1 00:00:00,360 --> 00:00:03,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: Welcome back to she Pivots. I'm doctor Sian Proctor. 2 00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:17,760 Emily Tisch Sussman: Welcome back to she Pivots, the podcast where women share 3 00:00:17,840 --> 00:00:22,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: bold career moves and personal turning points that changed everything. 4 00:00:23,520 --> 00:00:31,480 Emily Tisch Sussman: I'm your host to Emily Tisch Sussman. Today's guest is 5 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:36,959 Emily Tisch Sussman: an astronaut and an artist. Her name is doctor Sian Proctor, 6 00:00:37,080 --> 00:00:41,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: but she's also known as space poet. She's an explorer, 7 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:46,880 Emily Tisch Sussman: a geoscientist, a science communicator, the first African American woman 8 00:00:46,960 --> 00:00:51,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: to pilot a spacecraft, and yes, a poet. In twenty 9 00:00:51,560 --> 00:00:55,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: twenty one, she became the first female commercial spaceship pilot 10 00:00:55,600 --> 00:00:58,360 Emily Tisch Sussman: when she was part of the first all civilian orbital 11 00:00:58,400 --> 00:01:03,960 Emily Tisch Sussman: spaceflight in history. And she got there because of a poem. Today, 12 00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,360 Emily Tisch Sussman: Sian and I talk about growing up the daughter of 13 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:10,440 Emily Tisch Sussman: a NASA hidden figure, the childhood dream that got derailed 14 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:14,080 Emily Tisch Sussman: by glasses, what it feels like to get rejected from 15 00:01:14,160 --> 00:01:17,720 Emily Tisch Sussman: NASA after coming so close, and how she found her 16 00:01:17,800 --> 00:01:21,000 Emily Tisch Sussman: voice as an artist right when everything else in her 17 00:01:21,040 --> 00:01:25,280 Emily Tisch Sussman: life was falling apart. This is doctor CYM. Proctor, and 18 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:30,399 Emily Tisch Sussman: this is how she pivots. What is your name and 19 00:01:30,440 --> 00:01:31,039 Emily Tisch Sussman: what do you do? 20 00:01:31,720 --> 00:01:35,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: My name is doctor Sian Proctor and I'm an explorer, 21 00:01:35,640 --> 00:01:40,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: an astronaut, geoscientist, and most notably an artist. 22 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:44,240 Emily Tisch Sussman: In this artistic version of your life, you have also 23 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:45,880 Emily Tisch Sussman: called yourself the space poet. Right. 24 00:01:46,720 --> 00:01:50,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yes, I'm definitely a space poet. I'm actually wearing my 25 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: space poet shirt right now, which is pretty cool because 26 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:57,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: I actually won my seat to space as a poet, 27 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: so I felt like it was appropriate. 28 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:02,800 Emily Tisch Sussman: We are definitely going to get into that, but we're 29 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: going to go in chronological order, so we're going to 30 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:08,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: back up. Tell us about Little Sian. Where were you born? 31 00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:09,600 Emily Tisch Sussman: What was your family like? 32 00:02:10,280 --> 00:02:12,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: Well, I was born on the island of Guam because 33 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:15,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: my dad was working at the NASA tracking station during 34 00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:20,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: the Apollo missions. So I'm a Moon celebration baby. I 35 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: was actually born eight and a half months after Neil 36 00:02:22,680 --> 00:02:25,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: Armstrong stepped foot on the Moon, but I'm the youngest 37 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: of four. I grew up with all of this NASA 38 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:33,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: memorabilia that my dad had, including Neil Armstrong's autograph thanking 39 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: him for his help for Apollo eleven, and so I 40 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: had been chasing space from an early age. I was 41 00:02:39,960 --> 00:02:43,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: always in explore. We left Guam a few months after 42 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:45,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was born and moved back to the United States, 43 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:49,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: so I grew up in New Hampshire and New York 44 00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: and Minnesota and those different places. I was always running 45 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:57,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: around doing sports and building forts and fishing and just 46 00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:01,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: being out in nature and loved maps, loved looking at 47 00:03:01,080 --> 00:03:03,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: the world and trying to figure out how it works. 48 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,040 Emily Tisch Sussman: What did you love about space? 49 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:10,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: I think the thing about space was looking up as 50 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: a kid, wondering about the stars and the planets. I 51 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:16,559 Dr. Sian Proctor: got a telescope pretty early, and just you know your imagination, 52 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: is there life out there? And what would it be 53 00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: like to float in space and to see the Earth 54 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:27,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: from that perspective. I think for me, space represented the 55 00:03:27,840 --> 00:03:29,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: ultimate form of exploration. 56 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:32,680 Emily Tisch Sussman: And where did your love for art and poetry come from? 57 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: Well? I was a scientist through and through, and back 58 00:03:36,040 --> 00:03:39,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: then they really tracked you either into the arts or 59 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: into the sciences. And my dad was a self taught 60 00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:47,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: scientist and mathematician, so he really encouraged us to be scientists. 61 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I was always exploring and thinking about science. So 62 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:53,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: I didn't have a lot of exposure to art, but 63 00:03:53,960 --> 00:03:56,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was always curious about it, you know. I doodled 64 00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:59,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: as a kid being in the classroom and being a 65 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:01,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: little bit bored, and so the one thing I always 66 00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: drew were dragons all through high school. It's the one 67 00:04:04,960 --> 00:04:08,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: thing that I drew kind of like my entire life, 68 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: on and off. But I wasn't an artist as a kid. 69 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:15,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was really into military aviation, and so I loved 70 00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: fighter jets and built model airplanes, and I thought I 71 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:22,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: would go to the Air Force Academy, become a fighter pilot, 72 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:26,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: and then eventually an astronaut. But that dream kind of 73 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:30,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: slipped away when I got glasses at fourteen, and knowing 74 00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:33,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: that I'd never be a military aviator, I figured I 75 00:04:33,120 --> 00:04:36,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: would I probably would never be an astronaut either. 76 00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:38,480 Emily Tisch Sussman: So the glasses totally took you out right, like, if 77 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:39,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: you need glasses, it's a no. 78 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:43,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: Well, back then it was if you needed glasses, you 79 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:45,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: couldn't be a military aviator. And I grew up in 80 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: the right stuff era where everything was you became a 81 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: fighter pilot, became an astronaut, So I always kind of 82 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: equated those two things together. I always thought, well, if 83 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,599 Dr. Sian Proctor: I wanted to be an astronaut, I need to be 84 00:04:55,640 --> 00:04:58,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: a fighter pilot. And I always loved aviation, so when 85 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,159 Dr. Sian Proctor: I knew that, I couldn't be a military aviator. I 86 00:05:01,320 --> 00:05:04,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: just assumed that I would never be an astronaut because 87 00:05:04,360 --> 00:05:07,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: all the other astronauts were like, you know, rocket scientists, 88 00:05:07,880 --> 00:05:11,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I was okay in science, but I was not 89 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: a rocket scientist, and so I just thought, all right, 90 00:05:14,440 --> 00:05:17,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: if I'm not going to be on the pilot side, 91 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:18,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: there's no way I'm going to make it as the 92 00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:20,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: mission specialist. 93 00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:22,919 Emily Tisch Sussman: Was that a big disappointment for you to have to 94 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:25,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: adjust that dream since you had really focused so much 95 00:05:25,839 --> 00:05:26,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: on it. 96 00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:30,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: Definitely, because again I kind of was going all in. 97 00:05:30,600 --> 00:05:33,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was in the Civil Air Patrol as a teenager, 98 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,479 Dr. Sian Proctor: which for those of you that don't know, it's an 99 00:05:35,520 --> 00:05:38,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: auxiliary at the US Air Force. So I was learning 100 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:43,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: military etiquette and marching and around airplanes and just kind 101 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:45,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: of learning about the history and all of that stuff. 102 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:50,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: And so I was very disappointed when I couldn't see 103 00:05:50,480 --> 00:05:53,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: the board at school anymore and knew that I was 104 00:05:53,279 --> 00:05:56,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: going to need glasses. That to me was my career, 105 00:05:57,040 --> 00:06:00,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: and so I kind of went into the last few 106 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:03,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: years of high school with a lot of uncertainty. And 107 00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: my dad got sick just before my senior year of school. 108 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:09,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: He got cancer, and so there was a lot of 109 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:13,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: uncertainty around him and his illness and me and what 110 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:16,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was going to do with my life, and to 111 00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:19,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: some extent, I became your typical angry teenager, right, a 112 00:06:19,839 --> 00:06:22,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: little bit rebellious, not in a bad way, but just 113 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:24,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: more of like, you know, I don't know what I'm 114 00:06:24,880 --> 00:06:26,919 Dr. Sian Proctor: going to do with my life. Should I even go 115 00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:28,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: to college? Like those kinds of things. 116 00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:33,240 Emily Tisch Sussman: When Syen discovered she wouldn't be able to follow her 117 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:36,920 Emily Tisch Sussman: dream of being a military aviator, she felt uncertain about 118 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: what her future would hold, but her parents encouraged her 119 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:43,479 Emily Tisch Sussman: to continue her education, so she decided to study environmental 120 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:45,240 Emily Tisch Sussman: science and figure it out from there. 