

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<v Speaker 2>statement about how she feels. I think she was able

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<v Speaker 2>to really encompass that in this breakdown that she gave here.

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<v Speaker 2>So I think, like many of us, how we approach

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<v Speaker 2>relationships and how we approach wanting to be with someone

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<v Speaker 2>or what we're looking for when we start the dating process,

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of it has to do with how we

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<v Speaker 2>were raised, the things that we witnessed as kids growing

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<v Speaker 2>up and devalent. I think I've spoken honestly about that

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<v Speaker 2>over the course of Dead Ass podcasts, where it was

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<v Speaker 2>season fifteen now, so we've spoken candidly about how we

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<v Speaker 2>felt like our upbringing or just experiencing and being around

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<v Speaker 2>our parents and their relationships as either positively or negatively

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<v Speaker 2>impacted how we've shown up in our relationships, and a

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<v Speaker 2>lot of times we've had to pretty much change, like

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<v Speaker 2>complete one eight from what we've experienced growing up because

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<v Speaker 2>we didn't want to end up there.

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<v Speaker 1>But I think that she's done the work first to realize, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I know why I am the way I am, I

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<v Speaker 1>know my fears, I know what I want and what

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<v Speaker 1>I don't want.

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<v Speaker 4>That's the biggest thing first, So that's a great thing.

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<v Speaker 1>The next part is using discernment and saying, Okay, if

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<v Speaker 1>I know the type of lifestyle I want to live,

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<v Speaker 1>I have to create the best version of myself to

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<v Speaker 1>present to someone. But then I also have to pick

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<v Speaker 1>the right person to present the version of myself that

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<v Speaker 1>I want to pick. And hopefully, once I've created the

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<v Speaker 1>best version of myself and I've chosen the right person,

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<v Speaker 1>them two can create whatever life they want to create

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<v Speaker 1>for each other. The reason why I say that is

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<v Speaker 1>because she says she doesn't want to deal with financial abuse,

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<v Speaker 1>which means she doesn't want a man that's always going

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<v Speaker 1>to say to her, well, I make all the money,

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<v Speaker 1>you have to do what I'm telling you to do.

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<v Speaker 1>But she also doesn't want to have to work and

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<v Speaker 1>bust her ass all the time, right, So she's looking

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<v Speaker 1>for a partner.

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<v Speaker 3>Looking for a partner, yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Which means that all starts with discernment, which means that

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<v Speaker 1>if you want to get to know your partner, get

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<v Speaker 1>to know your partner and their parents, because that's the

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<v Speaker 1>best way for you to understand how that person is

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<v Speaker 1>going to show up for you in life. It's not

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<v Speaker 1>only watching their parents interact, but how do they interact

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<v Speaker 1>with their parents. Because for example, you could see your

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<v Speaker 1>partner's parents interact and say, oh, that's a red flag.

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<v Speaker 1>I would never want he or she to interact with

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<v Speaker 1>me like that. But then when you realize like, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>they're speaking to their parents about how toxic this could be,

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<v Speaker 1>or they're saying to you like, yeah, I want to

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<v Speaker 1>make sure that we have enough communication in our relationship

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<v Speaker 1>that we don't replicate that behavior, then you realize that

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<v Speaker 1>that person is being deliberate about being different than what

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<v Speaker 1>they saw growing up.

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<v Speaker 3>So it's just real learning. If your partner learning their family.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, we've been through that de Valini, because you know,

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<v Speaker 2>being together at the tender ages of eighteen nineteen years old,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, having to aside from grow as individuals. We

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<v Speaker 2>really had to realize how as individuals we were impacted by,

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<v Speaker 2>of course the way we were raised and having our

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<v Speaker 2>parents as examples. So many times the val I have

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<v Speaker 2>said to each other, we can't end up like our parents.

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<v Speaker 2>And either sets of parents for whatever reason, we would

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<v Speaker 2>see various behaviors or the way one parent treated the

0:11:18.800 --> 0:11:21.480
<v Speaker 2>other or why they did and though it was never

0:11:21.559 --> 0:11:24.439
<v Speaker 2>our business to get involved or try to change who

0:11:24.480 --> 0:11:28.319
<v Speaker 2>they were, we just realized after experiencing that and seeing

0:11:28.320 --> 0:11:31.120
<v Speaker 2>how it could have been a detriment to them their relationship,

0:11:31.200 --> 0:11:33.960
<v Speaker 2>or even just us as children, not wanting to replicate

0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:36.680
<v Speaker 2>that with our kids. So just being super mindful. So

0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:39.960
<v Speaker 2>what I love about what you said here is that

0:11:40.000 --> 0:11:43.800
<v Speaker 2>you're very mindful of everything that your parents have kind

0:11:43.840 --> 0:11:47.920
<v Speaker 2>of lived and that was your lived experience. I think

0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.240
<v Speaker 2>you need to go into these relationships with a very

0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:55.320
<v Speaker 2>open mind about who you are attracting, who you are

0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:58.160
<v Speaker 2>trying to, as the Vow said, like who you're pretty

0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:00.319
<v Speaker 2>much casting your net to see who you're attracting that way,

0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.360
<v Speaker 2>when that person comes along, having these open conversations like

0:12:03.400 --> 0:12:05.440
<v Speaker 2>you did here and just kind of laying it out like, Hey,

0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:07.840
<v Speaker 2>this is my family background, this is what I've been

0:12:07.840 --> 0:12:10.200
<v Speaker 2>exposed to, These are the issues that I've had with

0:12:10.240 --> 0:12:12.400
<v Speaker 2>my parents, this is what I've seen, this is what

0:12:12.520 --> 0:12:16.400
<v Speaker 2>my brothers you are dealing with. And with that you

0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.040
<v Speaker 2>can then have those open conversations with whoever you decide

0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:21.840
<v Speaker 2>to date, hoping that they can then open up to

0:12:21.880 --> 0:12:23.839
<v Speaker 2>you about their lived experiences too.

0:12:23.920 --> 0:12:24.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:26.280
<v Speaker 1>But the truth is you only will attract the type

0:12:26.280 --> 0:12:28.319
<v Speaker 1>of people that you The energy you put out will

0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:30.959
<v Speaker 1>attract those type of people if you're deliberate and.

0:12:30.920 --> 0:12:32.160
<v Speaker 3>You're being open and honest.

0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:37.080
<v Speaker 1>When someone that comes across from you is not delivering

0:12:37.080 --> 0:12:39.520
<v Speaker 1>the same thing, but they look the way you want

0:12:39.559 --> 0:12:41.880
<v Speaker 1>them to look, don't ignore all of that. And to me,

0:12:41.960 --> 0:12:45.400
<v Speaker 1>that's the issue I've learned mean people physically, because people.

0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:47.679
<v Speaker 3>Will say, well, this is what I want in a relationship.

0:12:47.679 --> 0:12:50.040
<v Speaker 1>They meet someone who physically is like, man, I really

0:12:50.080 --> 0:12:52.000
<v Speaker 1>like this person, so they try to fit all of

0:12:52.040 --> 0:12:54.880
<v Speaker 1>those person's red flags into that person, like I can

0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:58.360
<v Speaker 1>fix these things. No, if you're functioning at a high rate,

0:12:58.400 --> 0:13:00.280
<v Speaker 1>and you have certain things you want in your life,

0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:03.360
<v Speaker 1>and you sit across from somebody talk about those things early.

0:13:03.559 --> 0:13:07.120
<v Speaker 1>If those persons don't fit, then let them move on.

0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:10.280
<v Speaker 1>There's no reason to try to let's see. Let's see, no,

0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:13.320
<v Speaker 1>have the conversations early. And we spoke to a young

0:13:13.400 --> 0:13:16.480
<v Speaker 1>person recently who was getting into the dating scene and

0:13:16.480 --> 0:13:18.160
<v Speaker 1>they were just like, I don't want to scare people

0:13:18.200 --> 0:13:21.839
<v Speaker 1>off with what I require. I said, no, you do

0:13:21.880 --> 0:13:24.480
<v Speaker 1>want to scare people off because if you tell them

0:13:24.520 --> 0:13:27.240
<v Speaker 1>what you require and they run, that means that person

0:13:27.320 --> 0:13:30.240
<v Speaker 1>wasn't there for you anyway. That person was there for

0:13:30.280 --> 0:13:32.559
<v Speaker 1>their own agenda. You tell them what you require, and

0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:34.600
<v Speaker 1>they said, oh, I can get with that. This is

0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:37.600
<v Speaker 1>somebody you want to build with. But just remember you

0:13:37.720 --> 0:13:40.120
<v Speaker 1>have to do the same thing because the same way

0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:43.400
<v Speaker 1>you require things, she made meet a high functioning man

0:13:43.559 --> 0:13:46.040
<v Speaker 1>that requires a lot the same way she requires a lot,

0:13:46.080 --> 0:13:46.559
<v Speaker 1>and you have.

0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:48.760
<v Speaker 3>To be willing to give the same way you want

0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:49.199
<v Speaker 3>him to give.

0:13:49.240 --> 0:13:52.520
<v Speaker 2>So I wonder what it is about dating nowadays, because

0:13:52.559 --> 0:13:54.480
<v Speaker 2>you know, neither you or I have been on the

0:13:54.559 --> 0:13:59.760
<v Speaker 2>dating scene in forever, but there's this apprehension to authentically

0:14:00.160 --> 0:14:02.080
<v Speaker 2>up itself. It's almost like feeling like you have to

0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:05.000
<v Speaker 2>keep something to yourself right, so that all of yourself

0:14:05.080 --> 0:14:08.479
<v Speaker 2>is not exposed in the very beginning. Whereas I'm imagining

0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:10.040
<v Speaker 2>so and you're not going to even write in and

0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:13.240
<v Speaker 2>say if I'm wrong, But wouldn't you want to kind

0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:15.520
<v Speaker 2>of lay everything out on the table for the sake

0:14:15.559 --> 0:14:18.240
<v Speaker 2>of just time, like after a date or two, like

0:14:18.280 --> 0:14:20.800
<v Speaker 2>if I've laid everything out and you have realized that

0:14:20.800 --> 0:14:24.200
<v Speaker 2>they're just not anything, like, it's just not going to work.

0:14:24.400 --> 0:14:27.320
<v Speaker 1>People go into dates wanting to be liked, and they

0:14:27.360 --> 0:14:29.400
<v Speaker 1>want to be liked by the person that they like.

0:14:30.000 --> 0:14:32.200
<v Speaker 1>So a lot of times it's like, Man, I like

0:14:32.280 --> 0:14:35.240
<v Speaker 1>that woman right there, I like her, what does she like?

0:14:35.360 --> 0:14:37.840
<v Speaker 1>Let me try to be whatever version of that that

0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:39.960
<v Speaker 1>she likes so that I can be with that person.

0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:42.160
<v Speaker 2>So is it is a given that people like my

0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:44.720
<v Speaker 2>talking Instagram page first like let me see what this

0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:46.920
<v Speaker 2>person is into? Yes, and then using that as a

0:14:46.960 --> 0:14:49.800
<v Speaker 2>way to like spart conversation or show similar interests that

0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:50.520
<v Speaker 2>may not be there.

0:14:50.680 --> 0:14:53.120
<v Speaker 1>That literally happens. I speak to my boys about it

0:14:53.560 --> 0:14:56.320
<v Speaker 1>all the time. They do it, and they openly admit

0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:59.000
<v Speaker 1>that they know women that do it. They say they'll

0:14:59.000 --> 0:15:01.520
<v Speaker 1>they'll see someone online if it is the first thing,

0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:05.000
<v Speaker 1>especially we didn't have this dating experience. But they meet somebody,

0:15:05.000 --> 0:15:06.960
<v Speaker 1>whether it's out. The first thing to do is go

0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:09.160
<v Speaker 1>to Instagram, Twitter page to see what they can learn

0:15:09.200 --> 0:15:10.160
<v Speaker 1>about them.

0:15:10.320 --> 0:15:12.520
<v Speaker 3>Once they figure out what they learn and stuff, they

0:15:12.600 --> 0:15:13.400
<v Speaker 3>then try.

0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:16.320
<v Speaker 1>To manipulate to be like, oh, we have the same interests.

0:15:17.640 --> 0:15:19.720
<v Speaker 4>You don't have the interest so how long is that

0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:20.200
<v Speaker 4>going to last?

0:15:20.320 --> 0:15:21.080
<v Speaker 3>And they don't last?

0:15:21.120 --> 0:15:24.800
<v Speaker 4>Don't last? You see what I'm saying, event fade? Yes,

0:15:24.840 --> 0:15:25.800
<v Speaker 4>for sure, for sure.

0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:28.680
<v Speaker 3>Well hopefully we helped you out, mama.

0:15:28.720 --> 0:15:30.040
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I'm trying to skim through to see if there

0:15:30.080 --> 0:15:31.160
<v Speaker 4>was anything else that I missed.

0:15:31.320 --> 0:15:33.400
<v Speaker 2>But I think you did a really great job of dissecting,

0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:37.040
<v Speaker 2>like your parents, your your brothers, what you required. I

0:15:37.040 --> 0:15:38.880
<v Speaker 2>feel like you almost like laid everything out here to

0:15:38.920 --> 0:15:41.120
<v Speaker 2>answer everything. I don't think you missed much, to be honest,

0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:42.200
<v Speaker 2>I think it was one of our questions, I did

0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:43.200
<v Speaker 2>I miss anything here?

0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:46.200
<v Speaker 1>I think you this is the work that's necessary to

0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.800
<v Speaker 1>do in order to get into a relationship. The hard

0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:51.320
<v Speaker 1>part is here is not saying hey, listen, so and

0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:54.080
<v Speaker 1>so sitting across the table, I'm looking to be in

0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:56.760
<v Speaker 1>a long term relationship. I'm not looking for casual sex.

0:15:56.960 --> 0:15:59.920
<v Speaker 1>I'm interested in these things which may scare somebody off.

0:16:00.400 --> 0:16:02.320
<v Speaker 1>And if it scares that person off, like we said,

0:16:02.440 --> 0:16:05.320
<v Speaker 1>let them run, you will sit across from somebody who

0:16:05.360 --> 0:16:08.920
<v Speaker 1>will say, oh, I'm interested in the same things. Actually,

0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:12.160
<v Speaker 1>that's someone you deal with, you know what I'm saying.

0:16:12.200 --> 0:16:14.440
<v Speaker 1>That's someone that you start to build with. If you

0:16:14.520 --> 0:16:16.360
<v Speaker 1>coming in there with a facade or trying to just

0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:19.240
<v Speaker 1>make that person like you, You're gonna struggle in a

0:16:19.360 --> 0:16:19.920
<v Speaker 1>dating scene.

0:16:20.080 --> 0:16:23.600
<v Speaker 4>Absolutely, all right, SI's good luck to you, all right,

0:16:23.760 --> 0:16:25.080
<v Speaker 4>number two? You want to go for the number two?

0:16:25.120 --> 0:16:29.160
<v Speaker 1>Waguan mnim Ib. When she started with the Waguan, I

0:16:29.200 --> 0:16:32.000
<v Speaker 1>knew what it was. I'll be thirty on seven to eleven,

0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:35.000
<v Speaker 1>always open. I was born and raised in Jamaica. My

0:16:35.040 --> 0:16:38.240
<v Speaker 1>family moved to New York North Long Island, Uniondale, ten

0:16:38.320 --> 0:16:41.600
<v Speaker 1>minutes from Hofstra Bullet bullet Yeah, yeah, fifteen years ago,

0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:43.680
<v Speaker 1>and that was a by the time we was there.

0:16:43.760 --> 0:16:44.560
<v Speaker 3>Good morning.

0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:46.000
<v Speaker 4>Yeah.

0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:47.840
<v Speaker 1>All this to say how much I can relate to

0:16:47.920 --> 0:16:51.680
<v Speaker 1>K and Kay and makes your stories feel even more relatable.

0:16:51.840 --> 0:16:53.840
<v Speaker 1>I was first drawn to you guys from the Tim's

0:16:53.880 --> 0:16:56.440
<v Speaker 1>family picture on Facebook and then again with the Balcony

0:16:56.760 --> 0:17:01.440
<v Speaker 1>Lingerie picture on Insta. Being a Christian Jamaica and sometimes Adventists,

0:17:01.880 --> 0:17:04.399
<v Speaker 1>it's refreshing to see a marriage that is fun in

0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:07.560
<v Speaker 1>the open, you know, so uptight then secret.

0:17:07.760 --> 0:17:08.639
<v Speaker 3>Yes, we understand that.

0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:13.560
<v Speaker 1>I started listening to the podcast rigorously, oh religiously in

0:17:13.600 --> 0:17:16.320
<v Speaker 1>twenty nineteen when I was trying to date intentionally for

0:17:16.400 --> 0:17:19.320
<v Speaker 1>marriage reluctantly. Now that I am married, I have a

0:17:19.320 --> 0:17:22.800
<v Speaker 1>two year old. This podcast is literally my therapy sessions.

0:17:22.840 --> 0:17:25.720
<v Speaker 1>It's ours too. Not sure if it's postpartum or just

0:17:25.800 --> 0:17:28.720
<v Speaker 1>unlocking some of the struggles traumas, but each episode literally

0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.679
<v Speaker 1>had me crying until the next episode for two years.

0:17:31.720 --> 0:17:34.919
<v Speaker 1>Now that sounds like postpartum, but hopefully we're gonna have

0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:37.240
<v Speaker 1>you crying too much. I am reluctant to listen because

0:17:37.280 --> 0:17:40.719
<v Speaker 1>my husband isn't interested in podcasts and social media personalities.

