WEBVTT - Bonus Episode: More with Scott Galloway 0:00:00.040 --> 0:00:03.000 You're listening to Modern Rules, a production of MSNBC and 0:00:03.040 --> 0:00:07.280 I Heart Radio. I'm Stephanie Rule, MSNBC anchor and NBC 0:00:07.280 --> 0:00:10.480 News correspondent, and this is a special bonus episode of 0:00:10.480 --> 0:00:24.200 Modern Rules. Yea, I had a couple of conversations this 0:00:24.239 --> 0:00:26.840 season that you didn't get to hear all of. But 0:00:26.960 --> 0:00:30.280 those conversations stuck with me. They sat with me over 0:00:30.280 --> 0:00:33.479 the last few weeks and months, so much so that 0:00:33.560 --> 0:00:38.200 I wanted to share more. Earlier this season, I spoke 0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:41.280 with a good friend of mine, entrepreneur, author, business and 0:00:41.320 --> 0:00:45.480 marketing professor, and the very outspoken Scott Galloway. We talked 0:00:45.479 --> 0:00:47.959 a lot about the Me Too movement and moral leadership, 0:00:48.040 --> 0:00:51.080 but we covered a lot more. In our full conversation. 0:00:51.280 --> 0:00:56.360 We covered everything from taxes, income inequality, parenting, mean girls, 0:00:56.560 --> 0:00:59.680 and something Scott Franklin knows all about white male privilege. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:02.480 It was a long game of mental and verbal ping pong, 0:01:02.600 --> 0:01:06.080 a game that Scott was definitely not prepared for. In hindsight, 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:08.520 he said, if I knew were going to cover all this, 0:01:08.720 --> 0:01:11.679 I probably wouldn't have shown up. But guess what he did. 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:13.640 And I'd like to say it was one of the 0:01:13.680 --> 0:01:16.920 most fun and lightning conversations I had this season, and 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:19.360 for this bonus episode, I just wanted to share a 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:22.560 whole lot more. One of the reasons I decided to 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:25.200 go in academia is academia is based on the pursuit 0:01:25.240 --> 0:01:27.840 of truth, regardless of who it offends. That you had 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:31.320 Socrates saying our job is to provoke. So in order 0:01:31.360 --> 0:01:33.440 to provoke, we actually need to find land outside the 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:35.880 city where people have freedom of thought and they're protected. 0:01:36.319 --> 0:01:38.480 If they say the world is around, they're not burnt 0:01:38.480 --> 0:01:41.720 at the stay. We are in this cancel culture. Social 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:45.880 media is performance art. You can't have a nuanced conversation forever. 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:48.760 The problem is, I think we have this culture now 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:52.040 where you get points. If you're offended, you're immediately right. 0:01:52.640 --> 0:01:54.560 All you have to do to be right is be offended. 0:01:54.720 --> 0:01:59.360 You immediately get virtue points. So this triggers microaggressions kids 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.840 who have parents who provide concierge and bulldozer parenting, creating 0:02:02.840 --> 0:02:05.720 this princess in the peace syndrome among kids. I see 0:02:05.760 --> 0:02:08.679 coming into college has led to an environment, especially at universities, 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:12.000 where we're really not encouraged to provoke. We're encouraged to 0:02:12.040 --> 0:02:14.160 pursue ideas and train people to make a lot of money. 0:02:14.200 --> 0:02:17.040 But we're not there to explore ideas because as a white, 0:02:17.080 --> 0:02:20.200 heterosexual male, I walk into the room slightly wrong ish 0:02:20.280 --> 0:02:23.400 wherever I am at all times, and people say, well, 0:02:23.400 --> 0:02:25.720 we're having a conversation around these things. No we're not. 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.160 We're not really having a conversation. We're having an overdue 0:02:29.200 --> 0:02:32.720 immune reaction to some terrible problems. But to that point, 0:02:32.960 --> 0:02:36.359 if you say something from your heart and your mind 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:40.720 and it doesn't exactly fit into a category, people will 0:02:40.760 --> 0:02:43.920 call you a sexist, a racist, a misogynist, and then 0:02:43.960 --> 0:02:47.520 you're dead to them. That's my point that there's only 0:02:47.520 --> 0:02:50.640 one real dialogue here, and that is an appropriate dialogue 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:52.520 for someone in my position, and that is to pile 0:02:52.600 --> 0:02:55.920 on and be outraged by everything and join the chorus. 