121 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: Now that my parents had college degrees, I kind of 122 00:06:49,839 --> 00:06:52,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: wanted to run off and become like a Hollywood actress, 123 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:55,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: and my dad was like, that ain't happening. Both of 124 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:58,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: my parents were pretty adamant, but especially my dad, that 125 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: we should all go to college and degrees because as 126 00:07:01,279 --> 00:07:04,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: African American it was a way to kind of like 127 00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:07,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: level yourself up and get opportunity. And both my parents 128 00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: kind of learned that, you know, because my mom was 129 00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:12,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: born in nineteen thirty three, my dad was born in 130 00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: nineteen forty. They both lived half of their lives in segregation, 131 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:18,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: so they really had to struggle. And my dad was 132 00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: self taught in mathematics. If you saw the movie Hidden 133 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:25,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: Figures or read the book that was basically him, he 134 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: was a hidden figure. They really valued education and how 135 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: that could open up doors. And so all of my 136 00:07:31,440 --> 00:07:34,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: older siblings went off to university, and my dad was 137 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:36,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: even though he was sick, was pretty adamant that I 138 00:07:36,920 --> 00:07:40,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: would go off to university also, And so I did, 139 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:42,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I didn't know what I wanted to major in. 140 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: My mom and dad were driving me to Edinburgh University 141 00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:48,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: in Pennsylvania, where I went to undergrad and my mom 142 00:07:48,320 --> 00:07:52,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: was flipping through the catalog and said, hey, science, environmental science, 143 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:55,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: this looks like a cool degree. You should think about 144 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: majoring in that. And I just kind of in the 145 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:00,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: back seat said okay, fine, and that became my major. 146 00:08:01,440 --> 00:08:04,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: Okay. So I did it with three degrees, the bachelor's 147 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,800 Emily Tisch Sussman: and environmental science, a master's in geology, and a PhD 148 00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:11,760 Emily Tisch Sussman: in science education. PhD journey wasn't easy. You almost quit 149 00:08:11,840 --> 00:08:14,440 Emily Tisch Sussman: because people kept making negative comments about teaching at a 150 00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,679 Emily Tisch Sussman: community college. So what kept you going? 151 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:21,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yeah, so you know, perseverance has always been within my toolkit. 152 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: My dad passed away after my freshman year, which was 153 00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: very tough because he had always been my biggest champion. 154 00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:32,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: I graduated from undergrad with my environmental science degree, didn't 155 00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:33,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: know what I wanted to do with my life, so 156 00:08:34,120 --> 00:08:36,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: like a lot of young people who who just graduate, 157 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: I moved back home with my mom in Upstate New York, 158 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:43,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I started working as a video editor in television 159 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:45,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: the first two years, so I was even working in 160 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: my career area. I had a love of acting and 161 00:08:48,559 --> 00:08:51,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: film and television, and not only did I do some 162 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:55,079 Dr. Sian Proctor: acting classes in undergrad, I took some television production classes 163 00:08:55,280 --> 00:08:57,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: and that enabled me to get my first job as 164 00:08:57,960 --> 00:09:00,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: an editor for the news. I was doing that for 165 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:03,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: a couple of years and decided that it was time 166 00:09:03,760 --> 00:09:06,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: for me to move out west, and that's when I 167 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,679 Dr. Sian Proctor: ended up going to grad school at Arizona State University 168 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: for both my masters and my PhD. And after I 169 00:09:11,679 --> 00:09:14,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: got my master's, I got my full time job teaching 170 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:17,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: as a community college professor. A lot of times we 171 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: don't know what we want to do, and that's why 172 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: going out and having experiences can help you find the 173 00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: way and so when I moved to Arizona to go 174 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: to grad school, the first thing ASU did was make 175 00:09:27,720 --> 00:09:29,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: me a teaching assistant, and they gave me a lab 176 00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:31,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: manual and said, here are the classes you're going to 177 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,559 Dr. Sian Proctor: go teach. You're going to teach the laboratory classes in geology. 178 00:09:34,679 --> 00:09:38,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I had no teaching experience. I had barely any 179 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: geology classes, and yet I walked into the classroom after 180 00:09:41,320 --> 00:09:43,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: that first week, I was like, Wow, I really love this. 181 00:09:43,840 --> 00:09:45,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: This is something I could do, and I kind of 182 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: like set my sites from right then on becoming a 183 00:09:48,640 --> 00:09:51,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: college professor. But what they don't teach you when you 184 00:09:51,559 --> 00:09:53,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: get a degree in science is how to be a 185 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: good teacher. So I moved over to the education department 186 00:09:57,120 --> 00:09:59,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: for my doctorate and that's when I got my doctorate 187 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:03,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: in and science education. That took me eight years because 188 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was working full time, and boy, talk about needing 189 00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: some perseverance. There was a lot of obstacles as I 190 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:13,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: got my master's and my doctorate, people questioning whether or 191 00:10:13,559 --> 00:10:18,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: not science and education go together, which now sounds funny. 192 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: There were people who didn't like that at the time. 193 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: Now you can get like a doctorate in geology education. 194 00:10:24,640 --> 00:10:26,319 Emily Tisch Sussman: Why didn't they like about it? 195 00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:29,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: It wasn't science was you know, it was education. It 196 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:33,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: belonged in the education department. They were, you know, hardcore, 197 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:36,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: like you need to be out in the field understanding 198 00:10:36,440 --> 00:10:39,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: how people learn. Geology belongs on the other side of campus, 199 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: not within the science you know. I was also the 200 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:46,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: first black female, I think, to come into the master's 201 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: program there, and I was kind of just shaking things up, 202 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I was not only was I different, but then 203 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:56,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: I came in and was looking at things differently, and 204 00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, there were just some individuals that didn't like 205 00:10:58,760 --> 00:11:01,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: that at the time. Funny how they all love me 206 00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:02,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: now now that I'm an astronaut. 207 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:07,439 Emily Tisch Sussman: Funny how that works. Right. You said that you had 208 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:09,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: many obstacles along the way in those eight years of 209 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:13,000 Emily Tisch Sussman: getting your PhD. This show is really about the intersection 210 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:15,240 Emily Tisch Sussman: of our personal and professional lives and how we move 211 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,680 Emily Tisch Sussman: through those moments and what we learn in those moments 212 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,480 Emily Tisch Sussman: that prepare us for the next phase, the next obstacle. 213 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:22,560 Emily Tisch Sussman: So could you talk about some of those obstacles and 214 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:23,400 Emily Tisch Sussman: what got you through that? 215 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yeah, you know, a big one was that when I 216 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:29,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: moved off to the education apartment, I still had my 217 00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: advisor from the geology department, and I also picked up 218 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:38,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: another geology professor who was in the education apartment. They 219 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:42,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: were both white, male geologists older. And I only say that, 220 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, because that's the typical when we think about 221 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:45,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: a geologist. 222 00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,680 Emily Tisch Sussman: I'm going to be honest. I don't think about that 223 00:11:47,679 --> 00:11:49,440 Emily Tisch Sussman: many geologists. I'm gonna be really honest with you. 224 00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:54,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: Well, typically people see as this like yes, and so again, 225 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:59,239 Dr. Sian Proctor: being in an environment where I don't fit the typical 226 00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:02,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: of what people think of geology is or was back then. 227 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:06,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: And then I had a female cognitive psychologist on my 228 00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: committee and my team, and you know, my two male 229 00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:14,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: professors kind of gave me a hard time along the way, 230 00:12:14,240 --> 00:12:16,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: and you don't know if it's you or not, so 231 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:20,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: you just persevere. And other graduate students would point things 232 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: out and be like, I can't believe this is the 233 00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:24,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: way they treat you, and I'm like, eh, you know, 234 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:26,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: and then it got to the point where I was 235 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: I couldn't take it anymore. You know. 236 00:12:28,520 --> 00:12:32,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: My one major professor, every time I would talk about 237 00:12:32,360 --> 00:12:34,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: teaching at the community college, would say, yeah, you're going 238 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,199 Dr. Sian Proctor: to be able to leave that once you get your doctor, 239 00:12:37,280 --> 00:12:39,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: you'll be able to go on and do better things. 