1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor Dim here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,080 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:36,000 Speaker 2: On this week's episode in her Space. 12 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:45,320 Speaker 3: What statistics have also shown us is that particularly with 13 00:00:45,560 --> 00:00:49,640 Speaker 3: black women, So lady, I'm talking about you and you 14 00:00:49,680 --> 00:00:56,480 Speaker 3: and you and you, we all have experienced anxiety at 15 00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 3: some point in our life, and to very degrees. Thanks. 16 00:01:03,160 --> 00:01:07,280 Speaker 3: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 17 00:01:07,480 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 3: like you. We're your hosts, Doctor Dominique Brussard, a college 18 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,960 Speaker 3: professor and psychologist. 19 00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:19,039 Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a 20 00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:23,680 Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please 21 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:28,479 Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 22 00:01:28,520 --> 00:01:31,960 Speaker 4: fibroids to fake friends, and create a safe space where 23 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:42,080 Speaker 4: black women can just be Last week was a rough 24 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 4: week for me. I'm going through something personal right now 25 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,520 Speaker 4: that's pretty devastating, and it's caused me to tap into 26 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 4: my support system advocate for my needs i've never before. 27 00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 4: And during this period, I've been doing a lot of 28 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:58,040 Speaker 4: reflection and it got me revisiting this question of why 29 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 4: are we here? What's the purpose of us manifesting in 30 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 4: the physical form right like, what are we doing on 31 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:06,120 Speaker 4: this earth? And I kind of got sad because there's 32 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:08,440 Speaker 4: so much that needs to be done in the world, 33 00:02:09,240 --> 00:02:11,200 Speaker 4: But at the same time, there's so much weight and 34 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:14,480 Speaker 4: so many burdens and so much pain in our community, 35 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,720 Speaker 4: especially for black women. During my journey, I worked on 36 00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:21,680 Speaker 4: doing something I don't do often, and that's feeling all 37 00:02:21,720 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 4: of my emotions unapologetically. And so for me, that means 38 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,920 Speaker 4: feeling the anger, feeling the frustration, and feeling the envy, 39 00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 4: that hurt, the sadness, all that, because in my opinion, 40 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:36,040 Speaker 4: I believe emotions are not bad. It's really how we 41 00:02:36,080 --> 00:02:39,959 Speaker 4: allow them to manifest, how we allow them to allow us. 42 00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:40,440 Speaker 2: To show up. 43 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:44,800 Speaker 4: And I think that growing up with the tough upbringing 44 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 4: that I had, I learned to suppress shit. I learned 45 00:02:47,400 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 4: to suppress it so deep down that I didn't really 46 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:53,919 Speaker 4: feel and I couldn't really tap into genuine emotions and 47 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 4: I wouldn't know myself, and it made me unable to 48 00:02:56,760 --> 00:03:00,080 Speaker 4: express myself. And so I want to say that dom 49 00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 4: and today we are going to spend a little time 50 00:03:04,040 --> 00:03:08,240 Speaker 4: validating our experience, validating the experience of the black women. 51 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 4: And you may feel a host of emotions, and that's okay. 52 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,760 Speaker 4: We promise to bring you out with us and end. 53 00:03:16,720 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 2: On a positive note. 54 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 4: But I think it's so important for many of us 55 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,640 Speaker 4: that take on so much, for many of us that 56 00:03:21,720 --> 00:03:24,839 Speaker 4: have to, you know, hide our true feelings and put 57 00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:27,480 Speaker 4: on a smile for the world, for our family, for 58 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 4: our job, for our community. It's really important to sit 59 00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 4: with our emotions and face the reality because our experience 60 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 4: as black women isn't roses and sunshine. 61 00:03:36,520 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 2: No matter where you are in the. 62 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:41,120 Speaker 4: World, we deal with a very unique experience that many 63 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:44,400 Speaker 4: don't even know right Many would never even be able 64 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,600 Speaker 4: to grasp if they have an experience that themselves. And 65 00:03:48,640 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 4: so again, rock with us through this rocky time. We're 66 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 4: all in it together, and we will end on a 67 00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:58,880 Speaker 4: positive note. As always, you ready down already, all right, 68 00:03:59,000 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 4: let's do it. 69 00:04:00,120 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 3: Speaking of rocking, that brings us to our quote of 70 00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:08,680 Speaker 3: the day. Our quote of the day comes from author 71 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,680 Speaker 3: Jody Peacock. Anxiety is like a rocking chair. It gives 72 00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,960 Speaker 3: you something to do, but it doesn't get you very far. 73 00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:23,479 Speaker 3: Anxiety that that thing that statistics tell us that the 74 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:29,720 Speaker 3: majority of people in the world experience it is the 75 00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:35,480 Speaker 3: number one occurring mental health concern across the world. 76 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:36,400 Speaker 2: Interesting. 77 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:43,919 Speaker 3: What statistics have also shown us is that particularly with 78 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 3: black women. So lady, I'm talking about you and you, 79 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:55,200 Speaker 3: when you and you, we all have experienced anxiety at 80 00:04:55,240 --> 00:05:00,560 Speaker 3: some point in our life and to varying degrees. And today, 81 00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 3: what I'm hoping we can do it's kind of touch on. 82 00:05:06,360 --> 00:05:07,839 Speaker 3: And I know we like to say all the time 83 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 3: that we were diving into stuff, but this is one 84 00:05:10,480 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 3: of those topics where we're diving into anxiety by touching 85 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,839 Speaker 3: upon some of the ways in which it may manifest 86 00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 3: in black women. 87 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:24,359 Speaker 4: And I would love to just define anxiety because I 88 00:05:24,360 --> 00:05:27,480 Speaker 4: feel like it's so funny when you experience things growing 89 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,400 Speaker 4: up and you don't understand, you don't even know what 90 00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,960 Speaker 4: you were experiencing. Until you get language for it when 91 00:05:32,000 --> 00:05:34,200 Speaker 4: you get older. And so as an adult, I hear 92 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:37,000 Speaker 4: people talking about depression, anxiety and all these things. I'm like, 93 00:05:37,200 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 4: oh damn, those two have been with me my whole 94 00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,240 Speaker 4: my whole life, you know, since I can remember, but 95 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:43,560 Speaker 4: I didn't know what it was. 96 00:05:43,640 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 2: And I often hear people talk. 97 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:48,640 Speaker 4: About anxiety attacks and being anxious, and now that I 98 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,720 Speaker 4: know what it is, I'm like, oh, my gosh, I 99 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,520 Speaker 4: know when I'm experiencing it or when it happens in 100 00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:56,320 Speaker 4: my life. But I think it's also important to like 101 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:58,920 Speaker 4: dive into what does it even mean, because I'm sure 102 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:00,920 Speaker 4: that people sperience it and may not. 103 00:06:00,880 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 3: Even know, so to tell you exactly what anxiety is, 104 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:14,880 Speaker 3: Anxiety is that feeling of worry or unease, and that's 105 00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:18,360 Speaker 3: a sense of general anxiety. But you can have anxiety 106 