0:02:55.960 --> 0:03:00.560 It's nothing. This is my fear retreat. Look at me too. 0:03:00.560 --> 0:03:04.000 For example, I did a wellness panel last year and 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:07.680 I was talking about how in me too, there's different 0:03:07.680 --> 0:03:10.400 grades of me too, and I actually brought up a 0:03:10.480 --> 0:03:14.600 very unpopular topic of redemption because I think, listen, we 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:17.160 love to fight as a culture, but we also love forgiveness. 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.600 We love a comeback, and I brought that up, and 0:03:19.639 --> 0:03:22.200 a woman in the audience stood up and said, f you, 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:25.880 and she walked out. And another woman said, corporate America 0:03:26.040 --> 0:03:29.400 was built by male white supremacists, and until we destroy 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:31.919 that system, we can't move forward. And I try to 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:34.280 make the argument, like, listen, the world is run by 0:03:34.280 --> 0:03:36.440 white guys. If you want to get them to the table, 0:03:36.480 --> 0:03:38.440 if you want to make things better, we have to 0:03:38.480 --> 0:03:42.040 find a middle ground. Is there a middle ground? Or 0:03:42.080 --> 0:03:43.800 do you have to burn the house down? Because is 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:47.040 it easy for me, somebody who has white privilege to say, 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.520 come on, now, can't we love more? Can't we just 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.320 get along? Because I'm not really oppressed and I never 0:03:52.360 --> 0:03:55.440 have been. So that's a difficult question. I think we're 0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:57.360 going to happen over correction. I don't know if we're 0:03:57.360 --> 0:04:00.520 gonna have what is really a conversation. I didn't how 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:02.280 we end up on the other end of this. So 0:04:02.320 --> 0:04:04.440 I was thinking about Joe Biden, and I believe what 0:04:04.560 --> 0:04:07.120 Jonathan Height, and he's sort of my Yoda around this stuff, 0:04:07.160 --> 0:04:09.080 and he's a colleague at n y O, and he 0:04:09.120 --> 0:04:12.440 believes that, at least initially, you should interpret gestures with 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:14.400 the intent that they were made, and I look at 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:17.880 what happened with Vice President Biden, and I wonder, Okay, 0:04:18.080 --> 0:04:22.320 did that really warrant the type of response in the controversy, 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:25.440 and even just saying that is dangerous because there's a 0:04:25.480 --> 0:04:30.039 general viewpoint that okay, anything, any of expression of affection 0:04:30.040 --> 0:04:32.680 in the workplace is a really interesting thing. Because I 0:04:32.760 --> 0:04:35.120 do a podcast with Kara Swisher and she was saying 0:04:35.160 --> 0:04:37.120 that she's experienced, and I believe her so many just 0:04:37.200 --> 0:04:40.479 creepy moments with men who feel at liberty to invade 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:43.680 a woman's space, and I believe that and I've seen it. 0:04:44.000 --> 0:04:46.160 I also asked her, have there been moments of expression 0:04:46.160 --> 0:04:49.080 of affection at work that you've appreciated, and she said yes, 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:51.280 And I said, well, some of us need help figuring 0:04:51.279 --> 0:04:53.760 out the gray zone in between that and the reaction 0:04:53.880 --> 0:04:56.680 right now among all men at work is that there's 0:04:56.720 --> 0:05:00.240 absolutely no affection. There's no real open, honest style logged. 0:05:00.240 --> 0:05:02.760 There isn't even joking, and I think it's creating a 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:05.680 lack of camaraderie and quite frankly, a lack of career 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:08.280 advancement in connection for the people who needed the most. 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:10.599 I was in sales and banking. One could say, oh 0:05:10.600 --> 0:05:13.360 my god, it's sexist that you had to make dinner reservations. 