240 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:41,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: And what he meant was that I would go on 241 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: to be a research one professor and you know, kind 242 00:12:44,760 --> 00:12:48,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: of carry on his legacy. And that's not what I 243 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,599 Dr. Sian Proctor: wanted to do. I just wanted to become a better teacher. 244 00:12:51,760 --> 00:12:54,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: I loved teaching at the community college. It was my home. 245 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: I enjoyed the students, I enjoyed the environment. But again, 246 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: I wanted to be the best teacher I could be, 247 00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:05,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: so I didn't get a lot of support from my 248 00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:10,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: two male advisors. Actually was six years in and I 249 00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:14,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: was like, I'm done. I can't do this anymore. Six 250 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: years of my life working towards my doctorate and I 251 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:22,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: just was so over everything. And I went into each 252 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:27,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: of those professor's office and said I'm done. I'm quitting, 253 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: and they literally just said see you later. Doctor Sarah 254 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:34,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: brem I walked into her office and I said, I'm done, 255 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: I'm quitting. She said, did you tell the others? And 256 00:13:36,360 --> 00:13:38,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: then I was like, yeah, they will like see you later. 257 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:40,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: And she got up and I remember her door was open. 258 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: She got up, she closed the door, and she sat 259 00:13:43,480 --> 00:13:46,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: me down and she said, nope, you're my student now. 260 00:13:46,720 --> 00:13:49,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: You have an office down the hall. We meet once 261 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:51,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: a week and she just laid out the plan and 262 00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:56,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: it was the first time in my entire higher education 263 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: that I got mentorship, true mentorship. Keep in mind, I 264 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: went through four years of undergrad four years of masters, 265 00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:09,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I was six years into my PhD. That's fourteen 266 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:13,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: years of higher education before I had a true mentor. 267 00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,079 Emily Tisch Sussman: Wow. So you were very focused at this point on 268 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,440 Emily Tisch Sussman: being a good teacher, like a teacher was the end 269 00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: all be all for you. But then in two thousand 270 00:14:22,880 --> 00:14:25,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: and nine a friend convinced you to apply to NASA's 271 00:14:25,160 --> 00:14:28,960 Emily Tisch Sussman: astronaut class. So you still had a little space in you. 272 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:32,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: Oh yeah, Well, this is what's interesting is that I 273 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:36,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: wasn't exploring the entire time, and so I loved being 274 00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: One of the reasons why I loved being a community 275 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:41,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: college professor and I just retired. So after twenty six years. 276 00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:44,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: That's why I said loved being in past tense was 277 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:47,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: because I had my summers off. I got a month 278 00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:51,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: offer for Christmas, you know, the holidays and spring break, 279 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:56,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I was always traveling, always exploring. So I traveled 280 00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: the world in that time. And then once I got 281 00:14:58,960 --> 00:15:03,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: my doctorate, I gifted myself my pilot's license because I 282 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:06,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: always wanted to fly, but I was, you know, I 283 00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:09,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: was doing adventurous things. I was scuba diving, I was, 284 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:13,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, traveling. I was continuing to learn and evolve. 285 00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:16,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: In two thousand and eight rolls around and what's interesting, 286 00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:20,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was also doing some things with Kennedy Space Center 287 00:15:20,440 --> 00:15:24,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: and doing summer programs there, and so I was adjacent 288 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:29,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: to space and still had this deep love of human 289 00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:33,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: space exploration. And so when somebody said NASA's looking for astronauts, 290 00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:35,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: you should apply, you know one, I was like, wait, 291 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:38,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: what you're talking to me? And it was funny because 292 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:41,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: it definitely wasn't on my radar that I could, you know, 293 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: apply to be a NASA astronaut. And being the curious 294 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: person I am, I opened up the application, but you know, 295 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: the imposter syndrome voice in my head was like, what 296 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:52,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: this is crazy. You know they're never going to select you. 297 00:15:53,240 --> 00:15:55,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: But I opened up the application and I went through 298 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:59,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: the qualifications, and I had most of the qualifications because 299 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: of the lifestyle I was living. And the person who 300 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:06,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: sent me that saw that, they were like, no, you 301 00:16:06,160 --> 00:16:09,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: know you are an explorer, You're you're doing the things 302 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: that astronauts to do. You need to think about, you know, 303 00:16:13,360 --> 00:16:15,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: taking that next step and applying. 304 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:18,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: Yet, what were those things those qualifications they were looking for. 305 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: They were looking for, you know, degrees in science, and 306 00:16:22,320 --> 00:16:24,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: so the fact that I had my doctorate that helped. 307 00:16:25,200 --> 00:16:28,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: They particularly wanted in science, even though mine was science education. 308 00:16:28,920 --> 00:16:31,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: I mean, I had my master's in geology. And so 309 00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: you got points for kind of like the more education 310 00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:37,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: you had and the amount of experience you had. And 311 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: so at this time when I'm applying, I'm thirty eight 312 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: years old. So they wanted to know that you had 313 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:45,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: a lot of cultural experience going to the International Space Station, 314 00:16:46,160 --> 00:16:48,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I had traveled and taught around the world. Again 315 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:52,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: as an explorer, I had traveled and taught in Australia 316 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: and China and the Netherlands and just all of these 317 00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:58,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: cool places. And they wanted to know that you had 318 00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:01,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: your scuba sort of because you do a lot of 319 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:05,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: training in the spacesuit underwater in a neutral buoyancy laboratory. 320 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:08,919 Dr. Sian Proctor: And so I was scuba certified and I had my 321 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: pilot's license, and so these are things that kind of 322 00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,119 Dr. Sian Proctor: like give you a little bit boost if you have 323 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: all of these things, and the one thing that he 324 00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:19,159 Dr. Sian Proctor: didn't have was Russian. And because they knew it. It 325 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:21,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: was the two thousand and nine selection process, but you 326 00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:24,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: apply the year before, and they knew that the Shuttle 327 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:28,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: program was ending and that the next decade basically of 328 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: astronauts would be flying on the soil use and so 329 00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:32,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I was like, yeah, I don't have any Russian, 330 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: but that's okay. But you know, I thought about it, 331 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:38,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: and you know, the impositive voice was like, oh, they're 332 00:17:38,200 --> 00:17:40,159 Dr. Sian Proctor: never going to pick you, you know, but I my 333 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: dad would always say, you know, don't talk yourself out 334 00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:45,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: of opportunity. Let somebody else decide. So I filled out 335 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:49,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: the application, and to my surprise, I made it through 336 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:52,919 Dr. Sian Proctor: highly qualified and then first round interviews and then second 337 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:55,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: round interviews and down to that yes, no phone call. 338 00:17:56,119 --> 00:17:58,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: And it was funny every step of the way. I 339 00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: was kind of like, you know, hey, this is great, 340 00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: this is going to end now, and now the next 341 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: thing I know, I'm on to the next and you 342 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: start to believe that, oh that childhood dream, I might 343 00:18:09,640 --> 00:18:12,879 Dr. Sian Proctor: actually make this childhood dream come true. And then you 344 00:18:12,960 --> 00:18:15,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: get down to that yes, no phone call, and it's 345 00:18:15,080 --> 00:18:15,879 Dr. Sian Proctor: a heartbreaking no. 346 00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: Up to this point, Cyan had been laser focused on 347 00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:26,800 Emily Tisch Sussman: space science and accomplishing her lifelong dream of being selected 348 00:18:26,880 --> 00:18:31,360 Emily Tisch Sussman: by NASA, and she got so close just to be rejected. 