0:17:40.760 --> 0:17:43.359
<v Speaker 1>I don't blame him, and I feel I am growing

0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:46.080
<v Speaker 1>maturing faster in our marriage, thus making it really hard

0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:48.679
<v Speaker 1>to effectively implement most of what I am learning. And

0:17:48.760 --> 0:17:50.760
<v Speaker 1>most of all, I am reluctant to listen because this

0:17:50.840 --> 0:17:53.840
<v Speaker 1>podcast has, has and continues to open my eyes to

0:17:53.840 --> 0:17:57.720
<v Speaker 1>how things unknowingly influence my behavior. I am truly unlocking

0:17:57.800 --> 0:18:00.520
<v Speaker 1>so many traumas I didn't even know it existed. That

0:18:00.640 --> 0:18:03.680
<v Speaker 1>is the truth. The therapy will do that. I think

0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:05.520
<v Speaker 1>I might need real therapy at this point.

0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:06.560
<v Speaker 3>And you go.

0:18:06.600 --> 0:18:08.880
<v Speaker 1>I started writing this letter in the midst of your

0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:10.440
<v Speaker 1>Just Like Your Mama episode.

0:18:10.680 --> 0:18:11.400
<v Speaker 3>Oh.

0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.160
<v Speaker 1>I think most Jamaicans are defensive, but this episode really

0:18:14.200 --> 0:18:18.119
<v Speaker 1>made me understood, made me understand my own defensiveness. The

0:18:18.200 --> 0:18:21.119
<v Speaker 1>Valle explaining his understanding of why MEMI is defensive. I

0:18:21.160 --> 0:18:23.520
<v Speaker 1>can go on and on about the various episodes and

0:18:23.560 --> 0:18:27.399
<v Speaker 1>how they've they've helped, especially the sex ones that I

0:18:27.440 --> 0:18:30.399
<v Speaker 1>mentioned that I am Christian Jamaican. You guys hear it

0:18:30.440 --> 0:18:32.680
<v Speaker 1>all the time, but I'll say it again while crying

0:18:32.680 --> 0:18:33.760
<v Speaker 1>on my job and writing.

0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:36.760
<v Speaker 3>This letter, that this podcast is truly a blessing.

0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:39.200
<v Speaker 1>I pray that God will continue to provide you guys

0:18:39.200 --> 0:18:42.240
<v Speaker 1>with strength, time, inspirations and topics that will continue to

0:18:42.240 --> 0:18:44.600
<v Speaker 1>start the healing process for your listeners.

0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:47.399
<v Speaker 3>Thank you, thank you, thank you, Love you guys.

0:18:47.400 --> 0:18:52.720
<v Speaker 1>PS. Terrible please sneak this in. Oh trible, Why she's

0:18:52.720 --> 0:18:53.320
<v Speaker 1>spelled trible?

0:18:53.400 --> 0:18:53.720
<v Speaker 3>Terrible?

0:18:53.760 --> 0:18:55.440
<v Speaker 4>Oh it was probably an order correct.

0:18:57.520 --> 0:19:00.800
<v Speaker 1>Thank you, thank you, love you guys, Trible, please sneak

0:19:00.880 --> 0:19:02.520
<v Speaker 1>this in. I hope it warms.

0:19:02.160 --> 0:19:07.320
<v Speaker 2>There definitely, Thanky, No, we appreciate that, and I love

0:19:07.359 --> 0:19:10.040
<v Speaker 2>how Triple always sneaks in these love letters to us

0:19:10.480 --> 0:19:11.520
<v Speaker 2>in listener letters.

0:19:12.240 --> 0:19:13.280
<v Speaker 3>I do have some things though.

0:19:13.359 --> 0:19:15.199
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I noticed a couple of things here, and I

0:19:15.280 --> 0:19:15.800
<v Speaker 4>just want.

0:19:15.640 --> 0:19:20.160
<v Speaker 1>Her to understand that majority of our listeners start off

0:19:20.200 --> 0:19:22.959
<v Speaker 1>as women who want their partners to listen, and they

0:19:22.960 --> 0:19:25.439
<v Speaker 1>don't listen. So don't have give grace to your husband

0:19:25.440 --> 0:19:28.960
<v Speaker 1>because most men that I know don't listen to podcasts,

0:19:29.040 --> 0:19:32.719
<v Speaker 1>especially relationship podcasts. They listen to sports podcasts, or they

0:19:32.760 --> 0:19:35.040
<v Speaker 1>watch things that blow up, you know what I'm saying

0:19:35.080 --> 0:19:39.520
<v Speaker 1>Like that, that's just that's how we're wired. You know,

0:19:40.119 --> 0:19:42.840
<v Speaker 1>it's a proven fact. It's a scientific fact that when

0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:48.760
<v Speaker 1>lost women will ask for directions, men won't. Listening to

0:19:48.760 --> 0:19:53.000
<v Speaker 1>a relationship podcast is the equivalent, very similar asking for directions.

0:19:53.520 --> 0:19:55.399
<v Speaker 1>Men feel like we can figure things out. And I'm

0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:58.520
<v Speaker 1>not speaking for all men. I hate speaking in general generalities,

0:19:58.760 --> 0:20:01.359
<v Speaker 1>but it's the truth. Men feel like we can figure

0:20:01.400 --> 0:20:04.119
<v Speaker 1>things out, and asking for advice or getting for advice,

0:20:04.240 --> 0:20:08.199
<v Speaker 1>especially from another man can make even the strongest man

0:20:08.240 --> 0:20:09.440
<v Speaker 1>at times feels insecure.

0:20:09.840 --> 0:20:13.560
<v Speaker 4>Undermind you under my wife. Now to them, right, what

0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:14.200
<v Speaker 4>is he saying?

0:20:14.600 --> 0:20:17.159
<v Speaker 2>And you've gotten people who are just like damn like

0:20:17.240 --> 0:20:19.600
<v Speaker 2>men who and be like, damn, man, you're making it

0:20:19.640 --> 0:20:20.040
<v Speaker 2>hard for me.

0:20:20.080 --> 0:20:21.160
<v Speaker 4>My wife, you.

0:20:21.119 --> 0:20:23.440
<v Speaker 2>Know, talks about how great you are as a husband,

0:20:23.520 --> 0:20:25.359
<v Speaker 2>and then it's just like damn, like that's never the

0:20:25.400 --> 0:20:27.359
<v Speaker 2>intention is for anyone to feel bad.

0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:29.760
<v Speaker 3>I say, be better, but it just like, don't come,

0:20:29.840 --> 0:20:31.120
<v Speaker 3>no real, don't don't.

0:20:31.119 --> 0:20:33.040
<v Speaker 1>Don't come at me on the airport when I'm tired,

0:20:33.080 --> 0:20:34.760
<v Speaker 1>first of all, and be like, man, why are you

0:20:34.920 --> 0:20:36.640
<v Speaker 1>saying and doing to that nice stuff for your wife?

0:20:36.680 --> 0:20:39.359
<v Speaker 3>Now you're making it bad for me. Listen to what

0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:40.719
<v Speaker 3>you just said about yourself.

0:20:40.760 --> 0:20:43.560
<v Speaker 1>Stop doing nice stuff for your wife because it's making

0:20:43.600 --> 0:20:44.280
<v Speaker 1>me look bad.

0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:47.080
<v Speaker 3>Be better. And I say that and they laugh.

0:20:46.920 --> 0:20:49.320
<v Speaker 1>And we laugh together because it's always jokes and they're like, damn,

0:20:49.359 --> 0:20:51.160
<v Speaker 1>you're funny in person, not funding, but.

0:20:51.119 --> 0:20:53.720
<v Speaker 4>I'm serious, but serious.

0:20:53.800 --> 0:20:56.680
<v Speaker 1>I'd be serious like as much as as I will say.

0:20:56.720 --> 0:20:59.879
<v Speaker 1>Women need to be accountable. Men need to be accountable

0:21:00.280 --> 0:21:02.680
<v Speaker 1>for being better. And this is a perfect example. When

0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:05.440
<v Speaker 1>we did the podcast with nice and neat podcasts. Those

0:21:05.480 --> 0:21:09.000
<v Speaker 1>gentlemen all said to me that they felt like they

0:21:09.040 --> 0:21:12.320
<v Speaker 1>needed to be better and they noticed that I was

0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:14.520
<v Speaker 1>always on the journey to always be better, so it

0:21:14.600 --> 0:21:16.160
<v Speaker 1>made them feel okay.

0:21:15.960 --> 0:21:17.760
<v Speaker 2>And you were open to When I said, hey, Deval,

0:21:17.880 --> 0:21:20.160
<v Speaker 2>this is young dudes that have a podcast. They seemed

0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:22.480
<v Speaker 2>like they're talking about some stuff reminds me of you.

0:21:22.480 --> 0:21:25.920
<v Speaker 2>You know, similar background, so maybe you should give a listen.

0:21:25.960 --> 0:21:26.639
<v Speaker 4>And you are open to.

0:21:26.960 --> 0:21:29.159
<v Speaker 1>And I listened to that podcast right because to me,

0:21:29.840 --> 0:21:32.240
<v Speaker 1>you're never too good or too perfect to be better.

0:21:32.440 --> 0:21:34.480
<v Speaker 1>That's why I said, I'll say to them, be better.

0:21:34.720 --> 0:21:36.439
<v Speaker 1>When you told me that you listened to them, I

0:21:36.440 --> 0:21:38.840
<v Speaker 1>was like, okay, what about them was better? And this

0:21:38.880 --> 0:21:41.240
<v Speaker 1>is where you can tell when someone has matured. I'm

0:21:41.240 --> 0:21:42.920
<v Speaker 1>going to pat myself on the back when it comes

0:21:42.920 --> 0:21:46.679
<v Speaker 1>to maturity. K first showed me the podcast, not because

0:21:46.720 --> 0:21:49.879
<v Speaker 1>everything they're saying was mature, but because Duke had a

0:21:49.920 --> 0:21:50.520
<v Speaker 1>wild physic.

0:21:50.640 --> 0:21:55.159
<v Speaker 2>Remember, and then I found Duke's and I was like, ohhot.

0:21:56.840 --> 0:21:58.720
<v Speaker 2>I was like, you know when you feel like you

0:21:58.760 --> 0:21:59.680
<v Speaker 2>know somebody on social media?

0:21:59.720 --> 0:22:02.800
<v Speaker 4>I was like, body baby, So it's like that.

0:22:03.080 --> 0:22:06.080
<v Speaker 1>And to be honest, she did point out Duke because

0:22:06.119 --> 0:22:07.840
<v Speaker 1>she was looking at Chanel. One thing Kadeen and I

0:22:07.880 --> 0:22:11.399
<v Speaker 1>don't do. We don't get keep when we see someone

0:22:11.400 --> 0:22:14.320
<v Speaker 1>else that we like, dang their physik, their physique or

0:22:14.320 --> 0:22:16.119
<v Speaker 1>their mindset.

0:22:15.560 --> 0:22:17.480
<v Speaker 3>Is like out of this world, right.

0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:20.199
<v Speaker 1>Kay showed me Chanel first, and it was like, have

0:22:20.280 --> 0:22:22.840
<v Speaker 1>you seen Chanelle's husband, because I'm in this space now

0:22:22.840 --> 0:22:25.600
<v Speaker 1>with television, well, fiance, I'm in this space now with

0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:28.159
<v Speaker 1>television where I can't be super bulky because then I

0:22:28.200 --> 0:22:30.680
<v Speaker 1>look like a football player. But I also don't want

0:22:30.720 --> 0:22:33.000
<v Speaker 1>to be all skinny in Maga neither, because I want

0:22:33.040 --> 0:22:34.480
<v Speaker 1>to be able to lift my wife up and body

0:22:34.480 --> 0:22:35.080
<v Speaker 1>slammer in the.

0:22:35.000 --> 0:22:35.480
<v Speaker 3>Bad you know.

0:22:35.800 --> 0:22:37.320
<v Speaker 4>So you know what I'm saying. I need to feel

0:22:37.400 --> 0:22:38.000
<v Speaker 4>body on me.

0:22:38.520 --> 0:22:39.080
<v Speaker 3>That's her thing.

0:22:39.440 --> 0:22:43.080
<v Speaker 1>When I get too skinny. She'd be like, so she

0:22:43.280 --> 0:22:45.399
<v Speaker 1>showed me Chanel, but she did for me. She's like,

0:22:45.400 --> 0:22:48.240
<v Speaker 1>look at Duke's physique. He's extremely lean, but he looks

0:22:48.240 --> 0:22:49.800
<v Speaker 1>like he has enough size, about one hundred and ninety

0:22:49.840 --> 0:22:52.000
<v Speaker 1>five pounds. So I was looking at their page and

0:22:52.040 --> 0:22:54.159
<v Speaker 1>then he was. She was like, yo, listen to their podcast,

0:22:54.280 --> 0:22:56.480
<v Speaker 1>like it's three of them. Then you told me about

0:22:56.480 --> 0:22:59.200
<v Speaker 1>Omar and how Omar changed his eating habits and his

0:22:59.320 --> 0:23:02.520
<v Speaker 1>diet to help his wife with Let me get this right,

0:23:04.640 --> 0:23:08.120
<v Speaker 1>because I always say COPD because my grandfather passed away

0:23:08.119 --> 0:23:10.119
<v Speaker 1>from COPD. So when I hear the O and the

0:23:10.200 --> 0:23:11.560
<v Speaker 1>PID is always yeah, I get it.

0:23:12.680 --> 0:23:13.520
<v Speaker 4>Which was a great episode.

0:23:13.560 --> 0:23:15.159
<v Speaker 2>If you guys missed it this season, may have to

0:23:15.200 --> 0:23:17.520
<v Speaker 2>go back and listen to it and the Guys podcast.

0:23:17.160 --> 0:23:20.320
<v Speaker 1>To first of all, their their story about how he

0:23:20.480 --> 0:23:23.680
<v Speaker 1>changed being an NFL athlete eating protein all the time

0:23:23.720 --> 0:23:25.880
<v Speaker 1>but wanting to do that for his wife was an

0:23:25.880 --> 0:23:28.600
<v Speaker 1>example to me about how I could also be better.

0:23:29.080 --> 0:23:31.040
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying, Like, yeah, I helped K

0:23:31.240 --> 0:23:34.240
<v Speaker 1>with postpartum and we did everything you know pre natal.

0:23:34.200 --> 0:23:36.600
<v Speaker 3>But I didn't know how to help her pass that.

0:23:37.160 --> 0:23:39.119
<v Speaker 1>And then once she started taking the blood tests and

0:23:39.160 --> 0:23:40.359
<v Speaker 1>doing all these changes, I was like, you know what,

0:23:40.359 --> 0:23:41.919
<v Speaker 1>maybe I should make changes to help K.

0:23:43.440 --> 0:23:43.919
<v Speaker 4>For both of us.

0:23:43.960 --> 0:23:45.280
<v Speaker 3>And I've learned that from Omar.

0:23:45.560 --> 0:23:48.840
<v Speaker 1>I've learned that from listening to Duke and Julyan, like gentlemen,

0:23:49.040 --> 0:23:51.760
<v Speaker 1>don't be afraid to learn and listen. And if there's

0:23:51.760 --> 0:23:54.240
<v Speaker 1>one thing about this listener letter that even though she

0:23:54.240 --> 0:23:57.960
<v Speaker 1>didn't ask a question, give your husband grace and don't

0:23:58.000 --> 0:23:59.280
<v Speaker 1>just give up on him if you don't want to

0:23:59.280 --> 0:24:02.199
<v Speaker 1>listen now, maybe show him a clip here, show him

0:24:02.200 --> 0:24:03.080
<v Speaker 1>a clip there, Show him.

0:24:03.000 --> 0:24:04.000
<v Speaker 3>A clip that will help him.

0:24:04.160 --> 0:24:05.920
<v Speaker 1>Right, you know what I'm saying, showing a clip where

0:24:05.920 --> 0:24:08.560
<v Speaker 1>I might have said something that he agrees with, so

0:24:08.600 --> 0:24:11.160
<v Speaker 1>that he doesn't feel like a podcast exactly.

0:24:11.240 --> 0:24:12.639
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, yeah, And that was going to say to her,

0:24:12.680 --> 0:24:14.760
<v Speaker 2>it's all on the approach or even when you spark

0:24:14.800 --> 0:24:16.200
<v Speaker 2>those conversations with your husband.

0:24:16.200 --> 0:24:18.560
<v Speaker 4>I don't know what your communication style is life with him,

0:24:18.600 --> 0:24:19.360
<v Speaker 4>but you.

0:24:19.280 --> 0:24:22.960
<v Speaker 2>Know, asking maybe a question that can provoke conversation or

0:24:23.440 --> 0:24:26.040
<v Speaker 2>some kind of thought first, and then that way you

0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:28.440
<v Speaker 2>can then if there's something that you pulled from the

0:24:28.520 --> 0:24:31.159
<v Speaker 2>Valori in a podcast episode, you can just kind of,

0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:33.560
<v Speaker 2>you know, work that into the conversation somehow and not

0:24:33.600 --> 0:24:35.679
<v Speaker 2>make it seem like, oh well, getting de val who

0:24:35.720 --> 0:24:37.879
<v Speaker 2>are all knowing said it? But no, this kind of

0:24:37.920 --> 0:24:39.760
<v Speaker 2>made sense and it kind of relates to where we

0:24:39.800 --> 0:24:41.080
<v Speaker 2>are right now in this space.

0:24:41.280 --> 0:24:46.000
<v Speaker 1>And I listened to podcasts right listen to other people,

0:24:46.200 --> 0:24:47.920
<v Speaker 1>listen to the people. I listened to earn your leisure

0:24:47.960 --> 0:24:50.800
<v Speaker 1>podcasts or learn about finances. I listened to the budget Nista.

0:24:51.080 --> 0:24:53.080
<v Speaker 1>I know she's not a man, she's a woman, But

0:24:53.200 --> 0:24:58.040
<v Speaker 1>this I'm willing to learn from anybody like That's that's

0:24:58.080 --> 0:25:00.720
<v Speaker 1>the only way I know how to give you guys information,

0:25:00.880 --> 0:25:04.040
<v Speaker 1>not because I sat here and created it. I listen,

0:25:04.240 --> 0:25:08.040
<v Speaker 1>I read, I watched documentaries. I listened to Matt McConaughey's book.