00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 3: about specific things. So you might experience anxiety in terms 107 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 3: of in social settings. So if you have a fear, 108 00:06:27,240 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 3: you're worried about how other people are judging you, so 109 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:35,520 Speaker 3: you might it might show up in terms of thinking, 110 00:06:35,880 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 3: putting a lot of thought and concern and worry into 111 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:45,160 Speaker 3: what you're going to say, how you might look, and 112 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,440 Speaker 3: in terms of interacting with other people. Right, it can 113 00:06:48,480 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 3: show up in terms of getting ready to perform. I've 114 00:06:54,680 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 3: heard of multiple artists who experience a lot of would 115 00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:02,840 Speaker 3: back in the day we used to call stage right, 116 00:07:03,560 --> 00:07:10,040 Speaker 3: So that feeling of maybe rapid heart rate or sweating 117 00:07:10,680 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 3: or rumbling in your stomach right before you're getting ready 118 00:07:16,360 --> 00:07:21,840 Speaker 3: to perform. So I know of people who right before 119 00:07:21,880 --> 00:07:28,760 Speaker 3: a test or right before some big event, they can't eat. 120 00:07:31,720 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 3: Maybe they have upset stomach, so that means run into 121 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:41,800 Speaker 3: the bathroom multiple times, or maybe they're sweating profusely. 122 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:45,360 Speaker 2: Or shaking yet shake your handshaken. 123 00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:50,760 Speaker 3: All of that is anxiety, right, And so I give 124 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:53,920 Speaker 3: those those examples to let us know that we all 125 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,000 Speaker 3: experience it at some point in life. Right, none of 126 00:07:57,080 --> 00:08:01,840 Speaker 3: us are immune to it. But what about those of 127 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 3: us who at night, we can't fall asleep because our 128 00:08:08,080 --> 00:08:09,960 Speaker 3: mind won't shut off. 129 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 4: O child, you're all up in my neighborhood right now, 130 00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,680 Speaker 4: Well I'm not right. 131 00:08:18,360 --> 00:08:22,240 Speaker 3: Let's say that you're that person who, again, like you, 132 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:26,840 Speaker 3: have trouble fall asleep because your mind won't shut off. 133 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,680 Speaker 3: You wake up multiple times throughout the night because your 134 00:08:30,720 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 3: mind still won't shut off, or you're constantly worried about anything, everything, 135 00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 3: and nothing at all. 136 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 4: You ain't worried about a damn thing, right, you are 137 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 4: worried about right, Yes, I can't relate. That's why I'm laughing. 138 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:56,720 Speaker 4: I'm just like, wow, okay, it's a lot, right, that's general. 139 00:08:56,320 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 3: Anxiety in anybody, no matter what your identity is. Right, 140 00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 3: But in terms of understanding how anxiety manifests itself in 141 00:09:08,520 --> 00:09:14,280 Speaker 3: black women and why it manifests itself in the way 142 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,560 Speaker 3: that it does in us, like, we really have to 143 00:09:16,679 --> 00:09:24,280 Speaker 3: like step back and look at history, look at our 144 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:30,560 Speaker 3: current societal conditions to really understand why we're anxious. 145 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:33,800 Speaker 4: And I think the first one that comes to mind 146 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,079 Speaker 4: for me is racism. 147 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 3: Right. 148 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,640 Speaker 4: A lot of people that are I want to say, 149 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 4: privilege to the point where they don't have to see 150 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 4: it the way that we see it. Oh, we know, right, 151 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:46,120 Speaker 4: people say, oh, racism, that was something of the past. 152 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 4: I mean even I mean under the current state of 153 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:50,600 Speaker 4: I want to say, in the current state of the world, 154 00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,480 Speaker 4: we see that it's very blatant and people are out 155 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 4: in the open with it. But I mean I think 156 00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:58,719 Speaker 4: of you know, racism has so many heads in our 157 00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,080 Speaker 4: country especially, and I'm sure in other parts of the 158 00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:03,680 Speaker 4: world as well. But I think about police brutality, or 159 00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 4: driving while black or shoot worth living while black. We've 160 00:10:09,240 --> 00:10:12,559 Speaker 4: talked about, or we've heard about barbecue Becky calling the 161 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,199 Speaker 4: cops on the black people barbecuing. 162 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:17,599 Speaker 2: And that's in our area too, in the Bay. 163 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 3: Where we're supposed to be where everyone is told liberal. 164 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 4: That says a lot because if you're in the Bay Area, right, 165 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 4: we're in San Francisco, in the Bay Area, Oakland, they 166 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,600 Speaker 4: say that, oh, this is such a liberal, progressive area. 167 00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 4: If that's happening here, can you imagine what's happening in 168 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 4: other parts of the country right where it's not maybe 169 00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,080 Speaker 4: the Midwest, right, or other places like the South that 170 00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:39,360 Speaker 4: are not as liberal as we are. And we don't 171 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 4: even hear about a lot of those stories, right. So, 172 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:45,320 Speaker 4: thinking about barbecue Becky, we have what permit Patty who 173 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,400 Speaker 4: again in San Francisco, the white woman that call the 174 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 4: cops on the eight year old little black girl for 175 00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 4: selling water. I think about how that's going to impact 176 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,080 Speaker 4: that little girl growing up, right, What is she going 177 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,280 Speaker 4: to have to deal with growing up after having had 178 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,559 Speaker 4: that experience. You're literally just I used to do that 179 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,160 Speaker 4: as a kid, we would just go out and just 180 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,760 Speaker 4: sell stuff, you know, just have fun as a kid. 181 00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:08,400 Speaker 4: And I think about all the other instances of us 182 00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 4: being victimized and dealing with racism as a people, and 183 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 4: like seeing that in the media right, and the news. 184 00:11:14,280 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 4: The news is so triggering these days. I mean, but 185 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,480 Speaker 4: the thing that you just said, us being victimized, we. 186 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:24,160 Speaker 3: That's the part that causes our anxiety, right, because in 187 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:29,199 Speaker 3: those instances we are indeed the victims, but we don't 188 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:33,080 Speaker 3: get treated like the victim. Man. We get treated like 189 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:38,440 Speaker 3: the criminal. And so in those instances we are taught 190 00:11:39,120 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 3: or conditioned to develop this sense of anxiety around. Well, 191 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 3: if I'm in this situation where even though I know 192 00:11:50,679 --> 00:11:54,680 Speaker 3: I'm the one who's being hard, now I'm nervous. Now, 193 00:11:54,760 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 3: I'm scared and to say anything because I'm to be 194 00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:05,280 Speaker 3: looked at as the criminal, I'm gonna be treated as suspect. 195 00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 3: It's gonna become victim blaming as opposed to well, let's 196 00:12:10,520 --> 00:12:15,600 Speaker 3: hold my oppressor accountable exactly. And so it makes me 197 00:12:15,679 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 3: think about like small instances, so like I think about. 