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:16.159 What were you doing going to places like that? Guess what? 0:05:16.760 --> 0:05:19.239 Me going to those dinners and getting myself a seat 0:05:19.279 --> 0:05:22.960 every single night was great for my career. And to 0:05:23.040 --> 0:05:26.000 say I'm going to use my feminine wiles. It's not 0:05:26.080 --> 0:05:29.640 feminine wiles or sexuality, but women do have high emotional 0:05:29.640 --> 0:05:33.080 intelligence and people might invite me to dinner because I'm 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:35.120 gonna make the table move faster. I'm gonna make the 0:05:35.160 --> 0:05:38.200 clients feel good, not in a sexual way, but in 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:42.480 a personal way. And that personal connection, building trust with 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:45.320 the senior people at the bank and with our clients 0:05:45.800 --> 0:05:49.279 is what catapulted my business. You know how this problem 0:05:49.320 --> 0:05:51.520 gets solved, and this is going to sound politically correct. 0:05:51.640 --> 0:05:54.320 You're generous with people. And the thing that is protected 0:05:54.400 --> 0:05:56.400 or been the kind of the kryptonite of my firms 0:05:56.400 --> 0:05:59.280 from ever having a complaint or a lawsuit is that 0:05:59.440 --> 0:06:02.839 early on and I recognize this underinvested asset called young 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.200 female leadership, and that is if you gave him a 0:06:05.240 --> 0:06:09.240 little bit of flexibility. They were outstanding assets that weren't 0:06:09.240 --> 0:06:12.960 appreciated by traditional corporate America. So at L two, which 0:06:12.960 --> 0:06:14.960 we sold two years ago, nine of the eleven largest 0:06:15.000 --> 0:06:18.440 equity holders were either LGBT or women. And you know what, 0:06:18.520 --> 0:06:21.520 when you have women and LGBT people running the company, 0:06:21.800 --> 0:06:24.760 this just never happens. And there was this kind of 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:28.920 underinvested asset. And now finally sevent of high school val 0:06:28.960 --> 0:06:32.000 electorians or women, they're finally catching up in the workplace. 0:06:32.080 --> 0:06:34.200 We have a different crisis of the making, though, and 0:06:34.240 --> 0:06:37.080 that is young men are failing. And I see it 0:06:37.080 --> 0:06:39.760 in my organization. The women are thriving. The young women 0:06:39.800 --> 0:06:42.680 are thriving. Where women hit a hit a wall. And 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:44.640 this is where the nuance comes in is when women 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:48.040 have kids. So women without kids have closed the wage gap. 0:06:48.240 --> 0:06:50.680 Women with kids immediately dropped to seventy seven cents on 0:06:50.720 --> 0:06:54.839 the dollar. But Scott, corporate America, even government was designed 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:58.600 in a way under the assumption that corporate leader does 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:01.560 their job and there is a separate person in their 0:07:01.640 --> 0:07:05.320 home that manages their children and their household. That's how 0:07:05.360 --> 0:07:08.479 the model was created. I remember before I had my 0:07:08.560 --> 0:07:11.360 first child, thinking I'm going to run the securities division 0:07:11.360 --> 0:07:14.080 a Deutsche Bank. I remember the day I came back 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:16.800 from eternity leave, looking across at the head of the 0:07:16.840 --> 0:07:19.760 securities division and thinking for a moment, Holy cow, that 0:07:19.800 --> 0:07:22.240 guy is on the road forty weeks a year. And 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:25.040 at that moment, I thought, well, maybe I'll just be 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:28.280 the biggest producer. And unless we start to look at 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:31.320 what people's priorities are men and women, I don't think 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.960 you're going to change that for women. Look, evolution and 0:07:34.000 --> 0:07:36.920 biology is pretty powerful, and no matter how politically correct, 0:07:36.960 --> 0:07:39.240 we are the contribution that men want to make in 0:07:39.320 --> 0:07:42.320 the home. I do think that women's instant. You know, 0:07:42.360 --> 0:07:44.640 when our kids get up at night, my wife, here's 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:48.520 the footsteps. She's