0:25:08.040 --> 0:25:10.000
<v Speaker 1>I listened to Will Smith's book. I listened to fifty

0:25:10.040 --> 0:25:12.800
<v Speaker 1>Cents book. I've learned so many different things from different

0:25:12.840 --> 0:25:15.760
<v Speaker 1>type of people in different walks of life. So hopefully

0:25:15.800 --> 0:25:18.320
<v Speaker 1>you know this helps you your husband and hell jump

0:25:18.400 --> 0:25:19.760
<v Speaker 1>in here and dass podcast.

0:25:20.840 --> 0:25:22.840
<v Speaker 2>I love it, Thanks so much, Abby, And she also

0:25:22.840 --> 0:25:26.520
<v Speaker 2>cracked me up with Christian Jamaican sometimes adventis.

0:25:25.800 --> 0:25:30.600
<v Speaker 4>Yes, yeah, that's me. It's me, you know, having a

0:25:30.720 --> 0:25:34.080
<v Speaker 4>very very adventist family, particularly on my mom's side.

0:25:34.160 --> 0:25:37.240
<v Speaker 2>So all right, now, I think we should take a

0:25:37.280 --> 0:25:40.000
<v Speaker 2>quick break. That was a two solid ones that we

0:25:40.040 --> 0:25:41.840
<v Speaker 2>had so far. Yeah, we're gonna take a break paying

0:25:41.880 --> 0:25:43.720
<v Speaker 2>bills and we're gonna get back into the rest of

0:25:43.760 --> 0:25:44.440
<v Speaker 2>our listening letters.

0:25:44.480 --> 0:25:54.000
<v Speaker 4>So stick around, y'all. We'll be back. All right, we're back.

0:25:55.040 --> 0:25:56.520
<v Speaker 4>Number three. What's the word?

0:25:56.560 --> 0:25:58.760
<v Speaker 2>Kadeen and Deval I just started listening to the podcast,

0:25:58.840 --> 0:26:01.200
<v Speaker 2>and from January to Press, I have damn near watched

0:26:01.240 --> 0:26:04.760
<v Speaker 2>the majority of the episode That's Dope. I was introduced

0:26:04.800 --> 0:26:06.800
<v Speaker 2>to you guys when I bought the book, and just

0:26:07.000 --> 0:26:10.320
<v Speaker 2>want to say I appreciate y'all's platform. I'm twenty four

0:26:10.359 --> 0:26:12.480
<v Speaker 2>and my girlfriend is twenty three. We've been together for

0:26:12.560 --> 0:26:16.120
<v Speaker 2>seven years since high school. Congra we are long distance.

0:26:16.280 --> 0:26:19.120
<v Speaker 2>We were long distance for three years, or for three

0:26:19.160 --> 0:26:22.080
<v Speaker 2>of those years they were long distance, and eventually reunited

0:26:22.359 --> 0:26:25.440
<v Speaker 2>and bought a house together. I say that to say

0:26:25.520 --> 0:26:28.280
<v Speaker 2>I feel like we found ourselves back with each other.

0:26:29.280 --> 0:26:31.919
<v Speaker 2>I feel like we're fine, but we always find our

0:26:31.960 --> 0:26:33.639
<v Speaker 2>ways back to each other, which is great. I know

0:26:33.720 --> 0:26:36.560
<v Speaker 2>she loves me, but damn, I do not feel like

0:26:36.600 --> 0:26:40.520
<v Speaker 2>I get the respect I deserve. Almost a year ago,

0:26:40.640 --> 0:26:43.040
<v Speaker 2>I got into a shootout trying to protect her from

0:26:43.040 --> 0:26:45.600
<v Speaker 2>an altercation, and I ended didn't we have a shootout

0:26:45.640 --> 0:26:48.879
<v Speaker 2>in another like a couple of seasons ago. Man? See

0:26:49.119 --> 0:26:50.800
<v Speaker 2>all right, So almost a year ago I got into

0:26:50.800 --> 0:26:53.359
<v Speaker 2>a shootout trying to protect her from an altercation and

0:26:53.400 --> 0:26:56.320
<v Speaker 2>I ended up getting shot six times and losing my

0:26:56.440 --> 0:26:57.480
<v Speaker 2>car in the process.

0:26:57.720 --> 0:27:00.720
<v Speaker 3>Many, Oh lord, there's for upon me.

0:27:01.359 --> 0:27:05.760
<v Speaker 4>Blood and go ahead, mess thank God you're okay.

0:27:06.080 --> 0:27:08.679
<v Speaker 1>Hey they okay. They may write in this letter that

0:27:08.720 --> 0:27:10.719
<v Speaker 1>means they enjoy your life. One of my homies got

0:27:10.720 --> 0:27:13.000
<v Speaker 1>shot recently this summer, and the first thing I did

0:27:13.040 --> 0:27:15.040
<v Speaker 1>when I saw him, I said, you know you belong here, right?

0:27:15.240 --> 0:27:16.960
<v Speaker 3>He said, I'm here? So I put them fists up.

0:27:17.040 --> 0:27:22.240
<v Speaker 4>I said, many, man, sure, it's too soon, and they laughs.

0:27:23.200 --> 0:27:25.639
<v Speaker 1>When you cheat death is the best time to make

0:27:25.680 --> 0:27:27.160
<v Speaker 1>a joke. You belong here.

0:27:27.280 --> 0:27:27.920
<v Speaker 4>Absolutely.

0:27:28.000 --> 0:27:30.520
<v Speaker 1>If you got shot six times and you're still here,

0:27:30.800 --> 0:27:32.560
<v Speaker 1>oh there's a reason why you're here.

0:27:32.640 --> 0:27:34.760
<v Speaker 4>You're supposed to be here, and you better enjoy life.

0:27:34.880 --> 0:27:35.840
<v Speaker 3>God for that shot.

0:27:36.359 --> 0:27:38.880
<v Speaker 2>So the crazy part is I'm not from Houston where

0:27:38.920 --> 0:27:41.640
<v Speaker 2>this happened, and I have no enemies. I'm from Chicago

0:27:41.720 --> 0:27:43.520
<v Speaker 2>and I served in the army for four years.

0:27:43.760 --> 0:27:47.840
<v Speaker 4>It's ironic. It's ironic you in.

0:27:47.800 --> 0:27:49.439
<v Speaker 1>The army and then you come home and you're not

0:27:49.440 --> 0:27:51.639
<v Speaker 1>even from home. You in Houston, beef and get shot.

0:27:52.000 --> 0:27:52.639
<v Speaker 4>It's crazy.

0:27:52.680 --> 0:27:55.280
<v Speaker 2>The war zones in our cities are more dangerous than overseas,

0:27:55.320 --> 0:28:00.000
<v Speaker 2>but that's another topic. But knowing my girl, knowing my girl,

0:28:00.000 --> 0:28:01.919
<v Speaker 2>I was in the middle of a shootout. I just

0:28:01.960 --> 0:28:04.440
<v Speaker 2>went into protection mode. I woke up in the hospital

0:28:04.520 --> 0:28:06.440
<v Speaker 2>seeing her with not a scratch on her. It made

0:28:06.480 --> 0:28:08.840
<v Speaker 2>me very happy and relieved. I did not care how

0:28:08.880 --> 0:28:12.280
<v Speaker 2>badly my body was damaged. I was only concerned about her.

0:28:12.840 --> 0:28:14.760
<v Speaker 2>I know she loves me because she wouldn't leave my

0:28:14.800 --> 0:28:17.359
<v Speaker 2>side in the hospital, even when my family offered to

0:28:17.400 --> 0:28:19.119
<v Speaker 2>watch over me so she can catch a break and

0:28:19.200 --> 0:28:22.200
<v Speaker 2>she refused. I always had respect for her, but seeing

0:28:22.200 --> 0:28:25.879
<v Speaker 2>that side made me develop more. I don't feel like

0:28:26.040 --> 0:28:28.480
<v Speaker 2>it's the same for her. When I speak my mind,

0:28:28.520 --> 0:28:30.760
<v Speaker 2>I feel like it's met with her being reactive to

0:28:30.800 --> 0:28:33.520
<v Speaker 2>what I say. I've attempted to change the way I

0:28:33.560 --> 0:28:36.879
<v Speaker 2>speak to her several times with the same outcome. It

0:28:36.920 --> 0:28:40.479
<v Speaker 2>feels like if I have an opinion, I'm automatically labeled

0:28:40.520 --> 0:28:45.560
<v Speaker 2>as sensitive. She gets upset as if she feels like

0:28:45.600 --> 0:28:48.440
<v Speaker 2>I'm trying to attack her attack her, and I truly

0:28:48.520 --> 0:28:52.640
<v Speaker 2>don't understand there.

0:28:55.360 --> 0:28:58.200
<v Speaker 3>I'm just bringing me back. I got PTSD.

0:28:59.520 --> 0:29:01.680
<v Speaker 4>Like that on to this so we can give this

0:29:02.040 --> 0:29:04.840
<v Speaker 4>brother some advice. Not gonna lie.

0:29:04.920 --> 0:29:06.720
<v Speaker 2>It hurts because I feel like we both should be

0:29:06.760 --> 0:29:09.360
<v Speaker 2>at the point with a mutual respect considering what we've

0:29:09.400 --> 0:29:11.239
<v Speaker 2>been through. I kind of expect her to see how

0:29:11.320 --> 0:29:14.200
<v Speaker 2>much I loved her after what happened, since it seemed

0:29:14.200 --> 0:29:16.600
<v Speaker 2>that she didn't understand how much I cared about her.

0:29:17.040 --> 0:29:20.000
<v Speaker 4>But it don't seem like she does. I hate arguing.

0:29:20.080 --> 0:29:21.040
<v Speaker 4>I'm very logical.

0:29:21.480 --> 0:29:24.040
<v Speaker 2>I don't like to hold on to stuff, especially going

0:29:24.080 --> 0:29:27.240
<v Speaker 2>through that experience of almost losing my life without saying goodbye.

0:29:27.640 --> 0:29:30.440
<v Speaker 2>I do not want to take it for granted. Deval

0:29:30.800 --> 0:29:32.920
<v Speaker 2>As a man, what are your thoughts at this point?

0:29:33.360 --> 0:29:35.360
<v Speaker 2>I just want to I want to just close off

0:29:35.360 --> 0:29:37.400
<v Speaker 2>my opinion to her and just deal with it on

0:29:37.440 --> 0:29:38.320
<v Speaker 2>my own.

0:29:38.560 --> 0:29:39.800
<v Speaker 4>Kadeen, as.

0:29:42.000 --> 0:29:43.920
<v Speaker 3>This is our demanded, Go ahead, finish, finish.

0:29:44.720 --> 0:29:47.040
<v Speaker 2>Kadeen as a woman, what do you think any experience

0:29:47.120 --> 0:29:50.480
<v Speaker 2>with being reactive or defensive and how it changed the value?

0:29:50.560 --> 0:29:51.720
<v Speaker 4>Got whiplash?

0:29:51.880 --> 0:29:56.760
<v Speaker 2>You definitely just got whiplash. I just appreciate y'all, and

0:29:56.880 --> 0:29:58.840
<v Speaker 2>please don't stop spreading the word.

0:30:00.080 --> 0:30:01.560
<v Speaker 4>Y'all's wisdom and love to the world.

0:30:02.920 --> 0:30:05.320
<v Speaker 1>Go ahead, no no no no no no no no

0:30:05.320 --> 0:30:09.440
<v Speaker 1>no no. Okay, I'll go first since you insist, so

0:30:09.880 --> 0:30:12.960
<v Speaker 1>my man, first of all, go ahead, Thank you for

0:30:13.040 --> 0:30:13.600
<v Speaker 1>your service.

0:30:14.160 --> 0:30:14.520
<v Speaker 3>Okay.

0:30:15.080 --> 0:30:19.080
<v Speaker 1>We have liberties and freedoms here in America because people

0:30:19.120 --> 0:30:23.080
<v Speaker 1>like yourself choose to go overseas and protect us appreciate you.

0:30:23.200 --> 0:30:25.360
<v Speaker 1>Got to say that first and foremost, because anybody in

0:30:25.360 --> 0:30:31.760
<v Speaker 1>the Arms Service always has my utmost respectolutely. Secondly, do

0:30:31.920 --> 0:30:35.640
<v Speaker 1>not give up on your girl. Okay, Kadeen and I

0:30:35.760 --> 0:30:39.560
<v Speaker 1>have been together for twenty two years. Okay, twenty two years.

0:30:39.760 --> 0:30:42.920
<v Speaker 1>She didn't realize what I felt and how I felt

0:30:43.040 --> 0:30:46.600
<v Speaker 1>until about three years ago. So for nineteen years, am

0:30:46.600 --> 0:30:50.120
<v Speaker 1>I lying? I'm a lying right now? For nineteen years,

0:30:50.200 --> 0:30:52.640
<v Speaker 1>I've been explaining to her, like yo, I feel like

0:30:52.680 --> 0:30:54.880
<v Speaker 1>I can't have an opinion because the minute I have

0:30:54.920 --> 0:30:58.120
<v Speaker 1>an opinion, you start crying. You get defensive. What am

0:30:58.160 --> 0:31:00.760
<v Speaker 1>I supposed to do? I even went through the whole

0:31:01.200 --> 0:31:02.960
<v Speaker 1>I'm just not gonna say nothing. I'm gonna deal with

0:31:03.000 --> 0:31:04.840
<v Speaker 1>it on my own. That don't help.

0:31:05.000 --> 0:31:06.280
<v Speaker 4>Literally have ever bade him.

0:31:06.280 --> 0:31:08.239
<v Speaker 2>So that's why he's reacting the way he's acted to

0:31:08.240 --> 0:31:09.880
<v Speaker 2>what you wrote, because he's like, I'm just gonna deal

0:31:09.920 --> 0:31:12.080
<v Speaker 2>with it on my own, and that's accurate.

0:31:11.760 --> 0:31:12.960
<v Speaker 3>And I've tried to deal it on my own.

0:31:12.960 --> 0:31:14.120
<v Speaker 1>You know what happens when you try to deal it

0:31:14.160 --> 0:31:16.720
<v Speaker 1>on your own, you get pissed because you like, now

0:31:16.720 --> 0:31:19.440
<v Speaker 1>it seems like you don't even care, right, I'm like,

0:31:19.560 --> 0:31:21.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm trying to deal with this. It's something we have

0:31:21.280 --> 0:31:23.000
<v Speaker 1>to go through in our relationship, and you want me

0:31:23.000 --> 0:31:23.880
<v Speaker 1>to deal with it on my own.

0:31:23.920 --> 0:31:26.040
<v Speaker 3>You don't care? And she used to say to me, devout,

0:31:26.080 --> 0:31:26.600
<v Speaker 3>I do care.

0:31:26.720 --> 0:31:28.480
<v Speaker 1>I really And I used to tell her this too,

0:31:29.240 --> 0:31:30.920
<v Speaker 1>I really feel like I love you more than you

0:31:31.000 --> 0:31:33.400
<v Speaker 1>love me. And she used to be like, wow, how

0:31:33.400 --> 0:31:35.400
<v Speaker 1>would you say that? I say, because I'm not allowed

0:31:35.760 --> 0:31:38.320
<v Speaker 1>to have an opinion. I'm not allowed to tell you

0:31:38.360 --> 0:31:41.560
<v Speaker 1>how I feel because I'm automatically seeing as sensitive or

0:31:41.840 --> 0:31:44.920
<v Speaker 1>called bitching. But then when I don't talk, then it's

0:31:44.960 --> 0:31:50.280
<v Speaker 1>you shut down, sir. Listen to me, bro. They've been together,

0:31:50.320 --> 0:31:50.640
<v Speaker 1>how long?

0:31:50.680 --> 0:31:52.160
<v Speaker 3>It says? Uh?

0:31:52.200 --> 0:31:55.760
<v Speaker 4>Seven years? Three long distance choo this high school?

0:31:55.840 --> 0:31:58.040
<v Speaker 3>Yeah you twenty four. Y'all are in the.

0:31:58.200 --> 0:32:02.120
<v Speaker 1>Infant stages of life, the infant stages.

0:32:02.240 --> 0:32:05.400
<v Speaker 4>Yeah, they started dating.

0:32:05.480 --> 0:32:07.760
<v Speaker 3>Y'all didn't even know each other. Y'all still don't know

0:32:07.800 --> 0:32:10.080
<v Speaker 3>each other, y'all twenty four and twenty three, y'all.

0:32:09.800 --> 0:32:12.160
<v Speaker 4>Won't know each other for another decade at least.

0:32:12.240 --> 0:32:14.000
<v Speaker 1>And the reason why I'm saying it like this is

0:32:14.000 --> 0:32:15.880
<v Speaker 1>because I don't want you to give up one each

0:32:15.920 --> 0:32:19.880
<v Speaker 1>other because things are not happening now in the early twenties.

0:32:20.280 --> 0:32:23.200
<v Speaker 1>It's gonna happen, bro, because, like you said, that woman

0:32:23.240 --> 0:32:24.880
<v Speaker 1>didn't want to leave your side when you got shot

0:32:24.960 --> 0:32:27.560
<v Speaker 1>six times, which means her love for you is different

0:32:27.600 --> 0:32:28.720
<v Speaker 1>than what you think it is.

0:32:29.120 --> 0:32:31.120
<v Speaker 3>Right. We all have love languages. Right.

0:32:31.400 --> 0:32:33.840
<v Speaker 1>How you represent your love to her through protection was

0:32:33.880 --> 0:32:36.440
<v Speaker 1>your way of representing it. How she shows her love

0:32:36.480 --> 0:32:38.239
<v Speaker 1>for you is protection, but it's in a different way.