198 00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,520 Speaker 2: Driving and. 199 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 3: If a cop comes up behind my car, my mind, you, 200 00:12:32,679 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 3: I know, there are multiple times where I'm speeding, and 201 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,400 Speaker 3: anyone who's been in the car with me on the 202 00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:43,199 Speaker 3: highway probably has those that the chances are I'm not 203 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 3: going to speed with it, okay, But if a cop 204 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:54,640 Speaker 3: pulls up behind me, even if I might be completely 205 00:12:54,679 --> 00:13:00,880 Speaker 3: obeying all of the traffic laws, I find that my 206 00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,920 Speaker 3: heart races. My heart starts racing, and my immediate thought 207 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:09,400 Speaker 3: is am I gonna get pulled over? Knowing full well 208 00:13:09,679 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 3: that one my Greek lights work that because the cop 209 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:17,240 Speaker 3: is behind me, I'm definitely obeying all of the traffic laws. 210 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:21,439 Speaker 3: My insurance is up today, I have my driver's license 211 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 3: with me, and as this is happening, as the cop 212 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:28,000 Speaker 3: is writing behind me, I'm rinsing through all of those things, 213 00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:31,320 Speaker 3: like asking myself all of those questions, am I so 214 00:13:32,000 --> 00:13:34,800 Speaker 3: preparing myself for am. 215 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:35,400 Speaker 1: I in the wrong? 216 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 3: When I know full well that I'm not. But those 217 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:48,560 Speaker 3: types of scenarios lead to that's a small instance of stress. 218 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:49,360 Speaker 2: Oh for sure. 219 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 3: But if we are constantly experiencing those small stressors, that 220 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:58,600 Speaker 3: those small stressors lead up and build up over time 221 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:04,679 Speaker 3: to where you might be frequently experiencing anxiety. 222 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,839 Speaker 4: YEP, I would agree with you, don and that I've 223 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:09,240 Speaker 4: definitely had those feelings that I actually I had a 224 00:14:09,280 --> 00:14:10,880 Speaker 4: story I was going to tell you. I didn't share 225 00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 4: it with you, but I share it now. And so 226 00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:17,120 Speaker 4: I was on Facebook, and you know how Facebook sends 227 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 4: you the or they show you the anniversaries of oh 228 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 4: that you did this a year ago or two years ago. 229 00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 4: So two years ago I posted something on Facebook. I 230 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 4: shared a status, and I had friends comments, and someone 231 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:30,560 Speaker 4: recently posted this month, and I was like, oh my gosh, 232 00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 4: this incident happened two years ago. And so basically I 233 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 4: was flying back east to speak do some motivational speaking 234 00:14:38,960 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 4: gig at the University of Pennsylvania, and I was really 235 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:43,440 Speaker 4: excited to be back in Philly go back home. And 236 00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 4: I went out with my cousin and my little sister 237 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:48,480 Speaker 4: and we went to our friend's house hung out there. 238 00:14:48,840 --> 00:14:50,680 Speaker 4: We left it like three in the morning, and we 239 00:14:50,720 --> 00:14:52,760 Speaker 4: got an Uber to go back to my grandmother's house. 240 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 4: And so we get in the uber. Mind you, there 241 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 4: are four black people in the car. Just FYI to 242 00:14:57,440 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 4: give you context. We're in the uber. Everything's good, like 243 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 4: we're just me and my cousin my sister were laughing. 244 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,320 Speaker 2: The uber driver. We don't know him. So he's like doing, 245 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:06,960 Speaker 2: He's just driving us to our destination. 246 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,800 Speaker 4: And we're all talking, my sister and cousin and I 247 00:15:11,160 --> 00:15:15,200 Speaker 4: and the Uber driver makes a right hand turn and 248 00:15:15,360 --> 00:15:17,360 Speaker 4: he's not driving that, so he literally makes a turn. 249 00:15:17,480 --> 00:15:19,360 Speaker 4: As soon as he makes that right hand turn, we 250 00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 4: see cop We see the cops lights, right, cop lights. 251 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 4: We see the cop lights behind us, right. 252 00:15:25,040 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 2: And we're like, what the hell? 253 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 4: And I'm like, oh damn, because I'm thinking of all 254 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:34,040 Speaker 4: the different instances where we see young black people, black 255 00:15:34,040 --> 00:15:36,360 Speaker 4: people in general, just being murdered right by cops. And 256 00:15:36,360 --> 00:15:38,480 Speaker 4: I'm like, oh my gosh, that's my first thought anytime 257 00:15:38,480 --> 00:15:40,840 Speaker 4: I see the cops. It goes way there because I've 258 00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:44,920 Speaker 4: been traumatized. And so the driver pulls over and the 259 00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 4: cops get out and they are so rude. I've never 260 00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:51,720 Speaker 4: experienced this in my life. I'm two white cops get out. 261 00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 4: They're asking us questions. They're asking us to roll down 262 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 4: the windows. They're asking the driver like where you guys going. 263 00:15:57,520 --> 00:15:58,600 Speaker 2: He's like, I'm their Uber driver. 264 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 4: Here's my app Like I have a st I don't 265 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,560 Speaker 4: know these people Who's like, are you drinking? What's in 266 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,720 Speaker 4: the bag? I smell weed, all this stuff. They didn't 267 00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:06,680 Speaker 4: tell us why I got pulled over plenty of times 268 00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,600 Speaker 4: because I have a heavy foot. I have never had 269 00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,360 Speaker 4: a stop like this before. Long story short down the 270 00:16:11,440 --> 00:16:15,400 Speaker 4: officer he ends up, he's like harassing us, right, the 271 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 4: guys on the other. 272 00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:19,080 Speaker 2: Side asking questions. I said something like i'n't like to. 273 00:16:19,000 --> 00:16:21,400 Speaker 4: Call my lawyer or something because it was very inappropriate 274 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 4: what they were doing. And I'm like, I know this 275 00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 4: is not right. I don't know what to say that 276 00:16:24,840 --> 00:16:26,280 Speaker 4: I need to say something to let them know, like 277 00:16:26,520 --> 00:16:28,160 Speaker 4: you are with people that know this is not right. 278 00:16:28,280 --> 00:16:32,880 Speaker 4: He reaches through the back window unseated, and he grabs 279 00:16:32,920 --> 00:16:35,440 Speaker 4: my phone and says, you don't make any calls when 280 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 4: you're on the stop with me, and starts pulling my 281 00:16:37,320 --> 00:16:39,600 Speaker 4: phone down out of the back window. And I am 282 00:16:39,680 --> 00:16:43,880 Speaker 4: like petrified. And I actually recorded a portion of the 283 00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,280 Speaker 4: like I have a snippet cause I started recording as 284 00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 4: soon as we got stopped. 285 00:16:47,400 --> 00:16:48,720 Speaker 2: And girl, that was two years ago. 286 00:16:48,880 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 4: I had nightmares. 287 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:51,040 Speaker 2: That was so traumatic for me. 288 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,360 Speaker 4: I kept thinking about the fact that, you know, we 289 00:16:53,400 --> 00:16:55,000 Speaker 4: could have been hashtags, you know, so when you talk 290 00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,880 Speaker 4: about anxiety, that right, there was anxiety inducing, also extreme 291 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:04,359 Speaker 4: traumatic and it changed my whole perspective on the experiences 292 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,680 Speaker 4: of black people because of how we are viewed. And 293 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:08,240 Speaker 4: he never told us why he pulled us over. 294 00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:09,199 Speaker 2: At the end of the. 295 00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:12,159 Speaker 4: Stop, he casually says to the driver, Oh, by the way, 296 00:17:12,440 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 4: you should get your windows. Your windows are too dark. 297 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,399 Speaker 4: No ticket, no nothing. 