just trained to that noise. And while 0:07:48.520 --> 0:07:51.040 I'd like to think I contribute, I'm not sure. My 0:07:51.040 --> 0:07:53.520 wife worked at Goldman Sacks for five years and yet 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:55.920 we found that the majority of the time she was 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:57.880 the one getting up And I'm not proud of that, 0:07:58.600 --> 0:08:01.240 But it's a how do we rate or compensate for 0:08:01.280 --> 0:08:03.400 that type of balance? And I think corporate America is 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:06.120 trying to slowly but surely increased maternity leave. One thing 0:08:06.160 --> 0:08:09.000 I noticed about Goldman was they tried to be pretty 0:08:09.000 --> 0:08:11.320 empathetic to women with children, or at least they played 0:08:11.680 --> 0:08:13.640 FaceTime about it, but at the end of the day, 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.320 she couldn't on a moment's notice go to Detroit and 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:18.440 be with General Motors for the meeting because we had 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:21.040 two kids under the age of five. So I think 0:08:21.080 --> 0:08:23.480 corporate America has sort of figured out what I'll call 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:26.680 the male female wage dynamic. What they haven't figured out 0:08:27.240 --> 0:08:29.520 is people with ovaries. They haven't figured out how to 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:33.560 create career velocity for people who decide to fulfill the 0:08:33.600 --> 0:08:36.400 most important attribute of the species, and that is propagation. 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:38.720 We just haven't figured it out yet. Well, it's hard 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:42.040 to do that because when you're in your family raising 0:08:42.160 --> 0:08:46.040 childbirth years, that's when listen, a thirty one year old 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:50.120 investment banker, that's when he or she is in his lane, right. 0:08:50.320 --> 0:08:52.640 I would never ever say it out loud. But when 0:08:52.679 --> 0:08:55.080 I think back to when I was in banking and 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:58.240 I would interview associates that were men and women, I 0:08:58.240 --> 0:09:00.520 would never say this out loud. I'm sure in the 0:09:00.520 --> 0:09:03.520 back of my head I thought, well, I think she's engaged, 0:09:03.520 --> 0:09:06.439 we're getting married. When she having kids, she's going to 0:09:06.520 --> 0:09:11.480 come back right and that, And I would obviously never 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:14.599 say it out last time, but I know it impacted 0:09:14.640 --> 0:09:18.760 me because, especially in those industries, you need horses to 0:09:18.960 --> 0:09:22.080 run around the track. Imagine you're the suit of a 0:09:22.080 --> 0:09:24.920 small company that's venture backed and you have sort of 0:09:24.960 --> 0:09:28.000 a twenty four kind of haul pass to survive and 0:09:28.040 --> 0:09:33.520 the infanmortality rate on small businesses, and you're interviewing two 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:36.640 HBS grads and once a guy who's totally paranoid and 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.280 worried and hungry because he has two new kids at 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:41.360 home and you know it's gonna work eighteen hours a day. 0:09:41.440 --> 0:09:44.320 And one is that young woman who has just gotten married, 0:09:44.320 --> 0:09:47.960 and you're thinking, Okay, what happens when she gets pregnant? 0:09:48.000 --> 0:09:49.600 And I want to be a good guy and give 0:09:49.679 --> 0:09:51.760 him maternity leave, and you want to do the right thing, 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:54.680 but unfortunately sometimes you wonder can I afford to do 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:57.760 the right thing. You check yourself and you stop that thinking. 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:00.160 But there's just no way you can control those thoughts. 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:02.240 But to that point when we get offended when the 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:06.400 president says America first, isn't America first? Kind of the 0:10:06.400 --> 0:10:09.480 way we run our families, take care of our own 0:10:09.520 --> 0:10:14.840 family first, and then in our excess capacity, give to others. Yeah, 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:17.240 but the wonderful thing about capitalism is it assumes that 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:20.320 a basic human attribute of our species is that we're 0:10:20.360 --> 0:10:24.160 going to fix our own oxygen masks before helping others. 