0:32:38.280 --> 0:32:39.720
<v Speaker 1>She said, I don't care if your family say I'm

0:32:39.720 --> 0:32:42.600
<v Speaker 1>staying with you. Y'all have something for each other that's

0:32:42.600 --> 0:32:45.360
<v Speaker 1>hard to find, and that's mental fortitude to be there

0:32:45.400 --> 0:32:48.120
<v Speaker 1>for each other. Continue with that through your twenties and

0:32:48.120 --> 0:32:50.200
<v Speaker 1>your thirties, and I guarantee you y'all will find a

0:32:50.240 --> 0:32:50.560
<v Speaker 1>way to.

0:32:50.480 --> 0:32:51.000
<v Speaker 3>Make it work.

0:32:51.240 --> 0:32:55.120
<v Speaker 1>Please, don't give up. Everything you're going through is absolutely normal.

0:32:55.320 --> 0:32:58.440
<v Speaker 1>She's a young woman, you're a young man. Yeah, it's normal.

0:32:58.560 --> 0:33:01.400
<v Speaker 2>Trust me, and we tendally with emotion a lot of

0:33:01.440 --> 0:33:06.320
<v Speaker 2>the time, Bro, I completely understand where you're coming from.

0:33:06.440 --> 0:33:10.720
<v Speaker 2>It literally feels like this is Kadeen. Yeah, this is

0:33:10.760 --> 0:33:13.880
<v Speaker 2>Deval and Kadeen. Like Davel said, maybe even five years ago. Yes,

0:33:14.360 --> 0:33:17.560
<v Speaker 2>that would have said the same exact thing. It may

0:33:17.640 --> 0:33:20.240
<v Speaker 2>be worth it for you to have the conversation with

0:33:20.280 --> 0:33:24.880
<v Speaker 2>her or even to observe her family dynamic, because I

0:33:24.920 --> 0:33:27.680
<v Speaker 2>recently said to de Val because he asked me, He's like,

0:33:27.720 --> 0:33:30.120
<v Speaker 2>what changed so drastically was you in the past, like

0:33:30.160 --> 0:33:32.920
<v Speaker 2>two three years? Like it feels like now you're allowing

0:33:32.960 --> 0:33:35.680
<v Speaker 2>me the space to say how I feel without getting

0:33:35.680 --> 0:33:38.840
<v Speaker 2>defensive or reactive or feeling the need to give an excuse.

0:33:38.920 --> 0:33:39.840
<v Speaker 3>Can I jump in real quick?

0:33:40.080 --> 0:33:40.360
<v Speaker 4>Yeah?

0:33:40.760 --> 0:33:42.320
<v Speaker 1>I think it's important that I jump in and say

0:33:42.320 --> 0:33:44.400
<v Speaker 1>this because when she first started doing that, I thought

0:33:44.400 --> 0:33:46.880
<v Speaker 1>she was being passive aggressive. Well, I thought she was

0:33:46.920 --> 0:33:50.440
<v Speaker 1>just ignoring me because she was finally just listening, not arguing,

0:33:50.520 --> 0:33:52.840
<v Speaker 1>but then applying it. Yes, so when she does start

0:33:52.840 --> 0:33:55.200
<v Speaker 1>to listen, don't take it back as if she's just

0:33:55.280 --> 0:33:58.160
<v Speaker 1>doing it. And I want to make that very clear

0:33:58.200 --> 0:34:00.600
<v Speaker 1>because that happened to a couple of my friends. They

0:34:00.640 --> 0:34:03.200
<v Speaker 1>said after speaking to their wives out of know where,

0:34:03.240 --> 0:34:05.239
<v Speaker 1>she just started changing the behavior, and it was just like,

0:34:06.120 --> 0:34:08.120
<v Speaker 1>I don't know if she's being condescending or she's trying.

0:34:08.000 --> 0:34:08.560
<v Speaker 3>To prove a point.

0:34:08.600 --> 0:34:10.560
<v Speaker 4>I said, said that to me sometimes yeah.

0:34:10.440 --> 0:34:13.600
<v Speaker 3>And I said, or maybe she's listening.

0:34:13.520 --> 0:34:15.520
<v Speaker 2>Right, trying to be an active listener, trying to be

0:34:15.560 --> 0:34:18.920
<v Speaker 2>act listener and not listening to respond. And that's that's

0:34:18.960 --> 0:34:22.080
<v Speaker 2>eventually what had to happen with me. So Deval and

0:34:22.120 --> 0:34:24.759
<v Speaker 2>I recently, he was like, what changed in you that,

0:34:24.920 --> 0:34:26.640
<v Speaker 2>like all of a sudden it clicked, Like I've been

0:34:26.680 --> 0:34:29.000
<v Speaker 2>saying the same thing to you for years and we've

0:34:29.000 --> 0:34:32.200
<v Speaker 2>been trying to work through this, And I said, I

0:34:32.320 --> 0:34:39.359
<v Speaker 2>finally addressed within myself and acknowledged my upbringing my mom

0:34:39.400 --> 0:34:42.799
<v Speaker 2>for example, with this desire to be perfect that was

0:34:42.840 --> 0:34:46.040
<v Speaker 2>then passed down to me. We've spoken on previous episodes

0:34:46.040 --> 0:34:48.960
<v Speaker 2>about my mom and her upbringing. So I realized that

0:34:49.239 --> 0:34:54.000
<v Speaker 2>taking accountability in situations was not my forte. Like I

0:34:54.239 --> 0:34:59.719
<v Speaker 2>rather deflect in devoused words, get defensive and indefensive. To me,

0:34:59.800 --> 0:35:03.120
<v Speaker 2>that was just me explaining my point or telling you

0:35:03.960 --> 0:35:08.000
<v Speaker 2>how I arrived at my particular decision. That was what

0:35:08.080 --> 0:35:10.680
<v Speaker 2>I needed to do. That was my defense mechanism because

0:35:10.760 --> 0:35:14.200
<v Speaker 2>I was now deemed not perfect, or I've done something wrong,

0:35:14.320 --> 0:35:17.040
<v Speaker 2>or I've done something to upset him. So that's why

0:35:17.239 --> 0:35:19.960
<v Speaker 2>defensiveness was always my go to because I had a

0:35:20.000 --> 0:35:24.399
<v Speaker 2>hard time accepting accountability once I was able to say, damn,

0:35:24.480 --> 0:35:26.640
<v Speaker 2>this is my life partner, This is the person who

0:35:26.680 --> 0:35:30.279
<v Speaker 2>I want to openly express how I feel too, and

0:35:30.360 --> 0:35:33.040
<v Speaker 2>vice versa. When we live in a world, in a

0:35:33.040 --> 0:35:36.560
<v Speaker 2>society where black men in particular are silenced or not

0:35:36.760 --> 0:35:40.640
<v Speaker 2>encouraged to say how they feel. I wanted to create

0:35:40.680 --> 0:35:43.360
<v Speaker 2>a space where my husband felt that sense of peace

0:35:43.440 --> 0:35:47.400
<v Speaker 2>and that wanting and the desire to unleash how he felt.

0:35:47.600 --> 0:35:49.719
<v Speaker 4>So how am I going to make that environment comfortable

0:35:49.719 --> 0:35:50.080
<v Speaker 4>for him?

0:35:50.120 --> 0:35:53.400
<v Speaker 2>If I'm not actively listening, if I'm only listening to respond,

0:35:53.840 --> 0:35:56.400
<v Speaker 2>if I'm getting defensive, if I'm crying and making it

0:35:56.440 --> 0:35:59.720
<v Speaker 2>about me like I've really had to control my emotions

0:35:59.719 --> 0:36:02.600
<v Speaker 2>in those circumstances to the point where sometimes I could

0:36:02.600 --> 0:36:04.520
<v Speaker 2>feel myself starting to bubble over.

0:36:05.480 --> 0:36:07.120
<v Speaker 4>Just excuse myself from the room.

0:36:07.320 --> 0:36:10.160
<v Speaker 3>Where you're going, Where you're going, I'm going to.

0:36:10.040 --> 0:36:11.759
<v Speaker 4>Just run a bathroom. Just run in a bathroom, and

0:36:11.800 --> 0:36:12.720
<v Speaker 4>I would go to the bathroom.

0:36:12.719 --> 0:36:14.560
<v Speaker 2>I'll let out whatever I had to let out, because

0:36:14.600 --> 0:36:17.760
<v Speaker 2>I didn't want the focus, which naturally tended to shift

0:36:17.760 --> 0:36:21.000
<v Speaker 2>in most circumstances, from deval going to be concerned about

0:36:21.000 --> 0:36:23.600
<v Speaker 2>something he feels to then now saying damn, okay, are

0:36:23.600 --> 0:36:26.000
<v Speaker 2>you okay? I never wanted it to be a deflection,

0:36:26.239 --> 0:36:28.920
<v Speaker 2>so I had to really work on controlling my emotions

0:36:28.960 --> 0:36:31.520
<v Speaker 2>and really just sitting back and listening and trying to

0:36:31.640 --> 0:36:35.000
<v Speaker 2>understand his perspective. And then we may not agree, but

0:36:35.080 --> 0:36:37.960
<v Speaker 2>at least he felt heard, he felt seen, he felt loved.

0:36:37.960 --> 0:36:40.440
<v Speaker 4>At the end of it, well, I gained a greater

0:36:40.600 --> 0:36:41.840
<v Speaker 4>understanding for how you felt.

0:36:41.920 --> 0:36:45.040
<v Speaker 1>Legitimately, it wasn't only that I wanted you to agree.

0:36:45.520 --> 0:36:47.760
<v Speaker 1>I just wanted you to understand where I was coming from.

0:36:48.080 --> 0:36:50.040
<v Speaker 2>But I feel like that's what I was expecting too

0:36:50.080 --> 0:36:53.120
<v Speaker 2>from you, Like I'm going to explain to you why

0:36:53.160 --> 0:36:55.560
<v Speaker 2>I did this or how I arrived here, because I

0:36:55.560 --> 0:36:57.800
<v Speaker 2>want you to genuinely understand that it wasn't in malice.

0:36:57.880 --> 0:36:58.680
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I understand that.

0:36:58.719 --> 0:37:00.960
<v Speaker 1>But if I'm coming to you because I am having

0:37:01.040 --> 0:37:04.279
<v Speaker 1>an issue, when you immediately go to well, you need

0:37:04.320 --> 0:37:06.360
<v Speaker 1>to understand where I'm coming from, It's like, wait a minute,

0:37:06.360 --> 0:37:08.439
<v Speaker 1>I'm coming to you with a issue. Will he had

0:37:08.680 --> 0:37:10.560
<v Speaker 1>that second, But it has to be about what you

0:37:10.560 --> 0:37:12.160
<v Speaker 1>want first, that's.

0:37:11.920 --> 0:37:15.760
<v Speaker 4>What me and I never or how that make you feel.

0:37:15.800 --> 0:37:17.640
<v Speaker 3>But then also and I want him to be clear.

0:37:18.040 --> 0:37:20.279
<v Speaker 1>Once you did start to change and listen, and I'll

0:37:20.280 --> 0:37:22.000
<v Speaker 1>be telling you how I feel, and you wouldn't you

0:37:22.080 --> 0:37:24.400
<v Speaker 1>be stoic at times and I'd be like, do you

0:37:24.480 --> 0:37:26.279
<v Speaker 1>even care? And you like, I do care, but you

0:37:26.400 --> 0:37:27.759
<v Speaker 1>used to say that I cut you off all the

0:37:27.800 --> 0:37:29.800
<v Speaker 1>time you said that, I would try to get defensive.

0:37:29.840 --> 0:37:30.640
<v Speaker 3>So I'm trying to listen.

0:37:30.880 --> 0:37:33.200
<v Speaker 1>And it took me a couple months to be like, like, yo,

0:37:33.320 --> 0:37:35.839
<v Speaker 1>she actually is trying to implement the things we worked on.

0:37:36.120 --> 0:37:39.040
<v Speaker 1>And at first I wasn't accepting of it. I thought

0:37:39.040 --> 0:37:41.480
<v Speaker 1>that you were being not what's the word not not condescending,

0:37:41.719 --> 0:37:45.719
<v Speaker 1>like dismissive, being dismissive, but also like like, okay, you

0:37:45.719 --> 0:37:49.080
<v Speaker 1>wan me to listen, I'm listening by patronizing me, I

0:37:49.120 --> 0:37:51.839
<v Speaker 1>thought you were patronizing me, which and I want them

0:37:51.880 --> 0:37:55.640
<v Speaker 1>to understand that once she starts, don't automatically assume that

0:37:55.640 --> 0:37:58.400
<v Speaker 1>that she's patronizing you, because then that becomes another issue,

0:37:58.880 --> 0:38:01.000
<v Speaker 1>because that became an issue for us for a couple months.

0:38:01.000 --> 0:38:02.200
<v Speaker 1>And I was like, you don't even care. Look, you're

0:38:02.239 --> 0:38:04.359
<v Speaker 1>just sitting there, and she's like, devalu, you don't want

0:38:04.360 --> 0:38:05.960
<v Speaker 1>me to cry? You don't want me to tell you how,

0:38:06.080 --> 0:38:08.600
<v Speaker 1>I said, no, I want you to at least say

0:38:08.600 --> 0:38:10.560
<v Speaker 1>that you understand where I'm coming from.

0:38:10.400 --> 0:38:11.920
<v Speaker 4>Right, And then I felt like it wasn't enough to

0:38:11.960 --> 0:38:13.239
<v Speaker 4>just be like I'm gonna listen.

0:38:13.320 --> 0:38:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, baby, I understand. And then he would say to me,

0:38:15.440 --> 0:38:17.200
<v Speaker 2>you don't understand. You just pacifying me right now. You

0:38:17.280 --> 0:38:20.080
<v Speaker 2>justcerned to end the conversation, and I'm like, right, no,

0:38:20.680 --> 0:38:23.600
<v Speaker 2>You've been craving and asking for me to listen to you,

0:38:23.680 --> 0:38:25.960
<v Speaker 2>and I'm genuinely trying to listen to you.

0:38:26.320 --> 0:38:28.319
<v Speaker 4>And yes, had a moment where I clicked because I'm like,

0:38:28.400 --> 0:38:29.080
<v Speaker 4>I can't.

0:38:28.800 --> 0:38:33.120
<v Speaker 2>Continue for another twenty two years doing the same thing

0:38:33.120 --> 0:38:34.600
<v Speaker 2>that we've been doing. And a lot of it, I

0:38:34.600 --> 0:38:37.600
<v Speaker 2>think was, like I said, growth on my part, y'all,

0:38:37.600 --> 0:38:39.359
<v Speaker 2>I'll being tired of talking about the same shit over

0:38:39.400 --> 0:38:40.200
<v Speaker 2>and over over again.

0:38:40.480 --> 0:38:42.160
<v Speaker 1>Part he wasn't only one that had to grow. We

0:38:42.200 --> 0:38:43.440
<v Speaker 1>both had to grow because I had to learn how

0:38:43.440 --> 0:38:45.160
<v Speaker 1>to accept it. I was asking for it, yes, and

0:38:45.200 --> 0:38:46.440
<v Speaker 1>then when you first tried to get it to me,

0:38:46.520 --> 0:38:47.440
<v Speaker 1>I didn't know how to accept it.

0:38:47.600 --> 0:38:49.680
<v Speaker 2>So it's and then me working on myself and looking

0:38:49.719 --> 0:38:52.200
<v Speaker 2>internally and saying, why do I have a hard time

0:38:53.160 --> 0:38:55.839
<v Speaker 2>like conducting myself in the manner that needs to be,

0:38:56.320 --> 0:38:58.520
<v Speaker 2>you know, conducive to this relationship working, where I can

0:38:58.600 --> 0:39:01.880
<v Speaker 2>listen to my spouse and then consider how he feels

0:39:02.000 --> 0:39:04.239
<v Speaker 2>and then not take that as an attack because I

0:39:04.320 --> 0:39:09.920
<v Speaker 2>val said too, I can compliment you Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursdays,

0:39:09.920 --> 0:39:13.680
<v Speaker 2>something may not go as planned, and I SAYK, hey,

0:39:14.239 --> 0:39:17.640
<v Speaker 2>you know X y Z happened and it didn't make

0:39:17.680 --> 0:39:20.160
<v Speaker 2>me feel good, and then that doesn't negate the fact

0:39:20.200 --> 0:39:21.759
<v Speaker 2>that you did well all week, And I had to

0:39:21.760 --> 0:39:23.719
<v Speaker 2>also take that in and say, you know what, You're right, like,

0:39:23.760 --> 0:39:26.040
<v Speaker 2>you're entitled to have a moment where you're not agreeing

0:39:26.080 --> 0:39:28.399
<v Speaker 2>with something that I've done because it's happened to me too.

0:39:28.440 --> 0:39:30.359
<v Speaker 2>Where I can let you know how I feeling. You've

0:39:30.360 --> 0:39:32.920
<v Speaker 2>made me feel safe to say that. So good luck

0:39:32.960 --> 0:39:36.200
<v Speaker 2>to you, bro. You and your girlfriend been together all

0:39:36.239 --> 0:39:37.560
<v Speaker 2>this time, got a house together.

0:39:37.680 --> 0:39:39.120
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, only twenty three and twenty four.

0:39:41.160 --> 0:39:46.279
<v Speaker 1>We've had moments of enlightenment through our relationship, which means

0:39:46.320 --> 0:39:49.120
<v Speaker 1>now at forty, we're starting to understand things because we

0:39:49.160 --> 0:39:51.279
<v Speaker 1>had to go through it for twenty two years. You're

0:39:51.320 --> 0:39:53.920
<v Speaker 1>only twenty three and twenty four. We've been in a

0:39:53.920 --> 0:39:58.360
<v Speaker 1>relationship as long as you've been alive. Like, think about it.

0:39:58.360 --> 0:40:01.640
<v Speaker 1>It takes experience in try error. It's just like any

0:40:01.680 --> 0:40:02.600
<v Speaker 1>scientific notion.