298 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:23,879 Speaker 3: Wow, isn't that crazy? That is what's unfortunate is that 299 00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 3: if we did a poll, there would be a number, 300 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,679 Speaker 3: a higher number than we would want to have, of 301 00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:35,679 Speaker 3: people who have been pulled over in similar instances. What 302 00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:39,240 Speaker 3: I would encourage anyone to do who has been in 303 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:44,040 Speaker 3: that situation. I know in the previous episode, Terry and 304 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 3: I have talked about how we do support Colin Kaepernick 305 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 3: and in part of his Know Your Rights Camp, if 306 00:17:52,280 --> 00:17:56,400 Speaker 3: you go to Know your Rights camp dot com, and 307 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:58,960 Speaker 3: we'll have this also on the show notes, but on 308 00:17:59,080 --> 00:18:03,439 Speaker 3: there there is a ton of resources on how to 309 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 3: understand your rights and how to navigate the legal system. Particularly. 310 00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:11,919 Speaker 3: They have some resource guides for specific cities, but I 311 00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,600 Speaker 3: think that those resources could also be helpful, could be 312 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:18,639 Speaker 3: a jumping off point to figure out what are the 313 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:23,040 Speaker 3: resources within your particular area. But it's an unfortunate thing 314 00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 3: that this is how we manage anxiety with being black 315 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 3: in America, and it's one of those unfortunate things that 316 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 3: should not be happening, and one of those things that 317 00:18:36,640 --> 00:18:41,159 Speaker 3: makes sense why black women are experiencing anxiety at the 318 00:18:41,280 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 3: levels that they are. If you have to be worried 319 00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:47,280 Speaker 3: about being stopped in an uber, dry in an uber, 320 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:50,160 Speaker 3: you know, or left, if you have to worry about 321 00:18:50,200 --> 00:18:52,760 Speaker 3: being stopped in your own vehicle, if you have to 322 00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:57,439 Speaker 3: worry about your loved ones being stopped in a vehicle, 323 00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 3: and what might happen if they're stopped by the pullet, 324 00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:04,080 Speaker 3: that is definite enough cause for anxiety. 325 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 2: And that's just the first one. Right. 326 00:19:06,400 --> 00:19:11,040 Speaker 4: There's a quote that I found online by Clark Kisha 327 00:19:11,240 --> 00:19:15,000 Speaker 4: Kent that says, trauma by association is trauma that can 328 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,560 Speaker 4: manifest in someone who may not have been the direct 329 00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 4: target of said traumatic event, but who shares identifiers with 330 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:25,920 Speaker 4: saying target that make them just as physically, mentally, spiritually, 331 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:30,560 Speaker 4: emotionally vulnerable as said target as said target to similar trauma. 332 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:33,160 Speaker 4: And so what makes me think about just in the news, right, 333 00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,760 Speaker 4: the incident that you shared. But that's just the beginning. 334 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:39,000 Speaker 4: I mean, I think when you think about stereotypes as well, 335 00:19:39,440 --> 00:19:42,280 Speaker 4: that's something else. We have all these burdens that we're 336 00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,600 Speaker 4: just kind of carrying on our shoulders. 337 00:19:44,119 --> 00:19:46,480 Speaker 2: Through life, and people just say, oh, there's. 338 00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 4: A black woman. No, no, no, it's a black woman. 339 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:50,439 Speaker 4: With all this other stuff, there are layers to it, 340 00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:53,280 Speaker 4: and when you think about stereotypes, like, I don't know, dom, 341 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,160 Speaker 4: how does how does that show up in your world 342 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,360 Speaker 4: when it comes to anxiety and like what you deal 343 00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,920 Speaker 4: with in regards to stereotypes. 344 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:04,080 Speaker 3: So I think about not necessarily for myself and specific, 345 00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:06,480 Speaker 3: but when you mentioned like stereotypes, like I think about 346 00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 3: there are several stereotypes associated with black women. So the 347 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:16,040 Speaker 3: angry black woman, right, I know for myself that I 348 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:23,200 Speaker 3: tend to not express my anger openly and so when 349 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,760 Speaker 3: I pause and really reflect on why, I mean, I 350 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,000 Speaker 3: think some of that also is just like the dynamics 351 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:34,600 Speaker 3: of my family, but more importantly just that subconscious thing 352 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:37,320 Speaker 3: of not wanting to fulfiel that stereotype of that angry 353 00:20:37,320 --> 00:20:40,199 Speaker 3: black woman. Now, the older I get, the more I'm like, 354 00:20:40,320 --> 00:20:45,919 Speaker 3: I give no fucks and I figure out how to 355 00:20:46,560 --> 00:20:49,840 Speaker 3: assert myself appropriately. Right, But I recognize that that is 356 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 3: something that a lot of us have to deal with, 357 00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 3: particularly when we move into our in our professional careers. 358 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:01,439 Speaker 3: I mean, we're in a workplace setting, so we have 359 00:21:01,560 --> 00:21:06,960 Speaker 3: to be concerned about if I pop off right, if 360 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 3: someone says something to me right, so I wasn't the instigator. 361 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 3: Someone says something to me and I assert myself, how 362 00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 3: is that going to come across? And then I have 363 00:21:25,119 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 3: to ask myself do I even assert myself? Because if 364 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,800 Speaker 3: what are the consequences for me asserting myself? Am I 365 00:21:32,840 --> 00:21:35,879 Speaker 3: going to be perceived as the angry black woman? And 366 00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,840 Speaker 3: if I perceive as the angry black woman, how is 367 00:21:39,880 --> 00:21:44,919 Speaker 3: this going to impact my career? If I don't stand 368 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:51,840 Speaker 3: up for myself and I don't address the issue, then again, 369 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 3: how is this going to impact my career? And then 370 00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 3: you hop on what I call the worry train and 371 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,200 Speaker 3: your mind starts thinking about fifty million questions about how 372 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:09,360 Speaker 3: to address this one scenario. And you're ruminating on this 373 00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:15,280 Speaker 3: one scenario might be a small scenario, but because you're 374 00:22:15,280 --> 00:22:19,640 Speaker 3: afraid of fulfieling that aber black woman's stereotype, you've created 375 00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:21,200 Speaker 3: this stress within yourself. 376 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:22,800 Speaker 2: Yep. 377 00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 4: That and then also sort of depriving yourself, the respect 378 00:22:28,640 --> 00:22:31,159 Speaker 4: of advocating for yourself right, because it's like. 379 00:22:31,160 --> 00:22:31,960 Speaker 2: Ooh, do I do that? 380 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,840 Speaker 4: Or do I just stay quiet? And then I think 381 00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 4: about for myself, like the stereotypes. I just felt like 382 00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:43,199 Speaker 4: there's always this sort of personal expectation within myself. I 383 00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,800 Speaker 4: gotta go above and beyond. I gotta kill it. I 384 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:47,000 Speaker 4: gotta crush everything. 385 00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 2: I gotta do really really well. I can't take no 386 00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:50,720 Speaker 2: days off, Like I gotta. 387 00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 4: Be on top of stuff because if I'm not, it 388 00:22:53,359 --> 00:22:55,280 Speaker 4: won't be oh, this is an individual that can't do 389 00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:57,960 Speaker 4: the job. It's oh, the whispers might be oh because 390 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,760 Speaker 4: she's black, right, because I feel like that's. 391 00:22:59,880 --> 00:23:02,080 Speaker 2: The things that we've heard before. In addition to. 392 00:23:02,040 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 4: That, I think about just random stereotypes where it's like 393 00:23:04,680 --> 00:23:06,720 Speaker 4: all black people don't listen to rap music. Okay, yeah 394 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 4: I do like hip hop and I do, but like 395 00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,399 Speaker 4: all black people don't, you know what I mean? And 396 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:14,840 Speaker 4: I remember having a colleague just make an assumption about 397 00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:17,159 Speaker 4: me in some way and like ask if he could 398 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:21,239 Speaker 4: like call me this like rap nickname at work, and 399 00:23:21,280 --> 00:23:24,960 Speaker 4: I was just like, no, Like would you ask your white. 