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.920 Self interest is the most powerful motivating force in the world, 0:10:27.960 --> 0:10:29.880 and it's the basis of capitalism. At the end of 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:32.560 the day, the baker doesn't give the butcher bread for 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:35.160 that person's well being, but because they want meat in return. 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:38.160 It's a powerful engine. But also a key to capitalism 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:40.920 is this notion of democracy and the rule of fair play. 0:10:41.000 --> 0:10:43.600 And we also believe in progressive tax structure that we 0:10:43.640 --> 0:10:47.000 have a baseline level of redistribution of income. The game 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.760 might be tilted, but at least it's not rigged. And 0:10:49.800 --> 0:10:51.679 I would argue over the last thirty years that the 0:10:51.720 --> 0:10:54.880 middle class has figured out slowly but surely. Corporations have 0:10:55.000 --> 0:10:59.200 become government, the tax systems become rigged. Okay, But Scott, 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:03.120 here's the thing. What you are asking for is moral leadership. 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:06.640 I think we are the avengers of the galaxy. We 0:11:06.720 --> 0:11:10.240 are the superheroes. American Disabilities Act, the Civil Rights Act, 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:14.400 that there's been, Social Security, all these things were hugely expensive, 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:18.239 hugely unpopular, and we did them. I think there's been thousands, 0:11:18.240 --> 0:11:21.720 if not millions, of people who have shown incredible moral 0:11:21.800 --> 0:11:25.640 leadership been class traders. Whether it's Teddy Roosevelt saying to 0:11:25.679 --> 0:11:27.719 the railroad guys, you elected me, I love you, but 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.199 guess what I'm breaking you up, whether it was FDR 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:33.400 being a class trader to his rich friends by increasing 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:36.080 taxes so he could have more social welfare so people 0:11:36.120 --> 0:11:41.199 didn't die in poverty. Traditionally throughout history, it's very clear 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.400 when we get to the current levels of income inequality 0:11:43.400 --> 0:11:46.480 that we have. The good news is they always self correct. 0:11:46.559 --> 0:11:51.280 Income inequality self correct. That's the bad news. The mechanisms 0:11:51.320 --> 0:11:54.280 of self correction are either war, famine, or revolution, and 0:11:54.280 --> 0:11:56.880 that is people get so fed up they turned to 0:11:57.000 --> 0:12:00.400 nationalism and they start demonizing immigrants, or they turn to 0:12:00.559 --> 0:12:03.360 some sort of government overthrow through socialism. We end up 0:12:03.360 --> 0:12:05.440 with jobs. At some point, when you look out your 0:12:05.440 --> 0:12:08.079 window and you see everyone with pitchforks, you realize, well, 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:10.360 maybe it's time, you know, maybe it should be more 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:12.320 than let them et kick. I think we're at that point. 0:12:12.320 --> 0:12:14.480 The last time we had these levels of income inequality 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:17.319 was in the twenties, right before the crash, and people 0:12:17.320 --> 0:12:20.400 are so fed up an economy and a society can't 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:23.160 survive without a prospering middle class, and the middle class 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:25.960 in America has either been sideways most general to sleep 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:28.560 for the last thirty years, probably going down. And we're 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:30.720 in the midst of a soft revolution and a manifest 0:12:30.760 --> 0:12:33.880 itself in different ways. Hold on a second, because we 0:12:33.920 --> 0:12:36.240 have so much more to talk about. We'll be right 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:42.559 back after a quick rate. Welcome back to modern rules. 