349 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,679 Emily Tisch Sussman: After the break, she'll tell us about what it was 350 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,239 Emily Tisch Sussman: like to hear that no, and how she recalibrated and 351 00:18:38,320 --> 00:18:42,000 Emily Tisch Sussman: continued on her path to the sky. Anyway, be right back. 352 00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:59,920 Emily Tisch Sussman: Do you remember where you were when you got the. 353 00:19:01,480 --> 00:19:04,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yeah that left the mark? I was at Goddard Space 354 00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:08,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: Flight Center. It was a summer of two thousand and nine, 355 00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,399 Dr. Sian Proctor: and it was literally a year. It was a full 356 00:19:11,520 --> 00:19:14,119 Dr. Sian Proctor: year when you got the yes no phone call. I 357 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: was doing a summer at Goddard Space Flight Center and 358 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:18,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: my group you get to know some of the other 359 00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:22,159 Dr. Sian Proctor: people who are going through the process, and I just 360 00:19:22,240 --> 00:19:25,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: remember my phone. People were like the news is coming out. 361 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:27,879 Dr. Sian Proctor: There was like seven of us and they're like minds 362 00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:29,879 Dr. Sian Proctor: and no. And the next person was mine and know. 363 00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:33,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: And it was funny because they told us if Dwayne called, 364 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:37,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: who was the head of the astronaut selection, and it 365 00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: was a no, but Peggy Whitson, who is the most 366 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:45,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: amazing astronaut there is? If she was the head of 367 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: the selection, that year and if she called you, it 368 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,679 Dr. Sian Proctor: was a yes. So if you had heard a woman's voice, 369 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,639 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, all my friends were like no, no, mine's 370 00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: and no, mine's no. And it was the afternoon by 371 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: the time they called me, and when I picked up 372 00:19:58,280 --> 00:20:01,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: the phone, it was a woman's voice and she goes, Hi, Cyan, 373 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:05,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I'm like yes, and she goes, this is Sunita Williams. 374 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:07,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: So Sonny Williams, if you know, she was one of 375 00:20:07,520 --> 00:20:10,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: the two astronauts that got quote stuck on the iss. 376 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:13,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: She was like, we're sorry we didn't pick you. Please 377 00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:17,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: apply again. And I just remember, like just the tears 378 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: and the crying, and it just so happened that no 379 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: one only was I had got her that summer, but 380 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:27,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: my best friend was at NIH the National Institute of Health, 381 00:20:27,119 --> 00:20:30,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: doing it internship. So we were spending the summer together 382 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:33,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I called her, did I didn't get it? And 383 00:20:33,840 --> 00:20:35,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: so she's like, I'm coming to get you. And so 384 00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: she came and got me, and we went to the 385 00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:40,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: store and we bought ice cream and she got my 386 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: favorite movies and we just kind of like had that 387 00:20:43,800 --> 00:20:47,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: girlfriend sleepover, kind of like it's gonna be okay. 388 00:20:48,840 --> 00:20:52,360 Emily Tisch Sussman: And after you got that no call. You really doubled down, 389 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:55,880 Emily Tisch Sussman: Like you got your advanced scuba, your commercial pilot's license, 390 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:58,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: you enrolled in a master's program in space studies. Like, 391 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:00,399 Emily Tisch Sussman: were you trying to prove to Nash that they had 392 00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,960 Emily Tisch Sussman: made a mistake by not picking you? 393 00:21:02,960 --> 00:21:06,679 Dr. Sian Proctor: Absolutely, that imposter centem voice came roaring out, and it 394 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:08,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: was like, you got to show them that you could 395 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,639 Dr. Sian Proctor: do this job. You got to make yourself better so 396 00:21:11,720 --> 00:21:14,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: the next time you can get selected. And so I 397 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:17,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: started going down that road. I have applied and got 398 00:21:17,359 --> 00:21:20,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: accepted into a master's program in space studies, and I 399 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:24,639 Dr. Sian Proctor: had that plan to get my advanced scuba and to 400 00:21:25,080 --> 00:21:27,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, just make myself into what I thought that 401 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:29,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: they wanted to be. And you know, this was going 402 00:21:29,920 --> 00:21:33,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: on for like six months, maybe maybe even nine months 403 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:35,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: before I was tearing myself up and I said, oh 404 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:38,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: my goodness, I got to stop. I'm making myself crazy. 405 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I told myself that, you know, why am I 406 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:46,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: so upset? Like why does this hurt so much? You know? 407 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: I realized that you always want to try to protect 408 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: yourself and you know, to dream big and say I'm 409 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: going to be an astronaut one day, and then you 410 00:21:56,400 --> 00:21:59,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: know that those chances aren't that great. By the end, 411 00:22:00,040 --> 00:22:02,199 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, you're starting to believe because I'd made it 412 00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: all the way down to the finals, that oh my goodness, 413 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: that actually might take me. And then you get that no. 414 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:12,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: It just it hurts. And I thought, well, okay, what's 415 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:15,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: the worst thing that has happened here, you know? And 416 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:19,479 Dr. Sian Proctor: I realized that it wasn't bad, Like, it wasn't a 417 00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:22,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: terrible thing that happened that that no, even though it 418 00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:25,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: was a no, I had the most amazing year. I 419 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:28,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: met amazing people. I got to go to Johnson's Space 420 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:32,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: Center and do cool things, and I kind of told myself, 421 00:22:32,080 --> 00:22:34,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: I got to flip the script on this, and instead 422 00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:37,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: of being disappointed in the no, I've got to celebrate 423 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,639 Dr. Sian Proctor: the yes, the fact that I was almost an ass astronaut, 424 00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: that out of thousands and thousands of applicants, I got 425 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:47,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: down to the less than one percent, and that was 426 00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:48,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: something worth celebrating. 427 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,640 Emily Tisch Sussman: And by the way, those numbers were really banana. It's 428 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,359 Emily Tisch Sussman: like it were over thirty five hundred applicants and you 429 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:56,560 Emily Tisch Sussman: got down to the top fifty. Yeah. 430 00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:00,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yeah, there were eighty seven finalists. I think either forty seven, 431 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:03,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: forty eight, and yeah, I got down to the final finals, 432 00:23:04,040 --> 00:23:06,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: and that to me was like, oh my goodness. Like, 433 00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, when I started that process, I never thought 434 00:23:09,440 --> 00:23:11,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: I would get that far and the fact that I did, 435 00:23:12,320 --> 00:23:14,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, that was worth celebrating. 436 00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,040 Emily Tisch Sussman: Was there something that helped you make that mental shift, Like, 437 00:23:18,160 --> 00:23:20,240 Emily Tisch Sussman: was there like a specific moment or conversation. 438 00:23:20,840 --> 00:23:29,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: I remember just feeling overwhelmed by the disappointment by all 439 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:31,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: of the things that I'm starting to pile on to 440 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: myself with getting you know, advanced scuba and and my 441 00:23:36,359 --> 00:23:41,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: pilot's license, you know, commercial pilot's license and starting school 442 00:23:41,200 --> 00:23:44,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: again and just that imposters and voice just saying you 443 00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:48,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: got to make yourself better. And and I think... part 444 00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,199 Dr. Sian Proctor: of me, because of the weight of all of that 445 00:23:51,800 --> 00:23:56,399 Dr. Sian Proctor: and being older and stronger and more mature, I was 446 00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:59,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: able to eventually be like, whoa wait a second, I'm 447 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:01,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: looking at this wrong. 448 00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:04,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I think that's one of the things, is that 449 00:24:04,920 --> 00:24:08,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: self reflection. It's somebody asked me if there was something 450 00:24:08,560 --> 00:24:12,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: that I could go back and tell my younger self, 451 00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:16,399 Dr. Sian Proctor: it would be about learning myself as early as I can. 452 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:18,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: And one of the best ways you can do that 453 00:24:19,320 --> 00:24:23,359 Dr. Sian Proctor: is through journaling and self reflecting and taking the time 454 00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:27,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: to understand some of the emotions that you go through 455 00:24:27,280 --> 00:24:30,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: as you go through life. And so when I did 456 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:36,359 Dr. Sian Proctor: finally kind of have that moment of rethinking this, it 457 00:24:36,640 --> 00:24:40,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: changed everything. Like I I just feel the weight off 458 00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:41,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: my shoulders and I just like I was like, I 459 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: ain't going to grad school anymore. I'm not doing that again. 460 00:24:44,520 --> 00:24:46,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I was like, I don't need to get my 461 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: advanced scuba and I don't need to get my pilot's license. 462 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:52,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I was like, oh, I was living the life 463 00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:56,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: of an explorer, and NASA saw something in that I 464 00:24:56,359 --> 00:24:59,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: just need to go back to being me and doing 465 00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: the things that I love, because that's what got me 466 00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: down to that yes, no phone call. And when I 467 00:25:04,600 --> 00:25:08,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: did that and started celebrating, I felt so much better, 468 00:25:08,440 --> 00:25:11,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: so much healthier, and I could move I could move 469 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: forward in a much more healthier way. 470 00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:17,560 Emily Tisch Sussman: At this point, Scion thought there was a very real 471 00:25:17,640 --> 00:25:21,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: possibility she would never be an astronaut, so she decided 472 00:25:21,359 --> 00:25:25,399 Emily Tisch Sussman: to do the next closest thing become an astronaut on Earth. 