400 00:23:24,760 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 2: Counterpart if you can call him? 401 00:23:26,960 --> 00:23:30,080 Speaker 4: You know, I don't know, rapper tray or like you know, 402 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,679 Speaker 4: like just a rapper name, and that's really offensive. But 403 00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,600 Speaker 4: it's like we have to we kind of live in 404 00:23:35,640 --> 00:23:37,440 Speaker 4: this world where we have to do a lot of explaining. 405 00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:40,160 Speaker 4: We unfortunately have to do a lot of teaching and 406 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 4: walk with this sort of burden of Okay, I got 407 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:44,800 Speaker 4: to make sure I show up in this way so 408 00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:48,160 Speaker 4: that these stereotypes are not impacting my growth and where 409 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,600 Speaker 4: I go, I think. 410 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 3: About another stereotype that doesn't apply to the workplace setting, 411 00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:58,760 Speaker 3: but the stereotype of the historical stereotype of the jezebel 412 00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:04,080 Speaker 3: and or what like a more current term that isn't 413 00:24:04,160 --> 00:24:07,600 Speaker 3: necessarily used anymore, but I guess it would be like 414 00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:12,960 Speaker 3: video vixen or now is the raymo not? Maybe a thought? 415 00:24:13,040 --> 00:24:16,080 Speaker 4: Okay, so thanks for keeping the coming. 416 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,119 Speaker 3: So basically, all but all three of those terms, no 417 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:22,520 Speaker 3: matter which generation you're from and which term you want 418 00:24:22,560 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 3: to use, they all mean the same thing. They all 419 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:31,040 Speaker 3: represent this stereotype of the black woman who is overly sexual, right, 420 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:34,920 Speaker 3: and so what it does for us is it causes 421 00:24:34,960 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 3: anxiety in how we choose to portray our sexuality. Right, 422 00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 3: So you couple this this stereotype along with the way 423 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:50,640 Speaker 3: are the way patriarchy and masculinity is set up, and 424 00:24:51,119 --> 00:24:55,960 Speaker 3: you have a lot of women who are maybe afraid 425 00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:04,119 Speaker 3: to explore their sexuality, afraid to figure out how to 426 00:25:04,359 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 3: express themselves sexually, how to advocate for themselves because they 427 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:13,240 Speaker 3: are afraid of fulfeeling this stereotype. Or you have those, 428 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:18,560 Speaker 3: or it may be a point where you are engaging 429 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:24,440 Speaker 3: in some of those behaviors and then you are experiencing 430 00:25:24,600 --> 00:25:30,119 Speaker 3: guilt because you're engaging in these behaviors, when really the 431 00:25:30,240 --> 00:25:35,960 Speaker 3: question we should be asking ourselves is not am I 432 00:25:36,080 --> 00:25:39,840 Speaker 3: a thought? Am I a Jezebel? Am I a video vixen? 433 00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 3: Because I want to express my sexuality in a certain way, 434 00:25:43,359 --> 00:25:49,880 Speaker 3: but actually kind of stepping back and examining why you're 435 00:25:49,960 --> 00:25:53,320 Speaker 3: expressing yourself in that way, right, Because one of the 436 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,280 Speaker 3: things that we do know is that sometimes how we 437 00:25:56,440 --> 00:26:02,480 Speaker 3: manage our anxiety, how we calm ourselves, is to engage 438 00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:07,520 Speaker 3: in frequent sexual behavior. Have we ever heard the phrase 439 00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:11,640 Speaker 3: I use sex to relieve stress. So that's one way 440 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:16,040 Speaker 3: in which we might use it to alleviate those feelings 441 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 3: of anxiety. And so I don't want people to hear 442 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,800 Speaker 3: this and say Okay, well, wait, maybe I shouldn't be 443 00:26:23,840 --> 00:26:27,120 Speaker 3: engaging in sex. And if I'm someone who really loves sex, 444 00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:30,400 Speaker 3: then maybe I have anxiety. No, what I'm saying is 445 00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:37,440 Speaker 3: step back and kind of really reflect on why you're 446 00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:43,080 Speaker 3: engaging in the behaviors you're engaging in. Right, sex is healthy. 447 00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:45,200 Speaker 4: I was just gonna say, is it bad to relieve 448 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 4: stress with sex? 449 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:46,600 Speaker 3: Though? 450 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:47,720 Speaker 2: Is it bad to do that? 451 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,160 Speaker 4: Or if it's like a if it's more like an addiction, 452 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:52,879 Speaker 4: or like if it's deeper, if you're like, oh, I'm 453 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,120 Speaker 4: having a stressed out day, I want to work out 454 00:26:55,400 --> 00:26:57,400 Speaker 4: or go have sex. Is that do you think that's bad? 455 00:26:58,119 --> 00:27:03,200 Speaker 3: It can be depending on how and why it's manifesting like. 456 00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,560 Speaker 4: A pattern as well, not like yeah, okay. 457 00:27:05,520 --> 00:27:09,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, And so that's one of those things where it's like, Okay, well, 458 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:12,679 Speaker 3: once I'm aware of the behavior, maybe I should stop 459 00:27:12,720 --> 00:27:15,560 Speaker 3: and reflect and have a conversation with my therapist so 460 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:17,720 Speaker 3: that we can kind of explore and dive a little 461 00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,000 Speaker 3: deeper to figure out what might be really going on. 462 00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,720 Speaker 3: But again, I say that to point out that, like, 463 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:32,880 Speaker 3: there are stereotypes that we are aware of, and our 464 00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:37,120 Speaker 3: awareness of those stereotypes impact our behavior. 465 00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:40,040 Speaker 2: YEP, I would agree. And I think about one thing 466 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:41,639 Speaker 2: my mentor used to say. 467 00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 4: Like, always know why you do what you do, Always 468 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 4: know why you do what you do. 469 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:49,040 Speaker 2: And when you think about that, always know why you 470 00:27:49,080 --> 00:27:49,600 Speaker 2: do what you do. 471 00:27:49,680 --> 00:27:53,399 Speaker 4: Right, it's just getting clear on what you're doing, because 472 00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:56,520 Speaker 4: you could have an addiction. I mean, snipper bars aren't bad. 473 00:27:56,840 --> 00:27:59,880 Speaker 4: But if you're eating a Snickers every time X happens 474 00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,040 Speaker 4: and you're doing like, the intention behind it may not 475 00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:05,160 Speaker 4: be that be'st Maybe you're using it to solve anxiety. 476 00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:07,800 Speaker 4: It might be nice to just sit back and explore that. 477 00:28:07,840 --> 00:28:10,119 Speaker 4: So I think that makes sense, and it makes me 478 00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:12,440 Speaker 4: think about something else. And as we're talking about sex, 479 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:13,960 Speaker 4: I'll keep it in the same vein there. It makes 480 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,680 Speaker 4: me think about this stat the statistic that I heard 481 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 4: around relationship and companionship when it comes to black women. 482 00:28:20,520 --> 00:28:24,040 Speaker 4: And I was doing my little interwebs search and found 483 00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:28,720 Speaker 4: this twenty ten Few Research Center report that found that 484 00:28:28,840 --> 00:28:31,679 Speaker 4: Black women are the least likely group of women to marry, 485 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:33,359 Speaker 4: especially outside of their own race. 486 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 2: And here's the thing. Everyone doesn't want to get married. 