0:12:43.880 --> 0:12:47.280 There's calls for seventy taxes and the elimination of air 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:50.679 transport and a billionaire super tax. There's calls to put 0:12:50.760 --> 0:12:54.120 Lori Laughlin not Aunt Becky in prison. I empathize with her. 0:12:54.200 --> 0:12:57.000 I'm an academic, and I do think it's probably easy 0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:59.600 to incrementally decided to make bad decisions around getting your 0:12:59.640 --> 0:13:02.120 kids into school, because as an academic, I can tell 0:13:02.200 --> 0:13:05.280 you we become drunk on exclusivity. We have lost the 0:13:05.400 --> 0:13:08.280 script as academics. We used to think we were public servants. 0:13:08.280 --> 0:13:10.840 Now we think we're luxury goods and minding. And my 0:13:10.920 --> 0:13:13.240 director of admission stand up every year and brag about 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.480 how impossible it is for kids to get into school, 0:13:15.880 --> 0:13:18.079 which creates this hunger games where if you get into 0:13:18.080 --> 0:13:20.439 a good school, you're going to do great, and if 0:13:20.480 --> 0:13:23.280 you don't, you're kind of, for lack of a better term, 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:27.200 you're screwed. Right, bad decisions. We all end up in 0:13:27.200 --> 0:13:29.800 the arms race, and you say, well, I can't parent 0:13:29.920 --> 0:13:32.520 in a vacuum. I've got to get in the mix. Right. 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:36.720 Maybe this was maybe was born when Princeton Review was created, 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:41.560 however many years ago. But it's impossible. Like I, I 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:44.680 do understand the slippery slope and how you become one 0:13:44.720 --> 0:13:47.600 of those parents who bought their way into school. But 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:51.480 it is a slippery slope. But it's also impossible to 0:13:51.559 --> 0:13:54.160 get out of the game because you do want to 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:56.280 do what's right for your kids. We clear out all 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:58.760 the physical obstacles for our children, so our kids have 0:13:58.800 --> 0:14:01.880 never been physically safer. But the result is we've used 0:14:01.920 --> 0:14:04.360 so many sanitary wipes on our kids lives that they 0:14:04.400 --> 0:14:06.680 aren't developing the immunities they need. And then when they 0:14:06.720 --> 0:14:10.040 get to college, we have record levels of depression and suicide. 0:14:10.400 --> 0:14:13.040 The number of emergency room admittances of teens who are 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:16.880 self harming or attempted suicide has doubled in the last 0:14:16.880 --> 0:14:19.800 thirty six months. You combine that with the fact that 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:22.040 these kids are now on screens more than they're on TV, 0:14:22.200 --> 0:14:23.800 and not only do they see the party that they're 0:14:23.800 --> 0:14:26.360 missing out on, they see it play out in real time. 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:29.400 You have record levels of team depression. You know what 0:14:29.520 --> 0:14:31.640 is the biggest risk to our happiness? Stephanie? For you 0:14:31.640 --> 0:14:34.360 and me, the biggest risk to our happiness is the 0:14:34.400 --> 0:14:37.680 combination of good intentions but concierge bulldoz are parenting that 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.760 you and I are probably both a little bit guilty of, 0:14:40.240 --> 0:14:44.800 and combination with Instagram and these weapons of mass destruction 0:14:45.000 --> 0:14:49.280 entrenchment by mostly teenage girls. We talk about toxic masculinity. 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:52.000 There's something called toxic femininity playing out in high schools 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:55.600 right now, and one of our kids gets really depressed 0:14:55.600 --> 0:14:58.000 and upset. You want our lives to be taken off track. 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.600 We are facing an emerging mental health crisis in why 0:15:01.640 --> 0:15:05.200 won't we acknowledge this? Right? Mean girls, for example, exist. 