473 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:28,800 Emily Tisch Sussman: She joined a Discovery Channel show about living in post 474 00:25:28,800 --> 00:25:34,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: apocalyptic conditions. Then she became an analog astronaut simulating conditions 475 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: to test for what it's really like to be in 476 00:25:36,359 --> 00:25:40,439 Emily Tisch Sussman: places like Mars. This is also where she was first 477 00:25:40,480 --> 00:25:45,080 Emily Tisch Sussman: discovered for her art, and you pivoted it to becoming 478 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,600 Emily Tisch Sussman: an analogue astronaut, a job I'd never heard of before. 479 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,240 Emily Tisch Sussman: I prepared for this as conversation. 480 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,919 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yeah, there was a couple of crazy things that happened, 481 00:25:52,920 --> 00:25:55,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: Like the very next year, I did a post apocalyptic 482 00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:59,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: build show on the Discovery Channel called The Colony That 483 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:02,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: was Wild. And then somebody a couple of years after 484 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: that sent me this thing about the fact that there 485 00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:08,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: was a Mars analog opening on the Big Island of 486 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: Hawaii and they were looking for volunteers to come and 487 00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: live in this dome as if they were living on Mars. 488 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:17,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: It was a food study for long duration space flight. 489 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:20,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: I ended up living in this habitat called High C's 490 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: for four months, and it was all about food, but 491 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:25,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: we did all kinds of studies. It was really cool, 492 00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:28,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: and that was my first analog mission of. 493 00:26:28,320 --> 00:26:31,439 Emily Tisch Sussman: Four This is unbelievable. You were in a twelve hundred 494 00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:35,200 Emily Tisch Sussman: square foot dome on a volcano in Hawaii for four 495 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: months as a Mars simulation. 496 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:41,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yes, yes, so every time we went outside of the habitat. 497 00:26:41,560 --> 00:26:44,159 Dr. Sian Proctor: We had to put on a spacesuit and had a 498 00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:47,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: simulated air lock, and the geology was fantastic with lava 499 00:26:48,000 --> 00:26:52,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: tubes and it was this amazing experience and I got 500 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:54,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: to cook, I got to eat like a Martian, So 501 00:26:54,320 --> 00:26:55,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: it was so much fun. 502 00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:58,639 Emily Tisch Sussman: How did you keep yourself mentally sane through that? 503 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:02,159 Dr. Sian Proctor: Well, I should go back to the colony. When I 504 00:27:02,200 --> 00:27:06,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: did the post Apocalyptic build show in twenty ten, it 505 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:11,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: was two months of living in a burnt out, destroyed 506 00:27:11,840 --> 00:27:14,879 Dr. Sian Proctor: area of New Orleans where Katrina had come through and 507 00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:18,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: hadn't recovered. Me and a bunch of strangers were put 508 00:27:18,760 --> 00:27:21,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: into this camp and we had to survive for two months. 509 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: We had to basically rebuild society that was insane. And 510 00:27:26,080 --> 00:27:29,679 Dr. Sian Proctor: to get myself through this, I started sketching. I started 511 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:35,119 Dr. Sian Proctor: doing like little comic funny cartoons, and it was literally 512 00:27:35,480 --> 00:27:38,159 Dr. Sian Proctor: just for myself. Every night, I'd kind of draw these 513 00:27:38,160 --> 00:27:40,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: sketches of what happened, the insane things that would happen 514 00:27:40,880 --> 00:27:43,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: during the day, and they were all stick figures, nothing 515 00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:46,879 Dr. Sian Proctor: too complex. But the Discovery Channel people got wind of 516 00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:48,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: it and they loved it, and so they were like, 517 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:52,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: can we post these and so every episode they would 518 00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: post them online. It was kind of funny. And when 519 00:27:54,359 --> 00:27:57,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: I left the colony, I never did a stick figure 520 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:02,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: drawing again. Like it was that confined, fin crazy isolated situation. 521 00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:06,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: So going into the Mars simulation for four months, I 522 00:28:06,520 --> 00:28:09,199 Dr. Sian Proctor: was like, yeah, I should bring some paints and a 523 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: sketch book and a poetry book. I knew that when 524 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:18,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: I'm in these confined, isolated, extreme environments, creativity gets me through, 525 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: and so I came in with a plant and then 526 00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:24,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: as soon as I left the Mars simulation for four months, 527 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,439 Dr. Sian Proctor: didn't paint, didn't do any poetry, didn't do any of 528 00:28:27,480 --> 00:28:32,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: that again until COVID, when again we were all in lockdown. 529 00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:36,400 Emily Tisch Sussman: Okay, so during the Mars simulation you researched food strategies 530 00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:40,600 Emily Tisch Sussman: for long duration spaceflight and wrote meals for Mars cookbooks. 531 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,400 Emily Tisch Sussman: Do you developed this philosophy If we solve for space, 532 00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,040 Emily Tisch Sussman: we solve for Earth. Yes. Can you give us a 533 00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,920 Emily Tisch Sussman: concrete example of how space research translates to solving problems 534 00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:50,360 Emily Tisch Sussman: on Earth? 535 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:54,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yeah, definitely. Food is a great example. You know, there's 536 00:28:54,280 --> 00:28:57,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: a lot of food borne illnesses out there, and one 537 00:28:57,520 --> 00:29:00,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: of the big things for NASA and spaceflight was how 538 00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: do we send humans to space and to the Moon 539 00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:06,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: and not get them sick. And so NASA was really 540 00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:10,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: the first to come in with these strict protocols. 541 00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,960 Emily Tisch Sussman: Of farm to moon. 542 00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:15,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: Really how do we take food from here, picking it 543 00:29:15,320 --> 00:29:19,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: from the source, and logistics of moving that food and 544 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:22,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: packaging it all the way to space. And as a result, 545 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: there were actually regulations that developed that are in place 546 00:29:26,480 --> 00:29:29,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: today that has made our food safer. And it was 547 00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: because of NASA astronauts and the space program, but also 548 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:36,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: looking at new ways to preserve food. And so when 549 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: we think about freeze dried technology that was out of 550 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:45,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: the space industry, the first freeze dried food was coffee. 551 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:49,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: Instant coffee is freeze dried. These are the technologies that 552 00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:53,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: have helped improve our lives. When I was in the 553 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:58,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: Mars simulation doing the meals from Mars and thinking about, 554 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, solving for space, solving for Earth, when I 555 00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: was looking at our pantry in that Mars simulation was 556 00:30:04,320 --> 00:30:08,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: filled with freeze dried foods and we got to creatively 557 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:11,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: cook with them, and it made me think, oh, this 558 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:14,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: is technology that we should be using all the time. 559 00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:18,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: There's no reason why we should have frozen blueberries or 560 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: fruits or any of that stuff. Instead, it should be 561 00:30:21,120 --> 00:30:25,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: freeze dried in our pantry instead of requiring continuous energy 562 00:30:25,760 --> 00:30:28,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: to keep it frozen. We don't push this sustainability, but 563 00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:31,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: you can go to the grocery store now and you 564 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:36,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: can find freeze dried fruits that only started more recently, 565 00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: back over a decade ago, when I was living in 566 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:42,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: a high seas habitat that hadn't hit the shelves yet. 567 00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:45,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: And you're starting to see more freeze dried stuff. But man, 568 00:30:45,520 --> 00:30:48,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: your kids would love freeze dried peas. They're delicious. And 569 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:52,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: then the meats, freeze dried meat, chicken and ground beef 570 00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:55,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: and those kinds of things. And your audience is probably like, what, 571 00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:58,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: But it's funny because I have a pantry of all 572 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: this freeze dried foods and like, well, when do you 573 00:31:00,760 --> 00:31:02,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: use it? I'm like, almost every day. I use it 574 00:31:02,800 --> 00:31:04,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: for soups and stews. I use it when I make 575 00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:06,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: my omelets. I do all of that. 576 00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:15,600 Emily Tisch Sussman: You've given us a little preview here, but take us 577 00:31:15,640 --> 00:31:19,200 Emily Tisch Sussman: to COVID. So you kept traveling doing analog missions, You're 578 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,880 Emily Tisch Sussman: making TV appearances, and then COVID hit you were approaching fifty, 579 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:26,040 Emily Tisch Sussman: going through a divorce, and stuck at home teaching online, 580 00:31:26,040 --> 00:31:29,760 Emily Tisch Sussman: which was not fun for anybody. So did you ever think, Okay, 581 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:31,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: I'm done chasing space. 