487 00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 4: Like that got that there are lots of people that do, 488 00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,920 Speaker 4: but just seeing something like that, to see that black 489 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:44,280 Speaker 4: women are least likely, it just, oh, it kind of 490 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 4: makes me cringe a little bit. And I think about 491 00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:49,120 Speaker 4: the women that maybe aren't married, that want to get married, 492 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:53,960 Speaker 4: or that this statistic really impacts. And I think about 493 00:28:54,000 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 4: the anxiety that could come from that, right, because you 494 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,320 Speaker 4: know that we're out and if you want to marry 495 00:28:58,360 --> 00:29:00,360 Speaker 4: a black man, not saying that you have to, if 496 00:29:00,400 --> 00:29:02,160 Speaker 4: you are interested. A lot of black women I know 497 00:29:02,240 --> 00:29:03,320 Speaker 4: are interested in. 498 00:29:03,280 --> 00:29:04,280 Speaker 2: Marrying a black man. 499 00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:07,280 Speaker 4: It's like we're already out numbered or we're out numbering 500 00:29:07,320 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 4: black men, and then you see this, Well. 501 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:12,840 Speaker 2: God damn, am I ever going to have the life 502 00:29:12,840 --> 00:29:15,560 Speaker 2: that I envisioned. I can only imagine what comes with that, 503 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 2: in addition to what we've already named. 504 00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:21,360 Speaker 3: And I think with that comes like So I struggle 505 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:24,760 Speaker 3: with statistics like that, right, tell me more? And I 506 00:29:24,880 --> 00:29:30,680 Speaker 3: struggle with how research how certain statistics did put out 507 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:35,000 Speaker 3: there about black women, because I think that some of 508 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 3: those statistics are what leads us experiencing anxiety. 509 00:29:39,280 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 4: Feeding into the narratives and the stereotypes. 510 00:29:41,920 --> 00:29:42,520 Speaker 3: Interesting. 511 00:29:42,840 --> 00:29:44,360 Speaker 2: Interesting, So when you see this. 512 00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:48,800 Speaker 3: If you see this statistic that black women are the 513 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 3: least likely group to marry. Okay, well, maybe we should 514 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:58,400 Speaker 3: peel back the layers on that before we jump to starting, 515 00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 3: before we hop on our worry train and start trying 516 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:07,760 Speaker 3: to like ruminate on whoa, I'm not marriageable and I'm 517 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:11,720 Speaker 3: gonna end up like an old maid, and like we've 518 00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,720 Speaker 3: hopped on the world we train and we took off 519 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:19,680 Speaker 3: at lightning speed. Before we do that, let's step back in, like, 520 00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:27,600 Speaker 3: let's really analyze that information. Why are black women considered 521 00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:31,840 Speaker 3: the least likely group to marry? Part of that is 522 00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:37,640 Speaker 3: because people of other races don't view us as marriage 523 00:30:37,840 --> 00:30:43,880 Speaker 3: partners right coupled with we do as black women have 524 00:30:45,200 --> 00:30:51,280 Speaker 3: a strong allegiance and loyalty to black men. I get it, 525 00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:55,120 Speaker 3: I love black men, But I would encourage those of 526 00:30:55,200 --> 00:31:00,000 Speaker 3: us who are willing to try to explore dating outside 527 00:31:00,160 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 3: of your race. If you are someone who is also 528 00:31:04,400 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 3: not sure about your sexual orientation, explore that and don't 529 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:15,000 Speaker 3: feel compelled to. Okay, well, I'm just gonna stay single 530 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:20,360 Speaker 3: because I'm not necessarily I'm not necessarily interested in men, 531 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,920 Speaker 3: or I'm not necessarily interested in people outside of my race. 532 00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:29,600 Speaker 3: But I've been fed the narrative that either they don't 533 00:31:29,640 --> 00:31:33,720 Speaker 3: want me or I'm not supposed to carve that path 534 00:31:34,520 --> 00:31:40,720 Speaker 3: for yourself of figuring out what is going to work 535 00:31:40,880 --> 00:31:44,560 Speaker 3: best for you in terms of asking yourself, is this 536 00:31:44,720 --> 00:31:46,680 Speaker 3: going to be best for me? How is this going 537 00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:50,480 Speaker 3: to impact my life? Why am I doing this? Right? 538 00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 3: To go back to the point of like our own 539 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:58,520 Speaker 3: intentions right and our own subconscious thoughts of what is this, 540 00:31:58,880 --> 00:32:04,000 Speaker 3: how does this really going to affect me? And how 541 00:32:04,040 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 3: does this fit in with my overall goals and values 542 00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 3: in life? So we can carve out our own path. 543 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 3: And what tends to happen is when we carve out 544 00:32:15,360 --> 00:32:21,560 Speaker 3: our own path and let go of trying to please 545 00:32:21,760 --> 00:32:28,720 Speaker 3: other people and let go of worrying about what society 546 00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:31,760 Speaker 3: says we should be doing, what our friends, what our family, 547 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:36,000 Speaker 3: what anybody else says we should be doing. That anxiety 548 00:32:36,200 --> 00:32:41,720 Speaker 3: lessons and when that anxiety lessons, the feeling that comes 549 00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:46,560 Speaker 3: with being anxiety free is amazing. 550 00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:51,040 Speaker 4: So we touched on just a few of the things 551 00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,920 Speaker 4: that cause a many Black women anxiety in the world today. 552 00:32:54,200 --> 00:32:56,480 Speaker 4: We just touched the type of iceberg. I mean, there's 553 00:32:56,520 --> 00:32:58,800 Speaker 4: so much more, but just to kind of give us 554 00:32:58,880 --> 00:33:02,680 Speaker 4: space to validate ourselves, valid our feelings let ourselves sit 555 00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:04,800 Speaker 4: in all those emotions, because I'm sure a lot of 556 00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 4: stuff has come up just listening to what we've shared. 557 00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:10,480 Speaker 4: But of course, as we promise, we will bring you 558 00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 4: out together with us, and we want to talk about 559 00:33:14,680 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 4: some tools and strategies on how we can continue to 560 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:22,160 Speaker 4: thrive in the midst of unfair circumstances, because as we know, 561 00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:23,880 Speaker 4: life isn't fairly. We shouldn't have to deal with a 562 00:33:23,920 --> 00:33:26,040 Speaker 4: lot of this shit. We shouldn't have to wear these 563 00:33:26,080 --> 00:33:28,520 Speaker 4: different you know, these burdens and all this baggage on 564 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,280 Speaker 4: us because a lot of it was put on us. 565 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,520 Speaker 4: But we are so resilient. I mean, we have our 566 00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 4: ancestors blood running through our veins. 567 00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:36,280 Speaker 2: We're so resilient. 568 00:33:36,600 --> 00:33:40,160 Speaker 4: There are so many examples of just amazing, incredible Black 569 00:33:40,200 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 4: women and women of color that are out there killing 570 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:46,160 Speaker 4: it and thriving in the midst of mental illness or 571 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,320 Speaker 4: you know, struggling with anxiety, and so. 572 00:33:48,200 --> 00:33:49,000 Speaker 2: We can do it too. 573 00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, And so one of the things that I want 574 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:54,680 Speaker 3: us to think about is how do we thrive right 575 00:33:55,280 --> 00:34:00,960 Speaker 3: and figuring out how we thrive kind of stepping back 576 00:34:01,040 --> 00:34:04,560 Speaker 3: and kind of examining, well, what are we doing to 577 00:34:04,800 --> 00:34:08,279 Speaker 3: kind of manage our anxiety, right, And so I know 578 00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,120 Speaker 3: for myself, one of the things that I've talked about 579 00:34:11,120 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 3: in previous episodes is that I like to have a 580 00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:15,640 Speaker 3: glass of wine in the evening with my dinner, right, 581 00:34:16,200 --> 00:34:20,359 Speaker 3: And one of the things that I realized is that, 582 00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:23,040 Speaker 3: like over the last few months, and in the previous episode, 583 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:27,279 Speaker 3: you all also heard me mention that I started exercising 584 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,440 Speaker 3: more in the mornings, and so that meant that I 585 00:34:29,440 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 3: had to give up or I chose to give up 586 00:34:32,520 --> 00:34:36,120 Speaker 3: having that glass of wine at night because it kept 587 00:34:36,120 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 3: me from getting up in the morning to exercise. And 588 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:43,319 Speaker 3: one of the things that I found is that exercising 589 00:34:43,400 --> 00:34:48,000 Speaker 3: in the morning gave me a level of energy and 590 00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:52,960 Speaker 3: also gave me a level of peace and stress relief 591 00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:58,440 Speaker 3: that by evening I didn't necessarily feel the need to 592 00:34:58,520 --> 00:35:01,880 Speaker 3: have that glass of wine. Right. And so for me, 593 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:11,160 Speaker 3: what I learned personally is that exercise helps so much. 594 00:35:12,000 --> 00:35:16,080 Speaker 3: And whether that is getting up and going like from 595 00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:18,680 Speaker 3: like getting up early first thing in the morning and 596 00:35:18,719 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 3: getting that thirty to hour loan thirty minute to hour 597 00:35:22,120 --> 00:35:25,640 Speaker 3: long workout in, or if that might mean getting up 598 00:35:25,680 --> 00:35:28,399 Speaker 3: from your desk at lunchtime to go for a ten 599 00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:31,880 Speaker 3: minute walk outside just to get outside of the office. 