0:15:05.560 --> 0:15:07.920 I see it in my personal life every day. If 0:15:07.960 --> 0:15:11.600 you look at Instagram, it's the epicenter of it. Yet 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:14.240 it's something we're not willing to talk about. It's too 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.160 offensive to talk about. Well, it goes back to this 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:19.080 notion that I talk about genders I think embracing your 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:23.400 gender is hugely rewarding. I think embracing your masculinity is 0:15:23.480 --> 0:15:27.080 hugely rewarding. Embracing your femininity is hugely rewarding. That doesn't 0:15:27.080 --> 0:15:29.760 mean you have to be a bad person. That doesn't 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:33.120 mean you have to be silly or oppressive or toxic 0:15:33.240 --> 0:15:36.520 or embracing your lack of your gender neutrality if that 0:15:36.800 --> 0:15:39.280 is what makes you happy. But right now we have 0:15:39.320 --> 0:15:42.240 a conversation where you're not allowed to acknowledge the sexes 0:15:42.240 --> 0:15:45.760 are different. So, for example, boys, and this is scientifically based, 0:15:46.080 --> 0:15:49.320 bully physically and verbally. We punch each other and then 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:52.200 call each other names and it's upsetting, but it's usually 0:15:52.240 --> 0:15:56.880 kind of over girls. Bully relationally it is really damaging 0:15:56.920 --> 0:16:00.560 to other girls. It is actually more toxic than physically, 0:16:00.880 --> 0:16:02.840 you know, holding someone down and hitting them or giving 0:16:02.880 --> 0:16:06.880 them a weggie. When you start tactically, goes more thoughtful 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:09.960 and they're more mature. They pick a victim and they 0:16:09.960 --> 0:16:13.680 start using these nuclear weapons of mockery and self esteem 0:16:13.680 --> 0:16:16.720 destroying called Instagram. But in a conniving way. Why do 0:16:16.760 --> 0:16:18.520 you think the movie Mean Girls was Why do we 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:20.720 think the book was written? I was it created out 0:16:20.760 --> 0:16:25.400 of nowhere, right the movie Heathers existed, So we're going 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:28.640 to pretend that all women completely tell the truths and 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:31.520 we're all sisters. I have, without a doubt, had more 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.600 women stabbed me in the back, and by the way, 0:16:33.760 --> 0:16:36.280 I've been rough on some girls too, And right now 0:16:36.480 --> 0:16:39.240 we are unwilling to say that. First off, we have 0:16:39.280 --> 0:16:42.080 to acknowledge that the sexes are different, and that's okay, 0:16:42.120 --> 0:16:44.000 But right now you can even have a conversation that 0:16:44.040 --> 0:16:48.480 acknowledges any differences. What we haven't in high schools, though, 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.560 I think it is really dangerous because we have kids 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:54.400 who aren't developing the immunities we have. So for example, 0:16:54.880 --> 0:16:56.920 the number of teens that see their friends every day 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:59.080 has been cut in half in ten years. So there's 0:16:59.120 --> 0:17:01.480 some good things. There's less team pregnancy, and there's less 0:17:01.520 --> 0:17:03.760 drunk driving than ever before. But the bad news is 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:06.040 the reason kids aren't driving drunk or having sex is 0:17:06.040 --> 0:17:09.200 because their home on Instagram feeling bad about themselves. So 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:13.679 there's a trade off here. We're going to be right 0:17:13.680 --> 0:17:19.679 back after a quick break, welcome back to modern rules. 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:23.000 One of the dangers about our segregation of rich kids 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:25.600 from middle class from poor kids in the school system 0:17:25.720 --> 0:17:27.960 is decreasing the amount of empathy we have for each other. 