0:40:02.760 --> 0:40:02.960
<v Speaker 3>Right.

0:40:03.239 --> 0:40:05.920
<v Speaker 1>Einstein didn't just come up with these ideas and say

0:40:05.960 --> 0:40:08.640
<v Speaker 1>I figured it out. No, he failed time and time

0:40:08.719 --> 0:40:11.440
<v Speaker 1>and time again, and with each failure was a lesson

0:40:11.440 --> 0:40:13.799
<v Speaker 1>that he learned and apply to finally figure it out.

0:40:13.840 --> 0:40:15.640
<v Speaker 3>Ha, here's the light bulb. You know.

0:40:15.680 --> 0:40:19.040
<v Speaker 1>What I'm saying is that aha moment comes over time

0:40:19.239 --> 0:40:21.719
<v Speaker 1>trial and error. So don't be down on each other.

0:40:21.880 --> 0:40:24.640
<v Speaker 1>Enjoy the process of trial and error. Love on each other.

0:40:24.840 --> 0:40:27.120
<v Speaker 4>Yes, you know, because you were definitely here for reasons.

0:40:27.520 --> 0:40:30.719
<v Speaker 3>Absolutely, Son, many men that they couldn't get it.

0:40:30.680 --> 0:40:32.200
<v Speaker 4>Done being period period.

0:40:32.880 --> 0:40:36.399
<v Speaker 1>All right, Well, I understand his perspective completely, but as

0:40:36.400 --> 0:40:39.320
<v Speaker 1>an older just I hate saying that as an older

0:40:39.400 --> 0:40:43.200
<v Speaker 1>that's as a seasoned, as a married gentleman. Now I

0:40:43.239 --> 0:40:46.359
<v Speaker 1>don't look at that as daunting as I did when

0:40:46.360 --> 0:40:48.279
<v Speaker 1>I was in my twenties, because in your twenties and

0:40:48.400 --> 0:40:50.960
<v Speaker 1>even your early thirties, your fear is that this is

0:40:51.000 --> 0:40:52.920
<v Speaker 1>going to be the rest of my life. And what

0:40:53.000 --> 0:40:55.640
<v Speaker 1>I can assure people after going through this is that

0:40:55.680 --> 0:40:58.360
<v Speaker 1>if you have a partner that rocks with you like

0:40:58.960 --> 0:41:01.040
<v Speaker 1>K rocks with me the way I rock with her,

0:41:01.440 --> 0:41:04.080
<v Speaker 1>nothing has to be your whole life if you're committed

0:41:04.160 --> 0:41:05.200
<v Speaker 1>to working on it together.

0:41:05.680 --> 0:41:08.960
<v Speaker 4>Agreed, you know. So yep that's I.

0:41:08.880 --> 0:41:10.120
<v Speaker 3>Hope that helped a lot.

0:41:10.280 --> 0:41:11.360
<v Speaker 4>All right, next month.

0:41:11.320 --> 0:41:13.880
<v Speaker 3>Number four, Hi, Kadeen and Devo.

0:41:14.239 --> 0:41:15.560
<v Speaker 1>I just want to say I love you guys so

0:41:15.640 --> 0:41:17.560
<v Speaker 1>much and try to put everyone I come across on

0:41:17.640 --> 0:41:18.040
<v Speaker 1>to y'all.

0:41:18.040 --> 0:41:19.560
<v Speaker 3>Thank you so much. We appreciate you.

0:41:19.600 --> 0:41:20.120
<v Speaker 4>I'spad.

0:41:20.840 --> 0:41:23.080
<v Speaker 1>I've been listening to the Dead Ass podcast since the

0:41:23.120 --> 0:41:26.840
<v Speaker 1>beginning with the capital b EGI n N I n G.

0:41:27.600 --> 0:41:30.000
<v Speaker 1>I've watched you guys grow as individuals and come together

0:41:30.080 --> 0:41:31.160
<v Speaker 1>and be stronger as a couple.

0:41:31.280 --> 0:41:31.640
<v Speaker 3>Family.

0:41:31.960 --> 0:41:33.840
<v Speaker 1>You guys are my oldest siblings in my head, so

0:41:33.960 --> 0:41:36.960
<v Speaker 1>actually hearing what you both have to say is important

0:41:36.960 --> 0:41:39.719
<v Speaker 1>to me. Okay, So I wanted to ask you both

0:41:39.719 --> 0:41:41.759
<v Speaker 1>a question and see if you can help me see

0:41:41.800 --> 0:41:44.520
<v Speaker 1>things from a different pov. I listened to the podcast

0:41:44.560 --> 0:41:47.759
<v Speaker 1>season fourteen, episode seven Till Death Do What's Part. During

0:41:47.760 --> 0:41:50.240
<v Speaker 1>the episode, y'all spoke on allowing your spouse as friends

0:41:50.280 --> 0:41:53.120
<v Speaker 1>to the room for them to change and if you

0:41:53.160 --> 0:41:55.719
<v Speaker 1>support them, then let them know. And if you are

0:41:55.760 --> 0:41:58.480
<v Speaker 1>content with where you are, let them grow and evolve,

0:41:58.520 --> 0:42:00.839
<v Speaker 1>but don't stand in the way. I'm a twenty six

0:42:00.960 --> 0:42:03.759
<v Speaker 1>year old woman and have had experiences with both spouses

0:42:03.760 --> 0:42:06.120
<v Speaker 1>and friends wanting to elevate and evolve with things in

0:42:06.160 --> 0:42:08.319
<v Speaker 1>life and not stick to what we would usually do.

0:42:08.800 --> 0:42:12.319
<v Speaker 1>Of Course, naturally, I questioned the change, not to stop them,

0:42:12.360 --> 0:42:15.000
<v Speaker 1>but to see where it's coming from, see why they

0:42:15.040 --> 0:42:17.880
<v Speaker 1>wanted to Each time, I've been supportive and understanding as

0:42:17.920 --> 0:42:20.640
<v Speaker 1>well as open to learning what they are trying to do,

0:42:20.680 --> 0:42:23.160
<v Speaker 1>so that we still have a connection in something. I

0:42:23.200 --> 0:42:25.480
<v Speaker 1>also it also gives me a chance to see a

0:42:25.480 --> 0:42:27.840
<v Speaker 1>different pov of the life that might change in me

0:42:28.200 --> 0:42:30.319
<v Speaker 1>in a good way too. That's really, really, really good.

0:42:31.680 --> 0:42:34.279
<v Speaker 1>Right now, I'm single, but I had two boyfriends my

0:42:34.320 --> 0:42:38.160
<v Speaker 1>whole life, one for eight years, ages sixteen to twenty two,

0:42:38.160 --> 0:42:40.640
<v Speaker 1>and another for three years, ages twenty three to twenty six.

0:42:40.680 --> 0:42:43.319
<v Speaker 1>With both relationships, they wanted to change and evolve, and

0:42:43.320 --> 0:42:45.960
<v Speaker 1>I encouraged to supported them with their changes. I wouldn't

0:42:46.000 --> 0:42:49.560
<v Speaker 1>find out until later in both relationship that the change

0:42:49.600 --> 0:42:52.839
<v Speaker 1>was to pique interest in another female. I had a

0:42:52.840 --> 0:42:55.279
<v Speaker 1>friend of ten years, ages thirteen to twenty three, who

0:42:55.280 --> 0:42:58.400
<v Speaker 1>decided to stop doing what all young people do at

0:42:58.400 --> 0:43:00.239
<v Speaker 1>twenty two and give her life to the Lord. I

0:43:00.280 --> 0:43:03.359
<v Speaker 1>respected her changes and was very open to learning what

0:43:03.400 --> 0:43:05.759
<v Speaker 1>she was getting into and didn't do anything around her

0:43:05.840 --> 0:43:09.320
<v Speaker 1>that I felt wasn't aligned with her now new life path.

0:43:09.400 --> 0:43:11.839
<v Speaker 1>That's extremely supportive and shout out to you for that.

0:43:12.600 --> 0:43:15.040
<v Speaker 1>She began pulling away. I didn't realize at first, and

0:43:15.080 --> 0:43:17.320
<v Speaker 1>after a couple of months of ghosting me, she texted

0:43:17.360 --> 0:43:18.960
<v Speaker 1>me that she can't be friends with me because I

0:43:19.000 --> 0:43:23.040
<v Speaker 1>smoke and was having pre mariter relations with my then boyfriend.

0:43:23.120 --> 0:43:25.399
<v Speaker 1>A year later, she ended up doing everything she used

0:43:25.400 --> 0:43:28.239
<v Speaker 1>to engage in before her life changed and wanted to

0:43:28.280 --> 0:43:31.080
<v Speaker 1>hang out, but I wasn't comfortable with being friends with

0:43:31.120 --> 0:43:34.080
<v Speaker 1>her anymore. That's fair, I want to add. While each

0:43:34.080 --> 0:43:36.960
<v Speaker 1>person wanted to evolve, I was also changing. I was

0:43:36.960 --> 0:43:39.560
<v Speaker 1>not content being where I was either, and was doing

0:43:39.560 --> 0:43:42.160
<v Speaker 1>what I needed to do to get there. Hallelujah. You

0:43:42.200 --> 0:43:45.080
<v Speaker 1>should graduated high school, went to college for a year.

0:43:45.280 --> 0:43:47.160
<v Speaker 1>I didn't like it, so I went to a trade school.

0:43:47.239 --> 0:43:49.760
<v Speaker 1>I rocked with that to still be better in life,

0:43:49.960 --> 0:43:52.319
<v Speaker 1>got my first car, worked as a dental assistant, then

0:43:52.400 --> 0:43:54.879
<v Speaker 1>went to intersecurity because saliva was.

0:43:54.840 --> 0:43:55.560
<v Speaker 3>Not my thing.

0:43:56.520 --> 0:43:59.440
<v Speaker 1>Now I'm working as a really good, high paying job

0:43:59.560 --> 0:44:02.399
<v Speaker 1>and contemplating being a cop once again.

0:44:02.440 --> 0:44:03.840
<v Speaker 3>If you do that, thank you for your service. I

0:44:03.840 --> 0:44:05.440
<v Speaker 3>have plenty of police officers in my family.

0:44:05.719 --> 0:44:07.920
<v Speaker 1>Deval, you said to use discernment when it comes to

0:44:07.920 --> 0:44:09.840
<v Speaker 1>giving people your time and being open to seeing a

0:44:09.880 --> 0:44:11.840
<v Speaker 1>different POV from your spouse or friend.

0:44:12.520 --> 0:44:13.600
<v Speaker 3>What am I doing wrong?

0:44:13.719 --> 0:44:16.880
<v Speaker 1>I know I shouldn't question myself about what they're doing,

0:44:16.920 --> 0:44:19.680
<v Speaker 1>But if I'm being supportive, understanding and open to them teaching,

0:44:19.719 --> 0:44:22.960
<v Speaker 1>showing me about what their next want in life is,

0:44:23.239 --> 0:44:25.880
<v Speaker 1>why do they leave me where I'm at? Am I

0:44:25.960 --> 0:44:28.520
<v Speaker 1>not good enough for them to bring me along? I

0:44:28.600 --> 0:44:32.040
<v Speaker 1>push everyone around me to be and do better in life,

0:44:32.080 --> 0:44:33.960
<v Speaker 1>but all I get in return is being told I

0:44:34.000 --> 0:44:36.359
<v Speaker 1>can't do this, I can't do that. Am I not

0:44:36.480 --> 0:44:37.640
<v Speaker 1>using my discernment right?

0:44:37.960 --> 0:44:40.320
<v Speaker 3>No? You're actually using your discernment perfectly.

0:44:40.680 --> 0:44:42.439
<v Speaker 1>It just seems like I do so much and care

0:44:42.520 --> 0:44:44.520
<v Speaker 1>so much for people who come into my life. How

0:44:44.520 --> 0:44:46.520
<v Speaker 1>do I put myself in space with people who pour

0:44:46.600 --> 0:44:49.400
<v Speaker 1>into me and not those who don't support me the

0:44:49.440 --> 0:44:50.359
<v Speaker 1>way I support them?

0:44:50.400 --> 0:44:52.440
<v Speaker 3>Girl? You are actually learning.

0:44:52.880 --> 0:44:56.279
<v Speaker 1>You're learning these people removing themselvesly finished, thank you both

0:44:56.320 --> 0:44:58.319
<v Speaker 1>for taking the time out to help me with this

0:44:58.760 --> 0:45:01.200
<v Speaker 1>and that I can do and what I can do differently,

0:45:01.239 --> 0:45:03.600
<v Speaker 1>I love y'all so much. And thank you to everyone

0:45:03.680 --> 0:45:06.520
<v Speaker 1>behind the scenes who help put this all together. That's

0:45:06.520 --> 0:45:09.239
<v Speaker 1>a shout out to Matt Josh.

0:45:09.520 --> 0:45:10.839
<v Speaker 4>Yes, Oh my god.

0:45:11.320 --> 0:45:13.279
<v Speaker 2>One particular portion of this, I felt like I was

0:45:13.320 --> 0:45:14.839
<v Speaker 2>reading a part of my life from where I had

0:45:14.840 --> 0:45:15.120
<v Speaker 2>a friend.

0:45:15.200 --> 0:45:17.919
<v Speaker 3>I know, I know exactly when she said, I.

0:45:17.880 --> 0:45:22.719
<v Speaker 2>Was like, yes, so I can totally relate to you

0:45:22.800 --> 0:45:26.520
<v Speaker 2>here because I had a friend for years.

0:45:26.880 --> 0:45:29.000
<v Speaker 4>We were in dance schools together when we were babies.

0:45:29.640 --> 0:45:33.160
<v Speaker 2>We ended up you know, parting ways as babies, you know,

0:45:33.239 --> 0:45:38.359
<v Speaker 2>as people do, and eventually later on in life reconnected

0:45:38.440 --> 0:45:40.799
<v Speaker 2>through through mutual people, and it was just like, oh

0:45:40.800 --> 0:45:42.239
<v Speaker 2>my god, I can't believe this is the same person.

0:45:42.239 --> 0:45:43.840
<v Speaker 2>Our mom was like, oh my god, I can't believe.

0:45:43.840 --> 0:45:47.719
<v Speaker 2>Like we literally had pictures in ballet recitals together at

0:45:47.760 --> 0:45:50.680
<v Speaker 2>three and four years old, became really really great friends

0:45:50.719 --> 0:45:53.120
<v Speaker 2>and all of that, super close I would say, best

0:45:53.120 --> 0:45:56.800
<v Speaker 2>friend status, and then shortly after I had Cairo, little

0:45:56.800 --> 0:46:00.560
<v Speaker 2>by little, she just started to kind of pull back. Yeah,

0:46:00.600 --> 0:46:03.239
<v Speaker 2>the communication got less and all of that. And I

0:46:03.320 --> 0:46:05.920
<v Speaker 2>knew that she was on a particular path with her

0:46:05.960 --> 0:46:08.120
<v Speaker 2>religion and with the Lord, and I was like in

0:46:08.200 --> 0:46:10.480
<v Speaker 2>full support of it, to the point where I said,

0:46:10.760 --> 0:46:12.960
<v Speaker 2>if the things that we were doing before, which meant

0:46:13.000 --> 0:46:15.759
<v Speaker 2>literally we were going out Thursday, Friday and Saturday night,

0:46:15.840 --> 0:46:19.440
<v Speaker 2>you know, drinking, party, having fun, dancing, that's what kids do,

0:46:19.520 --> 0:46:22.080
<v Speaker 2>That's what we do in our twenties or whatever. And

0:46:22.120 --> 0:46:23.799
<v Speaker 2>I had said to her, like, listen, if you're not

0:46:23.840 --> 0:46:26.960
<v Speaker 2>comfortable in those environments anymore and they don't align with

0:46:26.960 --> 0:46:30.000
<v Speaker 2>whatever you have going on, I totally respect that. I said,

0:46:30.040 --> 0:46:31.799
<v Speaker 2>it doesn't have to be that for me to be

0:46:31.880 --> 0:46:35.120
<v Speaker 2>your friend. We can literally you can come to the house.

0:46:35.160 --> 0:46:36.160
<v Speaker 2>We can order in, we.

0:46:36.120 --> 0:46:37.720
<v Speaker 3>Can the house.

0:46:37.800 --> 0:46:38.160
<v Speaker 4>I did it.

0:46:38.320 --> 0:46:39.920
<v Speaker 3>She came by, I had a conversation, she.

0:46:39.920 --> 0:46:42.640
<v Speaker 2>Had a conversation. Everything was cool. It seemed like she

0:46:42.719 --> 0:46:44.399
<v Speaker 2>helped me watch the baby at the time. I took

0:46:44.440 --> 0:46:47.520
<v Speaker 2>a nap. We maybe ordered in, she brought over, you know,

0:46:47.600 --> 0:46:50.279
<v Speaker 2>some food, and everything I thought was okay. And then

0:46:50.320 --> 0:46:55.200
<v Speaker 2>slowly but surely ghosted, ghosted, like completely ghosted. The text

0:46:55.200 --> 0:46:58.319
<v Speaker 2>messages became that much fewer, very generic like, hey, hope

0:46:58.360 --> 0:47:00.759
<v Speaker 2>all is well, praying for you kind of thing. And

0:47:01.200 --> 0:47:03.239
<v Speaker 2>I had a long time where I was looking at

0:47:03.239 --> 0:47:05.480
<v Speaker 2>it like, man, maybe there was something that I did wrong.

0:47:05.520 --> 0:47:08.279
<v Speaker 2>And I took it personally because I felt like, damn,

0:47:08.280 --> 0:47:10.880
<v Speaker 2>there had to have been something that happened that I missed.