600 00:35:32,360 --> 00:35:36,800 Speaker 3: But doing some type of physical activity can help relieve 601 00:35:36,920 --> 00:35:41,160 Speaker 3: some of that anxiety. Right. Another thing that helps relieve 602 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:45,799 Speaker 3: some anxiety meditation. The key to all of these things 603 00:35:45,840 --> 00:35:48,040 Speaker 3: is recognizing that not everything is gonna work for you. 604 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:52,000 Speaker 3: So we're gonna offer multiple strategies. And so I point 605 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,719 Speaker 3: that specific thing out to say that I recommend meditation 606 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:58,920 Speaker 3: all the time, but I know that meditation is not 607 00:35:59,040 --> 00:36:03,959 Speaker 3: necessarily my thing. For me, I put meditation, I put 608 00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:07,160 Speaker 3: a meditation app on when I'm getting ready to fall asleep, 609 00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:13,880 Speaker 3: because med meditating relaxes me to the point where I 610 00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:17,880 Speaker 3: fall asleep. I know that that's not the intended purpose. 611 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:20,600 Speaker 3: And for some people you can. They can meditate in 612 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:22,480 Speaker 3: the morning, get there and use that to get their 613 00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:25,280 Speaker 3: day gone. It doesn't work for me. So it's about 614 00:36:25,520 --> 00:36:30,240 Speaker 3: whatever strategies we're offering, figure out how those strategies will 615 00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:31,680 Speaker 3: work best for you. 616 00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:33,000 Speaker 2: That's good Dom. 617 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,040 Speaker 4: I would just to piggyback off of that, I would 618 00:36:35,040 --> 00:36:38,040 Speaker 4: say one thing I've been doing lately is meditating because 619 00:36:38,120 --> 00:36:41,680 Speaker 4: mindfulness has been something that's been really important for me lately, 620 00:36:41,719 --> 00:36:43,520 Speaker 4: and like being in the moment because I feel like 621 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,959 Speaker 4: I used to tend to be the person that I'd 622 00:36:45,960 --> 00:36:47,440 Speaker 4: be in a moment, but I'd be thinking about the 623 00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:47,960 Speaker 4: next moment. 624 00:36:48,040 --> 00:36:49,600 Speaker 2: So I'd achieve a goal and be like, all right, 625 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,799 Speaker 2: what am I going to do next? Or do this 626 00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:52,279 Speaker 2: other thing? Or I'd be in. 627 00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,320 Speaker 4: Conversation with someone and I just be elsewhere in my 628 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:55,480 Speaker 4: mind like, oh, what am I gonna make for that? 629 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:56,160 Speaker 2: What I'm gonna do? 630 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,680 Speaker 4: And that had that caused a lot of anxiety for me, 631 00:36:58,719 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 4: and so I think just being mindful. I have been 632 00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:03,719 Speaker 4: working on taking a lot of deep breaths throughout the day. 633 00:37:04,160 --> 00:37:06,120 Speaker 4: I know my colleagues laugh at me. Sometimes I have 634 00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:08,600 Speaker 4: like spy music playing all throughout the day on my 635 00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:11,680 Speaker 4: headphones to just give me that sort of zen feeling 636 00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,480 Speaker 4: and kind of keep everything together. And the cool thing 637 00:37:14,640 --> 00:37:17,359 Speaker 4: is every all of these different tips like these are 638 00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:19,279 Speaker 4: like building muscles in the gym, and I feel like 639 00:37:19,280 --> 00:37:22,600 Speaker 4: for me personally with meditation, I remember a time when 640 00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:25,600 Speaker 4: I could only meditate for less than a minute because 641 00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,440 Speaker 4: my mind would be racing and I'd be all over it. 642 00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,200 Speaker 4: And I've learned different techniques. Yo, I can meditate for 643 00:37:30,280 --> 00:37:33,200 Speaker 4: fifteen minutes now, and that is such a huge accomplishment 644 00:37:33,239 --> 00:37:33,520 Speaker 4: for me. 645 00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:34,760 Speaker 3: That's amazing. 646 00:37:34,920 --> 00:37:37,880 Speaker 4: Seriously, I'd be so, I'm like ten minutes is usually 647 00:37:37,920 --> 00:37:40,080 Speaker 4: like my sweet spot, but I'll be pushing myself to 648 00:37:40,120 --> 00:37:42,759 Speaker 4: fifteen minutes. And I have an activity where I like 649 00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:45,520 Speaker 4: focus on my different chakras with my mind and I'm 650 00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,879 Speaker 4: like just focusing my energy and my body and. 651 00:37:47,840 --> 00:37:48,879 Speaker 2: It's just been so cool. 652 00:37:48,920 --> 00:37:50,719 Speaker 4: And so I would say, just like in the gym, right, 653 00:37:51,000 --> 00:37:53,800 Speaker 4: if you're building your I'm gonna say your mental ads 654 00:37:54,160 --> 00:37:56,799 Speaker 4: and you do it once a week, yo, your abs 655 00:37:56,840 --> 00:37:58,680 Speaker 4: not gonna come in, Like You're not gonna be able 656 00:37:58,719 --> 00:38:02,160 Speaker 4: to use that tactic effect to manage that anxiety. But look, 657 00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,640 Speaker 4: if you go three times a week and you're consistent 658 00:38:04,680 --> 00:38:06,480 Speaker 4: with it three times a week for a couple of months, 659 00:38:06,640 --> 00:38:09,280 Speaker 4: you'll begin to grow. It's just like everything else in life, right. 660 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:10,640 Speaker 3: Consistency is the key. 661 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:11,879 Speaker 2: Consistency is key. 662 00:38:12,239 --> 00:38:16,719 Speaker 3: The other thing that I would also recommend is you 663 00:38:16,840 --> 00:38:22,480 Speaker 3: mentioned it already, tea breathing so doing some type of 664 00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:27,040 Speaker 3: grounding exercise, yes, and so, And sometimes one of the 665 00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:31,920 Speaker 3: quick grounding exercises that I like to recommend to people 666 00:38:32,120 --> 00:38:37,160 Speaker 3: is to take a moment and pause and take a big, 667 00:38:37,200 --> 00:38:42,840 Speaker 3: deep breath in and then point out look for particular things, 668 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:47,880 Speaker 3: particular objects of different colors. Right, So you might pause, 669 00:38:48,000 --> 00:38:51,799 Speaker 3: take a breath and look for something yellow. Then you 670 00:38:51,920 --> 00:38:56,000 Speaker 3: may pause and take a deep breath and look for 671 00:38:56,080 --> 00:38:59,520 Speaker 3: something purple, and then something green and something blue. And 672 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,960 Speaker 3: what it does is it forces you to recenter yourself 673 00:39:04,239 --> 00:39:07,759 Speaker 3: on being in the present moment. The other thing that 674 00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,400 Speaker 3: I recommend from people is to ask yourself the question 675 00:39:12,239 --> 00:39:16,240 Speaker 3: what can I control. Once you can answer the question 676 00:39:16,320 --> 00:39:19,839 Speaker 3: of what you can control, that is the thing that 677 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:24,480 Speaker 3: you focus on. If there are things, if you identify 678 00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:29,520 Speaker 3: things that you cannot control, let those things go, because 679 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:34,880 Speaker 3: focusing on the things that you cannot control, that is 680 00:39:34,920 --> 00:39:37,879 Speaker 3: what's going to cause the anxiety. If you focus on 681 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:43,080 Speaker 3: what you alone have control over, then you have peace. 682 00:39:43,480 --> 00:39:47,480 Speaker 3: And that makes me think of the serenity prayer. And 683 00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:51,239 Speaker 3: I remember my mom had this up. I think she 684 00:39:51,360 --> 00:39:55,120 Speaker 3: had it like quoted or something. The way the serenity 685 00:39:55,160 --> 00:39:59,200 Speaker 3: prayer goes is God grant me the serenity to accept 686 00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:02,799 Speaker 3: the things I cannot change, the courage to change the 687 00:40:02,840 --> 00:40:05,960 Speaker 3: things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. 