0:17:27.960 --> 0:17:30.159 I went to a public school. I had friends who 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:31.960 are rich. I was squarely. I was part of the 0:17:32.000 --> 0:17:34.720 upper lower middle class. And then I had friends my 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:37.359 One of my closest friends was a kid named Ronnie Drake, 0:17:37.400 --> 0:17:39.560 and African American kid whose only way to college was 0:17:39.600 --> 0:17:42.600 to get a scholarship at Lynn University in Oregon. And 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.200 I think I aspired to do more because I saw 0:17:45.359 --> 0:17:47.840 my rich friends going to great universities. I think I 0:17:47.880 --> 0:17:50.199 had more empathy for Ronnie. And the problem now is 0:17:50.280 --> 0:17:53.400 we are separating everybody from everybody else. I think kids 0:17:53.440 --> 0:17:56.040 have a lack of empathy. I think their parents are 0:17:56.040 --> 0:17:58.320 clearing out all the obstacles for him and not letting 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.040 them develop immunities. And then you combine that with all 0:18:01.080 --> 0:18:03.399 this screen time, and we have what is a brewing 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.000 mental health crisis. And it's the biggest risk. You're in 0:18:06.080 --> 0:18:08.399 my happiness because you have your world of work, you 0:18:08.440 --> 0:18:10.160 have your world of friends, you have your world of fun, 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:12.240 you have your world of kids. When something comes off 0:18:12.240 --> 0:18:14.600 the rails with one of your kids, and everyone hears 0:18:14.600 --> 0:18:16.160 on their Instagram thing, and then these guys have kids. 0:18:16.200 --> 0:18:19.800 I can tell you're literally your world collapses. I mean, 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:21.760 all of a sudden, the work, the friends all goes 0:18:21.800 --> 0:18:23.600 away when something comes off the rails with one of 0:18:23.600 --> 0:18:26.280 your kids. But where's the balance, because in terms of 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:29.359 helicopter parenting, on one hand, you and I had no 0:18:29.480 --> 0:18:32.359 choice but to work it out. That's my family motto 0:18:32.400 --> 0:18:34.800 at home. But now that I know my oldest son 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:37.760 is dyslexic. And of course, when your kid gets diagnosed, 0:18:37.760 --> 0:18:40.160 then you get tested and then we realize I am 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:43.480 but I never got diagnosed. I worked through it, and 0:18:43.520 --> 0:18:46.639 maybe working through it, maybe working it out led to 0:18:46.720 --> 0:18:50.360 my success. But I don't want my kids to struggle. 0:18:50.680 --> 0:18:55.080 So then they get the bumpers and they and then 0:18:55.119 --> 0:18:59.160 you're down a vortex of an osteopath and an occupational 0:18:59.200 --> 0:19:02.040 therapist and on time testing, and then you are putting 0:19:02.040 --> 0:19:06.639 your kid on a tiny little cloud of love and 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:09.600 they're just waiting to get decapitated. So how do we 0:19:09.680 --> 0:19:13.080 find the right balance here? The honest answers, I don't know. 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:15.240 I think we're all trying to figure this stuff out. 0:19:15.320 --> 0:19:17.280 You said something earlier or in the beginning, when you 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:19.840 said listen, like I know when I walk into my 0:19:19.880 --> 0:19:22.680 classroom or a meeting. I'm already in a tough spot 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:25.920 because I'm the white guy. But here's why we keep 0:19:26.040 --> 0:19:28.600 saying that. And we're saying like, the toughest place to 0:19:28.680 --> 0:19:30.560 be is to be a white guy right now, and 0:19:30.600 --> 0:19:33.359 there's a war on men. Except and listen, you and 0:19:33.400 --> 0:19:36.200 I were on TV earlier and the seven banks cus 0:19:36.320 --> 0:19:38.480 you know, are testifying on the hill, and somebody else 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:40.639 on air with us said, well, the seven white guys 0:19:40.720 --> 0:19:43.480 walked in, So you're right, those seven white guys have 0:19:43.680 --> 0:19:46.760 to endure people like me rolling our eyes saying, man, 0:19:47.000 --> 0:19:49.960 seven white guys running banks. But guess what, there are 0:19:50.000 --> 0:19:53.600 still seven white guys running banks. There are still almost 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:57.320 exclusively white guys running the planet. So to me, this 0:19:57.560 --> 0:20:00.280 war on men, yes, we had a record. I'm of 0:20:00.320 --> 0:20:03.280 women win in the last selection, but look at the data. 0:20:03.600 --> 0:20:05.760 We're not taking over anything would still make less money. 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:07.679 That's like what Chris Rock said that if you actually 0:20:07.680 --> 0:20:09.800 gave white men the power to change their gender and 0:20:09.800 --> 0:20:11.840