582 00:31:31,680 --> 00:31:34,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: No. You know, it was interesting because in twenty nineteen, 583 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:39,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: NASA announced another astronaut class selection, and people were like, 584 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: are you gonna apply? Are you gonna apply? I was 585 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:44,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: forty nine. I was like, no, I'm too old. But 586 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: maybe one day, and I literally would say this, but 587 00:31:47,800 --> 00:31:51,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: maybe one day commercial space, you know, kind of like jokingly, 588 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: but all soak in my heart, like maybe one day, 589 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:57,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, not realizing it was right around the corner. 590 00:31:57,560 --> 00:32:02,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: I did my last analog mission in January of twenty twenty. 591 00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: I went back to the High Sas Habitat, and this 592 00:32:05,000 --> 00:32:06,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: time it was only for two weeks, but we did 593 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:09,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: the first all woman analog and we came out of 594 00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:12,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: that and I was super excited because I was turning 595 00:32:12,640 --> 00:32:14,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: fifty at the end of March and I was going 596 00:32:14,960 --> 00:32:18,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: to go to Nepal and hike to Everest Base camp. 597 00:32:18,800 --> 00:32:20,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: And you know, we come out of this analog and 598 00:32:20,760 --> 00:32:23,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: we start hearing both about COVID and all this stuff, 599 00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:27,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: and so internationally everything started shutting Down, and then sure enough, 600 00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:31,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: two weeks before my fiftieth birthday, we were in Lockdown. 601 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:34,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: I had been married for five years, and you know, 602 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: my marriage was struggling. We had really become roommates. By then. 603 00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:40,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: My parents had passed away. My dad died when I 604 00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:43,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: was nineteen, but my mom passed away in twenty eighteen, 605 00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:47,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: and her anniversary of her passing was in April, and 606 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: then her birthday was in May. And so you can 607 00:32:51,120 --> 00:32:55,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: imagine being stuck at home in a marriage that's struggling, 608 00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:59,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: missing my mom. When my mom passed away, I had 609 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:01,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: to clean up all of her stuff and I found 610 00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: a shoe box with all of the postcards I'd center 611 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: my entire life, just mine, none of my siblings, just 612 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: all of my postcards. And so I started sending out 613 00:33:10,880 --> 00:33:15,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: postcards to people in April and May, just through social media, 614 00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:19,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: postcards that I bought online, sending cheer around the world. 615 00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:23,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: And by June somebody had said, well, where's one of 616 00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:25,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: your postcards? You know, like, how about one from you? 617 00:33:25,760 --> 00:33:28,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I'm like, I'm not an artist, what are you 618 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:31,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: talking about? And then I thought, well why not? Why 619 00:33:31,640 --> 00:33:34,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: not just start doing some creative stuff? And so I 620 00:33:34,320 --> 00:33:38,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: thought about collage art, and I started buying stickers in 621 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:43,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: postcard size paper and stencils and started creating my own 622 00:33:43,760 --> 00:33:47,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: postcards that I then would copy and make a digital 623 00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: copy afterwards, and then I would make fifty of them 624 00:33:51,160 --> 00:33:53,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: and then I could mail them out to people. And 625 00:33:53,600 --> 00:33:56,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: because I hated doing handwritten notes on the back, I 626 00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: started combining poetry, so I would make it the postcard 627 00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: and then I would write a poem to go with it. 628 00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:07,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: That's how my art career started. It was this crazy thing. 629 00:34:07,720 --> 00:34:11,799 Dr. Sian Proctor: So by August I asked my husband for divorce, and 630 00:34:11,840 --> 00:34:13,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: in order to do that, I had to give up everything. 631 00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:16,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: I gave up the house. I moved into my brother's house. 632 00:34:17,000 --> 00:34:18,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: You know here, I am fifty years old. 633 00:34:19,040 --> 00:34:19,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: I broke. 634 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:22,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: I have no money. 635 00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:27,080 Emily Tisch Sussman: Space. Poet was at a low point, no money, divorced, 636 00:34:27,200 --> 00:34:31,080 Emily Tisch Sussman: living with her brother, just starting to discover her creative side, 637 00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:34,480 Emily Tisch Sussman: but not knowing where to go with it. In a minute, 638 00:34:34,600 --> 00:34:37,440 Emily Tisch Sussman: she'll tell us about the announcement of the first civilian 639 00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:41,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: mission to orbit, a fateful tweet, and how everything began 640 00:34:41,960 --> 00:34:52,000 Emily Tisch Sussman: to take shape for her. 641 00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:58,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: By January of twenty twenty one, I had scraped up 642 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:00,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: enough money to move out of my brother's house and 643 00:35:00,880 --> 00:35:05,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: get my own apartment. And then in February, the beginning 644 00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:08,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: of February, during the Super Bowl, they announced this all 645 00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:11,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: civilian mission to orbit. And I did not watch the 646 00:35:11,920 --> 00:35:15,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: Super Bowl, but again my friends, my phone starts blowing up. 647 00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: You can win a seat into space. You gotta, you know, 648 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:21,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: check out Inspiration four and there were two seats that 649 00:35:21,960 --> 00:35:25,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: were up for grab, the Generosity Seat in the Prosperity Seat. 650 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:28,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: But at the time I only knew about the Generosity seat, 651 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:31,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: and that was if you donated the Saint Jude Children's 652 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: Research Hospital because for Inspiration four they were doing a 653 00:35:34,400 --> 00:35:38,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: two hundred million dollar fundraiser to try to end childhood cancer. 654 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,799 Dr. Sian Proctor: If you donated the Saint Jude, you could potentially win 655 00:35:41,840 --> 00:35:45,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: the Generosity seat. And the contest was only open for 656 00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:49,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: the month of February, and halfway through I happened to 657 00:35:49,040 --> 00:35:53,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: be on Twitter and somebody posted their video for the 658 00:35:53,600 --> 00:35:57,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: Prosperity Seat and I was like, there's a second seat. 659 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I started doing my research and digging, and sure 660 00:36:00,560 --> 00:36:03,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: enough there was two seats that you could win, and 661 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:06,479 Dr. Sian Proctor: the Prosperity seat took more work. You had to open 662 00:36:06,560 --> 00:36:09,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: up an online shop and e commerce shop and offer 663 00:36:09,880 --> 00:36:12,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: some kind of service. I had just become a Space 664 00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: artist and poet, and people kept asking me where can 665 00:36:15,040 --> 00:36:17,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: I buy your art and I was like, okay, I'll 666 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: open up an art store. And then you had to 667 00:36:19,560 --> 00:36:21,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: create a two minute Twitter video of why they should 668 00:36:21,880 --> 00:36:25,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: take you to Space. And I wrote an original poem 669 00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:27,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: called Space to Inspire, and I read that as my 670 00:36:28,160 --> 00:36:32,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: entry for the contest. And I managed to get those 671 00:36:32,120 --> 00:36:36,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: things done three days before the contest ended. And you 672 00:36:36,840 --> 00:36:39,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: had to show that you could go viral a little 673 00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:43,239 Dr. Sian Proctor: bit on social media, and so I rallied Twitter and 674 00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:46,399 Dr. Sian Proctor: I got seventy thousand views in three days because there 675 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:49,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: were some big influencers in there with millions of followers. 676 00:36:49,800 --> 00:36:51,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I was like, again, thinking I'm not going to 677 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:54,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: win this, but my friends were all like, oh my goodness, 678 00:36:54,400 --> 00:36:56,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: I saw your video and your poem. You're gonna win. 679 00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:00,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I was like, I don't know. And then I 680 00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: won the prosperity seat as an artist and a poet. 681 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,439 Emily Tisch Sussman: Wow, you got that yes no call. 682 00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:10,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: It was the craziest yes no call. They told me 683 00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:13,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: I needed to go online to you know, work out 684 00:37:13,760 --> 00:37:16,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: some paperwork stuff. They told me I was a finalist. 685 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:19,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: And they're like, your finalist, but we have a little issue. 686 00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: We just want to get online and I'll work at 687 00:37:21,640 --> 00:37:25,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: this out. And I got online and there was Jared Isaacman, 688 00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: who paid for the mission, and I was like, hi, Jared, 689 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: Like I didn't expect to see you. And Jared, you know, 690 00:37:32,600 --> 00:37:34,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: he doesn't mess around. He was like, we picked the 691 00:37:34,640 --> 00:37:37,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: winner and it's you. And I'm like, oh my god. 692 00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,479 Emily Tisch Sussman: What do you think resonated with them from your video 693 00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:41,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: and your application? 