688 00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:08,640 Speaker 3: And it goes a lot further than that. But that's 689 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:12,560 Speaker 3: the main gist of it, right of the ability to 690 00:40:12,719 --> 00:40:16,800 Speaker 3: accept the things that you cannot change, the courage to 691 00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:19,759 Speaker 3: change the things that you can, and the wisdom to 692 00:40:19,880 --> 00:40:22,160 Speaker 3: know the difference. That goes right back to what I 693 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:27,120 Speaker 3: was saying about asking yourself what do I have control over? 694 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:32,160 Speaker 3: And focusing solely on the things that you have control over. 695 00:40:32,520 --> 00:40:36,400 Speaker 3: And once you're able to ask yourself that question, answer 696 00:40:36,520 --> 00:40:41,520 Speaker 3: that question, and then utilize some of these healthy coping strategies, 697 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:46,319 Speaker 3: hopefully you'll see that some of your anxiety may decrease. Now, 698 00:40:46,360 --> 00:40:49,040 Speaker 3: one thing I will say, though before we wrap up, 699 00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:51,319 Speaker 3: that we didn't touch on that I do want to 700 00:40:51,360 --> 00:40:55,200 Speaker 3: point out is that for some of us, treating anxiety 701 00:40:55,480 --> 00:41:00,840 Speaker 3: might require medication if you find that that is something 702 00:41:00,880 --> 00:41:04,719 Speaker 3: that you might need. My personal bias is for all 703 00:41:04,760 --> 00:41:08,879 Speaker 3: of us to try changing our behaviors first, and if 704 00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:13,320 Speaker 3: you find that changing your behaviors is still not helping, 705 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:19,479 Speaker 3: then consult a psychiatrist so that or a psychiatric nurse 706 00:41:19,520 --> 00:41:23,560 Speaker 3: practitioner so that they can work with you on getting 707 00:41:23,600 --> 00:41:25,719 Speaker 3: the appropriate medication that you might need. 708 00:41:26,880 --> 00:41:28,920 Speaker 4: And the other two things I would add, because I 709 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:31,120 Speaker 4: think that was so spot on that question, what can 710 00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:33,719 Speaker 4: I control I would say also look at changing your 711 00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:36,960 Speaker 4: diet too. That could really impact how you show up. 712 00:41:37,000 --> 00:41:39,120 Speaker 4: I'm telling you when I was talked about this in 713 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,920 Speaker 4: our depression episode. I think we did an episode thriving 714 00:41:41,920 --> 00:41:45,480 Speaker 4: with depression, and I noticed that for me, birth control 715 00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:48,600 Speaker 4: and eating all the things, those two were a bad 716 00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:51,680 Speaker 4: combination for my mental health. And now I'm settling on 717 00:41:51,719 --> 00:41:55,360 Speaker 4: this pescatarian diet where I eat my vegetables lots of 718 00:41:55,400 --> 00:41:57,480 Speaker 4: more fruits than I've ever had in my life, and 719 00:41:57,520 --> 00:41:59,640 Speaker 4: then fish is one of the meat that I do 720 00:41:59,719 --> 00:42:01,879 Speaker 4: eat and it's changed my life. I cut out dairy 721 00:42:01,920 --> 00:42:04,080 Speaker 4: as well, and it's been so amazing. And the other 722 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,080 Speaker 4: thing I wanted to just kind of elaborate on. 723 00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:07,919 Speaker 2: You said the question was. 724 00:42:08,000 --> 00:42:10,440 Speaker 4: What can I control, right, and it made me think 725 00:42:10,440 --> 00:42:13,959 Speaker 4: about public speaking anxiety. But this can, I think, tie 726 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:17,200 Speaker 4: into the whole idea here, and that is it's not 727 00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:20,160 Speaker 4: about you. And when I say that, what I mean 728 00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,839 Speaker 4: is there are oftentimes where we are in a space 729 00:42:22,880 --> 00:42:24,880 Speaker 4: where we can show up, whether it's us speaking in 730 00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:29,040 Speaker 4: a meeting or speaking at an event, or just offering 731 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:31,480 Speaker 4: some type of feedback in a setting. 732 00:42:31,560 --> 00:42:31,680 Speaker 3: Right. 733 00:42:31,719 --> 00:42:32,440 Speaker 2: And at the end of the. 734 00:42:32,400 --> 00:42:34,279 Speaker 4: Day, what I used to tell myself, and I was 735 00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:37,239 Speaker 4: so nervous about it was I would say, it's really 736 00:42:37,239 --> 00:42:39,520 Speaker 4: not about me. It is about what is the end goal? 737 00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,560 Speaker 4: What am I trying to accomplish here? And if you're 738 00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:44,160 Speaker 4: doing a public speaking event or something, it's like, your 739 00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:46,080 Speaker 4: goal is to educate people on XYZ. 740 00:42:46,600 --> 00:42:48,640 Speaker 2: That just removes me from the situation. 741 00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:51,160 Speaker 4: So I'm focusing on just offering the facts that I 742 00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,120 Speaker 4: know because I prepared, I know this content. I'm good right, 743 00:42:54,440 --> 00:42:56,600 Speaker 4: And so I think also when you're interacting with people 744 00:42:56,600 --> 00:43:00,680 Speaker 4: and you get anxious, realizing that if someone's showing up 745 00:43:00,719 --> 00:43:04,319 Speaker 4: and they're rude, or they're doing something that's impacting you, 746 00:43:04,840 --> 00:43:07,640 Speaker 4: just remembering that oftentimes when someone shows up that way, 747 00:43:07,680 --> 00:43:10,000 Speaker 4: it's not about us. They have some stuff going on 748 00:43:10,120 --> 00:43:12,680 Speaker 4: internally that's causing them to show up. So we don't 749 00:43:12,680 --> 00:43:14,520 Speaker 4: know what that person might be going through on a 750 00:43:14,560 --> 00:43:16,759 Speaker 4: personal level. I know, with me going through my tough 751 00:43:16,760 --> 00:43:17,480 Speaker 4: time right now. 752 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:18,960 Speaker 2: It has me totally rethinking. 753 00:43:19,280 --> 00:43:20,759 Speaker 4: I used to get an attitude when I would say 754 00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:22,520 Speaker 4: good morning to someone and they wouldn't say it back. 755 00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:24,360 Speaker 4: I'm like, I look, do your face and took the 756 00:43:24,400 --> 00:43:25,719 Speaker 4: time and say good morning. You didn't say it, and 757 00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:28,120 Speaker 4: I was like, you know what, that person might have 758 00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:30,600 Speaker 4: just lost the family member. I'm so what, I put 759 00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,000 Speaker 4: my positive energy out there. I don't care how they respond. 760 00:43:33,200 --> 00:43:34,920 Speaker 4: I didn't do it for them to respond. So just 761 00:43:34,960 --> 00:43:37,600 Speaker 4: remember that if someone if we're in a situation where 762 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:39,440 Speaker 4: people are treating us a certain way or we are 763 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:42,640 Speaker 4: perceiving something to be a certain way, and it's negative 764 00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:45,000 Speaker 4: toward us, it really probably doesn't have anything to do 765 00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:46,960 Speaker 4: with us. It's more so what's going on in the 766 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:49,560 Speaker 4: other person. We thank you lady for hanging out with 767 00:43:49,640 --> 00:43:51,120 Speaker 4: us and listening to this episode. 768 00:43:51,280 --> 00:43:52,239 Speaker 2: We do want to give you. 769 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:54,719 Speaker 4: A shout out for all of the reviews that we've 770 00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:58,279 Speaker 4: been getting on iTunes and all the feedback. It's been 771 00:43:58,320 --> 00:44:01,160 Speaker 4: so helpful for us. Please continue to share with us 772 00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,080 Speaker 4: what you think about the podcast so that we can 773 00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:05,719 Speaker 4: continue to touch on topics that are important to you, 774 00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:07,839 Speaker 4: and be sure to check out the link in our 775 00:44:07,880 --> 00:44:11,160 Speaker 4: show notes to join the her Space sanctuary and connect 776 00:44:11,200 --> 00:44:12,840 Speaker 4: with us on social media so we can keep the 777 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:13,720 Speaker 4: conversation going. 778 00:44:14,640 --> 00:44:19,640 Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 779 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:23,719 Speaker 3: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 780 00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:27,200 Speaker 3: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 781 00:44:27,360 --> 00:44:30,360 Speaker 3: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 782 00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:34,640 Speaker 3: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or 783 00:44:34,640 --> 00:44:37,160 Speaker 3: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 784 00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:42,359 Speaker 3: please visit the Therapy Black Girls directory Psychology Today or 785 00:44:42,520 --> 00:44:44,200 Speaker 3: contact your insurance provider. 786 00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,480 Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 787 00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:52,279 Speaker 4: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 788 00:44:52,400 --> 00:44:58,160 Speaker 4: Twitter at her space podcast or check out our website 789 00:44:58,160 --> 00:45:03,000 Speaker 4: at herspacepodcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 790 00:45:03,080 --> 00:45:07,600 Speaker 4: after me, I release what no longer serves me to 791 00:45:07,840 --> 00:45:10,280 Speaker 4: manifest what I desire. 792 00:45:12,480 --> 00:45:15,360 Speaker 3: Thanks for joining us. We'll see you next week, Lady