0:47:11.560 --> 0:47:13.759
<v Speaker 2>And for a long time I dealt with grieving that

0:47:13.840 --> 0:47:17.000
<v Speaker 2>friendship because I felt like, damn, like without any kind

0:47:17.000 --> 0:47:20.000
<v Speaker 2>of explanation, this person who was such an avid part

0:47:20.040 --> 0:47:22.960
<v Speaker 2>of my life just completely disappeared on me until I

0:47:22.960 --> 0:47:25.120
<v Speaker 2>found out through speaking to more family and friends of hers,

0:47:25.160 --> 0:47:27.000
<v Speaker 2>that she's kind of pulled away from everyone.

0:47:27.160 --> 0:47:30.480
<v Speaker 1>And that's the key there is that sometimes we say

0:47:30.600 --> 0:47:33.560
<v Speaker 1>what's wrong with us, right, not realizing that that person

0:47:33.760 --> 0:47:36.600
<v Speaker 1>is going through something and they pulled away from.

0:47:36.440 --> 0:47:40.400
<v Speaker 2>Everybody, everyone altogether. And the inclination is to want to

0:47:40.440 --> 0:47:43.719
<v Speaker 2>blame yourself. And you have to realize ultimately that some

0:47:43.719 --> 0:47:46.680
<v Speaker 2>people are just there seasonally for you. Some people are

0:47:46.680 --> 0:47:49.000
<v Speaker 2>not meant to be there for the entire course of

0:47:49.040 --> 0:47:52.280
<v Speaker 2>your life. If you're fortunate to find a friend or

0:47:52.400 --> 0:47:55.239
<v Speaker 2>a spouse even who can be there for that timeframe,

0:47:55.640 --> 0:47:58.960
<v Speaker 2>then that's great. But you feeling like you need to

0:47:59.000 --> 0:48:02.240
<v Speaker 2>find the discernment to or you're looking for the discernment

0:48:02.280 --> 0:48:03.920
<v Speaker 2>to pick the right people to pour into you.

0:48:04.000 --> 0:48:05.160
<v Speaker 4>I think that's necessary.

0:48:05.360 --> 0:48:05.959
<v Speaker 3>This is the point.

0:48:06.000 --> 0:48:09.400
<v Speaker 1>If people are removing themselves from your life for whatever reason,

0:48:09.640 --> 0:48:13.040
<v Speaker 1>whether it could be you or it's them, that is

0:48:13.080 --> 0:48:17.279
<v Speaker 1>what discernment is. Yes, they remove themselves, I let them go.

0:48:17.960 --> 0:48:20.759
<v Speaker 1>Not using discernment, it's chasing them down and saying we

0:48:20.840 --> 0:48:23.399
<v Speaker 1>are supposed to be together exactly. And then now you're

0:48:23.400 --> 0:48:26.200
<v Speaker 1>trying to force something that wasn't necessarily supposed to be

0:48:26.239 --> 0:48:29.960
<v Speaker 1>there anyway. Once again, you're in your twenties, you'll realize

0:48:30.080 --> 0:48:32.239
<v Speaker 1>and I understand the twenties. For a lot of people,

0:48:32.320 --> 0:48:35.360
<v Speaker 1>it's like I'm no longer a teenager. I'm making my

0:48:35.400 --> 0:48:39.680
<v Speaker 1>own money. This young lady has definitely been I mean,

0:48:39.760 --> 0:48:41.479
<v Speaker 1>she went to college for one year, decides she didn't

0:48:41.480 --> 0:48:43.480
<v Speaker 1>want to do that, went to trade school, changed from

0:48:43.520 --> 0:48:46.000
<v Speaker 1>dentistry to now doing security, looking to be a police officer.

0:48:46.040 --> 0:48:47.640
<v Speaker 3>She's trying to find her out.

0:48:47.880 --> 0:48:50.600
<v Speaker 1>To be honest, young lady, you shouldn't be so focused

0:48:50.640 --> 0:48:53.080
<v Speaker 1>on everyone else. You should be focused on creating the

0:48:53.080 --> 0:48:57.439
<v Speaker 1>best version of yourself and then using discernment to see

0:48:57.440 --> 0:48:59.439
<v Speaker 1>who you want to share your life with, whether that's

0:48:59.560 --> 0:49:03.000
<v Speaker 1>friends or a significant other. But you're doing everything the

0:49:03.080 --> 0:49:05.719
<v Speaker 1>right way, and the truth is doing things the right

0:49:05.760 --> 0:49:07.920
<v Speaker 1>way sometimes is very lonely.

0:49:08.200 --> 0:49:08.319
<v Speaker 2>Yes.

0:49:08.719 --> 0:49:12.040
<v Speaker 1>One of the things I learned from Tyler Perry, who

0:49:12.040 --> 0:49:14.839
<v Speaker 1>I speak to probably once a month, he says, Devo,

0:49:15.000 --> 0:49:16.800
<v Speaker 1>it's lonely when you're trying to find yourself.

0:49:16.880 --> 0:49:17.640
<v Speaker 3>I said, what do you mean.

0:49:18.880 --> 0:49:21.920
<v Speaker 1>He's just like, when you're constantly spending time trying to

0:49:21.920 --> 0:49:25.279
<v Speaker 1>be the best version of yourself and you're surrounded by

0:49:25.280 --> 0:49:27.560
<v Speaker 1>people who are constantly trying to be the best version

0:49:27.600 --> 0:49:30.000
<v Speaker 1>of themselves, you don't have a lot of time to

0:49:30.080 --> 0:49:32.480
<v Speaker 1>spend with each other. Yes, and it gets lonely and

0:49:32.520 --> 0:49:34.239
<v Speaker 1>you feel like, am I doing things the right way

0:49:34.280 --> 0:49:37.600
<v Speaker 1>because I'm only by myself? And then you start to realize, like,

0:49:37.640 --> 0:49:39.520
<v Speaker 1>this is a process that happens in life. He just

0:49:39.520 --> 0:49:44.600
<v Speaker 1>turned fifty five. You're twenty something years old, which to

0:49:44.680 --> 0:49:47.680
<v Speaker 1>me tells me I'm never going to reach a point

0:49:47.680 --> 0:49:50.680
<v Speaker 1>in my life where I'm settled. These are my friend groups,

0:49:50.760 --> 0:49:54.080
<v Speaker 1>this is my wife. Everybody knows exactly who they are.

0:49:54.360 --> 0:49:57.560
<v Speaker 1>We all move together in a Kumbaya moment. No, people

0:49:57.640 --> 0:49:59.600
<v Speaker 1>are constantly evolving.

0:49:59.520 --> 0:50:02.600
<v Speaker 4>And change, changing, constantly shifting, and.

0:50:02.760 --> 0:50:06.400
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, don't and don't take it personal if someone leaves

0:50:06.440 --> 0:50:10.760
<v Speaker 1>your life. When I read the four agreements, the don't

0:50:10.800 --> 0:50:15.200
<v Speaker 1>take it personal part really changed my life because and

0:50:15.239 --> 0:50:18.960
<v Speaker 1>I always give this example. You walking down the street.

0:50:19.200 --> 0:50:21.239
<v Speaker 1>You see a young person coming down the street the

0:50:21.280 --> 0:50:22.840
<v Speaker 1>other way. They look like they're in a bad mood.

0:50:23.320 --> 0:50:25.600
<v Speaker 1>You say, man, everything all right? The fuck on my face?

0:50:26.080 --> 0:50:27.759
<v Speaker 1>Why are you talking to me? Bitch A d da

0:50:27.840 --> 0:50:30.760
<v Speaker 1>da dah. The first thing you're gonna say is what's

0:50:30.840 --> 0:50:33.240
<v Speaker 1>wrong with me? What did I do to this person

0:50:33.719 --> 0:50:36.960
<v Speaker 1>said those things to me? Little did you know that

0:50:37.000 --> 0:50:40.120
<v Speaker 1>person found out that they determinedly ill and they don't

0:50:40.120 --> 0:50:43.480
<v Speaker 1>have long on the planet. Everything that they said to

0:50:43.560 --> 0:50:45.960
<v Speaker 1>you was a projection of what they were going through.

0:50:46.239 --> 0:50:48.440
<v Speaker 1>It literally had nothing to do with you. With you,

0:50:48.600 --> 0:50:51.280
<v Speaker 1>and it works both ways. You're walking down the street,

0:50:51.560 --> 0:50:53.439
<v Speaker 1>a young person is there. You say, how you doing?

0:50:53.440 --> 0:50:55.600
<v Speaker 1>They're like, man, you the most beautiful person I ever

0:50:55.600 --> 0:50:57.920
<v Speaker 1>met in my life. Man, give you a hug. Say

0:50:57.960 --> 0:51:00.520
<v Speaker 1>here's one hundred dollars. Now you think, and shit, I'm

0:51:00.560 --> 0:51:02.560
<v Speaker 1>the shit. This person just gave one hundred dollars for

0:51:02.600 --> 0:51:05.080
<v Speaker 1>no reason. Little did you know this person just found

0:51:05.080 --> 0:51:07.239
<v Speaker 1>out that they hit the mega jackpot and it's not

0:51:07.320 --> 0:51:08.640
<v Speaker 1>worth three hundred million dollars.

0:51:08.880 --> 0:51:09.839
<v Speaker 4>Nothing can make you feel bad.

0:51:10.840 --> 0:51:13.640
<v Speaker 1>Everything they're going through is a projecting of what they're

0:51:13.680 --> 0:51:14.160
<v Speaker 1>going through.

0:51:14.200 --> 0:51:16.600
<v Speaker 3>Have nothing to do with you. You ain't that handsome dude. Yeah,

0:51:16.640 --> 0:51:19.440
<v Speaker 3>you know what I'm saying. Nobody's gonna give you money.

0:51:19.640 --> 0:51:21.719
<v Speaker 4>Absolutely. That's the same thing with the comment section.

0:51:21.920 --> 0:51:26.760
<v Speaker 2>People are projecting, projecting, projecting about their own circumstances.

0:51:26.920 --> 0:51:29.759
<v Speaker 4>Yes, don't let that interfere with what you have going on.

0:51:29.800 --> 0:51:31.719
<v Speaker 2>I think the best advice you gave, babe with this

0:51:31.760 --> 0:51:34.319
<v Speaker 2>whole thing was you are twenty six and you were

0:51:34.320 --> 0:51:37.840
<v Speaker 2>still trying to figure yourself out, figure yourself out, figure

0:51:38.080 --> 0:51:40.080
<v Speaker 2>your life out. And once you were so sure of

0:51:40.160 --> 0:51:42.720
<v Speaker 2>who you are, and as you continue to progress through life,

0:51:42.880 --> 0:51:45.239
<v Speaker 2>the people who are meant to find you and be

0:51:45.440 --> 0:51:48.439
<v Speaker 2>on this journey of life with you, Yes, will be there,

0:51:48.719 --> 0:51:51.759
<v Speaker 2>whether it's for one season or for several facts. You

0:51:51.800 --> 0:51:52.839
<v Speaker 2>just have to understand that.

0:51:53.080 --> 0:51:56.200
<v Speaker 1>I agree with that. All right, let's take a quick break.

0:51:56.200 --> 0:51:57.840
<v Speaker 1>This is the last break of the year before we

0:51:57.880 --> 0:51:58.279
<v Speaker 1>come back.

0:51:58.320 --> 0:52:01.360
<v Speaker 2>And I'm so excited.

0:52:01.520 --> 0:52:03.000
<v Speaker 4>One or two I don't know what.

0:52:04.000 --> 0:52:06.040
<v Speaker 2>All right, we'll see what time permits for all Right,

0:52:06.080 --> 0:52:16.120
<v Speaker 2>we'll be back, y'all. Stick around. All right, we're back

0:52:16.160 --> 0:52:18.440
<v Speaker 2>with our last two listener letters of the year. I

0:52:18.480 --> 0:52:21.120
<v Speaker 2>can't believe this year just flew by. Twenty twenty four

0:52:21.239 --> 0:52:25.160
<v Speaker 2>was so insanely It was a wonderful and year. Yeah,

0:52:25.200 --> 0:52:26.840
<v Speaker 2>it was the year of forty. It was an incredible

0:52:26.920 --> 0:52:29.520
<v Speaker 2>year for me at least. How do you feel, babe?

0:52:29.800 --> 0:52:34.879
<v Speaker 1>I feel great, Kadeen and I have a lot going on.

0:52:35.200 --> 0:52:37.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, this year we had so much going on.

0:52:37.960 --> 0:52:40.560
<v Speaker 1>We weren't able to, you know, put as much into

0:52:40.760 --> 0:52:43.799
<v Speaker 1>the podcast because we were traveling a lot. But going

0:52:43.880 --> 0:52:48.520
<v Speaker 1>into twenty twenty five, yeah, we have some things we.

0:52:48.400 --> 0:52:49.600
<v Speaker 4>Want to turn up on y'all.

0:52:49.640 --> 0:52:50.719
<v Speaker 3>We're going to turn up on y'all.

0:52:51.120 --> 0:52:54.480
<v Speaker 2>It's gonna be and not just podcasts, just like everything. Yeah,

0:52:54.480 --> 0:52:56.239
<v Speaker 2>I feel like there's gonna be a lot of really

0:52:56.239 --> 0:52:58.600
<v Speaker 2>great stuff coming out of your way twenty twenty five

0:52:59.640 --> 0:53:03.960
<v Speaker 2>and thanks Got Twenty twenty four was a year of expansion, elevation,

0:53:05.480 --> 0:53:07.440
<v Speaker 2>getting rid of things that we no longer serve, that

0:53:07.800 --> 0:53:11.080
<v Speaker 2>longer served us, and moving into the space that we're

0:53:11.120 --> 0:53:11.480
<v Speaker 2>meant to be.

0:53:11.560 --> 0:53:13.879
<v Speaker 4>And so I'm excited or the.

0:53:13.840 --> 0:53:16.320
<v Speaker 2>Top of Q one, y'all, So let's finish out with

0:53:16.360 --> 0:53:19.399
<v Speaker 2>these last two before we send y'all on. Y'all way,

0:53:19.440 --> 0:53:24.799
<v Speaker 2>all right, hey, family. In my head, I recently came

0:53:24.840 --> 0:53:27.960
<v Speaker 2>to under came to an understanding of how deep your

0:53:28.000 --> 0:53:31.480
<v Speaker 2>inspiration and guidance has pushed me to who I am today.

0:53:32.120 --> 0:53:36.120
<v Speaker 2>In twenty thirteen, I left a narcissistic relationship in which

0:53:36.160 --> 0:53:39.240
<v Speaker 2>I was in for nine years. I was so scared

0:53:39.239 --> 0:53:41.160
<v Speaker 2>to leave because I was going to raise three children

0:53:41.200 --> 0:53:44.200
<v Speaker 2>alone and was always told and I'm only a good

0:53:44.239 --> 0:53:48.000
<v Speaker 2>mother because I have help. After hearing negative things for years,

0:53:48.080 --> 0:53:51.400
<v Speaker 2>you start to believe it. Leaving with three children with

0:53:51.480 --> 0:53:55.279
<v Speaker 2>no plan in a day was insane. I moved and

0:53:55.280 --> 0:53:58.040
<v Speaker 2>settled down, but didn't realize how my mental health was

0:53:58.080 --> 0:54:00.640
<v Speaker 2>about to destroy me. For the next couple of years,

0:54:01.880 --> 0:54:04.279
<v Speaker 2>anything dealing with mental health, I was dealing with it.

0:54:04.680 --> 0:54:08.040
<v Speaker 2>Social media was my addiction and I definitely it definitely

0:54:08.120 --> 0:54:11.640
<v Speaker 2>helped with my depression. I was eating all unhealthy foods

0:54:11.640 --> 0:54:14.480
<v Speaker 2>and looking for attention in the wrong places. In the

0:54:14.480 --> 0:54:17.120
<v Speaker 2>midst of my unhealthy scrolling, I found laughter and joy

0:54:17.160 --> 0:54:19.920
<v Speaker 2>in twenty seventeen when I started following you on ig

0:54:21.880 --> 0:54:24.000
<v Speaker 2>When I tell you, I wasn't prepared for what God

0:54:24.040 --> 0:54:26.319
<v Speaker 2>had in store for me in twenty nineteen when you

0:54:26.320 --> 0:54:30.600
<v Speaker 2>guys started dada Ass podcasts. The many issues you discussed

0:54:30.640 --> 0:54:33.520
<v Speaker 2>helped me in many departments of my life, my biggest

0:54:33.560 --> 0:54:36.680
<v Speaker 2>being my mental health and motherhood. Your love for each

0:54:36.680 --> 0:54:39.239
<v Speaker 2>other showed me that anything is possible when you manifest

0:54:39.280 --> 0:54:43.360
<v Speaker 2>your life. I never even heard the word manifestation until

0:54:43.360 --> 0:54:46.120
<v Speaker 2>I started listening to you. Now it's all I do,

0:54:46.200 --> 0:54:50.840
<v Speaker 2>along with prayer. Yes, it same same, same SA and prayer.

0:54:51.040 --> 0:54:51.480
<v Speaker 4>That's it.

0:54:52.040 --> 0:54:54.040
<v Speaker 2>Since I started following you, I found my husband, who

0:54:54.080 --> 0:54:58.320
<v Speaker 2>I married in April of this h I'm in school

0:54:58.320 --> 0:55:01.200
<v Speaker 2>for my psychology degree because I want to help others

0:55:01.239 --> 0:55:04.759
<v Speaker 2>break certain generational mindsets by becoming a life coach and

0:55:04.840 --> 0:55:06.080
<v Speaker 2>inspirational speaker.

0:55:06.200 --> 0:55:08.319
<v Speaker 3>Come on now, come on talk about it.

0:55:08.440 --> 0:55:11.400
<v Speaker 2>I want to encourage self love and understanding. And I'm

0:55:11.440 --> 0:55:14.719
<v Speaker 2>now in the works of starting my family podcast, which

0:55:14.800 --> 0:55:17.200
<v Speaker 2>I already scheduled a session for with Triple.

0:55:19.040 --> 0:55:20.239
<v Speaker 4>Come on, this is.