694 00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:45,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: Well, you know, I think it was an independent group 695 00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:49,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: that was selecting it. But I think there were a 696 00:37:49,200 --> 00:37:51,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: couple of things, you know, unlike the Generosity seat where 697 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:55,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: you're randomly drawing a name out of hat. The Prosperity seat, 698 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:57,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: you kind of like say who you are and they 699 00:37:57,920 --> 00:38:00,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: can look at your background. So they knew I was 700 00:38:00,960 --> 00:38:03,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: a pilot, they knew I was a finalist for the 701 00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:07,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: NASA Astronauts selection process. They you know, I did something unique, 702 00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:12,240 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, I wrote this poem about creating a just, equable, diverse, 703 00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:15,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: and inclusive space for all of humanity, and you know, 704 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:19,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: it's an amazing poem. And I think that helped resonate 705 00:38:19,719 --> 00:38:23,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: and the fact that so many people loved my submission. 706 00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:25,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: I think that helped. So I think there were a 707 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:28,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: couple of things like that that really kind of like 708 00:38:28,920 --> 00:38:32,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: resonated with the judges. I'm sure that you know. It 709 00:38:32,520 --> 00:38:35,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: was a tough decision because there was some pretty amazing 710 00:38:35,440 --> 00:38:39,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: people who had submitted to the contest, and I feel 711 00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:42,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: very lucky that I got selected. But I think that 712 00:38:42,920 --> 00:38:45,799 Dr. Sian Proctor: creativity and that originality definitely helped me. 713 00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:48,800 Emily Tisch Sussman: Do you remember what you thought when you got the call? 714 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: I couldn't believe it, right, Like, this was like Willy 715 00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: Wonka and the Golden Ticket. I was like, wait what 716 00:38:54,960 --> 00:38:57,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: Right after he said we picked you, and he's like, 717 00:38:57,120 --> 00:38:58,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: and I want you to be my mission pilot. And 718 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:02,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was like, you know, because I hadn't flown in 719 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:04,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: like a decade, you know, and I'd doubinitly flown Assessona 720 00:39:04,800 --> 00:39:08,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: one seventy two, and I was like, oh, okay, I'll 721 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:12,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: be your mission pilot. And so there was a lot 722 00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: of emotions going on, but you know, is it real 723 00:39:14,719 --> 00:39:15,879 Dr. Sian Proctor: until it's announced? 724 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:16,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: You know? 725 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: I found out March seventh that I had won. And 726 00:39:20,840 --> 00:39:23,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: then they whisked you off to SpaceX and you've got 727 00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:26,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: to pass medical and you've got all these other things, 728 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: and then yeah, you got to meet the rest of 729 00:39:28,160 --> 00:39:32,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: the crew. Then we weren't announcing until March thirtieth, and 730 00:39:32,680 --> 00:39:35,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: so my birthday's March twenty eighth, and so this was 731 00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:39,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: a one year cycle from my fiftieth birthday lockdown to 732 00:39:40,920 --> 00:39:43,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: one year later, you know. And in that year, I'd 733 00:39:43,440 --> 00:39:46,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: got divorced and was broke and living with my brother 734 00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:50,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: to now I'm training to go to space. And what 735 00:39:51,000 --> 00:39:56,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: was also interesting is during twenty twenty, during COVID May 736 00:39:56,719 --> 00:40:00,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: of twenty twenty is when SpaceX did their first human launch. 737 00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:04,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I was home watching this and I had on 738 00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:09,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: my analogue astronaut spacesuit that I take to, you know, 739 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:12,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: these analogus, and I have my helmet on and I'm 740 00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:16,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: in this orange, you know, jumpsuit, and I am cheering 741 00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:20,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: as we you know, are launching from America going back 742 00:40:20,520 --> 00:40:24,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: to space. And less than one year later, I was 743 00:40:24,680 --> 00:40:27,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: doing the exact same thing, training to go to space. 744 00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:30,239 Emily Tisch Sussman: And can you describe to us what it was like? 745 00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:32,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: Training to go to space was fabulous, but it was 746 00:40:32,760 --> 00:40:36,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: also incredibly stressful. Yeah, you know, you up and SpaceX 747 00:40:36,560 --> 00:40:38,799 Dr. Sian Proctor: is like, yeah, you want to contest the space if 748 00:40:38,840 --> 00:40:42,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: you don't qualify for the mission pilot seat. You're not flying, 749 00:40:42,239 --> 00:40:44,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: and you're like, what does that mean? So I had 750 00:40:44,880 --> 00:40:48,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: a very short period of time to become a systems engineer. Really, 751 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:53,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: the modern day mission pilot, you know, it's an autonomous vehicle, 752 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:57,239 Dr. Sian Proctor: and so you have flight computers that are running everything 753 00:40:57,520 --> 00:41:01,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: and doing everything. So you as a mission pilot, you know, 754 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,399 Dr. Sian Proctor: you're not It's not like the old days where you're 755 00:41:04,600 --> 00:41:06,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: pushing all these different buttons and you've got to stick 756 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:09,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: in a rudder and all of those things. It's monitoring 757 00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:14,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: the flight computer and understanding if something goes wrong, how 758 00:41:14,239 --> 00:41:18,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: you mitigate that. So learning all the emergencies, the contingencies, 759 00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,800 Dr. Sian Proctor: how everything works for the Dragon capsule and the Falcon 760 00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:26,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: nine rocket, and so it was stacks and stacks and 761 00:41:26,200 --> 00:41:28,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: stacks of learning. 762 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:31,160 Emily Tisch Sussman: Wow. Well, and I'd like, I'd love to hear you 763 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: describe what it was like to actually go into space. 764 00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: Yeah. So I finally got down, you know, I found 765 00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:41,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: out I won March, and then we lifted off to 766 00:41:41,760 --> 00:41:45,359 Dr. Sian Proctor: space just slightly under six months later, September fifteenth, out 767 00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: of Kennedy Space Center, And you get people are like, 768 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: were you're afraid to go? When you were strapped into, 769 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:54,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know, the dragon capsule on top of this Falcon 770 00:41:54,120 --> 00:41:56,399 Dr. Sian Proctor: nine rocket, and I was like, no, I was so 771 00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:00,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: happy to be there, Like I was so worried that 772 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:02,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: it was going to be taken away from me during 773 00:42:02,400 --> 00:42:05,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: the training, Like I had to qualify. I couldn't get sick, 774 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:07,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: you can't get hurt, you know, there were all of 775 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:10,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: these other ways you could lose the opportunity. So I 776 00:42:10,600 --> 00:42:13,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: was like, let's light this thing up. And it's just 777 00:42:13,160 --> 00:42:18,319 Dr. Sian Proctor: the most incredible thing to have this thing you were 778 00:42:18,440 --> 00:42:22,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: chasing and have it kind of like you know, materialized 779 00:42:23,239 --> 00:42:27,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: in real time and become this grand adventure. 780 00:42:29,800 --> 00:42:34,000 Emily Tisch Sussman: On September fifteenth, twenty twenty one, doctor Cyan Proctor, the 781 00:42:34,120 --> 00:42:37,000 Emily Tisch Sussman: girl who got glasses at fourteen and thought her dream 782 00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: was over, lifted off from the Kennedy Space Center on 783 00:42:40,920 --> 00:42:44,840 Emily Tisch Sussman: a space X Falcon nine rocket. She was a mission 784 00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:49,560 Emily Tisch Sussman: pilot and the first black woman to pilot a spacecraft. 785 00:42:50,040 --> 00:42:52,439 Emily Tisch Sussman: And once she got to space, she did the thing 786 00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:55,839 Emily Tisch Sussman: that got her there in the first place. She made art. 787 00:42:58,880 --> 00:43:01,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: It only takes ten minutes to get the space so 788 00:43:01,239 --> 00:43:04,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: after ten minutes, you're like floating and it's so wild, 789 00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:07,959 Dr. Sian Proctor: and you go over to the window and you look 790 00:43:08,000 --> 00:43:11,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: out and there's planet Earth and you're just You're like 791 00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:16,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: a deer in the headlights. It's so amazingly beautiful. When beforehand, 792 00:43:16,840 --> 00:43:19,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: SpaceX asked me, is there anything that I wanted to 793 00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: do in space? And I said, yeah, I'd love the 794 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:24,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: paint in space and they were like, yeah, no, And 795 00:43:24,040 --> 00:43:27,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was like, wait, NASA astronaut Nicole Stop painted in space, 796 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: and so she was my shining example. She's amazing. And 797 00:43:31,760 --> 00:43:33,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: they're like, Okay, we'll figure it out. That's what I 798 00:43:33,960 --> 00:43:37,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: like about SpaceX, Like they're like, ah, let's figure this out. Okay, 799 00:43:37,360 --> 00:43:39,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: we'll do it. And so they helped put together this 800 00:43:39,400 --> 00:43:44,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: beautiful watercolor kit and I did this amazing painting. My 801 00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:47,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: crew members were fantastic and so supportive. They gave me 802 00:43:47,400 --> 00:43:50,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: the time and the space to do that. I also 803 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:53,359 Dr. Sian Proctor: drew a dragon while I was in space, going back 804 00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:56,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: to that childhood love of dragons and the fact that 805 00:43:56,640 --> 00:43:59,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was now a mission pilot of a dragon capsule, 806 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:03,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: felt appropriate that I would need to draw a dragon 807 00:44:03,160 --> 00:44:06,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: in space, and so both of those things were very 808 00:44:06,120 --> 00:44:07,239 Dr. Sian Proctor: special moments for me. 809 00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,440 Emily Tisch Sussman: The drawing makes more sense the water color I'm struggling with, 810 00:44:11,600 --> 00:44:14,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: like with it all just like flying all over the place. 811 00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:17,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: Well that's what SpaceX was worried about, but science and 812 00:44:17,640 --> 00:44:20,320 Dr. Sian Proctor: surface tension. So one of the reasons why they allowed 813 00:44:20,320 --> 00:44:22,239 Dr. Sian Proctor: me to do it was because now you can go 814 00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: to an art store and you can get paint brushes, 815 00:44:25,239 --> 00:44:28,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: watercolor paint brushes that you can fill with water. And 816 00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: so they filled a bunch of these paint brushes, pre 817 00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:35,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: filled them with water, and when you're in space, all 818 00:44:35,120 --> 00:44:37,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: you do is you squeeze them and the water will 819 00:44:37,120 --> 00:44:40,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: come out onto the bristle and the bristles will surface 820 00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:42,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: tension will hold that water to the bristles, and then 821 00:44:43,000 --> 00:44:46,720 Dr. Sian Proctor: you can swirl it into the paint and again surface 822 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:50,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: tension will hold that paint to the bristles and then 823 00:44:50,160 --> 00:44:52,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: you just apply to your canvas. And I actually shot 824 00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,319 Dr. Sian Proctor: a video of this, so if you go check out 825 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:58,560 Dr. Sian Proctor: my YouTube channel, you can see me painting in space. 826 00:44:59,560 --> 00:45:01,800 Emily Tisch Sussman: Did your respective change after this flight? 827 00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:06,160 Dr. Sian Proctor: Oh yeah. I went into the flight knowing about the 828 00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:10,239 Dr. Sian Proctor: overview effect, and that is this phenomenon where some astronauts 829 00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:12,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: when they're in space and I see the Earth from 830 00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:16,799 Dr. Sian Proctor: this orbital distance, they become changed, transformed. They have this 831 00:45:16,960 --> 00:45:21,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: new found or deeper appreciation and love for our planet. 832 00:45:22,440 --> 00:45:26,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I knew about that, and I was intrigued because 833 00:45:26,480 --> 00:45:29,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: I was like, well, as a scientist, you know, is 834 00:45:29,320 --> 00:45:32,280 Dr. Sian Proctor: it the floating in space they cause us? The overview effect? 835 00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:35,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: Is it the distance? What is going on here? So 836 00:45:35,800 --> 00:45:39,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: I kind of had that cognitively in my mind. And 837 00:45:39,160 --> 00:45:43,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: for our flight on the Resilience Capsule, the Dragon Resilience Capsule, 838 00:45:43,920 --> 00:45:46,760 Dr. Sian Proctor: we had the largest continuous window ever flown to space. 839 00:45:47,120 --> 00:45:49,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: We had this cupola and you could float up into 840 00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:53,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: it and the Earth and I remember I was floating 841 00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:57,200 Dr. Sian Proctor: there and it was so bright and so beautiful, and 842 00:45:57,400 --> 00:46:00,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: I looked at myself and I was just illuminates and 843 00:46:00,480 --> 00:46:05,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: I thought, wow, I am being bathed in earth light. 844 00:46:05,719 --> 00:46:08,919 Dr. Sian Proctor: And that word came to me like that earthlight. I 845 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: never heard it before. It was never part of my vocabulary. 846 00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: And I was like, oh, my god, the energy of 847 00:46:15,000 --> 00:46:19,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: our planet. I'm literally being bathed in it. And as 848 00:46:19,560 --> 00:46:22,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: a result of that, when I came back, like it 849 00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:25,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: transformed me so much that I wrote a science book. 850 00:46:26,040 --> 00:46:27,719 Dr. Sian Proctor: I never thought I would write a science book. I 851 00:46:27,719 --> 00:46:30,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: wrote a science book called Earthlight. And it's been my 852 00:46:30,520 --> 00:46:33,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: mission to bring earthlight down to Earth and make it 853 00:46:33,120 --> 00:46:38,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: so that everybody hears this term earthlight. We know about moonlight, 854 00:46:38,120 --> 00:46:41,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: and we know about sunlight, but earthlight is the most 855 00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:44,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: beautiful light there is, and I want people to understand 856 00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:48,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: the natural phenomenon that is earthlight and why it's so special. 857 00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: We live in earthlight. We don't live in sunlight. We 858 00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:52,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: live in earthlight. 859 00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:53,879 Emily Tisch Sussman: Do you think you'll pivot again? 860 00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:58,239 Dr. Sian Proctor: I definitely think so. I think we don't recognize it 861 00:46:58,280 --> 00:47:01,799 Dr. Sian Proctor: at the time because pivot are usually done out of 862 00:47:01,840 --> 00:47:06,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: some form of necessity, and it's with hindsight that we're like, oh, wow, 863 00:47:06,760 --> 00:47:09,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: you know that was a really transformative pivot that I 864 00:47:09,480 --> 00:47:14,040 Dr. Sian Proctor: did there. I'm pivoting now. Actually, because I was a 865 00:47:14,080 --> 00:47:18,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: community college professor for twenty six years. I just retired 866 00:47:18,520 --> 00:47:22,960 Dr. Sian Proctor: from that job in September. There's a lot of uncertainty. 867 00:47:23,080 --> 00:47:26,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: I mean, I had a paycheck for twenty six years straight. 868 00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:29,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: I had health insurance, you know, I had all of 869 00:47:29,880 --> 00:47:33,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: these things that were part of my norm that aren't anymore. 870 00:47:33,960 --> 00:47:37,319 Dr. Sian Proctor: And you quickly realize that you can't really retire on 871 00:47:37,520 --> 00:47:41,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: a on a community college professor salary. You know, at 872 00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:45,000 Dr. Sian Proctor: fifty five, I got roommates. I joke, because people are like, 873 00:47:45,040 --> 00:47:48,440 Dr. Sian Proctor: you've got roommates. Yeah, like you gotta do what you 874 00:47:48,480 --> 00:47:52,799 Dr. Sian Proctor: gotta do. I definitely am figuring out what's next for me. 875 00:47:53,320 --> 00:47:56,880 Dr. Sian Proctor: I would love to be a full time artist. 876 00:47:57,320 --> 00:48:00,600 Emily Tisch Sussman: Is there something that, looking back at the time, you 877 00:48:00,640 --> 00:48:02,920 Emily Tisch Sussman: saw is a real low point? You weren't sure how 878 00:48:02,920 --> 00:48:04,920 Emily Tisch Sussman: you maybe get out of it or what you get 879 00:48:04,960 --> 00:48:07,359 Emily Tisch Sussman: out of it, And then now in retrospect you see 880 00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: it is havn't really launched you to the success that 881 00:48:09,160 --> 00:48:10,439 Emily Tisch Sussman: you are. Well. 882 00:48:10,520 --> 00:48:14,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: I think the divorce was definitely a low point. I mean, 883 00:48:14,280 --> 00:48:16,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: who wants to have to move in with their older 884 00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:20,360 Dr. Sian Proctor: brother at fifty years old. Luckily, you know, my family 885 00:48:20,480 --> 00:48:22,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: was there to support me, and I had that because 886 00:48:22,920 --> 00:48:25,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: a lot of other people don't. My brother and his 887 00:48:25,520 --> 00:48:29,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: wife were very accepting and very supportive of me, of 888 00:48:29,920 --> 00:48:33,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: my art, of the divorce, everything. He gave me that 889 00:48:33,680 --> 00:48:37,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: stability when I needed it, and my older brother gave 890 00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:40,399 Dr. Sian Proctor: me money to pay for the divorce, and so there 891 00:48:40,520 --> 00:48:45,120 Dr. Sian Proctor: was just a lot of uncertainty, and my creativity is 892 00:48:45,160 --> 00:48:47,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: what kept me going. I look back and I you know, 893 00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:52,680 Dr. Sian Proctor: letting go of that part of my life was important 894 00:48:52,719 --> 00:48:56,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: for me to open up space and literally open up space, 895 00:48:57,719 --> 00:49:03,520 Dr. Sian Proctor: and these opportunities that follow asking my husband at that 896 00:49:03,719 --> 00:49:07,080 Dr. Sian Proctor: time for a divorce was by far one of the 897 00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:11,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: hardest conversations I've ever had. And I think a lot 898 00:49:11,320 --> 00:49:17,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: of us stay stuck in places because we're so afraid 899 00:49:17,800 --> 00:49:21,600 Dr. Sian Proctor: of taking that hard step and asking. And I just 900 00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,279 Dr. Sian Proctor: remember sitting there. He had gone for a walk, and 901 00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:26,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: when he came back and just kind of like shaking 902 00:49:27,160 --> 00:49:29,759 Dr. Sian Proctor: when I said, you know, I think we should get divorced, 903 00:49:30,200 --> 00:49:32,840 Dr. Sian Proctor: because I didn't know how he was going to react. 904 00:49:33,080 --> 00:49:36,640 Dr. Sian Proctor: And again, I think for a lot of us, that 905 00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:40,400 Dr. Sian Proctor: hard step is too much. But boy, if you've got 906 00:49:40,440 --> 00:49:43,839 Dr. Sian Proctor: the courage to take it, it really does open up 907 00:49:44,360 --> 00:49:48,480 Dr. Sian Proctor: space for you to move forward and do things that 908 00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:50,920 Dr. Sian Proctor: you may have been wanting to do your entire life. 909 00:49:51,719 --> 00:49:54,879 Emily Tisch Sussman: That's so beautiful. Thank you so much for joining us, 910 00:49:55,400 --> 00:50:00,239 Emily Tisch Sussman: Thank you for having me. I keep thinking of about 911 00:50:00,239 --> 00:50:03,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: what Cien said about looking back at our pivots. She 912 00:50:03,600 --> 00:50:06,560 Emily Tisch Sussman: said that pivots are usually made out of necessity, and 913 00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:10,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: that it's only in hindsight that we recognize them as transformative. 914 00:50:10,680 --> 00:50:13,120 Emily Tisch Sussman: She got to know from NASA, she got to know 915 00:50:13,280 --> 00:50:16,080 Emily Tisch Sussman: from the life she had mapped out at fourteen, she 916 00:50:16,160 --> 00:50:19,320 Emily Tisch Sussman: got to know from her marriage, and every single time 917 00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:22,919 Emily Tisch Sussman: she went back to the thing that was most authentically her, 918 00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:28,480 Emily Tisch Sussman: the curiosity, the adventure, and the creativity. She made her 919 00:50:28,520 --> 00:50:31,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: own path. The poem that won her a seat to 920 00:50:31,600 --> 00:50:35,640 Emily Tisch Sussman: Space was called Space to Inspire. It was about creating 921 00:50:35,680 --> 00:50:39,480 Emily Tisch Sussman: a just, diverse and inclusive space for all of humanity, 922 00:50:40,040 --> 00:50:43,040 Emily Tisch Sussman: but it was also about her own pivot into committing 923 00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:46,919 Emily Tisch Sussman: to her passions. If you want to find Cian, she's 924 00:50:46,960 --> 00:50:50,319 Emily Tisch Sussman: on social media at doctor Cyen Proctor and you can 925 00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:54,200 Emily Tisch Sussman: find her art at Space to Inspire dot art. That's 926 00:50:54,239 --> 00:50:58,440 Emily Tisch Sussman: all for today, See you next Wednesday. Thanks for listening 927 00:50:58,440 --> 00:51:01,880 Emily Tisch Sussman: to she Pivots. Like this episode, Follow the show so 928 00:51:01,960 --> 00:51:04,360 Emily Tisch Sussman: you never miss a pivot story and share it with 929 00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:06,359 Emily Tisch Sussman: one woman in your life who might need to hear it. 930 00:51:07,160 --> 00:51:09,680 Emily Tisch Sussman: To learn more about our guests and join our community, 931 00:51:09,920 --> 00:51:13,560 Emily Tisch Sussman: follow us on Instagram at she Pivots the Podcast our 932 00:51:13,600 --> 00:51:16,640 Emily Tisch Sussman: Subscribe to our substack for exclusive content and behind the 933 00:51:16,640 --> 00:51:22,360 Emily Tisch Sussman: scenes conversations. You can also find us at shepivotspod dot com. 934 00:51:22,520 --> 00:51:25,920 Emily Tisch Sussman: This episode was produced and edited by Paige Davis Janatt, 935 00:51:26,239 --> 00:51:29,759 Emily Tisch Sussman: with sound editing and mixing by Nina Pollock. Logistics and 936 00:51:29,800 --> 00:51:33,920 Emily Tisch Sussman: planning by Amastopic and Kendall Crupkin. Research by Christine Dickinson. 937 00:51:34,360 --> 00:51:36,319 Emily Tisch Sussman: She Pivots is proud to be a part of the 938 00:51:36,360 --> 00:51:43,520 Emily Tisch Sussman: iHeart podcast network. I endorse she Pivots