0:55:20.239 --> 0:55:23.800
<v Speaker 1>All manifestation because Triple talked about helping people start.

0:55:23.800 --> 0:55:24.319
<v Speaker 3>This is great.

0:55:24.440 --> 0:55:26.600
<v Speaker 2>This is such a good one. Although I'm not a

0:55:26.640 --> 0:55:29.680
<v Speaker 2>part of your team, you all are a part of mine.

0:55:30.120 --> 0:55:33.319
<v Speaker 2>You've helped push my ideas into my reality with the

0:55:33.360 --> 0:55:36.120
<v Speaker 2>saying of close your eyes and picture what you want.

0:55:36.200 --> 0:55:37.879
<v Speaker 4>If you can see it, you are.

0:55:37.840 --> 0:55:41.320
<v Speaker 3>Already have it. Let's go, let's go. That's the truth. Though.

0:55:42.239 --> 0:55:45.000
<v Speaker 4>The last thing you closed out your first live dead

0:55:45.040 --> 0:55:47.680
<v Speaker 4>Ass show or my first live dead Ass show with

0:55:47.880 --> 0:55:49.960
<v Speaker 4>so I guess this is saying that people want the

0:55:49.960 --> 0:55:51.200
<v Speaker 4>Dead Ass Live show is back.

0:55:52.480 --> 0:55:53.120
<v Speaker 3>Oh Man.

0:55:53.200 --> 0:55:53.680
<v Speaker 2>I don't know.

0:55:54.000 --> 0:55:55.719
<v Speaker 4>I don't know, but I love to hear that.

0:55:55.719 --> 0:55:58.719
<v Speaker 2>That's something that resonates with people because it's something that

0:55:58.760 --> 0:56:01.440
<v Speaker 2>develop and I do it the very and of every show.

0:56:01.680 --> 0:56:05.080
<v Speaker 2>Not all superheroes wear capes. Please understand you help save

0:56:05.160 --> 0:56:11.200
<v Speaker 2>my husband's wife and my children's mothers. Oh Man, the

0:56:11.320 --> 0:56:12.640
<v Speaker 2>tears are about to fall.

0:56:12.880 --> 0:56:14.200
<v Speaker 3>I know right, mind too, man.

0:56:14.960 --> 0:56:19.680
<v Speaker 4>Thank you deeply from a healing woman. This is why

0:56:19.719 --> 0:56:21.920
<v Speaker 4>we do it, you know.

0:56:21.960 --> 0:56:22.880
<v Speaker 3>Here's the truth. Guys.

0:56:22.960 --> 0:56:28.600
<v Speaker 1>Man, Sometimes because they and not feel like how long

0:56:28.680 --> 0:56:30.400
<v Speaker 1>we going to keep doing that ass podcast?

0:56:31.200 --> 0:56:33.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, because we've shared.

0:56:33.239 --> 0:56:35.400
<v Speaker 1>Even though we evolve and we changed, we've shared so

0:56:35.520 --> 0:56:38.600
<v Speaker 1>much of ourselves so far. We got we don't have

0:56:38.680 --> 0:56:40.120
<v Speaker 1>a lot of time and we want to spend it

0:56:40.160 --> 0:56:42.160
<v Speaker 1>with our kids. We have other things, we want to do.

0:56:42.960 --> 0:56:45.239
<v Speaker 1>But when we hear how people resonate with what we're

0:56:45.280 --> 0:56:51.359
<v Speaker 1>talking about really just makes me like, yeah, no, you're good.

0:56:51.480 --> 0:56:54.440
<v Speaker 1>You know, like there's not a lot of positivity on

0:56:54.480 --> 0:56:57.279
<v Speaker 1>social media because it's so easy to get clicks by

0:56:57.360 --> 0:56:58.640
<v Speaker 1>being negative and just.

0:57:01.040 --> 0:57:05.319
<v Speaker 2>Creating lies, right or pinning groups of people against each other,

0:57:05.400 --> 0:57:08.560
<v Speaker 2>Like it's just so much of that, and this is

0:57:08.600 --> 0:57:09.799
<v Speaker 2>really really nice to.

0:57:11.280 --> 0:57:13.400
<v Speaker 3>It just be like, now we're not going to stop.

0:57:13.680 --> 0:57:16.280
<v Speaker 2>And it's crazy because we have been having I guess

0:57:16.280 --> 0:57:18.960
<v Speaker 2>we can let y'all know this because we family. We've

0:57:19.000 --> 0:57:22.480
<v Speaker 2>been discussing now that pretty much our contract is at

0:57:22.520 --> 0:57:26.960
<v Speaker 2>an end this year with iHeartRadio, and it's like, do

0:57:27.040 --> 0:57:29.200
<v Speaker 2>you re up and try to do another contract in

0:57:29.240 --> 0:57:30.960
<v Speaker 2>a couple more years in the podcast or do we

0:57:31.080 --> 0:57:35.000
<v Speaker 2>just end it here? And I feel like when you

0:57:35.040 --> 0:57:37.720
<v Speaker 2>pray for and you you pray for guidance and you

0:57:37.760 --> 0:57:41.200
<v Speaker 2>pray for answers and you get them, I feel like

0:57:41.240 --> 0:57:44.240
<v Speaker 2>this is literally God saying keep going, Like this is

0:57:44.280 --> 0:57:48.040
<v Speaker 2>not the end of Dead Ass Podcast. It won't and

0:57:48.040 --> 0:57:53.439
<v Speaker 2>it won't be, but it's great to hear these love

0:57:53.520 --> 0:57:56.000
<v Speaker 2>letters from you guys that help us keep going. So

0:57:56.720 --> 0:57:59.040
<v Speaker 2>and I'm just happy for her. Look at how her

0:57:59.080 --> 0:57:59.920
<v Speaker 2>life has.

0:58:00.080 --> 0:58:03.720
<v Speaker 1>Deeply from a healing woman like she a narcissist relationship.

0:58:03.240 --> 0:58:05.240
<v Speaker 4>Where someone telling her that she wasn't.

0:58:05.000 --> 0:58:07.600
<v Speaker 1>Nothing all that time for her to start believing it

0:58:07.640 --> 0:58:09.360
<v Speaker 1>and then to just get out and there be like, no,

0:58:09.480 --> 0:58:12.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to do stuff and now and she's about

0:58:12.240 --> 0:58:12.640
<v Speaker 1>to change a.

0:58:12.600 --> 0:58:13.160
<v Speaker 3>Bunch of people.

0:58:13.560 --> 0:58:15.480
<v Speaker 2>And this is a testimony to letting people know this

0:58:15.520 --> 0:58:18.120
<v Speaker 2>is eleven years in the making of her healing and

0:58:18.160 --> 0:58:20.400
<v Speaker 2>figuring out how she's going to make it out. And

0:58:20.400 --> 0:58:22.440
<v Speaker 2>she finds her husband, and she goes to school, and

0:58:22.480 --> 0:58:25.280
<v Speaker 2>now she starts her own podcast. Like so many things

0:58:25.360 --> 0:58:27.800
<v Speaker 2>can happen. So when people are looking for these microwave

0:58:27.880 --> 0:58:32.120
<v Speaker 2>relationships or these overnight successes or these instant gratification moments,

0:58:32.480 --> 0:58:35.480
<v Speaker 2>they don't exist, and if it does, it's probably not

0:58:35.520 --> 0:58:35.960
<v Speaker 2>worth it.

0:58:36.040 --> 0:58:39.040
<v Speaker 3>So she just makes me feel good to know that

0:58:39.080 --> 0:58:40.240
<v Speaker 3>people feel good listening.

0:58:40.520 --> 0:58:43.560
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know, like that's really that's really all I

0:58:43.600 --> 0:58:46.240
<v Speaker 1>want When people ask why y'all share so much? I

0:58:46.280 --> 0:58:49.440
<v Speaker 1>want somebody to be better, and don't want somebody to

0:58:49.480 --> 0:58:51.560
<v Speaker 1>do better, live a better life, learn something so that

0:58:51.640 --> 0:58:54.080
<v Speaker 1>they can create something that they never had.

0:58:54.520 --> 0:58:57.280
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, you know, that's all. That's all Kneena and I

0:58:57.320 --> 0:58:57.760
<v Speaker 3>ever wanted.

0:58:57.800 --> 0:58:59.919
<v Speaker 4>It's that person by a person, just like little things.

0:59:00.160 --> 0:59:02.240
<v Speaker 2>This helps me meet the world a better place and

0:59:02.320 --> 0:59:04.240
<v Speaker 2>the human experience that much better.

0:59:05.120 --> 0:59:07.760
<v Speaker 4>You, Elie, love you too, Man, love you too.

0:59:08.400 --> 0:59:10.600
<v Speaker 1>All right, that's gonna lead us into our last listener

0:59:10.680 --> 0:59:13.600
<v Speaker 1>letter of the year. All Right, I want to start

0:59:13.640 --> 0:59:15.320
<v Speaker 1>by saying I love you guys and your family. We

0:59:15.400 --> 0:59:18.600
<v Speaker 1>love you too. You have answered the question. You have

0:59:18.720 --> 0:59:21.640
<v Speaker 1>answered the question I've had previously, and you gave amazing advice,

0:59:21.920 --> 0:59:24.120
<v Speaker 1>so I figured I test my luck again. I do

0:59:24.240 --> 0:59:26.960
<v Speaker 1>want to remain anonymous because my question is regarding something

0:59:27.040 --> 0:59:30.440
<v Speaker 1>personal and sensitive, So here it goes. I am not

0:59:30.680 --> 0:59:34.360
<v Speaker 1>satisfied with my sex like capital left capital. I have

0:59:34.480 --> 0:59:36.720
<v Speaker 1>been married to my husband for two years, but we've

0:59:36.720 --> 0:59:38.920
<v Speaker 1>been together for about seven. The sex has never been

0:59:39.000 --> 0:59:42.080
<v Speaker 1>mind blowing, but it's been enough to sustain our relationship.

0:59:42.120 --> 0:59:44.080
<v Speaker 3>He is easy to please.

0:59:44.560 --> 0:59:47.840
<v Speaker 1>It's easy to get him aroused, and it's usually quick

0:59:48.080 --> 0:59:50.120
<v Speaker 1>to get him to be completely satisfied, if you know

0:59:50.160 --> 0:59:52.080
<v Speaker 1>what I mean. It takes a little more for me.

0:59:52.160 --> 0:59:56.120
<v Speaker 1>I like to be aroused, mentally complimented, made to feel

0:59:56.120 --> 0:59:59.560
<v Speaker 1>special or connected. I don't need much but intimate conversations,

0:59:59.560 --> 1:00:01.800
<v Speaker 1>and I'm a but it's hard for my husband to

1:00:01.880 --> 1:00:04.880
<v Speaker 1>understand that, understand what I mean because he is a

1:00:04.920 --> 1:00:08.080
<v Speaker 1>straight to the point, physical type of god. It's hard

1:00:08.160 --> 1:00:10.280
<v Speaker 1>for me to ask for what I want because I'm

1:00:10.320 --> 1:00:12.720
<v Speaker 1>afraid he isn't capable of giving it to me and

1:00:12.760 --> 1:00:15.920
<v Speaker 1>what would that mean for our marriage. There's also the

1:00:16.000 --> 1:00:18.800
<v Speaker 1>issue of what he is packing is nowhere near what

1:00:18.840 --> 1:00:21.959
<v Speaker 1>I'm used to from previous relationships. I try to stick

1:00:22.000 --> 1:00:23.840
<v Speaker 1>to the motion in the ocean, but the side of

1:00:23.880 --> 1:00:29.160
<v Speaker 1>the boat would help. Josh, stupid, don't you think? How

1:00:29.160 --> 1:00:32.000
<v Speaker 1>do I tell my husband that what I require may

1:00:32.040 --> 1:00:34.000
<v Speaker 1>be something he isn't capable of performing?

1:00:34.080 --> 1:00:34.400
<v Speaker 3>Jeez?

1:00:34.880 --> 1:00:38.200
<v Speaker 1>Sex is important, but it isn't everything. However, I would

1:00:38.200 --> 1:00:41.320
<v Speaker 1>like to find ways for me to be satisfied as well.

1:00:41.800 --> 1:00:42.440
<v Speaker 3>Help please.

1:00:43.280 --> 1:00:45.680
<v Speaker 2>Oh, that's a tough one because one of those things

1:00:45.680 --> 1:00:48.080
<v Speaker 2>you can't control, you know, like you can't You can

1:00:48.160 --> 1:00:51.080
<v Speaker 2>probably have the conversation with what you require in terms

1:00:51.080 --> 1:00:53.480
<v Speaker 2>of foreplay and stuff like that to get you aroused.

1:00:53.880 --> 1:00:57.040
<v Speaker 2>So though you are afraid of him not being capable

1:00:57.080 --> 1:00:58.560
<v Speaker 2>of giving you what you need, at least that's the

1:00:58.640 --> 1:01:01.400
<v Speaker 2>easier conversation. I think to have and something that's fixable,

1:01:01.920 --> 1:01:06.520
<v Speaker 2>whereas something like penis size that it's just it is

1:01:06.560 --> 1:01:07.520
<v Speaker 2>what it is, right.

1:01:07.520 --> 1:01:10.000
<v Speaker 1>But I do think that my first question would be

1:01:11.560 --> 1:01:14.920
<v Speaker 1>if you knew that from the beginning, why go through

1:01:16.040 --> 1:01:19.240
<v Speaker 1>with everything? If you knew you wasn't satisfied? That would

1:01:19.240 --> 1:01:20.000
<v Speaker 1>be my first question.

1:01:20.480 --> 1:01:22.680
<v Speaker 4>Sex isn't everything, but she thought what it is though.

1:01:23.560 --> 1:01:26.720
<v Speaker 1>This is the thing people like to say. Sex isn't everything.

1:01:27.040 --> 1:01:29.720
<v Speaker 1>But sex does cure and heal so many different things

1:01:29.720 --> 1:01:31.840
<v Speaker 1>in a relationship. And I'm not just talking about orgasm.

1:01:32.160 --> 1:01:35.880
<v Speaker 1>Intimacy comes. Oxytocin comes from that physical connection. She's not

1:01:35.960 --> 1:01:38.760
<v Speaker 1>getting the oxytocin and the physical connection she can get

1:01:38.840 --> 1:01:40.880
<v Speaker 1>she needs from sex, So it's probably affecting her and

1:01:41.000 --> 1:01:42.120
<v Speaker 1>everything else in her life.

1:01:42.200 --> 1:01:42.720
<v Speaker 4>Oh for sure.

1:01:42.840 --> 1:01:45.440
<v Speaker 1>So sex is important. You know, sex was created for

1:01:45.520 --> 1:01:47.680
<v Speaker 1>us to become close, for a reason. For us to

1:01:47.680 --> 1:01:49.360
<v Speaker 1>try to make it seem like it's not that important

1:01:49.440 --> 1:01:53.160
<v Speaker 1>is a lie. And that's why when men are complaining

1:01:53.200 --> 1:01:55.920
<v Speaker 1>about sex and women say things like, well, sex isn't important,

1:01:55.960 --> 1:01:57.000
<v Speaker 1>that's not true.

1:01:56.920 --> 1:01:58.960
<v Speaker 2>Right, And here we have a woman who's saying that

1:01:59.160 --> 1:02:00.200
<v Speaker 2>she's not satisfy, and.

1:02:00.160 --> 1:02:02.000
<v Speaker 1>I don't think it's fair for her to even try

1:02:02.000 --> 1:02:04.600
<v Speaker 1>to convince herself that says that she's not that no

1:02:05.160 --> 1:02:06.920
<v Speaker 1>sex is important to everyone.

1:02:07.520 --> 1:02:08.680
<v Speaker 3>It's important to everyone.

1:02:09.000 --> 1:02:12.440
<v Speaker 1>What I will say is, since you can't change his equipment,

1:02:12.840 --> 1:02:15.840
<v Speaker 1>you can try using toys and see if that helps.

1:02:16.000 --> 1:02:17.800
<v Speaker 1>But what I will say is, if you want to

1:02:17.840 --> 1:02:20.040
<v Speaker 1>spend the rest of your life with this man, you

1:02:20.120 --> 1:02:22.960
<v Speaker 1>have to have these conversations with him up front, honestly,

1:02:23.040 --> 1:02:26.200
<v Speaker 1>and he has to be willing to accept how you feel,

1:02:26.760 --> 1:02:29.439
<v Speaker 1>and you have to be willing to accept how what

1:02:29.520 --> 1:02:31.040
<v Speaker 1>you say may make him feel a.

1:02:30.960 --> 1:02:32.320
<v Speaker 2>Way, right, I was about to say it might be

1:02:32.360 --> 1:02:34.960
<v Speaker 2>an ego hit to him to feel like, oh, I'm

1:02:34.960 --> 1:02:36.280
<v Speaker 2>not satisfying my wife, Like.

1:02:36.240 --> 1:02:36.760
<v Speaker 3>What do you mean?

1:02:37.040 --> 1:02:39.440
<v Speaker 2>And he may also be oblivious to it, you know,

1:02:39.480 --> 1:02:41.840
<v Speaker 2>if you haven't had the conversation with him to let

1:02:41.920 --> 1:02:44.160
<v Speaker 2>him know, like babe, I require a little bit more

1:02:44.800 --> 1:02:47.760
<v Speaker 2>asking those investigative questions, maybe asking him babe, is there

1:02:47.800 --> 1:02:50.160
<v Speaker 2>anything more that I can do for you to to

1:02:50.280 --> 1:02:53.560
<v Speaker 2>kind of like loosen up the atmosphere? Deval And I've

1:02:53.600 --> 1:02:56.680
<v Speaker 2>had these conversations over and over and over again, yes,

1:02:56.760 --> 1:02:59.600
<v Speaker 2>about what can be needed, what's needed in that moment,

1:02:59.680 --> 1:03:03.320
<v Speaker 2>what can try what's you know, a green light? What

1:03:03.560 --> 1:03:05.280
<v Speaker 2>used to be a red light might be a yellow

1:03:05.360 --> 1:03:07.280
<v Speaker 2>light now, you know, there's so many things that can

1:03:07.320 --> 1:03:11.000
<v Speaker 2>come up in those kind of conversations. So yes, handling

1:03:11.040 --> 1:03:13.280
<v Speaker 2>it and presenting it to him in a way that

1:03:13.440 --> 1:03:16.600
<v Speaker 2>is delicate enough where he doesn't necessarily take the ego hit,

1:03:17.200 --> 1:03:19.840
<v Speaker 2>but then wanting to be honest because you deserve to

1:03:19.880 --> 1:03:21.320
<v Speaker 2>be honest to get the things that you want.

1:03:21.480 --> 1:03:24.120
<v Speaker 3>I will say this too. He may be a little

1:03:24.120 --> 1:03:25.760
<v Speaker 3>guilty of this. She said it here.

1:03:26.040 --> 1:03:26.400
<v Speaker 4>What's that.

1:03:27.040 --> 1:03:29.000
<v Speaker 1>I've been married to my husband for two years, but

1:03:29.040 --> 1:03:31.800
<v Speaker 1>we've been together for seven. The sex has never been

1:03:31.840 --> 1:03:34.760
<v Speaker 1>mind blowing, but it's been enough to sustain in our relationship.

1:03:35.240 --> 1:03:37.000
<v Speaker 1>If it was enough before, it could be a little

1:03:37.040 --> 1:03:38.960
<v Speaker 1>bit of complacency where he's like, well, I'm married now

1:03:39.040 --> 1:03:40.560
<v Speaker 1>two years. All I got to do is just do

1:03:40.600 --> 1:03:41.400
<v Speaker 1>this and we good.

1:03:41.880 --> 1:03:42.360
<v Speaker 4>Very true.

1:03:42.440 --> 1:03:45.360
<v Speaker 1>She should have the conversation like the complacency or whatever

1:03:45.400 --> 1:03:48.080
<v Speaker 1>what's sustaining us is no longer here, Right, We're gonna

1:03:48.120 --> 1:03:50.000
<v Speaker 1>have to do some things. And the truth is, in

1:03:50.120 --> 1:03:53.280
<v Speaker 1>every relationship, when it comes to intimacy, there comes a

1:03:53.360 --> 1:03:56.880
<v Speaker 1>point where that happens, and it's not something that ever

1:03:56.920 --> 1:03:57.600
<v Speaker 1>stops like.

1:03:57.600 --> 1:04:00.440
<v Speaker 2>Talk about fantasies and talk about the things that she

1:04:00.480 --> 1:04:03.080
<v Speaker 2>would want to try, and you know, if it's not

1:04:03.080 --> 1:04:06.520
<v Speaker 2>something that you can help, like involving other people with

1:04:06.640 --> 1:04:08.920
<v Speaker 2>like toys, like de Vall said, those are things that

1:04:08.960 --> 1:04:11.320
<v Speaker 2>we've used over the course of our marriage to be

1:04:11.360 --> 1:04:15.120
<v Speaker 2>like a different that we could try that's a little different,

1:04:15.200 --> 1:04:16.880
<v Speaker 2>that will also help.

1:04:17.000 --> 1:04:18.520
<v Speaker 1>We want what if she you know, what if she

1:04:18.600 --> 1:04:20.240
<v Speaker 1>dressed up like There's so many things you can do

1:04:20.280 --> 1:04:23.000
<v Speaker 1>with intimacy to kind of spark something different. We talked

1:04:23.040 --> 1:04:26.720
<v Speaker 1>in an earlier relations or earlier podcasts about casual sex. Yes,

1:04:26.800 --> 1:04:29.439
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying. Let it be some casual sex.

1:04:29.480 --> 1:04:31.120
<v Speaker 1>Maybe y'all go out on the date. You wear something

1:04:31.200 --> 1:04:33.680
<v Speaker 1>super skimpy that he's never seen you in. That might

1:04:33.720 --> 1:04:36.080
<v Speaker 1>get him a little bit more aroused. But then you

1:04:36.200 --> 1:04:38.400
<v Speaker 1>four play and tease him. So now you put you

1:04:38.440 --> 1:04:40.240
<v Speaker 1>tell him let me try something. You sit him down

1:04:40.240 --> 1:04:42.800
<v Speaker 1>in the chair, tie his legs up, tie his hands up,

1:04:43.200 --> 1:04:45.760
<v Speaker 1>and you tease him to the point where you aroused

1:04:45.800 --> 1:04:48.240
<v Speaker 1>and you play with him. And now he can't come

1:04:48.320 --> 1:04:50.000
<v Speaker 1>because you're not going to allow it to get to

1:04:50.040 --> 1:04:52.920
<v Speaker 1>that point. That four player that tease may help you,

1:04:53.480 --> 1:04:55.240
<v Speaker 1>and then once you get to your point out, it's like, Okay,

1:04:55.240 --> 1:04:57.160
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna let him deliver, but I'm gonna get mines.

1:04:57.640 --> 1:04:59.400
<v Speaker 1>You know what I'm saying, Like, there's so many different

1:04:59.440 --> 1:05:02.520
<v Speaker 1>ways that you can make sex creative and fun, but

1:05:02.560 --> 1:05:03.720
<v Speaker 1>the conversation has.

1:05:03.640 --> 1:05:06.080
<v Speaker 4>To be had and ultimately says you kind of knew

1:05:06.080 --> 1:05:06.840
<v Speaker 4>what you were getting into.

1:05:07.400 --> 1:05:09.840
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you know what she did, but if he got

1:05:09.880 --> 1:05:11.360
<v Speaker 1>complacent and stopped doing something.

1:05:11.880 --> 1:05:13.760
<v Speaker 2>The fiest part because she said she had some people

1:05:13.800 --> 1:05:16.240
<v Speaker 2>in the past who maybe doesn't measure up or he

1:05:16.240 --> 1:05:17.040
<v Speaker 2>doesn't measure up to.

1:05:17.200 --> 1:05:18.560
<v Speaker 4>But it's just like, you know.

1:05:20.400 --> 1:05:21.720
<v Speaker 3>Enough for nothing. This is a good thing.

1:05:21.760 --> 1:05:24.240
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to close the year out on. It's my

1:05:24.320 --> 1:05:27.400
<v Speaker 1>moment in truth. Ladies. Sex is important to y'all too.

1:05:27.880 --> 1:05:31.080
<v Speaker 1>Stop acting like it's not for whatever reason that you

1:05:31.120 --> 1:05:33.320
<v Speaker 1>want to make it seem like it's not important. Sex

1:05:33.480 --> 1:05:35.919
<v Speaker 1>is important and should be important to women as well.

1:05:36.320 --> 1:05:38.680
<v Speaker 1>This whole taboo mindset that a woman is supposed to

1:05:38.680 --> 1:05:41.560
<v Speaker 1>just enjoy whatever type of sex that her man provides.

1:05:41.600 --> 1:05:43.080
<v Speaker 3>It's not really.

1:05:44.680 --> 1:05:48.680
<v Speaker 2>Shouldn't just enjoy whatever woman provides, or if it's a

1:05:48.680 --> 1:05:50.280
<v Speaker 2>woman and a woman or a man and a man whatever,

1:05:50.280 --> 1:05:52.960
<v Speaker 2>who doesn't matter, whatever the makeup is. One person in

1:05:53.000 --> 1:05:56.040
<v Speaker 2>the relationship shouldn't have to always be the one.

1:05:56.160 --> 1:05:59.720
<v Speaker 4>Right to suffer sounds like a bad word, but suffer

1:05:59.760 --> 1:06:01.480
<v Speaker 4>is that what it is?

1:06:01.520 --> 1:06:03.840
<v Speaker 3>Because if we're asking our partner to only be.

1:06:03.880 --> 1:06:05.240
<v Speaker 4>With us, it is a deficit.

1:06:05.480 --> 1:06:07.040
<v Speaker 3>Is avoid suffer.

1:06:07.640 --> 1:06:10.200
<v Speaker 1>If you had a deficit, you suffering, like we're not

1:06:10.320 --> 1:06:10.919
<v Speaker 1>changing that.

1:06:11.320 --> 1:06:13.600
<v Speaker 3>It is. My responsibility, is your husband.

1:06:14.040 --> 1:06:16.800
<v Speaker 1>If I'm asking you to no longer be with anybody

1:06:16.840 --> 1:06:20.000
<v Speaker 1>else or share your intimate space with anybody else, it's

1:06:20.080 --> 1:06:22.919
<v Speaker 1>my responsibility to make sure that you are yes, fill

1:06:22.960 --> 1:06:26.480
<v Speaker 1>you up and be satisfied and vice versa. Right, And

1:06:26.520 --> 1:06:30.920
<v Speaker 1>that's that's my moment of truth for everybody. Love your partner,

1:06:31.560 --> 1:06:34.040
<v Speaker 1>fill them up, don't don't fall.

1:06:33.840 --> 1:06:35.720
<v Speaker 3>Into the world. She got to accept what he got

1:06:35.840 --> 1:06:36.760
<v Speaker 3>to accept what I'm giving.

1:06:36.800 --> 1:06:40.040
<v Speaker 1>And no, no, work your hardest to be everything your

1:06:40.040 --> 1:06:42.760
<v Speaker 1>partner these because you chose them. If you don't want

1:06:42.760 --> 1:06:44.640
<v Speaker 1>to work hard to be with your partner these, then

1:06:44.680 --> 1:06:45.640
<v Speaker 1>you should have chose somebody.

1:06:45.840 --> 1:06:49.200
<v Speaker 2>Service based industry guys. As we told y'all, that's how

1:06:49.240 --> 1:06:55.800
<v Speaker 2>this marriage relationship stuff works. Some really good listener letters

1:06:56.160 --> 1:06:57.440
<v Speaker 2>shout out to y'all for writing in.

1:06:57.480 --> 1:06:59.520
<v Speaker 4>Shout out to Triple for putting this together for us.

1:07:00.080 --> 1:07:03.520
<v Speaker 2>Yeah, moment of truth for the Well before we get

1:07:03.560 --> 1:07:06.600
<v Speaker 2>to the moment of truth, we'll be back.

1:07:06.720 --> 1:07:07.880
<v Speaker 4>In twenty twenty five.

1:07:08.320 --> 1:07:11.880
<v Speaker 2>Yes, with Dead Ass podcasts, more stuff, new stuff, different

1:07:11.960 --> 1:07:16.000
<v Speaker 2>things that we might try a day with k baby,

1:07:16.160 --> 1:07:18.440
<v Speaker 2>you know way there is.

1:07:18.400 --> 1:07:21.040
<v Speaker 1>Going to be changes, but still more of the same.

1:07:21.120 --> 1:07:24.200
<v Speaker 1>You're gonna hear our voices every Wednesday. Yes, we're gonna

1:07:24.200 --> 1:07:26.560
<v Speaker 1>be making y'all laugh, but also making y'all think and

1:07:26.600 --> 1:07:27.920
<v Speaker 1>loving up on each other.

1:07:27.760 --> 1:07:31.640
<v Speaker 4>And absolutely talking about alongside.

1:07:31.120 --> 1:07:33.560
<v Speaker 3>Y'all do that. But we're gonna add some things though.

1:07:33.480 --> 1:07:35.080
<v Speaker 2>Y and if you want to be featured as a

1:07:35.080 --> 1:07:38.080
<v Speaker 2>future listener letter, continue to write in. Just because you

1:07:38.080 --> 1:07:39.640
<v Speaker 2>know the year is over. We may go into a

1:07:39.680 --> 1:07:41.800
<v Speaker 2>little two week break or whatever it looks like for us,

1:07:42.080 --> 1:07:44.240
<v Speaker 2>still write in. We're still gonna be checking the email

1:07:44.320 --> 1:07:46.640
<v Speaker 2>Dead Ass Advice at gmail dot com.

1:07:46.640 --> 1:07:49.040
<v Speaker 3>That's d E A D A S S A D

1:07:49.200 --> 1:07:51.360
<v Speaker 3>V I C E at gmail dot com.

1:07:51.400 --> 1:07:56.880
<v Speaker 2>All right, moment of truth time. Well, you're specific about sex.

1:07:56.960 --> 1:07:59.680
<v Speaker 1>I guess my mind wasn't specific about sex, but about

1:07:59.680 --> 1:08:00.760
<v Speaker 1>just being there for your partner.

1:08:00.880 --> 1:08:02.240
<v Speaker 3>Service based industry.

1:08:02.440 --> 1:08:06.000
<v Speaker 1>Continue to love on your partner, yes, fill them up, yes,

1:08:06.200 --> 1:08:08.240
<v Speaker 1>you know what I'm saying. And also feel them up,

1:08:08.280 --> 1:08:10.720
<v Speaker 1>you know, like they hold them, hug them like this.

1:08:10.720 --> 1:08:13.920
<v Speaker 1>This year, let's be a lot more affectionately to personal.

1:08:14.760 --> 1:08:15.360
<v Speaker 1>Let's do that.

1:08:15.520 --> 1:08:17.240
<v Speaker 4>I think that can be a goal for everybody.

1:08:17.320 --> 1:08:20.320
<v Speaker 2>Like, let's be a lot more into personal and not

1:08:20.520 --> 1:08:21.880
<v Speaker 2>so much digital digital.

1:08:21.960 --> 1:08:22.599
<v Speaker 3>Let's get out there.

1:08:22.640 --> 1:08:24.519
<v Speaker 4>You know I would love that.

1:08:24.800 --> 1:08:27.320
<v Speaker 2>And also, guys, I think I say this at the

1:08:27.400 --> 1:08:29.840
<v Speaker 2>end of every Listing Letter episode because you guys take

1:08:29.880 --> 1:08:32.640
<v Speaker 2>time to write in and love on us. I just

1:08:32.680 --> 1:08:37.240
<v Speaker 2>have to thank you again for another successful podcast year season.

1:08:37.520 --> 1:08:42.560
<v Speaker 2>Dead Ass listeners shout out to our Patreon gang for really.

1:08:42.360 --> 1:08:43.599
<v Speaker 4>Really just loving on us.

1:08:43.680 --> 1:08:46.320
<v Speaker 2>We really hold you guys at a high regard because

1:08:46.320 --> 1:08:48.880
<v Speaker 2>we don't take for granted that we're in a world

1:08:48.920 --> 1:08:51.519
<v Speaker 2>where things are crazy and it's hard to make a dollar.

1:08:51.640 --> 1:08:54.800
<v Speaker 2>But you guys are investing in us, and you are

1:08:55.200 --> 1:08:57.280
<v Speaker 2>supporting us, and you're loving on us, and we thank

1:08:57.280 --> 1:08:59.519
<v Speaker 2>you guys so much for that. So much more to

1:08:59.560 --> 1:09:02.280
<v Speaker 2>come for the Ellis's so much more to come from

1:09:02.320 --> 1:09:06.479
<v Speaker 2>Deval and Kadeen and the collective, the family. We're just

1:09:06.560 --> 1:09:08.679
<v Speaker 2>really excited to end the year off with you guys,

1:09:08.800 --> 1:09:12.120
<v Speaker 2>and continue to spread the word about dead Ass Podcast, y'all.

1:09:12.160 --> 1:09:14.000
<v Speaker 2>I know we're fifteen seasons in it, but there will

1:09:14.000 --> 1:09:16.519
<v Speaker 2>be more. So if you have a friend, a family

1:09:16.560 --> 1:09:19.760
<v Speaker 2>member that can use an episode, that could listen to

1:09:19.800 --> 1:09:22.400
<v Speaker 2>something and gain something from dead Ass Podcast, please be

1:09:22.439 --> 1:09:25.519
<v Speaker 2>sure to share. Be sure to find us on Patreon

1:09:25.560 --> 1:09:27.479
<v Speaker 2>if you have not yet to see exclusive dead Ass

1:09:27.560 --> 1:09:30.640
<v Speaker 2>Podcast video content as well as Ellis Family content, and

1:09:30.680 --> 1:09:32.599
<v Speaker 2>you can find us on social media to keep up

1:09:32.720 --> 1:09:35.639
<v Speaker 2>to date with what's happening at dead Ass the podcast.

1:09:35.720 --> 1:09:37.720
<v Speaker 2>You can find me at Kadeen I Am and I

1:09:37.760 --> 1:09:38.360
<v Speaker 2>Am Deval and.

1:09:38.320 --> 1:09:40.679
<v Speaker 1>If you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be sure to wait

1:09:41.040 --> 1:09:44.600
<v Speaker 1>if you subscribe, and also pick up your copy of

1:09:44.640 --> 1:09:47.439
<v Speaker 1>We Over Me, The Contraintuitive Approach to getting Everything you want.

1:09:47.640 --> 1:09:50.599
<v Speaker 4>Yes, your relationship is the season, y'all. Y'all can still

1:09:50.680 --> 1:09:51.160
<v Speaker 4>keep giving.

1:09:51.200 --> 1:09:53.400
<v Speaker 2>And it's still cold outside, baby, so grab you hoodies,

1:09:53.400 --> 1:09:59.840
<v Speaker 2>dead Ass merch, Drip, drip, Marry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, happiness,

1:10:00.840 --> 1:10:02.160
<v Speaker 2>all that goodness, y'all.

1:10:02.200 --> 1:10:05.040
<v Speaker 4>We love you. See you in twenty twenty five, y'all.

1:10:08.200 --> 1:10:13.320
<v Speaker 5>Got dead Ass is a production of iHeartMedia podcast Network

1:10:13.360 --> 1:10:15.839
<v Speaker 5>and its produced by Donor Pinya and Triple.

1:10:16.160 --> 1:10:18.680
<v Speaker 1>Follow the podcast on social media at dead Ass the

1:10:18.720 --> 1:10:20.400
<v Speaker 1>Podcast and Never miss a Thing